


The Cuts Between Your Thighs

by journaliry



Series: For Grace or For Glory [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Additional Characters, Crime Drama, Developing Relationship, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Forced Prostitution, Forced Relationship, Found Family, Half way through the story there are sex scenes, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, M/M, Mentions of Underage, Past Rape/Non-con, Psychological Horror, Romantic Friendship, Rough Sex, Sadstuck, Tragic Romance, Whump, psychostriders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-05-01 22:29:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 126
Words: 378,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry
Summary: John Egbert went missing at 13 when visiting Houston, Texas with his dad. Recently, at age 19, he was found and reunited with his father. A team of prosecutors are tasked with building cases against Dave and Dirk Strider using John as a key witness. However, there is more to these cases than they initially believed.As it turns out, John Egbert is in love with Dave Strider.This is a story of hope and persistence, even in the darkest times.Music Playlist: (YouTube Link)





	1. Introduction: Dull Gray

You ran as fast as you could. Bare feet slapping against the pavement. It was evening, the sun was starting to set. The city was a pale, drained blue. The buildings and the sidewalk ahead of you were a dull gray. You frantically searched around you, but everything blurred together. You could feel people’s eyes on you. You think you heard a woman scream, but your ears are ringing a loud, long white hum. You can’t make anything out. Every person looks like a transparent shadow. Everything looks like a blur. Nothing looks real. You don’t know where you are. The world is completely different from how you remember. You look behind you. The sky was a deep blood red. You noticed your black rimmed glasses were askew on your face. You fixed them along with your vision. The clouds were a deep gray, almost black. The violent red sky was calling for you to turn back. You face forward at the dull, obscured city.

You kept running.


	2. Calm Before the Storm

You were sitting in your office. In absolute silence. It’s rare moments like this where you can actually let yourself relax. Take in the calm, serene atmosphere of a silent room. Silent. Undisturbed by any sounds. A noiseless void you can let yourself drift in. You allow yourself to sink back into your chair and absorb the quiet, tranquil peace. You had just about enough of that. You disturb the silence yourself as you take a sip from your mug, finishing up your morning coffee. There’s knocking on the wooden frame of your door. You listen as it slowly creaks open.

“Ms. Pyrope?”

“Come in, Nitram.”

You hear him step inside following the loud 'Clunk' from the door shutting behind him. He settles down in one of the chairs in front of your desk.

“Good morning, Ms. Pyrope. Good morning, Lemon.” He is addressing your dog, she’s laying in the corner of the room on her bed. You hear Lemon softly pant. She is pleased to see him.

“Good morning.” You set your coffee cup back onto your desk with a soft clink. “I'm glad you came in right at this moment, I was a split second from starting work.”

When you put your headphones on to listen to the case files on your computer you can never hear when your work colleagues try to get your attention. You know you should keep one ear free even though lately there hasn’t been any cases you would describe as interesting.

Thank the lord for text-to-speech, ever since the incident you were left completely blind. You’d be damned if it would stop you while you were at the top.

“I’m glad I caught you at a good time.” Nitram tells you. 

“I could say the same thing, I heard it’s the anniversary date of when you first secured a job with us.”

“Five years today.”

You can hear the pride in his voice, however there is something else there. Something somber, shaken.

“Really now? That long?”

You try to sound casual but you can’t help but beam with pride. You took him under your wing yourself, he started out pretty green when he began interning here at the Charge law firm. He’s definitely the most squeamish lawyer you’ve ever met but he is stubborn as a bull when it comes to his job. Damn determined and damn smart too. You are proud to have him on your team.

You feel a bit of shame in retrospect. Thinking back on how your team had to shape him up. One of your old peers would ride him on his nervous stutter, eventually he must have grown out of it. That or he took speech classes. His business is his business. That person picked him apart but you and your team all put him back together again, together.

“I think that we should all celebrate." You yell him. "You know, the team could use the breather.”

“I don’t think I can,” you hear Nitram open up a case file, “not with this new case.”

“That bad?” You ask him.

“In all my life, I’ve never seen a case _this_ bad.”

“Hey.” You grin at him unafraid of if the coffee yellowed your teeth, “me neither.”

He gives out a quite chortle, you can hear how tense he must be behind his laugh.

“I authorized the arrest warrant myself, yesterday morning, Sheriff Vantas came up to me while I was on break. He seemed determined to get them signed then and there. I judged them the best that I could at the time… but when I read what he had… and after seeing how serious he was about it… I accepted his request. He already had SWAT ready to be dispatched right after I signed the papers.  I can review what he showed me and what just came in this morning. I- I’m going to need someone with a stronger stomach then I have to describe the pictures to you, ma’am.” He paused, “I’m going to be up front with you. When I first saw them, I threw up.”

You shift in your seat as you lean your head slightly forward. “It’s that bad?”

“Ungodly.”

“Can you read the files back to me, if this is too much for you right now I can ask Leijon to type them up for me-"

“No. I can do that much.” He shuffled in his seat. “Trust me, I’ve been in this job long enough to handle cases like this. It’s just those pictures…” he swallows down his discomfort, and then clears his throat.

He begins to read from the sheets, from the tone he is taking you can tell he is somewhat paraphrasing. “At 7:30 p.m. dispatch left to investigate a claim at the Sheraton Hotel that a 19-year-old male arrived in the lobby and claimed to be the missing 13-year-old male, John Egbert, who had just escaped his captors.”

You are holding your chin up with your hands, listening intently to his words as he speaks.

“-Harris County Sheriff’s Unit, Sheriff K. Vantas, was dispatched. He arrived on the scene at 7:45 a.m. After assisting the 19-year-old male back to the station where he then interviewed the man –Earlier today the boy’s father confirmed this is in fact his missing son after speaking to him over a webcam. The boy-” he stopped to correct himself, “The man was covered in knife wounds and bruises at the scene. He escaped with nothing else other than a blood stained bed sheet. He was found fully naked at the scene, wrapped in the sheet. The male also gave accounts of his escape and the location of his captors.” He takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

You still are leaning over your desk, resting your chin on your crossed fingers. You could tell this case had Nitram shaken up even more then usual. Was it because the boy was taken so young? The images must have been-

“John Egbert is the sole survivor of this case.”

 _‘The sole survivor? Just how many victims were there_? _Is this case the one the Sheriff has been searching for? Is that what Vantas thought before even going to the scene? Is that why he went to see the boy himself?’_

You’re not going to press him on this now, you will just wait and listen to the case file.

“Teresa.”

At the sound of your first name you lower your hands and place them on the desk in front of you. He wouldn’t speak so casually in your office if it wasn’t really cutting into him.

“You have my full attention, Travis.”

“I’m telling you this now as your colleague and as your friend, this case is going to be hard on me.” He took a brief pause, you hear him adjust in his seat to lean closer to you. “Those pictures... I could smell the death... This is going to be hard but I am willing to do whatever it takes to bring this boy, and all of those victims, the justice they deserve.”

“I believe you, Travis. You wouldn’t be in my office right now if you weren’t determined.”

You take a moment to choose your next words carefully,

“What is it **exactly** about this case that makes you believe it is going to be so hard for you?”

You can hear him open his mouth to speak. No words come out until after he shuffles the case papers and decides to read from them again, the answer is somewhere on that page.

He reads out loud the location of the building the boy escaped from, an apartment complex. He tells you the time the officers surrounded the building yesterday. He reads off the temperature and the humidity of the interior of the complex. He didn’t skip any of the details this time. Fully letting you in on every piece of information on the page he can read. You start to wonder to yourself about why he wouldn’t skim this information- then it dawns on you.

“-entering from the fourth floor’s hallway, SWAT had been warned by the 19-year-old male this was the ‘work space’ of the assailant – He also stated that he did not know what that meant, that Dave Strider had told him that before he left - SWAT found mutilated human bodies in every room on the floor. The rooms also contained formaldehyde, large glass jars and preserved human remains. The hallway notably smelt of human decay and human blood had seeped into each room’s floor - there was also photos taken after the SWATing, I will make sure that Megido describes them to you later on today.”

Nitram flipped through the files again, searching for another page.

A case of a serial killer with a single survivor. You can already feel the atmosphere change in your office. At least you had a peaceful morning.

“When SWAT approached the tenth floor Dave Strider and his legal guardian, Dirk Strider, were found. Dirk Strider had attacked and killed five fully armed and armored officers. They had made it out of the building, they were apprehended by SWAT on the ground floor.” Nitram fumbled to adjust the papers in his lap.

You take this as an opportunity to speak.

“Amazing that they weren’t shot dead.”

“Apparently they could have made it, they had a back way out and a car. They could have drove off, the SWAT team wasn’t prepared for that. Who knows though, maybe there would have been a chase."

“What happened?”

“One of them gave themselves up. The other one followed.”

“Which one gave in?”

“The youngest brother.”

_'Ah, they were brothers.'_

You lean back into your chair, tilting your head up to the ceiling and letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

_'That explains that.'_

* * *

You can feel the sun beaming on your face. For your lunch break you figured you would grab a quick bite and visit an old friend, at least before the office gets _too_ hectic. It’s horribly windy today but the air smells sweet with the scent of blooming gardenias. You hear the usual white noise of the city. Lemon is guiding you across the street. The two of you are walking to a place you’ve been many times before.

You approach the back of the police station. The building has cut off the wind. Now the air smells like an ashtray. You follow the horrid scent to its source. You hear someone grunt and scoff at you.

“Just another day of work, right Sheriff Vantas? I-” He cuts you off.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” His voice is rough and loud. The man shouts damn near everything he says but not by choice, sad things voice is just like that.

You shoot him a large grin.

“I can’t just drop by and visit an old friend?”

You can feel his eyes burning holes into your head.

“Whatever look you are giving me," you tell him,"you can save it.”

You respond by flashing him back the same expression you are sure he is giving you, the look he gave you many times in your youth, before you lost your sight.

He lets out a sigh, you repay him with a small chuckle.

“Nitram told me in the morning that your department solved the missing person’s case.”

“THE EGBERT ONE?”

“I heard you were the one who found him.”

He exhales the smoke from his cigarette.

“YOU WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE. THAT’S IT, ISN’T IT?”

“I want to hear your account, yes.”

“SEE THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHY NO ONE WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU, IT’S THAT NO-ROCK-UNTURNED ATTITUDE OF YOURS.”

You can hear him mutter  “ _STUBBORN BITCH_ ” under his breath.

He thinks he can actually whisper.

You stomp your walking cane into his foot.

**“FUCK!”**

“Sorry. Blind.” You put your hands up, still wearing your shit eating grin and chuckling to yourself.

“YOU ARE SO FUCKING CHILDISH, YOU KNOW THAT?” Sounds like he's nursing his foot. 

“And your still a tight ass, loosen up a bit every once and awhile.” You chuckle.

“YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE VICTIM OR DO YOU WANT ME TO LOOSEN UP?”

You pout at him, just like you did when you were in high school together.

“FINE. THE PEOPLE WORKING AT THE LOBBY SAID HE CAME IN RUNNING, HE WAS SWEATING BULLETS AND RAN RIGHT UP TO THE COUNTER. SAID IT WAS THE LAST PLACE HIS FATHER SAW HIM. COULDN’T THINK OF ANYWHERE ELSE TO RUN.”

He stops to take another puff from his cigarette. His voice was lower than usual when he spoke again.

“HE MUST HAVE RAN SIX BLOCKS, COULD HAVE STOPPED ANYWHERE ELSE BUT HE WAS SO PANICKED. DON’T KNOW HOW HE DID IT, HE WAS NEARLY SKIN AND BONES. MEDICAL REPORT SAID HIS LEG WAS BROKEN, MUST HAVE BEEN SCARED SHITLESS. WHEN I GOT THERE THE STAFF TOLD ME THEY WERE KEEPING HIM IN AN EMPLOYEE ONLY AREA. ONE OF THE EMPLOYEES TOLD ME SHE KNEW WHO HE WAS. THE BOY’S FATHER APPARENTLY LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON HER YEARS BACK. SAID HE WAS JUST AS PANICKED AS THE KID COVERED IN HIS OWN BLOOD.”

He takes another drag and sighs as the smoke exits his lungs.

“I WAS ABLE TO GET A CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR HIM BEFORE I LEFT. HEARD OVER THE PHONE THAT HE WAS COVERED IN BLOOD SO I BROUGHT IN A FIRST AID KIT. TOLD HIM WHO I WAS AND OFFERED TO HELP HIM. SAID HE WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS WOUNDS HIMSELF.”

“So you saw all of his cuts?”

“MOST OF EM. HE DIDN’T LET GO OF THE SHEET THE WHOLE TIME. FIRST THING I NOTICED WAS THAT HE’S MISSING A FINGER. WE ALL LEFT HIM ALONE FOR A FEW MINUTES. HE WAS DRESSED WHEN I GOT BACK BUT HE STILL KEPT THAT SHEET ON.”

“Can you tell me all of the injuries you saw on him?”

“I WROTE UP A REPORT, WE ALSO HAD A DOCTOR LOOK AT HI-“

“Karter. Just tell me what you saw.”

He takes in a deep breath, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

“BLOOD WAS DRIPPING FROM THE INSIDE OF HIS THIGHS, COMPLETELY FUCKING SMEARED ALL OVER HIS LEGS. A FEW WERE ON HIS UPPER ARM. THERE WERE SCABS ALL OVER HIS ARM FROM OLD CUTS. THERE WAS ONE CUT ON HIS CHEEK THAT WAS DRIPPING BLOOD. ON HIS WRISTS HE HAD BRUISES FROM WEARING HANDCUFFS. I SAW BURN MARKS ON HIS WRISTS TOO. I COULD SEE THERE WERE A FEW BURN MARKS ON HIS CHEST AND HE MUST HAVE BEEN CHOKED. HIS NECK WAS PURPLE… I THINK THERE WERE HICKEYS ON HIS NECK TOO.”

You can hear him shift his weight, seems like he is restless.

“TELL ME YOU’VE GOT THIS IN THE BAG.”

“I can never get to confident.” You take a moment to quote wisdom from your old mentor, “Once you are certain you’ll win, you are certain to fail.”

“TERESA.” With that raspy voice of his he’s practically shouting again. “HIS LEG WAS FUCKED UP. HE LOST ALL THAT BLOOD, HIS LEG WAS BUSTED TO HELL AND THE DAMN KID WASN’T EVEN CRYING WHEN I GOT THERE -AND THE RIDE BACK TO THE STATION… IT WAS LIKE THERE WAS A CORPSE IN THE BACK OF MY BACK SEAT. IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE, IF YOU COULD, LOOK INTO HIS EYES YOU WOULDN’T FEEL LIKE SOMEONE WAS LOOKING BACK AT YOU. IT FELT LIKE HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SOUL.”

You take a deep breath through your nose. The only thing you can sense is the smell of cigarettes.

“Those things will kill you, you know?”

“TEREZI.” At the sound of your old nickname you stiffen up your back. _‘Karkat’_ continues.

“TELL ME YOU’VE GOT THIS.”

You suck on your tongue, pressing it against the roof of your mouth.

“I will do what I can.”

“I’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. COMPARED TO THE REST OF YOUR TYPE, YOUR WORD’S THE ONLY ONE THAT ISN’T AS GOOD AS BULLSHIT.”

You can hear him stomp out his smoke on the curb.

“My type?”

“LAWYERS.”

“Ha. Thought you just meant prosecutors. That or women.”

You can hear footsteps. He’s walking away from you,

“BREAKS OVER.”

“Then I’ll take my leave.” You huff a breath out of your nose.

“HEY.” The sound of his footsteps stopped. “DON’T LET THIS GET OUT, BUT…”

You feel your ears perk up.

“AFTER HE GOT DRESSED HE CLAIMED HE DIDN’T HAVE ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE BLANKET, BUT HAND TO GOD, I THOUGHT I SAW HIM HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME UNDER THAT SHEET. I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I LET HIM KEEP IT.”

“Thank you for your honesty Vantas, I won’t let this get out.”

“ANYTIME, PYROPE. ALTHOUGH I EXPECT A FAVOR IN RETURN FROM YOU.”

You doubt the importance of whatever he would keep from the investigation. You still have an interest in what he would take from that place. What had enough value that it was important enough to Egbert to grab.

You could hear him begin to walk off again. You alert Lemon that you are about to take your leave.

“ALSO,” his voice is even lower then before this time. “I HAVE REASON TO SUSPECT THAT HE MAY BE SYMPATHETIC TO ONE OF THE ASSAILANTS…”

His words made your heart stop. You examine all of the feelings brewing in your chest.

Is this Concern? Do you feel Pity? Is it Dread? Confusion? Repulsion? Sorrow?

You can feel the emotion festering and bubbling over your soul and onto your skin, surfacing on your face.

For the first time in ages, your face is showing fear.


	3. Eyes Like His

You are holding up your briefcase to your chest, anxiously searching through it for a specific file. You’re waiting in front of the elevator. You know it would be faster to just take the stairs but you need to take a look over a certain case file just. one. more. time. Behind you, you hear the murmur of your peers, all rushing past each other trying to bring order to the brewing chaos in the office.

These past few days you’ve been so high strung, the entire place is buzzing. On top of that, the press gathering outside the building are putting you even more on edge. _Everyone knows that Travis Nitram is jumpy._ You knew that you were a nervous wreck long before you even thought about law school.

You thought after all the years working here you would have been ready for this. Actually, in your experience you know that you are a bit shaky when it comes to high stakes cases like this. But you’ve never had a case as _high-stakes_ and as _shaky_ as **this**.

You hear all the mayhem behind you and it’s digging into your skull. The phones are ringing off the hook. All you can think about is the rumble of all the voices talking over one another behind you. Your palms are sweating and you can’t seem to focus on finding this one specific file. It is labeled, why can’t you find it? Why is everything so loud? Why is your head so **_loud?_**

“Hello, Mr. Nitram." You hear a high-pitched voice. "Going up?”

Next to you stood a short, petite woman. Her voice is light and sweet, which apparently has led a couple of people over the phone to think she is a grade-schooler, to her resentment. Her hair is black and fairly short, framing her cheerful face. Even in moments like this Ms. Leijon still kept it together. She’s probably used to being overworked by now after all she is Ms. Pyrope’s secretary.

“Yes, I am going to see Ms. Pyrope.” You tell her.

“I’m on my way to see her too.” She cheerfully tells you.

She was holding a large white box with both arms, she struggled to keep it up and tried steadying it with one of her knees. She must have noticed you were struggling as well.

“Mr. Nitram, you seem a bit stressed, are you doing alright?” She asks you.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Leijon... what are you uh- talking about?” You nervously reply.

“I’m sorry sir. I only mentioned it because you’ve been fumbling through your briefcase my whole walk over here.”

“Ah.” You clear your throat and close your briefcase. ”I’m sure everyone else is as stressed as I am, I am just… not doing so well at keeping it together… at the moment.”

“You’re doing fine sir, we're all under a lot of pressure right now.”

“It’s just this is such a big case.” You run your fingers through your gelled, black hair.

“I know.” She nodded, intently watching you with those black caring eyes.

“And with all those tv reporters outside and the nonstop news coverage.”

“I knoow.” She nodded.

“All those missing persons reports”

“I knooow.” She nodded again.

“These horrible, violent case files, so many papers full of death. All those awful photos. All the commotion in the office. It’s just a lot to take in, it’s like everything is hitting us at once.”

“Hey, before you know it you will get used to it, Travis. We all will.”

You knew the job you chose would be stressful. No one said working as a prosecutor would be easy. At least there are people here who have your back.

* * *

You hold the door to your bosses office open for Ms. Leijon. Ms. Pyrope is listening to the TV perched inside of one of her office shelves.

“I’m here with Mr. Nitram, ma’am.” She made her presence known.

Your boss nods and gives you both a soft _‘hmm._ ’ You hear a familiar voice come from in front of her desk.

“Good morning to you both.”

You notice Ms. Megido who is sitting in the large chair faced away from you. You sit beside her and return the phrase, “good morning.” Megido had a long-head of black hair and the most elegant face you think you’ve ever seen. She always wears dark red clothes and makeup. She’s probably the most dependable person in the entire office and even more determined to get the job done than yourself. Your boss’s secretary handed Megido the large white box. Immediately she shifted through the papers inside, flipping her manicured fingers through the files. She was wearing a composed expression, you can’t see how she manages to keep her cool underneath all this pressure.

Ms. Leijon showed herself out and shut the door gently behind her. You turn your head towards the tv and listen to the press coverage with your boss. You see Ms. Pyrope speak in front of a podium. It was filmed inside of your office building, the recording is from two hours ago. The press must be playing all footage they have of the case so far. It’s only been a day but everything is already frantic.

“ -as a district attorney it is my job to convict the guilty so that I may protect the innocent. We are working alongside the police -”

Your boss flips the channel, She doesn’t need to hear a playback of what she just lived through.

On the screen you could see that the news anchor was speaking right outside of your office. “- 19-year-old John Egbert. The sole survivor of what is now being described as the largest serial murder case of the decade. At least 100 confirmed victims, 19 of which are confirmed to be children. The details are still pouring in. The police have confirmed the identities of the suspects taken into custody.”

Images flash on the screen of the apartment complex John escaped from, surrounded by law enforcement.

“20-year-old Dave Strider and 32-year-old Dirk Strider have been arrested yesterday with a warrant signed by Travis Nitram of the-”

Your eyes focus on the two pictures that just popped up on screen. Both of the men are posing for their mug shots with emotionless expressions. They’re both pale white and light blonde. Their faces are vacant, their eyes are void of any and all feeling. If the anchor told you that they were corpses you would have believed her. Looking into their eyes it shakes you right to the core of your soul. Before you could take in a full look, the footage flashes back to the reporter, she is apparently trying to rush over to get footage of John himself, who at the moment is attempting to enter the building. Sheriff Vantas and his police force are holding off reporters, as John and his father make their way through.

“This is already getting out of hand. The media is in a frenzy.” Ms. Megido was looking through photos taken of the crime scene. She held up one of the photos in between her maroon nails. “I bet they would kill to get their hands on these.”

“Yes, and that is why we are going to have to be careful.” Ms. Pyrope pointed the remote towards the tv and powered it off. She stood up. “Mr. Egbert is going to be here soon, can you two come with me please.”

You and Megido followed behind your boss. She tapped her probing cane with each step she took. Pacing down the hall with her fierce, determined aura. Whenever you stand near her you can feel her confidence, like it is infectious. You hold up your chin and continue following her lead.

Following her to the ends of the earth.

* * *

You’ve seen pictures of him before. Pictures of him smiling and laughing when he was still just a kid. The ones you saw were shot days before he was taken by those two monsters. They were confiscated by police and taken for evidence. All of the photos came from the younger assailant’s room. Apparently that is where they kept John when he was taken.

You watch as your boss introduces herself to the young man. She offers him her hand and he is hesitant to take it. She is patient, waiting for him to either refuse or grasp her hand. “It’s alright.” She is taking a much kinder and softer tone that she usually does with any other victim. John stares at her, John is about her height but you get the feeling like he is looking up to her. He takes her hand and she shakes it as gently as she can. Normally she has a firm grip with her handshakes, something demonstrated when she shakes his dad’s hand. She informs them of who she is and whose office she represents. She turns slightly towards you and Ms. Megido. Introducing the two of you as well.

She leads all of you to the room you use to speak with victims and their families. You yourself hold the door open for everyone to enter. When everyone is in you shut it as softly as you can before taking a seat at Ms. Pyrope’s side.

She placed her hands together on the desk in front of her, sitting with her back straight, looking dead ahead.

“Do you feel comfortable, John?”

John sunk back into his chair. Fidgeting with his hands. Unsure of how to reply.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“If you want anything. Like water or a break. Let us know.”

“Alright, thank you ma’am.”

“It’s no problem young man. Let us all review what we have on this case thus far. We worked with the police force to arrest Dave and Dirk Strider. The police have taken them into custody and interrogated the both of them. The police took photos at the scene and confiscated evidence we will be using to build a case against them-“

“Wait.” John spoke up to interrupt her.

Everyone in the room intently waited for John to say more.

“You said ‘them.’ You mean the both of them?”

“Yes, John. However they will be trialed separately.”

“I thought you said you were working with the police? I- I told them that Mr. Strider was the one who kidnapped me and- he was the one who did all of those things to me- I never said… Dave didn’t- Dave wasn’t- He would force him too… Dave would get hurt too… Dave let me stay in his room and he protected me… then Mr. Strider came in and he- he… on Dave’s bed… I couldn’t get him off of me in time… Dave saw… and he…”

He grabbed his head, pulling at his hair and tightening in on himself. His father tried calming him down.

“Son. It’s alright.”

“You can’t build a case against Dave. You can’t. You can’t do that. He wasn’t the one who would do that to me…”

You could hear him start to weep. He was buckling under the stress.

“Mr. Strider would… he was the one who would... hurt me… not Dave… please…”

You feel the air in the room change. When you walked in everyone was ready to help a victim get justice against the people who harmed him. Now everyone is struggling to find the words to tell the victim he needs the justice.

Megido’s mouth was slightly agape. She was not anticipating this at all. For the first time in a long while she is unprepared. You feel your palms begin to sweat again. Your boss remained composed like she was expecting this.

“John, I understand that Dave Strider is the one who took care of you while you were taken. However, he may be just as liable in this as-”

“ **He isn’t.** And-and he definitely isn’t as evil as that-that **man**. Dave would bandage all my wounds and he would take **beatings** for me. Dave **saved** me from him. Didn’t they tell you how I got away?”

Megido is startled, her eyes darting from your boss, back to him and back to Ms. Pyrope.

His father’s face is contorting more into pain.

You feel caught off guard too but you try your best to match your boss’s poise expression.

You’ve dealt with sympathetic victims before but if it is true that Dave saved him…

John starts frantically talking, “Dave hit him. Hit him in the back of the head with a metal pipe. He knocked him out and he-he told me to run out and leave. He told me the fastest way out and he yelled at me to run out the door. He screamed at me. I wasn’t going to- but he wouldn’t stop screaming. He never _screamed_ at me before _like that_. He told me I needed to get out and find someone so I could contact my dad but I didn’t remember his number so he told me to just find the police and I told him… I said… I didn’t think it was a good idea. He started shaking me and telling me I needed to run but I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to leave him there after he just did that. He picked the pipe back up and I thought that maybe he was actually going to fight him, like for real this time, not just spar with him. But he never won any of those fights. He would never win. So I told him I would run if he came with me and he said ‘It was too late for that.’ I didn’t know what he meant. I still don’t know what he meant by that… Then he knocked himself out with the pipe. I took the sheet from off Dave’s bed and ran, just ran. I was so- so scared.”

“John.” His father out stretched a hand to grab on to his shoulder, he must have noticed how firmly he grasped him because next he started rubbing his shoulders where he held him. “Is that true?”

“Yes. Yes, I told the police that. It probably left a mark.”

Megido begins flipping through the box again. She is quickly shifting through each file. Probably searching for the police records that recorded the assailant’s injuries.

“I told the police everything that happened…” He paused to think. “After Dave hit him.”

“Alright, John. I will look into this matter further.”

“For right now let’s keep our focus on our case against Dirk Strider.”

“Yes.” He sounded a bit joyful. “I can tell you anything you want to know.”

Although at the moment John seems dejected, air leaves his lungs like he is relieved.

“We don’t plan on questioning you just yet Mr. Egbert. Today we are just getting to know each other and we will work up from here, okay?”

“Okay. Alright. But I don’t mind if you want to ask me anything that can get him locked up.”

“I am glad you are eager to cooperate with us Mr. Egbert. I believe that at this time it would be for the best that we take it easy. Make sure that you do not speak with the press. Do not speak to anyone else about this case other than your father.”

“I understand, ma’am.”

“Do not tell the police anything further without me present. Even the Sheriff.”

“Only you and my dad. Got it. Anything. _Anything.”_

He is shaking but his face looks peaceful.

His words are full of passion, he sounds like he deeply cares for building a case against Dirk.

Or rather... a case that will protect Dave.

You look over at the boy’s father. The same thoughts must be rushing through his mind.

His face is that of a man who feels like he failed in every conceivable way at being a father.

You are sure he feels like he failed at protecting his son from the worst kind of evil, the worst kind of harm.

You’ve seen that face before.

He must be battling with himself, happy to have his son by his side again but angry with himself that he can’t do anything to help him get better.

Wiping his face with the back of his wrist, sweat pouring from his forehead, getting into his eyes.

He looks like he is on the verge of tears. Keeping it together for his son.

His son who decided to return to him for the sole reason of protecting someone else.

He wore the face of a defeated man.

The rest of the discussion didn’t last long. Your boss exchanged more words with John’s father and received his contact information. John needed to leave to use the restroom. You could see John’s father sit up, his eyes widen. You know if you were in his shoes you wouldn’t let your loved one ever leave your side again. Ms. Megido spoke up saying she had to leave for the restroom as well, she would show him the way. She was looking at John’s father as she spoke. He thanked her directly.

Your boss asks you to find Dr. Serket’s business card for John’s father.

“I can recommend you a counselor for John.” Your boss reassures the boy’s father, “Therapy will help him through this.”

“I think that sounds like” he sounds strained. He clears his throat, “-that sounds like a good idea. Thank you for all of your help.”

“I would like to thank you as well sir, for your son’s cooperation today.”

“Ms. Pyrope?”

“Yes, Mr. Egbert?”

“I understand that this case may give a lot of family’s closure, but my top priority will be taking care of my son.”

“I would certainly hope that to be the case, you are a good father Mr. Egbert and I can tell, a good man.”

The three of you continue to talk about all of your expectations for the case against Dirk Strider until the other two get back.

Megido is holding the door open for John. He didn’t move, just stood, rubbing his arms with his hands, holding himself in the hall.

“Yes. Well. I will be taking my leave now. Good day, ma’am.”

You stand up with your boss. The three of you exchange goodbyes.

You walk with Mr. Egbert to the door.

“Goodbye, Sir.” Your boss follows behind you both and she stops at the doorway, “Goodbye, John.”

He seemed shocked that she knew that he was standing there. Nothing gets past her.

His voice is low, so quiet you have to strain yourself to hear it, “Goodbye… ma’am.”

You and Megido nod goodbye to the two of them as they leave.

You look into John’s eyes.

Those eyes are so familiar.

You’ve seen eyes like that before. Completely dead, void of any hope. Vacant of any life.

You were a bit younger than John then.

You were walking outside, getting the mail for your mom while your dad was still out at work.

Your brother had been missing for months and your entire family was worried.

You were the most shaken by it, your older brother was your best friend and you would have given anything to know that he was alright.

You knew that he wasn’t.

Once he went missing you knew it was a threat to your father.

There was an open letter. It felt heavy. There is a stack of Polaroid photos inside tied together with a rubber band.

The first image you see is your brother, eyes staring off into the distance. Looking into his eyes it looked like he lost his soul. His face drained of any and all emotion.

You removed the rubber band to shift through the photos.

You wish you didn’t. You wish you didn’t look through all of them.

You had to go through years of therapy afterwards. Even now, you still go.

You live everyday with the knowledge of exactly what happen and you used to wonder if it was better not to know.

There were these photos of your brother covered in bruises and blood. Photos of your brother completely naked. Photos of your brother getting beaten to death. As you flip through them he gets more and more injuries. His skull is completely bashed in. Blood pooling on a cement floor. Bits of his skull and brain scattered on the ground.

You vomited on the street curb.

Your dad worked in Texas law enforcement, his life’s mission was to crack down on human trafficking. He did good work, but his work was against the kind of people you didn’t want to mess around with. 

There was a note, telling your father that if he didn’t quit that they were going to take you away from him too, and do the same to you.

You walked back inside and called your father. You were on hold for maybe ten minutes. You didn’t start crying until you heard the sound of his voice. You spoke through your tears. You spoke to him in Spanish. You told him there were photos in the mailbox of your brother, you couldn’t bring yourself to describe those images but you told him you saw it all. That you couldn’t stop looking.

Your mom wanted to know what was wrong. You didn’t want her to see. She started yelling at you when she noticed the vomit dripping off your shirt. You refused to let her see. She yelled she wanted to see what was in the letter. You wouldn’t let her see, no matter what she did, you protected her from ever seeing.

Your dad ended his career. He retired. To protect you. He died of a heart attack when you started law school. During his funeral you spoke about how he beamed with pride when you told him that you were going to dedicate your life to protecting the innocent. You told him you were going to do that by trialing criminals as a prosecutor. You wanted to bring justice to the people they hurt. Just like your family did. Just like what happened to your family.

You will not give in. You will not give up. Your brother would have wanted you to fight this fight.

You are going to fight for your brother.

You are going to fight for the boy with the eyes of your brother.


	4. A Night In

You’re stepping through the large, buzzling crowd outside your office in your maroon heels. You wanted to get lunch delivered but Teresa told you that your office isn’t taking any chances. Only staff and police are going to be let in by security from this point forward, John Egbert is an exception. You hold out your pass for the guard at the front door, “Hello, Ms. Megido.”

“Yes hello,” behind you the crowd shuffles around, snapping photos and chattering amongst themselves. “I don’t envy you today.”

“I could say the same, have a good day, miss.”

“You as well.” You reply.

You step through the doorway, walking in your maroon heels.

You lean over to put your pass back into your briefcase, flipping your hair as you straighten yourself up.

You’re heading over to the elevator, then you spot a tall, muscular man, standing in the middle of the room.

Of course, this is your luck isn’t it?

He is staring right at you, dripping with sweat, clenching his rather large jaw.

You are willing to bet a ton of money that he was waiting there, just to meet with you.

“Ms. Megido, I have some case files from the station.” He’s holding a tan folder filled with papers.

You give him an uneasy look although you’re trying your best to smile,

“Thank you, Officer Zahhak.”

“You remembered my name?” He sounds pleased with that.

You raise your eyebrows and point at his shirt, “it’s on your badge.”

“Oh." He sheepishly laughs, "that’s right.”

You notice a strand of hair in the middle of your face.

You move it behind your ear as you stick out your other hand for him to hand you the folder.

He isn’t handing it over to you. You have to move this along,

“You’re nickname is ‘Equius’ right? Natalie talks a lot about you.”

“She does?” He asks you.

“Hmm yeah.” You suck your gums, “she does.”

You are sure that he can tell you’re disinterested with this conversation, you’re just going to end the pain now,

“You have files for me?”

“Oh right! Here you are miss.”

He hands them over to you.

His black hair trails down to his neck, it looks greasy and he has bags under his eyes.

Natalie told you he gets stressed out easily but he looks like he is on the verge of death.

“Thanks.” Typically you would be more polite in conversation, but this guy gets under your skin.

You make your way to leave. Purposefully forgetting to say goodbye.

“Wait- would you happen to be free this Thursday, Ms. Megido?”

You step back to look at him again.

“No, I am sorry." You sounded unamused, "I have work.” 

“Alright then... Would you happen to be free any other day next week?”

“It’s really busy around the office and I don’t have my schedule in for next week. I can’t promise anything. Once again, I’m really, truly sorry.”

You start making your way to leave again

“Hey aa.” You hear a familiar voice.

The voice is coming from behind you, it’s the voice of a man you haven’t seen in _weeks._

“Captor?”

Your old friend comes strolling up in his uniform, you are sure he works in the same station as Zahhak. What is he doing here?

“Got some files for your boss, I typed it up for you during my break.”

He has a lisp when he speaks and he is much taller than you, but he slouches whenever he speaks to you so he’s around your eye level. He really went out of his way to help Natalie out today.

“What?" You take the drive from him. " _Nooo._ that’s so kind of you. I know how busy you must be back at the station.”

“It’s alright. It was my lunch break so I just ate at my desk while I typed it up, no big deal. Hey are you free Saturday night?”

“Yeah, I have the afternoon off.”

“Want to swing by my place?”

“Sure, it’s a date.” You push another long strand of your hair out of your face.

You see  _'Equius_ ’ in the corner of your eye shift his body weight and rub his arm,

“Then I will just… be on my way.”

“Goodbye, Officer Zahhak.” You nod him off.

“Yes." He sounds dejected. "Goodbye.”

You lower your eyes and watch him walk out the front door, you arch your back and let out a deep groan.

“ _UGHHHH_ \- Thank you! That guy will _not_ leave me alone.”

“Just say straight up, ‘ **no** ’ to him.” Captor just doesn't get it.

“I tried, but he just keeps coming back." You start twirling a strand of your hair. "Natalie told me he has stress issues.”

“She wasn’t kidding, he is sweating all over our papers back at the station. It’s fucking god-awful”

“I can imagine.” You hold the file away from you when you notice the file is warped from being wet with sweat from his palms.

Travis walks through the front door and notices you after he finished putting away his badge. “Hello, Ms. Megido." He looks at Captor, "this is your boyfriend, correct?”

You shake your head and say “no” and at the same time that the word leaves your lips, Captor just says “yes.”

You suck your teeth and turn to your colleague and tell him, “he is my best friend. Last time you saw him with me he was my boyfriend. That was ages ago.”

“We should start dating again.” Captor interjects.

“Oh, really now?” You turn to face him.

“Yeah sure, why not? You got a reason not to?”

“Not any that are particularly good. I’m very busy, you’re very busy, and wait- weren’t you seeing that swimsuit model?”

“She left me for Europe.”

 _“ooo,”_ You suck on your tongue, “ouch.”

“We officially have more reasons to date than not too.”

“More reasons?” You ask him.

“You really want Zahhak to keep stopping by here?”

“Ah- well. That’s that then.” You turn back to Travis and introduce him to your old friend, “Nitram this is my boyfriend Deputy Captor, he works with Sheriff Vantas down at the station.”

“Yeah," He takes a step towards you, "and I really have to be getting back now.”

He kisses you on the cheek. “Bye, babe.”

"Goodbye." You sweetly say to him.

You watch him as he walks off, he turns back to tell you something, “Oh -and aa, you can invite your work friends over to my place Saturday I’m having a get together and I felt like inviting you and using the USB drive as an excuse. Bye!”

He walks right out the door.

You turn back to your peer and ask, “you going?”

“I’ll see if I can…" he tells you, "text me his address later.”

“Sure thing.”

He points at the front door and then at you.

“Uh… Are you two always… like _this_?”

“By this do you mean _close_ or on-again-off-again?”

“Both..?”

“Yep.” You confirm for him.

You click your heels together and walk over to the elevator.

_'That’s why he loves me.'_

* * *

You walk up to your boss’s office. Your black bracelet shuffles on your wrist as you knock on her wooden door.

“Come in, Megido.” She recognized your knock.

You open the door and notice she is speaking with her secretary, Natalie, as she is eating her lunch.

“You are in luck, _Deputy Captor_ just dropped by and handed me some files he typed up just for you.”

You place the USB in her hands and settle down in your usual chair.

“I’ll have to be sure to thank him next time I speak with him.”

“I should be the one to thank him, seriously, what a life saver.” Natalie sighed.

“If you two are interested you can thank him yourself, he’s having a get together in his apartment on Saturday, said to invite you.”

“I don’t know, things are going to get crazy soon and I might need the rest...” Natalie was about to say no when you hit her with,

_"Karter might be there.”_

“I’m so in!” Natalie looked delighted at the invitation. Any excuse to see Vantas she’ll jump on.

Your boss finished up what was left of her sandwich and then spoke,

“I will not be able to attend. Send your boyfriend my regards.”

“How do you figure we’re are dating again?” you ask her.

“He spoke to you.”

You take a brief pause.

“Fair enough.”

“I am going to head back now. Goodbye, you two.” Natalie paused, “Oh boss, you have a piece of lettuce stuck in your front teeth. Oh, you got it! Alright now! Goodbye!”

You both send her off and you settle down in the seat in front of your boss.

“She’s a good friend isn’t she?” You are happy to have her around.

“Yes, she is a sweet girl.” Your boss is glad she’s here too. “We need more people like her in the office. More good, honest people.”

Your boss is resting her chin on her hands, like usual.

“I agree. Ma’am.” You tell her.

Her demeanor changes, her smile sinks and she puts on her work face.

You already know what she is about to ask, you open your briefcase and begin,

“We had someone analyze Dave's head injury. The angle that Dave Strider was hit collaborated with John’s story.”

You found the sheet you are looking for.

“Dave Strider knocked himself out. He confessed to that in his most recent questioning, after I asked him myself. I can read it back to you if you like.”

“That will not be necessary. I listened to it earlier today.”

Your boss begins tapping one of her nails on her desk, holding her chin up with the other hand. She always does this when she is absorbed in her thoughts.

You come out and ask her, “what is it that you are thinking?”

“I am thinking… about how John really believes in Dave’s innocence. I don’t think he was lying to us. I for the life of me can’t think of a reason for why he would lie. He seems to believe that Dave Strider is a victim too. Hearing that Dave was the reason for why John ran makes me think the two were very close or… at least John felt a responsibility to stay with Dave.”

“Could have been out of fear.” You tell her.

“Could have been…” Your boss pauses again. She lightly taps her index finger in a slower pace then before. She continues, “I don’t see John ever lying to us in the future, although, I could see him withholding certain information that could incriminate Dave.”

“Exactly.” You reply, you are glad she’s thinking clearly about this, “I am thinking the exact same thing, even if John _believes_ that he is telling the truth about Dave being a victim too, he could still just be deluding himself.”

“You think he is in denial about this?” She asks you.

“I do. But I also wouldn’t push him right now on this, wait a while and see what his therapist says.”

“She isn’t going to give up any information.”

_'Strange.'_

“She isn’t supposed to, legally." You tell her. "What I mean is wait until she gives you the okay to ask him tougher questions.”

“Any questions you have in mind, Ms. Megido?”

“If I were in your position I would ask him to recount his first couple of days he spent there. I would comb through them and make sure he doesn’t leave anything out. If they kidnapped him they must have put into his mind that he wouldn’t be able to escape early on.”

“I assumed that last statement as well, anything else?”

“I would definitely ask him for situations where Dave ever stopped him from doing something he was told not to, or punished him for it.”

“I thought something along those lines... but can you further elaborate. I want to hear what you think about this.”

 _‘Of course she does.’_ You take a moment to think before you speak again,

“Well. I would try to see in the context of what John tells us, If Dave stopped him because he was afraid that Dirk would get angry or if he stopped him because Dave was angry himself.”

“And for the punishment?” She asks you.

“I wouldn’t care if Dave punished him or not, I would have more of an interest in how he does it, how long he did it for, if Dirk told him what to do or if he chose how to do it himself.”

“And you think you could get any of that out of Egbert?”

You reply, “I think if we don’t let him know that we are looking for evidence against Dave he might let something slip. He might accidently tell us a little detail where Dave did something out of anger or spite. He might tell us Dirk was actually out of the house. Any small thing we can get out of John we should remember. When we have enough small things then we can hound him on it.”

 _“Hound him on it?_ You are suggesting we should do an intense ‘interrogation’ of the victim.”

“We will have to if we want to get anything we can actually use against Dave out of John.”

“Mmm." She hums, "if we want to do that we will probably have to trick him.”

She is leaning more into her palm, tapping all of her fingers of her other hand on the desk.

“What are you thinking, ma’am?” You ask her.

“I am thinking… For now… to focus mainly on Dirk Strider.”

You put down your case files and feel your mouth drop open. **_‘Really?’_**

“You can’t be serious about this.”

“I said **for now** , things will most likely change.”

This isn’t sitting well with you and you are going to let her know that.

“No matter what, I don’t see Dave getting out of this as a victim. Even if Dave is a victim of Dirk Strider. It isn’t our job to make a case to defend him. We have to let John know that eventually. I know that boy was in bad shape and you might want to spare him any more trauma. Actually, the shape he is in is exactly why I think we should severely pursue Dave. He was covered up when he visited our office ma’am but the marks around his neck were still visible. I could make out a hicky under his shirt collar. He was clearly sexually abused and stayed in Dave’s room. I have reason to believe that Dave would also sexually assault him, not just Dirk like you and Nitram believe. I stand by pursuing him just as harshly as Dirk.”

“I think that Dave must have had sex with him too.”

“I didn’t say have sex, ma’am," You are firm when you clarify, "I meant rape.”

“I don’t know if John is going to see it that way.”

“It doesn’t matter if he sees it that way. If Dave had sexual congress with him under those circumstances I would count that as sexual assault.” You suck on your tongue and breathe out your nose. “I know what you are doing, we are all lawyers here.”

“I just wanted to know how you feel about this.”

“Now you know where I stand.”

“Nitram was much more sympathetic to Dave.”

“I can imagine he would be more sensitive about this.”

“ _‘Can’t imagine living my whole life under the roof of a serial killer.’ ‘He decided to knock himself out to save someone else, that doesn’t sound like something a proud killer would do.’ ‘The way I see it Dave never had a chance so he gave someone else one.' "_

“He really said that?” You sound as annoyed as you feel.

“' _He gave himself up to the cops.'"_ She hums the words to you.

“He could have been shot dead for running.”

“ _‘Officers said Dirk could have gotten away if Dave didn’t give in._ ’”

“Dirk gave himself up with his brother," now you are crossing your arms, "are we going to have sympathy for him too?”

“I think you need to talk with Nitram about this case, try to see things from his perspective.”

You brush another strand of hair out of your face. _‘God.’_

“Did you tell him the same thing about me?” You ask her.

“Of course I did.” Your boss cracks both of her knuckles. Then puts the USB drive into her computer. “Now go speak with him. You could do _that_ or you could just keep roleplaying with me.”

“You know I would love to ma’am.” You say in a sarcastic tone.

“Too bad I don’t have the time.” She meets your tone.

“It’s a Damn Shame.” You get up to leave. Picking up your briefcase.

There is a knock on the door, speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

* * *

You made it to your boyfriends little get-together a bit later than you would have hoped. Everyone who was going to show is already here and eating pizza off of Captor’s kitchen counter. They all greet you with open arms, that except for Karter who is glaring at you. Probably because you invited Natalie, who at the moment is feeling up the muscles in his bicep. You drop your bag by the front of the door and sit on the stool next to your _boyfriend,_ assuming he saved it for you _and_ assuming he is serious about this whole dating thing.

“Hi, sorry I was late, I wanted to pick up somethings I plan on spending the night here.”

Karter punched your boyfriend in the arm, Natalie covered her mouth “oooo,” and a couple other officers you don’t know well are all cheering him on.

“Don’t get too excited, I just don’t want to drive after I had shots. You’re all cops.”

“Fair point.” Your boyfriend kissed your forehead. “I’ll sleep on the couch if you want.”

“Well… I didn’t say you _wouldn’t_ sleep with me tonight.”

You meant sleep in the same bed, not anything more. Still, Natalie smacked Karter in excitement. He shoots you another grim look. You shrug back at him.

Your boyfriend hands you a shot, he has two in his hand so you take them both and down the two of them at once. He laughs and you ask him for more.

“Glad you decided to stay the night.” He pours you another shot with the glasses you used. “How are things aa?”

“My _things_ are fine, anything new with you?”

“Nothing other then the station is bat-shit insane at the moment.”

“Here.” You hand him one of the shots he just poured, “You need this more than me.”

“Thank you for giving me my own shot back.”

“You are welcome.” You give him a large grin.

You down a couple more shots and start to feel a-tiny-bit tipsy.

Natalie is completely trashed already. She has the morning off tomorrow so you let her let loose.

Karter tries to make conversation with you just to avoid talking to her,

“HOW’S YOUR SISTER?”

“She’s doing fine.” You answer.

“STILL DOESN’T HAVE A JOB?”

“She has a job,” You take another shot. “She is a stripper.”

“Whoaaa… Really?” some other cop you don’t know buts in.

You sigh and pour yourself another shot.

“No." You confess. "She’s an adult film actress, I just tell people she’s a stripper.”

“WHOA.” Karter seemed either impressed or disturbed.

“She’s a porn star? Is she like… any good?” Your boyfriend asks.

You smack his shoulder. “I don’t know. All I know is that she makes more than me.” You take another shot.

“Oooh. Law school didn’t pay off.” Your boyfriend raises his eyebrows.

You hit him again.

_‘Damn it, he’s right.’_

You make yourself another shot.

“Hey, aa you are hitting the shots a little hard now.”

“I told you all already I’m planning on spending the night.”

“Yeah but you have work in the morning.”

“I know.” You rest your head down on the cold kitchen counter.

“Are you having any trouble at work, aa?”

“I can’t talk about it.” You move your head so you are face down on the counter.

“WHY NOT?” Karter interjects himself into your conversation.

“My boss will get pissed if any information leaks.”

“COME ON WE ARE ALL LAW ENFORCEMENT HERE- AND NATALIE WHO IS COMPLETELY FUCKING PLASTERED AT THE MOMENT.”

She squeaks after he says her name. She is rubbing herself up and down his arms, three sheets to the wind. Actually better make that ten.

“Well, It’s just my boss wants me to talk with one of my colleagues.”

“That sounds horrible.” Your boyfriend mocks you.

“Shut up, Captor.” You go to swat at him, you miss. You lift your head back up again and look at him. “I mean that we don’t agree on something about the case is all.”

Karter replies so you turn to face him instead, “HOW CAN YOU DISAGREE WITH A CASE, DON’T YOU ALL JUST FIND OUT THE _‘TRUTH’_ AND PURSUE _‘JUSTICE._ ’” Karter used air quotes, clearly he was poking fun at your boss. Fine, he can do that. He knows her well enough to get away with it.

“We disagree with pursuing something about the case. I can’t get into it.”

“aa, I don’t understand what’s wrong here?” Your boyfriend pats your back.

“You don’t need to. It’s none o’ your business. Natalie defend me.”

“Leeaveeheralone.” Natalie points at your boyfriend.

“NATALIE,” Karter speaks up, “ _I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO_ KNOW WHAT’S BUGGING ARADIA.”

“Megido--telltheman.” She moves her finger to point at you as she cuddles up to Karter again.

“Fine, you dragged it out of me. Someone at work thinks that one of the guys could be a victim too and I disagree.” You smack your hand with the shot on the table.

“What? Someone actually thinks that the other guy is a victim too?” Captor asks you.

You point up your finger, “you know the medical report, you-you guys gave to us- he knocked himself out.”

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIM ANY LESS FUCKING GUILTY.” Karter says.

“Yeah well tell that to myfuckingboss.” You reply.

“WAIT, TEREZI THINKS THAT DAVE IS A VICTIM TOO?”

“No, she doesn’t- she just said that she’s focused on the other one.” You answer.

You can hear snoring coming from Karter’s direction. Natalie fell asleep on his shoulder.

You cast him another look. He is unfazed by the sleeping girl cuddling up on his arm.

“GO ON.”

You feel like something is up. Something is wrong here. Your head is fuzzy. Maybe you should stop talking now but you want to clear things up before he gets the wrong idea.

“She didn’t say anything about what she thinks.” You pour another shot.

“THEN WHY ISN’T SHE FOCUSED ON BUILDING A CASE AGAINST DAVE?”

“Because the victim, is protecting him.” You answer.

You slap yourself in the face and gasp. ‘ _SHIT.’_

You point at Karter, “you rat bastard. You got that out of me. Fuck you!”

“aa, you are talking to the Sheriff.” Your boyfriend tells you.

“Yeah, fucking arrest me. Fuckin’trymebitch.” You blow him off, swat the air, give him a rude gesture and down another shot.

“SO JOHN IS PROTECTING DAVE?" Karter says out loud to himself, "I THOUGHT SO.”

“Well if you already knew then fuck it.” You shrugged.

Your boyfriend whispers to you, “maybe you shouldn’t tell him anything else, aa.”

“CAPTOR, YOU ARE ONE OF MY MEN.” Karter points at your boyfriend. 

Your boyfriend pussies out, “Chief, if she gets in trouble at work she’s going to blame me for not stopping her.”

The sheriff tried to save it, “I WON’T TELL TEREZI I KNOW ANYTHING.”

“Who’s Terezi?” Natalie stirred on his arm.

“YOUR BOSS.” Kater looks down at her.

“Oh. Do you have a nickname too?” Natalie asks him.

“It’s Karkat.” You answer for him. Then you stick out your tongue at ‘Kartkat.’

“CarCat!? That’s so cute.” She grinned up at him. “Like alittlebus of cats.”

She boops his nose and smiles sweetly at him.

"You know, Natalie has a ca-cat based nickname too." You bring up.

“DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!” Karkat directs the demand at you.

"O-oh." You stammer and then say, “we left off on me getting fired for letting information leak.”

“NOT THAT SUBJECT.” Karter blows you off.

You suck on your gums. You brush your fingers through the ends of your hair.

“All you need to know about the case is that things are going to be taken slow. We are taking everything easy. There is a lot of evidence to shift thought -also you know how shaken the victim is. He needs more time.”

“And… your office is convinced that Dave is a victim too?” Your boyfriend asks you.

You sigh, “Nitram, no one else, just him, said he thinks it’s strange that Dave knocked himself out and that he gave himself up when they could have gotten away.”

“It is weird.” Your boyfriend started rubbing your arm, he kissed the top of your head.

“WHY DON’T _YOU_ BELIEVE THAT DAVE IS A VICTIM?” Karter gently pushed Natalie off of him and on to the counter.

“Well first of all," You point at Karter and take another shot. "I’m not impressed that this kid gave himself up to SWAT, there still is a chance the cops would have gotten into a car chase and gunned them down.” You look Karter in the eyes. “We are all well aware how dedicated you are, Sheriff.”

You look away from him and speak again,

“The victim stayed in Dave’s room he told us that when he first met with us. Now think about that for a minute. They had plenty of space and he stayed in one of _their_ rooms.” You grab the shot out of Karter’s hand and whisper in his ear. “I’m damn sure he was treated like Dave’s fucking sex toy.”

You pull away from him. You down his shot as you run your fingers through the hair on the top of your head.

“DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?”

“Nothing to us." You tell the sheriff. "I doubt he is going to do so willingly.”

He leans in to speak with you, trying to whisper into your ear but his voice is so rough it still sounds like he is shouting into your ear,

“I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT TOO.” 

You whisper back, “Explain your reasoning.”

Karter pulls away from you. He tilts his head to gesture at your boyfriend.

“Hey honey, can you get me a glass of water?" You ask your boyfriend."I am feeling really light headed all of a sudden.”

“Okay, aa.” He got up and tossed you a bottle of water from the fridge. “Hey guys, I need to check something out on my laptop, BRB.”

He walked to his room. Understanding you two want to talk in private.

You both look at Natalie who is passed out, drooling and snoring on the marble counter.

Karter leaned forward, and spoke again.

“I CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING. BUT AFTER LOOKING AT THE CRIME SCENE WITH MY OWN TWO EYES… THE WAY I SEE IT, JOHN WAS RAPED ON DAVE’S BED BY DIRK. DAVE MUST HAVE WALKED IN, GOT JEALOUS AND KNOCKED HIM OUT.”

 “Jealous?" You slightly scoff at that. "That’s the word you chose to say.”

“THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT.” He seems almost certain. “AM I WRONG?”

You blow a puff of hot air out of your lungs, “…Dave did knock Dirk out…”

You _can_ talk with him about the things you recall were in the police and medical reports. You cannot, however, mention that Dave screamed at John to get him to leave afterwards. You continue.

“John was naked and wrapped in a sheet, everyone figures that he was raped by Dirk right before he escaped.” You push your hair back again. “John still hasn’t said anything yet, I can’t tell you anything even if I really wanted to.”

John didn’t say much. He did mentioned something about talking with a police officer about how Dave knocked himself out… Was he talking about Vantas? Oh no, you really are feeling light headed. This damn conversation is sobering you up. You try to recall what was in the original police report, you can't think clearly at the moment.

“WHAT ARE YOU THINKING RIGHT NOW?”

You sigh, _'why does everyone ask me that?'_

You ask him instead of answering, “just how much do you know about what happened?”

“I MET JOHN AT THE HOTEL ON A CALL MYSELF. HE WAS COVERED IN BRUISES AND BLOOD. WHEN I BROUGHT HIM TO THE STATION HE DIDN’T SAY MUCH, JUST THAT I NEEDED TO LEAVE TO ARREST DIRK AND HELP DAVE. HE TOLD ME DAVE KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT WITH A PIPE TO GET HIM TO LEAVE.”

_‘So he does know that...’_

“…Still." You tell him. "I can’t believe Nitram seems sympathetic to Dave.”

“SYMPATHETIC BECAUSE HE’S HEARING IT FROM JOHN’S POINT OF VIEW. I SAW THE ROOM THE BOY WAS KEPT IN.” He pours himself another shot as he speaks. “I THINK THAT DAVE MUST HAVE TREATED HIM WELL, WELL ENOUGH TO THE POINT JOHN GREW TO CARE FOR THE KID. DAVE PROBABLY BOUGHT HIM GIFTS AND KEPT HIM ENTERTAINED.”

His words sound slightly slurred. You wonder if you sound like that. You start drinking the water your boyfriend handed you. Time to _really_ sober up.

“DAVE USED JOHN FOR SEX REGULARLY. DIRK EVENTUALLY RAPED JOHN PROMPTING DAVE TO FREAK OUT, HIT HIM, THEN FORCE JOHN TO LEAVE. HE WANTED THE BOY ALL TO HIMSELF.”

You let out a breath, feeling your lungs deflate as the air leaves them. You shouldn’t have drank so much.

“You don’t know if that happened _that_ way.” You tell him. 

“LISTEN TO ME ON THIS. I THINK JOHN WOULD HAVE YOU AND THE OTHER LAWYERS BELIEVE THAT HE WAS RAPED REPEATEDLY BY DIRK, AND DIRK ALONE, AND THAT DAVE DID NOTHING BUT TREAT HIM RIGHT. I’M DAMN SURE THAT DAVE TREATED JOHN LIKE A PAMPERED DOG AND SPOILED HIM WITH GIFTS OR AFFECTION OR SOMESHIT. DAVE MUST HAVE KNOCKED DIRK OUT AFTER SEEING JOHN GET RAPED ON HIS OWN BED **FOR THE FIRST TIME."**

_‘For the first time…’_

“THINK ABOUT IT CLEARLY MEGIDO, IF JOHN GETTING RAPED BY DIRK WAS A NORMAL OCCURRENCE, THEN WHY WOULD DAVE REACT LIKE **THAT?”**

 “Shit.” Now you know you shouldn’t have drank so much.

“JOHN ALREADY HAD MARKS ON HIS THIGHS WAY BEFORE THIS HAPPENED ACCORDING TO THE MEDICAL REPORT. YOU KNOW THAT.” You do know that.

“Alright, well the medical report also said that was when Dirk broke John's leg. Nitram thinks that Dirk broke John’s leg and Dave freaked out over mainly that. He thinks that Dirk raping him was a routine thing.”

“I DOUBT THAT IT WAS A ROUTINE, THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING MEGIDO.”

“And I’m saying you are going to have to come up with a scenario that fits the broken leg in it.”

“HE COULD HAVE RAPED JOHN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND BROKE HIS LEG DURING SO HE WOULDN’T RUN.”

You sigh and let out a groan.

You should _not_ have drank so much.

Karter starts back up again.

“IF- **IF** \- HE WAS CONTINUOUSLY SEXUALLY ABUSED BY DAVE, JUST LIKE WE BOTH BELIEVE, THEN DAVE WOULD HAVE NOTICED THE MARKS ON JOHN’S THIGHS DIRK MADE FROM EARLIER AND KNEW DIRK WAS RAPING JOHN. THAT OR…”

You recall John saying that Dave would _bandage all of his wounds._

“Or…” You already know the ‘or’ you just don’t want to say it.

“OR DAVE MADE THEM HIMSELF.”

You pause. You thought the exact same thing. _Everyone_ in your office isn’t putting two-and-two together. Karter seems to have his head on straight, well maybe not right at the moment, but he clearly sees the case for what it is. A victim growing attached to one of his captors.

You already thought that everyone is starting to get a bit too personally attached to John. They are starting to believe what he believes. They need to look at the case for what it is.

Those marks on John’s thighs **must** have been made by Dave. That’s the only way this makes sense to you. John must have been raped for the first time by Dirk on Dave’s bed. John must have been kidnapped for a reason, you already knew that. He stayed in Dave’s room. He seems to want to protect Dave. Dave must have left his mark on the boys mind. John must be a slave to Dave in every conceivable way.

“I am going to start railing everyone harder on this. Dave is not a victim. I am sure of it.”

Dave Strider is not innocent here.

He must have done John harm.

John is covering for him.

You are damn sure of it.


	5. Jewels and Knives

Your dad thought it would be a good idea for you to go on a car trip and travel back to Washington to visit your old home. He kept your old house thinking that you would have loved to see your old room. He missed you terribly.

Standing on the cool tile in your old bathroom. You scrape off the last of the shaving cream on your face with a blade.

Maybe you should stop shaving, let something about you change.

You can’t. Egbert men shave every single day. It’s practically a family tradition.

You slap water in your face.

Gazing up at yourself in the mirror.

Did you always look this miserable?

You haven’t seen your own reflection clearly in years.

Dave stopped taking photos of you. He probably thought you looked too miserable, why would he need to keep those memories?

You look at the scratch on your cheek. A knife mark. You need to re-bandage it.

There are cuts all over your upper arms and in between your thighs.

You have to wear a cast for your broken leg. A real one this time.

When you went to the hospital they bandaged all of your wounds.

Will they leave scars?

Even if they do, does it matter?

You are always going to feel the marks for as long as you live.

Dave Strider has left his mark on your mind.

You are never going to feel at peace here.

Here in this home.

Here in this hall.

Here in your old room.

The room doesn’t feel like yours anymore but one thing does.

You hold it in your hands. It’s still covered in your blood and his semen.

It’s disgusting, but it’s yours.

Dave’s old red and white baseball tee.

The first gift he gave you.

You bring it up to your face and close your eyes.

You picture him.

_“Dave?”_

It was a few years ago. The two of you were laying in his bed, like you normally do. You were fiddling around with one of his Polaroid cameras. Holding it above your head and just feeling it. There was no film in it. You just wanted to mess around with something. You were starting to feel drained again. After the beating Mr. Strider just gave you, you wanted to just pointlessly toy around with something.

_Dave was staring up at the ceiling, watching the fan, listening to some music on his headphones._

_“Dave?”_

_You put the camera down to your side and tapped his shoulder._

_He grabbed your wrist._

_He held onto it and removed his shades._

_You could see his piercing red eyes look back at you, unamused._

_You prepared yourself for what he was going to do next._

_He slammed himself on top of you and started tickling you._

_“Stop! Dave- Dave come on!”_

_“No man, you can’t give me a sad look like that and not expect to get jumped.”_

_You laughed and your sides hurt. Partly because of the laughing, the other part is because Mr. Strider might have broken one of your ribs again. You wheezed. Coughing until Dave stopped._

_“Man, are you okay?”_

_“I really do think he broke my rib, Dave.”_

_“Babe, you really sure about it this time?”_

_“I don’t normally wheeze like this after he beats me, you know that.”_

_“Okay, okay… I’ll tell him not to kick you in the ribs for a while.”_

_“Yeah, then he’s definitely going to do it again.”_

_“He won’t, I can convince him not to... I made a deal with him so he won’t fuck with your face and he never did, right?”_

_“Yeah….”_

_“Or your dick.”_

_“Yeaaaah…. You don’t have to remind me.”_

_“Fine. I’ll plant the idea in his head to give you burn marks or cuts on your chest.”_

_“I like the burn marks better.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Is it starting to feel good?”_

_“Ummm… sure, I think so?”_

_He sat up and got off the bed._

_“Cuts it is then.”_

_“What?”_

_“I don’t want you getting off to the beatings my bro gives you.”_

_“Seriously, Dave I don’t get off to that shit. It just feels like I don’t know, not bad anymore.”_

_“You said you think it feels good.”_

_“Yeah I did…but… Okay how about this? You burn me and if I get an erection we agree on cuts.”_

_“Okay. I’ll get a cigarette.”_

_He left the room and when he got back he already started smoking it._

_He burnt your chest, just like you asked him._

_“How’s that?’_

_No erection._

_“It’s okay, I guess.” You reply._

_“Really?”_

_“Don’t believe me?" You tell him."Do it again.”_

_He puts it on your neck._

_You bite your lip at the feeling._

_“One more time.” He took a drag and blew the smoke up above him. “Then we stop.”_

_He tapped the ashes into one of your collar bones._

_He put it up to your throat._

_Against your will, and your better judgement, you get an erection._

_“shit.” You whisper under your breath. “damn it.”_

_“I fucking knew it.” He sounds more amused then anything else._

_“Dave, come on. You didn’t even touch me that time.”_

_“You are getting off to this.”_

_“Because it’s **you**.”_

_He pauses for a moment. “Fine.”_ _He can never say no to you._

_“How about we settle on marks on your chest?" He asks you."Won’t say cuts or burns, its dealer’s choice.”_

_“Fair.” You reply._

_“It’s a compromise.” He gently smiles at you._

_“Compromises” You hold up your cut off ring finger to Dave._

_“Compromises.” He holds up his matching missing digit too._

_“Just like a marriage.” You both say together._

_He nods his head towards your hard-on._

“Let’s do something about that.”

_It was hard living in that apartment. Sometimes you would feel like getting into arguments with Dave but you never had the energy. Those compromises the two of you made always made it easier._

_It’s moments like this you look back onto lovingly._

“John?”

_Moments like that you remember fondly._

“John?”

_Moments like that you miss._

“John, are you okay?”

“Yes, Dr. Serket. I was just thinking.”

You look back at her, she has mid-length black hair and white rimmed cat-eye glasses. She has on a concerned look, she exchanges it for a soft smile.

“That’s alright, I’ve been known to zone out too occasionally. Let’s just take this slow, alright?”

Take it slow. Just like everything.

“For our first session together I just want to get to know you, you don’t have to tell me anything to personal if you don’t want to.”

“There really isn’t that much to say about me, I spent a few years in one room so I didn’t get out much.”

You said that to make her laugh, she didn’t.

You take a deep, cleansing breath. Just like your dad taught you.

You can’t expect anyone in the outside world to understand you anymore.

“I think it might be easier if you ask me questions. I can answer any question you have.”

She clicks her pen.“Well, I am hoping that with our time here I can get you to answer some of your own questions.”

“What do you mean?”

“How do you feel right now, John?”

“You mean how do I feel… about everything going on right now?”

“Yes." She asks you again, "how do you feel?”

“I feel… squeamish? Like uneasy. But I also feel determined.”

“Determined? Is there something that you would like to do, John?”

“I…I don’t… you said that you won’t tell anyone about what I say in our sessions right?”

“No one outside of this room will know what we go over here.”

“Okay… Well, I feel determined to get everyone to recognize Dave is a victim, just like me.”

“I see.” She scribbles down a few words on a notepad.

“The notes won’t leave the room either?”

“Oh, these are just for me. I keep them locked in my safe and the key is right here.” She takes out a necklace that was hiding underneath her deep blue blouse, there is a small key and a cross on the silver chain. “I would be willing to give them to you later, if you wish to see them."

“You would give them to me?”

“They are about you John, you have a right to know what they say.”

You don’t know if you want to know, but you ask anyway.

“What did you write down…?”

“I wrote down that you called yourself a victim.”

“I am a victim. That’s what all the cops and lawyers call me.”

“You are the victim of a kidnapping, yes. But I hope in the future that you can view yourself as a survivor.”

“What is the difference?”

“A victim is someone who is held back by their misfortunes, someone who is disillusioned with life. A survivor is someone who accepted that terrible things happened to them and works to overcome those terrible things.”

“That sounds more like me.” You pause, “The survivor thing I mean.”

“Would that have anything to do with why you feel determined to get everyone to notice Dave as a victim of a crime as well?”

“Yes.” You wait for her to speak but it seems that she is waiting on you. “I decided when I left after Dave knocked himself out that I would tell everyone what Mr. Strider did to him.”

“I understand.”

She writes down more notes as she speaks,

“I noticed you called Dirk Strider, Mr. Strider.”

“Yes.”

“Is there a reason for that?”

“Yes…”

“Remember what I told you earlier. You don’t have to answer if you do not want to.”

“He asked me to call him.. Di-Dirk,” Your lip trembled from saying the word, “when he’d raped me.”

She didn’t speak. Just stared at you for a few seconds.

She gives you a sad smile. “I can understand that you wouldn’t want to call him that then.”

“Mr. Strider is going to be easier for me to say.”

“We can both call him that if you want.”

“No, it’s okay, all the lawyers call him that. I’m used to hearing it. I just don’t want to say it.”

She pauses again. This time you take the incentive to speak.

“My dad told me I should tell you everything that happened to me so I can work through it here with you before I tell the lawyers.”

“That sounds like a wise decision.” She tells you.

“I think so too.”

“John, can you tell me how you feel about talking with the prosecutors?”

“They seem alright, I just don’t want to help them build a case against Dave.”

“That is there job, John.”

“I know, but maybe I can show them that none of this is his fault. Maybe then… I don’t know… they won’t be so harsh on him?”

“How do you feel when you speak with them?”

“I feel… like I can handle it.”

“I know that you are determined, John... but I think it’s best if you don’t push yourself to hard. When you speak with them, do they stress you out at all?”

“They did... they do, but it's only because... I feel like they don't really listen to _me._ They are just listening for anything they can use against Dave.”

“I see.”

She stops talking for a moment. Not to give you room to speak but because gears started turning in her head. She already told you when this meeting started that she is going to be joining you when you speak with the prosecutors. Everyone must think that you are completely helpless. If she doesn’t listen to you about Dave either… then you really will be.

“Can you tell me how you feel about yourself right now, John?”

“What? Myself?”

“Yes, can you tell me how you feel about yourself?”

“I feel, lonely and a bit hurt.”

“Thank you for being honest with me again, but I meant if you can tell me how you view yourself?”

“Oh, well. I feel unhappy with myself… I wanted to do more… When I was in my old house I didn’t feel like it was my home anymore… Like I don’t feel whole right now. I feel disappointed and like… I… don’t really care about myself right now.... but I don’t feel ashamed with myself for running.”

“That’s very specific. Why did you choose to say ‘you don’t feel ashamed’ John?”

 Yeah… Why is that?

_Why is that?_

_‘Why is that?’_

_“Hey Dave….?”_

_“What is it, babe?”_

_“Do you think you can do a favor for me?”_

_“What?”_

_You think back on all the beatings Dave’s bro has been giving you. All of the ways he’s hurt your body. Everything that you'd been going through..._

_You thought about asking for this for days._

_“Can you carve your name into my thighs?”_

_He pauses for what seems like ages. “...Really?”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“Why?”_

_“I want to remember who owns me.”_

_Dave doesn’t say anything. His face doesn’t make any expressions. He just gets up and walks out again. He comes back with his favorite knife. It was the only one in the house that had a red handle._

_“I’ll do this… If you carve a heart into my arm first.”_

_He handed you the knife, you felt the blade with your finger. It was so sharp, the edge cut your finger tip. You look at the crimson blood. It was a small droplet. Looked like a jewel. Like his eyes._

_“You’re a sentimental guy you know that, Dave?”_

_He tried to do it in the least amount of strokes possible. He carved the four letters of his name across your thighs. You told him to make it large. Make it count. You bleed all over his sheets. Your blood stained the old shirt he gave you your first week there. Your blood was already staining the shirt from when Dave’s bro cut off your finger for disobeying him._

“John?”

_Dave kept it up in a jar somewhere with his own finger on his weirdo shelf filled with insects and arachnids._

“John?”

_The shelves were filled with fossils and animals skeletons. You always thought it was weird._

_Weird_ _in a fun way..._

“Are you alright?”

_Eventually he threw it out, right when you told him that the jar scared you, he just tossed it without a word._

"John...?"

_His room was filled with Photos._

_Photos of you…_

“Oh… I’m sorry. I did it again…”

You take a sip from the glass of water she left out for you.

“I didn’t feel bad about following through on the choice to run because…”

You take a deep breath again.

“Because Dave isn’t near him anymore…”

You see her eyebrows twitch up slightly. You are sure that most of her clients wouldn’t notice her ticks like that but after a few years with Mr. Strider you started picking up on slight ticks.

“Dave was really kind to me. I think the lawyers and my dad don’t get it. He would take beatings for me sometimes and he would always bandage up my wounds. He would do the things I asked him too.”

You wait for her to speak again.

“Thank you for being completely honest with me, John.”

“Yeah…”

You aren’t really ready to trust her with knowing everything. You don’t feel confident that anyone is going to understand you anymore. You miss Dave.

“John, do you want to talk more about Dave?”

“I do. Um, where to start…”

You lean forward in your seat and shifted through your thoughts.

“He was a bit strange, I’m sure everyone thinks that he was a bad guy because he had photos of me he took without me knowing. When I first started living there I thought it was terrifying. I told him that I was scared of them so he took a lot of them down. Eventually he asked me why I was scared of them and I told him that following people around like that wasn’t normal. He told me he was sorry and said he wouldn’t take anymore photos of me unless I was okay with it. I want to tell everybody that Dave didn’t know any better but I’m sure they will just think I’m crazy cause I'm sticking up for him.”

You rub your arm. You look away from her, you feel nervous about all of this.

”I know that you guys don’t want me looking at the news but I saw some of what people think about Dave…  It’s really unfair no one is even giving him a chance. Everyone can see that he was raised by a lunatic.”

You look back at her.

“I don’t blame Dave for doing things I think are weird. He couldn’t have been taught any better. Whenever I told him he was doing something wrong he would fix it. He really did listen to me. I think I was his only friend.”

You pause again and look down as you fiddle with your hands.

“Dave was good to me. I really care a lot about him. I miss him and I want to see him again. I’m sure he must be frustrated being alone and imprisoned. When I heard that he has a case against him I felt crushed because he didn’t have any part in my kidnapping. I know it must seem like it... I know that outside looking in it looks like Dave is a monster or that he is crazy, but I really hope that I can show everyone he isn’t... vile... like his bro is... I’m sure it’s hard for other people to understand but it’s your job to try, right?”

“Yes John. I will do my best to see things through your perspective.”

“Can you tell me what you think of Dave?” You look up as you ask her.

“It isn’t my place to make assessments on people I’ve never met, John.”

“Okay. I guess that makes sense. That, at least, sounds fair... But with what I told you he sounds good right? Like I think I could prove to people that he’s good? I think I could tell everybody what we went through together and show them that Dave is a survivor too. He knocked himself out for me. He gave me all that he could. I want to prove to everyone he isn’t bad. I am going to tell everybody just what Mr. Strider would do to him. Can you tell me how I can do that?”

“If you cooperate with the prosecution by telling them stories of what Mr. Strider would do to you they may be able to collaborate those stories with Dave’s retellings. Those stories will be available to all of the lawyers in court, including Dave’s. Then... Dave may have a stronger case in his defense.”

“Should I talk to Dave’s lawyer?”

“John. I think you should take this one step at a time. If you really believe in proving Dave’s innocence help the prosecutors make a stronger case against Dirk Strider.”

“If you think this is the best way to help Dave then... okay.”

“John.” She put down her pen and her notepad and placed it on her lap. “I think you need to do what is best for yourself first.”

You have to shut your eyes so you don’t roll them.

“That sounds like something Dave would say.”

When you open your eyes back up you can see her brow slightly narrow.

Tiniest little ticks telling you everything you need to know.

She seems like she's confused.

“Dave would tell me stuff like that all the time, like I needed to look out for myself before anyone else. Like he even did that himself.”

She paused before asking you, “what exactly do you feel for Dave, John?”

“I think I might have made it a bit obvious already.”

She moves her head slightly forward and nods at you, signaling for you to say more.

So you tell her exactly how you feel.

Her eyebrows twitched again.


	6. Pressing Questions

“They gave me about one meal a day, two if Dave got up early to get breakfast. Sometimes he snuck in food for me… Is this good, Ms. Pyrope?” John asks you.

You hear the man in front of you shutter. It was the boy’s father. You were sure hearing his son speak about his captors had to be hard on him. Because this is the first time you were able to ask John questions you know it’s better to start with the easy stuff.

“You are doing fine.” You reassure John. 

You were all sitting in the room the team would use to interview your clients. To your left was Megido, Nitram was to the right of you, you can hear him scribbling down notes as you spoke with the witness. The conversation is being recorded so you aren’t sure why he is writing anything down, maybe he just needs something to do with his hands. John was sitting right in front of you. Sitting right next to John was his therapist, a woman you know well. Dr. Serket was a gentle woman to her clients but a real pain in the ass for her peers. You’re already prepared for her interference. You begin again, 

“What kind of meals did you eat, John?”

“Cheap bread rolls, canned soups, ready-made meals. If Dave got takeout he would give me the leftovers. Is this… really important?”

“Your diet is important, John.” You can hear Serket shift closer towards him as she talks to him.

“Any amount of information you are willing to share with us is important.” You answer him as well, “It would help us to know what your living conditions were.”

“I guess that makes sense.” John must be looking down at the desk in-between the two of you, his voice is quiet but you can always hear when someone is looking away from you.

You continue, “you said before that Dave would eat meals with you?”

“It wasn’t like we would eat ‘meals’ for breakfast or anything, it was more like toast with jam or some Doritos.”

“Doritos?” You sound a bit confused.

“Yes, ma’am. Doritos.”

“No need to call me ma’am, you are allowed to call me Teresa. All my friends call me by my first name.”

You can hear someone shift in their seat again, it came from Serket’s direction.

“Alright, Ms. Teresa.” John tells you.

You smile, you catch yourself before you let out a small chuckle at the fact he still called you ‘Miss.’

You begin again, “I would like to ask you more questions.”

“Ok.” He sounds ready.

“Did Dave ever cook anything specifically just for you? Other than your usual meals?”

“You mean did he ever make anything... special for me?” John sounds a bit confused.

Nitram stopped writing. You can hear an inaudible syllable come from Serket’s mouth. You can feel all eyes on you.

“One time, for my first birthday I had in that apartment.. he tried.” John sounds dejected.

He stopped speaking, probably waiting -and dreading- for you to question him further. You muster up the most sincere tone you can with the raspy voice you were given.

“Why couldn’t he make you anything, John?” You ask him.

“Because-“ John seized up, you can hear him breathe in through his teeth.

The man to your right stands up, he must be kneeling at his son’s side now.

“John, you don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to.” Serket was now leaning closer to John as well. The sound of her voice tells you she’s never heard this story before.

“Mr. Strider came into our room and poured it all over me.”

You could feel a shock serge through the room, Nitram grabbed your wrist on instinct. He plays it off like he is trying to comfort you. Bringing up his other hand to pat yours and gently moving them both away. John spoke again,

“It was hot. Not boiling hot, but I still got some burns on my stomach. I had to wear bandages. When he saw that Dave bandaged me up he kicked me in the gut.”

He fell silent again.

“You’re doing great, John,” you inform him, “answer the questions at the length you feel comfortable with. Know we can always talk more later.”

“Right.”

“Would it be alright if I ask you a different question?” You ask him.

“Yes.”

There’s a million questions surfacing in your mind. You settle on one.

“You said ‘our room’ when you answered, did you share a room with Dave?”

“Yes,” he answers. 

“Alright.”

You already knew that but he confirmed it for you on tape.

You took a moment to think of another question.

“Can I-” John gathered his courage to ask you a question himself, “can I finish answering the other question?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“After he saw my bandages, Dave’s older brother dragged him out by the hair and started to spar with him on the roof.”

“They would spar? You did talk about that earlier, how would they spar?”

“With swords.”

You hope your face doesn’t give away your confusion, certainly there are stranger things about this case you haven’t bat an eye at yet but sparring with swords on a roof?

“How often did they spar?”

“Twice a week maybe. Sometimes he would break something but Dave would always come back with cuts and bruises. When he got injured like that I would help him bandage his wounds too.”

“Did Dave ask for you to do that, or did you do that of your own volition?”

“Both.”

“Both?” You ask him what he means. 

“I offered the first time and then he requested that I-” He quickly stopped himself from saying anything more. “I- I’m sorry.”

“Take your time, It’s alright. You’ve done nothing wrong here.”

John took a deep breath and shivered as he exhaled.

“He asked that I do things a certain way." He continued. "Later, he taught me how to bandage up his hand and make makeshift slings.”

“Right. Do you feel it was something the two of you bonded over?”

You hear someone sit up, and get out of their chair.

“Ms. Pyrope?” John’s therapist did not sound happy. “A minute please?”

* * *

“What are you trying to do right now?!” she’s yelling at you under her breath outside the room.

“My job.” You tilt your head to the side slightly and speak in your normal talking voice despite the fact she is whispering her frustrations out at you. “I’m asking him questions. That’s what he agreed to.”

“I’ve worked with you before, and I know you well enough to know when you are trying to pry!”

“I need to know all I can about this case if I am going to be able to help him.” You tell her.

“I know. _He knows._ He will tell you what he wants you to know when it is time for you to know it.”

You adjust your probing cane in your hand. Wrapping the palm of your other hand around the middle.

“Listen,” she is speaking at a normal volume now but she takes a softer tone. “I know you need to make a strong case, but, for right now prying into his exact relationship with his captors could hurt his recovery-”

“He must have fallen in love with Dave.”

She doesn’t speak for a brief moment. “I don’t know what you are getting at here.”

“Don’t skirt around this. It’s obvious to me he is in love with him. Clear as day, to everyone in that room.”

She adjusts her voice back again to a whisper. “What is it that gave that away? He… he didn’t even talk to his father about that yet.”

“He brought him up several times and never said anything negative about him at all. He is defending him, telling us he was a victim too. I know he _must have_ hurt him. Dave can’t be completely innocent here.”

“That’s what you think about this case so far, correct?” She’s taking up a cynical tone.

“I believe that he hurt him. I believe that Dave isn’t a victim in the same way John is. John hasn’t told me anything particularly damming about Dave yet... John stayed in his room, Dave bandaged all of his wounds, Dave took care of him, but I can’t trust that their relationship was in anyway normal.”

“You better not think about dragging anything out of him like you do with your other witnesses." You take in her fury. "You know how bad off that boy is right now and I swear to the Lord if you do anything too irrational I will  _personally_ be dealing with you!” 

“I was not planning on making things any harder for Egbert then they are now.”

You can hear her shuffle. She is frustrated with you.

“Don’t think you can get anything out of me! Don’t forget why I brought _you_ out here, you are trying to mess with my client. I am not going to take that lying down.”

“I will not hurt him, you have my word.”

“Your word is as good as fuck-all to me, I am giving you my warning. Step on John’s toes again and I will personally interject! Have fun not looking like a bitch in front of your peers,  _Ms. Teresa_.”

You continue to speak. “May I ask you another question, just because it’s relevant?”

 ** _“What?”_**   She snaps at you.

“He stopped talking after he mentioned Dave would request something when bandaging his wounds. Then John chose to say that Dave asked him to deal with his wounds in a specific way... He was selecting his words. I know there is more there he isn’t telling me. Something he doesn’t want to say because it could make Dave look bad.”

You can here her clothes ruffle as she says, “And what? You want me to tell you what that is?” 

“Hmmm. So there _really_ is more.”

“Do Not Fuck With Me.” You can feel something wet hit your face, she’s so angry spit flew out of her mouth.

“I still haven’t asked my question yet.” You tap your fingers along your walking cane.

“You will know when it’s time for you to know.” She is still whispering in a harsh, bitter tone. “Let John gain your trust and maybe,  _maybe,_  he will answer the question himself. When It Is Time. But if you keep acting like this I will not allow him to speak with you in person unless you run _all_ of your questions through me first. You are actively trying to make your job harder.”

“I promised you I will not mess with John.”

“What about your **_dogs?”_**

“If you are referring to Nitram and Megido, know that they get along with John better than I do.”

“Bullshit. He trusts you and not the other two. And that’s why I don’t fucking trust any of you or anything you people say." She's quickly, but quietly, barking her words at you, "I can’t trust you have his best interest in mind. I know you are still close to Vantas and he made it his life mission to find those missing people. I know why Nitram became a lawyer too. I know all of you. I know  _you_.”

“I was the one who recommended John to see you.”

“Because you think I’ll help you? You think that I’ll encourage John to do what’s best for this case? I will do what is best for my client, and if that involves not speaking with you, then I will forbid him from talking to you directly. You may lose valuable information about this case if you don’t back down and keep your dogs in check. **You Have My Warning**.”

You hear the door behind you open.

“Ladies?” John’s father calls out to the both of you, “I think we are going to call it a day.”

“Alright.” You more your cane back down so it is touching the floor again. “Goodnight, Mr. Egbert.”

“Teresa, don’t forget to say goodbye to John.” She lightly taps you on the shoulder and guides you to face him. Her voice is calm again. The moment Mr. Egbert spoke her demeanor must have completely changed. 

“Have a goodnight, John.” You softly say to him.

“You too, both of you.” He says to you, he is also addressing his therapist.

You hear the door shut close again.

“Wait. Dad do you think you can walk ahead? I want to ask Ms. Teresa something.”

“Alright son.” You can hear the apprehension in his voice, it’s the voice of a man who doesn’t want to leave his son’s side.

“I will walk John outside with me after he’s done talking with us.” Serket must have picked up on that too. Her voice is patient and she makes the gesture to ease his nerves.

“Thank you.”

A few seconds after John’s father took his leave John worked up the nerve to speak.

“Can I trust you with something? Something you won’t tell the other lawyers?”

“I will withhold any information that you ask me too.” You lean in slightly and outstretch your hand, gesturing him to take it. He does. As you shake his hand you say, “I give you my word.”

He leans in to you, speaking low so only you and perhaps Serket can hear.

“Dave ask me once to lick his cuts. He didn’t know it wasn’t normal. I taught him it wasn’t and then he never did it again. He didn’t have a good upbringing ma’am.” He pulls away from your hand. Something you’re glad for because you can feel your palms are starting to sweat for the first time in a long while.

“I didn’t want my dad to know that yet. I just think it must sound so… _off_ …”

“I understand why you didn’t want your father to hear that. I can also understand if in the future, you would want your father to wait outside during our interviews. If that makes it easier on you.”

“It would. Thank you.”

You hear him inhale like he is going to speak, but no words come out. Serket takes it as a cue to ask him if he is ready to leave, “I can explain that to your father now myself, that is if you want me to, John.”

“Yes, Dr. Serket. Thank you.”

John leaves with her, making their way to the parking lot together. Shortly after Nitram exited the room.

“She must have given you an earful.”

“She did. Part of me is glad she’s trying to keep information from me. The girl can talk.”

“I hear yea’ but next time, don’t make it so obvious when you're trying to pry -or maybe don’t do it at all? He isn’t the one on trial, you know.”

“Well aware.” You nod.

He sighs through his nose. “It’s been a long day and the days are about to get even longer. We should...you know... go easy on him at the very least.”

“I will take it easy on him. I think it’s sweet that you’re worried for him.”

“I’m worried for them both.”

“Both?” You tap your fingers on the top of your probing cane. 

“His father. I know how hard it is to have family by your side and to lose them as soon as you turn your back.”

He’s thinking about his brother again.

_'That’s it, isn’t it?'_

This case is going to get personal for everyone.

How are you going to get anything done?


	7. Friendly Walk

Your job as a secretary is normally difficult. The office is usually busy. You’re always overworked. But right now, everything is in absolute shambles. You had to run up and down the stairs ten times today. You would take your heels off each time. You swear tomorrow you are wearing flats! Maybe you can encourage some of the other women to do it too so you won’t feel like the odd one out. Oh screw it if you do! You’ve been on your feet all day.

Your boss is walking with Mr. Nitram and you need to speak with her about an urgent call she just got. Well maybe not urgent, but it was from the Sheriff. Sigh. The passionate, caring, gentlemen Sheriff Vantas. Wait- no. You have so many things to do. But first things first, you have to tell your boss about the call.

You walk up to her and Mr. Nitram, “There was a call from the Sheriff for you, ma’am.”

“Is he on hold?” She asks you.

“Yes.” You inform her.

“Good.” She turns her head and continues talking with Nitram instead. You feel a bit confused and somewhat devastated, you’re sure it’s written all over your face because Nitram interjects for you,

“I can talk with you later if the Sheriff is on hold for you.”

“I won’t be taking the call.” Ms. Pyrope replies.

“May I ask why, ma’am?” Nitram is sweet enough to ask on your behalf.

“Because he is trying to meddle with our case in a way that is too personal, he is asking me for information that is confidential. I am not willing to compromise this case for anyone, no matter their intentions.”

The two of them stop walking to greet a young man sitting down in a chair in the hall.

“Hello, John.” Mr. Nitram softly greeted him.

“Hello, Mr. Travis. Hello, Ms. Teresa.” He sounds sweet.

“How are you doing?” Your boss speaks in a quiet, polite tone, the kind of tone she rarely ever uses. 

“I’m fine. Just waiting on my dad to get back.” The boy is quite a few years younger than you but when he stood up he was a few inches taller than you, even while on crutches. One of his legs must be broken. _'Poor thing.'_

“Hello.” You cheerfully introduce yourself and outstretch your hand for him to take. “My name is Natalie!”

He slow to take your hand and when he does you gently clap your hand around his. You lean in to whisper, “I’m the secretary so there’s no need to be so formal with me.”

“Alright.” He seems nervous to speak with you, not that you can say you blame him. With your adorable looks he must be head-over-heels, that, or he is a victim of a rather gruesome crime. You choose to focus on the first thing.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay and chat, John.” Your boss adjusts her cane, signaling she’s about to walk off. “I have a few things I need to take care of. Including refusing a certain caller….”

“I understand.” John replies.

“Ms. Leijon.” She addresses you.

“Yes, Ms. Pyrope?” You answer your boss.

“Do you think you can take care of Lemon for me?" Ms. Pyrope asks. "She’s been cooped up in my office all day.”

You can see John make a puzzled expression at what she just said.

“Oh sweetie.” You gently tap your hand on his shoulder. “Lemon is her dog.”

“Oh.” He is slow to reply, sweetheart must be shy. “So you have a Seeing-Eye dog?”

“I do." Ms. Pyrope replies, "do you want to meet her?”

“I don’t want to be- anymore trouble." John replies, "I know you’re all busy.”

“You would be doing us a favor if you would walk her downstairs with Ms. Leijon, right?” She asks you.

“Oh absolutely!" You nod your head and address him, "I would love that! God knows I could use all the help I could get at the moment.” You let out a snort as you chuckle to yourself.

“Really?” He seems a bit taken back.

“Oh yeah, John." You wave your arm gesturing for him to "come, come on. Come with me, sweetie.”

“Okay, um goodbye.” He waves off your higher ups and you guide him to the elevator.

You try your best to make small talk as the two of you ride up.

“You ever been to the boss’s office?”

“No.”

“It’s so much nicer than the rest of the place, it’s actually clean.”

You snort again, catching yourself this time and covering your face with one of your hands.

“So, John..." you start talking again, "you’re waiting on your dad to get back? Where'd he go?”

“He had to take a skype call." John answers you. "It’s for a business meeting. He’s back at the hotel we’re staying at.”

“I see. Well I’m sure by the time we’re finished with our little errand that he’ll be back.” You smile at him. Just then, the elevator pops open and you make your way down the hall.

“What hotel are you two staying at? Is it nice?” You ask John as you walk.

“Uh- I’m sorry, I don’t remember the name.”

The tone he took sounded a bit like he was making that up, like he was lying to you.

Man, you’ve been around lawyers for too long.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.

You get out your keys from your black mid-length skirt’s front pocket and begin to unlock the door. You continue to talk to him while you pull open the door, “I’m sorry if I am annoying you. I know I’m a Chatty-Cathy.” You slide open the door and, the b-e-a-utiful golden retriever, Lemon greets you.

You introduce her to John, “this is Lemonsnout, and she’s the sweetest doggy, _yes you are!_ ” You rub her head and reach for her leash on the wall beside the door.

“Her name is Lemonsnout?” John is rubbing his arm.

“Yes it is. Boss said it was the name she had when she got her and she thought it was so funny she didn’t want to change it.”  You scratch at the back of her ears as you clip on her leash.“It is pretty funny isn’t it, John?”

“Yeah." He gives you a somber smile, "it is.”

When you stand up straight again you turn to look at him. Suddenly his eyes widen at the sight of something. You’re unsure about what scared him. You look behind you. Your eyes scan around the room and back down at Lemonsnout. Your eyes focus back on John’s. He is looking at _you._ You think he is looking at what’s in your hands. You aren’t holding anything other than Lemon’s leash. Maybe he’s mistaken it for something else. Happens to you all the time. Swore that the coat hanger in your apartment back home was a man when you first brought it home, and that same night you wondered half-asleep into your kitchen to get a drink of water. Damn near gave you a heart attack. Silly things happen like that all the time. 

“Hey, John?” You call for him. “Would you like to pet Lemon?”

“Oh.“ He snapped back into reality, “of course.”

John kneeled down in front of her and pet her head. Her tail wagged and she excitedly licked his face.

Lemon pushed him back at bit and he instantly lost his balance, falling clumsily onto his back and skitting his crutches across the hall.

“Oh, sweetie!? Are you alright?”

“I am. I just- wasn’t… expecting her to lick me.”

“She licked you because she likes you." You tell him. "It’s like she’s shaking your hand.”

John got back up to his feet.

You suggest to him, “give her your hand.” 

He stuck out his hand for her to smell. Instantly Lemonsnout licked him again. She smelt him. She decided that he was good and brushed past him.

“Looks like she’s ready for that walk.” You say as you help him up.

The three of you go back into the elevator. Lemon’s tail wagging the entire ride down. You turn your head to face John,

“You’re a bit of a quiet guy, aren’t you?”

“Well- I prefer listening to people. I guess I used to talk constantly to everyone I met. I just... stopped.”

“I see, I used to be quiet as a kid and when I got older I started talking talking talking, nooon-stop.”

The doors slid open to the main floor. Lemon is of course the first one out because she is always in front. You stick a hand out to gesture for John to go out before you, “let me know if I get to annoying, you won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I don’t think you’re annoying. I think you’re very nice.” He hops out of the elevator.

“Now look at that, John. You just made my day!” You put your hands on your hips, and then you follow behind the two of them.

* * *

The three of you spent about ten minutes walking around the streets. Lemon smelt all of the trees and spotted all the squirrels. She stopped about every five feet to smell something or say hello to a stranger. With each stranger you would apologize and luckily today everyone seemed to welcome Lemonsnout’s snout. Lemon was a cheerful and friendly girl, just like yourself. When she was off duty she was just a regular old dog, wagging her tail and making friends with strangers. But when the boss was by her side she did her job with as much certainty as her master did hers.

Occasionally, you'd tell John a little story about Lemon and the antics she gets up too. John loosened up enough to tell you a story about his friend’s dog, Bec. It was funny so you laughed. John must have felt a lot better because he laughed too. His friend lived alone on an island with her grandpa, the man who owned Skaianet. This kid had some connections apparently. No wonder why your boss likes him so much.

“Your friend seems like a riot!” You chortle.

“She really was.” He is smiling a soft caring smile now, you can’t help but smile too.

“She was?” You squish up your nose and smile as you ask him what he meant.

“I haven’t spoken to her in years.”

You gasp. “Oh, you should! You should try to get back into contact with her. I am dying to go on a vacation. Just think about going to a secluded island for a break, if you wanted to catch up with her I bet she would pay for a flight to Hawaii.  _Ah! I’m so jealous._ ”

While the two of you were talking Lemonsnout started squatting over and-

“Oh yeah! If you could hold her leash for me when I pick up after her. That would help me a ton. I know she wants to keep walking off so she can pretend it’s not hers.”

“You want me to hold… the leash… for you...?”

You could tell he was nervous but you don’t want to make him feel worse about being a bit… awkward. You know all too well how much more awkward it gets when people point out you are a bit different.

“John, it would help me out so much. I would be really thankful.”

“If it would… help you… then... okay…"

He took the leash from your hands. You could feel how sweaty his palms were. You decided to look him in the eyes instead. He is looking wide-eyed at the leash again, just like before. You guess your superstitions where just as right as they were wrong. He is afraid of the leash for what it is. You start to wonder if maybe you should just take it back but he tells you, “I can do this.” He sounds so determined.

“Just watch Lemon.” You tell him. “Keep watching her.”

You bend over to avoid a $500 fine. You’re trying to hurry this along. You’re watching John in the corner of your eye. He must be following your advice because he is watching Lemon intently as she smells another tree. He must feel tired from the crutches, he is sitting down on a bench. You make your way over to the trash can and then head over to him. John’s grasp is tight around the leash. He is holding his head with both hands. He's trembling.

“Hey, John…?”

He is still looking at Lemon. You decide to sit next to him, you slowly take the leash from his hand. You start rubbing his back. Unsure of exactly what he is worried about. You lean your head onto his shoulder while rubbing circles into his back. You start telling him stories about Lemon again while he watches her. She finds another bystander to sniff. You tell her, “no, don’t bother those people.” They give her a back rub and then walk off. You tell John another story about how Lemon one time spooked someone bad because she growled at them, it was the only time you ever saw her growl at anything. Your boss told you later on that Lemon cannot stand the smell of alcohol. 

“Me neither.” He sighed. 

John actually started speaking again, he stopped trembling and his breathing was back to normal. You don’t ask him anything. You just turn your head and smile.

“The two of you are so alike, you’re both such sweeties.”

* * *

You bring him back to the office. The two of you ride up the elevator and you dropped off Lemon together and then you took John back to the floor where you found him. The room was busier then when you left and you let out a sigh, your short break was fun while it lasted. John saw his father who was roaming around across the room just outside the elevator. When he saw his son he let out an exasperated sigh of relief. Now you are the one who feels nervous. You start scratching your arm as John introduces you. You shook his dad’s hand just like you did John’s only this time you whispered in his ear, “Your son is a very kind man.” You smile and let go of his hand.

You told him about how he helped you walk Lemon and that John told you a funny story that made you both laugh. You sent John on his way with his father. His dad had the biggest grin on his face, beaming like you told him his son just won a marathon.

Ms. Megido walked up to you with a large pile of case files in her arms, just as the boy and his father walked into the elevator together. You fully lift up your arm _aaaaall_ the way up to wave at him, you stand up on your tiptoes to make sure he can see you in the crowded room. You call out, _ **“Bye, John!”**_

“He looks like he had a nice time with you.” Megido tells you.

“Oh! He’s a sweetheart.” You reply. John was sheepishly waving goodbye to you. You giggle quietly to yourself.

“I know he is.” Megido peaked past the stack of files to get a glimpse into the elevator.

“I still can’t believe all he’s been through and well…” Megido shuffled the stack of papers in her hands so she had a better view of you, “We barely even have a glimpse into that case yet.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” You knew that he was having a tough time with the leash and all but you didn’t think he seemed so bad off that he’s ‘been through' a lot, you don’t even know what ‘a lot’ is.

“Natalie, you know the case everyone in the office is buzzing about?”

“Yeah...?” You smack your mouth shut, hard enough that it is going to leave a mark. “That was him?!”

“It was.”

“Oh god. I wish I would have known, I wouldn’t have talked so much, what if I said something wrong to him. Oh no. _oh nonono_.” You start shaking your head as you hold onto your cheeks.

“Relax, if you did he wouldn’t be smiling at you like that when he walked out.”

“No no no, I asked him to take Lemon’s leash and then he looked so nervous but I held it up to his face anyway and then he took it and he looked so certain he wanted to take it and he sounded so sure of himself then I knew something was off and then he started breathing heavy and he shut down and I think he was having a nervous breakdown or a panic attack and I made him **\- I** did that to him. It was my fault. _It was **my** fault_.”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay. It’s okay. You saw that big smile on John’s face right? After you told his dad about your walk together. You probably made his day.”

Megido shuffled the stacks of paper around. She started rubbing your arm up and down to comfort you.

“You probably made both their lives a little easier today.”


	8. Wasteland Apartment

“The police had completely cut of all public access to the street surrounding the complex. It will stay that way until they have finished thoroughly searching all of the surrounding grounds.” Ms. Megido is describing the layout to you. “The building is about 13 stories with easy access to the roof. The surrounding area is completely clear, there is only grass until it hits the street corners. There Is next to nothing over here.”

“Right.” You confirm you understand her attempts at describing the scene.

You think about how there is nearly nothing out here, for the city that is strange… and they owned the entire building.

“PYROPE.” There is that gruff, strained voice again.

“Sheriff Vantas, have you come yourself to show us in? Now I should feel honored _. Why, you aren’t even smoking.”_

“OF-FUCKING-COURSE I AM SHOWING YOU AROUND. WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I’M HERE?”

“To see the crime scene yourself?” You reply.

“I assume both things are true.” Ms. Megido interjected, the tone of her voice sounded like she was amused.

 _Karkat_ said nothing to that.

“Why, you went out of your way to be the one to show us in," You feel a smile pull at the corner of your mouth. "That is so kind.” 

“You are not a detective you know.” Megido tells him.

“I’M NOT LETTING THIS SLIP OUT OF MY FINGERS.” He sounds less amused, Vantas doesn’t like it when things get in the way of his work. “COME ON, LET’S MOVE.”

Megido is describing the layout of the area as the three of you walk the grounds. She is directing you on which way to walk. You approaching the yards of yellow police tape. You can hear policemen walking around the area. Walkie-talkies buzzing and loud cries from the press come from every angle.

“Ma’am you need to duck down.”

She guides you with her hand under the police tape.

“Thank you.” You assume that Vantas is the one holding up the tape for you both.

When you get to the building Vantas holds the door open for the both of you and then follows behind.

“I’m going to call the elevator.” Megido picks up the pace and walks ahead.

For a moment you are left alone with the sheriff as you walk forward at a leisurely pace.

“DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID?” Of course he is going to start with this now.

“I cannot give you access to my witnesses statements.”

“I’M NOT LOOKING FOR YOU TO HAND THEM OVER.” He tries his best to whisper but his voice is too hoarse.

“-or discuss them with you.” You shake your head.

“CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME IF HE’S SEEING A DECENT THERAPIST?”

“Serket.”

“YOU ARE REALLY JUST MAKING THINGS HARD ON YOURSELF, AREN’T YOU?”

“She is the best I know.”

“SO YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF THE VICTIM THIS TIME AROUND? REALLY?”

“Vantas.” You stop walking, “I don’t think we’ve ever had a case like this, any of us. Let’s do things right. I know you care about the boy too so let’s give him the best we have.”

He lets out a deep breath through his nose.

“FUCK." He mutters to himself, "EVEN I CAN ADMIT WHEN YOU ARE RIGHT.”

You both start walking again to the elevator.

“YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK WITH THE POLICE ON THIS ANYWAY, JUST KNOW NOTHING IS GOING TO GET PAST ME.”

“You will know what the witness wants the court to know when it is time for that.”

"SHE'S ALREADY RUBBING OFF ON YOU." He means Dr. Serket.

"Now, is that really so bad?" You laugh under your breath.

He scoffs at you, “I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU'VE GOT THIS. I CAN HELP YOU, YOU KNOW."

“Hmm," you hum."Natalie is rubbing off on you too.”

“FUCKING-“ He huffed and walked ahead of you. Admitting defeat.

Ms. Megido held the elevator for you both.

“Fourth floor or top floor?”

“Top. John said he stayed in the top floor and had no idea about the murders. I want to know what it was like from his perspective first.”

“Understood ma’am.” She pressed the button for you and you all rode the lift up. When the doors slid open you were the first out. Vantas guided the two of you to where the apartment was. Tenth floor, twenty-fifth room. He held open the door for you both. Megido described the layout of the place.

“To our right, there is a kitchen, in the sink it is filled with water and- well ma’am there are sex toys.”

“Hm.” You nod and step further into the room.

“There are knives and one katana - that is a type of Japanese sword - on the counter tops.”

“WE LOOKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE PLACE EARLIER, THERE ARE KNIVES IN THE FRIDGE TOO.”

“What?” Megido seemed taken back, she let out a laugh under her breath. She does that when she is especially nervous. Karter notices, still he continues,

“THERE’S KNIFES IN THE CABINETS, IN THE DRAWERS, RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR, I’M SORRY TERESA BUT I’M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO HAND ME YOUR WALKING CANE, WE CAN’T HAVE YOU DISTURBING EVIDENCE. YOU KNOW THE DRILL.”

“Well aware of that said drill.” You hand him your cane. You hear him place it against the wall. “Megido, continue.”

“A head of us there is a living room. There are wires all over the floor. A large amount of fans. I believe there are LED lights on the ceiling and on the walls. There is a large couch, a flat screen TV must be about 15-inches wide, there’s a table in front of the sofa made out of cinderblocks and a large plank of wood. There’s a container on top of it, filled with water and more sex toys. More blades scattered around the entire room. Most of which look Japanese in origin. Swords mounted to the walls. That’s about everything significant. There are also stacks of books on the floor. A desk made of cinder blocks and another plank of wood. A huge computer monitor and a large server underneath.”

“What kind?”

“Hmm… can’t tell.” She sounds like she is leaning over to see it. “Looks like its custom built.”

“Hm.”

“Already had someone search through it?” Megido is asking Vantas directly.

“THIS ONES CLEAN, THERE’S SOME ON ANOTHER FLOOR WE ARE GOING THROUGH.”

“Nothing else I would say is too significant.” She is addressing you again.

“I want to get a feel for Dave’s room.” You reply.

They both lead you to a room on the left. Megido begins describing the room again,

“There’s a bed that is just two mattresses stacked on top of each other. Blood is staining the mattress along with urine. The bed is against the wall. There’s photos of John Egbert along the walls.” She pauses to take in the scene more before speaking, Vantas takes it as an opportunity to talk.

“UNDERNEATH THE MATTRESS THERE WERE MORE PHOTOS, MOST ARE OF THE CITY. SOME OF THEM SEEM TO BE PHOTOS DAVE TOOK OF HIMSELF. ALL OF THAT IS IN EVIDENCE DOWN AT THE STATION ALONG WITH A JOURNAL DAVE WROTE.”

Megido starts describing the scene again, “There is a makeshift night stand, once again made with cinder blocks and a plank of wood. More electrical fans. Way more LED lights in here than out there. Christmas lights are strung up all over the walls. The light bulb for the main light isn’t a normal one either. The light it is emitting is red.”

“IT’S A COLOR CHANGING LIGHT, THERE IS A REMOTE SOMEWHERE. THE CLOSET WAS USED AS A DARKROOM FOR PHOTOGRAPHY. THE BATHROOM ONLY HAS A TOILET AND A SINK BUT THERE ARE MORE LED LIGHTS IN IT.”

He stops talking and allows for Megido to speak again,

“To your right there is another makeshift desk, there is a laptop on it. Along with something that looks like… a game controller....? It has buttons. I don’t know what it is…”She is getting a closer look at it apparently.

You direct your attention to the sheriff. “You sound even more agitated then normal, Vantas.”

“THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE JUST DESCRIBED TO YOU, PYROPE.”

You clasp your hands together in front of your chest.

“DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU LIKE THE ROOM OF SOMEONE WHO WAS ABUSED? OR SPOILED?”

_‘Of course he feels this way.’_

The room is dead silent. Suddenly there is a loud POP sound.

“I am sorry!” Megido sounds surprised, “That was me!”

“YOUR BOYFRIEND TOLD ME THOSE ARE CALLED MIDI FIGHTERS. BIGGER ONES AREN’T CHEAP APPARENTLY. HE HAD A KEYBOARD TOO, AND HEY, RIGHT HERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, IN BETWEEN THE CLOSET AND THE BATHROOM THERE IS A HUGE TURNTABLE WITH RECORDS AND-“

“I understand your point.” You interrupt him.

“I DON’T THINK YOU DO.” He is taking a frustrated tone with you.

“Sheriff Vantas,” Megido interrupts, “We need to conduct a thorough investigation before we can conclude anything. Remember it is _our_ job to gather evidence to build a case against Dave Strider.”

“ARE YOU ALL ACTUALLY DOING THAT?”

“We are here aren’t we?” You hear Megido’s heels click against the hardwood floor.

“ARE **ALL** OF YOU DOING THAT?”

There is a split second of silence before you step forward to speak on Nitram's behalf, “-are you implying that because Nitram isn’t here he doesn’t care for this case? Was he not the one who signed your warrant?”

Megido sounds exhausted, “he is squeamish about stuff like this you know that.”

“I WANT ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THIS CASES BEST INTEREST IN MIND. EVEN IF THAT MEANS NOT COMPLETELY PUTTING ALL OF YOUR TRUST IN THE VICTIM. IF HE LIVED IN A ROOM LIKE THIS THEN DAVE MUST HAVE SHARED A LOT WITH HIM. HE MIGHT THINK THINGS WERE GOOD WITH DAVE BUT IT’S POSSIBLE HE WAS BLINDED.”

“Poor choice of words.” You step forward again.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!” He defended himself.

“I understand your point, that doesn’t mean I have to listen to your input.” You reply as you walk out the door. You hear Megido catch up behind you.

“There is a room on the other side of the apartment, I’ll get the door for you ma’am.”

She guided you in and described another bedroom. There was a large bed at the center of the room and more weapons. Blades on the nightstand and swords mounted on the walls. There are posters and pictures on every inch of the wall, Megido describes not being able to see any sign of blank space. There’s another record table on the wall right next to the door. On the right there is a large bathroom. The tub is filled with water and soaking a few blades and swords. The water is a deluded misty red from blood. There are more stacks of books in a small room housing a toilet. There is a large shower but it is filled with much larger swords. She guides you out informing you there is nothing else in this apartment worth noting.

“YOU DONE HERE?” Karter was waiting for you by the front door.

“Take me to the fourth floor.” You reply.

The ride down is wordless until Megido breaks the silence.

“If he owned all of these katanas and… other... assorted Japanese weapons, then I believe that he knew the significance of the number four.”

“WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT MEGIDO?” Vantas seems agitated again.

“In Japanese ‘shi’ means both death and the number four. I am assuming that is why he chose to do this on the fourth floor. That and... on a higher floor the smell of human decay might have gotten into the apartment easier.”

“HE HAD A VENTILATION SYSTEM RUNNING WHEN SWAT GOT THERE.” 

“Think we can assume he left it running at all times?” You him ask yourself.

“SAFE BET.” His voice is bouncing off of the walls.

Megido continues to speak with Vantas about the floor you are all about to visit. Seems that the crime scene is still being investigated. You’re willing to bet the moment you get there, there will be more yellow tape.

You make it to the floor, when the doors part open the smell of human decay hits you.

It is incredibly pungent and nauseating. You are sure this is what Nitram was referring to, the smell of death is nearly indescribable. It is something you experience and can never find the appropriate words for. You step out. The smell is nearly disorienting but you stride forward regardless. When you lost your sight and began relying on your other senses. It did heighten your sense of smell, along with everything else, however, you are sure at this moment it is hitting everyone else just as violently. You hear Megido’s heels shuffle a bit as if she is steadying herself, she handles death better than anyone else you had ever worked with but even at this moment she is losing a bit of her nerve. You are sure Vantas is handling this worst of all, he is emotional, but you also know that he covers it up by getting even angrier.

Vantas directs you to the closest room, placing his hand on your shoulder as if to comfort you. He is probably the one right now that needs someone to hold onto.

“Sheriff Vantas." You can hear a woman call out for him from inside the room. "A moment please.” 

“HOLD UP. WAIT RIGHT HERE.”

You choose to listen, in the meantime you want Megido to describe what she sees inside.

“What do you see?”

“Everyone is in full hazmat suits. The walls have glass cabinets, I can see bottles, veils, more blades.”

Vantas makes his way back.

“INVESTIGATORS TELL ME YOU CAN ONLY GO THIS FAR, SORRY LADIES.”

“That is fine.” She addresses him and goes back to speaking with you. “-there is blood that seeped into the floor," She directs her attention back to the sheriff. "I assume the floor underneath this one also contains blood because of a leak, would that be correct?” 

“THAT IS CORRECT, MEGIDO.” He sounds annoyed with her. You know it’s not her he is annoyed with.

“Do you think there is a time we can come back and view the full scene?” You ask him.

“NOT FOR A LONG WHILE.” He still sounds annoyed.

“How many corpses are there in total?” Megido asks.

“LAST COUNT, THERE ARE 120 UNIQUE HUMAN REMAINS. WE ARE STILL ATTEMPTING TO IDENTIFY EACH BODY PART AND CADAVER. JUST TOLD ME THEY FOUND MORE.”

“They were completely ripped apart?” Megido asks him, sounding surprised and trying to keep her calm.

“SOME THINGS WERE PRESERVED, LIKE ONE DECAPITATED HEAD, A FEW JARS OF HUMAN BRAINS. ALSO THERE ARE AT LEAST FIVE BODIES THAT HAVE NO HEAD, ARMS OR LEGS. BEFORE YOU START TO WONDER, YES THERE WAS SEMEN FOUND INSIDE OF THEM.”

Megido took one step back again. Vantas sounds like he is trying to hide his anger, it sounds like that, you know that he is actually just plain hurt. He is getting emotional about this. This is his life's work, this is all getting too personal.

This case is already too personal.


	9. Not Complete(ly)

You’re sitting down in a black armchair in the hallway again. Your crutches are on your side. Your leg is still wrapped in this huge, hideous cast. You had to answer some more questions today. Most of them were about Mr. Strider, some of them were about exactly how you were kidnapped.

The process you go through during your interviews are as follows: First you talk to Dr. Serket about what you went through, next she talks with the prosecutors when she thinks you’re ready and afterwards she arranges a time for all of you to meet in their offices.

The truth is, you are always ready. You don’t like all of this waiting around for her to give you the green light to speak. You just want to let everyone know what you went through. You want to tell everyone what Mr. Strider put Dave through. You want to tell everyone right now exactly what Dave means to you.

“You waiting on your dad again, sweet pea?” You hear a familiar, high-pitched voice.

“Yeah…”

You lift your head to look at her. It’s Ms. Pyrope’s secretary again. She is holding a large stack of papers, somehow the stack makes her look even smaller. She is a sweet girl. Short, friendly and probably the only person around here that it isn't a strain to speak with. Every time you come here you always somehow run into her, you guess she is just asked to run all over the place. She always encourages you to stop by her desk for some candy or asks you if you need anything, anything at all. She goes above and beyond to do her job. She must be stretched thin today.

“I’ll be fine here on my own for a while.” You respond, she doesn’t need to waste her time on you.

“Yeah?” Ms. Natalie tilts her head to the side to get a better look at you. “Sometimes it’s nice to be alone and other times it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

She can see right through you. “I’m just… I’m having a tough time with this case.”

She looks intently into your eyes, her irises are void of any color. They are remarkable. Like tiny mirrors.

She’s waiting to hear more.

You rest your arms on your legs. You put your head down and stare at the ground.

“It… just feels like no one here is listening to me.” You confess.

You can see in the corner of your eye she is holding up the paper stack up to her chest. She slowly moves to sit on the armrest beside you. She starts rubbing circles into your back again. Next to your dad, she is the most comforting thing about the outside. She continues to speak, trying to comfort you,

“Everyone is trying to make a really strong case against Dirk… and yet… sweetie, I’ve seen stuff like this happen before.”

“What do you mean?” You ask her.

“I’ve seen victims of crimes feel really… dejected. Like the questions that all of the lawyers are asking aren’t getting to the root of the crime. I’ve known victims get asked their past histories with all sorts of dumb things that have nothing to do with their cases. And I’ve heard there are some lawyers, not any here but some do this, keep cases going for years hoping that the victims just give up. I’m sure that won’t be you sweetheart, that jerk the lawyers are going up against has way too much proof showing that he’s guilty.”

“-and I’m part of that proof.”

“Yeah.” She leans her head onto yours, pulling you in for a hug. “I know it’s hard, honey. Just know that you aren’t alone in this fight, okay?”

You have more goals than just dealing with Mr. Strider… She doesn’t know that at all.

“I feel like I am.” You feel completely alone.

“Well, even if the others here get you down. No matter what, sweetie, I promise you that I'll support you.” She keeps rubbing circles into your back.

“You really mean that?” You look up at her.

She moves away from you to look you in the eye.

“Yes.” She takes a few seconds to stare into your eyes.

You see yourself in the reflection of her irises.

Then she flashes you a caring, consoling grin,

“I just promised you didn’t I?”


	10. Rejection and Romance

You hum to yourself as you wait for the elevator. You’re swinging yourself back and forth as you wait. You have to bring some important files up to your boss’s office again. At this moment you’re very thankful that it’s a USB drive and not a huge stack of case files, just like everyone else in the office is lugging around.

The doors slide open. You glance up and your heart drops. You feel like squealing one of your trademark ‘ _eeeeeeeee!’_ s but you will not. You will remain graceful and dignified and beautiful like you always do when you see Karter. Well… at least when you’re sober. He is wearing his uniform, handsome as ever, and he is carrying a briefcase, looking all serious and ready for business.

“ _Helloooo Captiaaaan_.” You sing the words to him.

“IT’S SHERIFF NOW.”

You gasp and beam a large smile, acting like you didn’t know that, like you didn’t find that out at the party, or from all of the news reports, or from your job or from your friends or from literally everything in your life.

“What a _crazy thing_ that I am hearing for the first time! _right now!"_  You cheerfully suggest to him, "we should celebrate! We should go out and get drinks-“

“NO.” He pressed the door close button.

Just then the doors start to close. You stick out your hand to open them back up again. You crinkle up your nose at him and then flash him a smile. You can’t stay mad at him. You gracefully step into the elevator. You click your heels together, wiggle your hair out of your face and straighten out your back before you speak.

“I know that you are busy-”

“NO.”

“-and you don’t care for bars-”

“NO.”

“-soooo why don’t you come over and have drinks at my apartment instead?”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT.”

“Why not? Give me one good reason.”

“I DON’T WANT TO.”

“I said a **good** reason.” You huffed.

“I’M BUSY.”

“Well, you have enough time to visit Ms. Pyrope in her office.” You sound a bit annoyed, but still cheerful.

He sighs out a “ _DAMN_ ,” under his breath.

“ITS WORK RELATED YOU KNOW THAT.”

“I knooooow, I’ve been seeing a lot of you lately.” You swing yourself back and forth again as you twirl your hair.

“LISTEN, I’M NOT INTERESTED. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH OF A REASON FOR YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE.”

“Not interested?” You start to wonder out loud. “Is it because I’m much younger than you? When you’re around our age it’s hardly an age gap... am I tooo… tiny? Well, I knooow I don’t have any curves and I’m little and petite but your short too so- _oh noooooo!"_

"I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that.” You hit yourself in the head with your hand that’s holding the USB drive.

You mutter to yourself, hoping he doesn’t hear, “ _I am so bad at this.”_

He must have seen the stick in your hands because he asks,

“IS THAT FOR TERESA?”

“It’s for Ms. Pyrope, yes.”

You readjust yourself and turn to face him. Still wearing a defeated look on your face.

“I’M GOING UP TO SEE HER NOW. GIVE IT TO ME AND I’LL HAND IT TO HER.”

You suck on your tongue, make a “tsk” and smirk at him.

“Nat-ah-ah.” You wag your finger at him, “I can’t let anyone outside the office get their hands on our _private_ information." You swoon. "Not even you, my love.”

“-AND I WANT TO HAVE A _PRIVATE_ CONVERSATION WITH HER. SO JUST HAND ME THE DRIVE AND I’LL GIVE IT TO HER MYSELF.” He stuck out his hand for you to put the drive in but you just put your empty hand in it instead.

“Why Sheriff Vantas, you’re offering to hold my hand on the ride up!? If you insist!”

“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY I STUCK OUT MY HAND.”

“Because you want to help me out, my darling.”

He gives you a loud groan and takes his hand back from your grasp.

You smile gently and look at your hands, you trace the edge of the USB drive with your fingers.

“I’ll hand her the drive and be on my way right after. I promise.”

“YOU KNOW, YOU AND YOUR BOSS HAVE TO BE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO STILL TREAT ME LIKE A BITCH.”

“I’ve always treated you _this way_ because the day I met you, you earned my respect, Karkat.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs.

“IF YOU PROMISE TO NOT CALL ME BY MY OLD NICKNAME, I’LL DO ONE- **ONE** – ROUND OF SHOTS WITH YOU-”

“oh yessssss!”

“ _AND_ THE REST OF YOUR TEAM.”

“oh noooo!" You hold your face. "Nooo that’s not fair.”

“TOO LATE.” The elevator doors slid open. You expect that he is going to walk ahead of you, like he normally does, but instead he sticks an arm out, gesturing for you to walk out first. You stare at his arm and then back into his eyes. He still looks annoyed with you but the gesture he just made for you… it’s so kind. Underneath his piss-poor attitude and contempt for _‘DUMB BULLSHIT’_ there is this soft, gentle soul that lives to serve others. That’s why you fell in love with him.

It was a gesture like this one, right now, that happened three years ago that made you realize you were falling for him. He helped you up after you sprained your ankle because you were breaking in your new heels. You dropped case sheets all over the floor. He helped you pick up every last one, then scolded you for being clumsy.

It was a gesture just like this one, where he princess carried you after you tripped down half a flight of stairs. You kissed his cheek without thinking. He brushed it off like it meant nothing to him but you remember how he leaned his head on yours and told you to stop being so clumsy again. Like he was worried about you.

It was a gesture like this one, when he offered to walk you to your car at night. He offered to walk you, to protect you. He brushed it off like he knew you could take care of yourself but he didn’t want you to get wet in the rain. Without even recognizing that seems even more romantic than just doing his job as a policeman. The two of you walked to the garage. He held up an umbrella for you as it rained, all of the lights looked blurred in the puddles glistening in the street. There were never any stars in the sky of the big city but tonight you felt you didn’t need them to feel so cosmically small in the grand scheme of things. Life is so short, too short to keep in your emotions any longer. As you walked together, side-by-side you felt like it was as good as a time then ever to say “ _If you keep this up, I am going to fall head-over-heels in love with you.”_ He didn’t even look surprised, just said, _“WHY, BECAUSE I HELD AN UMBRELLA FOR YOU? YOU NEED TO RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. I’M NOT WORTH THE TIME.”_

You give him a somber smile, your eyes look a bit crestfallen. Whenever he does something to remind you exactly what it is you see in him, he also reminds you all the ways he breaks your heart.

He is going to see Teresa.

He is waiting on you to see Teresa.

“NATALIE.” His voice is lowered, he’s trying to be gentle with you. “WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY.”

“I know.”

You know.

* * *

In the evening you brought Lemon back into your boss’s office after another one of her patented walks. Ms. Pyrope was sitting in her office. She had one ear free so you told her, “Just bringing Lemon back.”

She nodded as she finished up listening to something on her computer. You could hear the words pouring from out of her headphones, it was going a mile of minute. You have no idea how she can listen to all of that and understand it. She paused it and took of her headset, seems like she wants to talk with you.

“Karter,” - _'Karter? Oh Thank God, this conversation is going to be casual'_ \- “said he agreed to have drinks with all of us some time, he notified me that it was because of something _you_ said to him.”

“Oh, I just offered him a night out because he made Sheriff.”

“Ah.” She nodded.  

You took off Lemons leash and guided her to her bed,

“Ms. Pyrope is still working, Lemon. She will say hi to you later.”

You wait a few seconds for your boss to say anything. You know she wouldn’t have stopped working if she didn’t want to talk, why isn’t she saying anything? You decide to initiate this conversation yourself,

“So the sheriff came to visit you today? Must have been something very important.”

“Just visiting.”

“Oh.” You put the leash back up on the wall where you found it. “Well, I heard it’s really busy at the station soooo… just thought it must have been important.”

“That’s why he came by, he wanted a break. He came to tell me some information on the case the police had himself as an excuse to get away.”

“Oh!” You perk up. “I understand.”

You pump your fists up to your chest and then place your hands behind your back.

“Well then, I will take my leave.”

You start to stroll up to the door but before you can even take one step your boss says,

“There’s nothing between us.”

 _“What!"_   You clear your throat, you didn’t mean to yelp. “Uh- What do you mean?” You nervously laugh.

“Vantas and I, do not have any romantic affiliations what-so-ever.”

You slap yourself in the face, _’ugh. really? that’s what she wanted to talk about?’_

“What did he tell you?”

“Well he didn’t need to tell me anything, you yourself told me a lot just now.”

“ _Can’t hide anything from lawyers,_ ” you whisper under your breath.

She spoke again, “However, he did tell me a few things.”

“Like what..?”

“That quote _‘your secretary is in heat again’_ un-quote.”

“I- I did not say anything that would be seen as inappropriate in the workplace, I think he was exaggerating for comedic effect, such as he always does, ma’am.” You say the words in an incredibly fast pace, talking with your hands despite the fact you don’t need to.

“Like you are doing right now?”

“In a way… _"_  -you shrug, burying your head in-between your shoulders- " _yes_?”

“Was he exaggerating when you asked him to come over to your apartment?”

“Did he tell you the full context of that?” You stick up your index finger to make your point. “Because I distinctly remember telling him that I know that he doesn’t like bars so my apartment would be better and- and besides, everyone is going to come over for drinks so-“

She put up her hand, signaling for you to stop.

“He said that you are in _love_ with him, is that correct?”

 ** _“He told you that!?”_**   You feel like throwing something or knocking something over or slamming a door or kicking a damn chair.  That is a personal thing he just let slip -and to your boss of all people! “Yes! I am in love with him! Isn’t that better than me randomly asking the sheriff in an elevator to have drinks with me. I know that he isn’t interested in….. bu-but he- it’s not like I- I didn’t do anything that I think constitutes as… harassment… I would never… **Ms. Pyrope! _He’s a cop_!” **You desperately whine out your last few words.

“Natalie.”

“Yes ma’am...”

It’s time to just give it up. You’re threw.

You can tell she’s already made up her mind about what to do with you.

No words can save you from what is about to happen next.

“Back when we were in high school together, _'Karkat'_ loved romcoms.”

“Wait…? What?”

“He is always looking for an excuse to watch trashy movies, if you asked him out on a date… well that would be an excuse.”

“ **REALLY!?** You- you aren’t just toying around with me before you give me the boot, are you?”

“You are a sweet girl Natalie, Karter would be so lucky to date a girl like you.. and with the added stress this case is going to put on him, I think you should go for it.”

“Next month there’s a movie coming out i wanted to see! Oh my god! I am going to ask him out next time I see him ma’am! Ohhhhh!oh!oh!oh!oh! I promise!” You squeal.

“Go down to the station sometime and wear something tight fitting. Just make sure you wear bright red lipstick, I remember it was his favorite color when we were kids.”

“AHHH!” you jump up and down about three times before you run up and put your palms around your boss’s hands.

“I have so much work I need to get back to, but when all of this craziness is over I am soooo going to buy _you_ a round of drinks!”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“You are the best. You are the best! **You're the absolute best!”**

* * *

Well here you are. You are at the station, wearing candy red kitten heels and red lipstick, per your boss’s recommendation. You’re walking in and already you feel like a damn fool. You ask to see the Sheriff. When the man behind the counter looks you up-and-down your heart sinks. He asks who you are and what your business is with Sheriff Vantas. Your mind goes blank for a second, you almost panic.

“I’m here on behalf of Ms. Pyrope of the Charge Law Firm, sir.”

“Ah. He is in his office, take the elevator, top floor, it’s the last door on your left.”

“There’s no need to buzz him.” You point your finger up nervously but you say the words confidently.

“Alright miss.” He seems unamused by your presence.

Karter is going to be so surprised to see you. Especially to see you in something as hot as the dress you’ve got on. On your one afternoon off you spent the entire day shopping for this exact moment. You can just imagine putting up both of your hands on his desk and pushing up your chest with your arms. Biting your lip and making bedroom eyes at him while you whisper your plans to see a movie. Oh maaaaan, if only you _could_ do that. You're much too shy. You’re going to have to settle for just straight up asking him without any sexy body language. Okay, well maybe you’ll have one hand on your hip, but just the one.

No turning back now. Just have to walk down the rest of this hall. Slowly. Don’t want to trip in your new heels. You feel your palms begin to sweat. You’ve never visited Karter in his office before. You feel a frog in your throat and you start to tremble a little bit. Just have to make it to the end of the hall and then open the door and ask him out. Ask him out while he is at work and busy and he would have every opportunity to shoot you down or ignore you or...or…or…

“Nepeta?” A deep voice calls from behind you. A familiar voice. You should have expected to see him here.

You slowly turn around, your back is hunched over and you pull your limp wrists up to your chest.

_“hehe... hi equius.”_

He is carrying an entire box of papers on his shoulders, He is sweating bullets although you know it can’t be from the heavy lifting, he’s basically a pro at that, it’s all the stress.

“What are you doing here?” He asks you, in his calm deep manly-man voice.

“Just visiting the Sheriff, it is uh, a work thing… for the firm.”

He is towering over you, _uggh_ even with your new heels on he is still more than a full foot taller than you!

“A work thing?”

“Yep.”

He looks you up-and-down, like he can see right through you.

“Then why are you dressed like a floozy?”

“A floozy!?" Of course he chooses the dumbest word to say _ever._ "If you are going to insult me you are going to have to try better than that, Equius.”

“I am not willing to put in the effort.”

“Hehe. I know.”

You can hear people roaming around the station, phone lines going off, loud voices of people talking over one another. Its pandemonium and of course he takes notice.

“I have important work I need to be getting back to, Nepeta.”

“I do too. That’s why I am here.”

“Alright. I need to go now, it was good to see you. Even if you’re parading yourself around like… like this.”

“Oh, bite me.” You smile back at your best friend. “It was good to see you too. Even if you’re kind of an asshole sometimes.”

"Watch your language." He starts to walk off, “-and call me sometime, I haven’t heard from you in a week.”

“Oh, like that’s so long.” You wave both your hands at him in dismissal.

“You know I worry.”

“Okay _mom.”_ You know the joke is lame, still you make it.

He looks at you one last time before he says, “I love you.”

You don’t skip a beat, “I love you more.”

You send him off with a wave and you blow him a kiss.

* * *

“LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. COMPLETELY LAY THIS ALL OUT ON THE FUCKING TABLE.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “YOU WALK INTO MY OFFICE, ALL DONE UP AND DRESSED FOR A NIGHT AT A BAR, TO ASK ME TO GO SEE A ROMANTIC COMEDY WITH YOU?”

“That’s… mostly right.” You don’t like how everyone is knocking on your style today.

“A MOVIE THAT ISN’T GOING TO BE OUT FOR ANOTHER MONTH?”

“That is correct.” You proudly nod.

He sighs. Rubbing his face with both of his hands.

“YOU WORE ME DOWN.”

Your mouth drops open and turns into the most violently happy smile you’ve ever made in your life. He looks drained from all the work he had today but you can see that he is trying to suppress a smile,

“I’LL PENCIL YOU IN WHEN I CAN.”

 _“Really!?”_   You pounce up and down on your heels and rush over to him. “Let me give you my number!”

“FINE.”

He hands you his phone and you put in your number, **_your_** _number!_ For your contact information you couldn’t help but put in more than a few hearts. He already went back to working on whatever it is he was doing. You hand him back his phone and wrap your arms around his shoulder to hug him.

As you say goodbye you kiss him on the cheek.

You couldn’t help it. You just had to.

But you instantly wish you didn’t.

You left a huge lipstick mark on the side of his face.

You cover your mouth with your hands.

“Sweetieeee….?”

“What?”

“Uhhh-ha“

You look at his cheek and back at his eyes. You remove your hands and give him an awkward smile.

“DON’T TELL ME YOU LEFT A MARK.”

You nod your head in a quick secession and suck on your gums right before you offer up a solution and remove your hands from your face,

“Hold on, I have a makeup wipe in my purse.”

You dig through your things and pull out a small square wipe out from a packet.

Before you even bring the wipe to his face, the door to his office opens,

“Sheriff. I’ve got the report back-”

“COME IN.”

“Who- who is this.”

“THE FUCK DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?”

“Your girlfriend, sir?”

“RIGHT, SO STOP GAWKING AT ME.”

“I was just on my way out.” You tell them both.

You place the wipe in his hands and give him one last smile before heading out the door. You wave him and the other officer goodbye. After you close the door you skip a few steps down the hall and let out a little cheer.

Everything's coming up Leijon.

* * *

You needed to give your boss _yet another_ USB drive. You rode the elevator and saw her standing outside of the room they used to interview victims. She told you she was prepping for another brief conversation with John, they were asking him simple things first so he could get used to the process before the really, really tough questions. He is doing so good because even though you are on call to assist your boss with whatever he might need, you only had to go up once. He makes your job so easy, he is always polite and does what he can to help _you_ out. You like him so much you go out of your way to get the candies you learned he likes, you just can’t help it John is really starting to grow on you.

Your boss is standing around with Ms. Megido and Mr. Nitram.

“Oh this is perfect! Everyone is here! I don’t want to bother you but I have _really really really_ good news!”

“I could use some good news right about now...” Travis scratched the back of his neck.

“What is it?” Megido raised her eyebrows. You watch as she slightly tilts her head in confusion as if to say _‘Good news, what good news, why Ms. Leijon there is no such thing as good news.’_ Hehheh, no she isn’t that proper all the time or gloomy you just like to pretend.

“Guess who got a date with a certain sheriff.”

“Who?” Mr. Nitram honestly wasn’t getting it.

“Wait? Nooo. _no way_.” Ms. Megido was grinning back at you.

You swing back and forth looking pretty pleased with yourself and you point to yourself with finger guns. Whispering, “baaam!”

“Did you wear the red lipstick?” Ms. Pyrope was grinning ear to ear.

“I deeiiiid!”

Nitram and Megido both turned to face your boss, mouths open in surprised that your boss helped you.

The door to the room opens as Megido speaks.

“We’re all happy for you, Natalie.” Her face wrinkles as she fights with her lips to hold back her grin.

John walks out of the room, Dr. Serket at his side.

“Thank you!” You try holding down your smile just like Megido. Biting down on your lips.

“What happened?” John asks you directly, he genuinely seems interested in why everyone is happy.

“Well… I was just telling everyone some good news with my personal life.”

“Oh, alright." He looks down and then back at you. "Can you tell me?”

“Sure thing, sweetpea! I just got a date with someone I’ve liked for a very, very long time.”

“That is good news.”

“Thank you, John!”

Wait you’re in the presence of your boss and everyone else.

You cover your mouth.

“op! I’m sorry, _Mr. Egbert_.”

“John is fine, if I can call you Natalie.” He must mean without the ‘ms.’ In front.

“You can call me anything you like, honeybee. I’m always happy to see you.”

“Oh, Ms. Pyrope, I have your files riiiight heeeeere.” You handed your boss the thumb drive. “I have some more busy work to do downstairs so I will see all of you later.”

You turned back to face John again. “Goodbye, John! When you leave pass by my desk. I got more of those little hershey’s bars you like. If I’m not there just take some anyway, cutiepie.”

You hear Megido and Nitram whisper to each other and catch the tail end of their conversation.

“I didn’t know she liked the Sheriff.”

"Travis, you are a lawyer. How didn’t you notice?”

“She calls everyone _sweetheart_ and _honey_ all the time.”

“She also fawns over him every chance she gets. Have you _seen_ how she gets when someone mentions Karter?”

You walk off to the elevator.

You stand and wait. Your phone buzzed so you check it. Karter text you and you jump. You want to squeal, you do your best to keep it in. You try to suppress yet another smile. Got to stay professional. You turn your head around and see everyone still standing there, of course they are all focused on you after the little scene you just caused.

You look at John, he is smiling a warm, gentle smile at you. You can’t keep it in anymore, you beam back a toothy grin right back at him.

_‘What an absolute sweetheart.’_

* * *

WHY DID YOU PUT SO MANY HEARTS INTO YOUR CONTACT NAME? WHEN I LOOK AT YOUR NAME I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE PHONE OF A FUCKING TEENAGE GIRL

Change it to lipstick marks then :33


	11. Pride

You are sitting down at your desk as you wait for Megido and Nitram to return to your office. You listen to the tv as the news reports continue to gossip and buzz about the case. Even national level news channels never stop running footage of your office and that apartment complex. You hear a familiar voice talking, that voice always sounds so forced to you. She is always demanding attention. That’s probably how she got a job as a reporter on, in her own words, ‘ _one of the most viewed programs in America, **baby!”**_

“We are reporting live from Houston, Texas, in front of the apartment that housed Dirk and Dave Strider, two brothers who kidnapped John Egbert at the age of-”

She continues to cycle through everything the public already knows.

“The Sheriff told us about the SWATing, five SWAT members were killed by Dirk Strider as he attempted to make his escape. The younger assailant Dave Strider gave himself up and Dirk Strider followed."

 _‘Of course if she spoke to Karter he would tell her everything._ _Let’s just hope he didn’t tell her too much.’_

You know him well enough to know he is going to use all of this as a platform to recruit more officers and gain a better rep. You also know him well enough to know he really does care deeply about these two cases but if his involvement in your process is too heavy-handed you are going to have to push him away.

“-raphy, rape, sexual assault, child abuse, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and most notably kidnapping and several counts of murder. Dave Strider is going to be trialed separately-”

Well... now they know everything Dirk is going to be charged with. Something that the public isn’t supposed to know before Dirk or Dave have their preliminary hearings. She always gets the ‘ _mother effin scoop_.’ She’s taking snippets from an interview she had with some of the guests at the hotel where John ran too when he escaped.

“He was covered in blood and naked wrapped up in a sheet. He was frantic and looked like he was limping-” They were cut off by the editor.

Then another eyewitness gives their account. “-saw him run in, ran right to the desk. That sheet wrapped tight ‘round him. Said a prayer right then and there.”

“More reports are to follow as we continue to report on these cases. Signing off, Lydia Pyrope.”

“Thank you Lydia,” Another reporter continues speaking and breaks for commercial. You turn off the TV and sit in silence for a brief moment. Just when you get settled your cell phone buzzes.

“Hello, this is –“

**“SISSY!”**

You rub your eyes under your glasses.

“Oh my god! It’s been _sooooo_ long!”

“I am sorry, I won’t be able to give you an interview with the victim.”

“Whaaaaat!? I am not calling you about thaaaat!”

“Then what are you calling about?”

“I am back in town! Just got finished recording a report on the big case! You know, you know! I know you know! I miss you soooooooo much sissy and I want to invite you out to dinner!”

“Latula, I can’t go out right now I-“

“UGH! Don’t use my old nickname.”

“Well, the point is my hands are tied at the moment.”

She forces herself to take in a loud gasp.

“My own flesh and blood. Too busy for her ‘lil baby sis! Too busy for family!?”

She sounds like she is kidding, you know that she isn’t completely joking.

“Too busy for myself, Lydia.”

“Damn, I’m sure shit’s hard on you…”

You hear Natalie’s distinct knock against your door.

“Hold on.” You hold your phone away from your head. “Come in, Natalie.”

“Well take care of yourself at least. For me, sissy.”

“I will, you know I always do.”

“I love you lots and lots!” She smooches into her phone.

“I love you too, goodbye.”

You hang up and put your phone back down, lifting up your hand to take the USB drive that Natalie came up to hand you. She sounds excited as she asks,

“Ohhhh, who was that!?” 

“My sister.”

“Oh.” Natalie sounds deflated.

“Hoping to pry into my love life?”

“You know I am.” She chortles to herself. “heh heh heh.”

“She was inviting me out to dinner, I know she is just going to ask me questions about the case.”

“Maybe you should give her a chance.” She puts down a large box of files on your chair.

“I don’t even have the time to do that.” You admit to her, sounding defeated yourself.

“Well, if you ever get the time you should have a quick bite with her and tell her straight up no questions about work. I know you ma’am, you can be real firm real quick.”

“It’s not easy when it’s with her, she never stops talking.”

“Then make her talk about her trip over, I’m sure she has a million stories about random people she met on her drive here.”

“So you are saying I should distract her? Ha, you’ve never spoken with her before. When she starts on something she doesn’t stop. Trying to get a word in is damn near impossible. Ask her for the time and she’ll tell you how to build a watch.”

“Heh heh," She murmured."I bet people think the same about me.”

You hear the clicking of heels outside your door, along with another set of heavier footsteps. Followed by the creaking sound of someone pushing against your door.

“I am here with Nitram, Ma'am.” Megido steps in and takes her usual seat.

“I’ll be on my way.” Natalie lifts up the files and places it in Megido’s lap. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Ms. Leijon.” Megido sounds Natalie off. She softly shuts the door behind her.

Megido doesn’t spare a second. “We have more evidence incriminating Dave then proving his innocence in this.”

Nitram isn’t too happy about that, “The victim’s testimony vouched for his innocence in the kidnapping.”

Megido didn’t acknowledge him. “I would like to conduct another line of questioning myself, ma’am.” 

“I believe that Ms. Pyrope should be the one to question him,” He made her listen. “He seems to trust her more than us.”

Megido starts up she is speaking to both of you now, “if I start questioning him now I can gain his trust before we even have a preliminary hearing against Dirk Strider. I can assist in building a strong case against both-”

“John Egbert has no interest in pursuing a case against Dave.” Nitram interjected again.

Megido replied just as quickly as he interjected, “there were corpses all over the fourth floor of the apartment building he lived in. Dave himself told John which floor the bodies where on. Correct? He knew about the bodies.” 

“Doesn’t mean he is a killer.” Nitram interjects.

“Does mean that he knew and he never contacted the police at any time.”

“He could have been terrified to do it… I imagine he was threatened… pretty badly too.”

“Even more of a reason to call the cops.” She cut back.

“He grew up under that roof.” Travis argued. 

“Obviously," Megido was gearing up a counterpoint, "if Dave knocked himself out to get John to escape then he **_understood_** everything that happened under that roof **was wrong**.”

“Exactly my point...”

“No- think about it... Dave had to knock himself out to get John to leave, that shows us that Dave was one of John’s captors as well.”

“Okay…?" He sounds confused. "How does that make any sense?”

“When Dave knocked himself out, John decided to leave, there were no longer any threats to his escape.”

“Okay… No." He sounds frustrated with her. "I believe that Dave knocked himself out to make it look like John fought him off. Most likely to convince Dirk that John put up a fight.”

“You honestly think Dirk would believe that after Dave was the one to knock him out for raping John?”

“I’m not saying that he would buy it. I am saying that that was Dave’s thought process.”

“Fine, but Dave could have ran with John too. What’s your reason for him not doing that?”

“Stalling Dirk…? Come to think of it… isn’t that what he did?”

“Really? You think that?”

“He managed to stop him from escaping… he got Dirk to give himself up as well.”

“Sounds to me like a happy accident. Something that in no way was his plan.”

“I agree, he must have been winging it… But he pulled all the right moves.”

“The right moves?" She sounds unimpressed. "He could have slit his throat instead.”

“He could have…!" Nitram sounds worked up. "Think about it… If he was a killer then why wouldn’t he have a problem with doing that?”

You hear Megido let out a huff. Nitram is shuffling in his chair. You hear him take a breath, but Megido interrupts him as he is gearing up to speak.

“Think about those cuts on his thighs. He had scarring on his legs from before he was cut up the day he ran out, the medical report stated that. John also told us that Dave bandaged all of his wounds. If that were true then he would have known about the cuts on his thighs from before, right...?"

Nitram was struggling to get out any words. Megido continued,

"I think that Dave was the one to make those cuts and Dirk must have cut him up further as he was raping John.”

Nitram is silent at that. You think you know where she is going. She speaks again,

“I do not believe that Dirk raping John was a regular occurrence.”

“What… what do you mean?” Nitram sounds shaken.

“Why would Dave knock out Dirk for raping John if it was something that happened constantly?”

“John is not ready for this line of questioning.” He argued.

“I asked you.” 

He took a deep breath through his nose and he voiced his thoughts,

“He cut up his thighs… he raped him on Dave’s bed and he broke his leg with a metal pipe… I think maybe after seeing all of that… he snapped.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t it make more sense that John was Dave’s and he didn’t want Dirk to touch him?”

“Okay... these are people, Megido… and the way John describes everything that happened… it sounds like Dave was always looking out for him. Not… molesting him.”

“I think that Dave regularly sexually assaulted John." She just came right out and said what she thinks. "I think that must have been the very first time that Dirk raped John.” 

“We don’t know that for sure…" Nitram takes a moment to think. "It is possible it happened more than that when Dave wasn’t home.”

“If so... John could have told Dave about it then.” She replies.

“Maybe John didn’t want to speak up about it… If Dave was looking out for John then John might have been looking out for Dave in his own way… Not telling him about sexual battery from Dirk might have been just that.”

“Even if that is true, do you honestly think that Dave was in the right to keep John trapped in his room when he had the opportunity to leave his own home any time.”

“I am saying, Ms. Megido… I believe that Dave had no choice… maybe he was just as much of a prisoner as John was.”

“Well he had a phone. He had a choice to talk to the police. He had a choice to knock Dirk out sooner.”

“John said the two of them got into fights and Dave never won.” Nitram points out.

“He could have dealt with Dirk in his sleep then." Megido sounds annoyed. "Dave could have planned for John to escape earlier, years earlier. He must not have had any plan because John was running out soaked in blood and urine through the streets running down several blocks to a hotel on a broken leg-”

“He was panicked!" Nitram defends him. "If I went through what he did the last place I saw my father is where I would run off to.”

“Okay,” you interrupt. “Let’s not make this about ourselves or about any hypotheticals. I understand this case is an emotionally taxing one. We need to be patient with our victim and wait for him to be ready to speak. Let’s focus on building a case against Dirk Strider. That is why I called you both in here. Building a solid case against Dave can wait. It is important, however, it is our second priority. Dirk Strider is our white whale. Dave is just a fish, floundering in the same pond.”

“I am not going to be giving this up.” Megido never gives in when her mind is made up, it’s like it’s carved in stone.

“I am not asking you too." You inform her. "I am asking you to focus mainly on Dirk for the time being.”

“With all due respect, I am going to be the attorney going up against Dave, for me this takes top priority ma’am.” Megido is taking that tone with you again.

“Then I will ask Nitram to fully dedicate himself to building a case against Dirk if you plan on diverting your attention.”

“My attention is completely focused on both.”

“You believe they are both completely guilty,” Nitram began. “The law is innocent until proven guilty. I am going to be giving John a chance to tell us his full story and I think you should be willing to listen.”

“I think we need to wait and see what his therapist says.” You could hear Megido shift in her seat.

“And why is that?” Nitram shifted in his seat again as well.

Megido stops speaking. You decide to press her yourself.

“Megido, that is a reasonable question, explain your reasoning.”

She says the words slowly, like she is afraid to speak them. “I think that Dave might have messed with his mind.” 

“Go on.” You say in the same pace that she spoke.

“I think that John must have fallen in love with Dave and he is going to hold back any information that makes him look bad, Dave might have taken care of him but I don’t think It was as… nurturing… as John believed it was. I think he was solely Dave’s sex slave.”

You nod your head at her words. You already know that's what she thinks.

You hear Nitram get up out of his chair and pace around the room.

“I agree… let’s talk to his therapist and see if he has any conditions like depression sure, but come on… You don’t just fall in love with someone who would hurt you every day.”

“You can make a million excuses for people like that, I-”

You raise your voice over hers.

“What was it that I said about hypotheticals and making it about yourself?”

You lay your palms flat on your desk,

“We are all lawyers. The law and protecting the innocent comes first. Forget about yourselves, deal with your emotions on your own time. The two of you need to get your head on straight or I will let someone else in the office take your place on working on these cases.”

Nitram begins speaking again, “I understand your point ma’am, my apologies, I would like to protect those who are innocent above all. I will be patient and see what John says… Ms. Megido please attempt… attempt… to hear John’s side of things.”

“Very well. I will. However, I will continue to build up strong cases against both Dave and Dirk. For the time spent with you all today, I will focus solely on building a capable case against Dirk.”

“Very good. Now come with me we are going to speak with John again.”

Megido spoke up, sounding insulted, “now…? You didn’t give us any time to prepare for this.”

“Because Ms. Megido, you will not be asking questions. You will be able to cross-examine John as a witness in the case against Dave Strider during trial and interview him ahead of time if you so choose, but in our case against Dirk, this will all be me.”

“Very well, ma’am.”

She cannot be happy about this at all. She must think that you are sympathetic to Dave. No, you are just level headed. You aren’t going into this guns blazing.

You have to take this one step at a time.

Step by step.

* * *

“John is ready to tell you about the day that he left that apartment.”

Dr. Serket is talking with you outside of the room, 

John’s father is standing beside her. Everyone else is inside waiting on you.

“That is good news. I promise to let him speak, I will only ask questions when he is finished talking and I will remind him that he does not have to talk about anything that he is not ready to go over yet.”

“Very good.” The tone she is taking with you is that of a parent dealing with a stubborn child. She still isn’t happy with you and that must be why she took you off to the side. You are glad John’s father is right there so she can’t chew you out like last time. “We all need to be patient with him. I expect that none of the other lawyers will question him during our meeting.”

“No, they will not. Only I will be conducting this interview.”

“Good, he told me he thinks that he can trust you. I am sure that he can.” That act she is putting on, she is covering up her fury. You can tell she wants to yell at you to not press him on anything. She is once again warning you not to step out of the line that she drew herself.

“John can trust that we will listen to him and we will use his stories to build a case against Dirk.” You assure her.

“Very good, then all of us have a shared interest.” She tells you. 

“Yes.” You direct your attention to Mr. Egbert, “If you need anything please ask for my secretary Natalie Leijon.”

“Yes, thank you, both of you.” He sounds content with that.

You heard him take a seat in a leather chair outside of the room. Dr. Serket held open the door for you. You sit back down in your usual seat and once again ask John,

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, ma’am. I would like to start now if that’s okay.”

He seemed eager to get this done as quickly as possible, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

“Whenever you are ready, John. I would like to remind you before you start however, that you are being recorded for the discovery of this case. It will not leave the hands of the court.”

“Thank you for reminding me ma’am but I know... I guess I will start with this, I stayed in Dave’s room. It was the only place in the apartment I felt safe but I was allowed to go in the living room and bathroom. Mr. Strider told me I needed to always wear a collar and most of the time I would wear handcuffs.”

You heard Nitram shuffle in his seat, One of Megido’s heels clicked on the floor. John continues,

“First, when he walked in he was holding a dog leash, he put it on me. He always had a knife in his back pocket. He took it out and... Dave made him make a promise that he wouldn’t touch my face, but he scratched me right here with a knife right after he cut up my thighs.” He must be showing the other lawyers where the mark is. You were told he still wears a bandage on his face to prevent it from scarring.

“Then he urinated on me. We were on Dave’s bed for all of this. My blood was getting all over the sheets and also… the… you know… I was laying on my back and he was on top of me. He slipped himself inside of… inside of me without prepping me at all so… it really hurt. He kept… slamming into me and it felt like he was stabbing me… It was horrible, but I just wanted him to get it over with so I didn’t fight him. I just tried not to think. I tried to take my mind off of all of it. Then I heard the front door shut. I didn’t want Dave to see. The knife he used to cut my legs was on the nightstand... I made a move to grab the knife… I stabbed him right in the shoulder.”

You hear the crackling of Nitram’s suit, he is getting restless. You feel like your mind can’t settle down ether.

“.......I started struggling to get him off of me so he flipped me over. He was holding me down, he had one hand on my back and the other holding my wrists together, I was still in cuffs at that time. I tried to kick him off of me. I tried… I remember he would tell me that he liked when I fought him like that, he told me years ago that I was a ‘defiant little whore.’”

He takes a second to collect his thoughts again. You can see how this is a difficult story to retell. You want to tell him he is doing a good job but before you can open your mouth to speak he is already talking again.

“Then Dave ran in. He started screaming at him to stop. I couldn’t really tell what was happening because Mr. Strider started holding my head down but it seemed like Dave tried to pull at his arms. It felt like he was pulling him back and Dave kept hitting him. I knew that he started punching him. Than he started screaming at him to rape him instead… That I… I know it’s off topic… I know I didn’t say anything to you about any of that yet Dr. Serket… Dave would get raped a lot. Sometimes in front of me… most of the time Dave didn’t want me to see. That was a punishment he would get. I mean getting raped in front of me was a punishment. Getting raped was something that happened to him all the time... it’s not totally off topic because sometimes… to distract Mr. Strider from beating me… Dave would start… he would… he would get to his knees… and… other times he would…”

He sounds like he is covering his mouth with his hands. Like he is on the verge of tears.

“John, you don’t have to say anything that you aren’t ready to talk about.” It sounded like Dr. Serket was rubbing his arm. Like she was consoling him. There was a tension in her voice like she wanted him to stop before he said too much. She told you earlier they only had three meetings so far and she’s scared John is going to push himself too far for Dave’s case.

“I can do this... Please all of you… let me do this…”

You can hear the sound of sniffling, like John just blew his nose in a tissue.

“I know it’s a bit off topic. I am sorry. It’s just… Dave would try his best to protect me in whatever way he could when Mr. Strider would beat me. Sometimes Dave would start arguing with him... or punching him so then he would get hit instead. I never liked when he would do that. Sometimes I felt like it was just better to take the beating myself then to watch..."

You could tell this was a battle for him to talk about. He continued,

“I should say what I came here to say… I was fighting him off because I didn’t want Dave to get hurt… Like emotionally hurt. If I would have just let it happen in front of him without fighting I think it would have made him really… sad. Dave was screaming and crying. Begging for him to do anything else to himself. Then Mr. Strider… he flipped me back over on to my back and started smothering me with a pillow. I struggled to get the pillow off of my face. Dave made this blood curdling scream, this scream I’ve never heard him make. Ever. Even after all those…" He trailed off again. "I heard mumbling, like Dave was begging him to stop or he was threatening him… I couldn’t really hear clearly I just heard my own screams getting muffled in the pillow.”

He adjusted himself in his seat. Taking a brief moment to clear his throat.

“Eventually Dave forced the pillow off of my face and out of his hands. I was wheezing and coughing. Then he started to strangle me. Dave was still struggling to fight him but he wasn’t budging at all. He just kept… slamming into me. I tried helping Dave get him off of me but he was a lot stronger then the two of us where. Then... he- uh… he finished… He waited a bit and then he decided to get up and Dave was still trying to fight him. Dave tried to pull the knife out of his shoulder. Dave was just... screaming. I told him to stop. I didn’t want him to get punished. Mr. Strider punched him in the gut, after Dave fell over he kicked him, he kept hitting him. He picked him up and slammed his head into the nightstand. I thought he was going to kill him. I thought……”

John sounds like he is starting to tear up. He is choking on his words.

“- and then he left the room. Dave was holding his head, he was so hurt but he was too angry to care. I thought he was going to go fight him again. Even with all of my wounds killing me, I held him back when he got up. I grabbed him and I pulled him into my chest. He screamed. He was crying into my chest. He grabbed on to me. He hugged me. I think he just couldn’t handle any of it. It was so much at once. He shouted into my neck. I tried to tell him it was going to be okay but I don’t think he could hear me over all his screams. Then Mr. Strider came back in with a metal pipe.”

You hear shuffling from Nitram’s direction. He was scribbling notes and pressing hard into the paper. Megido let out a light breath. They both seem like they are on edge.

“He threatened to break my legs if Dave ever found out that he was raping me… I wasn’t going to tell Dave anyway… I didn’t want him to find out because it would have broken his heart that he couldn’t protect me from that. Mr. Strider grabbed me by the head. He dragged me to the middle of the floor and then he broke my leg. He hit me maybe two-three times with the pipe. I’m pretty sure it was two. I screamed so loud… Dave was screaming as loud as I was. I think he started fighting him again. Mr. Strider must have knocked him down to the ground. I couldn’t see anything it was like all the blood was rushing to my head and I could only sense pain. I couldn’t make sense of what was going on while I was getting hit with that pipe. All I know was that he must have popped a Viagra or something when he was out… cause he was hard again. He started raping me…again…”

The room was completely silent. John took a sip of water. He set it back down and apologized for stopping. You opened your mouth to say ‘it’s alright’ but he was back at it again.

“Before I could make sense of anything he stopped. He went limp and was laying on top of me. Dave kicked him off of me. I was so afraid. Even more afraid then before. Dave knocked him out with the pipe. He took off my collar and threw it across the room… he told me he had enough. He took off my handcuffs and threw them against the wall. My heart was in my throat. It was like… I was so scared that all the pain just stopped. I was able to get to my feet. He screamed at me to run. He was screaming at me, he never, never yelled at me like that before. He was so angry. I screamed back at him to come with me. He just started screaming at me the way to get out. He screamed at me to find someone and call my dad but I didn’t remember his number so he told me to find someone on the street and ask them to call the police. He just screamed and pointed at the door. I was trying to get him to come with me but he refused. He said that he couldn’t. That I wouldn’t be safe for some reason. I think he was talking about staying behind to stop his brother… that he needed to stop him from getting to me again. I was holding on to him and I… I kissed him.”

The room is dead quiet.

“I kissed him because I thought it would get him to come with me. He just shoved me, he’s never done that before, he’s never shoved me off him like that… He started screaming again. I screamed back at him. He wore me down. I agreed that I would run and I asked him if he would come with me. He told me… he… He told me to run out alone… then he took a few steps back and then he knocked himself out with the pipe. I was so fucking scared. So-so fucking scared. I didn’t know what to do so I just…… I ran. I ran just like he told me too but I didn’t know where to go so I looked around for anything familiar. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t make anything out. Eventually I started to recognized some buildings I saw years ago. I found the hotel that I stayed at with my dad, that was all I could think about, all I could remember. The people at the desk looked so scared and I told them my name and that I just ran away and I was kidnapped and I was hurt. They took me to the back because I guess I was freaking all of the other guests out. One of the ladies told me that she knew who I was because my dad was panicked when I went missing, just like I was then. She called the police for me. When the police came I got changed. I was taken down to the station. I told them the address, Dave made sure that I remembered the address. I told them the gist of what happened but I kept telling them to just go. Eventually they took me to the hospital and I laid down on the bed and then, right then, the pain started twisting up my whole leg. I screamed and it was like... my vision just went red… I- I didn’t want to leave Dave behind… but I couldn’t disappoint him… not after all of that… not after he worked up the nerve to knock him out.”

He stopped.

“I… that is a lot to take in isn’t it?”

“It’s a lot for someone to go through.” You clarify for him, “Thank you for giving us your full account, John. We will be able to use this against Dirk Strider.”

“Thank you.” He took another sip of water.

“Thank you, John.” You tell him, “you are doing a great job.”

“Do you have any questions you want to ask me?” He asked you himself.

He is wholeheartedly throwing himself into this case.

“I have a few. I would like for you to tell me what information Dave told you after he knocked out Dirk Strider.”

“I need a second…” He took another sip of water. “He told me the address. He said how to get out, like where the elevator was. He told me the police needs to see the fourth floor. He told me all of that multiple times.” He paused, thinking about what to say next. “Then he knocked himself out before I started arguing with him again. The moment right- right… before… he said that he loved me so much that he needed me to run. So I did.”

“I would like to remind you that you don’t have to say anything you are not ready to talk about.” You notify to him. “You said that Dirk Strider would rape you and you didn’t want Dave to find out about it. Was that the moment that he found out about that?”

“…that’s right.”

You here Megido’s heels click on the wooden floor again. You continue,

“Thank you, John. I want to clarify some parts of your story is that alright with you?”

“It is.”

“Could you tell us what you were doing before those events?”

“I was just sitting on Dave’s bed and reading a book, waiting for him to get back.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No, but I know his bro made him run errands. He said he was going out, not where.”

“Alright, would you be willing to describe what happened when Dirk came in the room.”

“I was expecting him to rape me, if that is what you are trying to get me to say. Normally he would bring me into his room or take me somewhere else in the apartment complex to do it though. He kept raping me a secret from Dave. He threatened me never to tell him... and I wouldn’t have anyway… I couldn’t break Dave’s heart like that… Also, I know I said this before that was the day that Dave found out... I know that _he_ wanted it to be... He raped me for hours...”

He took another sip of water, this time he didn’t put it back down. He kept the glass in his hands.

“He always liked to make ‘a show,’ that’s what he would call it. When he would do something to really scare Dave or me. Uh… oh umm... that doesn’t fully answer your question. He came in. He would have a certain posture when he was going to… rape me. It was like he would stand up completely straight and then lean forward a bit. When he leaned forward even a tiniest amount I knew what it meant.”

He started tapping the glass of water with one of his fingers, fidgeting with it.

“Then he started cutting me up.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“Uh… while he was raping me… No.”

“Alright. Thank you, John.”

“It was strange... he was usually so talkative while he raped me…” He mumbled to himself.

“What did he usually say to you while he would rape you?” You question him further.

“Ummm…” He took a moment to respond. “I remember for the most part he would just call me names…”

“Do you think you could recount anything he said to you for us?”

“Uh… while he raped me…? Maybe a few things… nothing word-for-word, uh- he would say that uh- is It okay if I use really, really bad language right now?”

“If you are quoting someone, then it is necessary.” You tell him.

“That I was a cum-dumpster.” 

You hear Nitram let out a shutter.

John asks you, “In court is it okay to use bad language like that?” 

“If you are quoting someone like I stated before, yes it would be. Is there anything else he said to you, John?”

“He also said that he… wanted to… fuck me right. He would say he was going to treat me the way I wanted to be treated.”

“Would it be alright if I asked you what you think he meant by that?”

“…It’s a fair question…" he cleared his throat. "I just don’t know how to answer right now.”

“That’s fine, John, take all the time you need answering questions and you can even write it down for us later if you feel like you want to. If you don’t want to answer don’t feel like you have too.”

“Okay… Um..”

“Could you tell us what other things he would say to you? It doesn’t have to be during those events.”

“Ummm… well he made fun of Dave a lot. He would poke fun at Dave more than me, he would hurt me just to get to him. Once when he rape me he said... ‘Dave needs to take better care of his things.’ He called me a thing a lot too. All the time.”

“He must have called you a lot of terrible names.”

“Yeah.. Do you want me to list all of the ones I remember?”

“If you feel like you can.”

“Slut, whore, He would tell me my teeth were ugly, he would call me a bitch, a dog, a thing, a pet, a cunt, a brainless idiot, stupid, dumb, a useless cumslut, a cockwhore, a worthless cum guzzler, numbnut idiot, brainless stupid fucking idiot. He used to always say I was a pathetic, weak-willed cunt."

“Thank-”

“But- Dave would always tell me that I was cool and funny and handsome, after Mr. Strider would treat me like I was some kind of punching bag or object or whatever. Dave would hold on to me and rub my arms if it ever got to me. He always said he loved my smile. I remember one time he told me that he thought my teeth were cute. Also Dave got called much, much worse insults than I did. Most of the time I would comfort him because he was really self-conscious about being albino. It made him really pale. Sometimes he would get so upset about the way he looked. Other times he would try talking me up by putting himself down. It made me feel bad that he would compare himself to me all the time. I always liked the way he looked. Those mug shots on TV make him look so bad. I’m sure anyone would look horrible in a photo like that. But when he laughs or when I get him to smile he looks so bright, his hair is so white, Uh- it’s just like snow. His eyelashes are all white too, it’s something he hates but I always thought it made him look so different, different in like a perfect way… Unique, that’s the word.”

He lets out a sigh.

“I’m sure I made it obvious to you the day I first answered some of your questions that I am in love with Dave, I don’t see a reason to hide that. I don’t see any reason to hide something that I’m proud of.”

“I think it would be best if I was honest with you, I did notice that.”

“Can I ask exactly what gave it away?”

“You don’t ever say anything negative about him.”

“Oh I can, I have words. He is so unconfident in himself it can be really off-putting. I can’t blame him for feeling awful about himself when I was the only person that ever cared about him but he can be really stubborn, he just can’t let anything go. Honestly, he would make everything about himself too. Like everything was always his fault. I can’t think of a time where he fucked up so badly that- I’m sorry I used language like that again… he would curse a lot too. Rubbed off on me... The point is he still did things that got on my nerves. I am not going to act like he is perfect and our relationship was always great. Although, I don’t think we ever got into any arguments were we would actually get mad at each other, more like mad at the situation we were in or… with ourselves. It was hard to be the one to pick him back up but if I ever got sad about something… being my fault… cause I guess when we got punished I felt that way too, he wouldn’t stop bugging me until I smiled. He was such a jerk.” He still sounded saddened but he chuckled, looking back on it like it was a good memory in a dark time. “He would poke me and tickle me until I caved. Sometimes I just wanted to feel shitty, but he would never let me.”

“Ah.” You aren’t completely sure what to say about any of this. It seems like the relationship between them sounds… normal? Well normal given the circumstances. Still you cannot completely rule out Dave as a potential criminal, your career isn’t to prove someone’s innocence. There is still a chance that John is covering for Dave’s involvement in his kidnapping due to the fact he fell in love with him.

“You haven’t said anything in a while Ms. Teresa, so I am just going to say a few more things. When I first started living in that apartment Dave was ashamed that I was taken. He kept telling me how sorry he was. He was just as heartbroken as I was I think… because he knew it meant I was going to get hurt. I can’t imagine having no say in anything in my life and the moment I made a friend they were basically a hostage to be used against me. That’s… what I was a hostage… Dave slept on the floor for the first couple of nights until Mr. Strider forced him up onto the bed. Dave would try to give me space. He would try. We were forced together.” He takes a deep calming breath.

“Before I was taken I met Dave here in Houston and we became fast friends. I didn’t really have any friend’s offline, I didn’t really get along with people my age, and he never really had anyone. I didn’t know that at the time. He admitted to me that he did follow me around and he did take pictures of me without my knowledge, I am not going to tell you that Dave never did anything wrong. He did a lot of things wrong. He did, until I told him it was bad. I would tell him that something wasn’t normal and he would stop. He trusted me to teach him the things he never learned.” John sighed.

John continues again, “Dave wasn’t taught how to be normal. I’m sure it’s going to sound like I am making excuses for him but how is that an excuse when he would actually listen to me when I told him something was wrong? The moment I would tell him I didn’t like something he would accept it. Sometimes he would ask me what was wrong with stuff and I would try to find the words to explain it. If I was raised the way he was I would want someone to be patient with me, so I was, and he respected that. He never once got upset with me about telling him something was wrong or bad. Although sometimes he was strange in like a really fun way, like he would think that rap lyrics were romantic. I could never tell if it was a joke or if he was serious. He always wore shades, I think it was because he hated how his eyes looked or he just didn’t like the feeling of someone staring at him. I never asked why, but he would take them off whenever he wanted to really talk to me. Like talk in a serious way." He paused for a moment to sigh again, "he would eat Doritos for breakfast and he would listen to music on his bed for hours. Sometimes after he went out to do errands he wouldn’t talk for a while. I think he had a job that he hated. He told me, before I was taken, that he made his own money and bought all of his stuff himself. He didn’t tell me how he made the money… I’m sure it must not be something he was particularly proud of. Dave told me everything about himself when I asked. That was one of the few things he wouldn’t answer…”

John paused for a bit. More things must be on his mind.

“Um… I can’t think of a good way to segue into this but it’s very important to me…One time, when I was fifteen, I disobeyed Mr. Strider. It was the kind of request you don’t back down from…but I refused. He waited until Dave got back from running errands for my punishment." John paused for a moment. "Then Mr. Strider cut off my finger... If you want, Ms. Pyrope...”

John was touching your hands. “You can take my hand so you can get a feel for how short it is.”

“Alright. That is very thoughtful of you, John.” You accept his offer, you feel that his ring finger is nearly completely severed. He is missing most of it but there is still a small amount of it left, enough to wear a ring with a slight amount of room to spare. John takes back his hand and continues.

“Dave was so angry. Angry with himself… He couldn’t do anything to stop him. Dave screamed and tried to get him to hurt himself instead… Dave decided to grab a butcher knife. Dave cut off his own finger to match mine and screamed at him that anything that he would do to me, he would do to himself… He kept his word on that. I wish that he didn’t but he did… Still… I can’t help but feel you know – grateful – that Dave did every single thing he could to prove to me that he actually cared. I felt like through all that pain we endured together we were like… bonded… that’s the word.”

He sounds oddly peaceful as he recounts the end of the story. Like it’s already a moment he’s move past.

“Um… Do you…” He pauses. Shuffling in his seat and putting his water glass back down. He speaks up again, “Do you guys think that you can talk to him too and get his side of the story?”

“We will eventually question Dave Strider about Dirk's case, yes.” You answer.

“Good. If you do talk to him do you think you can find out what his job was?”

“We will have to gather as much information on him as possible.”

“Right… I just…If it’s something he is embarrassed with... I want to hear that from him myself.”

“John.” You place your hands gently faced down on the table “We-“

He interrupts you.

“I just think ma’am, if he didn’t tell me it must have been hard on him and... well... I want to talk to him about it myself.”

You pause, waiting on Serket to finish this for you.

“John,” She picks up on her cue, “You need to make more progress with our meetings before we can discuss this. And the prosecutors here are not going to discuss any information about this case outside of your questioning with you. They won't tell you his job...maybe, _maybe_ , in the future you can meet with Dave and ask him yourself to find out what his job was through _him_.”

“Okay...” John settled back down. “I really want to see him again soon. I’m sure he must feel… as lonely as I do.”

“John, let’s focus on your recovery.” Dr. Serket continues.

“Dave is part of that.”

“I understand, John. But you need to think about yourself first.”

“I swear. The only reason you keep saying that to me is because I told you Dave would say that to me.” He snapped at her. You’re taken by surprise.

He sounds like he is speaking to you again, “I know you think I must be difficult. I know that all of the lawyers here think I am going to make this case difficult. But I am just telling all of you the truth. I am tired of all of _you_ not working with _me_. I will do whatever it takes to build a case against Mr. Strider."

He takes a deep breath, "I am willing to admit that Dave was strange, that he was weird. He had a hard life. But I will not see him thrown in jail for being born into the wrong family. I want to make one thing clear. I will not give up, or back down. Dave wouldn’t do that if it were me. If I am the only person who is going to look out for him I will do that. In fact, it’s what I’ve always done. You can’t convince me otherwise.”

He sounds like he’s made his mind up on that or rather, he's always had his mind made.

* * *

“Mr. Egbert, a quick word.” Dr. Serket sounded concerned as she spoke to John's father down the hall. You were sure she didn’t know that you could hear her, Ms. Megido took John to the restroom again and Nitram was already gone.

“John might need… more attention then I initially believed.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Mr. Egbert sounded like he was trying to keep his calm but underneath it all he was panicking. “You already said you were going to get into contact with one of your associates to get him prescription medication, and now you’re saying that his condition is **worse** than you thought?”

Dr. Serket tried explaining, “I am not saying his _condition_ is worse, just… his situation was different then I initially thought…”

“I’m confused.” Mr. Egbert was doing his best to keep calm, but he sounds so frustrated.

“I know… I will start with this. You are well aware that John is going to vouch on Dave’s behalf, he really does believe that Dave is innocent.”

“Right, I- you know as a parent I find that really hard to believe. I trust my son, but I can’t wrap my head around this. Not at all.” He let out a frustrated sigh, “You know I knew Dave before my son was taken, he seemed like a decent kid. He didn’t talk much, but he made my son happy. He knew my son well, where our room was and he talked to him over the phone so he knew when I was out… I find it hard to believe he wasn’t also to blame.”

“I know that’s how you must feel… understand that I have a responsibility to keep my clients words safe guarded but when it is with parental guardians... the rules are different... On top of which John informed me earlier I may say anything we talk about with the prosecutors to you...”

“You already told me he was…” He shuttered. “Please don’t make me say it.”

“Mr. Egbert. Your son may have been exposed to a.. much more intense environment then I initially believed. He had made it sound as if he was sheltered from witnessing several traumatizing things... he just exposed to us that there was more.”

“He said he didn’t know about the murders happening downstairs, what else could there be?!”

“John and I have discussed this much before, within the constraints of the apartment that he was trapped in he experienced threats from Dirk regularly along with punishments and random beatings. However, he had not spoken to me about the extent of Dave’s punishments-” She stopped speaking, Mr. Egbert interjected.  

“Listen. I know that in your profession you have to sugarcoat a lot of things and talk around topics, but it is draining me... Please doctor, just say it. Brief and blunt. Just tell me what you are trying to say.”

“Dave was raped several times in front of John, John claims that it was a punishment for Dave. He also said that Dave would take sexual abuse as a way to protect him from Dirk’s beatings.”

“Is that really… he told you all that? What exactly did he say?” Mr. Egbert sounds like he's taken aback. 

“He told us,” Serket lowers her voice even more, “He said that Dave would get to his knees when John was getting beaten, he stopped talking but he suggested that Dave would perform oral sex in exchange for John’s protection.”

John’s father was silent.

You heard a loud thud and the tightening of leather. He was sitting back down on one of the armchairs in the hall.

“This is a conversation I will ask John to have with you himself, when he is ready to talk about this further. I am telling you this now because I believe that John might have certain emotional triggers centered around these events. Do you remember what I told you about the dog leashes?”

“…I remember…”

“Just be wary of asking him any questions about what happened in the apartment... also for the time being avoid getting on your knees or using the term ‘show.’ Avoid standing up completely straight and then leaning forward.”

“Please just tell me why. I need to know.”

She sighed. “Dave would drop to his knees to offer himself to Dirk. Dirk would call it a show when he would torture the boys and John described for us the posture that Dirk would take before he would rape him.”

“Thank you for being... honest with me.” You could hear him start to sob. He was starting to lose his nerve. If you were in his shoes you are sure you would be beside yourself with anger. But this isn’t about yourself or about hypotheticals.

“Ms. Teresa?” You hear John’s voice, you step towards him.

You hear the clicking of another woman’s heels. Megido was still by his side.

“I wanted to thank you for sharing all of that with us." You assure him, "I promise you, everything you told us will be used against Dirk Strider in court.”

You don’t want John to see his father tear up, he needs a moment to collect himself.

“John," you try to give him advice, "I must also recommend that you work through the events that transpired in that apartment with Dr. Serket before you tell us more. There is no need to push yourself, you have enough time to build a strong case. I ask you, as a friend John, that you take care of yourself. You can still support Dave if you so choose, it is your decision and I will not stop you. John, from what you said Dave was willing to give a lot for your protection and I believe that he would want you to pace yourself. Look out for yourself  ** _and_** for Dave.”

He didn’t speak for a few moments.

“That’s really thoughtful… I think… I think Dave does want that for me. I just… I really want to ask you ma’am… What can I do to prove to all of you I’m ready to talk to Dave again?”

“You need to be patient with us John, we can only cover as much ground as you give us. We need you to recover and show us you are mentally ready to meet with Dave.”

“Dr. Serket said I need to be patient too… but I really want to be able to tell him I’m okay. That I’m getting help. Do you think that if you talk to him that you can tell him that for me at least? I really want him to know. He is my best friend and the love of my life.”

“If I speak with Dave or his lawyer I will mention that you are getting therapy would there be any other brief messages you want me to give him?”

“Nothing that I don’t want to say to him myself.” He speaks with a somber tone as he sighs out of his nose.

“Alright.”

“Oh wait- tell him one thing…”

“Yes?”

“Compromises.”


	12. Long Day, Strange Night

You’re walking into the front of your apartment building, brushing your black hair out of your face with your maroon nails. You just got back from work. You need to check your mail. It was a long day in the office. You’ve been on your feet all day. You already took of your heels in the car and changed them to flats on the drive back home. You just want to soak your feet in the tub. You flip your long black hair out of your face. It’s humid out so it caused your hair to frizz slightly, you have even more waves in your hair than usual. You’re going to have to take care of a lot of things before you can get some much needed rest today, but first you have to get the mail.

You’re still holding your keys, you find your mail key as you approach your mail slot. There’s a small pile of letters addressed to Aradia Megido, mostly just junk mail. You lift them up and see a small, white box. You lift it up to examine it. No label, no address. Most peculiar little thing. You know better than to shake it. You hold it up to your face. It feels like there is something small on the inside. You let curiosity get the best of you and take off the lid. Peeking into the box you see it’s a regular black and gray USB drive. You are going to make a call tomorrow to figure out who brought the mail in. For now, you are too tired to look into it.

You head up the elevator and into your apartment. You drop everything on the kitchen counter and kick off your shoes. Time for a long bath.

When you were done with soaking in the tub you rinsed your hair off in the shower. Now you are wearing a white towel wrapped around your head and a maroon one around your body. You go back to the kitchen to grab some salsa with a bag of tostitos. You just want to mindlessly eat something. You see the white box sitting next to your purse. You’ve been thinking about that USB drive the entire time. You reach down under your kitchen sink and pull out a latex glove. You are still holding onto the food in your other hand. You put it on your desk. You open up your burner laptop and make your way over to the white box. Maybe you should wait till you get to work tomorrow to see what it is? You need to assess that it’s even something worth bringing to work. Could be a threat? Could have a virus or something? It’s your burner laptop anyway and, fuck it, you’re tired.

You use your glove to take out the USB and stick it in the slot. When you’re done with that you start chowing down on the salsa with your other hand. A window pops up showing the files contents. There’s three videos and one READ ME note. You click on the note first.

‘NEED SOME HELP?’

 _'Strange.'_ Perhaps these videos will be of some help. There really is only one way to find out.

Your apartment is dark. The only lighting is coming from the moon’s rays outside and that of your monitor’s soft glow striking your face. You continue to chew a mouthful of chips and click on the video. Immediately your eyes widen at the sight of what comes on screen. You swallow down your food. Your mouth drops open at the sight.

Most unexpected.

A voice comes on, it is strongly edited, masked to sound robotic.

“What are you willing to do for the money, boy?”

_'Completely out of the ordinary.'_


	13. soft, warm and blue

It was obvious to everyone in the room just what you had a background in. A real professional, unlike any other. Any client in the know with the will and the cash could hit you up and you would find a way to satisfy them. However, there was one person, one that was never easy to please. Something that ate at your soul every day. Something that drove you completely up-and-over the fucking wall. Something that drained you at every moment of the day.

The very same person you couldn’t please was the very same person you fell in love with.

John Egbert grew to be below average in height. He was slender but if he were allowed to have more food, you were sure that he would have had a larger build, maybe even grown taller too. He had messy ebony black hair that perfectly wrapped around his face, almost always you were the one to cut it. His black glasses framed his face, only times you ever saw him without them was when he was asleep or when they were thrown to the floor. His eyes were a perfect blue, the kind of blue you are sure that people feel in their soul when they look at the sky. Nothing really ever had any beauty to you. No color ever stood out, no emotion ever had proper warmth, no social interaction ever sat right with you. Then you met John Egbert, his little quirks sparked something you never knew you had inside of you. Then blue became _blue_. Like you think the rest of the world saw it. Bright and oddly romantic. Like the aura of the world. The sky started to remind you of John. The freshly paved streets were black like his hair. The sidewalks were filled with people who were cheerful like him too. His voice was somewhat nasal but soft and gentle. When he spoke he would tell you jokes that always got you to laugh, not only because they were so horrible but because he seemed genuinely proud of them. When you met him he would sometimes move his head and swipe at his bangs like they were getting too long for his face, when he did that it made your heart dance. Like he was flipping his hair, not noticing how his own body language came across. He was naïve in a million ways, that’s not what drew you to him at first glance, but it did help to peak your interest.

The moment you first met him you were trailing down the sidewalk, your bro expected you to pick up several things from the store, the item you always dreaded getting was Jäger, fucking beer you always had to go out of your way to get. On top of that he made you pay with your own money. _‘Today already fucking blows_.’ The city was buzzing, The sun was blistering hot that day, just like every day was in summer. Part of you wished you were back in bed the other part of you knew that’s when those thoughts crept in your mind, amongst other things. Sometimes your bed is the most dangerous place you can be, other times it’s the most comforting. Best thing to do at the time was to keep yourself preoccupied with those damned remedial chores your bro forced on you so your demons won’t clog up your already fucked up brain. Getting out of the house was probably the best thing you can do with your diminishing mental health. After all you did need more cereal. 

You didn’t manage to stop anywhere you were supposed to before you spotted an anxious looking tourist wander up and down the sidewalk ahead of you. You found yourself watching his every move as he stumbled back and forth up and down the curb, looking around and biting his nails with his overbite. He looked like he was your age, as a matter of fact, at the time he was. For some reason you were drawn to him. You needed to know what was going on inside of his mind that made him openly look that nervous. Before you even realized it you were face to face with him. He asked you if you could help him out. He was lost and thought you looked like you knew your way around the city. You walked past him and as you did you told him you would show him the way, normally you would have just said no and move on but he seemed so… different? Maybe it was his voice, it was soft, apprehensive. The way he spoke to you is kind and gentle, not like one of those fake bullshit personas all those adults had but real, real and honest. His expressions told you everything you needed to know about him, it was like he was wearing his heart on his sleeve. Something you greatly admired. He was willing to show the world he was vulnerable. He looked so hurt, so alone. That wasn’t what was so special about him though, no, there was more there. You were trying to search for it, you would look into his perfect blue eyes, and he stared back into your shades, like he was searching for something too. Looking for more than just help from you. Looking for more than just your eyes. God your eyes, you were dreading the thought of him ever seeing them. You were sure he was just going to think you looked bad. Fucked. Weird. Ugly. You just kept searching in his eyes instead, not intending on ever revealing your own.

_‘Just what makes him so different, so off, so special?’_

You kept looking for the answer, then it hit you, he _was_ the answer. The answer to a question running through your mind when the nights were the longest. A question you would push from your mind and swallow down with those fucking pain killers. There was a new question clouding your thoughts, a new question that made its way out of your throat and on to your tongue. _“What’s your name?”_ Then that was it. It was over, once he opened his mouth he didn’t close it again. He talked and talked and talked, you could hardly get out an _“hmm”_ or a _“yeah?”_  before he was onto the next subject. You stopped walking when you reached the hotel but he just kept right on talking and you didn’t have the heart to stop him. You let him tell you all about his online friend. He had no friends offline, strange to you, he seemed so kind to everyone he'd meet. He told you stories of his trip to Texas. The ride over apparently was great because they had one of his favorite shitty movies on the plane. He had terrible taste in just about everything from what you could tell. Something you feel like you should have poked fun at, but coming from him it was remarkably charming. Eventually he noticed the two of you stopped. His eyes glanced over to the hotel.

_“Oh sorry, I must have trailed off again.”_

_“It’s alright, I liked your stories.” You tried to sound casual but you were sure you sounded just as nervous as he did when he asked you for directions. ‘Shit.’ You scratched the back of one of your legs with your foot. Building up the nerve to ask for his number before the two of you said goodbye._

_“Hey Dave, do you have a pesterchum?”_

_“Yeah. I do.”_

_“Great, give me your phone number and I’ll text you my account name later tonight.”_

He would in time answer the biggest question you had about your life.

Maybe something, someday could make you feel normal.

Those few happy days spent with John, gleeful, filled with card tricks, photos, online messages, nights by the pool surrounded by the soft neon glow of the hot tub lights, photos, snacks, photos, and mountains and mountains of photos. Later you were proven to be wrong in doing this, you admit to stalking him, when he told you it was bad you had no idea that it was wrong or creepy or weird. You stuffed the photos taken without his permission into an old shoebox where you kept some other things from your childhood, or at least what would _have been_ a childhood. You never really had much of anything pure or innocent, and honestly you were a fucking idiot to believe that your love of John was that or would _ever_ fucking be that.

At the time, when you hung up those photos you didn’t think your bro would even give a shit, he never fucked with your room before. He never cared what you bought with the cash you made nor did he ever buy you anything. You didn’t care if he saw the photos, you didn’t care if he was going to mock you, you just hung them up everywhere because they made you feel at peace. Like for once your room felt like a home. Like for once you felt like a person. You would message and call John whenever you could. Sometimes you would talk to him even on your way to meet with your clients but you would never call him after. Never after. You would sometimes trail him around in hopes of snapping more photos, you managed to get one beautiful shot where he was standing in front of one of the largest buildings in the city, and you captured every square foot of the building from the distance.

John told you everything you could have ever asked to know about him without any prompting. He was traveling with his dad and he was in Houston for some business conference. John had never been to a big city before. You would show him around and tell him the best places to get good food. He would invite you to hang out at the pool at his hotel and even invited you up to his room while his dad was out.

One day he was changing in the bathroom and you spotted a blue shirt with some strange green slime shit on it as a logo. You just swiped it. You stuffed it in your duffle bag with your camera and various other shit. You pulled out some cash. You felt bad you took it so when he got out you offered to buy him nachos and whatever else he might want from the bar. You told him you had a side job doing ‘ _stuff_.’ You knew he was going to ask you what you did so you changed the subject before he could say anything. You road down the elevator together, it was so packed that you were shoulder to shoulder, some middle-aged woman started a conversation with him and they joked about how the elevator was _‘cozy_.’ Apparently that was the word for ‘cramped as fuck’ that positive people used, looking at John at your side, you thought it was pretty fitting.

When you got to the pool you sat down at the bar on these tall black stools. There was a young woman behind the counter at the bar with long black hair, glowing dark skin and a contagious smile. Well, it was at least contagious to John. After you sat down he ordered a plate of nachos for the two of you to share. He made sure to say “please” and “thank you” to her. He was always polite, you liked that about him. He then began complementing the bartender on her gold necklace. They got into a lengthy conversation after she explained it’s a Pisces symbol. Horoscopes never interested you but apparently John found the subject fascinating, that or he found every subject interesting so long as it was an excuse to talk. She had to break away from the conversation to help other customers. You were thankful that you had John all to yourself.

_“I’m glad my dad is here on a business trip, I would have felt bad about taking a vacation in a hotel as nice as this for these many days if he wasn’t. You know what I mean?”_

_“Uh-" John actually stopped speaking, he wants you to reply, “not really. Money isn’t really a thing me and my bro struggle with.”_

_“Oh so, money isn’t an issue.” He says that like he’s quoting a line from an action movie._

_“Money's no issue, John.” You confirm for him, trying to match his tone._

_“Ugh,” he slaps your arm. “You made that sound like a pickup line.”_

_“I did?”_

_You feel a blush creep onto your face. You’re sure you can play it off like your just getting a sunburn that is if he asked. Thankfully the bartender from before walked up to the counter to take your empty plate right after you turned your head away from him._

_“You boys have been so polite.” She smiled at the two of you, unsure why she was looking at you. John was the one who was polite._ _She told you both,_ _“I have to throw out the ice cream later today, you boys want some free bars?”_

_You shrugged at John, he looked unsure. He answers, “I don’t want you to get in trouble for us.”_

_“Aww, hehe it’s okay. Just keep it under your hat.” She smiles gently at John, “If anyone finds out I’ll just say I comped it because you said it had freezer burn or something.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Trust me they are really old, you might actually get one with freezer burn.”_

The ice-cream bars turned out to be fine. Because John was so _‘sweet’_ she brought you two another round of bars before she gathered the rest to throw out. John Egbert was such a kind person that the world opened up to you whenever you were around him.

You stayed a while longer. You rested your head on your hand as you leaned onto the counter, intently listening to John’s every word. Occasionally John would say something that would make you laugh. You would catch yourself as you smiled a different series of big toothy grins at John’s stupid jokes. He was just so bubbly and, well the perfect word to describe his whole being is 'dorky.'

He was pretty nerdy, always was and stayed that way. Even so you found yourself giggling at everything he said like a brain numb, love-struck idiot and well at that very moment that’s exactly what you were.

Still at this very moment, that is exactly what you are. You would do anything for John.

You don’t care if you get sent to prison for life or sent to a mental ward or even if you get the death penalty. You still plead ‘not-guilty,’ but you are sure no one is going to buy that. You don’t care. You don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks about you, you don’t even care if the world teaches John to hate you. You are going to do what you fucking decided to do years before you even hit that cock sucking motherfucker over the head with his own goddamn pipe. You are going to protect John at any cost. You are going to give your life to save his. You are going to find a way to do it. You have to.

John wasn’t in the courtroom, and why would he be? Your trial hadn’t really started yet. Just getting the basic shit out of the way. Boring, boring, words, words, words, noise, noise, noise, who honestly gives a fuck? Everyone thinks you are fucked in the head. Living under the roof of a serial murderer? Yeah? Well, he was more than that. You are going to tell everyone everything, gradually. There’s a time for everything and spilling anything right now is just going to get you killed. You are sitting and waiting for the right time.

You want to speak with the prosecution. Your lawyer isn’t going up against the woman you want to speak with but Megido did have a connection to her. The woman is apparently legend, literally blind justice. From what you heard she’s a fucking beast in the courtroom and can’t be shaken by anyone, good fucking thing your bro is going up against _her_. You still need to warn her about some shit he is going to pull and some words she should _never_ say to him. He had connections, even from behind maximum security bars he still has them. If she’s a beast in the ring then he is a fucking monster. If she really is a legend, if she really can play all of her cards right than you can trust her with John’s safety.

_‘One step at a time. Gotta do this right. Can’t fuck up like I already did.’_

You need to do this right.  
Take your time.   
Take this thing slow.

Slow, just like everything.


	14. An Update

“Ms. Pyrope, a moment of your time please.”

First thing in the morning and Megido already wants to speak with you.

“Is this about the case against Dave Strider?” You didn’t even need to ask, you already know the answer.

“It is about him, yes," she sounds slightly alert, "but not just his case.”

Megido takes a seat in front of your desk. You are both in your office as per usual. She wastes no time to get to the point, “I was in contact with him. Spoke to him directly yesterday about potentially working with the police to tell them all he knew about Dirk’s criminal activities, he led on that he knew much more than what he was telling them.”

“What do you think he is hiding?” You ask her.

“He directly told me that he is not giving information to the cops. Said that Dirk Strider has connections to quote, ‘real shady motherfuckers.’ I don’t doubt that. Talked to the sheriff over the phone earlier, those computer servers on the seventh floor contained two individual networks. One was a network to hire hitmen. It seemed like he was the one who created these sites, ran them himself.”

You stop to consider how this builds a stronger case against Dirk, now there really is no way he can defend himself, but still… the man running sites like that... This makes Dirk Strider even more of a threat.

“Dave said that he is willing to talk. He said he is going to tell us everything he knows. Names, faces, but he needs to speak with the right person first.”

You take a moment to take that in, your chin is resting on your crossed fingers again.

_'Does he mean that he needs to speak with someone that he thinks he can trust to take down Dirk?'_

If the man is that intelligent and that violent then Dave must be afraid that Dirk still has connections he can contact. Connections that could put John’s life in danger. If he really did care deeply for John then he isn’t going to risk anything. If Dave isn’t talking even when it will give him a much lighter sentence, then he must be scared shitless to make any moves.

You remove one of your hands and start tapping your index finger on the desk.

“Who do you think he meant, Megido?”

“He asked to speak with you.”

“Ah.”

Well then. _'The kid knows his shit.'_

“One other thing, ma’am.” She takes a brief pause. “I was sent a USB drive in my own personal mail. No address, no label, and apparently no fingerprints. I turned it over to the police after I saw what was on it. I am planning on using it as evidence against Dave Strider.”

“Describe to me what was on this drive?”

“Ma’am, there was a note with a short message offering me assistance with the information that was on the drive. There was three videos, each about an hour in length. I only watched part of the first one. The rest I will be watching when the police bring me a copy of the original USB.”

“Hold on Megido, I know you well enough to know you already made a copy.”

She falls silent for a few seconds.

“It’s just a precaution. In case somehow the drive is misplaced.”

“You saved the videos then?”

“Yes. I will not lie. I have a separate USB drive at home. I am willing to turn it over and have it wiped once the evidence is secured in the discovery.”

“Very well.” You won’t lie either, you would do the same. “Describe what was in this video you watched.”

“Black walls, it looked too nice to be a basement but there was a concrete floor so it must have been. Dave Strider was sitting down on the floor. Unclothed. There was a voice, must have been the person filming, it was heavily edited. They asked what Dave was willing to do to get paid some money. He replied… well ma’am. Eventually I skipped a head in the video… He was fellating the man who was filming."

You feel your face sink.

"Ma'am... Dave Strider was a prostitute.”


	15. Defensive Defence

You **needed** to get into contact with her. You called her on the landline when you found the number to her office online. You didn’t even need to build up the nerve to speak with her. You just plugged in her number and told her secretary your name. You were on hold for a while. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Then she came on the line. “Mr. Egbert?”

You were successful in speaking with her directly. She was polite and nice and she had a lovely voice. You told her you were willing to work with her to build a stronger case in the defense of Dave Strider. She did ask you if you were seeing a therapist and you gave her Dr. Serket’s name. You told her your therapist doesn’t know that you’re calling, but she does know you’re willing to testify on Dave’s behalf. You weren’t sure if you were going to be called as a witness from the prosecution. You were going to find a way to speak on his behalf regardless. You are willing to do anything.

She told you she was planning on sending you a subpoena. When you asked what exactly that was she told you it’s like a court summons and you would have to go to the stand _under penalty of law._ That made your heart sing, you had to go to court! You are going to be called to the stand to vouch on his behalf! No one is going to be able to stop you! It’s the best news you heard in days!

"You will know when you are needed to come to court, however you must not go anytime in advance. You are a witness and as such you should not attend court. I am sorry."

"That's alright, if you need I can meet with you and talk to you about the case ahead of time."

"Thank you for the offer, John." She paused for a moment.

She asked you a few questions about how you have been doing and then asked you if you were aware of victim impact statements. You told her you weren’t familiar. She told you to make one against Mr. Strider. She said that it was a chance for you to tell the court all of the emotional and physical damage done to you from, in her words, 'that man.' You said you were going to speak with your therapist about it. Ms. Maryam told you,

"I will be getting into contact with her soon myself."

“Why?”

“I apologize Mr. Egbert,” Ms. Maryam began, “I need to know if you are going to be alright during trial. Dave had already told me he expects you would speak on his behalf.”

“He knows me well.” You nod with the phone at the side of your head.

“I’m sure he does.” She replies.

“How is he doing…?” You ask her.

“At the moment he is pleading not-guilty as I’m sure you know." Dave's lawyer explains to you, "however, he seems a bit downcast about all of this. He seems like he is really looking forward to seeing you in court, in fact that might be all he is looking forward too.”

“Does he want to speak with me?” You softly ask.

She paused. “I need to speak with your therapist about this first.”

“It’s a yes or no question, ma’am.” You stand firm.

She took a moment to respond.

“Only two things he asked me for is to speak with you and the prosecutor going against his brother. He seems like he wants to testify against him too. Also… he seems like he is worried for you.”

“That sounds like him. Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for taking the time to speak with me directly.”

“It is no problem at all Mr. Egbert. If you need to contact me again leave a message with my secretary. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

When you hung up the phone on the wall you threw up both of your fists in the air. You silently pumped them up and down in triumph. You are going to see Dave in court someday! It could be in a few weeks or even months but it’s still going to happen! You are going to get to see him!

You desperately want to see him. 

* * *

“I received a call from Dave Strider’s defense attorney.”

Dr. Serket was keeping herself together well but you noticed that she was holding her chin up a bit more than usual. You could see a lot more of her neck at the moment compared to how much you usually see. She must be pissed.

“Yes. I called her.”

“John.” She took a short pause, as she normally does before she says something she thinks is important for you to pay attention to. “I think you should run these things by me or your father first.”

“It just seems like you two don’t tell me anything, I didn’t even know what that victim damage impact thing was. I don’t want to be out of the loop because you think it is the best thing for me or my ‘mental wellbeing.’ I want to know what Dave is going through.”

“I know you do, but John, the best way to help with Dave’s case is not knowing anything about it until the trial is almost over. You need to stay away from any outside influences, this includes watching the news or speaking with the press.”

You let out the lightest sigh you possibly can.

“However,” She continued, “speaking with Dave’s lawyer is fine. In fact if it is necessary to speak with her in person I will join you as I usually do with your meetings with the prosecutors. I have already informed her that for the sake of your recovery that she should not talk about Dave’s case outside of the topics that involve you and your kidnapping.”

She makes it sound like she **demanded**  that Dave’s lawyer not tell you anything.

“I understand ma’am. I won’t look into what’s going on in the case. It’s for the best. I want to hear everything from Dave directly.” You answer honestly. 

“John, you may have to wait a while before you speak with him again.”

“I know, you want me to make more progress.” You look off to the side.

So you tried to do just that... You spoke more about different events that happened. Different times you watched Dave get assaulted or beaten. Different times he did it to protect you. You felt so drained you couldn’t even find the energy to form tears.

* * *

Your dad is driving you back to the town house he is renting. Not asking how it was or even speaking to you. You stare out the passenger window. Each day that passes without him you ache more and more. You want to see Dave again. You just want to speak with him. In any way you can, as much as it hurts your heart to think that you won’t be able to touch his hand. That your reunion with him is just a phone call between a glass-wall for a few minutes. All you want is to speak with him. You just want to see him.

You would never admit it to your therapist. You would never even say the words out loud. But you wish that Dave didn’t knock him out. Even though you know the cost. You start tearing up. You wish that your other leg was just broken. Tears are streaming from your face. That Dave would have held you as you screamed. You cover your mouth, trying to silence your weeping. You wish that you were still with him. Even if it didn’t mean freedom. You can’t hold in your cries. This is so much more painful. You start sobbing into your palms again. You’re hurting so much without him. You don’t know if he is actually safe behind bars. You wish you wouldn’t have made the choice to leave. You weren’t going to... but you know that you **had** too. Your hands flood with your tears, how can you still have this much tears to shed after all these days spent crying? You want to see Dave again. You want to be in his arms again. When you are in Dave’s arms you are home.

You ache so much.

It’s so painful without him.

It’s so painful to know the world hates him.

It’s so painful to think Mr. Strider might still have means to hurt him, even from behind bars.

It’s so painful to think you can’t protect him anymore.

It's so painful to think you might never get to hold him again.

It’s just so painful.

You just want to go to bed so you can dream about him again.

* * *

Once again another few days came and went. You are waiting in one of those black armchairs in the middle of the hall. Another day, another round of questions, another conversation where everyone talks _about you_ but no one really listens _to you_. Everyone seems to think they know what is best for you.

Each moment that goes by you are waiting for the moment you can speak with Dave again. You would settle for just being in the same room as him right now. You hopelessly miss him.

It’s late in the office. Down the hall you can see out the window. The total complete inky blackness of the sky. No stars. Never any stars.

“Hello again, sugar cube.”

“Hi Natalie... How are you holding up?”

“Today has been busybusybusy!... but for right now it’s calmed down. How are you, honey?”

“Not doing so hot at the moment. I’m really tired.” You answer honestly.

“Aw. I’m sorry about that, John. Anything you would like me to get for you?”

“I hope it’s not too much to ask, but do you think you could bring me some water from the cooler over there.” Your leg is still broken, your crutches are by your side like they have been for weeks. You don't like bugging her, but It's easier on you if she gets water for you.

“Oh, that’s no problem!”

She walked over and continued to talk with you about her day and mentioned somethings about her new boyfriend. Apparently she loved the same genre of movies that he did. Something you wish you shared with Dave. She told you that a-friend-of-a-friend she knew was in a cover band. She told you she was much more into drawing than into music. Dave enjoyed both. She talked about the weather of April and you told her in a few days it’s going to be your birthday. She seemed ecstatic about it, like she is with most things. You wish that Dave could spend your birthday with you. You still hate cake. Dave knew that. Your dad didn’t. Natalie talked about this song she had stuck in her head which was from a meme online that was making its rounds. Dave liked memes. You laugh at how silly that sounds in your head. She laughs too, thinking she said something that cheered you up. Actually, she did cheer you up. Natalie’s optimism feels infectious when you are around her. You are glad that someone like her wanted to talk with you - or… well at you. You are happy that she isn’t just trying to tell you what to do or how to improve yourself. She just wants to talk to you like a person.

You aren’t sure if she knows this,

but it means the world to you.


	16. Raison D'etre

**“OH! MOTHERFUCKER!”** Dr. Serket smacks her face with her palm. She slowly wipes her hand down her cheek. When John left the room with his dad, your peer as well as your boss decided to tell her what Dave’s job was. Apparently Megido is going to be adding that to his charges.

“Why the ** _fuck_** are you three telling me this?” Dr. Serket asks. Well _you_ didn’t want to say anything.

You try to speak up but Megido cuts you short,

“This information is going to get out eventually, we need you prepared to help John through this.”

“I shouldn’t know anything ahead of time!" Dr. Serket sounds upset with her. "Not when it isn’t specifically about my client. Also… I noticed something about him, apparently because Dirk wasn’t very expressive John can pick up on tiny hints of body language and facial ticks. If I know anything else he might catch on. That boy is not as stupid as you all seem to think he is.”

You open your mouth to say you don’t think he’s dumb, but your boss cuts you off,

“None of us think he is stupid, he is in fact very, _very_ clever.” Ms. Pyrope tells her.

“Now you make it sound like he’s **trying to** **play you**." Dr. Serket sounds angry with what your boss just told her. "I know full well you don’t trust what he tells you! He’s been nothing but honest with all of you!”

Once again you try to get a word in- “Now hold on,” Megido interrupts before you could speak. “I trust John thinks things were a certain way, I think he might just be… sugar-coating things to protect Dave.”

“ **SUGAR-COATING THINGS?!**  My client is expressing **severe** traumatic experiences and he is telling **_you_** those stories the way **he** remembers them! _**Also-**_ It is in no way uncommon for a victim of abuse to find comfort in other victims.”

Megido continues, “you are referring to the young Strider brother as a victim now, are you?” 

“ _Yes **. My God!"**_   Dr. Serket sounds genuinely upset with her. "He was sexually assaulted according to John. From a young age too, by his guardian, his only guardian!” Dr. Serket is attempting to reason with her. “This has been a large amount of stress for my client. My client, may I remind you, that it is _your_ job to help.”

You open your mouth to agree but your boss cuts you off,

“It is our job to build a case against Dirk Strider using him as a key witness, we will assist John in every way we can. Preparing you with what’s to come is part of helping him.”

“Preparing me for what!?" Dr. Serket smacks he back of her hand on the wooden table. "When you drop this huge fucking bomb when you charge him with prostitution and the press goes wild with it? Imagine your sister talking about this on national news, imagine John finding out through tabloid nonsense instead of _him!”_

“Are you seriously suggesting that John talks to Dave?” Megido cuts in again.

“Eventually he will have too!” Dr. Serket is talking with her hands, just like she always does when she deals with ‘ _you dogs._ ’ “He was a victim of kidnapping and sexual assault and he wants to see his _friend._ Now at first I was advised against it, but after these past couple weeks I am certain that if we allow him to speak with Dave he could at least get some semblance of closure.”

This time you don’t even try, you know Megido is going to jump on this.

“And how does that work?" Ms. Megido is getting really heated. "How are you so certain this is the best thing for him, you’ve never seen a case like this! I’ve never seen a case like this! He might not be able to get closure from that, talking with Dave might make him worse!”

Dr. Serket starts again, “it is normal for victims to bond under extreme pressure and trauma-“

Megido cuts her off. “This again?! It-" Dr. Serket isn’t amused and talks over her.

“ ** _It is normal!_** And I understand you two couldn’t give less of a shit about my client’s actual wellbeing, just your job.” She is pointing at your boss and Megido, at least she left you out of it.

“ **Now-"**  Megido attempts to speak up but she is cut off by Dr. Serket again,

“ **I was able** **to speak with him more about this**. Every time he remained consistent in his stories. He expressed frustration with several things that Dave did. John wasn’t warped to do everything Dave wanted him to do. John expressed that they developed a system, under the pressure they lived in, where instead of argue, they would make compromises. The two of them really bonded and I firmly believe that seeing Dave is what is best for my patient.”

Megido starts up again, “we’ve questioned Dave. **I’ve** personally questioned him. He is uncooperative. He is focused on building a stronger case against Dirk but he doesn’t seem to care about building a defense for himself. Now, if John is desperate to protect Dave how do you think he is going to respond to his pessimistic attitude?”

“Dave doesn’t know you, or trust you, I wouldn’t if I knew you were the person who wants to hook me up to a chair and put a need-“

“I am not going to push for the death penalty on Dave.”

**“Just what, a life-sentence then?”**

**“Can’t get a life-sentence for prostitution.”**

Dr. Serket gasped, she is now losing her temper completely. “ **NOW COME ON** \- Dave Strider was forced! CLEARLY FORCED! Into prostitution. Raised under a roof with no guidance and - **UGHHH** \- God, you fucking law-enforcement dogs don’t know shit about social work!”

“Number one is most likely don’t call people dogs.” Meigdo barks back.

“I’m sorry, am I talking to a person right now? Could hear you clearly from all the foam in your mouth, you want to fucking rip apart a boy who was raised by a serial killer? A boy who had to fellate his brother to get him to stop beating his only friend? A boy who was fucking prostituted because that **man** didn’t want to give him money himself?”

“You never spoke with him. You don’t know how he is!” Megido crossed her arms.

“I know enough to know he needs help. **Real help!**  Not a FUCKING **JAIL CELL** YOU FUCKING IMBICILIC C-"

“MS. PYROPE.” You raise your voice over Dr. Serket and then continue, “Dave Strider has not been corporating with law enforcement… However… I believe that if he were to speak with John, that, uh, he could change his mind.”

The room fell silent. Your boss hummed, it seemed more like a sigh too you.

“I will consider this.” Your boss weighed in. “I think he needs more time in therapy first.”

“-and I agree with you. On that.” Dr. Serket nodded deeply, “John needs more time to process his trauma with me before he speaks with Dave again.”

Megido starts up again, uncrossing her arms so she can speak with one of her hands, “I still don’t think that they should speak, I know you are the expert but you have to admit you don’t know how John is going to react to visiting Dave in jail. He seems indifferent to nearly everything about this case.”

“Apparently that is the boy’s usual behavior.” Dr. Serket replies.

Megido feel silent for a moment, you take it as an opportunity to speak, “Perhaps… If we allow John to speak with Dave again then maybe… John will get Dave to give us more information... Maybe he needs encouragement. Ms. Pyrope, you said you were going to speak with him eventually, I suggest you ask him about John and see how he reacts. Maybe John is his only real motivator. John trusts you, let Dave know that, and Dave will trust you too.”

“That sounds perfectly reasonable, right ladies?” Your boss asks the rest of the room.

“I think you should speak with him soon.” Megido spoke to your boss, she then turned to Dr. Serket, “Maybe you should visit Dave yourself too.”

“I don’t think it’s my place.” Dr. Serket responds. “I will trust when John is ready he can speak with him with me there beside him.”

“When will John be ready?” You didn’t even mean to speak, the words just came out. “I –uh… I am only asking for uh… his sake, doctor.” Oh great, your stutter is back.

“I will be able to tell _when_   he is ready to speak with him, _when_   he is ready to speak with him. Right now it seems like Dave is the only thing on his mind. I need him to start focusing on himself and his own well-being. He needs to pull away from Dave as his sole source of self-worth.”

_'His sole source of self-worth?'_


	17. Hearing

“Approach the bench.” 

The judge was about 20-years your senior. She always dominated any room she was in and just her tone of voice alone demanded respect. The defense lawyer was a man you knew well, the toughest clients would hire him and his services did not come cheap. He was one hell of a fighter when it came to getting what he wanted, and he always wanted to win. No way he is walking away with less than the death penalty on this though. Man couldn’t even get his client bail, bail would have been gruelishly high, but the judge’s honor isn’t going to allow this man a chance back on the streets. He got sacked with not just the hardest judge to please, but the strongest opponent he could ask for. You.

You step up and approach the bench alongside Dirk’s defendant.

“Your honor,” There’s that cocky, elitist voice. “I would like to ask for a thorough mental examination of my client.”

You hear him hand her a stack of sheets.

“Allow me a moment to review this.”

You listen to her flip through a few pages. She handed it back to him,

“I’ll grant you permission for this.”

You both walk back to your seats. You take your seat besides Nitram and Megido, John was sitting right besides her, as far away from Dirk Strider as he could possibly be. His father was sitting behind him with the audience. Press were snapping photos, for the time being they are allowed in the courtroom. You weren’t sure how John was handling all of this so you leaned in and whispered,

“Is John alright?”

“John is doing just great!” Nitram responded with optimism, a good sign.

“He looks pissed.” Megido sounded impressed with John, a good omen.

Nitram asked you, “How’d it go?”

“He’s going for the insanity defense.” You sigh as you speak.

“I thought he would strike us with that.” Megido sounds confident as she speaks, “When he fails he is going to keep this case going for as long as he can.”

“He is mentally unstable.” Nitram interjected. “I’m sure he is going to get diagnosed with APD.”

“He will. I am sure of it.” Megido continues. “I think it is obvious to the judge, with that many victims and those computer servers that he was operating with a guilty mind.”

“Still, you think he is going to plead not-guilty?” Nitram didn’t sound as sure as she did, he asked her.

“He wants to put on a fucking show.” You answer for her.

The two can never see eye to eye. Maybe that makes them perfect for this, any disputes they have with each other is something a jury could debate on behind the scenes. You need to hear different perspectives so you can iron out the wrinkles now before the trial starts. You read off all of the charges brought before Dirk Strider again, this is a somewhat updated version from the other court appearance you've had earlier. You inform the judge that most of the corpses have yet to be identified so the case will be updated as the police find out more information.

This is going to be a long, long case. Everyone must be pretty damn sure you have this open and shut. Nothing is ever that simple. It’s still just the preliminary hearing. No jury yet. No opening statements. When you really boil everything down it’s just you, an innocent boy, a deranged killer and the rest.


	18. Waiting On Me

Well you agreed to this. The day crept up on you and you would be lying if you said you were the least bit prepared. You have a date. You shaved your face when you first got up. When you got back to your apartment from work at noon and you changed into something resembling business casual. You are sure Natalie is going to get done up again like she did when she came into your office a month ago. You would also be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t like how skin tight her dress was. Her bright, scarlet lips. Those candy red, tall heels. Fuck. She prayed on all your weaknesses at once.

You knew the moment you met the girl she was dangerous.

_It was bitter cold that day. It’s rare for it to snow during the winters in Houston. You were having a bad stroke of luck today._

_Not only was it snowing. You had to walk back to your apartment in just your regular uniform, no jacket._

_You just heard a girl scream, it’s coming from the street corner to your left._

_You run over and take cover on the side of the building, trying to get a scope of the situation before you head in._

_There are two men pulling on a young woman, she looks like she’s a teenager. There is a car, still running, parked with the front two doors open. One of the men is opening the backdoor. Once you step in they are going to do all they can to take off. You want to make sure they don’t take her with them. You are going to use this chance to take them by surprise. You think you can take out at least one of the men right now if you can get a clear shot. Maybe you should shoot their tires first. You have 15 bullets in your Glock. When you open fire they might try to use her as a human-shield._

_You are sure the men won’t be able to hear you radio for backup over her screams, you put in a quick message and then look back at the situation._

_One of the men has a tight grip on her, holding her from behind in a choke hold. She’s putting up a fight. You have to play this smart and you are going to have to act fast._

_You shoot both of the back tires using four bullets, two each._

_The men are taken by surprise._

_The girl uses it as an opportunity to step forward and kick the man behind her. She breaks free._

_The man pulls out a gun, he is focused on you but he pulls the gun on the girl._

_She slowly moves her hands up and in one quick motion she used both her hands to pull at his arms and point the gun towards him._

_The gun goes off as she attempts to pry it from him, she yells._

_She is not harmed, he grazed his arm with a bullet._

_She is holding the gun. She successfully disarmed him._

_She steps back._

_She’s holding the gun up five feet away from his head._

_“GET THE **FUCK** BACK!” She yelled._

_“Put that gun down!” he yelled at her._

_The other man was still standing by the cars backdoor. He was pointing his gun at her._

_His focus was on the girl at the moment and not on you. The man by the car door yells,_

_“You’re going to get yourself hurt, little girl. Put the fucking gun down.”_

_She turned the gun on him,_

_“Try and fuck with me right now! I fucking dare you **motherfucker!”**_

_Her voice is so high pitched, she sounds so cutesy… but she is honestly not fucking around._

_The other man makes a move to get the gun back._

_She aims and shoots for his kneecap. Instantly shattering it. Blood is pooling on the concrete._

_She moves the gun back to the other man, he’s startled. You think he is about to shoot her before she can shoot him. You are a split second away from pulling the trigger, just then she ducks and knocks the man down by swiping at his leg. He lands on the ground. She shoots his shoulder. He is crawling on the sidewalk. He makes a move for a gun laying in front of him with his other arm. She fires another bullet into his outstretched hand. She starts glaring at you._

_“The **fuck** are you staring at? **Fucking help me!”**_

_You holster your gun again and grab the one on the floor. She is still holding up the gun to the other man._

_“You make a fucking move and I’ll end your life, **cocksucker!** ”_

_“MISS, WALK OVER TO ME AND PLACE THE GUN BEHIND ME.” You have both the men in your sight, you can clearly see them and target them._

_“Oooooh, now you are going to fucking do shit? The fuck took you so long to do fucking anything?! **HU?!”**_

_She was still staring at the man but she was yelling at you._

_She took her index finger off of the trigger and held the gun up in the air._

_She kicked one of the men in the gut out of frustration._

**_“Shooting the fucking tires and not them?”_ **

_She kicked the man again._

_“MISS. I NEEDED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WOULDN’T GET SHOT. PLEASE MOVE OVER HERE AND STOP-”_

_She kicked him another time and shouted,_

_“FUCK IF I DID? AT LEAST YOU WOULDN’T BE STANDING THERE WITH YOUR **FUCKING DICK OUT!** ”_

_You are standing there, with ‘your fucking dick out’, watching her kick him one last time, dumbfounded._

_She pointed the gun back down and put her finger around the trigger. She didn’t pull it, but she obviously wanted to make sure she had it at the ready as she walked backwards towards you._

_You hear sirens coming up from behind you._

_She places the gun down about a foot behind your feet._

_When the men are arrested and in custody another officer writes up a report, the girl gives a report of what happened._

_You confirm her story, you choose to leave out the part where she kicked the men._

_You get it, she must have been scared and stressed as fuck._

_You offer to walk her back home._

_“ **UH. DUH**.” She looks pretty pissed off at you. “ **No shit**.”_

_She takes a few deep breaths. You can see that her arms are shaking. This must be how she reacts from trauma._

_You walk with her in the bitter cold, she was shivering but you see sweat trickling down her forehead before she wiped it with her sleeve._

_“I CAN SPEAK WITH YOUR PARENTS IF YOU LIKE.”_

_“My parents?”_

_She gives you a confused smile, she’s agitated by your offer._

_“How old do you think I am?”_

_“SEVENTEEN..?”_

_She raises both of her eyebrows as high as they can apparently go._

_She looks irked by your response. She opens her mouth to speak again and laughs._

_“Ha, really? I’m not a teenager.”_

_She looks away from you and focuses on finding her way back home._

_“DID YOU JUST MOVE HERE?”_

_“Yep. I did. On my way back from my first day of work.”_

_“WHEN IT’S THIS LATE, DON’T WALK ON YOUR OWN HOME, ESPECIALLY NOT IN WINTER.”_

_“Thanks for the advice, I totally didn’t just learn that first hand.”_

_You let out a grunt. She was almost abducted so you are going to cut her a break._

_“Hey…” She sounded apologetic. “I’m sorry I’ve been rude to you. I’m just...”_

_“IT’S ALRIGHT.” You try your best to lower your voice, your pack a day habit you started back in high school scratched your throat up to hell._

_You watch her shake, her face is turning red._

_“IF YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? YOU’RE- YOU’RE”_

_“A tiny little Asian girl in the big city? My dad said I needed self-defense classes if I was going to move here and well I didn’t argue against it, that would be plain stupid, but I also didn’t think that I would use it like this.”_

_“YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN SERIOUSLY HURT WHEN YOU PULLED THAT GUN FROM HIM.”_

_“I panicked.”_

_You thought to yourself, ‘REALLY…THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES WHEN SHE PANICS?’_

_She’s a dangerous girl._

_“I learned hapkido for self-defense -aaannd I have training with firearms. I decided to move to Texas.” She fakes a grin and shakes her head._

_She starts sounding apologetic again, “I’m sorry I yelled at you officer, I was really scared.”_

_“IT’S ALRIGHT. PEOPLE HAVE YELLED WORSE AT ME IN BETTER SITUATIONS.”_

_“Thank you for helping me, sir.”_

_“IT’S MY JOB.”_

_“What’s your name?”_

_“MAJOR VANTAS OF THE-“_

_“No your name, name.”_

_“KARTER.”_

_“Natalie.”_

_She offers her hand to you, you lower your gaze to her hand and then back into her eyes._

_She has pitch black irises. They glisten from the street lights._

_The snow is falling around the two of you._

_You take her hand._

_A car passes you by, the lights from its headlights dance in her eyes like stars._

_She shakes your hand and takes a step back._

_“This is my apartment.”_

_“OH.”_

_You break eye contact with her._

_“Goodbye, Karter.”_

_“GOODNIGHT, NATALIE.”_

_She walks up the steps, her heels clicking against the cement. You watch her coat swing back and forth as she climbs up. There’s only three steps but somehow it feels like you’ve been watching her for much longer. She turned her head back to look at you again. Noticing you watching her. You assure her you want to make sure she can get through the door._

_“If I couldn’t, then what?”_

_“THEN I WOULD WAIT WITH YOU OUT HERE FOR SOMEONE TO HELP YOU IN.”_

_“That’s very kind of you, darling.”_

_Darling._

_She called you darling._

_This is a very dangerous girl._

* * *

“Karter!”

You were waiting for her outside of the cinema.

“Sweetheart!”

After all the commotion that she made about seeing this movie you think she would be on time.

“Baby!”

You take a drag off your smoke and turn to look at her.

She is calling for you from far down the street.

She just couldn’t help herself, she called for you as soon as she saw you.

She starts gleefully walking faster. You can see she did her make up the same as before. She is wearing the shortest skirt you’ve ever seen her wear. She doesn’t usually were skirts higher than her knee. Her short black hair is framing her face, the same way it always does. “Hey! - Oh not you sweetheart, I don’t know you. I’m calling my boyfriend. He’s right over there! - Karter! Hey! Karter it’s me! Your girlfriend! I’m so excited for our date!”

You can hear the clicks of her heels now.

“FUCK.” You mumble under your breath and stomp out your cigarette.

It’s getting louder.

Those candy apple red heels clicking against the pavement.

She’s wearing those heels again.

She’s a dangerous girl, don’t forget that.

“I’m sorry I’m a little late, the line at the dollar store was longer than I thought it would be. I wanted to buy us some candy. The stuff here is insanely overpriced.”

“OH.”

“ _Oh."_ She mocks you with a strange fake ridiculous voice, moves to the side and snaps her fingers with both hands. _"She’s practical.’_ ” She sings the words as she moves the other way and snaps again.

She’s sure she impressed you.

You will admit. You are glad she had some foresight.

You walk inside, holding the door open for her. On cue, she swoons.

You wish she didn’t fawn over you over every little fucking thing.

You pay for the tickets, the man at the counter asks if you both would like something.

“YOU WANT ANYTHING?” You know she got food but if she wants popcorn you’ll bite.

“No thank you." She lets out a breathy sigh, "I’m fine, darling.”

You both walk to the theater, the preview trailers are still running.

You both sit down in the middle of the back row.

Once you take your seat you slap yourself, “SHIT. WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN DRINKS.”

She opens her purse. Fumbles around a bit and says “Aha!”

She hands you a cold beer wrapped in a beer cozy.

“It’s your favorite right?”

“YEAH? HOW DID YOU GET…? THEY ARE STILL COLD. DID YOU GET THAT FROM THE DOLLAR STORE TOO?”

“No, silly, they are from home.”

You take the beer and try to give her a smile that doesn’t look like your confused, or at worst, constipated.

“If you’re wondering why I’m like this its cause of my job. I always come prepared for everything.”

She softly hums to herself as she fumbles through her purse for some candy.

“ARE YOU SURE IT’S BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB? THAT IT ISN’T JUST YOU?”

Her mouth is wrinkled up, like she just ate something sour. Then she bursts out into a huge grin.

You aren’t sure why she’s so happy with what you said, she **_is_**  just like that.

“You really mean that?”

“MEAN WHAT?”

“That I’m… well… sensible.”

“YOU ARE. I DON’T SEE HOW THAT IS SUCH A BIG COMPLEMENT. YOU _JUST ARE_ THOUGHTFUL.”

She suppressed yet another smile. She shakes her head slightly, while looking you in the eye, “You don’t even get it, do you?”

“I DON’T GET WHAT?”

“How kind you are? You pay me a huge compliment and then you blow it off like you’re just stating facts.”

“NATALIE. I **_AM_**  JUST STATING FACTS.” 

She smiles at you again, you guess that even she’s vain enough to love hearing about her good qualities.

You’re still surprised at how stating the most basic things about her makes her this fucking giddy.

She wiggles her hair out of her face again and straightens her back, like she does when she’s building herself up to say something _‘important’_ to you.

“I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would be honest with you, completely up front, about how you make me feel.”

“RIGHT. CLEARLY YOU’RE DOING THAT.”

“I want you to be honest with me in the same way.”

“I AM.”

At least you think you are.

She clears her throat before she speaks again,

“When you say things like that to me. It really makes my heart melt.”

“I CAN SEE THAT.”

_‘DOES IT MAKE HER FUCKING BRAIN MELT TOO?’_

“I know that you see me and you think I’m a braindead-ditsy-fucking-idiot and your right. I am when I see you.”

“I DON’T THINK YOU’RE ANY OF THOSE THINGS…” You just did. “-YOU JUST ACT… I DON’T KNOW… _LIKE THAT.”_

“Right, do you wish I didn’t?” She tilted her head to the side as she spoke, still sounding cheerful.

“I WISH THAT YOU WEREN’T SO EASILY IMPRESSED WITH EVERYTHING I DO.”

“Alright. I understand. It’s just- it’s our first date and it’s like- I can’t believe everything is so perfect.”

“You’re the one that made it that way.”

She starts gleefully giggling and pulls her fists up to her chest.

“ehehehehe!”

“NATALIE, YOU’RE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT THE SNACKS.”

“I know! I know!” She chokes back her smile, “I get it. You are just… really smooth.”

_‘WHAT? SHE REALLY THINKS **THAT**?’_

“And you’re like not even trying. That’s why it’s so… sooo… sooooo… hmmhmhmm.”

She’s biting down on her lower lip. Humming and laughing, like she’s waiting for you to respond.

“ROMANTIC?”

_“eeeeeeeeeee!”_

Suddenly, she pulls up the arm rest in between the two of you so there is nothing blocking her from leaning into you, pulling your arm up and wrapping it around her shoulders.

You sigh.

You were probably going to do that eventually anyway.

You’re here now aren’t you?

You agreed to this.

She’s snuggling up in your arms ass she lets out a soft hum.

You let out another sigh. But it feels different then your normal ones.

It’s like something you did because you feel… comfortable?

Really, you really fucking feel at peace with her in your arms.

Your heart starts beating a mile a minute, you are sure she can feel it because she starts laughing.

_‘SHIT.’_

“NATALIE- DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GRAB ME SOMETHING FROM YOUR PURSE?”

She sat up, “let me show you what I have.”

She had your favorite type of chocolate. She must have remembered all those times you picked it out from the bowl on her desk. She leans back into your arms again as the film starts. You lean your head against hers.

When the credits start to roll you don’t know what to do.

She’s still leaning against your chest, snug under your arm.

You’re going to have to head back to your apartment and get changed to head back to the station.

You’re going to have to get up eventually.

You’re going to have to let her go.

You knew she’s a dangerous girl. You knew that.

You have to say _something._

“DID YOU LIKE THE MOVIE, NATALIE?”

“I don’t know? It was a chick flick- Just kidding! I loved it!”

You laugh under your breath at her little joke. She giggles back at you.

“Ugh, I have to walk back to my apartment, get dressed and go back to work.”

She sinks down into her chair, “I didn’t even get the morning off.”

“SAME HERE.” You sink back in your chair too, at least you’re both in the same boat.

“I guess we better head out then, otherwise I’m never going to leave.”

You watch as she sits up and stretches.

“Come on my darling, let’s mosey.”

You follow her out.

You walk with her down the street.

She asks you what you thought of the movie and you told her.

You actually probably spoke too much about what you thought about the movie.

“Wow, you had a lot to critique but you still liked most of the movie, right? You must really like romance.”

You speak casually, not facing her as you stomp back to your apartment.

“LOVE IT. BEST GENRE THERE IS.”

You pull out another smoke and light it up under your hand.

“You think so too!?”

She skips for a few steps. Then she continues walking as if she is floating on air.

“I love romance! You can tell so much about a character by how they act towards the people they love. They are stories of hope and happiness. There’s always a happy ending, I love walking away from a movie feeling happy!”

She placed her hand on your arm,

“Right now... I feel kind of… in all honesty… like… sad?”

“SAD? WHY?”

“Because I have to leave you.”

You can’t bring yourself to say it.

You feel the same way.

You didn’t want to leave.

She was so thoughtful and got you everything you would have wanted.

Even though you blew her off so many times she kept coming back to you.

You didn’t want her to get close to you.

You needed her to keep away.

You knew once you let her in that she would do this to you.

She’s already reminding you about why this isn’t going to work out in the end.

There isn’t going to be a happy ending.

You fucking knew it.

It’s not that she is dangerous.

It’s that…

You’re not good enough for her.

* * *

“Baby!” Natalie cheerfully greets you when she sees you at her work.

She clears her throat and stiffens up her back.

“Sheriff Vantas, It is very good to see you. Do you have any business with Ms. Pyrope today?”

“I HAVE TO HAND HER THESE FILES. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TYPE THEM UP FOR HER LATER FOR ME?”

“For you? Hehe, Sweetheart it’s in my job description to do this for my employer.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.”

“I dooo?” She’s trying to drag it out of you again.

“I MEAN THAT I APPRECIATE HOW HARD YOU WORK, YOU HAPPY?”

“Yes!” She claps her hands together and then takes the papers from you.

“Although, sweetheart, aren’t you super busy right now back at the station? What are you doing here?”

“HAD TO ESCORT JOHN INSIDE WITH MY MEN. WANTED TO MAKE SURE THINGS RUN SMOOTHLY HERE.”

“That’s awfully kind but, why send the king to do a knight’s job?”

“WHAT?”

“It’s like a fucking chess thing.”

You stare at her, partly wondering what she’s getting on about and also thinking about how much she has been cursing since she started dating you.

“Sweetheart, I mean you need to focus on the bigger picture and not the smaller stuff.”

“I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, I’M HERE TO TALK TO TEREZI AGAIN.”

“Oh- baby, you know she isn’t budging.”

“AND YET SHE WANTS THE POLICE TO JUST DO WHAT SHE ASKS FOR ‘THE SAKE OF THIS CASE’ WITHOUT SO MUCH AS RUNNING IT BY ME FIRST.”

“Oh I know, she should at least call you. I told her that for you, you know I did.” She nods.

She is looking off to the side, looking out down the hall. She must be looking for something or someone.

She quickly turns her head back to you her eyes still focused on the end of the hall.

“Darling,” She looks at you and then back at the hallway again. “I have a lot I need to do today, in a few days my schedule is going to ease up at bit and I think we should use that time to all have drinks at my place.”

You stare where she was looking. Trying to look for what she is looking for.

John starts walking down the hall, still on crutches.

“Okay, I have to go now. I will talk to you later. I love you.”

She kisses your cheek and rushes off.

* * *

“SO IS NO ONE COMING THEN?”

You are sitting on the sofa in her apartment, downing a straight shot of vodka.

You are trying to shoo away her huge fucking white cat.

“Pounce," She shoos him for you. "He doesn’t want to cuddle with you.”

She takes a seat in the chair next to the sofa. There is a cocktail in her hand. She sounds lethargic as she speaks, “Everyone just canceled. It’s late anyway so it didn’t make sense for Teresa to come out here.”

“RIGHT. NEXT TIME WE’LL GO OUT TO A BAR FOR DRINKS AND I’LL DRIVE YOU BOTH.”

“Seems like a better plan, sorry I- I should have thought this through more. I normally do but…”

“YES?”

“This case has been affecting everyone differently, everybody is shaken up even Megido.”

“THOUGHT SHE SEEMED PRETTY DETERMINED.”

“She still is, but…” She trails off, she sounds tired.

“BUT...?”

Natalie puts the drink in her hand down.

“Maybe it’s a bad idea to drink right now.”

“JUST ONE ISN’T GOING TO KILL YOU.”

“Baby, I don’t want to tell you anything about this case you aren’t supposed to know.”

“RIGHT.” You take another shot.

“I’m going to text everyone our plans are canceled and I would like for you to text that you aren’t coming either.”

“WHAT? WHY?”

“I don’t want any of them to think I’m having drinks with you alone, they know I am a lightweight.”

“YOU DON’T WANT THEM WORRYING ABOUT YOU SPILLING ANY INFO RIGHT? I UNDERSTAND.”

The two of you send out the texts, you already get replies back apologizing and Natalie tells them it’s her fault for the short notice and the poor planning.

She sighs and puts down her phone.

“Karter. I’ll tell you this much. This case is actually taking a lot out of me.”

“IT’S A GRUESOME CASE.”

“Yeah- but… It’s that… I don’t know how much I can say… but I’m worried about John.”

“YOU ARE? ISN’T EVERYONE THOUGH?”

“Yeaaaaaah. It’s just I don’t think they really see what he really went through is all. No one is really listening to him. I can’t imagine being in his shoes and feeling so… helpless. He can’t get anyone to _really_  understand him…”

You need to choose your words wisely, see if she will let something slip.

You feel bad about playing Natalie of all people but if you could just get something out of her…

“I’M SURE THAT EVERYONE IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WENT THROUGH.”

“I don’t know….. He seems really upset. Like no one really cares to see what he sees.”

“YOU SEEM LIKE YOU CARE.”

“Yeah. I’m not allowed to know too much about the case though...”

She stops talking, you are trying to find the words to say, she starts to speak again.

“He seems lonely… He can’t talk to anyone but his dad, the lawyers and his therapist. And he seems to think Dr. Serket is trying to stop everyone else from saying too much to him. I know it’s the way things are done, victims aren’t allowed to say too much or know too much… but he… it seems like he doesn’t have any friends except for me…”

“IF YOU’RE LOOKING OUT FOR THE KID THAN I WOULD SAY HE IS PRETTY WELL OFF, YOU HAVE A LOT OF LOVE TO GIVE. I’M SURE HE’S HAPPY TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN HIS CORNER RIGHT NOW.”

You were going to press her a bit further. You wanted to, but you weren’t prepared for what she did next. She walked over to you and slid her legs across your lap. The outside of your thighs rubbing against the inside of hers. She gingerly trailed her fingers up your chest. She wrapped her arms around your neck. She’s looking down on you with half-lit eyes and a devilish smirk. Like she was daring you to speak. No words could escape your lips, she pulled you into a kiss. Biting your lip as she pulled away to say, “I know that it’s ‘bad form’ to do something like this before a second date, but I’ve been waiting so long for this.”

* * *

You held her up and carried her to the bedroom as she smashed her lips against yours. The two of you are frantically grinding against each other. You held her up by her bottom and pulled at her thighs. Slipping your hand under her skirt. She pushed you up against the wall. She pulled away only to laugh at you and start nibbling on your neck. She started biting harder to test just how far she could go before you would yell out in pain. She never got you too. You stumbled into the bed as she kept making marks on your neck. You threw her down on her bed. She squeals with pleasure and giggles.

You reach for your wallet from your back pocket, fumble through it till you find… till you find… You found it! A single condom, you hold it up to her face so she can see you are going to use it. Without breaking eye contact with you, she takes it in between two fingers and flings it across the room. She pulls you in with all the force she can muster and sucks on your tongue.

* * *

You slap her across the face, just like she screamed at you to do.

She’s rubbing herself as you slam into her.

You’re pounding into her, just like she is screaming right now at you to do.

She’s tightening around you. “SHIT.” You’re getting close.

You have to pull out now or you’re just going to finish inside of her.

She is tensing up. Panting out your name.

You pump yourself in your hand, it takes you a minute and then you finish on her stomach.

You collapse on top of her, you take a moment to catch your breath.

She let you go hard as a motherfucker on her.

She is beet red. She’s making a face that looks like you literally just fucked her brains out.

“HOLD ON LET ME GET YOU A TOWEL.”

You get up and look through her bathroom for something small. You find a washcloth, good enough.

You get it a bit wet and ring it out in the sink.

She still looks fucking brain dead and shutters when you wipe her down with the cold cloth.

You lay down in bed next to her.

She is still trying to catch her breath.

Out of nowhere she starts pumping her fist up in the air.

She is laughing, then giggling and she curls up into your arm.

She rests her head on your shoulder.

“That was- that was my first time.”

“WHAT? REALLY?”

“I was saving myself for someone special, guess what? That was you.”

She cuddles you, snuggling her face into your neck.

Her eyes are gently closed shut.

She looks peaceful.

Serene.

She can’t see you, so you guess that it’s okay to smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hold on.

 

 

Something’s off here.

 

 

“WAIT- THAT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME?”

She giggles and nods happily.

She’s never had sex...

“DID YOU START TAKING BIRTH CONTROL?”

“Nope.”

“I COULD HAVE FINISHED INSIDE OF YOU.”

“I don’t think you would have.”

“I COULD HAVE- I WAS ABOUT TOO-”

“Yeah….” She bit her lip, “-and how hot would that have been?”

She kisses you and bites your lip.

You were right about that girl when you met her,

This _is_ a dangerous girl.

* * *

“You showed her the condom and she threw it? You fuck her? Then she told you she doesn’t use birth control?” Captor recounted the story you just told him. You two are waiting outside of the law firm for John.

“RIGHT. SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, BUT I WOULD BE LYING IF I SAID IT DIDN’T TURN ME ON.”

“Thank you Sheriff, I really needed to know what gets you off. I’ll keep a mental note.”

“FUCK OFF! THIS HAS ACTUALLY BEEN BUGGING ME FOR DAYS, SO THANKS FOR THE CONCERN.”

“If it was her first time I would count that as an honest mistake.”

“SHE SEEMED EXCITED AT THE IDEA OF ME FINISHING IN HER.”

“A lot of girls are like that.”

“WERE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS LIKE THAT?”

“Are you kidding? Sex with no condom? If I asked to try that shit with the last two girls I dated they would fucking kill me.”

He laughed again, “KK, You really don’t think you can pull out?”

“SHE IS FUCKING TIGHT.”

“Thank you for the intel.”

He’s just fucking around with you right now.

“ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME ANYTHING FUCKING HELPFUL?”

“So you want my advice on what exactly? -you want to know if your girlfriend is crazy?”

“I KNOW SHE’S NOT CRAZY, SHE’S JUST- APPARENTLY A SEX FREAK.”

“Nice.” He nods.

“IF YOU TELL HER I SAID THAT I’LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK, CAPTOR.”

“Work. Place. Harassment.”

“GIVE ME DECENT ADVICE AND YOU WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME GIVING YOU WORKPLACE PHYSICAL ASSAULT.”

“Do you want to know how to ask her to use contraception? Are you the girl in the relationship?”

“YOU MAKE ANOTHER JOKE LIKE THAT AND I’LL CUT YOUR NUTS OF SO WE’LL BOTH BE GIRLS.”

He starts laughing. You smirk.

“You’re both terribly immature you know that?” You hear Megido behind you.

You both turn to look at her.

“Hey babe.” Captor lifted up a hand to greet his girlfriend.

“Hello honey, are you both going to escort John and his father inside the building today?”

“WE ARE.” You replied as you cross your arms.

“Oh, then know that I will be waiting by the front. Today I am the one authorizing John’s access to the building.”

“You’re not taking any chances hu?” Captor crosses his arms to match yours.

She leans in to whisper to the two of you, looking around for press. She sees some people moving around apparently, so instead she takes out a sticky note pad from her briefcase. Captor hands her a pen. She quickly wrote a message and rips the note off of the pad for you.

‘Someone broke in and took a USB drive. The press

   has not broadcasted any of the stolen information.’

 

She writes another sticky note. You hand the one you just read to Captor so he can read it.

 

  ‘We think someone is trying to ether sell it

    to the press or use it against us somehow.’

“HOW?”

“What do you think?” She asks you out loud

She hands the pen to you.

 

‘YOU THINK DIRK'S LAWYERS HIRED SOMEONE TO

GET INFO BECAUSE OF HIS SEEDY CONNECTIONS?’

 

“It’s certainly a possibility I’m willing to entertain.” She reads the note and hands it to her boyfriend.

You scribble down another note.

 

‘DON’T THE DEFENSE LAWYERS READ EVERYTHING

THAT'S IN THE DISCOVERY AHEAD OF TIME?’

 

“That’s why it’s so unusual to us.” She hands the note over to Captor again.

 

‘DO YOU KNOW WHAT WAS STOLEN?”

 

She hands the note over to Captor one last time.

She takes the pad from you and writes down one final note. She hands it to you.

 

‘information on my case against dave strider.’

 

You think about why someone would want that specifically, compared to Dirk, there is nothing of real note about Dave Strider or his case. You look back at Megido, she seems unamused by the whole ordeal.

“You burn those later.” She’s looking at you. “I know you have a lighter.”

Captor laughs at you again.

“Also, you don’t have to worry. Natalie and I had a very lengthy conversation about contraception. She’s already got a prescription. You are welcome.”

“THANK YOU.” You raise your hands, gesturing to Captor that his girlfriend is actually competent.

“I’m going to leave you both alone now. I want to catch Natalie when she gets here.”

“TELL HER I SAID HI.”

“Yes. I’ll be sure to tell her you’re scared of her.”

“DO **NOT** REPEAT OUR CONVERSATION TO HER.”

“Then do **not** speak about my friends sex life in public, around the press, when you are sheriff of this county.”

You try to mutter under your breath, “SHIT.” Well you tried.

You watch as she glides her way through the waves of people.

Weaving gracefully through the crowd.

“SHE’S TOO GOOD FOR YOU.”

He is also following her with his eyes.

“All my girlfriends are.”

You hear static out of your walkie-talkies.

You get a message. It’s about time.

“LOOK ALIVE, ASSHOLE.” You slap Captor’s arm. “JOHN’S COMING THROUGH.”

* * *

You finished helping John and his dad into the building. You want to ask more about the information that was taken so you walked them both up to the elevator yourself. Apparently the same floor your girlfriend works on is the same floor they question witnesses and victims on. You’re walking over to the area with all of the cubicles, then all of a sudden you notice that the door to the room where they keep all there exclusive files is wide open. Your curiosity is getting the best of you, you know full well this door is almost always kept locked. You look around to see if anyone is watching you. Everyone seems preoccupied. As you walked you casually swerve to change direction and step into the room. You look around. You don’t see anyone, still there’s always a chance there is someone squatting behind the file cabinets.

“HELLO?”

“Sheriff Vantas?”

_‘SHIT. IT’S NITRAM.’_

He slowly stands up, there really _was_ someone squatting behind the cabinets.

“What… what are you doing here?”

“I WALKED JOHN TO THE FLOOR. I’M GOING TO VISIT MY GIRLFRIEND. SAW THE DOOR WAS OPEN, WANTED TO SEE IF ANYONE WAS INSIDE. I HEARD THAT SOMEONE STOLE A USB DRIVE, SORRY BUT I’M ON HIGH ALERT.”

“Oh…. That makes sense. If you would… excuse me.. I um.. I need to bring these papers to Ms. Pyrope.”

“ISN’T SHE WITH JOHN RIGHT NOW?”

“It’s for the interview, yes… I really need to go.”

Maybe you should put a pin in this. If someone catches you shifting through files then Pyrope isn’t going to let you back on this floor, or probably in the building at all, for a long while.

You walk past a large space filled with desks and cubicles. You look over all of the clutter, trying to see if you can see your-

“Baby!!!” Natalie loudly calling you over. She is sitting at her desk.

You take a deep breath out your nose, even when you’re dating you still don’t like the dumb pet names she gives you. Baby is one of the newer ones, she says it every chance she gets now.

“HELLO NAT.”

“Ms. Megido told me that you were talking about me in the front, she said you’re starting to fall for meeeeeeee?” She slowly spinned around in a circle in her office chair. “Is that true.”

“WHAT DID SHE SAY EXACTLY?”

“That you are falling in love with me in your own special way, cause I intimidate you.”

She smiles up at you.

“Oh! - and you called me a sex freak.”

She goes back to smiling.

She’s at work and she has no shame saying any of this out-loud, you don’t feel bad about your conversation outside anymore.

“ _Meooooow_.”

You go back to feeling bad about your conversation outside again.

“Are you free anytime soon, my love?”

“NATALIE, I AM COMPLETELY FUCKING FLOODED UNDER METRIC SHIT-TONS OF PAPERWORK.”

“Same here.” She gives you a faux-frown.

You look at her computer. She is typing up files at the moment for her boss. You look at the files she’s holding in her hands. She’s typing them all up. Word for word. You look into her eyes again. Were her eyes always that… beautiful?

They were, weren’t they?

“ACTUALLY, SWEETHEART?”

She jumps in her seat when you call her a pet name.

A man walks up to the desk and stands beside you.

Her eyes widen, watching you and only you. Her glistening eyes look back into yours, waiting for you to speak. Waiting on you.

“IS IT ALRIGHT IF I SWING BY YOUR PLACE TONIGHT?”

“Oh! I just started using birth control!”

She notices the man standing next to you and raises her hand then opens her palm.

“Hi!”

* * *

You’re back in your station, walking down the hall past your men’s desks and cubicles. You see some of your men, you need to speak with one of them. They all look tense about something. Suddenly you notice that Zahhak is speaking with the group. None of them look pleased with the conversation. You turn right around and head back down the hall.

“Sir, a moment please.”

 _‘OH GREAT.’_ You turn around, he just left the group of officers. They all look over at you with wide-eyes.

“WHAT IS IT ZAHHAK, I AM EXTREMELY FUCKING BUSY AT THE MOMENT.”

“It’s just that I wanted to congratulate you, sir. Word around the office is that you are dating Ms. Leijon.”

You just notice now that he is holding a spring hand grip, it’s made of metal and he is pressing hard down on it.

“I DON’T SEE HOW THAT IS ANYONE’S BUSINESS IN THIS OFFICE.”

“Well, with all due respect sir, I believe this is business of mine. I know her rather well. Natalie is a kind girl. My best friend for years actually, were you aware of that, sir?”

“NO. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT.”

“Right. Of course you didn’t. I’m sure she didn’t say much about me. Especially if she had her heart set on a relationship with you. But I wonder why that is?”

He breaks the hand grip into two pieces. You say nothing but stare at him, with your mouth wide open.

“I have no clue _why_ myself. I am sure we are going to get along famously. You are my superior after all.”

“RIGHT” Your throat feels dry. You are sure he is threatening you. “YOU SHOULD REMEMBER THAT.”

“I do. That’s why I brought it into our conversation. Oh my, do you believe I am threatening you? I would only ever threaten someone who intends Natalie harm. But I do believe you have Natalie’s best interests at heart. Am I correct in assuming this, Sir?”

“YES.”

“That’s good. Then the two of us are going to get along famously.”

He pats your shoulder. You can feel just how strong his grip is and he’s hardly even touching you.

You aren’t sure if you should say something back to Zahhak at the moment.

You do feel intimidated by him, but not so much so that you are going to do anything.

You watch him as he walks away. He is easily twice your size.

There is no way in shit-eating hell that he isn’t threatening you.

You have to respect that though, the man clearly cares for Natalie.

Just then you notice that his palm left some sweat on your shirt, you frantically try to wipe it off.

_‘GOD DAMN ALL THIS DUMB FUCKING BULLSHIT.’_

* * *

You are laying down on her bed again. Her white persian cat is laying across your chest. You shoo the thing off.

“Cats always love people who don’t like them.”

Natalie got back from the bathroom still completely naked. She plops down onto the bed. Now she is propping herself up with one of her elbows, her head is resting on her hand.

“Sorry she keeps bugging you. I know you don’t like pets.”

“IT’S FINE.”

You thought about asking her about the USB drive that was stolen, but when you got here you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Something about using her for information... felt so wrong. Normally you wouldn’t care how you got your sources, just cared that you had them. This is different. This is Natalie.

“I JUST WANT TO GET SOME REST.”

“Alright darling, I want to go out on the porch for a while. I’ll come to bed later.”

You turned away from her and tried to get some sleep. Natalie didn’t even bother getting dress. Just grabbed something from her closet and headed out. You spend time trying to pass out but you are too overtired. You keep tossing and turning. ‘ _FUCK. CAN’T SLEEP.’_

You stumble out to get a glass of water. You can see the porch from the kitchen, she had a small apartment but it was still bigger than yours. You watch Natalie, she’s facing away from you. Sitting on top of her legs on a chair she had outside, laughing like crazy at something on her IPad. You slide open the door. She turns to face you. She’s wearing nothing expect for a pair of olive green panties. Her eyes are bloodshot. There’s smoke coming from behind her back, the entire porch smells just like…

“ARE YOU SMOKING WEED?”

“WHAT? Nooooo…..”

Her mouth turned into a long line, awkwardly, she attempted to keep a straight face and smile at the same time.

You are too tired for this shit.

“I’M NOT GOING TO BUST YOU FOR SMOKING POT. I WANT A HIT.”

“Ohhhh thank fuck.” She handed you her blunt. It was fatter than you were expecting. This must be how she relaxes after work. You sit down on the chair next to her. She readjusts her IPad on the table so you could watch whatever shitty videos she’s bingeing. You take a hit.

“You know babe, my old nickname is nepeta.”

“THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?”

“It’s like… catnip.”

“OH. HA.”

She starts cracking up at the vine compilation that she had on. She out stretches her hand towards you, opening and closing it, gesturing _‘give me_.’ You pass it to her. She takes a deep hit and slowly exhales. She seems completely unfazed that you are watching her intently. Her chest, expanding and deflating, her perky small breasts slightly jiggling. She starts laughing again, snorting and covering her mouth. She recognizes the next video, she’s quoting the rest of the six second clip. She hands you back the joint, which you take a drag off right when it’s placed in-between your fingers. She out stretches her hand again. You hand it back to her. She grabs it with her other one and then holds onto your hand with the outstretched one. She rubs the back of your hand with her thumb as she sings along to the next clip. Tilting her head from side to side. Cheerfully watching each second of footage just as intently as you watch her. You’re not going to be able to sleep until she’s in bed with you. You would hate to admit it but you have been having trouble sleeping lately. When she’s in your arms it makes the nights easier.

“HEY NATALIE?”

“Yeah, sugarcube?”

“I WAS THINKING OF NOT RENEWING MY LEASE.”

She put the blunt down on the ashtray on the table. Pausing her video. Looking at you with her mouth open.

“You want to move in with me?”

“IF YOU WANT ME TOO.”

_“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”_

You hear a dog barking from somewhere on the street.

She covered her mouth with both hands.

You laugh. She laughs along with you.


	19. What You Really Need

The office is just getting plain coco-nuts again. You’re glad you started wearing flats. You just delivered evidence to Ms. Megido given to you by –sigh- your boyfriend. You hurry along back to your desk and pick back up the phone. “I’m sorry I had you on hold, Dr. Serket.”

“It’s no problem Ms. Leijon, I had things I needed to attend to myself. Actually I was driving. At this very moment I am walking over from the parking garage. I would like to discuss our meeting right now ahead of time. I am sorry but this is going to be a private exchange between Ms. Pyrope and I, do you think you could connect me with her?”

Heh heh she always tells you way too much.

“Oh absolutely, right now she is in her office. Let me just see if she can take you right now. OH- but first, did you know that the sheriff is moving in with me? We're dating.”

“Really now? That’s wonderful news.” You aren’t sure if she is really glad or just a professional at faking emotions. Doesn’t matter, now she knows. It is very important that everybody knows.

“I know right!? Okay, let me check with Ms. Pyrope _right nooow_.”

You buzz Ms. Pyropes line. She picks up instantly.

“Sorry ma’am, Dr. Serket needs to speak with you it’s about your meeting in a few. She needs to speak with you privately about something.”

“Alright, phone her in.”

You do just that and get straight back to your busy work when-

“Equius!”

You notice him standing about ten feet from your desk, you wave him over.

“What are you doing here? _Need to speak with Megido_.” You put up a hand to cover your mouth and give him a coy look.

“I needed to drop off more papers, thought I would come to you directly so as not to make you walk to the front desk again.”

“Very thoughtful. You did want to speak with me though, riiiiight?”

He breathes a sigh out of his nose, “is Megido honestly dating Captor or is he just covering for her? I am strong enough to take it."

“They are dating, they go on again-off-again a lot. I should have told you that when I found out, I’m sorry.” You console your best friend, he must have wanted to ask you in person because the answer would have made him sad.

“That is alright, I appreciate your honesty. I need to get back to the station.”

“Holy moly, let me walk you out!”

“Aren’t you busy at the moment, Nepeta?”

“I am totally swamped,” you lean in to whisper to him. “But I could use the excuse to get away from my desk.”

“I understand.” He whispers back. He pulls away and loudly speaks up, “Ms. Leijon, would you please show me out?”

**“Well! If you insist!”**

You take a few candies from your desk and pocket them. You proudly walk to the elevator and ride with your best friend down to the main floor. Taking the moment to stretch out your arms and yawn.

“Hard day?”

You use your outstretched arms to respond, “Hard day, hard hour, hard week. Everything is hard.”

‘ _Pfft. Hehhehheh.’_

The doors open and you spot yet another pleasant surprise even though you kinda knew he was coming, it’s just perfect timing.

“Now look who it is!”

The sweet and timid John Egbert just walked through the door with his father, he must have heard you because his head shot up to meet your gaze allllll the way from down the hall.

“Sweet pea!” You are already strolling to meet him at the front. “It is such a treat to see you right now, it’s been so stressful in my office. Like a powder-keg. Just gonna poof.” You make the gesture of your head blowin’ up. He laughs.

“Still rocking the crutches I see?” You point at them with the tip of your shoe.

“Yeah, my leg is busted up pretty bad.” He looks down at his leg, but he’s smiling at you.

“Well, I have some medicine for that.” You take out the candies from your pocket and you out-stretch an open palm to present them to him. “Knew you were coming, brought you your favorites.”

“Thanks Natalie. You’re the best.”

“What? No, John. How _caaan_ I beee? You’re the best!”

John looks over at the tall, hulking man standing besides you.

“Oh, sweetie." You pat Equius's arm as you speak with John. "This is my best friend. I’m just showing him out.”

“Hello. Your name is John, correct?" Equius sweetly introduces himself, like the big lug he is. "Nepeta speaks fondly of you.”

“Nepeta?” John gives him a questioning look and a confused smile.

“That’s meeee!” You giggle and point at yourself.

“Oh.” He drops the confused look but keeps the smile. “She does?”

“Oh yes,” Equius continued, “She said that you are her favorite crime victim that she worked with. Said you are the first one that ever made her job easier on her.”

“Really?” John asks you. 

“Jeeeezz, now you're embarrassing meee.” You rub the back of your neck and twist your body from side to side. “Yeah, you really helped me out and you’ve never once added any stress to my job. Actually, now that I think of it Nitram speaks fondly about you too. Oh- man look at me prattling on again. You should be going.” You give your friend a push towards the door. “John, I can walk you to meet Ms. Pyrope.”

“That would be very nice of you. Thank you, Natalie." John turns to your best friend. "Goodbye, sir.”

“Please, call me Equius. If you are a friend of Natalie’s then consider yourself a friend of mine as well.”

“Thank you.” John replied.

Mr. Egbert told you he had to go take care of some skype calls in the town house they are renting. You told him that’s more than alright. You showed John up the elevator and to the usual room. No one is there yet. Usually Nitram and Megido come in once they know your boss is available.

“She had to take a call," You tell him. "She said she will be in shortly after. I’m going to go run and get you some water.”

“Uh- Natalie.” He sounds like he wants to ask you something.

“Yes, dear?”

“Would it be okay if I came with you?”

“More than okay, I would love the company. Follow me, watercooler I use is right down the hall.”

As you walk you take your time, John follows by your side still rocking those crutches.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, sugar.”

“Do you really view me to be your friend?”

“Oh, honey, if there is one thing I don’t like it’s lies so I don’t tell them. I consider you a friend.”

“Oh. Okay, I’m glad.” He took a moment to speak again, “Can I ask you for some advice then?”

“Sure thing gumdrop, shoot.”

“What would you do if you were in love with someone and you can’t see or speak to them at all?”

“Man, now that sounds lonely. You going through a hard time right now, honey-bunch?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well. I think if I couldn’t see the person I was in love with at all... hmm... or speak to him… Well normally what I do is write when I am unhappy. I would write a letter to my darling and then just keep it to myself. Maybe then when I see him again I could tell him something like what I wrote.”

“That sounds like good advice.”

“Can you tell me something about this _mystery person_?” You wiggle your fingers and flash him a smile.

“Well they are a really reserved-”

“uh hu.”

“-but caring and loving-“

“Oh, do they love you back?!”

“Yes.”

“OH! Now that is wonderful! Best news I heard all day!”

You clap your hands together and hop up and down. You approached the watercooler, you walk towards the cabinet on the wall and open it to get out the pitcher, as you fill it you tell him to “keep going.”

“Well, we used to talk for hours together and… they always laughed at all my jokes, no matter how bad they were.”

“Oh- they had it _baaaad_.”

“Right?” He sounded happy about that. “They always listened to what I had to say, that’s why I fell in love with them actually.”

“Oh- that is so sweet!”

“Yeah- I noticed that that person always listened to me because they remembered my favorite type of Pop-Tarts and brought me a whole box.”

“You are so cute.” You shake your head at John, he is just adorable.

“They seemed to think so too.”

You say a soft, humble “eeeeeee!” In response. The hallway is quiet so you aren’t trying to be break the silence with your usual screeches. 

You finished up making the pitcher of water, now the two of you are just talking for the hell of it.

You ask a question yourself, “Did this person have any hobbies?”

“Oh- uh… Music… photography… mostly rap.”

“Oh, honey! They like to rap! Are they any good?”

“Well he’s not exactly good per say, but that’s why it is interesting.”

Oh, he is in love with a man. All of a sudden it hits you, John was trapped in an apartment for six years. He must have fallen in love with Dave Strider. You didn’t know that… Still, you are his only friend now. You aren’t going to judge him like everyone else is going to. You keep listening to his stories, he is so excited to talk about Dave to you. He keeps accidentally saying ‘he,’ he must be trying to cover up his sexuality to you. You want to tell him you don’t care but it's better he just realizes that you don’t on his own.

“He could be so frustrating though. They always thought that nearly everything bad that happened to the two of us was his fault. When it was… clearly not.”

You gear up a response, something wordy and clever like your boss would say but also something still caring like what Travis would say, “Sometimes when people go through bad things they blame themselves for not being prepared enough. That and not dealing with something well enough... in retrospect. That person probably wanted what was best for you and couldn’t give you 100% of what they thought you deserved.” Yes, that sounded somewhat coherent. 

“You hit the nail right on its head. That person was always so hard on themselves for a million different reasons… I just didn’t want to be one of those. I tried my best to keep his spirits up, but… the world… kept making that… difficult.”

“I hope now that things can be different for the two of you when you see each other again.”

“Thank you, Natalie.”

“You know you are a close friend of mine, you should call me Nepeta.”

“Okay, if you want me too.” He seemed happy you offered.

“Tell me more about that mystery person.”

“Well they are strange in funny ways, like he would always wear shades.”

“Oh yeah- What else?”

“That person thought that rap lyrics were romantic, some of them were nice –oh! and they sang this Ludacris song to me once for Valentine’s Day for no reason.”

“Which one? What’s your fantasy?” You didn’t mean to say that out loud, but once you did you couldn’t take that back. Not that it matters because John instantly answered,

“Blueberry Yum Yum.” He doesn’t skip a beat, “I think it’s because blueberry Pop-Tarts are my favorite.”

_‘Holy shit, this dude fucking rocks.’_

“That person could be so difficult sometimes though, like- they never cared for the way they looked no matter how many times I told them that they looked great. Like my opinion didn’t matter.”

“Oh jeez, that sucks honey.”

“They would listen to everything I said but sometimes it felt like it was through the lens of how he viewed the world, like he didn’t even try to see things from my perspective. Which is fine, I guess, I can’t expect that umm- that person… always understood where I was coming from.”

“You are very understanding, John.”

“Yeah, I just wish that they were too. Everything was about how things where their fault, we both knew that they were… uh someone else’s… Although I will say... it did make arguments pretty easy to win when we did have them.”

“Ha.” You laugh at that half-heartedly and smile. You know he said that just to make you laugh.

“Also always, _always_ had to get the last word.”

“Ugh,” You lift up your chin “I know how that is.”

“Funny thing is I miss it.”

“Of course you miss it. You miss everything about ‘em don’t you?”

“Terribly, like I’m missing a part of myself… It makes the days even harder.”

“Aww.” Even though John is on crutches you still pull him into a hug with one of your arms and rub him.

“It’s difficult to get by when stuff like this happens, you must feel heartbroken. Well, it’ll be okay, John. Trust me. If your love is really, reaaaally, real, you two will end up together again. Happens in books and movies all the time.”

“Yeah, but what about real life?”

“I didn’t tell you this, but I was in love with my current boyfriend for years, he rejected me all the time. I stayed persistent. I never let up." His eyes widen a little bit at that, "I knew that we were supposed to be together and I remember the first day that we met he seemed like he had a thing for me. I was sure he was covering it up. He would tell me to ‘RAISE MY STANDARDS’ and ‘FIND SOMEBODY ELSE,’ he was a pain in the ass.” John laughs at you cursing. “Yeah well, now he is my pain in the ass. I love him. I think that if you don’t let up, you will overcome this John. Just remember that that person loves you back, sweetheart. If you know that it makes it like 60% easier.”

You open the cabinets again to get out two glasses, just in case someone other then John needs a drink.

“...thanks...” John seems a little less downdraught, “No one gives advice like you, Nepeta.”

“That’s cause I’m one of a kind.” You give him a wink. “Now let’s hustle our butts back over, pumpkin.”


	20. Freedom

You followed your friend’s advice, you wrote Dave a letter. Looking over everything you wrote, all of the words look wrong to you. Like they aren’t even yours. You don’t normally write anything sappy or romantic, but you do know that Dave loves when you talk to him like that. You keep trying to write down more words, trying to find the best way to describe how you feel about the situation you’re in. All that comes to mind is that Dave shouldn't even be behind bars. You might have been able to save him years ago, if you knew about the bodies downstairs that might have been your push to escape and make sure that Dave comes with you. Dave always had a plan for you to run, it involved him staying behind. If you would have convinced him that you would run if he ran too then maybe he would have taken it. Maybe then… things could have been a lot different…

* * *

 “I feel guilty about something now, Dr. Serket.”

She leaned forward and nodded, she was intend on listening to your confession as you spoke.

“All of those years, I could have ran to the police and well… I didn’t because I didn’t want to leave Dave alone… I didn’t know what to do… maybe If I would have convinced him to run out _with me_ sooner than we could have both gotten help and also…”

You swallowed down some spit.

“Also… I feel guilty about all of those poor people underneath our room that died.”

She put her notepad aside and onto the wooden stand to the right of her chair.

“John. It is understandable that you feel remorse for all the people that died in that apartment. However, you did not know about many of the… gruesome things happening under that roof. I think you need to learn to let go of the things out of your control. Just remember that your focus was still on helping someone else.”

You guess your heart was in the right place, you were always looking out for Dave, but if you would have known about any of the murders downstairs you know that would have pushed you to seek help. Although, you probably would have left more so out of fear then anything else. Still, all of those people that died you could have done something sooner if you would have contacted the police. If you would have ran. You knew he was violent. You knew that he would follow through with his threats. Still you didn’t know what was going on just a few floors below you. You still feel responsible. Maybe your therapist picked up on that because she was gearing up to comfort you,

“John, you are a kind, compassionate young man." Dr. Serket softly told you, "you care deeply for others. Just know that none of any of this is your fault. You and Dave are both out of that home, and I know this pains you to think about Dave being in prison, but focus on how he is safe from him. Dirk Strider is behind bars and can no longer harm either of you. You can start to move on. You can now take these steps to feeling better. You can start walking towards recovery, you need to start by forgiving yourself for the things out of your control.”

You sigh out of your nose. You aren’t sure how you can start forgiving yourself when Dave is behind bars. You wish that you would have finished all of this years ago before… before all of this.

You think about Dave and what he would want. Ms. Teresa said that he would have wanted you to get better. That Dave probably wants you to get better. You are sure that he does. You need to focus on getting better for Dave. No, not just for him, for your dad too.

Your dad went for so long without you. He must still be worried sick over you.

You know that when you told him that you cared deeply for Dave a while ago that he must have picked up on what you meant. You didn’t mean to ever hurt your dad. You didn’t mean to break his heart like this. Maybe one day your dad can get to know the version of Dave that you know. Maybe someday, you can actually move on when Dave is back in your life.

When you can see Dave again you are sure that you can start moving on.

You are sure you can start feeling… free.


	21. nights together

_It was late at night. Steam was floating up from the boiling hot tub the two of you were soaking in. No one else was around, you had the pool completely to yourselves. John was cracking up after telling you a joke he loved, so you loved it too. The way he covered his mouth with his hand was adorable. He made a fist and stuck out his thumb. The tip of his thumb hit his overbite because he was laughing so much. He put his hand down on the ground besides him, the tub was small so the two of you were close together. He didn’t mean to but his hand touched yours. You were trying your best to not react to it. You looked up at the sky and saw one star, you pointed it out to him._

_“I think that is a satellite, Dave.” He replies._

_“Yeah- I guess... there are never any stars here.”_

_John went on talking about all the stargazing he did back in Washington. He apparently owned a telescope and watched a meteor shower with his dad right before they came to Texas._

_“Have you ever seen a meteor shower, Dave?”_

_“Never, but the sky looks better during the day anyway.” It's blue._

_“Oh, I never thought about that.” John started thinking out loud. “I guess watching the clouds is cool.”_

_“Yeah.” You didn’t mean to sound disinterested, just casual._

_“Sorry, I guess I’m rambling again.” You guess that John thought you didn’t want to listen._

_“We could watch clouds together sometime if you want.” Your heart was pounding as you asked him. It wasn't an offer for a date, but if he took it that way..._

_“OH!” He sounded excited at that idea. Then covered his mouth again and started snickering. "Really?  You don’t think that would be too gay?”_

_He started laughing. You smiled, when you saw his eyes were closed you let your smile fade._

_He wasn’t interested in you that way. He didn’t want you that way. You knew that._

_He must have thought about what he just said because he noticed his hand was touching yours._

_He looked down at it and removed it, he grabbed onto his glasses instead and grabbed the towel behind him to wipe them._

_You watched him as he hummed to himself and rubbed the fog off of his glasses._

_The pool lights were a soft white glow, humming against John’s tanned skin._

_You looked away. You can’t stare at him for too long because it hurts your heart._

_You just want a friend, you don’t want to do anything that could fuck this up._

_You can’t tell John how you feel about him, nor do you want to._

_John looks back at you. He tilts his head and pouts at you, squinting one eye._

_“What?” You ask him, you were sure you were blushing but the water was so hot how could he tell?_

_“I just realized now that, you always wear your shades.” He smirks at you._

_“yeah…?” You don’t know what he is planning but he looks sly, like he’s about to…_

_He snatches your sunglasses off your face and starts snickering to himself again. He is grinning so big his eyes are closed shut. When he opened them he saw your eyes._

_Completely red. Even your pupils._

_A lighter red halo surrounding both of them, they were your Irises._

_Just red without end._

_He must have thought you look strange, he tilted his head again as he looked in your eyes._

_He moved closer to get a better look._

_“I’ve never seen eyes like yours.”_

_He looked fascinated by them._

_You felt your heart sink further and further into your gut as he inched closer._

_He parted his lips to say something. Then he closed his mouth._

_You could see his Adam’s apple move, like he was swallowing down the words._

_He moved a bit closer to you again, still looking you in the eye._

_His glasses began to fog up again. He can’t see you anymore._

_“Uh-“ He pauses, he sounds worried. “Here are your glasses back! I have to go to the bathroom.”_

_John handed you back your shades and hopped out of the tub without wiping off his glasses._

_You watched him as he walked away. You aren’t sure if he is weirded out by your eyes or not, he seemed like he thought you looked cool._

_Maybe you were wrong._

_Maybe he thinks you look fucked just like everyone else does._

He didn’t. He thought you looked cool.

He confessed that he always liked your eyes.

He thought your white hair and eyelashes looked nice too.

He would lay next to you and run his fingers through your hair and tell you he loved how soft it was.

You would trace the edges of his body and kiss all of his scrapes. Eventually he started to like the feeling of you pressing down on his bruises. He said that the pain felt good when you were hurting him. That scared you. You didn’t want to hurt him. It was terrifying to think that someday you would enjoy hurting John the same way that everyone else liked hurting you. You didn’t want to force yourself down his throat. You didn’t want to slap him across the face for not listening to a command that he asked you to yell. But he wanted it. That scared you, you told him it scared you. At first you got by, you didn’t need to harm him to get him off, but as time passed on John got harder and harder to please. You needed to hit him in order to _really_ get him excited. Eventually John found out that he can’t finish unless you choke him. You hate strangling him. Sometimes he would start gasping for air and get angry at you for letting go. He would get so frustrated at you for not hurting him long enough for him to finish when he was close.

Once he started to turn blue so you let go and pulled out of him. He was so angry because he was apparently a second away from finishing. He was so mad that when he caught his breath again he started yelling at you and shoving you. He told you it was hard for him to even get close anymore. That he was stressed and scared all the time. He told you he wanted you to hurt him so he felt sane. You couldn’t bring yourself to keep going because you thought he was going to die. That you were going to strangle your lover and only friend to death. John was so upset... It broke your heart. You promised that if he would take a break for a bit and calm down that you would try again. You got used to making compromises for John but you never got used to hurting him. You missed back when the two of you were younger and you didn’t sleep with each other every hour of the day.

_It was about 4 A.M. and you couldn’t sleep. You looked up at the ceiling and listened to music. John was tossing and turning too. His side was hurting and it was keeping him up. You wanted to cradle him but he told you he wanted to get some rest. He turned towards you and huffed. He slid off your headphones. He put it in between the two of you. You were listening to some calm beats. He looked at you and didn’t say anything, you assume he wanted to listen too. You turned up the music and held his hand. You smiled at him and he smiled back. You laid down and listened to your music for a while till a calm beat with a piano in it came on. John sat up. He still didn’t say anything. He didn’t have handcuffs on that day. He grabbed onto your headphones as he held onto your hand. He crawled over you and slid off the bed. You watched him and let him drag you by the hand. You stood with him as he started pulling you closer. He put your headphones on your neck. He wrapped his hands around your shoulders. He held onto you and started slowly moving from side to side. He was guiding you to slow dance with him. You put your hands on his waist and gently swayed with him to the music. You rested your head on his shoulders and breathed him in. You kept listening to your playlist and dancing until the sun came up. When the moonlight switched to daylight you moved your head back up and kissed him. He slid off your headphones and sat down on the bed again. You sat beside him. You rested your head on his shoulders again. Your legs were spread out and his were pulled together. He started rubbing his hands through your hair and humming to you along with the music. You sat like that until the next song played. John reached over you for the nightstand. He grabbed the bottle and showed it to you. He started rubbing himself with it. He topped that day. For you._

He noticed that he loved being on the bottom more but when you pulled at his heart strings or when he wanted to do something romantic for you, he would do it in the only way he truly knew how, through sex. He did what you liked because he loved you.

He still loves you.

You hope that he can move on.

You hope he can find someone better.


	22. Blue Veins

Today you were going to be called as a witness for Dave’s case. You were sitting in the waiting room. Drumming your hand against the novel on your lap that you brought to read. You couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Dave’s face in the crowd. Seeing his ruby gentle eyes again and his snow white hair. He is going to be in an orange jumpsuit and cuffs but still, you get to see Dave in person! You are so excited just to be in the same room as him. Your heart is soaring despite how nervous you are to speak on his behalf.

You hear the clicking of someone turning a door handle. A bailiff holds open the door for you, “Mr. Egbert you’ve been called to the stand.” As you hop by on your crutches you thank the man holding the door.

When you came out your dad was already sitting in the audience. He was on the prosecutor’s side, in the first row sitting behind Ms. Megido and Mr. Nitram. There was a large space in between them so he probably can’t hear them as the talk, he must be straining his ears to listen in at the moment. You turned and saw Dave looking directly at you. Your heart dropped when you saw his face. He looked absolutely miserable.

He is looking at you with sorrowful eyes, he is frowning. Your mouth is open, devastated. You wanted to give him a smile, you wanted to show him you were alright. Now he is staring at your leg. You haven’t been walking for a few seconds now. You need to start walking again. But before you do, he looks back up at your eyes. You smile at him and mouth, ‘I love you.’ Then you continue walking up to the stand.

You were sitting in the box next to the judge, he was a rather tall, muscular man. His hair was unruly and large. Not the kind of look you would expect a judge to have. You were intimidated by him, hopefully if there is a sentencing he will be lenient on Dave, however, you are starting to doubt it.

You get sworn in on a bible. You promise to tell nothing but the truth about Dave's case, you already did before you even got here.

“Mr. Egbert." Dave's lawyer began, "I would personally like to thank you for coming to court today.”

Ms. Maryam was a tall, slender woman with dark skin and she held herself remarkable disposition. Her short dark hair framed her posh face. She had on an dark emerald suit and wore jade green heels. She walked with such grace it was like she was floating. Maryam's voice was low and refined, like tinted glass. She was the very definition of sophistication.

“It is no problem ma’am, I am happy to be here.” You answer honestly.

“What is your relationship with the accused?” Ms. Maryam spoke with a nurturing voice.

“He is my best friend,” Your voice sounds hoarse you are nervous, “and the love of my life.”

There is mumbling coming from in front of you, the crowd seems shocked by your answer.

“Could you tell the court what you two would do together during your time in the apartment?”

“Well, we mostly just have conversations. I stayed in Dave's room, that was the only place in the apartment I felt safe. We would lay on his bed and I would read books as he listened to music… um… Mr. Strider didn’t let us go on any dates and he didn’t want us doing anything romantic, but we would find ways to do it anyway. We used to celebrate holidays that no one cared about so we wouldn’t get caught celebrating anything like Christmas or my birthday.”

“Could you explain how you would celebrate these holidays?” Ms. Maryam asked you.

“Objection your honor: relevance.” Ms. Megido called out from her table.

“What is your point with this Ms. Maryam?” The judge sounded unamused.

“I am attempting to prove to the court that John and my client had, under the ultimately dreadful circumstances, a decent romantic relationship and that my client did nothing to contribute to the torment that John went through, but medicated it.”

“Objection: overruled.” The judge seemed interested in this train of thought. “Continue Ms. Maryam.”

“Could you explain, for the court, how you would celebrate the holidays Mr. Egbert?”

“For Groundhog Day Dave would go food shopping and he would always carry a duffle bag on him. He would go down to a pizza place and buy us this huge slice that we would share. We never got caught. We would also celebrate every Arbor Day, we would treat it like thanksgiving. Dave would buy a bunch of snacks from a store or sides from different restaurants and carry all he could fit in his duffle bag and we would eat one thing at a time to be careful... but we got caught once. Mr. Strider went through the rest of Dave’s duffle bag… and… he punished us both for it.”

“I apologize in advance for this," Dave's lawyer asks you, "would you describe your punishment?”

“He whipped us both.” You say the words with exhaustion.

You hear more mumbling from the crowd.  

“Would you say he punished you together often?” Ms. Maryam continued.

“Uh… it was more likely that if Dave messed something up that I would get hit and vise-versa.”

“Why would you say he did that?”

“Because we cared about keeping each other safe.”

The muttering got louder. Ms. Maryam took notice.

“You Cared About Keeping Each Other Safe.” She nodded as she reiterated what you said, and then continued, “my client has informed me that you would receive random beatings from Dirk Strider, is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am.” You nodded.

“Would you be able to tell the court Dave’s reactions to these random beatings?”

“Yes ma’am. Dave would get really upset. Normally he would try to pick a fight with his brother so he would beat him instead or he would just start hitting him. If that didn’t work… If… it didn’t… he would… drop to his knees… He would start..... He would unzip his pants…”

You heard more muttering from the crowd as you spoke. Someone gasped. You start thinking about how your dad must be taking this. At least he knows that Dave was looking out for you.

“Are you saying that Dave would fellate his older brother in exchange for your protection?” She finished the thought for you, she already knew the answer.

“Yes." You looked down at your hands. "He would also… If he wasn’t stopping… for anything… The thing he would always try last was… and it almost always worked… He would… He would… take off his clothes and get on top of me. He would be on all fours and… offer himself to his brother without prepping himself… so he would always bleed after.”

“You are saying that my client would allow himself to get raped while perched… on top of you… in exchange for your safety?” She was keeping herself together but she sounded taken back by that. Dave didn’t tell her that.

“Yes. Also Dave would get raped in front of me as a punishment. I think Mr. Strider would beat me senseless sometimes just because he wanted to rape Dave over me… I wish Dave wouldn’t have… I wish you wouldn’t do that.. I told you I would rather take the beating… It wasn’t as awful as watching that…”

 “Thank you for your answer, Mr. Egbert.” Ms. Maryam needed to stop you from trailing off so she just spoke up. “Would you please tell the court some of Dave’s other punishments?”

“Well… Most of the time he would get molested in some way… I’m honestly trying to rack my mind for something that wasn’t rape or me getting beat… One time Mr. Strider filled a sink with water and kept dunking Dave’s head in and out. Then he made him… what was the word you used… fellate... him after…”

“You are saying that Dave’s punishments were nearly always sexual abuse or violence against you?”

“Yes. It is really hard to think of anything else.”

“What would you say was the worst punishment either of you received?”

“Worst. Punishment… It was something I did… I refused…”

You take a moment. You need to rip off this band-aid. You speak up and more clearly,

“Worst punishment… I ever saw... was my fault. I refused a request from Mr. Strider when Dave was out so he waited for Dave to come back. He grabbed a knife and chopped off my finger.” You hold up your hand to show your missing ring finger. “Dave was so angry, he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He grabbed a butcher knife and screamed at his brother. He screamed at him to get him to watch and then he said that whatever he did to me he would do to himself as he chopped off his own finger to match mine.”

“That promise, that my client made to you when he cut off his finger, would you say he kept that?”

“I wish he didn’t, but yes, ma’am. He did… Mr. Strider broke my leg once… I passed out from the pain… When I woke up I had a sling on my leg and Dave was on the floor screaming… He would hurt himself for me a lot…”

“The defense rests your honor. No further questions at this time.”

You did it! You defended Dave! You look over at him again. He is looking at you, his head is slightly tilted, his brow is lowered, he is giving you a somber smile. He still looks miserable but you can tell his heart is soaring from seeing you. You can read him like an open book.

The judge spoke again. “The prosecution will now begin its cross-examination of the witness.”

You forgot about that. Ms. Megido seems convinced that Dave isn’t completely innocent when it comes to your kidnapping. Hopefully you can dispel that in court but she knows a lot of information about this case because she is helping on Dirk’s case as well. She might use that knowledge against you here.

“Mr. Egbert.” She begins. “Would you say that Dave Strider is your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” You answer truthfully. “Mr. Strider didn’t want us to think of our relationship that way but we were dating.”

“Would you say you had a sexual relationship with Dave Strider?” She sounds more stern than usual.

“That’s kind of a personal question, but yes.” You look over at your dad sitting in the audience. You look back at Ms. Megido. Before she asks you another question you open your mouth to speak, “Dave would listen to me whenever I wanted to stop and we would do the things I wanted to do. Most of the time we would have sex the way I liked.”

“Thank you, Mr. Egbert." Megido says, "could you describe for us how you would consummate your relationship?”

You began to really feel nervous about this.“Uh-“

“Objection, your honor.” Maryam interrupted. You darted your eyes over to her table. Dave looked concerned about this line of questioning. You feel the same. Ms. Maryam continues. “Relevance?”

“I would argue that the consensual sex between your client and the witness is as relevant as them celebrating Arbor Day.”

“Objection: overruled.” The judge ruled.

Ms. Megido returned her focus to you. Her long black hair swinging to the side as she turned back to face you. It was your turn to speak. You can play this right and still not lie.

“We would both like being on the bottom, most of the time Dave was on top.”

“Can you describe for the court what exactly that means?” Megido asks.

“Dave would… um.. I would be the one receiving anal sex…” You hesitate to say.

“Thank you, Mr. Egbert.” Is she trying to make you uncomfortable? “Could you tell us more about how Dave would sexually please you in order for us to get a full understanding of your relationship?” It seems like she is.

“I guess… when I got older… uh… It was difficult for me to… finish… so sometimes he would spend hours …giving me oral sex or… uh… making love to me.” You are really nervous about answering. Especially with your dad in the audience. 

“You say it was difficult for you to reach climax, correct?” You might have just gave her something to work with. You aren’t sure.

“Correct?” You answer it as if you are asking her, _‘What business is it of yours?’_

“What sexual stimulation would you say you would need to achieve this?”

“That is an extremely personal question.” You tell Megido.

“Are you saying you are not willing to answer?” Megido sounds like there is a twinge of excitement in her voice.

Now she knows there’s something there. Something that might make Dave look bad.

“Dave would do anything I asked. I will say that, anything more is too personal for me to answer fully.”

_‘What is she getting at here? Where does she get off asking me where I get off!?’_

“Very well.” She stepped away from you for a moment, signaling she is going to entertain a different round of questioning. “Earlier, you were discussing punishments that Dave would receive on your behalf. What sort of punishments would you receive on Dave’s behalf?”

“Normally, Dave did whatever Mr. Strider wanted. I didn’t really get punished as often as Dave would… He would cut me, stab me, burn me, kick me in the ribs, punch me in the gut, whip me, break my legs, break my fingers, he did a lot of different violent things to me depending on what he was punishing me for. But Dave would always bandage my wounds, and I would bandage his.”

“Thank you.” She placed her hands behind her back. “Would you say that Dirk Strider ever raped you to punish Dave?”

“No. Not to punish him. Dave wasn’t allowed to know about it or Mr. Strider was going to break my legs, that’s why my leg is broken right now actually.” You are speaking to the court more than her, they need to know everything, even the things she knows.

“How often would you say Mr. Strider would rape you?” Ms. Megido asks.

“Uh… well he didn’t do it till I was 16. He would take me to his room when Dave was out and... rape me... there. At first he didn’t do it often and as I got older he did it more and more frequently.”

“Before you escaped, let’s say that month specifically, how often would you say Mr. Strider would rape you?”

You swallow some spit and clear your throat. “Every other day.”

“And Dave did not find out about that until the day you escaped?” Ms. Megido asks.

“Dave was out a lot for work.” You state.

“And you did not know what his work was, correct?” Ms. Megido asks you.

“No. Dave never told me.” You have to clear your throat now, it feels dry. “I-I still don’t know.”

“You were not informed of what Dave’s job was, and he was not aware that you were being raped by Dirk Strider?”

Is she trying to point out you hid things from each other? Hold on, doesn’t that help Dave’s case? It must look like you were both protecting each other to the court now. She must be trying to pull something.

“Yes. That is correct.” You nod.

“Yet you were raped frequently? Would you say that it left bruises or marks?” She sounds so assertive about this, she is trying to pull something. Is she trying to make it look like you are lying?

“Yes.” You do your best to not show your nerves.

“You were usually naked, correct? And your relationship with Dave was sexual? Also you just claimed that Dave would bandage all of your wounds?”

You know where she is going with this.

“That is all true, I was beaten so often that my body would be covered in bruises and cuts nearly all the time.” You do your best to not sound upset.

She nodded at you, she knows that you are trying to save this. You avert your eyes back to Dave, he has on his usual stone face. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he is just as nervous as you are about this. You look back at Ms. Megido. She waited for you to look back at her to speak again.

“You had told us in your testimony that Dirk Strider had cut up your thighs before you were caught by Dave. The medical report showed that _before_ Dirk had cut you, you had large cuts on your thighs that began to scar much earlier than that. It’s a rather intimate place to have cuts. Dave would have surely noticed them. Did he bandaged those wounds too?”

“…Yes…”

“Dave knew about those previous cuts in between your thighs and bandaged your wounds." Megido pauses. "Could you tell us who cut your thighs?”

“I…”

Dave did but…

“It…”

You were the one to ask him.

“I wa…”

You wanted to remember who owned you.

“I needed-“

You needed to remember.

“It was…”

You needed that man to see those cuts.

“He…”

That man... he.

“I couldn’t…”

He raped you. He cut up your thighs. It was more than a punishment.

_“You…You defiled yourself.”_

_“No I didn’t. Dave marked me.”_

Your head is starting to spin or is it the room.

Every eye in the room is stabbing into you. Your dad's. Dave's. The whole world's.

Everyone knows that _he_ raped you, and now everyone thinks that Dave did too.

No, he never did. Dave never did anything bad to you.

He did do things wrong, but he fixed himself and no one believes you.

All of that suffering.

 **All of** _**that...** _ **was for nothing.**

Everything goes black.

You hear the ticking of a clock. You strain yourself to open your eyes. Wherever you are its white and blue. Your vision is blurry. You get up and try to look for your glasses. Someone hands them to you. It’s your dad. You look around the room. 

“Why am I in the hospital?” Your voice is little hoarse. 

“You fainted son, you weren’t responding.”

“Oh no...”

Dave had to watch you faint over something that is your fault.

You were the one who asked him to cut up your thighs.

You just…

You wanted to…

* * *

You want to go back to bed. You want to say you are too tired but he knows this is your favorite movie. You’ll make it through today, for your dad. But you might need something to help you through the next few hours.

You pile up all of the pillows on the couch. You make it roughly around the height that Dave is when he would sit beside you. You lean onto it. It doesn’t smell like him, or feel like him, but it is going to have to do.

You close your eyes and picture him.

_The room was always dark. There were a few lights strung around the room. Red and blue Christmas lights hung up above your bed._

_Dave is laying on his back on his side of the bed. You are laying up against the wall, reading another library book Dave checked out for you. You used a white moon-shaped light as a reading lamp. It was bright enough to light up your half of the bed. You divert your focus away from the book you’ve been reading to look at Dave. At the moment, he is holding up a photo of you, one he took a few years ago before you were taken. He’s wearing headphones, listening to some music as he looks at your younger face._

_Dave looks back at you and holds the photo next to you, he is comparing the way you look now with your younger self. He slides off his headphones, he was listening to a song played on the piano, unusual for him._

_“Your skin used to be a lot tanner.” Dave smiles as he speaks to you. A sad, somber half-smile._

_“How can you even tell in this light?” You lower your brows at him._

_“Come on, babe, you know you got pale since you started living here. Drained all the color out of you.”_

_“Ha- well I’ve always been like that, I get pale quickly but I go out for like a full day and I get a tan.” You smile._

_“Really? Now I’m really jealous.”_

_“Oh, don’t start this Dave.” You say._

_“Start what?” He asks like he doesn't know._

_“You’re going to start comparing yourself to me again.” You groan._

_“Oh no, I wasn’t going to. That’s like comparing earbuds to headphones, they just don’t hold up.”_

_“God!” You lay down on your back and grab the ends of your pillows, covering your face with them._

_“Let’s be real, John." He's rubbing your arm. "You’re the hottest thing in this bed.”_

_“No.” You let go of the pillows and pick up the glowing moon. “That would be this fucking light.”_

_You grab it and toss it at him. It was hot to the touch._

_“Shits a fucking fire hazard, John!” Dave turns it off and sets it down on his makeshift nightstand._

_“Dave, we are both pale now aren’t we? So don’t worry about it so much.”_

_“I can’t help it! It’s just, you know, people can see my veins through my skin. It’s really gross isn’t it? If I could tan then no one would be able to notice.” Dave is half-heartedly smiling._

_“Did someone say something to you when you were out today?”_

_His smile fades. You must have guessed right._

_“Let’s drop it.” Dave sighs._

_“Okay.” You agree._

_Dave puts your photo back up on the wall._

_“But, Dave… I love you and the way you look.”_

_Dave musters up the energy to give you a smile._ _“Thanks, babe.”_

_You grab him and force him into a hug._

_"Say I love you too!” You force him to say it._

_“Fuck you, I love you more.”_

_You laugh at him. Holding him around his entire body, long torso, lanky arms and all. You give him a quick peck on the lips. He gives you one back. You part open his mouth with your own and slip in your tongue, rubbing it against his piercings, all while holding him captive in your arms. Dave maneuvered one of his legs to fit in between yours. Trying to rub your-_

What…? You fell asleep?

You rub your eyes. How long were you out for? The movie isn’t playing anymore. You overheard your dad talking in the kitchen. You don’t grab your crutches. You just limp over to the wall so you can overhear his conversation.

“Yes. I know doctor.” Your dad sounds concerned.

“My son had a fine recovery.”

“I understand. If you think this is best for him… Next time he passes out I will call you. I didn’t know that hospitalization wasn’t-”

“Alright? go on…”

He sounds startled by something Dr. Serket just said.

“…are you serious about this? Honestly?"


	23. A Clever Placed Word

You called Dave Strider to the stand after John Egbert passed out. John’s father left as well to join him in the ER. Dave, for all the time you’ve known him, would have on an immovable stone-face. Completely apathetic to all the hearings and interviews that he had gone through. Dave seemed disinterested in anything involving his own case. Dave would instantly give out any information about the violence that John experienced at the hands of his older brother, however when you called him to the stand to answer 'who cut John’s thighs' his response was strange, and his expression was strained.

_“Listen, John is going to tell you the answer himself when he’s ready to answer that.”_

_“Are you saying that you are not willing to answer?” You ask him to clarify._

_“I’m saying, I’m not going to embarrass him any further than you just did.” Dave responds._

_“I am merely asking questions as a prosecutor, I wish to get at the heart of this case.” You tell him._

_“That’s fine, but John’s been through a lot, don’t make him sufferer through this too.”_

_He continued to refuse to answer any questions that he believed would embarrass John. That apparently included any sexual act of congress between the two of them._

_“John Egbert had just told the court that he required extra sexual attention in order to climax, what would you say he needed to-"_

_“Objection your honor.” Dave’s defense lawyer spoke over you. “Relevance?”_

_“Explain.” The judge lifted one of his rather large hands to question where you were going with this._

_You explain to the court, "I think it is relevant to know what sort of sexual relationship John and Dave had during their time under that roof. I also believe it is relevant to know the extent of their sexual congress.”_

_The judge continued to press you, “What do you mean exactly by that?”_

_“John endured physical battery regularly, he was prepared to defend Dave in court by recounting several traumatic injuries dealt by Dirk Strider. John just informed us that climax was difficult for him to achieve, I believe that Dave was the one to cut John’s thighs. I believe it may have been a part of sexual congress between them. I believe that Dirk raping John on Dave’s bed where Dave would find them was prompted by these cuts... Seeing how Dirk Strider made sure to cut up John’s thighs ruthlessly, it seems like the most logical interpretation of those events.”_

_You turned to look at Dave, he put back on his stone-face. However, his eyes were widened._

_“Objection: Sustained. Rephrase the question.” The judge ruled._

_“Did you cut John’s thighs in order to sexually stimulate him?” You ask Dave again._

_Dave paused. “I will not answer.” He sounded slightly different from before, like he was unsure himself._

There is more there. Something is off but you can’t wrap your head around what. You couldn't get anything else out of him once you were hit with an objection for hearsay.

You’ve been thinking about it for hours now. You got back a while ago, now you are sitting down in your desk chair in your office.

Dave was a prostitute, and as such he would have had no issue sexually stimulating John Egbert in whichever way he would ask. If it took a lot for him to achieve climax during sex, and he would not answer anything further about that. That led you believe that sex between them was violent. That bruises caused by sexual stimulation would become so normal that Dave wouldn’t be able to tell if hickies or bite marks were caused by him or Dirk. If sex between them always resulted in bruises then Dave would not have picked up on John getting assaulted behind his back. That Dave himself would choke John Egbert and leave blue rings around his neck. If Dirk made those cuts he would have just said it was Dirk. Dave made them, that much was obvious to you. He is waiting on John to respond to the question… probably because it is something private between them, sure… but it sounded to you that he was  unsure if it was for sex or not. You’ve been lost in thought for a while now, you didn’t notice someone was knocking on your door until just now.

“Come in.”

“It’s me.” It was Nitram again. Probably here to argue with you about that stunt you just pulled in court.

“What is this about?” You don’t spare a second getting to the point.

“I think you should go easy on John if you want to earn his trust.” Travis sounds kind as he asks. 

You hold clasp your finger together and cover your lips with your hands. You are still lost in thought at the moment. If you aren’t careful you will voice your true thoughts. You might let slip that you don’t honestly care about John’s trust because your boss won’t let you speak with him alone. There is no point in gaining it. You think about what to say before you respond,

“I apologize for that, I assume he will no longer trust me with any information. However, it seems that he trusts Teresa. I think we should leave his trust in her hands.”

“He might not trust any of us after this.” Nitram sounds worried.

“He will have to. If he wants to prove to us that Dirk Strider is the only one who kidnapped and assaulted him. John is also going to have to prove to us that Dave had no reason to suspect that he was being raped behind his back. That John must have had so many intimate bruises and marks that Dave believed all of those were from himself.”

“I swear…” Nitram muttered to himself before speaking up. “I know what is going through your mind… That Dave and John’s sexual relationship must have been… an aggressive one… That is the only way to make sense of this, correct?”

“Yes.” You nod.

“I think so as well..." Travis agreed with you. "I also think that the two of them choosing to have sex in a… hot-tempered…” He sighed. “Alright, I can’t mince words to spin this into a polite way like you can… I think that the two of them violently having sex together sounds like something that John pushed for, not Dave.”

“Explain everything you think about this.” You really want to hear something from his point of view, for once.

“John said he couldn’t… uh… he said it was difficult to uh… finish… he also said after that Dave would do whatever he asked, not that he would do whatever Dave asked. It sounded, to me, like _his_ choice.”

“Still, regardless… Those cuts were clearly made by Dave.” You continue.

“-and what if they were?” Travis spoke over you. “He was having a tough time answering your question before he passed out, it sounded like he was attempting to say he asked Dave to make those cuts.”

“It did, didn’t it?” You move your hands away from your mouth and down to your chin. Now you feel too much like your boss so you put your hands down completely.

“You think something is off about all of this… don’t you?” Nitram sounds annoyed with you.

“Dave’s response was off. He seemed unsure.” You are looking at your desk.

“...and what do you think about that?”

“I am more interested in what you think about it.” You look back into his eyes.

“I think John asked Dave for… sexual stimulation as you put it… You seem to think that John must have asked Dave for those cuts for another reason.”

“This isn’t about what I think, I asked _you_ for what you think.”

He made a face like he was fed up with you, he lifted up his arms and said, “I think that John needed those cuts to get off.” He dropped his arms and let them smack his sides.

“Then, why was Dave so unsure?”

“He didn’t sound any different then he normally does to me, I don’t know what you think you picked up on but the boy seemed like he wasn’t answering because it was a private sexual-”

“I think that John asked Dave to cut him to get at Dirk.”

Nitram looked at you. Looked at you like you just insulted his family. He looked at you like you struck him across the face. He was so insulted and so confused at the same time.

“You… You honestly think that he asked to be cut… In order to… to say… _'fuck you'_ to Dirk?”

You’ve never known Nitram to curse like this, in all your years of working with him he has been polite company. You must have really shaken him with this.

“Did you look at the photos?” You ask him quickly.

“Photos of what?” Travis asks you with a tone that lets you know he's annoyed with you. 

“Of John’s thighs?” 

Travis still had that look on his face, he was shaking his head no. He started rubbing the bridge of his nose and then his eyes. He is fed up with you right now.

“Look at them.” You opened up John’s medical files and placed them on your desk. From your perspective it was upside down, Nitram was scanning the cuts with his eyes. The blood was wiped quickly off right before the photo was taken to show light scarring. You were told that there must have been scabbing that was cut off. The marks on his thighs were incredibly light and as such, they were hard to make out, especially with the lighting. However if you looked close enough you could see that some of his marks were a different shade of color than the rest.

You traced the word for him with your fingers. “D.” you lightly moved your nail to trace the letter. “A.” You traced another and moved on to the next leg. “V.” He put up his hand in protest to stop you.

Travis gathered the strength to say. “I can see the E.”

You nods as you tell him. “I originally thought that Dave marked John as his own. When we were in court today I started to see... I noticed that John… marked himself as Dave’s slave.”

Nitram covered his face and turned away from your desk, “are you… fucking kidding me?”

He started shaking his head. “You really think that… You are…”

You interrupt him, “Tell me another way that this makes sense.”

He couldn’t bring himself to speak with you. He turned back to face you and shook his head.

Eventually he is going to have to admit that you are right.

* * *

You stepped out to eat lunch again, or rather dinner seeing how late it is. Much to your dismay, and also his, you run into Nitram again.

“I would like to apologize for my language earlier.” He began. “I assure you I will not…uh… let myself… um… slip like that again.”

“Apology accepted, I would like to apologize for how blunt I have been. I understand that my method of explaining myself can be vexing for-“ He interrupts you.

“Apology accepted. Your candid nature is what makes you easy to work with… Just I expect you to run your plans for Dave’s case by me first before doing anything in court from now on.”

You hum as in to say yes. However he doesn’t take that as a real response.

“Yes.” You confirm for him.

“I will be blunt as well.” Nitram begins. “I would like to offer a plea bargain to Dave Strider to drop all charges except the ones he confessed to.”

“Even kidnapping?”

“Yes.” He was quick to answer. "John isn't pressing charges on that and he confessed that he never asked to leave, he wasn't held against his will."

“Didn’t I just explain to you that Dave had-" 

“What? Broke his mind?” He says the words as if he is annoyed with you when he was the one who so rudely interrupted you.

“Warped his perspective of himself…” You correct his language.

“I think we need John to explain this to us himself.”

“Right, so he can give us a skewed pers-“

“John deserves the right to be heard in this, he is going through therapy. He has counseling.” Travis voices his opinion. 

“Even so… I think it should be left to the jury to decide. I didn’t spend all that time looking for neutral-“

“I understand how annoying the process is, I get that better than anyone." He sounds a bit sympathetic, and yet still Nitram's in your face. "I helped you through this.”

“Then understand that the process is necessary for justice.”

“I don’t even think punishing Dave for prostitution is justice.”

 _‘This again.’_ You run your hand through your hair, from your roots to the ends. It’s getting frizzy again.

“It wasn’t his choice. Dirk Strider is the one who should be punished for this.”

You look away from him so you can roll your eyes. ‘ _Here he goes again.’_

“I saw a father stealing food from a grocery store once with his kids in the cart and you know what I did, instead of turn him in?”

“What did you do?” You say the words with annoyance.

“I gave him money. I told him other options-“

“I get your point.” You cut him off.

“I don’t think you do… I am saying sometimes people break the law because they have no other option. We’ve seen cases of sex trafficking victims and for some god awful reason, the law thinks that these girls deserve to be thrown in jail and have a record attached to them for being kidnapped and-“

“You cannot tell me that Dave Strider is in the same boat as those people. Clearly he could leave his home-”

“Aradia! I didn’t become a prosecutor to punish people who had no choice-“

“If you want to defend Dave Strider become a defense attorney.”

“I am defending his right to due process," Travis tells you, "you should attempt to get at the real heart of this case." Nitram tells you. "It is your job to build a case against him, yes, but you need to have the perspective that Teresa has about this.”

You blink at his words. “I thought you wanted me to see eye-to-eye with you?”

“I don’t think we ever will. I wholeheartedly believe everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but our boss is different and you know that.”

You stay silent. You know he may have a point with where he is going with this.

“I just want you to think of the suspect as neither innocent nor guilty, that there is nothing weighing to strongly in either direction.”

You sigh. “I get that you two are listening to Egbert, I get that you believe John wouldn’t have a reason to defend Dave if he wasn’t good to him. I am looking at every bit of evidence we have against Dave and the bigger picture tells me that Dave really did love him. Dave really did want to treat him well.”

“You believe that…?” Travis sounds stunned by your claim.

“I do. I just don’t think that was what Egbert needed. The boy needed someone willing to make, and execute, a plan to get him to safety. If he really wanted what was best for John, he would have done that. He was thinking of himself through all those years in the apartment, he didn’t want to be alone. He was holding John captive in a different way, but to me… it is just as violent.”

“Just as violent?”

“Those marks stay forever.” You look down at your maroon heels.

“You are saying… You mean…?”

You glance back up at him. You turn and walk away.

He gets your point, you get his. Why continue this further?

You won’t make any progress like this. You need more information.


	24. All Just The Same

You had just finished speaking with John’s therapist and the other prosecutors in your office. Dr. Serket was unsure that John would be ready to be called as a witness against Dirk after John passed out in court. You told her you would hold off as long as you could before calling him to the stand. However he was the key witness and survivor, he would be called when needed. Someone else in the room spoke up on John’s behalf,

_“Maybe… **maybe** … he should speak with Dave again, Ms. Pyrope.”_

_You drop your hands to your desk. You ask, “Explain your reasoning, Megido.”_

_“If John **can** get closure from talking with Dave… maybe he can gain the emotional strength to hold up in court.” Megido sounds dejected as she speaks._

_You consider this for a moment._

_Could it be possible that speaking with Dave would benefit his recovery, his therapist seems to think so. However, you agreed he needs to make more progress first._

_Megido continues, “I also think that John can convince Dave to work with law enforcement. It would be what’s best for this case.”_

She was thinking of the case first, as your type usually does. This must be what Karter was getting at. This is why Serket doesn’t trust any of you. However, you will be the one to arrange this, you will be the one to greenlight this. You have your own reasoning.

At one point in time you had faith in someone, similar to the way John has faith in Dave. However you had doubts in her, she didn’t have your complete and total trust. You extended your arm to her out of respect. You also cared deeply for her, but you were unsure if she would hurt you or not.

She was dealing with criminals under the table. Assisting people in smuggling drugs through the border and out of ports on the coast. You needed to confront her about it. You believed that because she worked alongside you in law enforcement that she deserved a shot to own up to what she was doing and a chance to turn herself in before you contacted the police. When you confronted her in her office, she hit you in the back of the head with a desk lamp. She must have thought the blow killed you. It blinded you instead.

John seems as if he has no doubts in Dave. He put his complete faith in him. You do not wish to see someone make the same mistakes that you did. However, you feel like you can trust John’s soul. Everyone tells you that his eyes look dead. Like there is nothing behind them. Those people aren’t really looking at him. What’s on the surface is the only thing that people can ever look at. You no longer have to worry about things as petty as appearances. You can sense his soul is truly a pure one. Even with all of his scars. John is an honest kid. You know that.


	25. Slowly, Lovingly, Patiently

_“Yes.”_ Your dad was talking over the phone after you passed out on the couch on your 20th birthday. _“Dr. Serket, I already told you that I am fine with it once you give the okay.”_

He sounded worried at the time, but also like he was determined to get this over with.

_“If you think it will help John’s recovery.”_

_“What do I remember about him? You really want to know? Okay. He seemed fine. Not talkative, he was polite to me, I guess he was a bit awkward but at the time that just seemed like a normal teenage thing to me. He really liked my son and I was happy that he made a friend.”_

_“Listen. I trust my son. If he wants to speak with him he can. I trust you too, if you think this will help him through court, then fine.”_

_“So what day?”_

_“That’s in less than a week.”_

_“Alright. I’ll tell him in the morning.”_

Your dad woke you after he made breakfast, just like he does every day since you reunited with him. Scrambled eggs. Sunny side up eggs. Egg muffins. Toast with jam and butter on the side. Ham. Bacon. Sausage links. Hash browns. Breakfast potatoes. Cheese omelets. Orange juice. Milk. Coffee. Waffles. Pancakes with maple syrup. Blueberries. Raspberries. Strawberries. Cranberries. Sliced Bananas. Grapefruit with brown sugar. Orange slices. Croissants. French toast. Cinnamon buns. Chocolate-chip muffins. Bagels with cream cheese. Raisin bread. Biscuits. Coffee cake. Powdered donuts. All arranged on the table and made from scratch for the two of you to share. You know that he’s doing this for you and you really appreciate the effort he puts in for you every day. He always loved baking, and you think cooking must help take his mind off of things. You understand he is trying his best to show that he is here for you. You know it’s hard for him to find the words, he shows you his love through actions instead.

You are sitting at the table, putting some of the scrambled eggs on the toast you just buttered. You thank your dad for the meal and tell him how good it all looks. He knows you have trouble eating too much food at once because the diet you had was so limited. You can only eat so much without getting sick, your dad has been really patient with the fact you can’t eat the majority of what he makes for you.

“I didn’t make oatmeal today, I hope that is alright with you.” He apologizes for nothing.

“Dad, this meal is the best one so far. I really like everything here.”

“Thank you, son.” He sounds happy with what you told him. He still has a somber, melancholy tone to his voice but his happiness is peaking through like sunshine in the rain clouds.

Your dad always makes this much for you every morning. Right now he must have felt like he messed something up, to tell the truth you don’t care for oatmeal at all so this really is your favorite meal you’ve had since reuniting with your dad. If there was anything missing it would be cereal, but after hearing your diet under that roof, he must be staying away from anything to unhealthy or sugary. He also ruled out Pop-Tarts and Toaster Strudel too and he no longer puts apple juice out for you after you started crying during the first meal he made because it was on the table. You had to explain it was basically Dave’s favorite thing. After you confessed that, you noticed that all of the apples in the town house were tossed away in the trash.

Your dad was cutting apart a small stack of pancakes for himself as he gathered the strength to speak again,

“Son, I spoke with Dr. Serket the other day over the phone.”

“Yes?” You try your best to hide your excitement.

“She told me that Ms. Pyrope arranged something, and that you will be able to visit Dave for an hour.”

You couldn’t hide it anymore, you didn’t need to once he said the word Dave.

“WHEN?” You jumped up out of your chair and put your hands on the table.

“In three days, son.” He was surprised at your sudden enthusiasm.

You ran over and hugged him. You swung him back-and-forth, all with a big smile on your face. He put his hand on your arm, gently patting it. You can tell he must be concerned for your well-being. This must all be a lot to take in for him. You think all he ever wanted out of life was your safety and happiness. One day you hope he’ll understand that he shares that in common with someone.

* * *

“Now, John.” Dr. Serket wanted to squeeze in one more session before you met with Dave again. She stuck up one of her fingers to make her point. “I want you to think about all of your experiences in that apartment. Prepare yourself for anything that Dave might bring up.”

“Right.” You agree. That makes sense to you. She continues like you don’t get it.

“John.” She paused, she put on a more empathetic tone with you when she spoke next, “recall how you asked to find out Dave’s job through him, well, he might want you to tell him somethings that he didn’t know either.”

“You mean like…” your voice shakes. “When _he_ raped me?”

“He may ask you. He might want you to tell him everything that you kept from him.”

Your head is starting to hurt again.

“John, I do not want you to push yourself. I would rather you pace yourself instead.”

“I will. I have been.”

“John, take this whole thing slow.”

Slow.

Just like everything.

Slow.

_“Please don’t- don’t touch me like that Dirk.”_

_“Come on now, don’t you like it when it hurts?”_

_“I…please…stop.”_

_“You want me to stop finger-fucking you? You should see yourself right now. Fuck. You’re so tight too.”_

_Involuntarily you gasp._

_“You better finish up, you know who's going to be home soon.”_

_You know._

There is something you have to do before you see Dave. Something you need to look into.


	26. Vibrant Kindess

You are trailing around the hallway. You are walking back to your desk when you spot a familiar face sitting down in his usual spot. He is reading a novel and smiling to himself. He looks so happy you need to find out why. You start speaking as you approach him,

“Why, Mr. Egbert, you look happy this evening.” You half-say, half-sing to him.

“Hello, Nepeta. I am.” John meets your enthusiasm with his own. ‘ _What a sweetheart.’_

“Care to tell me whyyy?” You drag out and sing the last syllable.

“I’m going to see that mystery person again.”

You start jumping up and down and clapping your hands together, all while giggling and grinning.

When you finish hopping around you lean forward and cheer, “I am so happy for you!”

“Thank you, I am excited too.” He looks down at his book for a moment. He sighs and closes it. “Nepeta, I guess I kept this from you because I didn’t know how you would react. It’s okay if you think this is weird... I understand how things look to people from the outside in… I’m in love with Dave Strider.”

He looks back up at you, when he meets your gaze you give him a soft smile.

“Thank you for telling me, sweetheart." You say the words softly. "I’m sure if he won over your heart he must be kind.”

He smiled back at you. You must have told him the right thing.

“Thank you so much, Natalie.”

John needs a friend right now, someone who trusts him and well... you do.

* * *

You were at your desk again, taking calls for the office. You were swamped again today. Half the callers were just asking for interviews with your boss. Everyone was buzzing about the case so John’s been on your mind all day. You picked up another call and you heard the voice of a sweet young woman on the line.

“Um hi, listen. My name is Jade Harley and I am really, really sorry to bother you but John was a close friend of mine...uh... when we were preteens – um... well an online friend, butstillreallyclose! – I know this sounds fake but… I uh…”

“Did you have a dog?” You ask.

“Yeah, I- I did.” She has a light, sweet voice.

“You lived on an island?”

“Do you know me?” She sounded confused.

“Let me take down your number and I’ll give it to John. He’ll call you back.”

“Thank you!”

She quickly gave you her number.

“Oh wow! I thought it would be harder to get back into contact with him, I’m really sorry if I inconvenienced you!”

“Oh no. Jade! It’s okay. I really hope the two of you get back into contact soon, he seems kinda lonely, but hey- I talked with him and he told me a funny story about your dog.”

“Bec!? He remembered Becquerel?” She sounded astonished. "That's why you asked me if I had a dog right?"

“Yeah!” You sounded really happy at that, you couldn’t recall her dogs name but you knew you would remember it when you heard it. This really is John’s old online friend. “I’ll give him the number myself next time I see him!”

“Thank you miss!”

“Anytime.” You giggle.

* * *

“She called you herself...?” John looked back down at the sticky note. “I can’t believe it.”

“Yes, she told me her dogs name too!” You confirm to him it really is his friend. “I wrote his full name on the sticky note.”

“Yeah, I think I remember this.” He looked at the name. “Wow. It’s really her.”

“Are you going to call her?” You ask him.

“I think I will once and let her know I am doing okay… but I don’t know if I am actually ready start talking with her again... uh... I don’t mean to sound like a bummer but I am… kind of a bummer right now.”

“You take all the time you need, gumdrop.” You pat him on the shoulder. “Letting her know that you are doing alright is a very sweet thing to do for a friend, sugarcube.”

“Yeah… you are right.” John smiled sweetly at you. “Thanks, Natalie.”

He looks down at the note and breaths out the words,

“Thank you for everything.”


	27. Together Again

It took weeks to convince your father, even longer to convince your therapist, and finally, finally, Ms. Pyrope agreed to it. You must have convinced them all that you can get Dave to talk.

You’re sitting down in a cold metal chair. Hands placed on the cold metal table, tapping your fingers impatiently. Anxiously waiting in a gray, cold secluded room for him to walk in. You are only going to have an hour, you are sure time is just going to fly by.

You recognize the two cops in the room standing by the door, one of them was Natalie’s best friend. The other one was a guy you would see with the sheriff when they would walk you in the building. Dr. Serket and Ms. Teresa are both sitting behind you. Sitting off to your right side. Next to what you assume is a two-way mirror. You couldn’t care less who is listening in. This is for all of those people you’ve never known that died. This is for all of the times that Dave was hurt and you couldn’t do anything but watch. This is for you.

He must have been expecting another conversation with his lawyer or with the police. He kept on that stoic face when he walked in. His eyes were shut and he huffed out of his nose, preparing himself for another boring, drawn out conversation about this case.

You try to suppress a smile.

“Dave?”

His eyes shot open, his mouth starts to tremble. He slowly slides into the chair, not breaking eye contact with you. Sitting down. Both of your hands are placed on top of the cool metal table a few inches apart.

You are still trying your best not to grin. But you can’t help it.

You look down at your own hands and laugh. Biting your lip to stop yourself from giggling.

He starts laughing under his breath too. He was trying to suppress a smile, trying to keep his cool.

“John. How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing well. Everyone has been so nice to me.”

“I’m glad.” Dave lightly bows his head.

“I’m sure you haven’t been given the same treatment.”

“Never mind that. I’ve been holding up okay.” Dave's voice sounds so soft.

“Most of my wounds are healed up.” You continue.

“Yeah?” He sounds glad.

“Yeah, Dave. Although, I still have a few scars on my legs, Dave.”

You hope he knew what you meant.

“I see. I still have a cut on my arm.”

You do your best not to smile.

“I’m sorry you still have scars.” Dave says to you.

“Don’t be, it wasn’t your choice.” You tell him.

“Yeah.” He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head slightly. “What was ever my choice?”

He chose for you to run… Instead of telling him that you say, “practicing photography?”

“You got me there.” He sighs. “I guess I chose to get you to run too. I still can’t believe that he gave himself up to the cops. I didn’t think he wouldn’t go down without a fight.”

He doesn’t express it on his face but you can tell from his voice that he is frustrated.

“Yeah well- I’m sure he wants to make sure he smears you as a monster, just like everyone else.”

He said nothing.

You said nothing.

He breaks the silence, “why did you tell everyone that I knocked myself out?”

“Because you did.”

“I did it so you looked like you fought me off.”

“For him?” Now you're really confused.

“Man, fuck him. I did it for you.”

“What?” 

“I didn’t think you would tell everybody I knocked myself out, I thought you would take the credit. I wanted you to look like a fighter.”

“When it comes to that, I’m not, clearly I’m not.”

“Fuck you, don’t give me that shit. **You are strong John.”**

You’re chin starts quivering. You’re struggling for air.

“I can’t sleep at night.” You confess to him.

“If this is your way of saying you need me, save it. **You don’t.”**

“It’s my way of saying I’m weak. I really am just a pathetic, weak-willed loser.”

“Shut up. Shut the **fuck** up, John!” He looks furious with you. He makes his hands into fists. He points a finger out at you. His voice is hoarse, like he is on the verge of tears.

You hear Dr. Serket’s bracelets clink together. Ms. Pyrope’s probing cane tapping the floor.

“Don’t say that about yourself. Ever. Don’t even think it. Don’t let him in your head like that. **Don’t let him win**.”

You let out a choppy breath. You can feel tears tear up your throat as he continued,

“If I wouldn’t have hung up all of those photos. If I wasn’t such a fucking freak-“

“You’re not a freak.” You firmly tell him.

“John, you were the one who told me that following you around and taking photos of you wasn’t normal.”

“You didn’t know any better, you couldn’t have known.”

“If I wouldn’t have taken all of those photos and hung them up. If I wouldn’t have texted you at every moment of the day. If I wasn’t so _happy._ He wouldn’t have taken you.”

“Hey.” You place your hand closer to him. “Taken was a good movie.”

“Fuck you John, seriously.” He laughs, either because he liked your joke or because he is frustrated with you. Probably both. He spoke again, “I’m trying to be serious with you.”

“Me too.” You lightly laugh.

You swallow down some spit. Your throat is so dry.

“Dave, you shouldn’t even be behind bars. You could have ran out with me.”

“Then what? I would have been arrested anyway.” 

“You could have been killed.” You let him know you're worried about him with your eyes.

“John, don’t worry about me anymore, okay?”

You are starting to feel frustrated again. “Dave, why do you think I am here?”

“I don’t fucking know? Closure?”

“ **Why** do you think I am here?” You ask him to answer.

“…because you miss me, and you shouldn’t.”

“I am worried about you.”

He looks away and sighs, even though he’s trying to keep on a straight face you can tell he is frustrated with you. You speak up again,

“You shouldn’t be behind bars. You shouldn’t be- and you should fight to make sure people know that.”

“I am fine.” Dave tells you a lie.

“I’m fighting to make sure they know you are a victim too.” You tell him.

“John, they think I’m a killer like him... I’m going to be behind bars or in a mental ward for the rest of my life.”

You are starting to lose your nerve, “Don’t make me go through this fight alone.”

“My fight is over. That was it. I’m going to keep helping them make a case against him and tell them what he did to you. I just want my iPod back and a photo of you and I’m solid. That’s all I’m ever gonna need.”

You can feel your eyebrows tense up.

“I don’t need anything else, once you are safe.”

He already gave up.

“If it means he can’t touch you like that anymore,” he smiles peacefully at you. “Then I’m free.”

You bang your fists down on the table.

He looks down at your hands. You are holding them close together, you know exactly why he is staring.

“Don’t put your hands together like that, you’re not wearing cuffs anymore, I am.”

“You were the one who took them off-”

“John-”

“You were the one who took off my collar-”

“John-”

“You were the one who hit him in the head!”

“John!”

“You could have killed him!” Before you even finish your sentence Dave yells over you,

**“-and I thought about it!”**

The policeman behind him shuffled towards him. He took a second to calm himself.

“He was raping you.” The words were bitter. You felt like they weren’t even directed at you.

“In _my_  room. In _my_  bed. And he wanted me to watch.” Dave is holding his head in his hands. You can hear the tears built up in his throat. “He cut apart your thighs while he was doing it too. I saw the blood. I remember all the blood. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t kill him for you…I feel like such a fucking failure.”

“Dave. When I yelled you could have killed him I meant you hit him so fucking hard you could have killed him. Not that I wanted _you_ to do it. Why did you hit him like that?”

“I needed it to be over. I couldn’t let him touch you like that… Babe, I should have killed him. I should have fucking slit his throat when he was wasted. I should have fucking fought him for you. I should have forced you out that fucking door- I should have done anything, anything, years ago.”

You take another calming breath.

“What’s done is done. We both need to move on. It’s the only thing we can do now.”

“No, babe. You move on, I don’t think I can ever let any of this go.”

“Dave-“

He interrupts you. “I couldn’t protect you-”

“Now I know that’s bullshit-”

“-I could have fought him for you, think about that, John." Dave sighed, " **I** could have done anything, none of this is on you, you can move on. All of this is on me.”

“Dave it’s not your fault, it was _his!_ " You lightly shake your head, "Besides that, you two used to fight. You never won.”

“No. I did win." Dave pauses. "Once.” 

“What?” You shift your eyes to the side of the room.

You didn’t know that.

Dave continues, “It was before he took you. Before any of this happened and you invited me up to your hotel room with your dad. I stole your shirt and used it like a pillow case. He saw it. He told me he was going to rip it to shreds if I didn’t manage to get it back from him and-"

“You did?”

Dave nods once, “I think if I would have fought him over your life, I would have found some way to win. I could have found some way to do it. If you asked me too I would have found a way. I thought about killing him every day and making you run… but I didn’t know… I didn’t know how to be alone.”

“You wouldn’t have been alone. You had me. You still have me.” You say the words softly to him.

He pauses.

“You should move on.” He tells you.

“No. I won’t. Whether or not you like it, I will be and have always been with you.” You rarely say anything that sappy to him, you hate sappy, you have been sucking it up for weeks and saying romantic crap to the fucking lawyers for his sake. You don't mind saying a bit more to his face.

“…I didn’t know if that was true or not John, I don’t even think you know…”

“I think I do.” You take his hand. The guard behind him shuffles towards you.

“John, you aren’t allowed to touch me.”

You look off to the side and sigh. Annoyed, you let go of his hands.

“Fine.”

You lift up your hand with your missing ring finger.

“Compromises.”

He lifts up his, the other hand is forced up with it, due to the handcuffs.

“Compromises.”


	28. the shower is always running

He’s upset that he can’t hold your hand. John loves being able to hold on to you, it’s one of the few things that still brings him comfort. You can’t let him touch you now. You have to make him let go. First you need to say some final words to him. Before you lose your nerve. You open your mouth to speak but John cuts you off,

“You know, I worked really hard to get here.” John looks off to the side, his arms are crossed. “It took me so long to convince everyone that I am ready to see you again. Everyone tells me I need closure for what happened. I don’t think I am even looking for that, because to me this isn’t over. I need all of those people to get justice and…” He lowers his arms. “I need you to know that I am doing fine. That I am getting help. I’m sorry that… I didn’t end this sooner… I could have helped you make a better plan.”

“No, John.” You shake your head. “Don’t blame yourself for any of this-“

“How can’t I?” John is staring at you with those big, sad eyes. “You were the one who told me we should leave, you were the one who made a plan… I didn’t want to leave you… Maybe I could have convinced you to run with me… before I started to… Before this all happened.”

“John…” You swallow down your tears, don’t lose it now. “It’s okay… and… I should have known… I just figured that if you were getting raped… that you would have told me.”

“I’m sorry I never told you, I never told you anything… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It wouldn’t have been _you_ that hurt me.”

“That.” John pointed at you. “Right there. You just admitted it to yourself, that it wasn’t you, it wasn’t me. It was _him_.”

You sigh through your nose again, he was right about _that._ Sure, _that._

“It’s still on me for not making you run sooner.” You tell him. 

“UGH.” John lifted up his arms. He is frustrated with you.

He looks off to the side and crosses his arms again.

There is something you need to tell him, before you let him go completely.

“John. I know that you are angry, but there is something important that I want you to know. I need to make sure you know this. ‘The shower is always running.’ Remember that.”

He says nothing.

“Remember that when you open up a door and you think he is going to be behind it.”

He looks at his hands.

“Remember that when you see someone walking a dog on a leash.”

He opens his palms.

“Remember that when your world falls apart because you feel like he can still hurt you.”

He is silent. You know he understands what you mean. He knows.

You continue speaking like he doesn’t.

“Remember back when we would hear the shower run. We would know exactly where he was. He was always so quiet that he could be anywhere, but when we heard the shower we knew right where he was.”

You pause for a moment and wait for him to glance back up at you.

“He’s behind bars, John. From now on the shower is always running. Say that to yourself for me when you think of him. ‘The shower is always running.’ Say it for me.” You ask of him.

“The shower is always running.” John takes a deep breath out his nose and hums, “What about you, Dave? What should I say when I remember that you are behind bars?”

“Good riddance.”

“Fuck you Dave, seriously.”

“That one is good too.”

He turns his head away from you.

This is hard on you too but you need to cut him loose.

He speaks up again, “How about ‘I won’t give up on him?’”

“John...”

“I’ve been going to therapy, and Dr. Serket told me a lot of great things like what you just said-”

“Babe-“

“I think you need to forgive yourself for the things that are out of your control-“

“John!” You’re getting frustrated, he isn’t listening to you again. “I’m not going through whatever pussy version of therapy you are going through. There’s just a bunch of different people, poking through my head, trying to figure out: If I loved you then why were you nearly always malnourished? If he fucked with me too then why were you so cut up when I wasn’t? And I don’t have any excuses for them, I don’t have any for you either.”

“I’m not looking for excuses. I’m here because I want to let you know I am okay and that I love you.”

“John, you… you know that… You know you should move on.”

Don’t let him win. Cut him loose. He deserves more. He deserves the world.

“Move on… Really? After all of that? Move on?” He sounds offended like you knew he would.

“John, I know that we went through a lot together. The moments I spent with you were the greatest moments of my life, more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamt of. I can’t keep you tied down to me. Once this case is over and he gets the chair you are going to be completely free of all of this, I wanted nothing more than for you to be free and live your life.”

You said your piece. You are waiting on John to respond.

“Remember when we were sitting in the hot tub at night before any of this?" John asks you. "Back at that hotel? I took off your shades and it was the first time I saw your eyes. I told you ‘I’ve never seen eyes like yours.’ I kept staring at them and I felt… I felt this urge to kiss you. I knew I wanted to and it scared me. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was too scared. I didn’t even think that I could… like a guy that way. You looked into my eyes and it was like… I just wanted to- You know the feeling? I –I just wanted to hold you.”

_‘Wait…’_

“Is that really what that was?” You shake your head. “I thought… I was just deluding myself.”

John firmly tells you, “I swear on my life, I swear on everything I have against _him_ , I swear on my love for you. That that is the honest to God truth.”

You look down and swallow spit. When you look back up at him, John continues,

“I’ll never know what it would be like if we did things the normal way. I’ll never know what would have happened. But you had an honest to God chance at earning my heart the way you were supposed to. Not just if you had a normal life. You did have a chance, because in that moment. I almost kissed you. I almost did.”

“Hand to God, you really swear... that’s true?”

“I remember it so clearly. Because it scared the shit out of me.” John lightly laughs, like he's hurt.

“I’m sorry, I must have scared you like that a lot then.” You pay him a smile.

“What? You mean like when you cut off your finger?” John asks.

“He can’t hurt you anymore, I won’t hurt myself anymore.” You tell John.

John watches your arm as you raise your hand with your missing finger, once again dragging the other up with it.

“Compromises.” You say.

“Compromises.” He says.

You don’t say anything for a few _seconds,_ he nods his head.

John wants you to say it this time.

“Just like a marriage.” You both say in unison.

You wipe your face with one of your hands and shake your head, “I felt the same way too, that day…”

“Obviously.” John scoffed.

“No. I meant that, I was too scared to make a move.”

“If you would have, I would have kissed you back.” John says the words like he is absolutely certain.

Still you press him on it, “You really believe that?”

“I am not going to lie to you today.”

You look down, and smile. When he says things like that it makes you feel like a schoolgirl with a crush.

John continues, “I really do wish things could have gone the way they were supposed to. It would have been difficult. I would have been difficult. But I know I felt something there before we were forced together.”

“Our first kiss was normal. When you think about it, not under the circumstances but… that’s right, isn’t it?” You ask him.

“Yes.” He confirms it for you. "It was."

“You made the first move.” You not at John.

“I did, didn’t I?” John says the words like he didn’t remember that.

You smile at him.

“Dave, don’t look so proud of me. That kiss happened well after you sucked me off.”

“Yeah, well… You asked.” You smirk.

“Dave. About that...” He sounds like he’s gearing up to tell you something that’s going to hurt you.

You are starting to feel nervous about the tone he’s taking, “about… what?” 

He looks off to the side and breathes out like all the air is leaving his lungs.

“Don’t tell me he made you ask.” You can’t believe this.

“He made me do a lot of things.” John sighed.

You mutter to yourself, “oh- come on.”

You start rubbing your temples, all of this shit today is going to give you a fucking headache.

You question out loud, “Is our first kiss the only thing we had that’s ours?”

“No. There was like a million things.” John starts talking with his hands.

“How am I supposed to know what those were?” You raise up your hands.

“If it was after our first kiss, it was because I wanted to.”

“Cool.” You look up at the ceiling, “so, even before that he made me rape you.”

“Dave, you said it yourself just now. He _‘made’_ us do those things. I don’t blame you for any of this. You didn’t rape me, **he did.** ”

“Everything before that kiss was something you were forced to ask me for? He would threaten you with some pretty bad shit didn’t he? You could have told me and I could have just pretended for you…”

“He would know if you did. Remember how he would barge in randomly? He would tell me to ask you to do something specific at a certain time of day and he would tell me the day before when.”

“So that one ‘ _there’s no stars in the sky here, suck me off so I can see them’_   line was him?”

“No… that was me.” John confirms for you.

“You really said that yourself, did you even mean it? or want it?” There are tears lightly grazing your eyes.

“Well… I was embarrassed with myself than, and he told me I needed to ask, but yes. I wanted it.”

“Really?” You sound breathless as you ask.

“I’m sorry that it wasn’t because I wanted you to touch me, more that I was just really curious… But I wanted it…. I thought if I asked you like that you would… enjoy it too…”

“Ha. That’s fine and I did… Okay, so on a list of _‘real firsts’_ between us it’s those two things.”

“That and the uh- you know." John sounds a bit nervous.

“The what?” You ask him to clarify. 

“Am I allowed to whisper to you?” John leans in.

“Absolutely not.” One of the cops behind you buts in.

You watch the women in the dark blue blouse lift up a finger. Her bracelets click together. She opens her mouth to speak but promptly closes it. She must want to defend John but she knows she can’t do that here. You can empathize with that.

“Okay - _uh_ \- the time I asked you to give me a rimjob?”

“Oh, that doesn’t even count.”

“Okay. That aside- don’t feel bad about anything he made me do. If wasn’t your fault. The only thing about sleeping with you that was horrible at that time was I didn’t know what to do or how I really felt about you. And you would take it slow with me, like you knew I wasn’t totally ready for it then. I was scared- but I was only scared because I thought if I messed up he was going to barge in and start kicking me in the gut. Yeah, he told me I needed to do it and he had ears everywhere but I always told you to stop when I didn’t feel okay back then, remember? You always listened. And you would ask me if I liked the things you did. I answered honestly cause I knew you weren’t going to hurt me over it.”

You give him a soft smile, a gesture that he matched with his own.

“And Dave…"  John sounds somber as he tells you, “I don’t even remember like the gist of most of the stupid threats he made. He threatened you too. You know how it is. Do you even remember any of those?”

You go back to your usual stoic look. You begin to count on your fingers.

“‘If you spend all day in bed again with John I’ll make sure I really break his ribs.’ ‘If you don’t go out and find someone to buy you more jaeger by tomorrow night I’ll cut off another of John’s fingers, I don’t care if you have to suck cock, here’s a condom now you don’t have the right to bitch.’ ‘Wear this around the house or I’ll break John’s jaw.’ ‘Dave, If you ever make John any special meals again I will beat him with the hot pan after I dump it on him.’ ‘Dave, if I catch you on another fake movie-dinner date with John again I’m going to smash your laptop over his empty skull.’ ‘Dave, if you want John to keep his fingernails you’re going to get over here now.’ ‘Dave, if you have time to spend talking to John you have time to do errands, get back by 5 or I’m going to burst his eardrums.’ ‘Dave come here and sit on my lap, if you think you’re too good for it then I’ll just tell your pet all about what’s downstairs, or better, I’ll show him.’ ‘Dave, if you don’t feel like riding my cock I’m sure John won’t miss a few teeth.’ ‘Dave, do I look like I fucking care if he has a broken rib or not, if I have to hear about John one more time today from you I’m going to finally put that fucking bullet in his skull.’ ‘Dave if I ever see you kiss him like that again in front of me, I will fucking corner your ‘boyfriend’ and force him to drink boiling water.’ ‘I forget the threat I made about dinner dates, it’s almost Christmas if you fucking do that shit I am going to force him to vomit it out and eat it again.’ ‘If I get back and the kitchen isn’t clean like I asked yesterday, I’ll break his legs.’ ’I’ll fuck you in front of him again.’ ‘I’ll kick him till he spits up blood.’ 'I'll make him break your fingers with a hammer.' ‘I’ll break his wrists’ ‘I’ll peel off his skin.’ ‘I’ll force him to kill a cat. ‘I won’t let him eat for a week.’ ‘I’ll make you kick him in the balls till I get off.’”

You stop counting on your fingers and you wipe your forehead, “There were so many but I remember damn near every time he threatened you.”

You tilt your head down, and keep rubbing your forehead,

“'If you don’t suck my cock, I’ll make John do it.’”

John says nothing to that.

“That one always shut me up.”

You are pinching your eyes together now.

“That or ‘if I can’t suck your cock I’ll suck off John’s.’”

You put your hands back on the cold table.

“He did both of those things to you anyway, didn’t he?” Your voice cracks slightly.

“Yeah… and he would beat me anyway too…” John is trying to change the subject, “Remember the argument that we had?”

“When did we ever argue? We always did that compromises thing.” You ask him.

“I said that I was sick of getting whipped or kicked or something and you said you were going to plant the idea in his head to give me cuts or burns”

“And you said you wanted burns. I remember that-”

“-the point is we learned to play him.” He interrupted you, “He might have beaten me constantly, he might have done all of those things, but we played him by planting ideas in his head. That was something we did together. That and those three firsts.”

“Rimming does not count as like a first, you are just trying to add more to the list, John.”

“It does, I didn’t even know what that is.” John lightly rolls his eyes as he smiles.

“You asked me to do something and you didn’t know what it was?” 

“Yeah, because it was you.” John nods.

You rub your forehead again and laugh under your breath. John continues,

“No more debating this, there’s three things. We can count our first date on your bed as a ‘first’ instead.”

Before you can argue he lifts up his hand and says “compromises.”

“Fucking compromises.” You’re still nursing your growing headache.

“Just like a marriage.” John says it alone this time, you can’t bring yourself to say it.

“It wasn’t. That’s not what we had between us, John. You know that. I’m sure your therapist told you that. What we had wasn’t normal. He forced-”

John interrupts you. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care.”

John shakes his head at you and sighs. “I love you.”

“John, dude, the fact we have fucked up fingers doesn’t make us married, you know that right?” 

John always seemed to think that the two of you... were...

“ _You_ don’t have to believe that’s true.” John closes his eyes softly.

“You saying that you do?” You put your hands back down on the table.

John glares at you, “I’m saying **you** don’t have to believe in something for it to be true.” 

“John-“ You look up at the ceiling. John doesn't care, he cuts you off...

“You cut off your finger and you said that what he does to me, you’ll do to yourself.”

“Yeah, and my ass is still sore.” 

He glares at you. You put up your hands in defense,

“Alright fuck fine." You admit. "That was a low blow.” _'No jokes.'_

“He kidnapped me, remember, and brought me to you… He took me and gave me to _you_.”

“Okay, fuck- what are we getting at here?”

“You gave yourself to me just like _he_ gave _me_ to _you_. You knocked yourself out for me. You-“

“John.”

“You did everything you could for me-”

“John.”

“-and yet you say… we are not married.”

“I would say that being kidnapped and forced by a grown-ass man to fuck his brother doesn’t constitute a healthy relationship.”

“You were good to me, Dave.”

You sigh. “He fucked both of us over... fucked you over more than me-”

“ **Life!** Life fucks people over, Dave." John's getting fed up with you. "Life fucks people over Every Day. Life fucks with marriages but people stay together.” John is getting upset.

“-or they get divorced.”

“Have fun finding a way to regrow your finger then.” He looks away from you.

He crossed his arms and whispers to himself, “honestly, Fuck this.”

“John. I meant it when I said I would do whatever he did to you to myself -that thing I said earlier wasn’t completely a joke. I couldn’t break my leg on the bed spring in my cell though, but it hurt like hell- the point is, babe, that I agreed to that when I cut off my finger and now that he is behind bars and probably getting the chair, it’s over. He can’t touch you like that anymore so… it’s over completely… between us.”

John held up his hand, pointing at his missing ring finger. You stop him, 

“Don’t tell me I broke some predating compromise, this is literally the foundation of compromises. If I broke it, it doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Sound point, _Good point,_ Counter point: **Go fuck yourself!** "

“John.”

“So I went through all of that for nothing?” John tosses up his hands.

You wince.

“You decide to leave me, now? Of all times?” He’s getting really mad at you.

“John, you deserve better then-"

“-You know that I could have ran anytime! Anytime! And I knew you would find a way to protect me! You proved that when you knocked yourself out and got him caught! I didn’t run because I loved you, I am dedicated to you. You’re going to throw all of that out now?”

“John.” He might have a point, but he deserves more.

“So we aren’t bonded by vows? You cutting off your finger and screaming at him **that,** and when you bandaged me up I told you I would always compromise with you to make this life work?”

“Fuck then, John what was our wedding? When I cut off my finger as I screamed at him to stop cutting off yours? Or when we bandaged each other up? Was he our best man or our priest?”

“He was the fucking devil.”

“Yeah. When we die we are gonna get like free passes to heaven because he already made us crawl through hell-” You were going to start rambling again but John cut you off.

“Heaven was your mouth.”

“Fuck. John…” You look over at the two women sitting behind John, you’re sure that woman in the dark blue is his therapist, “Normal people don’t talk about shit like that so openly, right?”

“This whole time I spent outside of that apartment I’ve been talking about what happened inside of it. I don’t care anymore if it isn’t perfectly normal to talk about fucking your mouth, I went through something fucked up and weird with you and I would rather talk about it, with you -and it wasn’t always horrible sometimes he would spend days or weeks out of the house. Remember the last time we were alone for a whole month?”

“Come on,” You cover your eyes and look down. You are trying not to laugh, not that this is funny, just that this shit is too fucking wild. “Let’s spare your therapist and lawyer the knowledge of what we do on Spree.”

“I’ve been talking about personal stuff like this for days, weeks, months and just for once I would like to fucking talk about something that **I did** because **I actually fucking wanted to**.”

He is pointing his finger down on the silver table, trying to make sure you get his point. He looks at you with this adorably angry face. You can never say no to him. He was about to hold his hand up to make another compromise.

You nod and gesture with his hand to speak,

“No one is stopping you.”


	29. Spree

You never mentioned Spree to anyone other than Dave, it was like this secret you had between the two of you. You have to build up the nerve to say it in front of Ms. Pyrope but fuck it, she’s heard worse.

“Remember that one time we fucked on his bed?” You smile like you're snickering.

“I remember that. That was like the ultimate fuck you." Dave's smiling too. "Remember when we banged in the shower?”

“ **That!**  was the ultimate fuck you!" You are getting really excited "– we did it all over his room!” 

“Has to be our fucked up equivalent of trashing the principal’s office.” He is trying not to smile.

“I still can’t believe that! AND WE BROKE THAT LAMP! We both got our asses whipped for that.”

You were smiling and getting cheerful about being able to talk about this with him. 

He sighed at you again.

“You could have ran then John. If you would have asked… I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

“No, fuck that. Fuck that. Absolutely fuck that. Don’t ruin Spree for me again. I even remember you’d get wasted and asked me if I wanted to run and I said no, and you told me I should and how to get out and where to find money and this whole plan and where a car was even though I can’t drive. And, Dave, I still said no.” Now you are rambling like he normally does. You should get back to the point, “It’s not on you, I had the opportunity to go and I didn’t take it cause I wasn’t going to leave you behind.”

You take a moment to look deep into his eyes, he needs to understand at least this much, “It was my choice to make, and yet you still made me leave. We’re here now let’s make the most of it.”

“mmmmmmm. Make the most of it? Like that time that you fucked yourself with the hose in the kitchen sink?”

“WHAT?! OH!?” The nerve of this guy. “You tried to get yourself to cum without using your hands!”

“Shut up about that, man, that isn’t fair." Dave defends himself. "That one’s genuinely fucking embarrassing.”

“Okay, well how about this? Remember when you edged me for like a full day!” You tell him.

He mutters to himself, “the memory of that still keeps me up at night.”

“-Or hey! Remember the last time I pissed on you!” You laughed in Dave’s face.

“That wasn’t even a Spree thing. That was just like- Tuesday night. Here is a Spree thing, it was when we were a lot younger, remember I got a stopwatch and we would take turns seeing how long we could last-“

“The blowjob derby!!!” You interrupt him and break out laughing. “I lost every time!”

“It’s not your fault.” He smiles back at you. “You were just sensitive.”

“You have like five tongue piercings! Even back then! You had the upper-hand!” You tell him.

Dave starts humming, “mmhhmmhh, man we did the same thing with handjobs. Saw who could cum first. It was you every time.”

“Okay, it’s like I’m on the one trial here.” You toss up your hands.

You both burst out laughing again.

Dave starts talking again, he’s still laughing, “All those times we would play games and the loser had to give the other a blow job.”

“And I remember you lost on purpose!” You point at him.

“Only because you suck, John.”

“Pretty sure you did.” You give him a large smug smile.

“Goddamnit, babe.” Dave shook his head. “Well, eventually you got pretty hard to please.”

“It’s not my fault.” You look down, you start fumbling with your hands under the table. “We just did stuff like that so often that I got used to it.”

“'Used to it’ is an understatement.” Dave sounds slightly annoyed and but also excited.

You must look a bit nervous right now, you know Dave liked that kind of thing in bed,

“Didn’t you need like… an extra kick too?” You look up at him with sad eyes.

“You were my extra kick.” Dave tells you. 

 **“UGH.”** You groan and slam your head on the table. "Don't get sappy again!"

“I really, really loved just being near you.” Dave is leaning over you. 

You rub your head into the table. “Nope, it’s time to talk about Spree again.” You get back up.

Dave started for you, “remember when you fucked me standing up and we both fell on the floor, ah babe, you were laughing so hard.”

“Yeah, remember when I wore your maid outfit for the first time.”

“Okay, don’t bring that up.” He is giving you a fake frown, trying to cover his smile.

“Hahaha! How about when you covered me in oil?!” You are very enthusiastic about this.

“Yeah and-“

“-or when you caught me trying on your clothes?”

“John-“

“Remember all those times I would call you daddy?” You beam him a huge grin and pat your hands on the table. You give him a sly look. “-or the first time I called you daddy?”

“Damnit John. You need to slow down. You’re getting way too excited about this.”

“Come on, sex, was like our- like our- way of having conversations! And when he was out instead of talk, we would just scream!”

“Yeah you ‘screamed’ a lot when he went on that last trip. Remember, it was a month before I knocked him out. As soon as he got out the door I took of your handcuffs and I ripped off that fucking collar and we went hard as a motherfucker right there on the living room floor in like no seconds whatsoever.”

“Yeah, you could have given me like a heads up about him leaving again, you kind of just threw yourself at me.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise, it was like a present.” Dave tells you.

“Which part was the present?" You lightly laugh, "You all lubed up and hoping on my dick? Or the fact that he was gone for a month?”

“Me bouncing on your dick as a way of telling you he was gone for a month.” Dave nods.

“Fuck. I wish you would have done that every Spree.” It was awesome and you don’t even like topping.

“That was the month before I knocked him out. Honestly that was our final goodbye.” Dave smiles.

“And not this?” You lower your eyebrows. You don’t like the idea of this being a final goodbye either, you are only saying this to mock him.

“Oh, that was way better than this. Talking about it is nowhere near as good as seeing you wear that - you know - thing he used to make me wear.”

“Oh god. The last time he left? Okay, then that was that black bunnysuit, right?”

“Hmmmm.” Dave'’s resting his head on his hands. “It looked so much better on you.”

“Ugh. I wore it cause you asked,” You give him a smug look. “just like how you choked me cause I asked you too.”

“Hey hey,” He gestures with his hands for you to quiet down, “maybe reframe from letting everyone know just how deviant you actually are in this already fucked up conversation about us rebelling against my brother with sex.” Even though he’s mostly stoic he still looks like he is sweating under the collar.

“That’s a normal sex thing apparently.” You say the words like you're surprised yourself, when Dr. Serket told you that you _were_ actually surprised.

“Fucking really!?” He smiles like he doesn’t believe it. “You have to tell me what is normal and what isn’t.”

“Ummm, everything we did when we weren’t forced to do something was probably normal… or at least a normal reaction to how shitty our lives where.” 

“Really? Well then, can I ask you something kind of personal then?” Dave asks.

You lift up your arms, gesturing _‘what the fuck do you think we are doing here exactly!?’_

“Fair Point.” He gets what your saying. “You asking me to punch you repeatedly in the gut… is normal?”

“Apparently.” Your voice is a higher pitch then usual. You sound surprised yourself. 

“You asking me to threaten your life with a knife…is normal?”

“Apparently sooo...” Your voice is so high it’s almost like you sung the words.

“You asking me to slam your head in the door frame is-“

“-It was all normal Dave, because I asked for it.”

“Huuuh?” He looks like he’s struggling to understand, “wow.”

“Yeah.” You match his tone.

“And you not running out was normal?” Dave asks.

 _‘Why does he keep doing this now?’_   You sigh to yourself and then tell him,

“No more talking about me not running out during our sprees and I won’t list any more of the times I asked you to hurt me for sex, compromise?” You raise your hand again.

"Compromises." You say.

“Cheers to that bitch. Compromises.” Dave raises his hand and makes the gesture of tinking a champagne glass.

“Just like a marriage!” you cheerfully say with him in unison.

You start laughing hard again, you continue,

“We always had a vibrator going off on us.”

“or in us.” He interjects.

“We both got so used to it, they did nothing.” You ask him, “you filled my ass with milk remember that?” 

“It was going bad, John. I had to use it for something.”

“Remember when you fucked me with a grapefruit?” You cheerfully ask him in a low tone.

“Fuck, that grapefruit was better at head then me.” Dave rubs his eyes again.

“Remember that watermelon?”

“That wasn't even during Spree.” He puts his hands down right in front of yours.

“We fucked a lot of things I can’t keep this straight.” You put your hands up and laughed.

“How about this, I wore that cheerleader outfit for you and put my hair up in stupid pigtails, you lost your fucking mind over that.”

“Because you stepped on my dick!” You complain.

“You’re getting dangerously close to breaking compromise.” Dave points out. 

“You know we did a lot of things that last Spree that would break compromise.” You give him another smug look.

“You know I didn’t care for that stuff.” Dave tells you. 

“Yeah but I did… so that meant the world to me… You did a lot of other things for me last Spree too, remember? You got us food from the deli and we watched tv.”

“-and I gave you head while you ate.”

“Yeah man, you are like… the coolest.” You brushed your bangs out of your face. You feel a blush creep across your face, you look to the side and cover your mouth with your hand. “I’m sorry I made you do things that you were uncomfortable with but it just... felt so good when you did it.”

“I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Dave, that was kind of the point.”

“I mean like, hurt you in a way that would _hurt_ you.”

“You never did.” You let him know. 

You both exchange a look.

You break the silence,

“Only when you knocked yourself out did you hurt me. But you were right to do it.”

You sigh, “It was the only way to make me leave.”

It was the choice that he made. It was a choice he needed to make for you.

“Fuck that noise. Let’s talk about Spree.” He interjected again. You’re happy he wants to talk about this.

“ _Yooouu_ … fucked me with the handle of your sword.”

“God, I thought I was gonna cut my fingers off. Why did I let you talk me into that?”

“Remember when you wore my handcuffs?!”

“Oh shit. Remember you convinced me to try to suck my own dick?”

“And it turned out-“

You both answer at once, “I could.” “You could!”

Dave smiled at you, “remember years ago for a different Spree, we fucked on the couch. You fucked me so hard we broke it. You twisted my leg but you kept right on fucking me.” He sounds impressed with you. “Dude, He beat me so hard when he noticed, he used the buckle of his belt too. It was a bitch to bring in the new one.”

“I remember that Spree! Right when he got back you were screwing me on the counter, he came in a split second after you stopped kissing me.”

“Oh my god. I felt my heart drop when he opened the door.”

“He was so tired he just passed out in his room.”

“We literally got so fucking lucky.”

“Spree was like the best time of our lives.”

“Spree was what life should have been.”

 _“Dave,"_   you sang to him, “ _don’t start… we compromised…”_

He ignores you and keeps talking.

“I would always rip off that stupid fucking collar.”

“Okay. You got me. I hated that fucking thing and I would have gotten the whip again or another finger cut off if I took it off, you would just toss it aside.” Maybe you are getting a bit excited. “That was- that was like the hottest fucking thing you ever did to me.”

“Cause for that time you were your own fucking person, John.”

“Well then why don’t I feel like that now? I don’t have that collar on me anymore. That really just makes me wish you left with me.”

“Why? Because you miss me fucking you?”  
“I’m not going to lie to you today. Yes.”

He wipes his whole face with his hands.

You think you said the wrong thing.

“John, There is so much more to life then sex, so much more to you then that too. You have to promise me you’ll look for that in life.”

“Well… I know a lot of nice people now.”

“Yeah? That’s a good place to start.”

“But it’s hard to see myself- as… anything worth anything anymore… I don’t see that much in myself, I never did, you know that. I didn’t even have any friends in real life before the kidnapping.”

“You know what I saw?”

“God, no- stop you say this every time!”


	30. i am yours...

You smirk at John as you start recounting the day you two met.

“I saw a boy who was lost, walking down the street hoping someone would help him find his way back and when I got to know him-“

“Stop.” John interrupted you.

“-the world opened up to me. That woman gave you those free ice cream bars because you were so kind to her. People would stop and talk to you because you were so cheerful. Your dad loved you because you were the perfect son to him. You always made compromises for the people you cared about. Even before our fingers were cut off.” You sigh and then continue, “I walked down the street and would say hello to everyone I saw, everyone was happy to see me for the first time in my life.”

“Stopstopstop. It’s so corny. Dave I thought you were supposed to be ‘cool and aloof.’”

“Fuck You, I was in love. No one is cool when they are in love.”

You sigh again, that sweet breathy sigh of someone who is truly, deeply in love.

You continue, “I would stop and tell people the best restaurant in town, I would help give tourists directions. I felt like every step I took, John Egbert was walking right beside me.”

“It’s still true you know.”

“Oh now you ruined it, you pushed it past its maximum capacity. It’s too corny to ride. The elevator shaft broke down and it’s fucking pissing corn syrup.”

“Fuck off.” John tries his best to suppress a smile. 

“You always make everything too romantic and too sweet.”

“I do not.” John blows it off.

“Ohh…” You begin to lift your hand.

“You put that thing back down!”

You put that thing back down and then being to think out loud, “The way we bonded over photographs, you made that romantic your first year there. You did that by choice too, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, he never asked me to say anything about your hobbies. _Until fucking me became your favorite hobby.”_

“There’s more to life than sex, John that’s my point. Don’t distract me- where was I, you would ask me to climb to the tallest building and go to the most beautiful parts of the city to take pictures for you. Later, you would tell me that you wanted to see me in the photographs, so I took selfies for you. You would keep them stuffed under the mattress on your side of the bed so he wouldn’t take them. You loved them.”

“Okay… no really stop.” John tells you.

“And I caught you trying to make me a present once for my birthday when I was turning 16. You wanted to slow dance with me at night when we were like 15 - There was a time we were pure John.”

“No, don’t get sappy!" John complains.

“You drew a picture of mistletoe once around Christmas, two years ago, and you found a way to tape it on the ceiling when I was out getting us food.”

“Okay come on, people are actually listening to this- I didn’t think anyone would find out about that.”

“You looked so fucking giddy. It was so cute. You pointed it out when I came in and you didn’t waste a second-“

“Fuck you!” John whines.

“-You kissed me and then wrapped your arms around my shoulders. He was gone for a few days again so I made you hot chocolate and you ate all of my marshmallows. We didn’t even have spree.”

“Shut up.”

“We just sat on the couch and watched movies, we kissed and I remember you started blushing when-”

“Shut up.”

“-I held your hand-”

“Shut up.”

“-and you were wearing my baggiest shirt because it smelt like me-”

“Shut up.”

“-you cuddled up to me-”

“Okay wow.”

“-you told me ‘I love it when you smile like that’-“

“hmmmmmm.”

“-and you sung Christmas songs to me as a gift because you knew what it did to me.”

“You are really just getting on my nerves now.” John lowers his eyes.

“-and when you would sing that one about the angels it made my heart melt. You had such a beautiful voice.”

“Is that why you always wanted to sing that one?” John kindly asks.

“Yeah.” You sigh again. “Then I snuck in a fully wrapped gift for you during a different Spree we had for my Flag Day gift to you. Then I acted like it was mine, like I owned it ironically, but you loved that slimmer light.”

“Right, fine.” John admitted, “that was good.”

“And I got a keyboard because ‘I wanted to learn to play it.’ Like that wasn’t just a straight up fucking lie.”

“Whenever he was in the shower you would ask me to play.” John says sweetly.

“And you would play the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Like you were born to play those damn keys. It was really like a gift to me.”

“Okay. I’m back to saying shut up again.” 

You continue, “And you loved that joke book I got you. I made it a fake sleeve so he thought it was mine.”

“Okay, you also bought me stuff that you just wanted.”

“Like what?”

“Like those records.” John tells you.

“Those had love ballads.”

“Love ballads!" John throws up his hands. "It was fucking lil John!”

“The master of romance.” You start humming ‘Get Low.’

“You bought like a million red and blue Christmas lights and hung it up all over your walls.”

“Blue is your favorite color.” You point out.

“You just like dim lighting for some reason.” John scoffs.

“It sets the mood.” You gesture with your hands setting the mood.

“You were always in the mood!” John is pretending he is fed up with you.

“Says the guy who would rather talk about sex than all of the holidays we spent together. I got you gifts John, and you would rather talk about blowjobs and rimming.”

John tosses up his hand, “Stop complaining, just go back to naming _stupid fucking_ gifts.”

You ask him, “Okay, well how about that _stupid fucking_ card deck you always fiddled around with?”

“Okay. That one was pretty good, that was a good President’s Day.” John nods, remembering the day you celebrate his birthday. 

“I can’t believe we had to celebrate stupid fucking reject holidays no one gave a shit about so he wouldn’t catch us celebrating and romantically kissing on Flag Day.”

“Okay, but Groundhog Day fucking rocked.” John tells you.

“We agree Groundhog Day is the king of stupid fucking holidays." You nod. "It is officially on the court transcript.”

“Man, he would flip his lid if he knew we were actually on a date.” John holds his head in his hand as he shakes it.

“Yeah, it was like you fucking me for a Christmas gift was okay but me stroking your cheek from fawning over your carols was out of the question.” You sigh.

“Obviously you were taking it too far. You vile, vile man.” John says it in the most sincere sarcastic tone possible. “Our vulgar display of Couples Christmas Caroling was too much for him to handle, we must have tortured him in our own way.”

“Fuck - here’s hoping.” You scratch your arm. “We should have fucked and sang at the same time, maybe his brain would have shut down so he would have given me a fucking break.”

“Man, only on your birthday did he give us a break.” John sighs.

“Best day of the year, he would even let you eat cake.”

“And you knew I hated cake so you would get one of those huge cookie cakes instead.” John looks so happy with that.

“He would leave the house and let us have the day to ourselves.” You smiled.

“You let me watch my favorite movie in the living room for your last birthday because you got a new surround sound.”

“And you gave me like the world's laziest handjob.” You pointed out.

“I think Spree more than made up for it.” John looks proud. He did do a lot of things to you…

“Hey, remember around Halloween, we would lay on my bed and you would hold my laptop. You would give me more of those shitty handjobs and we would act like we were watching porn on mute so he wouldn’t beat us when he’d burst in. We were really watching those shit Disney movies.”

“Okay, Halloweentown is good. Debbie Reynolds fucking rocks.”

“Fuck yeah she does.”

John laughs. “and! and you would get candy and pretend it was like a sex thing so he eased off of you for getting me chocolates.”

“Hmm. Maybe it was a sex thing.” You smile at him.

“Hmm. no. I can tell when you have a sex thing.” John nods.

“Nothing ever gets past you.” You bury your face in your hands. Then you wipe your eyes again.

John put a hand over his mouth and snickered, “you make it so easy.”

“Shit man, you know when it comes to you I am totally easy. Prom date, dumb blonde, tipsy, kind of easy.”

“I didn’t mean _you_ were easy –although let’s put a pin in that – I meant that it was easy to read you.”

“That’s the scariest fucking thing about you John.” You put down your hands.

“Scary? Okay, what do you mean?” John’s acting like he honestly doesn’t know.

This might not be the time to bring it up but you are cutting him lose anyway,  
“You would play mind games with me every other day. You would start, what seemed like normal conversations, and use it as a way to pick my brain to get me to do what you want.”

“Hahaha, _yeah.”_ He laughs like it’s just a casual thing.

“You even admit it!” You honestly can’t believe that he is acting like his mind games _are no big deal._

“I used it to find out things about you that you didn’t even know about yourself. I just wanted to know everything about you and we had nothing but time.” John smiles softly. You both know that John would guide you on what you should say to avoid your bros anger. You knew how to read they guy but John... John knew how to fucking play him.

“I thought that my bro was intelligent, not to fucking prop him up. Fuck him.… but he was smart… not like you though. He could read what made people scared or sad, you... you could find out everything about a person if you were given the time… not just me.”

John looks down at the table. He knows that about himself.

“You did that because you were compassionate, if you ever picked at me for things that made me sad it was because you wanted to fixed them. I’m sure you could do that for others, I’m sure you could help a lot of people. My bro could only ever read what would destroy people, he couldn’t honestly understand anyone and that’s probably what made him miserable.” You rub your chin before you continue, “Oh, man… thinking back on it he really bought I had a sex thing for chocolates.”

“He did.” John is trying to sound cheerful again, “you got me chocolates for Valentine’s Day every year when we got older. I remember that was why we got away with that! Oh and for my birthday one year you had some decoy thing like a slice of cake or a card or something that he fucked up and you pretended to get mad.”

“No, I really was mad. I was fucking pissed. He thought he was stopping me.”

“-Then you heated up a lasagna, pretend it didn’t mean shit, and then you sang happy birthday to me in the bathroom shower before you got me a slice.”

“That hardly counts as a good memory.” You softly tell him.

“It meant the world to me.” The way you looks at you right now is getting to you. Shit. You are letting him win again.

“God, we are sappy.” You sigh out the words.

“Were we always this sappy?” John slightly shook his head as he spoke.

“I was.” You sound pretty confident at the moment.

“With those fucking photos you sure as fuck were.” He meets your confidence

“Since we were talking about Valentine's day…”

“No Dave... nooooo.” John sticks a finger out at you, and talks to you like you are a dog about to eat something off the floor.

“Your first Valentine's day with me...”

“Nooooo nono. not that one.” John outstretched his arms and starts waving his hands.

“-I snuck you a box of chocolates-”

“Nooo.” John covers his face.

“-and you were so nervous because no one ever got you anything before…..”

“Nooooo” John placed his head on the table.

-you felt so bad that you had nothing.”

“Nooooooo.” John is rubbing his face into the table.

You see the chick in dark blue fumble around with her hands for a bit behind John, she stood up and walked behind him.

“Please Dave, don’t do this.” 

“John, are you alright?” The woman with the silver bracelets and the white cat eye glasses, places her hand on his shoulder.

“He’s alright,” You address her, then look back down at John, “you’re just doing that thing where you pretend you hate it so you can save face, right?”

“…yes. I am just embarrassed he’s bringing up horrible poetry I may or may not have written when I was like 13.” He is still faced down on the cold metal.

“He wrote me the sweetest, most romantic thing.” You sigh again.

“I did no such thing.” He looks up at you.

“It was a poem about my eyes.” You lean into the table.

“It was Valentine’s day! Everything is red!” He is getting flustered.

“And he said that he was proud of it.” You look at the woman behind John.

“Dr. Serket, please ignore his comments about poetry! They are unfounded nonsense!”

John looks back at her. When she sees that he is blushing her expression changes a bit. There’s something about her body language or her lower lip that tells you she was… happy for the two of you.

The two of you. You look down at the table. John’s therapist goes to sit back down.

You can see out of the corner of your eye that John just turned his head back to look at you.

“You told me that you’ve never seen eyes like mine.” You sound as miserable as you feel.

“I know.” He is trying to sound comforting, he sounds sad too.

“When we were together in that hot tub.”

“I know.” John sounds as miserable as you do. 

“Before any of this...”

John sighs.

There is a brief silence between the two of you.

John sucks on his gums, signaling he is about to speak,

“You’re eyes are like Ruby’s, like a crimson jewel.”

“No. Wait man.” You sound a bit panicked.

“When you look at me I see into your soul.”

“Please, actually man. This isn’t cool anymore.” You can’t let him win.

“Your soul is beautiful and kind.”

“Wait, man-”

“When I look into your eyes I know that I am yours…”

John pauses and waits for you to finish the line with him, like you always do.

“and that you are mine.” You finish the poem with him in tandem.

“God.” You wipe a tear from his eye. “Fuck you, really.”

“Fuck you. You were getting sad again. Don’t be a bitch about this and I’ll stop reciting poetry.”

“Compromises.” He holds up your hand and brushes you off.

“Compromises.” You hold up your hand and flip him off with the one that is dangling.

“Just like a marriage.” You breathe out the words together.

You sigh out of your nose and speak again, “You recited that every year for me.”

“And you ate it up.”

“Because it was beautiful.”

“It was horrible.” It was sappy. He pretends he hates sappy.

“I love it, I even wrote you one too. It didn’t catch on.” You admit.

“I remember it was about sapphires or wind - you always wrote about wind for some reason - that and you always drew pictures of dicks on everything.” John reminisces the good things in life. 

“That was true romantic poetry. Two balls like two hearts.”

"Its statements like that that stole my heart.”

“Fuck you. I am a poet. Not as good as Donatello or Will Smith. But I am a poet.”

“No, I- actually meant that.”

“Really?” You smirk at him, _‘sure you did.’_

“You made me laugh.” He confirmed for you.

You stare into his eyes, those caring, honest blue eyes.

You tell him the truth, “You made me feel normal.”

He looks back into yours.

“I love you.” He says softly.

Your heart sinks, you have to cut him loose. He needs to move on.

“I love you too… but you know I want you to stop. I’m the one who’s going to stay in love with you forever and you’re the one who is free to do whatever you want, I know you have a big heart and someone better than me deserves it. Who knows maybe someone else will make you feel like it's Spree every day.”

“You make me feel like it's Spree every day.” John smiles as he tells you. 

You turn your head away from him, like someone just shot you in slow motion.

“Okay, no joke… that one got me bad. Don’t you work your charm on me, I’m not budging.”

“Dave, spree was just like- a time we actually got to show how much we love each other. Spree is literally shit we made up together because we wanted to fuck and kiss and date and sing and laugh and do everything we weren’t allowed too. We were free to just be ourselves. I asked you to choke me because I’m not afraid of you. I asked you to slap me because I like when you do it. I wanted you to cut-“

“John…” You hold your hand up, “You broke the compromise.”

“Ughhh! Really?! Right now!?” John tosses up his hands.

“I didn’t make the rules. Someone else did.”

“Come on-“

“Hmmmmm.” You hum and raise your eyebrows at him.

“Fine. I am in love with Dave Strider.” He starts counting on his hands, “because he is funny, and protective, Dave do I really have to…”

“One more.”

He puts his hands down, “and he is the love of my life.”

He’s giving you those eyes again. He isn’t going to win.

“You know that one doesn’t work.” You point out.

“And Dave is caring, so caring that he would knock himself out to make me look strong.”

“You are strong.” You tell him.

John mutters “fucking stubborn…” and you raise voice to do his own,

“And I am in love with John Egbert. Because he is the bravest, brightest, most optimistic person I’ve ever met.”

“This is why compromise is bullshit,” John sounds annoyed again, “you never minded the punishment.”

“Punishment is making you upset.” You tell him.

He lowers his eyes at you.

You respond, “you don’t like it you shouldn’t have come up with it.”

John frowns at you. “The brightest complement was bullshit.”

“He is the most stubborn person I-”

He glares at you.

“Hottest?”

He leers at you.

“Loving?”

“Bingo." He closes his eyes and straightens out his back, "that’s why I’m here.”


	31. Hope and Peace

You take a breath. You're trying to collect your thoughts, you are here for a lot of reasons actually. Not just because you love Dave. You want to encourage him to work with the police so he can help take down dangerous crime lords and save people just like you. You are also here because Dave is your best friend, not just your lover, he deserves to know at least this. Before you can speak, he asks you himself.

“Can you- can you tell me all of the things I didn’t know?”

You look back down at the table.

His hands are shackled.

Yours are free.

“John. Come on. They are going to tell me everything in court eventually. I would rather hear what happened in your own words.”

He’s here for the same reason you are. You want to hear what Dave’s job was but that can wait.

You prepare yourself, you remember what you are here to say. No going back.

It has to be done.

“He called me Jake.”

“What?”

“He would call me Jake when he would rape me.”

Dave opens his mouth to speak. He shutters. He brings up a hand to cover his eyes. You get the feeling he is on the verge of tears. “shit.”

“I looked just like him didn’t I?”

Dave started rubbing his eyes.

“John.” Dr. Serket cut in, you never told her about Jake. “You don’t have to say anything that you don-"

 **“Didn’t I?”** You cut her off, this is for Dave not for you.

“I don’t know. I never saw what he looked like." Dave paused for a moment. "...when did he start? Start… you know?”

“Right after the first time he cut my hair… you were gone again for a few days… He brushed my hair around. He was frantic, he seemed… worried… like… he was desperate. Like he was looking for something.”

“Then what?”

“Then he made me get to my knees.”

“Right.” Dave sniffled his nose and wiped it with the back of his hand.

“He said that he wanted to wipe that smile off of my face with his cock." John sighed. "I was sobbing like crazy so it didn’t make sense to me at the time. I freaked out. I jumped up. I was so panicked. I punched him. I screamed at him. I screamed at him, ‘I only have sex with Dave’ and ‘my name’s not Jake.’”

“You didn’t…” Dave looks afraid, he whispers your name. _“John.”_

You nod, now you feel like you are on the verge of tears. You really didn’t want to do this. But he has the right to know. To know at least this much.

“Is that why you lost your finger? Is that why he waited for me to get home to-?” he is starting to lose his voice.

“Yes.” You speak in a faint whisper.

“Because- I wasn’t there?” He starts to sob.

“No, nonono, Dave. It wasn’t your fault.”

“If I would have cut your hair like I normally do before I left. If I would have. He wouldn’t have got the idea to do it-“

“Dave, he would have raped me eventually. I don’t think he took me just because he thought you needed your own ‘pet.’”

“Don’t fucking call yourself a pet! I hated when he called you that.” He’s shouting again, he’s hurt.

“I know you did. I knew that wasn’t how you felt about me.”

“I wasn’t there…”

“Dave. He would rape you in front of me.”

“That is different. This is worlds apart.”

“No, it isn’t.” You tell him.

“Yes, it is.” Dave argues back.

You turn your head away again. You can’t convince him of that. Dave starts speaking again,

“He raped you when I was out… is that why you asked… is that why you asked me to…?”

“Yes.”

You both know what you mean.

Dave smacks his hand over his mouth. He wipes away some of his tears with the other, “tell me the rest. I can take it, if it’s from you.”

“Dave… He kept pretending that… He was cheating on his wife.”

“Alright.”

“Dave… he would act like his wife wasn’t home. It felt like… It was like he was trying to relive something.”

“Okay, that’s a stretch.” He scoffs.

“He would act like I was Jake and he was cheating on his wife.”

“He also treated you like you were a dog-”

“Dave.”

“-and that I was his daughter. Or a school girl. Or a maid. Or a cheerleader-”

“Dave!”

-or a girl scout. Or a nurse. Or whatever the fuck he wanted. He even called me Jake when I gave him head once!”

“Dave!”

He crossed his arms, holding on to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

“He smiled at me.” You tried to say the words as lightly as you could muster at the moment.

“No.” He sounds like he is trying hard not to believe it.

“He smiled at me, and he would kissed me on the lips.”

“No!” He put his hands on the top of his head. Holding his forehead, covering his eyes again.

“He called me ‘English’ and he made me talk with this weird accent. He told me that he missed me. One time before he raped me, he started crying.”

“I- he doesn’t do shit like that.” He sounds devastated. 

“He cried and held onto me… and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you-“

You have to wipe a few tears from your eyes.

“He would make me fuck him on his bed and he would tell me that we needed to finish before Roxy got home from work.”

Dave didn’t say anything. He wiped all of his tears off on his sleeve and then the snot trailing down his nose. He fidgeted around with his cuffs, and turned his head back towards you.

“That- can’t be true.”

“Dave… he is your father.”

“Shit.” He sighs out the word like it's nothing but a gust of air.

“Everyone tells me I shouldn’t try to look for things on my own…That that’s the lawyers’ job… but I looked into it. He is your biological father. He is a lot older than he claims he to be.”

He looks into your eyes, stunned, like you just slapped him across the face.

“I looked for everything I could, I don’t think any of the lawyers know this, his or mine.”

There is no way that he would talk about Jake to anyone.

“Jake English died in an accident. He was devastated. He must have killed your mom and fled.”

Dave softly whispers, “no. no. no. he said she was a crack whore. He said our mom died of a heroin overdose.”

You start re-sighting everything you learned about her.

“Roxy Lalonde was a computer scientist, she used to do charity work. She would go door to door asking for donations to help teach underprivileged kids how to code, this was about two decades ago too. She would buy toys for kids in poverty. She worked at soup kitchens and volunteered at the children’s hospital. She would teach kids how to code herself. Everyone who knew her said that she was this, bright, caring woman. The people she knew said that she had a smile that could cure cancer. She lived for other people. It was her life’s mission to give people a taste of kindness so they would spread it themselves. She spread her joy and her love everywhere that she went. She wanted to see the world become a better place. I wish you could have known her. She sounded amazing.”

You pull something out of your back pocket. “I- I have a photo of her. When she went missing her friends put all these photos up and they would write articles about her work in the community. She was basically a ‘local celebrity,’ they loved her so much.”

Dave is staring at the photo. You picked out the best one that you found after hours of searching and your dad helped you print it on actual photographic paper. She was so cheerful and looked so loving. She was dressed in a soft seashell pink, her honey blonde hair framing her glowing face. She was grinning as she looked into the camera like she was looking at her best friend. Her looks could rival any actress.

“I have another…”

You feel hesitant to show him. You unfolded the paper. Looking over it again. It was an article about how the Lalonde family went missing. The photo had her holding up her son, the boy looked like he was less than a year old. Her husband was standing next to her. Slim but muscular build, blonde hair, sharp chin... He wasn’t smiling but his hand was placed on her waist. He wasn't wearing shades, you could see his eyes.

Those unmistakable amber eyes.

“She was married to a man and had a son, they all went missing.”

His eyes widen at the photo. Looking down on it like he was just shot and was feeling the bullet wound. Dave opened his mouth to speak, he mouthed a syllable but nothing came out. He closed his mouth. Taking up the stoic look he normally wears.

“It doesn’t matter.” He says the words as he hands you back both of the photos.

Both of them. He just rejected a photo of his mom.

He rejected a gift from you.

“I’m sure they won’t let me keep this." Dave tells you. "You hold onto them for me.”

You take the photos back into your hands and look back down at them, “wait- Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because she’s dead. Nothing could save her from him. But I- I saved you from him. That’s what matters, that’s what counts.”

Dave turns to look into the two-way mirror, you pocket the pictures and turn your head and look into the mirror as well.

“Look at the two of us together.” He softly says.

You look into the mirror, Dave’s hair is snow white. His completely red eyes stand out from how pale his skin is. You look at yourself, your skin is tan and your hair is pitch black. You stare into your own blue eyes and feel at peace. You look into the mirror and see both of you sitting side by side.

“I don’t care how gay this sounds,” you really don’t care how the truth sounds. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Dave pauses for a moment. “That was fucking gay.”

“Dave.”

“Okay, okay. It's just... seeing us side-by-side like this…”

“What?” You expect he is about to say something romantic again.

“You are like way hotter than I am. Like leagues above me.”

“Dave, you look great.” You say in annoyance. _‘This again?’_

“See you’re just saying that cause you’re in love, look at how fucking pale I am.”

“Dave, you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“Doesn’t make up for my face.” Dave sighs.

“It’s okay if you don’t see what I see in you, but I think right now… I see what you see in me.” You smile.

Dave looks back at you, the real you. You stare into your reflection and look at the person that the man you fell in love with loves.

You trust Dave with your soul so you trust his judgement.

You seem just fine.

He looks back and forth between you and your reflection.

“Do you two need a moment?” Dave jokes.

“I need one thing from you.” You look back at him. “I ran for you, I wasn’t going to leave but I am glad you made that choice for me. Now I need you to do something you might be scared to do.”

“Do what?” Dave asks.

“Hope.”

“What?”

“I need you to hope that you can get a better sentence. I need you to prove you aren’t like him. I will do everything in my power to prove your innocence in this. He is going to do everything he can to drag you down with him. Don’t let that happen. Even if it does. Hope for parole. Hope that you will be allowed visitors, letters, phone calls. Hope you might not even get a sentence at all. I won’t ever give up on you.”

Dave smiles at you, this caring, loving smile. You continue,

“I won’t forget who owns me.”

Dave's eyes widen. His chin is quivering.

Devastated. He shakes his head. He mouths the word ‘no.’

You look him directly in the eye as you say,

“I own me.”

Dave's eyes lower, he gives you a somber smile.

His eyes are red with tears.

He takes a moment and thinks of what to say next.

“I was so sure of what I was going to do. I was going to let him drag me down with him because it would have protected you. I knocked myself out so than everyone would have thought you did it. I thought you were just too scared to leave and you needed someone to push you. Maybe I was wrong, maybe you were just too _strong_ to leave me. So strong you would… hide all of that from me just to protect my heart. I love you with my entire being, I thought you deserved more… deserved better… than me. I felt like I failed you completely and I’m sure all this time you felt like you were failing me… When look at you, you had faith in me when I gave up. Alright. I will fight for you if you fight for me.”

You raise your hand up.

“Compromises?”

“John. We don’t need to do that anymore.”

“Why?”

He gets out of his chair. The policemen tell him to sit back down.

“Okay. So I can’t get down on one knee. I can’t get you a ring. I can’t even touch your hand.”

Your eyes well with tears. You cover your mouth with one hand and rub your arm with the other.

“But I know how you are when you make up your mind about something and you are pretty fucking convinced that we already are so…”

“Dave.” Your breath is so heavy.

“John Egbert. Will you marry me?”

The words hit you hard. Deep in your soul. You gather the strength to sigh out your answer,

“Yes.” You wipe the tears off of your chin, “yes.”

“We will work something out. Something. If you are really serious about something I know you'll find a way. I don’t care if our wedding is just me signing papers alone in prison. If I am what you want then I will give myself to you.”

Without thinking you grab his hands again.

“Yes. I will do everything… anything for you.”

“John, that’s my line.”

The cop behind him waits a few seconds before he opens his mouth to speak. You remove your hands. The cop doesn’t say anything.

“Your dad is going to be crazy pissed.” Dave starts again.

“I don’t care.” You softly say.

“Your therapist is probably going to try to talk you out of it.”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t want people to think you are crazy for this.”

“I don’t care. I know I am not. All I know is when you get out, or get parole, then we are going to have a real wedding.” You sigh out the words.

“Imagine it now. You wearing a tuxedo and me in an orange jumpsuit all bound and cuffed. Some prison guard is wheeling me up the alter.” Dave’s making jokes again. He's only in maximum security prison because of who his bro is. The counts gonna know that Dave's a good man soon enough. 

“I kiss the bars on your face mask.” You join in.

“Our priest is holding up a taser.” He looks down and smiles.

“There’s prison shivs in the bouquet.” You laugh.

“I don’t think anything we could do would count as a real wedding, John.”

“Still more romantic than all the blood and screaming.” 

“Yeah... I wish I could give you something real.”

“Dave, you are. A real marriage to you. A real marriage with real vows and real papers.”

“Only request: Don’t change your name to mine.”

“My only request is you don’t wear shades.”

“Don’t like how you are dissing my style, can’t wear shades to my own wedding?”

“I want to see your eyes.”

“How about this, you take off my shades like it’s a wedding veil.”

“Way better, I love that.”

He's always so creative. You laugh.

“I’m sure the press would go nuts.” Dave's shaking his head.

“Oh, they are going to go nuts when they find out about this.”

“Babe, let’s keep this under wraps.” Dave tells you. 

“Alright, I will need to talk to the lawyers about this anyway, I’ll make sure that they talk to yours.”

“Oh. ‘I’ll have my people call your people,’ look at you, you little celebrity.”

“I think all of the country knows both our names.”

“God, America is so blessed to have your face running on every news channel. You don’t know what I would do for a picture of you.”

“Yeah- you’re not allowed to suck dick for a photo of me.” You say as a joke.

“Damn.” He looks down at the floor. “Well, John, let’s put off this whole marriage thing till he’s dead.”

“Sure.” You agree. It’s definitely for the best.

He must be thinking of your protection.

He looks back at his reflection.

“I don’t know what it is you see in me.” He sighs.

“I could list everything but we don’t have the time.”

Dave pauses for a second and then leans in towards you, still facing the mirror. “Name one.”

You laugh. “Your smile, I miss it every day.”

“Again, that is just because you are in love.”

Dave turns back to face you.

“Do you really want me to say I like you for your body?”

“Uh. Obviously. You do.” Dave gestures to himself.

The two of you still have tears in your eyes, you start laughing.

Your throat is so dry but you couldn’t care less.

“Though really, John, I want to stress how important this is to me. Don’t tell anyone about how we are engaged. Tell your dad, but don’t let anyone else know we are getting married. We need to wait on that.”

“Why?” You quietly ask. 

“We need to keep this under wraps. If he finds out before they give him the chair he is going to find some way to order a hit on you now. That’s something that she needs to know.” Dave points at Ms. Pyrope.

You ask him what he means, “He can’t talk to anyone other then his lawyers or the police, right?”

“You know how fucking loaded he was, he still is? How many connections he had? If he wants you dead today you are going to die **today.** Only reason you’re alive, is so then he can see your face in court again. I’m sure of it. He wants to fuck with you. He probably already found someone willing to kill you after he sees you.”

You don’t say anything to that. You don’t speak so Dave continues.

“I’m thinking whoever he hired to defend him is some fucker who is willing to shell out fuckin anything for money. He also must have agreed not to give names of gang members he fucked around with, in exchange that they will kill you and after he’ll tell them where the rest of his cash is stashed.”

“-and what about you?”

“He’s going to make sure that I live.”

He sounds certain of that.

“We’ll both live. I’m sure I will be fine, Dave-”

“- and I’m sure you need some cops for protection.”

You nod your head. You agree with him. “You’re right.”

“You stay safe for me John. That is the greatest gift you could ever give me.”

“I promise. Now you promise you will help the cops.”

“I will help her.” Dave points at Ms. Pyrope again. “If she proves herself.”

You smile at him softly, he is always difficult when it comes to protecting you.

Dave is trying to suppress a smile.

“What is it?” You ask.

He keeps trying to fight off his smile.

“Dave, come on. Just say what you are thinking.”

He claps his hands together, “I’m getting married!” He gestures to you with both hands and open palms. “To you!”

Now you are fighting off a smile.

“I can’t believe it! I’m getting hitched to **JOHN!** This is the best moment of my life!”

_'What a dork.’_

The door behind Dave swings open. Another guard comes in. “Times up.”

Dave is still smiling, he looks so happy. You love it when he looks like this.

You want him to smile like this every day of his life.

“I love you.” He smiles at you.

You don’t want him to leave.

You don’t want to see him go.

You wanted to know what his job was.

You can ask him some other time.

But at least you got what you came for.

That and so much, much more.

“I love you more.” You tell him.

He moves his head and looks behind you, “Make sure you talk with me before you speak with my bro.”

He was talking to Ms. Pyrope.

“Times up.” The guard holding open the door gestured for the other two men to grab him.

Dave sat up to leave. His face was alternating between suppressing smiles and beaming grins at you. He was trying so hard to put back on his usual stone face.

_‘He’s such a big dork!’_

You love him so much.


	32. can't move

“Excuse me.” The beast stood up from her chair.

You were just about to head out of the room, she started to walk over to you so you sat back down.

She is standing next to your table. In front of the one-way mirror.

“Sheriff Vantas informed me I would be able to ask Mr. Strider a few questions before he left.”

The walkie-talkies on the guards all buzzed at once.

“LET HER TALK.”

Well, now you think you know one person who is listening in. Bet he thought you were going to say more about your bro, not your Sex Sprees or the way you celebrate shit reject holidays. If he listened in maybe he will take John’s protection to heart though, so you really hope he actually is.

The guard goes back outside. The door closes again.

“I have to warn you about something actually.” You look up at her.

“Is that so?” She looks dead ahead.

“Ask your questions first, we can talk about that after.”

“Right. Mr. Strider.”

“Dave.” You are not comfortable with anyone ever calling you that. “Call me Dave.”

When this is over, when you get married. You’re changing your name to Egbert. Dave Egbert.

“Dave, would you say that before your present conversation with John you believed that all of your sexual encounters with John were consensual?”

“Dave-“ He wants to stop you from saying the real answer.

“John, it’s okay.” You look him in the eyes as you speak, and then look back at her. “No.”

“No?” The beast sounds confused.

“Dave, come on.” John doesn’t want to talk about this, but you both need to.

“We are going to have to be honest, 100% honest. That way, people will believe us. You have to promise me you will be honest too.”

John doesn’t say anything, he just holds his breath.

You turn to face her again before you speak,

“The first time he raped me in front of John he made John slip himself inside of my ass too. It was rare that he would make John join in while he was fucking me. It was something he did more when we were younger. He would be completely wasted when he would do that. It happened maybe about 20 times. And other times he would barge into my room and direct us on how to touch each other while he beat himself off. If you arrange some meeting with me I can tell you every single time. Every single one.”

John let out the breath he was holding in, it’s hard for him to talk about these things. You will say them all for him if it’s too hard on him.

“I can too. I’ll also tell you everything he forced me to ask Dave to do to me when we were young. I can tell you anything you need to know, Ms. Pyrope.” John was being strong about this, you know how hard this must be on him.

“Thank you both. I will make sure we can interview you both separately so all three of us can collaborate your stories.”

“Wait? The way you phrased that…” John look confused. “Are you planning on interviewing us together later?”

“It seems to me that when you speak with Dave here that you are more confident in answering questions.” She kept on a straight face but you heard a twinge of happiness in her raspy voice. “In the future, after I interview you both, I may conduct questioning with the two of you together so we can get all the details straight in your stories.”

You look back at John, trying your best to keep a straight face.

John doesn’t hide his excitement. He is beaming at you. Looking back and forth at you and her.

You can’t help it, seeing him like this makes you smile too.

“Dave,” She starts again, “where were you before you knocked out Mr. Strider?”

You fall silent. Your smile fades.

“You left out a lot of information in your testimonies.” The beast questions you. 

“I didn’t want John to know. I never wanted him to know.” You shake your head.

“Dave. It’s okay. Just tell her everything.” John asks this of you.

You don’t want him to know. You are sure that he is going to find out, it’s being added to your charges anyway.

“I was giving one of his associates head.” You quietly say. 

“You are saying he asked you to go out and prostitute yourself? You mentioned something about that earlier when you were talking to Mr. Egbert. You said he would give you a condom and tell you to get someone to purchase alcohol in your place. Would you say this was a regular occurrence?” The beast asks you.

“Regular occurrence? If I told you every single time I sucked cock to get beer for him alone we would be here for like a week.” you laugh under your breath.

“Dave.” John takes a serious tone with you. “Don’t laugh right now, this isn’t funny.”

“I know. I know.” This is a strange feeling, you’re not used to it. “It’s just no one ever gave a shit before… Okay, I’ll be serious about this, for you. I promise.”

The beast asks, “what other reasons would Mr. Strider have for you to prostitute yourself?” 

“Shit.” You wipe your mouth again. “Look. I will tell you everything but- Goddamn. Do we have to do this in front of John?”

“Dave. I would rather hear it from you.” John tells you.

He was just **serious** with you. This is fair. Just keep it brief. 

You say why he needed you to sell yourself,

“Rarely: money. Normally: business. Frequently: alcohol.”

You readjust your cuffs. “He was too lazy to grocery shop himself. I’d go out and blow the same cashier every week at the Liquor store. Also when it came to shopping he made me use my own cash that I got from blowing more guys.”

“I understand.” Ms. Pyrope’s hands were placed firmly on her cane. She hadn’t moved since she walked up beside you two. “Could you tell me more about how you made your money, how did you get in touch with clients.”

“I had a iPhone. Listen.” You sigh out your nose. “I don’t want to talk about this stuff in front of John.”

“Dave.” He sounds stern with you, you really don’t like this feeling. “Tell us everything.”

You have to start from the start.

“When I was a kid we used to move around a lot. When we got to Texas he must have started working with some shady fucking people. Made him stressed so one day he raped me… I guess I was good because he decided to start sharing me with his ‘associates.’ I would always be blindfolded when I went to those meetings he dragged me too in these freezing fucking rooms with huge tables.”

You are staring at the lawyer, you are trying your best not to look at John. It must be hard to hear. 

“Why would he bring you with him to those meetings?” She asked you another question.

“Because he wanted to intimidate people. I mean- would you fuck with a man whose smoking a cigar, with his long ass sword on the table, stroking his naked little brother in his lap?”

She leans in to the table. She turns her head closer to you. You turn your head towards her so you're face to face.

“It is my **Job** to Fuck with men like that.”

You take a moment to let that sink in. You feel a smirk slowly creep onto your face.

“I like her.” When she backs off, you turn to face John again. “Is she good to you?”

“She is the one who arranged our meeting. She is very - very - good to me.” John smiles.

“I really like her.” You keep nodding your head. She is more than what you hoped for.

“I’ll answer any question you have.” You nod.

“Then, do you know the location of this money you mentioned earlier?” The beast asks.

“Okay. Listen. I’m not fucking around with that.” You lift up your cuffed hands. 

“Dave. You just said you would help her.” John sounds disappointed in you.

You look back towards him. “I know where he kept a lot of things, I know where some gang members live too. I am not going to say anything about that shit until he gets the fuckin needle and you prove to me John is safe.”

“Dave, don’t worry about me. They will keep me safe.” John tells you.

“John, he killed a senator. He killed other politicians. He killed lawyers. He killed police. Kids. During our last Spree he flew to Europe to kill a celebrity and made it look like an overdose. He killed entire families. He killed nurses and teachers, good people just like Roxy, just for fun. He killed so many people and I know he's going to admit to all of that because he thinks that it’s funny. He thought all of that was funny but right now he is pissed at you. He is pissed at me. He wants you dead **today** he could find someone willing to kill you in this room. **Right now.** He will find a way for you to die. I will not do anything else to fuck with him till he’s long dead. I need to protect you. This whole thing started because I need to protect you from him, John.”

He looks off to the side, he’s upset with you.

He must want you to find a way to lighten your sentence if you get thrown in jail. Which you do admit to prostitution. You may get a few months or years for that. You think  _he's_  probably going to lie and claim you are a killer too. You might get charged with several counts of murder, he’s thinking of the worst case isn’t he?

Ms. Pyrope continued asking questions, “How do you know where some gang members live?”

You look back at her to answer,

“When I was younger he used to drag me along to meet with some people in their homes, sometimes hotel rooms. I wouldn’t be wearing a blindfold. He would have me sleep with them, half the time those guys wouldn’t even want to. They were just too intimidated to say no to him and fucking me was like a rite of passage. He was a big fucking deal in that world as far as I know.”

You look back at John. It’s important he knows this.

“Back then he would always tell people that I got passed around a lot, and everyone knew that was true. After I caught HPV once he would directly tell them that they should use a condom. They always did. Most I ever caught after that was crabs, then he made me start shaving. Well that and a cold from how fucking freezing some of those meeting rooms were. Before I forget- Babe, I’m clean. After the cops found out I was a whore I got tested. Did you?”

“Yes, I did. I’m clean.” John nods.

“Thank-fucking-god.” You let out a sigh of relief and grabbed your forehead. He’s clean.

“-and you’re not a whore.” John tells you. 

“Yeah, I was like **_the_** whore, John.”

“Not anymore.” John is using the tone he uses when he tells you to stop being so hard on yourself.

“I can promise you Dave,” Ms. Pyrope readjusted her cane in her hand, “you will receive a lighter sentence if you comply with the police on this.”

“If it puts John’s life in danger, and this will, I will not fucking budge on this. After he gets the needle and you can prove John is completely safe. I will help you.”

“Dave think about this, you could save lives, lives like ours.”

“John. I am willing to fight for myself now but I won’t budge on this. I know what this must mean to you, that you actually care for all of those victims. I will help. I promise you I will. I can’t budge on this.”

“What about yourself Dave? What about if you get a life sentence?” John asks you. 

“I don’t care if they plan on giving me the fuckin' chair. I will not piss him off any further. I honestly thought SWAT was going to shoot him dead, do what I didn’t have the balls to do. I thought they were going to take me alone, convict me as a murderer and execute me. I was sure I was going to die the moment I hit him. I just wanted to see you one last time. I didn’t think he would get out of that apartment alive. Honestly, when he gave himself up I was fuckin’ pissed because it meant that he decided to find a way to fuck us over as one final ‘Suck My Dick.’ If I fuck with him **right now** he is going to kill you **right now**. He might kill your dad first. He is definitely going to kill your lawyer too if she fucks with his shit."

You warn her, "don’t go digging for his money. He will find out somehow.”

Ms. Pyrope gently places her hand on the metal table. She seems assertive but oddly comforting,

“We can protect him. I assure you. You already seem certain Mr. Strider made an arrangement for a hit on John, we are going to heighten security around him. If you tell us where his money is and the names of the people he worked with we may be able to stop the hit on John that you seem certain of.”

“He’s probably going to use the resources and contacts that I don’t know about. Sure-as-shit there is a lot I don’t know and if he catches wind I am fucking with his shit, he is going to fuck all of us over." You sigh.

John is basically a hostage.

"If I tell you anything, I know the cops are going to pull shit and I can’t risk John’s life for any reason. You know he didn’t get caught because he is a smart motherfucker. He probably has people staking out where his good shit is. I know one place he kept some of his shit, there is always a guy there. Those fuckers are going to find a way to contact him if the cops show.” You point at her.

“He didn’t fuck around and he won’t fuck around.” You point at John and then look back at her. “You’d be playing 3-D chess with him and I can’t let the game start.”

“Hmm.” She hums. “I can assure you I can play this game well.”

“I heard. That’s why I want to speak with you, I am willing to help you if you can prove yourself. Not anyone else.”

“I understand.” She seems patient with you. She knows what you are looking for.


	33. Frustration

Dave is being too stubborn. He needs to work with the authorities, he could get a shorter sentence if he gets convicted. Apparently he already confessed to prostitution. Although you would argue that it was forced on him, he shouldn’t get punished for that. Regardless, You have to get him to give names. That’s part of why you are here.

“I don’t care about getting a shorter sentence, John.” Dave tells you.

“I care.” You give him a serious look. “We can play this smart Dave. We can figure this out.”

“I’m not going to stake your life on this.” Dave shakes his head.

“Oh- but you are going to stake yours!? So your fucking feelings are the only ones that matter here.” You feel like yelling at him but you are going to hold back. He budged a lot today already. Maybe you should hold off for now and press him on this next time you see him.

Dave tells you, “your safety is the only thing that matters.” 

“Fucking just- just answer her questions." You cross your arms and look away from Dave. "I’m sure she’s sick of hearing us argue.”

“Just like a marriage.” Dave raised his eyebrows.

You glare at him, he is pushing it. He looks back at Ms. Pyrope as she speaks,

“John told me you would spar on the roof with Dirk using swords, correct?”

“At least once a week." Dave answers. "Yeah.”

“Can you tell me why?” She asks.

“He wanted a training dummy that could fight back.”

“Right." Ms. Pyrope nods and then slightly tilts her head. "Not to make you stronger?”

“Oh- he wanted me to be stronger. So I was more of a challenge to fight. If you mean stronger like ‘this shit builds character’ that’s not what that was I’m sure of it.”

“Alright..." She thinks of another question. "Why do you believe that he took John?”

Dave places his hands down on the table. He’s looking down at his hands.  Racking his mind for the answer. He looks back at her.

“You heard what I said earlier, about how he took the shirt I stole from John and when I won it back he left me alone. That’s what made him decide to take John. I’m sure of it. That wasn’t because he found something I care about to exploit to make me _stronger._ It wasn’t that John was a gift for me or a sex toy or a fucking pet. He found something that he could use because he wanted to break me. I think- I don’t know- I think- he wanted to shape me into him. That or he just wanted me to suffer and destroy me for kicks. I knew one day he was going to kill John. **I knew** if John escaped and he was left alive that he was going to kill him.”

He turned his head to talk to you,

“John, when I was wasted on the couch. When I asked you to run. If you agreed I was going to tell you the rest of my plan. I would give you money so you could go to a hotel, hide out for a while. I'd give you my number so you could call it every day and I would man up and kill him after he got home and fell asleep. After I offed him, you would go to the police and tell them the full story and I would wait there for the cops to come and arrest me so I could own up to everything that happened. I had the whole plan in my head and that’s how I thought it would go down. I will admit I used to fantasize about sneaking off with you to Alaska or someplace he couldn’t find us but I was never willing to risk your safety and my only life skill is sucking cock… and also your dad deserved to know you were alive. I should have made you leave and then gone on with that plan. I just- I didn’t want you to leave me... Cause I’m fuckin' selfish and I was scared… and I felt like I couldn’t live without you... if I did live that is. I knew you were going to need to leave one day...”

“And that day came Dave." You softly smile at him with sad eyes, "and look- we're still together.”

“He’s going to kill you. Because the police fucking didn’t kill him… Because I fucking didn’t.”

“Don’t blame yourself that you couldn’t kill him." You comfort him. "It’s alright. Things will be fine now. I told you before- people are getting closure and we can stop more people from getting hurt like us.”

Dave closes his eyes and shakes his head, “all you ever think about is other people. Never yourself. I wish you would be selfish. For me, John.”

You are sure this is a complement, but that just pissed you off. “I think you are selfish enough for the two of us.” 

“John.” Dave smacks his gums.

You don't even raise your voice as you speak, “if you want to own up to your mistakes and be a man she is giving you a fucking way to do it.” 

“What? She’s gonna put a blade in my hand so I can slit his fucking throat?” Dave asked you.

“Metaphorically? Yes.” You nod.

“John- you could get seriously hurt. I need you to be safe. **I** need this.”

“You already said you think there is a hit on me. **If** that’s true I might be as good as dead anyway.”

“John. I don’t think I can handle it if you die. That was the one thing I’ve been fighting for. This whole time. Not just from behind bars, but this entire time. My whole life...”

You can understand that, still...You aren't sure how things are going to play out now... _He_ is pissed at both of you. “If he kills me somehow you give her everything. Everything.”

“That I can promise you.” Dave sighs again. “If you die, I’ll tell your lawyer here and the police everything I know. Every face I’ve ever seen. Every address I can remember. Everything. Then when that’s over I’ll take my life.”

You look at him, you are shaking. You are so angry and sad and offended and hurt and pissed and annoyed and bitter and enraged and furious and tired and irritated and outraged and confused and restless and resentful and heartbroken and sick and fucked up inside.

No.

Just fucked up inside.

In one motion you stand up and you slap him across his goddamn face.

Dave touches his face, lightly grazing the skin right where you struck him.

The policemen shuffle forward, ready to jump, ready to stop you two if you start fighting. Ms. Pyrope sticks up her hand. Gesturing for them to not move.

He looks at you. His face is in shock. He opens his mouth to speak, lightly breathing in air,

“…is that why you always asked me to hit you?”

_‘Wait- what is he getting at?’_

“That… that felt good.” He swallowed down spit. “I deserved that.”

“You fucking did." You let him know. "Don’t ever give up on yourself. Don’t you fucking give up on yourself because I promised you already I never fucking will. Promise you will never take your life.”

Dave doesn’t reply. He doesn’t know what to say.

You know he should just say what you told him to say.

 **“Promise.”** You repeat.

Dave still doesn’t speak.

“Do you love me?” You ask your love.

“Yes.” Dave said the word firmly, as if that is the only thing he is fucking certain of.

“Then why are you fucking me over like I am your bitch? If you love me you wouldn’t fuck with me like this. I hated myself. I felt worthless and useless cause I couldn’t stop you from getting arrested and- and everyone thinks you are evil and I felt horrible I couldn’t do anything to make people see you any different. I fucking thought YOU and MY DAD were the only people who care about me. I love you both so much. So fucking much that I trust you love me too for a reason. I trust that I am not worthless. I trust that I have more value then just sucking cock. You know why?”

You wait for him to answer.

He says nothing.

You slam your hand onto the table and you scream at him,

“DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY?”

“Because you love us?” He asks you.

You sit back down. Still shaking. Shaking with anger. That’s not it but it’s close.

“Because I love you both so fucking much **I trust you**. I trust your judgement. I trust that you wouldn’t fall in love with me if I wasn’t a good person. I trust my dad when he tells me I am a good son. I trust Teresa with this case, and this case is my _life.”_  

You point at Ms. Pyrope.

“If you love me, fucking prove it. Man the fuck up, sit the fuck down and help us figure something out. Stop fucking bitching about my safety. That was never a guaranty. AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT BEING YOUR FUCKING FAULT. It isn’t your fault for being born in a shitty house with a shitty dad and a shitty life and that I was the one thing that made it bearable. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. And answer her fucking questions WITHOUT BITCHING ABOUT MY FUCKING SAFETY OR I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT DAVE! - AND ANOTHER THING DON'T FUCKING CALL YOURSELF A WHORE EVER AGAIN. YOU CAN CALL ME THAT IN BED. NEVER YOURSELF. EVER AGAIN. - AND ANOTHER THING YOU ARE NOT UGLY. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOU BEING UGLY YOU USED TO BITCH AND BITCH ANDBITCHANDBITCHANDBITCHANDBITCHANDBITCH ABOUT NOT LOOKING GOOD ENOUGH OR NOT HAVING ENOUGH MUSCLE OR THAT YOUR FACE IS FUCKED UP OR THAT YOUR SKIN IS PALE OR THAT YOUR EYELASHES ARE TOO LIGHT OR THAT YOUR LIPS LOOK WEIRD AND ALL THIS DUMB FUCKING SHIT THAT YOU KEEP FUCKING BITCHING ABOUT!"

He looks devastated at your words.

"YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOOK!”

You keep using hand gestures and waving your hands around.

“AND YOU TOLD ME AGAIN THAT I LOOK BETTER THAN YOU BEFORE YOU ASKED ME TO FUCKING MARRY YOU!? I FUCKING HAD IT. STOP FUCKING BITCHING ABOUT MY SAFETY. DON’T EVER FUCKING BLAME YOURSELF FOR NOT KILLING HIM AGAIN. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO KILL SOMEONE. THAT JUST SOUNDS LIKE MORE CRAZY BULLSHIT HE DRILLED INTO YOUR HEAD. YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE TO BLAME WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WHO WOULD FUCKING RAPE ME AND MADE YOU FUCKING WATCH. YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE UGLY WHEN I WANTED TO KISS YOU BEFORE ANY OF THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU LOOKED THAT FUCKING GOOD. YOU KEEP BITCHING ABOUT MY SAFETY AND I’M PRETTY FUCKING SURE THE SHERIFF IS RIGHT OVER THERE!”

You stand back up and gesture to the mirror, pointing and almost smacking Ms. Pyrope.

“I WILL BE FUCKING FINE. I WON’T DIE AND YOU’RE NEVER. NEVER. GOING TO EVER SAY AGAIN TO ME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF. DO NOT FUCKING DO THAT IF I FUCKING DIE. I DID NOT GO THROUGH ALL OF THAT. **ALL OF THAT**. AND AND- ALL OF YOUR BITCHING FOR YOU TO END YOUR FUCKING LIFE. YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE I AM WALKING EVERY STEP BESIDE YOU JUST LIKE YOU FUCKING SAID.”

You take a second to wipe off your face from all the tears and snot.

“DAVE I WOULD NOT FUCKING MARRY YOU IF I DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE WORTH THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. STOP YOUR FUCKING BITCHING. AND NOT EVERY FUCKING THING IS ABOUT US. IT’S NOT ABOUT _MEEEE_. IT’S NOT ABOUT _YOOOOU_. IT'S ABOUT ALL THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE THAT DIED AND WE- NOT JUST YOU- **WE** COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING EARLIER BUT WE ARE FUCKING HERE. RIGHT NOW. AND WE HAVE A FUCKING CHANCE TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT UP TO THOSE POOR FUCKING PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO WERE PROBABLY LOVED LIKE HOW YOU LOVE ME. THINK OF THAT DAVE OTHER PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE AND LOST THE PEOPLE THEY LOVED! YOU- YOU FUCKING SELFISH- MISERABLE- BEAUTIFUL--- FUCKING—FUCKING--- FUCKING---FUCKING-- HELP ME OUT HERE!”

“asshole?” Dave stares back at you. He looks more impressed then stunned.

“You. are. not. an. asshole. and you’re not a bastard, and you’re not a cunt and you’re not a fucking whore but you are acting like a bitch YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING BITCH. AND YOU ARE TRYING TO FUCK ME AND TERESA HERE LIKE WE ARE YOUR STUPID FUCKING BITCHES. YOU ARE FUCKING ALL OF US OVER RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HERE, TO TRY TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT AND ALL YOU DO IS FUCKING WHINE AND BITCH AND BITCHANDBITCHANDBITCH ABOUT ME! ME! ME! MEMEMEMEME! I AM SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT **ME!** EVEN OUTSIDE OF THIS ROOM. EVERYONE ALWAYS STOPS WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND MAKES SURE I’M DOING FINE AND I’M FUCKING TIRED OF IT. IT MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE PATHETIC CAUSE I HAVE TO BE DOTTED ON BY EVERYONE. NATALIE IS AT LEAST FUCKING DIFFERENT AND TREATS ME LIKE I’M A FUCKING PERSON AND NOT A SCARED ANIMAL. OH- AND THE NEWS IS ALL ABOUT ME _. OH HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS KID WHO WAS FUCKING KIDNAPPED AND RAPED **ISN’T THAT FUCKING WILD?** I HEARD HE USED TO WEAR A COLLAR AND RAN INTO A HOTEL SOAKED IN BLOOD AND PROBABLY URINE AND I WAS. AND IT WASN’T MINE. IT WAS FUCKING HIS. AND DID YOU FUCKING HEAR ABOUT HOW HE WAS FORCED TO LIVE IN SOME GUYS ROOM_? LIKE IT WASN’T THE ONLY FUCKING PLACE I FELT SAFE!? _OH YOU ARE SO FUCKING EVIL AND DISGUSTING_! SURE! WHEN THE DAY I FUCKING GOT THERE YOU SLEPT ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE YOU WERE SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED THAT I WAS EVEN THERE. YOU WERE FUCKING ASHAMED AND ANGRY AT HIM AND YOU COULDN’T SAY SHIT THEN BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE FUCKING KILLED ME. ME! ME! ME! ME! MEMEME! FUCK I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYTHING, EVERY FUCKING THING BEING ABOUT ME! LIKE ALL THOSE OTHER VICTIMS DON’T FUCKING MATTER! LIKE YOU DON’T FUCKING MATTER! I’M SO SICK OF THAT SHIT AND I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU. IT TOOK ME SO FUCKING LONG JUST TO GET HERE. AND LOOK AT THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING YELL AT YOU FOR BITCHING ABOUT **ME**. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING BEND YOU OVER AND FUCK YOU RIGHT NOW LIKE YOU ARE FUCKING EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND IN THAT ONE.”

You point at the mirror again.

“OH AND EVERYONE, EVEERRRYONE, IS WORRIED ABOUT ME BECAUSE I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU! AND EVERYONE THINKS I’M FUCKING **_CRAZY_** AND BROKEN FOR IT! BECAUSE I WATCHED YOU GET RAPED CONSTANTLY AND I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER TOO? BECAUSE I SAW YOU AS A HURT, SCARED KID, JUST LIKE HOW I WAS? BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? OH I AM SO FUCKING CRAZY BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER FUCKING GUY WHO WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF ME?! SOMEONE WHO TOOK BEATINGS FOR ME? SOMEONE WHO LET HIMSELF GET RAPED SO THEN I DIDN’T HAVE TO GET HURT!? I’M SO FUCKING CRAZY BECAUSE I’M WORRIED ABOUT A GUY WHO WAS RAISED BY A FUCKING LUNATIC!? SURE FINE. I DON’T CARE IF I AM. LOCK ME UP TOO. FINE. MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS YOU BEING IN HERE. AND FUCKING LOOK AT YOU! YOU WERE CONTENT WITH LETTING YOURSELF GET FUCKED OVER FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S CRIMES BECAUSE IT KEPT ME SAFE. SURE FINE THAT FUCKING MAKES SENSE. FUCK YOU, DAVE! -AND FUCK YOU, TERESA."

You snap your head to look at Ms. Pyrope, "FUCK YOU FOR WAITING SO FUCKING LONG FOR ME TO TALK SENSE INTO HIM!"

You look back at your therapist, "-AND FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ALL OF THIS. NO. NO FUCK OFF. I AM NOT FORGIVING MYSELF UNTIL ALL OF THIS IS OVER AND ALL OF THOSE POOR PEOPLE I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT GET THE CLOSURE THEY DESERVE."

You sit straight in your chair again, you look at the policemen. "-AND HEY FUCK YOU. YES **YOU!** FUCK YOU TWO FOR NOT LETTING ME HOLD OR KISS MY FUCKING FIANCE. BUT SURE I CAN SLAP HIM. WHY NOT. HE’S A FUCKING CRIMINAL ANYWAY!? WHY? CAUSE HE WAS RAPED AND BEATEN AND FUCKED OVER BY HIS DAD? FUCK YOU IF YOU THOUGHT THAT. FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND FUCK ALL OF YOU AND FUCK ME AND FUCK EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT THINKS THAT YOU SHOULD GET THE DEATH PENALTY BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN IN THE WRONG FUCKING FAMILY. FUCK EVERYONE HERE WHO THINKS THAT YOU SHOULD EVEN BE IN HANDCUFFS. I SHOULD BE BECAUSE I AM LIKE ONE MORE OF YOUR FUCKING STUPID COMMENTS AWAY FROM WHIPPING THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT YOU! Shut the fuck up and answer Ms. Pyrope’s FUCKING QUESTIONS with real fucking answers because if I have to hear ONE MORE FUCKING time that my FUCKING safety is worth more than anyone else’s or that you are FUCKING UGLY **I WILL SHOVE MY COCK SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET A FUCKING CROWBAR TO PRY MY DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”**

You continue to yell at Dave,

“NOW, PROMISE ME YOU WILL NEVER KILL YOURSELF!”

“I-“ Dave stutters.

**_“PROMISE MOTHERFUCKER! I SWEAR TO GOD-“_ **

“I Promise! Now calm down, babe!” Dave panics. 

You sit down and wipe the tears from your face.

You take a breath through your nose and let it out,

“I’m done.”

“Okay. Okay.” Dave makes a gesture with his hands to calm you down. “You should apologize to Ms. Pyrope here. She didn’t have the full picture and she is just doing her job. Okay? Okay. -and your therapist here is just trying to help you. Don’t yell at her, because if she is helping you through this she is doing me a huge fucking favor. Okay? Okay.”

“I am sorry. To the both of you." You look in between Dr. Serket and Ms. Pyrope. Then you look back at the love of your life. "Not to you Dave, you needed that.”

“Okay.” Dave agrees.

 **“Stop fucking saying Okay!”** You are still frustrated.

He opens his mouth to speak. “Alright.” He says slowly.

“Mr. Egbert, I am sorry you felt that way.” Ms. Pyrope is speaking to you, “I accept your apology and I hope that outburst is your last.”

“I will lose my shit again if you two don’t work together. I fucking promise." You sigh out of your nostrils."I promise I will not freak out like this in court. But Dave you better take this seriously from now on.”

Ms. Pyrope begins questioning Dave again. She says the words slowly. “Dave, you said you can give us names and addresses? I am asking for you to clarify if you can, not that you will.”

“I can.” Dave replies just as slowly.

“Alright. Can you give us more information about Mr. Strider and details of your life with him before John came into the picture?” She continues to speak at a slow pace.

“I can.” Dave nods.

“You already agreed to meet with John and I. We will discuss all of the non-consensual sex that was forced on the both of you. Would you be willing to also list more of the beatings and threats that you both received?” She asks him.

“More than willing.” Dave nods again.

“Right. After this talk you just had with Mr. Egbert you are now willing to assist us now with building a stronger case against Dirk? Would you accept telling us everything you know about his life before he murdered your mother?”

“Whatever John wants.” Dave is looking at her not at you.

“You do what she says.” You cross your arms.

“Yes.” Automatically, he agrees.

“Then, Dave, I will contact your lawyer about this.” Ms. Pyrope nods.

“Can I ask you my own question, ma’am?” Dave asks.

“Yes, Dave, you may.” She nods.

Dave laughs at her for correcting his grammar. That must have reminded him of you.

“Okay." Dave asks her, "what matters more to you, justice? Or protecting the innocent?”

“Both are important to me.”

“I will be honest with you -eventually I will tell you everything I remember. I mean, if you can arrange for me to get a pen and a notepad I’ll rack my brain when I’m in my cell- I need you to be honest with me too, ma’am.”

“Justice.” Ms. Pyrope answers truthfully. “Punishing criminals is what I care about more than anything.”

“I respect that.” Dave nods.

“However. I refuse to punish the innocent.”

“Right.” Dave is staring at the table in between the two of you.

“Do you believe you are a victim, Dave?” She asks him.

“After everything that happened. I don’t know what I am.” Dave shakes his head.

“You seem like an honest man.” She speaks the words with conviction and compassion. 

“I’m sure I’m not. But I will be if that means John is alright.”

He turns to face you again.

“Do not think this counts as me bitching any more, John. Just listen. In the future. At any time. If you ever feel like I fucked you over. Like you realize you hate me. Like you regret vouching for me. I understand. I will take full responsibility for not saving you sooner. I will take full responsibility for being the reason for why he took you in the first place. I will take full responsibility for anything you ever regret. Anything. Anything for you.”

You are still crossing your arms. You stare down at his hands.

Dave continues, “Babe, I’m sorry I ever got you caught up in this. I get if you change your mind in the future. I’ll have hope because you want me to. I will accept anything you ask me to. I could live with you hating me, if it means that you are better off. I just want you to be happy.”

“I don’t think I ever will regret this, Dave." You say, "and you are not a victim. You are a survivor. Just like me.”

Dave looks confused at your words. Then he smiles.

“That’s the perfect word for what we are. Isn’t it?” Dave softly smiles.

Dave looks back at Ms. Pyrope and asks,

“Can I ask you one more question?”

“Of course.” She replies.

“Would you be willing to die for justice?”

“I lost my sight for _my_ version of justice.”

Dave nods to himself. That was a yes.

“Okay. You have most of my trust then. If you can prove you are smart enough to win against him then I’ll give you all the names and faces and buildings I remember. I’ll give you one right now. One I’m not afraid to hand out. If you can prove you’re fucking smart and you can keep John... - keep your promise - I’ll give you everything I have.”

Dave stands up. He looks at the guards. They don’t budge.

Dave whispers something into her ear. You can’t hear it at all.

“And you are positive that is his real name?” She lightly whispers to words, like she is blown back by what Dave told her.

“Went to the man’s house." Dave replied. "Several times. Even before I knew John.”

“He’s that kind of man is he?” Ms. Pyrope speaks the words as if she is sighing. 

“Yep.” Dave raised his eyebrows and looked off to the side.

You think you know what they both mean by that.

Dave comes over to you. He cups his hands into your ear as well.

“Orphaner Dualscar.” He kisses your ear before he breaks away from you and stands up. “You keep that under your hat, John. Let her fuck with that guy, and none of the other lawyers. I only told you his crime name so you know if or when she takes him out.”

“I won’t say anything.” You stare up at him, “She can earn your trust. I know it.”

“Good.” He began to walk to the other side of the table. He is still staring at you.

“I love you, Dave.”

“I love you too, John.”

Dave sat back down in his seat, asking her,

“Continue ma’am.”


	34. Patience

“You said that the two of you figured out how to play Mr. Strider." You ask Dave, you could use his guidance in prosecuting his brother. "If I plan on speaking with Mr. Strider would you be willing to teach me your tricks?”

“Tricks? I don’t think you will be able to play him like we did." Dave replies. "He didn’t really give a shit about John then. But he is pissed now. If you want the upper hand against him you have to keep your cool. But you also can’t let him walk all over you. You have to call him out if he tries to fuck with you. If he thinks you are playing dumb he is going to fuck with you even more. If he figures out that something is a sore spot for you he’s going to press you on it any chance he gets. He really loves fucking with people who are nervous, those are his favorites. Having someone act like that to entertain him might get you even more information. He really likes when people flinch or sweat - sorry for this in advance, babe - He is going to tell you about when he raped me and when he raped John. That is going to be a test. If you do not react somehow to him recounting John getting raped he will know you are prepped. Scratch your hand or actually let yourself emote to that. He is going to tell you about really fucking violent shit because he gets off to people’s fear. You need to let him know somehow you are afraid of him. Don’t think you won’t be. When you are in the same room as him you will be. He was fucking good at getting under people's skin. That’s why he would jerk me off during those meetings. The people who couldn’t stomach it and vouched for me got a bullet in their skull cause it meant they weren’t fit for the ‘in crowd.’”

“One last thing about the name you gave me..." you ask Dave, "was he in the ‘in crowd’ too?”

“He still is a big, big fish." He replies. "The day that John ran out, I blew that guy in his house. You need to be smart about this. But we both know he’s an easy target. If you take him out though he might catch on.”

“You.” you pause. “You’re testing if I can resist taking him out aren’t you?”

“Oh, look at that." He sounds confident. "You are smart.”

“Clever.” You nod as you speak.

“Yep.” Dave replied. 

“You want to make sure that you can give me names and faces and know that I won’t make any moves.” You confirm you understand his motives.

“You catch on quick, that’s why they let you catch the big fish.”

“Tell me how to read Mr. Strider.”

Dave begins again, “John can teach someone else how to do that. I don’t mean to be insensitive but you are going to need somebody with eyes. If he slightly clenches his jaw or flexes his neck. He is pissed. Have someone sit next to you and tap you with their foot or do something under the table that you can use as a signal if you really need to know. If whoever is next to you doesn’t speak at all he will pick up on it. Make sure that who is giving you signals has a decoy, something like clicking a pen when he does something that looks off. Use different fake signals, you need to divert his attention. Don’t go out of your way to make yourself look too clever. But if you make it too obvious he will point it out and he will poke fun of you for being blind. He is going to do that to you anyway. He is going to ask you how you lost your sight. If you tell him the shit you told me he will not be impressed like I was. Actually tell him how it happened. He will respect that way more. His language is violence. Let him get a feel for you and your other lawyers. Don’t hide your tells from him, let him learn them, your real tells. If he feels like he can read your mind he will be entertained by you. When he gets to know you eventually _you_ , no one else, should speak in violence too. When you are ready for that he won’t respect weak shit, tell him you are planning on being there when he dies. Describe that shit entering his veins. Tell him you are the person who is going to make sure that he dies."

You will have to say that, you suppose.

Dave continues, "if he says anything about himself getting the chair, twitch your lip. Act like you are choking back a smile. Pretend you get off to people like him dying. He’ll enjoy talking to you if you _entertain him_. If you want to make sure that you live, entertain him. He will like if you seem a little bit angry or disgusted with the things he tells you, it will make him feel big. He will love if he can find something to hurt you."

Dave pauses for a moment.

“Part of you is going to have to love justice because its carnage or some violent shit, the other part of you is going to have to love justice because it’s revenge for innocent people like John. Always keep that in mind. On the surface act like you are just doing your job. Underneath that show him signs you are there to rip him to shreds because you think its fun. He loves games. If he thinks you love them too then he will want to speak with you.”

He sounds certain as he speaks, “If- **IF** he talks about me and John being in love, pretend you are disgusted by me. He'll have a better opinion of you if you pretend you hate me. Know that he is going to tell you about me fucking him. He is going to tell you I raped him and that I broke his mind. He is going to try his best to tear me and John apart by any means he can. He'll want you to want that too. He is going to lie about us. He’s probably going to start pushing drug stories or claim that I raped John. He definitely will tell you different stories from when –When, John! I said when- when I was a whore. If he builds up me raping John and then tells you ways that I was raped you need to make it look like you are trying not to smile.”

Dave sighs, "he doesn’t care about lying under oath if it means that he can smear me too. He will tell you that he made me kill people. He didn’t. I was a whore- **was** , John, I said was, don’t give me a look- He never made me kill anyone. I think he thought if I started killing that I would be able to work up the nerve to really slit his throat. I’m willing to bet he was saving John for that. Force me to kill him somehow, but I don’t know what he would do with me after.”

Dave takes a moment to pause and think, “He is going to tell you a lot of things that are lies. If you notice that something is a lie, or if something pisses you off, don’t be afraid to let one of your tells show. He will enjoy that you're playing his game. I’m sure that you can figure out the rest with what I told you.”

“Thank you, Dave." You nod your head. "I think I can work with what you gave me.”

Dave gets up. You can hear his footsteps as he walks back over to the guards. You hear the shuffling of his cuffs and the fabric of his clothes. Dave let the guards take him by the arms. You are expecting that this is the last of this.

“Another thing. Before I leave." Dave speaks up again. "When you decide to go and speak with him face-to-face he is going to somehow know that you saw me. Even if it’s just from something you say. Even if he doesn't know, he is going to know that you are _trying_ to read him and might even fake his reactions to test you. He might even put on a fake persona to trick you. His real self is a blank slate, he doesn’t show emotion. He doesn’t laugh. And he does not make jokes. He does think that killing people is funny, but his real way of making jokes is just bringing something up and acting like it doesn’t mean shit to him. John can tell you all of his ticks and the way he normally acts. However there is one big one that John doesn’t know.”

Dave takes a deep calming breath and releases it,

“This here is the reason I needed to speak with you ma’am. If he takes a breath like that. Not a sigh, but a deep breath like that. If he sounds like he is trying to calm down, move back instantly, duck down, do anything you can do to get away from him. I don’t even think he knows that he does it. That’s his tell that he is going to try to kill you. Not attack. **Kill you.** He will not give you any other heads up and he already knows he is going to die. He won’t have any second thoughts. If he thinks you are too smart or _unfun_ he will try to put a hit out on you. I know this might hurt your pride but you might have to let him win during some conversations if he is trying to really fuck with you. Just think of it as winning in the long run. You are going to play a hard game. And I’m sorry. It’s my fault you are in this mess too. –John, babe don’t start again.- He might try to kill you so that blood is on my hands if it happens. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one to stop him.”

He sounds sincere as he speaks,

“Be more prepared than I was.”

“Thank you very much, Dave." You assure him, "we will finish this together.”

The guards start walking with him out.

“Oh shit- waitwaitwaitguyswait **\- do not mention Jake**." Dave firmly tells you. "He will jump and try to kill you. When I brought him up as a kid he would beat my ass instantly and forced me to sleep in his ‘ _work floor_.’ No doubt in my mind he is going to bash your skull in if you even hint at Jake. That’s his sore spot. Mention Roxy and he might get violent, but if he thinks you are leading up to talk about Jake he will fuck you up instantly. If you want the cops to have an excuse to shoot him dead then talking about Jake is the kill switch.”

“Thank you, Dave.” You readjusted your cane in your hand, “but do, please, quickly rack your mind for anything else that might trigger that sort of reaction in Mr. Strider.”

“Uhhhh- Don’t call him a faggot?”

“Didn’t cross my mind.”

“Well, then you’re probably fine. No hinting at Jake and steer clear of any homophobic slurs.”

“Right, I will get back into contact with you some other time. I will see if I can arrange that you get a notepad. If you remember anything else about him that is absolutely urgent for me to know try to tell a guard, I can understand if anything is slipping your mind at this moment. Seems like you just went through a lot about your life.”

“And that was only forty percent of my life story.” He jokes.

“I will see you at a later date Dave." You say your goodbyes, "and… congratulations on your engagement.”

“Thank you. Goodbye ma’am.” The guards start to escort him out, “Love you, babe.”

“I love you too.” John replies.

You listen as he makes his way out the door.

Before the door shut he called out, “Give ‘em hell, Teresa.”

You are still standing next to John, you can hear John stand up from his seat.

“Well?” He tells you, “Give ‘em hell.”


	35. The Ride Back Home

“How did things go, son?”

“It went better than I hoped. Ms. Pyrope talked with Dave and he’s going to start working with her.” You got into the passenger's seat of the car. You buckled your belt and turned to your dad.

“That’s good news." He smiles at you. "Glad to hear he’s working with the authorities.”

“No. Just her.”

Your dad didn’t press you on more. He smiled at you because you were beaming. He was waiting for you in the car, he must have been so anxious about you speaking with Dave again, but you smiling at him like this seems to have calmed his nerves. He must not be sure what to think of Dave, you understand this must be hard on him. You want to get this out of the way before you get back to your town house. 

“Dad. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Yes, son?”

The tone of his voice lets you know he is dreading having this conversation. You aren’t sure that this is going to be an easy one to have. You aren’t sure how he is going to take it. Maybe you should have asked Dr. Serket to help you tell him. He is probably going to call her after you drop this huge fucking bomb on him. You better start with the other stuff first. Once you tell him you are engaged you are sure he is just going to completely shut down. Completely shut down in disappointment.

“Dave and I talked about a lot of things that we went through. There was something that he told me just now that I never knew about him… Well, I did know that he would have to buy all the food with his own money and that he had some sort of a job, come to think of it I should have thought more about how he could buy beer…I don’t want to beat around the bush dad, I’ll just tell you. He was forced into prostitution.”

You take a moment to look at his reaction. He is trying to save face, but you can tell but the way he just moved his brow that he is worried about something. He doesn’t speak, he waits on you to say more. So you do,

“He told me the police tested him… and he’s clean. He said that Mr. Strider was in with some really shady people, uh- I don’t know the details about it- we can talk about that another time... uh… You already know what Dave was willing to do to protect me…I said that in court….. well - we talked about other things. We uh… talked about our relationship…”

You take a moment to think about what you are going to say next. You need to find the right words to tell him this.

“He said he wasn’t sure that I really loved him, I told him back when he first met me… Umm… It was at night and we were in the hot tub at that hotel and I wanted to see his eyes so I took off his glasses… I wanted to… kiss him. I didn’t, I was too scared to make a move… Still, the point was it wasn’t just that we were forced together, I was already attracted to him. Dave would protect me from _him_ and secretly sneak me stuff. You already know that we celebrated holidays that no one cared about and that we weren’t allowed to go on dates, but we still did. Sometimes we would be able to spend weeks alone. Apparently he was out killing people for hire online… I know you must be wondering… why I didn’t run sooner…Dave used to always ask me if I wanted to leave when uh-  I would tell him no because I didn’t want to leave him behind. You know that... I fell in love with him. When I saw Dave just now the first thing he let me know was that he did not want me to love him anymore. He told me to move on. He had the nerve to say that to me after everything we went through. I told him more about how I felt, I tried my best to tell him that I am ready to start feeling free, and that I am still not going to leave him behind. Eventually, I must have worn him down.”

You stare at your dad for a few moments, he looks apprehensive about what you are going to say next. You decide it’s best to just say it. He prefers when people are brief and blunt.

“Dad. Dave and I are getting married.”

He still isn’t looking at you, his narrowed eyes are focused on the road. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t move. You can see him clench his jaw slightly.

“I know this must be hard on you, dad. You don’t know anything about him or what kind of person he really is. All you know is what people tell you… He used to… you already know that he would do everything he could to protect me… I know how this must sound to you… it must look like I am warped by him... but I fell in love with Dave because he would make me laugh and listened to me. I know what it is like to be around someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. Mr. Strider did a lot of awful things to me but Dave would only do what I wanted too… Dave never forced me to do anything. The only thing was he would make me promise to avoid doing certain things so I wouldn’t get hurt, actually he just did that now. He said we have to keep our engagement a secret from the public in case _he_ catches wind of it. Dr. Serket was there so she knows, if you want to talk to her about it, you should."

You look down at your hands. "She got to see what Dave was really like, she got to see the guy that I fell in love with and why I did. Actually… we argued too… I started yelling at Dave because he was being difficult. He was saying he isn’t going to give out any information about the crime lords that Mr. Strider used to work with or the names of people who raped him because he was afraid that Mr. Strider is going to hire someone to kill me.”

You sigh as you look back up at him. Your dad probably knows more about this case then he leads on, he must be looking into everything that Mr. Strider did because he doesn’t look surprised that Dave thinks your life is in danger.

You shake your head slightly. “I wanted him to work with Ms. Teresa, so I yelled at him for a while. He made me so frustrated, he didn’t care about his sentencing. He even told me he didn’t care if he got the chair- he just wanted me to be safe. Dave kept pushing my buttons, saying that my safety was more important than anything else. Even after all those innocent people died. I just wanted him to care about something that wasn’t me… So I screamed at him… I might have overdid it. I think Ms. Teresa was even afraid of me…  She was asking him questions after he proposed to me and he kept refusing to give her any information. I completely lost my cool. I even refused to apologize to him, his only concern was me and not himself.”

You sigh. You are still staring at your dad, taking a moment to choose your words.

“I hope that one day you can get to know Dave, I hope that you can get to see the person who protected me. The guy who made me laugh. The guy who remembers my favorite flavor of Pop-Tart." You smile. "The guy who laughs at all of my jokes, even if they aren’t funny. The guy who listened to me when I told him something he did was wrong. The guy who would sneak me in gifts and help me find different ways to hide them. The guy who was willing to sacrifice his whole life for my happiness.”

Your dad looks back at you, taking his eyes off the road for a moment.

“I want to show him that big beautiful world that he only got to live in for a month.”

His eyes widen at your words. His mouth parts open but he doesn’t look like he wants to speak.

“I understand, you don’t know him.” You continue. “I know that it is hard… but I can see how much you trust me. The fact that you are so patient about all of this means the world to me."

You try your best to smile as you speak. You can't,

"I’m sorry if I ever disappointed you.”

Your dad slightly shakes his head ‘no.’ You know he must want to speak up but he seems like he’s on the verge of tears. You smile at him and start reading your book again for the rest of the drive home.


	36. Alone in This

You were standing the entire time watching Dave intently. You actually muted your walkie talkie for this shit, as the sheriff it's a pisspoor move, but you think everyone can handle an hour without being able to contact you. 

Those boys were both putting on a very convincing act. Dave’s lawyer, Megido and Nitram are all behind you. Fucking waterworks. Nitram isn’t even putting in an attempt to hide his tears.

You don’t need to focus on them right now. Just focus on your work.

You start biting your thumbnail. Listening for anything you could use to point at 'Terezi' that Dave is in no way innocent. However, even you have to admit, it does sound like he is a victim of Dirk Strider.

You had to radio your two men inside to let Teresa question Dave. You started biting on your middle finger’s nail. You are getting nervous about all of this. Dave could be attempting to cover his ass by using John. Saying the right things to keep John in his corner.

Offering to marry John after trying to push him away. You don’t fucking buy any of this shit.

Dave’s got John eating everything up though and John isn't a fucking idiot, he's probably helping him with his little dance to get out of any real trouble.

When Teresa was done she came in with the stubborn bitch. You let Serket know that you didn’t buy this shit and she shouldn’t either. Four eyes didn't take that well at all,

“Dave was a victim of sexual assault throughout his childhood, he himself requires therapy and I would like to see to it myself he eventually finds a decent therapist.”

You try to get a word in, “HE-"

Serket interrupts you before you could even speak.

“Don’t tell me that he is clever or that he has John whipped." Serket points a finger out at you. "I know my client well… John is much smarter than Dave. I don’t believe that Dave could play John if he wanted to. Dave’s words were genuine. We can all see that.”

“YOU REALLY THINK THAT-" You stop yourself from going on by smacking yourself in the  face. “UGH. HONESTLY, WHY ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT?”

“Well, what do you think about this then?” Serket actually asked you for your opinion. “What’s the  _right_ thing to think here?”

You think John is playing all the fucking lawyers and they aren’t looking at this like they should. John's cunning, good at picking his words. Looking over the things he said in the discovery somethings stood out to you... one thing in particular... 

Teresa asked him a question...

_“Did he say anything to you?”_

_“Uh… while he was raping me… No.”_

And his response was so particular... It was a clever selection of words so he wouldn't have to lie. Dirk said something to him... probably right before... What would he say that John didn't want you all to know...? 

"Sheriff?" Dr. Serket was still waiting on your reply. 

“HE PROBABLY FUCKING HAS STOCKHOLM SYNDROME OR SOME SHIT-"

“Now, many people in my profession do not believe that such a-"

You cut her off this time, “THERE IS NO WAY THAT JOHN WOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO RUN EARLIER IF DAVE WAS REALLY OFFERING IT. JOHN WASN’T IN LOVE WITH DAVE ON DAY ONE. IF DAVE WANTED JOHN TO LEAVE HE COULD HAVE FUCKING FOUND A WAY FOR HIM TO LEAVE WHEN HIS DAD WAS STILL IN HOUSTON- THINK ABOUT THAT.”

She responds the exact way you thought she would. “Think about Dave's life? He was raised by a man like that and _knew_ what he was capable of. Think about how those two boys were tortured for years? Think about how terrifying the idea of trying to run was when Dirk Strider was a hitman? A hitman who killed politicians and-"

“-AND YET JOHN STILL RAN.” You tell Serket.

“Those two boys were terrified, Imagine being that young and not knowing what to do," there's her usual hypotheticals... "believing that anything you do will result in the death of your friend- your loved one-" as she speaks you look away and roll your eyes. “Dave made John leave because he couldn’t bere John getting treated the way that _he_ was- Dave risked his life-he- _are you listening to me?!”_

You turned around and look around the room.

You lift up your arms as you ask everyone. “YOU ALL HONESTLY BELIEVE THIS?”

You scan everyone’s face...

Looks like you are alone.


	37. Maroon and Gold

You were sitting outside on the balcony. Looking out into the street.  
You wipe another tear from your eye.  
“Hai.” You say into the phone.  
She’s really going off again.  
“Iie. Yoku wakarimasu.” She’s right though.  
You pause. She never says that.  
“Daisuki.” You never say that.  
“bye.” You had to hang up. You are on the verge of tears again.  
Your boyfriend slides open the glass door to talk with you.  
“Babe, where you on the phone with your sister?”  
“Uh.” You wipe away your tears before you turn your head to look at him “Yeah. She was just calling.”  
“Really? She called you again, at this time?” Captor asked.  
You realize that it is dawn. You just couldn’t sleep so you called her. Apparently, neither could she.  
“Okay,” You have to turn your head away from him again to wipe your tears. “I called her this time.”  
You look back at him.  
Captor sticks his head out the doorframe to look at you.  
You turn your head away again and cover your mouth.  
“aa, it’s okay if you are crying.”  
“I don’t cry. You know that.”  
“Of course you don’t.”  
He sits down in the seat next to you, he has a coffee mug in his hands.  
“Does she still live in Osaka?” Captor asks.  
“No,” you sniffle. “No. She lives in America now.”  
“Really? Where?”  
“In California, she’s dating some guy now. That’s all she told me.”  
“Really? Wow. That was a long conversation for how simple that story was.”  
“She talked about her day. She’s been moving in.” You sigh.  
“Yeah?”  
“I said I might go out to see her.”  
“After the case is over?” Captor asks.  
“Yeah, I told her that I'm going to be busy for a while. When she heard the case I’ve been working on she told me everything she thought about it.”  
“Yeah, and?” He wants you to continue.   
“She thought that Dave was a killer. I couldn’t say anything against it... but she said… you know how she is…”  
“She said something a bit… off?” He asked you.  
“She said that there was something about John running out that seemed... romantic. Like it was for Dave.”  
“I didn’t think the press said anything about that.”  
“They didn’t.”  
Transcripts of Dave's trial is still not available to the public at the moment.  
“Maybe she just has a good eye for this kind of thing.” He tells you.  
You turn away from him again. You wipe a few tears off your face.  
“She’s the one who paired us together, wasn’t she, aa?”  
“You said something to me before that. That was back when we were still in middle school.”  
“I’ve liked you for that long, hu?” He says to himself.  
You look out into the city street. Mist is fogging up some of the street lights. The light of the sun is starting to take over the scenery. There is a faint orange glow touching the concrete of the city. No, that isn’t right it isn’t orange it is maroon and gold.  
You sit with him in silence as he drinks his coffee.  
“So she lives in California? When you leave to see her can I come too?” He asks you the question like he isn’t sure of the response.  
“I thought that was a given.”  
“You do a lot of things alone, aa.”  
You do. You know that.  
You wipe another batch of tears off your cheek.  
You apologize. “I’m sorry for being like that.”  
“Don’t be. **I love you** because you are independent _like that_.”  
You bite the inside of your lip.  
You wipe your face. Removing a trail of tears and to your dismay, drippings from your nose.  
You want to say it back. You always wanted to say it back.  
You still can’t bring yourself to do it.  
You can’t fucking bring yourself to do it and it isn’t even that hard.  
“ _Well then why don’t I feel like that now? I don’t have that collar on me anymore…”_  
 _You adjust yourself in your seat. You lean against one of the arm rests. Those two boys had been talking about their lives living inside that apartment. You are starting to understand that even though they could leave at any time, why they wouldn’t. You feel something wet hit one of your fingers. You dab your eyes as nonchalant as you can._  
 _“But it’s hard to see myself- as… anything worth anything anymore… I don’t see that much in myself, I never did, you know that. I didn’t even have any friends in real life before the kidnapping.”_  
 _“You remember what I saw?”_  
 _You cover your lips with your hands. You keep readjusting your hand. The way you are resting your head on your hands it just doesn’t feel right to you. You wipe another tear. When has a case ever made you this emotional?_  
 _“I saw a boy who was lost, walking down the street hoping someone would help him and when I got to know him-"_  
 _“Stop.”_  
 _“The world opened up to me.”_  
 _You bite your lip. You look away from the two of them. You stare at the wall. You stare at the floor. You stare at anything that isn’t them._  
 _“-I was in love. No one is cool when they are in love.”_  
 _You look up at the ceiling. You could swear it was raining. There must be a leak somewhere. You can’t be losing your focus right now. You came too far._  
 _“I felt like every step I took. John Egbert was walking right beside me.”_  
No matter how long you two are apart you can just pick everything right back up like you never left...  
 _“It’s still true you know.”_  
He told you to start talking to your sister again after the two of you had that falling out. You kept in contact with her regularly after that. He told you he loved your style, back when you always wore Goth clothes and makeup and everyone else gave you looks or harassed you for the way you dressed. He came over to help fix your laptop once and when your parents saw there was a boy in your room they screamed at him. The next day after school he told you it was okay. You cried. You sobbed so much you had to tell him. You told him how they would hurt you. How they would hit you if you disobeyed them. Everything they would tell you. How you needed to stop eating so much because you had an ugly, chubby face and no guy would ever like you for it. He held your cheeks in his hands and searched around. He said he couldn’t see how your face is supposed to be ugly and he told you that they were wrong. That there is a guy that already likes your face because it was beautiful and that you, yourself, were beautiful. You cried. Just like you are doing now. Even before you started dressing like this he saw something in you. Even before you started acting this way he still thought you were elegant. Even before you could admit to yourself that you were in love with him, he told you he was in love with you.  
When did you ever do anything in your life to deserve a guy like that?  
You think you would give your life for him just like those boys would give their lives for each other.  
You are sure of it.  
You were zoning out again.  
Staring at the sunlight.  
He wasn’t sitting beside you anymore.  
He was probably getting changed.  
You shouldn’t bug him. He has work.  
You shouldn’t bug him with this now.  
You are walking into his bedroom.  
He is in his bathroom.  
He is still in his Pajamas.  
Brushing his teeth.  
You look at the floor.  
He is rinsing his mouth with mouthwash.  
You shouldn’t bug him.  
He stares into the mirror.  
You walk up beside him.  
He looks at your reflection. You look at yourself as well.  
God your eyes are so red.  
He kisses the top of your head.  
Puffy ugly eyes.  
“Good morning beautiful.”  
He’s ignoring your puffy eyes.  
He’s ignoring your chubby face.  
He’s ignoring your nose.  
He’s ignoring your chin.  
You are not beautiful.  
You should tell him what you came to tell him.  
You don’t feel beautiful.  
You should tell him what you want to say.  
You are not good enough for him.  
You should tell him what you've always wanted to say.  
You're not even sure you should be here in the first place.  
You should tell him.  
“Aradia.”  
He places his hand on your shoulder.  
You turn to face him.  
You can’t take looking at yourself like this any longer.  
“I don’t see what you see in me.”  
He’s looking you in the eyes.  
His lips part like he wants to say something.  
He doesn’t need to.  
He tells you that you are beautiful every single day.  
He tells you that the way that you walk still leaves him breathless.  
He tells you that he loves your sharp wit.  
He tells you that your hair is beautiful when the wind blows.  
He tells you that your smile is the most beautiful one he’s ever seen.  
He tells you that your whole face is beautiful.  
You can’t see any of that.  
You still can’t.  
You can’t see yourself as anything other than worthless.  
That’s why you always told him to find someone else.  
You would break it off with him because you were ‘busy with work.’  
You would want him to move on but he always came back.  
You would always fall right back into his arms.  
You know that you shouldn’t.  
You know every time you fall harder and harder in love with him.  
You worry that he does too.  
You never wanted him to think that you were rejecting him because of his mood swings, you always loved him no matter what he was going through.  
You always loved him even when you were apart.  
He places his other hand on your shoulder.  
He wants you to face him so you do.  
You sniffle.  
God, you must look so ugly right now.  
You shouldn’t say anything, you should walk away like you always do.  
But those boys.  
They went through hell together.  
He saw that too.  
He was there.  
The way John yelled at Dave.  
Does he ever want to scream at you like that?  
Do you make him feel like an idiot for liking the way you look?  
“I can’t see what you see in me.”  
Your lip starts to quiver.  
“But I can try.”  
You put your hands on his chest.  
“Because you are in love with me.”  
You take a second to say it,  
Your throat hurts as the words come out  
You think you spent too much time waiting to say it,  
“and I love you from under the depths of my soul.”  
He smiles at you. His eyes are starting to turn red too.  
You try to keep your face straight.  
You look away from him.  
A single tear is rolling down your cheek.  
Now several.  
You are holding on to his chest.  
You can’t stop bawling.  
You bury your face into his shirt and start screaming.  
You are so upset with yourself.  
You hold on to him.  
 _You shouldn’t have built such a strong case against Dave._  
You are so happy that you have him.  
 _You were so wrong._  
He wraps his arms around you.  
 _He didn’t deserve that pain he went through._  
He strokes your hair.  
 _You didn’t deserve that pain you went through._  
“I love you, Aradia.”  
He kisses the top of your head.  
“You have the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met.”  
That was it.  
You drop to your knees.  
You still don’t feel like you deserve this.  
“It’s okay.”  
You still feel like you aren’t good enough for him.  
“I love you.”  
You still don’t feel like you are good enough for anyone.  
“I’m here, okay?”  
 _‘You don’t have to believe something for it to be true.’_  
You don’t care anymore.  
You trust him with your life  
You trust his judgement.  
You trust him.  
You tell him through tears.  
“You were always right. I am beautiful. Just like you always said.”  
He grabs your face.  
He cradles it in his hands.  
He looks at you.  
He looks at every part of your face.  
He looks so proud of you.  
He deeply kisses you.  
He wraps his arms around you.  
Tears and snot still dripping down your face.  
You can’t care anymore.  
You don’t care anymore.  
Because you know.  
That you are beautiful.


	38. an attempt

You’re sitting on your bed, staring at the blank notepad on your lap.

You made a promise to yourself that you are going to fill this up by the next time the beast visits with something she could use. Your lawyer seemed invested in the notepad too, you guess that is a good thing. You can build a stronger case for your innocence but it’s still hard for you to not feel guilt for everything that happened. You stare at the blank page, tapping the pen onto the paper. You scanned your mind but all you could think about was John screaming at you that he liked the way you looked and that he cared about what happened to you. He screamed at you none of this was your fault but you still don’t feel like that is true, you still want to take responsibility for what happened to John and this notepad is a start. If you can fill it up with what happened in that apartment than you can make it easier for everyone working against  _him_.

You can’t stop thinking about John, when you were in your cell you used to imagine seeing him again. You always thought he would scream at you, that he would wake up. That he would blame you for what happened and you thought he would be right. You were ready to take responsibility for what happened to him. He didn’t seem to think of things that way.

You proposed to John on a whim. There were so many words that he said that picked at your heart. You couldn’t stop yourself. After seeing the two of you stand next to each other for the first time in your life, and John told you that he owned his own soul, you just couldn’t help yourself. It was a split second decision but once you made it you knew you weren’t going to be able to walk away. If John wanted you, you were going to give him all you had.

You are still trying to wrack your mind for all of the non-consensual sex between you and John. You lost focus for a while and thought about what your wedding might look like. You aren’t here to daydream about the future and best case scenarios. Although, with John asking you to hope for better… maybe you are here to do just that.

You force yourself to think of the first time that it happened. That list of firsts though that you and John came up with. How John’s first kiss with you was his choice. For a moment you dwell on that.

It must have been 4 am.

_It was dark. You were fithteen. There was a faint white light streaming in from your window. The moon light only slightly illuminated John. He was sitting up in your bed. He couldn’t sleep, the lashes on his hands were bothering him. You tried your best earlier to clean them and bandage them up. You sat up next to him. You could hardly see anything but you saw the faintest outline of his body. He looked like he was silently weeping. You slowly wrapped your arm around his back and held him. You held onto him as he shivered. You wrapped your other arm around him and he buried his face into your sleeve. You rubbed his back and whispered that everything was going to be okay. He choked back tears silently for a few more moments, when he was finished he lifted his head and turned towards you. He touched your face. You could still feel him shiver in your arms. He held your cheek. He turned towards you and you moved your hands to his sides. He leaned in and started breathing on your lips. You shuttered at his hot breath against your mouth. He leaned in and kissed you. When your lips parted he moved away from you. You moved forward. You kissed him back. You kept gently embracing each other’s lips, softly caressing each other being sure to take things as slow as possible. You hadn’t even noticed that John stopped shivering until you rubbed your hand through his hair. You pulled away from him as you stroke his face and moved back his bangs. You still couldn’t see him but you felt like you didn’t need to in order to know that he was smiling._

_The two of you laid back down and he fell asleep holding onto you. You fell asleep with him in your arms. When you woke up his head was on your chest. You stroke his arm again. You placed your face on top of his head and breathed him in. He smelt like... home. The morning light flooded your room. You could see the bandages on his hands. They were soaked in blood now. They need to be redone when John gets up. For now you just rested with him by your side. You keep staring at them. You wish that the bandages would just heal them immediately. You wish that you could just touch them and that the blistering and the bleeding would just stop. You started thinking about the way John got punished for doing almost nothing yesterday. You weren’t even there and John couldn’t tell you what happened through his sobs. It must have been next to nothing, if it was something he knew not to do he wouldn’t have cried so hard. If he wasn’t in this apartment he wouldn’t have cried so hard. Come to think of it he would have never gotten hurt. You feel your throat dry up. You smell John’s hair again. You start sniffling. You start bawling. Streams of tears are pouring out. John starts shifting. His breathing changes, signaling you just woke him up, you hold him close in your arms. He wraps his arm around you and starts rubbing you just like you comforted him the other night. You start sobbing, letting your tears fall onto your pillow. John kissed your neck. John whispered it was going to be okay._

He _kicked open your door. Your eyes shot open._ He _took off his belt. You tightly grasped John, holding your lover as close to you as possible. You were sure you were suffocating him._ He _ripped John out of your arms. You kept trying to pull John back in to you and_ he _smacked you with the metal end of his belt._ He _threw John to the ground and started smacking him with the belt buckle. John started sobbing, trying to get out the words to say that he didn’t do anything. You screamed at him that John didn’t do anything to make you cry. He wasn’t having it. “Learn your fucking place, dog. Don’t you fuck with your masters.” He kept smacking John. You screamed at the top of your lungs “It wasn’t his fault!” He continued smacking John with his belt. He raised his voice to speak over your cries, “whose fault was it then?”_

_“It was yours!”_

_He lifted his arm to hit John again and stopped, now he’s staring right at you. He didn’t move. Staring at you for only a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime. You couldn’t tell what was running through his mind. While still staring directly at you, he grabbed John by the neck and lifted him up. John started struggling and you started panicking. He dragged him over to you and tossed John on to the bed, never breaking his gaze from yours. He walked out of the room and slammed the door. John was in shambles. He crawled up to you and started screaming into your shirt. John flinched when the door opened back up. He walked in and threw something at you. You didn’t know if he wanted it to smack you in the head or not and you were too pissed to care. You caught it in midair. It was a bottle. Looking at it in your hand... you knew exactly what it was._

_You wanted to say no._

That man _sat down on your computer chair. You wanted to tell him that John wasn’t ready._

_He pointed at John. You wanted to argue. You wanted to vouch for John... but you hesitated._

_“It’s his job to make you feel better, not mine.”_

_You didn’t speak. You didn’t move. He put his hand back down and rested it on the arm rest._

_“Fill his ass up.”_

_You weren’t sure if he meant you or John. John started shaking, still weeping to your shirt. You choose to interrupt it in the way you think would hurt John the least. You pulled down your boxers and started prepping yourself. John still holding on to you, crying and begging you not to. You told him it was going to be fine, you whispered to him you will take it slow._

_”If he doesn’t do it, you're both getting the whip.”_

_You knew there would be a threat like that. You can’t argue or John gets hurt._

_John stopped talking, all of his sobs became inaudible._

_“Dave."_   He _tells you... "strip.”_

_John pulled back, he stared at you. John sniffled. You took off your shirt, and held it up to John’s nose and asked him to blow. Your lover listened, he blew his nose and then you tossed your shirt aside. You grabbed the bottle again and laid down on the bed. You completely slipped off your boxers. You could still feel his gaze on you. You poured more lube into your hand and started working John. John was trying his best not to cry, he was trying his best just to let it happen._

_“Toss me the lube.”_

_Your heart sunk. What was he planning? You threw the bottle at him and then started slowly pumping John again. You heard him pull down his zipper. When he didn’t stand up you felt a breath you didn’t know you were holding in escape your lungs. You heard him start to work on himself. John started to get hard in your hand. You told John It was going to be okay._

_“Slip yourself inside of him.”_

_John was hesitant to do it, but he listened. John slowly slipped himself inside of you. All of the air in your lungs left your body. He was huge. John shivered. You moaned._

_“This is just embarrassing. Slip **all of it**  inside of him.”_

_John pushed into you completely. He hit you in the place that always makes you go nuts._

_“Are you okay, Dave?!” His voice was hoarse from crying, he really thought he hurt you._

_“I-I’m fine.”_

_“Do I honestly need to be here to teach him how to fuck you right?” You could still hear him working himself from your computer desk. “Jesus, kid.”_

_“Keep hitting that spot.” You told John. “It- it’s good.”_

_John pulled back a bit and pushed back into you. You groaned._

_You wanted to **want**  for it to stop._

_You wanted to **want** it to end._

_You wanted to **want**  that, but you didn’t._

_What you really wanted was for John to keep going. It was his first time... and it was ruined with that man’s presence but... you wanted more..._

_John pulled in and out of you again. This time harder._

_You are angry with yourself for being happy at this moment._

_John started thrusting into you._

_You were angry you were glad he is big enough to fuck you the way you like._

_John started grunting._

_You like feeling his hot breath on your neck._

_You could feel wet droplets of his sweat hit your chest._

_You looked back up at John._

_Tears still rolling down John’s face, hitting you along with his trailing sweat._

_You started moaning out John’s name._

_You told him that he was doing good and that it was okay._

_John asked you if you liked it._

_You told him the truth._

_“You feel so fucking good inside of me.”_

_“You-u feel really –ah- good, Dave.”_

_“Keep going.” you wanted John to enjoy it... so you told him, “I love it.”_

_“Dave, you are... so tight.”_

_“John. Shit. You are so fucking big.”_

_“Are you going to actually start pounding him now?” For a moment you forgot_ he _was there until he spoke up._

_Normally you can always feel his presence in a room but…_

_John was driving you crazy._

_You told John to start fucking you harder._

_You wanted to forget_ he  _was there._

_The only thing you wanted to feel or think about was John._

_John must have felt the same._

_John held your legs apart and started pounding into you._

_You were so close._

_John finished inside of you before you did._

_Your eyes shot open._

_You should have told him not to finish first. Damn it._

_John fell on top of you. Panting. His skin was red hot against yours._

He _got up out of his chair._

_He tossed John over to the other side of the bed and he hit the wall._

_He started thrusting into you, t_ _elling John, “this is how a real man fucks.”_

_You looked at John, who was so dazed at the moment he could hardly keep his eyes open._

_You couldn’t help it, you didn’t want to, but you screamed when you finished._

_John was exhausted._

_He kept fucking you until he finished inside of you too._

_He called you a cockwhore and a cumdumpster. He always said that everyone just wants to cum in you... no one could ever expect anything else from you..._

_"No one could ever want you unless they want to use you up like the whore you are. You think your boyfriend is any different? Only thing you've ever been good for is taking a cock."_

_You closed your eyes. You didn't want John to hear that._

_He grabbed John by the throat and you heard John gargle, like he was drowning._

_You tried your best to open your eyes and keep them open. You needed to see what he did to John._

_He smacked John until John opened his eyes to look at you._

_“Fuck him till he looks like that. It’s your only fucking job, so do it.”_

_He threw John back at your side. He left the room, slamming the door as he exited._

_You couldn’t find the strength to open your eyes._

_You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him after._

_You were so ashamed._

_John crawled on top of you._

_John kissed your cheek again._

_He told you “it’s okay."_

_You felt water hit your face again._

_You move your hand to touch it._

_You couldn’t tell whose tears it was that hit you._

_His or yours._

* * *

You stare at the page.

You weren’t sure how to get that down on paper. Still, you have to try.

If this is a way to make it up to John you are going to write down everything that happened.

Just to make it up to him.

Maybe then you can make it up to yourself then too.


	39. Regrets and Apologies

You just finished up recounting some more stories with the prosecutors and with your therapist. You felt a wave of joy hit you at the end of it when Ms. Teresa promised that you would be able to see Dave again soon with all the information you gave her. When you left the room to meet your dad you were surprised to see that Megido had wanted to speak with you.

Megido took a deep breath before she spoke, “John, I would like to talk with you briefly if I may.”

“Of course.” You scrunched up your brow in confusion, “Is this about one of the cases?”

Megido took another deep breath and exhaled. She smiled and nodded, their was sorrow in her eyes. She looked at your dad and then back at you.

“John, I was one of the people listening in on your conversation with Dave.” Ms. Megido was blunt and honest.

“Thank you for telling me.” You didn’t know what to say.

Megido must not know what to say ether. She looks like she's searching for words.

She puts both of her hands on your shoulders and kneels down slightly so she is at your eye level.

“John. You can make a million excuses for the people who hurt you. Reasons for why they would do it. I used to make excuses like that. I know what it sounds like. You aren’t lying-” She pauses and takes a moment before she speaks again, “you aren’t lying to yourself.”

She has to take away one of her hands to dab at her eye. She collects herself again,

“You really want that boy to be happy and he really wants to protect you.”

Her hand that is resting on your shoulder is starting to shake,

“I am sorry, John. I am truly, deeply sorry.”

You shake your head and ask, “for what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I am sorry.” She sniffles her nose. **“Because I _was_ wrong.”**

You look at her and open your mouth to speak but no words come out.

You look up at your dad. He looks shocked by this.

You look back at her.

“John.” She sounds serious, “I am willing to help you build a case against mine, I am willing to help you defend Dave Strider.”

Your eyes widen at the offer. The door to the room opened and the other prosecutors come out but she keeps speaking to you, “We should **Not** punish the innocent.”

You nod your head yes.

“You need to admit in court why you asked Dave to cut your thighs. I will call you to the stand again. I will pretend to press you, I will even write out everything I plan to ask you so you can prepare. I will let you win against me. I believe that Dave Strider deserves another chance. A plea bargain now will still land him jail time. If we play our cards right he might convince a jury of his innocence.”

You nod your head and say yes, you feel a smile slowly forming on your face.

“I still expect that he agrees to work with Ms. Pyrope and give names.”

“Oh, he better.” You say the words like a bitter housewife expecting her husband is home before dark.

“I apologize for not informing you of this sooner, I anonymously received a USB drive of three videos of Dave Strider, while he was underage, forced into fornication. The jury had reviewed the footage in private during court time. From my knowledge it seemed to promote sympathy for Dave’s case.”

You nod your head again. She takes another deep breath.

“John. I behaved poorly in court. I pushed you when I shouldn’t have. I believed that you were deluding yourself… that you were…”

“That I was whipped?” You complete the sentiment. “I understand that you must have thought you were looking out for me, that I was a victim of Dave. I accept your apology cause you are willing to make things right.”

“More than willing.” She pauses and sighs one more time. “John, I am going to continue to behave the way I did in court.”

“I- I don’t understand…” You feel completely confused. “Didn’t you say you would help me?”

“John.” She looked you right in the eye, “I am going to continue acting like that and make Ms. Maryam look a saint in comparison. I will let her be patient and kind to you while I push you and make you uncomfortable. I am going to spike the ball over the net and tell you exactly how to spike it back.”

You nod at her and smile. Until you realize something, “Can’t you get in trouble for that?”

She nods at you and smiles. “Fuck it.”


	40. Something of Use

You’ve been preparing yourself mentally for this visit. You were expecting that Dirk’s lawyer would want to be present, but apparently he trusted him to be alone with you. You brought along Nitram, if nervous people are his favorite meal then he’s got himself a buffet. Travis must be already sweating because he keeps fidgeting and _he_ isn’t even in the room with you yet.

When the door opens you were expecting that he would be wheeled in. You heard footsteps and a chair slide against the floor. The clink of metal hitting the table. He is walking and in handcuffs. When he spoke he had a deep, low voice. You have heard it in court before, but when he directs his attention to you it sends a chill right through your soul,

“Good to see you, Pyrope.”

You narrow your eyes at his words. He can’t see your eyes behind your shades. However, you are sure he can see your lip slightly turn into a frown.

You choose to greet him with a simple, “Mr. Strider.”

“Let’s get this all out of the way now.” Dirk cuts in, he has no interest in beating around the bush. “I am not going to confess to murder-"

_‘He **is** putting on a show.’_

“-I am not going to give you names or faces. I am not going to give you any information that will be of any _real_ use to you.”

_‘He knows that’s a lie. He will let something slip.’_

“However, I will also never lie to you.”

You feel your face tighten, “Would you have an interest in answering questions?”

“Yes.” Dirk’s tone of voice is deep and sharp like a knife, he wastes no time in answering.

Nitram reads a question off of the sheet, he is doing his best to keep his nerves together,

“What is your reasoning for kidnapping John Egbert?”

“Starting off with the easy shit? I didn’t _kidnap_ John, I housed him. He was there of his own will. He could walk out at any time and he never once did he ask to leave. Dave convinced him never to ask.”

You feel the skin around your eyes tighten.

“If you want to know why I was  _h_ _ousing_ him, Dave needed a sex toy for when I wasn’t feeling up for it. He was fucking horny all the time and always up for getting pounded. Put him to work fucking some clients, but he could never get enough, and you know I had better things to do that fuck my little bro’s ass all the time. John was hardly a substitute for me until he got older, then he could actually move his hips. I let Dave start feeding him more for a while just so he’d gain the weight to fuck him right. Then it was Dave who couldn’t fuck him right, how fucking funny is that?”

His tone of voice is cold and solid. Your brows are lowered, you are sure he can see that even with your shades on.

“Let me tell you, there wasn’t a time when they weren’t fucking. Every fucking time I passed by their door I would hear Dave trying to finish him off, poor kid, it was so hard for John to get off without me there. Dave would try so fucking hard. Could hardly fuck the kid the way he wanted. The way he needed. Sometimes I would just walk in and watch Dave just pound into him, not even shy about it. He wanted Dave to hurt him _good_ but Dave never wanted to hurt the kid. First time I noticed John liked it rough was when I saw burn marks I was fucking sure I didn’t cause. He liked it rough? Sorry, I misspoke, he **needed** it rough.”

Oddly enough that sounds pretty close to what you heard during John’s visit to see Dave. Dave was hesitant to hurt John from your recollection, even though John asked him for it. That man continues on,

“John just wanted someone to fucking torture him. He would cry and beg for me to stop when I would fuck him. He would act he didn’t want it. Then moan like he couldn’t get enough. I used to give them pointers on how to fuck - and of course, Dave would jump right to sucking John off, I would have to remind him that ‘whores don’t get that luxury.’ - Dave never knew how to use him like he should be used. Like he **needed** to be used. At least John had me. Sweet little angel needed someone to fuck him right. He **was so fucking good,** would have made a better whore then Dave. Whole tiers above Dave actually.”

You clench your jaw. You have to try to relax. You take a deep breath. You silently breathe out.

“John needed to be punched and choked. He loved it when I shoved my fingers down his throat. When we used to fool around behind Dave’s back I would fuck him the way he wanted. It was so fucking funny, Dave couldn’t get him there anymore. Dave’s entire career was fucking men the way they liked and he couldn’t figure out how to punish John like the whore he was. I guess Dave spent too much time being a bad cockwhore that he didn’t know how to treat a good one.”

You steady yourself. He pretended to laugh.

_‘This motherfucker can really talk.’_

“Still think that the only reason that Dave could cum while topping John was because he really did love that kid, he really did. He had photos of him all over his room - did you see? Of course you didn’t - Did someone read you Dave’s old journal? I used to peak at it when Dave was out. I would sit down in the living room with John in my lap and finger him while I read it to him. It was some pathetic shit about what kind of life he could have with John if he worked up the nerve to kill me. Alaska was my favorite, like Dave could survive there -  Do you know how tough the winters are there? Fucking bitter cold. Went there maybe twice. Dave isn’t the only person who thinks it’s a good place to avoid getting found out - They would last a week at most. I mean, Dave could take the poundings I dished out for at most five minutes. Part of why we always needed Viagra. Fuck let me tell you those boys were popping all sorts of pills. Fucking molly, pot, could fucking swear Dave used to do whippits and I _know_ he did acid. That's probably why he's brain-dead. Didn’t know where Dave got ‘em but he just kept shoving those painkillers down John’s throat like they were his cock – Damn I want a smoke, you think you can get me a smoke? – You want another story? You hear about the time Dave made John piss down his throat? I know Dave wanted his sex slave to dominate him, I always thought that little fucker would have wanted to beat his ass, just like how everyone beat his. Nope. Turns out Dave still wanted to be dominated even by a cumslut like John so the two of them would take turns topping each other until John couldn’t get off like that anymore, my bad.”

You heard his cuffs shuffle again.

“Dave would try to ride John’s cock while Dave choked the kid, Dave loved being on bottom so he needed John to love it too, I'll tell you, that's why John hated it. John wants someone to just ruin him and take control. John fucking lives for that shit. Any, I walked in on that sight a few times. Most of the time Dave would just top. Shit, Dave was so focused on finishing John off he wouldn’t look at me or fucking stop. Getting John off became his obsession. Every moment Dave spent in that apartment he would spend violently trying to get John off for the last two years. One time I saw him slamming into John and choking him with only one hand, slapping him with the other, I walked over and punched the kid in the gut. BAM!”

He suddenly clapped his hands together, you don’t flinch but you are sure Nitram just did.

“Finished! Just like that. Dave was so fucking pissed at me over that, but fuck, he should have been able to give John what he wanted. Shit’s fucking funny. He cared so much about his sex slave it was John's job to make Dave feel good, not the other way around. Dave would work his ass every second of the day. Broke my fucking couch once when I was out. God, fucking makes me wish that I taped them going at it more. I didn’t think I needed to record more because I had access to that channel 24/7.”

 _‘Wait?’_   You are sure that your surprise just showed. You don’t hesitate to speak,

“You just said you recorded these events? The police found no such thing within your apartment.”

“Fucking sure they didn’t, burry my shit.” He sounds slightly proud, don’t see why he’s proud of being a fucking squirrely bastard.

“You are a smart man.” You are going to play this right. “You wouldn’t bring up those tapes to me if you didn’t want me to find them. You are a few seconds away from striking a deal, so let’s just make one.”

He doesn’t speak. Nitram cleared his throat. The signal meant nothing to you but you are sure Dirk must have faked some sort of emotion. When he speaks he sounds slightly amused. You are sure it’s an act.

“If you can promise me that you are going to show that footage in court with Dave and John there – like get that shit in writing – I will tell you where one’s buried.”

He pauses and waits for you to speak.

“I can make arrangements to play those videos during court hours. However, due to the violent nature of those tapes, the press will not be allowed in court at that date and I will first ask for the consent of John Egbert to show those videos in court before I arrange anything else – and Mr. Strider, I understand that you wish to use those tapes to prove your rather abhorrent point that the young Mr. Egbert is a… ‘cum-dumpster’ was it?”

“Didn’t say that once during our conversation, but you are taking the words right out of my mouth. Yes.”

You narrow your eyes again, you are sure that he can see your eyebrows twitch.

“Regardless of the terminology you use or your intentions – I am willing to use those tapes in court in order to show to the jury just what you did that innocent boy.”

“Fuck,” his breath shuttered for a moment. “innocent little cumdumpster. You better watch what you say right now, I might pop a fucking boner just thinking of that kid like that. He was so fucking pretty when his lips were wrapped around my cock. He would gag like it was too big for him, like he didn’t know how to work it. He would always cry and tell me ‘no’ before I slammed my cock down his throat. He fucking loved when I used up his mouth. He could take my whole fucking load and swallow it with no problems but he acted like he didn’t want it.” That rat fucking bastard hummed. “ _Hmmm_ , at one time, John was on his knees screaming my fucking name. He would get so desperate to cum whenever he got close and it was so hard for him to get close. I really loved fucking him right, I miss it so much. Having someone who could take my cock like that, Dave would always cum to early and black out, like a fucking pussy.”

You heard his cuffs scratch against the table. Your brows are still lowered.

“I heard that John is America’s little angel now. His sweet little face is on every news channel, I’m so glad. Everyone gets to see just how much of a cum-guzzling cockslut he really is now.”

You want to fucking slam this motherfucker’s face right into this table.

“You know that other people can see your face, even if you can’t. Let me tell you, I’m not into chicks but I bet your mouth would look great wrapped around some guy’s thick cock. You suck dick? With horse teeth like that probably not.”

“This is not about me, Mr. Strider.” Your voice sounds much calmer than you actually are.

“So you can listen to me talk about fucking two boys but you don’t want to answer any questions about your own sex life, that’s your priorities.”

You choose to ignore him, “I will receive consent from John Egbert to recover a tape. If he gives me the okay I will make plans to show one or more of those videos in court with both of the boys present. I will ‘get it in writing’ that we will show at least **one** video and then I will get into contact with your lawyer then the police to have them recover the tapes. Are you willing to comply with those terms?”

“It is an SD card.” His voice is even deeper than before, “and yes.”

“Would you care to tell me what we would find when we dig up that card?”

“You mean what I recorded? Just John and Dave going at it.”

You say nothing to respond to that, you just prepare yourself to leave.

“Then I will see you at a later date, Mr. Strider.” You grab your probing cane that was laying against the table on your right side. You slide back your chair and sit up.

“Ms. Pyrope, one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t plan on working with the police to closely on this, it might ruin our fun.”

“The last thing I want is Vantas fucking this up for me.” You stand up. You do not face him as you speak, “I apologize for my language, I was just thinking out loud.”

* * *

Nitram was driving you back to your office. He recounted the different facial expressions that Dirk was faking during your conversation. He told you that the most bizarre thing he did was smile when he referred to John as _‘America’s little angel.’_ But still that Dirk couldn't stop chuckling and smiling. The entire thing felt robotic and inhuman to him. Like watching something try to be human. 

“He was looking at me for most of that conversation,” Nitram continued, “Dave was right about him liking them nervous.”

“I apologize if any of that made you severely uncomfortable, however this is necessary.”

“I know that, I am… still... glad that I could assist you.”

He sighed out his nose before speaking again, ”Ma’am… uh... I don’t know the appropriate way to tell you but he looked over at me at one point and licked his lips.”

You start thinking about how long and how hot of a shower you are going to need to take in order to feel clean again.

* * *

Next time you saw John it was when you were collaborating stories with him and his fiancé. Same room as always. You already know that the sheriff is listening in, he is most likely going to be the one conducting the search for the recordings once you get the green light from John.

“What’s on the tape?” John asked you.

“He informed me, in a rather crewed way, it would be recordings of you and Dave having sexual congress.”

“Anything else?” John asked you again.

“He said it would just be that, implying it was that and that alone.” You reply, “however, I don’t know if I can take him buy his word. When we retrieve the tapes we will watch them together, it could prove Dave's innocence... is that alright by you?”

“Babe,” Dave was whispering to John, “I think we should let them use it.”  
“Are you sure, Dave?” He sounded really trepidatious about this, “He might have recorded some of… him with you or… uh… things from your old job…”

“Nah, I know that he used certain memory cards for specific things, he had some fucked organization system but he wouldn’t mix the two. He even had different cameras for shit.” Dave paused for a moment, sounded like he was patting John on the arm. “Even if he did record that shit, I don’t care. I just want him to pay for what he did to you.”

“-and those other people.” He corrected Dave.

“Yeah.” Dave sounded content when the words left his lips, like he is moved by John’s compassion. He probably has never known anyone like John before. To be honest, you haven't either. You find John’s compassion to be set firm. He never once let up on Dave or second guessed himself for defending him. John seemed like he was willing to sacrifice a lot for the sake of others.

* * *

When you received the tapes and viewed them with the boys, they were exactly what Dirk Strider told you, nothing more than Dave and John fornicating. From Megido’s accounts, the two of them were handling watching the tapes well. She told you they were rubbing and holding each other’s hands throughout the entire viewing. Megido told you they both seem like they were helping each other through the videos. She said at one point John and Dave just started staring at each other. You are sure the separation they are going through must be difficult on the two of them, you discern that Dave is actually taking things rather well, John… not so good.

When the viewing ended you reviewed things with Karter. He seemed really adamant on hunting down more of those memory cards. He told you he didn’t need your okay, he was going  _'RIGHT FUCKING AHEAD'_  and searching for more dig sites anyway. You suspected he would do that. Dirk Strider doesn’t seem like he wants you working to closely with the police, still you can’t stop Karter once he’s made up his mind. You just have to hope that Dirk’s words were more of a suggestion then a threat. After all, he knew the police would be the ones digging for those recordings.


	41. between the two of you

You were sitting next to your defense lawyer in court again. John was called to the stand by Megido _again._ You aren’t exactly sure what is going to happen but John told you last time he saw you that things are going to be okay, and well, it looks like he is finally out of his cast. When he walked past you he tried his best not to smile, he had to bite down on his lips with his adorable overbite. He can’t resist staring at you, you can’t resist watching him. His dad wasn’t in court today. John must be ready to say something about the sex the two of you had.

John walked up to the stand and Megido spared no second.

“Mr. Egbert, would you answer for the court who was the person, in particular, who cut your thighs before the events leading up to your escape?”

John took a moment before answering. “I asked Dave to cut my thighs.”

“You confess that Dave Strider cut your thighs?” Megido was asking just to confirm what John meant. 

“Yes. I have a reason for asking, Mr. Strider was bitter about our relationship. He knew that we were dating. I didn’t like how frequently he was raping me and I thought if I got Dave to carve his name onto my thighs then he would be forced to look at it.”

“You are saying that you asked Dave to carve his name onto your thighs so Mr. Strider would see the markings? Why did you want Mr. Strider to look at your thighs?

“He would be forced to remember who it was that I was sticking around for.”

“That is an interesting way to phrase that. You are claiming that you chose to stay with Dave Strider?" Ms. Megido asked. "Wasn’t there ultimately no escape from that apartment? Where you not threatened to stay?”

“That’s three questions, but uh- I did choose to stay with Dave, sometimes Mr. Strider would be out for days at a time. Dave told me how to get out, he told me where some money was. He made a plan for me to go to a hotel with the money and to call him every day on a pay phone."

Megido didn't press him on where that money was.

That strikes you as off.

John continued, "Dave said that if I wanted to run that he was going to kill Mr. Strider in his sleep after he passed out and the next day tell me to go to the police. He made a whole plan and told it to me- constantly actually..."

You were always drunk when you said that...

John continues, "I knew what he wanted to do, but I never wanted to leave. I didn’t want to leave him alone. I knew that he would be arrested for murder, even though he was going to do it for my defense. To answer your other question, you were asking if I was threatened to stay, right?”

“Yes." Megido sounds a bit shaken. It was difficult to pick up, but her voice is slightly higher. "That is correct.”

John sounds stressed again. "Mr. Strider was going to kill me if I ever made a break for it, Dave knew that he was that violent so he wasn’t going to chance anything. Dave wanted to do everything as carefully as possible when the time... came... but I think that… walking in on me... getting raped… finding out that way... and watching my leg get broken again… Mr. Strider popping a Viagra… so he could do it again… I think he was just so… hurt.”

“You are telling us that Dave Strider was ignorant of your constant sexual battery by Dirk Strider?" Megido presses him, "are you completely sure that he was not aware?”

“Completely.” John answers with confidence, “I… uh… I stated before that it was difficult for me to… uh… finish… I needed to get… hurt in order to do that. So I would ask Dave to be rough with me and it caused me to get bruises in some… intimate places. Dave never found out and I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to get… emotionally hurt.”

“So Dave Strider would bruise you? He agreed to cut you? You are claiming that your relationship was violent during sex?”

“Yes." John answered. "Only because I asked.”

“Only because you asked? You are sure that Dave Strider didn’t have an interest in doing any of those said things as well?”

“He… he wasn’t comfortable with it…" John was telling the truth. "He told me that he didn’t want to learn to love hurting me… even though I… I pushed for him to… I told him it was okay because I asked him to… and choke me.” John was looking down at his hands. “Dave told me that he didn’t want to learn to be like _him.”_

“You are referring to Mr. Strider correct?” She asks John to clarify.

“Oh- yeah… Uh… we would call Mr. Strider, _‘him’_ a lot.”

“Alright, thank you for clarifying for the court. Now, Mr. Egbert, would you say that the sexual violence you got Dave to consent to was ever pushed too far? That he would ever hurt you past the limit that you set for him?”

“Mr. Strider did… he made… he made Dave do some violent things to me that I didn’t like.”

She seem a bit taken back by that. “Could you describe for the court what those were?”

“Well.. Mr. Strider would come in and he would start… pleasuring himself… he would tell Dave how to touch me… One time he made…” John looked down at his hands again. He looked nervous to recount this. “One time… Mr. Strider… asked Dave to... stick his arm inside of me… I asked Dave to stop and he did… Mr. Strider got really upset at that and… he broke my leg. After that, he told Dave that he needed to do it again or he would… he would…” John started tearing up, “Dave didn’t want to. He started yelling at him. I was screaming at Dave to just do it… I didn’t want… I didn’t want my other leg to get broken.” John started sobbing.

“The prosecution rests at this time, your honor.” She closes it.

John started bawling, she needed to walk away before she makes her case against you look cruel, or maybe, that is what she wants.

John was still crying and covering his face as he walked out of the courtroom. You watched him, until he was out of the door. He held himself well. You are hoping that they ask you to recount the rest of that story instead of him. It must be a hard memory for him. Just as hard for you, but you would give anything to make sure that John doesn’t have to suffer through anything twice.


	42. No Rest

You are sitting down next to your therapist and Dave, he's still dressed in orange and wearing cuffs. You were recounting more stories together, apparently Dave remembered somethings you forgot. He had a much better memory than you did about this stuff. Something you weren’t sure you were glad about. The sheriff apparently dug up more tapes recently. You were anxious to see what was on them. Dave was holding onto your sweaty palms. He rubbed them gently. Looking into his ruby eyes you can’t help but feel guilty that he is in this position. He has to sit through more tapes of that bastard jerking himself off to you two and your suffering. Sex with Dave should have been a private thing, not something that he jacked off to, not something that is recorded for the world to see, it should have been something that is just between you both. Dave told you at one point he was glad there was proof that he hurt you that way, you suppose you were somewhat glad that there was video evidence that none of this was Dave’s choice. In some of the recordings you saw Dave stood his ground against Dirk and tried to fight him off, you were the one who pulled Dave into complying. You look over at the scene, they're about to start showing you the videos. You hold on tighter to Dave’s hands. He squeezed you back.

On the screen it shows you sitting naked on Dave’s bed with him. Dave still has his shades on and he is sitting on his pillows and you are sitting a foot apart from him in the middle of the bed. You were trying to cover your naked body. You know that at that moment you had an erection because Dave was fooling around with you earlier. Dave isn’t emoting that much, but anyone could tell from his body language that he was frustrated. You were looking over at him.

“John, look at me.” He was holding a camera about three feet away from your bed.  
You looked up to him as he asked,  
“You know what day it is?”  
“April 13th?” You answered.   
“That’s right, why is today special?”  
“Because it’s my birthday.”  
“How old are you now?”  
“18.” You started looking down at the floor again.  
“Right.” You could hear the twinge in his voice that let you know that he was horny. “Look at you. All legal.”  
You pulled your legs up to your chest and started rubbing them.  
“You don’t have to look so nervous, You know I’m not the one who’s going to be touching you.”  
You looked over to Dave, you remember feeling relieved but you only look worried.  
“You boys have been going at it all day, still haven’t gotten there?” You knew _he_ was talking to you. “Come on, show me your body.”  
You were hesitant.  
Dave told you it was okay but the recording must not have picked it up.  
You moved and put your legs off of the bed. You covered your face.  
“Look at how swollen you are, shit.”  
You were completely swollen, you were fully erect and red.  
You were leaking and shaking.

You feel all eyes on you at this moment.

You look back at the Dave sitting next to you, he looks back.

He starts petting the back of your hand.

Holding it with his other one.

You are okay as long as Dave is here with you.

“Since it’s your birthday, I thought I would give you a gift for once.”  _He_ offered.  
You watch yourself bury your head into your hands.  
“I’m going to be directing Dave on how to get you off again.”  
Dave put his legs down off the bed too, Dave was sitting right next to you.  
Dave placed his hand on your back.  
You removed your hands from your face and looked back at Dave.  
The camera panned down to the floor.  
You hear Dave faintly say, “I’m right here.”  
The camera is focused on an enormous plug you were using earlier.  
You whispered back to Dave, “it’s okay.”  
 _He_ bent down to pick it up and showed it to the camera.  
 _He_ held it up to show you.  
You looked away and started shaking.  
“You’ve been fucking this?” _He_ asks you.  
“Yes… Mr. Strider.” You instantly replied.  
 _He_ holds the sex toy against your stomach, measuring just how deep it can go inside of you. “You can take all that?”  
It was a full foot in length.  
“Yes, sir.” You anxiously reply.   
“Damn, you are such a little cockslut aren’t you? A real fucking size queen.”  
You look back down at the toy he’s holding against your stomach.  
“Well, boy?”  _He_ wanted you to answer him.   
“Yes, sir.” You nodded.  
“Dave, you are going to have to do better.” He tossed it at Dave who caught it and brought it down to his lap. He started talking to you again, “you look so good with your legs spread open like that.”  
You seized up at his words.  
You looked back over at Dave, he stares back at you.  
You wanted to close your legs but you are just too sore.  
“You aren’t even camera shy, look at you. You could be a star... you already make good movies... too bad we can’t share them, right?”  
You covered your mouth with your hand, you were holding yourself up with the other.  
You accidentally slid down more, making your legs spread out even more. That man groaned in response... he wanted to see you broken like that...  
“Some people get all the luck don’t they, a body like that and a cock that fat?”  
You moved over to grab a pillow. You held onto it and buried your face in it.  
You tried to cover the rest of your front by hunching over and bending into yourself.  
“You can hide your face, but not the rest.” _That man_ told you.  
You lifted the pillow back up a bit more and leaned against Dave.  
Dave was sitting with his hands in his lap, still holding the plug. Dave’s dick was completely flaccid in the tape.  
“Dave," _He_ grabbed his attention, "when you really think about it you are the lucky one aren’t you?”  
Dave was still wearing shades but you know his looks well enough to know he was glaring at _him._  
“Watching him ride that thing all day, lucky you... and he still couldn’t get off." He asked Dave, "just how many times did you finish?”  
He kept glaring at him, you didn’t want Dave to get hurt so you answered for him.  
“Six.” You put your head back into the pillow and turned more towards Dave.  
“-and how long have you two been at it?” _He_ asked.  
Dave looked away.  
“John?” _He_ asked you directly.  
You uncovered your face “Maybe seven hours?” and went right back to hiding.  
“Really now? What did you do during that time?”  
You pointed at Dave’s hands, he was holding the foot long butt plug.  
“Is that all?”  
You lifted your head again, “No. I –uh- I asked Dave to hit me a few times.”  
“Tell me everything he did to you.” He was still talking to you.  
“I sucked his dick for like 30 minutes, I used that fucking wand, I punched him, I did all the shit you are probably going to make me do.” Dave spoke for you this time. “There, are you fucking happy?”  
 _He_ ignored Dave. “What’s the most you took today, John?”  
You opened your mouth to speak-   
“I stuck my entire fist inside of him.” Dave cut you off.   
“Why didn’t that work for you, John?” That man was staring at you again.  
“It umm… Dave, can you say it?” You turned to ask Dave.  
“I asked you.” _He_ demands you to speak.  
“He didn’t reach my uh- spot... the way I liked...” You looked back down at the ground.  
“Right, you want him to stretch you out good and hit your special spot?”  
“…yes… Mr. Strider.” You sounded like an obedient dog.   
“Right." He told you, "then let him stretch you out till he hits it good.”  
“What the fuck are you getting at?” Dave starts to stand up.  
“Fist him.” He explained.  
“I tried.” Dave was starting to raise his voice in the video.  
“Stick your whole forearm inside of him.”  
Dave paused. Then he shook his head.  
“I can’t do that.” Dave refused.  
“You want him to keep that erection all day?”  _he_ asked Dave.  
“You probably fucking slipped him Viagra again, didn’t you?” Dave challenged him.  
“Don’t direct this at me, you are the one who can’t get him off.” _He_ was just fucking around with Dave now.  
“Dave- It’s been like this for a while now...” You were still hugging that pillow as you spoke.  
“How long?” _He_ moved the camera closer to your face.  
“For a few days now...” You replied.  
“You know that for your profession that’s a gift, right?”  _He_ told you.  
You wiped a few tears with the pillow.  
You knew what he meant.  
“What gets you off, kid?”  _He_ asked you.  
You didn’t say anything for a moment, you know you have to say something or he’ll get mad again. “It’s hard for me to finish… I just… I think I can’t finish unless it hurts and I’m getting used to the pain.”  
“John- don’t tell him that.” Dave didn’t want him to know that.  
“I already knew that, I just like hearing him say it.” _His_ voice was completely monotone.  
Dave whispered, _“You sick fuck,”_ under his breath.  
“Better I’m a sick fuck then a lousy one.”  
Dave stood up.  
“Dave- wait. wait!” You tried to talk him down.  
You grabbed on to his wrist. “Dave, hurt me like how he said.”  
“He even wants it, Dave." _He_ sounded so vile, "fuck him like the whore he is.”  
“He’s not a whore.” Dave spoke up on your behalf.  
You felt your heart drop, in the tape and at this moment.  
You tried to save it. You put both your legs up on the bed and wrap your arms around Dave, you tried to hold him back.  
“He’s right," you say, you were desperate to save Dave from any more pain, "I can’t be a whore because I’m his bitch.”  
You hold him back, he is starting to walk over to him.  
“I’m his cockslut. Cumdumpster. I only belong to Dave. No one else.”  
You keep holding him back, Dave was starting to break free of your grip.  _That man_ flared at you from behind his shades. He didn’t like how you were screaming...  
“I only belong to Dave. I’m his whore!” You think you were only making things **worse.**  
“No you fucking aren't!" Dave yells at you. "You aren't a whore!” Dave tells you.  
“If he isn’t at least someone in the room is.”  
Dave shot a quick glance at the camera.  
He stopped fighting you.  
“What’s the matter Dave? Did I hit your spot?”  
“Babe." Dave's voice was low. Lower than he ever spoke to you before, "get out of the room.”  
You started clawing at him. You pulled him even closer.  
“Nonononono, Dave don’t.” You buried your head in his chest, you knew he wouldn’t push you off of him.  
“Don’t call him,  ** _babe._** ” He took a step closer towards Dave.

You jump up in your seat, at his words. Even thought it's just a recording, it still scared you. Dave held on tightly to your hand in response.

Dave in the recording wasn’t backing down, despite your desperate pleas for him too.  
“If he’s  _‘mine'_  then I can call him whatever I want.” Dave sounded angry, angry to his core.  
“Fair.” He shifted the camera to focus on your lower body more than Dave. “But isn’t he mine as well? Seems like he’s living under my roof, living with me. And I always get him off, he’s more mine than yours at this point.” Dave shuffled closer to him at those words. Seemed like Dave was close to jumping him.

“Dave- Dave, just do what he says.” You pleaded with him.  
“Look at how desperate he is to get off." _That man_ started up again. "Dave you really should take better care of ‘your’ things... “  
Dave threw the plug to the ground.You were so scared when Dave did that, you jumped back and let him out of your arms.  
Dave walked over and tried to smack the camera, but _he_ dodged the swipe.  
“You want to fight me right now, little man? You need to take care of **your dog**.”  
“He’s not a **fucking dog.”** Dave's voice was deep with rage.  
“He just said he was your bitch.”   
“This isn’t funny anymore, just beat me." Dave sounded so upset. "Get it over with. I know that’s why you came in here.”  
“Dave, you are so self-centered. You think I would come in your room with a camera at the ready just to beat you? You are the one looking for a fight and I’m not going to give you one.”  
“Fuck you!” Dave swiped at the camera again. He missed.  
“How about that John, want to do that?" He made the camera face you again as he asked, "want Dave to fuck me?”  
“No.” You shook your head frantically.  
“You want me to fuck Dave then?”  _He_ asked.  
You shook your head no again.  
“It’s your birthday." He sounds so monotone as he asks, "let’s all do what you want.”  
You didn’t like that he was asking you what you wanted.  
You wanted Dave to stop trying to take a beating for you. You just wanted _him_ to leave.  
You pulled the blanket up to your chest.  
At the time, you felt even more exposed than before.  
Both of them staring at you.  
That camera looking right at you.  
That camera recording your naked body.  
You opened your mouth to say something,  
“Fuck me.” Dave interjected. “If you are looking to get off, then just fuck me.”  
“No, it’s John’s choice.”  
“Leave him alone, stop doing this to him." Dave started to sound desperate. "Just fuck me."  
“John said no already, I thought you listened to him when he said no.”  
Dave automatically punched him in the gut without so much as even thinking, swinging his whole body into the punch.  
You screamed.  
The camera was pointing at the floor. You could only make out Dave's foot on the footage.  
The camera panned back up to Dave.  
He grabbed him by the head and threw him into the wall. He landed at your feet on the bed.  
You moved to hold Dave back. Dave was going to jump him again.  
 _He_ huffed out his nose. You both heard it. You both knew what it meant.  
If you didn’t stop you were both going to get beat.  
Dave sat down on the bed.  
 **“Wait. Here.”**  
He walked out the door and slammed it.  
He walked out a few steps.  
The camera briefly showed the living room.  
He silently walked back to the door, the camera picked up your conversation.  
At the time you didn’t know that _he_ was still standing outside the door.  
“Dave don’t- don’t stand up for me, I know you don’t feel that way and I don’t care what he thinks of me- don’t play the hero.”  
“I’m not playing the hero, John.”  
“Yes you fucking are! Stop this and just do what he wants!”  
“John- just let me take this beating, okay?”  
“No! It’s my fault he’s doing this!”  
“Why!? Cause it’s your birthday!?” Dave raised his voice.  
“CAUSE I CAN’T GET OFF!” You didn’t mean to scream at him, it just slipped out.  
“I’m sorry…” You heard yourself choking back tears, “I couldn’t… I tried…”  
“It’s not your fault it’s mine.” He sounded just as exhausted as you were.  
“nononono, it isn’t. You’ve been so good to me, Dave.”  
“I’m not good enough apparently.” He sounded dejected.  
“Yes, you are! Just do what he says." You tell Dave. "You can do this, I know you can do this.”  
“I don’t want to fuck you in front of my bro again John, I am so fucking tired of this.”  
“I know- I know, but it’s just for now, it’s just for today and hey, soon you will be able to get me off again." You tried to encourage him. "Remember this happens, and we always bounce back.”  
“John, Last time it took me choking you till you turned purple to finish you off.”  
“I know-"  
He interrupted you. “I stopped… I was afraid I would kill you and you got so angry at me because you were close and-"  
“I know!" You stop him from saying more. "It’s my fault, but I trust you can-"  
“It’s not your fucking fault!” He yells at you. At the time, you felt frustrated with him.  
“YES, IT IS!” You yelled at him again.  
“NO, IT.  **FUCKING.** ISN’T!” He yelled back.  
“YES, IT.  **FUCKING.** IS!” You really thought it was.  
“John," you remembered that Dave ran his fingers through his hair, he was frustrated with you. "Who is going to beat you if you don’t listen?”  
“Dave, come on- forget about him for right now just-"  
“John, he is about to come back through that door and make me rape you again!”  
“It Is Not Rape!” You emphasized each word.  
“Yes It Fucking Is!” He did the same.  
“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I LOVE IT WHEN YOU HURT ME?!”  
“JOHN! This right now, isn't' about  **that!** This is about him making me touch you and not letting you say no.”  
“Dave! I Don’t Want To Say No!”  
“John, you deserve the right to say that you want me to stop touching you." Dave sounded so empathetic when he told you, "I know I always wanted that.”  
“For these past months," you asked him, "when did I ever ask you to stop?”  
“I don’t care if you haven’t fucking done it, John. I want you to be able to!”  
“SO?! You go through this all the time!”  
You remember he gave you a look, a sad, heartbroken look.  
"Fine." You sighed. He always won against you instantly when he looked like that. You gave in. "If I want you to stop during this... I’ll say something... I promise.”  
“No. You won’t, I know you.” Dave didn't believe you. "Plus, sometimes you say no for fun."  
“I won't say no for fun, If I say no... I'll do it for real... I just seriously doubt that I'll want you to stop.”  
“John- I need you to admit to yourself when you don’t want something to happen, I need you to do this for me.  
“I don’t want you to get beat for something that is this fucking stupid.” You told him.  
“Babe, this is not stupid." You remember he looked concerned. "I am worried for you!”  
“Oh. I get it, you fucking think I am going **crazy** again because I like when you hurt me! And I like screaming no... lay off, Dave.”  
“I don’t think you're crazy. I just think that he is fucking with your mind.”  
“OH MY GOD- This again!?” you remember slapping your hands to your face.  
“Yes, this again! Do you think that it’s actually normal for people to ask to get their head slammed with the fridge door to get off, John!?”  
“I DON’T CARE IF I’M NOT NORMAL! I only care if YOU, not him, **YOU,** listen to me!”  
“John! I am listening to you!”  
“NO, you are not! You are fucking  **-UGH-** Dave! When you sleep with me you do what I ask you to and we only go as far as you want to-"  
“So you agree it’s my fault you can’t get off then?” Dave asked.  
“When did I say that?!” You asked him.  
“We only go as far as I want too? John, babe, you just said that!”  
“Dave," You groaned. "You are going to have to actually work with me here, okay? Stop thinking everything is your fault. It’s okay, you’re going to get used to it sooner or later and I’ve been patient.”  
“You’ve been patient!? I think I’m the only person here with self-control sometimes.” Dave groaned. “You almost died when I choked you! You were so fucking angry! When you were able to breathe again you just kept going off about how you wanted to cum and-"  
“UH! Why is it always that one time?”  
“Because, John, you almost died!”  
“No I didn’t.” You argue.  
“I’m sure you did! You had all these bruises and you kept gasping for air and it is just like- it’s like...”  
“It’s like… you think you aren’t enough for me?” You asked him, saying the words gently.  
He fell silent.  
“You know that isn’t true, Dave.” You comforted him.  
“It’s not just that...” He sounded verge of tears.  
“What is it then?” You recall stroking his hand.  
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore like that, John. I told you, I don’t want to.”  
“Dave, he is going to expect you do it anyway… You know I love it when you-"  
“-I don’t want to learn to enjoy hurting you, John!” Dave was almost crying.  
“Dave, it is okay if you enjoy it because I love it when you do it.”  
“No, John you don’t get it! I don’t want to start enjoying your suffering, I don’t-”  
“-and I don't want you to get beaten for something that is this fucking stupid!"  
“John, I don’t want to-" He started to sob.  
“Dave, I’m sorry I yelled.”  
“I don’t-"  
“Dave. Don’t cry, okay? Just do what he asks when he gets back and we can make it up to each other later.”  
“John, just listen for a moment…”  
“Okay, okay.” You remember that you started holding him in your arms, “I’m listening.”  
“I... I don’t want to be like _him._ ”  
“Dave, you will never be like him. Even if you learn to love hurting me.”  
“...but why is that?”  
“Because I love when you hurt me.”   
“Why the fuck do you love it so much?” He was frustrated, he was completely upset. Tugging at his hair with his fingers as he sobbed into his wrists.  
“Because I love _you…_ and I trust you _.”_

The camera just shoke.

“I don’t understand at all.” Dave sounded so defeated.   
“I don’t have the words the put it in Dave, I'm stressed to hell and fucked up but I love it when you hurt me. I love it when you pound into me, and threaten me, and hit me, I just love it. I want you to like it because I like it. There’s nothing wrong with you learning to love what I love. I get your scared you’ll hurt me badly... but I trust you.”  
“John, If I ever hurt you in a way that hurts you, like... you know... _emotionally_... I don’t know what I would do with myself.”  
“Forgive yourself, that’s what you do, cause that’s what I would do- plus Dave, I don’t think that would ever happen. I love it when you hurt me. I just love everything you do to me.”  
“So… that’s what makes me different from him then? I can do anything to you and you would love it, even if it meant total asphyxiation… and he could do anything to you and you would hate it?”  
“You get it now.” You sighed.  
The camera pans down to the floor. There was a metal pipe next to the door. He had it ready.  
“Dave, I love _you_ , as long as I love _you_ , you are nothing like him. Nothing like him _at all.”_  
He busted open the door.  
He grabbed Dave by the hair and threw him down to the floor.  
He quickly stepped out and grabbed the metal pipe.  
He came back in and Dave started screaming.  
You didn’t even notice what happened until you felt pain shooting through your leg.  
He slammed the pipe down into your bottom leg, breaking you tibia and Mr. Strider was holding it up again in only one hand.  
 **“STOP-"** Dave was screaming. "STOP PLEASE! I’LL DO ANYTHING!”  
He was still holding the pipe. He pointed it at Dave,  
“Get up.”  
Dave stood up. He walked over to the side of the bed.  
You were screaming and just begging Dave to **“LISTEN TO HIM!”**  
“Your pet knows his place. I’m going to let you give him some painkillers.”  
Dave looked into the camera and then back at him, “don’t act like you don’t have them.”  
 **“WE DON'T!”** You scream. You didn't want him to get punished for having them.   
He kept the camera focused on Dave as he asked him, “you gonna let him suffer like that?”  
Dave looked at you. You were begging him not to get them out.  
Dave bent down and took out a small box from the inside of a cinder block from his makeshift nightstand.  
Dave slipped out a row of pills and popped two out of the container.  
Dave kneeled down over the bed and put them up to your mouth.  
“Babe, you have to take these.”  
You let Dave feed you the pills. It was already too late...  
Dave rubbed your head as he stood back up.  
“Hand those to me. Now.” He stretched out his hand with the pipe in it, Dave reached over and gave him the box and the plastic row he just used.  
“You are going to get punished for this later.”  
“Fine.” Dave gave in, he still sounded so frustrated.  
“What are you staring at me for, I already told you what to do.”  
Dave opened his mouth, he turned to look over at you.  
You were holding your leg with both your hands. Screaming, “JUST DO IT!”  
“NO!” Dave turned back to the camera and shouted again, “I WON’T!”  
“I’ll break his other leg if you don’t.”  
At that, Dave turned around and got the bottle off of his nightstand. He lubed up his left arm up to the elbow.

You don’t think you could keep watching, it looked so painful. You put your face into Dave’s chest. He held onto you, petting your back.  
You listened to your own screaming. You were blaring at the top of your lungs.  
The sound of your suffering shook the entire room, you feel all eyes on _you._  
Dave was sobbing in the video, his tears were hitting your body. You remember all of the tears, all of the pain... all of the pressure. You looked back at the screen.

“Does it hurt?” He was still behind the camera filming as Dave trusted his entire fist into you.  
“YES!” you screamed at him.  
“Do you like it?”  _He_ asked you.  
You wailed as you cried. Snot running down to your chin. Your face was blistering red hot and your salty tears forced their way into your mouth. You could still taste your tears even now.  
“Answer the question.” Mr. Strider sounded so monotone but you knew that was a command.   
 _ **“NO!”**_  
Dave pulled out of you immediately.  
He looked at the camera, he moved to block your naked body from view.  
“I’m not doing this.” Dave stood his ground.   
“Then, I’ll break his other leg.”  _He_ let him know that he had no choice...  
“Break mine.” Dave sounded breathless.  
“I told you the deal already, little man.”  
“BREAK MINE!” He is sobbing, screaming. “DO IT! FUCKING- **DO IT!** I AM GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK IT LATER ANYWAY!”  
“You are still fucking doing this?” He sounded like he thought that was funny more than annoying.   
“WHATEVER YOU DO TO HIM I WILL DO TO MYSELF!” Dave screamed at him.  
“DAVEDAVENONONONNO" You screamed, "JUST-JUSTDOITAGAIN I DON’T CARE IF I DON’T LIKE IT!”  
“Listen to your little **pet.** ”  _He_ was mocking Dave.  
“He isn’t a fucking pet, he isn’t a fucking whore and- an-" Dave is sobbing, he can’t breathe through his tears. It didn't matter anyway, the next ultimatum ended the argument,  
“Do it or I will break his other leg.”  _He_ ended it. Dave had to comply.  
Dave moved back.  
You know what happened next. You know.  
Dave goes back over and starts doing it again.  
He was sobbing and weeping into your ears that he was sorry.  
After a several minutes of your screaming and Dave's weeping, you managed to get off.  
You were laying down on the bed, on your back.  
You came so hard for a moment you forgot your leg was just broken.  
The camera focused on Dave again, he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Looking down at the floor.  
“You still need me to teach you how to fuck right? ...really, Dave?”  
Dave was ignoring him.  
“You’re a man now and you still can’t do this on your own.”  
You remember feeling the pain rushing back into your legs.  
“Shouldn’t you be good at getting guys off by now?”  
The pain was so mind-numbing that you remember you stopped listening to the conversation.  
“You little whore.”  
You had tunnel vision.  
“Shut up.” Dave looked back into the camera.  
The room filled with your screams.  
“Only way I’m going to stop talking is if you slip your cock in my mouth.”  
You kept screaming.  
Dave didn’t say anything.  
“John still doesn’t know about your little side gigs does he?”  
Mr. Strider walked over and threw a pillow over your face.  
“Stop screaming.”  
You bit down on the pillow and screamed into it.  
“Where does he think you go when you go out?”  
The pain was so bad, the painkillers weren’t helping you at all.  
“What do you even tell him?”  
You passed out.  
“Do you just not speak to him because your voice is hoarse from sucking cock?”  
Dave wiped his cheek with his arm.  
“How does he not notice that you are all fucked out? Just like that.” He nudged the camera in your direction.   
Dave is still on the bed. Dave looks over at you, he notices you are passed out,  
“Don’t tell him. I don’t want him to know.”  
“That’s up to you.”  _He_ already said to Dave what he wanted from him.  
Dave made his hands into fists and slammed them into his thighs,  
“You want me to suck your cock again?”  
“Get on your knees.”

You didn't want to watch, you turned to bury your head into Dave's shoulder. He started petting your hair. You knew you weren't allowed to stay like this for too long at a time, you think you got away with listening to your own screams because it was so violently loud everyone was more focused on the screen then you... so long as Dave was incarcerated you can't hold him for long... you didn't want Dave to get called out, so you pulled away and started watching again.

“Dave take off your shades, I want to see your eyes.”  
Dave removed his shades. He looked pissed. The bags under his eyes were red from tears.  
“Come on you can give better head than this.”  
Dave huffed out of his nose.  
“I know that tongue, I raised that tongue.”  
Dave glared up at him.  
“What are you pissed about exactly? That you can’t get 'your boyfriend' off without me there or that I was going to tell him you are a whore?”  
Dave pulled his mouth slowly up and down his shaft. He wasn’t talking.  
“I’m going to say it’s both.”  
Dave looked away from him.  
“How about this? I don’t tell John you night lite as a whore and we fuck him together while he’s out cold. He won’t ever know about either. I’ll even put the camera away.”  
Dave slipped his cock out of his mouth.  
“I don’t care if you fucking tell him I’m a whore. I don’t care if you fucking beat me or rape me. Do whatever you want to me. **You aren’t touching him.”**  
He grabs Dave by the face.  
“Can my friends do whatever they want to you without you bitching?”  
“Yes.” Dave answers.  
“You’re going to be a good boy and come with me to see my new ‘friends’ friday night?”  
“Yes.”  
“No complaining the drive over. No finishing too early. But make sure you cry, they love when you cry.”  
“Fine.”  
Jes just entertaining himself now... “Your little boyfriend would make a great whore...”  
“Well he isn’t one.”  
“Is he good at sucking cock?”  
He doesn’t talk.  
“I thought you were the best at that?”  
Dave looks off to the side.  
“He’s good enough to get you off, but not the other way around?”  
Dave looks ashamed.  
“-and after all those fucking years of sucking cock to. Maybe you are just out of practice?”  
Dave looked at _his_ dick.  
“Friday you are going to get off all of my new friends and our old ones using only your mouth.”  
Dave looked back up at him.  
“Don’t look so worried, everyone knows you are a used up whore. No one is stupid enough to fuck you without a condom. And Don’t touch English’s mouthpiece, he owes me a favor still... plus, you’re probably to old for him now.”  
Dave looks into the camera, “we already have a deal about this. Don’t tell him about any of it or touch him and I’ll do whatever you want.”  
“I’m not going to tell him, one day we could both show him. I have lots of recordings, so do our friends... I think John would be impressed with how many cocks you can take at once. Even English likes seeing you get gang raped and he doesn’t like guys... and hey, Dualscar said he still had some tapes back from when you were nine. He still brags about that boat-trip he took you on when you were ten, I’ll have to tell John during your golden years what a luxury item you were. Everyone wanted to show off the could afford you then.”  
Dave starts sobbing, he smacks a hand to his face.  
“You look so fucking ugly like this.”  
Dave wiped his tears.   
“You used to look cute when you cried. You’re all washed up now... don’t worry, some guys I work with say you’re even hotter now, I guess skinny junkies are a type. -and you know, Dualscar still has a crush on you too, he keeps offering me up hard cash to own you. But I’d miss that tongue. I guess even after all these years, I can’t give it up.”

You look over at Dave. He can’t bring himself to look at you. His... entire life... was just hell.

”Get me off in less than three minutes.” Mr. Strider told Dave. Dave lifted his his head.  
“Or what?” Dave sneered at him.  
“Or **you’re** going to find out how good your unconscious boyfriend is at head.”  
Dave’s eyes widened at the threat. He took it to heart.  
Right then and there he started deep throating him.  
“Use your tongue, I didn’t take you to get those piercings for you to not use ‘em.”

The tape stops.

You turn to look at Dave.

He is staring at the tv.

You lean your head over the metal table to get a better look at his face.

His piercing red eyes are glaring at the screen as it quickly jumps from black to blue.

You softly ask him, "are you okay?"

“I will be.” He turns his head to look at yours. “We need to finish this first.” 

He feels the same way you do about this. 

You can’t rest until Dave is out of jail. You can’t rest until you’ve protected him. You can’t forgive yourself until those people get justice. You have to keep moving forward.

One step at a time.


	43. A Change Of Mind

When you saw that tape behind the glass.

When you saw that footage of Dave screaming to spare John from any more pain.

When you heard Dave confess in a private conversation that he always wanted the ability to say no… it dawned on you.

You finally saw what everyone else did.

You understood why everyone was willing to throw Dave’s case away.

You finally recognize Dave’s innocence.

* * *

“TERESA.” You spoke to her again in her office.

“Yes, Karter?” Her fingers were laced together. Her hands were covering her mouth, as usual.

“I TRUST YOU WITH THIS CASE.”

She took a moment to respond. “Something about that last video we saw must have really clicked with you.”

You glare at her, you know that she has some crazy six-fucking-sense, she can feel your eyes burning holes into her skull. She put up one of her hands to gesture for you to stop, just like you fucking knew she would.

“You don’t need to tell me what it is.” She lowered her hands. She smiled softly at you, “But... do you think you could help me with something?”


	44. life doesn't wait, neither does happiness

Today is finally your ruling, you are surprised that your trial managed to go by so quickly seeing that there was virtually no progress in Dirk’s case. The beast told you during one of those tape viewings that his lawyer is trying to delay everything as long as possible. Something lawyers do when they know they are fucked and desperate.

You are standing before the court, before the jury, before the judge, before John Egbert, waiting for your sentencing.

A member of the jury stood, telling you they managed to reach a unanimous verdict.

“We the jury, find the defendant, Dave Strider, to be ‘guilty’ of the charge of prostitution.”

You heard a sob coming from behind you, you instantly recognized it was John. You could handle the time, you weren’t getting sentenced for anything that you didn’t do.

_'Maybe this is justice.'_

“The jury would like to recommend a sentencing your honor.”

The Judge lifted up one of his broad hands and brought it up to his chin. “Very well.”

“Time served.”

The judge looked from the jury and back to you, “Dave Strider.”

You made no moves, your face stayed blank.

You didn’t know what to do, what he would say to that.

“You are free to go.”

* * *

It’s the day after your court trial it is also your release date. When you got out you were allowed to keep your old clothes. Most of your stuff is going to stay in evidence because of _his_ ongoing case.

The sheriff met with you when you were taken out of your holding cell. You weren’t sure why he thought this was significant enough to come to, but you assume this had something to do with wanting faces and names out of you. He’s going to have to wait a while for that. He told you specifically to wear the suit that you had, didn’t even sound like a suggestion. It wasn’t an outfit you were fond of. You used to for certain clients that liked formal wear. You don’t have the energy right now to tell him that. You feel exhausted from all that’s happened, yet invigorated from your new found freedom.

When you get to the lobby, several people you don’t really recognize are standing outside the door, some you do. One is a very giddy short chick bouncing up and down. She is staring to your right, you turn your head to look at what she is grinning at.

Standing there, tanned, smiling and handsome as ever, John Egbert was standing beside you. He was holding an overly large bouquet of red roses with these bright, almost glowing blue flowers. He also had a relatively small box of chocolates, two teddy bears hugging and holding a plush heart and a metallic red balloon shaped like a heart. He went all out.

He opened his mouth to speak, he had to clear his throat.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” You respond. 

There was a long silence between you. John took it as the prefect opportunity to slip all of his gifts into your hands. Your arms are filled with romantic declarations. Your palms start to sweat. You start chewing on your lip as you try not to smile. John is scratching his leg with one of his dress shoes. He starts again,

“I heard you lost your shades.”

He reaches into one of his back pockets, pulling out a white glasses case. It made a click when he opened it. You lean forward for him as he moved to place the new pair of shades on your face. Right now you feel like a princess having her prince put on a tiara. Shit. With a bundle of flowers like this in your arms, you feel like you’re getting crowned Miss America. In this moment you are Little Miss Texas. You could give a speech, instead you settle for,

“How do they look?”

“They look just like your old ones.”

“How do I look?”

He gave you a small pout, you stop biting your lips and allow yourself to smile. Daring him to say what he wants to. He looks frustrated with you as he confesses,

“like the love of my life.”

You bury your head in the roses to hide your face and ask, “So, good?”

* * *

On the way out John’s dad was cool enough to carrying your bags. You thanked him probably about three separate times before you even got to the car.

John’s friend really wanted to introduce herself to you. You swear that girl is more excited than you are that you’re free.

“I’m Natalie! Oh my god! John told me so so so much about you! He said that you like remixing music and stuff? What kind of music do you like?!”

“Ra-“

“Oh, that’s right! He said you like rap! I like R&B more, do you like R&B?”

“yeah-”

“OH! John told me that you liked this Ludacris song!” She snorted. “He told me that you sang it to him on Valentine’s Day, you sound really cool! I can’t wait to get to know you!”

Once he could get a word in, John properly introduced her. “Natalie was the one who went out and purchased all the gifts for me, she really wanted to see you get everything so she came along.”

She nodded a few rapid times and hummed, **_“mmhmm!”_**

The sheriff was walking right behind all of you, you needed to ask him for something important.

“Hey, I need to get into my apartment one last time. There is something I need.”

He leaned in and attempted to whisper, “WHAT IS IT?”

You lean in and actually whisper, “I had a bag of money hidden, I only need enough money to buy John’s dad a gun and myself a new sword. We need to be able to defend ourselves for now.”

He nodded at you.

You drove there in Natalie’s small sedan, your gifts and luggage managed to fit in the trunk. You were pressed up against John as he tried to give his dad space, or get close to you, probably the latter.

The sheriff sat next to Natalie as she drove, he told everyone that the two of you were going to make a quick stop back at the apartment. She had a hoodie in the back seat that she said you should put on just in case. It must have belonged to her boyfriend or something because it was fucking huge.

You slipped inside with the sheriff. You took him to the sixth floor, the twelfth room and walked into an unfurnished bedroom and led him into a small bathroom. You opened up the toilet’s tank cover. There was a plastic bag, inside was a small chisel. You got down on the ground and started stabbing away at the tile. You scrapped off all of the plaster you put there ages ago. You managed to get the entire tile off on your own. Underneath you found the black duffle bag filled with cash. You went to unzip it to take out the money you needed-

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT TAKING IT OUT HERE.” He stopped you.

“I just need one stack, the rest you can take.”

“I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING.” He told you.

You looked at the bag, all of the money was earned by sleeping with those fuckers. The sheriff knows that, everyone knows that’s how you earned your money. You look back up at him. He is going to let you keep this, he isn’t going to tell anyone about your stash. He is going to look the other way.

You sigh. You are going to have to repay him someday. Probably with all those names and faces he desperately wants.

You stood up to leave, you walked with him back to the elevator.

He nudged you with his arm. He pulled out something from his jacket pocket.

It was a single, purple condom, “THIS IS AN ENGAGEMENT GIFT.”

You took it and held it up to your face, you raised your eyebrows and almost laughed.

You pocket it, he just did you a huge favor and than gave you a gift.

You should be polite. “Thank you.”

You brought the duffle bag with you into the car and set it on your lap.

John beamed at you when you got back, he really missed you.

He wastes no time hugging you and nuzzling into your neck.

You hold him back. You aren’t sure how his dad feels about this, but you are sure that if John is happy he must be at least _somewhat_ cool with this.

John kisses you on the cheek.

_“Awww.”_

John turns his head to look at the front seat. Natalie turned her head back to smile at the two of you, she waves her hand up-and-down at the both of you, _“Ignore me!”_

* * *

Natalie drove all of you to the prosecutor’s office, you were riding up the elevator with everyone who was at your release. All of the lawyers waited for you to arrive.

John’s dad brought up all of your luggage as John was helping you carry all of your gifts. You ask him why you were bringing everything with you inside the district attorney's office building John told you it was a surprise. The sheriff guided you all to a room with a policeman guarding the entrance. John entered the room first. There was a tiny hall at the room’s entrance, the rest of the room was small and square. John nodded towards a mattress against the wall.

“We are going to be staying here until _his_ case is over!” He sounded happy about that.

The sheriff spoke up behind you, “THIS WAY WE KEEP ALL THREE OF YOU SAFE AND YOU GIVE US NAMES AND ADDRESSES, FAIR?”

You turned back to look at John’s dad, he gives you a smile but something about it looks off. Like it’s forced. He seems uncomfortable with all of this. You look back at John, who was putting down your gifts on a cardboard box next to the bed. He saw you look at him and he flashed you another grin.

“We can discuss this tomorrow.” The beast spoke. “For now, settle in."

All of the prosecutors waved you off and Natalie blew you a kiss as John’s dad closed the door.

You thanked him again for helping you. You couldn’t thank him enough actually.

“It’s alright, Dave.” John's dad smiled at you. 

There was a small closet next to the front of the door in the tiny hall.

He placed your luggage in there with the rest. You placed your duffle bag in there with it.

You looked around the rest of the room. There were two twin mattresses across from each other along the furthest corners of the room, the one John was sitting on had two pillows and two plain sheets. There was a cardboard box he was using as a nightstand. He put your gifts on it and tied your balloon to the bears. John’s dad was sitting down in a desk chair. There was a wooden desk with a digital clock and the smallest paper calendar you’ve ever seen. The flowers John got for you were sitting in a vase on the desk along with a newspaper.

The entire room was cramped but… homey?

Cozy. That’s the word.


	45. Safe In This Room

It was Dave’s first day staying with you and your dad. You told him that there is always at least one guard stationed outside at all times. You also told him that you even get escorted to the bathrooms and that Natalie brings you take out everyday for dinner. You know this isn’t the ideal situation to be in but now Dave knows that you are safe, he’s free and with you, now you can actually start helping people.

You kept smiling at him as the two of you sat on your bed. He told you he wanted to go get out his iPod so he could keep it on the box, you corrected him “nightstand.”

“Sure.” He couldn’t help but smile at you.

When he walked off you turned your head and beamed a smile at your dad, still sitting in the desk chair. Now he is going to get to know the guy you fell in love with. He gives you the same smile that Dave gave you, the kind of smile that people can’t help but give you when they see how happy you are.

‘ _The contagion of smiles spreads to all.’_

Dave comes back and sets down his MP3 player on the cardboard nightstand. He looks at your dad again and tries to find some words to say, he is struggling to speak. Your dad is watching him, eyebrows raised. He clearly doesn’t know what to say either. You know them both well... so you know they need you to intervene.

“I’m happy that you are out now Dave, now we can really start helping the prosecutors build a case against him.”

“Ye-yeah.” He looks at you and sits down beside you, “I’m glad that they figured something out like this… uh… now I know that well be okay… for the most part… I asked the sheriff if I could go get my emergency stash of cash. I hid it pretty well so I knew no one found it. I told him I just needed enough for a new sword and a handgun for your dad. I want to make sure that we could all stay safe.”

“You didn’t think to ask for a weapon for me?” You raised your eyebrows, he knew you were telling a joke. 

“John,” He was taking a sincere tone with you again, “I will protect you.”

You playfully rolled your eyes, “Okay, Dave.”

You couldn’t resist hugging him again, you held onto his arm and your cheek squeezed against his shoulder.

“I missed you too.” He said as he placed his other hand on your back. He rested his head on top of yours.

Your dad went back to reading his newspaper as you snuggled up to your fiancé.

* * *

The next day they already asked Dave to start looking through folders for names and addresses. You waited for him to get back in your room with your dad.

“Son.” Your dad wanted to speak with you, he was once again sitting in his normal spot at the desk, “You seem happy today.”

Your dad was smiling at you, he probably still doesn’t know what to think of Dave but seeing you this giddy must make him at least somewhat happy that Dave is staying with you too.

“I’m really happy that Dave is starting to really work with Ms. Teresa now and…” You couldn’t keep it in you cheered. “Dave is staying with us!”

Your dad chuckled at how joyful you are.

“Dad!” You smiled, a nice wide grin at him, “You finally get to know my fiancé!”

“I’m glad, son.” The words sounded a bit forced, but he still seemed amused at your happiness.

“I told him a lot about you already,” you assured your dad. “He thinks that you sound cool.”

“Cool?” He smiled and raised a single eyebrow at you.

“Yeah!” You confirm, “I told him how you love baking and a bunch of other things I remembered from my childhood, he told me that he thought you were really cool... for you know... few times he got to talk to you.”

“That’s nice, son.”

You take a moment before you speak up again,

“Dave actually said… to me… a few times before… that he thought you deserved to know that I was alive…”

Your dad was silent. You looked down at your hands. You rubbed the back of your hand with one of your thumbs.

“I don’t want to be a bummer but… Dave always wanted me to go back to you… I wanted that too.. but I couldn’t leave Dave behind… I don’t know how you feel about him… but it means a lot that you are giving him a chance. That’s all I ever wanted for Dave… a chance at a real life.”

You look back up at your dad, he smiled a sad, caring smile at you.

“What’s done is done, son.” He gazed back down at the floor and then back to you, “I’m… proud of you for standing up for someone who never had anyone else.”

You stand up. You walk over to your dad. You hug him.

“Thank you so much for understanding, dad.”

Your dad pulled you away so you could see his face.

“-and I could never - **never** \- be disappointed in you, son.”


	46. study date

“Son, you need to study for your GED.”

“Daaaad.” John whines.

John’s dad was sitting at the desk again, reading the paper. You were both lying in bed under the sheets, trying to nap. You weren’t looking at Mr. Egbert, you were facing your lover and John was facing you.

John stretches out his back, his elbows thud against the wall. John yawns as Mr. Egbert starts to speak again,

“I’ve been pretty lenient, but since you aren’t under as much stress now that Dave is free, I am going to start pressing you on this.”

“Okay, later.” John snuggled up into your chest.

You wrap your arm around him and softly pant out of your nose. _‘Yeah. Later.’_  

“No. Son, now. The two of you have been in bed all day.” Mr. Egbert sounds a bit stern with the two of you... maybe you should-

“Of course we’ve been." John groans. "We can’t leave this room. Besides, I’m sure I could pass whatever test they throw at me.” John sounds confident. You have faith in him. Also you don’t want to stop holding him.

“I trust you can, son," Mr. Egbert lightly sighs, "but you are out of practice.”

“Dad, I’ll be fine.” John sighs.

“I would like you to help Dave study too.”

Just then, John stops to consider it.

John pouts as he takes a moment to think.

“Fine.” At the sound of your name, John gives in and sits up.

John's ready to get to work, “can I just take a practice test, dad?”

“Alright, but Dave has to as well.” John's dad points a finger at John as he smiles. 

“No problem, Sir.” You tell Mr. Egbert as you sit up. You've always been polite to him every time you spoke to him, even years back. You always wanted to earn his approval. 

The two of you both sat on the bed and press your back's up against the wall. You were waiting for John’s dad to hand you the practice tests.

Mr. Egbert hands you and John tests as he speaks to you,

“Dave, you take the english one for now, John you take the one for science.” 

“Easy.” John really is confident as he takes the book.

“Alright.” You, not so much. It’s english though, you speak english.

“They were nice enough to give us clipboards.” Mr. Egbert hands them too you, they have a few sheets of paper that has blue lines.  “Write your answers on these.” 

“Uh… Don’t we put it in the book… thing?” You ask as you take it. 

“Booklet" John corrected you. "–and usually yes, but we have to reuse these so we’ll just write our answers on this instead.”

“Oh. Okay. How?” You looked at John and than back over at Mr. Egbert. 

John’s dad looked at him, John met his gaze and then looked at you.

“Let’s answer the first question together. I’ll show you how.” John told you. 

You open the booklet and flipped to the first question.

“Here.” John pointed at the question with his pencil and then wrote the number one on your sheet. “You write the number of the question first and then you put down the letter that you think is the answer.”

John handed you back the clipboard and looked at your test. He read the first question to you, he traces the words as he reads it for you.

“It’s a fill in the blank so you fill in the blank, ‘We all went to - A. There B. Their C. They’re - house.’ What do you think the answer is?”

“Uh… There” You say the word hoping John will put the right one in for you, they are all pronounced the same anyway.

“Very funny. It’s okay if you get it wrong, sweetheart.” Oh no. He is using pet names, he’s being gentle with you he must think you’re stupid. Just guess something.

“It’s B.”

“Good!” He seems glad you got it right. “Okay, so write down B.”

He showed you how to answer a few other answers, those... you weren’t so lucky with. He told you the correct answers and showed you why they were right. You sort of didn’t listen, you were too focused on how happy John was to explain to you why the answers were right or wrong. He seemed to love teaching you. You would nod along like you were listening. Virtually none of the words registering in your mind at all.

“So you think you know enough to take the test?” John asked you.

“Yeah, I think I got it.” You lied.

* * *

John finished before you did. He told you the answers were in the back and you needed to check each of them when you were done. He showed you how really quick, that was easy enough to get. You still couldn’t focus on the questions, so you just bullshitted the rest of the test and checked your answers. Oh.

“I got a 98. Can we go back to bed now?” John got up and gave his sheet back to his dad.

“Great Job, son!” He quickly looked over the sheet, “Did you learn what you missed?”

“Yes.” John still sounds tired, like he wants to rest but he smiles at how proud his dad is of his results.

“Alright, then you can.”

“Wait, hold on.” John noticed that you were finished. “Dave, what did you score?”

“Uhhhhh.” You pulled your clipboard closer to your chest, trying to cover the answers.

“Dave, let me see.” John took the board and looked at it with a puzzled expression. “How did you grade this? There are hardly any marks.”

“I put a checks next to the ones I got right.”

“Oh. Sweetheart.” He is trying to sound comforting.

“What did he score?” John’s dad asked.

“There were 100 questions.” There was no emotion in John’s voice.

“Yes?” Mr. Egbert was leaning forward in his seat as he squinted at John.

“He got 26 right.” John blankly said.

“Well... it’s a start.” John's dad at least, tried to sound positive about it.

John is still looking over the questions you got right.

“Dave, I thought you were smarter than this.” John sounds a bit disappointed.

“I am. I’m just not book smart.” You explain like you're defending yourself.

“John, help Dave study.” Mr. Egbert tells him. 

“Dad.” John sounded tired. Actually right now, you are too.

“No buts.” His dad picked back up his newspaper.

“I didn’t say but.” John sighed, “Fine. Let’s study for like an hour.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” You apologized.

“Don’t be, I like tests.” John still sounds tired, but pleased. 

“Really?” You aren't sure why you are surprised, John loved teaching himself by studying books that you got him from the library. 

John leans his head onto your shoulder, “let’s go over what you got wrong.”

He started teaching you about grammar and vocabulary. As you held the booklet John would read out snippets of passages on the paper. He was pointing out to you where the errors are in some sample sentences. His fingers kept occasionally brushing against yours, he just did it again. John seems so happy to teach you. When he asks you if you understand he lifts up his head to look at you and you just nod every time, even though you don’t. It’s hard to listen to the words at this moment you are completely under another one of John’s spells. You are trying hard to keep a stone-face but John always makes it so difficult not to smile. You feel yourself start to blush. Your heart feels like it's floating, actually like it’s being pulled from your chest. John could talk for hours and you would hang on every word, you must be tired because you can’t hear anything he’s saying, but you love every second of it, you yawn again.

“Dave, have you been listening to me?” John groans.

“Yeah, babe.”

“Then can you answer the question?” He asks you.

“Uh… Which one?”

“You were zoning out!" John smacks your arm. "Dave, I just spend like five minutes explaining the difference between their, there and they’re for you!”

“Yeah, well. It’s hard to focus.” You confess. 

“I get it. This is all new to you, but you could at least _try_ to listen to me.” John sounds like he's begging you. 

“I’ve been trying to listen to you. That’s the problem.”

“Wait, what’s the problem?” John lightly laughs as he shakes his head in disbelief. 

You tell him the truth,

“It’s you.”

 **“What?”** He didn’t sound happy about that.

“Wait- no no. Babe, I meant that I can’t focus because you are way too… too…”

 **“Too…?”** John’s still not happy with you right now, just come out and say it.

“You are too… cute…”

John turned his face away from you, trying to sheltering his face from your view. He must be blushing now, just like you. He turned back to face you, you were right. He is flustered. “You’re lucky you’re sweet.”

“I’ll try to stay focused babe, promise.”

“You better.” John sounded stern again, “I don’t want to keep going over the same things.”

You yawn again. He hits you.

“Stop yawning!” He starts yawning too. He hits you again. “Jeez. I bet this is what you would have been like in school, bored and zoning out.”

“I’m not bored. Just tired.” You’re going to take this as an opportunity to ask him another question, “Is this what school is like?”

“Uh- kinda… it’s like this just for like the SAT's or ACT's, but I never really studied. I would just read books and I would be fine.”

“Cause you're smart.” You say as John lays back onto your shoulder. “Hey John, if we went to high-school together what would it have been like?”

“Miserable. I would get picked on in middle-school a lot. I’m sure that you would have gotten pissed at those guys and beat them up.”

“Yep.” You admit it.

“That’s another thing we have to work on, Dave. You can’t solve problems with violence.”

“I get it," you honestly do, "but if anyone hurt you I would be forced to hurt them back.”

“Yeah. I guess… protecting me like that makes sense.” He looked up, lost in thought. “No one ever beat me up in school so… maybe if we would have had class together, things would have been alright.”

“Yeah, and I probably wouldn’t have told you I was in love with you.”

“What? You don’t think you would?” John asked you. 

“Thought you were out of my league, still think that." You confess. "I don’t think I would have worked up the nerve to ask you out. I mean how would I have even done that _? "_

You take a mocking tone, still sounded monotone like you usually do. _"Damn, John just your smile alone is enough to stop my heart, you want to go steady?"_

"Yeah, no." You shrug. "I don’t think I could have brought myself to say fuck-all to you.”

“Don’t sell yourself short." He lightly shoves you with one of his hands, "Regardless of that, maybe, eventually I would have maybe come to terms with liking you or kissed you like I was going to… Then we could have gone to a dance or something together.”

“Are they anything like they are in movies and shit?” You ask him.

“I wouldn’t know, I didn’t go to any.” John tells you.

“Oh yeah...” 

John told you anyway, “I heard once from a friend that their friend went and they suck, that the food is bad and the music is too.” He probably means his online friend. 

“Oh God. Fuck that noise. We should have just banged in the parking lot.”

John snickers. “We would have probably done it in the bathrooms during class for sure.”

“I thought you were a good kid in school? You would ditch class for sex?”

“No! Are you kidding?" He shoves you, hard this time, "I would get a hall pass!”

You laugh at that, “Ha. John, what else do kids do in school other than tests and fights?”

“Uh, we could have eaten food at lunch together. I know that food there sucks so I would have brought stuff from home. I would have probably brought you apple juice from home too.”

“John." you feel tears well in your eyes, "you are the love of my life you know that.”

“Why do you get this way about apple juice?”

“I just love it.” You wrap your arms around John’s shoulder and kiss him on the cheek several times.

“Me and apple juice, the two greatest loves of your life.” He grabs onto your arm and starts laughing. 

“Put that shit on my tombstone.” You tell John.

"What should we put on my tombstone?" He asks you.

"Ass so fat toppled a crime empire."

John bursted out laughing.  

“Are you boys studying over there?” Mr. Egbert interrupts your attempt at a conversation to try to get you to focus again.

“Dad, we are too tired to focus, can we sleep and do this in the morning?”

“You slept all day and you’re still tired?”

“Yes!” John said. “Yeah.” You spoke directly after he answered.

“Alright, but you have to promise me you will.”

“Promise.” John fell back into his spot of the bed. He pushed his feet against your leg. You were still laying against the wall and now you are in his way.

He doesn’t spare a second. “Dave, come to bed.”

Can’t say no to that.


	47. Dinner and a Chat

You were sitting against the wall reading another book, this was one that Nitram gave to you. He told you that it was something that picked him up when he was feeling low. You appreciated the gesture. Dave was laying down on his side of the bed, listening to his music again. He is holding onto your hand. You can hear some of the beats flow out from his headphones. Your dad is humming to himself as he sips on a paper cup filled with black coffee. He was tapping his foot as he lunged in his chair, reading the newspaper. Just then you hear a knock that the door.

“It’s me, Natalie!” She sang from outside.

The policemen opened the door for her, she was caring a large brown paper bag. She strolled in and handed your dad a container and a plastic fork. Then she trailed over and settled down next to you and Dave, after you made him sit up for her. She ate lunch with you once before when you first settled in. She was really looking forward to getting to learn more about Dave, she told you that before.

“What did you get for us, Natalie?” You asked her.

“Food!” She was checking the package for a mark, she handed Dave his and then handed you one.

“I hope you like tacos John, If not I got Dave a burrito, than you two could maybe switch?”

“Switch? where gonna share.” Dave already started cracking off the lid and took a bite before you even got yours. You were going to have to teach him real table manners after Nepeta left.

“That’s really kind of you, Nepeta.” She handed you your bowl. “I’ve never had chipotel before.”

“Chipotle” Dave corrected you.

“That’s what I said.” You smirked at him.

“No, you said chi-pot-el.” Dave shakes his head.

“I said chipotel.” You reaffirm. 

“Chi. Pot. _El._ ” 

You turned away from Dave and towards her to say, “Natalie, I am sorry you have to listen to this.”

“It’s okay, John." Natalie smiles at you with such a big grin her eyes are closed shut. "I actually think it’s pretty funny.”

“What?” You looked down at your container. “You really think so?”

“Yeah." She replies to you while opening up her own container. "I wanted to get to know Dave too.”

“What do you want to know?” Dave was munching on his burrito as he spoke, _‘shit manners.’_

“John told me that you really like music and photography, so you like art right?”

“Yeah, mostly memes.”

“eeeeeeee!" She put her hands up into fists and started excitedly shaking. "Me too!” 

“Wait- Dave, memes aren’t art.” You look back at him, rice and beans were dripping off of his cheek.

“Yes they are, John.” He spoke to you with his mouth full of food. “We’ve been over this.”

You look over at Natalie who was fiddling with her phone.

“Hey, Dave.” She looked back up from her phone and over at him, “wanna see some videos I like?”

Dave asks with pride,

“Is a pig's pussy pork?”

Natalie's mouth drops open.

Your mouth drops open.

Both of your mouths were hanging low as you meet each other's gaze, only, her shocked open mouth turned into a gaping smile.

Natalie hands over her phone over to Dave,

“You can just have it.”


	48. The Beast and The Devil

“Did I rape those boys? Fuck I wouldn’t call it rape with how much those boys would beg to cum. They fucking loved my cock. It was so fucking good they couldn’t leave. They needed me that fucking bad. Dave only knocked me out when he finally caught on to why John couldn’t get off to his poundings anymore. He was so fucking jealous of that, that he got me thrown in here, how pathetic right? He only got up the nerve to fucking sucker punch me when I showed him how to really pound _his little slut_ like a man. Dave just couldn’t handle it. Of course Dave always liked being the bottom, so no wonder he couldn’t fuck him right - I’m getting ahead of myself.”

You feel your face tense up a bit. Your hands turning into fists under the table. You want to fuck this man up. You want to bash his skull in. You’re pretty sure he knows that.

“You know, the first time I fucked Dave in front of John it was my birthday. I got pretty smashed and I started pounding the kid, tried to show John how to really fuck Dave, right. Gave him a real show too. He got rock hard at the sight of Dave taking that pounding. Later, I had John slide himself in and we fucked him together. God, Dave lost his mind. Never heard him scream like that before. Fuck, that was so good. I didn’t do that often, only on special occasions or when Dave did something _really good_ , when he did something to earn getting fucked good like that. I would have loved watching him get fucked like that by someone else everyday, thought about getting him another ‘pet’ or something just for that, but then he would really get to cocky. He was already to fucking over confident when it came to John. If I got him another bitch to ride him like that he would have thought he was real hot shit. Nah- Instead I just asked some of the boys I work with to gangbang him for our group’s anniversary. Saw how many cocks he could take. He could work 6 guys off at once, don’t ask me how. Shit, most those guys loved fucking Dave. If you hit him in the right place he would lose his fucking mind. Taking two cocks in his ass at once completely drove him up and over the fucking wall. I swear if I kept pushing him I would have completely broken his mind.”

Your eyebrow twitched.

“Once, I walked in on the boys fucking themselves with these toys I bought ‘em. They were shy about that, made them both keep going, wanted to watch. John could really pound a dildo so I walked out and got him an even bigger one from my room. This huge massive thing. Must have been like 9 - 10 inches long and thick as fuck in the middle. Looked like a fucking bomb. He took the whole thing. I thought he was going to cum right there, but he kept right on pounding it. Made Dave so hard, fuck, shit made me get off. Just watching him work that thing.”

You stop your face from pulling into a snarl.

“John used to have a shock collar. I had to switch it out with a regular one because he started liking the pain. He really got off to torment. Had to work hard to make beatings into a **real** punishment. Whenever he got an erection I would have to rule out yet another punishment. He would have made an amazing whore. It took so much to make him cum. I’d have to threaten his life to really get him off and damn when he would finish he screamed like I was killing him. Screamed like the whore he was born to be. Shit, I have to slow down, I might pop a boner just remembering how much that kid can wail. _He was that fucking good_. First time I got him off with my cock I completely understood what Dave saw in him. He was so easy to dominate but a real fucking challenge to finish. Dave liked the challenge. Sex was his sport and he already went pro. He was a high class whore, you know the figures he was making? Damn proud of the kid, he had real talent when it came to that. Not as good as America’s little angel. Shit, John was probably the best I’ve ever had. No lie. He was fucking tight as hell and when he came it was like- _fuck -_ it was like his whole soul was screaming.”

You slightly tilt your head. You didn’t even mean to move.

“You know, I used to edge Dave as a punishment - you know what edging is? It’s when you stop right before the guy cums and you just keep doing it over and over to fuck with ‘em. I’d tie him to a chair and he would beg me to finish him off. He would actually start crying and panicking. Bitching about how sore he was and how he wanted me to make him cum so bad. He would scream that he needed to cum. He would sob and thrash around. He’d desperately buckle up his hips to get back into my hands. He wanted it so fucking bad.”

You speak up before he could say more,

“You are attempting to say that those two boys changed their minds during congress with you. Is that correct?”

“Is it correct that they changed their minds once they got a taste? Yes.”

You want to smack him right here and now. He can eat his words. You want to slam his head into the desk. You want to break the bones in his legs and make him stand. You want to shatter his spine, boil him alive in acid, burn off all of his skin, crush his skull in, make him feel the same pain he put all of these innocent people through. All of the pain he put John through. He has to pay. He has to get justice. Still... you have to do this the right way.

“Let me rephrase my previous question _: Do you believe_ that those two boys changed their minds during what started as nonconsensual sexual congress with you?”

“They did. So of course I ‘ _believe’_ it.”

“I understand.” You nod.

“You count that as rape still?” He asks.

“Yes. I do.”

“Why, because it’s statutory rape?”

“That isn’t the only reason.” You place your hands on the desk.

“Well I’m not interest in hearing the rest.”

“Of course you aren’t.” You speak in the same neutral tone you have been using your entire visit. He’s been getting under your skin, he can clearly see that. You are glad for that.

“Can I ask a question of my own?” He asks you.

You nod. Signaling for him to speak. You’re expecting the worst.

"Why isn’t that piece of ass here?” He didn’t disappoint.

"You are referring to Mr. Nitram?”

"I’m referring to your eyes.”

“I don’t need eyes to see through your bullshit.”

He paused for a moment. You aren't sure how he took that, he's back to asking questions. “How did you lose your sight, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“It happened only a few years ago, one of my associates attempted to kill me in her office with a desk lamp. Blinded me instead.”

“That’s all to that story?”

You take a moment before you speak again. “She was assisting in smuggling drugs through the border and out of the ports, I gave her a chance to turn herself in.”

“Gave her a chance and it bit you in the ass, didn’t it?”

“But life goes on.” You pause for a moment. “For me… at least.”

“You sound confident.” He sounds pleased by that. “Is that your end game?”

You lay a bit back in your chair, you cross your arms. You slightly tilt your head up.

“I want to see to it that you get the worst possible sentence for what you did to that boy and all of your other victims.”

“You want to _‘see to it?’_ Poor choice of words.”

You settle in your seat and place your hands back down on the table.

“I will tell you this, Mr. Strider. I never needed to believe in God. I always loved justice because it was humans punishing other humans for vengeance. Never needed to believe in a divine form of justice, because I’ve always worked for my own. But now, for the first time in my career… I hope in my heart that there is a God.”

“And why is that?”

“Because it means that there is a hell.”

He took a few seconds to respond, “you enjoy playing this game.” You must have said the right thing.

“Game? This here is my job. But- I won’t lie. Punishing you is going to be… enjoyable.”

“I’m sure it will be for a woman like you.”

Your lip twitches, he seems to understand where you are going with this. He seems to understand _you._

“Tell me what the ideal scenario is for you.” He doesn’t ask, he demands. You comply.

“I plan to be at your execution. I will have the sheriff himself be my eyes. I will ask him to describe everything in detail. The fluid pumping into your veins. Your muscles tensing up. Your eyes, widening with fear - Don’t think to yourself you won’t be afraid of death. When the time comes you are going to feel that fear like all those people you killed - I want to hear a description of your soul getting pulled down to hell. But it won’t be all bad for you, you will be with your kind. Although, I’m sure that the burning pits of fire and sulfur repetitively tearing apart your blistering skin, the rotting smell of your own decaying flesh, the nails of demons clawing apart what is left of your soul, I’m sure that all of that isn’t enough of a punishment. I think you need to endure worse, worse by my hands.”

You finish your piece, you wait for his response.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Your lip twitches again. Perhaps you said too much.

“Too bad you can’t see it with your own eyes.”

When Dave gave you all of that advice, all those words on how to play him, you listened to the person he told you to pretend to be. It is all too easy to put on this act. Because it isn’t one. You truly are someone who loves justice because it is revenge for the innocent. You love law because it allows you to kill those who are guilty. This darkness that laid dormant in your soul used to scare you, until you embraced it. You will use your love for death and punishment to finish this job. You will let yourself feel pleasure for this man’s death. You used to worry that one day your bloodlust for justice would lead you astray. You would often worry about ever taking the life of an innocent. Now, for this man, there is no fear in your heart. Only joy.

“I don’t need to see it. I just need to feel it.”


	49. improvement, emptiness, hope and love

You’re sitting down on the bed again, John is right beside you. Recently the police were able to process your request for John’s dad to get a handgun, they used the money you gave them to buy it along with a katana with a sheath for you. They also bought a pocket knife with a cover for John. Nothing to fancy, just a small black one with a fixed blade. You told him that he needs to keep it on him at all times. None of you are going to be taking any chances, sometimes you even take your sword with you to the bathroom, despite the looks you get from passersby in the hall, but they know the score.

John was chewing on chocolates and reading one of his books. He just got done with a phone call to his old childhood friend, you're happy he's returning back to his old life. Slowly but surely.

You took off your shades. You were staring at the photo of your mom that John gave you. You didn’t know why but it was really comforting to look at. You think it should make you sad, but her beaming grin is just too bright not to smile at.

John swallowed down the chocolates that Nat gave him. He asks you,

“You looking at that photo again?” 

“Yeah.” You keep staring at the photo as John leans over your shoulder to look at the picture, munching with his mouth full of candies.

“She looked really cool. I think she would have been so much fun to talk to. She’s really pretty too, beautiful when she smiles. Just like you.” He pressed his finger up to your nose while simultaneously unwrapping another chocolate in his other hand. “I wish we both could have met her.”

“Maybe you will one day. Years down the line, when you –you know- die, you go to heaven and actually meet her. That is if that isn’t total bullshit, which I am about 98% sure it is.”

“I don’t think it's total bullshit- I think it’s possible… Hey, then you could see her too then.” John kisses your cheek. 

“I don’t know if I’m going to go to heaven, John, let’s be real.”

“Well then I won’t either.” He says the words like he is proud of them.

“I don’t think you get a choice.” You almost scoff.

“Heaven would be hell if you weren’t there with me.” He looks in your eyes as he speaks.

You turn your head away from him, he's messing with your heart again.

“I’m serious.” He is leaning over you, trying to get a better look at your face.

You cover your mouth with your wrist as you ask him,

“Are you going to make me work hard to get into heaven too then?”

“Just in case it's real.” He lightly nods.

You sigh and wipe your face with the back of your hand. Still facing away from him.

John pokes your side with one finger. He starts poking you rapidly with both of his index fingers.

“Quit that.” You swipe at his hands.

“Come on.” John starts tickling your sides. Just like you used to do to him, the bastard.

“No. Stop.” You couldn’t help it, you started laughing.

John is lying besides you. He kissed your nose.

You heard someone laugh from the corner of the room. You forgot John’s dad was in the room with you. He just gestured for you to ignore him, you bury your head in John's chest and blush. John starts laughing at you, so you start tickling him. 

"No! Dave!" He is giggling as his eyes fill with tears, he tries to push you off of him, "stop it!" 

You stop and kiss him on the nose. He gives you a warm smile, then he lowers his eyes.

You turn your face away again.

* * *

You flipped through a book of photos, labeling every face you could recall with a crime name, or telling the sheriff that they were just people with shady connections. Addresses and names, linking up to phone numbers from texts and calls you had with your old clients. It lasted for about four hours. Even with all that time, they milked every second they had with you, they wanted you to list every member of the felt first. You told them about English and his right hand man Scratch, a man who never showed his face. You said they had some rivalry with the midnight crew. You pointed out as many of the members you could recall. It was hard for you to remember, there were so many. Apparently the Sheriff already knew the midnight crew and all of it's members.

English was the only member of the syndicate that ever got out of fucking you. He forced all of his crew - 15 men, 2 woman - to rape you in his place, afterwards he slammed your skull into the floor. That was passable to  _him._ Every member of the 'in-crowd' - aka the syndicate - had a different set of hoops for new recruits to jump through.  _He_ was the hardest member to please, as well as the founding member of the syndicate, something Karter seemed enraged to hear. The beast, however, was patient as you spoke, intently listening to your descriptions of what meetings were like and how they were conducted. Mindfang was often a no-show, Scratch would go in his 'employer's' place, they would invite people they wanted to do business with occasionally into their meetings but more often than not they were closed. Plenty of the conferences were about plans to move drugs or other 'slaves' on mass, through the border and over seas. They had many channels and many connections to other crime groups in many different countries.   

 _He_ started working with that before he built a hitman network, which in his own words was 'his true passion.' He loved games. Viewed it as the ultimate puzzle. Finding out everything he could about a person he'd never met and gain enough knowledge on them and their whereabouts to form a plan for each hit. He could hack into people's personal accounts and track their purchases to get a feel for them and he'd often wait for them to go on vacation. Most of the people he 'hunted' where wealthy, not like him, but those people were still very wealthy.

The two of them were much more interested in information about the meetings then just Dirk so you told them that some people during meetings would test  _him,_ English was fond of giving him shit. If that man couldn't shake him you were positive that no one ever could. Teresa didn't seem to raddled by him from what you can tell. Still her repulsion of him will someday soon turn to fear. He can crack anyone, even someone as impenetrable as the blind beast. 

When your time was up, you walked out of the room with Ms. Teresa. Sheriff Vantas escorting you back at the moment. You followed beside him. You look at the photos along the wall as you walked back. There were photos of all of the people who worked in the office, all bunched together. They were professionally shot. In nearly all of them everyone was grinning and standing outside of the building. You stop dead in your tracks when you notice a familiar face. You would know that smile anywhere.

The sheriff stops the beast from walking any further when he noticed you were staring at a photo with her in it. It was a photo of all of the prosecutors smiling and huddled together in some public park. You could see Teresa’s eyes, no shades, she wasn’t blind in the photo. There was a woman with long black hair and a large grin standing next to her. You stared right into those piercing pupils in her violent eyes.

You recall her glaring down at you as she was laughing above you right after she kicked you down her staircase. _He_ made her sleep with you for her initiation, but she wanted to mess with you more. You were accustomed to getting knocked down stairs at that point so you knew how to lessen the impact. Something she wasn't happy about. She wanted to injure you further but he stopped her, saying they both needed to keep injuries to a minimum. You were a whore on call after all, your clients don’t like it when you have major injuries, it doesn’t look cute.

“DO YOU KNOW HER?” When the sheriff spoke it broke your trance.

“....yeah.” You took your eyes off of the photo and looked back at the beast, she wasn’t facing you but you knew she was listening, “Mindfang was in the ‘in-crowd.’”

“She is… is she now?” She sounded like she was recounting memories in her head of an old friend.

“She traveled a lot, I rarely saw her. I could tell you where her old townhouse was but she probably moved. She never stayed in one place." You sighed. "Cause I’m out of prison and _he_ got caught, she is not going to stick around. Sorry, I can’t help you with tracking her.”

“You told us plenty.” The beast seemed pacified, you aren’t sure if she knew her crime name or exactly how big of a name she is, but she seems content with what you told her.

You continue walking. One step at a time, with her by your side.

* * *

You're laying down on the bed, listening to music and staring at the ceiling. You feel John shaking you. You don’t move, you just let him rock you back and forth. He lifts up one of your headphones, “Dave” You don’t budge. “Baby. Get up for a sec. I have to make the bed. Before dad gets back.”

He doesn’t call you baby often, he got you. You rolled over on to the floor, he steps back to give you room. You’re lying on your back again so you continue to stare up at the ceiling. He leans over you. This time he took your iPod and paused it.

“Oh wow!” He starts joking around, speaking with a sarcastic tone. “Now that you’re up, you can help me.”

You lift up your shades to look him in the eyes, he isn’t budging. He drops your iPod back onto your stomach and gives you a look. You sigh out your nose, turn your music off and set the thing down along with your headphones on the box that you’re using as your night stand.

“Fineeeee.”

You sit up and re-adjust the pillows. John starts humming to himself as he picks up the two sheets and pulls them apart. He drops the heavier one on top of your head, completely covering you.

“Dave, come on. Help me.”

You stand up, the sheet still covering your body. You turn towards John. You tilt your head. He starts laughing.

“Fucking-fine. Just stand there.” He removes the sheet by sliding it off of you, moving your shades as he takes off the sheet. “You are lucky I love you.”

“I know.” You re-adjust your shades again. “You don’t have to tell me that.”

He finishes fixing the sheets. John grabs the book he’s been reading off of the nightstand/cardboard box and plops himself down on the bed. He scoots back so he is supported by the wall. You decide to sit right next to your lover. You look over his shoulder to see what he’s reading. As you lean over he quickly steals a kiss from you and returns his gaze back to his book. You rest your head on his shoulder. Scanning every other word. It’s some autobiography of a comedian. Even after all this time he still loves shit like that. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. A few months ago you wouldn’t have thought a moment like this would ever be possible. A moment were you aren’t afraid that _he_ is going to knock open the door and beat John senseless because the two of you made an open display of your love. You are just prompted up right on him, without fear. Completely comfortable. You are sure that all those lawyers, and that girl John’s friends with, must think this is terrifying for the two of you. This is the most free you felt in… well your whole life. You nuzzle John’s neck with the top of your head. He rests his head on yours. He turns to breathe in the scent of your hair, something you yourself are well versed in doing. He retches.

“God." John tells you, "you need a shower.”

You nuzzle him again. Daring him to take another whiff. He backs off and pulls away from you.

“Oh God. Do I smell like that?” He asks himself.

“Hold on, come here. Let me see.”

You smell his hair but before you even get a whiff you feel grease against your nose. Fuck that noise.

You breathe out the words,

“No yeah... we both need one.” 

“God.” John lifts his head up and covers his face with his book, “Dr. Serket is coming today for another session.”

“Hey, is it cool for me to ask what the two of you talk about?”

“Traumatic things, you were there for most of them.” He speaks casually.

“Oh, yeah that sounds right.”

“Sometimes though… We talk about things I like that I can’t really talk to my dad about, that’s how I found out that wanting to be choked by you is _perfectly normal.”_   John says the last two words like he is proving a point to you.

“So it’s like fucked up sex-ed?”

“Basically.” He answers. 

“So she knows like everything… about the two of us?”

“Yep.” He nods once.

You lay back down on his shoulder.

“It’s weird to have someone know all of those things about you and you don’t know anything about her right? That’s how I felt too, but she’s really nice, Dave.” He starts rubbing the top of your head. “If you want I can tell you everything that I told her.”

“Did you tell her about Spree?” You ask.

“Ugh.” He sounds annoyed. “She asked me about spree.”

“Did you tell her all of that shit you are into? Was she like... okay with it?”

“I think ‘slamming a door on my head to get off’ took her by surprise but not a lot else.”

“What did she say about, you know, the nickname you call me when we fuck?”

“It’s normal.” John nods.

“Really?” You can't honestly believe that. 

“Dave, compared to me you are into some pretty tame stuff.”

“You saying the stuff I’m into is vanilla? Bland, plain, wonder bread, milk white toast, normal, everyday, common fuckin' basic bitch vanilla shit?”

“Yep.” He doesn’t skip a beat.

You shove him, pushing him gently to the side. When you let him go he falls back onto your shoulder, leaning against it.

 _“You know…”_ You know that tone of voice. _“Dave, my dad is probably going to be out for a little while longer.”_

He walked two fingers up your chest and started nuzzling your neck.

You pull him off of you again, “John, babe, we can’t.” 

He pouts at you, “Come on, I don’t need anything… I just want to pay you back for being so good and helping the authorities. You’ve been so gooood. I bet you’ve been really lonely in your cell, hu?”

“I haven’t been lonely since you visited me.” You tell him.

“Oh…” He maneuvers himself onto his knees and crawls to be in front of you. He rests his arms on your shoulder. He’s giving you those eyes, you know those eyes. “I feel the same, you know?”

“That’s great,” You gently grab his wrists and put them down, “I just need to be near you and I’m happy.”

He placed his hands on your knees, “Yeah?” He giggled.

He started rubbing his hands up your thighs. You grab his hands.

“You say that you only want my happiness, but don’t you want more?” He bit his lip down.

“John,” You sigh, “I don’t want us to get caught.”

“Dave, I know how you like to be teased with my to-“

“John, babe, I know that you want to… get me off… and you’ve been waiting... but we are going to have to wait longer.”

John pouted at you again, his eyebrows lowered, he’s making that face he knows you like.

 _“Please?”_ He’s giving you that sweet, voice that you like.

“John, you know that we can’t right now.” You aren’t going to let him win again.

“Come on, pleaaaaase.” He is putting his hands up your chest, “It’s been so looong since I’ve been able to feel your thick, _**fat,**_ cock.”

“John, don’t try to get me started-“

“Dave, I bet you’ve been so pent up for weeks that you are going to cum as soon as I wrap my lips around your-"

“John, I doubt that-"

“Only one way to find out.” John bites his lips again, trying hard not to smile.

“Babe-“ 

John cut off what you were going to say again, this time by sticking his tongue into your mouth.

He pulls away from your lips and starts nibbling on your ear, 

“ _Fuck._ ” John moans into your ear. “ _I missed your piercings_.”

You placed your hands onto his shoulders firmly and scoot him back.

“John.” You tilt your head down and give him a look, he needs to listen to you.

He looks up at the ceiling and starts swinging his head back-and-forth, “Come onnnn!”

“We can’t right now.” You firmly tell him.

John starts bouncing up and down, he looks back at you, with that face you love.

_“But… daddy!”_

You have to turn your head away from him. He's just putting on this act to get to you.

John knows you love when he whines, he knows you love when he calls you _that_ name, he knows you love when he begs to suck your- okay you need to calm yourself. Don’t let him get you. John’s dad could come back at anytime.

 _“Daddy, I really missed you….”_ He is fiddling with his fingers, acting innocent... _“I just want to…”_

John starts rubbing your thighs with one of his hands again, tracing his hands up to your-

Okay, time to kill the mood.

“What if your real daddy sees, John?”

“ **OH!** Fuck off!” He lifts up both his hands to push your chest. You pretend that he shoved you harder than he really did so you fall on your side, onto the pillowcase. John crawled over you and squeezed in-between you and the wall.

“Fine. You win.” John is pretending to sound annoyed at you, you know he is going to plan to do this again later.

You let him know you aren’t going to be taking this lying down, “Just wait till we are out, I’m going to bend you over and fuck you all day long, like a fucking ‘fucking marathon.’”

He giggled at you, “More like a honeymoon.” God, you love the thought of that.

“Exactly, let’s get married and then fuck like rabbits after.” You joke.

John starts tracing his fingers up your chest again, “You say you want to bend me over, what else?”

You know he just wants to get you started again, you’re going to change the subject, “I want to go out and see a movie with you. Maybe have a real dinner date, sit in a booth and treat you to a nice slice of pizza.”

John smiled sweetly at you, you can see a hint of sadness in his eyes.

He must feel like you just rejected him.

You keep talking with John about date plans you have for the future, but he still seems upset. You're trying your best to tell him exactly how much you care for him. You don’t want him to feel sad that you don’t want to sleep with him. You want nothing more but to bend him over and fuck him hard till he screams, you are just afraid of John’s dad catching you two. He was pretty understanding about all of this so far, but even a slight chance of ruining your shot to have a good relationship with your future-dad-in-law scares the fuck out of you.

There is a soft knocking at the door. “May I come in?” you hear John’s therapist’s voice.

John sat up and called out for her to enter.

When she came in she grabbed the office chair and brought it into the middle of the room. John sat up against the wall as you lifted yourself up.

“Did you think about what I asked?” John started talking before she even sat down.

Dr. Serket put down her purse on the floor next to her chair.

“Yes,” She let out a sigh as if she was defeated, “I don’t normally do this... but I think it would be wise.”

You prepare yourself to stand up, ready to leave the room. As you moved to get up John wrapped his hand around your arm. You allowed him to guide you back down to the bed. 

“Dave,” Dr. Serket took up a tone that told you she was fully _intended to clear up any confusion you might have._ “Last session, John asked me if I could make a session that included you.”

She asks you, “are there any questions that you have for me?”

You answer, “a few but we can get to most of them later, I’d rather answer your questions. I’m sure you have a metric fuck-ton.” You place one hand on John’s shoulder and one on his knee.

She blinks once at you, then gives you a smile.

“How about we start off with an overview of what I plan on talking about today? I would like to discuss your relationship with John. That would include any trauma caused by not being allowed to display affection.” She talks like an android, “-also, and I apologize for talking to you about this without knowing you better first, but your sexual relationship and what the two of you would do when your brother left on trips. For now how about I ask you a simple question: How do you feel right now, Dave?”

“Fine.” You say.

“Would you care to elaborate?” Serket asks.

You place your hand on John’s shoulder and rest your head on the other.

“Best I’ve felt in years... I’m engaged, I’m getting to know John’s dad, and everyone here is looking out for him. We still have work to do… but,” you kiss John's cheek, “I feel at peace.”

“That’s wonderful, Dave. And you, John?” The doctor asks.

“I’m doing better, still feel kinda stressed.” John answers her.

You rub John’s arms.

“You still feel irritable and anxious?" She asks your lover, "That _is_  what you told me last session.”

“Yeah.” John is staring at his knees.

You pat your hand down on his thigh to get his attention. “Why didn’t you tell me, babe?”

“I did tell you.” He looks back at you, annoyed.

“John,” Dr. Serket begins. “Would you care to elaborate for us?”

“Alright." John sighs out of his nose. "I just feel lonely and… it feels like you don’t want me...”

Your heart sinks. How could you ever let him feel that, or even think that?

John starts talking again, “when I got you to do those things it made me feel like… I don’t know. I didn’t have any control because you wanted me. Like I was… desirable.”

“John, you are the only thing that’s ever made me feel like a person." You confess, "I crave you more than I crave life.”

John rolls his eyes. “I know… It’s just… I want you to let me… _pleasure_ you.”

He was selecting his words, trying to be more polite around company, maybe you should do the same, but you don’t really care if she hears you curse, she’s seen the two of you fuck on tape already.

“John, the first thing we are going to do when we get out of here is fuck, when we are alone for real I am going to go ham on you. Don’t think for a second I don’t want you. I need you, you are the only thing that makes me feel anything.”

“I know... Just, I want to make you feel good again, Dave.” John sighs.

“I understand," You nod. "It’s like we are two celibate nuns who want nothing but to go down on each other but were in church John, can’t fuck when God could be watching. Gotta do that shit when were on missionary trips, gotta hold off make sure no one finds out.”

“I should never have let you watch that documentary.” He muttered under his breath. John knows nearly everything you know about the real world is through hulu and shit.

John put his palm down on your hand that is resting on his knee, “everyone’s seen the tapes... everyone knows how we go at it.”

“John-“ You try to interrupt him. 

“It’s not a secret, and I’m not saying that we do it all the time." John tells you without shame. "Just every once and a while we can fool around.”

“John," You tell him. "Let me finish- I don’t want your dad to see.”

“Oh, this again?” John raises his hands up, “He’s always out on trips anyway."

"John, I don't want him to catch us." You look at him, he knows why you don't want that.

"Come on.... I'm not even going to ask you to do anything violent." Then he doesn't want to get off. Still you appreciate him not asking you for anything rough...

"Well thanks for that at least... Still, John, your dad hardly knows me, how do you think he would take walking in on us-"

"He won't." John isn't arguing with you yet, but he's on the verge of doing that, "he goes out for like two hours at a time... and I miss sleeping with you.. I want to you know... just give you blow jobs, nothing else." 

"Listen, babe, I don't know if we should..." You look over at John's therapist, like you are asking her to speak up.

"John." She picks up on it. "I think we both understand what you mean, you just want to make Dave more comfortable, that would make you feel better too, correct?"

"Yeah...." John admits, he crosses his arms and rubs his elbow with his hand.

"In no way is that a bad thing," She sounds like she is about to say ' _but_.' "John... for the time being, you should focus more on helping Dave adjust to life outside of the apartment and your own mental recovery. You need to be patient a little while longer and then you can discuss this with your fiancé."

John sighs.

"John." Dr. Serket starts up again, "you are free to discuss anything about your relationship with Dave that you wish, including sex." 

John sighs again. "Right now... I just feel frustrated... Like I've been waiting to touch Dave again for months... waiting to even know if I could... I didn't know how long he would be behind bars... I just want to... touch him again."

"I know." You start rubbing both of John's arms, from his shoulder to his elbow.

"Dave," Dr. Serket interjects again, "You are also free to say anything you wish about sexual congress with John."

You think she wants you to say how you feel about all of this.

"John, I told you I missed you too... and of course I miss you that way... Just... you know I don't feel comfortable with you blowing me and me not getting you off too."

"You don't have to feel that way!" He sounds comforting when he tells you, "I like making you feel good!"

"I know you do, and man, I feel the same way... see that's why I don't like the idea of that... I would feel like a fucking jack-off if I didn't return the favor.

"If you really want... you can try." He suggests. "We don't have to do anything violent."

"You know that isn't going to work." You point at his therapist, "She just told you we should focus on you know... getting better."

"How about feeling better?" He sounds like he's getting frustrated with you again, "I know that I probably won't... finish... but if you really feel bad about it, you can still touch me."

"John," you sigh, you know he really wants you to try but you know how you yourself get when you want John to finish. "I think it's best that we just... wait."

John rubs both of his eyes under his glasses, you are still rubbing his arms. 

"Hey, I love you." You tell him, you wanted to remind him. 

"I know. I love you too." He sounds like he's rolling his eyes under his hands.

"You know... holding off having sex will just make getting out of here even better, right?"

"It's going to make me fucking explode, that's what waiting is going to do to me." John tossed up his hands.

"I know how frustrated you get, John." You kiss his cheek, "I feel the same exact way about getting you off."

"I know." He doesn't sound happy with that "-and Dave, I want to just get you off. I know I'm messed up and can't get off anymore without you forcing yourself on me but-"

"John that's okay, don't feel bad about that." You interrupt him, "It's not your fault, it's his."

"Boys." Dr. Serket interrupts, "I wouldn't be so inclined to say that John is _'messed up'_ for enjoying the roleplays you two have or for enjoying rougher, passionate love making."

"I'm..." John speaks up. He doesn't say anything else. 

"I.." You tried to find the words to say too.

"The sex the two of you have is consensual," Dr. Serket points out, "As long as you two are in agreement with what you both do to each other, then you are in no way bad for enjoying it." She focuses her attention on fiancé. "Now, John, Dave said that he wants to wait to have sex, I think you should respect his wishes."

John says nothing to that, he still sense tense under your hands.

"I just feel all wound up, I don't need Dave to get me off, I don't even need him to try. I just need to feel... Like... you know."

"John." You make him face you, "Every second I spend with you is a gift that you gave me, I don't need anything more from you then what you've already done. If you feel... useless, then don't, because you're not."

John opens his mouth and then looks down, he has nothing to say to that.

You spent a few more minutes going over more things about your relationship, Dr. Serket asked you some really personal things but it seemed to make John feel better so it was worth talking about with her. John seems to trust her, and he told you he likes her. You also noticed that she tries her best to pick John up, but she still tells him things that makes him seem sad, maybe someone needs to tell him hard truths, but you don't like how stressed and tense it's making him feel in your arms. You started holding onto him and stroking his hair. You weren't even sure if he needed it, you just love doing it.

Dr. Serket started asking you about how you feel about having sex with John the way he likes. You aren't sure how to answer that.

"Uhh.." You rub the back of your neck, then you wrap your arm back around John, "well... I really like getting him off, so... I just do whatever it takes."

"Do you enjoy having sex with him the way that he likes?" She asks you.

"Uh..."

"Dave?" John turns his head to look at you, he lightly presses up against your chest so you loosen your grip on him, "Do you enjoy it?"

“I... I-" you tell him the truth, "I just… I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do John.”

“Anything you would make me do I actually, really, truly deeply want to do."

“Okay but- I don't... always enjoy the feeling of forcing myself on you... I never really had a choice when it came to anything I did. I don’t want to hurt you like those people… hurt me.”

His body feels limp in your hand. You hold onto him.

“You always treat me well, you are romantic and sweet and sometimes… you know… I just want to feel…” He's looking away from you again.

"Fell like what?" You ask him.

"Used up by you..." A tense breath escapes his lungs.

"Used up?" You want him to explain, "Why do you want me to make you feel that way."

"I don't know! If I knew I would tell you!" John still sounds stressed. "I just like when you... take what you want from me, it makes me feel.. you know... sexy."

You stare at him for a few moments. It's not like John hasn't been through a lot but- you've been through something... different... You hated when you were beat up by strangers and forced to have sex with older men. 

"John, you are so hot to me, like you are completely sexy." You let him know. "You're sexy in every way."

"Yeah, but Dave, I know you feel that way, just when you have sex with me like **that** It feels so, so, so real!"

"Dave." Dr. Serket chimes in, "I think you should try to understand John's perspective."

"I'm.. _trying."_ You are still looking at John.

"Dave..." John sighed and looked into your eyes, "I love feeling used up... because... I just want to give myself to you. I love when I feel... like I'm _yours_."

You think you are starting to understand, or at least making some headway.

You keep talking about more things the two of you do during sex, how you felt about it during your time in the apartment. John seems to think that because the two of you are free now that he won't be as stressed and... in his own words 'needy.' You don't feel that he is needy. Dr. Serket is trying to get your attention, you started zoning out.

"Do you have any questions for me now, Dave?"

“Well there was something that’s been on my mind, it’s a weird question.” You tell her.

“Feel free to ask me anything, Dave.”

“What isn’t considered normal for sex? I mean specifically between like… me and John.”

“That’s a fair question. Anything that isn’t done with consent.”

“Okay, so far so good.” John replies.

“Also continuing to do something after someone says no.”

You turn your head to look at John, you raise your eyebrows up a bit.

He opens his mouth to speak and then promptly shuts it.

You lean a bit closer towards him, “John. She said that’s not normal.”

You look back at John, he is squinting at you, he is sinking deeper into his crossed arms and legs.

You direct your attention to John’s therapist and tell her, “he gets mad at me when I stop when he says ‘no.’”

“I understand. John has told me something along these lines before.” She clicks her pen and scribbles down something, “I would like for you two to establish a safe word.”

You smack John’s shoulder with the back of your hand, “told you we needed to use one years ago.”

You look back at her, “John never wanted to use one.”

“I just…” He looks at the two of you, the two of you telling him he needs this to be save makes him throw up his hands.“ **Ugh!** Fine! Let’s make up a freaking safe word.”

You can hear him mumbled under his breath, “that I’ll never use.”

“It needs to be something you would both remember that is unusual for you to say-”

“Lava.” You say without skipping a beat. “I tried to get him to use it a few times.”

“John, I would like for you to remember that.” Dr. Serket points her pen at John and then goes back to writing. 

“Okay, I’ll keep it in mind.” John sounds like he is rolling his eyes. She’s being very patient with him.

“Hey, doctor?” You try to get her attention again.

“Yes, Dave, do you have another question?”

“Yeah, sometimes John likes to get choked... you probably know that. I’ve always been like scared shitless that he wouldn’t have a way to tell me to stop. Sometimes he would slap my wrists or try to pry me off of him, but then he would just get pissed I stopped, got a solution for that too?”

“Wonderful question, I was just about to get to that. John, you could hold up your hands like this.” She lifted up both of her hands. “-and then cross your fingers like this.” She demonstrates crossing her middle fingers with her index fingers. “That way he can tell you when to make a hard stop.”

“Holy shit.” You never thought of using a hand signal. “John, she’s like really fucking smart. You were right!” You nudge him again.

John still looks annoyed with you but he smiles after he sees how joyful you are, “happy now?”

“More than happy.” You look back at her, you're fine with dropping your stone-face for her, she just gave you the greatest gift you could have ever asked for. John will be safe _and_ happy now.

“We will need to discuss this more later, John, you know that I would prefer you to experiment more with something safer than choking after you both are out of this room.”

John moves his glasses up so he can rub his eyes. _'Oh, he is definitely not happy with that.'_

“For right now I would like to discuss more about your sexual experiences that you did not consent too.”

“You mean like the things my bro asked John to ask me for or the times he raped us?” You asked her.

“Anything you are willing to tell me that also includes the other non consensual sex you had with others.”

“You mean… my old job?" You tell her. "I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Anything you are willing to talk about is fine.”

You rub your neck, you don’t want to talk about any of that at all. You just wait until John says something. He’s looking at you, probably thinking the same.

You turn to ask John, “babe, what did you talk with her about already?”

“We talked about the same things that I told the lawyers, I said a few things about what was on those video tapes we saw.”

“That’s a good place to start, Dave. Do you think you could tell me something that’s been troubling you that was on any of those tapes?”

“Uh, well. John getting hurt fucks me up pretty bad.” You answer honestly.

“That is understandable." John's therapist nods at you, "anything about yourself in those tapes you’ve been struggling with?”

“I don’t know.” You start scratching the back of your head. You don’t want to talk about any of that. Not even with John. “I’m getting over it.”

“It’s alright if you aren’t ready to talk about it.” She tells you in a caring voice.

“It’s not that I’m not ready… I just don’t want to talk about it unless it’s some court thing.” You confess.

“Then, could you please tell me why it’s something you don’t mind talking about in court?”

“Gotta make him pay for what he did to John, I don’t really give a shit about what he did to me.”

“Are you really sure that you don’t care, Dave?” She asks.

“It just doesn’t matter.” You tell her.

You can feel John’s eyes on you. You look back at him. He looks concerned.

“Dave, it matters to me.” You can hear the concern in his voice.

“I know, babe. But… I always felt kinda miserable. I just got used to the feeling.”

Dr. Serket scribbles some notes again.

“Dave,” John spoke before she could, “do you always feel miserable?”

“Well… when you’re with me you make me feel normal.”

“Well then... what about when you’re like alone, like when you’re in the bathroom or talking with Ms. Teresa?”

“John- as long as I’m with you I feel okay- so it’s fine. I’ll be okay, babe.”

You lean into him. Resting your face into his hair. You don’t care how greasy it is. It’s him.

“Dave.” He moves you off of him. “I’m not going to be by your side all of the time. You need to learn to feel better by yourself. For me?”

You want to tell him the answer is no. You don’t like lying to him ether. You never want to lie to him. But this is something that he seems like it’s hurting him. You don’t need to lie you can just say three words that got you out of hurting him several times.

“I can try.”

He caresses you, patting your back with one of his hands to comfort you. You see Dr. Serket look at the digital clock on the desk. The session is only supposed to last an hour. She must be gearing up to say we’re done here. John isn’t pulling away from you. You don’t want him too anyway.

“You both did well, thank you for talking with me today. Our next session, I would like for you to join us again, Dave.” She stood up to leave. Grabbing her purse from the floor. She directs her gaze back to you.

“Dave, may I ask you something before I leave? In the hall?” Dr. Serket asks.

You thought it was a bit strange, but alright, you’ll bite. “Okay?”

You aren’t really sure why she wants to talk to you in private, away from John. You pull away from him, rubbing his arms again. Planting a kiss on his forehead before you leave.

You trust her so you don't bring your sword. Plus you don't want to make her feel awkward about the fact you're carrying a weapon. 

You walk with her, a good distance from the guard.

“What is it?” You ask her.

“Dave do you feel disinterested with life?”

“Not really that much, John and I are getting married so...”

“Let me rephrase, do you feel like you are tired all the time, you just want to lay in bed and there’s something weighing you down? Like there is a weight that is keeping you from getting up, unless John pushes you to?"

You don’t say anything.

“Isn’t there something that is preventing you from feeling as happy as you should be?”

You feel confused. How did she know that from what you said earlier? How does she know how you feel?

“Isn’t that normal for someone like me? With how shitty my life was every day.”

“Dave, feeling unhappy in moments you should feel joy… isn’t normal, no matter your history.”

“Okay…”

“Do you ever feel like you should be happier when you are with John?”

You don’t speak. You feel your face tighten. Your eyebrows pulling together, your eyes widening.

“Do you feel like there is something preventing you from being as happy as you should be even when you are with him?”

_‘How the fuck did she know that?’_

“Yes… Is there… something even more fucked up with me?”

She doesn’t answer. She just narrows her eyebrows and asks another question.

“Dave… can you be honest with me about your past history with drugs? Was there more than what you told us?”

You don’t want to answer but if you stay silent for too long she’s going to know the answer is yes.

“Dave-"

You took too long to speak.

“Did you often take drugs? I recall John said that you were drunk once when you asked for him to leave. Can you tell me your past history with drugs and alcohol?” She talks completely like one of John's fucking text books...

“...I might have done a- a few things.” You sigh.

“Dave, I am legally not allowed to reveal what my clients tell me about their histories.”

“I’m not your client, John is.”

“Dave, I **will not** tell anyone." She firmly tells you, still with a caring voice. "Not even John.”

You scratch the back of your leg with your foot.

“I take no interest in getting you in trouble, I only have an interest in helping you get better.”

She speaks with such conviction… you believe her. You look away as you answer.

“I said in court that I would use painkillers to help John get through all the beatings when he needed them...”

You look up at the ceiling, still leaning your head to the side. Recounting for her,

“I would suck dick for painkillers, I used to do molly, I would take shots of fireball a lot, I would like make weed brownies and half the time it would be laced with something. If I tried them and knew they were good, I would give John some. Uh- He didn’t like when I took acid. I had a bad trip once... scared him.”

“Alright. Dave, thank you for being honest. Have you felt miserable for a long time?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you feel like you need to take more drugs, or drink? Even now?”

You pause. She waits for you to answer. You stand in silence for a while, you take a deep breath and admit, “Yeah…I do.”

“Okay. Dave I would like for you to speak with one of my associates over the phone soon. I will be in the call as well. I want to prescribe you some medication to treat your condition.”

“What condition.”

“Dave, I believe that you have depression.”

_‘That’s a condition? That’s a thing?’_

“Wait? I don’t understand. You’re going to give me drugs because I want more drugs?”

“It is prescription medicated, I think that you need it. It could make things easier for you, we won’t exactly know how you will respond until you start treatment...”

“What does this have to do with my _‘_ past history with drugs’?”

“I think you were self-medicating to deal with your condition, it’s common for teenagers to treat themselves when they do not have access to treatment. I can work with you to get real treatment so you do not need to rely on anything other than the medication and maybe additional therapy.”

“Okay, well… if I have depression will those pills make me like… happy... with more things than just John?”

“That’s the hope.”

_‘Hope.’_


	50. You Help Me Feel Normal

When Dave said he didn’t care much about anything, when you noticed that he was apathetic to everything that happened to him, it scared you. You started feeling better and you want Dave to recover too. You’re glad you pushed Dr. Serket into having a session with Dave. She told you before that she thought he needed therapy. Dave told you she just said to him that she believes that he needs medication. You are hoping that Dave is going to accept going to therapy in the future. You don’t want to push him into it, but if he is going to be difficult about it you’ll suck it up and force him to get the help. You’re glad that he is at least talking about the possibility of getting better, even if it’s just what Dr. Serket talked with him about outside.

“I’m on medication too.” You tell your fiancé.

“I see you taking the pills. Are they for depression?” Dave asks.

“I have like bad... anxiety... sometimes I get so stressed out I blackout. My condition is getting better... bit-by-bit... but sometimes it’s really hard to calm down... it's hard to describe...”

“Babe,” his heart must be breaking, “why didn’t you talk to me about this when I got here?”

Dave wraps his arm around your side and rubs your arm again, like he always does.

“I’ve been feeling so good lately I didn’t want to talk about this... If I would have known you felt shitty like this, I would have told you sooner. I should have realized... I should have asked you...”

“It’s okay. I’ve only been here for a few days." Dave kisses the side of your head again, he softly says, "we’ll get this sorted out, I told you I would try to get better.”

You guess he really means it this time.

Still you ask, "really?"

You look into those glistening eyes. Blood red like they are transparent. Even his pupils were red. Like you could see through him completely. You don’t think he is lying this time.

“Dave, I don’t want you to get better just for me. I want you to learn to love yourself... because I love you.”

He closes his eyes and lays down on you.

“I promise you that I will try. I think that… I want to get better too.”

You wrap your arms around him as he lays on your chest. He sinks deep into you. You hum a song to him as he rests in your arms. Cradling him and letting him drift into you. You rock him back and forth like the waves of the ocean. Softly moving back and forth. Just like he always does for you.

Weeks ago you felt like you needed him by your side for the rest of your life, you knew that he felt the same but you didn’t know how deeply that root was planted. He needed you to feel normal. He never felt that way in his life before he met you, you knew that. But you didn’t know it was like this. You assumed he must have had some sort of mental issues because of his upbringing. You didn’t think it was a clinical thing, even with who his dad is you didn’t think it was something he inherited through his genes.

“We’ll get better, Dave." You softly kiss his cheek, "you just need to focus on getting better with me, okay?”

“I will try.” Dave nods.

“I want you to say more than just _you’ll try_.” You lightly laugh.

Dave lets out a deep breath, he shifts in your arms.

“I will do my best.” Dave sighs.

“…dooo your best for the both of us?” You ask him.

Dave didn’t say anything for a while. You guess he is thinking of the right words to say,

“That’s the perfect way of putting it, John.”

You nudge his head down so you can kiss his forehead.

You softly let the words “I love you,” slip from your lips.


	51. loving words and a sharp blade

John was sitting in the corner of the room again, you were laying in the middle of the bed. He put both of his legs over you. John was finishing up his book, you were listening to music. You were laying on your back, gently tracing his dip of his ankle with your thumb. Your other hand skipping through your playlist. Trying to find the right song. Nothing is sticking with you right now. You slip off your headphones and try to get John’s attention by just staring at him. Hoping that your gaze is enough to get him to put down the book. You aren’t wearing your shades, he could see your eyes if he would just look over. He flips another page. His robin blue eyes tracing the words of the book. You’re amazed at how quickly he can read through a novel. He just started this one today and he’s nearly done. You think you’ll just watch him for a while as he scans each letter. Each syllable. Picturing a story in his head. All you want to do is just watch him.

There’s a knocking on the door. You hope it isn’t for you. You don’t want to leave John’s side.

John puts down his book to look at the door as it creaks open. You sit up so you can see as well. John doesn’t move his legs. He lets you use them to lift yourself up. You wrap your arms around his knees. A police officer you don’t recognize is standing outside the door, “Mr. Egbert.”

John perks up, thinking it’s for him.

“He’s here for me, son. I’m going out for a while. I want to get some more shopping done. I'm going to the mall.”

“Dad.... are you sure that’s a good idea.” John doesn't like when his dad goes out for too long. You can understand that, you don't know if he'll be safe out there.

“Two policemen are coming with me today and I have my handgun on me. I would like to get some fresh air, and I think that Dave could really use some new clothes too.”

“Okay, but…” John pauses for a while, his dad doesn’t wait for him to finish his thought.

“John, you know I don’t enjoy being cooped up.”

John’s dad grabs his hat and makes his way over to the door.

“Right, dad… just stay safe.”

“You know I will.”

He shuts the door.

John continues reading his book, he looks unnerved again. Like he’s worried.

You rip the book out of his hands and slam it to the floor.

“Hey-" you cover up his mouth and muffle his words.

You feel up his pants pocket. He still has your old knife on him, good.

You pull out the knife as you tell him, “Don’t scream.”

You rub the knives black cover over his throat. Tracing a line across his neck.

“Don’t make any noise.” You whisper.

You can feel his breath shake under the knife. Like it’s an extension of your fingers. Like the knife is a part of you. You slowly grip your other hand around his thigh. Your hands are shaking as you fondle John’s leg and follow the seams of his pants to his zipper. You feel around for what you are looking for. He’s already half hard. You grope him and put your lips up to his neck.

“Don’t make any moves unless I tell you to.” You sigh out the words.

You stroke his windpipe with the knife. You rub your hands against him. He is trembling, you can hear each rattling breath escape his throat. Feeling the air weakly move past the cover of the knife. You suck on his neck. You make a quick move to grab John by the hair and drag him off the bed. Throwing him to the floor.

You demand him to, “get up.” 

John pulls himself off of the floor.

You uncover the knife and point the silver blade at his body.

“Strip.”

John is staring at the knife.

You gesture with the blade for John to get a move on.

He unbuttons his shirt and lets it slip to the floor. He slips off his pants and steps out of them.

He is still wearing his boxers.

Sheepishly playing with his hands, he loves playing innocent.

You point the knife at his face.

“All of it.”

He slowly pulls his thumbs under his boxers. Sliding it off and letting it drop to the floor.

“Get down on all fours.”

He follows your lead. Kneeling down. He’s sitting on his legs. He places his hands on the floor in front of him.

He watches your hands intently. You slide down your sweatpants and show him your semi-erect dick.  His eyes widen. He looks up at your face, gazing into your eyes. His mouth parts open like he wants to say something. You flash your knife at him again.

“Suck.”

He slides down the rest of your pants. He puts his hands on the inside of your thighs and pulls them apart. You take off your shirt and toss it on the floor. John doesn’t use his hands to grab your shaft. He just moves his head down to lick your tip. Gliding his tongue around your head. He keeps teasing your tip, knowing how sensitive you are right there. Eventually he decides to start toying around with you more. Slowly licking your shaft. Tracing the outline of your cock with the very tip of his tongue. Only giving you a taste, nothing more. He’s driving you wild.

You grab his hair again. Violently lifting up his head so he looks you in the eyes. You move the knife in between the two of you so he looks at it.

“The **fuck** did I tell you to do?”

He doesn’t say anything. He looks down at the floor.

He looks so fucking cute right now.

You set the knife down on the bed beside you.

You let go of his hair and take off his glasses. 

You slap him hard across the face.

He winces, taking a few seconds to turn his head back to you.

“I said **suck.”**

You slam his glasses back on his nose and grab the knife again.

He slips your head into his mouth, slowly sliding his tongue around your tip again.

He’s taking his time, sliding your cock into his mouth. He isn’t in any hurry to fill his throat with you.

You know he wants you to lose your patience. You thrust your cock inside of him.

**_“Mpfth!”_ **

You thrust into him again, hitting the back of his throat and holding him in place, your entire cock stuffed inside of his mouth.

“Don’t be a fucking smart ass, it’s either you suck me off or I’ll fuck your mouth for you.”

You loosen your grip on his hair. Allowing John to slide his head back. 

He takes your threat to heart. He starts slamming his head up-and-down, rapidly, on your cock.

His hands tightly gripping around your thighs. Holding himself steady as he bobs his head as fast as he can.

You start panting. “ _fuck_.” He’s so fucking good.

You tightly grip the knives handle. “ _don’t stop.”_

You just let him go wild, “ _ah- John,_ “ he’s sucking you like a fucking vacuum.

You haven’t felt this good in so long you’re going to bust your load any second now unless you stop him.

You’re still grabbing onto a bundle of his ebony hair, you use it to lift him up.

Your cock slips out of his mouth.

You hold the knife up and point towards the pillows.

“Get on the bed.”

He sat down right next to you. Trying to cover up his nudity, like he’s shy.

You stand up on the bed and point the blade at his face.

“Lay down. Now.”

John scoots down onto the bed, underneath your legs.

He’s laying down for the most part. He starts propping himself up with his elbows so he can get a better look at you. You bend over to get a better look at him as well. Kneeling down and dragging the knife closer to his face. You use the dull end of the tip of the knife to lift up his chin.

“Stay here. Cockslut.”

You walk over to your black bag. You take out the condom.

You throw it at John. He makes no move to catch it. The small purple square hits his chest.

He looks down at it. Hesitating as he picks it up. He holds it up like it’s a used tissue.

You walk back to John and stand over him.

“Put it on me.”

John lifts himself up with the elbows he was resting on.

He tears it open. He jumps when he feels something drip onto his hand.

He didn’t expect it to be wet with lubricant. He’s never used a condom before.

John slides it on you with both hands. You pinch the top as he works it over your cock.

John looks back up to meet your gaze, with a questioning look.

He’s not sure if he did it right.

God, John really _is_ innocent right now, it’s driving you fucking nuts.

You fucking need him to, “lay back down.” 

You climb over him and start kissing his neck. He is shivering at how gentle your kisses are.

You trace the side of your knife along his chin again. 

Your hard on is rubbing against John’s erection.

He’s buckling underneath you. He’s fumbling around like he is trying to squirm away from you, what he is really doing is smearing his cock against yours. He wants you to do more to him. He’s going to have to be a little bit more patient, you need some time to calm down.

You need to pace yourself but John’s acting like a virgin trying to stay pure and it’s driving you insane. How he teased your cock earlier, how unsure he looked when he was putting on the condom, how right now he is hopelessly grinding against you. It’s all a lot on you right now. You need to settle down a bit.

Right now you desperately want to fucking pound into him and make him scream. You want to bend him over and make him struggle to stay up under your weight as you trust your cock into him. You want John to beg for release. You want him to cry out that he needs your _fat cock_. You want him to call you _daddy_. You want him to cum so hard he starts convulsing just like _you_ do when he pounds into your ass. You _wish_ you could watch him frantically try to catch his breath when he’s done riding the orgasm you force him to have. But this isn’t for you. It’s for him.

“Stop squirming, bitch.”

You put the blunt side of the knife against his cheek. Sliding it down his face as you keep gently kissing him. He pushes you with his hands. You drop the knife onto the floor. You grab both his wrists and force them both beside his head. He struggles underneath you. Pretending that he wants to run away. Faking that he’s fighting you off. You look at his face, you can tell when he’s really scared. This face he’s putting on is purposely made to look cute. His chin is lifted up, his brows are lowered just to frame his eyes a certain way. His lips are parted, like a model on a magazine. He maneuvers his head to make his glasses slightly off the angle they normally are, he knows you like when his glasses are messed up. He gives you a moment to take in the way he looks before he starts fighting you off again. Pushing against your hands as you restrain him. He is actually trying to break free now. You have to force him to stay still.

**“Stop fucking fighting it.”**

John keeps fighting you off. He must want you to force him to stop moving around. You let go of one of his wrist. You reel back your fist and punch him in the gut. He grunts. He starts nursing the hit. You take the opportunity he gave you. You lift up his legs by gripping under his knees. Forcing them apart and against the bed.

“ **Don’t.** fucking move.”

You have to let go off one of his legs so you could grip onto your erection. Sliding it inside of him. John gasps at the feeling. When you’re completely inside of him you move your hand back to his thigh. You force his legs further back, against the bed, so his ass lifts up a bit. Just after you do that, John lets out a moan, involuntarily. You shoot him a look, He’s not supposed to make any noise.

You need to assert that you’re the one in control.

John is mouthing the word ‘no.’ You thrust into him again. He silently tells you, ‘please, stop.’ You keep thrusting into him, picking up the pace. You lean over him. You lift your head up and close your eyes. He feels so tight around you, feels so good even with the condom dulling the feeling. You’ve seen how much he can take? How does his ass bounce back like that? You keep fucking him. John starts hitting your chest. You open your eyes and lower your gaze.

“Fight me again and I’ll fuck you up!” You thrust into him again. “Take my cock!”

You pull him up by the legs, lifting him up even more. His eyes start filling with tears. You are sure he can’t be this flexible. You have to be hurting him with how much you’re stretching him out.

Your face is hovering right over his. You flash him a sly little smirk.

You start thrusting into him violently. The room is filled with the sound of your flesh slapping up against his. You keep trying to angle John’s ass so you can find his spot. You keep striking him in hopes of finding it. He let out a wail. When he whined like that you knew you found it. You keep hitting your fiancé in the spot you know he likes. John is losing control under the pressure. He won’t stop moaning. You let go of his legs. You reach for the knife with one hand and with the other you grab down on his throat. Hard.

You try to keep your voice down as you hiss at him, “Shut Up!”

You pull the knife up to his face. “You make another noise that loud and **I’ll slit your fucking throat.** ”

You pull the knife away and hold it over him, like you are about to stab him, hovering it over him.

You are still groping his throat with your other hand.

You hammer your whole body into John.

Thrusting forcefully into him several times.

Slamming your cock into the spot he loves.

Out of the blue, you feel something hot and wet against your stomach.

You look at John, his eyes are half-lit. You look down at the scene.

He just came. You remove your hand from his throat. You put the knife on the stand.

You feel a wave of triumph surge through you. You actually got John to finish your first try!

You fucking got him to cum so hard that he’s panting and he’s straining himself to speak again!

“don-" He can hardly form words. "-ah-"

You can’t contain your joy! You hold his face in your hands and start kissing him all over his face. Laughing. You just can’t believe it.

You fucked John exactly the way he wanted. No, like he needed!

And it felt good to you too!

You kiss John deeply on the lips.

You have to force yourself to pull away, John needs to catch his breath again. You’re still holding his cheeks. He looks like he’s in a trance. You made him cum hard! You fucking finished him off and put him into a fucking coma! You fucked him right!

**YOU ACTUALLY FUCKED HIM RIGHT AND ENJOYED EVERY SECOND OF IT!**

You put that knife up to his throat and it excited you. You loved commanding him not to move. You enjoyed holding him down and dominating him. You actually indulged in making him lose all control. It felt good, it felt like you were giving John everything he wanted. You watch his lips move. He’s trying to tell you something through his shuttering.

“Don’t stop.” He says in a breathy voice. His lips are so dry he needed to lick them before he spoke again. “I want to feel... used up.”

John starts panting again. His whole chest lifting up and down with each breath.

You follow his wishes, he didn’t lead you astray yet.

You keep going, sliding in and out of him.

John's cum still laced on your stomach, dripping down onto his own.

John’s completely spent but he wants you to finish too.

You keep pounding into him.

You want to rip off this fucking condom and pound into him bareback, but it would leave a mess that’s to fucking hard to clean up with just tissues. John is shaking underneath you, moaning for you to fuck him more _. ‘Fuck it!’_ You pull it off and throw it on to his belly. You need a fucking shower after this anyway. You didn’t even notice till now that you are dripping with sweat. Your face is probably red, just like your pulsing cock. You keep thrusting into him. He lets you use up his hole. You’re getting closer. You want him to look at you again like he did before. You look at him. John is biting down on his fist, you must be fucking him really hard. Maybe even too hard. You’re getting desperate to cum.

“John.” You moan out his name. “Look at me again like you did before.”

He tries to put on his cute-scared look but he still looks like he’s enjoying it too much.

“God, John.” You grunt again, “fucking look scared or I’ll **fucking** punch you again.”

His eyebrows raised. He forced himself to change his expression. He made himself look as cute as last time. “Da- _ah_ –ve.” You keep pounding inside of him. “ _Daddy.”_ God, he knows what you fucking like.

_“Daddy... stop, it hurts.”_

Fuck.

He’s making you so fucked up in the head right now.

You don’t know what is coming over you but you fucking love his little act. You actually **want** him to beg you to stop, you never wanted this before but you like that he’s refusing you. You don’t know why. You don’t care why, you just want to fucking cum.

“Does it hurt good?” You ask him.

_“no…”_

You lift up his whole body, you keep hit him right where you know he likes it.

_“Daddy..-ah- stop…. please.”_

_“You fucking like it?”_

_“Daddy… you’re hurting me…I'm finished... please stop..”_

“Say you fucking like it!”

You slap him across the face again, you don't even bother taking off his glasses.

He whines, whines like a little slut. He's driving your fucking insane. 

 _“I love it, daddy!”_ His voice is so light.

He can hardly talk, he’s forcing himself to speak for the sake of getting you off.

“Yeah- you fucking love my cock!.” You grunt. 

You kept slamming into him. John was trying to cover his face with his hands, he was trembling from how hard you are still pounding into him. He keeps re-adjusting his hands, like he’s trying to regain control of his body.

_“I can’t take anymore, daddy!”_

“You want me to fucking finish inside you?”

_“No. Don’t.”_

You fucking love the way he’s looking at you right now. He’s biting down hand onto his finger, trying hard not to scream. You keep pounding into him where he likes it. You don’t fucking care that he’s already done. You need to keep making him crazy. Crazy like how he fucking makes you. He’s still moaning, begging you to stop fucking him. Calling you daddy. A tear streams down his adorable face from how hard you’re pounding him. Even if you’re hurting him right now he loves it. He’s living for your bare cock. He fucking wants it and you fucking know it. Even if he’s crying and saying no. You know he wants it... He told you a million times. Maybe you should start fucking listening to your future husband because this shit is fucking wild.

_“Daddy, Don’t cum inside of me.”_

“Why not?” You indulge him, you say the words like you are toying around with him. 

“ _Because… I…”_

John can’t think of anything. You're fucked him so hard, you broke him.

“Because your little ass can’t take anymore?” You give him something to work with.

_“Yes. It’s too much, your cock... is too much, daddy!”_

**“I don’t fucking care.”** You thrust into him again. **“Shut the fuck up and take it.”**

John gasps and shutters. He lets a smile slip onto his lips. He’s supposed to look scared.

“You’re taking my load or I’m going to **fucking kill you**.”

“ ** _Oh my fucking god!”_** He’s trying to shout, his voice is too hoarse. “ ** _Daddy! I can’t take it!”_**

You’re getting so fucking close. You need this. _“It’s too much!”_ He’s fucking driving you up the wall again. Panting out the words that keep driving you mad. _“Daddy, stop! I can’t take your cock! It’s too big!”_ You’re grunting into him like a crazed fucking animal. You desperately needed to finish inside of him. John let out a yelp, for a moment you thought you really hurt him, maybe you did, you don’t fucking care. You need to fucking cum. “ _Daddy! You hurt me!_ ” You were so close. “ _It hurts so much_.” You were on the edge. “ _Daddy! Your cock is too fucking much!”_ You fiercely cry out a heavy grunt from deep inside your gut. You feel his ass fill up with your entire load. You hit him one last time. Making sure that you milked yourself completely inside of him. You fall on top of him and try to catch your breath. ‘ _Fuck._ ’

It takes you a few minutes to recuperate. You realize that you’re putting all of your body weight on top of John, you must be crushing him. You sit up. You grab tissues from off of the makeshift nightstand. You grab a hand full and put them underneath your dick and John’s ass. When you slip out he starts leaking out all of your load. You try to get all of it. John’s cum is starting to harden on your chest. You need to wipe that off too. You start wiping John off first. You used him up so he deserves the attention before you take care of yourself. He shivers at the touch. You pick up the condom. You take it and all the tissues over to the trash. You take the bin with you when you walk back to the nightstand. Wiping yourself down the best you can. You need to get dressed again but your still so fucking hot.

“Dave. Get back in bed.” 

John’s scooting his back against the wall, laying in his usual spot. He's pulling the sheet out from underneath him and covering himself with it. Maybe you’ll just lay down till you catch your breath again before you get dressed. John wants you to lay next to him and you know who's really running the show. You’re going to do whatever he wants. Plus, John hasn’t been wrong yet.

As you rest in bed with him, you lightly brush his bangs out of his face. 

You watch him softly pant as he drifts off into sleep.

John has a peaceful smile on his face. You still have that glowing pride from before flowing through your veins.

Not only did you make John finish, you loved it too.


	52. an afternoon in spent bed

You gently open your eyes. The two of you must have fell asleep. You look at John’s face, his eyes are closed. Still dreaming. You move your hands up to hold onto John’s open palm, softly rubbing it. “John.” He stirs a bit. A soft breath escapes his lips, he’s starting to wake up. He isn’t wearing his glasses, when he opens his eyes you are sure you just look like a white blur to him. John drags both of your hands up to his lips, kissing your fingers gently. You tenderly ask him, “You feel better?”

“Yes.” John plants another kiss on your knuckle.

“Not stressed anymore?” You gently ask him.

“no.” John shakes his head.

You start listing questions,

“Not frustrated?” “no.” “Not sad?” “no.” “Not anxious?” “not at all.” “Not scared?” “no.”

He shakes his head at each question and with each ‘no’ he laughed quietly to himself.

“I’m good." John tells you. "Best I’ve felt in weeks.”

John kisses the back of one of your hands and breathes out the words, “thank you” against your skin.

You take back one of your hands as you move in closer to John. You start lightly kissing his lips and brushing his cheeks with your thumb.

“I could use a shower though.” John jokes.

“Yeah me too, I think I still have your cum on me.”

“Me too.” John giggles, actually giggles, he is so cute.

You can’t help it, you kiss him again.

You break away from your kiss to apologize, “I’m sorry I made you wait this long.”

“No... Dave… I know I am difficult.”

“John, you’re not difficult, it just takes some… extra effort to please you.”

John stays silent in response, you think you struck him right through his heart again. 

You let out a light sigh.

You trace the bruises left on John’s neck with your fingers,

“You’re going to need to wear something to cover that up.”

“Oh? Don’t want people to think you had your way with me?”

He laughs. The joke isn’t funny to you, but it’s funny to him, so it’s okay.

“It means a lot to me you know,” He sounds content, “I know you don’t like  _strangling me_.”

“Yeah well, I think I’m getting used to it.”

“ _You are?”_ His eyes light up. “I mean, it seemed like you enjoyed fucking me but, you think you could learn to love choking me?”

“Maybe… I don’t know if it’s because where out of that apartment or because of that therapy session... but, I think I see things from your perspective now… You like it when I threaten you because it makes you feel like I… want you desperately?”

“Yeah! That’s it! _See!_ I told you therapy is good! Keep going.”

“You want me to take what I want from you… because it makes you feel sexy, right…?”

“YES! That’s exactly it! You really made me feel desirable today...”

You move your hands out of his grasp and you take his hands instead. You move them up to your lips.

John continues talking as you gently kiss his fists, “it just feels so good when you take over.”

“Sooo…" You ask, "you just like the feeling of me choking you or is that part of me _taking over?”_

“Um... both?" John doesn't sound to certain or sure, but you know he is when he says, "I just like it when you hurt me…”

“You love… _surrendering_... everything to me?”

“Yeah!” John cheers.

“…because you’re not afraid of me?” You ask him, with a slight twinge of joy in your voice.

“I trust you.” He takes his hands back from your grasp and holds your face lightly with the tips of his fingers.

John lightly sigh before he begins speaking again, “I get that you’re afraid you’ll hurt me. I know you said that… you don’t want to learn to like hurting me… that you don’t want to be like… him… I’m sorry these past few days I’ve been so pushy. I should have been more patient with you like I used to be. It’s just… I went so long without seeing you or holding you and I really wanted you to… want me too...”

John puts his own hands up to his chest, sheltering himself. You never meant to make him feel this way.

You smile at him, “of course I want you, babe, you’re my whole world. I **always** wanted to make you feel good. I **love** making you feel good, if hurting you makes you happy then I will learn to love it _because_ it makes you happy.”

The smile he gives you is warm and loving, you can feel its warmth seep into your heart.

“I was mostly afraid that I would hurt you and you would have no way of telling me.”

“I get it… But hey, that hand signal thing is brilliant! Why didn’t we think of that?”

“Cause we’re dumb.” You confess.

“Oh God, we’re so dumb.” John is rubbing his face with his hands.

You grab onto his waist. Rubbing his side. You just want to touch him everywhere you can. God you hope he knows that. You can’t keep your hands off of him right now, he must know that.

“That safe word thing is pretty smart too, babe. I told you we should have used one years ago.”

“I don’t need a freaking safe word!” John lifts up one of his hands and lets it fall back down onto the bed.

“I need you to have one.” You tell him.

“I knoooow… but hey… You wouldn’t let me even moan today.” He’s making those eyes at you again. When John opens his mouth to speak he sounds like he’s mocking you, “How am I supposed to use a safe word when you threaten you’ll slit my throat if I speak? You were waving around that _big scary knife_? I was afraid you would hurt me if I said _anything!_   _I was so scared!”_

You remove your hand from his waist to hit his arm, he starts having a laughing fit. You hit him again and he tries to swat you away. You place your hand back on his waist and trace the curve of his body.

You kiss him on the cheek, John simmers down.

You point at him, you don’t care if he just sees a blur, you are making your point anyway.

“You **use** the hand signal **and** the safe word when you need them.”

“What about you? Hu?" John asks. "Don’t think you need them?”

“Babe, you could do _anything_ to me and I’d love it.”

John lifts up his arms and lets them drop back to the bed with an even louder thud this time. “ **OH!** **I SEE!** ”

“John, I mean you do _anything_ to me I get off, I mess up with fucking you and you might need an ambulance.”

“ **UGH!** Dr. Serket already gave me this talk, I don’t need it from you! I know she thinks it’s dangerous that I need to be choked _every time_. Well I don’t care, I would rather die happy.”

John crosses his arms and gives you a fake scowl.

“Well what about me? If you die I’ll be miserable.” You frown.

He budges. “Fine.”

John moves to feel up your chest, “with the way you just fucked me…maybe I don’t need to be choked… maybe you can grab the back of my neck instead…? or punch me in the gut like that again? We’ll figure out something that won’t leave marks where people will see.”

John brings up a hand to feel his neck, you guess he is feeling if it hurts.

You can tell it does because he bites his lips when he presses up against the blue on his throat.

John hasn’t been in the sun in a while so his skin is pale white again.

John's neck looks like the inverse of a cloud, drifting and floating in the sky.

“God.” He’s still feeling up his neck. “I wasn’t expecting any of that.”

John's pressing down on the marks you left, enjoying the pain.

“You forcing me to strip was amazing, think you can do that again for me?”

“…sure?” You answer like you just raised a question.

“I want you to do _all_ of that again! Next time bend me back more.”

“What? John, I think I would break your spine if I did that.”

“How about I drop the act and casually tell you when it hurts too much? If I use the safe word you would **freak!**   **Ugh,** if you would pull out it would hurt me even more than a back injury.”

“wow.” You’re really driving him nuts, “soo…how much did that hurt you?”

“A lot! _everywhere!_ It was _fucking_ amazing!” 

You look up and stare at the wall next your head. You think you might have overdid it.

“You seemed like you really liked taking over today, you actually threatened me!” He sounds so cheerful when he says that.

You don’t have anything to say to that.

“I was begging you to stop and you told me that _you didn’t care_ , Ugh, God that was _sooo fucking good!”_

He starts shivering again, making his body shake from how turned on he is getting.

John bites his lip and then continues, “you really hurt me _bad_ today!” He is getting turned on by every part of this.

“I know." you ask out of concern, "does your stomach still hurt?”

“ ** _Fuuuuuck, yeah it does_**.” John's entire body shivers.

The way he breathed out those words is doing something _bad_ to you right now.

“You actually said you would _kill me!_ ** _Ugh-_** Dave! You know what that does to me! –and it sounded like you **meant** it. _Fuuu-haha-uuuuck_.”

“Okay, John, calm down.” You start patting his shoulder. Just seeing how horny the memory of you fucking him is making him is starting to excite _you._

“How am I supposed to calm down after that?! I think you actually fucking broke me this time, Dave. God- you were so fucking **angry!** and controlling! and commanding! and violent! **You completely fucking lost your mind!”** John groans again.

John’s trembling and fingering his blemish. “I was telling you that you hurt me and you reacted by pounding me harder! I kept begging you to stop and you just told me to fucking take it! You demanded me to take it! It was like- like you _actually were_ forcing me to have sex with you!”

You grab onto his hand, stopping him from poking at the blue mark on his neck.

“ah...pleaseplease _pleaaase_ ," John sounds desperate for something as he grabs your hand, "fucking tell me you _were_ forcing yourself on me!”

You suck air through your teeth, wincing. 

 **“YOU WERE!?”** He starts violently smacking your hand, the one that’s covering his bruises.

“…you might have made me lose a bit of control-”

 _“O-oh my god!”_   He’s grabbing your hand, panting out, “ _I am so fucking hard right now.”_

“I know, I can feel - Listen. John-”

“If I used the safe word do you think you would have stopped!?” John is looking at you with excited eyes, like he wants the answer to be no.

“I would have… had to really force myself to stop... You were…" You confess, "okay, you drove me nuts today-”

 ** _“SO THAT’S A NO!?”_** He seems really thrilled.

“Noooo. Let me finish- That’s a _yes,_ but it would have been really, _really,_ insanelyfucking hard.”

John moans out a breathy, shaking, long moan. _“Hooow haaaaard?”_

You mutter, “damn, near impossible. but I **would** do it.”

He shivered out another choppy, broken up moan. _“ah-haa-haa-ahhh.”_ John’s biting down on his lips. His throat is shaking so much under your hand. Maybe you did break him this time.

“Keep touching me,” John pressed down on your hand, making you grope his neck. He moans at the pressure. _“ah- you’re fucking driving me insane.”_

You grab his wrists with your free one. He needs to stop. “John. Babe. Calm down, we can’t-”

“ _Oh God_. What was it that I did that made you lose your mind? _I need to know exactly what it was._  Was it how much I teased your cock? God! You shoved your entire cock down my throat- and -and the fucking way you held me down! You wouldn’t let me break free! You  _really_ fucking forced me down!”

“Babe-"

“What made you go ham on me? I need to know! Was it the way I looked? You were threatening me to look scared! Oh my fucking God, you like when I look scared?”

“Uh-"

He breaks out of your grasp and starts making large hand gestures as he speaks,

“Oh my god, you do! I can stay scared! I can! I promise, it’s just It was so fucking hard not to smile, I had to bite down so hard on my fingers to stop. I tasted blood Dave! It was a good thing you said no noises or I would have fucking **screamed** when I came, the guard outside would have thought you were killing me. God, I think if you didn’t make me cum so hard I would have shouted when you said you were going to kill me! I loved it so much Dave, it was like you needed me so bad **you just lost your _fucking_ mind**!”

“John-"

“God, **you did**! You just went insane today! You never say you’re going to kill me unless I beg you too. You were so desperate to finish inside of me, like _sooooo_ desperate.”

“Okay, true.” You admit that you are desperate.

“I knew, **_I knew,_** that you had it in you! Next fucking time don’t threaten me with anything less than death! _God._ It fucks me up every time! Next time when I say it hurts please, please! ask me if it hurts good again! I want to start crying no and begging you to stop and I **need** you to tell me to shut up and fucking learn to love it! No more of this weak shit! Every opportunity you get to fuck with me, take it! I told you to make me your bitch! I need you to go wild! If you want something just take it! -and Dave! Next time you want me to look scared, don’t _threaten_ to punch me, just do it!”

“I don’t want to just randomly hurt you.” You sigh.

“You punched me when I was trying to fight you off of me, without **_any_**   warning!” John moaned,"- _Ahhaaa!_ -" he actually just moaned like you are fucking him right now. “Dave, you fucking forced me down and punched me! You hardly even choked me too and you **still** fucked me up! Then after I came, I couldn’t breathe, you were fucking me so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath, **_AND YOU DIDN’T CARE!_** I was trying to shout that you hurt me but you fucked me so hard I couldn’t even scream! You just made me take your cock! I **needed** that! It was… That was **better** than you choking me! God you were so _violent_ with me! Without me even asking! You- You! Dave! You – _Uahhhaha-_ you fucked me soooo **_right!”_**

John’s grabbing on to your wrist. Shaking it.

He’s making the same face he makes when you suck him off.

Holy shit. You broke him.

You need to calm him down, “I’m happy that you’re this excited, I am too, but you should try to calm down, babe.”

“Call me ‘babe’ when you fuck me next time! Do it and I promise I’ll force myself to look scared the entire time! If you want I’ll even cry!” John smiles.

“John, I don’t like when you cry, you know I hate when you cry –and I can tell when you are actually afraid. I don’t like when you really look scared.”

“Then why did you threaten me to look scared, hu?”

“Okay… when you **pretend** that you’re scared, you look really… cute.”

A shiver went down his spine. He whispers to you,

“ _oh my fucking god, dave_.” He actually sounds like you **_are_** killing him.

He grabs onto your chest. He's clawing at your skin. He's shivering.

_“I will do anything you want. Fucking **anything** to you next time were alone.”_

“When we get out of this place you mean.” You correct him.

“ ** _WHAT?_** _Noooooo!”_   John’s smacking your chest with his palms. “I **can't** wait that long! That was sooo… so fucking good. I have to pay you back for what you just did to me, God, what you are fucking doing to me right now! _Hmmmm._ You’re torching me. God, Dave, actually getting you to fuck me like that on your own. No instructions! You _hated_ fucking me like that _! I need to do that with you again_ , I _neeeeed_ to figure out what made you lose all control!”

“I’ll just tell you instead, but you have to try and calm down.” You nod.

“Not easy. You just destroyed me and then you woke me up to fuck me up again.” John smiles brightly.

“Try. At least.” You attempt to calm him down.

“Okay. Okay. Anything, anything for you.” John’s biting down on his lips. He’s waving at you with both hands, “Go on.”

You start, “You… you didn’t know how to put on a condom.” 

“Right." John shakes his head and smiles at you. "I don’t.”

“It was like… uh… I don’t know…”

“Stupid?” John asks.

“Uh-" 

John smiles, “sooo… you like when I’m stupid?” 

“Uh- that’s not really the way I would put it…”

“Dave, you’re going to have to explain what you mean. I don’t get it.” He puts his finger up to his chin, like he’s trying to think.

“You we’re like… acting so…” You trail off.

“So _what,_ Dave?”

“Soooo… Inexperienced.” You confess.

 _“oh no, that’s a big word.”_ John gives you his cutsie voice. 

 _“shit.”_ Okay, maybe you like it when he plays a bit dumb. “You know what I mean, babe.”

“You like when I’m cute, and pure?”

You open your mouth to agree but he interrupts you again.

“I’m so sweet when you fuck me, like a naïve innocent little virgin you can ruin?” John shimmy a little as he asks.

_‘God, that’s it isn’t it?’_

“You want to defile me. You want to make me yours?” John smiles at you sweetly, and seductively. 

He just put it into words. 

"You want to bend me over, make me take it, force me to cum?"

He knows you too well.

“I’m an innocent little boy you can break. You like destroying me, hu?”

He giggles again, _God,_ he knows you like it when he laughs like that.

“You always liked when I called you daddy, you always liked when I was nervous, I’m glad you’re starting to like ‘ _taking advantage’_ of me.” He is smiling with his eyes at you. 

“Don’t give me eyes like that, you said you would calm down.”

“Then tell me what it was I did that made you **need** to take off that condom!”

“You just… you came and I was so excited that I finished you off so easily tha-”

“ ** _What?_ I was _easy!?”_ **He smacks you.“ Don’t tell me things like that when you want me to calm down! You said _I’m easy!_ I’m like a totally inexperienced virgin you just _violated!_ Mmm.” He moaned again. He seems like he's the one getting off to this whole _virgin_ thing.

“I _mean_ I got you off my first try, John, it can take hours to finish you sometimes.”

John sounded like he was trying to suppress all of his excitement. His voice was cracking as he spoke,

_“I know and even after all those Sprees you’ve never, **never** , drove me as wild as you did earlier today. Dave, just tell me **exactly** what it was that made you lose your mind.”_

You needed John to calm down, you needed to tell him something to pull him back to earth.

“I’m pretty sure that it was the therapy. I needed to know that you would be okay if I hurt you. I understand that you love it, but babe, if I really **hurt** you, it would crush me. If I ever made you upset, or took advantage of you, I wouldn’t be able to take it.”

There is that warm smile that you love so much again.

“But today, when you were begging me to stop, you called me _daddy._ It just made sense to me. If you were putting on an act like that, and calling me that name, it means that you actually like it and you were calling me that _just for me_. Just like how if I put a knife up to your throat you understand that I’m doing it because you like it and _it’s for you._ –and It’s like, no matter what you were saying, or doing, you find all these different ways to tell me you really want me to love it too."

You take in the glow of his smile before you speak again,

"Babe, you were completely exhausted but you just kept yourself going, just for me. I was going to stop but you told me to keep going… so… I felt like I needed… I needed to drive you as insane as you always make me.” You softly laugh, “I think I did that.”

You take a moment to look at him. He can’t see the smile you are giving him, but he still laughs.

“I jumped you when your dad left because I didn’t know how miserable you were before. When you told me you felt so god awful… I told myself _‘next time we were alone I’m just going to do whatever it takes to get you off.’_ You said you felt like I didn’t want you, and that broke my fucking heart cause it’s so untrue. John, I need you as badly as you need me. Probably even more.”

“ _You need me?”_ John is pulling you closer to him. _“This badly?”_

Oh, there it is. John’s starting to play his little games with you again.

“John,” you put up a finger, even if he can’t see it, “don’t get started again.”

“That’s it Dave.” John says the words so colorfully and smoothly, like painted glass. “That was the last straw. You seduced me all over again.” He starts rubbing his hands down on your- _‘okay no.’_ You grab both his hands.

“John, you know I love it, but you know we can’t do that again right now.”

“You can’t just do this to people, Dave! It’s cruel!”

“I know, I’m evil, hey I got the solution.” You nod.

“Solution?” He starts rubbing his leg up yours. “Other than this?”

“You know your dad-“

“ **UGH-** " John nearly screams as he groans, "Why do you **always** bring him up when I get excited like this?”

He starts laying on his back again.

“Cause I need to kill your boner. Right now.” You tell him.

“You are the worst.” John gives you a look.

“Don’t you forget it.” You point at him.

John huffs.

“John, I don’t want your dad to walk in on us… how you get off looks pretty violent.”

He turns back to you so he can point at you.

“ **If** that were to happen I would explain, **IF**. ONLY IF. And if we’re fast enough he won’t see. come on _chop chop.”_ He rudely clapped his hands at you.

“-John, you know you basically ask me to rape you for fun.”

“How many times do we have to go over how **it’s not rape?** " He’s still taking up a playful tone but he sounds actually offended. "You just had a licensed professional tell you it isn’t that.” 

“Your dad doesn’t know that. What do you think he would think of _me_ if he saw any of what we just did?”

He pouts at you. He doesn’t want to talk about his dad right now. You answer for him.

“It would look like I’m forcing myself on you. Even if you explain it’s just going to sound like you’re making up an excuse for me. What do you think will happen if he walks in on us? - or nat - or any of the policemen outside? picture it."

“Oh no.” he’s mocking you again, _“it’s going to look like you ruined me_.”

He’s touching your chest again, _“I think… it might be the other way around.”_

John’s laughing at you and biting down on his lips.

You grab his hands again. He needs to start listening to you.

“John. Your dad would think I am raping you. That’s just how it would look. I think your dad’s been through enough as it is.”

“Right. Right… Let’s have sex the way you like it then.”

“Babe, you don’t get off when you’re on top.” You sigh. He's really trying everything. 

“You don’t know!? I might!” John shrugs.

“Ha. No.” You say flat out.

“We won’t know unless we try, right now. _Come on, Come on,_ _Let’s go._ ” John sounds a bit too cheerful right now.

“Didn’t you just apologize to me for being _too pushy_?’ You point out.

“Awww come on, it’s been so long since I even got off and I'm not stressed at all anymore! If we had normal sex now maybe I’d cum you don’t know! I’m really worked up right now, more than I have been in a long time. That whole thing you just said, it’s actually driving me _nuts…just like you wanted_. Hey, maybe _I_ could threaten _you._ You might actually like it if it’s from me! I mean you already gave me everything you have, literally.” He shimmies his shoulders, doing a tiny dance like that would convince you, “You might see what all the fuss is about.”

He started poking your chest. God, you could use a smoke right now.

“What’s the matter? Afraid you’ll have fun?” John asks.

“Terrified.” Now _you’re_ mocking _him_. “That was my only condom anyway.”

“Fuck.” John wasn’t expecting that. “Who the hell gave you that in the first place?”

“The sheriff.” 

“What the fuck!?” He’s cracking up in disbelief. “Really?”

“He said it was an engagement gift.” Now you’re laughing too. “Gave it to me when we got all the cash.”

“Jesus.” He’s rubbing a tear out of his eye.

Maybe if you can get him to keep laughing he’ll settle down,

“Some gift right? Smallest amount of lube in the world-”

“Oh my God!”

“What?”

“You always said that I’m your world!”

“So…?”

“Dave! You made a pun!”

“Fuck you.”

You didn’t even mean too, at least he’s cracking up again.

“It’s not funny.”

He can’t stop laughing. At this point you think he’s only laughing so hard because he knows you hate the joke. You could really use a drink. Then again, John’s laughter is better than _any_ drug.

When he’s done with his little laugh fit, he sighs.

“You’re trying to distract me aren’t you?”

“ _What? Nooo.”_

“You think that making me laugh is going to make me stop, hu?”

He starts rubbing your high with his leg again.

“Lava.”

He sucks on his gum, “damn it.” He pulls his leg away.

“Ha.”

“Don’t think this is over. Next time we are alone I’m going to make you lose your mind again.” He laughs, “I bet if I call Dr. Serket and tell her we need lube she’s gonna budge after I tell her you barely even hit me today.” He takes his hands back from your grasp. “How’s that for safe sex?”

“I would rather wait till we get out of this place, baby. I just wanted to cheer you up. I thought we do it once, and then we wait till later.”

“ _God, noooo. That makes me feel so sad Dave. That you’re so thoughtful and I can’t return the favor.”_

“Not going to work.” You take his hand back by intertwining your fingers with his, you can’t let him touch you right now. “You already did.”

“God, I am going to give you _suuu-haha-uuch_ good head.”

“Nope. Not risking it.”

“I’ll be so fast and _sooo_ good, you’ll cum instantly.”

You don’t want to get caught, at all.

“John, I like your dad. I don’t want to give him a fucking heart attack.”

“ _So thoughtful.”_ John uses his finger to draw circles around your chest. “ _yeaaahhh_ … no. I’m going to ask her.”

“I’ll tell her you’re being pushy again.”

“ _You’re going to tattle on me?_   Fine, I’ll ask the sheriff for another condom if she doesn’t give me lube. If he doesn’t, I’ll talk to Natalie.”

“I can still say no to sex, you know?”

“Can you really? When? Ask yourself, _When,_ in your whole life have you _actually_ been able to refuse me?”

John’s looking at you with devilish eyes, “Dave, the only reason we aren’t having sex right now is because I like this conversation. I know that you can’t actually refuse me when my mind’s made up, next time we are alone I am going to suck your cock. That’s that.”

You don’t say anything. Your mouth just drops.

“It’s actually cute you think you _can_ resist me, and that you thought you _really_ were refusing me just now. I’m worked up, yeah, but it’s just for the fun of it. I woke up with this hard on, thought I’d just let myself get excited, just to fuck with you. You know my favorite hobby is teasing you. Don’t think I didn’t notice how hard I made you when I told you my stomach still hurts, _mmhh and it hurts so good, daddy.”_

John drags up your intertwined fingers to his lips, he starts sucking on the tip of your middle finger.

_“Daddy, you taste so good. I want to taste more but…”_

John’s tracing your finger with the tip of his tongue, just like he did with your cock earlier.

_“I don’t even know if I can handle it, your fat cock is too much for my throat.”_

John kisses the back of your palm.

_“I’m scared. I don’t know if I can take all of it. It’s just so big. I don’t think I can swallow all of you… aren’t you going to kill me if you can’t finish inside of me? Isn’t that right, daddy?”_

He bites down on the back of your palm.

_“Daddy, I don’t want you to hurt me… can’t we do something else? Please? Something less scary?”_

He puts your hand down and makes an unamused face.

“If I asked you to suck my dick _right now,_ you know, that you would do it.”

He puts on the act again for you,

“ _I don’t know if we should though. What if someone sees?”_ He gasps _, “what if someone knocks on the door? I wouldn’t be able to stop…! -ah- when you suck on me it –mhhmm- it feels so good, daddy!"_

“You.” You take your hand back to point at him. Your breath is shaking, “You are a fucking demon.”

John gives you a look and then a smile, “don’t you fucking forget it.”

You can’t let your guard down, you know who’s really running the show.

John slips out of the grasp of your other hand. Dropping your hand down, acting like it means nothing to him.

“Ha, I bet your about to burst, too bad you don’t want me right now, right? I could finish you off in a second if you would let me. _Oh no_ , can’t risk doing anything at all though. Anyone could walk in and see how desperate you get when I suck you off. Thrashing around, grabbing my hair, pounding into my throat, like I really do drive you insane. _Mmm,_ you don’t want that at all? Nothing _at all?_   Think you can wait for more? Alright, if you think you actually fucking can.”

You shiver. When did you start sweating?

_“You really don’t want to have any more fun, daddy?”_

You should say something, “ _ah- ah- ah- I- Jo- John. I- ah-“_ you can’t speak.

John giggles again, “ _You’re so funny. but… awww,_ you want to wait, fine. I can respect when you say no. Actually… you refusing to have sex with me is _sooo_ fucking good. You don’t know what it’s doing to me. It’s like you want me so bad but you _have to_ keep refusing me, even though it would feel so good, because all of a sudden it’s _soooo_ _wroooong_.”

John hums as he sighs out of his nose. “ _Mmmm._ "

“It’s okay. Keep saying ‘no,’ just remember when _I_ say _‘no’_ I mean ‘fuck me’ and when I cry ‘ _please, stop’_ I mean, ‘ _mm_ , you’re so good’ and if you get me to scream, ‘ _It’s too much!’_ it means ‘harder, I’m close.’”

You try to speak again, “ah- Jo-John- yo-your- this- this- is too much”

John doesn't care, he keeps going, “you’re so fucked up by me right now, I’m sure if I keep going you are going to ruin our sheets. Then what will we do? _I would be so embarrassed daddy, everyone would think it was me!”_ He gasps again. “ _Oh no! You can’t! Daddy, I can’t let you finish, oh- please don’t cum. You said you would kill me if you don’t finish inside of me! Oh no- daddy! You told me we can’t... You said no..! -But you’re going to cum anyway!”_

“I- I need- I need- you- to- to- stop..." You're burning up and hot, like a radiator. 

“I know you do. I’m so fucking irresistible to you right now. I know you want nothing more than to slam your cock down my throat and make me take your whole fucking load, and _even though I’m scared and it’s too big for me, I want it, daddy! It’s so hard to fit it all in my mouth but it tastes so good –ah- please, I need it._ But you said no, you said stop. So fine, I will. What a real shame though-” he giggled again,

“ _I like being your cute little princess.”_

_“La-Lava.”_

You are completely on edge. Your breathing is heavy. You are about a hot second away from cumming. You are sure if you didn’t say the safe word you would be completely fucked. If you would make a mess in the sheets, John would just giggle at you again and tell you that you’re too fucking easy.

John can destroy you with words alone. Don’t ever forget who really runs this fucking show.

He scoots away as he stretches himself out by arching his back and pulling back his elbows. As he stretches you hear a few, loud pops.

“I’ve had my fun.”

He cuddles up to you, resting his head on your chest, making sure not to brush up against your erection.

You actually feel intimidated by how much control John has over you. You feel leagues more worked up than John was making himself before, and he did that to himself just to mess with you. You’re shivering at his touch. You want to hug him but you’re afraid if you touch him you won’t be able to resist touching more. He knows you so well he can read exactly what drives you crazy. You are still so close, you have to be careful not to move too much. You are going to need a few minutes to calm down. Everything that he just said just drove you completely wild. You aren’t going to be able to resist him next time you are alone, you are sure of it. You can’t even talk. You should just get a marker and write LAVA across your chest so you can point to it when he fucks with you like this again, and he _will_ fuck with you like this again.

“You know, Dave... I actually got turned on just now, by all of that. Everything you said really fucked with me. I guess we both have our breaking points. You _almost_ hit mine, almost. Good thing you didn’t, I know every way to hit yours. I think I might have touched the surface of a few of them just now, didn’t I?”

“Ye-yeah. You- you did.”

“So you really are serious about not sleeping with me… hmm... I’m going to consider that.”

“You’re going to consider it.” Your words are shaky, he really fucked you up. “wow I- I must have really said the right thing.”

“It was that you said you probably need me more than I need you... If you would have dropped the _probably_ and just said you really do need me more, I would have completely lost it. You better think before you speak from now on, man.”

 _“Thanks for the heads up.”_   Your breathing is still heavy.

 _“Fuck_ , I think the sex we just had is literally the best moment of my life too..." 

_"sa-same here."_

_"Shit_ , you really did a number on me. Sorry that I really enjoy making you feel the same way I feel about you, but isn’t that what you just admitted to doing yourself?”

“ _Yeah,_ but when you really want something, you don’t pull any punches.”

“Promise you won’t either?”

You don’t say anything. Even if John working himself up wasn’t _completely_ just to fuck with you, he still is messing with you. He is trying to get you to have sex with him while the two of you are staying here, you’re not stupid enough to promise him anything right now.

“Well. Dave, I know what you want. You want me to stop teasing you. On a good day you wouldn’t get me to stop pushing you, but you really… really got me earlier with what you said. I was planning on wearing you down today, like I  _almost_ did, just so I could get you off. I didn’t think I would be able to myself… But you actually fucked me the way I liked just because I told you I felt miserable… I know that you risked us getting caught the way I like getting fucked… and I know it looks like you’re raping me… I know you really want everyone to see you in a good light. If we get caught it would make you look horrible, if the cops or...you know... " He sighed. "If my dad saw you holding me down like that with a knife over me… we would have to get Dr. Serket to explain for us it was really… my fault… You… you 'forced yourself on me' because I felt horrible and you said you’re starting to like it… the fact you enjoyed it and I knew you did during it… makes me think…”

John takes a moment before speaking again.

“Dave I’m going to be upfront with you about this, I need to figure out how to have sex the way you like it. It’s not fair to you if I don’t at least try. I used to like the way it felt. I don’t know what changed. I’m sorry that we aren’t… perfect for each other in every way you need me to be…”

“John… is this another attempt at getting me to agree to more sex while we’re here?” You honestly ask.

“No, it isn’t.” John puts both of his hands on your chest. “I’m just telling you the truth. I already told you I had my fun. I stopped teasing you a while ago.”

“Oh.” You say.

You really thought it was. You know how well he can read you. You are well aware that he knows that when he talks like this to you, honest and romantic, you would drop everything and give him anything he wanted. Anything.

If John seems miserable, if he would tell you he’s sad, you would grab your knife right now and fuck him till he’s happy again. He knows that. He won’t take advantage of you like that. He just likes games. If you really wanted him to stop, if you really, really wanted him to. He would know instantly and drop it. He can read you so well.

He knows you love romance, poems and songs.

John’s version of romance is different from yours. John’s version is desire and pain.

But you both love these conversations, these games you both play. Once again, for different reasons.

When John finds out tiny things to drive you wild it’s like he’s reading every little thing you respond to and pushing you to know how to please you. You wanted to be able to read him the same way. Watch for tiny things to drive him nuts like he just did to you. You never could. It drove you insane. It ate at you every day. Now you think you know what it’s going to take. You don’t need to find out what John likes. It’s not about that at all. It’s about _making_ him like what you are doing. Forcing him to feel good and telling him to like it, because **you** like it. Fucking him, because **you** need to fuck him. You need to show him just how wild he makes you.

You think you get it, you have to want him desperately and let him know. You have to **want** to break him, not just cum. He wants to feel used up… because it’s his way of giving himself to you completely… and you never wanted him to. You never wanted to take over him because you didn’t want him to be a sex slave.

You were afraid that stripping all control from him would make you anything like the people who raped you.

But it’s in no way the same.

You knew that was true, you just never _felt_ likethat was true. You aren’t afraid anymore because you **know** who really has control here.

John wants to give you complete control when you have sex so you will lose all of yours. He’s surrendering his body to you because he wants you to surrender your mind to him. He needs you to lose yourself in fucking him. He needs to feel like you are completely lost in thoughts of him. You need to show him that...  ** _that is true_**.

You don’t **need** to threaten him, you don’t **need** to hurt him, you know he loves those things but he doesn’t need it he just needs you to make it clear to him in the moment that he _drives **you** insane..._

There’s one thing you think John hasn’t figured out about you yet, you aren’t going to tell him. He loves picking at you, like you are the ultimate riddle to him. The thing that really gets you, that really stabs into you harder than anything else, is when John tells you he wants to treat you right too. When he wants to give you everything like you gave him. 

You figured out, just now. In this very moment. You both want the same thing.

John wants to give you everything he has, that means surrendering his body to you. John wants you to lose your mind in thoughts of him. 

You just want to get him off, you need to pleasure him, it’s the only thing you can think about some days, you completely surrendered your mind to his body.

It’s the same thing. It’s the exact same thing.

You need to fuck him right, fuck him how he wants it...

and John just wants you to fuck him like how you want it...

John probably can get off topping you, he just needs to realize that it’s part of surrendering his body to you. If he could get the bigger picture in his head, if he could understand that you honestly do desperately need him in every way, he could top you and love every second of it. You have faith in him, he’ll figure it out. You’re not going to tell him how, he deserves to feel the same joy you felt when you got him to finish today. He’s going to be so elated when he finishes _when_ topping you because he’s going to feel like he’s finally showed you how much he really, _really_  loves you.

“Sometimes I feel so restless but right now, even with how excited I am, I feel… peaceful.”

“I’m glad, babe.” You stroke his arms. “I feel the same.”

He shakes his head and rubs against your chest, speaking again,

“I want to feel like this every day.”

“When this is all over we’ll get married and start our real lives.” You hold him close.

“Our real lives…” He can’t see you right now but he still moves back to look up at you, squinting to try to make out your face. “I don’t want to live in the city, is that okay, Dave?”

“More than okay. We’ll live wherever you want, babe.” 

You grab onto his hands again, just to hold them, and ask,

“what is it that you want, exactly?”

“Well… since you asked: I want to live in a big house with you, something that looks like it’s from a magazine, with a huge yard. Naturally, if we have a big yard then we’re going to need a big dog.”

“Naturally.”

“I want a fridge filled with **_food_** and not blades.”

“Of course, babe.” You nod.

“I want real furniture. No cinder blocks, no planks of wood, and I **don’t** want wires anywhere!”

“I’ll figure something out.” You tell him.

“I want a nice car. Nothing fancy at all, just nice.”

“Alright.” You agree.

“I want to have a huge bed that we lay in all day, every day... when I have off work.”

“Anything for you.” You confirm for him. 

He pauses. Trying to think of more.

“Hey, Dave, you name something you want.”

“I like everything you said.”

“No, Dave, come on.”

“I don’t care where or how we live, as long as it’s what you want. A life with you is more than I could ever hope for.”

He makes a sour face at your words. They’re sappy. He always pretends he hates sappy.

“I know you must want something else, other then just me.”

“Okay, fine. How about… a living room with a flat-screen, a leather couch and LED lights. I want to have at least one room in the house be dark.”

“YES! Do another!”

“Uh… How about we have a Christmas tree every year?” You ask.

“That one is a given, do another!" John encourages you. 

“Why don’t we own like a fuck ton of pillows? -and I want to get really nice sheets. Not just thin, white ones like this” You pinch the sheet that’s covering you, “but like these soft fucking silky smooth sheets. Angel soft. These legendary Quilted Northern soft sheets. So fucking soft, like Charmin soft. Bears will have no choice but to break-and-enter our house to rub their asses on our sheets like it’s that fucking toilet paper they are always going on about. Every time I turn on hulu those bears go nuts for shitting and rubbing their asses on soft shit. I get it, it’s like ‘Does a bear shit in the woods?’ well they do and they fucking live for it. Our sheets would blow their Goddamn minds cause all they ever think about is rubbing their anu-“ John’s eyebrows raise up, you’re rambling again.

“…we should get a bunch of bookshelves for you and cabinets full of records for me?” You say.

John clasp his hands together, “that sounds perfect! -and how about a big bathtub that can fit both of us in it! We lay in it and you listen to your music and I read my books.”

“If we’re going to have a big yard... then why don’t we get a big hammock?”

“I want that! I want to move somewhere we can see the stars.”

“I’ll work to make sure that happens.” You nod.

“Uh no- Dave, I am going to be the one who makes the money.”

“Ha. Then what will I do?” You ask.

“You’re going to be like..." he traces circles into your chest, _"my little trophy husband.”_

“Trophy husband?!” You laugh.

“Sounds about right.” He proudly nods.

“So you want me to like… cook and clean for you?”

“Yeah!” John bites down on his lip to stop himself from laughing. “First, you have to learn how to actually do those things.”

“You little punk!” You make claws over his belly.

You crawl over him and start tickling him. He starts laughing hysterically.

“Dave! HAHAHA! Stop!”

“I’m not going to get yelled at for stopping again when you beg me to stop. I need to hear the safe word.”

“LAVA! LAVA!”

You stop messing with him and lay back down. You wrap him around your arms instead. Pulling him in close.

You smile, just like you are silently laughing, and kiss him on the lips.

He’s still laughing, you let him out of your arms. He rolls to lay on his back.

“Can you believe we are going to have a real life together!?” He lifts his arms up in the air, “A real marriage, a real house, a backyard, a dog, our own bed where no one can bug us!”

With each thing, he waves his hands around and points at the ceiling, like he is star gazing

He is so cheerful, like his eyes are actually filled with stars. His smile is of pure joy. He was right, you can’t say no to him. Anything he wants he’s going to get.

“Hey, babe.”

“Yes?” John turns to you.

You say, as you look into his eyes, “if you start feeling stressed again… let me know… I’ll take care of you.” 

“What happened to no sex while we are here?”

“It’s only if you feel miserable, if you get depressed, I will do anything to make you happy.”

“Really?” John raises his brows.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” 

“You’re offering to get me off again, no lube, nothing. How would you even do it?”

“I threaten your life at knife point, work you up again, tell you I’ll kill you if you scream and suck you off? Think that would work?”

He takes a moment to respond, “You know part of the fun is me not knowing what you are going to do.”

“I’ll punch you at random.”

His eyebrows raise up, he likes what you just said. “Think you can use your sword instead of the knife?”

You sigh, the same kind of burdensome sigh like a friend just asked you to help them move a couch.

“Fine.”

John pulls you into a big fat kiss, “ **MOAWAH!** ”

He’s hugging you, slamming his face into your chest and screaming, muffled cries into you.

John pulls out to yell, **“I LOVE YOU!”**

“I know. I’m the best.” You smile.

“ **YES! You are!”**

John pulls away from your grasp. You remind him, “It’s only if you are stressed.”

He sits up like he’s going to get off the bed.

“Alright! Now, Let’s get dressed before my dad comes ba-”

John stops dead in his tracks, he pauses. Staring across the room for a moment.

He slowly lays back down, back into the position he was before.

John is laying towards you but his eyes look completely blank, like he isn’t even trying to make out your shape with his piss poor eyesight. Just staring straight ahead with dead eyes.

“Never mind. Let’s stay in bed forever.”

You decide to look at what surprised John, he can barely see with his glasses off, so what’s the big-

‘ _oh shit no.’_

John’s dad is sitting in the computer chair with a newspaper in his hands.

Mr. Egbert is looking right back at you, his eyebrows raised, his mouth open.

You lay down on your back.

You slowly turn to face John again.

He still has a blank face on, somehow you can still read it as shock.

“Yeah babe, let’s stay in bed for a while.” You tell John.

“Lets.”


	53. Family

Things were a bit awkward with your dad after he not only caught you naked in bed with your fiancé, but he listened to your whole conversation about what it takes to get you off, and you were teasing that you wanted to get Dave off too. You even said next time your dad leaves you two alone you are going to suck Dave’s dick.

Dave left the room to talk with Ms. Teresa again. It’s just you and your dad now. You desperately try to focus on your book. None of the words are sticking in your mind. You can’t stop thinking about how your dad heard you call Dave _‘daddy’_ and that he watched Dave feel you up. Even worse, he watched you feel up Dave! He heard you tell Dave he can’t resist you even if he wants to, ah God. He must be so concerned for you. He must think you are a broken sex pervert.

You wish that you wouldn’t have fallen asleep with your clothes off. When your dad walks in he always wakes you up and jokes about how ‘you two are always napping.’ He must not have said anything because it was too much for him. Dave was right, if he would have caught you two things would have been much, much worse. You’re dreading the thought of having to explain your sex life to your dad. You were hoping he would never find out about the sex you actually chose to have. Now he kind of knows everything. Why didn’t he say anything!? Why did you let yourself get so worked up when you **knew** that you weren’t going to have sex? You just wanted to mess with Dave but you didn’t know it would bite you in the ass. If the two of you decided to sleep on the other bed in the room when you first got here you are sure that Dave would have seen him, shit. It’s like everything aligned for this nightmare to happen.

At least with what you both said Dave seemed reasonable about everything, like he isn’t a total lunatic in bed like you are. Maybe your dad will understand. Maybe he’ll get that you’re an adult now. You make your own choices in life. He accepted that you liked Dave, he warmed up to Dave, even with his past history. He knows now for sure that Dave isn’t a bad influence on you. Now he knows that it is… the other way around. No, hey, he might be cool and just let this whole thing slide. It’s bad enough that Dr. Serket is always on your case to get you to find a safer way to have sex.

“Son.”

 _‘Shit!’_ You really don’t think you are ready for this. Is he going to give you a lecture? What if he wants to tell you this is too much for him to handle? What if he is disgusted by all the things you said?  

“I heard the conversation that you and Dave had yesterday.”

“…I know.”

_‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’_

He is silent again. You want to speak up and apologize that he heard anything at all, but it’s already too late.

“I think the life you two envision is nice.”

“…..you really think so?”

“Yes son, I’m glad that… you are looking forward to your future.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“I’m glad that Dave… treats you right.”

“Oh…. Yeah, he does.”

“He really cares about you. I think… I can trust him with you.”

“You really mean that?”

“Yes John, I’m glad you’re in love with someone who’s willing to give you the life you want.”

You get up from your bed and walk over to hug him.

“Thank you dad, that means the world to me.”

“I know.”

When you pull away from your hug he continues,

“He’s actually pretty considerate when it comes to me as well. John you could learn a thing or two from him.”

“He is, you’re right.” You would hate to admit it but Dave was right.

“And I would prefer that you do not have intercourse in this room while I’m still living here.”

_“DAD!”_

“I’m just telling you like it is, son.” Your dad is trying to suppress a laugh, “and you really do need that shower.”

There’s a single knock on the door. That’s Dave’s knock, “I’m back.”

Your dad wastes no time, “There’s the man of the hour.”

“Ha… sounds like I missed an… awkward conversation.”

“Quite the contrary, Dave.”

Your dad stands up and walks over to him, placing his hand on his back.

“You make my son happy and actually treat him well. I know the little conversation you two had was meant to be private but after thinking about it, I’m glad I heard it. Now I know that you treat John well. Also John, you didn’t do a good job covering up your bruises. I would have noticed.”

“Dad.” You start rubbing your temples. “ _Please don’t talk about my bruises.”_

“I’m just saying son, I know I would have thought Dave was responsible and I would have had a much more - awkward - talk with you now. Probably would have shouted at him.”

“Dad, we had the best conversation that we could have possibly had about this before we hugged and then you just… _kept going.”_ You’re rubbing your eyes now.

“And Dave, I expect that you work as well. You said that you would before.”

“I will.”

“I also trust that you will encourage John do something a little less dangerous in bed-“

“ ** _DAD!”_**   That is it, you are losing your nerve now.

“Well son, if your therapist is trying to get you to do something safer I encourage the two of you to do that as well after we lea-”

“No. No. Nope. Not having this conversation.” You start walking away.

“Well then, I will speak with her myself about this.”

“Why is everyone on my case _‘about this?’”_ You mutter under your breath.

“Hey John,” Dave is trying to get your attention. “Can I ask you something over here?”

He nods his head towards the bed. You sit down in the corner of the wall on the pillows.

Dave whispers to you his question, “I’m confused, isn’t sex like a taboo thing for families to talk about?”

“For the most part. He’s just concerned. Also he’s making fun of me.”

“So like… Is that normal? For parents to talk openly about sex if they are worried?”

“Actually… kinda… Most kids get like a sex talk.”

“Oh, I know about that. Sorry man, only shit I know about families is from like... movies.”

“Well… he’s just doing the normal dad thing. He’s probably worried my dick is going to put me in the hospital.”

“Nice. What else did you guys talk about when I was out?”

“He said that he trusts you now.”

“Really? I’m happy about that.”

“Yeah, he said that he’s glad you treat me right. I guess because he overheard how we talk when we’re alone he gets what our relationship really is.”

“Cool.”

“He also said that he’s thankful that you thought about how he would feel about… walking in on us.”

“Well, man, half of me saying that was about saving him from having to see. The other half was that he might have walked in and just started beating my ass with his belt for making you strip at knife point.”

“Oh, I would have.” Your dad was still listening in.

_“DAD!”_

“I would have beat him senseless with my buckle.”

**_“DAD!”_ **

“I have a handgun too.”

**_“Stop threatening my fiancé!”_ **

“He just cares about you, babe.” Dave starts stroking your hair. “That’s something I really appreciate. If he wouldn’t jump me for that, I would be concerned.”

“I don’t want you to get threatened for something that I wanted you to do!” You look at Dave.

“I’m not going to hurt Dave, son.” Your dad reassures you. You turned to look at him.

 **“You better not.”** You firmly told him. You will always protect Dave, from **anyone.**

“He isn’t, John. He’s just telling you he would have wanted to protect you, right?”

“See son, I told you,” Your dad pointed at Dave. “you could learn a thing or two from him.”

Your dad points at your betrothed, Dave seems pleased.

You squint at him, “Don’t let it get to your head.” You are still angry.

“Don’t let what get to my head? The fact that your dad likes me, or that I was right?”

You shoot him a look. He needs to watch it right now, your dad’s outbursts are putting you on edge. He needs to stop pushing his luck anyway. Any moment now your dad is going to say something that’s going to embarrass Dave too.

“Dave, I told John earlier. I would prefer if you don’t sleep with John while we are here.”

Right on cue.

“Well that’s more up to John then me.”

_‘GOD DAMN IT DAVE!’_

You smack your face with both your hands. Your glasses breaking the impact.

“You know, you _can_ say no to him.”

“It’s really hard to say no to him, he’s really convincing. I mean it took all of my strength not to just _cave_ during our conversation and I did earlier anyway. He’s going to do it again." He points at you. "You heard him.”

“Dave!” You hit his arm.

“ow.” Dave rubs his arm, “spouse abuse.”

“Son, don’t hit your fiancé.” Your dad flips the page in his newspaper, “I taught you better.”

Forget it. You give up. You slide down so you are laying on the bed.

“Mr. Egbert,” You are staring up at Dave, whatever it is he has to say you’re sure it’s going to be embarrassing. You don’t care. Bring the heat. “Since you heard everything, I don’t mind if you ask me any questions you have on your mind. I mean,” He’s scratching his neck. “I get that our relationship is unusual so… you probably have a lot on your mind.”

“That’s a wonderful offer, son.” You can hear him close his newspaper shut. “All I wanted to know was if you actually treated my son well. I’m glad you understand that you had to earn my trust, with what he’s been through and all, it was hard for me to place my faith in you. I think I understand it now. You are a fine young man.”

“Thank you, Mr. Egbert.”

“My son on the other hand…”

**“DAD!”**

“I’m concerned, Dave. You need to shape him up.”

“Out of my control, John does what he wants.”

**“UGH!”**

“I’m not so sure, Dave. I think if you put the effort into it, John won’t be able to walk all over you.”

“Sir, you didn’t see any of the _real_ moves John actually pulls-" You smack his arm again.

**“DAVE!”**

Dave brings his attention over to you,

“I’m just saying I can’t stop you. When you _honestly_ ask me for something, you always get it.”

**“UGHHHH! WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS!”**

“With all due respect, son...” Your dad’s talking to you again, “after everything I just heard, you seemed excited at the idea of Dave forcing himself on you. I don’t want you to allow yourself to get-“

“I’m not doing this,” You start rubbing your temples again. “I am not explaining why I like it.”

“He likes it because he wants me to lose myself in thoughts of him, it’s like I’m the one submitting to him, not the other way around.”

You let out an agonized “ **UUGGGGHHH!** ” You cover your entire face with your palms.

“John, he heard our conversation any way.” He directed the next words to your dad, “John trusts that I won’t actually hurt him and if he would have really asked me to stop I would force myself too.”

“…..yeah… he’s right…” You uncover your face to peak up at him.

“I… think I understand, son.” When he says ‘son’ he was looking at Dave. “If you really **do** hurt John, or take advantage of him, I won’t hesitate to beat your mouth into a bloody pulp.”

“DAD! Don’t threaten DAVE!” You lost it, you stood up on the bed and began to shout. “HE WON’T! EVER! **DON’T THREATEN HIM!** I’M SICK OF HEARING THREATS AGAINST HIM!”

Dave stands up to hold onto your shoulders and guides you back down onto the bed.

“Babe, hey hey hey, it’s okay. He knows now for sure that I won’t. He’s protecting you.”

“NO!” You shove his hands off of you. You are making your point clear. “NO! I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE HURT YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN, I AM SICK OFF SEEING YOU BLEED!” You start to cry “I don’t want to hear any more threats against you, I don’t want to hear anymore… it reminds me too much of _him._ ”

He wraps his arms around you. You start sobbing.

“I’m sorry, son. I’m sorry. I won’t threaten him again, ever again. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay, John." Your husband is trying to calm you down. "He was only protecting you-“

“YOU KNOW THE THINGS I’VE DONE TO PROTECT YOU!?”

You wait for him to respond. You can tell his throat is dry by the way he licked his lips before he spoke.

“I know.” He doesn’t.

You nearly growl the words at him,  **“I would rather die then you get hurt like that again. No one is allowed to hurt you. Ever. Again.”**

Dave didn't say anything for a moment, your words must have serged through him. When he opens his mouth to speak again he stumbles on his first few words, “-an-and your-ur dad will never hurt me, it’s normal, right, for parents to be protective? Right?”

Dave was trying to get your dad to help him calm you down.

“Son, I understand you don’t want me to threaten Dave but I couldn’t protect you once, I lost you. I don’t ever want you to get hurt again while I can protect you.”

He lost you. You know that. Just like how you lost him. Your dad must have been hurting for so long. One moment you were with him and the next you were naked on a futon. He must have thought you were killed. He must have thought he lost you completely. None of this was his fault, he has no blame in this but you bet he still blames himself for not saving you from your kidnapper. You understand that he wants to protect you, you get it. But Dave is the person you would give your life to protect. You will protect him from anything, anyone, if your dad would have walked in and started hurting Dave you would have shielded him with your own body. You aren’t ever letting Dave get hurt like he did in that apartment ever again.

“I love Dave, don’t threaten Dave… Don’t, it hurts me so much to hear that.”

“I won’t son. I know Dave will protect you, I heard somethings about… In court you said that he would... do so much in exchange for your protection. I trust Dave to protect you from now on. However, John… this whole thing has been hard on me too, please understand that, son.”

“I know. I know how horrible you must have felt.”

You start to tear up again.

“Hey,” Dave started patting your back as he held you to get your attention, “Now, you have me and your dad to protect you, we both love you. We’re both looking out for you. We both want what is best for you. We have that in common. So it’s okay. No more threats. No more needless violence. No more _him_.”

You Hugged Dave and then let him go.

“Dad… Could you come over here?”

You wanted your father to hug you too, and he did. He wrapped his arms around you, he didn’t stop there, he pulled in Dave for a hug too.

“I love you, son.”

“I love you, dad.”

You could tell that Dave must not know what to do, what to say, this must be awkward for him.

You speak to make it easier for him, “I love you both.”

“Me too.” Dave said.

You maneuvered your head around so you could look at Dave,

“I love you both too.” Dave confirmed for you.

Your dad pulled you both into a tighter hug.

“Thank you for looking after my son. I… I trust you with him.”

“Thank you for that.”


	54. just like a marriage

You’ve been listening to music for hours after breakfast –which was just a piece of white bread and jam - right now you’re staring up at the ceiling again, with your shades still on your face. You know John wants you to picture your future and think about what you want out of life, but you have no real idea where to start, all you can think about is how the two of you are getting married. The day you proposed to him you did it on a whim, you were so sure you were going to cut him loose but you couldn’t let him go, you couldn’t because it’s what he really wanted. John always gets you to do what he wants because he is well aware you want it too. He finds all the right ways to tell you what he wants from you and you give in every time. He hit you so hard with that hot tub story, he told you that the first time he saw your scarlet eyes that he wanted to hold you, he wanted to kiss you. He seemed so nervous to admit that he was too scared to make a move because he didn’t know that he could ‘ _like a guy that way_ ,’ you are starting to get frustrated with yourself. _‘Shit.’_ The memory of how nervous he was when he confessed that to you when you were incarcerated is starting to keep you up at night.

You heard some mumbling through your headphones so you slide them off, John’s dad is talking to the two of you again. You sit up next to John and sat cross-legged.

“Kids, I’m going out to go shopping, do you want anything?” John’s dad was heading out again.

“I’m good. Thank you, Mr. Egbert.” You told him. “Just get whatever.”

“Dad, we aren’t kids.” John sounded annoyed.

“I know, son.” Mr. Egbert nodded.

“Can you get cookie dough pop-tarts?” John asks.

John's dad laughs under his breath and shakes his head, “Sure, son.”

Mr. Egbert spared another moment looking at his son, before he shut the door.

Once the door was closed, John turned to look at you.

“Alone again.” John smiled at you and raised his eyebrows.

You sigh, “Heeey, you said you could consider not sucking my dick while we’re here.”

“Yeah, I thought about it.” John rolled his eyes, “Now I’m thinking that we just play our little game and see who caves first.”

“Again?” You ask him.

“You say again like we were even playing.”

At that, a shiver went down your spine, John knows that he can best you if he really tries. Last time he was just poking at you for fun, this time, you are sure he is going to break you. You have to hold strong. You still have John’s dad in your arsenal of topics and the safe word as your fail-safe.

John slips off your shades so he can look you in the eye, making you even easier to read.

John already has the upper hand here, John’s dad just went out. The last time he toyed around with you he didn’t want to win because he thought his dad was going to get back soon.

John cracks both of his knuckles. He interlocks his fingers and fully stretches out his arms. He’s only doing that just to make you nervous, and its working.

“Dave, you know you really got me going the other day.” He sounds sly, he isn’t pulling out any moves yet, just getting warmed up.

“Yeah - and you had your fun, I think we don’t need a repeat of-"

“Oh we aren’t having a repeat of that, I’m going to do exactly what you like.” He puts his hands up to your chest, like he always does when he gets like this, “This is all just for you.”

He is starting to charm you, he knows that you love when he talks like this. He really is trying to win.

“I’m really happy that you want to make me happy… but babe… I just need you near me.”

 _“So sweet.”_   He starts drumming his fingers on your chest, “You’re so good to me Dave, let me be good to you too.”

He isn’t breaking out any big moves yet. If you don’t give him a lot to work with maybe you can stall him, or even distract him.

“You are always good to me, John.” You grab onto his hands and hold them, “Right now I just want to talk.”

“We _are_ talking.” He is so artful when he plays these games. 

“You know what I mean John, I don’t need you to do anything to me, I just need you near me.”

“You’ve already used that line on me,” He bit his lip, “-and it’s only made me more sure about this.”

“John,” You rubbed the back of his palms with your hands, ”I don’t want you to _please_ me without me being able to please you too.”

“ _mmmm_.” He hummed, he slowly started to pout. You didn’t do a very good job at putting up a fight, now you better start making your moves carefully. John’s breaking out the real shit.

“John,” You smile softly at him, “maybe you should read to me instead, you know I like your reading voice.”

He smiled at you, pulling his lips to one side. He liked your suggestion. “We can do that later.”

“When your throat is sore?” You ask him.

“We can do that tomorrow.” He takes his hands back. He puts one of his hands up to his neck as he tilts his head. He is going to finger his blemishes again.

“John,” You put your hand on his to stop him, “don’t get yourself excited just to get me started.”

“Oh,” John smiled at you. “So… you want me to get you excited without me getting horny first…? Sounds like an interesting challenge. I’ll accept that.”

He took it as a suggestion? You might need to nip this in the bud now.

“What if when your dad comes back he wants to talk with you and your voice is hoarse?”

“We are going to nap again.” John yawned at you, prompting you to yawn back. “See look, you’re already _so tired._ I am going to treat you right and then we go right to bed.”

“What if your dad wants us to study?” You ask him.

“We take another practice test.” John replies.

“What if we get asked to watch more tapes later?”

“Then we watch more tapes later.”

“What if Natalie comes back?”

“Then she comes back.” John smiles, “Just say we’re _busy,_ she won’t come in.”

He’s got all of his bases covered, he knew you were going to say all of that. The only real way you can stop him is if you straight up tell him, a firm and undeniable no… and yet…

John bites down on his lip, he tilts his head down. He changes his eyes from looking ‘ready’ too looking nervous.

“Maybe… maybe you’re right Dave… I think… I’m starting to have second thoughts…”

He’s really trying it now.

_“I haven’t sucked your thick cock in so long… what if I’m not good enough for you anymore?”_

He wants you to say that you know that he’s good. He is prompting you to say anything he can use. You are just going to stay silent on that.

_“What if I can’t take it all?”_

He is biting down on one of his fingers. He looks down at his hand. His eyes light up and he tilts his head like he just had an idea. It’s an act, he must have thought about this all day, there’s no way this isn’t something that he planned. He grabs one of your wrists with both of his hands. Making sure to only use his soft finger tips to delicately bring your limp hand up to his lips. He grabs onto two of your limp fingers and brings them up to his mouth. You could pull away from him, he knows you can… He touches the tip of your finger with the very tip of his tongue. He slowly starts moving the tip of his tongue back and forth against your two fingers. He starts licking underneath them. Swirling his tongue around the tips. He breathes against your skin, _“Thank you for letting me practice, daddy.”_

You sigh out of your nostrils. He giggles. You ~~love~~ hate when he works you over like this.

 _“I promise I’ll be good.”_ He starts wrapping his lips around your fingers and circles his tongue around your fingertips.

He slowly pushes his head down and takes in all of your two fingers, he pretends to gag. He took his time sliding his head back and then shook his head slightly as he slid back down. He teased you with his tongue as he started picking up the pace. He’s sucking you dry for now, he's much better than this. This is all just an act. He really is just toying with you right now.

He pulled away from your hands and smiled up at you.

_“Am I good, daddy?”_

“You know that you are.”

He started bouncing up and down on his legs, looking proud. _“Then can I taste your-“_

“John, if you want to suck something, you can keep sucking my fingers.”

He frowned at you and pretended to whine. “ _But daddy!”_

If he really wants it he’s going to have to try much fucking harder than that. You’re not going to give it up easy. He’s going to have to hit your sweet spot.

 _“My mouth is really tight, right, and warm?”_ He grabbed both your hands, _“Daddy, I know your cock is really, really big but I want to taste it!”_

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Oh, you’re good hu?” He sounded pretty sly, he hummed at you again, “hmmm… you don’t want to play around with your little princess today? You sure?”

You look away from him and down to the ground, _‘shit.’_ You shouldn’t have, now he knows you do.

“Oh, is the floor more interesting than your fiancé?” He mischievously laughs to himself. “-or are you just nervous?”

He places his hands on your thighs, your legs were still crossed. “I promise that I’ll be nice and gentle.”

He started drumming his fingertips against your thighs, _“Unless you want me to be sloppy.”_

You look up. He slides his fingers closer to your crotch. You can hear him sucking on his mouth, he is starting to make his mouth wet. He’s pretty confident that he’s going to break you soon. You aren’t even half-hard.

_“Daddy, are you going to make me beg to suck your cock?”_

You stayed silent.

_“Daddy please let me taste it. Please…”_

He starts slapping his hands against your thighs.

“You want to suck my cock that badly?” You ask him.

_“Yes daddy! I want you so bad, I want you to fuck my mouth! I want you to force your load down my throat. I want you to make me take it all. Please, please let me suck your cock!”_

“I don’t want to fuck your mouth right now.”

 _“But Daddy!”_ He started pulling at your gray sweatpants.

You'll point him in the right direction, he'll honestly get frustrated with you if you don't work with him on this.

“I miss my innocent little princess, I wish he wasn’t such a cock hungry slut now.”

 _“I’m still… I’m innocent… you know that... I just want to suck your cock, but I don’t know how, so I want to try.”_ He’s changing his tactics. He’s pretending to be shy. _“I’m… I’m just... so nervous about this”_

“No. Don’t play around, you were cock hungry just a few seconds ago.” You point your finger at him.

_“I… Daddy… I just want to do… what I thought you would like…”_

“You think I want to force you to take my whole cock? You want me to make you swallow my load? John, you know that’s what _you_ want.”

_“I don’t… daddy… I just want to make you happy…”_

“I already told you I don’t want you to be naughty today.” Now you’re playing his game. You look down at his pants, “-and I told you I don’t want you to get excited.”

_“But daddy… when I think about your cock it makes me excited… I can’t control myself…”_

“I know you can’t,” You push him away, “That’s why I have to be firm with you.”

“Wait- hold on this isn’t fair!” John is whining,

 _‘Let’s see him crawl his way out of this one.’_ If he can’t hit your sweet spot he isn’t getting any.

_“You can’t just take advantage of me and destroy my hole then act like you don’t want me anymore!”_

_‘shit.’_ That’s not what you’re looking for but it’s pretty fucking good.

 _“I told you it was too much for me daddy and you kept going and now I can’t stop thinking about your big, fat, juicy, throbbing, cock!”_ John moaned.

“I just reminded you not to get excited.” You try to steady yourself.

 _“Oh god. Daddy.”_ He’s moaning like you are fucking him, _“Daddy, you are so mean!”_

“I know I’m mean, you aren’t listening to me.”

_“But I want it!” He is whining more, “Daddy, please. I want your cum.”_

“No, you aren’t getting my cum as long as you act this desperate.”

He raises his eyebrows. He just realized that you are directing him on what you want.

_“Oh… no… hold on… we should stop… Daddy, you made me hard again… You scared me so much last time…”_

“I don’t care about last time.”

“Oh…” He isn’t sure what you are looking for right now.

You might give him a little hint. “John… I miss the way things used to be… before all of this.”

His eyes widen. He takes a moment to think. you give him one little clue and he knows just what you mean. “ _Dave, I- I’m sorry I got hard… I didn’t mean too… you just look so good shirtless… and I could see your… your swim trunks are so wet and tight… oh no…Dave I’ve never had a friend like you before… please… don’t- don’t look_.” He is covering his crotch, hiding his erection.

He fucking got you.

“It’s okay, John.” You lean in and kiss him on the lips, “Let’s just take it slow okay?”

He almost smiled at you, he is biting down both of his lips.

“Oh… Dave… I don’t know about this… I’ve never been with anyone before…”

“Yeah? Never?” You’re starting to really feel hot now.

“no…” he whimpered and shook his head. “I’m…” He covered his face. “I’m a virgin, Dave.”

You take his hands off of his face and kiss his lips again, sliding your tongue into his mouth. He moaned as you slide your tongue against his. He pulled back, spit breaking from your tongue and landing onto his chin, he covered his mouth.

 “Dave, you’re scaring me… I don’t think… I didn’t know that… I could like a boy…”

 _‘There it is.’_ you smile at him. He probably didn't even know that's your breaking point for today.

“You don’t like guys?” You ask. “But you got so hard just from looking at my wet body?”

“But… I…” He looks away from you. “Dave… I don’t want to ruin what we have…”

“You could never,” You kiss him on the lips again. “We’re going to be best friends for the rest of our lives.”

 _“Really?”_ He looks back at you, he still sounds nervous, but that’s probably his erections doing.

“Yeah.” You kiss his lips again. “We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

“Dave I… can I take off your trunks… I want to see…” He is pulling down at your pants.

“Go ahead, do whatever you are comfortable with.”

He slowly pulls down your gray sweatpants. You remove your shirt.

When your erection pops out you aren’t fully erect but it still swings up. Your dick hits John’s glasses. He acts shocked and gasps. He nervously fiddles with his glasses to straighten them again, and looks back up at you. “Dave… I don’t know about this…”

“John, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Oh… okay…” He really wants you to force him to take your load, no if this is for you then he’s going to have to act nervous but still show you he wants it. “I guess… I can try and… taste it.”

He grabs your cock with the tips of his fingers, “It looks so good, Dave… I- oh wow.”

He keeps scanning it with his eyes, acting like he’s never seen it before and he doesn’t know his way around it. He sticks out the tip of his tongue and taps it lightly against your head. He pulled his head back and widened his eyes. He tried licking your head again. This time gently licking your entire head with one lick.

“Does it taste good?”

He nodded his head, he still looks nervous, “Dave, I want to… taste more… is that okay?”

You smile at him and stroke his cheek, “You can do whatever you want to me.”

His eyes lit up, you just gave him the greenlight to fuck you up.

He looks back at your dick, “Um…” He kisses your tip. He looks back into your eyes and asks you, “Is that good?”

He’s going to play around with you like he doesn’t know every way to please you.

“You want to make out with my cock?”

“Oh…” He looked back at your head, “so it’s like kissing?”

He starts circling his tongue around you head. He knows your sensitive there. He knows you love it.

He stops and meets your gaze, “am I doing good?”

You whisper to him, “fuck… yeah… you’re so good.”

He keeps looking you in the eye as he teases your tip more, lightly licking it in a quick and rapid pace. He looks so cute, like he wants to please you but he isn’t sure if he’s doing it right. He notices that he’s good teasing your tip, so he starts slowly tracing your shaft with the tip of his tongue. He wants to keep up the façade that he’s a virgin who doesn’t know his way around your cock.

He licks your entire shaft up and down with one large stroke. His eyes widen again… “Dave, you’re so long!” He starts looking at your dick again. Acting like he is impressed, he knows that he is thicker and longer than you. He lifts your shaft up and looks at the vein on your side. He tilts his head and traces your vein with his tongue. He starts quickly licking his tongue from side-to-side. 

“Shit, John that’s… fucking good.”

John pulls away again, such a tease, he looks you in the eye to talk with you again,

“Dave… you’re really big and I don’t know if I can… fit you all in my mouth.”

He starts sucking on his own tongue, he’s taking the time now to wet his mouth.

“It’s okay, John.” You tousle his hair, “just take in all you can.”

He spits on the tip of your dick. He slowly wrapped his lips around your head and pushed down. He shut his eyes like he’s pushing himself too far. When your tip starts pushing into his throat he pretends to gag. He pulled out, _“Dave, your cock is too big!”_ He is covering his mouth again, like he’s shy about the spit dripping off of his chin.

“It’s okay, John. It’s okay.” You start rubbing his hair again, “Don’t push yourself.”

“But…” John looked away from you, “I want to…”

“I don’t know John, my cock seems too big for you.”

“It is, but!” John made a determined face, “I want to make you feel good… I… I…”

John locked eyes with you as he announced, “I am in love with you, Dave!”

You play along, you look off to the side and blush. Like you are surprised at his sudden outburst.

“Whenever you call me I get so excited.” John perked up and smiled at you. “I love that you listen to all of my stories and you would laugh at all my jokes.”

John bit his lips, “I’ve been falling in love with you since that night… that night in the hot tub. You touched my hand and it made me so nervous…” He somberly says the words, “You asked me if I wanted to watch the clouds with you and I said that sounded gay… I must have… broke your heart. I would have kissed you too if my glasses didn’t fog up.” He let out a sad laugh, “I wish I didn’t have shit eyesight.”

You smile sadly at him, he shouldn’t feel any semblance of guilt for that. You want to tell him that, but he speaks back up, “The other day I asked you if you wanted to go swimming with me again and you texted me ‘yeah, sure’.” John opened his mouth, tears are starting to form in his eyes. “You texted me that and I… I started cheering… I was so excited that you wanted to hang out with me…”

That wasn’t a part of the act, he really was remembering how he felt. You tilt your head and hold onto his cheek. He held onto your hand.

“Whenever I see you I get so happy.” He laughed, his eyes were starting to water. “I think… I think I really did have a huge crush on you.” He took your hand off of his face. He started waving his hand to stop his tears. He must think that he broke character. He hates when he does that. He thinks he did, but he is playing into exactly what you wanted… more than that actually… you had no idea he really felt that way about you.

“I felt the same, I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to scare you off or… ruin our friendship. You're company alone... meant the world to me."

He took a moment to respond to that. You aren't trying to make him cry, but he's getting pretty close, “I… Dave… you are so cool… you always want to hang out… and your eyes are so… beautiful to me.”

“You think my eyes are beautiful?”

He looks down and makes a sweet, cute face. He knows you are just looking for romance right now. He knows you want to pull at his heart strings. He just wants to suck you off. You’re going to push him on this further next time your alone. He really thinks he had a crush on you. Your heart is beating so fast right now. He sighed. He didn’t want the roleplay to go in this direction, he did this to himself though so he can’t get mad at you.

“Dave… I… I love you…” He leans back down and kisses your tip, “and you make me feel so good. You just… you make me feel so strange… I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” He wets his mouth again. He is just going to go for the kill now. He can’t keep roleplaying like that, he still has tears in his eyes. He’s probably going to pretend that those tears are from how large you are.

He slides more of you into his mouth, he gags again. He closes his eyes like he’s in pain. He keeps pretending he is forcing himself to fit you into his mouth. He started moaning. Humming as your tip hits the back of his throat. He let your cock slip down his throat. He kept it there as he pretended to choke. He stuck his tongue out to lick your balls. ‘Shit.’ He is really sucking you right. He is twisting his tongue back and forth to tease you more. Suddenly he is letting you know he’s really a pro again, fuck it. You want him to suck you off right. You put your hands on the back of his head. You pull him off and you slide him back in. “Mmppth!” He pretends that he’s surprised that you just lost it. He is mumbling and moaning as you fuck his throat. You keep forcing him up and down. You keep watching his hands. Looking if you are pushing him too far. You know that he likes it. You keep slamming him up and down your shaft.

“Keep fucking going.” You grunt, “don’t stop moaning.”

He complies, letting you force him to take your full cock in and out of his throat. He starts fondling the rest of you, rubbing your balls with his hands. You reel your head back and close your eyes. You keep slamming his head down. Fucking him mercilessly. You are getting so close and he just wants your whole load. He wants to take it all.

You lift up your thighs and fuck him with your whole body. John is trying so hard to hold his body steady but you are pounding into him to hard, he can barely keep himself up. If it wasn't for you clawing into his hair he would have fell. You keep pounding into him, forcing his whole head down onto your cock. Using your entire body to fuck his mouth, you're so fucking close. John is moaning like he wants your load, moaning like he _needs_ your load. You keep panting out John's name, he is driving you to the fucking edge. When you cum you grunt out, **_“fuuuuck!”_** You slam three extra times down his throat, making sure he has to swallow every last drop.

You hold John up with only one hand by the hair and slowly slide him off of you, his face is flushed. His mouth wide open. His tongue hanging out. He is breathing heavy. You love seeing him like this. You know he needs to catch his breath but fuck it. You pull him up by his hair to your lips and slip your tongue deep into his hot, fucking mouth. You force him into an intense, passionate kiss. He is still panting and moaning against your tongue. 

You let go of his hair and grab onto his face with both of your hands. Cuping his cheeks and taking in the way his flushed face looks as it drips with sweat. His half-lit blue eyes staring blankly at you. His mouth hanging open as he desperately tries to breathe in air. You breathe in how good he looks, then you throw him down to the foot of your bed. You lay down right next to where he falls.

You ask him, “You liked that?” your chest still expanding as you try to catch your own breath.

He hums _"mmhmm."_ He is panting heavily, his voice was raspy now, “that… just now… was so- good.”

“Sorry…” You panted. “I closed my eyes… fuck… you were just so good…”

“Fuck my…” He took a deep breath, “mouth like that again... later.”

You take a few moments to collect yourself, you need to tell John that you lost control again and that you are sorry about it. You calmed down a bit and now you think you can get the words out.

“John, you made me lose it again.”

 _“mmmm.”_ He hummed, like he was proud.

“John. I need you to know.” You swallowed down some spit, “If I don’t pay attention to your hands and you have no way of stopping me, don’t be afraid to bite me.”

 _“No!”_ His voice is still hoarse from that but he tried to yell at you.

You know he doesn’t want to hurt you.

“It’s not fair to you if I don’t look.” You confirmed for him, “I would rather you bite my dick then me ever hurt you.”

 ** _“UGH.”_**   John managed to sound as frustrated at that as he must feel.

John maneuvers his arms so he is sitting a bit up, “Here.” He puts his hands on your thighs.

John crosses both of his fingers and rests it on your thighs, “I’m sure you can feel the difference right?" He is still panting, but you might have just pissed him off with that. "There’s no need for me to hurt you.”

You smile at him through your pants, he looks up at your face and smiles back as he tries to catch his breath.

John’s right... the two of you are okay.

When the two of you settle enough down John speaks again, his chest is still expanding and deflating, “You worry too much, Dave.” John kisses you on the cheek and lays back down, “We’re fine.”

You pull back up your sweatpants. You're still topless. 

“You’re such a good friend, John.” You really mean those words. Even though he is your lover, he is still your best friend.

“Thanks, man.” His voice is still hoarse, his throat must be really sore.

“Nah man, thank you.” You try your best to sound casual, “Thanks for bringing me up here.”

“Wait- what do you mean?” He wants to know where you are taking this. He must know that you are starting from scratch now.

“I mean.” You turn to your side to face him. “It’s cool you let me change up here instead of in the bathrooms.”

“Oh.” He sounds a bit surprised. “It’s no problem, Dave.”

“Yeah?” You start sliding your hand underneath his tan cargo shorts.

“Wait.” John grabs your wrist. “Hold on… Dave, what are you doing?”

“John, I just want to pay you back for being such a good friend.”

“By doing what?”

“By sucking your cock.”

John’s eyes widened. He is honestly surprised you are going to even try. If he’s going to get off you are going to have to force him down, you waste no time. You grab him by the neck and drag him up to the pillows. He starts smacking your wrists. You loosen your grasp and let him speak,

“Wait- wait!” He speaks up, “What if my dad comes in?”

You lean in and quote him, “I’ll be _sooo_ good and so fast, you’ll cum instantly.”

He is still grabbing onto your wrists and struggling to get out from under your grasp. He’s kicking his legs.

“John, look at how hard you are.” You rub one of your knees against his hard-on.

“Dave, please don’t!” He’s whining and pretending to look scared again.

You stick your tongue down his throat, you rub your metal piercings against his tongue.

When you pulled out he whimpered.

“Imagine how good that’s going to feel against your throbbing cock.”

“No, Dave- I don’t… I’m not…”

“What?”

“I don’t like guys.” He mumbled the words.

“Then why are you so hard?” You nudge him with your knee again.

“Because… It’s because…” He looks like he’s about to start faux-crying.

“It’s okay, John.” You kiss him gently on the lips, “It’s okay if you like me.”

“Wait…” He whines the words, “I… I don’t…”

“You don’t want me…? Even if you don’t that’s okay… cause I just want to make you feel good.”

 _“Wait, noo.”_ He mumbles. He’s saying it like he’s being sarcastic, he wants you to suck him right now. Not yet, you need him to start fighting against you again. You start choking him hard. John must enjoy it because he starts bucking his hips. You maneuver your legs so then you are pinning down his thighs.

“Stop struggling.” You warn him. It makes him fight you off more. You loosened your grasp of one of your hands and reach over to grab the knife. You slide of the cover with your thumb. You put the blade up to his chest, right above his heart. “Stop moving or I will fucking kill you.”

His mouth drops, he completely stops moving. He looks at the knife and then back at you. He shuttered.

You lift the knife up, you bring it up to his chin. You use the blunt end to tilt his head back. He is still looking at you. His breathing is heavy. His face is flushed.

You think you’ve got your bases covered, you can do this.

You put the knife down on the stand, as soon as you do you shove John up against the wall by his throat. You keep choking John as you fumble to undo his belt with one hand. After you managed to pull it off you quickly pull it around John’s neck with both of your hands. You tightly pull the loop into the buckle. You hold onto the belt with one hand, you look down from his neck to his crotch. With your free hand you violently pull down his tan shorts. His erection bounces up. You made sure that it would slap you in the face. You grabbed it with your free hand and tease the tip with your entire tongue. Circling the metal balls on your tongue against his head.

John used both of his hands to grab onto the back of your head. He started slamming your head down on his cock. You must have really hit him hard with that threat. He keeps hitting the back of your throat and he isn’t even forcing himself completely inside of you yet. You make sure to fit his entire cock inside your mouth. He’s deep throating you now. You can hear him grunt, even with the tight loop around his neck he is still groaning. His cock must be aching, he’s violently griping and desperately moaning. You pull tighter on the belt, wrapping it once around your hand. You keep forcing his entire shaft into your mouth. With your free hand you are digging your nails into his thigh, you start scratching him. Then he picks up the pace and starts making guttural noises. The sounds of his huge cock slipping in and out of your mouth is filling the room. You start moaning, hoping he knows that you are begging, pleading for his load. He has a firm grip against the back of your head. He is so tense. He is grunting like an animal now. You are slurping and whining for more, you want all of it, you want all of his load, _you need it._ He forces your head down making you completely take in his entire massive fucking cock. Your nose pressing up against his stomach and pubic hair. John starts shivering. You keep moaning. His cock is twitching. You need all of his load. John lets out a maddening, violent cry from deep in his gut– all of a sudden you feel his cum forced down your throat.

You let John ride his orgasm as you try to slide your tongue back and forth under his shaft. You keep pulling on the belt. John lets out one final grunt. He tries to pull away from you but you aren’t done yet. You are going to milk him dry.

You keep working your tongue and then pull back and slam your head down. You are sure this is tormenting John. He can’t keep going like this, but you don’t care. You are going to suck up every last drop. You are claiming your full reward. John is grabbing your head, trying to pull you off. Nope. You aren’t stopping, not as long as he is still even somewhat hard. You aren’t stopping until his cock is completely flaccid. You keep bobbing your head and working your tongue. You moan and hum, teasing him that you are taking what you want, whether he likes it or not. You let go of the belt so you can pull apart his thighs with both hands. John catches his breath, the belt is still looped around him so it must still be at least somewhat choking him. He is starting to get soft. You pick up the pace.

“Da-“ John is shuttering and moaning, “Da-ah-ave.”

You hum at him again. He is completely spent. You pull your mouth off of him with a ‘pop’ and look up at him.

Your throat is sore and it hurts to speak but you need to ask, “was I good?”

“Ah-hahaha.” He can’t get out the words. You take it as a _‘fuck yes.’_

You absolutely destroyed his cock just now. You look down at it. It’s completely red and sore. You feel like you want to get him an ice pack or something. You settle for fresh clothes instead. You give him a few moments before you remove the belt from his neck. You pull off his pants and then go to the closet to bring him pajama bottoms and a new shirt. He needed a few more moments before he got dressed and then slid under the covers. You followed. He didn’t say anything, he just pulled you close to him and held onto you. You fell asleep in his arms.

You wake up, you know John’s dad must be in the room now. He didn’t wake you two up this time, he must be nervous to wake you both after you ensured him that John always gets his way. You don’t say anything because your voice is definitely hoarse after all that dick demolishing you just got up to, but you do need to take a piss. You move to get up. John already had his arms wrapped around you but now he is pulling you down, he whines. You move back and pat John’s arm.

“Babe,” Your voice is a low whisper. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“No.” John nuzzled into your neck. He doesn’t want to let you go. Okay, John always gets what he wants.

You lay down with him for a few more minutes. You try to get up again, John pulls you back down. You let him hold you again. You wait a while longer and then make another move, this time John moves his leg up to hold you down, pressing down on your bladder.

“John, babe, you’re making it worse.”

He moves his leg down but hugs you with his arms tighter.

“John. I need to get up.” You aren’t sure how long this can last. “I’ll be right back.”

“You can hold it.” He tells you.

“I’ve been holding it.”

“Son,” John’s dad is defending you, “Let Dave go to the bathroom.”

“noooo.” John held onto you, “I’ll miss you.”  
“I’m only going to be gone for a few minutes.” You put on your shades and get up.

You take your sword with you to the bathroom, you can’t wait on a guard and you know you can defend yourself. You brought it with you into the stall, it still had its cover on it so it’s fine. Still you are a bit worried about it staying sanitized in case you need to use it to get John off somehow. You hurry back, if John is in a mood like that you don’t want to miss it, you are always the one who wants to cuddle and fawn over John, now that it’s the other way around you need to take in all the love you can get.

When you open the door John isn’t on the bed anymore. You walked down the small hall in the room and turned your head. You see John sitting at the desk, reading his book and eating the Pop-Tarts his dad bought him. You felt defeated. You sat down on the bed and waited for John to finish up his snack. When he was done you got up from the bed and threw out the wrapper and all the crust he didn’t want to eat. He looked up from his book to thank you and you smiled at him. He smiled back and went back to reading. You frowned.

“Hey- uh- John?” You sucked air through your teeth, “You think we could uh-“

John looked up at you. He wanted you to say it. So you do, “You think we could cuddle again?”

John choked back a smile, “You are so cute! You’re like a puppy who wants attention.”

“yeah, fine, whatever, just fawn over me again.”

“Hmm.” John is looking back at his book and sucks on his gums, “I’m on the last chapter and I really want to finish this… if you are looking for something to do, you should make the bed.”

You paused for a second. “Okay.” He’s right you should. He always does it, it’s only fair.

You made the bed and fluffed the pillows. John was still reading the book. You stood in the middle of the room and scratched your neck.

“Dave, go get changed.” John didn’t lift his head up from his book to speak to you. “You’ve been wearing the same thing for three days.”

“Alright.” He was right.

You went to the closet and changed into a different pair of sweatpants and one of your baseball tees, John loves when you wear baseball tees.

You put all of your old clothes in a plastic bag. Nat is cool enough to wash all of your clothes while you are staying here. You want to pay her back for it but she won’t let you. You are going to have to find a way to make it up to her when you get out, doesn’t matter if it’s her job, she’s been making John really happy.

When you come out John put down his book and yawned. He stretched out his entire back and his arms. You watch him as he stands up and walk over to the bed. He lays down on his side, against the wall. He yawns and smiles at you, “Okay, come here. You earned it.”

You lay down next to him and John wraps his arms around you again. He rubs his face into your chest as usual. He is still wearing glasses. He sniffed your shirt, it was at least somewhat cleaner then your old one. It smelt like you when you aren’t sweaty and gross. John hummed. He lifted his head and kissed you on your lips, “You poor thing, you are so starved for attention.”

You feel embarrassed that John’s dad is able to see all of this. You must be blushing because John is laughing. “You are so cute!!!” He starts kissing your face all over. Your heart turns into complete mush. You cuddle with him as he plays with your hair for nearly an hour. You hear a knocking at the door, of course something has to ruin this moment.

“It’s just me!” Natalie steps in, holding up a bag full of carry out again. She sees the two of you cuddling and says, “aaaawww… You two are so adorable together.”

John shyly laughs and sits up. He sits against the wall and you join him. Nat hands John a styrofoam container, she hands you one too and walks over to John’s dad to give him his. “I made sure to find a place that sells steamed broccoli like you asked Mr. Egbert. No peanuts. I’m sorry I can’t eat with you today, I have a lot of work backed up today so I have to eat at my desk. Bye!” She waved goodbye as she shut the door behind her.

You poke at your food for a while. You aren’t really used to eating anything like this, beef and broccoli is a bit foreign to you.

“Dave, eat your greens.” John points his fork at you. “We are both going to start eating better from now on.”

“Okay babe.” You comply.                         

John is only firm with you on stuff like this when he knows it’s in your best interest, he’s already starting to act like you are married. You actually enjoy it, even though you aren’t used to John being so demanding. He’s only doing it because he cares. You’re really thankful for that.


	55. Day of Judgment

You already know your opponents strategy. He was going to push back court dates as far back as he could. He would attempt to hold you and the rest of the prosecution off from holding trial. He must not have thought it was going to backfire. Now that you have Dave Strider close to you, you are ready to pull this move.

You step up to take center stage, your heels and probing cane clicking against the hardwood of the court floor. You waste no time getting directly to the point.

“We had received permission of those who are featured on the tapes to show this footage in court. Dirk Strider himself told us the location of where a memory card was buried. The card contains recordings of Dirk forcing John Egbert and Dave Strider to have sex for his amusement.”

You play the tape, with John Egbert and Dave Strider present. The room was small, there was no audience. No press. Just the boys, the sheriff, the criminal, the bailiffs, the judge and the jury. Also... you blood sucking lawyers. From what you have been told John managed to convince his father not to join them. You are glad for that, this could be difficult for the man to watch. Both of the boys were underage in the tape, both of the boys were forced against their will to touch each other for that horrid man’s amusement. When the recordings finish Nitram puts in another for the jury. 

“When I learned of the location of the SD card, the police scan the area for others, we found none. However, Dave Strider was kind enough to inform us on where he believed other recordings were potentially buried. We found quite a few through his recommendations for dig sites.”

“Your honor. I object to viewing these tapes in court.” Of course the defense would. “The prosecution did not add this tape to the discovery and has not allowed time for the defense to see this particular tape or to prepare a proper defense.”

“Pyrope had informed me that she had added new evidence before our trial in advance.” The judge continued speaking with her commanding vibrato. “I will allow the prosecution to continue, the defense will be given extra time to prepare a defense in a recess after Pyrope makes her case. Continue.”

“Thank you, your honor.” You signal for Nitram to hit play.

The next recording that played was perhaps the most brutal, still it was necessary for the jury to fully understand how vile Dirk Strider is. John’s screams filled the entire room. The tape was near finished, Dirk was forcing his brother to fellate himself with the ultimatum of forcing oral fornication on John Egbert’s unconscious body.

When that tape was finished you walked over to the witness box. Dirk spoke before you could, “I am over here, Teresa.”

You readjust yourself so you are facing the deep, burdensome sound of his voice. Nitram loaded up another video for you and informed you it was ready.

“Mr. Strider, would you be so kind to describe for me what is on the screen?”

He gave you no response. He can point out you can not see, but he can not tell you what is on screen, funny.

“Alright." You direct your attention else where, "then, Ms. Megido, would you please describe what is on screen?”

“John Egbert, age 16, dressed as the departed Jake English.”


	56. Brainless Stupid Fucking Idiot

“Are you okay, John?” Dave turned to you. He sounded nervous about this.

You were staring at _him. That man_  was glaring with his inflamed, amber eyes at Ms. Teresa.

Mr. Pyrope recounted the abuse that man made you endure, the different ways that he defiled you. Ms. Megido read your own account of your time spent in that apartment out loud for the court. As they talked about the different ways he defiled you he turned his gaze to you. He looked you dead in the eye. You didn’t move. You didn’t break your gaze away from him, he did. He turned his head slightly to look at Dave beside you, he looked at how you were holding on to Dave’s hand, there was no desk, no barrier hiding the way you were holding onto Dave’s hand and rubbing the back of his hand with your other palm. You kept looking at _him_. He stared back. He didn’t break his gaze until Ms. Pyrope announced she would now play the tape. He wanted to watch.

“Roxy’s not home right now, English.”  
You looked down at the floor.  
“Look at you. On my bed again.”  
You scratch your arm.  
“Look at the camera, Jake.”  
You did as you were told and looked into the camera. Your blue eyes, filled with worrying sadness.  
“Don’t you have anything to say?”  
“I- I think you should tell Roxy about us.” You said what he told you to say.  
“This again?”  
“Roxy deserves to know the truth.” You look up from the camera into Mr. Strider's eyes.

He was holding a knife behind that camera... You recall that at that time you already liked to fiddle with the knives in the house. When ever Dave took a knife to fiddle with, it instantly excited you. Seeing Dave hold something so dangerous but Dave never have the will to really harm you with it. It always felt like a game to try to get him to cut you with it... the idea was just fun to you.

Seeing Mr. Strider with a knife, however, only ever filled you with a looming sense of dread.

 _He_  put the knife up to your chest. You look into the camera.  
“You always do this, Lalonde.” You nervously mutter out the words.  
“Yeah I do, don’t I? What are you going to do about it?”  
You look down at the knife and said nothing in response.  
“Nothing. Like I thought.”  
He cut open your white shirt with a knife. You flinched.  
“What’s the matter, aren’t you adventurous?”  
“You’re just being cruel to me again.” You shuttered out the words.  
“I am, aren’t I?” He was monotone as he spoke, but something about the words sounded like he was pleased. “Isn’t that why you are here?”  
You didn’t say anything to that.  
“Why are you in my bed again, Jake?”  
You didn’t know why. He didn’t tell you why.  
“Why?” _He_ asked you again.  
“I don’t know!” You shook your head.  
“You know why.”  
You had to guess based off of what he told you, “because… I’m a worthless stupid idiot?”  
“That’s right, good boy,”  
He pushed you down, knife still in his hand.  
He crawled on top of you. The camera was focused on your face.  
At the time you were trying your best not to think about how his erection was touching your crotch.  
You just lied there.  
“You keep coming back here.” He told you. “You know what I’m going to do to you and you pretend that you hate it.”  
He started to straddle your crotch. Rubbing himself against you.  
“Wait- stop…” You speak up. It was dry and you remember how your zipper was hurting you.  
“You wouldn’t be on my bed if you didn’t like it.”  
“You’re being too rough, it hurts.” You plead with him.  
“Don’t you like it when it hurts?”  
You don’t say anything.  
“It feels wrong doesn’t it? You are her friend too... and yet you keep coming back to fuck me in her bed.”  
He wants you to reply, he wants you to say something…  
“It is wrong… you should… you should tell Roxy.”  
“You already said that.”  
“I-“ you didn’t know what to say.  
“Nothing new to say? That's honestly too bad."  
He reels the knife back and stabbed you in your left arm.  
“Say something.” He didn’t raise his voice. He just told you what to do to make him stop hurting you, offering it up to you like he was  _helping_ you.  
He doesn’t pull out the knife, it's still in your arm. You stay silent for a moment and he twists it.  
“Roxy is going to be home soon!” You panic.  
“Right- and what do you have to say about her two best friends fucking in her bed?”  
“It’s…It’s not fair to her.” You struggle to speak.  
“It isn’t? Well it’s a little late to tell her, isn’t it?”  
“You- you and her are married now.”  
“Right, I’m not going to give up my life for you, you know you aren’t worth that much to me.”  
“And- and I- I- I don’t want to do this anymore.” Tears were welling up in your throat.  
“You don’t?”  
“Please just- stop.” You start tearing up. “Please…”  
“Are you going to start begging me to leave her?”  
You weeped into one of your hands, trying your best to stay silent.  
“Just because you want me to marry you?”  
You kept sobbing into your hands, trying to think of something to say.  
“Well?” He digs the knife deeper into your arm.  
 **“Well?”** He slightly lowered the cadence of his voice, slowly digging the knife into you.  
“Just tell me what to say!” You plead for him to direct you.  
“You want me to tell you what to say?”  
“I don’t know what you want me to say, I don’t know. Just tell me… please… I don’t know what I am doing.”  
“You want me to do every little fucking thing for you?”  
“Please, I just… I just want to get you off before Dave comes home. I can do this, I can- just tell me what you want me to say.”  
“What did I say about breaking character?”  
“Not to do it?”  
“Or.”  
“You’ll show Dave the tape.” You recounted his threat.  
“That’s right.” He twists the knife slightly again. “brainless stupid fucking idiot.”  
He slides off of you and places the camera down on a stand in front of the bed.  
You didn’t move you just waited for him to start straddling you again.  
He twists the knife one last time before he pulls it out.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll lick your cuts.”  
“No. don’t.” You tried to protest but he was sucking on your arm, licking up all of your blood.  
You couldn’t help it you were so repulsed you had to say, “that’s disgusting.”  
He continued to suck your wound.  
“Stop. Please… just stop…” You retched it was fucking horrifying to you. Still is. Even now.   
“You don’t like it? There’s the door.” He started acting like you  _could_ leave.  
You grab his head with one of your hands and lift him up, he pushes down and keeps licking.  
“Stop!”  
He keeps licking you.   
“STOP TOUCHING ME! STOP IT! I HATE IT WHEN YOU TOUCH ME!” You yelled at him to get off of you.

You felt Dave’s hand tense up around yours. For a moment you forgot you were in court. Dave must be worried that _he_ hurt you for yelling at him. You might have preferred that. You wish he did.

In the tape you pushed him off of you. You sat up and shoved him.  
“All you ever do is hurt the two of us and torture me! I can’t take much more of this. I don’t want you to touch me anymore and I don’t want to touch you. YOU ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE! GET OFF OF ME YOU DISGUSTING FUCKING LUNATIC!”  
You are expecting him to stab you again or slap you or drag you off the bed and start hurting you.  
He didn’t.  
He did worse.  
He grabbed you and hugged you.  
He pulled you down onto the bed and starts cuddling up to you.  
You were so disgusted and scared, you couldn’t move.  
He started slipping his tongue into your mouth.  
You tried keeping your lips closed and your teeth clenched together.  
He kept squeezing you, holding you so tight that you yelped.  
He forced his tongue into your mouth.  
You were so scared... so scared that you bit down on his tongue.  
He slowly sat up.  
Covered his mouth.  
He stared at you.  
You scooted back.  
You knew he was about to retaliate.  
You were just going to let it happen.  
Then he spoke...  
“Just like old times.”   
When he spoke those words, it terrified you to your core.  
Fighting him was what he wanted...   
He started petting your cheek, “You used to scream at me and chase me up the stairs, you would throw things at me and tell me I was controlling, impulsive, insane. I would always lead you into my bedroom and you would be stupid enough to follow me. You would beg for me to stop touching you but then whenever I would suck you off you couldn’t get enough. You were just so easy to control, it wasn’t even a challenge. I just could never stop doing it. I could never quit you, Jake.”  
He sighed, “I wish you were always screaming... I loved when you yelled... like you could fight back.”  
You couldn’t bring yourself to speak.  
You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything.  
“What is it now?”  
You didn’t realize that you were glaring at him. You thought your eyes looked as panicked as you felt, you guess you must have been more repulsed and angry then anything else at the time. You still are.  
“…Roxy is going to be home soon.”  
“Right, and…?”  
You could see that he is hard. You know that he was hard.  
You took a moment before breathing out the words,  
“Let’s just get this over with...”

The video was paused.

Ms. Teresa began speaking to _him_ again.

“I’m sure that when you molested that boy you didn’t expect him to be able to look into who Jake English was, you didn’t expect him to look into your previous identity either. Long before we found those tapes, John had already looked into who Jake English was. He brought the information that he found himself to our attention.”

Footage of a bright, young woman came on the screen. Her hair was light blonde, short and framing her face. She had bright pink nails and was wearing a light pink blouse. 

“Hello! My name is Roxy Lalonde, I am a programmer at Skaianet! Today, I am attempting to gather money to raise funds to teach underprivileged kids how to code. Personal computers have come a long way in the recent era. I am hoping that with your donation you could assist us in making someone’s life a little brighter by making them brighter! Thank you for your time and your consideration. If you are interested in donating please contact-“

Mr. Nitram paused the tape.

Ms.Pyrope began speaking again, “Roxy Lalonde was a computer scientist and programmer. She was a lead developer at Skaianet and worked to teach underprivileged youth how to code. In her downtime she would visit children’s hospitals and go door to door asking for donations. She would raise money to fund cancer research. She'd read to the elderly in hospice care. Those who knew her said that she was the kindest woman you could ever hope to meet. She married her high school sweetheart later in life and eventually, they had a son.”

The lawyers show the photo that you printed for Dave on the screen. Baby Dave sipping on a green apple juice box, wrapped up in his mother’s caring arms.

“She went missing with her family in 1997.” Ms. Pyrope sounded dejected.

The lawyers show another photo of Roxy holding up her son and laughing into the camera, she smiled with her entire being.

“Roxy was dedicated to her family, she was a loving wife and mother for the short amount of time she was able to take care of her son. Her sister was kind enough to send us this footage.”

The screen shows Roxy feeding Dave with a spoon, she was making airplane noises to get him to eat but he wasn’t budging. She gives him a fake pouty face and then smiles back at him. She starts laughing. She starts kissing his chubby face. She gets him to laugh when she blows a raspberry into his cheek. She uses the opportunity to put the spoonful of food into his mouth and she sticks her tongue out at him.

“Roxy Lalonde was a caring woman, who loved her husband and her son deeply.” Ms. Teresa adjusted her cane in her hands, she firmly grasped the middle as she lifted it up from the ground. “Dave Strider had told us that throughout his youth he traveled around the states, never settling till the two of you got to Texas. He has no recollection of living with Roxy. You must have killed her in cold blood, hid her body and fled.”

Dave leaned in close to you and whispered as quietly as he could, “she is really pushing it right now.”

You say nothing.

“I think… I think she is trying to get him to jump her.”

You look over at the sheriff, he has his hand hovering over his gun. That must be her plan. To push him to get enraged enough to try to kill her. She must want to humiliate him in court. You move your head to look back at Ms. Teresa but _he_ catches your eye.

 _He_ is staring at you.

Dave must have noticed because he placed his hand on your shoulder and pulled you into his chest. Dave is making a show that he is protecting you from him. _He_  has a blank face but he still looks so angry at you, he doesn’t move his eyes from you. Not even as the prosecution asks him questions. He just keeps watching you. You don’t make any moves. You don’t avert your eyes. You just gaze back at him.

You pull back and look at your fiancé's face. Dave was looking at him as well, nearly expressionless. You’re sure Dave looks expressionless to nearly everyone else, he is really good at covering his real emotions when it comes to _him_. Dave's eyebrows lower, his lips slightly part. You are viewing him from the side, you see a sliver of his red eyes behind his black shades. You can tell there’s real pain in his eyes. You’re sure _that man_  saw his pain too.

Minutes pass, than hours, no progress is made. Nothing happens. He doesn’t lose his cool. He doesn’t break away from staring at you, no matter where you look or what you do you feel his eyes on you. It’s hard to feel that the shower is running when he is right there, following your eyes wherever you look.

When the prosecution comes to a close. There is a recess. You are told to leave and go back to the safe room. You are escorted by police back. Dave holding onto you the entire way. Showing you, _his own father_ and the world that he is ready to protect you.

When you get back to your dad he doesn’t ask you anything about court, he just invites you to have some take out that Natalie brought. It was still warm. Dave smiled at you as you ate. Your dad told you about some recent events that he read in the paper. When you ate your food you couldn’t taste it. You felt numb. Dave must have noticed how upset you were, he was smiling a mischievous half-smile. He started poking your sides and tickling you. You started laughing, he always gets you to crack up, even if you don’t want to. You look him in the eyes and give him a grin. He flashes you a sad smile. There is worry in his eyes. After all that, you aren’t surprised…

Things didn’t go as planned...


	57. Alone When We're Together, Broken Apart

He is completely naked under the covers, as are you.

You roll over to look at him.

He is looking up at the ceiling.

He isn’t wearing his glasses, he must only see a gray blur.

Something is on his mind.

You know what he’s thinking about.

He is just that predictable to you.

Actually, you take that back, he is just that predictable in general, but only really in a way that you know.

You don’t want him to start.

Look at his delicate skin, his gorgeous body.

You brush his bangs out of his face.

Look at his black hair, his overbite.

Belonging only to you.

Tethered to you.

Dancing the dance you have been dancing since you were teenagers.

“I have to talk to you about something.”

_‘Here we go again.’_

Looking at his face you remember why you wanted to be with him.

He would smile at you with those teeth, that overbite. His black rimmed glasses framing his handsome face, as he laughed his charming brainless laugh. When you got to know him you wanted to learn everything you could about him. Worthless bits of useless information. He was a waste of time, pointless, fruitless, why bother? You still don’t have a real answer for that.

Look at him.

Mindless, numb, empty, simple, thick.

He's going to go off again, you know it.

“I think you should leave her.”

 _‘This shit again?’_ You sigh.

You tell him to shut his mouth, “we’ve been over this-“

“This isn’t fair to her- she’s my friend too.” You tell him.

“I know, I know. I get it, but think about how much it would hurt her.”

“What about me then, hu? You expect me to be your side piece forever, I presume?”

“Come on.” You sigh.

“No, no, If you don’t leave her. I swear. This time I walk for good.” Jake groaned.

“I can’t, I have a son now.” You tell him no.

He quickly sits up and starts yelling at you again,

“I KNOW! I FUCKING KNOW! You- you … Jove, we’ve been doing this for years now and when Roxy got pregnant I swore I was going to leave you and then I… I fucking ran right back into your arms. Like always. She deserves to know the truth.”

You roll your eyes. You lift a hand to rub your temple.

Jake lightly nods his empty head, “I get it... I get how you manage to justify this to yourself. She told you that she loved you when we were all young, and then you wanted to give the bloody world to her because she was always there for you. You think she deserves to sit pretty on top of the blazing world. I truly, deeply believe that after all the years we've been trailing through together, she deserves the truth."

Took him that long to come up with the same shit he tells you every other day.

"It is better to get this all blown out of the water now then before your son is old enough to watch the two of you go through a nasty divorce.”

Wow, he thinks he’s worth the effort of you and Roxy getting a divorce.

He’s the side piece.

He remembers that.

“I can’t do this right now, I have a headache.”

“Oh- I completely understand. Oh, I am so apologetic, I am truly sorry that I don’t put your every need first like I should. Like a good little sidewhore. _Fucking headache,_ you’re a fucking headache, Lalonde.”

“I really do have one right now.” You rub your temple.

“Well, I see where your priorities are. I completely understand, that is more than fine, old chap. I’m walking out anyway.”

“Babe.” You call him the name he's weak too.

“Don’t call me babe right now!" Jake snapped at you. "I’m really heading out that door! You have to pick up **_your son_ **from daycare anyway.”

Jake tries to sit up but you pull him back down.

“Jake, don’t do this right now. Stay in bed.” You sigh.

“Then when is it I oughta do it? When Roxy gets back from work? When she sees me shagging you? How about that for hurting her, you boor!? She walks into her own room and sees her two best friends fucking in her own frigging bed!”

Jake looks tense. You start rubbing his arms and he swats your hand away.

You grab his wrist. “You know when. Never. Drop it.”

Jake’s completely braindead.

He looks up at the ceiling.

Jake slightly shakes his head, looks like he is twitching.

You could swear it sounds like an old empty can rattling around, filled with coins and dust.

Brainless fucking idiot.

“It’s just not fair to her.”

“You already fucking said that.” You tightened your grip around his wrist.

“I know, I keep saying it because it keeps being true. She deserves better than the two of us sneaking around behind her back like a couple of lubbers.”

“You say shit like this every fucking time we sleep together, don’t you ever get tired of being predictable. How about for once you are actually pleasant to talk to. Do you think you can fucking handle being pleasant, Jake?”

“No- I don’t think I can. Not with you.”

“There’s the door and yet you are still in my bed.”

“cause you're friggin' holding me down...  **again!** ”

“I bet you think you sound tough when you talk like that, you are just pointing out you are too fucking weak to break your arm out from my hand.”

Jake huffs out of his nose. He is getting restless again. If he was only patient.

“Come on, give me like a few more minutes of rest and then you can-"

“I don’t want to touch you- let go of me.” Jake begs.

“If you don’t want to touch me why are you naked in my bed? You came over here of your own free will. You fucked me and then you decided to tell me that I need to divorce my wife? Are you really being serious with this shit? I know you are just playing this game with me because you think _it’s fun_ and _adventurous_.” You start sucking on his neck.

“You are sick in the head." Jake muttered to himself. "I always knew that.”

“Then why are you here?” You ask, although you know the answer.

“I don’t... you convinced me to come over so we could talk.” Jake sounds unsure.

“You know what 'talk' is code word for.”

“I thought you really meant it this time.”

There aren’t even coins in that skull of his, just cobwebs and dust.

Maybe that’s why you are so drawn to him...

He is just too easy to wrap around your finger. It's fun to own something so easily... but lately keeping him in bed has been a challenge. 

“Fine. Fine. Fucking fine. How ‘bout I tell her myself.”

“Jake. Don’t.” You grabbed his arm.

“Well then, chap, you do it.”  He ripped his arm out of your grasp.

“Jake. I can’t do that to her, she means the world to me.”

He stared you right in the eye.

English nodded to himself. “Okay."

"Okay. I get it.” Jake started walking out.

“Wait- Jake, babe. Fucking-”

Jake started walking faster out into the hallway.

You pick up the condom, you rush into the bathroom, wrap it in toilet paper and throw it out.

_'Fucker can’t clean up after himself.'_

You chased after him. He is half-way down the stairs.

He was putting on his shirt, finishing pulling it down.

You hear the front door open.

Jake looks back at you.

The look in his forest green eyes told you what he was about to do.

He started stomping down the stairs.

“Sweetheart, are you home?” Your wife called from downstairs, “I got out early!”

Jake rushed down the staircase marching on like a stubborn child, you followed behind him.

“Jake?” Your wife was surprised to see your best friend. She normally never catches you two after sex.

“Good day, Roxy.” English sounds apprehensive. 

“What are you doing here?” She sucks on her tongue and makes a tsk, “if I would have known you were going to be over I would have prepped something for dinner.”

“That’s fine, Roxy. Top notch, really.” He gives her smile and then looks back at you.

You give him a look, a warning look, telling him not to speak.

English returned his focus to your wife. “We have something we wish to talk about with you.”

Once you two are alone again you are letting him know he overstepped.

“Really? Oh okay, can I get settled in first?” She’s giving you the time to fix this.

“I’m sorry, I just really want to take off my leggings.” She’s the perfect little wife.

“That's dandy, take all the time you need.” Jake foolishly clapped his hands together. Fucking oaf.

She walks up the stairs and trails back to your bedroom.

You grab his wrist. “What The Fuck are you doing, English?” 

“She deserves to know. **I Am Going...** to tell her.” Jake looks you in the eye, he means it.

“If you want to fucking walk, then walk. **Don’t** drag her into this.” You tighten your grasp.

“Consider this: You dragged her into this when you married her!” He takes his wrist back.

“Don’t start this again.”

“I was the best man at your wedding! I fucked you in your dressing room! That ate at my heart every day! That still eats at my heart...!”

“Jake.” You breathed out his name. _‘You braindead fucking idiot.’_

“Aren’t you in a serious relationship too?" You ask him. "Don’t you like the girl? Aren’t you also cheating on her?”

“This is in **no way** the same! You are a married man! with a **yob** **!** **A kid!** ” He yells at you.

You grab him by the back of his head, as a warning for him to keep his voice down, “yes. So now is a little late to spring this on her.”

“Right,” he lowered his volume, “then when was I supposed to stop and tell her?”

“Never.” You let go of his head. “There was never a time.”

“You always say that." He shook his head. "Always say just live with the guilt and then you ask me to keep shagging you behind her back - **UGH!** \- and I go along with it because I am a brain-dead idiot.”

_‘Now he gets the picture.’_

 “There’s no undoing this,” you cup your hands on his face, “but the way we can make it up to her is to never let her know.”

He looks away from you. You pull on his face to force him to look back at you.

“Look at me, Jake.”

He does.

“Don’t tell her. She will hate both of us for it.”

“So what are we going to do then?" Jake asks, "keep shtuping on the side as I watch your ankle-biter grow up. Roxy ages. We both get older. We never let your kin know we are together? Because it’s easier on them? -or because it’s easier on **you**?”

You let go of his face. “I told you I am never telling her. You’ve been in this relationship long enough to know that. You agreed to that.”

“ **What?!** Jesus Lord! When did I freakin' agree to this!? All I did was say nothing because I am a pushover, and a lazy sod, and an idiot, just like you always fucking said... You controlling-fucking- **UGH! I had it!** I am so fucking through with the likes of you!”

Jake starts rubbing his temples. Mimicking you.

“You agreed to this because you said nothing.”

“ **OH-** look at how your fucking mind works! If I say nothing then I say yes! Just like sex! Why do you do this to everyone!? Do you think it’s okay to cheat on your better half because she said nothing to you about some bloke fucking you behind her back!?”

You cover your face, wiping your eyes and rubbing your cheeks,

“You could have told me when I married her you were going to freak out like this, you fucking know that right?”

“Oh- I'm sure I did.” He starts nodding like the braindead ape he is. “I told you how much it hurt me and you told me to sod off. You told me the same thing that you are now! You said that I should have spoken up when you started dating her back in high school... but you got her to quit drinking and... Nevermind that... You are her husband now! She is your wife! and you need to take responsibility for cheating on her!"

You started rubbing your temples.

 **"UGH!"** English threw his hands up in the air. “I knew- I knew! - this was fucked up to hell when you two first went steady! -and I said buck-fucking nothing 'cause I thought...! I fucking thought that you would man up and **admit it!”**

“What? Jake?”

“You fucking know what I am regarding, you are not a Git like me."

“What- Jake? You want to hear that I need you to get off?” You did.

English threw up his hands again and grunted like the dumb ape he is.

“You want to hear that I’m in love with you?” You weren’t. “You want to fucking hear it?”

“Oh wow, look at you." He sounded like he was mocking you. "You grew a pair and finally **said it.** Why? Because I am five seconds away from telling your wife about us? Who’s fucking thick in the head now? -that wasn’t what I meant.”

**“Then what?”**

“You fucking know what I am talking about.”

“No. Obviously, I don’t.” You shake your head and sigh.

“Think about it -and take me seriously for once in your blasted life! - What is the single thing you have been deluding yourself on?!”

“What is it this time? Are you going to scream at me about how I am controlling? or that I am sick in the head? or that I am needy? Clingy? Impulsive? Violent? What is it this time? Tell me, honestly, stop beating around the bush.”

**“That You're Fucking Gay!”**

You slap him right across the face.

Jake glasses hit the floor.

He holds his cheek and looks back at you.

You put your arm back down.

He shakes his head at you.

“Do you ever hit her like that?” He whispers.

“I would never hit Roxy like that.” You nod.

“Under any circumstance?” Jake asks you to confirm that for him again.

“Never.”

“Right.” He picks up his glasses and puts them back on his face.

You slap him like that every other day. He knows the drill.

“That's that then, I suppose.” Jake nodded to himself.

“You going to leave?” You ask him.

“Yes.” Jake slowly bows his head.

“Are you going to go straight home?” 

“No, I was planning on seeing my girl...” Jake trails off, he knows that was the wrong answer.

“I think you should go straight home.”

“Frig. She’s expecting me today, I am not telling her my best friend wants to go drinking again or whatever cockamamie bullshit you told me to say last time.”

“Jake.” You walk up to him and hold his arms. “You look upset. Go straight home.”

He turns his head from you, he looks off to the side.

“Fine. Fine, you win. I am pissed and I shouldn’t bring _this_ to her. Just like Roxy, a girl like that deserves better. Leagues better.”

Jake raises his eyebrows and rubs his cheek.

Roxy walks back into the room so he drops his hand from his face.

“Jake, you want me to make something real quick to snack on while we talk?”

“My apologies, we won’t be talking Roxy, I am leaving, I just remembered I have something better to be doing." He sighs and fakes a smile, "a real humdinger.”

You watch as he gets his keys off of the counter. He slams the door shut.

“He sounded upset,” She rested her hand on her hip. “Did you say something to him?”

“No he just left in a hurry, it was important.”

“Oh, well, do you want to just say what the two of you were going to tell me?”

“No, Roxy, it isn’t that important... Jake just likes to hype shit up, you know that." You sigh. "I have to go pick up the baby.”

“Right.” Roxy chuckled, "he's funny like that, isn't that why you always spend your time with him?"

You kiss her cheek and grab your keys from the kitchen counter. "You know everything, don't you? Babe."

* * *

“You said you love me.”

“I did.” You continue to stare up at the ceiling.

“Do you love Roxy?”

“Of course I do.” You honestly think you did.

“Like how you love me?”

“Do you mean am I sexually attracted towards her?”

“That’s a start.” Jake sighs.

“No.” 

Jake lifts up his arms up to the ceiling. The two of you are still resting in bed, he's laying right next to you. Brainlessly staring up at the ceiling, just like usual. Predictable.

“That doesn’t mean much.” You tell English.

“It means one thing! One discombobulatingly **big** thing!”

“Just because I am not attracted to Roxy like that doesn’t mean-“

He talks over you again, you hate when he does that. “ **Ohhhhh! You keep deluding yourself** \- are you so scared to divorce her and live your life as a gay man? Fuck, I still like women and I am ready to bloody throw myself at you. Throw myself into a marriage where I get treated like shit and smacked for talking out of turn and punched for nothing -and I- I… I feel like I can’t live any other way.”

“Because you are mindless and you need someone to control you.”

He looks at you with those wide, dull eyes.

He’s trying to put on a front of being angry. He knows you are right, it’s more like he’s just scared.

He lays back down and falls into your arms

“You win.” He gave up.

“You admit I won?”

“I need someone to tell me what to do, I need someone to direct me because I have no idea what I am doing with my own life. That’s why I'm certain... I want to marry you. That’s why I want you to leave Roxy. So you can guide me every step of the way."

He settles up in your arms, looking up at you with a brainless gaze, asking, 

"Don’t you want that too? Isn’t that why you know everything about me?”

“You really want me to tell you every single thing you need to be doing?”

“Yes.” Jake admits it.

“There really is no hope for you, mindless, stupid... You are completely perfect for me in every way.”

He says nothing. He leans into your neck. You can feel how tense he is. Alright... he might have been a _little_ angry.

“I really did a number on you...” You trail off.

“You did...” He agrees.

“So..." You let out a soft pant. "I divorce my wife, leave my home that I help pay a mortgage for, split the custody of my son and come live with you in your cluttered apartment. No thanks.”

“What If I get a better apartment?” Jake asks.

“I’ve seen how you live, you never clean up after yourself.”

“So that’s why you married Roxy? You wanted a maid?” Why is he asking such stupid questions?

“She does much more than clean house.”

“What is it she does that you think I can’t?”

“She actually has a brain for starters, she cares about making conversation pleasant. I don’t want to live with someone as whiny as you.”

“I could learn to be like her. If I do? Will you leave her for me?”

“What happened to all that talk, _'Roxy deserves to know, Roxy deserves the truth, her two best friends are fucking behind her back.'_   You are so fucking selfish.”

He starts crying.

“Don’t fucking cry, you know I am right.”

“Why was I never enough for you? We fell in love when we were in high-school together, we were on cloud-nine, remember?"

You weren't, you just liked the sex.

"Don’t you like being with someone brainless, don’t I make you feel big? Don’t I make you feel good?”

“That’s the only thing you do well.”

“I know.... I know... I want to be more to you.” You can feel his tears pour on your chest.

“You won’t ever be more than my side-piece so give it up.”

“I- I hate you so much for what you do to me...”

“Do what exactly? All I do is tell you things you already know. You are so fucking stupid you run back into my arms everytime I call. When do I ever treat you right outside of sex? Does sex really mean that much to you that you would just surrender everything to me? You really are a brainless slob." 

“Fuck you... fuck you...”

“You never even tried to be good enough for me, never tried to be good enough for anything.”

He is sobbing into your chest.

This is probably your favorite hobby.

Jake is desperate to marry you.

Makes you feel good.

When he cries in your arms, it makes you feel big.

Why leave your wife and ruin this?

Would he always be this unhappy?

You hoped so.

You hated his smile, you loved his face but you hated that ugly smile.

“Your teeth are fucked up you know that? Your face makes up for it but your teeth are so ugly.” 

“I know you told me.” Jake sighs.

“Go to a dentist and fix them if you want me to marry you, prove you can cook, and clean and be a miserable little housewife, maybe then we’ll talk.” It's practically just a joke at this point to you, still you give him what he's looking for.

“You are giving me hope again just so you can dash it.” 

“Yep.”

“You know I’ll never live up to the standards Roxy set.”

“Yep.”

“You just want to watch me struggle and fail.”

“Absolutely.”

“Why? Because it makes you feel big?”

“Yes.”

“Roxy doesn’t know you are fucked up in the head. I fell in love with the real you. Not the fake, perfect version of you.”

“You fell in love with me because you needed someone to control you.”

“This again?”

“This again? Funny I think that every time you open your mouth.”

“Maybe I can stop being an idiot. Smack me every time I fuck up and such and I’ll learn.”

“Not worth breaking you in. You are like a stray cat that keeps coming back for food, then you wander off again.”

“So... is Roxy your real cat?” He lets out a hot breath against your chest.

“Yep, but I like the stray better.” You kiss the top of his head.

He rubs his face into your chest and sighs.

This really is your favorite hobby.

* * *

“How do you keep doing this?”

You don’t say anything to that.

“Am I **that** easy -or is it that am I **that** stupid?” Jake knows the answer, so do you.

English rubs his face with his hands.

He is laying naked next to you in your bed.

“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t.”

He can do this forever, he’s built for this.

“I need to leave you and never speak to you again.”

Jake can handle this, he’s been doing it for years.

“Aren’t you being a little melodramatic?”

“Am I?” Jake asked you.

“If you don’t want to do this anymore, the door is right there.”

“It is. I don’t have my glasses on, but I know it’s there, you don’t have to bloody remind me.”

You sit up next to him and put your arm around his shoulder.

You start kissing his neck.

You can hear rain hitting your roof.

“Not right now, okay... I just- I would like to get dressed...”

The soft pitter patter of the rain against the metal roof.

“What can I do to convince you to stay in bed?”

“One thing.” He nods his head, definitely sure of something.

You can tell when Jake English feels confident.

It fills your stomach with an aching pain.

Like a dark pit.

Like anger.

“What is it?”

“Promise me you will tell her about us, leave her and marry me. **I am** that fucking selfish.”

“Jake-“

“If you say one more time you can’t do that to Roxy, but you can to me I am never speaking to you or Roxy ever again. You choose one or the other.”

“You say shit like this every time you come over.”

“I’m serious this time. I am dead serious. No amount of smacking me, or-or words about me being worthless is going to change my bloody frigging mind.”

“You are not worthless.”

He takes a deep, calming breath and releases it.

“Brainless, but not worthless.”

“That’s it. That’s it. I am done.”

He says the words like they are empty.

Like he always says those words.

“I can’t stay in this bed any longer. I can’t stay in my frigging best friends’ bed any longer.”

It’s a little act.

A little show he puts on for himself to make himself feel like he has any control.

He gets up. He pulls back up his boxers.

“Get back in bed.”

“No. I am frigging serious. I am going to make a real change in my life. I am going to quit my job and move." He starts taking up a fake happy tone as he furiously pulls on his shirt. "You know they are going to make a new branch of Skaianet in Texas? Roxy told me. I think I might move there. You know I’m a bit _adventurous,_ I always wanted to try and eat rattlesnake- the locals sell them on sticks there. Isn’t that _wild!?”_

Those words are void of any meaning.

He is just hopelessly thrashing around again.

“What about your girlfriend?”

“Oh- right- I am going to break up with my girlfriend, because apparently she isn’t enough for me and hopefully in the future I don’t find anyone as controlling or as narcissistic or as evil or toxic or just- just _**YOU!** ”_

When he raises his voice the words sounded almost like they had any value.

He is deluding himself again, hoping that just saying the words will make him feel like he can leave.

There is no real significance in any words he exchanges with you.

Not unless he is telling you the addresses of his girlfriends or his work number or his new apartment buildings code to get in.

He is staring at you. He still has no glasses on, you know he can only see a blur.

You pull him into your body and start kissing him again.

He kisses you back tugging at your hair.

Tears streaming down his cheek.

You bite down on his neck.

He winces when you do it.

You know it hurts him.

That’s why you do it.

He needs to remember who is in control here.

You start pulling down his boxers.

“No!” He shoves you off of him. “No. Stop!”

You know whenever he says no like that he really means it.

You pretend not to notice.

You force him close to your body again and smash your mouth into his.

He pushes you again but this time you are ready for it and keep holding on to his arms. 

You tightly clasp down around his biceps with your hands. He screams into your mouth. Your teeth are clanking together. He bites down on your tongue.

He manages to shove you off. You cover your mouth. You taste metal, blood is filling your mouth. There is a hard, sharp pain on your tongue.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing!?”

Who does he think he is asking you that after he just bit you?

You look at him. You reel your arm back and punch him directly in the face.

He holds his nose. You see blood trickle down his chin and onto the floor.

He keeps holding his face. The two of you have gotten into fights before.

It’s nothing new.

He turns his head and looks at you.

You know he can’t see shit without his glasses on.

You get them off of the night stand and hand it to him.

He snatches it out of your hands.

In one quick, violent motion he puts them back on.

“If I leave, are you going to hit Roxy like this?”

“No.”

“Are you going to bite her or punch her or cut her or any-anything that you do to me normally?”

“No.”

He knows that Roxy is too good for the treatment you give him.

Why does he even bother asking?

“Alright. It's decided then.”

He starts walking out of the room.

You follow him down the hall.

Shadowing him as he slowly paces down the stairs.

The two of you make it into the kitchen.

You can hear the sound of your son crying from the other room.

He stops walking.

“You should take care of him.”

You walk in front of him.

“Where are you going, Jake?”

He is blankly staring that the floor.

“I am leaving.” 

You ask again.

“Where are you going?”

“You don’t need to know that.”

You grabbed his wrist with one hand.

With the other you make a fist and reel your arm back.

He doesn’t flinch, he knows you aren’t going to hit him unless he refuses to answer.

“I’m going to drive home.”

You were sure he was lying. Still you ask, "are you really?" 

Jake looks you in the eyes. “Do you really need to know that?" 

English looked away from you and down to the floor. "Do you always need to know where I go and who I talk to and who I date and where I work? -you called my work to see if I was there last week when I was out on a road trip, the chaps I work with told me when I got back... Why do you need to know everything about me?”

You lowered your fist, your other hand was still gripping down onto his wrist.

“Why?" He can hardly get out the words. "Just answer me why?”

You didn't say anything. You just stared at him.

He knows the answer.

Jake takes his wrist back.

“You don’t have an answer?” He asked you.

He knows it.

He won’t say it right now, but he knows...

You need him.

He steps back. He’s still looking you dead in the eye.

Your son is still crying in his room.

“I am leaving. Goodbye, my love.”

You watch him as he takes a kitchen towel off of the oven handle.

He puts it up to his nose.

Jake walks out the door softly closing it behind him.

You look down at the ground.

He left a small trail of blood.

You better clean that up and the blood up stares before Roxy gets home.

* * *

“Roxy?” She is sitting down on the couch covering her mouth. Tears are streaming out of her face. The house phone is in her lap. You think you should feel your heart sink, you think you should feel sadness.

All you feel is rage. You know why she is sobbing like that.

Still you asked her, “why are you crying?”

She turns her head towards you. Her lipstick was smeared by her hands, mascara is trailing down her face.

“Jake- he..”

You clench your fist. What a fucking coward. Couldn’t tell her to her face. Did it over the phone.

The next time he shows his face to you he is losing that stupid fucking overbite.

“He died in a car accident today.”

 

 

 

 

ah.

 

 

 

 

You sit down in the loveseat next to the couch. You place your arms up on the arm rest. Roxy moves onto your lap. She starts sobbing into your shirt. You put your hand on her back. You gently rub it.

He really is a coward.

* * *

“Didn’t you hear me calling you!?”

Roxy slammed open the door. You were sitting in the garage, working on your projects again. Like you’ve been doing for the past two weeks straight. There was a blue light humming above your head as you worked.

“Dinner is ready.”

Roxy walked over to stand at your side, like a good little wife. You were sitting on a stool, hunched over your table as you worked.

“Honey." She places her hand on your shoulder, "listen.”

You are screwing a bolt into your newest project.

“I understand. Jake is gone. It’s been hard on the both of us. But sweetheart… you need to move on.”

You stop working for a second. Then you start screwing in the bolt again.

“His wake is soon, we can say goodbye and then you need to start taking care of our son.”

You keep screwing in the bolt.

“But for right now... it’s time to come eat dinner with us.”

You put down the screwdriver.

She removes her hand from your shoulder.

You pick up a drill.

She sighs. “Come on, babe, get up.”

She starts shoving you.

“I’m not hungry.”

 _“Well guess what, I don’t care.”_   She sings the words to you as she puts her hand on the top of the drill and guides you to move it back down on to the table.

“You haven’t been eating and I spent 2 hours cooking, don’t let that go to waste.”

You pick the drill back up.

“Honey, really? Come on. Now."

She grabs onto your arm this time instead.

“Put that thing down, come eat dinner. You don’t even have to be happy about it.”

She guided your hand down.

“Just do it. For me?”

You nod your head,

“I don’t think I can eat right now.” 

She lets go of your arm.

“Okay, alright. All I’m asking is for you to try. For my sake?"

She steps behind you and starts rubbing your arms.

“Come on, sweetie. Do it for our son?”

She puts her head on your shoulder and leans her head against yours.

“I know I’m not the best cook in the world, but you know I don’t ever make dinner unless it’s for special occasions. And I know that with everything that happened it probably slipped your mind. It’s our anniversary. Remember, Jake was our best man? He would have wanted you to eat dinner with your wife and your son. He would want you to go to bed at a normal hour and not at 6 in the morning when I am getting up. He would have wanted you to keep working on your projects, yes, but take care of your son first.”

“How do you know what he would have wanted?”

“Because he was my best friend too, honey.”

You pick up the wrench instead. Your skin looks blue from how the light is filling the room.

“Baby... I just told you it’s our anniversary.”

You start working on your project again.

Small parts, all coming together, all doing what you want.

All playing their part, making the entire machine work.

You notice there is a bolt missing.

There is a bolt missing.

You start looking around for it.

“Come on, whatever it is it can wait.”

You stand up from your stool and crouch down to look on the floor,

“I have been patient.”

You start looking through the drawers.

There is a bolt missing.

“I love you, I do, but I am about to actually get really freaking upset with you.”

You keep shuffling through your things, you don't see it.

“Come on, stop this. Stop.”

She pulls on your arm.

You kept searching through your work bench.

There is a bolt missing. 

“I get it, you are shutting down and just letting me take care of everything because suddenly you don’t feel like it. Life doesn’t stop just because we lost someone we loved. Come on. Come on.”

She keeps pulling on you. Trying her best to guide you out of the room with out to much force, but there is a bolt missing.

You shove her off of you.

She scoffs at you.

“Okay, now I am getting pissed." In the corner of your eye you can see her put up both of her hands, "I’ve been patient and I’ve been pulling a lot of weight. I’ve been doing a lot here, all I am asking you to do is have dinner. Dinner with your wife and your son and it isn’t that fucking much! So come on.”

You lift up your tools, maybe it rolled underneath them.

“Are your projects worth more than your family? Are they worth more than me!?"

She grabs you and pulls you again, this time with real force.

“Answer me!”

You shove her off of you again.

“Don’t make me fight you today, it isn’t fair to me.”

It isn’t fair to her.

It’s not.

Nothing ever was.

Jake always said that.

Doesn’t matter right now, there is a bolt missing. You have to find that bolt.

“Get in the dining room. **NOW.”**

She grabbed your arm again. You pushed your wife to the floor.

“That’s it. That is all I can take...! You get out of this fucking garage or I am going to start screaming!”

You can hear tears start to build in her throat as she stands back up.

If the bolt didn’t go missing she wouldn’t be crying right now.

“GET OUT OF THE GARAGE! YOU HAVEN’T EATEN ANYTHING IN TWO DAYS! YOU DON’T DRINK ANYTHING AND I THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GET DEHYDRATED AND LISTEN- LISTEN TO ME- I AM STANDING HERE TELLING YOU, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND I’M PULLING ALL THE WEIGHT FOR ALL THREE OF US. I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS! IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS! YOU’VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A FUCKING ZOMBIE FOR **TWO WHOLE WEEKS!** ”

You keep fumbling around your workbench. Maybe you left it on the other one.

“I- I… I NEED MY HUSBAND. I NEED HIM BACK. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN THINKING STRAIGHT. PLEASE. PLEASE. JAKE IS DEAD, IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON.”

Is it just gone? Maybe you never had it in the first place. Maybe you only ever had that one bolt.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HAPPY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO EVEN TALK TO ME. JUST TRY TO EAT DINNER, THAT IS ALL I AM ASKING YOU TO DO.”

You notice there is a metal pipe. You’ve been meaning to fix the kitchen sink. Maybe you should move on with this project and just fix the sink.

“PLEASE- LET’S JUST TRY TO MAKE THIS WORK. JUST TRY. FOR ME? FOR YOUR SON? FOR JAKE?”

You swing the pipe at her. You hit her right in the side of the head. She falls right on her back. She sits up and feels her wound. Blood is trailing from her eye and her forehead. Her hand shakes as she brings it down to her chest. She looks down at the blood on her fingertips with wide eyes and then looks back up at you.

You didn’t hit her hard enough to knock her out.

She is right.

You do need to eat something.

You swing at her again. She screams. You hit her again. You hear the sound of your wife gargling on her own blood. She is drowning in it. You smack her again. You are sure this time she is out cold. Just to be sure you hit her again. You hit her again. Her skull is starting to cave in. You hit her again. You see some of her teeth scatter on the floor. You hit her again. You hit her again. Bits of her skull crack and fling off to the floor. You see her brain start to drip out of the gaping hole you just made. You hit her again. You watch as her brain starts swelling and slipping out of the hole in her forehead. You hit her again. You hit her again. again. again. again. again. again. again. and again. again. again. again. and one final time. You remember the exact number of times you smacked her.

You drop the pipe and it rolls over to the other side of the garage. After the metal clinks to the floor and finishes rolling all you can hear is the humming of the soft blue light.

You take a minute and let the sight sink in. You see a pool of blood surrounding her head along with pieces of her skull and teeth, her blonde hair is completely stained with blood. She looks like an angel, surrounded by a nimbus. Everyone knew she was an angel. Sent to walk on the earth. To try to save your soul. She is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Only thing is... you didn't believe that angels existed back then. 

You go to pick up the pipe. You forgot you needed to fix the sink.

Wait, there it is.

The bolt rolled over to the other side of the garage.

You pick it up.

You hear your son cry.

Maybe it really is time you take responsibility for something.

First. You need to clean this mess up.

Just like you always do.


	58. Time Moves Slow

_The boy dressed in orange walks up to the witness stand, argues you raped him. You forced him into prostitution. You forced him to touch you. You forced him to do all those terrible things and what excuse do you have? Not for the court? Not for society? But for yourself? Do you really believe that destroying that boy was worth it? Yes. Every second of it. When his cherry red mouth wrapped around your tongue. When his snow white skin was dripping with sweet strawberry trails of blood. You watch his mouth as he speaks. You try to see if you can spot a glimpse of silver, no, you knew they took them out. You weren't thinking._

Now he is out of court, he’s with America’s little angel…

Once it happened, it happened. He had such soft pale white skin, and had a terrible sense of humor just like his mother. When you did it for the first time you couldn’t take it back. What’s done is done, you didn’t see a reason to stop. Sucking cock was all he was good for anyway. You enjoyed your time spent with your son. Breaking his soul was probably the most important thing you ever did in your life.

You enjoyed moving from place to place, never settling down, never allowing him to speak to people for too long, but he proved himself to be a good lay. He would get better and better and why keep it to yourself. You handed him out to other men for money. Money you didn’t need. You let him keep it, he earned it.

Your new hobby became destroying him. He was so easy to mess with but overtime he got used to his punishments. You couldn’t do anything to him that he wasn’t used to, and extreme violence just made his clients mad. They didn’t like seeing the damage on your best commodity.

You already confessed that you made him into a little whore, that you defiled him, that you raised him to be a broken person. He is a broken person. You still find it strange that America’s new favorite little angel wants to fix him, wants to hold onto his hand, wants to comfort him.  **Him** of all fucking people. Him. 

Dave never had a chance at ever being a real person, every semblance of his life was just another part of your plan. He was just a tool used to intimidate newcomers to your group. He was used to weed out the weak-links in your partnerships. He was raised to be a clog in your machine. Not a person.

Christ, that woman really tried you today, she was trying to get you to attack her. You were already prepared for a move like that. She wants to see you rot in hell too, that’s nice. You like her. She must think she understands your mind. Half the time you don’t even understand your own brain. Only restraint you ever have is when you know the consequences outweigh the pleasure. Getting a bullet in your skull today would have been just that. Still you like her nature, you can tell that she has a soul that was born tainted, born violent, just like yours. You were hoping that she would be fun to toy around with and she didn’t disappoint. She even fell for your little ploy of telling her where one SD card was buried. Now Dave is comfortable enough to tell her the locations of the rest, won’t be long before he digs up your favorite. You are really hoping you get to see that one. He knows where it is buried. You took him with you to bury it. He waited in the car after one of your meetings as you dug the hole. It’s in a special place actually, it’s buried behind the hotel that you took John from in one of the street mediums. You had to be quick so no one would catch you. No one knows where it is but you and Dave. Now, it’s just a matter of time.


	59. At Any Cost

You trail down the hall in your maroon heels over to the boy’s room. Standing out in the hall walking back from the bathroom is just the person you wanted to talk to. You explain to John that the police had just dug up more tapes from the locations that Dave had recently recollected. It was a shame that Dave was asked to rack his mind for so much information at once, it must have been hard to recall everything. However, this tape was particularly interesting to you because it was found outside of the hotel that John was kidnapped from. You suspected that the locations had some significance to Dirk Strider, now you feel that must be true. When you get done telling John about the tape and it’s interesting location John frowns at you.

“Did you see any of it?” John sounded downtrod again. This must be hurting him.

“I watched a bit of it with the cops to confirm it was indeed you.”

“What did you see?” John asks.

You didn’t know if you should tell him exactly what, but he was the one who lived through it.

“I apologize if this is blunt-“

“Please be, I would rather you be.”

“Very well. We found footage of Dirk forcing you to use a large sex toy.”

It isn’t very specific, just the start of what you saw to confirm that it was in fact those boys.

John narrowed his brow after you spoke.

“Oh, okay… Hey, Ms. Megido... since we are talking about this… I needed to tell you and the other lawyers something.”

“Alright, let’s get Dave first and then we can all talk about this when we get to the room.”

“See… the thing is this is… this is about Dave…I know that he doesn’t show it but this is all getting to be… a lot for him… He gets really in his head after he sees the tapes… I just think that we shouldn’t tell him there are more… If you find anymore I don’t really want you guys to let him know… He would beat himself up if he didn’t watch those videos with me… He is really protective… I think that you should all keep this from him.”

John wouldn’t look you in the eye when he spoke, his voice shook slightly. Something was off, but that does make sense to you... That John would want to protect Dave from more harm, even if it meant lying.


	60. Regret

You sat in between John and Ms. Pyrope, right at the middle of the table. Megido was right beside your boss. Dr. Serket beside John. It was strange that Dave was not here. Perhaps it is for the best, John knew Dave well and if John said that Dave might not be able to take it, then you understand keeping it from him. They have both seen enough of those tapes as it is. Maybe you already have enough evidence, however it is better you keep finding them and asking Dave for more locations instead of letting some unsuspecting innocent civilian find those horrid... god awful recordings.

The footage started up, Dirk was filming both of the boys on their bed again. They both looked to be the ages they are now. Dave was sitting up straight. He was wearing shades but you could tell by his posture he was watching John. John looked completely unnerved, he was rubbing his arms and he looked like he was trying to calm down. He wasn’t wearing handcuffs this time. Dirk handed Dave a white box wrapped up with a red bow. It looked like a gift... There's no way it really is...

“Happy belated birthday, little man. Open it up.”

You are sure whatever that gift is, it’s just something new and cruel to hurt those poor boys.

Dave started to nervously unwrap it. Peeling off the ribbon and lifting up the lid-

John stood up right next to you. You turned to face him. He was looking at the footage with no expression. He seems like he is completely emotionally shut down. He got out of his chair. You followed him with your eyes, he moved around the table, you had to turn your head in order to keep watching him. He walked up to the video camera. He took out the SD card. Taking it over to the table on the side of the room. There was nothing on it except for a large silver desk lamp.

“John, are you alright?” You could hear Dr. Serket scoot back in her chair.

He grabbed the light and placed the card on the table. Smashing it. Breaking apart the card with several hits.

“What in God’s name is he doing!?” Your boss raised her voice.

“John is destroying the memory card!” Megido alerted her. 

All of you got to your feet, calling for John to stop. You and Megido both ran at him. You took the lamp out of his hands yourself. She dealt with John.

“WHY DID YOU JUST DESTROY EVIDENCE?” Megido grabbed his wrist.

“Megido, take it easy…. he is still a victim.” You grabbed her wrist just as tightly as she was holding Johns. She loosened her grip on John’s arm. Although her face was blank you could tell she was enraged,

“Sit. Back. Down. **Now**.”

Megido dropped John's hand. She glared at him one final time before she made her way to the door.

“All of you. Wait here.” Megido did not find humor in any of this.

After she left the room Dr. Serket made her way over to John, “Why did you do that?”

John showed no emotion, no fear.

Dr. Serket tried to explain, “John, you understand you could get in a lot of legal trouble for doing that?” 

John walked back to his seat. Ignoring her. She looked devastated that he brushed her off.

“John, you need to understand. This is… what you just did…” Dr. Serket couldn’t find the words.

John wasn’t even listening.

Megido came back into the room. She was holding a USB drive in her hands.

“I always, always, keep backups." She held it up, using it to make her point to him. "John. We are going to watch what is on these.”

John finally decided to speak,

“I will not allow you to use those in court. At all. Do not. Play them.”

“John,” Dr. Serket tried to reason with him, “If you do not want to watch the videos that’s alright! If you had enough, you need to just say so. There is nothing wrong with-“

“It is better none of you know. It’s better if no one ever knows.” John flatly tells you.

Dr. Serket shook her head. “I don’t understand. John...”

“ **What** is on the tape?” Megido wasn’t putting up with this any longer.

John doesn’t give her a proper response, he just says “if you have any respect for me at all. Don’t play those videos.”

“You could get up to twenty years for destroying evidence. If I didn’t back these up you could have faced jail time, you understand that?” Megido sounded like she was threatening him. 

John began staring at the TV monitor again. He doesn't look a bit afraid.

“I would rather die, then Dave ever know.”

She actually shuttered at that, “We don’t have to tell him... but you do not need to give us permission to use these in court. We _are_ going to watch these.”

“What would be the point?" John sounds drained. "I already told you we aren’t using them.”

Dr. Serket spoke up, she was at his side now, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Regardless, John, if this is about something that Mr. Strider did to you that you don’t want Dave to know, you needn't worry, we will not tell him.”

“It was more than what he… did to me…” John shook his head.

“John," Dr. Serket used a nurturing, concerned voice, "tell me what is wrong with what is on those tapes.” 

John didn’t answer. You all gave him a full minute to speak. He was still staring dead ahead.

“We are going to watch them anyway.” Megido put the USB drive in the flat screen.

“Wait-“ Dr. Serket attempted to give John another chance at explaining his actions. “John, if this is about enjoying sex with Mr. Strider, know that–“

“It’s worse than that.” He still wasn't looking at her.

She didn’t say anything to that. You could see her visibly shaking.

Megido started playing the footage, Dave got the present, he finished opening it.

There was a huge black sex toy, it had to be about a foot long, it was thick in the middle.

“Custom build. Use it on him.”

John was looking down at the floor, unnerved.

You watched your hands instead of the tape for a while as John was getting prepped by Dave. Dave finished and you decided to look back up. The two of those boys were applying lubricant to the black toy, Dirk stepped towards the both of them, unzipped his pants and held up his semi-erect penis towards John. "Rub.” Dave moved to grab it and started working him with both hands. “I meant John.” Dave started working his mouth on him too. “I didn’t say suck.” Dave pulled him out of his mouth. He pumped his fist around him and rubbed his tip with his palm, “You’re lucky you’re good with your hands.” Dave kept working him. You stare at the lamp that John just picked up. What exactly is on this tape that John doesn’t want anyone to ever see? You would hate to ever refer to what happens on these tapes as ‘normal’ but there is nothing out of the ordinary about these tapes for how the usually go.

Dirk sat down in the desk chair, he continues to masturbate as he watches John. John sounded like he was trying to suppress his moans, he fit the entire thing inside of him. His breathing was heavy, you focused on Dave instead because he was fully clothed. Just watching John as he moved up and down the- suddenly, it started vibrating. John began jittering as well. He was shaking and trying to sit up straight. You decided to look at your hands again. The humming of the vibration suddenly got louder and faster. John was panting, moaning and shivering. It went on like that for a while, you began fiddling with your hands, trying to just get through this. John sitting right next to you is making you even more agitated, even if John seems so stone-faced, this is still awkward and difficult for everyone in the room.

“Look at that,” Dirk sounded amused, he was holding up a remote and showing it to Dave. “I have what it takes to fuck ‘your boyfriend’ right.”

Dave shot a quick glance at the camera, he seemed expressionless but you learned enough about him to know he must have felt devastated at that comment. You felt a twinge of pain in your chest. Dave is a good kid, he didn’t deserve any of this. You were glad that he wasn’t in the room. He didn’t need to see this. You looked over at the John sitting to your left. He still had on a stone-face, the kind you would usually see Dave wear. Whatever is on this tape must be too emotionally taxing for him to bear.

_“Dave – ah - **Choke me!”** _

The John in the tape was nearly screaming. You looked back at the flat screen, Dave followed John’s instruction and began wrapping both his hands around his neck. You looked back down at your hands, you can’t wait for this to be over but you are sure the boys felt infinitely worse during that.

“There it is. That’s it.”

At the sound of Dirk’s voice you return your focus to the monitor, John was completely out of breath as he... finished. Dirk began slouching in the desk chair, pleasuring himself. Dave let go of his grip around John. He fell flat, backwards onto the bed. Convulsing. Dave pulled the toy out of John. Dirk pointed the camera more towards Dave’s direction, “Your turn.” Dave grabbed some more lubricant from the nightstand. You look over at your boss, Megido is whispering to her, describing what is happening on screen that she cannot hear. She seems to be wearing a questioning look, sometimes she can be so hard to read but right now you are sure she is searching for what it is that John was afraid to show everyone. Just then you hear Dave grunt. You look back. Dave had completely stripped naked and began convulsing, he fit the entire thing inside of him and then instantly orgasmed.

“Keep riding it.” Dirk demanded.

Dave was struggling to stay up. You looked back at your boss, she was holding her head with one hand. Lightly tapping the desk with the other. She seemed impatient.

Dirk spoke again, “Realized just now I spiked something with crushed Viagra again? Care to venture a guess of what it was?”

Dave was practically screaming.

“You can’t even think right now.” He was still talking to Dave. "It was the power-aid."

John began to stir, sitting up. Looking over at Dave.

John looked back at Dirk and glared at that man.

_“Did you like it, angel?”_

The John beside you winced at his words.

The John in the tape mouthed the words, _‘fuck you.’_

Dirk laughed. That was strange.

Strange for a number of reasons, but mostly… didn’t Dave say that Dirk does not laugh.

This could just be him messing with John, after all, he just did a number on those boys.

Dave is still frantically moaning. The camera focuses on him as he moves his hands to his pen-

“Don’t touch yourself. Whores don’t get that luxury.”

Dave put his hands down and started moaning “ _Jo- Jo -ah- John!”_

John took it as a cue to get off the bed and on his knees. He began pleasuring him.

You looked back at your boss, she was now covering her upper lip with her index finger and a relaxed hand. Megido, still describing everything that she couldn’t hear for her.

You look over at the John sitting next to you, his eyes were narrowed, watching the scene with contempt. You looked at Dr. Serket, she was focused on her client and sat facing him instead of the screen. She gave you a quick glance, then she looked back down at John. She must be worried about if John is going to be in any legal trouble. If he is going to be, you are going to vouch on his behalf. This case is emotional, and highly personal to John. Whatever he was reacting to, you are sure that the other prosecutors will understand when they see it.

Dirk rolled the chair over to get a better look at John. He lowered his voice, “angel.”

John didn’t respond.

“John.”

John slipped Dave out of his mouth and continued pumping him. He looked at Dirk with pure loathing.

“Come on, get over here.”

John shook his head and looked back at Dave.

“He won’t know, he’s braindead when he gets like this. Get that fat ass over here.”


	61. You Didn't Know

You are sure that you caused a scene just now. You do not care. Your point is at least clear.

“Angel, don’t make me ask twice.”

 _He_ kept his voice lowered, didn’t even make himself sound stern with you. He sounded like he was begging for you to walk over to him. You turned your head to look at him. You remember that he was working himself and that he was biting down on his lower lip. You hated when he looked like that. He gave Dave a belated 'birthday gift.' His birthday was five months before the time of the recording... you knew this is really all just about you...

“Come on, you fucking tease.”

Your hair looks soft. Your hands are delicately placed on Dave’s thighs. Your eyes were a blizzard blue. Your mouth was parted open. Your face was flushed, like you were blushing. At that very moment everything about you was desirable.

You fucking hate how good you looked when you looked over at him, that’s the kind of look only Dave deserves to get. Dave was so loud, nearly screaming at how much was inside of him at once.

“Didn’t I just get you off? I think you should return the favor.”

Dave began buckling underneath your hands, he was begging you to suck him more.

You took him into your mouth again, quickly pumping him with one of your hands.

“John.” Mr. Strider raised his voice over Dave’s cries. “Stop sucking him off. You know whores don’t get that luxury.”

You slipped Dave out of you as slowly as you could, you slipped off your hand just as slow.

You sternly looked at Dirk and mouthed the word ‘no.’

He whispered, “Let’s not fuck around here, suck me off or I’ll break one of Dave’s legs.”

You got up and walked over to him as slowly as you could, at the time you were walking that slow because you wanted to spare every second that you weren’t touching him. Now, watching the tape you realize that from his perspective how alluring you actually looked.

You got to your knees and started sucking him off. You didn’t tease him. You jumped right into deep throating him just so he could finish as soon as possible.

“ _Shit_ … you don’t fuck around.”

You kept working him. He wanted more than what you were giving him. He grabbed the back of your head and started thrusting into your mouth. You couldn’t breathe at all, you wanted it to stop. You wanted it to be over. You remember the taste of your own tears and the drippings from your nose. He pulled your head back off of him and started beating himself. You looked down at the floor again. You recalled you stared at the wooden floor, you traced the outlines of the planks of wood with your eyes just to take your mind off of him. Suddenly there was a white, sticky pile where you were looking.

“I’m sorry you can’t swallow my load, angel.”

Both versions of you vocalize your hate for that pet name under your breath, _“ugh.”_

“We have to make it look the way it normally does. Picture what Dave would think if he didn’t see anything. If he figures out about us he would probably freak out and try to kill me. You know I would just kill him, or worse… but if I killed him it would just be the two of us together. What a nightmare that would be for you, right? I know you said that if Dave wasn't around you wouldn't be either but... angel, come on… give me a chance... we can make this work.”

You are staring at the floor.

“Look at you.” He grabbed your face. “You want to get fucked by a real man, and you got sacked with…” He pointed the camera over to Dave, he’s unhinged and crying out these unintelligible moans. He moves it back to you. “God, you poor thing. I know just how you feel. No one is violent enough for you? No one can fuck you the way you really want... I can be that guy, you just have to give me the chance.”

You watch yourself in the video, you looked over at Dave who was off screen. You were watching him.

“I know you _love_  Dave. My poor broken angel. My poor darling.”

He started petting your hair, you slapped him off of you.

You mouthed the word _‘stop!’_ you looked angry and worried.

You didn’t want Dave to notice.

The camera moved down, the picture on the monitor was now just showing the wooden floor.

The camera picked up the audio. He was smelling you.

_“Fuuuuuck. I bet God smells like you.”_

He shivered as he spoke to you, his voice breaking, like a delusional fucking pervert.

You felt sick, in the tape and just now.

That man was completely nauseating.

Off screen he was lightly grazing your neck with his teeth.

Trying to resist biting into you.

Failing.

Gnawing into your collar bone, breaking skin.

You whispered to him, “You’re going to leave marks,” a plea to stop.

He pulled away, breathing heavily on your skin.

He lifted the camera up to your face, there was a faint neon glow from above your head. Blue and Red lights. Blue and Red against the pitch black. Blue and Red glowing like a halo.

He lifted his other hand to trace your neck. “My pure angel.”

“Stop.” You smacked his hand away, “Dave is still in the room.”

“I know and I know you love him, I know you want to keep fucking him. I’m not asking you to leave him. I listened in on a lot of your conversations, you seem to have him wrapped around your little finger. He is already your little sex slave. When I said I would give you anything you want, I meant it. You remember when we both used to fuck Dave together? We could do that every day if you want.”

You looked into the camera, a look of both disbelief and disgust.

“If you give in, I will never touch him again like that if you want. I’ll make Dave _your_ little bitch. Look, he’s already completely fucking brainless. A stupid fucking braindead cock whore-"

You spit at him. Spit landed directly between his eyes. You were looking him dead in his actual eyes and not into the camera.

He was staring at you. You recall it was a completely blank stare.

“You can take my body, you can hurt me all you want. I don’t care  **what** you do to me. I’m not leaving Dave. **Ever.”**

The room was completely silent. The room you are in now is completely silent.

He grabbed your hair, lifting up your head. You didn’t show any fear as he dragged you up to his face.

“You drive me fucking wild, angel, you are a divine punishment.”

You glared at him.

He deserved whatever pain you brought him.

He still deserves more pain.

“Just keep doing what you’re doing to me, just keep killing me.”

You flinch at his words like he was gearing up to hit you.

He let go of your hair, placing you back down. He started stroking your face.

“...My darling, my divine, my love, my sweet, my nymph...”

You didn’t want him to want you. He was disgusting and vile and fucking horrible.

You glared at him.

He put his filthy hand up to your face. He glided his thumb over your bottom lip. Lowering it. The very tip of your tongue caught a taste of his skin, it was so repulsive you felt like it burnt you, just like ash.  

“You are so fucking pretty when you’re pissed. God, I want you… When you’re done having your fun with Dave let me know. When you are tired of being a slave, I’ll be _yours._ You will finally own someone you deserve to conquer. I’ll let you destroy my mind. I will consume your wine. The day you get bored of him is the day you begin to truly live.”

You looked down at the floor again.

“Don’t do this now…” you asked him to stop.

He moved the camera again, he began kissing you. The audio couldn’t pick up the sounds of him spreading apart your lips with his tongue. Dave’s moans and the sounds of the vibrator continued in the background. You remember that all so clearly... you wish you didn't.

He pulled away from you, breathing the words, “I love how you taste” into your mouth.

You shuttered. Even now you feel a chill go down your spine.

He fixed the camera to look at your face again.

“You were such a good little boy, you want to go finish off Dave, angel?”

You didn’t know how you looked then, but you can see your face now. When he asked you the question, your eyes lit up. With the slightest, tiniest nod of your head you answered.

He flicked the camera over to Dave. “Go on.”

He filmed you sucking off Dave. Violently, desperately sucking him off till he finished in your mouth. You kept working him until he was completely soft. Dave’s legs were wrapped around your neck, he wrapped his hands around your head and leaned in to you as you milked him dry. He was still grunting. When he had enough he let you go. Your face was smeared with his semen from the two other times he came. It was dripping from your forehead and your glasses.

“Angel.”

You shot him an angry look for using his disgusting nickname for you when Dave could hear. You cleaned him off with his usual towel and wiped your own face off.

He grabbed the remote off of the desk and turned off the vibrator.

You removed the toy from inside him.

Dave looked like he really was braindead, he still had an erection.

“Dave, are you okay?” 

His eyes were shut.

“Dave. Come on. Get up.”

You're voice was hoarse but you kept trying to get him up.

“Looks like we are alone.”

You look back at the camera. Cum was still dripping from your face.

Your eyes looked frightened.

“Angel, I want to make another confession.”

You knew he meant another one of his insane ramblings. You looked away from him.

“ 'At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.’ A delight like you doesn’t just come around every day, you enjoy pain. You would take any punishment that Dave would give you and enjoy every sensation. Yet he doesn’t want you like that. He doesn’t crave you like I do. We are perfect for each other aren’t we? We are both sick. You are the only thing, the only thing, I’ve ever known that made me feel like this.”

You sat back down on the floor. You felt to uneasy to keep standing.

“I know you love Dave. My poor broken angel, If you weren’t in love with him you could run out. Run to the police and fuck over the two of us...but you can’t leave Dave alone with me... because I’m a fucking demon, and you’re his little guardian angel. So sweet, so pure. He’s going to be all alone with me… you can’t leave him behind.”

You kept watching Dave.

“I know the only two fucking things you care about are Dave, and sex. That’s why you always read books isn’t it? You need the distraction from how fucked up and dirty your mind is. You’re such a fucking pervert. Don’t think I don’t know all the fun little things you ask Dave to do to you, God, you needed to be choked to get off even after all of that. I could strangle you till you pass out, you think you'd like that?”

You looked down at your hands, you thought you were going to be sick, he was so revolting. His words were seeping into you, disturbing your mind and twisting your stomach.

“Come on, angel... please, he won’t give you what you need. He can’t fuck you the way you need it.”

You shuttered.

“I can fuck you anyway you like. I can get you anything you want too.”

“Why?” You asked him, you were on the verge of tears, “just tell me why?”

You were begging him, to know why he choose to torture you in such a bizarre way... you didn't believe... any of this was real.

He kneeled down in front of you, putting the camera in your face as you stared at him.

“Because I love what you do to me.”

He started touching your collar.

“I love that you torment my mind, every hour of the day.”

He laced his fingers around the buckle.

"I think I love torturing myself just as much as I love you.”

He unlatched your collar.

You had to grab it and put it back on. Dave couldn’t know he took it off of you.

He gave you a small chuckle as you scrambled to put it back on.

“Your trapped here in more ways than one aren’t you? I feel the same.”

You glared up at him, still with tears in your eyes.

“Why must I continue walking down a dead end path? What worth is there in striking down the innocent? Striking down the guilty? There is no worth in anything, except for you. I will give up my life. We can move wherever you want. I would do whatever you want. I will prove that too you. Name something you want. Anything. I’ll give it to you.”

“I want you… to stop.” You were still perched on the floor.

“No. Name something. Now.” He was still looming over you.

You didn’t want anything, especially if it was from him.

Still... you said what you really wanted.

“I want to see the stars.” You were staring at Dave’s legs.

“You only want me to take you to see the stars?”

“I want Dave to come too.” You rubbed Dave’s knee.

“No. Just the two of us.”

“Then forget it.” You put your hand back down and looked up at him.

You knew he wouldn't agree to that, it might have revealed his intent on... _potentially_ courting you... You were certain that he would not want you to leave the apartment complex too. 

“No. You are going now. No matter what. Say exactly what you want.”

He decided to let you leave anyway. You were repulsed by that... he seemed certain that you wouldn't fight him as he drove you to the outskirts of the city.

You thought you would put in an impossible request. Something he couldn’t actually give you...

“…No cuffs. No collar. I want to wear clothes, and not yours, I want my own. I want you to buy me my own car. I want you to drive me out of the city. I don’t want you to talk to me the entire drive unless you need to. I want my own iPod filled with music. Noise canceling headphones. A silk blanket and a cooling pillow. I want snacks too, Pop-tarts, gushers, food. Afterwards I want to go to a five star hotel. Nothing less. We get a room with two separate beds. You don’t touch me. At all. The entire time. In any way.”

He took a moment to process your request.

“You’re being difficult on purpose.”

“If you do all of that. Then you’ll prove it to me. Touch me at all in anyway I’ll know your just fucking with me to try to get me to leave Dave. I’m damn sure that’s what you are doing. You want to prove otherwise. Do that and I’ll start, **_start,_** to believe you.”

He paused for a moment. “Not touching you is going to be the hardest part.”

“If you don’t think you can do it, then forget the whole thing.”

He pointed at you, like a friendly point someone makes after somebody says something really worth noting, “I can figure something out.”

“Sure you can.” You didn't believe him.

He takes a moment to lay down some ground rules, still pointing his finger out at you, “Don’t talk to anyone other than me, under any circumstance. You don’t leave the car unless I tell you too. Don’t try to run.”

“Why would I run?” You'd never run out. He knows why.

He didn’t say anything to that.

You said nothing. 

The two of you understand... what an insult that was.

He spoke up again, making demands like he always does,

“You call me Dirk the entire time. And we are going to eat in our hotel room together, we are going to have a real date no more of this fake bullshit.”

“Forget the hotel then.” You breathe out the words. He sounded like he was serious, that made you angry... but mostly afraid.

He paused for a moment. You were sure he was angry, you were being difficult.

“We are going on a date. That’s final.”

“… I said I didn’t want to talk with you the entire way.” You sounded unamused.

“You said, word for word, ‘I don’t want you to talk to me the entire drive’ I have it on fucking tape. We are going to have a real date.”

“Fine. I thought this was about what **I** wanted though. You’re just using it as a way to get me to do what you want.”

“Why do you have to make everything fucking difficult?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted from me, picking you apart and destroying you.”

He paused for a bit. He knew you were right.

“Dave gets knocked out and suddenly you are fucking fearless. He really is holding you back.”

He made his way for the door, as he walked out he was still filming you.

“And I’m filming our date.”

“Do what you want. Your word is final anyway.”

He slammed the door shut.

He kept filming. There was nothing else left to film.

He walked out into the living room.

The camera picked up his heavy breathing, he’s normally completely silent.

“I got a date with John…”

He stopped walking.

“I actually got John to agree to a date with me…”

There’s a slight twinge to his voice, like he is… happy.

“and I got him to flirt with me…”

You didn’t. You didn’t do that at all.

“He’s such a Goddamn cock tease.”


	62. He Didn't Deserve It

You were angry with John. He destroyed the SD card, you grabbed his wrist and yelled at him for it. Now you think you might understand exactly why he didn’t want any of you to see it. Still, evidence is evidence. John had no right to destroy it. He is lucky you backed it up. You continue to describe everything to your boss as you watch the videos.

The next video that played you see John Egbert’s face, he is wearing a blindfold. You hear Dirk’s voice, “once I take it off, I won’t touch you anymore until we get back in the driveway.”

“If you jump me when we pull up into the driveway I swear, I’ll tell Dave about our trip.”

“If Dave finds out about us, I’m going to break your legs, you know that.”

“I don’t care.” John sounded so bitter, so angry, and yet still… so calm. "I don't want you touching me if I can prevent it."

He must have gotten used to Dirk doing things like this by the time he decided to let John leave the apartment. Dirk removed the blindfold with one hand, he seemed like he was taking his time untying the knot. He was rustling John’s hair until the thing got lose. He stepped back, you could see that John was wearing slightly baggy cargo shorts and a regular white shirt. Dirk turned the camera to reveal an expensive luxury car, it was a metallic silver slightly tinted to look blue. The camera panned back to John, his mouth was slightly agape. He looked shocked but mostly... scared.

“What do you think, angel?”

John didn’t say anything, he just looked over at the camera and back at the car.

“Just tell me what you think.” Dirk sounded almost like he was pleading. 

“I think… we should get in the car.” He sounded like he wanted to get that day done and over with.

“Not until you tell me if you like it.”

“It’s okay.” John looks tense as he shrugs. 

“Okay?” Dirk sounded slightly frustrated from his usual tone, “What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing,” John walked towards the front of the car, “it’s fine.”

“No. Tell me what is wrong with it.”

“There is nothing wrong with it. I just.." he sighed, "never cared about cars.”

“Maybe you will like it more when I tell you about it’s features.” You could hear a slight flare in his voice. Dirk sounded like he was trying to salvage this. Like he was somewhat desperate.

The camera was following John. He was standing right in front of the car, looking down at the car’s hood. There was a bouquet of blue roses placed on top of the hood for him.

“Take the roses with you inside.” Sounded like that was a demand from Dirk, not a suggestion.

“I have bad allergies.” You recall that John brought Dave roses, that might have been a lie.

“Fine, I will toss them.” He grabbed the bouquet and threw it in a receptacle, he slammed the lid.

Dirk muttered to the camera, “Everything is a fucking problem with you.”

You weren't sure If John heard that, still he replied, “I have a deadly peanut allergy too, just for future reference.”

“Why am I finding out about this just now?”

“Because I thought you were going to force me to eat peanuts and stab me with an epipen for the hell of it. You know you would have got that thought in your head.”

“You know me so well.” He sounded... happy with that.

Dirk walked John over to his side and opened the car door for him, it lifted up. John jumped back, he must not have expected the door to swing upward. Dirk stuck out an arm, like he was guiding John in. John lowered his eyebrows at him as he widened his eyes. John seemed offended at the gesture. Still, he followed his lead and entered the car. You could see two Fiji water bottles in the cup holders. Dirk began to describe the layout of the dark gray interior for him.

“It has heated seats, I had it custom built to have massage chairs and fiber optic lights. It is diamond stitched. When we get out of the city I’ll show you how fast it can go.”

“I don’t think you should.” John was leaning forward and looking out of the front window. "I said no talking the drive over, I don't want us getting pulled over."

Dirk shuffled the camera a bit. He seemed frustrated with John. He asked,

“Why don’t you take a look around?”

“I’m good.” John didn't care to indulge in any of this. 

“You don’t like it? I’ll buy you a new one.”

“I already told you, I don’t care about cars.”

You couldn’t see Dirk’s face, you couldn’t see him at all, still you could feel his frustration.

He closed the door and went over to the driver’s side and got in.

He pointed the camera at John, who was still facing forward.

“Look.” Dirk gestured with the camera for John to look behind him.

John just gave in and sighed, he must not have felt like fighting him.

Dirk angled the camera to show the back seats. There was two full rows of different boxes of Pop-tarts. There was a medium sized gift on the floor, wrapped with a blue ribbon. Next to it there was a sheet folded neatly underneath a fresh white pillow. There was a basket filled with packets of gushers, candy bars and foot roll ups. John grabbed the box and face forward again. He opened the gift in his lap. Throwing the lid and ribbon carelessly behind him. Digging out the iPod and headphones. He handed Dirk the empty box as he grabbed a box of Pop-Tarts, the sheet and the pillow.

“Do you like your gifts?”

“It’s what I asked for.” That didn’t sound like a yes or a no.

John put the pillow behind his back and spread the sheet out over him.

“Do you like the roof?”

John sighs, “sure.”

Dirk showed the camera the ceiling of the car's interior, there were soft white lights placed throughout the roof of the car, it looks like a night sky filled with stars.

Dirk readjusted the camera, you could see more of John’s face. Dirk was leaning forward.

“Let’s talk for a bit.”

Dirk wanted to talk with John, John looked like he just wanted the car to start.

John turned to look at him.

John lowered his head down and furrowed his brow.

Waiting on Dirk to speak.

Still, Dirk said nothing.

John settled back into his seat. “Okay, good talk.”

“I just want you to say how you actually feel.” Dirk spoke up.

“Really?” John looked back at him, “you honestly want that?”

Dirk said nothing. He didn’t move. He just watched John.

John sat back in his seat. He placed his hands over the box of Pop-tarts he grabbed.

“I can say whatever I want to you today, and you aren’t going to hurt me.”

He kept the camera focused on John.

John turned back to him once again.

He looked Dirk dead in the eye and said, “I can't fucking stomach you.”

John faced forward in his seat again, “I’ve always wanted to say that.”

John took a deep breath and sighed, “I know you can still hurt me when we get back, but you’re going to hurt me later anyway, for some stupid fucking reason. You’re just going to randomly break into our room and start beating me for nothing –and you say that you love me.”

“Fine, I’ll stop beating you at random if that’s what you want.” Dirk offered.

John looked at him, devastated. “Okay, got it. Now I know this is all a fucking ploy.”

John grab the door handle. Dirk locked the car. John unlocked it.

“Don’t get out of the fucking car. It’s not a lie.”

“You really mean it?” John sounded repulsed. “You are actually going to keep your word on that?”  

“I promise.” It sounded genuine.

John settled back down, fumbling with the pillow behind him,

“You should promise not to hurt me anymore at all.” John sighed.

“Don’t you like getting hurt?”

John doesn't reply to that.

“I know you do.” Dirk sounds proud of that... the mother fucker.

John turned his head to look out the window.

“Look at me.”

“-or what? What’s the threat this time?”

John kept looking outside.

It took a few moments before Dirk said anything to him,

“You are fucking fearless, you know that?”

“I’m not. I’m terrified of you. I just don’t care what you are going to do to me.” John shivered.

“What if I randomly start giving Dave beatings?”

John slowly turned back to face him, after John looked into the camera he looked down.

“Why is he your weak point? What is it about him that you love?” Dirk asked.

John didn’t say anything. 

“Is it that he treats you well? Bandages your wounds?”

“You mean the ones you gave me?”

Dirk took another brief pause before he spoke again,

“There isn’t anything he does for you that I can’t. I could treat you right, just like he does.”

John looked him in the eye. He let out a small laugh in disbelief.

“You really think that?” You see one of John's eyes slightly twitch. “You are delusional.”

“I could do anything to you.” Dirk told him.

“Yeah, anything. I bet you could bring yourself to kill me too... I bet one day you will...”

John started shaking.

“I won’t. Ever.”

John kept trembling

“I really mean it. I really honestly, fucking mean that.”

John kept shivering, he held himself in his own arms.

“I’ll do anything for you.”

John was still shaking as he asked, “would you let me see my dad again?” 

Dirk didn’t respond.

John pressed him, “it’s a yes or no question.”

“I can figure something out.”

“Are you going to kidnap him too? Just because I said I want to see him?”

“No. I won’t. We’ll make up something about you running from home with Dave and then finding me, that isn’t completely a lie.”

“Would I have to pretend that I love you?”

“You **will be** in love with me.”

John shook his head while looking into the camera, he let out a deep breath.

There was a brief silence between the two of them. John settled back into his seat. He went back to looking out of the front window.

Dirk decided to start talking again, “Next time, I’ll let you pick out your own car. We’ll customize it exactly the way you want.”

John kept staring forward, gazing out the front window.

“I’ll buy you anything that you want. I really mean anything.”

John doesn’t respond.

“I’ll buy you your own house if you really want. We could fly out anywhere in the world, I know a lot of places to eat in Japan. We could even travel around the world if you want.”

John doesn’t speak.

“I could buy you a yacht. Diamonds. All the books you want. You like the sheet? I can get you a new bed. Silk sheets, a heated mattress, with a gold bed-frame - anything you want.”

John kept looking ahead.

“I’ll even pay to fix your teeth.”

John winced at that, diverting his eyes out to the window next to him.

“What is it?”

John pause for a while, probably deciding if what he thought was worth saying.

“Spit it out.”

John turn back to look into the camera.

“You know you always told me my teeth were ugly, and that I was ugly because of it.”

“You are pretty despite your teeth.” Dirk corrected.

John looked up at him and then back down. Staring at nothing.

“Dave, told me my teeth were cute.” John replied.

“Yeah, probably cause his cock isn’t as big as mine.” 

John squinted his eyes at Dirk’s camera, he didn’t take well to that comment, or rather, anything said against Dave. John speaks up to defend him,

“I can say anything I want to Dave and I know he won’t beat me for it.”

“So you fell in love with Dave because he doesn’t hit you and he bandaged your wounds? Because he treated you like a person? Are you really that easy or is there more?”

Johns eyes widened, he looked away from the lens. That must have struck him.

“-or is it that you broke his mind so he is completely obsessed with you? God, before he left the house he gave me head so I wouldn’t touch you while he was out. He is so fucking whipped."

John looks back at the camera, “I would do the same for him.”

Dirk sighs, “I know you would. That’s what’s fucked up about it.”

“What’s fucked up is you raping us.”

John looked him dead in the eyes again. He was finished with Dirk. He let him know,

“You don’t know anything about me and yet you think you love me -and I don’t know anything about you. You didn’t tell me anything about your life, except for those times you raped me. I don’t even know how you got the money to pay for all of this.”

“I’ll tell you all about that on our date.”

John started up again, “I don’t even want to know anything about you. I don’t. I know everything I need to know. You’re disgusting and you do nothing but hurt the two of us because it’s how you get off. This is just some long ploy to fuck Dave over. I thought about it. The only way it makes sense in my head is you kidnapped me because you knew Dave loved me. You made me have sex with him to get me to love him too - which by the way isn’t why I love him - and now you are trying to win me over with all of this… this **shit** just so I leave Dave for you?"

John was frustrated, "then what are you going to do? Rub it in his face till he kills himself? Isn’t that right? You just want to break him.”

“I kidnapped you so he wouldn’t kill himself. Bet he never told you that.”

You felt your own heart sink. John must have felt the same way, his eyes started shifting.

John swallows down his burden, he speaks on Dave’s behalf,

“You didn’t want him to die… because you are just a coward who doesn’t know how to be alone.”

John looked into the camera, tears forming in his shifting eyes.

“Why..” He silently held out the syllable for a few seconds. “Why are you smiling?”

Dirk answers, “because you are already figuring me out.”

John’s eyes are in shock, he is shaking his head in disbelief,

“God... It’s fucking miserable just to speak to you.”


	63. For Dave's Sake

He took you to see the stars on the outskirts of the city. He waited by the car as you sat on top of the hood. You looked up at the stars, trying to find each constellation you could remember. There weren't that many stars out, there was still to much light coming from the city, the drive was irritating and there were bugs buzzing around your ear the entire time you sat outside. You were out for maybe five minutes when you decided to get back in the car. He followed, still saying nothing until you got to the hotel. The place was way to nice for how you were both dressed. He told you he had a change of clothes in his luggage case. He went alone to claim the keys to your room, you trailed around the lobby, looking at everything but then again, looking at nothing. You kept thinking about how you should have demanded he got you both two separate rooms. You were dreading going up to that hotel room. You saw a guard and you thought for a brief moment about saying something, you couldn't even begin to think of how to explain your situation, and anything that put Dave's life in danger... wasn't worth the risk. He knew that... that's why he let you walk around on your own. He knew you were going to have to follow him into the elevator, over to your room, do what he said, stayed quiet in the hall, you had to obey his wishes... 

For Dave's sake. 

He turned on the camera. A new video clip started to play.

There was piano music playing from somewhere off screen. You didn’t recognize the piece.

The room had Ivory walls with light golden-yellow details, it was spacious and contained a golden chandelier. There were two elegant beds, both wrapped with white silk sheets and fluffed up white pillows. Thankfully, there was a large space between the two of them.

_'Whole thing's so gaudy.'_

You recall sitting outside on the balcony for about an hour, looking out into the city. The distant city lights looked like reflections of the missing stars.

You watched people walking around the trailways below you. There were bright golden lights strung up on black lines of wire all around the paths.

There were thin lines of water tracing the outline of each walkway. A soft white light emanating through the pools of crystal blue water. A few stray red rose petals where left on the ground, the wind blew them into the streams.

There was a wedding going on downstairs. You wanted to keep watching. You saw the bride walk by, she was wearing a dress, as bright and as white as a shining pearl. It had an incredibly long trim. Her vail was drifting in the wind. You couldn’t see the ceremony. It must have been held somewhere nearby. You wanted to see it. You see another bride walking, wearing a dress with an even longer trim. Some people where helping her, walking behind her and carrying the fabric in their arms. The two of them must be getting married. You wanted to keep watching, you wanted to see the wedding. You couldn’t see any of it.

He slid open the glass door to say, “Everything is ready.”

When he called you to come inside you took a few moments to take one last look at the scene. No one was walking by anymore. The wedding must have started. You got up from your seat. You grabbed onto the railing and tried to see if you could view the wedding from where you were standing. You could. It was in the distance, it was hard to see, but you could still make out in the distance the bride with the longer trim walking down the aisle.

“What are you doing?” He sounded almost nervous.

You recall feeling a pit of dread seep into your stomach, you pointed at the ceremony.

“There is a wedding.”

He came out to see, he stood on the other side of the balcony, he must have been trying to resist touching you. He watched her walk down the aisle. You decided to go back inside, you don’t want to share this moment with him.

You sat down on your bed to the left of the camera, there were to small carts each with a silver steel tabletop covering what you assumed was steak at the time, judging by the smell of it. You didn't think your stomach could handle that, at that time you hadn’t eaten anything that hardy or tough in years.

He came back into the frame.

He was wearing a gray dress robe. No shades. 

He held two wine glasses, he poured sparkling white wine from a bottle into each of them.

“This is champagne, it’s imported directly from the Champagne region of France.”

He set it down on your tray, you picked it up and looked at it.

"Here in America anyone can label sparkling white wine as champagne" as he blathered on you tried your best to ignore him, still you took a sip. "-all champagne is actually imported from-" You made a bitter face at the taste of it. It was sour and way too carbonated.

“This is awful.” You interrupted him.  You held the glass away from your face.

“-You don’t like it, what do you want? I’ll have them bring up anything.”

“I’m fine.” You placed the drink back on the tray in front of you.

“No. I am serious. Anything.”

“I don’t know anything about drinks, okay? all I know is how to take fireball shots.”

“You want some?” He asked.

“Why? So you can get me tipsy?”

“Angel, I said I wouldn’t touch you.”

You looked away from him, you held onto yourself again. You started rubbing your shoulders, “I don’t actually like fireball. I like drinks that are... sweet.”

“I’ll get you whatever you want. Name it.”

“I don’t know the names of any drinks.”

“You want a mojito?”

“Sure.” You just wanted him to leave you alone.

He put in a call. You drummed your fingers on the tray. You rested both your elbows on the cart, holding up your head with one of your hands. When you made this deal you didn’t think he could actually pull through, you are curious about how he paid for this. You looked at the clock on the wall, it was about midnight. You were wondering where Dave was staying for the night. You wondered if he was alright on his own. You wanted to see him again. You missed him. You ached for him. You could hear _him_ tell the staff it they brought it up immediately they would get a hundred dollar tip extra.

“It’s on its way up.”         

You paused before you responded, “alright.” You had to stop yourself from saying thank you, he doesn’t deserve you being polite to him, in fact he doesn’t deserve any of this.

“You enjoying yourself so far?”

“Whatever.”

“You want anything else before we eat?”

You sighed, “No.”

He continued sipping on his wine. Not sitting down. Waiting on your drink.

The entire thing feels worse than awkward, it feels sickening.

You felt irritable so you asked him, “why are you wearing a robe?”

“It’s comfortable.”

“Are you wearing anything underneath it?”

“…no?”

“wow, okay.”

“These are dress robes.”

You were rubbing your temples, saying under your breath, “great.”

“Thank you.” The sound of him being grateful for something you said aches you to your core.

“That wasn’t a compliment.” You didn’t think you could put up with that shit for long, you tried to insult him again. “Why do you smell like a luggage case?”

“It’s cologne.”

You sighed out the word, “nice.”

He held up his glass of wine. “You look nice yourself.”

You meant to sound condescending. You sighed.

“You made me wear this.” You were wearing a black suit with a white shirt, he bought you dress shoes and even though they look no different to you, new designer black rimmed glasses. He made you change when you got in the room as he went to get a bottle of his stupid awful wine.

“Well, you look good.” He nodded.

“Thanks for the compliment. I’ll remember that next time you rape me.”

He muttered under his breath. _“God.”_

“Oh, I think you are living proof he doesn’t exist.”

“Listen, John, I really want to just _try_   to have a normal dinner date with you. No touching, no sex, just something… normal.”

You looked at him, mouth wide open, in disbelief, “You kidnapped me, raped me, cut of my finger and you want a normal date… with me?”

“We can try.”

“There’s nothing normal about any of this.”

“I know that, I’m aware of the situation, I am actually attempting to prove to you that I am serious about all of this, that I really do, honestly, love you. Just like you asked me too.”

“Okay, let’s say that you prove that to me. What makes you think I will love you back?”

“I have faith you eventually will.” He closed his eyes and nodded to himself.

You shook your head, your mouth hanging open. Your brow lowered.

“Be honest with yourself, you think _anyone_  will ever, actually grow to love you?”

“Believe it or not, John, **a lot** of people did.”

You didn't believe that still you replied, “they didn’t know what you were.”

“True, most of them didn’t, but you have to admit that I have a head on my shoulders and quite good looks.”

“And you are a narcissist. Is that why you are always pleasuring yourself?”

“I’m jacking off to you.”

“I was always so sure you were jacking off to Dave struggling, don’t think I didn’t hear you tell Dave that you can 'fuck me right' a week ago-”

He interrupted you, “would it really be so bad if Dave knew we were fucking?”

“I would get my legs broken so… yes.”

“I can take back my threats you know, if we tell him together-“

“I would rather get my legs broken then for him to ever find out.”

“God. You know you could put some real effort into this date, you could give me a chance.”

“Putting effort into a date with my lover’s brother...? Why? Besides, you fucked this whole thing up already.”

“What did I do? What did I fucking do that pissed you off so fucking much? I didn’t fucking touch you. You’ve been pissed the whole ride over.”

“You **leaned** over and **smelt me** in the car!”

“So!? You didn’t say anything against that.”

“Who the fuck raised you? Dave at least has a reason to be weird, he wasn’t taught better.”

“I raised myself.”

“Oh God.” For a second you actually sounded somewhat sympathetic, “I can’t imagine what it has to be like to be you…”

“John.”

“…It has to be so lonely, and horrible every moment of your life…”

He didn’t say anything.

“Everything you do is so repulsive, everything you say is so fucked up.”

“Hold on-"

“I can't stand being around you for even a second-" You quickly brought you, "Dave told me you started raping him when he was really young.”

“Stop fucking talking about Dave during our date.”

“No. Didn’t you say I can get whatever I want? Well I want to talk about him and what you did to him!”

He walked away from you.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He was rubbing his forehead with one of his hands.

“Thank-fucking-God.”

As quickly as you said that, he grabbed the lamp off of the nightstand and threw it to the floor. Breaking it in to splinters. You jumped back, frightened.

He walked off of the screen. You hear a door shut.

You sat in silence for a while. Looking back out the window, trying to see the lights.

You looked around the room and nervously gripped onto the sheets beneath your hands.

You looked down at your shoes. You haven’t worn shoes in what felt like forever.

You felt a pain inside your chest, it was a deep, loathing for  _him_ and an aching spiteful despair. Your grief for the situation was so strong, so pure, so you grabbed one of the pillows from your bed and screamed into it. When you finished you just rubbed your face into the pillow. Messing up your glasses as you smear the cushion across your face. You threw it back to where you found it. You fell down onto the bed and turned your head back to the analog clock. Hardly anytime had passed at all. You groaned as you sat back up.

Suddenly, there was a knocking on the door. 

You shot a glance at the door off screen. You aren’t allowed to talk to anyone.

You scratched the side of your head. Waiting for him to come back out.

The bathroom door opened, he took the drink and paid, slipping them the hundred he promised. He walked back on screen and sat the drink down on the tray as he took your wine glass. he sipped onto your old reject champagne, you could have sworn you saw him shutter, like he was getting off to drinking it. You winced at the recording. The you in the tape took the drink. 

“Try it, if you don’t like it I’ll get you another.”

You lowered your eyes at the drink, you could have just kept him busy by claiming it’s terrible and asking for another. That would involve speaking with him. You took a sip and tried it, you actually liked the way it tasted. It was minty, and sweet with a sugary syrup. You admitted you thought it was good, “I like this.”

He smiled.

You shuttered.

Last thing you want is to make him happy.

Although you were still very much convinced that he was just putting on an act, there was something so… disturbed about it. He would shake when he touched you, it didn’t ever feel forced, it felt like he was trying to control himself. In that moment, thinking about the way he had been acting around you, that was scaring you. Scaring you enough that you were hesitant to make that move and yet still, you made it anyway.

You smacked the drink, letting it knock down to the floor.

His smile fades. He doesn’t say anything. He just lifted up your silver table top to reveal to you, a rare steak with a side of mashed potatoes.

He went over to his side of the room, you stopped watching him you just started poking at your steak with a fork. Eventually you grabbed a knife, you tried to cut it apart. You were doing a terrible job, you were so on edge, you were shaking. You put down the knife and started poking at your food with a fork again. You took one bite of the mashed potatoes, it was covered with chives and butter but it had no taste to you, you couldn't focus on any sensation at that moment. You circled your fork around the pile of potatoes, blankly staring at your plate. You started thinking about how the rest of this  _date_ was going to go...  You supposed, at that time, that you could ask him any question and say anything back to him and he couldn't hit you. You thought that maybe it was worth asking this,

“What is it that made you fall in love with me?”

He raised his eyebrows slightly at the question, he must have been excited that you were attempting to make conversation.

“There are a lot of things I love about you. For starters you are able to take any punishment given to you. You desperately attempt to protect Dave, even if it means you are going to be hurt yourself... a little guardian angel. I broke your leg once, I cut of your finger, I would force you to do anything... and you still spat in my face. You don’t fear punishment. You do whatever it is that you want to without fear of the consequences.”

“You… called me a punishment and said that I consumed your mind, is being in love with me painful?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I’m glad.” You were. If that wasn’t all just an act. If it was you were sure you were definitely going to get the shit whipped out of you later.

You took a bite of the rarest part of your steak. A trail of grease and blood dripped down your chin. On instinct you grabbed the silk napkin. Normally you would wipe yourself off with some of Dave’s clothes or the sheets. You would hate to admit it but that was a nice change of pace, it wasn't his doing anyway, it was the hotels. It feels so soft in between your fingers. You rubbed it with your fingertips for a bit and then lift it to wipe your face.

“Wait.”

You gave him a questioning look, you didn’t move any further. At the time you didn’t understand what he was trying to keep you from doing. You looked at the rag in your hands. Were you not supposed to use it? You set it back down. You then prepared to use the back of your hand instead, lifting it up.

“I said wait.”

You mouthed the word ‘what?’

He was just staring at your mouth. You slowly brought up your hand, touching the bottom of your chin with the tip of your middle finger. You saw the red color of the oil mixed with blood. You looked back at him, your chin was quivering.

“Don’t wipe your face till you’re done eating.”

You were so disturbed by that. You opened your mouth to speak, silently lingering on the first syllable until you worked up the stomach to say, “I am done eating.”

“Just a few more bites.”

“…or?"

"I’ll break Dave’s wrists."

“Fine.”

He kept staring at you while you ate more of your steak. It made you feel even more nauseated. You tried to ignore him but his gaze was searing into you.

“You know,” you put down your silverware, “It really makes me uncomfortable that you are watching me like that.”

“Sorry.” He apologized but he just kept doing it.

You took a deep breath and held it for a while, when you exhale you shiver. He was just so repulsive and disgusting. He **is** just so repulsive and disgusting. “Just… why do you actually like me? It can’t just be that I defend Dave, that makes no sense.”

“Well.” He put down his silverware too, “You’re pretty handsome.”

He paused like he expected you to thank him.

“You’re compassionate, in a relentless way. Damn near violent.”

He pauses again, still you say nothing. He starts up again,

“You hate me. You even said it to my face a few moments ago, you know the kind of man I am at heart. I believe that you are the only person I have ever met that has the resolve, the ambition, to destroy me from the inside-out.”

You had to take a moment before you responded to that. “You are right about that.”

“See.” He raised a hand, gesturing that you understand him. All you really understood was that he was ill. “That's the reason that I love you, you are honest and stouthearted.”

You rolled your eyes over to the camera, as you sighed.

“You have the heart to decimate every single part of my soul.”

You felt the skin around your nose scrunch up.

“You are a small sliver of heaven blessing this Earth. You're heavensent, divine.”

He sounded at ease as he spoke. You looked back at your food you took another deep breath. You just let him talk.

“That… and you can take a cock.”

That was it. That was your breaking point.

You grabbed the tray and threw it to the ground.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” He sounded frustrated.

“I am going to sleep. This date is a **nightmare**. Just watch me while I sleep and jack off or something. I don’t care.”

“I just- John- that was a fucking compliment.”

“I love you because you are a cockwhore **is not a complement!** I fell in love with Dave because he **listens** to me! **You Don’t!** ” You were kicking off your shoes and taking off your stupid fucking watch. 

“I didn’t know you would hate that.”

“Well I do… Thank you for the date," you mock him, saying the words with sophistication and contempt. "Goodnight, I expect you beat the shit out of me in the evening, that will be **more pleasant than this!** ” 

He got up and he sat on your bed. You were facing away from him, already laying down under the sheets. Blood still trailing down your chin, you couldn't do anything about it. 

“What is it you want? From me?”

“I want you to kill yourself.”

“If I had a nickel...”

“Leave me alone. Go to your side of the room. Let me just..... give me space.”

“Okay, I can do that.” He got up and sat on the other bed. “What else?”

“Grab a belt and hang yourself.”

“Why don’t I choke you with it instead?”

“You **touch me** I’ll scream rape.”

“Why don’t you just do it? If you hate being here so much? Why don’t you?”

“Because.  **Dave!** ” You looked back at him.

“Fucking Dave, every fucking time. Fine I get it, you love him. God. I can’t fucking do anything about that, If I kill him you’re just going to kill yourself.”

“Yep. Good talk, you have me all figured out. Goodnight.”

“Not yet. I want to tell you about myself.”

“No. I don’t care. There’s no good reason for why you're like this.”

“I don’t want to talk about my past, I wanted to tell you about how I make my money.”

“Don’t care. Goodnight, Mr. Strider.”

“Call me Mr. Egbert for today.”

“Fuck.” You actually sat up for that, you looked him in the eyes and shook your head. Your face was filled with disgust. “That is the most... **revolting**... thing you **ever** said to me.”

“… Just let me talk.”

“Do you get off on this? On us arguing?” You kept ignoring his words.

“I am a hitman for hire.”

You didn’t say anything. 

“It's rare that I actually get any requests, most people can't afford my services."

You just stared at him.

"I also help smuggle drugs through the border, as well as tracking people. I run two illegal online servers and I sell videos on the deep web. I have a very diverse portfolio, speaking of which I own stocks and I have a few freelance jobs, somethings I do are actually legal.”

You don’t say anything.

“Are you actually letting me talk now-"

“Can you give me a million dollars?”

“For what?”

“I want to at least take your money and put it into a charity. If I can take money from you and use it for something good..." You felt your throat scratch up. "I can at least put that money towards a cause that **actually** means something.”

“Just a million?”

“What the fuck?” You said under your breath, you speak up again, “Give me all of your money then.”

“You marry me, it’s all yours.”

“I’d rather get that fucking bullet in my skull.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“I would rather bash my own skull in.”

“Stop talking like that-“

“Why? I thought you got off to the thought of me killing myself!”

“No, not that - and I don’t- don’t talk about skulls and bullets. I don’t want to think about him.”

“The guy you made me dress up as?”

“Don’t talk about it.” He was rubbing his temples like he was getting a headache.

“Are you going to freak out and start hitting me?”

“Just- stop talking about that…”

“Okay, great. Goodnight.”

You turned around again and started trying to get to sleep.

“This conversation isn’t over.”

“You can beat me and force me to listen to your insane ramblings tomorrow. Just let me try to pretend you aren’t here.”

“John. I am going to order another plate of food and you are going to eat it.”

“No.”

“John. I am actually, being patient with you.”

“Okay,” You sit up again. “Here’s how it’s going to go. I am going to give you a chance on this date. You start charming me with your good looks and your wit. I order more drinks just because you’re going to buy me anything I want. I get a bit tipsy. I get horny. I agree to let you get me off because I am a braindead fucking idiot who only thinks about sex. I only want sex. I only care about sex and Dave apparently, okay, that just shows how much you really know about me.”

“John- that is the point of this. I want to get to actually know you.”

“Didn’t you spy on me and Dave? Not that I want to give you any ideas, but you seem like the kind of fucking loser who used a spy cam.”

“I didn't." He seemed **actually** frustrated with you. "All the two of you ever did when I was in the apartment was fuck! When you would stop to talk you would just make these stupid fucking jokes to each other- that - or you would pick apart Dave’s sexual psyche.”

There was a brief pause between you two.

“John, just tell me about yourself.”

“Well, I was kidnapped a few years ago by a fucking psychopath - or sociopath, whatever you are - and I didn’t leave that apartment I was kept in for years _until today!”_   You did your best to fake sounding happy, your voice cracking and your body was still shivering.

“That’s it… isn’t it?”

“What?” You sounded annoyed. “What is it that you think you understand about me?”

“You like jokes?”

You paused. You breathed a deep sigh out of your nostrils.

“That used to be the first thing people would find out about me. If you knew anything about me at all, you would have known that.”

“See I’m learning alr-“

You intrupt him. “You do only think of me as a sex slave, the only things you know about me are how to get me off.”

“I know you like Pop-tarts.” 

“Wow.” You sounded unimpressed. “Did you dig through our trash or did you figure that one out today?” Don't answer that- Do you even know my favorite type of Pop-tart?"

He didn't reply to that.

"Wow." 

He didn't even know.

“You… you like 80’s movies?”

“How did you _figure_ that one out?”

“Dave used to talk to you over the phone everyday for almost a month, I'd listen in."

“I know, he regrets that every day. You also went through his phone too, didn't yo-"

“John," He cut you off. "Just tell me more about yourself.” 

“I don’t... know, I’m not allowed to do anything in that apartment... I don’t know anything about myself anymore...”

“That makes two of us.” He says the words like you two have anything in common.

“You know you are just a monster, nothing more, I at least had a chance at being a person and you took that away from both me **and Dave.”**

“I get it, the only things you know about yourself are limited. You don’t feel as if you are able to actually connect with others. You feel like even with someone else, you would still be worthless. You would seek out more but it would be pointless because any attempt at self-improvement just makes you realize how far gone you are. In order to improve you have to look at your flaws, and you can’t do that. That would be the death of you. There stopped being hope for you years ago...The most painful thing, is remembering that you are the one who killed it."

You didn’t say anything for a brief moment. “You… you tried to make me and Dave into yourself. You wanted the two of us to be as broken as you, that’s what you actually jack off too. That’s why I’m on this fake date with you. It’s another ploy, not to break Dave, but to **break me.”**

“I don’t want to break you anymore then I already have, I want you to break me... That’s what I have been telling you.”

You shook your head at him. “Then…” You swallowed down your nerves. “Say exactly what you want. Exactly what it is you are looking for… not just now…say **everything** you want.”

“I want you to marry me. I want you to pick me apart everyday. I want _you_ to destroy me.”

You shake your head no and bite the side of your lower lip.

You couldn’t find the words to say at the time.

Saying something that would hurt him would be playing into what he wanted.

You decided to stand up and go to the bathroom.

You ignored everything in your way.

You kicked the food tray

You stepped into the pile of food. Trailing blood and oil from the steak on your feet.

You continue to walk, past the camera.

You are off-screen, you walk into the bathroom.

You kneeled down in front of the toilet, and voided out your entire stomach.

The camera picked up the sounds of your retching.

He walked over to watch you vomit.

You weren’t sure if you were tormenting him or getting him off, but you felt so fucking sick you needed to vomit.

You still feel so fucking sick.

You did all of that... 

For Dave's sake.


	64. Vile Sorrow

You knew that everything that John had to go through was horrid. Megido whispered even more horrors into your ears for almost an hour now.

When you were first told about this case in your office, you had spent weeks putting together a strong case against Dirk Strider. You knew he was a hitman, a murderer, a rapist, a demon plaguing the Earth. You didn’t think that he could be any more wretched until today. Forcing himself completely on John Egbert, tormenting the boy in every way he could.

You sigh. You are well aware that Karter already arranged to put these videos in the discovery. There is a chance this will go public, and you are certain that Dave will eventually know of this. You will need to talk with John about that another time. You are sure that with what the boys went through together Dave will understand, and forgive him.

Megido is whispering in your ear, describing how John is stepping onto the bloody stake, walking over the food he just threw to the ground. He apparently was off screen, Dirk followed him.

You hear John retch into the toilet bowl. You listen for several minutes until he begins to dry-heave.

“Are you alright?” Strider asked him.

John spat into the toilet.

There was nothing but the sounds of a soft piano humming a melody. 

Megido told you that John came back on screen.

You heard murmuring come from the recording, nothing audible 

You heard the sounds of John scraping his feet on a rug.

You hear John slide under the sheets.

She told you the screen went black.

The video must have switched over to the next, now you hear the white noise of nature.

Birds chirping and wind blowing.

It was completely unsettling to you.


	65. No Such Thing as Freedom

You were wearing Mr. Strider’s old gray baseball cap in the video.

He made you wear low steel blue heels, you couldn’t really walk in them well.

You would hardly call your top a top, it didn’t even cover your nipples,

You were wearing a tight pair of blue sport shorts.

He zoomed the camera in on your ass until you turned to look at him.

The camera zoomed back out, revealing a bright blue sports car.

“You like this one, angel?”

You forced yourself to say, “yeah.”

“Do you honestly like it?”

You raised your eyebrows and focused hard on not rolling your eyes, you still did, “yes.”

“You want to drive?”

“I can’t”

“I’ll teach you.”

“I don’t want to learn how to drive.”

“So you want me to drive you around for the rest of your life.”

You sighed, no such thing as freedom. “I don’t care.”

He didn’t say anything.

“You really like it?”

“I said yes.” You were tired of talking to him.

“Then come over here and give me a thank you kiss.”

“I’m wearing this stupid outfit," you gestured at your body, "isn’t that enough?”

“Come on, just one kiss.”

“I’m getting in the car.” You walked off, trying hard not to trip in those stupid fucking shoes he made you wear. He zoomed in on your ass again.

You narrow your eyes at the footage, you are already on edge, this isn’t fucking helping you calm your bitter, raging nerves.

When you got in the car he was already sitting down, he filmed you get in.

“You want to check out the car's features?” He asked you.

“I know what it has.” You crossed your arms to cover your body.

“Don’t you want to put on the massage setting?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, you felt yourself tremble. You know he must be thinking of something, something disgusting and sexual that he was planning on doing to you in this car.

“You wanted that feature, angel.”

“No, that’s what you wanted.”

“You picked out everything with me.” He was almost smiling, he was recalling how he sat you down on his lap as he fumbled around on his laptop with one hand and fumbled around with your thigh with the other. Smelling your neck. Kissing your ear.

The mere thought of that enraged you again.

“I was just agreeing to everything when we picked it out because I wanted it to be over, and once again, I want this to be over.”

“What kind of car do you want? Tell me exactly what you want, I will get anything.”

“I want a broken down shitty car with a bumper sticker that says ‘I fucked my brother all throughout his childhood,’ can you do that you disgusting fucking pervert?” You were fermenting with rage.

The motherfucker was getting excited at your temper, “the mouth on you.”

He started feeling up your thigh with one hand, his fingers breaching under your micro shorts.

You felt so irritated by him you grabbed his wrist and pulled him off of you.

“You don’t feel like fooling around?” He asked but he already knew the answer. ”How about you film me then?”

“Fine. Just drive.”

You took the camera and filmed Dirk, he wasn’t wearing shades. You could see his soulless amber eyes. He gave you a half-smile when you held the camera. You were so repulsed by that you turned away from him and pointed the lens outside the window. You filmed the sky, it was light blue... there were no clouds.

Dirk started the car and the blue LED lights flared up in the bottom of the footage. When you picked out the interior he thought you would like the lights, you only like lighting like that because it’s something that you know comforts Dave.

You filmed the city streets as you drove. You looked at all of the buildings around the area. You thought about how Dave used to take so many different photos of Houston for you. You hope, right now, that you can get some of those photos back from evidence when the case is over, those photos are a good memory for you, even to this day. 

“Hey.” You were hoping, at the time, that you could just ignore him.

"Look at me." He sounded like that was an order. You turned the camera to face him, you watched him through the lens, you didn’t want to look at him directly, the camera at least made his image feel somewhat distorted.

“I got you another gift.”

You didn’t say anything.

He opened his mouth and showed you his tongue. He had four piercings in the shape of a diamond.

“So.” He put his hand back on your thigh, “what do you think?”

You kept saying nothing, you turned the camera down to his hand. He reacted by rubbing his hand to your crotch. He rubbed his fingers against your flaccid.... he was palming you… You turned the camera back to the cityscape. You were trying to ignore him, he wouldn't let you, “I got one that vibrates too.”

You felt a shiver go down your spine.

“I felt your cock twitch.” He started rubbing you harder.

“Stop touching me.” You sounded bitter.

“Why?”

“It doesn’t feel good.” You grabbed his wrist, You turned the camera back down to your crotch as you pulled him off of your shorts.

“I can make it feel good.” He pulled his hand back down to the front of your pants.

You were honestly getting pissed. You turned the camera back to him as you said, “This isn’t some bullshit sex thing. I am not flirting with you. It’s dry and it doesn’t feel good.”

Dirk nudged his head toward the front of the car, gesturing for you to “open the glove box.”

You felt your face tense up. “Is that an order?”

“Yes.” You knew he was going to threaten Dave if you didn’t agree. At that time you thought that you shouldn’t push things just yet, you saved that for when you had a plan.

You pointed the camera down to film yourself opening the box. Of course there was a bottle of lubricant. You grabbed it and took a deep breath.

The car came to a stop. You looked up, you were at a red light.

You turned your camera over to him, “want to test my piercings out?”

“No.” You sounded more coy then you hoped.

He put the car into park.

“Come on, angel.”

He leaned into you and moved aside the camera.

You could hear the slushing noises of him sucking on your tongue.

You recall the feeling, you felt your heart fold in on itself and drop into your gut. He got those for you because you love Dave’s piercings. Something about it sounds so forlorn. He hopelessly forced his tongue down your throat to try to get you excited, to try to get you to feel something other then repulsion. You knew one way that you can get at him. You are so furious and disgusted with him you were willing to do it.

You started kissing him back, holding his face and moaning into his mouth. Dirk started pulling you close to him. He was frantically feeling you up, you whined like you were begging for more. He deeply kissed you, held you, he was trying to savor the moment. He pulled away and breathed against your mouth. Before he could speak, you shuttered and moaned, _“ah- Dave.”_

Instantly, he pulled away from you. He slammed your head into the arm rest. Your face was forced into the center cushion. You started snickering. You laughed as you sat up and brought the camera up to your face to record his reaction. Glaring. You glared back. You heard how bitter and violent your voice was. “You _actually_  got those just because I love Dave’s!? God, you're fucking pathetic.”

You started shaking, but you didn't care.

“Show me them to me again.”

He lowered his brows, glaring into the camera lens.

He opened his mouth and showed you his tongue again. 

“Why did you stop at four?” You asked.

“You want me to get more?” 

“I don’t care what you do.” You were still sneering at him, snickering with contempt. You were so angry you needed to harm him in the way that you knew would sting, “did you get excited? Did you like when I kissed you back?”

He didn’t say anything. He knew you were trying to vex him. You kept mocking him.

“Those hot, metal balls against my tongue, I couldn’t help myself –it felt so much like your brother _mmm_ and Dave's mouth feels **so fucking good**... I can't wait till he gets back so he can wrap it around my cock.” You sneered at him, you wanted to claw at him and hurt him. "It's going to be completely impossible not to think of him when you force your tongue into my mouth now. I'll only be able to think of my real lover."

He put the car in drive again. He looked up at the light. He stopped talking to you, you were sure he was going to keep driving to the place he was planning to rape you and just start beating you instead. Just like you wanted. You kept filming the streets and people. You saw a few groups of tourists walk together outside of a hotel, you saw families waiting outside of restaurants for reservations, you saw people walking to-and-from work, walking alone, walking with their friends, their loved ones. You kept watching the people in the streets. Till there was no one, till there were no buildings, till there was nothing but dried grass and torn up dirt.

He pulled up and parked. He took the camera from you, he was still outraged. He put the camera on the dash, he wanted to film your punishment. You were ready for whichever way he was going to beat you. He grabbed a bundle of fabric from your top with one hand and pulled you up to his face. You couldn’t help it, he seemed so heated, so pissed, so you laughed.

He pulled you close to him so he could whisper into your ear, 

_"You're going to cum so hard, you'll scream loud enough for Dave to hear it from here."_

You just wanted the beating. You wanted the punishment. You didn’t care what it was. This was worse. Everything you did... made him hard.

He started sucking on one of your nipples, biting it and rubbing his tongue around you.

“No. nononono.” You tried to push him off of you. “I don’t want you to touch me there.”

He crammed his tongue into your mouth again. You tried to shove him off of you with both of your hands. He was holding you against the window. You tried screaming into his mouth. You felt tears starting to cut at your throat. You started sobbing. You love feeling Dave’s piercings against your skin, your tongue, your everything. That fucking asshole was trying to take that away from you. He is trying to deface everything you love. Pop-tarts, Dave’s metal piercings, everything left in your already limited life that you even somewhat care about, defaced, because he was using those things as a way to get into your heart. You decided right then and there that you aren’t going to tell him anything more about yourself.

He grabbed the lube and didn’t even remove your shorts, he just slid his hand under them. He forced two of his fingers inside of you. All while still forcing himself into your mouth. You kept trying to get him to stop. You banged your fist against his chest and his neck. You used your teeth to grab onto one of his piercings, you pulled on it, trying to rip it out. It ended up just exciting him more. You wanted to do something, anything to hurt him. He was hunched over you. Crawling on top of you, you noticed that his knees were spread apart, that you had the opening, so you just took it.

You kneed him right in the balls. He grunted at the force. You freed yourself from his mouth and started screaming at him, “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” You grabbed the hand that was inside of you and pulled it out. You knew you couldn’t run, you knew you had to stay in the car, still you needed to get away. You rushed into the backseat. You huddled into the corner, as far from him as you could possibly be without leaving.

“Fuck.” He was nursing his hit. “You want to play rough today, hu?”

You started sobbing again, panicking, you kept wanting to say no but the words wouldn’t come out.

The camera couldn’t pick up on where you were, it only picked up one of your knees and the seat you escaped from. You were holding yourself and trying hard to keep it together. Pulling through for Dave. He crawled back and joined you. He pulled down your shorts and forced himself inside of you. He kept choking you. He kept stabbing into you. He kept doing it despite the fact you were sobbing. You couldn’t breathe. When he finished in you, you thought that would be it. No he just kept going. He must have popped a Viagra earlier. He was going to keep at it till you came. You knew he needed you to finish in order to be content. You kept thinking about Dave. You kept picturing Dave smiling and telling you it was okay. You kept taking all of that suffering, just for him. You kept thinking about Dave touching you. You kept thinking about Dave slamming himself into you. You felt a heat rise up in your stomach. You were going to have to cum for this to stop. You were going to have to or you knew he was going to take out his frustration on Dave. You kept focusing on the thoughts of the person you actually loved. You moaned out his name, "ah- Dave."

He pulled out of you. He just... stopped. Suddenly you were filled with fear, not for yourself, but for Dave. Your eyes widened, you looked up at him. His face was blank, as always, but his eyes- his eyes were filled with... pain...

In one fluid motion he flipped you over, you were laying on your stomach, half of your body was resting over his lap. He slapped your ass. You didn’t mean to, but you moaned.

“ **Say _my_ name.**” 

He slapped your ass again. Regrettably, you moaned... again. 

“ **Say it**  -or Dave’s losing his fucking hand.”

“Dirk.”

“Keep fucking saying it.”

He slaps you again, you say his name. He slaps you several more times, you say his name as each time that he slaps you. You kept trying to think of Dave. You just started moaning out ‘Strider’ instead. He let you. You kept trying to picture Dave hurting you instead of him.

He grabbed your throat and twisted you over to your back.

He choked you with one hand. As he thrusted into you he shook the car, back-and-forth.

The camera scooted from side-to-side. It couldn’t pick anything up but noise and blurs.

You were gagging.

You thought of Dave.

He kept forcing himself into you. Choking you light enough that you could still speak.

You kept trying to picture Dave. It was hard to delude yourself into believing that Dave was fucking you when you kept hearing the sounds of  _him_ pounding into you, shaking the car with each thrust. You kept moaning out "Strider," you never called Dave that in bed, you always just called him, _"daddy!"_ You were crying out your nickname for Dave. You felt heat throughout your entire body. You closed your eyes and managed to convince yourself for a few moments that Dave was pounding into you. _"-ah- Daddy! "_ It was the closest thing to moaning out Dave's name, it made him so easy to picture. It felt like you were pleasing Dave. It felt like Dave was spreading your thighs apart and pounding into you. You let yourself grunt out as you came. You tried to catch your breath, after your climax, you were brought back down to Earth. Dave didn't fuck you, it was always  _him_ you knew that...

He slipped out of you, letting his load pour onto the leather seats.

He whispered to you as he panted onto your neck.  _“You came hard, didn’t you, angel?”_

You ignored him, you just kept trying to catch your breath.

He rang one of his fingers around your gaping hole. You forcibly seized up at his touch.

“Did you forget who owns you?” He bit your earlobe and pulled it down. “-or do I own you now?”

The camera fell off of the dash at some point. He eventually got up to turn it off. You already know the next video that's going to play, Dave was out so _he_ wanted another short road trip. He was desperate to get you to appreciate them. He seemed to love machinery, it was something he ‘confessed’ to you. You would ignore most of his insane ramblings. It was hard not to listen though, his voice was so grating, so annoying.

He took you into one of his own cars, it was a sports car. He wanted to show you how fast it could go, despite the fact you told him you didn’t want that several times. He was sure he could make you like it, but if It was something he loved you would have hated it.

The TV screen showed Dirk picking up the camera, he pointed it at your nearly naked, blisteringly hot body. You couldn't bring yourself to say anything, you weren't sure what would be an insult and what would just turn him on again. He shut off the camera.


	66. Walking the Face of a Dreadful Earth

Everything about that boy was tempting, desirable, seducing. Heaven sent to Earth to punish you and just you. In your jail cell at night you picture the arch of his back, his slim waist, his milk white skin, his gorgeous eyes, his complete and utter loathing for you. He hated you. He would do anything to make sure that you knew it, and each time it drove you wild. You needed him to fight against you. He was angelic, good, kind. You were born tainted, ill in every way, you needed to cut apart the world that created you. 

You were attracted to him the moment you saw him in a photo on Dave’s wall, he looked absolutely pathetic to you, even you wanted to dominate him and you prefer being on the bottom. In the photo he was smiling, giving the camera a thumbs up and wearing a white baggy shirt to the pool. He was shy. Nervous about showing off his body. Something about that was so alluring to you.

When you kidnapped him it wasn’t even a challenge. It was late at night. You walked into the hotel from the back. You brought a large suitcase with air holes. You expected to go up to his room to take him, but there he was, right in front of you, getting some soda out from a vending machine. You had the needle at the ready in your back pocket. You just needed to get close to him. The lights from the pool and the lamps around the area luminated the dark. You walked behind him like you were waiting for him to finish. You waited until he leaned over, then you stabbed into his neck without any hesitation and that was it. The rest of your life was decided right then and there. 

You might have abducted him, but **you** were **his.**

You didn’t know exactly the moment you started falling for him. It might have been years ago. You took out a lot of your rage about your feelings for him by constantly, randomly beating him whenever he started to get into your head. You didn’t want to accept you cared for your son’s slave. You would torment him just like he tormented you. You had a lot of things to keep you occupied in a million different ways but you spent so much time on fucking with John. So much time.

You never messed with any of Dave’s things till you got him John. You recall hitting him for making Dave tear up, you recall strictly doing it because his place was as a dog, as a comfort item, but watching him stutter out that sex with Dave felt good. It did something to you. John kept messing with your mind, with your heart, your body, your soul, you loved the way he fucked with you.

There were so many reasons why you loved him, so many, one major reason stands out to you at this moment. He entranced Dave, he sinked his nails into his skull, clawing thoughts of only him into Dave’s cretinously opaque brain, controlling him completely. Every second of Dave’s life was dedicated to John and John did all he could to keep him safe from you. He overtook Dave’s impaired cerebrum and he did it with no real effort, just the way John looked and spoke caught Dave’s eye. Dave would stalk the kid where ever he could trail him. Dave would come back from his work and manage to smile at texts that the boy would send him. Actually smile. Smile a different array of idiotic, brainless grins.

Dave attempted suicide a few months before he met him, had to get his stomach pumped from all the sleeping pills he took. He lost a lot of privileges for that. He had to keep his cellphone though, for clients.

During your time in prison you pondered several times about how things would be different if those circumstances didn’t align. But they were so perfect.

Too much to be a coincidence in fact.

You never believed in God, in demons, in angels, in anything but the meat and the flesh. Not until you accepted John into your heart did you also accept the otherworldly. Once you let him in you saw him for what he was, a blessing. You know that John was sent from heaven to protect Dave. Sent to save his soul and torment yours. 

However, you rotted John, corrupted his ethereal innocence.

He is so tempted by the rotten fruit of humanity, the seeds and the flesh. He consumed all of the juices of the forbidden pomegranate. Violet, red essence dripping from his perfect claret lips. His scent was saintly. His fury was righteous. His mouth was rapturous. His cherubic thighs were entrancing. His hair was soft and radiant. His voice was humble and loving. His eyes were luminescent and godly. His skin was more delicate and delectable than all the milk and honey in this world. He is perfect in nearly every way, only thing was his fucking teeth. Still, maybe he needs one imperfection, if he was flawless than he wouldn't be human. 

There was so many things to admire about him, he was compassionate, loving, devoted, but only to Dave. He had a wonderful laugh, something you would only hear when you would listen in to his conversations with Dave. He has the most seductive voice when he really wants to put it on, something he only does for Dave. He knew how to really tease a cock, something he would never do for you, he would just jump right into trying to get you off, but with Dave he would tease him for hours and love every second of it. Sometimes Dave would cum prematurely from something John would say and John would chew Dave out for it. You would let John fuck with your mind and your cock for a full day if he'd only want to do it and fuck, you desperately tried to find a way for him to want you like how he wants Dave. 

John seemed so fearless to you, unafraid of death –probably well aware he would return to the clouds- you would threaten Dave to get him to listen, to help destroy him more so he can properly destroy you. He was so self-sacrificing when it came to protecting and shepherding his little white, red-eyed sheep. You would listen in on their conversations for hours, sitting down by the door. Listening to John pick Dave's mind apart all while simultaneously pleasuring him. You wanted so badly for John to sink his teeth into you and lick up all of your wounds. You wanted him to bite you apart and kiss your festering open gashes. You should have asked John to carve his own name into your skin. You shouldn’t have blacked out. You should have kept your control. In court when you watched him hold Dave’s hand, you watched Dave imprudently hold onto John, as if he was the one protecting him. Dave was only allowed to **live** because John took himself as a hostage. John was quite adept, crafty, resourceful. He knew the right words to get even Dave to shut up and listen - something that John also gifted to you – John had always been, not a slave, but a hostage. Yes. He was that special, so special that he made you abandon your responsibility to your son and turned him into the hostage. 

John so vehemently warped your mind.

You want to be his slave, you want to be his. 

You cannot wait to see him again.

In fact you will not wait.


	67. On The Road

John seemed fearless to you in nearly all of these videos. Even when his eyes filled with tears you could feel his passion for Dave, his anger for Dirk. You described everything to your boss that she couldn’t hear. You put everything into words. Occasionally you would voice that John seemed dauntless, this next video was one of those times.

John was staring dead ahead. Looking at the road.

“I’m not like Jake, you know.” John's voice was low and still.

Dirk started to pull over the car.

“I’m not going to fall in love with you because you make me miserable.”

He put the car in park, you hear his seat buckle click and swing back. Off screen he was reeling back his fist, you knew this because the next frame he punched John right in his jaw. John’s head hit the window. He slowly got back up. He looked unfazed by the attack. He stared at the camera with deadeyes.

“I just said I’m not like him.”

Suddenly in one quick motion he jumped John, the camera was pointing up and all you could hear was rustling until you heard the smacking of lips. John must have been pushing him off because the camera kept waving back and forth. Dirk let himself get pulled back. He set the camera on the dashboard. He pointed it towards John, you could see a slight sliver of Dirk on film. He sat up on his knees and turned towards John. He was unbuckling his pants. The camera picked up every sound, his heavy breathing, the sounds of his buckle clicking, his pants unzipping, ' _repulsive.'_

“Can you fucking control yourself for once?” John was nursing his injury from before.

“Not when it comes to you.” Dirk’s voice was naturally deep, but now it sounded raspy.

Dirk took the camera with one hand and put it in John’s face again. John looked into the camera lens,

“So you’re going to force me to suck you off, and you think that will help make me fall in love with you?”

“I thought that’s what you like.” He sounds like he is smirking, his voice is still shaking.

“You don’t get me at all.” You could feel in your heart how morose he must have felt.

“Then just stay still.” He said the words like a suggestion, you know it was an order.

John took a deep breath and sighed.

Dirk held out his hand, “Spit.” John glared at him. He hocked a loogie and spit into his palm. He began working himself with John’s phlegm. John looked disgusted that he used it on himself.

John moved back, against the window. Dirk moved closer, pumping himself quickly for a while before finishing on John’s face. John was repulsed by Dirk's ejaculation, he grabbed his glasses and wiped them clean with his shirt. Dirk slumped back into the driver’s seat.

John scoffed,

“You kept telling me I need to get fucked by a real man and you came in like two minutes.” 

“You little cunt.”

“You’re really romancing me here.”

Dirk turned off the camera.


	68. Want and Desire

You had to wipe the dripping sweat from your forehead, watching these tapes is too much for you. Of course your boss and Megido can handle all of this but you are starting to crack. You were looking back at John beside you, he still looked shut down. You focus back on the screen.

John was wearing a shirt that looked too large for him. It was a white polo shirt, you think it might have belong to Dirk. He was standing in front of a rusty, grisly car. Orange and blue from wear and old age.

He actually got him the broken down car he joked about.

John looked astonished, actually offended at that gesture.

“I’m not going to sit in this.” John was speaking to Dirk who was behind the camera again.

“I didn’t expect you too. I got you another car.”

“Another car?” John sounded revolted at that.

Dirk walked John into his garage, he showed John around.

“Imagine me bending you over and slamming you on that.” He pointed out one of his orange luxury sports cars.

John kept walking on, hardly paying notice to the cars. He already said he had no interest. You don’t know why Dirk was so desperate to get John to love machinery, he clearly doesn’t care.

Dirk tried so hard to get John to show some interest in anything. He even handed him the keys. John scoffed and just handed them back, he didn’t want him to teach him how to drive. Something he told him already. John just sat in the car. Unsurprised at the row of Pop-tarts or the diamond watch or the handheld gaming device or chocolates or vibrator or anything Dirk said to him. John kept just looking dead ahead with no interest in any of it.

Dirk spent an good portion of time recording him and trying to get John to speak, to talk with him. He eventually threatened Dave, “Say something or I’ll break Dave’s fingers.”

“Oh Dirk, you are so funny.” John sounded bland. He kept on a blank face.

“Say something real.” Dirk sounded just as flat.

“But you are funny.” John was ridged and cold, “You are so funny to me, you keep thinking this will get me to love you. When I told you I don’t like cars.”

“Okay, fine. No more car rides. Fuck it.”

“yaaayy,” John was completely toneless. “Finally, something I want.”

Dirk got frustrated again, he slowed the car and pulled over.

John looked out the window again. Dirk got out of the car. He took the camera with him. He opened up John’s side. “Come on, get out.”

John got up. His expression was vacant. He did as he was told.

Dirk picked him up with both hands. You assume that he lifted him up by the bottom to carry him. He laid him down on the hood of the car. “Take off your shorts.”

Dirk went back to the car to get the bottle of lubricant. When he came back John was bottomless, still wearing the baggy white shirt. He looked up at the sky. The sunlight hitting his face made his skin glow.

Dirk started up again. It went on for a while. You were wondering to yourself just how many of the awful videos you were going to have to watch. Still, looking over at John next to you. You feel like watching these with him is the least you could do for him in this moment. You aren’t sure if he feels that way about this but, you are glad that John has people like you, like Dr. Serket, like Dave, like his dad, like your boss looking out for him. You want to make sure he knows that. You will let him know another time. For now you are distracted by Dirk speaking up again.

“Say something or-“

“Oh God. Fuck me, Dirk. You are so good.”

There is no passion in his voice, nothing but contempt.

Dirk stopped moving. “What is it you’re doing now?”

“I’m giving you what you want.” His voice is bitter. “Fuck me. It feels so good, please, fuck me.”

“You’re fucking around with me again...” Dirk kept his cool, still you knew that John was messing with his mind. 

“I think you are the one fucking me here.” John glared at the camera above him.

Dirk grabbed his throat and started brutally raping him. Shaking the car back and forth. John looked like he was gasping for air, but he couldn’t, not with his hands wrapped around his throat like that. Dirk must have seen that he was struggling for air. He let go but only to flip his body over and push John’s face against the car. His hand was on the back of John’s head, rubbing it into the hot metal of the car’s hood. His other hand was holding John’s back down as John tried to push himself back up.

“Is it fucking good now?”

John was trying to catch his breath, panting and groaning.

He kept thrusting into John. The car waving back and forth.

Dirk suddenly stopped. He slowly pulled out. He let go of his throat.

“You want more?” He asked him.

John said nothing. He let John go.

He stopped holding him down, stopped rubbing in his face.

“I’m not going to touch you anymore unless you say you want my cock.”

John was silent.

“So you’re good then? Happy? I stopped touching you.”

He didn’t move. At all.

“If you’re done then get up.”

John slowly sat up on the car. His face was beet red, he looked down at the ground.

He hopped off of the hood and walked back into his seat. He looked out the window again.

Dirk actually stopped raping him.

He gave John what he wanted.


	69. Hopelessness and Dread

Your face was resting on the car window. 

He was still recording you as he drove back to the apartment.

It took you several minutes to build up the strength to speak again.

“I could have ran out and called the police a million different times.”

He said nothing. The camera was facing him more than you, you could see him look over at you.

“It would be easier, if I didn’t love him.”

He was completely focused on you in that moment.

“But I’m glad I do.” You turned to face him. “I’m glad he  _‘owns’_ me.”

He stayed silent.

“Because he deserves to be happy, he deserves something that makes his life better.”

You brought yourself to smile, a small, weak, smile for Dave.

“Even If I didn’t love him he would still deserve happiness.”

You turn back to him and looked him in the eyes.

The words softly left your lips, “nobody... no one deserves this hell.”

“I buy you all these things and you say this is hell.”

You ignored his words. “I keep wondering what it is that I am doing wrong.”

You sounded so drained, but still holding onto a shred of hope. “I figured it out.”

“I am done.” You admit. “There is no point in fighting you at all. You just take what you want.”

“So you will marry me?” He sounded... hopeful.

Your mouth felt dry so you licked your lips, you started biting at dead skin on the corner of your bottom lip.

“I have to think about it.”

“You are actually going to consider it?”

“I have to think about what this really means... I know you don't actually listen to me.” You swallowed down some spit. “I don’t think you keep your promises, you told Dave you wouldn’t touch me and you-“

“Our deal was I don’t harm your dick and I don’t do anything that could scar your face. That was it.”

Your mouth slowly drops open, your chin is shaking.

“You know that.”

You looked at him.

“I kept my promise, didn’t I?”

You looked down.

“If you don’t want me to give Dave any more beatings just say so.”

“I don’t.”

“Then I expect you marry me.”

“Only if Dave never knows.”

“You want to marry me and hide it from him? You know we can’t do that.”

“Then no. Never.”

“You are being difficult again.”

“I can’t. I would hurt Dave with that one thing… way more than you ever did… in his whole life.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I could never abandon him- and-and I can’t betray him like that.”

“You are already betraying him.”

You started crying into one of your hands.

“Stop crying.”

You started sobbing, you used your forearm to wipe away your tears.

“Angel, stop crying.”

“I- I never wanted this...”

“I can make you want it.”

He puts his hand on your thigh again. You grab it and shake it as you shout,

**“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME! I AM SICK OF YOU TOUCHING ME!”**

You press your nails into his skin, breaking his flesh. Trembling and shaking.

You were angry. You were so fucking twisted inside.

You only started doing this so you could protect Dave.

You didn’t mean to fuck things up this badly.

You knew he wanted to marry you, you still went along with things.

You knew you couldn't keep denying him what he wanted from you for forever, but you didn’t know what else to do.

You felt completely hopeless.

You were stuck in that position and you knew that things are only going to get worse.


	70. Strain

You were in your office at the station, you just put all of the recordings that you found in the discovery. You want to watch all of the footage ahead of time. This case has taken a lot out of you for the past few months but you needed to know everything about it. This is your entire lives work, can’t let up now.

"LET'S GET THIS FUCKING OVER WITH." You mutter to yourself

You were watching different recordings, all of which so far have just been of Dave, underage, getting molested by a number of different men. This one Dave was blindfolded, but looking down at the concrete floor.

“Look at this whore.” A voice comes into your headphones, it’s deep in tone and cadence. Not only that... it's familiar. You start to strain yourself trying to remember where you've heard it before.

“You’ve been such a good boy, Dave,” You hear that fucker Dirk’s voice, “We are going to let you have a special treat.”

Dave seemed dazed, completely checked out, not even angry. Like he wasn’t even in his head at all.

“Strider, you fucking filming this?” A different male voice spoke up, sounded deep and pissed at Dirk, “You got a death wish?”

“It’s just for me, English. You know I bury my shit till I need it.”

“You fucking better, I ain’t going to jail because you can’t keep your dick out of your hand.”

Right after English spoke, spit flew onto Dave’s face. Dave didn’t flinch, he lets it hit his nose as he blindly looks off to the side.

A different man, with a higher-pitched voice speaks up, “I don’t see why you don’t just fuck this little cockwhore everyday so long as you got ‘em. Why ya' need to film this?”

“First of all," Strider replied. "I have better things to do with my time. Also… He isn’t going to stay little forever.”

“Don’t remind me.” The first voice you heard spoke up again, you keep straining yourself, where have you heard that voice before? He asks, “Dave, you want to know what your special treat is?”

“Can you please tell me… master?” Dave sounds completely dejected. Like his mind wasn't even there.

“The boys here,” Dirk spoke up, “are going to see just how many cocks you can take at once.”

You heard more voices cheer from behind the camera, sounded like there was an entire crowd. 

“But first,” English spoke up again, “I have to take a leak.”

He started laughing, you hear him unzip his pants.

You skip ahead. You don’t want to watch that, not right now if you don’t have to, mostly out of respect for Dave. You skim ahead, you want to see if you can see any of the men’s faces. You settle for the middle of the video, about two fucking hours in.

Dave was sitting on the floor. Dave's face was completely red. His hair and face look drenched with urine. Several men had already finished on his chest. You kept in the back of your mind that Dirk is the one recording all of this. All of it sickened you.

Another man walked up to Dave and tapped his erection onto his cheek. The man put a condom in Dave’s hand. Dave quickly unwrapped it and placed it on him, in three seconds flat. immediately the poor kid started sucking the fucker off. You were about to skip ahead, then Dirk spoke up,

“Dave. Dualscar is so nice, he said if you want to play over at his house tomorrow he’ll pay a good amount of money.”

Just how stomach churning can one motherfucker be?

You hear that voice again, Dualscar asks, "How does one grand sound?"

Dave didn't stop working him to speak. Jesus, kid deserved so much fucking better then this shit.

"Alright, how about three grand?" The man asks again.

Dave groaned, you didn't even register that Dualscar slammed his cock deep down his throat without warning. You can feel mucus fill your stomach.

“No," The man sounds amused. "how about you spend the night and I'll pay you five grand?”

Dave grabs on to his thighs as Dualscar kept forcing himself into the boys mouth. You feel like turning away, but you it's your job to know all of this. Know every face and name just like Dave did to make them pay.

“You drive a hard bargain, you agree to spend two nights sucking me off, starting tomorrow, I’ll pay you ten grand.” Dualscar slips himself out of Dave “You want the money boy?”

Dave had to answer, “Yes, master.”

Dualscar slapped him completely across the face, unprompted. Dave winces.

“You need the money?” Dualscar asked.

“Yes! I need the money!” Dave kept wincing at the pain.

Dualscar asks him, “what are you going to even use it on?”

Dave goes back to sucking him, unwilling to answer.

“No answer, do you just want an excuse to suck my cock? I’m starting to think _you_ should pay _me_.” Dualscar seemed like he was chuckling to himself, eating all of this shit up. As soon as you can recall who the fucker is. He's fucking dead.

“He probably wants to buy a few new toys for his little whore.” Strider gave him a fucked up answer. 

“Oh? Really, Dave you have your own slave now? You are so grown up.” Dualscar responded to Dave directly. 

"He's had him for five years now." Dirk replied, Dave was thirteen when he met John, he must be eighteen in this video... not that it makes the situation any better to you. Dave's been going through things this horrifying for years. You can’t help but see him as a helpless child...

"-and you didn't tell me?" Dualscar replied. "You scared that I'll steal him from you?"

You mutter to yourself as you watch the recording, "THIS MOTHER FUCKER."

Dave moves his head back and lets the man fall from his mouth.

Dave might have a blindfold on but you can tell that he's pissed.

“Dave.” Dirk gives his warning. “You said you would be good today.”

Before Dave does anything, the man grabs the back of Dave's head. Dualscar has a cigarette in between his fingers that's resting on the back of Dave's hair now. Dualscar seems like he wants Dave to talk.

Dualscar asks Dave directly, “What’s the matter?”

“He’s in love with his bitch.” Dirk answers for him.

Dualscar speaks in a fake, gentle voice, “Dave that is so cute, is he pretty like you?”

Dave nods. “Prettier.” 

“Is that true?” Dualscar asks Dirk.

“He has a sweet fucking ass.” Dirk answered. “You should see his fucking body, waist like a woman but a thick fucking cock. Over eight inches.”

“Really now?” Dualscar brought his attention back to Dave. "You must love playing with him. Bet you love taking that cock and you’re so good at it, he must love it too.”

Dave looked like he just shuttered. Dirk just... laughed. The fucking bastard.

“If you bring him over my house and show me,” Dualscar gave him a disguising fucking offer, “I’ll pay you whatever you want.” 

You close your eyes for a moment to look away from the screen. Just how much did Dave give to protect John from these monsters?

Dirk answered for Dave, “I don’t think he’ll agree to that, Dave is really protective of _his things_.” 

Dualscar continues to use that same fucking fake voice, “Dave you need to learn to share, it’s what big kids do.” 

Dirk seems like he's out for blood when he speaks up again, “he thinks John is like his little husband.”

“Oh, now that is so sweet." Dualscar asked Dave, "do you two play house? Who’s the daddy?”

You feel your hands shake with anger. Whoever the man is you're going to beat this fucker bloody.

Dave starts sucking on Dualscar again, he didn’t want to be a part of the conversation. He's just looking for an out. You almost give him your pity. No you can't do that. Dave deserves your fucking respect, he deserves so much fucking better than pity. Better than what he went through.

Dirk answered for him again. “Dave doesn’t want to be but he’s the master. John’s into some pretty fucking rough Shit, Dave’s not able to keep up with him.”

“Oh, he likes it rough? That doesn’t sound like you, baby. You really must be in love.” Dual scar keeps talking down to Dave with that fucking voice. A voice you wish you could recall.

“Dave can just go down on him for hours and he won’t cum. Shit." Dirk sounds a bit different than his usual monotone voice. Sounds like... he's a bit excited at the thought. "You should see how much that kid can take. John was built to be a cockwhore.”

Dave pulled his head back and stopped his assailant from violating him.

"Shut up." Dave spoke up.

You weren't sure what was going to happen to him for that.

You didn't even notice that your mouth is hanging open. 

Dualscar begins to lower himself down to his level. Kneeling down to get a better look at Dave. "Who are you talking to?”

Dave looked like he just shuttered. He didn't answer.

Dualscar punched Dave directly in the face.

Dave fell to the side, his skull hitting the concert floor. He grunted in pain. 

"If you don't want to share just say so." Dualscar walked over to him and forced Dave back up to his knees.  

Dualscar keeled down besides him again. 

“Come on." He pressed his fingers up to Dave's lips. "Let me see that pretty mouth.”

Dualscar opens up Dave's mouth for him.

The camera zooms in on Dave’s blindfolded face.

Dualscar pinched Dave’s tongue with one hand, with the other hand Dualscar started tapping ashes from his cigarette into Dave's mouth. Dave desperately spat out the dried cinders.

The man lets go of Dave’s tongue and grabs the Dave by the face to hold it in place.

Dualscar took a long drag and blew the smoke into Dave’s face.

The camera pans over all of the smoke to show Dualscar’s face.

"That tongue's worth all the money in the world."

You know that voice, you know that face, you know that man.

That is Ampora.

**Dirk’s lawyer is a member of the in crowd.**


	71. Numb, Dull Pain

You knew there wasn’t much more of the recordings left to watch. Ms. Pyrope, Dr. Serket and the rest must already fully understand why you didn’t want Dave seeing the tapes. You didn’t want him to ever know. 

The camera was focused on your face. You were suspended in air, held upside down by several ropes tied around your chest, your neck and both of your thighs. The camera was angled so most of your face covered the right side of the screen. Most of your body was still visible but foreshortened. The camera picked up your bound thighs and flaccid penis.

Those designer glasses were back on your face, you recall you were hoping to find a way to break them so you could go back to wearing the ones Dave bought for you.

You were in another room in the apartment building. There was some strange type of machine that he built the he was setting up behind you. The machine had a large black dildo stuck on a long black stick. He fingered you to prep you, then slid it in. The entire time you were glaring at the camera. Giving it a full feast of your angry eyes.

When he finished, Mr. Strider leaned over to kiss you on the lips. You struggled to get away from him. He held the back of your head in place as he kissed you on the mouth. You bit his lip and wouldn’t let go until he pulled his head far enough away from yours.

“I know you want me to stay, I have to go out for a while. When I get back I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He fiddled around with something off screen, you knew what it was.

He grabbed a leather whip, one with several long black tassels.

He hit your stomach. You grunted at the pain.

He set it back down and turned on the machine.

He walked out, locking the door behind him.

You glared at the camera again. An angry, pestering glare.

Megido asks you, “John, how long are you alone like this for?”

“Over an half-an-hour.” You respond like she’s annoying you. You don’t break your eyes away from your own. You looked angry. As angry as you feel in this very moment.

Megido makes her way to stand up.

“No.” You put your hand up. “You wanted to watch these tapes. Don’t skip any of it.”

Dr. Serket’s bracelets clinked together. You could hear her lightly gasp.

“I had to live through it." You don't look away from your eyes as you speak, "I didn’t want to… you don’t get the luxury of skipping it ether.”

You just kept watching your face. You looked absolutely enraged. There was nothing attractive or cute about your anger. That man wanted you to suffer. You wanted him to rot.

“I hope you burn in Hell for this. You sick fucking monster. You’re probably getting off to all my insults aren’t you? That’s fine, I don’t give a shit about what you think. I’m going to be thinking about Dave the whole time. I miss his fat cock, for now I’ll just pretend this thing is him. How about that for a **defiant little whore?”**

You hocked a loogie and spat on the floor.

You looked away from the camera, you moan out Daves name under your breath, you were trying to picture him in the room. You convinced yourself he tied you up. You didn't mean to but you sighed out his name, “dave,” you started feeling hot. You kept picturing how dave would react to seeing you like this. He would be so nervous, he starts shuddering if you call him daddy to many times in a row. He would cum instantly if he saw you suspended like this moaning his name. You hummed and bit your lip. “Dave.” 

You love when he wraps his hand right around your neck... Just like this rope. “mmm Dave your hands feel so good around my neck.” You pictured the first time Dave tried choking you. He only used one hand and he was so jumpy. Letting go of your neck with every thrust. You got so fed up you started choking yourself. It doesn’t feel as good as when Dave does it, nothing in this world does.

You didn’t care that everyone in this room was watching you pant. Didn’t care that they heard you moan for Dave and beg him to do different things to your body. It was your choice to say those things, in a moment of your life where you had no choice to walk away. Still, you made sure to keep moaning Dave’s name so that _fucking asshole_ couldn’t jack off to any of this without getting envious.

“Dave -ah- your bro is fucking disgusting to me, but- I would love- mmm- for you to tie me up like this and fuck me. I’m Dave’s! He owns me! ...no one else.”

You kept repeating a different series of insults at that bastard...

Recounting how you first discovered how Dave got off from his favorite nickname, that he instantly came in his sweatpants when you first called him that.

You stated that Dave melts in your arms when you nibble at his neck and tell him how much you'd give for him.

But you knew what would really fucking stab at him.You make sure that bastard knows that with every breath you took, you lived- and you still do- you lived to let Dave know that you love him with you're entire being. 

“Dave-mmm- I want you to come back home to me... but I know you are safer away, my love." 

The thought of being thankful for Dave being apart from you... It sent you in a rage of furry.

You started to yell and snap at the camera, “you know what- You can go fuck yourself! I fucking hate you! You don’t deserve the right to even touch Dave! Only I should be allowed to touch him-"

You kept yelling at the camera, yelling every way you love Dave and how much you miss him. Yelling that Dave is the only guy you will ever love.

You are sure everyone in the room is uncomfortable... or maybe even upset with you for demanding that they watch every second of the tapes with you. They are law enforcement, they probably need to anyway. You aren't sure. And honestly you don't care.

You look at yourself, you were struggling to voice all the ways you needed Dave. All the ways you loved him.

“You know what! Fuck it! I won’t ever stop loving Dave. I won’t ever give up on saving him from the pain you'd give him! I won’t ever leave him! I will always look out for him! Dave is the love of my life! Dave is my best friend! Dave is the best person I have ever met. He's selfless and caring and- and- he would give anything to make sure that I am happy! Actually happy! Not this **fake fucking bullshit!** You can keep wasting your blood money on me and I will never! Never! Give you what you really want!”

You sounded so bitter. You knew where this was going...

“You want what Dave has. You don’t just want me! You want everything that Dave has with me. Our friendship. Our love. The way we both laugh at each other’s jokes. The way we protect each other. The way I ask him to hurt me.” You were still getting pegged by the machine, through your grunts you kept speaking. “You think the only thing I want is to be ‘fucked right?’" You paused. Taking a somber tone, "I will never give you the love I have for him. I would rather die than give you any amount of sympathy... or love... If I agree to marry you, it is for only one reason and one reason only."

You spoke with a bitter contempt in your voice,

"I don’t need to keep moaning his fucking name for you to get the point do I?”

You glared at the camera again.

“If I get off from you fucking me. You know who I am thinking of."

You continued to glare at the camera,

"When I finish today, I’ll moan out his name. I don’t fucking care if you beat me. You always hit me anyway over nothing anyway.”

You closed your eyes again and sighed.

“Dave used to get so nervous about hurting me and I would get so frustrated with him... I would yell at him when he would stop or hesitate… I should apologize… I understand why he hated it... He didn’t want to ever feel like _you._ But the two of you have next to nothing in common. When Dave hurts me it’s out of love- real honest love- when you do it now it’s because you are trying to force me to love you. I love when Dave hurts me because I know he’s doing it to make me feel good, he wants me to be safe... and I ask him to... so I can feel loved... so I can feel sane."

You sigh out of your nose and then continue,

"When you do it, it feels so wrong, so gross. It makes me want to throw up whenever you touch me. I get these headaches sometimes and my ears start ringing. I don’t like feeling like that -so I picture Dave and let you fuck me but I shouldn’t. I should just let myself feel horrible, because it’s better than making you think that I want you in anyway. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t...” You instantly started to tear up. You let yourself sob. You kept sobbing and your head was already red and pounding from being hung upside down. “I don’t want this anymore!”

You kept crying. Tears were streaming from your face and snot was clogging up your nose.

You let out a loud cry of a sob and then began to shout,  “I hate all of this! I don’t want this! -I -I just want Dave to hold me!”

You were shivering. Tears trailing down your forehead.

“I don’t want you to touch me, I don’t want …you to tie..." -you sobbed- "...me up... just-ju-just want to see… Dave again.”

Your throat was so dry and it was hard to form words, but still, you tried.

“I don’t want this! But If it means you won’t…” -you sniffled- “hurt Dave, I’ll take it.”

You dry heaved.

Your face was so ugly.

You were glad.

 _He_ didn’t deserve to see you look good.

He deserved to see the pain you caused him.

You heard him unlock the door. He was back. He walked in and watched you sob.

You tried to turn your head away from him, you didn't want to look at him.

You don't even want to see him when he appears on screen.

“You’re fucking crying again?” You fucking hate hearing that voice.

You kept dry heaving and sobbing.

“Let me- let me fix this.” He began walking towards you.

“NO!” You screamed at him. “LET ME GO! I WANT THIS TO BE OVER!”

“I’ll let you go when you-"

“I DONT WANT TO FINISH!” You kept sobbing and begging him to stop this.

“LETMEGO!LETMEGO!LETMEGO!”

“Wait-“ he tried to get a word in but you kept crying.

“LETMEGO!MY HEAD HURTS!LETMEGO!”

“fucking fine.”

He turned off the machine and started untying you.

You tried to calm your breathing. He was giving in.

“I was looking forward to this all fucking day..."

 _He_ placed you down on the ground. You were off-screen now.

 _He_ grabbed the camera and pointed it at you. Your face was blood red. Your snot was covering all of your forehead. You wanted him to stop looking at you at the time but now you are fucking glad that he did.

You're glad that you looked that horrible. He deserved that.

“God, angel you look fucked up.” 

You buried your head in your hands again and kept sobbing.

“Dave’s fucking coming home tomorrow. You know that I fucking wanted to fu-“ he calmed himself.

He left the camera on the stand but he turned it to face you.

He must have still thought he could fix this.

He started trying to hold you again. You shoved him. He grabbed you. He wrapped his arms tightly around you. You started pushing him away. He held you tighter. He was lean but still muscular, he is much stronger than you. He tightly grasped you, so you started pushing him away with your knees instead of your arms.

“Hold-" -he grunted- "still!”

You kept squirming. He must have panicked because next he did was slam you down to the ground so he could pin you down. You screamed on the top of your lungs as you kept trying to break free.

“STOP TOUCHING ME!” You frantically tried to get away.

“Stop -fucking -struggling. Just-“ he was trying to calm you down. “just let me hold you.”

“GET OFF OF ME!” You screamed a high pitched scream again. You broke your wrist free and punched him in the jaw. That hit you landed on him only served to make him angrier...

“You let me fucking hold onto you or I will fucking slit Dave's throat tomorrow.”

You stopped moving. You started shaking. You didn’t struggle. You sat up. You looked in his eyes. You looked at his neck. You knew he was pissed. He really means he is willing to kill Dave. That wasn’t an empty threat.

You stopped fighting.

You stopped sobbing, you were just shaking. 

He let you go.

He sat down on the concrete floor. 

You sat up.

You leaned into his arms of your own volition.

He started rubbing your hair.

You continued shaking.

You were terrified of losing Dave.

You would have done anything to protect him from pain, but above all, protect his life.

He started kissing the top of your head and he lifted up his shirt to wipe your forehead. He held you and hummed to you. He hummed to you like Dave did. You started crying again.

“Shhh.” _He_ started cooing you like Dave did too. “Shhh. Angel. Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. I’m here... I'm here... my love..."

You started to hopelessly sob again. You tried to get out the words “Plea-Please-Stop-hurting..” -you sniffled- “me.”

“I thought you would like it.” He kept swinging you from side to side. “Calm down and I’ll make it up to you. I’ll fuck you myself, how about-“

“Please-“ you sobbed into your hands. “Don’t.”

“Angel.” He was taking a firm tone with you again. “You **are** getting off today.”

“I don’t- I don’t… I’m so… it’s…”

“I know.” He started cooing again and stroking your hair. “My cock is so big and your hole is so small.”

“Stop-”  You beg of him.

“You want to have some fun?” He asks you.

“I don’t.” You tell him the truth.

“Of course you do, Dave is coming home tomorrow and if you want him to keep his fucking teeth you are going to play with me.”

You started shaking again.

He started rubbing your shoulders.

“Now, I’m sorry I made you sad, angel. I know it was scary and you wanted me to stay with you. I thought you were a big boy and could take being home alone.”

You shivered. He is just so fucking vile.

“You don’t want to be alone do you, angel?”

“I… I want to go back to the apartment and sleep… I’m scared…”

“I know you’re scared, angel. You want me to tuck you in bed?”

“…I want to go to bed…” You silently let out a sob.

“You want me to take you to my room?” 

“I just want to lay down and sleep… please…” You beg.

“Well, daddy had a hard time with his work just now and he wants to play a fun game with you, son.”

You shuttered.

“Daddy is going to make you all better..." He was actually trying to baby talk you, even with that monotone voice of his. "I know that it’s scary and it feels silly to mess around with your daddy in his bed but-“

You needed him to stop. “This is so fucking gross.” You lowered your voice.

“What?” He didn’t sound amused.

“I don’t get off to that nickname, that’s something Dave likes, and he doesn’t pretend that he’s my actual dad. He pretends I’m like... his girlfriend.”

“Fine then, I won’t fucking do that anymore. What do you want me to say?”

You had to think about that. You liked saying no, you liked pain, you liked roleplays but only with Dave, you didn’t want to tell him anything. Regardless of that, he spoke up,

“I’ll just try some stuff out and you tell me when it’s good.”

He held onto you as he moved over to grab the lube. He poured a large amount right onto your cock. You shivered as he started working you.

“Look at you, you fucking cockwhore. You took all that and didn’t cum? You must really need me.”

You looked away from him.

“No?” He asked. “How about I pretend to be nervous and obsessed with you? Would you like if I pretended to be your stalker?”

“No.” He must have thought that you liked that because Dave followed you around. “That’s gross.”

“You want to argue again? You like when we argue?” He actually asked you that.

“No. I don’t.” You blankly tell him.

“Then what do you fucking want? You have to fucking tell me.”

“I just want to cum so I can go to bed.”

“Fucking work with me or you don’t even want to fucking know the threat I’m about to make against-" he stopped.

“I know what you would like, angel.” There was no hints of anger in his voice, only a slight twinge of pride.

“What is it… that you think I would… actually like?” You wanted to insult him but you were too scared for Dave’s sake.

“Dave is gone for the whole day. He doesn’t know that you’ve been fucking me behind his back. You love him so much, but it’s so hard to get off because he’s not the best lover, right?” He is trying to sweet talk you again. It fills your stomach with mucus and disgust... even now.

“Dave has no idea that you need to fool around with his older bro to get off. You are such a little tease too. Flirting with me and arguing with me. Always staring at my neck and looking at my hands. It feels wrong to you, right? It feels so gross that your ‘boyfriend's’ bro is completely obsessed with you. You don’t want me to play with your cock like this.” He looks down at his hands as he pumps you. “You don’t want Dave to ever know, but it feels so good, doesn't it, whore? It’s so wrong, but it so **fucking** good. That’s how I feel about you, angel. I ache all the time, you break my heart every second of my life."

You shivered as he spoke. He asked you,

"You want to go upstairs and fuck in Dave's room? You want to smell his shirts so you can get off?”

You hated another other option, you needed to get off or he wouldn’t leave you alone.

You gently nodded your head, “…yes.”

“That sounds fun? You like that?" He sounded... excited. "You want to call out Dave’s name while I tell you that Dave would be jealous if he saw you taking anyone else’s cock... he would be so mad, he would freak shit..”

He got up and got the camera. He paused it.

You remember he seemed happy when he told you to get ready to go upstairs. He seemed like he was suppressing a smile when he was in the elevator with you, he was already feeling you up and slapping your ass. He seemed to think you liked the treatment. 

When the next video played he had already set up the camera on a stand next to Dave's bed.

You were laying down on Dave's side of the bed, holding onto one of Dave’s dirty shirts. You were smelling it before _he_ even got on the bed.

When he joined you he started ‘finger fucking’ you and telling you that your hole was still lose. “I’m gonna jump right to slamming you where you like it, just imagine Dave walking in and seeing you take another man's cock.” He slammed into you, you tensed up. "Think about how angry Dave would be if he caught us, he would jump to protect you."

He slammed into you again.

“Mmm.” You didn’t mean to moan at that, but the thought of Dave alone was messing with your mind and your heart.

“Imagine Dave finding out about our last dinner date. Think about telling him that you were a good little boyfriend and stood up for him. Think about Dave screaming at me over that.”

“Ah!” You moaned, you hated to admit it but you liked what he was saying. You were so angry with yourself for liking it.

“Dave’s such a good boyfriend, he would instantly forgive you for cheating, but he would be so fucking pissed.”

 _He_ slammed into you again, prompting you to moan.

“You’re such a good little  _'girlfriend'_ too. You always call him daddy and you wait for him on his bed for him to come home, like a good little cockwhore. You treat Dave so well, I’m so jealous. I wish that you felt that way about me.”

He slammed into you again.

"MM-AHHH!" You hated that you were honestly getting off to what he was telling you, it was so miserable, he found a new way to use your love for Dave against you.

"I wish that you would warm up my bed and wait for me to come back to you. I keep picturing what it would be like to have you idolize me, worship the ground I tread." He tells you, “I am jealous, but I think I have something that Dave wants, don't I? He wishes he could make your tight fucking hole flinch like this, he wants to get you to cum hard. He wants to make you scream. Just like this.”

He grabbed onto your legs and started pounding into you. You wanted to beg for it to stop but he knows that to you a 'no' is a 'yes.'

He flipped you over and fucked you doggy style. He pounded you into the mattress. You were still holding onto Dave's shirt and smelling it. His shirt was making you feel so fucking good. You moaned into Dave's scent as you pictured him pounding into you just like that.

"You want Dave to fuck you like this? You want to picture him dominating you like you deserve, like you fucking need?" He asked you with a great fury in his tone.

"MMhhh!" You kept moaning, you gave up on fighting him, you let him do what he wanted.

He grabbed your neck with one hand and shoved his fingers down your throat with the other.

"You don't have any choice, you have to fuck me" -he grunted- "or I'll kill Dave."

It was so violent and cruel, he was threatening Dave's life while raping you. Something that filled you with rage, but still, you were riding the thought of Dave and being loyal to him.

“You like my cock, hu? Better than Dave's? You wish Dave could make you feel this way? I know Dave can’t fuck you right!”

He kept slamming into you, now he was fucking you for himself. He took his fingers out of your throat to hear you moan.

“Dave is out again, leaving you all alone. What are you supposed to do? You need to protect Dave from his older bro! Yeah- you need to be his little guardian angel. Good boy. Take my whole fucking cock for Dave.” With that last thrust, you screamed out **_"DAVE!"_**   You finished into the sheets. He kept pounding you and pulling his fingers from your mouth down to your shaft to milk you more. He kept forcing himself into you and gripping down on your neck and your dick. When he came he grunted from his gut and dug his nails into your windpipe.

He laid down besides you and, against your will, he held you. You were so tired you accepted it, but you kept smelling Dave's shirt.

“We can do this everyday you know, you me and Dave. All three of us together. You keep loving him and I fuck you right. He will be jealous and you’ll love every second of it.”

You turned away from him, still holding on to Dave’s shirt. Your cum getting smeared on your stomach. He started spooning you, he traced his fingers along your stomach, smearing his fingertips along the mess you just made. “He’s already so jealous when I get you off in front of him. Isn’t he? It’ll be the same just more fun. Dave can even choke you if you want. We can both pound into you. We can spit roast you together. Dave can whip you while I fuck you. We can both suck you off together... fight for who gets to deep throat you, I might even let Dave win. I'm a big enough man to admit he's probably better at giving head than I am. You can do anything you want to him, and I'll just watch. Anything you want. I'll even let Dave beat me up if that's what you want, he would like that. You can get anything, as long as you watch."

He kissed the back of your neck. You kept holding Dave's shirt to your face.

"We can move somewhere nicer. We'll all stay in the same room, lay down in bed and watch the movies you like, just so long as I can hold you like this. You want to go out on dates with Dave? Just let me date you too. You want me to stop hurting Dave? Just make me your slave, and I'll do anything. You can get anything you want, anything, just as long as you keep fucking around with my mind. You already claw into my fucking soul when I watch you fuck Dave, I just want to throw him off of you and pound into you, it makes me ache so fucking much. Like you're fucking ripping me apart. and I want you to rip me apart so fucking bad, I want you to play the same little mind games you play with Dave with me. You already made me fucking cry. Actually fucking cry."

He took a deep whiff of your scent. You put down Dave's shirt.

"I kept beating you, raping you, making you dress up like my ex, thinking I could just make you into an object. But you fucking hit me so hard when you told me, years ago, that you just wanted to 'get it over with for Dave's sake,' I just lost it and cried like a bitch. Back then I wanted to feel nothing for you, nothing at all, not even hate. I thought maybe it was because you looked so much like  _him..._ no, I never felt that way about Jake. You clawed your way into my thoughts. Maybe I fell in love with you because you always found a way to get what you fucking want, with just words alone."

He took a deep whiff of your neck to breath in your musk. You probably smelt like sweat and cum.

"I love you so fucking much. I love you for what you fucking do to me. Just let me give you anything you want, just tell me what it is and I'll do anything to make it happen. I can hurt you anyway you like just so long as you keep hurting me too. Would you like that? You want to actually hurt me? You want to slam the kitchen oven on my head? You want to take turns? Wouldn't that be fucking hot? I know how much you love getting hurt, I'll still fuck you up, anything, **anything,** you want. You already know how good my cock is to you, let me show you how good torturing me can be."

He started sinking his teeth into your neck.

You stared blankly ahead towards the camera.

He pulled his mouth off of your collarbone and breathed out,

“You'd like that?” 

You tell him the same thing you always did, “I have to think about this.”

He slapped your ass. He started grabbing one of your cheeks and pulling it part.

Disgusting.

He fingered out the rest of his semen from inside of you.

"You just came so fucking hard, harder than when Dave fucking chokes you with both of his weak fucking hands." He chuckled to himself. "Dave can't fuck you like that."

You blankly stare ahead. You don’t have the energy for anything.

"I was so good to you, letting you smell Dave's shirt while I 'forced' myself on you. If you marry me then you can _actually_ smell Dave while I fuck you."

You laid in Dave’s bed, after you got fucked by  _him,_ you smelt Dave's shirt the entire time so you could feel somewhat alright with getting off. You shouldn't have done that.

"Fucking torment... you love Dave so fucking much, he can't fucking do anything for you."

You tried not to feel anything. To just make yourself numb. You felt such pain. Such guilt.

"You don't fucking need Dave, maybe one day you'll see that, angel."

At the time, sleeping with Dave’s older brother in his bed, truly felt like you were cheating on him. You told yourself never again. Even if it made the sex bearable. The mere fact it was bearable was something you needed to avoid. The rape should stay painful, you can’t let yourself feel anything but pain from that point on. Still… the choice you had to make… that dictated that you would have let yourself feel something… no maybe… maybe you could just feel numb.

"All that you really need, is me."

* * *

Next time he raped you.

Next time he recorded it.

You didn’t say anything.

You didn’t move.

You refused to move.

You weren’t going to give him what he wanted.

You were just going to let it happen.

That was exactly what you did.

Next time you were laying down on his bed.

You said nothing. The entire time you said nothing. You didn’t move. You let him do what he wanted to you, you knew what he really wanted was for you to moan, to grunt, to beg, to scream, to fight, to do anything. So you did nothing. You didn’t even think of Dave. You cleared your mind and blankly watched the ceiling. You sighed instead of moan, occasionally he would do something that would get you to make a sound. You would go back to your dead expression right after.

He wasn’t satisfied with just using your body.

He grabbed your throat.

He hit into you as hard as he could, as fast as he could, as violently as he could.

He slowly gripped your neck, tighter and tighter. He was nearly crushing you. You grabbed onto his wrist. You dug your nails into him. You gasped. You shot up. You tried to pull him off of you. He kept going. You kept trying to scream for him to stop. He was _actually_ killing you.

Eventually, he got the picture and let go of you.

You grabbed onto the side of the bed. You kept wheezing and holding your throat as you hung your head over the floor. You started coughing so hard. You felt so sick. You hunched your arms over the bed and threw up all of the contents of your stomach on to the floor.

“Angel, are you okay?” He started rubbing your back, his touch scratched you more than your throat. It was so painful. You spat out one more time onto the floor and then shoved him off of you.

You sat up and rested your back against the wall. Holding your throat. Your head lifted up, your eyes closed, you were trying to catch your breath, trying to calm yourself, trying to go back to feeling numb.

“I’m sorry, angel.”

Your breathing was still rough, you were gasping for air. Attempting to steady yourself. You started curling in on yourself. Your heart pounding. A heat surrounding your whole body. You wanted to cool down. You wanted it to end. You wanted it to be over.

“Come here.” You could see in the tape that he was offering you up his arms again.

You remember how it all felt. At the time, you couldn’t see him. You're face was burred in your hands.

You couldn't see him, still, you knew he was going to try to hold you.

You needed to leave. You needed to escape. You needed to run. You sat up, jumped off the bed, stepping in your own vomit as you ran to the other corner of the room.

Now you were off screen, behind the camera.

“Angel. Get over here. **Now**.”

You kept shaking, wheezing, you couldn’t find the strength to even _try_ to calm down. You felt so scared you needed all of it to be over.

He stood up and walked towards you. You were so afraid. You were ashamed but you urinated.

“You fucking-“ he paused. “It’s okay, calm down.”

He started walking towards you again.

You let out a blood curdling scream. Tears streaming down your face.

“It’s okay, fucking- stop pissing yourself.”

You kept screaming. You started screaming for the only thing you wanted.

**“DAVE! DAVE! DAVE HELP ME!”**

You heard a loud slapping sound and a thud.

He smacked you so hard you fell to the ground. Your face and hair, drenched in your urine.

You remember rolling into the fetal position, trying to stop all of your limbs from shaking. You kept wheezing, screaming made your throat even worse.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed a sheet, he was attempting to wrap you in it.

“Just sit up. Sit up. **I** can fix this…”

You started convulsing. You needed Dave.

Your entire body was quaking. You wanted Dave so badly.

You wanted him to protect you, you wanted him.

You started sobbing, your throat pulling tighter. You were struggling to get air down your throat.

He sat you up. You were trembling so much you couldn’t shove him off of you.

He covered you with the sheet. He wrapped you in his arms.

You were so disturbed. You couldn’t break away.

“You love books right? How about I make you your own library? We can come down to this floor every time Dave is out, and I can watch you read. Dave has a lot of work right now, a lot of work, he might even have to leave on a trip for a full week. I can start working on it before he even leaves. Wouldn’t you love your own little library? Doesn't that sound good, my little angel?”

You were shaking. You wanted it to be over. You wanted Dave.

You needed to remember who owned you.

**You were going to remind _him_ who owned you.**


	72. A Real Ploy

You didn’t have the time to make that little library for your _'sweet darling angel.'_ You were going to cut open a book and put in three diamond encrusted gold rings. One orange, one red and one blue. It would have acted as a wedding ring and an engagement ring all in one.

As soon as John agreed it would have all been over. Just like that Dave’s entire life would have been decided. He would have followed all of John’s wishes blindly.

If Dave agreed to live in the prosecutor’s office, than you knew that John must have also told him he needed to give up all the names and faces of his clients. Something that you knew your lawyer wasn’t fucking happy about. In fact he told you today that he already let everyone know that it was time to fucking bail. Still. Many of them still owed you a debt. They knew they weren’t exempt just because you were behind bars.

You had many friends in many different places. Many stacks of hidden money as a backup. You had a lot of cards you haven’t dealt yet. They knew that. Your lawyer already struck a deal to clean himself of his debts. You weren't sure just how he was going to pull it off. Still. If he could do it. Than you could start making some real plans to clean this mess.

That's the hope.


	73. Stay Hidden

After watching all of those tapes you went back to the room. You told Dave that the lawyers asked you to go over more of the experiences that you had. The ones that you had from being alone with _him,_ It wasn't a complete lie. Dave understood that you didn’t feel like talking after being out for hours. You just wanted to rest. He wanted to listen more to his music. Something you were glad about… you didn’t want him to hold you right now. He took your glasses for you. When his fingers brushed against yours it sent a shiver down your spine. You ignored it.

You crawled into the corner of the bed, you turned towards the wall and closed your eyes. You heard soft bass beats coming from Dave’s headphones. No other sound in the room. You try your best to drift off, it takes you several minutes to fall asleep, the thought of Dave beside you after reliving all of that was eating at your mind.

When you get up Dave isn’t beside you anymore. You look around the room, your dad isn’t on his bed either. If they were going out they would have told you. Still, you didn’t want to start freaking out just yet. You grabbed your glasses and started moving your legs off the bed when you see it. You see him standing in front of the door, in the small hallway. He isn’t wearing his shades. You can see those eyes, those sickening eyes. He didn’t say anything, he just watched you. You forced yourself into the corner of the bed. You wrapped the sheet around you. You didn’t want him to see any of your skin, or your hair, or your eyes or anything that he loved. You ducked under the sheet and started tearing up. You were sobbing. All of a sudden you felt an arm wrap around you.

**“I DON'T WANT THIS!”**

You here mumbling, it sounds like it's coming from a tv in another room, there’s clunking sounds, the sounds of footsteps, you can’t make out anything that’s going on. A hand was gripping around your forearm.

**“STOP TOUCHING ME!”**

He lets go of you. You feel like you’re still being violated. You didn’t want him to touch you ever again. What was the point of running if he could just… touch you or Dave again?

The mumbling is getting louder

**“LEAVE ME ALONE!”** You scream.

“Calm down, it’s okay.” His voice sounds different, not deep like usual. “It’s okay.”

**“I HATE YOU!”** You need to scream. You need to let him know, **“I HATE YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I HATE YOU!!!”**

“Calm down.”

**“DAVE!”** You call out for the one thing you know that can protect you. **“DAVE!”**

“I’m right here! Calm down, calm down.”

You hear Dave’s voice! He’s here?!

You see him. In bed next to you. You grab onto him. You grab onto his back. You cry into his chest. **_“He wouldn’t stop touching me.”_ **He was holding onto you, gripping you tightly. You wanted him to cling to you and never let go. “He never stops.”

Dave started cooing, “shh shh.”

You feel another hand slide on your back, you scream at the top of your lungs.

“John! Son! It’s me! It’s me. It’s your father!”

You start sobbing harder.

“He’s not here. He isn’t here. The shower is always running.” Dave kept petting your hair as he gently rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay. That wasn’t him. It’s your dad. Your dad loves you. I love you. Just relax, calm down.”

He held onto you and hummed to you. You listen to your dad talk with the cops outside. You must have really scared them, they must be on high alert now.

“Babe, babe.” Dave keeps rocking you back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s alright. He can't touch you anymore. I won’t let him ever touch you again. I promise I will keep you safe."

You start sobbing even harder.

“I promise I will protect you for the rest of my life.”

You feel all of the air leave your lungs. All of the blood in your body is moving to your head again. You’re breathing is so heavy, you are panting to try to catch air. You are heaving. You start seeing red, everything is red. Then black.

Nothingness.

Void.

_He came into the room. A long silver chain wrapped around both of his hands, you knew he wanted you to walk on all fours to his room. You hated the thought but you were fine with it if it meant not fucking in here. Not on Dave’s bed. You didn’t want to do that again._

_You sat up in your bed, completely naked as you always were when you were in this room._

_He ripped the sheets off of you. Completely revealing your nudity to him. Your thighs were spread apart. His eyes diverted down to the scabs on your legs._

_D and A on one side V and E on the other._

_Spelling out the name of the man you love._

_D A   V E_

* * *

  _You… you defiled yourself.”_

_“No. Dave marked me.”_

Then… he blacked out…


	74. no more chances

You walked to the bathroom with John and some police officer that was acting as your guard. You still brought along your katana, today something just didn’t sit right with you. You saw Megido talking with some lawyers you don’t recognize, when she saw the two of you, her mouth was agape, like she was trying to find the words to say something. She turned back to them and excused herself. She walked over to the three of you.

“I need to speak with you both, this is important for you to know.” She didn’t spare a moment, she never does. “Dirk Strider somehow managed to break out of maximum security prison.”

John's lips parted open, he looked like he was about to scream. You tightly grasped the sheath of your sword and pulled John close with your free hand. No more chances, now you need to be on your toes.

“We are going to up security for you all. That means more guards at all times.” She looked at you as she spoke, “That also means don’t go anywhere without a weapon, I see you are already careful. I will go speak with John’s father, you two go off to the bathrooms.”

She looked at John, staring at him for a few more moments. She kept looking at him, like she wanted him to speak up, he said nothing.

“Goodbye, John.” The words sounded sharp. She seemed serious about all of this.

“Goodbye, Ms. Megido.” He sounded much kinder.

You held John close to you as you walked.

Can’t take any chances.

* * *

John wasn’t taking the news well. In all honesty neither were you. You sat on your bed, up against the wall. He rested his head on your shoulder, you gave him your iPod to listen too. Your poor sweetheart, he was shaking. John was completely restless, he started biting his nails again and picking at dry skin on his lips. You wrapped your arm around him. You are firmly, but lovingly rubbing his arm, up and down. You are holding your katana in your other hand.

Can’t take any more chances.

None at all.


	75. Misery and Love

Your dad wanted to go out shopping again. You told him it was too risky but he seemed determined to go out for at least an hour. He really hates feeling cooped up and useless. He needs to move, to do something. You guess some people are just hard wired like that. You told him to always stay by the police. He assured you he would and that he also was carrying. 

You just wanted to lay down in bed and wait for him to get back, you weren’t comfortable with your dad leaving. Dave was spooning you under your sheets. He started rubbing your arms.

“Hey, babe.” Dave is pressing against your back, now he is rubbing his semi against you, “you want to taste daddy’s cock?”

“I don’t feel up to it.” You choose the words so he knows you are actually rejecting his advances.

“…Really?” Dave isn’t completely sure you are dismissing sex.

You turn your head back to look at him.

“Do you want me to say the safe word so you know it’s real?” 

“That’s fine.” Dave kisses your forehead. “How about this instead.”

Dave moved one of his arms under you and started hugging you completely from behind.

Dave started humming, just like you do when he is upset.

Dave gently rocked you and hummed a song to you, he was trying so hard to make you feel safe.

You can’t say that you do and the fact Dave is trying so hard to make you feel better just makes you feel more miserable in this moment. You should have never said you wanted to see the stars to _that man._ You start crying. Dave starts humming louder and rocking you slower. He wants to comfort you. You can’t help but feel… vile... about this. He keeps humming and rocking you and humming and rocking you.

Back and forth, east and west, left and right.

 _Hu?_   You feel asleep. You sit up, you feel a pressure weighing down on your body but you still sit up. Dave is right next to you, sleeping. You reach over Dave to get your glasses from the nightstand. You are looking down at the floor as you put them on. You see a small stream of some dark liquid… is that red…? Is that blood…? You follow the trail with your eyes. You see a grown man’s corpse lying face down on the floor. It’s… It’s your dad’s corpse. Oh God. Oh God. **_Oh God._** You need help. You start shoving Dave to get up. You keep pushing him. You roll him over. His eyes and his mouth are wide open. You start sobbing uncontrollably.

You heard footsteps.

You keep crying over Dave’s corpse. You can’t… you can’t go on now.

“Look at me.” You knew that voice.

You refuse. What is the point now anyway? You did all of this for Dave and now he’s gone. He is literally gone. He isn’t in your hands anymore. You look up. Your dad’s body is missing too. This is a dream. This is just a dream. You just need to wake up. You’ll be okay if you wake up. You keep your eyes closed, you don’t want to see any more of this nightmare.

You could hear more of his footsteps as he walked over to you. He leaned down in front of you. Your eyes were closed but you could still see him. You could see his face, you watched him as he tilted his head.

“Are you scared again, angel?”

Your chest is shaking, you feel pins and needles stab out of your heart and into your flesh.

“I can make you feel better.”

He gets into bed next to you.

“If you would have gone with me this wouldn’t have had to happen.”

He’s going to do it again.

“They could have lived.”

He’s going to touch you again.

“I could have given Dave everything he ever wanted too.”

He wraps his arms around you.

“I could have let you see your dad in a few years if you were a good boy.”

He starts humming just like Dave did.

“You let Dave make the choice for you, you should have manned up and said yes.”

Dave was humming just a moment ago to get you to fall asleep.

You quietly muttered to yourself, _“you feel like dave… this is dave… I am in dave’s arms…”_

You hear the same deep muttering in the distance as before. That’s right this is a dream again.

“Dave is dead. I was going to let you keep him, I told you that, you refused me and now he is dead.”

_“no no no no no no, dave is right here. dave is right here.”_

“He is dead.”

You started sobbing uncontrollably.

_“dave can’t be… dave is right here… he is alive… he is right here…”_

The mumbling is getting louder, you can feel it on your back.

_“dave is right here.”_

Someone is shaking you. You snap open your eyes, your real eyes.

“Dave.” You turn over so you can hold on to his chest as you cry.

“I’m right here. I’m alive. It was a bad dream. I’ll never leave you.”

“Dave, I can’t… Dave, I’ve…”

Did you make the wrong choice? You couldn’t have made any other one. Dave would have been miserable, he would have had to watch you sleep with his bro… his father… every day. You would have gotten anything you could have ever asked for but you would have known where the money came from. Your lives wouldn’t have just been wrong, it would have been evil. The very evil that you hated. Dave made the only choice that he could. However, you were thinking of Dave’s safety the entire time… Dave wouldn't have been safe with him alive...

You would have known that, no matte what choose you would have made.

Regardless, he's out of prison. 

You're in danger... 

the shower isn't running anymore... 

Dave's in danger...

“I love you.” Dave kept humming.

You started dry heaving.

“You’re okay.” Dave kept rocking you.

You started trembling.

“If you ever have another bad dream like that I’ll be right here for you.”

Dave kept kissing you.

Still...

You felt miserable.

* * *

“John Egbert.”

There are two cops outside that you don’t recognize. You sit up,

“Come with us, please.”

You stand up, Dave began standing up too.

“Just, John.”

Dave looks devastated at that. He moved back down. You whisper to him, “it’s okay.”

Before you leave, you lean over and place your hand softly against his cheek. You touch him so lightly, so softly, like a cloud. He kisses you just as delicately on the lips. He whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

You turn to your dad and you tell him you love him.

"I love you more." He copies the line you just told Dave.

You slowly make your way out of the door, feeling Dave’s gaze on your back. You turn to face him again, you felt like looking at him once more before you left. You felt an urge to hold onto him again, the way he looks back at you tells you he wants the same. The look in his eyes telling you he wants nothing more but for you to stay with him. You know things can be hard on him. You know, this is hard on both of you. The shower isn’t running anymore. You can’t hear the pitter-patter of the water dropping to the drain.

You head out the door. You give Dave a smile. The policeman slowly pulls the door closed, Dave leens as it closes, moving so he can see you before the door shuts.

“This way.” The police man directed you to head towards your right.

He lets you walk ahead of him. You follow his instruction and begin walking.

You feel a rag against your mouth. You struggle. You try to hold your breath. The man behind you is pulling you closer, grabbing your stomach. You manage to hold onto your breath but with all of your struggling you feel like you desperately need to gasp for air. You feel something pinch your arm. You divert your eyes down to the source of the pain. The other man just stuck a needle into your arm. He is pushing its contents right into your bloodstream. The rag was just a diversion. Either way. It’s over.


	76. Encounter

You have to go head up the elevator again to speak with Strider.

There are two police officers outside of the elevator, you don’t recognize them but then again you always are getting in new recruits and you can’t know everyone. Still all of the officers assigned to protect John on this floor you personally know. You don’t want to arouse there suspicions. You notice they have a suitcase in the corner of your eye but you do not look at it. You are going to ride with them down.

“GOING DOWN, MEN?”

You move back, allowing them in.

“Thank you.”

They didn’t call you sir. They didn’t show you respect. They aren’t your men. They aren’t police officers.

“LONG DAY, RIGHT?” You begin to make conversation. “FUCKING STATION IS A NIGHTMARE I THOUGHT I WOULD-“ You pull out your gun and shoot one of the men in the shoulder. The other makes a move to pull his gun. You shot him dead. The other man you shot reached for his gun.

“FUCKING TRY IT.”

He stops. He puts his hand up to his shoulder to put pressure on his wound. He is losing a lot of blood.

“WHAT’S IN THE CASE?”

He doesn’t answer. You shoot the hand he is using to nurse his injury.

“The kid!” He grunts. He must mean Dave.

“WHO SENT YOU?”

He doesn’t respond.

“OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION COCKFUCKER! I WILL SHOOT YOU AGAIN!”

He grunts again, he is still holding onto his shoulder with his fucked up hand. He pulls out his gun with the other. You put a bullet between his eyes.

You take a moment to calm yourself.

You can’t let a civilian see this mess. You radio for someone to meet you in this elevator. You hold it on the ground floor. You are still standing inside of it. It’s late in the office, but you are still counting that someone will attempt to open the door. You quickly open up the case, you aren’t sure if there are enough air holes for the kid to breathe. You don’t want him getting brain damage. You get a look at him, It isn’t Dave. It’s John. He is curled up with his knees against his chest. Shit. How disgusting these fucking people are. These men were definitely sent by Strider. 

You were fucking pissed before when you heard that he escaped prison. Now you are completely enraged that he hired men to kidnap the boy. You are going to fucking find that man and shove your glock down his fucking throat. Looking at John it fills you with even more rage, he looks young, innocent, and helpless. They were going to kidnap him so he can probably get killed and raped. Fucking monsters.

Suddenly the door opens. You move to press the door close button but you see Zahhak and Captor, you alert them to the situation. Captor agrees to quarantine the area. Zahhak tells you he will assist you in dealing with John. You rode the elevator up, Zahhak lifts up John’s unconscious body. When you make it to the floor you step out first, looking if there is anyone in the hall. You spot your girlfriend, when you catch her eye she seems happy to see you, her smile suddenly drops. She looks devastated. You shake your head to her and open your mouth to speak, you can’t find the words right now. You can’t find the words to tell her things are okay. Zahhak steps out behind you with John’s body, Natalie clenches her teeth. He runs up to you both.

“Is he alive?!” She ran up to you both.

“Yes. He was knocked unconscious.” Her friend answered for you both.

Natalie’s eyes started darting around. You don’t want her looking in the elevator.

“COME WITH US.” You start walking back to the room. She follows, staying by John’s side.

You radio to tell Captor you are out of the elevator.

“Wait-“ She says the words like she just snapped into reality. “Everyone working on Dirk's case is working late today, I- I should run and get them.”

You need to be blunt with her, “TAKE THE STAIRS, FIRST COME WITH US.”

You think she would be much better at consoling Dave then either of you two.

She nods her head. She looks at you, “we need to wipe your face down first.”

You touch your face.

Your hand is dripping with blood.

“Go to the bathroom, John’s dad doesn’t need to see you look like that.”

You didn’t think she deserved it either. 

You never wanted her to see you drenched in blood.

You understand how those boys must feel…


	77. the beating of your heart

You were laying down on the bed when you heard a knock. You actually answered the door this time, getting up thinking it might be John. When you saw his body you thought he was fucking dead. You dropped to your knees. Grabbing onto his arm. You were sobbing.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Nat dropped down to comfort you, “He’s alive. He’s alive.”

Just then you began sobbing harder, you felt so relieved, then so angry.

The officer with the large build explained to you, “two men disguised as officers attempted to kidnap him. The sheriff stopped the two of them. We found your guards bodies in the men’s room.”

Nat spoke again, “Dave, you need to move back to the bed with John okay, we need to keep him in this room till we know it’s safe again.” Her words were kind, you could hear in her tone of voice that she was frightened. “I’m going to go get the lawyers. I’ll be back as soon as I can, then I’ll help you with John. Okay?”

"Okay." You got up and sat at the corner of the wall, he always feels safe in the corner. Your back is up against the walls, you directed them to set John down on you. You took him into your arms and cradled him.

“I’ll be outside the door.” The larger man told you he was going to guard the room.

You didn’t know if more of those fuckers were going to come but you aren’t chancing it. You took out your katana and held it over John. Protecting him. No one is moving him from his spot. John’s dad took out his handgun and waited against the wall, looking into the small hall where the door is. You have been waiting here for what feels like days. Holding your sword over John, glaring at the door, enraged that this happened. You held him so tightly with your other arm, you were straining yourself. Half of his face pressed up against your chest. You think your heart must be pounding so hard against his cheek. It’s amazing he hasn’t woken up from the sound of your blood beating through your heart.

You are never letting him go, ever. Ever again. He is never leaving your side. Ever. For any reason. You are putting your foot down on this. Where ever he needs to go, you are going. It is too dangerous for him to be alone, you knew that, you fucking knew that! You could have just lost him forever. You could have lost him completely. You quake with rage. You steady your blade. You are not going to fucking crumble now. Fuck that! You **are** protecting John.

There was a knock on the door, “It’s Natalie and the others! I’m going to open the door!”

She brought you a cup of water to wake John up, you weren’t too keen on the idea of putting down your blade, but you don’t want to accidently slice open John. You handed the sword to Nat and took the water cup. You turned him towards you and splashed his face. He shot up, he was awake and gasping for air. You took off your shades. You made sure that you were the first thing that he saw. He reaches out and hugs you. He is sobbing into your chest. Sniffling and trying to calm himself.

“I’ll protect you I swear.” You pulled him closer. His glasses moved up to the top of his head. You grasped him so tightly. “I swear. I am never leaving your side again.”

You held him tightly as he sobbed. The prosecutors were standing around your bed. John’s dad started talking to him and rubbing his back. He almost lost his son again. John’s dad looked over at the beast.

“Why did they try to take him.” He was asking all of the lawyers.

You looked up at them too.

_'Did two men really try to take John?'_

_'Why didn’t they just kill him?'_

The other prosecutors looked over at John. John kept crying into your chest.

“John.” Ms. Megido spoke up. The skittish lawyer put his hand up on her shoulder, he shook his head. She pulled her arm free from his grasp. “Tell him the truth.”

John pressed his face more into your chest. He was dry heaving.

“John.” She raised her voice.

John pulled away from your chest, leaving his glasses at the top of his head.

“I’ve been raped more times than I can remember, beaten more times than I can count, he was obsessed with making Dave and I suffer, he wanted to separate us and that’s why he tried to take me again!” His words were choppy and shaken, he was hurting from the inside out.

“I know, I know.” You started cooing to him.

You glared at her, she is making John even more upset.

“The real truth!” She raised her voice again.

_‘What the hell is she talking about?’_

John didn’t say anything.

You loosened your grip around his arms.

Your head starts pounding.

_‘What is going on?’_

You struggle to get out the words,

“John… what is she talking about?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know why he tried to take me alone! I don’t know!!!”

“John. You tell him. Or I will.” Megido sounded so threatening.

John stopped himself from crying.

He pulled away from you. He stood up, facing the lawyers.

“Why are you doing this?” John sounded heart broken, defeated, but also enraged.

“He deserves the truth.” Megido spoke up again.

“No one deserves this.” John shook his head.

She responded. “ **If you** get kidnapped, if you get taken, he deserves to hear this from **you.** ” 

John’s back was facing you as he spoke to Megido. You couldn’t see what expression he had on his face, something about his voice told you that he must be completely stoned-faced, detached from any emotion except for contempt.

“John,” You sat up and walked up behind him, “what is going on? What is she talking about?”

You didn’t even notice till you got up how much you were trembling yourself, but John was completely still. You put your hand up to his shoulder and he turned around to face you, brushing your hand off to the side. You looked over at everyone else, Nat looked worried up at John. She was still holding your sword by the handle with both hands. She looked back and forth between you and John. The nervous lawyer started running his hands through his gelled back hair. The sheriff openly looked worried. The beast was even frowning. Megido looked, not enraged, but determined.

John turned away from you to look at the lawyers, he sounded… destroyed when he spoke.

“Why do all of you think you know what is best for us?”

You walked over to his side, he was looking right at Megido.

“I told you I would rather die than he ever know, and you think I was just saying that? You don’t think I know destroying evidence gives you jail time? You think I’m a fucking idiot because I spent my life cooped up in one room? You don’t know anything about either of us. Dave deserved better, Dave didn’t deserve to ever know.”

“Let him decide that.” Megido didn't shake from John's words.

John looked at her, his eyes heated and focused. He glanced over at you. You must have let your face slip, you must have looked worried. Because John’s mouth dropped open, he was trying to say something to you. He didn’t know what to say. He shook his head.

“Are you all sure the building is safe? It’s secure?” John was still staring at you but he was talking to the others.

“YES.” The sheriff answered himself.

John sighed, “right.” He put his hand up to your face. You cup his hand with your own.

“I was given a choice, I could either run to the police… or I could say yes...”

He grabs your shoulders.

“You made that choice for me.”

He forces himself to smile.

“-and it wasn’t the choice I was going to make.”

You shook your head. you didn’t understand. He let go of your shoulders.

“When I asked you… When I told you…to carve your name into my thighs… it wasn’t only because he was raping me Dave. I-” He swallowed down spit and started with a different train of thought. “I did it because… I wanted to see how he would react… what he would do… he blacked out. He carved up my thighs. But before he did anything he told me I defiled myself. He didn’t rape me in your bed to get at you. He blacked out completely, he wasn’t even aware that he was doing it till he was finished. I thought that he was going to kill you. That he was in a state of mind that he would just… When I grabbed the knife I thought I was going to kill him. I missed. I **was** going to kill him. But I missed. I should have been the one to end all of this. It should have been me.”

His voice started to fill with sorrow. "I was going to... but I couldn't."

He started choking up, “I never thought… he asked me what I wanted… I didn’t think he could do all of that… I didn’t… I didn’t want any of it to happen but when it did I couldn’t stop it. He just kept pushing me and threatening you and I couldn’t get him to stop. He said… he made me an offer… I-… I- I didn’t think we would ever be free… I didn’t think we would… I thought it was the only way… I was so scared… I thought about it… I thought about… I didn’t want too… but if it meant he wouldn’t rape you or hurt you… I thought about it… and for these past few days… I’ve been so scared he is going to come and kill you or take me again and he just tried… I can’t stop him I still can’t fucking stop him…”

You weren't sure what he was talking about, a deal? It had to be a ploy... it had to be.

Still… He was almost kidnapped.

“When he came to, he must have known I tried to kill him… with that knife,  **for you** … he wanted to watch you suffer so he could get off… yeah… But he mostly wanted me to… pay… that’s why he broke my leg…” He started sobbing again.

You pulled him into a hug. He stuck his hands in between the two of you and shoved you off of him.

“Stop holding me like that! I DON'T DESERVE IT! **I DON’T DESERVE YOUR LOVE!”**

You feel your heart sink into the very bottom of the pit of your stomach. A dark, aching dread fills your chest.

“I don’t deserve how well you always treated me… what you gave for me… I don’t deserve any of this! You are the one that deserves better than me, Dave! Better than anything I can give you… I thought that if I never told you that I would have saved you from… all that pain… but it was for me… I was looking out for me... I was protecting myself! I am so fucking selfish…” He shook his head, trying hard to choke back the tears. “If he would have succeeded… at taking me just now… I probably would have agreed to never run, to never leave him. I… I was thinking about… ever since I heard he broke out… I would have let him have me if he could prove to me that you were alive, that you started a new life… that he found a way to keep you happy… that he would have found someone else for you… someone better to you then I’ve been… If he would have used his money to pave a real life for you, without you ever knowing… I would have done anything… that’s… that’s all I’ve ever wanted… that’s all I could ever ask for…” John bites down on his lips.

You don’t understand, you don’t understand what he is saying. It makes no sense.

“I asked for him to never touch you again, to never hurt you or rape you. I’m sure that offer still stands... More men are going to come. More people are going to come to take me… and I was a fucking fool for thinking that I could ever be free. but you… you still have a chance! I will never have a real life… but you can… you will! I can do this for you…”

You started shaking your head, you wanted to speak but you couldn’t even open your mouth.

John wipes his tears.

“John-" You managed to get the words out, “what are you talking about?”

“It was either I run… or I marry him.”

Your brows frul, your mouth drops, you fall to your knees.

So many thoughts invade your mind, forcing their way into your head. You can’t think any coherent thought. Everything is a blur. Every sensation is violent. You can’t feel anything but anguish.

Your ears are ringing, ringing just as loud as when you would get hit on the side of your head. Your vision is red and unfocused. You were trying to hold yourself steady, not to just break apart here on the floor. You heard mumbling. Muttering. You are trying to hear but you just can’t listen. He fell in love with John. He raped him behind your back. You failed John in a million ways and he felt like he… betrayed you… he was just willing to sacrifice his life for yours. You made a promise to never kill yourself to him, you always keep your promises… he is so certain that you two will never be free that he was going to build you a fake life… he was going to ask for that and then he would give himself completely to Dirk.

You felt dizzy, sick, panicked. Still you picked yourself up from the ground. You put your hands up on John’s shoulders. Your head still buzzing, still violently pounding, but it’s nothing you aren’t used to.

“John.” You spoke over your own suffering. “No matter what. I am never leaving your side again. No matter what that means.”

Your eyes were still unfocused but you could see the blur of his face. You pressed your lips up against his. He sunk into your chest again. He started sobbing. He tried speaking again, “Ms… Ms… Me…Megido… Can… can… D…Dave…watch… th…those…ta…tapes?”

“Of course." She sounds much more kind than she did just a moment ago. You can feel that her anger comes from... her heart. "We can watch them whenever you like.”

“Now.” You answered, you looked back down at him. “Right?”

He nodded.

* * *

The videos were difficult to sit through.

The most painful thing was seeing John passionately kiss him back, John gave you a warning that he was going to try something to fuck with him still you didn't expect **that.**

When he moaned out your name your heart dropped. The way John laughed, violently laughed at him, you felt what John must have felt. Like that motherfucker deserved that pain. You didn't know that... that was something that he got off too. 

The recordings were hard to watch but John held onto your hand he entire time. He must have felt so ashamed, he must have felt like he was cheating on you, it was clear to you that wasn't the case.

He told John he was going to break your wrists... 

John kept right along doing whatever he said...

just like you would do for him... 

It's exactly the same...

You tried so hard to protect John from any of the pain you endured, you would suck off rooms filled with men just so _he_ wouldn't whip John's hands and make him cry again.

You suck his cock in the living room whenever he asked because he threatened that he would force himself down John's throat.

You would let yourself get raped with no preparation whatsoever just to stop John's beatings... and John had to watch that... you suppose that watching these tapes must be the equivalent of how painful that was for you... 

John did all that he could to keep this from you...

Just like you did for him....

Just like you kept that you were a whore from him.... 

You kept that from him...

to protect yourself.

* * *

When the last video played you were left in total darkness and silence.

Your mouth was open for the entire viewing. Your head still pounding, you got used to the feeling.

There were so many, you were sure it was morning now.

Megido was right beside you. The sheriff decided to join all of you. Apparently he hadn’t seen those tapes either. Although it was late he wanted to ensure your protection.

John held onto your hand as he rested his head against your shoulder.

John endured all of that just to keep you safe.

It must have been torment for him.

You lifted him off your shoulder.

The screen turned a vibrant blue.

It shone onto his face as he looked up at you.

You smiled at him, he was so beautiful in this light.

His face turned from sadness to confusion.

You kissed him again and spoke, “You went through all of that for me, you were thinking of me and only me. I know you feel like you failed me…”

He somberly looked down at the sound of your words.

“I feel like I failed you.” You told him.

He looked back up at you. Still silent.

“All you wanted was a real life for me… all I ever wanted was a peaceful… happy..” You felt your throat tear up, “All I ever wanted for you was your happiness. I want you to have a real life… with a real house… and a big yard… and a big dog…” You started crying, “I am going to make that happen, by any means, John… I don’t think I could ever be happy without your happiness. I don’t think I can ever feel anything… anything but pain without you in my life.”

You get down on the floor, you prop up one knee.

“Marry me. Marry me right now. While we are here. I can’t wait. I **need** to belong to you and I know that is exactly what you need too.”

John dropped down beside you and through his tears agreed,

“Yes, Dave… Dave I-" He had to swallow down some spit, his throat was to dry. “I… Being with him is so fucking painful… I…”

“John…” You finish the thought for him, “You will never. **Never.** Have to be near him again.”

You were sure he bought it, he looked down at your hands that the two of you were holding. You grabbed his face with both of your hands, you didn’t mean to be rough but he needed to know.

“I said never, and John when do I **ever** break my promises.”

“…never.” He was looking into your red-eyes, you were staring into his soul.

“I will make sure he will never fucking get you again. I swear on my life, on my soul… I swear on you.”

John’s mouth twitched, he let out a dry laugh. He remembered what he told you that got you to agree to marry him.

“I will… have hope.” John smiled at you, it was forced and still filled with sorrow but it was still a smile. "Let's not have anymore secrets between the two of us. Ever."

You nod and tell him, “Let’s get married tomorrow.”

John smiles at you, a warm, happy smile.

John turned and looked up at Ms. Megido, “Could you help us get the papers?”

“Why wait?” Ms. Megido stood up. “The sheriff is here, I can drive all of you to the clerk’s office right now and get you certified.”

“Are you sure it is safe?” John asked.

“I’M SURE HE THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO SUCCEED WITH THAT STUNT. HE'S NOT GOING TO ANTICIPATE YOU LEAVING THE BUILDING RIGHT NOW. WE’LL TAKE MEGIDO’S RIDE AND I’LL ESCORT YOU THERE, LIKE SHE SAID.”

“I’m sorry…” John looked over to apologize to the sheriff, “I’m sorry that you need to escort us…”

“DON’T BE. YOU KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT REALLY IS AND I’LL MAKE SURE THAT FUCKING BASTARD PAYS.” He stood up. “NOW LET’S GO GET YOUR DAD. HE’LL WANT TO BE THERE, I’M SURE.”


	78. Pitter Patter Goes My Heart

Well you were now officially Mr. Egbert and Mr. Egbert. You were all sure that Dave’s birth certificate was fake, so was his name, Megido asked if he wanted to know his real name on the ride over. He said no, that he was going to be Dave Egbert for the rest of his life so he didn’t need to know who he could have been. He was always so sappy, just for that moment you didn’t act like you hated it.

Your dad clapped for you after you signed your papers, mostly because you yourself jumped up and cheered. You still both had tears in your eyes, it wasn’t the ideal wedding but it was a real marriage, with real papers and real vows.

You spent three more days bundled up with your husband in bed. You still felt unnerved about _him_ but now you and Dave are truly, legally, bonded for life. You would stroke his face and he would twirl your hair. In the middle of the day Vantas knocked on the door. He told you both that he needed to speak with Dave, you told him you were coming. He said he was going to be in the room and another officer was going to escort you when you were actually dressed. After her shut the door your dad looked at the two of you and said,

“You know, you are in a place where people are all dressed in nice suits, and you are working with the sheriff. Why don’t you wear your new suits?”

“UGH.” You got up from the bed to get dressed, “Dad. We are going to be sitting down for like… hours…”

“Yes, and everyone else is wearing suits.” Your dad pointed at the closet, “you should dress accordingly.”

“I guess it is awkward that I’m always wearing sweatpants in the hallways.” Your husband was caving already, he never said no to a request from your dad. He was trying so hard to earn his respect. Too hard if someone asked you.

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes. If Dave was going to wear a suit you were going to have to wear one too or feel like the odd man out.

You both got dressed up and your dad came out to comb your hair.

“Dad!” You swatted him away, “Don’t mess with my hair.”

“You are wearing a suit, you should fix your hair.”

“What if I did it?” Dave asked you.

You nodded once, with a determined face, at your dad. He handed him the comb.

You heard a knocking on the door, that must have been the policeman sent to escort you.

Your dad answered the door as Dave finished up with your hair. You trusted him to do it the way you liked it.

Your dad gestured for you two to come with him. You met with the officer. It was the nervous sweaty guy that Nepeta was friends with, he greeted you and smiled. He must have never really grinned at you before because you never noticed he was missing two of his front teeth. With his build he looked like he was into boxing. You assume it’s that or he's just that serious about his job.

Your dad told you he had to use the restroom, so the other cop, guarding the door, came with you.

You follow behind Equius with Dave by your side and your dad trailing behind you.

Your dad wanted to use the other bathroom, said something about the fact that the men’s room on your floor was a crime scene creeped him out. You rode the elevator with him. You talked with Dave about some trivial things to pass the time. You complimented him, you said he looked nice in a suit, he rubbed the back of his neck, even though you two are married now he still gets sheepish about some of the compliments you give him. So cute.

The two of you step out of the elevator, side-by-side. You are still chatting it up with him, talking with your hands and grinning at how he suddenly looks flushed. All of a sudden you hear a romantic period piece playing over the speakers, you tell Dave about the distinction of romantic period music from other classical music as the two of you step out. He gets even more red as you walk. The music is starting to sound louder. You watch him as he starts to sweat. You ask him what is wrong. He shakes his head and blurts out, “Nothing!” His mouth turns into an awkward line. He is so tense, his mouth is pulling at his cheeks. You rub his shoulders, “Hey, it’s okay sweetheart. When you give the sheriff the names-“ Dave points at the hall to your side. You look over your shoulder and see several rows of people sitting down in chairs. Nat jumping up and down in a dress holding a bouquet just like the one she bought you to give Dave when he was released. The music. The people. The rose petals littering the floor. You saw the sheriff standing outside of the hall, when he saw you he started walking in.

“Sheriff!” You just called out to him without thinking. “Uh- can you be our best man?”

He looked at you, he looked over at his girlfriend and then turned back to face you. His jaw dropped, he wasn’t sure what to say. He was struggling to find the words.

“Just say yes.” Dave told him.

He nodded and rushed in to speak to your maid of honor, at least you assume she took that title. She must be the one who put it all together so she deserves it.

Your dad patted Dave on the back and told him to walk down the aisle first.

He didn’t know how to walk, you watch as he awkwardly put his hands in his front pants pockets and waved at the prosecutors he recognized. You saw a few flashes, you guess they got you a photographer. They pulled all this together on such short notice. You walked down the aisle in tandem with your dad. You stood at his left side as Dave watched you. His face was still as red as a rose. You couldn’t help but beam. You walked up next to your husband and stood beside Natalie and she handed you the bouquet. She gave you a huge grin and tried to contain her joy. She started quickly joselting up-and-down. She silently mouthed _'eeeeeeeee!'_

You gestured for Dave to lean forward, you took of his shades and looked into his red, jeweled eyes.

You handed his shades back to Natalie who happily plucked them from your hands.

Dave took both your hands. His palms were calming up with sweat. You looked down and laughed. You couldn’t care less.

You were already bonded in nearly every way, now your bond will truly be eternal.

A priest was marrying you together, he asked for your vows. You know that Dave had been beating himself up trying to think of a better one. You were both put on the spot when you were signing those papers and you know how Dave gets about things like this... whatever he is going to say might go on for a while.

“John, when you ran, I was so proud of you because I thought that meant you were ready to move on, and I was both right… and wrong. I thought you were going to leave me for good but you left so you could protect me. I promise, that for the rest of our lives, regardless of whatever happens, I will do the same for you and always stay by your side... I will walk every day like John Egbert is walking right beside me.”

You smiled at him as he spoke. When he finished his last line you heard a woman from the audience sob. You looked over and saw Ms. Megido, her mascara was running down her face. Dr. Serket was sitting next to her and patting her hand. Deputy Captor was trying to ease her down but she just kept crying. You laughed and smiled at her. She waved back.

It was your turn to say a few vows. You couldn’t think of anything quite as beautiful as what Dave said, still you had to try. Your mind was drawing a blank so you thought of the things you told him when you signed the papers.

“You gave up everything you ever known or had for my life, for my safety, for my happiness. I promise, that I will give you all I have, my life will be forever in your shape. I love you.”

You feel Dave’s hands start to tremble.

_'Nailed it.'_

The priest asks, “Do you Dave Str-“

“Egbert.” He interrupted without thinking. He will probably refused being called Strider for the rest of his life now.

“Do you, Dave Egbert take John Egbert as your wedded husband?”

You hope he doesn’t say anything like ‘No duh.’

“I do.”

You smile at him.

“Do you, John Egbert take Dave Egbert as your wedded husband?”

 “I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you two married in holy matrimony.”

Natalie started jumping up and down behind you, you could hear her heels hit the ground.

You leaned forward to kiss Dave, he grabbed you and swung you down. You kicked up one of your legs in surprise and just left it up in the air. He kissed you deeply, passionately. He embraced you for several moments, your heart was soaring. As he pulled out of your kiss, you laughed. He was still holding you up as you gleefully smiled and happily cheered. He started laughing too. You could tell that his eyes were starting to well up, you stood up and asked Natalie for the shades back. You gently placed them on his face. You left one of your hands on his cheek. He placed one of his hands on top of your hand that was caressing his face. He was so proud to openly show how much he loved you. Never before have you really been able to do anything, anything like _this_ with him.

Your dad took you out to the hall, Dave by your side. You entered another room. Natalie took your roses as your dad guided you to the center of the room to share a dance with him. Then you shared a dance with your husband. You took his hand and placed your hand on his waist. He placed his hand on your shoulder. After dancing for a while he rested his head on top of your other shoulder. He was swaying slowly back and forth with you. The two of you were locked in a dance. Gently guiding across the floor until the song was over. Dave wanted to hold onto you for longer. When you pulled away from him he wouldn't let go of you, you laughed as you smiled. He can be so stubborn. 

The prosecutors all came up to the two of you and congratulated you. At least Megido tried, she was sobbing so hard virtually none of the words she said were coherent, she tried so hard to tell you something, " _an- wa-er- **eehheee!**_ " She started crying again. Natalie pulled her aside. Dave was speaking with the one he calls _'the beast'_ as you spoke with your therapist. She was elated that you were officially married in every sense of the word and then she told you some good news. You couldn't wait to tell Dave. But before you could, your maid of honor gathered up all of the women in the office together. She asked you to throw your bouquet of roses that she was holding onto for you during your dance. 

You grabbed Dave and kept him by your side as you threw the flowers behind you into the crowd of bachelorettes. Right after, you turned to see where it landed. You saw Ms. Megido looking alert at the bundle of red flowers in the arms of Deputy Captor right besides her. He started tearing up. She didn’t move as she diverted her eyes to look at you, mascara still smeared down her cheeks. You smiled at her. She looked back at Captor. The two of them must be together.

Natalie took your hand again and you grabbed Dave’s, as she dragged you over to a small round white frosted cake. You knew it was tradition so you cut a piece with Dave. You grabbed the slice with your hand. You put it up to his face and he opened his mouth. You slammed it into his whole face. He seemed taken back by that, you started booming with laughter. You told him to cut another slice. He was hesitant to smash cake into your face so you slammed your head into the piece he was holding. Sugary frosting got into your hair. It smeared your glasses and you couldn’t see anything. Still, you laughed. Your dad was well aware you were going to pull that little stunt, he got Natalie to bring you a towel. Dave wiped off your glasses for you. You took his shades off the top of his head and returned the favor. Then he took the rag and wiped down your face, you did the same. You rubbed the ends of his hair to try to get out all of the frosting sticking to the stands of his already white hair. Dave patted at your hand, he pointed at your maid of honor, who was so kindly waiting on you both to take the towel for you.

All of the people who joined you for your wedding where starting to leave the room and enter the hall, it was still work hours for them. They must have been told they were allowed to join you for this. You asked Natalie, “Did you put all of this together for us?”

“UH HU!” She nodded very quickly.

“How much coffee did you drink?” Dave asked her.

“A LOT! FOR THREE DAYS!” She jumped up. “I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!”

She pulled you both into a hug, the rag was still in her hand. You patted her on the back.

“Thank you so so much for asking Karter to be your best man, John!” She was still holding you and quickly blurting out her words. “I know he would never tell you this but, he was so touched!”

She pulled away from her hug, “Oh! Speaking of which, he is going to be taking you back to your room.”

She turned to your dad, “Mr. Egbert could you help me with cleaning up?”

“More than happy.” He smiled at you before he walked off with her.

Now you are holding onto Dave's hand, guiding him around as you look for your best man.


	79. The Ride Up

You have to escort the newlyweds back up to their room. They have a little over an hour alone, you told them both yourself when they found you. Even before you got in the elevator, John already was giggling. He suddenly had the aura of a ditzy dumb blonde. Dave just got beet red and stayed silent. He must have been embarrassed that everyone knows that he is about to get laid. Right when the door closed, John started whispering to Dave. Right now John is snickering to himself and hushing words into Dave’s ear. Dave is trying his best to keep calm.

“I was thinking,” You were sure that John didn’t notice that you could hear him whisper, “maybe… I should top first.”

“Did they tell you that we have lube or sim-“

“Yes!” John was excited, still trying hard to keep his voice below a whisper, “There’s an entire bottle Dr. Serket got us in our room! She told me herself!”

“Shit.” Dave sounded excited and slightly… disappointed? Not sure why he would be disappointed by sex with his husband.

“Don’t look so sad.” John backed up against the wall, putting his hands on the rail. “I’m gonna pound into you. You like when I hit your sweet spot?”

“Yeah, baby.” Dave started walking up to him. “You know I love it.”

“Don’t get too excited,” He’s not even whispering anymore. “We’re going to switch places.”

“Course we are.” Dave started cornering him. “How do you want me to take over?”

“I don’t know, Dave.” His whole demeanor changed, “ _I was thinking… it’s our first time as a married couple. I was hoping you could be gentle and… that it could be… romantic… is that okay?”_

Dave started pushing John up against the wall, “You don’t want me to fucking wreck you?”

Dave started pushing his hands underneath John’s shirt. “You don’t want me to fucking destroy your tight hole?”

Dave must have been grabbing John to tight, “Dave, stop you’re hurting me.”

You step back, you watch them intently. You are just about to step in when Dave speaks again,

“You want me to stop?” Dave began to aggressively kiss John’s neck. "Don't you fucking like getting treated like a little slut?"

“Actually.” John suddenly sounded completely casual, “can you dig your nails into my skin?”

“Okay, no prob.” Dave sounded casual too, suddenly he sounds angry again. “You fucking want my load?”  
John looked nervous and shut both his eyes, _“no, no, please....”_

You lower your guard… _‘SO… THAT'S JUST A PART OF THERE…?’_ you know what you aren’t going to think about it.

“Well, you’re going to take my whole fucking load.” Dave slipped his hands out from under John’s shirt. He grabbed John by the thighs and hoisted him up. He lifted John up and above the silver railing.

 _“-or you’ll- you’re going to…”_ John turned his head away, eyes still shut _“…kill me?”_

“I’ll fucking slit your throat.” Dave sounded so bitter and violent.

 _“ah-ha-ha-ha.”_ John moaned as he shuttered.

“I’m going to fucking make you take my whole fucking load, you little cock hungry slut.”

 _“No!”_ John started struggling against him, you feel like you want to step in with how distressed he looks but… you already picked up on the fact that this is just how the boys get off. _“STOP!”_

“You want me to fucking stop?!” Dave thrusted his hips into Johns, “You don’t want my fucking cock?”

 _“Daddy,”_ John started whining and pulling at Dave’s wrists, _“Stop! You’re hurting me.”_

“We’re fucking married now, you have to fucking take it.”

 _“No… daddy!”_ John pushed up against Dave’s chest, _“You said you would stop hurting me!”_

“When did I say that?” He chuckled.

 _“You said that when we got married you would stop touching me like this, I don’t like it!”_ John whined. _“You always fuck me too hard.”_

You just heard the elevator bell ring.

“Yeah?” Dave thrusted his hips into John again, “It’s too fucking hard for you?”

 _“It’s too much! It’s too much for my hole when you fuck me!”_ John started moaning as the doors to the elevator slid open.

“You fucking want it!”

_“No!”_

“Fucking say you want it!”

_“NO!”_

“Say it or I’ll fucking slit your throat!”

 _“I want your fat fucking cock!”_ John moaned. _"-Ahh!-"_

“Yeah- you fucking want my cock.” Dave buckled his hip again. “I know you do, you little-“

You coughed. You saw John’s eyes widen, he must have forgotten you were there.

Dave gently lifted up John again and put him back down. Dave wasn’t facing you. He just rested his head on John’s shoulders.

“Um.” John lifted up a finger to speak to you.

“DOORS OPEN.” You pointed out at the hall.

John looked down at Dave and patted his shoulder, “come on, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

“How can it be?” Dave started moping into John’s shoulders.

John awkwardly smiled up at you, “Uh… Dave was saying all of _that…_ for me…”

“OKAY.”

If Dave was really going to do something to harm his husband he wouldn’t be so stupid to do it in front of the fucking sheriff. You also recall John’s first visit to see Dave in prison, he seemed like he would ask Dave to do a lot of brutal things to him. Dave seems… into this though now… Yeah… You are going to try your best to forget you saw that.

You start walking out into the hall. The boys followed. John started giggling again. You look behind you. John gently shoved Dave, getting his husband to smile. He muttered something to John, prompting John to let out a booming laugh. The two of them seem happy to you, still, what you just overheard was a bit much for you. You choose to focus your mind on how your girlfriend just pulled together a wedding for those two boys. She must have been so stressed, putting all of that just now together in three days, all on her own.

You can imagine that she ran into a bakery and yelled, ‘WHITE CAKE!’ while throwing money at the cashier. Natalie running into a flower shop and hoarding all of the red roses, hissing at the other customers. She must have been so stressed, you know that late at night she was making a few calls before she toked outside on the porch. You’re thinking about getting her something nice as a gift, she deserves at least something for how much work she did for other people. She needs some appreciation.

When you get to the boy’s room it suddenly hits you that the guards outside aren’t going to respond well to the calls of ‘ _please, stop!’_ and _‘no, don’t touch me!’_ You need John or Dave to explain for you but it’s too late, as soon as the guards opened the door John pulled Dave into the room, with a yank of his arm and a huge grin on his face.

You are left standing alone, outside the room, hoping you can find the right words to tell them.

“WHATEVER YOU MEN HEAR,” You tell them like that’s an order, “DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.”

Both of the men guarding the door, lowered their brows and made questioning faces at you.

“THOSE BOYS HAVE… ODD TASTES…” You wish someone else could explain this right now. “THEY WERE SMILING WHEN THEY WALKED IN, JUST ASSUME THAT ANYTHING THEY SAY- IT’S… CONSENSUAL.”

There was a loud thud, the sound of the walls shaking. You heard a loud grunt,

**“FUCK!”**

It sounds like John screaming out in pain.

“STAY STRONG, MEN.” You say right as you take the initiative to fuck off.


	80. Your Blood is Red, Your Bruises are Blue

When you got into the room you started ripping off your clothes, you forced Dave’s Jacket down to the floor yourself. Before he even gets his pants off you grabbed him and threw him down onto the bed. You crawled on top of him. Held him down and let him know,

“I want you to fuck me up,” You were already breathing heavy, “in every way.”

Dave probably wanted you to get off of him so he could finish getting undressed. In one quick motion Dave shoved you against the wall as he decked you in the gut.

**“FUCK!”**

That punch to your gut made you fully erect. If you weren’t ready before you are ready to top him now. Dave dropped you so he could remove the rest of his clothes. You see that his pants are around his ankles now. You grab Dave again and force him back down, his head slamming against the pillows. You grab the lube off of the nightstand that was left for you, you see a little note, you can read it later. You start fingering Dave and prepping him as fast as you can, you don’t fucking care how sloppy or messy this sex is going to be. You want to get topping him out of the way so you can get on to the _real fun._

Dave was laying on his back. You grabbed both of his thighs and lifted them up. Dave is a lot more flexible than you are, fucking him the same way he fucked you last time wouldn’t hurt him at all. You start forcing his legs up, against his chest, as you slide inside of him. He starts gasping. You slowly slide your entire shaft inside of him, Dave lets out a long moan as you inch deeper and deeper into him. When you fit your entire length inside, you hit him right in the spot that drives him nuts. “John!” He loves moaning out your name when you fuck him, he loves crying for you to fuck him more. You find it extremely cute, but also a bit too vanilla for your taste. You kept hitting him right where he liked for several minutes. “JOHN! – ah! - _I’m getting close!”_ You pull out of him. He knows where tonight is going.

You give him a moment to rest as you start prepping yourself. Dave catches his breath and sat up. He fumbled around with the nightstand, palming around till he found the knife. He was still panting but he was readying himself to have sex the way you liked. You wanted to start it off with something you think would make it better for him.

“ _Dave… I’m really nervous about this… It’s our first time as a married couple.”_

“Yeah, it is. Isn’t it?” Dave was still panting but he’s also smiling. “You want me to be gentle?”

You nod. You do your best to make a cutesy nervous face, just like he likes.

He laid you down onto your bed and started kissing you softly. He started rubbing your arms. He dropped the knife so he could start rubbing your thigh. Dave’s been so nice with you, hardly doing anything more than make out with you. He started slipping his tongue into your mouth, you hummed. You want him to start fucking you hard, but you know he might need some more time. Dave grabbed one of your legs and forced it up, he pulled you far back enough that it started hurting you. He knows you aren’t flexible like him, he also knows that you like how much it hurts you. He uses his other hand to align himself with your hole, as soon as he slides in his head he slams the rest in.

 _“OWWW!”_   You whine. _“Daddy! That was rough!”_

“Sorry, baby.” He leaned over you and kissed your forehead. “But daddy can’t wait any longer.”

He pulled himself back and then slammed into you again,

 _“OOUUAHMMM!”_ You whined as loud as you could _“Daddy! You promised you would be gentle.”_

“John,” He started sounding angry, just like you like. “Don’t fucking bitch, just take my cock.”

 _“No!”_ You cry out, _“I don’t want you to be mean to me on our wedding night!”_

“Shut up and take my cock like a good little slut.” He growled, sounding so cruel to you.

 _“No! Daddy! Stop! You are hurting me!”_ You start thrashing around and you try to shove him off of you. You yell at him. _“You know that your massive cock is too big for me! It’s always too much!”_

“You are going to take it!” Dave slams into you again.

You whine for Dave like the cock slut you are for him.

You use all of your upper body strength to get him off of you. “STOP!”

Dave grabbed your glasses. He tossed them down onto the floor beside you, you can’t see what he is going to do to you. Just then, Dave slammed his fist against your eye. That punch just now really fucked with you **_right_** , you didn’t mean to but you let out a loud grunt. You cover your eye.

“Stop fucking fighting!”

You shove him again. He rips your hand away from your eye and punched you again. God, he is fucking with you so good right now. You want more. You lay down on the bed. You hate breaking character but you need him to know you want this.

“Dave,” you try to sound casual but you are moaning out your words, “please… -ah- just keep hitting me like that!”

You see the blur of your husband reel back his fist and hit you again. He keeps punching your eye, getting faster and faster. You moan as he hits you. It feel so fucking painful, in a way that Dave _never,_ **_never_** hits you. Dave stops and hands you back your glasses. Your eye is going to be more than fucked after this but holy fuck, you need him to fucking destroy your body right fucking now!

“Dave, keep slamming your cock inside of me. Right fucking now!” You demanded him to fuck you, you want to put your character back on but fuck, he’s fucking with you so right. It’s hard to act like a little virgin for him when he just pounded in your face.

Dave starts slamming into you. Continuously slamming right into your prostate. Fucking your hole so good, you have to scream. You keep screaming out the words “FUCK! DAVE! FUCK ME!”

Your hands are lifted above your head. Your palms are against the wall, you are trying to steady yourself but he is ruthlessly slamming into you. Shifting the entire mattress and pounding your hole. “GOD! DAVE! DON’T FUCKING STOP!”

“You want my fucking cock!?” He grunts, like it’s hard for him to get the words out.

You want him to threaten you, you want him to tell you he’s taking your hole. You want to get close.

 _“NO DADDY! YOUR COCK IS TOO MUCH! I NEED YOU TO STOP!”_ You start screaming, yelling, pleading for mercy. _”DADDY! STOP!”_ You let out a blood curdling scream.

Dave grabbed the knife and uncovered it using his thumb. God! You fucking love when he does shit like that. He reeled the knife back, just like he was going to stab you.

 _“WAIT! DADDY DON’T!”_ God, part of you wants him to cut you right now, you know he would hate that, you have to have _some_ self-control, “ _DADDY, I’LL BE GOOD! DON’T HURT ME!”_

“You’re going to be good and take my cock!?” He yelled at you, he was fucking yelling at you!

“ _YES!”_ You have to swallow down some spit. _“YES! I’LL BE A GOOD COCK SLUT!”_

“You better,” He looks so angry at you, with that fucking knife pointed towards you. “You better or I’ll fucking kill you.”

 _“NO!"_ You yell, just to amuse yourself. 

“I’ll fucking tear you apart, just like I’m tearing apart your hole.”

Jesus, he must fucking hate the words he’s saying, but it’s fucking you up so good. Fuck it, he’s been so good to you, fuck this character, fuck being a little virgin, you are _his_ cock slut for life now!

“DAVE! AH! FUCK ME!"

He drops the knife to the floor and starts picking up the pace.

Dave is so fucking good to you. He's so fucking good in general. 

He keeps pounding into you.

“ _YES! –AH FUCK!- YES!YES!YES! FUCK ME!”_

He is driving you insane.

“TAKE MY HOLE! IT’S FUCKING YOURS!”

Dave must be getting close because he just wrapped his hands around your neck, before he could press down you scream at him at the top of your lungs, “FUCK ME HARD WITH YOUR FAT COCK!” He squeezes down on your windpipe. You can feel your own tears streaming down your face. You fucking love your husband and how fucking good he is too you. He is slamming into you, he’s probably so fucking close but he wants you to cum. He is doing all of this just to get you to fucking cum. He is so fucking desperate for your seed that he just told you he was going to fucking rip you to shreds, just to get you there. “Babe! You are so fucking tight!” You start shivering. You are gasping for air that just won’t reach your lungs. “FUCKING CUM FOR ME!” You are convulsing and seizing up. “I’m going to fucking kill you if you don’t fucking cum before I do!” It’s so fucking much, he is fucking screaming at you to cum! It’s so fucking good! “CUM, YOU LITTLE BITCH!” You start tensing up. “I NEED YOU TO FUCKING CUM!” You try to scream. “CUM OR I’LL FUCKING DIE, JOHN!” You feel your hot fucking load hit Dave’s chest again. He keeps driving into you. Squeezing your throat, you keep riding your high as he keeps riding you. That’s it. That was all he needed. With a few more hits, he finished inside of you. Filling you completely as he screams _“JOHN!”_ He squeezed tightly down around your neck as he came, unafraid of hurting you. He just needed to grab onto something with how fucking hard he just came.

Dave didn’t slide out of you. He just fell on top of you. You felt the burning heat of his skin against your own blistering hot skin. He was panting, desperate to catch his breath, you both just came so fucking hard. You aren’t sure if you are going to black out. You can’t- you have to clean up… you have to get dressed…. Dave is so heavy on top of you. You love that he is crushing you. You love the blistering heat. You love the sticky mess between you and inside of you. You don’t want him to get up, you don’t want him to pull out. You push yourself to lift your arms up and you wrap Dave into a hug.

Next time you two are alone you are going to tell Dave everything that he did that made you excited, every word he said that made you lose your fucking mind. He dominated you in every way, and he did it just because you loved it! Then he told you, he fucking told you that if you didn’t cum he would die. You know he needs you to finish, but the way he screamed how desperate he was for you to cum while you were already close sent you completely over the edge. You want him to scream at you again that you need to 'cum or die.'

You know that you are so fucked up about shit like this, you know your mind is fucked but when it comes to Dave. You don’t care. You love him so much, he gave you everything he had and he keeps pushing himself for your happiness. You are going to cum for him, again and again and again, because it’s the thing that makes him the absolute happiest that he can possibly be. _**You** _cumming makes him the happiest he can be! He is so selfless! He is so fucking proud when he gets you to finish it’s like he took home gold.

Your husband is panting on top of you still. He just let out a chuckle. He is so fucking happy. You move your head underneath him, he lifts his head up a bit so you can kiss him. You loved every single second of that. You hope that he loved it too. You hope that screaming ‘yes’ for once during sex made up for the way he threatened your life. Dave kissed you again.

Dave tried to get off of you but you pulled him back down. “I-“ you panted, “I like when you crush me.”

He laid back down and you kissed him again. You both stayed like that for an extra ten minutes until your breathing calmed. You allowed Dave to sit up. He grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand and tried to catch all of the mess he unloaded into your ass earlier. You looked over at the nightstand. You grabbed the note and read the words out loud with your one good eye. The words were in a dark blue, “Congratulations boys, please make sure to stay safe. I wish you a blessed and happy marriage. – Dr. A. Serket.”

Dave smiled back at you sweetly.

“That was very kind of her wasn’t it?” You say to him, his smile got wider at that. He can never find the right words to voice how he feels about anything other then you. You know that, so you will find the words for him.

Dave looked you in the eyes, his smile started to turn into concern. He slid his fingers underneath your glasses, he must be worried about your black eye. You hold onto his hand with both of yours, “You made me so happy today Dave.” You smile a big, huge grin at him. Such a big grin in fact, your eyes close. When you open your good eye back up you find Dave smiling back at you.

You know he doesn’t like giving you injuries, you know that he doesn’t like hurting you, but this was a special day, this was a special type of pain. You think he is starting to understand, but you also get that making Dave do things to you he doesn’t want to is unfair to him. However, he did punch you first. Remembering that made you smile again, you start kissing him.

“Smooch, smooch, smooch!” You say the words as you plant kisses all over his face. “I have the best husband _**in the world!”**_

“I feel the same.” He held onto you. He suddenly tensed up, he started patting your back. Trying to get you to look at something. You turned your head and looked. There was a towel with a water bottle in the middle of the floor, they must have brought it for you so you could clean up. You attempt to get up but Dave stopped you.

“Hold on,” Instinctively he lifted up an arm to protect you from something, “don’t get up till I find the knife.”

“Okay, sweetheart.” You smile at him. He gives you another one of those smiles where it looks like his heart is melting, he is a sucker for his nickname.

He finds the knife and recovers it. You get up and grab the bottle, while you’re at it you pick up a few stray pieces of clothing that found their way on the other side of the room. You toss the bottle at Dave who unscrews it. He can’t resist taking a sip. You want a sip too so you take the bottle and drink some before you wet the towel. You wipe Dave down yourself. Then he wipes you.

You giggle at how he needs to always repay all the favors you do for him.

But you like doing it too.

It’s always been like this.

The two of you both get up and start picking up your clothes and you make your way to the closet. You pick out Dave’s favorite pair of sweatpants and your favorite of his shirts, a tight fitting baseball tee, for him to wear. You hold up the clothes to him after he finished hanging up your suits. He bit his lip down to keep himself from grinning.

If married life is going to always be like this then you are truly, deeply excited for it.

He picks out clothes for you himself, of course it’s the tightest pair of light blue sport shorts you own and one of his own baggy white shirts. You smell his shirt before you put it on. It smells just like love.

The two of you go back to bed and get under the covers. You circle your index finger around the record logo of Dave’s shirt. You are laying on his red-sleeved shoulder. He has you wrapped up in both of his arms. You know that he wants you to hold him too so you scoot up. You force your arm underneath him and turn him to face you. He snuggles up his head against your chest. His arms are wrapped around your waist. You lift your hand to put away your glasses. Then you rest your palm on the top of his head so you can pet his hair.

You heard a knocking on the door.

“John, it’s me.” You hear your dad’s voice. “May I come in?”

“Yeah, dad!” You kiss Dave on the forehead after you called out to your dad.

You bury your face against your husbands head. You are going to get some rest.


	81. sweet sugary scent

John’s been holding onto you for hours. You fell asleep in his arms and you are sure that all of your weight on him must be crushing his arm. You try your best to slide his arm out from under you, he starts stirring. You didn’t mean to wake him up. “ohhh, pins and needles.” John whispers to you. His arm must be aching now, along with his face. You touch his eye again, it’s gotten even more swollen and purple then the last time you saw it. You hope that there is some medicine or something for that, that Nat can get you later. You are dreading her having to see John’s eye like that.

John pulls you close to him again, he wants you to stop worrying about his eye. Still, you can’t stop thinking about what Nat is going to say when she sees it. What John’s dad is going to say when he looks over and notices it. John buried his head into your chest.

“That was the best day of my life.” He told you.

“Mine too.” You sigh, “we are going to have to pay back Nat for how great that whole thing was.”

“Are you kidding?” John looked up at you as you looked down at him, “we are going to have to pay back everyone for that?”

“Yeah,” you agree. “You’re right about that."

John goes back to rubbing his face into your chest, you start smelling his hair. It smells sugary and sweet from the frosting but also still like the comforting scent that he always has. You love it. You can’t stop whiffing him. Eventually John got fed up.

"Jeez, you are really going hard on the smelling me today." John pretends to be annoyed.

“You smell like sugar.” You tell him. 

“What?” He makes a sour face, “really?”

“Yeah,” you lower your head and gesture for him to smell you too. “Hey, smell me.”

He takes a hit, and then reels back. You lift your head to see the face he is making, it's even more wrinkled than before. He really hates cake and frosting, you have no idea why.

“We need a shower.” John’s expression didn’t change for a while till long after he said that.

“We do.” You told him as he returned to your loving arms.

“First though…” You started smelling him again.

 _“UGH.”_ John pretended he hates it. “Fine, keep sniffing me. You perv.”

You chuckled into his scalp. His hair smelt light and sweet.

Cakey and natural. Syrupy and raw. Like the way you feel about him.

His scent gave you and easy feeling, you felt so soothed.

The way he feels in your arms is warm and whole.

His skin is a pure honey soft, just like his heart.

You loved smelling his hair but you wanted to see his face again so you backed up.

For a moment you forgot his eye was bruised by you, you touch it again.

He cannot make you out without his glasses, still you give him a coy smile.

He touches your hand again, as gently as his soul.

He smiles at you. He is so happy with what the two of you had just been through together.

You plant a loving kiss on his sore eye.

When you pull away he plants a kiss on your nose.

You love when he kisses you like that.

You love making him feel good, even if it means making him feel pain.

You love doing anything that makes him happy.

You love when he is in your arms like this.

When he is in your arms like this, you feel whole.


	82. Black Blue Eye

“Oh no!” You run up to John and look at his face, “Oh no, sugarcube! What happened!?”

You hold his face and turn it to get a better look at him. You were just about to check up on him and his family in their room when you spot John coming out from the bathrooms with a guard.

“Oh- uh… haha.” John awkwardly smiled at you, “It’s uh… thing...”

“I know it’s a thing,” You nod at him. “Honey! It’s a big thing!”

He just keeps shyly laughing. You look at his swollen eye, purple and red. He was completely beat up.

“I’ll get you some cream for that, is there anything else you guys need?”

“Can you uh…” He looked away from you, “take the laundry?”

 “Sure sure!” You nodded.

You walked with him back to his room, he stepped into the closet and handed you the baggies himself. You are going to have to bring all of these home again. Thankfully, your boss had been giving you extra cash to pay for everything, including the wedding you just threw for them. Even if she didn't, you would gladly help them out with laundry even if it came from your own pocket. You are sure that Mr. Egbert wouldn’t allow that though, he still keeps trying to slide you money. You aren’t taking it. He can repay you by taking you out to dinner when he is free. You always tell him that. Mr. Egbert still isn’t happy with just that, but it’s something to hold him over with.

You were walking down the hall and you spot your boss and Ms. Megido and Mr. Nitram. You want to quickly tell the three of them that John has a black eye so you trail up to them.

“I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you all now… but… John got a black eye.”

“He did?” Mr. Nitram sounded less surprised then you though he would, still he seems shocked.

Ms. Megido’s eyes were wide, you weren’t sure how she was taking the news. She just kept staring at you. Slowly backing up her head and pulling her shoulders up.

“Yeah…” You give Travis a delayed response, “I’m worried for him.”

 _“We all are.”_  Travis says the words a little too casual for your liking.

“Natalie,” your boss beings, “Thank you for your concern, but I think he's fine.”

“Still, Ms. Pyrope,” you feel uneasy. “I think we should talk to his dad about this.”

“Please don’t.” Travis was rubbing his temples. 

Aradia started biting down on her lip. “If you would excuse me,” she sounds tense, almost like she was about to sneeze. “I need to use the restroom.”

“I need to as well..." Travis wiped his face with both his hands, "sorry.” He was talking to your boss.

The two of you were left alone.

“I normally would not say this without John’s permission,” Your boss began, “however, in court he did confess to this during Dave’s trial.”

“Yes?” You are confused about where this is going.

“John requires extra stimulation in order to reach climax during sex-“

“WHAT! IT’S A **SEX THING!?** ” You didn’t mean to yell. You cover your mouth and look around the room, “No one was around to hear my outburst Ms. Pyrope, still I apologize- It’s just- it… uh…”

“I understand.” She nodded her head. “A black eye is a bit… much…”

“I am… going out to get him some cream for it when I get your lunch, ma’am…”

“That is very kind of you.” You don’t think she meant to but she almost let slip a laugh.

“What… what is it that you would like today?”

You felt awkward for the rest of the morning.


	83. no judgement

When Nat saw your husband’s eye apparently she was crazy fucking worried, something you are happy about. You even let her know that when she brought you guys dinner and cream for John’s eye. John’s dad was out in the bathroom so you told her you could explain,

“No need.” She lifted up her hand, “Uh- Ms. Pyrope had informed me of… well let’s just move past that.”

“Right.” You nodded. You unscrewed the cap and got right to work fixing up John’s eye.

He was such a motherfucker right now, he is just cracking up.

“How did she tell you!?” Your husband was enjoying this. You try to get him to hold still so you can put on the cream.

“Well, I saw her standing with Aradia and Travis,” Nat was making a tense face, she didn’t like this conversation at all, “The two of them left for the bathroom when she told me you said in court you uh…”

“Go on.” John bit down on his lower lip.

“You required extra stimulation in order to… uh… you know.”

He laughed, and wiped a tear from his other eye, you use it as an opportunity to start dabbing the white glob on your index finger onto his poor black eye. “Oh God, I didn’t know how to tell you myself.”

“I’m glad that you are okay, John.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “I was really worried for you.”

“I know,” He calmed himself, you kept dabbing on more cream. “I know it isn’t funny… It’s just… you know....  it’s so… so.."

“Awkward?” She finished his sentence for him.

“Yeah!” He clapped his hands together, “It’s like everyone knows everything about my sex life and now it’s written all over my face.”

He reeled his head back and laughed hard at his own pun.

You roll your eyes and sigh as you squeeze out more cream onto your fingers.

“It’s not funny at all, babe.” You tell him, “Your dad looked worried for you too.”

“Hey. It was _my_ wedding night,” he makes a fake angry look at you, “I can do whatever _I_ want.”

He starts cracking up again. You sigh and dab on more cream to his sad, purple eye.

“I guess I get it.” You were shocked to hear Nat being cool with all of this. “My boyfriend apparently said that I was like... a sex freak.”

John laughed and yelled, “Really!?”

“haha, yeah…” She scratched the back of her neck.

“You have to tell me more now,” John was beaming at her.

You mutter to yourself, “no judgement in the house of Egbert.”

She snickered at your comment.

“Oh, okay.” She seemed nervous but willing, “Where to start?”


	84. The Words You Should Say

You have some urgent news you need to tell the boys, on top of that you need Dave to tell you more names and addresses. When you approach the guards they move for you and open the door without question. You see your girlfriend sitting down right beside the boys on their bed.

“You know what else, I was a virgin before I started dating him?” She was talking with John.

“Really? Wonderful!” John sounded cheerful about that, “We have that in common, we both lost our virginity to the person we love.”

Natalie smiled brightly at him, John noticed you entered the room and tapped her shoulder, then pointed at you.

“BABY! We were just talking about you -and you should really knock sweetheart, respect these boys privacy.”

“Hello, Sheriff Vantas” John waves at you.

“Wait-“ Dave stared at your girlfriend, “the sheriff is your boyfriend?”

“Didn’t I tell you that?” She put a finger to her chin.

“Dave, I thought you knew.” John put both of his hands up to make a questioning gesture.

“I didn’t.” After he spoke he leaned in to whisper to John. Whatever he said must have been some rude shit because John just shoved him back, and laughed. Dave lets himself get pushed all the way back by John’s outstretched hand. When John lets go off him Dave falls forward to kiss John on his cheek. You don’t know if this sappy, cute, bullshit is better or worse than the last public display of affection you watched the boys have.

“I HAVE TO TELL YOU BOYS SOMETHING IMPORTANT.”

You hear a knocking on the door behind you, “It’s me, boys.”

“Dad!” John called out to the door, “the sheriff is here!”

The door opened and Mr. Egbert came in the room, good he should hear this too.

“YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW THIS,” You turned to look back at John in particular with his shiner, “THE PHOTOGRAPHER SOLD YOUR WEDDING PHOTOS TO THE PRESS.”

“Soo…” John asked you, “that means that everyone knows we are married now?”

You looked over at his husband, his arms were wrapped around him now, he normally has on a stone-face like he does at this moment, but his body language tells you he is worried.

“Damn it.” Natalie whispered to herself, “I should have taken the photos myself.”

She is shaking her head, John puts his hand on her arm.

“Hey, don’t feel like this is your fault… actually I’m not so convinced this is bad news.” John was trying to comfort her, but at the sound of John’s compliancy her eyes widened.

“John… he might be angry about this.” Dave placed his hand around John’s arm.

“I’m sure he is.” John smiled softly at him. “I’m sure he is going to pull something desperate, then… maybe he might reveal where he is or something and we’ll be ready for it… I trust the sheriff here.”

John looked up at you. He is willing to put his life in danger to help you get even a whiff of where he is hiding, this boy is brave as a motherfucker.

“RIGHT.” You say to him, “THEN CAN YOU TRUST ME TO LOOK OVER DAVE FOR AN HOUR?”

Dave looked at John, you knew that Dave was the one who had issues letting John out of his sight, maybe if John pushed him to help give you names, then he would agree to go alone.

“If you need him again, I think he’ll be fine in your hands.” John nodded at you and then turned his had to smile at Dave.

Dave was staring at him, even with his shades on John must know all of his looks.

John sighed, “There are three guards outside, I won’t leave this room till you get back and my dad has a handgun.”

“I’ll be here too,” your girlfriend spoke up, you don’t think Dave knows what a hardcore fucker your girlfriend is that isn’t her point anyway, “I’ll keep John company a little longer.”

Dave stared a bit longer at John. “An hour?” You think he was asking you.

“JUST AN HOUR.”

Everyone in the room knows how Dave can get around John, sometimes he will just zone out and focus on nothing other then John's face or John's hand. He is so lovestruck, you can't exactly blame him for wanting John to comfort him, but you can get much more work done if you work with just Dave alone and listening to Dave recount just how many clients he had might be hard for John to hear. Something he must understand himself, because he agrees,

“Fine.” As he sat up he kissed johns forehead. “See yeah, babe.”

John grabbed his hand as he left and planted a kiss on his knuckles. “Stay safe.”

“I love you.” Dave says.

“I love you more.” John says.

“Screw you, I love you the most.” Dave kissed him again.

These boys aren’t shy at all.

“Bye bye baby!” Natalie cheerfully waved at you.” Now John you said you wanted to learn more about cooking, right? I can tell you how to make different versions of bibimbap, it’s not too difficult.”

She started talking to him again, she didn’t expect you to say goodbye. You don’t really do that when you’re with other people. She knows that about you. Fuck it. No one is going to judge you.

You leaned over and kiss her forehead,

“I LOVE YOU.”

When you pulled back, her eyes widened. She didn’t look excited or cheerful like you thought she would. There were tears forming in her eyes. She lightly breathed out the words, “what did you just say?”

You open your mouth to repeat yourself. You just realized you’ve never confessed to her that you are in love with her. You’ve never said those words. She isn’t moving, you drop down to one of your knees. “I SAID, I LOVE YOU.”

She didn’t say anything back. You needed to go back to work. You had to leave her. You hugged her and stroked the back of her hair. You wish this moment could have been under different circumstances, that you were somewhere more romantic. You could have token her out to dinner but you just don’t have the time. You never have the time.

“I HAVE TO GO NOW, NATALIE.”

“Alright…”

You wouldn’t have said those words of those boys went so open about how they feel about each other. Captor told you his girlfriend confessed to him too, she was choked up about those boys before. She’s hard to move, those boys must have been what pushed her. The love between them is so real it’s like a tangible thing, infecting other people, like a fucking plague. Jesus, no fucking wonder Natalie believed in John when nearly no one else did, she has a good eye for this sort of thing. Something you thought you had. You were wrong about a lot of things. Something that is hard to accept and move on from. The only thing that makes it easier to accept is knowing that the past version of yourself is such a fucking douchebag. You head out to leave saying one last time to her,

“I LOVE YOU.”

“I love you more.”


	85. Let Him Try

You were at your desk. Shuffling through some files on your laptop, tapping your long maroon nails against the keys. You are surprised that you just got a pop up for a sudden video call. You accept it, preparing yourself for a business call. You did not expect to see that face.

“You know who I called to speak with, put him on.”

* * *

You power walked down the hall, you could feel sweat dripping from your forehead. You tell the guards to open the door for you. You notice John’s father sitting outside in the hall in an armchair, he is sitting up and walking over to you. The guards try informing you that he’s in a therapy session at the moment. You tell the guards it’s an emergency.

As soon as you open the door you attempt to explain yourself. You struggle to find the words.

“I would not ask you to leave if this was not urgent. John, you need to come with me.”

Dave hopped up. Dr. Serket looked offended.

John’s father is standing behind you now. All four of them approached you. You were sweating and you must have looked panicked for how calm your usual visage is. 

They all noticed that you were worked up. John’s father asked you what the emergency was.

“It- you are in no threat of imminent danger.”

“Then why are you so worried, Ms. Megido?” Dr. Serket sounded calm but you knew that she was demanding an answer for why you interrupted her session.

Your eyes darted to all of their faces. John looked worried for you. Dave was staring at his husband, pulling him close. Dr. Serket looked fed up. Mr. Egbert looked stern, like he was determined to get information from you. You know you should just come out and say it, “I received a video call on my laptop, I was asked to retrieve John… I-I managed to convince him to call me back. We don’t have much time, he said I needed to get you on the line before he called back or he would order a hit on one of the lawyers-"

“He fucking called you!?” Dave interrupted. “Babe, we are going.”

“Wait!” John held onto Dave. “He probably asked for just me, let me-“

“John. I am not letting you talk to him alone.”

John shook his head and sucked in air, “Fine.” He caved in.

John put up one stern finger, “ **Do not** argue with him, he will just get even more an-“

“I am not going to fucking argue with him. We are going to keep him on the line, track him and the sheriff better put that fucking bullet in his-"

“We will have time for this in the elevator!” You cut them off. “Please come with me.”

“I am going as well!” Dr. Serket interjected. 

You didn’t have the words to argue against it. “Everyone in the elevator. **Now.”**

You all shuffled to the elevator. You asked the guard to join you so he could guard the door outside as per the sheriffs request. You told them all on the ride up,

“Natalie is getting all the other lawyers. I told Deputy Captor and he is going to be in the room. Ignore everything that is happening behind the laptop. Focus on getting him to talk as long as possible.”

You turned over to the boys. You put your hand on John’s shoulder and reached out for Dave’s hand.

“I managed to convince him to give me ten minutes and then call me back. We are going to try to track him but we need you to stall him.”

You turn over to Mr. Egbert, “I think it’s best if you let John do the talking. He wants to speak with him.”

“There is no way in hell that I am going to let that man walk all-"

“Dad.” John interrupts. “You aren’t going to want to see this.”

“Son. I am not leaving your side.”

“Dad, he is going to say a lot of things to me that is going to make your blood boil, okay? I don’t want you trying to argue with him… It will just make him… want to hurt you.”

“Mr. Egbert.” Dave was holding onto John’s shoulder. “Don’t try to fight him. Let John talk to him. He is already pissed off by the two of us. You just stay by Dr. Serket, okay?”

“I want to defend my son from the man who took him.” He sounded enraged at the boys for telling him to stay out of it. “If he wants to kill me then let him try.”

“When John tells you to stop.” You warn him. “Listen to your son.”

The doors slide open.


	86. pure white hot rage

John took his seat directly in front of the laptop. You were sitting down to the left of your husband, rubbing his arm. Megido was hovering over John, waiting to accept the call on her laptop. Standing over to the right of John was his therapist and your dad-in-law. She was trying to tell him to trust that John can negate this, you have faith John can stall him all on his own but you were glad you were all here to support him. Deputy Captor sitting down on the ground behind the laptop, he was preparing to track down where the call was coming from. The sheriff was standing beside him, standing with his arms behind his back. That one nervous lawyer was right next to him and talking to the beast herself. She stood up completely straight, she looked determined, but enraged. You looked back at John, he gave you a stressed half-smile. You know he can do this. You know you can do this. You kiss him on the lips.

“He’s going to say something about my eye isn’t he?” John sighed.

You whisper into your husband’s ear, “he’s going to know just how hard you came.”

John shoved you and nervously laughed. He still seemed tense but if you could get him to laugh then you know you two will be fine. Suddenly you hear a ring. The chime was coming from Megido’s laptop. She instantly jumped to accept the call, she moved back as the entire screen filled with footage of _him_.

He wasn’t wearing shades. His eyes were narrowed. The room he was in was dark. He was shrouded in blackness. He wasn’t wearing anything but a white button up shirt. You leaned in closer to John so you he would notice your presence. You looked at John, his expression was matching _his._

“I missed you.”

The sound of his voice, the way he spoke, the words he chose to say. It was already filling you with rage. You gripped John’s hand. He started rubbing your hand, letting your know without words that he was okay.

“You have nothing to say?” He asked.

John took a deep breath, “I know why you are calling.”

“Of course you do.” Underneath his calm surface, you know that he is festering with rage, “Did you have a fun wedding night? By the looks of that shiner looks like Dave finally manned up and fucked you right.”

“He sure did.” John didn’t hesitate to say the words.

You snap your head to look back at him, John’s face was completely drained of all emotion except contempt. He seemed like a completely different person.

“We’ll have to talk all about that later.”

“There won’t be a later.” John wasn’t playing around. He was completely fucking done.

“You sound sure of that.” You could tell that _he_ was angry, something about his tone also told you he was amused by John’s outbursts. “You want to talk about it now then? Tell me all about how he hurt you.”

“I don’t think so.” John was supposed to stall him, he wasn’t going to entertain him though. “Tell me what you called to say, I know you are about to make some threat against Dave's life, or the lives of everyone protecting me.”

“You know me so well.” His lips twitched, like he was about to smile. “Angel, I thought everything over…”

“Did you now?” John spoke with a slight twinge of annoyance in his voice.

“My offer still stands.”

John stayed silent for a moment.

 _He took is as a chance to speaks,_ “I am well aware that Dave is giving the police names, that is why you are allowed to stay under their protection, because he is cooperating with law enforcement. I know that Megido threw her case and helped you through the trial, she had a much stronger case at first. I got someone to take a USB drive around the start of Dave's trial.”

“Did you really?” John didn’t sound even somewhat surprised.

“I also got some guys to almost - almost - kidnap you. You are well aware that next time… you won’t be so lucky.” The words sounded threatening. You held John’s hand tighter.

“I’ll take my chances.” John doesn’t hesitate to get out those words.

“That’s your decision?” He narrows his eyes again.

John fell silent. You turned away from the screen to face your husband. He narrowed his good eye and lowered his head. John is standing his ground against him, you are sure that he is about to pull out a threat against your life, you are fine with that. You look back at the screen.

“Every single one of those lawyers is going to die, your father, your therapist, -and who was that girl at your wedding? Your maid of honor? Natalie Leijon? You want to tie another fucking knot for the noose I’m going to put around her fucking neck? – and don’t you think for one fucking second I don’t know that the police are trying to track me while we are talking. I am going to make this brief…”

He tilted down his head, his gaze was still narrowed.

“Every single person who is keeping you from me… is going to die **if** you don’t give in.”

“Even Dave?” John asked on your behalf.

He stayed silent.

“You know our deal.” Your husband was defending you.

“It is up to you if he lives or not.”

“It is up to you if _I_ live or not.”

“You want me to take him alive? I can fucking take him alive. You want him to fucking live like a dog? …Like you did?”

“Shut.” John paused. “Up.”

 _He_ stopped speaking. 

John spoke up, “Dave is working with the police and apparently... they know that... then I’m sure that a lot of people you worked with want to kill him.” John sounded frustrated, before the two of you got married he was ready to throw his life away for yours, that might not have been a possibility in the first place. 

He said nothing to that.

“Are you in contact with them?” John asked.

He still said nothing.

“Are they really willing to let Dave live if you promise that he’ll live as my sex slave? Did you promise them that you beat him every other day? Your offer was that I could marry Dave and you wouldn’t hurt him anymore. I marry Dave then you freak out and threaten people's lives? My dad's life?" John sighed. "I don't trust anything that you say to me.”

“Ah, Lord…” He wiped his face with one hand, “You are even more difficult _now_.”

You looked back at John, he actually looks angry now.

“Fine. Dave might have compromised exactly what our deal was when he hit me in the back of the head... still- I’ll let you keep him because he is what you really want.”

“You know **why** you’ll let me keep him.”

He said nothing. John spoke up, 

**“He dies, _I_ die.”**

You keep watching John, your heart fills with dread. He told you to never kill yourself but he gets to threaten to off himself just to protect you… _'he is really doing this…'_

“John.” You didn’t mean to speak, you didn’t mean to but you did.

John held onto you, he dragged you down by the neck and forced your head into his chest.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” He kissed the top of your head, “I would do anything, _anything,_ to keep you safe.”

“You would do anything?” He started talking again, “Yeah, you would? Did Dave see those videos? God, you fucking took my cock just to make sure Dave could fucking walk.”

John said nothing to him, he just kept talking to you, “I know this isn’t fair to you, nothing about this is…”

“You know what isn’t fucking fair? I lost everything, everything I worked for and built up over the course of years, in one fucking day.”

John started brushing his fingers through your hair, “I know that you must feel horrible about all of this, it’s painful, all of this is so painful.”

“Imagine how I feel.” He isn’t showing any emotion in his voice, none on his face, you know he is angry.

“Why would I ever want to empathize with you?” John was talking to him again.

“You have sympathy for a cockwhore.” He was talking about you,

“hmm… I don’t think I do…” John took a deep breath, you felt his chest expand as you laid against him, “I have sympathy for a young boy who was raped by his dad and forced to sleep with other people so he could get enough money to eat. I don’t have _‘sympathy for a cockwhore_ ,’ I have love for my husband.”

John kissed the top of your head again.

“You are willing to risk all of those people’s lives, and Dave’s for the slim chance that you can win this game, against _**me**?”_

John lifted up his head, you could feel him move to look at him. “You look at all of this like it is a game, am I the prize? What is the best win scenario for you then? Answer that.”

He says nothing.

“Yeah… I can picture it… I’m chained to your bed... Dave is locked in a room somewhere… Fuck that. I would rather take my chances -but don’t think that means that I don’t care about other’s lives.”

“I know you care,” There was love in his voice. “I know you do… my darling little sliver of heaven…”

 **“Don’t you fucking talk to my son that way!”** John shoots his head around to look at his dad.

“Mr. Egbert don’t-“ You hear Dr. Serket trying to calm him, you lift your head to look at him. He is completely enraged, hearing Dirk talk that way sent him up and over the fucking edge. He is on John’s right side, moving his arm in front of his son. Shielding him as he starts yelling into the computer, “Listen here you evil **fucking** bastard – you come near my son again and I’ll-"

“I’m meeting your father.” There is no humor or emotion in his voice, “this is all happening so fast.”

Mr. Egbert sounds like he is ready for a fight. **“Don’t you fucking-"**

“Dad!” John put both of his hands on his dad’s shoulders, he attempted to pull him back, “Calm down.”

“I would love to have a conversation with your father, John. This is-"

“You look at me, not at him.” John said the words like he was commanding a dog to obey him.

He did. His eyes were focused on John.

John was silent for a few moments. Dirk thought it was a cue to speak,

“Why do you **want** him enough to endure **that** torment?” He must have been talking about you. “He didn’t fuck you right for years, he can’t buy you shit, he has no fucking life skills-"

“Whose fault is that?” John sounds bitter.

“Dave could have taught himself.” _He_ replied. 

“Like you did?” John started to sound angry now, “you want him to be like you? An evil, broken man? Nothing but a criminal who fucked his underage son because he couldn’t fucking make connections to anyone? You raped and killed so many people? Why? Give me **one** reason for why you did that.”

He took a moment to respond, “Because I could.”

John took another deep breath, “nothing you could say to me anyway would be a good fucking reason.”

“That’s right.”

John was looking off into the corner of the room, not focused on anything, “and you just want me to pick your brain and rip you apart...”

“Yes.” He sounded peaceful when he said that, “Isn’t that what I deserve?”

“You don’t deserve anything but **death** you **miserable Fucking Bastard!** ” You turned your head, you looked over at who just spoke. Dr. Serket looked surprised with herself for speaking up, still she stood by her words. She walked up behind John and knelled down beside him, “John, you are in the right.”

“Dr. Serket, correct?” He asked her but was looking at you, “Dave, do you remember the woman who kicked you down her staircase..?”

She paused for a moment and then spoke up, “my sister is of no concern… She is in no way a part of this.”

“Isn’t she though? She raped Dave.”

Dr. Serket’s eyes looked like they were raging like a furnace filled with fire.

Dirk spoke again. “She blinded Teresa-”

“-She did a lot of things,” Dr. Serket sounded shaken, “some people get sacked with horrible family members.”

She placed her hand on _your_ shoulder. “You can threaten my life if you want, even if you kill me, I do not regret standing up for these boys.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Dirk continued. “Your kind is foolish.”

“How is she any different from me?” John spoke up and pulled back his focus

“You **know** what makes you different... and death isn’t as bad as half of the things I've done to you.” _He_ replied.

 **“I know!”** You spoke up, you lost it. “I know what you fucking did to him behind my back and I fucking swear you are going to **pay for that** you fucking-"

“Are you sure?" He was talking to someone off screen. "You had better fucking not be-"

Dirk turned back to his web camera. “Looks like I have to go, Captor is better then I thought he would be. **I’ll keep that in mind.** I’ll see you soon regardless, my angel.”

The screen went black. The window closed. You looked around the room. Next to every face was the same. Rage, hostile, resentful, pure, unadulterated rage, all except for your husband who turned to you and smiled, “I think that went well.”


	87. Switch

The sheriff knocked on your door at 3 AM, he told you that he was moving you elsewhere and you all needed to take all of your things with you. Dave grabbed everything from the nightstand and his sword immediately. He headed into the closet and packed everything in his arms but his sword. He started dragging out all of the luggage, passing it to the sheriff before you could finish getting up to help them. The guards took most of your bags and cases. Dave held onto his sword and his duffle bag of cash. Your husband was guiding you behind the sheriff and Deputy Captor. You walked out into the street as quickly as you could and into a van, the sheriff stayed behind. He was only there to let you all know that this was safe and not a trap. They drove you into a garage and into a completely different van, they were taking no chances. One of the guards drove off in the van you just came from.

You felt nervous about all of this. Dave must have felt the same because he didn’t let go of his sword the entire ride over. He held onto you and pulled you close. You let him, he needed to hold you to feel safe himself. You pulled up to a driveway and turned into a garage. When the garage door pulled down Deputy Captor directed you all to take out your luggage and head inside. The house was much larger than you thought it would be, the first room you see is a room with a staircase. You bring up your luggage against the staircase and look around. Dave takes your hand, he wants to stay by you so he can protect you. You tell him you want to get a quick look around the house. “Don’t you want to, secure the perimeter?” you joke to him. He doesn’t seem like he’s in a mood for jokes. He is worried for your safety after that call. You are more worried for him than yourself. You scooped around, there was a classy living room right across from a nice rustic kitchen. Deputy Captor asked for your attention before you could see any more of the house. He told you that he was going to be staying with you, he is going to be doing his work from this safe house for now while he defends you three. He tells you to grab your luggage and he is going to show you and Dave to your new room, apparently there were three bedrooms. You look over at Dave and give him a bright smile and then a sly smirk. Yeah, he isn’t getting any sleep tonight.

Captor took you upstairs and showed you to your room.

There was a small bookshelf in the left corner of the room. A double sized bed against the other corner of the wall. A large window above the wooden nightstand - Captor told you to keep the curtains closed - the floors were wooden and amber brown, the walls where a latte color.

When you stepped inside you noticed that along the wall, across from the bed, there was a large flat screen TV and even more books on a shelf underneath.

“Bathroom is right across from your room. The room next to the toilet is mine if you need me.”

When he shut the door you didn’t waste any time, “I’m going to go check out the bathroom.”

You went out of the room to quickly use the toilet. Even the bathroom was nice. It was a clean, little room with white walls and white floors. You grab a white towel as you leave and get back to your room.

Dave is sitting on the bed, it was so high that his long legs where dangling above the floor. You hop on to the full sized bed. You stripped off his pajama shirt and then you helped Dave slip off his own. As soon as his shirt was off you started kissing him. Slipping your tongue against his hot metal piercings.

_“Daddy, you want a repeat of our wedding night?”_

“No punching your face this time.”

 _“Awww.”_ You whined. _“Please….”_

“Okay… but only once.”


	88. you can have me

“Boys, come down in less than ten.” John’s dad was outside the door. “Breakfast is almost ready.”

You instantly sit up, you aren’t going to disobey John’s dad. You shove John to get up but he isn’t budging. “Babe.” You shove him again. “John.” Now you know how he must have felt during all of those years of forcing you to get out of bed. “I want to have breakfast with your dad.” At that, John slowly sat up and started rubbing his eyes. You grabbed his glasses off the nightstand and you handed the pair to him.

“Thanks, Baby.” He sleepily leaned onto your shoulder and kissed your neck.

“We had a long night, hu?” You ask him.

“Let’s do that again tonight.” He mumbled and hummed.

“How about this: Let’s get some sleep tonight instead.”

“Nope.” John started cuddling into your shoulder.

You let him rest on your for a bit. He starts to look like he is about to fall back asleep so you slowly lean him off of you.

“Let’s get dressed.”

The two of you put back on the PJ’s you ditched. You left the room, you had to take a piss. When you got back into the room John was dressed but passed out over the sheets again.

“John, come on.” You were standing in the doorway, John rolled over to face away from you.

You walked over and you hoysted his arm up around your shoulder. You dragged him up and off of the bed.

“I’m not missing a meal with my new dad-in-law.”

John started to walk with you after you said ‘dad-in-law.’ His eyes were still closed and he started rubbing his head into your neck. You helped him down the stairs and into where you thought the kitchen was. You heard scraping and water running so it must be around the corner.

First thing you see is John’s dad washing a pot in the sink, “Good morning. You boys look tired.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” John replied, still leaning on you.

Captor scoffed at that. He was sipping on a ceramic mug.

You took a look around the room. The kitchen had a off-white wooden floor, the wall was  blue – much lighter than John’s eyes - there was a tan lamp hanging off of the ceiling over the large table that Captor was sitting down at. There are jars of spices on a rack and pots hanging off of a wall. The place looked both shabby and elegant at the same time. You took a seat next to John and across from Captor. The table was set with four plates and filled to the brim with different types of breakfast food. Half of which you have never seen before. There were small sausages at the table too, you didn’t think that was a breakfast food. Diced potatoes? Plates of fruit? It was the most amount of food you have ever seen at once. John seemed unfazed by all of it. 

“This place is so nice.” John made conversation with Captor. “Can you thank the sheriff for us?”

“Of course I can, but there’s no need. It’s the least we could do.” He replied, he must be referring to the fact your lives are in danger and that you are still going to be giving them information during your time here. You nod at him and continue to look over the table. You need a bit of guidance for this. You lean in to John and whispered, “What are those things?” You point at a plate of these small yellow circle things.

“Those are egg muffins, sweetie.” He found humor in the fact you didn’t know what they were called.

“Egg muffins?” You sounded confused.

“Anything else you don’t know?”

“Like half of this stuff.” You answer honestly, no secrets between you two.

“Let’s start with the sweet stuff.” Johns starts gleefully pointing out everything on the table. “These here are beignets, those are blueberry muffins, banana bread, cinnamon buns –baby I think you would like those the best – you know what pancakes are, french toast sticks, I think that is apple oatmeal cake, grapefruit – you put brown sugar on it cause it’s bitter – grapes, blueberries, strawberries,  – you know that, but you put them on pancakes – orange slices – my dad will make you eat those – and then there is ham, bacon, breakfast potatoes, cheese slices, omelets, sausage links – you put maple syrup on them – you know eggs, toast, hash browns, bagels, croissants. Then there’s milk to drink, along with orange juice, coffee and all of these things are different types of jams.” He listed everything for you in excitement, like he is sharing something special with you. You take a moment to let the entire feast sink in. The entire table is covered in food.

“Your dad made all of this… today?” You are stunned.

“Yeah, he loves baking!” John cheerfully claps his hands together and rubs them.

“I wake up much earlier then you two do, you know?” John’s dad walked up behind you.

Mr. Egbert takes the glass in front of you. He pours something out of a glass pitcher into it for you.

“John told me your favorite, it’s apple juice.”

He places the drink in front of you.

“Than-thank you.” You take a moment to just stare at the glass.

In the corner of your eye you can see John lean closer towards you, “are you crying?”

You pause before answering. “It’s just so… amazing… this whole thing is so… I’ve never seen anything like it.” You keep staring at the food in disbelief.

You look back up at Mr. Egbert to thank him again but the words don’t come out.

He just smiles back at you and says, “let me know what your favorite thing is and I’ll be sure to make it for you every morning.”

You have to look back down, you start rubbing the tears out of your eyes under your shades. You don’t want to make this morning awkward for everyone. John reaches out for your hand. You take it and look up at him. He has a small sliver of bacon peeking out of his mouth. You laugh. He chews and swallows it down, then asks,

“My dad is the best isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” you agree, “we are lucky to have him.”

Your dad-in-law takes his seat across from his son and to your left. John keeps holding your hand for a bit until he decides he wants you to try the cinnamon buns like he recommended before. He hands you one. It is sticky with melted sugar frosting the top. You bite into it and it is so gooey but fucking amazing. Mind blowing actually. As you chew you look back at John who giggled at you. He pointed at your mouth, apparently you had crumbs and melted sugar all over your face. He wiped it off for you.

With each thing you try you keep telling Mr. Egbert that it is amazing. When he asked for your favorite thing John didn’t skip a beat and answered with you, “the apple Juice.”

“I’ll be sure to get more apples then.”

“Here’s the thing Mr. Egbert.” Captor interrupted. “None of you are going to be able to leave, neither can I. There is going to be someone dropping off food for us once a week. If you need anything, you need to let me know.”

“I can pay you back for it.”

“It’s alright you-“

“I make a lot of food every day, I would prefer if I pay you at least some amount.”

“Sir…” He looked at your father-in-law. “Can I speak with you quickly in the other room?”

You watch them both leave, that is strange. John must think so too because he is staring at you.

“Now that I think of it… Dave, I have like one more thing about my life I need to tell you…”

Your brows lower. Is this **another** huge fucking bomb he is about to drop?

“No more secrets from now on between us at all, ever, promise… so there is one last thing I never told you… because it isn’t really that much of a part of my life…”

“Okay…?” You are a bit anxious about this.

He looks nervous when he says, “My dad always wanted to work and he wanted me to have a completely normal life…”

“Right…?”

“Well… my great grandma was the CEO of a pretty big company so my dad inherited shares… and some money… it’s my dad’s, not mine anyway.”

Your brow lowers further, “Why didn’t you tell me that? Like ever?”

“Because I hate that company, my cousin Jane owns it anyway. It’s not even a part of my life… for the most part…”

“Are you saying….?”

“That I’m loaded…? noooo… Just that we are… well off.”

“How well off?”

John looked away from you. “We should be okay with our therapy bills and whatever all of this is going to cost my dad. That is what I am saying. Not anything like ‘living lavish’ just enough for… whatever all this is…for a while..." He mumbles, "a long while....”

“What’s the name of the company?”

John covers his face with his hands.

“Babe, it’s okay. I won’t judge you for anything you know that.”

“I know, I just never wanted you to know… it’s… Crocker Corp.”

You know how much John hates cakes, and for some reason Betty Crocker products. You never told him cause you didn’t want him to flip shit, but gushers are made by that Betty Crocker bitch™.

“I still love you.” You say it as a joke, John gets out of his seat to hug you, you aren’t sure if he took your words as a joke. “I don’t care if your family name is attached to a cookie baking bitch, my family name is attached to worse.”

He hugs you tighter and says, “I love you so much, Dave.”

He pulls away and grabs a bagel from the table. He puts it down on your plate.

“I’m going to show you how to make a breakfast sandwich before the omelets get cold.”

* * *

“I’m going to take a shower.” John tells you as he gets up from the bed.

The two of you are sitting down, actually watching TV instead of just using it to mask the sounds of the two of you going at it.

“Okay.” You lift yourself up so you can join him.

John sucks in air through his teeth and sticks out a hand to stop you, “nooo. You can’t, baby.”

You feel confused, “Is… is showering together… like wrong?”

“Noooo.” He is tilting his head and looking up as he winces again, “It’s nooot.”

“But we shouldn’t do it?” You ask him.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

He sucks in air through his teeth again, he doesn’t know what to tell you. Still he tries, “You know how sex isn’t wrong but you shouldn’t really do it in front of other people?”

“We wouldn’t be showering in front of other people though…?”

“Yeah…” The gears start turning in his head, “It’s just, Dave, it’s inappropriate for us to shower together because it _seems_ really sexual.”

“Oh, well I wasn’t planning on doing anything _‘sexual’_ to you.”

“I know.” He nods at you, “you are used to me being naked all the time, but… no one else is.”

You guess that makes sense. It must seem like you two are going to have sex in the shower.

“Well, I’ll just… wait till you are done and take a shower later then.”

“Yeah, and plus… I have to take care of… something.” John smiled at you and kisses you. As he walks out he grabs an empty water bottle and your bottle of lube. He’s going to be in the bathroom for a while. You grab your iPod and lay down on the bed. John is shoving you, you hear John muttering under your music, “Dave, Baby.” You didn’t realize that you passed out. “Dave, Dave.” You take off your shades and headphones. John is wearing nothing but a towel.

“Let me guess,” You set your iPod down on the nightstand, “You want me to eat your ass.”

He bit down on his lip with his cute overbite and smiled a adorably excited smile. Even his eyes were glowing with happiness. You don’t do stuff like this often because it could never get him even somewhat close, but he still loves the way it feels so you're happy to do it.

* * *

John told you to douche too so you did, using a water bottle hardly cleaned you out, but John said he would fuck you once you were done. You’re pretty sure you’re done here. You head back into your room and sit down beside John, who must have been thinking of what roleplay he wanted to do today.

“What are you thinking of doing?” You just come right out and ask him.

“Okay, I’ll pretend that I’m your best friend...”

“Whoa- really branching out here.”

“-let me finish! I am going to be your best friend that is _soooo_ obsessed with you that they rape you!”

“I thought you said that it isn’t-“

“It isn’t. It’s pretend.” He pretends to look upset at you. “I’ll just try a bunch of different things, okay!?”

“Okay…” You raise your eyebrows, “but if you do something I don’t like I’m going to jump on the safe word.”

“I’ll make you like it!” He pretends to sound mean. “I promise!”

John’s fake mean pout turns into a smirk.

John immediately jumps on top of you and holds you down. He is sitting on your lap and pressing both of your arms down. Your heart skips a beat as he leans down to kiss you. You don’t move, you just let him part open your lips with his. He sits back up. He slowly removes your shades. You aren’t sure what to do, you’ve never been on the receiving end of any of _‘_ these’ roleplays, but you do know that John likes when you shudder and beg for him to stop messing with you. You’re planning on letting him mess with you like that, but first maybe you should start off by trying to mimic John’s scared look. You part open your lips and let yourself start breathing heavy. You lower your brow like he normally does and tilt your head. You must look good because John’s eyebrows lift up. He bites down on his lip and grabs your chin.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, you know that?” He’s smiling down at you.

“Wh-what are you going to do to me?” You shake your head out of his grasp. He starts giggling.

He is tracing his other hand under your shirt. You aren’t sure what he wants you to say, you just stick with the basics. “John what are you doing!? Stop.”

John starts giggling to himself as he rubs your chest. You break out of his grasp and sit up. Wiggling out from under John. You think this might be what John wants.

“Wrong move.” John says the words in a deep tone, you aren’t sure if he meant it or not.

Next thing you know he slapped you across the face. The impact was loud and stung like hell.

You wince at the hit and nurse it. He pulls you back down beneath him and he starts straddling you again. He leans over you and starts sucking on your collar bone. “Come on, baby, just let it happen.”

This isn’t really feeling hot to you yet, you aren’t sure if John likes it or not ether. He is only half-hard.

“I don’t like this.” You say the words like you are roleplaying but it isn’t even a complete lie, you are pretty indifferent to this right now. “John, this is wrong.” You sound unamused by any of this.

“Come on…” He sings to you. “All the boys at school get to fuck your tight hole, but I don’t?”

 _‘Wait… What?’_ He is taking this roleplay in a different direction then what he said, or maybe just adding more on. “What are you talking about, John?”

“Don’t fucking play dumb.” He still uses his cutesy tone but he actually sounds mad. “You’ve been skipping class to fuck different boys in the bathroom stalls!”

“I don’t- John. I-” You stop talking, you want to hear more.

“You fucked some seniors in this kid’s car after detention once! I spent all afternoon waiting for you!”

“wow-"

“-and then you got gang-banged by the football team in the gym showers when we were supposed to be running track together!”

“I-"

“-you fucked some guy to get him to finish your homework for you instead of eating lunch with me!”

Your eyes widen, does he like the idea of you being a slut? A bad friend? You aren’t sure. All you know is that he put a lot of thought into this.

“You keep seducing all of these boys during class and passing them notes. I saw you sucking on a blow pop making eyes at our homeroom teacher, Dave! Our teacher! Did you fuck him too!?”

“John I-I.”

“I already know the answer, you are the biggest fucking slut in school! He probably fucked you on his desk! I remember when you got sent to the principal’s office last week and when you came back you were exhausted, like you were all fucked out! I can’t believe you!”

“John-"

“Yesterday you walked around during P.E. with your red gym shorts - that are way too tight on you - and then you poured water all over on your chest on purpose so everyone could see your body through your shirt!”

“Thi-"

“Shut up! I am talking! You walk around school like a slut and fuck every guy you lock eyes with, but what about me? I’ve been your best friend for years, Dave! I want to play with you too!”

“I- I-” You didn’t know this was where he was going to take this, but you like it.

“I’m sick of being ignored by you Dave!”

He is pulling at your sweatpants. Trying to tug them off of you. You struggle to keep them up.

“Wai-wait! John,” you sit up. “I- I…”

You can’t think of anything to say to that. This scenario he came up with is fucking with your head again, and your dick. You are getting so hard just from thinking about John desperately wanting you and getting frustrated that he can’t get your attention. You think you want to change things up a bit though.

“Jesus, John. Your fucking cock is huge.” You looked down at his half-erect dick, still covered by his pants. “I didn’t know you were… packing.”

“Now you notice? If you would have looked over at me in the showers and not all of the meathead jocks you would have seen how good my cock could be to you.”

You shutter at his last few words.“You’re jealous of me checking out other guys?” You try to make it sound like a sincere question.

“Yeah! The only time you spend with me anymore is when I tutor you in the library and I noticed you were rubbing your foot against this other guys cock while I was trying to teach you algebra! Dave you never pay attention to me!” He starts whining.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to be a better friend.” You are trying to calm your breathing, he’s got you excited.

“I don’t want you to be a better friend! I want to fuck your hole!”

“John-” He’s really got you excited now.

“I overhear all the boys in school saying that you are super tight and you moan like a bitch! I hear that you get so desperate to cum that you start crying and screaming. I want you to beg for me like that!”

“Well- I- I” You want to say _yes_ but you know John wants to hear no. “John, we can’t you’re my best friend.”

He makes another adorable angry face at you, he pouts and squints his brow. He grabs you by the wrists and forces you to turn around. He is holding you down by sitting on top of you and holding your hands back. You are faced down in the pillows. Having John hold you like this is making your brain numb. John dominating you like this is definitely enough to get you off, he can do whatever he wants to you now.

_“You are taking my cock wither you **like it or not!”**_

You breathe out the words, “holy shit.” To yourself under your breath.

You completely get why John likes this now, he is taking everything he wants from you. You’re just going to give him the wheel.

He slipped down your pants by shimming himself backwards on your bottom. He is now sitting down on your thighs and holding your wrists together with one hand. You pretend to struggle. He spanks you. You let out a loud moan into the pillow.

“Hold still!” He yells at you.

He grabs the lube he left on the nightstand. He uses some to work himself and then uses it to finger your hole. “How many of these can you take?”

“Wait- don’t do what I think you are going to do!” You actually feel a bit panicked about this.

“One.” He stick in another finger. “Two.” As he sticks in the third you groan. “Three!”

“WAIT!” You struggle to turn your head back to face him, he is smiling and giggling at the sight of you.

John’s expression is making you even more excited, still you are nervous about this.

He stabs in another finger, “Four!” You grunt. He is laughing now.

“Look at that! You can take all of my fingers!” He looks into your eyes and then back down at your hole. “How about the rest?”

“Wait!” You aren’t sure if you should say the safe word or not. You’ve liked all of this so far, you’ll use it if this hurts too much but for now you are just going to keep your fingers -metaphorically- crossed.

He slips out his fingers and slowly pushes in his entire fist. You gasp and then groan at the feeling of you tightening around his fist. _“Five!”_ He cheerfully shouted.

 _“Dave! You can take my whole fist!”_ He gleefully exclaimed. _“Do those boys do this to you too!?”_

No one has ever fisted you before actually. Fingered you, yeah, but normally your old clients would jump right to fucking you. “Never in my life.”

 _“Really?”_ John questioned you, still sounding cute.

“Never.” You answer honestly.

 _“Oh wow! I’m your first! I’m so glad!”_ He smiled a warm smile at you _“Let’s keep going then!”_

“Wait- John it’s too much! Don’t fuck me with your fist!”

 _“I can be gentle for you my love_.” The way he said that made your heart soar, he can do anything he wants to you and he knows that. He slips his fist out of you, with a ‘pop’ and back in with a ‘ploop.’ Your hole was sucking up his entire hand and you were loving every second of it. Squirming and moaning as John took advantage of you. He keeps punching into you, picking up the pace and giggling as you yell.

_“You don’t seem tight to me anymore… oh no! Did I make you lose!?”_

“John!” You were grunting, he was hitting you so hard. He was really filling you. You were buckling under his grasp. Your face down on the bed, ass up in the air as John drilled his entire hand into you. You were enjoying it a bit too much for John’s liking so he pulled out and started spanking you again.

“You’ve been ignoring me! I’m going to make you look at me and _only me!”_

With each slap you yelped. He is hitting you way to hard.

He rolled you over and threw you onto your back.

“Look at me, Dave!”

You looked him right in the eyes. He looked angry at you, a cute, fake rage filling his eyes. He started to giggle, this façade must be difficult for him to keep. He’s trying to make himself look angry again.

“I want to get a vibrator and tease you in algebra class just like the teacher does! I want you to give me head while I do a presentation in speech class! I want to fuck you behind the bleachers just like the coach does! Dave! You let every single guy in school fuck you but never me! WHY?”

You search your mind trying to come up with an answer. You settle on one. “Because you’re my only real friend John! Everyone treats me like a sex toy but you treat me like a real friend!”

John’s eyes widen. You think you might have said something a bit too real.

“Well…” John was trying to think of a response to that. “You are my best friend… I just wanted to spend time with you the way I thought you liked…” He sounds disappointed.

“John, I-" He interrupts you.

“But I’m in love with you Dave! I fell in love with the guy who would listen to all of my stories and laugh at all my jokes. I fell in love with you because you are super cool and protect me from bullies!”

He came up with a response that sounds a bit too real too. You don’t have anything to say to that.

“Then you started fucking those bullies and jocks and teachers and every guy in school who isn’t me… It’s breaking my heart, Dave, that you don’t look at me!” He circled it back around for you.

“John- I don’t want to ruin our relationship!”

“It’s too late for that!” John pulled your legs apart. He is slipping his tip inside your already stretched out hole. “I am going to ruin you and claim you as mine! And only mine!”

He slipped his entire cock inside of you with one thrust. He keeps pounding you, looking for your spot. He finds it and keeps smacking it as he starts slapping you.

“You want to be treated like a bitch? I’ll fuck you like a bitch!”

You kept moaning in between hits. He is really hammering into you. God, you fucking lose it when John is on top, but this roleplay he is putting on is so foreign and so hot to you.

“Dave! I saw you fucking one of our classmates on the staircase when you were supposed to be in history class! You just kept letting him trust into you like this and I kept wanting to join in, but I couldn’t because I was to chicken!”

He stopped slapping you, and grabbed you by the shoulders.

“You kept dropping your pencil just so you can show off your ass to the substitute teacher and when he asked you to stay after class you stuck your gum in his mouth! I was waiting for you outside the door just watching you flirt with him like an idiot!”

You were nursing your hit. He is good at this pretend pissed thing. You aren’t fully sure if the slaps across your face is getting you off or not but the way John is screaming at you he wants you is fucking you up bad. He seems like he really is desperate for your attention and your love. You fucking love that.

“You flirt with every guy you meet and instead of saying ‘good morning’ you say _‘want some head?’_ ” He is pretending to mock you. He really wants you to pretend you give it up for every guy in school. You’re going to play along.

“John, I just get so… I get so horny for... cock. It makes me so weak. Please John, I can’t help myself. I need it. _I love when I feel filled up –ah- just like this! –ah- daddy!”_ You didn’t mean to moan out your nickname but when you did you felt ten times fucking hotter about all of this. _“-ah!- Daddy! I’m sorry I’ve been fucking other guys! Please don’t hurt me anymore!”_

Shit, you always wanted John to moan like this for you but you never thought about moaning like this for John. It’s making you feel hot moaning like this for they guy you love and actually want to fuck instead of those fucking creeps. You thought this would make you feel uncomfortable but it actually feels like… you are rebelling.

“You don’t want your daddy’s cock but you get horny for all these other boys?” John slapped you again. You think he’s getting into this too. _“You are going to take my cock and you are going to **like it!”**_

 _“No! Daddy! This is wrong! You’re my best friend! Best friends shouldn’t fuck!”_ You whine, just like how John does for you. You feel a rising heat in your belly. You want John to demand you to take his cock more! _“Daddy! Don’t make me take in your whole cock! It- it hurts!”_ You shutter.

_“It hurts hu? My cock so fucking big that it’s tearing up your hole better then all those fuckers?”_

_“Daddy!!!”_ You bitch and moan. _“You’re hurting me!”_

_“Does it hurt good?”_

He slaps you again. You cry after the hit, _“owwww,”_ like the slut you are.

_“Daddy! You are stretching me out more then any of those fuckers! I only want your cock now!”_

John picked up the pace and slammed into your spot. You kept moaning that he’s hurting you and a different series of inaudible cries. He is fucking you so hard and so fucking violently, just like how _he_ likes sex. He really wants you to understand why he likes you dominating him like this so much. You just love John claiming your hole and making you _his and only his_. You hold up your legs as close to your body as you can. He is bending your ass up. You keep blurting out _“Daddy!”_ as you scream for more.

He’s claimed your mind, your heart and your soul and your body belongs to John and _only_ John.

He is wrapping his hand around your neck and pressing down lightly. You aren’t so sure about him choking you but you aren't going to say anything against it, so far John’s been fucking you right in all the wrong ways. He must be getting pretty close because he is grunting out for you to choke him.

_“Daddy! I don’t know if I can choke you. It’s scary!”_

He starts grabbing your throat hard, demanding you to,

_"Fucking choke me or I will strangle you, cumslut!”_

You oblige and choke him with both of your hands as he tightly grasps you. He is pounding into you. Desperately trying to finish inside of you. He never gets off to topping anymore but if you can get him there with this little roleplay and your grasp around his neck then you are going to be more then happy.

You try to hold yourself off from cumming. You try. You screamed and started shaking. You were convulsing and trying to catch your breath but John’s hands were around your throat. John really did do a number on you because this felt so fucking good. He loosens his grip on your neck and now he is holding onto your wrists. You are still tightly grasped around John's twitching cock, he's getting close, you can feel it. You are trying to hold on to John's throat as he rams into you more. It’s hard not to just pass out. John’s seen you cum this hard before. He really overdid it though. You are drooling and panting. You want to roleplay with him more but you are completely spent. He just keeps pounding into you and grunting, He is almost there. He slams into you one final time. He forces all of his load inside of you and pressed down, hard, around your wrists. You think he might have just bruised them, but you don’t care. John just actually finished inside of you! He falls down on top of you, he rolls over onto his back and huffs to catch his breath.

John came inside of your ass for the first time in ages! You feel like celebrating but you will settle for passing out. You smack around the nightstand to find the remote to shut off the TV. John is panting as he moves to hold onto you. He wants you to hold him. You wrap your arms around him as he rests on your chest.

There was a knocking at the door. You hear Captor shout, “You know other people live here too right!?” He seemed really pissed as he keeps banging on the door. “I could hear you scream over the TV!”

John smacked his mouth shut. He uncovered his mouth to yell, **“SORRY!”**

* * *

The next morning it was awkward. You wore long sleeves to hide your wrists. You tried your best to cover up your neck but it was clear to everyone that John had choked you and the other way around. You drank the entire pitcher of apple juice yourself and before breakfast was even over you had to go upstairs to piss. When you were done with your leak John’s dad was waiting outside for you.

“Son, I need to have a talk with you.” His arms were crossed.

You look off to the side and try your best not to wince, you are gritting your teeth.

“I’m sorry if you heard anything last night… uh… sir…”

“It’s not about that.” He shook his head. “Dave. I am concerned for you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He is looking at your wrist. It is purple with bruises. You cover it with your other hand.

“I think my son might be… a bit of a negative influence on you. I talked to Dr. Serket before and she thinks that you have a difficult time saying no to my son. I’ve seen that as well.”

“Wait- aren’t you… uh… supposed to be in John’s corner.”

“I’m in both of your corners, son.” He sounds sincere. “Did John do anything you were unsure about last night?”

“Uh-“ He did, but you could have said no at any time. You wanted to get him there but you can’t exactly tell his dad that you would do anything to make his son cum. This whole conversation is so fucked. “Mr. Egbert, sir, John is just a… a bit eccentric when It comes too… you know… and I…”

“As John always says, ‘it is a yes or no question.’”

“Yes. But I _could_ say no at any time.” You lift up your finger to defend John and also yourself.

“Do not let my son walk all over you, Dave. If you don’t want something you can say no. If you are unsure about something I think it’s best that you tell him.”

“Uhhhhhh…It’s… kind of hard.” You can’t just stop and tell John not to choke you when he’s getting there. You need John to finish in you. That is one of the greatest joys of your life.

“Son, I would hate to bring this up but- I’ve seen you refuse him before.”

“You’ve seen me **try.** ” John was serious about blowing you and he did it. When John honestly wants something, he's ruthless. He told you he was going to give you head the next time you were alone and did it. John always gets what he wants.

He places his hands on your shoulders and looks you dead in the eye.

“You are my son-in-law now, I want what is best for you. I want you to be able to voice when you don’t want something, even if it’s from my son.”

You feel your mouth part open. You breathe in air, trying to find the words to say.

You can’t find anything to argue against that.

“Okay.” You nod.

He is still holding on to you, “don’t let him walk all over you, you are your own man too.”

* * *

“Babe, we have to have a talk.” You took up a serious tone.

“Okay!” He cheered. _“Have I been bad daddy? Did I do something wrong?”_

“John, we aren’t roleplaying.”

He pouts at you and crosses his arms. He must be in one of his playful moods again.

You take a deep breath through your nose. “John. I don’t want you to do anything violent to me during sex without asking me first.”

He scrunched up his brow and made an unamused face. “Really?”

“John.” You sit down next to him. “I liked what we did last night, but if you didn’t roleplay with me like that I’m not so sure I would have liked being… choked like that.”

“Oh-" John looked down, you aren’t sure if it’s because he is confused or because he is upset he might have done something bad to you. “I guess I understand.”

He looks back up. “If we roleplay like that again then how would you say yes?”

“By saying yes.”

“But I was forcing myself on you?” He sounds a bit confused. “You really want like… normal sex again?”

“John.” You wrap your arms around him. “Just because I’m screaming yes, doesn’t make sex vanilla."

“hahaha.” He laughed at you and raised his eyebrows, _“Oh-kay.”_

“John.” You are getting kind of annoyed he isn’t hearing you out here, “you asked me to choke you, remember? We can demand each other to do things next time and we can also demand that we stop doing things.”

“ _'Demand we stop doing things?'_ What the Fuck, man!?” He is actually mad at you. "I like saying no! Why do you want me to give that up? I thought that you were starting to like it!"

You sigh. You have an alternative so maybe you’ll try it.

“Here, dude.” You look at him. “Try to wrap your throat around me.”

He gently wraps his hands around your throat.

“If you try to choke me I will fucking knock you out.”

“Oh! I like that!” He nodded and clapped his hands together, “but we need to practice it more.”

“Okay. Why don’t you lift up your hand like you are going to slap me?”

He lifts up his hand.

“You fucking slap me I will bite off your cock.”

“Holy shit!” He clapped his hands together and laughed as he leaned forward.

“Do you like that?” You ask him, sounding slightly confused. _‘did he like that?’_

“You are actually threatening me with like! Really bad stuff!”

“Bad stuff that you don’t want?” You ask, “just to be clear.”

“Yeah!” He sounds cheerful. “Okay. Do another!”

John reels back his fist like he is going to punch you in the face.

“Punch me and I will slam the fucking lamp over your head.”

John clasps his hands together again and smiled. “Again!”

He reels back his hand like his is going to strike you hard across the face again.

“Smack me like that and I will fucking beat your ass.”

“Ooohhhh, gonna have to work on that more.”

“Why? You want me to beat your ass?”

“Obviously.” He shrugs and rolls his eyes. “Try again.”

“Well I can’t threaten to kill you.”

“Nope.”

“Can’t tell you I’ll fuck you up.”

“Nope.”

“Break your fingers?”

“ _mmm._ I think I would like if you threaten me with that.”

“How about I threaten to… ignore you the entire time?”

“Hm… maybe you should stick with cutting or biting off my dick. That way I know that you mean no.”

“So threats to your dick is a ‘no’ from now on.”

“I can remember that. Can I do the same too?”

You blink at that.

“Remember how I said once that you pulling out is more painful then you hurting me in a way I don’t like?” He asked you.

You respond with your own question, “have I ever done anything you were unsure about recently?”

“ **Hell fucking no.** ” He sounded confident. “It’s just that I might want to actually say ‘no’ someday.”

“Really?” You feel your eyes well up a bit. Something about that made you feel proud.

“Yeah- I mean… you always wanted me to be able to say no in a real way that **meant** no. I think if it’s something that makes you happy then I want to be able to have the option.”

You hug him tightly and swing him from side-to-side.

You are really happy you had this conversation.

“Anything else you want to talk about?” John sounds like he is rolling his eyes.

“Yes.” You let go of him and point one finger out at him, “hard limits.”

“Oh God.” John really was rolling his eyes, “Okay, _Dr. Serket.”_

“No breaking any bones.”

 _“Awww.”_ John was probably being sarcastic, _“Not even any broken fingers?”_

“No.” You firmly told him, you aren’t sure if he is being sarcastic.

 _“What a bummer-_ What?!- God! Dave!? How depraved do you think I am?!”

“I’m not going to stab you either.”

He turned his head and whispered, “damn.”

“I’m not going to find some way to electrocute you.”

“Well, when we get out of here I want us to get another one of those taser things.”

“It’s called a violet wand, I am not going to tase you.”

 _ **“boooooooo!”**   _That wasn't sarcasm, he really meant that.

“John, I am willing to do a lot of things to you.”

“Are you willing to punch me in the eye again?”

“Only on special occasions.”

“Fair.” John extends his hand for the two of you to shake on it, you quickly scan your mind for anything you miss. You think you have all the bases covered. You take his hand and shake it. He claps his hands together, laughs and lifts his arms up to cheer, “You forgot to say no slamming my head in the closet door! Haha!”

“Oh fuck.”

John keeps laughing as he waves his arms back and forth above his head like it's to the beat of music. You start laughing too after seeing how cheerful he is. When he puts his arms back down he grabs your hands. He starts slapping his palms against the back of your hands.

“Now, Dave. There’s one thing _I_ want to talk about.”

“What is it, babe?” You ask him.

“I get now why you like when I cry like a bitch and call you daddy. It’s really cute when you do that.”

 _“You think I’m cute, daddy?”_ You giggle, _“now that you claimed me I don’t think I can play with any of those other boys, but I’m really, really horny, daddy.”_

You pressed your hands up to John’s chest, you started sucking on his tongue

John slowly pushed you off of him “Hey- It’s your turn to top!”

You whined and bounced up and down like he always does, _“But Daddy!”_   You bit down on your finger, “ _All the boys at school keep giving me eyes and it makes me feel so…so dirty… I only want your cock daddy, even though every guy at school wants me! I just want you!”_

“Dave, those games don’t work on me. You know that.”

You whine and cry again. You start pounding on his chest, _“Daddy! You’re so mean! You take advantage of me and now you don’t want me?”_

“Ha-” He is trying to seem calm about this but you think you might have just hit something.

“ _I can’t believe you would break me in and claim me as yours and then you would just walk away!”_

“Uh- Dave.”

 _“No!”_ You shove him to the ground. “ _You are going to take my hole and finish in me!”_

“Dave-“ John is laying on his back, he is wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You start kissing him, he slides his tongue up and down the metal balls in your mouth.

You are taking what you want from him, something you know he loves. You pull away from him again.

You turn on the TV, the volume is already loud.

 _“Daddy, you know all the boys at school love me?”_ You hum at him, _“everyone wants my hole but I’ve never fucked anyone as good as you._ _You’re my best friend, when you forced me to take your cock it felt so wrong, I want you to make me feel dirty like that again.”_

“You want to feel like my little cockslut? Just mine and mine alone?” John put on a fake mean voice again. He was playing into your roleplay now.

 _“Yes daddy!”_ You put your hands on his chest again.

“Then, fuck me first and you’ll get your turn after.” He smirked at you.

“You bastard.” You lowered your eyes at him.

He smiled a sly smile at you.

He always gets what he wants.


	89. Past the Stars and Over the Moon

You yawned. You just walked downstairs to eat breakfast. Dave was already in the kitchen and sitting across from Deputy Captor again. You say good morning and he scoffs at you. ‘ _Rude.’_

Your dad finished setting up breakfast and placed a pancake on your plate. He knows you like them piping hot so he must have made one fresh just for you. You thank him.

When he sits down he starts making conversation. 

Your dad asks, “Deputy Captor, I saw you sleeping on the couch yesterday night-“

“Oh, I just couldn’t get any sleep because the _TV_ was too loud.”

“Boys, you shouldn’t watch TV at night.” Your dad addressed mainly you.

“He’s right, John.” Dave is talking to you, “we don’t need to watch TV all the time.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve been able to watch TV, Dave.” You tell him.

“We’ve watched plenty of TV already.”

“Oh- really?” You say. “There’s nothing on you want to watch?”

“I’m just saying we can watch TV another time.” He tells you.

“Couldn’t you two just turn down the volume or something?” Deputy Captor asked.

“Uh, No.” Dave smirks at him. “I don’t think so.”

“We could.” You argue, “We don’t need the TV to be loud. We’ll be fine.”

“Boys.” Your dad cut in. “If you can’t sleep then you need to study downstairs.”

“I think he’s right, babe.” When Dave spoke you turned to face him.

You gave him a _‘let’s talk about this later’_ look.

You ate till you were full, yawning through the whole meal.

You spent the day reading on the couch, Dave laying down on your lap. He was listening to music and holding onto your hand. Your dad interrupted you and asked you to help Dave study for your GEDs again.

You both sat down at the table and cracked open the booklet. You showed him more questions and how to understand the answers. You got frustrated again because he wasn’t listening. At one point he started twirling your hair, he never stopped doing it.

“Dave, you can fawn over me later.”

“I’m sorry, think about this though John, back in the apartment I could never openly fawn over you-“

“Oh!” You swat his hand away.

“What?”

“ **Think about this** : I wasn’t able to sleep with you for weeks-"

“That is different.”

“Dave.” You give him a serious look. “I don’t want to argue with you. Let’s just focus on these questions, you can twirl my hair when we go to bed –and later on I want to stick a rag in your mouth and-”

“Okay, okay.” He agreed. “We can **try** to be quieter **–** Just let me twirl your hair for a bit. It’s growing out again and it’s cute.”

“Fine, but if my dad comes by you have to start studying again.”

“Okay.” He sighed and started fiddling with a strand of your hair.

He just keeps twiddling your hair as you think of ways to explain this next concept to him. You had to start with the very basics. He understood how to do basic math and he read and write well enough. Still he struggled with every test and he can’t keep his focus. You can’t help but feel responsible for it when he is rubbing the ends of your hair and sighing at you. He just seems so happy to openly admire you. You appreciated the attention but you do find his education important. That’s probably why he is so giddy and dumb right now, you are paying such close attention to him. You’re sure that he’s going to get this frustrated with you tonight when you try to find a quite way to fuck hard. If he is going to mess with you like this now, maybe you should mess with him too.

“um… dave…” You mutter.

“Hmmm?” He hummed.

_“I want to tutor you, I know that you’ve been ignoring all the boys at school for me but… maybe you should do your best to focus.”_

“You expect me to focus when you look this cute?” He is still messing with your hair.

Maybe he wants something else right now.

_“We are supposed to be studying… I like the attention but… daddy… this is wrong.”_

“Yeah? I’m sorry princess. I’ll focus, I promise.” He kisses you. “Just don’t get me started, okay?”

He must be trying to avoid getting excited, he probably wants to avoid playing mind games with you.

“Okay!” You cheered. “Now, I think I know a simple and easy way for you to remember these!”

You point down at the sheet. You explain the concept at him as clearly and as quickly as you can. Dave asked you a few questions, something you were glad about, it meant that he was trying to understand.

He answered a few practice questions and got most of them right. When you saw his score you kissed him and cheered for him. Prompting him to let out a breathy sigh. He is completely head over heels in love with you and well, soaking in all of this pride that he actually took in one of your lessons... you feel the exact same way.

You look at his dreamy face... and sigh.


	90. Love and Mathematics

Your boyfriend asked you to switch places with him. He’s been having another mood swing and can’t get any sleep. You needed to change locations anyway. Captor was already sent off to some undisclosed location when you got there. You came in at 2 AM, everyone was kind enough to greet you, despite how late it was.

“It’s good to see you again, Ms. Megido.” Mr. Egbert seemed tired but he still offered you something to drink from the kitchen. 

“No, thank you.” You put up a hand and politely declined.

Mr. Egbert slipped past you, he went into the garage to help bring in the food.

“Do you need help with your luggage?” John happily asked if you needed assistance.

“That is so kind, but I am fine.” You smiled at him.

“You look really nice.” John looked at your face like he was confused about something.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

He kept looking at you with a strained expression.

“Do I have something on my face?” You laugh awkwardly.

“It’s just- you are wearing such nice makeup and it's so late.”

“Oh.” You get what he means. “I was told I was coming over so I just put something plain on.”

“Oh, okay.” John smiled at you, he is a sweet kid but _very_ blunt. “Want me to show you to your room?”

“If you could.” You grabbed your luggage and head upstairs.

Both of the boys showed you to your quaint little room with a nice twin bed. You made sure to keep the curtain closed, as you did in the other safe house. You were tired but too tired to sleep so you removed your makeup and put somethings away. Captor complained to you about how the boys kept the TV too loud, which you were sure was code. However, you’ve seen the tapes the boys were in. If you heard them sleeping together you think you could manage, as long as the boys were safe, you were content.

In the morning, Mr. Egbert came upstairs and knocked on your door. Telling you that breakfast was going to be ready in a few minutes. You got up and head to the bathroom, you put on some simple makeup, like you did last night. Nothing too much, just plain. When you finished John was waiting outside. He told you that you looked nice again, he was very kind to think so. You appreciated his complements, you are still getting used to feeling pride in your looks. You’ve been told you look elegant by many different people but only recently have you been taking those comments to heart.

You head downstairs and found Dave, he told you to sit closest to the window. You guess they already had assigned seats. You complied, and took your seat as you looked over the food at the table. You were surprised to see how much food was put out. You looked back at Mr. Egbert, he asked what you would like to drink.

You were sure you looked astonished, “Oh, Uh- What do you have?”

“Fresh squeezed apple juice, orange juice, grapefruit juice, milk, and I can make you a cup of coffee if you’d like.”

“Coffee sounds lovely, I hope you don’t mind if I have a glass of water.” You attempt to stand up to get it yourself. He already takes your glass and goes to the fridge. You feel strange about having John’s father go out of his way for you. You are sure it’s written on your face because Dave addresses you.

“I know, it’s so weird.” Dave is softly smiling, “He is cool isn’t he?”

“He is very kind, I’m going to have to help out around the house to make up for this.”

“If he'll let you.” Dave jests.

“What do you mean?” You ask him to clarify.

“He takes care of all of the cooking and all of the cleaning, won’t let me help him, and the worst part is he makes this much every morning.”

“Every morning?” You are shocked. You turn and talk to yourself, “every morning?”

“Yep.” John apparently walked in and overheard the tail end of your conversation. He kissed Dave before he took his seat. Mr. Egbert gave you back your glass. Afterwards he poured apple juice into Dave’s glass.

“Mr. Egbert,” you began, “This is so kind. I would like to help you do the dishes after-”

“No need, Ms. Megido. I-“

“No, I insist.” You firmly say. You will repay him, he deserves the aid.

“Well, alright.” He agreed.

Dave reeled his head back. He looked at him and then back at you.

You smiled at him. He just doesn’t know how to push for anything. Poor boy. He will learn.

* * *

John’s father asked if you could run upstairs and tell the boys that dinner was going to be ready soon. You were more then happy to get them for him. You head up the staircase and knock on their door. Strange. You were sure you knocked loud enough for them to hear. They must be asleep. You slowly creak open the door.

“I’m sorry to barge in but, your father says that dinner will be ready soon aaannn-hahaHA!” You start laughing, you snort, and then you start cackling at the sight at what you see.

John is facing you, his eyes widen when he sees you. There is a rag in his mouth. He is bent over Dave’s lap. Dave is resting one of his hands on a knife near John’s face. In the other hand he is holding a wooden meter stick. Reeling it back and spanking him with the ruler. John takes the rag out of his mouth and starts smacking Dave's arm.

“Wait- Lava!” He points at you. Dave instantly drops the ruler, along with his jaw.

You cover your mouth to try to stop yourself from laughing. _**“Oh my god. AH HA!”**   _You point at Dave. You wipe a tear from your eye. Your mascara is running. You are trying hard to get out the words.

“Oh- Ha!” You sniffle and mumble through your laughs, “He said be down in fifteen. AHH-hahha!”

Dave yells you to “GET OUT!”

“Ah!” You sigh and you start closing the door. You happily mutter, “you don’t have to tell twice!”

You continue to hold on to the door handle as you try to steady yourself. You can’t. You drop to your knees. You are sure that they can hear you periodically howl with laughter and then try to calm yourself. You get up and move to the bathroom where you turn on the fan and hope they can’t hear you lose your mind in there.

You take all the time you have to calm yourself, fix your makeup and then head downstairs. John’s dad is still prepping the table so you help him. When you are finished you sit down and wait for the boys. John and Dave walk into the room and take their seats. John is having some trouble sitting. You have to bite down on your lip and look away. You calm yourself and look back at the table. Dave is wearing shades but you can feel him glaring at you for thinking that all of this was funny. You don’t think John’s pain is funny at all, you are laughing at the obscenity of all of this. Just then, Mr. Egbert noticed that John isn’t sitting right in his seat.

“Son, are you okay?” John’s dad sounds concerned in a comforting way. “You’re not sitting straight.”

 _‘Yeah, he isn’t.'_   You clap your hands together on instinct and try to calm yourself, “Sorry! I thought I saw a fly.”

You could feel all eyes on you, especially Dave’s.

“It’s just…" John continued, he was staring at you. "I’ve been getting stressed again.” 

“I’m sorry, son.” He sounded like he really cares.

You attempt to change the focus to something else, if you bring up a different topic maybe you can make the boys feel better about all of this… and stop yourself from laughing again.

“Hey, John, you’ve been reading the books in the house, correct? Do you have any recommendations?”

John was excited to recount all of the different types of books in the house, apparently there were quite a few about high art. You listen as he tells you his favorite novels he’s read so far. You look over at the other occupants at the table. Mr. Egbert smiled as his son happily recounted the novel that he’s been reading. Dave rested his head on his hand and softly smiled. You are pretty sure that John could read the phone book and Dave would swoon like he is doing now. You couldn’t help it, you giggled at him.

The boy's father asked what you thought was funny. You pointed at Dave. Dave hardly noticed, until John started staring at you. Dave snapped out of his trance and asked what was wrong. You started laughing again. John laughed too.

“He’s just like this.” John answered.

“All the time?” You asked John.

“All the time.” John’s father answered for him.

“What?” Dave took his head off of his hand, he looked a bit nervous.

All three of you started grinning at him.

“What?” He asked again. This time with more concern.

You answer for him, “You are very sweet.”

He looked confused.

“Sweetheart,” John loveily used his pet name for Dave, “You were zoning out again.”

“I was just-“ he looked back at you and then back at John, “listening to you.”

John smirked and then started laughing. You started cracking up too. You couldn’t help it, at least now John’s father thinks that it’s because Dave is so love-struck. You might have overdone it because now you are cackling and wheezing. Now Dave **knows** what you're laughing at. You excuse yourself to the restroom. It’s hard not to laugh at what you just saw. It’s so bizarre.

Days later, you’ve pretty much got yourself under control. You have learned not to disturb the boys by opening the door. You just knock until you get a response now. Dave’s gotten over the whole thing but he seemed pretty fed up with your laughing fits. Every opportunity you have to laugh you lose it and he must feel like you are laughing at him. You tried to explain once that you were just laughing because it was an awkward thing for _you_ to walk in on. That you were laughing more at yourself then anything else. He didn’t buy it, partly because it’s not true. You were laughing at how lewd the whole scene was.

You were helping John’s dad wash the dishes after dinner. Once again, he was so kind to cook for all of you so you insisted on helping. It was the least you could do despite his protests. The boys were studying at the table, just like John’s father told them too. Mr. Egbert asked them how it was going,

“You two making progress?”

“Yeah, dad.” John sounded enthusiastic. “Dave is getting much better scores!”

“What’s his weakest score?”

“Well…” John is shuffling through the papers and then looked at Dave. “Looks like you still struggle with Algebra.”

You snickered with your mouth still closed. You were trying to keep it together. After seeing what they do with a ruler, you couldn’t help it.

“Son, you think you can tutor him more with math?”

You pounded your fist against the counter, trying hard not to lose it. _‘Yeah, he can!”_

“That’s what we’ve been working on.”

You have to look back at the sink. You need to focus on doing the dishes. You're eyes feel like they are going to pop out of your skull. You're actually trying to keep it together.

John says to Dave, “maybe you need to find a better tutor.”

“Babe, you’re fine.” Dave comforted him. “I can practice more by myself if you want.”

You start holding your breath as you gaze into the sink. _‘He can do it by himself?!’_

“You can do that if you want…” John answered. “But I think that we need to work together on this.”

You hunched over the sink more, resting one of your arms on the counter  _‘OH GOD!’_

“Yeah, I guess it’s my fault. I always lose focus and zone out.” Dave replied.

“Just try to focus on the questions, and not me.” John sounded tender. “You’ll get better.”

You think you can calm yourself, they are just talking about studying after all.

“I think if you keep working on this you’ll get there.” John consoled him.

You have to hold your breath again.

Dave replied, “you’re a good teacher you know, I think if you keep working with me I’ll get better scores.”

“I hope so…” John sounds a bit disillusioned. “I really want us both to pass the first time.”

“I’m sure we will, we have a lot of time before we’re going to be able to leave this place anyway.”

That’s fine. They’re fine, they are just talking about math. You don’t even have to hold in your laughter because there is nothing to laugh about.

“I had no idea math would be so hard for you.” John was a bit discouraged.

“A lot of things are hard for me.” Dave said.

_‘oh no.’_

“I know, that’s why we have to keep working hard.” John replied.

_‘Oh Noooo.’_

“You’re not expecting that I pull another all nighter?” Dave said.

_‘OH NOOOOOOO!’_

“Dave, we’re going to have to keep working on these until you get it.”

You know he was talking about some concept they were working on, some questions that Dave just couldn’t wrap his head around. You **aren’t** going to lose it now!

“If we keep working on this, Dave, you’ll get there.”

Dave sighed, “We’re going to be going at it all night aren’t we?”

You lose it.

You start cackling again. You are convulsing with laughter. Your sides start to hurt.

John’s dad **must** have picked up on what you were laughing at this time with that last comment.

“Nothing about this is funny, Ms. Megido.” He didn’t seem amused.

You back away from the dishes.

 _“I’m sorry!”_ You try to collect yourself but you are cracking apart. _“It’s just- It’s- **AH HAAAA!”**_

You start slapping the counter. Thinking about Dave and John learning math and then getting off with a ruler is just too much for you. You keep picturing how angry Dave was at catching you and you know it isn’t funny or fair to either of them so you keep apologizing.

_“I’m sorry! I am so so- **AHA** -rry!” _

“Then stop laughing!” Dave spoke up.

 **“I caaaan’t!!!!”** You cried. You moved backwards and tried to hold yourself up by pushing up against the counter. You try to calm down. You try. Trying to stop from laughing only made you laugh harder.

You hear someone else snickering from across the room. You wipe the tears from your eyes as you sigh. As soon as you looked at him, John started losing it. He blew a raspberry on accident and started laughing. He turned to Dave and then reeled his head back to laugh. His dad excused himself and told you to finish the dishes. You nodded as you tried to keep yourself together. Once he was out of the room you rejoined laughing with John.

 **“IT’S- IT’S HAHA! IT’S HARD FOR YOU!”** John pointed at Dave.

“Babe, stop.” Dave was in no way amused by any of this.

 **“AND THE- THE RULER!”** You started crying and gasping. **“AND YOUR DAD’S IN THE HOUSE!”**

John started laughing harder. **“OH MY GOD!** **THE RULER AND- AND YOU STRUGGLE WITH _MATH!”_**

You quickly blurted out the words ** _“-AND THERE WAS A KNIFE!”_**

You laughed like you were coughing.

Dave stayed silent through your whole laugh fit.

When you started sniffling and calming down he asked, “You done?”

You nodded your head, he asked to speak with you outside.

“You know how your boyfriend asked to move around...?” 

“Oh, Dave, are you asking me to leave?”

He nodded and exhaled, “Yeah.”

You nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

You actually felt a bit bad about how you’ve been laughing at him, “If you feel uncomfortable with me staying here, then I am glad that you let me know.”

He awkwardly looked around and scratched his wrist, “So you are going to make a call soon… or-“

“Dave, I will leave as soon as I can. Right now, with my mind off of work I’ve been - Okay - I am aware I don’t have the best sense of humor in the best of times. I just want to make it clear, to you, that if I am laughing at something like that, it means that there is nothing violent about it.”

You smile at him again. “I would never laugh at John’s pain, I find no joy in you feeling uncomfortable. It is normal for people to laugh at things that are strange. But don’t ever feel ashamed for being strange. As long as you and John are happy that is all that should matter to you.”

“Okay, thank you. Now just. Stop.”

You laugh one more time and then bite down on your lip.

“I apologize for my outburst. I consider us friends. So I will try my best.”

He raised his eyebrows, and huffed out, “thank you.” 

He turned to leave.

He went back to the kitchen.

You are going to have to leave soon.

Because once he left the room you started laughing again.


	91. Hunger Hurts

Your intel told you that everyone you threatened is now hiding out in a safe house.

Everyone scattered like rats as soon as you showed your face. Dragging John with them. Something you've anticipated. You're the kind of guy who enjoys winging things in the moment, but your associates prefer plans, designs. They must not know how many people owe you favors. On top of that, they want those lawyers and those cops you are after dead too. For once in your life you have more allies then enemies.

At this point in time tracking them down has become an obsession for you. You haven’t been sleeping, eatting, drinking, your late wife wouldn’t be happy with you about this. She wouldn’t be happy over a lot of things you’ve done. A lot of things you hid from her too. Although back then you just stuck to killing neighborhood pets, but those memories are practically dead to you. Your old life died with Jake, died with your wife, now your true life has actually begun.

Once you get your hands on John you can make him rip you to shreds, if you are being honest with yourself you would put a knife in your hands if you knew he wasn’t just going to slit his wrists with it. He will probably attempt to kill himself, he doesn’t make bluffs as far as you know. Dave is going to die, your partners told you they would see to it. You might as well be the one who pulls the proverbial trigger. Still, you need to find a way to keep John alive, keep him safe.

For once in your life you are struggling to think of how to save someone else's.

You’ve been picturing having to shove a tube down his throat to keep him from depriving himself of oxygen, Lord knows that he is used to that, killing himself by holding his breath won’t be a real struggle for him. Still, there's so many ways for someone to die and he was never predictable to you, that’s what made him so interesting. One moment he would be crying and the next he would be telling you how good Dave’s cock was. He had nerves of steal, even through his tears. If he really was a weak-willed numbnut like Jake, then he would have submitted to you years ago.

You hope John understands just how much your love is worth. It’s rare for people to even hold your attention. It’s rare for you to care long enough about anything that you become obsessed. John isn’t even a project to you, he is an ambition, you want to be his project. You want him to break you. You told him that many times. He is no idiot, he must have noticed during your dates together that he has truly won your heart, your soul. You have told him many times, you have shown him that as well. Now, with his compassion for humanity and his desire for your suffering, he has earned the right to destroy you.

You are so devote to him now, you were a fool to try to force him to love you with sex, Dave earned his heart through submission, you should have done that immediately. You should have got down to your knees in front of him when you first confessed your torment instead of forcing yourself on him. You thought that John would learn to love it, he loved when Dave would torment him. Perhaps that was something you needed to work up too. Dave most likely won John's heart by bending over completely to his will. You should have shown John you are more than willing to do the same. Nevermind that, when you get your hands on him and clip his wings you will show your devotion.

The two of you are going to need to spend a few weeks with your old crew first, they already know that they aren’t allowed to spook him, even if he snaps at them and he **will** snap at them. They aren't allowed to whistle at him or flirt with him either, although, maybe if he feels unsafe around all these strange older men trying to 'get a piece,' he might keep close to you. You can just imagine John shaking out of fear, only this time actually wanting to cuddle up to you so you can protect him. Something twisted about that warms your heart even more than the idea of him carving your wrists open. If John were to actually love you, really truly love you, you think you might actually die from _happiness._

You know that John is not so easy. However, in retrospect you've only really been trying to earn his heart for so long. You shouldn't have forced him into submission, fuck, it needed to be the other way around. You are still beating yourself up for that. John is still finding new ways to torment you, that only makes you more desperate to have him close. 

You're going to need a few things just in case John tries to take his own life. You're going to need a few things to keep him entertained too. When you catch him again you are going to prove to him that your actions are purely out of devotion. out of love. You hope that in time he will come to see that. You actually hope that he can put your unpleasant past together behind him, but John isn't the type of _'angel'_  who will let bygones be bygones. He is a wrathful one. He will most likely never stop crying for Dave too, you can't hit him for that in the future, you just have to let him weep for his stray little sheep getting led to the slaughter. You know that John may never love you, you know that, still you have to try...

As much fun as this has been for you... for the first time in ages you actually feel... worried.


	92. Sleep on It

You are only staying in the house for a week. You want to get back to Natalie, you are worried for her safety. She is moving to another location alone, after she’s settled in you’re going to join her. When you came in to stay with the Egberts, Megido was going to be taken to another location. Before she left she wanted to speak with you, she was grinning as she told you,

“Little advice Sheriff: Learn to knock!” She snorts and then starts howling with laughter.

“OKAY...?”

She's laughing through her tears as she blurts out, “Newlyweds, ** _am I right!?”_**

She throws her hand over her head as she grabs her luggage and yells, **_"WhaoooOO!"_**

She walked out the door with her luggage,Still laughing like a damn fool.

This is going to be a long week.

* * *

In the morning John’s father offered you something to drink. You asked for coffee, black like always. You shifted through the morning paper to check for any interesting news. The boy’s dad made all of you a fucking colossal breakfast. Something John proudly told you he makes every day, at least there is something to look forward to in the morning during your time here. You thanked him for the meal and told him you needed the room later to ask Dave for more names and faces.

You brought a case file and allowed Dave to shift through it. You took down all the information you could, you have already been through a lot with him. Still there were more men he remembered. You had all the data from his phone. You asked him to try to help you match the number to the photos. He did his best, still there were so many clients he had. He told you not all of them were in the big leagues, somewhere just wealthy men with connections to those fuckers. As far as you were concerned they were _all_ fuckers. You wanted to tear the men apart as soon as you could but _Terezi_ told you no dice till Dirk was dead. You weren’t sure why she was waiting for that. That cocksucker was probably staying with those creeps.

Egbert asked you to get the boys down for dinner because it was about to be finished in a few. You stomp up the stairs and open their door.

“YOUR DAD SAYS IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR DINNER-” Your jaw drops at what you see.

Both of the boys are laying on the floor. Dave has one hand wrapped around John’s throat, John is holding onto his wrist, trying to pry him off of him. Dave is hovering a knife over his husband in his other hand, reeled back like he is about to stab him. Dave slowly let’s go of John’s throat. John awkwardly smiles at you. You look at Dave,  his jaw is completely dropped. He's stuttering, he can't get out any words.

You look back at John and ask slowly,

“DO YOU NEED HELP?” You are shocked at what you're seeing, but you still make yourself sound as casual as you possibly can in this fucked up situation.

“No.” John slowly shakes his head no. His voice is raspy.

You keep hovering in the doorway. John looks back up at Dave, he wants him to say something. 

“You should call Dr. Serket about this.” Dave is talking to you.

“I WILL.” You slowly nod.

“We- uh- we have a safe word.” John blurts out. His voice is still gruff, like yours.

You gesture at your throat by rubbing the air around your neck with an open palm, he was being choked.

“Oh!” John sticks up two hands and crosses his fingers. “We’re okay!” He gives you a thumbs up.

“AND THE KNIFE-“ You don’t know how to finish that question. “YOU KNOW WHAT… I AM GOING TO CALL HER.”

* * *

“SO THE KNIFE WAS-"

“There were many blades in that house, John may be using that as a coping mechanism for his traumatic experiences with-“ You interrupt her.

 “OKAY. FINE.” You wipe your face with your hand. “BUT DAVE IS OKAY WITH THAT?””

“I’m actually happy you called to tell me about all of that!" She really does sound pleased with that. "Dave had originally had issues with it in the past, apparently during his time out of that apartment and out of jail, he had begun roleplaying violent scenarios that John set up due to his difficulty reaching sexual climax. Now, I know you are aware of Dave’s difficult past - and I do believe that is what you were referencing - well Dave recently has been expressing to me that he is starting to enjoy threatening John **namely** because John enjoys feeling Dave’s desperation to get him to reach sexual climax. Now I know that it sounds strange but this proves to me that Dave is becoming healthier beca-"

“WAIT... HOLD ON, YOU ARE HONESTLY TRYING TO FUCKING TELL ME THAT HIM HOLDING A KNIFE OVER JOHN IS PROOF THAT HE IS HEALTHIER? YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED THAT SOUNDS?”

“I told you that Dave enjoys holding a knife over John **strictly** because John enjoys it… Those boys had a hard life.”

“I KNOW WHAT-“

“Sheriff. Think about what you know about Dave, what you’ve seen of him so far. You even listened in on John’s first visit. They even spoke of violent acts that Dave wasn’t comfortable with at the ti-"

“YES. I REMEMBER THAT SHIT.” How could you forget?

“Recall how… for lack of better words –playful- John was about sex with Dave.”

“YEAH…” Dave had to try to calm him down.

“Up until recently, Dave’s sexual interests have been much more... lax. John’s on the other hand… is what you just witness… on top of that…” She sounds like she is trying not to laugh. “I’m sure John’s own father can confirm for you that Dave let’s John walk all over him, with everything.” She says the words with a slight twinge of cheer.

“WHAT?”

“Just keep watching those boys at dinner, John is probably going to be fine… Dave is probably going to be blushing like a peach.” She hums the last few words. You can picture her holding a hand up to her mouth and giggling... She really isn’t concerned at all about this.

“JUST- JUST FUCKING… JUST TELL ME WHAT'S THE CHANCE JOHN'S BEING ABUSED?”

 **“In the negatives.”** She can’t stress that enough.

“BUT A FUCKING KNIFE, COME ON THAT’S-“

“If you are truly concerned about potential abuse than I suggest that you speak to John about this, he will most likely not be shy. Dave, however… I do not think you should stress him with this- he is in need of more psychological help, when this is over I need to get him set up with his own therapist-“

“I AM NOT CONCERNED ABOUT DAVE.”

“Then know that you are alone in that.” She still has that, fake-sophisticated tone but she sounds annoyed with you, “Even his father-in-law now seems concerned that John is demanding too much of Dave. He is well aware of their… peculiar sexual relationship.”

“RIGHT ANOTHER POINT I HAVE: JOHN’S DAD IS IN THE HOUSE.”

“Yes, and their lives are in danger. This is helping them through it... Let them be.”

“THEN WHAT DO I DO? TALK WITH HIS DAD?”

“If you tell him he won’t at all be surprised. I recommend you don’t however. He doesn’t need any more added stress either, telling him how you caught the boys is only going to make him uncomfortable, not raise his concerns.”

“SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? IGNORE THIS?”

“I am not asking you to ignore this if it is a strain to you, I am asking you to view things from John’s perspective. Think about how difficult his life was, think about the videos that you watched, think about all of the things you’ve heard him say to Dave. It is my career to know what is best for my patients, to understand the trauma they went through and the best ways for them to deal with it, and well… as long as those boys are trying to help each other… they are quite literally healthier.” She finished her point.

You sigh, “IT’S JUST… THE WAY DAVE WAS HOLDING THAT KNIFE…”

“I know it must have been strange to you… sheriff… you are a very compassionate and sympathetic man… even if you don’t realize it.”

* * *

When you went to dinner John scooted some steamed vegetables onto Dave’s plate, he didn’t argue against it but all throughout the meal Dave picked at it until John told him, "eat your greens." He sounded like a nagging housewife to you, but Dave just smiled back at him and nodded.

John really does seem like he wants what is best for Dave.

You watched through many different events of their lives, nearly all of them violent, nearly all of them the very definition of torment, but right now… this is the first time you ever felt it… what made Megido break down… what made Nitram argue with his colleagues… what made Teresa hold off hunting down criminals she had her heart set on jumping for years… what made your own girlfriend so worried... what made John's therapist sound so glad that you called... What must have gotten you to confess to the love of your life...

There is a pure, gentle, kind aura that their love has.

You can feel it now, more than just see it.

You excuse yourself to the restroom for a few moments, you don’t want to look at them for now.

You can feel the tears start to well in your throat.

* * *

At night you did some paperwork in the living room, there was a small desk there but it’s better than spreading out all of your sheets in the kitchen. You know you would just have to move all of them before you head off to sleep, just like you are doing right now.

You're walking up the stairs. You past the boy’s room. You hear a loud smack and a grunt. Muffled screaming like someone is being gagged by something. You think that it’s best that you just let sleeping dogs lie… or some fucking saying that can actually describe how fucked up and dirty you feel about ignoring this.

Still, the two of them seemed so happy at dinner, so happy together.

John was smiling and laughing at the table.

You can't even begin to understand him, than again, you can't even begin to comprehend what he went through.

It's a bitter pill for you to swallow but you have to accept that you don't need to completely understand someone's mind in order to empathize with that person.

You don't need to understand everything about a situation in order to understand that it is what is best for someone else.

Thinking of those two boys, what they went through, what they are willing to do for eachother...

You know enough to know they are fine so long as they are together...

you are going to do what it takes to keep them that way.  

It's what is best for the two of them.


	93. Desperation

_Dave is out of the house again. Left to go spend a day with one of his clients. He hates leaving John alone with you, that's rational, you keep randomly giving John beatings. Just like you are going to do right now. All fucking day you've been thinking about him. You just torchered a grown man to death thinking that his screams would take your mind off of John. The entire time you were thinking about what John told Dave yesterday when they thought they were completely alone. He said to him in one of his seductive, lustful, prurient, aphrodisiac voices,_

_"_ _Daddy, do you think you could threaten to slit my throat today?"_

_Instantly you had a raging fucking hard on. You wanted to burst in the door and fuck John just like how he asked. Threatening his life and fucking him till he screamed. Dave on the other hand, "you know I don't like threatening your life, babe." Dave was a weak-willed fucking pussy who didn't know how to look a gift horse in the fucking mouth, he was so ungrateful, on top of that he severely disappointed John. "But Dadddddy!" John whined, actually whined like a good little cockwhore begging to be filled up with his master's fucking load. Dave never wanted to treat John like a sex slave. John wanted that more than anything, he knew exactly how to treat his master right and Dave spent the rest of the conversation trying to convince John he didn't want to threaten him. At this moment you think you would give anything to hear John moan for you like he moans for Dave's underwhelming cock. In fact..._

_You bust open the door. John was holding onto one of those novels Dave got him to read, he loved keeping his whore entertained. John instantly dropped the book when you slammed the door open against the wall. He pulled the sheets up to his chest, covering up his captivating milk white skin. His vibrant blue eyes filled with fear. His rose colored lips parted open, he was already panting. His messy ebony hair needed to be trimmed again. You stared at all his little perfections. You looked into his eyes. You couldn't even make a modest attempt at resisting him. You were already crawling on to the foot of the bed. Walking on all fours to him like a dog. You slowly moved over him and held him down. He didn't attempt to fight you, maybe he was too afraid too. You looked him in the eyes, you gave him a warm smile, just like the other ones you gave him when you would make him dress up like that numbnut braindead fucking idiot. In this very moment, you regret that, John is worth so much more than Jake ever did to you. You actually feel real warmth in your heart for the way John is staring at you. Jake made you feel warmth because he made you feel big when you tormented his soul. John makes you feel warmth because..._

_"I am in love with you."_

_John moved his head back into the pillow. His eyes completely widened, even more than before. He looked like he was truly, completely, afraid of those words. You were too, for so long you've been trying to convince yourself that it isn't true. That you just wanted John like how you wanted Jake back then, you wanted a bitch to fuck around with... no... you want something different from John entirely, you still aren't sure what that is but you can take the time to find out now._

_"I think I've been fighting myself on this for years."_

_You traced your hand against the sheets outline of his slim perfect waist. You grabbed onto his torso, **hard** , with one hand. With the other you were still holding down his wrist. _

_"Look at you..."_

_John was doing his best to keep his legs together, he was shaking in between your thighs. You know just what he's shaking for, he's aching to be fucked right._

_"Dave doesn't want to give you what you need..."_

_You pulled out your pocket knife from your back pocket. You slipped out the blade from it's cover and put it up to John's neck._

_"You want to play a game?"_

_John looked at the knife, instantly he started crying. Trails of tears and snot pouring from his delicate face._

_"Shh... shh..." You cooed him just like Dave would, just like you know he likes, "It's okay, it's going to be fun."_

_"plea-please- please- just- don't use the knife this time."_

_"John." You had to make him feel that you were in control, fuck him right like Dave couldn't, "you're going to take daddy's fucking cock or I'm going to slit your fucking wrists open and watch you bleed out."_

_John started sobbing harder. It didn't sound cute like how he cries for Dave, still you trace the blade along his arm. You slowly add more pressure until there is a small cherry red trail of blood leaking from his vanilla skin. You couldn't resist his blood at all. You started lapping it up. You tried to be gentle, seductive like he was, but you couldn't control yourself, the instant you tasted the iron in his blood you needed fucking more. You sucked the cut like it was the very tip of his thick fucking cock. Teasing the wound with your tongue and wrapping your lips around the scrape. John was pleading for you to stop. Exactly like how he begs for Dave, you were doing something he must have liked. You sucked up more of his blood and brought your tongue up to his mouth. He tried to shove you by your neck to stop kissing him. You wanted him to taste just how good he fucking is. John pushed you off and told you that "you are fucking disgusting." You completely fucking lost it. You grabbed him by the throat and dragged him out of the sheets. You pulled him up against the wall,_

_"God, you don't fucking know what you do to me."_

_John was grabbing at your wrist. Struggling to get away from you. Struggling to get off. You know he does that for Dave, you know he loves doing that for Dave! You take in the sight of John fighting against you. You want to ram into him raw and unprepped but John likes getting fingered by Dave, he likes getting finger-fucked in general. He always gasps when you would fingerfuck him, he liked getting told how tight his little hole was. You love seeing him struggle but you really want to get right to the part that's going to make him scream. You pick him up by the thighs and hoist him up. You slide one of your hands under his ass and the other around his back as you carry him out of the room. John is trying to force his way out of your grasp. He is punching at your chest as you walk through the living room. He is screaming through his tears when you throw him down on your bed. You grab one of your bottles of lube and pour as much as you can on your hand. You stick three fingers inside of him of him immediately, something he seizes up at and screams. You keep forcefully and quickly slamming your fingers in-and-out of him. He is begging for you to stop. You stop, but it's something you only do because you want to force him to take in your cock. When you slam it in John screams out, **"NO!"** That alone made your cock twitch. You want to fuck him right, fuck him like he asked Dave. You reach into your back pocket for your knife, fuck, you forgot it on his bed. John is so fucking alluring he fucking absorbs all of your thoughts._

_"John, you make me fucking braindead." You confess, "I've been thinking about you literally all fucking day. I want to fucking rip apart your hole and I know you want a real fucking man to destroy your body, baby, John, please, please, please, fucking scream for me."_

_He did. He let out a blood curdling scream. He turned away from you and tried to run out from under you. You forced him face down onto your bed and grabbed both of his wrists you keeped slamming into him. You wanted to treat him like a good little whore but you fucking got this sick twisted feeling in your gut like he was worth much more than that treatment. You pulled him back up and started working his cock with your lubed up hand. You pounded into him. Biting down on his neck where Dave already left marks on him. You keep forcing his hands back and working his cock with your wrist. His back was against your stomach as you fucked him sitting up on your bed. You want to force him to get off, you want him to fucking scream. With each thrust of your hips there is a loud slapping sound of your flesh forcing your way inside of him. He sounds of your body hammering into his fills your room, along with his desperate pleas for you to stop. He must be fucking eating all of this up because he's getting even more tense, his voice is getting deeper and lighter, he sounds like he's almost there. You bite down as hard as you can on his neck, you grab the back of his neck and force your body to slam into him as fast and as hard as you can. You pump his cock one last time before he shot his load and aimed it at the wall. He came so hard he screamed. He was shaking, convulsing, desperately trying to reach his breath. That must have been so fucking good for him. You rolled him over and finished on his stomach. Fuck. You laid down next to him, watching him try to catch his breath. You watched him breathe. He was covering his face with his hands. Still trying to keep himself from crying. You started laughing, he looked so fucked out but he still had the energy to wipe away his tears. You moved your hands up to touch his face. He noticed and grabbed your wrist, "Dont." That was all he could get out. He was nearly breathless. You watched him struggle to recuperate from that pounding you just gave him. He wouldn't let go of your wrist. He is gripping onto it with his nails clawing into your skin. He is enraged. He was so... so... justified in his anger. You took it all in. Him panting, beet red all while holding you... captive. Captive in every way._

_You stared at his fist. You watched him scrape at your skin until it drew blood. You feel... fear. You wanted more. You want him to devastate your body. You feel like John had every right to chip away at your soul, fuck, he already was. Every second of the day._

_There was a question plaguing your mind now, something you needed to ask him..._

_"Did you... Did you like it?"_

**_"NO!"_ **

_John was still sobbing, his throat was scratched up. Still wiping away his tears. Something about that hurt your heart, you didn't like seeing him sob like **that.** You moved closer to him. "It's okay, it's going to be okay..." You tried to comfort him. You were actually fucking trying to comfort  **him.** You've been fighting yourself on loving him for so fucking long. You never imagined you could love anything like that. You never imagined that you could feel sadness in your heart for someone else's sorrow. _

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Next time we'll do whatever you want."_

_John was sobbing, he was trying to say something, poor little thing couldn't get out the words._

_"Whatever you want, how about we wait a while and then go again-"_

_**"NO!"** John was trying to find the strength to get off of the bed, trying to find the strength to scream again. " **Don't- Don't- touch me!"**_

_When he begged for you to stop during sex you loved it, you loved making John scream out 'stop!' like how he screams for Dave... but for some reason... this felt... wrong._

It **was** wrong because it was the wrong fucking way to fuck him. Dave earned his fucking heart through submission, you should have done **that!** You should have fucking done that! Fuck! You can't fucking find any fucking trace of him now, cocksucking cops fucking covered their fucking tracks. John's probably sucking Dave's cock at this very moment! ** _'Fucking Shit!'_** You should have fucking ran out without Dave but you knew you needed him alive, you thought he was going to fucking let himself get killed. _'SHIT!'_

* * *

_"Get up!" You grabbed Dave's head and bashed it against the floor till you heard him fucking gasp. You pulled his head back and snarled,"The fuck did you think you were doing!?"_

**_"YOU RAPED HIM! YOU FUCKING RAPED HIM!"_ **

_"Shut the fuck up!" You slammed his head into the floor one last time, "We have to clean this fucking mess up! He ran to the fucking cops didn't he!?"_

_**"YES!"** Dave was still screaming, still yelling at you. **"YES AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM EVER AGAIN!"** He ran over to grab his katana from the wall._

_You were going to slide over to grab his wrists to stop him but just then you heard the sounds of feet stomping outside the hall. You knew you only had a few seconds before they were about to burst in. You ran out into the living room and grabbed two of your blades off the wall. You stood against the door, you took a deep breath and exhaled, waiting for- When they burst open the door you didn't hesitate to swing down one of your blades. You killed two of them in one hit. You stabbed another through the skull with your other sword and leave it in. The other two didn't even know what was happening, you took over the situation so quick. You were sure all they noticed was a silver blur and the sounds of the other men's bodies dropping to the floor. You sliced off one of the men's heads when he stepped in. The final man you stabbed through the heart. You kicked the body off of your blade. You were sure when Dave noticed the raid was dead he was doing to run in and try to fight you. You couldn't see where he was,_

_"Dave!" You called out for him, "You want to fucking live? Drop your fucking sword and follow me."_

_You head into the living room and ripped one of your posters off of the wall. You stashed some cash and shit inside of a duffle bag behind the wall, you held onto your bloodied katana and ran back into Dave's room. Dave was sobbing on the floor, weeping like a widowed bitch._

_"John fucking left you, what did you fucking do!? Try to kill yourself with the pipe!?"_

_Dave's katana was right by his side, you knew he was just trying to sucker you into getting close to him. "Dave, do you want to fucking cry and piss like a bitch or do you want to get the fuck up and **fix this**?!" _

_You need Dave alive. Dave dies, John dies. You know that. You know that!_

_"Get up! Come with me! We're going to get John back!"_

_Dave looked up at you, you couldn't see his eyes, his shades were covering his face, but you were sure that they were widened with shock._

_"We both need him! Come the fuck on and let's fucking fix this mess!"_

_Dave just kept staring at you. You calmed yourself and told him,_

_"I'll tell you fucking everything- we need to fucking leave. **now."**_

_You were sure you convinced Dave with that, that you were planning on getting him back. You didn't yell unless you honestly felt frustration, felt concern. Dave abandoned his sword and followed behind you. You both ran down the stairs to head down into the garage in the basement. You heard more footsteps._

_**"IN HERE!"** Dave screamed. You smacked his mouth fucking shut._

_You growled at him under your breath, **"what the fuck do you think you are doing?"**_

_Dave kept trying to pry himself away from you. Suddenly the door bursts open._

_Dave lifts up his hands like he is surrendering. You drop Dave. Dave lands on his knees and puts his hands above his head. You look at the officers. All four of them pointing their guns at you at once. You aren't sure you can take them and you aren't willing to risk Dave getting hit in the crossfire, you need him alive._

_You needed him alive. You couldn't risk it. You let yourself get caught._

_You dropped your blade and turned yourself over._

When that happened you contacted Ampora. He said he'd take care of things if you didn't give out any names and didn't confess to murder. Also said if Dave started to work with the police he was going to tell the others. You had faith that Dave was going to hold off on risking John's life, must have thought you were going to kill John and treat him like a hostage while you were imprisoned. You were right about that, Dave did think that... for short while.

You promised yourself that you weren't going to tell any lies when it came to John. You were going to be completely honest with yourself, with him and the rest of the world. You were going to be honest about how you felt about him, what you thought, what your plans were. You should have been able to bring yourself to lie about Dave though, fuck.

Shit. You should have fucking pressed that Dave was a fucking killer, if you would have pushed for that off the bat then no one would have been able to disprove that. Still you didn't want him to get the death penalty and you couldn't even risk that chance. Those videos made Dave look even more innocent. Fuck. You shouldn't have raped John a second time! But after seeing the blade in your shoulder you knew that he was fighting you off for Dave's sake. You just wanted to hurt Dave in a way you knew would be worse than killing him. All the moves you made... were the fucking wrong ones. You were making each move not to win, but because you wanted to enjoy the game... You wanted to hear John's moans again so you told the lawyers were to find those SD cards. You shouldn't have handed them out.

You shouldn't have fucking blacked out

You shouldn't have fucking freaked

You knew how John was

You knew he loved Dave

You knew he doesn't love you! 

_'Fuck!'_

"Fuck!"

**"FUCK!"**

You slam your fist into the wooden desk your sitting at. No one is giving you any fucking useful information. You made an offer to give out all of the money you had stashed away in one location if anyone could bring you any word about any of the safe houses. Nothing. You called up Darkleer and told him if he could find out any useful information he would be allowed to keep the stash of cash that you entrusted him with. He didn't seem interested in getting involved or keeping your money. He said that he was about to bail on the city entirely, just like everyone fucking else.

Everyone is probably fucking looking at you like you're desperate and on your last leg, they probably just want to see you fizzle and burn out.

Ampora bailed.

Serket is always fucking traveling, no one knows where she is.

You always gave English shit. He's a real fucker. 

No one here is going to fucking help you.

 **No one** is fucking helping you.

You can't fucking stay hidden forever.

Your phone rings. 

You pick up.

You feel your eyes widen.

"Slick, if this is a fucking-"

You swallow down some spit.

"You fucking know that for sure?"

Of course he wants you to fucking give him all you got on English and his crew. 

"If your intel is correct... I'll give you everything I have."


	94. In Life We Are Given No Right To Choose

“Hey babe,” Dave had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you laying down in bed. You were both exhausted from another round of him topping you.

“Hmm.” You stirred in your arms. Cuddling up from his chest to his neck.

“Did you hear that?” He shot up, accidentally knocking your arm down into his lap.

“Hear what?” All you can hear is the sprinklers going off outside on the front lawn.

“I think I heard the front door close.” He's keeping his voice low.

“I didn’t hear anything.” You wrapped your arm around his waist. “If you aren’t sure you should check though.”

He's grabbing your arm and sliding off the bed. “I need you to stay with Karter then.” 

“You want me to get dressed?” You sat up in bed. “After all that?”

“John we’ve been laying down for half-an-hour. Get up and get dressed. We need to be careful.”

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes and sighed. Slipping out of bed and then slipping on your boxers. You put on a black shirt as Dave quickly slid on his usual sweatpants and a plain white tee. He was fully dressed in next to no time at all. He grabbed his sword, gripping it's handle. He began to pull it out of its sheath.

“Whoa, Dave.” You watched him as he approached the door. “You really think you need to take it out now?”

“Keep your voice down!” He warned you. He sounded like he was on high alert.

You were startled by that so you backed up, you were in between the bed and the TV.

For some reason Dave jumped back. He drew his sword, he looked like he was preparing to block a hit.

The door slammed open, hitting the wooden TV stand.

You hear the clashing sound of metal.

Your heart sank, no, your entire soul sank.

Your eyes widened, your mouth dropped.

Dirk Strider was facing Dave Egbert but staring right at you.

Dave was trying to push him back but he was too strong, too enraged to move.

“Scream, your dad will run in." His eyes were fixed on you. "That happens... **I kill him.** "

He kicked Dave back. Dave quickly got back to his feet but Dirk took another swing at your husband, their swords clattered together again, the sound of clashing metal. The sparks of their swords hitting together. Dave was struggling for not just his life, but yours. You were paralyzed. You couldn’t move. You knew you needed to think of something. Something before he killed Dave. You dropped down onto the bed and started shaking. Dirk was still watching you. Dave ducked down and made a move to slice at his  ~~bro~~  dad. Dirk was no longer paying attention to you. He was focused on slicing Dave. Dave was doing his best to dodge and block each of his rapid attacks. Dave couldn’t find any openings to attack him, he could only block. You rushed to grab the knife from the nightstand. You sat up on the bed. You put the blade up to the side of your head. You make the gesture you are about to stab yourself.

“Dirk!” You shutter.

You catch his eye. He is fighting against one of Dave's attacks.

“Back down!” You silently yell at him.

“Put That **Thing** Down.” He growled at you.

“No.” You firmly tell him. “Dave dies, **I** die.”

Dirk kicked Dave off of him. You watch your husband get slammed into the wall. The room shook. Dirk turned to face you, he was glaring at you.

"Dave already has his salvation." He was holding his blade out in Dave’s direction. You knew he was going to pry the knife away from you so you backup to the corner and hold it out in front of your face, you were still pointing it at yourself.

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

"You made the mistake of giving yourself flesh. You made the mistake of becoming human." He is completely deranged, but still he remains calm. He outstretched his hand, with an open palm, towards you. “I've won. Give me the knife.” 

Dave took another swing at him. Dirk slid to the side. Dave’s sword was caught in the mattress and the bed spring. Dirk lifted his sword to strike him, "accept your reward."

As quickly as you could you reeled back the knife. You aim it right between your eyes as you scream,

“I FUCKING DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I FUCKING DARE YOU! KILL HIM! KILL HIM AND I DIE!”

Dirk kicked Dave back against the night stand.

“Give me that Fucking Knife!”

 _ **“NO!”**_   You screamed at the top of your lungs. _**“I'D RATHER DIE THAN YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!”**_

“Let go of the fucking knife!” He grabbed your wrist. Still holding his sword over Dave.

 ** _“KILL ME INSTEAD! IF YOU LOVE ME DON’T HURT DAVE! KILL ME INSTEAD!”_**   You let out a blood curdling scream.

 _ **“JOHN!”**_   He screamed back at you, you’ve never heard him shout like that. You are terrified. You are shaking. You only have a second to think of what to do. Your fist is clenched around the knife. You need to do something. You can’t make any other moves. He has your wrist. He could slit Dave’s throat right now and pry the knife from you. If he makes another move you are going to have to slam your head down into the knife, you are going to have to do it! He noticed you just glanced at the knife so he twists your wrist. He kept twisting, you watched him grit his teeth at you. You _never_ see his teeth. Your heart drops. Only five seconds have passed since he grabbed your wrist but you let go of the knife. Dirk has the opportunity to kill Dave now. You let go. You just killed Dave!

Suddenly there is a loud bang.

Dirk dropped his sword.

You heard the handle of his blade bounce against the hardwood floor.

His eyes widened.

His amber irises were looking right into your eyes.

He glanced down at his chest.

He shuffled his legs, now his entire body is fully facing you.

He locked eyes with yours again.

You glanced down at his chest.

He had just been shot right through his heart.

He was still standing.

Suddenly it hits you that it’s only been about three seconds.

Time feels like it's been slowed down.

You stopped shaking.

You look back into his eyes.

Your mouth is wide open.

You feel your face pulling.

You are still so terrified but now you feel… different.

You feel relieved.

You glance over at your husband. Still sitting on the hardwood floor against the nightstand.

You whisper, "dave."

You can still feel Dirk's eyes on you.

**You can feel his anguish.**

Dave's eyes are fixed on Dirk's back.

He is staring at his wound.

Your husband's eyes are filled with fear.

You can't see why.

 

_...He's dead._

 

His corpse drops down, he hits his head on your night stand.

Dave slides back as the corpse falls and quickly gets to his feet.

Your husband is looking down at his body.

His eyes are fixed with terror.

Dave glances up at you.

His bright red-eyes staring deep into your blue eyes, your bright and oddly romantic eyes.

You start nervously laughing.

Dave doesn’t know what to do, what to say.

He just diverts his attention over to the door frame.

You follow.

There Sheriff Vantas is standing, glaring at his corpse.

You hear someone running upstairs.

You call out,

“DAD! THE SHERIFF JUST KILLED HIM!”

You didn’t expect to sound so.... happy.

You are completely relieved.

You feel like your whole soul was just dipped into a spring.

You feel like you’ve been washed free of… of… everything.

Your dad ran up behind Karter, a gun holstered in his hands.

You look back to Dave.

You jump up.

You step on _his_ corpse.

You feel his pooling blood stick onto the soles of your feet.

You couldn’t help yourself.

You jumped off of his corpse and jumped right into Dave's arms.

You kissed your husband.

You kiss the love of your life, right on his lips.

You hold onto him and start crying.

Crying, tears of pure, unmistakable joy.

Dave was completely still for a few moments.

He lifted his arms to hold onto you.

He started crying too.

He started trembling.

Sobbing into you.

He grabbed onto your shirt and started pulling you down.

He is trying so hard to stand, he dropped to his knees.

He dragged you down with him as he held onto your body.

He is screaming into your shoulder.

**“YOU COULD HAVE DIED!”**

He was screaming at you.

He is completely defeated.

“I know… I must have scared you.”

You pet his hair and try to sooth him.

“He’s dead. He’s dead. It’s over.”

You kiss the top of his head.

“The shower will always be running.”

“BOYS.” Karter demanded your attention. “I NEED YOU TWO TO GET INTO MY ROOM WITH YOUR DAD, I’M GOING TO LOOK IF ANYONE IS OUTSIDE. KEEP THE DOOR CLOSED -AND DAVE GRAB YOUR SWORD.”

When the two of you were out of the room you heard another BANG! 

Your dad shot his corpse a second time in the chest. You see blood splattered on the sides of the bed, against the wall and on the wooden floor, along with your bloodied footprints. Your dad was glaring down at the corpse. He takes a moment before he lowers his gun again.

"COME ON, MR. EGBERT."

Karter held open his bedroom door for all three of you to enter. He followed you all in to grab his cell phone and called for someone to take care of the body. He walked out and secured that no one was outside. He said that there was a van outside and that he was going to check the body again. He told you to keep the door closed, said “THAT FUCKER WAS FULL OF SURPRISES.” You doubt he lived through that, but on the off chance he did you knew it was better safe than ‘FUCKED.’

The sheriff's room has a small black ash tray on his window sill, filled with ashes and cigarette buds. He must smoke outside of the window but the whole room stinks of nicotine. Eventually you heard sirens, Karter stayed with the body till the police came into your bloodied bedroom. Apparently they need to do an autopsy. You asked your dad if you could watch them take out his body on a stretcher.

You wanted to see. Dave did too.

You stood outside, your feet against the cold wet grass. Dried blood getting mixed with the dirt and mud. Dave held on to you as you watched the ambulance leave. You could smell wood burning, there must be a forest fire nearby. Sheriff Vantas had to take a report of what happened somewhere else on the property. Another officer asked for yours, separate from Dave, they want to collaborate your stories. You confessed you were fighting Dirk for the knife so you could stab yourself if he killed your husband. The man looked at you, there was a split second of shock in his eyes.

You swallowed down some spit and told him,

“If I didn’t make that threat, Dave wouldn’t be alive.”

As soon as you were told you could go you dashed back to Dave.

You held him, he was so distressed. You knew it must have been tormenting him... watching you scream that if he died, you were going to slam the knife into your skull.

You had no other option.

You would have taken no other option.

You guided him back inside, he was so hysterical. It took you awhile to get him to walk back into the house. Once you were in he dropped to the floor. Shivering. Crying. It hurt you to see him like this. You picked him back up. You wanted to move him onto the couch. You helped him walk past the kitchen and into the living room.

You sat him down, his legs were splayed out. his hands were in his lap. He stopped sobbing, his eyes were fixed on nothing. His iPod was on the table. You placed the headphones on his neck. You played one of his favorite slow songs. You wrapped one of your arms around his waist. You rested your head on his shoulder, rubbing the top of your head against his cheek. The two of you rested like that for hours. The playlist that you selected played songs with a calm, somber beat.

Slow...

just like everything.


	95. Philosophy is a Walk on the Slippery Rocks, Religion is a Light in the Fog

You’ve been praying for both those boys. You’ve spent many nights pacing in your room, holding onto your silver cross, worried sick that Dirk might harm them. During your time in this safe house you were much more afraid for those two boys than for yourself. You recall when you were young you had very little guidance growing up. You had a number of different hurdles in your life, same hurdles your sister jumped through. You were the same age that John was taken at the lowest moment in your life. In fact you were ready to surrender your life, but then you found a bible. You loved to read, as often as John does in fact. The Bible’s teachings shaped your life. Your manner of worship is ultimately very personal. Never once have you attended a church sermon, you commit to God in your own way. You consider yourself a follower of Jesus’s teachings, however, you are not a devout worshiper, you are more of a… _'fan.’_ You would still seek out his word when you really needed it and these past few months you really did need it.

From the first moment you heard about the case and your new client you invested your whole heart to him. From the moment you met him, you felt an aching pain deep in your soul, you wanted nothing more than to cleanse him of all of his strife. You know that healing comes with time, comes with being honest with oneself, all you could do is guide him.

After getting to know John over time he revealed to you he sees the world as you do. Many different faces for many different occasions and many different faces for one’s self. You naturally have a nurturing disposition, however when it comes to protecting your clients you will lose your temper. You especially lose your cool when someone is threatening one of your clients. You dedicated most of your attention to John, so much of it in fact you needed to make him your sole client.

_'...healing takes time, all things run their course.'_

_'...all pain deluding as it flows down the river.'_

_'...the river"_

_".... the river that is life.'_

During your time in the safe house you conducted sessions with him over the phone. You've only been talking to him for two days but John has been making such great progress since Dirk’s death. You're quite proud. He seemed much happier now, still he was worried for his husband. Apparently, Dave felt shaken that John threatened to kill himself, that John was only a few seconds away from doing it, that he could do nothing but watch. Pain that John said he resonated with. Fresh wounds carved into Dave’s mind, you were hoping you could find a therapist for him, for the time being, you do not mind assisting him, however, not as a therapist, you will assist him as a friend.

Dave will need more guidance eventually, right now he just needs someone to listen.

The boys have just moved into a new safe house outside of the big city and in the middle of practically nowhere. They are staying with you! Along with their father, Nitram and officer Zahhak. Zahhak was not threatened by Dirk, he simply agreed to say with you all for your protection. They came late into the night but you were ecstatic to see John again, you couldn’t help yourself, you had to hug him. He patted your back, you told him how happy you were for his safety. You had to pull away to wipe tears from your eyes. Zahhak showed Mr. Egbert to his room. You took the other two newlywed Egbert’s and showed them the master bedroom. It was on the first floor, furthest away from the other rooms. John smiled brightly at you as he says, “There’s something I want to ask you.”

“Yes?” You meet his cheerful tone.

“Do you think you could ask Zahhak for more lube for the two of us and... like... actual douche nozzles, I think I would be too embarrassed to ask for it myself.”

“Uh… n-no problem…” You attempted to stay cheerful, you couldn’t help but sound a bit strained. You have no problem putting in that request for them - in fact you were planning to ask for more things like condoms and some cream to treat bruises - However, you were hoping that you could have a conversation with both of those boys later about... something... you think that John isn’t under as much stress anymore so you think it's about time to suggest this, in fact you spoke to the two of them about it the very next day.

“What?!” John sounded both shocked and disappointed. He was sitting on the couch next to his husband. In the morning you decided to have a small session after the wonderful breakfast Mr. Egbert made for you all. You were blunt with him. You want John to work on achieving orgasm without the use of erotic asphyxiation. You are no sex therapist but you need to push John's sexual habits into a healthier direction before they get... worse. This may be the push he needs to find something safer than strangulation. "I am hoping that you two can make a strong attempt to finding a solution to this, now that John is not under as much stress, I strongly believe that it is time to work on your issues with delayed ejaculation."

John took a deep breath and sighed. 

Dave turned to his husband. "I think we should try." You knew he would agree with you.

"haha- okay." John seemed like he was annoyed with Dave. "How about I stop doing the things you like too?"

"John." Dave sighed. John crossed his arms and looked away from him, Dave kept trying to lean into John's field of vision to gain his attention. "I think we should try. Trying isn't even that hard -and we have plenty of time, a bedroom away from everyone else, our own shower." Dave was still trying to catch John's eye. "Think about it." Dave grabbed John's chin and turned his head to face him, "it isn't all bad, right?" He gave him a smile, "plus... she's just saying dial it down a notch, not stop. We just need **_to try._** "

John's face was being squeezed by Dave's hand as he spoke, "I expect we **_try_** something else." 

"That's fine." Dave agreed. "That's the point, actually."

"I meant something **else**..." John's cheeks where still being forced together, "something... **violent.** "

"I think I can handle violent." Dave nodded and let go of John's face. "I think I can do this."

"Hmmm..." John nodded, **"we'll see."**

You were very proud of John for putting in the effort. All you are asking for is an attempt, you have faith that they will figure the rest out on their own. You were quite happy with your session, you then spent the rest of your day resting in the living room, sitting down and reading. Eventually Travis joined you. The two of you were very good company, you would both read in silence next to each other for hours during your stay in this safe house in particular. 

You were reading a book that John recommended to you at breakfast. There's a cup of tea next to you on a small wooden stand. Nitram has, in his hand, his own cup. I was filled with more milk than coffee.

John walked past the doorway. He stopped and turned around when he noticed you both sitting down reading in the living room.

“Do we have any bandages in the house? I didn’t see any in the bathroom.” John is holding his finger up. Looks like he got a paper cut.

“There’s a first aid kit in the cupboards in the kitchen.” Nitram told him.

“Really?!” John seemed ecstatic about that. He turned around and headed for the kitchen.

You lifted your eyebrows and continued reading.

You are going to need to have another session later.

* * *

John’s father wanted you to get the boys down for dinner, you happily strolled across the house and to there room. You softly knocked on the door. “Boys, may I come in?”

“Yeah!” Dave answered. He seemed a bit enthusiastic when answering, something that made you smile. You opened the door and take a breath to say-

 _ **“No!”**_   John yelled out. _“Stopstopstop! Fuck!”_

“If you want another slice you’re going to have to say you fucking love it!”

 _'Dave sounded enthusiastic...'_ You should have known better...

You’re heart drops, your smile sinks. First thing you see is the knife dripping with blood. Dave was holding it over John's back. The boys used a pillowcase to tie John’s wrists together. John’s thighs were spread wide open against the wooden floor. Dave was thrusting into him. You can’t believe you didn’t hear the sounds of Dave’s body slapping against John’s, it is completely filling the room.

You are standing in the doorway, watching in shock.

 _“Daddy! I need it!”_ John blurted out.

“The cut or my cock?” Dave grunted out.

_“Both!! Fuck me!”_

“Yeah! **I’ll fuck you right.** ”

In one quick motion, Dave sliced his back.

John kept letting out several moans, all differing in volume.

John seemed to be in agony, not the kind caused by pain but the kind cause by an absence of release.

John kept screaming out, "No! Stop! It's too much!"

"It's too fucking much, yeah!?"

_"It hurts?!"_

"Does it hurt good?!"

_"No!"_

"I can make it hurt good." Dave was hovering the knife over John, "You just have to ask."

 _ **"AH! - Hmmmm! -**_   ** _Stab me!”_ **

“No.” Dave was still thrusting into John, completely focused on his lover's back.

“Fucking stab me Dave! **FUCK!** ” John seemed desperate. **_“I’m so fucking close!”_**

“John no.” He seemed disappointed and frustrated in John for asking for that.

“ _Dave please. please. please. please_.” With each thrust Dave forced into John’s body John pleaded for him to stab him.

“No.”

_“staaaa-haaab me in the arm!”_

“John.” Dave kept pounding into him. “Stop it.”

John dropped his act, “I fucking need more Dave this shits to fucking light for me!”

 **“Fine.”** Dave dropped the knife and slid it off to the side. **“You want stronger shit?”**

He flipped over John. Dave quickly realigned himself and then slipped himself into John. He was wearing his shades so you couldn't exactly see his expression but from the tone of his voice and how forceful he was, he seems desperate to you. He started punching John in his stomach repeatedly with both of his fists. He’s actually beating him. Dave reached over to John’s discarded pants and pulled out his belt. He started smacking John with the buckle part of it. He interchanged smacks from the belt with one hand and punches to the gut with his other fist.

“Fuckin’ cum, John!” Dave picked up John’s head and slammed it against the floor.

John was grunting, trying to get out some words. Dave stopped slamming his head and let John speak.

John breathed out, “It’s too much!” 

“Yeah. It’s too fucking much?”

“It’s actually too much! Don’t pull out- but… **Lava!** ”

“John, Lava means pull out.” Dave completely stopped touching John.

“NO! Fuck you! I said **don’t!** ” John thrashed a bit, his hands were still over his head and tied together.

“I don’t care. You can be mad at me all you want but you say ‘Lava’ I stop touching you.”

“Fuck!" John sat up and pounded on Dave's chest with his bound fists. " **Fuck me again!** ”

“No." Dave stayed firm, "you say what you didn’t like.”

“ **It was** \- it was just…” he’s struggling to catch his breath. “It was too forceful…”

“Too forceful?!” Dave questioned him as if Dave just did the impossible, "explain, babe."

“It’s just so many things, my backs bleeding still and those punches were so hard and the buckle really stings and then you started slamming my head. It’s too many things at once, just pick one, Dave.”

“Did it all hurt you in like a wrong way?” Dave asked him.

“No. It was just too much pain to focus on. It’s like going to a buffet and eating chocolate and chicken and spaghetti all at once, I want to focus on the pain Dave. Now pick one and **fuck me.** I was getting there!”

“What was your favorite?” 

“I don’t know… _uhhh_ …  ** _getting choked?”_**

“John, Serket said no.”

“She said _try_.”

“That’s a polite way of saying ‘stop fucking around like that.’”

“Fine! I won’t top you if you won’t choke me, I can’t get off topping you any other way. You know that.”

“Okay, cool." Dave sounded like he was through. He began untying his husband's wrists, "then let’s bandage up your wounds.” 

“No! We aren’t done here!” John was upset, he smacked Dave with his newly freed hands. 

“I think we are.” Dave nodded once, he must be upset too. 

“So I say I won’t top you and you just decide to stop having sex all together!?”

“Yep.” Dave nodded again. He starting to actually sound a bit frustrated despite being so stoic. 

“ **UGH!** I **CAN’T** BELIEVE YOU!" John is completely frustrated. "I said I was close!”

“-and I said we are going to figure out how I can get you to cum hard without choking you!”

“I Can’t! You know that!!”

“She said you aren’t stressed any more, Dr. Serket fucking said she thinks you can try! Stop begging me to stab you or choke you because I told you I won’t!”

**“WHAT?! Ever!?”**

“I’m not choking you until you finish _without me_ choking you.”

“Fine, but you’re never going to stab me?!”

“No!” Dave was honestly getting upset.

“God Dammit Dave! I’ve been stabbed before!”

“ **I KNOW!"**  Dave's usually so monotone but he actually sounds emotional, "-and don’t you dare fucking imply you want me to fuck you **like he did!”**

“ **I’m not!** I would fucking never! I’m saying that I don’t want _**HIM**_ to be the only man to ever have  **stabbed me!”**

“You know how fucked that sounds!?”

“Dave too me... too me it’s like… it’s like I don’t want him to be the only guy who ever gave me a blow job!”

“No those two things are **Not the same!”**

John asks with tears in his eyes, **_“just do this for me!”_**

John is grabbing onto Dave’s arm. **_“Please! I’m only asking you to do it once!”_**

 **“No, you’re not!** You said that with me punching you in the gut years ago! With cutting you! You would keep upping everything and I couldn’t keep up! John, I don’t want you to ask me for something so violent normal people go to the hospital to treat!”

“Fuck off!” John sounded bitter.

“You only say fuck off when I’m right!”

_**“UGHHHH!”** _

“John, you kept asking for more and more and then it wasn’t enough for you so you asked for more-“

“I’m not going to go further than you stabbing me and twisting the blade!”

“Why!?" Dave actually is visibly upset. **"Because _he_ would!?”**

“I would **never. Never. Imply that.** " John pauses for a moment. He sounds _more_ than upset with Dave, "I would **never** ask you to lick my wounds. I would **never** ask you to fuck me like he did **ever.** I couldn’t stand it went he touched me. I still have dreams about him. I don't care for anything about that man. Only good thing he ever fucking contributed to the world was you.” John swallowed his tears. “ **Do not** insult me by thinking I want you to **ever** fuck me like he did.”

“I can accept that… and... I’m sorry… I know that you don’t want me to treat you like he treated you… I know that… Just… John… listen, baby… you kept asking me to cut you and I fucking caved and Serket told you wanting to get fucked up during sex was okay, but I think now… everyone sees how demanding you are… and well… John, I’m worried you might push it to far one day and I’ll just let you…” He paused for a moment. “I need you to listen to the doctor cause you don’t listen to me.”

“I listen to you! I-“

“John, you really don’t listen to me about this stuff. I want you to back down but I know you won’t and I get so desperate to get you off when we have sex… so maybe we need a little… _break._ ”

“A break." John’s voice lowers, "really?” 

“Just for a little while- John, your back is completely fucked, let’s let it heal-“

“Dave." John seems like he's calmed down. Something about that is unnerving, "are you serious about this?”

There’s a brief pause between the two of them.

“Yeah…?” Dave seemed nervous to answer.

“Okay.” John breathed out that word and then fell silent. You took it as an opportunity to cough to get their attention. Both of the boy’s heads shot up to look at you.

“Your father was kind enough to make us dinner… uh… He said be down in fifteen.. it’s probably been… that long…” you opened your mouth to apologize for watching. You were too shocked to move, that and you wanted to let the boys speak.

John gets up and grabs the knife and the first aid kit on the nightstand. He isn’t wearing anything and doesn’t grab any clothes.

“John.” Dave calls out to him, he also sounds a bit annoyed. “Where are you going?”

John stomps over- “to the bathroom!”

Dave stands up and tries to follow him.

John shoots his head around, “-alone!”

“John, don’t be like this – I need to clean your cuts.” He still sounds miffed.

John is holding on the door handle.

He turns around and yells, **“I’ll fucking bandage my _own_ wounds!”**

He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

You look at Dave, “Do you need a moment?”

“Yeah.” He sounded dejected. He is staring down at the smears of blood on the hardwood floor.

“Alright, I will tell John’s father you two need some time.”

You head back into the dining room fiddling around with your silver cross until you found yourself face to face with the others. Mr. Egbert, Zahhak and Nitram have already taken their seats at the round mahogany table.

“The boys need a moment.”

“That’s fine,” Mr. Egbert stood up, “Actually that gives me enough time to fill their glasses before they sit down, I think they should drink more water instead of soda.” Then he mumbled, "and we're already out of apple juice."

He took their glasses, when he left the room you blew all the air out of your lungs and said a short prayer.

Travis noticed that you seem irked, he whispered to you, “are things alright with the boys, doctor?” 

“Nitram, from this point forward, I will be the one to get the boys for dinner.”

“Okay…?” He didn’t exactly know what you mean by that, he just accepted you knew what you were talking about.

When John’s dad came back so did Dave, John was still in the bathroom.

Dave sighed, he greeted everyone with a dejected, “heey.”

He turned to his father-in-law and said, “Thank you for the meal, sir.”

Dave told you that John was going to be a while and he said to start without him. Dave picked at his food for a while and didn’t speak. It was clear to everyone that he was upset, usually Dave would slouch, but he kept sighing throughout the meal and he hardly ate anything on his plate.

“Dave,” Mr. Egbert took the opportunity to ask, “Is everything alright, son?”

Dave breathed in through his mouth and huffed out of his nose “…I don’t know.”

“Anything you’d like to talk about, son?”

He sighed, “noo.” He sounded so dejected.

Eventually John walked into the dining room. He looked visibly  upset to everyone at the table. When he took his seat he didn’t look at his father as he thanked him for the meal, instead he just filled his plate and quickly started eating. Seemed like he wanted to get dinner done and over with. He finished most of his plate and then poured some steamed broccoli onto Dave’s. From what Dave told you, he always makes Dave eat vegetables every night. However, John poured much more than he probably meant to and then angrily slammed the bowl back down onto the table.

“That’s mature, John.” Dave sounded spiteful as he looked down at his sloppily prepped plate. 

“Oh! Getting you to eat your greens is immature!? After what **_you_** just said to me!?”

“John- we can talk about this later.”

“What later?! There's no later! You’re staying out here! I’m not sleeping in the same bed as _you!”_

“Wait- you’re going to make me sleep on the couch? John, I didn’t-“

“Didn’t **what!?** ”

“I didn’t mean to make you mad about not sta- you know... listen, babe - I’m just concern-”

**“That is not why I am angry!”**

“Tell me what it was that I said then… later.”

“ **AUGHHH!** You would… you would do _**that**_ to me!? –and not even realize how **awful** and **horrible** it is!?”

“John, is this about…?" Dave wiped his hand over his forehead and through the roots of his hair. "Listen- this all hurts me, just like it hurts you… and I know he… okay, we need to have this conversation in private.”

 **“No-"** John demanded that he keep talking,  **"what were you going to say?”**

“He would do that to you… John, I know he hurt you- it hurts me when you…”

“When I **What?** ”

“When you ask me to be like _him_.”

John's face went blank. His eyes violently widened as he slowly stood up straight from his seat. You felt a twinge of fear on Dave’s behalf, you are about to speak up to intervene when John says,

“Thanks for dinner, dad. It was great. I’m going to bed.” He smiled at his dad as he picked up his plate and then looked at his husband, **“alone!”**

“John-” Dave sounded annoyed.

“Dave! **Do Not** try me right now!” John was through.

“Okay,” Dave just let John go. “I love you.”

John started back up again, “do you love me enough though?”

Dave stood up. “Don’t say stuff like that to me out of spite."

Dave walked towards John. "You know I love you more than anything- _anything!_ ”

Dave walked up to John and placed his hand on his shoulder.

John slapped his hand off of him, “yet you don’t understand why I’m mad!”

“John, let’s talk about this in our room.” He sounded dejected.

“We Can’t Talk about I **t** because WE ARE ON A BREAK FROM **IT!”** John nearly yelled at his husband and his lover, his best friend.

“That’s why you’re mad?!" Dave raised his voice. " **Really, John?”**

 **“AURGH!”** John threw up his arms as he stormed out of the dining room.

You can hear him stomp down the hall.

Dave turns his head to look at you. He is staring at you like he wants you to say something. “Dave, perhaps later… the three of us should have a discussion about this.”

“I don’t think we will… John seems like he doesn’t want to speak with me for a while.”

“Is John aware that I am already sleeping on the couch?” Zahhak spoke up.

“There’s two sofas in the living room, I’ll just sleep on the smaller one.” Dave gave up completely. He sighed and laid his arm down on the table. He rested his head on his arm. He continued slowly shoveling all of the food that John slammed onto his plate into his mouth. You might need to encourage Dave to have…well to have a bit more of a backbone, he instantly caved into sleeping on the couch when… when… you don’t believe he is in the wrong. Although... Dave did manage to refuse stabbing John and you know he struggles saying no to him. Maybe the two of them staying on their own for a bit is what's best for them. You need some time to figure this out...

Oh no... now you’re worried sick about those boys again.


	96. i want you all the time

John is still pissed at you. You're mad at him too.

He asked you to go past one of your hard limits and you aren't happy about that.

You're laying down on the smaller sofa as Zahhak is sleeping besides you. He is just a hulking mass of muscles sleeping underneath a tiny sliver of a blanket. Actually that blanket is the same exact size as the one that is covering up your entire body at the moment. He is just that fucking big. You bet that he could wrap one of his huge fucking man hands around the entirety of your thigh- Well, you’ve been stressed out all day, you are trying your best to just focus on your music and not your fucked up thoughts. You haven't been speaking with John, still he's always on your mind. Along with these fucked up dirty thoughts. The way he moaned your name while getting tied up had been fucking with you for a long while now, but you've been able to push it out of your mind when John was with you... but now... now you can't stop replaying it in your head. You don't think it's fair to John that you keep picturing that, he was forced into it... still... he kept moaning for you and calling you daddy and saying all the ways he wanted to fuck you when you got back into his arms and he cried out he wanted you to tie him up like that and slam your cock inside of his mouth and- _'shit.'_  

Your dick is fucking with your mind again. _'shit, Shit, SHIT, **SHIT!** '_

You walked into the kitchen and fashioned yourself a grapefruit to hold yourself over. You just need to do something quick and dirty upstairs, then you think your mind can settle and your dick can stop torturing you. You stick the plate into the microwave and as it's heating up you grab a glass, got yourself some water, pulled back your head and swallowed down your pills. Just as it beeped you grabbed the plate out of the microwave. You shut the door and right when you turned around you saw that nervous lawyer again.

Travis was awkwardly pointing down at your plate.

“Why did you put a grapefruit in the microwave?”

“Uh-" You try to weasel your way out of getting caught. "It tastes better like…”

He looked down at it. He can see the way you cut it. You sliced the ends off to make it flat and you cut a large circle in the middle. He could tell that you made the hole just to fuck.

“I have to go upstairs now…” you say the words as you slowly turned away from him. You widened your eyes under your shades as you made your way out of the room and to the staircase. He didn't say anything to that.

_'Well... no turning back now.'_

* * *

After you finished up you brushed your teeth in the sink. You look into the mirror, gazing into your shades. You keep scrubbing your teeth like John always tells you too... 

You think back to when you were back in the safe room. When you were staying at the prosecutor's office, you and John would get up together every morning and brush your teeth together, side-by-side... It was your first morning there...

 _John was looking into your shades. He was smiling at you as he was scrubbing his teeth. His mouth was so filled with foam that he dropped his smile and puffed out his cheeks. He snickered and laughed with his_ _mouth closed. You smiled back. He's always so cute. John spits into the sink and suddenly you hear the sounds of a case clicking open. There's someone behind you in the bathroom stall. In the corner of your eye you see John grinning up at you. He giggled because toothpaste was dripping down your chin. You spat into the sink and wiped your chin with the back of your wrist. You quickly grab John by the torso and cover his mouth with your other arm. You put a finger up to your lips, telling him to stay quite. He nods. You let go of him. The two of you both walked over to the exit. You grabbed your katana that was resting on the wall across from the door. Suddenly the bathroom stall opened. You instinctively jumped in front of John. You were about to swipe out your blade from your sheath, but you see that... it was just Nitram, walking over to the sink and whistling to himself as he dropped his briefcase next to him on to the floor._

You were jumpy. If you were being honest with yourself you are still jumpy. Everytime that you hear a noise you shot up, your heart jumps into your throat and you instantly think of protecting John. Of course, in reality, every noise is really just John's dad doing the dishes or Zahhak exercising in the office. You're on the outskirts of the city so it's rare that you hear anything outside other than racoons or the garbage truck that comes once a week.

It was easier to not get so scared and so alert when John was by your side. The way he would hold onto your hand was always so comforting. He'd always find a way to calm you down... although you should still stay alert, for your own protection... you aren't worried about John _as much_ anymore but you still feel so... unrestful? You aren't sure... you normally felt scared but this is different. This whole thing is still so new to you. Living a normal life in a normal house is just so... strange. Everyone is treating you so well and you are still not exactly in the clear yet. You can't settle down even though now John thinks you should... well he said that you should after  _he_ died. 

* * *

The next day you spent it laying down on the couch and listening to music as everyone went around their business. John was avoiding you and staying in the master bedroom. During breakfast and dinner he just stayed focus on his plate. When you were hungry you heated up a plate of mash potatoes and pot roast, along with some broccoli for lunch. John walked into get something for himself, when he noticed you he glared down at your plate and looked back up at you. You gave him a somber, caring smile and he nodded at your plate once, then stomped off. You were sure your husband felt just as miserable as you did, even with your pills. Mr. Egbert told you that you needed to do something so he made you sit down at the dining room table. Your dad-in-law went and grabbed John, he did his best to just look up at the ceiling but you could swear that you caught glimpses of him staring at you after you heard him give out a different series of tired sighs. Mr. Egbert set up a board game for the three of you to play together. You’ve never played a board game before but John's been so angry with you it’s hard to know if you enjoy it or not. Still your dad-in-law said you two need to enjoy ‘family game night’ whatever that is. John got frustrated with you again. You didn’t say that much to him. Your voice alone was frustrating him. He got up to use the restroom and stormed out. Now the two of you are just waiting on him to get back so he can finish his turn. You heard footsteps in the other room and jumped in your seat, you wiped your head to look and- it was just Travis walking from the kitchen. You’ve still been uneasy about everything that has happened, you keep jumping at the tiniest of unexpected noises.

“You doing alright, son?” Mr. Egbert asks you.

“I’m okay, just… Okay, ever since he died I keep thinking something else is just going to come around the corner and- and…”

“Tear everything away from you?” He finished your thought.

“Yeah…” You quietly confirmed for him he's right.

“You have this unsettling feeling that you’re going to lose everything good that happened to you out of nowhere?”

“Yeah…”

_'He must feel the same.'_

“I want you to know Dave… everything that happened to you that was cruel and horrible was his doing. That goes for myself as well.”

“What do you mean…?”

“I mean that he was the one who ripped my son away from me… when John came back into my life I didn’t know what to think about anything that happened… Dave, I don’t really have a way with words… I will be blunt, when John came back in my life I was struggling to accept that he really, actually loved you and I didn’t know what was best for him… I had to trust him and his therapist to figure that out. I had faith that he needed more time to explain everything… Dave, from the very start he was so tormented because no one saw you as an innocent victim… not even me… I think there was only one person that made it all easier on him.”

“Nat?”

“She sat back and listened to him, treated him like a friend… she was really what he needed at that time… Dave…?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Don’t call me sir.”

You said nothing to that, you were confused. You opened your mouth to speak but he spoke up before you could,

“Call me dad.”

You parted open your mouth, silently sucking in air.

You can’t find the words.

Instead you stand up and you walk over to hug him.

He wraps his arms around you and pats your back.

“John needed a friend at that time… I think you need a father.”

You didn’t know what to do. You were trying to find the words to say.

“I love you, son.”

You lost it, you started sobbing into his chest.

Your husband has been so frustrated with you, you haven’t hugged him in days.

You’ve been sleeping on the couch, it’s so hard to sleep when John isn’t besides you.

You kept crying into his shirt.

You wanted to tell him how much you’ve been hurting but you didn’t want to bug him with it.

You didn’t want to bother him with your pain.

You’ve been so lonely and so hurt.

So hurt in a million different ways.

So you tell him something he already knows.

“I love you, dad!”


	97. Discarded Memories

You've been spending most of your time in the master bedroom on the other side of the house.

The bedroom itself was huge, a king-sized bed, a large bookshelf filled with classic novels and several books on philosophy. There is a mahogany desk at the side of the room with a small wooden chair, you kept Dave's stuffed bears, your gift to him, on the very top of the antique bureau's shelves. There is a small flat tv set perched on top of a huge antique dresser. The bathroom connected to the room is spacious, there is a large tub along with a glass shower. It's such a nice room, when you first arrived here you were looking forward to staying in it with Dave. You were hoping that you could have spent your time here in this room with your husband, it was such a perfect honeymoon sweet for the both of you... or maybe just you.

It's been so many days that your back has already completely healed. Almost six days now. All of your scratches gone. Cleared up. You sigh. You are naked in the bathroom, prepared to take yet another lonely shower.

You press open the glass door and took one step into the shower. All of a sudden you hear a bottle fall down and onto the tile. You jump back. You slowly turned around to look behind you. Nothing. There is always nothing. 

Whenever _he_ was in a room you could feel his presence. Ever since he died you've been feeling it. Everytime you are alone you can feel him. Sometimes when you are sitting down at the table for breakfast you can feel his presence too. When you go to the bathroom. When you go to the kitchen to get water. When you read on your bed. When you sleep alone... you feel his eyes on you. 

The next day after dinner, you decided to take a bath to relax like your dad suggested, maybe then you would feel calmer with the hot water on your skin. Maybe that will sooth-

_You woke up blindfolded and in his arms. No handcuffs. No collar. You were shocked awake, you immediately started fighting him off. Dave left for work a while ago. You knew he was going to drag you into his room again, just like he did three days ago after he found a new way to torment you. He kicked open his own door and tossed you down onto his bed. You heard him close and lock the door to his bedroom. You started shivering._

_He untied your blindfold but you kept your eyes shut even after he put back on your glasses._

_"Happy Valentine's Day."_

_You covered your eyes, you don't want to see._

_"John. Baby, look."_

_You don't want to look._

_"Just fucking!-" He was getting frustrated with you again, he fixed his voice to sound comforting, "just open your eyes."_

_"Plea-please don't-don't make me."_

_"Fine." He took a seat right next to you, the mattress shook as he dropped down onto his bed._

_You hear the sounds of a thin layer of plastic unwrapping and then a paper box opening up._

_He pressed something against your pursed lips, you forced your own mouth shut and moved your head away from him. You kept shivering and shaking your head as he kept trying to force a melting piece of milk chocolate into your mouth. He grabbed onto your chin and forced open your jaw and he stuffed it in with his other hand. You spat the chocolate onto the floor. Something he must not have been happy about. You weren't sure what he was going to do so you opened up your eyes and look down onto the floor. You ran to the other side of the room and sat down in the corner furthest away from him. You curled up on yourself and put your face down against your knees. You felt like a scared animal, shaking and huddled up in the corner. It felt so humiliating, so degrading, but it was better than whatever he was trying to get you to feel._

_"John." He sounded like he was trying to be patient, "don't be difficult, you have no reason to be, we are going to do whatever you want today."_

_"I want to go back to my room and sleep." You felt tears well up in your throat._

_"You can sleep in my room tonight." You heard him get off of the bed._

_"But- but- but... but what about..." You were on the verge of tears._

_"Dave is going to be out until tomorrow night, we are going to have today and tomorrow to ourselves."_

_"No..." You started sobbing. You couldn't hold the tears. "nonononononono."_

_He forced your head up by holding up both sides of your face. You covered your face with your hands, you didn't want to see him. You don't want to see him. He forced your hands off of your face. "Look at me." He demanded you to. You looked at him through watered eyes. You choked down a sob. You could see several red blurs behind him. You looked up at the wall. There were dozens of metallic balloons, scarlet with a rose shine, each violently screaming at you in bold white lettering,_

**_I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU ! I LOVE YOU !_ **

_You wheeze and start crying again._

_"Wha-" He was about to chew you out again, he stopped himself and lowered his volume, "what's wrong, baby?"_

_"Please, please, I don't like celebrating the holidays... please... you beat me for.."-you wheeze- "celebrating the holidays... and... and... I don't like being in here... you made me dre-dress up... and you- you..." You can't get out anymore words. You keep sobbing, snot running down your nose. Your tears obscuring your vision. You can see his blurred outline moving towards you. He pressed his lips against yours. You instantly thrust your knee into his gut. You didn't even think, you just acted. You tried to run from him again but he held you up against one of the walls. He dragged you up by your wrists, sliding your back against the wall. He picked you up again and held you by your bottom, "I got you gifts. You are going to open them."_

_He sat you down on the floor in front of his bed and picked out something for you to open. You could hardly make out anything through your tears still you tried. There were two large bouquets of blooming blue roses with a large red plush heart between the flower vases. Small mason jars with lit tea-lights were littered all around the floor. The heart had your name stitched in large white lettering._

_He handed you a small white box with a blue ribbon. He kneeled down besides you to watch you open it. You tried to hand it back to him, "you-you open it for me..." He forced it back into your hand, "It's yours, you open it." You shivered and opened it anyway. It was a silver watch. Reminded you of one your dad wore. You started sobbing again. You missed him dearly. You held onto the watch as if it belonged to him._ _"_ _You... you like it?" He asked you._ _You pulled it closer to your face as you broke down into ugly, disgusting tears. You wanted to see him again, you wanted to speak to him... but you can't just leave Dave, you can't, if you left what would this fucking monster do to him? Would he just drag him off somewhere while you try to grab the police? Would the police just arrest him and sentence him to jail time for a crime he had absolutely no part of? What would your dad think of him? What would he think of you for choosing to stay? You kept sobbing and clinging onto the watch. He tried to put another gift in between your knees and your chest but it was so large it wouldn't fit. You just kept clinging onto it for several minutes until he forced a smaller gift into your lap and demanded you "open it." You threw the watch to the other side of the room. It was best to just move on. Don't let him think you actually like the thing. Move on. Move on and open all of these useless gifts you can't even hold onto anyway._

_He got you a novel, you didn't read the cover you just asked for the next gift. He handed you a small box that was heavy. It was one of those metal cylinder cryptex things with six rows of letters. "Try to solve it." You wiped off your snot with your hand and sighed. You input what you think the password was,_

**_I L O V E U_ **

_It opened and slipped out a roll of paper tied with a blue bow. You just set the whole thing down. "Read the paper." You slipped it out, opened it up and pretended to read it. You glanced over the words, 'skin' and 'love', 'desperation' and 'sorrow' and turned it over to the back and pretended to read that too. Sadly, you read some, 'a new frozen december on mars as it's forever june on venus'_ _you sigh. You put whatever bullshit esoteric nonsense the 'declaration' was down on the floor next to you. The word 'temptation' came up enough for you to know it must have been disgusting. He got you another vibrator and switched it on. "You want to try it out?" You rapidly shook your head no. He got you some lingerie, a tiny blue pair of women's pant- You swiftly ripped it in half. He was breaking out all of the gifts he had that he thought would get you turned on after that note. It must have been filled with some disgusting things about what he would like to do to you. You did read something about 'needing you desperately in every way.' You opened another gift, the box was a small cylinder shape. You slipped out a cupcake with white frosting and white chocolate shavings._

_"I don't eat cake." You handed it to him._

_"How about I lick the frosting off of your chest instead?" His breath was shaking._

_"Please... I don't... I don't want to..." You look over to the wall on the other side of the room. "I don't want to do anything... sexual..."_

_"After all of this..?" He started to move closer towards you, "Come on, I can treat you right and we can go all night."_

_"I just want to sleep..."_

_You felt his breath on your neck. You quickly grabbed the last gift and desperately unwrapped it. It was the largest gift so far and felt much heavier than you thought it would. You pulled out what was inside. There was a large jar filled with a yellow gel and a- You dropped the jar down to the floor, instantly shattering it. You screamed. He got you a human heart._

_"It's just a pigs heart!" He raised his voice at you. He tried to calm himself again. "John. I didn't mean to scare you."_

_You started convulsing. Breathing heavy and trying to catch your breath. Before you knew it he picked you up again. You must have been like that for a while because he stripped himself naked during the time you were trying to calm yourself. He picked you up again."I have something that will make you feel better." You were struggling to even breathe in air, you couldn't hope to find the strength to start fighting him again. He took you into his bathroom. He slowly sat down into his tub and dragged you down with him. The water was scolding hot. You gasped for air._

_Your bare stomach was touching his. You quickly turned to sit up but he was holding you in place. He turned you so your back was against his chest. He hand his arms wrapped around you as you sat in between his legs. He held you as you caught your breath. The water was boiling, you felt your forehead start to drip with sweat. You were trying to think of a way out of this, but came up nill. There's nothing you can do but wait for Dave to come home tomorrow night._

_There's no such thing as freedom._

_He must have felt like you calmed down enough because he just moved over, leaning to the side and reaching out with one hand to grab something from the sink's counter. He showed you a pink heart shaped bath bomb with pink rose petals in it. He dropped it into the water. You watched as it fizzled and spread out. Turning the water pink against your red, blistering hot skin. He started kissing your neck and breathing heavy into your collarbone. You shook him off of you. "Stop." Suddenly, you noticed that he had a glass shower of his own, and yet he always showered in the other bathroom. There was a long curtain of black fabric draped over the glass, fully covering his shower. The drape skirted down past the glass and onto the floor. There must be something in it he doesn't want you to see._

_Your focus was broken when he started rubbing your waist. Just touching his skin alone was nauseating but the fact that he was trying to sooth you was completely repulsive._   _Being in the same bathwater as him was stomach churning. You gagged like you were about to vomit._

_"Not feeling good?"_

_You shook your head no._

_"I can make you feel really fucking good, baby."_

_His hands started to wander down to your hips and linger over your closed thighs._

_"No!" You quickly grabbed both of his wrists with your hands. "Mr. Strider... please don't..."_

_"Whenever we are alone together call me Dirk."_

_Just like when he forces you to have sex with him..._

_"I... I don't want to have sex today..." Your palms were shaking in the pink water as you held onto his wrists._

_"Are you scared?" He asked you._

_You swallowed down your spit. You answered honestly, "out of my mind."_

_He started kissing your neck, "I know you feel scared... You don't want to have sex with me because I fuck you too hard. You're scared that I can fuck you so good that Dave won't be good enough for you anymore."_

_"Stop." You started to squirm away from him, you let go of his wrists so you could swim to the otherside of the tub. You grabbed onto the side of the tub like you were about to run out. He grabbed one of your wrists and forced you to look at him. He was still wearing his shades._

_His breath was shaking,"you always used to fuck me, and I know you don't like it the other way around yet. But I can fucking top you and destroy your body and tear apart your whole fucking world."_

_You felt like curling up into yourself again, you felt like making yourself small, invisible... instead you started lashing out. "Shut the fuck up."_

_**"What."**  He didn't even say it like a question. He grabbed down tighter around your wrist._

_"You heard me." You glared into his shades._

_He tightened his grip. His hand was shaking._

_You pulled out your wrist out from under his grasp, you kept glaring at him._

_He said nothing. He just stared at you for what felt like years, you couldn't see his eyes, still you glared into his soul. Wouldn't matter if you could see into his irises you would still see **nothing.**_

_Shortly after you began staring him down, he took of his shades. You saw his amber eyes, so bright they were nearly a golden honey orange. His light blonde bangs brushed to the side. Even in this heat his skin only turned a flush pink from his usual pale golden skin. His sideburns were a darker dirty blonde, framing his long face leading up to a pointed chin. His thin lips under his long pointed nose. His arched eyebrows lowered. He returned your glare but... you could see... hurt in his eyes._

**_It was sickening._ **

_"Thank God you took off that ugly thing."_

_"You think it's ugly?" His voice was as low as his brows._

_His golden eyes still glaring into your sapphire eyes. You looked down at his black pointed shades. Sharp, sharp like wolves teeth. You looked back into his honey-colored irises, his eyes became blank. You couldn't read anything that he was thinking. You doubt there was even a thought in his mind. He was waiting on you to speak to know what to think._

_"It's nothing if it isn't tacky."_

_As soon as the words escaped your lips, he crushed the pair in his fist. He let the shades drop to the floor. You kept staring at him. Your eyes widened with fear but your brows lowered in concern... concern for yourself._

_You kept staring at each other, his pupils seemed so small, his irises so large. Like he was searching every part of the bright vibrant sky of your irises for something... something... something... you... you don't know what. Slowly you felt your soul sink into the black cavity of your empty stomach. How can you be so nauseous when there is nothing in your- just then your stomach growled. His eyes flickered, like his soul just perked up. His brows slightly lowered but it looked like he was staring not with frustration but... kindness..._

_In one fluid motion he grabbed you and lifted you up again. He held you close to him and placed you on the floor as he wrapped you in an overly large towel. You were so scared. To scared to even shiver. You just watched him with wide-eyes as he grabbed a towel for himself. He dried himself off and guided you into his closet. He told you to lift your arms out and then up. Then he dressed you in one of his few long-sleeve shirts. It was white, it was also much too big and way too long for you. He is much taller than you. He was lean, but still had a muscular build._

_You wiped your eye with the soft cloth, gently pushing up your glasses. Your sleeve was dangling long past your fingers. You looked back up at him as he continued to stare at you. Your face was still flushed from the heat of the tub. You wipe off the sweat from your forehead with your clothed wrist and then look back up at him. You sniffle. He tilts his head slightly and lowered his brows again. You feel your face tense up. He thought you looked... cute. You started rolling up your sleeves and occasionally deviating your focus from fixing your shirt to glaring at him._

_He was pulling up his black dress pants. You continued working on adjusting the length of your sleeves until they were comfortable. When you finished he was finishing up putting on a white button-up. He left a small portion of his buttons undone so you could see his hairless chest. Repulsive._

_He picked you up again, holding you by the flesh between your thigh and your bottom. He made no effort in hiding how much he enjoyed grabbing onto your bare legs. He carried you over to the living room and sat down on the couch keeping you in his lap. You still weren’t wearing any bottoms at all so you could feel your bare skin brush up against his somewhat hard crotch. You sat up and got off of him. He didn’t stop you. You turned around to start walking away towa- suddenly you notice on the table he laid down a white cloth. There was a large silver cover. Two roses, one a calming vibrant blue the other a screaming bright orange, the orange laying on top of the blue. There were two empty flutes and a bottle of some white wine. He sat up from his seat to light two long white candlesticks. You stared at the silver cover. Unsure of what was underneath. You could smell… a sauce, a meaty sauce… it was probably spaghetti and meatballs and just one plate too._

_“John.”_

_You turned your head over your shoulder to look at him. He was kneeled down on the floor on one knee… you stepped back._

_“John Egbert.” He open up a small black box he was holding. “Will you marry me?”_

**_“WHAT!? WHAT THE FUCK!?”_ **

_You were weak from days of hardly eating but you suddenly found the strength to over turn the disgusting display, grabbing the table and flipping it over. He jumped up to stomp out the candles growing flames with his bare feet. The orange rose caught fire and burnt till it fizzled into ash. You took it as an opportunity to march off to your room. “John get back here. now.”_

_“I can’t stand this. I can’t! You are fucking torturing me in the most vile way you can. This is so… so… I can’t do this. I can’t. I would rather you follow me into my room and start whipping me again or rip out one of my teeth or- or- fucking anything is better than this!”_

_“Aren’t you starving?”_

_**“WHOSE FAULT IS THAT!?”** You actually just yelled at him. He can do whatever he wants to you right now you don’t care you aren’t indulging this crude and cruel play he’s putting on._

_“I can go out and pick us up anything you’d like.” He’s such an absolute fucker!_

_“US?! Just know- I'd rather get a bullet in my mouth then eat off of the same plate as you.”_

_“You can’t live on Dave’s load alone.”_

_“WATCH ME.” You started stomping back to your room-_

_“Stay or I’ll rip out Dave’s molars when he gets back.”_

_You stopped dead in your tracks._

_He doesn’t bluff about hurting Dave, he has no issue with beating him or hurting him. In fact for the past few months he’s been randomly beating him with… his belt… and… he’s been getting Dave to… let himself get raped over you as he’s been… watching… watching you…_

_watching you struggle…_

_getting off to you..._

**_struggling..._ **

_Any emotion you were feeling has been completely wiped off of your face._

_You started walking over towards him with a blank, expressionless look._

_You sat down. You stared blankly at the floor. Your gaze a blur at the white overturned pile. Mr. Strider put the black ring case in the palm of your hand._

_You looked at it._

_“It’s so…"_

_It was a white silver ring with a large diamond, a diamond that was shining so bright it reflected every color in the spectrum out at you. Flecks of blue, of gold, of black, of white. It acted as a prism shining down a kaleidoscope of colors onto your clothed chest and your filled hands._

_"gaudy.”_

_You shut the case. Killing the parade of colors and dropping it back into the hands of a pervert who pretended to confess his love to you about two-three days ago._

_“I can get you something better.”_

_“Save it.” You let a sigh escape your lips. “The answer is no.”_

_“For now.” He hummed the words to himself._

_“I don’t want to go on a date with you. I don’t want to sleep in your bed. I don’t want you to touch me… but you will force all of that on me anyway… at least… my soul is one thing you can’t take from me.”_

_“I’m not planning on owning your soul… or you for that matter.”_

_You look back up at him. He washed you completely of any positive emotion. You are only left with pain and sorrow. You're sure it's written on your face. You focus your eyes on his._

_“I want to be yours.”_

_You couldn’t think of anything to say to that nor did you try. You looked down at the floor again. He has to be angry he spent all that time setting up that table for you to just knock it over. Did he cook that himself? You are sure he did. You smelt something earlier. You thought he was making himself food and not giving you any just to fuck with you. You slept just to ignore your hunger._

_Your stomach just growled loudly again._

_“If you don’t tell me anything I’ll just go buy us some steak to share.”_

_"I want to eat something I can keep down."_

_"You want me to bring you some Panera?"_

_You weren't sure what that was._

_You sighed, “do what you want.”_

_You just wanted him to leave._

_He sat up and kissed your nose._

_You heard the door lock behind you._

_You sat in silence for about two minutes. You saw a pile of books on the living room floor. You’ve seen them many times before but you never felt the confidence to really observe them. Each book had a hard cover and no sleeve._

_You selected the most interesting to read. It was Einstein’s 'Ideas and Opinions.'_

_Within the book, Einstein wrote his thoughts on science and religion, 'science can only ascertain what it is, not what it should be' ...that makes sense to you, science is what it is, nothing past that... where religion deals with human thought, human actions, it's limitless. You suppose religion is based on faith, while science is based strictly on fact. Science is what is observable. Religion is feelings-based. However, both are for people, both exist in thought, expressed through words and concepts. Science often as equations and facts, religion often as prayers and hopes. You kept reading through the pages. He claims that there is a **need** for ethical culture, the cultivation of upright morals is important and the stifling of mutual human considerations is something that 'no science can save us from.' Yes. People must treat others well, people seeing value in morals is something that science can't bring... compassion is a priceless commodity to society. _

_**‘Without “ethical culture” there is no salvation for humanity.’** _

_You are completely absorbed in the…_

_You heard the door open. You jump. You were still holding the book in between your tense fingers._

_“Are you interested in philosophy?” He walked up in front of you, you were sitting on the couch._

_“No,” you handed it back to him. “It was a boring read.” You lied._

_“Yes… I prefer his Essays in Science much better myself. Perhaps you’d like to read that?”_

_You stood up and took a deep breath in and out of your nose. “I am only allowed to read the books Dave brings for me from the library.” You hand him back the book. “What is my punishment for disobeying, Mr. Strider?”_

_It's best to just get it over with. Accept the beating and move on. At this point in time you welcome the pain over... over... whatever this is._

_“Were not doing that shit when Dave isn’t around anymore.”_

_“ex…excuse me… I kept talking out of turn. I disobeyed orders. I flipped the table… I-"_

_'I am a defiant whore.'_

_“If you want a punishment, I don’t mind giving you one.” He lightly tapped your thigh with the book. “I just want to have a nice little date with my sweet darling.”_

_You shuttered._

_“If you want me to treat you bad. I can treat you fucking bad.”_

_“I’m, I’m hungry-" you have to just comply... you need the food, "I want to eat!”_

_He lightly tossed the book down onto the floor. He handed you the bag of food he got for you._

_"I can get you a plate if you would like."_

_"No. I just want to eat..." You look into the bag and took out a box with a clear plastic covering, you could see inside, there's a panini with tomatoes, onions, chicken, lettuce and melted cheese. You didn't even look at the rest of the bag, you just open up the box and start gnawing into it as you sit down on the couch. He sat down on the other side, watching you. You ignored him. You felt something burning hot at the bottom of the bag. You finish one half of the sandwich as quickly as you could and dug out what was burning your lap. It was a cup of soup. You opened it up and started sipping it. You could hear him laugh at you, chuckling like you were a hungry animal that walked up to his porch for food and he just threw you a bite. You glared at him and went back to digging into the bag. You kept your eyes focused on his as you slurped another sip of onion soup. You pulled out a piece of loose bread. It looked like it was ripped off from a beget. You held it up to him and shook it. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?!" He actually fucking got you a scrap of food! You threw it in his face. He doesn't say anything about it. His eyebrows just lift up as he gives you a confused half-smile._

_"Don't fucking act like giving me a scrap of bread and calling it a date is funny. Fuck you."_

_He gives you a single dry laugh, "ha." He leaves his mouth open._

_You give him an intense and enraged look. Prompting him to close his fucking mouth and slightly shake his head once, "_ _I just... wow."_

_**"What?"**  You narrowed your eyes at him.  
_

_"I am completely fucking in love with you."_

_'the fuck is wrong with you? is a much better question.'_

_You didn't even think about it. You just did it. You poured the rest of your steaming hot soup in his lap. He didn't even budge while you poured the scalding soup directly over his crotch. He just kept staring at you. Without breaking eye contact, you ripped off another bite of your sandwich with your teeth._

_If he wants to beat you. **So be it.**_

_He parted his lips open again and lightly breathed in air... like he was mesmerized by you. He blinked once and broke himself out of his trance. He took the initiative to tell you, “It’s fucking hot you want to live off of cum alone. If you want… I can give you an extra meal every single day.” He must have been thinking of that line the entire time he was out._

_You aren't amused by that. You narrow your eyes, “I want to eat more real food. You keep sending Dave out and I think I’m going to starve if he can only feed me Hawaiian rolls and watered down soups. I need more food then just fucking scraps every other day.”_

_“I’ve got a solution.” He started rubbing your side. You were sure he meant he just wanted more torture dinner dates with you. You were waiting on him to say more..._

_...You look at him. He looks at you. You look at him..._

_...but he said nothing._ _He just kept staring at your mouth._ _He wiped your face with his thumb, you felt crumbs rubbing underneath his finger tip and against your lower lip. It was repulsive. He slowly pulled down on your lips and squinted his eyes at your teeth. You know he hates your buck teeth. That made you feel at least some semblance of pleasure. He hated something about you so deeply you could visibly see his disdain - Just as violent as it was sudden, he stuck his two fingers down your throat. He forced himself out of you again. He reeled his hand back like he did that on accident, he must have done that on impulse. You move back and gasp for air. He looked concerned not for you but for himself. He quickly got up. Grabbing you and carrying you back into his room. Throwing you down to his bed again._

 _Your brow tenses up again,_ _you clench your teeth and frown._

_"Tonight, I'm going to treat you the way that you **want** to be treated."_

_He crawled over top of you and slid the palm of his hand against your flaccid-_

_“don’t touch me there!”_

_“What's wrong?" He started kissing your neck, "come on, don't you want to feel good?"_

_“Get off of me!" You quickly push up against his chest, jolting him up off of you but he started fighting back and holding you down with even more vigor._

_He chuckled to himself, “come on... you already know how good it feels."_

_“Stop!” You slapped him across his face. " **Don't.** Touch Me There."_

_You glare at him as he pulls his head back to get a better look at you. You are letting him know that you don't want it.That you hate it. He can beat you if he wants. If he's made a plan to rape you today he's going to do it regardless. At the very least you can still stand your ground. You glare at him and stare him down again. He is gazing back into your eyes as he parts open his lips. He presses the tips of his fingers against his red cheek. He slowly rubs his fingers down his face and puts his hand down. He is just staring at you. Waiting on you to say more._

_"Let's just sleep." You told him. "That's all I want to do."_

_He outstretched his hand, expecting you to take it as he slowly slid off of the bed._

_You didn't take it. You just let your feet touch the ground as you sat off the bed and crawled into the sheets. They smelt fresh, like he prepped everything for you. It was hard to feel anything but fear. You'd been raped in this bed many times before but if you could just get to sleep then you could get a few hours closer to seeing Dave again._

_Of course... that's your luck... you couldn't fall asleep. He kept breathing into your neck and cuddling up to you. He was clinging onto you like you were a doll. You couldn't hope to escape this. If you demanded to sleep in your room he would just follow you. You didn't want him to taint that bed too. You just kept trying to rest as he gripped onto your waist as his hands shivered. You were shivering too. His room was fucking freezing. He actually had a small air conditioner in his room on the floor by his side of the bed. He was still grabbing onto your waste, pinching your flesh and pulling at your skin. After awhile he fell asleep, still practically laying ontop of you. You had to get up to use the bathroom. Still you don't want to wake him. You kept trying to sleep but your bladder was killing you. You had to get up to use his toilet. You just left as quickly as you could and shut the door. You quickly locked it. When you were finished you left the small room and then walked over to the sink to wash your hands, he had a bar of soap but there is no amount of filth that could drive you to use that thing. You took your time and let the hot water rinse over your palms until your face started to sweat. You switched it over to cold water and kept rinsing your hands and wiping down your face. You want to spend all the time you could in here but still. You are tired. You want to rest._

_You swallow down all of your dread and make your way back to him._

_"John. Come back to bed."_

_Your heart sank at his words. Dave talks to you like that. He knows that._

_You sit down on the floor and lay down against the hardwood._

_"John." He sat up, crawled over and looked down at you. You can't see him nor do you want to. You take off your glasses and put them on the bottom part of his night table._

_"John. Get up here."_

_"I think I would rather sleep on the floor."_

_"You're shivering. Get in bed. I'll warm you up."_

_The tone of his voice and the word he chose to say completely repulsed you._

_"No. I'm going to sleep on the floor like the fucking dog I am."_

_"You are not a dog." You were expecting him to sound angry with you... instead he sounds like he's pitfully smiling. He sucked on his tongue and hummed as he sighed. "I'm sorry I called you that."_

_You ignored him._

_He got off of his bed and decided to try and pick you up. You shoved him. He pulled you close and started clinging to you again. Like a... like... "Do you want to treat me like a doll instead of a dog now?"_

_"You're not a doll." He held you close, still sounding like he was smiling and... laughing at you._

_You broke free of his arms and fell onto the pillows on the bed, "I’d rather be Dave's dog then your **FUCKING**  plaything!" You got up from the bed and sat back down on the ground. _

_Fully ready to lay back down when he says, "you are neither of those things to me."_

_You shoot up, "what would you like to call me then, a brain dead whore? A stupid bitch? A cumguzzling slut? A brainless cunt? a mindless cumdumpster? A cockwhore? Dave’s dickcozy?!”_

_“-don’t fucking call yourself Dave's anything."_

_There it is. Now he is angry,_

_"Don’t fucking do that today."_

_You stood up to point your finger at him. "You - **YOU** \- called me that!"_

_Despite how hard it was to make out his shape in the dark with your pisspoor eyesight, you stared him down again._

_"Stop being difficult."  His voice was as deep as it was annoyed._

_"Stop pretending that you're in love with me! I get it! You hate me! I understand! You made your point clear! You want to torment me and-" He grabbed your shoulders and kissed you. Your fingers contorted with disgust. Your elbows were pulled into your chest with fear. You shoved him off of you again. "Stop! Stop! Just hit me! Beat me! Whip me! JUST FUCKING STOP!" You fell down to your knees and grabbed onto your head. He met you down on the floor and started rubbing your shoulders. You twisted yourself out of his grasp, "Don't Fucking Touch Me!"_

_"Alright." He backed off and put up his palms in defense. You could tell by his tone of voice he was smiling. Smirking. Laughing. Of course he was. This was just a new fun way of tormenting you and you can't do anything about it. If you tell Dave he's going to freak out and start fighting him, he's going to get so badly hurt..._ if. _.. if you tell him. Mr. Strider will completely fuck him up again, break his bones, give him a concussion.... that and... it will hurt him if you tell him that he... he... he's touching you again. You slap his hand off of you. "I SAID DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"_

_"Come on, baby... Dave's out and I want to have a little bit of fun with 'daddy's little princess.'"_

_"STOP!" You smack him again. "I told you I don't want this!"_

_"Here's what we'll do." He still had that fucking tone. That tone like he's warmly smiling at you."I'll fool around with you, touch you in all these different ways till we find something you like..."_

_You shivered at those words. His breath was shaking like the handsy deviant fucking pervert he is,_

_"Sound like a compromise?"_

_Your face drops. Your heart sinks._

_You get up. You can feel his gaze on you._

_You have two thoughts in your head right at this moment._

_One, You can start fighting him._

_Two..._

_You walk up to the wall and start bashing your own head violently into it._

_He jumps up to stop you. To pull you away. You keep fighting so you can try to knock yourself out or punish yourself or whatever the fuck you are doing. You don't even know. You just want this fucking nightmare to be over. Maybe if you hit yourself hard enough you'll wake up in Dave's arms._

_"Stop." He forces you against him with one of his hands and pulls you back down to his bed. Your back forced against his bare chest. You sniffle again. You can't hold it back anymore. You start screaming. Helplessly blubbering like a fucking brainless idiot as he tightly held you close to his chest._

_"Shh... shh... shh..." He started cooing you and trying to calm you. Holding you close to his chest with one arm as he started feeling the inside of your thigh._

_He didn't take any shame in tormenting you like that. In touching you until the sun came up. He ruthlessly thrusted himself into you until you literally passed out from exhaustion. When you got up he acted proud he fucked you till he knocked you out. You woke up with his sperm on your chest and face. He had no ounce of humanity in him. No compassion. Nothing but a bitter loathing for the world. You felt such a rising rage inside of the deepest pit of your soul and up into your chest for that... **that fucking thing.** He was not a man. He was not a person. He was a demon wearing the face of a human-_ Suddenly a bottle is knocked of the bathtub and splashes into your tub. You jump up in your cold bathwater. You keep feeling like… like he’s still watching you... you can’t turn that feeling off… like you can’t stop feeling tainted. 

You get up and dry yourself off. Letting out the old bathwater as you make your way over to the sink. You grab a towel and you still have to brush your teeth. You close your eyes as you dry yourself off. You can still feel his eyes focused on you. You wipe off your legs. You feel like he's watching your every move. You wipe down your thighs, still lightly scarred with the letters DA VE. You can feel his blistering hatred for that word. You wipe down the back of your head. You feel like when you look into the mirror in front of you that you will see him.

_'the shower will always be running.'_

You open your eyes and see nobody. Just yourself. 

Your eyes dull and fixed on your own gaze. A blue... a romantic blue... just like Dave always said... you smile at the thought. You lower your eyes at your smile. A gift... your smile was a gift that Dave gave you. You touch your cheek and look at yourself in the mirror. The mirror that you use to shave every morning. The mirror that you never saw Dave's reflection in. He would love to brush his teeth besides you as you happily hummed a song and scrubbed your 'adorable overbite' while you laughed at him for letting white paste trickle down his chin... yeah... that's how it would go... 

You spit all of the white toothpaste out of your mouth and don't even bother to rinse as you trail back to the bedroom. Gazing down at the hardwood floor. The floor Dave cleaned up for you after you refused to even look at him for not stabbing you... not breaking one of the hard limits he set for you to follow...

You sit down on the bed. A bed that you could have thrusted into him on if he wasn't being so fucking difficult...

fucking difficult...

 **you're** always so fucking difficult... 

_It's been about three months since Mr. Strider started tormenting you like... like how he's been._

_Dave left to go get groceries for the house. He said that he didn't care if his bro was going to freak shit for feeding you extra, said that you are getting starved with how much he's been out of the house lately. He's planning to give you a larger meal. Said he'd take the beating for you. You started sobbing the moment he said that._

_You've been trying your best to keep the tears in around him. You don't want him finding out about what his older brother had been doing to you... what he'd been saying...._

_Whenever Dave is around you suck up all of your tears and all of your pain. Just lay in his arms and focus on making his day easier. The two of you both seem stressed. You know he doesn't like to talk about what he does when he's out but he managed to find the time to get you another one of his pictures. Oh God, it was so beautiful. He was smiling and actually took off his shades so you could see his eyes. He climbed up a skyscraper and took a photo of himself, the sun was still lightly grazing the city before it began to set but the street lamps and lights were all on. Neon lights and white street lamps scattered around the city below. You gave him such good head for that. He wanted to return the favor but you just pointed at the polaroid he took and told him it made you feel even more peaceful then finishing. You stared back into the photo, you stared into Dave's photographed eyes and looked back up at the real Dave. You hid the photo in your usual spot and returned to the only place you think you could ever feel safe..._

_Of course soon after he left again... He did have to buy food for the house._

_As of right now you are sobbing into your hands. You heard **him** outside. He just opened up the fridge. Oh god, the fridge. He’s going to pull out a long ice cold blade to cut you with again. You heard clinking outside the door. He opened up your door and sat down at your feet. He handed you a small bowl of perfectly scooped chocolate ice cream with shaved chocolate on top. You wanted nothing more than to reject it but your aching stomach voted against it. The cold ice cream soothed your scratched up throat after all that crying. He must have gone out and bought you a pint. He never goes shopping for anything in the house. Everything, food, sheets, bath soaps, cleaning products, tissues, alcohol, just about everything for the house was something Dave bought with his own money. You finished up the bowl and handed it back to him. Wiping your face with the back of your wrist. You got chocolate smeared onto your face._

_“You sucked that down. Want something even sweeter?”_

_“I don’t want your cock.” You sniffled as you glared at him._

_“Look at how filthy your fucking mind is.” He leaned into you._

_He started kissing your lips gently and softly. Lightly breaking his lips apart to ask,_

_“How does that fucking taste?"_

_Numb. You can taste nothing but cinders of pain, of repulsion._

_You settle for, “like ash.”_

_He keeps brushing his lips against yours, “I’ll stop smoking.”_

_In no way was that what you meant but now you can taste the nicotine from deep in his lungs._

_“I’ve never seen you smoke before.” You just come right out and say it._

_You’ve only seen Dave smoke in the house and he rarely does it…_

_“I only smoke cigars when I’m out but if you don’t like it I’ll stop, baby.”_

_"I couldn't care less about what you do."_

_Dave only does it because it turns you on when he puffs out smoke and when he burns you it always makes you hard._

_“That feel good?” He asks you that for some reason._

_"What?"_

_You didn’t even notice he was rubbing your inner thigh with his palm, you grab his wrist again._

_“I’m going to please you the way you want today, baby.”_

_“Stop calling me that.”_

_“How about angel legs?” He started rubbing your thighs, suddenly he slapped you, “fucking thick for how starved you are, love that you’re still packing it in all the right places. Fuck.” Of course he’s horny again. “You don't have any fucking problem pouring hot soup into my lap. Fucking scalding hot, right on my crotch... Fuck..._ _I want you to fucking torture my cock... but for now, I’m just going to focus on you today, again...”_

_"Not in here." You know he's going to do it. You know he is. You need to leave._

_He instantly grabbed you and rushed into his room. You guess those words excited him._

_When he finished you off you trailed back to your room. He wanted you to stay longer but didn't give you a real threat... he never hit your weak point. Of course he smacked the back of your head for leaving his bed. You just kept walking. He threw a book at your back. You  kept walking, ignoring him. You wanted to go sleep in your bed and wait for Dave to get back with a real meal. You were waiting for someone who actually gave a shit about you to come back with real honest-to-God proof that he loved you._

_You snapped awake when you heard the door open again._

_It was Dave! You instantly jumped into his arms._

_"Hey-hey." Dave is nervously patting your arm. His voice is a low whisper. He must be right behind him, you can feel him glaring at you both. "I got you food, he uh- he told me that you can't eat till It's time but you can." -he cleared his throat- "eat extra so let's just nap till-" he's patting you again as he coughs again. He must have blew him for permission to feed you more. You squeeze him tighter before letting him go and dragging him to the bed. He just lets you take him by the wrist. When you crawl under the sheets you remove your glasses along with Dave's shades. You hold onto him again. You notice that the door is still wide open probably why Dave says,_ _"Hey... John."_

_Dave is patting your arm. "I'm kind of hot, sun's fucking scorching the Earth today, so-"_

_"I don't care." You nuzzle into his neck. Suddenly you feel **his** glare on your back._

_Dave didn't move. You could feel that his arm, hovering over your body, just tensed up._

_You didn't care. You just rubbed the top of your head against his chin and hummed,_

_"You know that your arms are the only place I feel safe."_

_Of course **he** wasn't happy about that. He slammed open the rest of the door. You cuddled up closer to Dave. You knew that he was a few split seconds away from punishing you for your display. That's what you wanted. _

_A real punishment._

_You were expecting him to grab and drag you off the bed so you weren't tightly gripping onto your lover. Although. You wish you were. All of a sudden Dave was ripped out of your arms, his head smacking against the wooden floor, his brother ripping off his own belt to beat him with. You sat up and grabbed your glasses. You watched in horror._

_"When your 'dog' doesn't listen you punish him." He smacked Dave with the buckle part of his belt again._

_You jump up. You didn't know what to do. He just kept smacking him. Grunting with each hit. He seemed so enraged, especially because you could see those striking brown honey-colored eyes, widened with spite and... jealousy. You didn't even think, you just did it, you jumped onto Dave's back and took the next hit for him... out of love. He stopped. He whispered something under his breath, so quiet that you thought that you were mistaken, with all of the fans humming in the room you are sure that you misheard,_

_"little guardian angel."_

_Of course he kicked you off of Dave and started slamming Dave's head into the floor before he walked off again._ You don't know why he thought of you as an angel just because you had compassion for someone that you loved. Nothing about that man made sense to you, you don’t have to rationalize anything he did. Anything he said. Anything he thought... Still, you keep trying to figure out just what made him fall for you. For that matter, what made Dave fall for you? You turn again in your bed. It was another restless night... You miss Dave.

Despite missing him dearly, you couldn't bring yourself to do so much as simply look at him during breakfast the next morning. You felt miserable. You couldn't sleep, you were getting into your head again and... the feeling of his eyes on you kept you up. Dr. Serket just said something directed at you, you didn't look up from your plate. Your dad talked to you too, you think you heard a certain infliction in his voice, an infliction like he was asking you a question. You didn't hear what he said, you didn't listen as he repeated his question. You hear Dave's voice coming from right next to you... Dave...

_'Dave...'_

_"You're always taking my cock for Dave. Aren't you?"_

_It was a few months after he started... tormenting you in his new favorite way. You were laying in his bed again right next to him, still panting and drenched in his sweat._

_He kept tormenting you by_ _pretending that he loved you. You could tell the moment that you met him that this monster couldn't love anything. He treated his own brother like shit and called you a 'thing' and a 'pet' for the first few years you lived with him. He convinced you to start asking Dave for... crude things... because your place is as a sex slave and Dave didn't want to use your body like he was supposed to. You weren't forced to have 'sex' sex with Dave until you were about fifteen. You didn't feel ready for it then but Dave was so encouraging, he said he loved it... that made you like it too. You started sleeping with him more and... you admitted to yourself.... and then a few days later to him, that you fell in love with him. You weren't sure exactly when you fell in love with Dave, but you always knew that you wanted what was best for him... that's why you refused to leave in the first place. Leaving him alone with a **thing** like that... Dave told you that he was even more dangerous then he lead on, you trusted Dave wouldn't tell you lies, especially after that man kidnapped you. Dave was so desperate to protect you from beatings, he said he wanted nothing more but for you to leave and that he would figure something out so you could... but you watched him get raped pretty early on too... _

_how were you supposed to just walk away after seeing that?_

_You heard him laugh again, "I could put a knife up to your throat and slowly inch the blade through your skin and down to your windpipe and you'd just let-"_

_"I can't die. Dave needs me."_

_You stared up at the white-gray blur that was the ceiling. You could feel the bed shake, tossing you up once and then lightly lifting you once more again. You kept your eyes narrowed as you felt his hands trace your stomach. He was fiddling around with your white, disgusting aftermath again._

_"So you'd only save yourself for Dave?"_

_"Not the only reason, just my main one."_

_The bed shakes again. He's laying flat on his back. again. You can hardly make anything out, when you look over at him he is covering his eyes with the back of his wrist, chuckling to himself. Freakishly indulging in being a complete fucking monster, laughing and practically masturbating to the thought of killing you and you fighting to save your life not for yourself... but for Dave.. like you, yourself, were worthless._

_"That's why I'm here. For Dave." You turn to face him. "That's why I'm in your bed too. For Dave. If Dave wasn't here, **I wouldn't be either**."_

_He put his arm down. He doesn't think the joke was funny anymore._

_"John."_

_He was looking up at the ceiling. You were squinting at the gray-honey colored blur ahead of you._

_"Cuddle up to me."_

_"Mr. Strider. I am sorry but I can't do that, I can't do anything that my master doesn't order me to do."_

_"Stop- fucking doing that bit. It isn't as funny as you think it is."_

_"It's not an act, **Mr. Strider."** Your voice is filled with contempt. "My master is not here. I will accept punishments on his behalf, but I can not take commands from another-"_

_"How about I do to Dave what I just did to you?"_

_You instantly lift up your arm and touch his chest. Your palm start sweating. Your shaking from feeling his skin underneath yours. He grabbed onto your wrist and pulled you into his chest. Your cheek pressing up against his hard pecs. You bet he wanted you to worship his body. You could feel his abs underneath one of your arms and bent elbow. You scoff at him. He can force you to do anything but he can't force you to enjoy it. Your mess from earlier is smearing against his side and his thigh._

_You recall how easily you can relax in Dave's arms, when your pressed up against **a thing** like this you can only feel repulsion and fear. One of his arms wrapped around your upper body. _ _He just lifted up the other to grab to your- suddenly, he jerked up your thigh and pulled it over him, so your body is completely wrapped around him. You sit up, both of your thighs in between one of his. Your hands pushed up against his chest and his bed. You squinted down at him. "Don't. Push it."_

_You laid back down and wrapped your arm around him again. Putting your leg back where it was before he grabbed it. You have to fight the urge to start fighting this man. If he keeps this shit up you're going to fucking 'slit his throat' instead... still... if you ever did... it wouldn't be for yourself... it would be for..._

Dave is patting your back and touching your arm, "John?" 

He sounds so concerned, "are you okay?"

You start wiping your eyes by pinching them together. You hold your thumb and your index finger at the corner of your eyes to keep the tears from coming. You take a deep breath through your nose and hold it. You are sure that you can't. You get up from the table and march back to your room. You started reading books again. Trying to take your mind off of things. You couldn't. You couldn't focus, so you just started watching TV again. Apparently they still believe that Dirk Strider is at large. The sheriff must want all of the other crimelords to think that Dirk is alive. You doubt that they don't know. You bet that they all probably celebrated his death in their own way. Drinking down scotch, forcing themselves on slaves. The world will celebrate his death... The world apparently despises him... You see your sad, torn face pop up on screen, as it always does, the world is entertained with thoughts of the boy who stayed with a man like that just to protect another scared hurt kid who never felt a shred of compassion in his life till he met you. You didn't run and you are fucking proud of that. They should show a photo of you filled with rage. Filled with blistering anger. You were determined and hellbent to protect Dave. From the moment you saw him sobbing on his own floor because you were taken, you were dedicated to protecting him-

"John?"

Dr. Serket is at your door. She's calling you for dinner. She sat down on your bed beside you and started patting your back. She asks you if you want to talk with her about anything. You weren't interested in any therapy. You weren't interested in any help or words or food or sleep or tv or books or anything... there was one thing you wanted... one thing..

_"What is so special about Dave? Why would you just let me do **that** to you?" He's putting pressure on your open wound on your upper arm. The wound was deep. Probably the deepest he ever gave you. _

_“Because I love him." You tell him the truth._

_"It's that simple?" He asks you._

_"Yep." You nod. Ignoring how much your wound is draining you. You just make yourself numb to the pain and ignore it along with him and his persistent questions. He's trying to figure out exactly why you'd let yourself get tortured not only like **that,** but like this for years. He's prattling on, saying that you could have ran out before you fell in love with Dave. That you could have just abandoned him and save yourself from this torment..._

_Saying that he loves your resolve and that he idolizes your contempt,_

_"I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as you hate me."_

_"I don't know... I hate you for what you do to Dave... what you do to your own flesh and blood. But... you’re not so special to me... you probably hate Dave more than I hate you.”_

_“So you only hate me for Dave's sake too then?"_

_"I don't know. I hate you for a lot of reasons..."_

_"How much do you hate me?”_

_“a lot.”_

_“Enough to kill me?”_

_"if I did, I would have already.”_

_"You know that I am a hitman, I'm a murderer."_

_You think you always knew that he must have killed someone before... he shows no restraint in anything,_ _"the moment that you crept up behind me, I felt something was demented about you. I could just feel it. Like... like you were... I don't know- the way that you are."_

_"You don't think you could ever love me?"_

_"no."_

_"But you hate me?"_

_You knew that he was desperate to make you hate him a year ago, when you were seventeen, he was so dedicated to doing nothing but raping you and torturing you like... just like this... lashing out and desperately trying to make you feel something... something... you give up on trying to figure him out... you don't care._

_You sigh, "I think very little of you..."_

_"I smacked you around earlier to get you to open up for my cock but you only swallowed down my load when I said that I'd fuck Dave again if you didn't... Dave is just... that important to you... Why?"_

_He mutters to himself, "why is he your weak point...? you never answer why."_

_"I already told you. You don't fucking listen to anything I say."_

_"Because you love him. That makes no sense."_

_"What makes no sense is you buying cars for me when I told you I don't want any."_

_"I can make you like them, I can show you why-"_

_"I don't care about technology or cars or whatever the fuck you think is cool."_

_"Well then what do you like? Angel. Tell me."_

_"No."_

_"...Dave? You like Dave?"_

_"10 points for listening. don't get to excited... I'm not keeping score."_

_"Why not... aren't you judging my soul? or... are you only here to protect Dave?"_

_"This! This again! **UGH!"** Your arm is starting to kill you again, he's making it hard to make yourself numb. "I am not an angel. I am not sent from heaven. Stop. It's- it's not even scaring me anymore it's just making me mad."_

_"You're an angel of wrath, I know that." He's feeling up your thigh again. "There's no way that you can know so much about me if you weren't sent from heaven... you weren't even surprised when I told you Dave tried to kill himself... you must have just known... You probably know everything right? Everything about me? Can you just feel it? Can you just feel everything about the universe?"_

_"Stop." You try to find the energy to slap his hand away from your thigh. You can't find the strength... so you just use your words, "are you doing this because you listen in on my roleplays with Dave? You're not even that creative... me being a guardian angel just because I take all of this for... Dave.. isn't...." You're starting to pass out from the blood loss. He slaps your cheeks to keep you awake. You blink your eyes until they are back in focus. He gives you water to drink. Food to eat. He keeps prattling on again... prattling on and on and on... always talking... always saying something about heaven and angels... like he really believes it..._

During dinner. You said nothing. You just stared down at your empty plate as everyone else discussed the news on tv or what they did during the day. What Ms. Teresa said over the phone and what was in the novel Dr. Serket just finished. Everyone commented how good your dad's cooking was. Trying to desperately bring optimism to the table, as your presence alone continues to suck the joy out of every room that you're in, just like this one. 

You didn't so much as look up from your plate. You didn't look at your husband. You didn’t want to sit next to him. You didn’t even think about giving him vegetables today.

Your dad made steak as the main course meal. He happily fixed you a plate and asked you nicely to try to eat it. You looked up at him as he was cutting his steak apart. He took a bite. You felt your shirt sticking to your back. You were sweating...? You heard him scrap his knife across his plate and watched as the blood and oil escaped the meat's flesh. Everyone's plates scraping their forks, their knives, into their steaks. Into their flesh. 

_'That noise.'_

_“Are you enjoying yourself?”_

_He was sitting right in front of you he got a closed off booth with black curtain so no one could see you. He drove you all the way to a different city. He was trying to keep a low profile with you. He fixed your hair and gave you prescription square shaped shades. Apparently if he couldn’t wear horrible shades then someone had to. Still you changed to your normal glasses when you sat down at the table._

_“Angel. I asked you a question.”_

_“The servers make good food.” That has nothing to do with him. The restaurant is good of his own merit. In all honesty, everything he gave you thus far would be a wonderful gift to hand someone else. Someone who doesn’t despise the very idea of him. However, in opposition to your disdain, he worships the very ground you tread._

_He took another bite of his steak and wiped his mouth, he asks you proudly,_

_"Want to see something I'm working on?"_

_“What? Do you have a shrine for me or something?"_

_He nodded once and took his phone out of his back pocket. Your eyes shoot open._

_“If you want I can take you. It’s in a storage unit I’m renting.”_

_You struggle to breathe out the words, “are you serious?”_

_He handed you his phone over the table. The light admitting from his cell was blinding in the dark booth. He showed you a photo of a large storage unit inside of a building somewhere here in Texas. There was a large statue made of stone. It was placed on top of a golden rug in the shape of a circle. It was a statue of an angel. It had large wings that were spread out so far they were nearly touching the tip of the walls. It was holding its hands gingerly over its heart. It's eyes were closed. It was smiling warmly. It had your hair and glasses. You retched. He switched the photo to another, one where the room was filled with objects. He handed you the phone so you could get a better look._

_The room was now filled with all sorts of things. First thing you notice is the angel now has a large white circle behind it that was hand painted on to the wall. A halo. A fake nimbus mimicking light. There was a small polaroid photo placed below the angel's fingers. Behind the angel's wings you noticed there was clothes hung up on the wall._

_He hung up the outfit he made you wear when he took you to see the stars and drank that horrible wine. The dress shoes he got for you to wear were hung up right besides the outfit. Those designer glasses hanging off of the black jacket pocket._

_He hung up a large white towel you must have worn once on the wall next to it._

_He hung up that baggy white shirt and those tan cargo pants._

_He hung up those tiny blue shorts and that tiny shirt, which it was generous to even call it that, you hated that fucking outfit. Along with those stupid fucking heels._

_There is a circle of tea lights surrounding the feet of the statue. Placed right at the statue's feet is a pocket knife with dried blood on it... you think it's from the time that he... first confessed his love. He was also burning two long sticks of incense right next to the knife._

_All along the floor there were almost a dozen small plush dolls sitting up facing away from the statue. Each of them have small stubs for limbs, black embroidered dots for eyes, a small stitched x as a mouth, along with stitched eyebrows, plush black hair that looks just like yours, thin plush glasses that looked just. like. yours. All of them dressed in different outfits. One wearing a tuxedo. One wearing a towel. One wearing nothing. Every single one wearing a different outfit he made you wear at some point._

_There were drawers on the side of the other two walls with a large glass case on top of all of them. They all look like they are filled with memorabilia of you... no... it's trash you left behind. You can make out a Pop-Tart box and a large jar. There's more dolls on top of the cases._

_Without thinking, you swiped your finger to see another photo._

_There was a close up of the angel. It was an idealistic interpretation of your face. You looked actually peaceful. Also... you don't have your overbite. You could make out the polaroid now. It was a single photo of you wearing a white t-shirt to the pool at age 13, he must have stolen it from Dave's wall._

_You swipe again. He took close ups of the dolls. You kept swiping. You notice one of them had dyed purple bruises and light blue embroidered tears along with a streak of red embroidered on it's arm. Blood. You kept flipping through the photos till you get to what is in the glass cases. A wine glass... no a... champagne flute. A small plastic case holding a single shard of glass. A handkerchief with dried blood and oil. You swipe again. Three individual black cases with three different rings. One with a jewel that was a prism of color, one a light blue, one just a simple silver diamond. Behind them was several wrappings of used, bloodied bandages. The deep, rust color of the dried blood repulsed you enough to retch again. You kept skimming through the images. More trash. More reject wedding rings. A watch you rejected before. A jar filled with your hair. A sex toy he forced on you once. A large plush heart with your name in white letters stitched onto it. You stop flipping when you noticed something off. One of the dolls was blonde. It had no shades. It was wearing a black suit.. a tuxedo and holding a blue bouquet of roses along with... your hand. The doll standing in for you was wearing a white tuxedo and a white veil. He made a set of dolls getting married. You feel your brows tense up. Your mouth slowly dropping open. You flip away you can't stand to look at that any longer. The next image was another pair of dolls, you and him kissing on the lips. He was wearing a suit and you were wearing a white long sleeved shirt. It was the same thing you were wearing on Valentine's Day when you were 17. There was another photo of several white plush sheeps with stubby limbs and red eyes each hanging from nooses. You skip to the next photo. More pieces of trash he could have only gotten by sneaking into your room. You skip through several. There's another plush doll of you looking up at the camera, wearing nothing but a blanket, he embroidered white lines onto your face- you skip to the next, there's another pair of dolls laying on their stomachs covered in a blanket looking at each other, the blonde doll had his arm on your dolls back._ _You swiped your finger across the phone. There was a image of a doll hanging down of the ceiling off of some transparent string. He made a plush of you as a literal angel. A flowing white dress. A plush halo. Plush wings made of some reflective material, there was a flash of light overtaking the upper half of the image. You flipped to the next- your eyes widen, you feel a light gasp escape your lips. He made a doll soaring above yours, holding onto your hand, of himself... as an angel. You flip to the next. The photo... it's you and him again... you're both holding knives... slitting each others wrists open... like your... killing each other... You didn't even notice you were trembling until the image started jolting back and forth in your hand._

_"It's getting close to feeling like how I feel when I'm around you. Still no substitute." You didn't even notice that he was sitting right besides you. You deeply gasped in air and dropped his phone. He reflexively caught it. He held up the phone for you._

_"I'm working on adding more. I'm starting to run out of room but, I'm thinking if I fill up the whole thing it will start feeling more like you."_

_That disturbed you so much you felt a dry pain sink from your head down into your chest, making you reflexively curl your head forward._

_"Maybe I should find a way to combine the two."_

_'Two...?' You can't believe it... You can hardly even think... 'He made more than one...?'_

_"You don't like it?"_

_You shake your head no as you try not to curl up into yourself._

_You swallow down your spit and tell him, "put that photo of me back where you found it."_

_"I can do that." He nodded. "Anything else you think I should fix?"_

_Was he seriously asking you for pointers right now?_

_You sighed and looked away from him. He pulled you in closer to him as he tried to show you another photo of his storage unit shrine. If he wants a shrine of you fine. If he can get it to feel like you then maybe he won't bug you and Dave every other hour. He can keep working on his temple but you want no part of it._

_"Don't like it? I'll burn the whole fucking thing down. I'm willing to work with you here."_

_"Nonono... you... keep... working on that."_

_"Then can I... fill a jar with your blood?"_

_Your mouth starts to drop open again, you don't mean to but you glance at him._

_You turn back to the phone._

_"That's a no? How about your cu-"_

_"I am not going to help you with it." You're letting him know that now._

_"Then I'll just smash apart your statue and burn it down."_

_"Keep working on it. I don't care."_

_You stick your fork into your plate and take another small bite of your steak. It was difficult to keep something this hardy down but you still need to eat at least something. He's been starving you to get you to agree to go out with him. You chewed the tender meat and swallowed. Strands of flesh stuck in between your teeth. You suck on your teeth with your tongue, as you take a moment to stop eating he takes it as the opportunity to_   _rudely put his phone into your face. He wanted to show you more. He opened up another photo album. It started the same as the first. A large statue of an angel in the middle of the storage unit. The angel's wings where completely spread out, lifting far above the angel's head. Circling the statue, the negative space looks like a nimbus. The angel was holding its head up high and glaring down onto the camera even from the distance the photo was taken. You could feel it's rage. it's judgement. You noticed that it was reeling back a knife in one of it's fists next to its flared out wings. Its other hand was in front of it's chest. Holding an open, but stiff, palm looking like it was in half of a prayer. He flipped to the next image. Now there was a red lighting in the room along the feet of the statue. You could see some dark patches of liquid on the floor... blood. There was a short black whip with long leather tassels and needles at the ends. Glass shattered on the floor. In front of the feet of the statue there was a small white sheep with red-eyes and a halo. You could see red drops of blood spattered on it. You retched. The sheep had red eyes... it was-_

 _He swiped to show you another image. It's another pair of dolls... you and him... you're holding up a knife and reeling it back to stab into him. His intestines are dripping out of his body and he is completely carved open. He made plush organs and hand stitched plush ribs, fully illustrating his own death at your hands. He showed you another photo. It's a doll of himself completely white. Even his small embroidered eyes and eyebrows, a pale dull white. Stiff and frozen solid. It made no sense whatsoever. He flipped to another. Showing you a doll of yourself as an angel holding onto the red-eyed sheep from before only now the sheep has plush wings and a little halo of its own. He swiped to another image as quickly as he could, he was disturbed by the next few images of you as an angel holding onto a little sheep covered in a hand-made miniature blanket. It was covered in blood. actual real drops of blood. He quickly flip to another photo, it was another plush of you, naked and covered in a sheet, laying on your stomach and looking at a dozen photos of something you can't make out. There's a closer photo, you can see you are looking at tiny fake polaroids of an albino sheep. He flipped through several images. There was a few paintings on the wall. Paintings of him completely drained of all color. A gray blur trapped in the ice but the sky was black. Black and filled with the image of a glowing angel. A glowing angel gazing down on him with fury, fully illustrating your abhor towards him. He drew his own damnation at your hands. He drew you casting him to the depths of a frozen hell. You took retribution for the sake of a sheep that was nuzzled in one of your arms as you offered your hand up to God. Holding your hand out to the side and your palm out to the sky in an orante prayer... rooted in... early christian imagery... that's right isn't it...? He flipped to another image. He painted more images of you draped in white cloth looking down at the phone with scorn with wrath. The paintings had more flecks of red. There's a painting on you sitting on Dave's bed, once again with large wings, this time golden and a golden nimbus, you are extending your hand down to Dave who is naked with a small black line of fabric draping off of his shoulder. He is covered in bruises with his mouth agape, looking up at you with awe. He skipped to the next painting, it's of you placing a blade in Dirk's hand and with the other hand you are guiding him to slit his own throat.There are more misplaced flecks of red on the painting._   _Flecks of dried blood- You couldn't stomach this any longer. You knocked the phone out of his hands._

_"Stop!" You cover your mouth to keep yourself from vomiting. You retch again._

_"I can burn it all down." He tells you,"I don't fucking care."_

_You started rubbing your forehead and then quickly move your hands underneath your glasses to rub your eyes._

_"I don't need it. I have that all right here."_

_You don't look at where he was pointing. His heart. His mind. You push the thought out of your own mind. You keep your eyes closed shut and focus on thoughts of Dave. Of your sheep. No- no! of Dave. A person. A real fucking human being, you know he doesn't think of Dave as anything more than an animal, as property and you won't let him make you think of him as less than 'Dave' a real fucking man. A man who is compassionate and kind._

_"I'll burn it all down. All fucking smash all of it. For you."_

_You sniffled and readjusted your jaw. You opened your mouth to speak but_ _before you could argue against it. His phone rang. Not the one in his hand but the one in his back pocket. He handed you his cell as he pulled out his work phone._

_You could see the vein in his neck pulse when he answered._

_**“This had better be fucking good."** _

_“Scratch. You are telling me that **you** can’t fucking figure out how to move that many-"_

_"I already made a plan months ago.” He was talking under his breath now, trying to be quiet. He speaks in a slow steady tone. “I said during our last meeting, make then look like families. Serket fucking said, in front of you, she would write them prompts on what to tell-"_

_“If you feel you have a better plan then **use it.** "_

_"I have no interest in having a dick measuring contest with any of you."_

_**"We will talk about this later.”** _

_“Your ‘employer’ should have the nerve to speak with me himself. I am currently busy.”_

_**“Yes.”** He actually sounded angry at whatever the other person on the line just said to him. _

_**“He Is Not..."**  He took a second to calm himself. **"my brother's plaything.”**_

_“You’re attempts to rile my anger will only serve to harm our progress here. You want more people moved by me? I will not do that myself. I have no interest in making my money through such means. You wish to do things your way? Go ahead, but Do Not forget who is the founder of our little team.”_

_He hung up._

_“I’m so fucking glad you’re here, angel. I almost lost it when he brought you up.” He started hugging you as he rested his head onto your neck. “I... John, I love you.”_

_You stiffened up again. What the fuck? **WHAT THE FUCK?**   You could pull back this curtain and scream bloody murder right now. You look young from all the years of malnutrition… if you screamed that he is molesting you right now you are sure people would run to your aid. But… but…_

_The phone buzzed in your hand._

_' Albino bitch?'_

_Your heart sank._

_It's Dave._

_He took the phone out of your hand._

_**"What.”**  He sounded enraged at him for calling._

_**“Put him on the line now.”** _

_“If you can’t pay for a thing **that**  cheap, then what did you do with the money you borrowed from me?"_

_'Why was Dave calling? What was his job? What the fuck does this have to do with him!?'_

_"I Do Not Listen To Excuses From Anyone. Send me the money at the end of the day or you get the privilege of feeling every single one of your ribs individually pulled out of your body- and pay your tab. **now.** If Dave calls me again I will have to Up my fucking threat.”_

_The man on the other line must be bargaining with him "-You caught me at **worse**  than a bad time. Wipe yourself clean of your debts or expect to die at midnight." He hung up and pulled you closer to him. He sighed out of his nose._

_"If I get one more fucking call." He pulled you tight to him. **"One more Fucking call."**_

_He took a deep breath of your hair and shuttered. "You are so fucking good to me."_

_"At least I have one fucking thing I can rely on." He pulled you into his chest and sighed as he hugged you. His grip was so fucking tight. He was pissed._

_His work phone rang._

_**“What?”** He raised his voice. _

_**“Fuck me. Can you people do anything without someone holding your hand?”** _

_He was getting loud._

_“Calm down." You started patting his chest with one hand. "Calm down!” He pulls you close to his chest again. His blistering rage has simmered down._

_“You just got lucky, Serket... my lover's pity just saved your life. Consider my mercy to be all you need from me today.”_

_"You are more than replaceable. Don't think yourself to be indispensable, you are superfluous to our group... I'd worry less about my focus and more about your own worth."_

_"Just because your threats are empty, do not mean that mine are. You must know that. You are stupid but you are not nearly that stupid."_

_"You are undeserving of the benevolence of my angel, and yet you received his rue. I do not have time to pay you a visit today either way. I have something else on my plate."_

_"Do what you will." He hung up._

_He pulled you into a hug. “God- angel, baby… it’s just been nonstop and I just added more to my schedule. I’ll have to make sure to turn off my phone for you tomorrow.”_

_“Tomorrow?”_

_He pulled you out of the hug and looked down at you._

_“Dave’s got quite a few jobs to do. Racked up quite a clientele recently. Some of them **we could both do without.** ”_

_You shivered. He kept holding onto you._

_"Hmm…" He breathed in a whiff of your scent again, "she said I have no focus... maybe I should lay a few of my extra jobs to rest, give the group a bone to chew on as my replacement and turn in for an early retirement. Maybe just a few hits every once and a while. I don’t need the other server I’ll eventually shut that thing down. I'll have to figure something out about my hit server. Still, I have plenty to live off of. We can both travel the world - with Dave…” -he said begrudgingly - “We can go to japan if you’d like. You like games? You’d love akihabara."_

_He took back his phone from your hands and looked through it as he spoke.“I went to japan two months ago for a two days for the fun of it. Thought you needed a break from riding my cock. Remember, all that candy and gifts I got you? It was from that trip.” He showed you photos of one of his trips to japan. The image was filled with signs with bold lettering in a language you didn't understand. The signs were huge and illuminated with neon lights in a million different colors. Electronic billboards showing images of illustrated girls presenting ads with their open palms. There was another photo of a marketplace that was just filled with electronics, copper wires, small batteries and green chips. Small parts for building... something?... He took a lot of photos of shelves filled with things like that. There was a photo of two japanese girls dressed up as maids handing out menus to people. There's another photo of a girl dressed in a strange outfit handing out tissues to people in front of a storefront._ _Another photo was of a building filled with sexy figurines and cutesy stuffed animals. There was another picture of vending machines that dispense capsule toys._

_The next photo was of a wooden cart in the middle of a walkway._

_“That’s where I got you that good luck charm."_

_There was a photo of the outside of another tall building with a million different red neon signs with white japanese text._

_“That’s where I bought you all of the candy I gave you.”_

_There was yet another image of the inside of a shop that was filled with toys and figures._

_“That’s where I bought you that stuffed animal."_

_There was a photo of a tall building with only a few neon signs._

_“I got that wand from there.” He slapped your thigh. “Fucking fast as hell right?”_

_You narrowed your eyes and skipped past the next three photos._

_“Hey… hey.” He started rubbing your waist again. “Slow down, angel. It’s my phone not my cock.”_

_That was it._

_You dropped his phone onto the wooden table. It clinked against the edge of your plate._

_“I’ll show you some more myself then, hu?” He picked up his phone and leaned into you._

_He held up the phone to your face and pulled it back as he rested his chin on your shoulder. There was a tan wooden block on a red string hung up around a million others._

_“It’s an Ema... You know that...? Well... you write down what you want on it and God takes your wish. I wrote down I wanted you to sooth my soul.”_

_He started rubbing your waist again. “I guess I got my wish today.”_

_He flipped to another photo and started mindlessly talking about the city he stayed in. “They have maid cafes. Filled with cute girls? Do you like girls?” You didn’t answer you never had the chance to really find that out anyway. Nor did you care. You were practically married to-_ _“How about we get Dave to dress up as a maid again? Get him to serve us some tea as we sit on the floor. We can both start touching him. You want to rub your hand up Dave’s thigh? You want to force him down to his knees and fuck him in front of me? That be fun for you?"_

_He flipped through some more photos of the city. He decided to comment on one,_

_“Everytime I go out to japan I pick up another sword.”_

_There was a photo of you naked and sleeping. “Opps.” He exited out of the photo and started looking for a different album. Apparently he took several photos of you laying down on your back as you slept. “You know what you do to me this isn’t a big surprise, right? I'm sure you already knew anyway.”_

_He showed you more photos on his phone to try and save this fucking god awful 'date.'_

_“This was my big trip to Europe a while ago, angel. There’s a Christmas-" he’s trying to get your attention back, he starts flipping through photos. “I went to Spain for a while. I stayed in a luxury resort. Isn’t it beautiful? I can take you anywhere in the world you want. Dave can tag along, shit the two of us would probably just follow you around like fucking starved dogs. Look at how gorgeous this pool is, you want one like that? I’ll build us a house anywhere in the world you’d like. You like anything you’ve seen so far?”_

_You sighed and said nothing._

_“There’s other cities I’ve been to in Japan too. It’s beautiful there. Here let me show you. See that’s Osaka, it’s famous for the food. You’d love it. Dave would love it too. How about that? We tell Dave were all going to be together and than take him on a trip to Kyoto? He likes music right? I know a few clubs, there are record stores that are several stories tall.” You started to zone out. He selected a new group of pictures. You didn't even care to look. “You like books, right? I wanted this to be a surprise for when you go but… on the west coast here, in America, there is a town filled with books. We can go there. This here, this is in Tokyo, it’s just like it.”_

_He shoved the phone in front of your face and showed you a photo of two different shops filled to the brim with antique books._

_“We can go once you learn the language... or maybe you already know it."_

_You looked over towards the black curtain. Trying hard not to think of anything. He's acting delusional again..._

_“What is it that you want? You want dessert?”_

_You don't want this to last any longer than it has too. “I’m full.”_

_“You want to go to a bookstore? Pick out a novel yourself for once? Come on, we can spend the whole day out.”_

_“I tan easy." You confess, "I don’t want Dave knowing I’ve been out.”_

_“It’s so dark in his room anyway. He won’t notice if you get a bit sunkissed." He unbuttoned your top button and started sucking on your neck. He's nibbling on you again._

_“Stop." You started lightly pushing his head off of you, "we’re in public.”_

_“You know it’s hard to resist tasting your skin.”_

_“Dirk.” When you said his first name he always shut up and listened. “I want to eat dessert and have a normal meal. You **sit** at the **end of the table**. **Now.** ”_

_He complied. Taking both of his phones with him. He called over the waiter and ordered something for you both. You stared down at your unfinished steak._

_Oil and blood._

You dropped your silverware onto the plate and started holding your head. You didn't recall any of that until just now... did you push that from your mind...? You start shivering. You have to step away from the table, you jump out of your seat and rush into your room. You slammed your door open and fell face forward onto your bed. You keep holding onto your head as you try to force the thought out of your mind. You tried to calm down. Dr. Serket said you have to just accept your thoughts, but you can't accept that...

it feels like he's still alive...

you can't accept that...

You heard someone muttering, “Son, are you alright.”

Your ears are ringing you can barely make out who is talking. “John might need some space. For the time being, just sit by his side.”

You felt the urge to void out your stomach. You got up to run to the toilet. You knew that you could only make it as far as the desk so you grabbed the trash can and drag your head under the antique bureau.

It felt like you vomited out all of your stomach in one burst but more kept coming. You vomited out what felt like everything inside of you, felt like you voided out even all of your stomach acid but you couldn't stop retching. Always with the retching.

You started sobbing into the can. You noticed that there was vomit on your shirt and on the floor besides you. You made a mess again and your burdening everyone with it. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“John, don’t apologize." You heard your dad's voice somewhere behind you. "I only want you to calm down and start feeling better, okay? Don’t worry about anything else for right now.”

“I’m sorry that I- dad… I…” you started sobbing again. You are such a major fuck up. You put down the can and start weeping into your hands. There is vomit on your fingers too. You just got it in your hair. You keep fucking up.

“John will be alright." Dr. Serket was in the room, she was talking with someone outside the door.

“Does he need me?” You heard that voice. That loving, caring voice, no matter how monotone he sounds you can always tell by his words how he feels. He needs you as much as you need him right now. You want nothing more then to grab onto him and force him into a hug. You want him to gift you with his presence. You want to return to the only place you feel safe. You were so desperate for Dave's arms. You forced yourself up. You turned towards the door. You walked through the threshold. You slammed it shut. You locked the bathroom door. You sat down on the tile. Alone.

You felt the need… no... _'I really do need to learn how to be completely alone.'_

* * *

_The two of you were naked in bed again, you were fast asleep a second ago but the soft sound of the door clinking open woke you up. Still you kept your eyes closed._

_The christmas lights strung all throughout the room and shone down onto you. Red and blue light. You could still see the colors through your eyelids._

_If he is going to do anything to you, you aren't sure what to do... he's been acting so intense lately. After that poor excuse of a date, you're not sure if you're more afraid of him or more confident that you can best him... you aren't even sure you can recall the most of it. He's starting to crawl onto the bed. You hear the rustling of the sheets underneath his knees. The clinking of glasses against a glass bottle, the contents are shifting around, sounds almost like water, mixing around in a jug. Dave shot up. You slowly get up next to him. That man is at the foot of your bed. You aren't sure exactly what he is doing. You squint your eyes, only seeing his outline as a grayish, blue and red, blur. Dave noticed that you couldn't see anything and grabbed your glasses for you. You placed them on the bridge of your nose and straightened them to see that horrible man with three shot glasses, two in one hand, one in the other while he is also holding up a bottle of some kind of vodka._

_Dave lowered his brows. He turned to grab his shades._

_"Someone got me a gift. I don't want to drink it alone." He's planning something._

_"I need a partner." Sitting down with his legs hanging off to the side, his upper body turned to face you both. He handed you a glass first. Then Dave took one. He poured all three of you a glass and downed a shot. Dave followed. You put the liquid into your mouth. It burnt your gums. You spat it back into the shot glass. Dave quickly took it and downed it for you as you coughed._

_"Let him drink it." His voice was low. Low and deep. He wanted you to drink._

_He poured you all another round. You aren't sure how long this is going to go on for but you do know that you don't enjoy this. You downed the shot as quickly as you could. It burned going down. You opened your mouth to pant. You don't like the feeling. You don't like the taste. You can taste a bit of sugar, like a marshmallow or a cupcake. It's disgusting to you._ _He poured you another shot when you finished. Making sure to always keep all of your glasses full. You all finished more than half of the bottle when he set it down on Dave's nightstand._

_He was looking into Dave's shades._

_"You can keep the rest."_

_Dave didn't say anything to that, just nodded his head slightly._

_That man slowly started crawling up onto the bed. He lowered the sheet covering you both as he crawled on top of Dave. Dave wasn't clothed. Wearing nothing at all. You know where this is going. You know you can do nothing about it. He started pushing Dave onto the bed. Slowly kissing his neck and pulling something out of his back pocket. It was a small orange condom. At least you think it's orange. It's so difficult to make out any color in this light. Red and blue mixing on Dave's pale, drained, skin. You could do nothing but watch as he slowly turned Dave over. Lifting up his hips so he could insert himself into him. Slowly forcing himself into him. He forced a grunt out of Dave._

_"shhh. shh." the bastard was trying to coo Dave to get him to relax, breathing out, "just take it."_

_He was breathing into the side of Dave's head. He slowly starts kissing his neck again._

_He thrusted into Dave a few more times, "that's it."_

_There is nothing that can be done to stop this. Anything that you would do or say would only make this worse. You have to stay silent. You can only watch. You lightly graze your hand over Dave's upper arm to tell him things are okay, he tenses up at your touch. You know he doesn't want you to watch. He wants to suffer alone. You won't let him. You never let him._

_You think of this as a punishment, a punishment for the two of you to suffer through together._

_He picks up the pace and as he starts lifting up Dave's neck and kissing his throat,_

_"that's a good boy, good boy."_

_Dave is forcing himself to get close, he just wants this to be over as soon as possible._

_That man is dragging his hand to tug at Dave to force him to finish, "shh... that's it. that's it."_

_Dave was breathing heavy._

_His hips were forced up,_ _"keep it up."_

_He kept whispering, "good boy. shhh... good boy."_

_Dave's trying hard not to groan, trying hard to keep everything in._

_That man kept tugging at Dave's erection. Suddenly he got faster._

_When Dave finished he let out a breathy whine, filled with air from deep in his lungs._

_Dave's hips feel into the sheets. Smearing against the mess he was forced to make._

_**That fucking demon**  flipped Dave onto his back._

_Dave's pale, white skin glowing blue and red from the lights above._

_He finished himself off on Dave's chest._

_You narrowed your eyes at the act._

_You got up from the bed and grabbed Dave's raggedy old red, washed-out towel that he's been using for years. Any filth from that man deserves to be cleaned up with nothing less... still... Dave deserved better treatment than that. You can take a shower with him in the morning and wash himself clean with your own two hands. For now, you wipe down his chest and try to scrub at the sheets underneath him. Dave is covering his eyes with the back of one of his wrists. He is trying hard to keep it all inside. He is on the verge of breaking, swallowing down all of his tears. You can tell from the way his chest is heaving. From the way his adam's apple is moving. He keeps swallowing down spit. His throat must be killing him. Doesn't help that you feel something similar... but you are much more numb at the moment... numb and angry. You want nothing more than to cling onto the only place that makes you feel safe. Doing that right now would be a mistake. Dave would be the one who would get punished for it. You don't know how but he would find a way to punish him, saying that he came first, saying that he didn't moan enough... something... he always finds something..._

_"John." That demon was demanding your attention again._

_You slowly spare yourself a few seconds of not looking at him. You break your gaze away from Dave's covered eyes onto his. He has on a blank expression. Suddenly... he swallowed down spit... he is nervous. You looked down at his flaccid penis, hanging out of his black dress pants. He tucks himself back into his pants and quickly zips himself up. You look back up at him, unamused._

_"Treated him right, didn't I?" He says the words with pride but only for Dave to hear, he's letting you know with the way he nods that he wants you to give him an honest answer._

_You looked down at Dave, checking if his eyes are still covered. He was panting and dry heaving._

_You look back at that man and slowly shake your head from side to side. **He didn't impress you.**_

_You narrow your eyes again. **He just enraged you.**_

_That man grabbed you by the wrist, tight and hard. Mouthing the words, 'what do I have to do?'_

_He had hints of panic in his irises, you don't know how you recognized it but you did._

_'tell me what I have to fucking do.'_

_You pulled your arm out of his grasp. 'Leave.'_

_He glared down at Dave, making no effort to even hide his jealousy. One of the few emotions he can actually express on his face. Before you could even do anything to stop it, he reeled back his fist and deck Dave in the stomach. Once he reels back his fist again you jump over your lover's stomach to shield him from the next hit. His glare is focused on you now. You look up at him. Still, it feels like you are looking down at him._

_"Don't hold in your moans," you knew he would use that as an excuse, "whores don't hold in their moans."_

_He takes a moment before speaking again._

_"Had a fun night didn't we, Dave?" He is still looking into your eyes, "too bad that John didn't get anything out of it."_

_Dave automatically shot up again. He is still panting. Letting out deep breaths from his gut. He is always more than willing to fight on your behalf. Always ready to fight for your protection. Fight and get horribly beaten._

_"I would love to sleep with my master," you say as you move over Dave and put your glasses back on the stand where they were once before. You slowly lay back into bed. "I'd love to get some rest."_

_"That's more than fine." That man was asserting himself into your bed again, forcing himself up against the wall and pushing you into Dave. You start shivering. He covers himself in your blanket, covering you as well. He grabbed Dave's wrist and forced his arm over you. He was making Dave hold onto you, no, he was forcing Dave's hand to rest on the side of his stomach. He was forcing all three of you to cuddle up to each other... he was forcing... all of you... to sleep in the same bed..._

_It's impossible to get any sleep. He keeps breathing into your hair and feeling up Dave to keep himself from feeling up... you. Eventually you must have fallen asleep, you force your eyes to stay closed as you feel him shuffling behind you._

_He got up from your bed. Dave was still asleep. You pretended you were too._

_He leaned over and lightly kissed your cheek. He lifted up his head to get a look at you. He brushed his fingers through your hair. He leaned back into you to give you another kiss, this time sniffing the side of your hair as he pressed his filth-stained lips against your cheek. You shivered out your disgust with him, you quickly shifted to pretending that you were stirring. You turned your face into the pillow and closer to Dave. You felt Dave's chin grazing against the top of your head._

_He quickly got off the bed and slammed the door shut. He couldn't stand the sight of you two together like that. You know that he can't stomach it. He slammed the door loud enough when he left the room to wake up Dave. He shot up. You pulled him down, back to where he was before. If he left you two like this then you are allowed to cuddle up to each other._

_You whisper into his chest, "he's so fucking pathetic, he needed us as drinking partners, and then he slept with us? he's so fucking sad."_

_He said the words as lightly as he could, "he could still be outside the door."_

_You pressed your forehead against his neck, "right. I know. I'm sorry. I know he'll probably beat us both... that's what makes it so sad and so fucking pathetic."_

_Dave pressed you closer to him. "I get that you are mad. I get that you are upset. I am angry too... but we need to move on."_

_"dave." You pull away from him and look at him. "he just barged in, raped you, and acted the whole time like he was doing right by you."_

_"john." He said in a hushed, serious, caring tone. "drop it."_

_He's only speaking in such a tone because he doesn't want you, specifically you, to get hurt._

_He can't take that right now._

_"I will." you pull back into him, "this is hard on both of us. let's just get back to sleep."_

_You were sure that he was listening in... he told you himself that he did that all the time..._

_Dave is much more likely to get punished then you and if you don't listen to Dave when he tells you to listen, he will come in and beat him because **you** were disobeying. _

_Always disobeying like the defiant whore that you are._

You breathe out a sigh.

You sit up in your bed.

No one to the right of you.

Nothing...

No one in your bed.

You are alone.

You are completely alone in this room.

You are alone when you go into the bathroom. You are alone when you get dressed. When you sit at the table with everyone else, smiling and telling each other stories and the latest news, you are alone. You walk back into your room after eating enough, after drinking enough, after hearing enough, you lay back down on your bed and try to get more rest. 

It's almost impossible not to feel like his eyes are on you. Still you ignore the feeling, like you always did. You can't bring yourself to move or do anything. You just want to lay face down on your bed and wait...

wait for something...

wait for things to get better, maybe...

maybe you are just waiting...

waiting for Dave to come back to you...

* * *

You came out to the living room, your dad asked you to come out and watch some tv with everyone. You sighed when you saw the only free spot was next to your husband. You asked Zahhak to move a bit over for you. You took your spot on the opposite end of the couch, as far from your husband as you could be right now. You weren't sure what they were watching or even if you would enjoy it. You just sighed and rested your elbow on the armrest. It's just ads. Something for men's razors. _'Cool.'_ Something about an add for anxiety medication. _'Great.'_ An ad for a crime drama. _'Awesome.'_ A commercial for some estate show comes on. Something about how they would fix up the homes in less than a week sparked some interest in you. You weren't sure why... The people on the show gave their clients a luxury pool in their backyard. You squint your eyes as you watched each shot of the houses. You felt your head start to pull into itself... _'what?'_   You watched each shot of the different rooms. You held your head with the hand that your chin was resting on. Why does your head hurt from-

_You were blindfolded as he drove you out of the city. It must have been a two hour drive. Just like always he didn't play any music. You listened to some Bach on that Ipod he gave you on those headphones... that he also gave you. He didn't want you peaking so he kept a close eye on you. He rubbed your inner thigh as he drove you in one of his cars or one of your cars. You didn't know, you didn't see. You couldn't even see anything if you did peak, he has your glasses. He patted your thigh a few times. You sat up, he pulled down your headphones. He must have wanted you to listen to some more of his lengthy tangents about salvation or some delusion he was living in. So nauseating already..._

_"I wiped my phone clean."_

_"What?" You turned your head towards his direction._

_"I completely wiped my cloud and my personal phone of all of those photos... all of my numbers... I started over again... I renamed Dave too."_

_"To what?" You sound half as annoyed as you feel, "sheep?"_

_"No... to just... Dave."_

_"You expect me to be impressed that you decided to call Dave by his real name?"_

_"I am telling you... I am willing to make this work." He let out a light breath. "I know it isn't easy to impress you. I know that you don't trust me. I know that you are scared... you want to know the truth...?"_

_"Are you going to tell me that you're scared too or something?"_

_"No... I am not afraid of you anymore."_

_'Fucking nut job.' You started slouching and resting your arm on the arm rest._

_"I'm actually... excited."_

_"Fuck... are you taking me to Six Flags or something?"_

_"Do you want to go?"_

_"It was a joke." You don't even know if he understands when your sarcastic or not. All you know is that you must seem like the ultimate riddle to him._

_"I don't want to ruin the surprise."_

_"Whatever it is, I'm sure it will go the same way it always does."_

_"I'm not so sure about that."_

_"You show me some big romantic gesture and then start ranting about 'the heavens'..." you lightly flick both of your hands into the air and then place your hands on your lap, "it's as predictable as it is sad."_

_"Just wait and see."_

_"Don't you think I know everything anyway? Don't you think I know what the surprise is?"_

_"You can feel everything, right? Everything about the universe, but you don't 'know' everything... you will once you die... Isn't that it?"_

_You sigh and recline your chair to lay down. You are done with this conversation._ _You fell asleep in the car. He patted your arm till you stretched your back and sat up from your reclined seat. He was outside of the car and on your side, the door was wide open and you could smell the air. It was filled with salt and orange blossoms. You must be near the beach. He guided you by the hand to stand up. You swatted him away and stood up on your own. You took a few steps forward and felt the pavement turn to grass._

_He untied your blindfold and placed your glasses back on your face. You were staring down at your feet. The grass was completely flat, small tiny light green blades beneath your dress shoes. You readjusted your glasses with your hand as you gazed up to see. Of course... a luxurious eggshell white house with smooth tall walls, looks like it's four stories high and you could see the tops of some chairs on the roof._

_"Come with me inside." There was no hint of excitement or joy in his voice... but you could tell it was there._

_You walked ahead of him, you trailed up the white oak steps and opened up one of the two front doors. You could hear rushing water. You walked in without holding the door open for him. You turned your head to see water rushing off of the sides of both of the walls and into a small pool of water tracing the outline of the walls. You walked across the ivory floors to the other side of the house. There was a large open window as tall as two stories. You could see a lush garden outside, filled with an array of different flowers and rich shrubs. Large orange blossoms and gardenias. Long past the garden there was a view of the ocean. The house was on a hill, you could see in the distance the white-tan grains of sand get pushed and pulled by the tides. You can make out a long white tall fence stretching down from the property and on to the beach, blocking it off from the outside world. There was a long brown dock, piercing into the green-blue sea, with small tiny lanterns on each of the wooden pillars._

_He stepped up besides you. He kept his distance. Letting you take in the view before guiding you to the next room. He's taking you over to the right side of the main floor. You past the walls, the pools of water still continued to trace the edges of the walls and let up to a small square patch of water with a small rock waterfall. “I had this place renovated and tailored to us. Plenty of things were here when I bought it, like this... for example...”_

_He opened up one of the two black matte doors for you. You squinted, it was pitch black inside. Suddenly there was a soft blue light emanating from the sides of the floor, revealing steps next to two rows of large leather seats, all of them are reclined back and each of them have a blanket. You looked up and see a huge black screen along the wall. You turned your head to see there was a small table with several different game controllers at the ready. You turned completely away from the private theater, you saw enough to get the gist._

_He showed you to the other side of the main floor, you pass by a glass staircase backlit with pink LED lights that suddenly change to a vibrant neon blue and then white. It keep changing colors against the metal rails and the wall it's placed against. He guides you to walk past them. You pass by a small bathroom and a room with a oak bowling alley, there were four bowling lanes each with their own screen. There was a candy dispenser on the wall filled with different candies, jellybeans, M &M's- you saw enough and moved on. _

_There is a glass elevator that you were expecting that he was going to ask you to ride in._

_"Right here." You turn your head to look at him, he is pointing at a small monitor built into the wall._

_"Full surround sound. Full RGB spectrum lighting on every light in the house. There's a monitor on each floor that can control the whole house. Every light. Every door. Every speaker. The house has a security system built in. There's also six different bathrooms."_

_You notice right above the monitor there is a sword mounted high on the wall._

_"Just a precaution." He noticed you were staring at it. "Let me get the elevator for you."_

_He went ahead of you and pressed the door open button. He waited for you to enter first and then followed you in. It quickly lifted you up to the next floor, you stepped out and saw another view of the ocean and the garden from outside. There was a small white room with a large doorway overlooking the scenery outside. The room just had a tan bench and a long white table. It looked similar to a porch. There were a few bookshelves and plants. Once again you move on. You walk past a gym, filled with machines and probably weights, you don't look._

_"There's a sauna in it too."_

_"Hmm." You hum as you keep walking past the white walls and tiled floors. You bypass the kitchen, apparently it's huge, must be, it's taking up this floor. He asked you if you wanted to see it or save it for later. Of course you picked the latter._

_You rode up the elevator again and made it to the third floor. The walls were a dark chestnut, made of wood, they trailed up to the ceiling. The roof of the room was made of the same wood as the walls and had a small white chandelier in the middle. Suddenly it flickered to a light blue, then a soft purple, now it's a deep pomegranate color. It settled on that color. You look behind you, he was fiddling around with the lighting. You ignored him and walked into the room, you took a right and carried on. You see several black bar stools in front of a full bar with black counters and many different bottles of many different types of alcohol, including fireball, go figure._

_You hear another waterfall. You turned the corner to see a room with glass doors and black walls, actually they were a deep, dark brown, so dark they looked black. The lighting was so dim you could hardly make anything out. You looked up. The walls outlined the ceiling, but the actual ceiling was much higher then where the walls stopped. A flicker of lights poured from the brown-black outline of the walls, turning the room white. There was a waterfall dripping down from the ceiling and into a small indoor pool that also had lights underwater along the bottom outline of the pool. There were stacks of towels on a small dark brown table and four long white pool chairs. He walked inside and pressed on a small button on the wall. The wall behind the pool chairs split in half and slid open. There were a number of different sex toys each lined up from largest to smallest, displayed on several rows of glass shelves. You walked on to the next room. You scrunch up your nose. The floor is just pearl-white cushions. The walls are a dark brown, almost black. The lighting swiftly dims and the speakers from the ceiling starts playing a low beat with a deep bass. He was fiddling around with the mood lighting again, this time he felt confident enough to play music. He never plays you music unless he really expects something. You move out and across to the other side of the floor. There's a large bathroom... or is it a spa. It has a large tub that could easily fit four people off to the side of the room. The tiles of the floor were black and the walls were a deep, rich coffee matte. Off to the other side there was a huge shower. You didn't care to see the rest. You walked out and opened up the next door and close it before he even notices that you didn't look. You just want to get this tour over with._

_You walk over to the elevator and go up to the fourth floor. He leads you down a hall filled with records on the walls along with shelves that he must not have had anytime to put anything on. He led you down the hall and into a different section of the house. He took you to the door that was the furthest away from the hall and in the corner. The room was pitch black. He touched a screen and the blur of two red lights came on. There was a large screen on the wall that had a projection on it, it was like a large theatre. It had a selection menu for several different icons, you recognized hulu. There was a small LED light on the other side of the wall, you walk in and see a large queen sized bed with white sheets and a long red blanket folded across the middle of the bed. Right above the bed, there was a small aquarium built into the side of the wall filled with moon jellyfish. They lightly danced in the glowing red water. You look at the other side of the room again. There was a record table along with several open cubbies the perfect size for vinyl records._

_"This is Dave's room."_

_You already knew that the moment you saw red._

_"So..." you suck on your tongue, "you got him a room separate from ours then?"_

_"Come over here." You didn't notice that there was a door next to his bed. He opened it for you. He walked over to the screen next to the other door in the room and lightly tapped it. The LED lights in the Jellyfish aquarium turned blue and the light from the ceiling turned the room white. There was another bed. It had a blue blanket draped on top of it and shelves filled with novels and books all along the wall._

_"This is your room."_

_You walked over to the other door and opened it. You were expecting something ornate and lavish on the other side. No. It just led you to were you were when you entered the room he made for Dave._

_He showed you to another room across from yours. Another dark room. This time you softly touched the screen yourself, the room had no aquarium and no other door. Just a soft orange glow above another queen sized bed. The blanket covering the sheets was orange this time. Of course there were swords along the wall. There was a small digital picture frame flashing a picture of Dave's wall full of polaroids back in his room. Photos of you._

_"This one is mine. We each have our own."_

_You stepped back outside and looked up at him. That isn't what he said he wanted. He asked to share a bed with you and Dave. This is some elaborate set up to get you to agree to marry him again. Best to just get the tour over with. You sigh as you walk over to the other door. Behind it was a room with rock walls, also with several japanese swords mounted to the walls, and a small indoor lake filled with koi fish. It had a small waterfall and a few small bonsai trees and a wooden table that is low to the floor with four cushions._

_You look out of the room and over to the window on your right. There is probably the smallest kitchen that you've ever seen. A fridge and a marble counter with a small sink. Must be just for snacks and placed right there so he can make himself tea with the electric water boiler_ _. You move on to the otherside of the house. There is another small personal theater this time however it is low to the ground. There are several seats on the floor surrounding a table that is low to the ground and covered in a table cloth... but the wooden top of the table is still visible...?_

_"It's a kotatsu." He must have noticed your confusion. "It's a table with a blanket as well as a built in heater."_

_He walked up to it, "also." He pulled on a small handle to lift up one half of the table to reveal,_ _"there is a laptop and an Ipad for you, along with a matching set for Dave."_

_You scrunch up your brow and tilt your head slightly._

_"I said I would treat Dave right."_

_You open up your mouth and lift up your brows, "okay." You nodded. 'buuulllshit.'_

_You just walk over to see the rest of the floor. There was a large closet with dark wooden walls, there was an empty space engraved into the walls. Nothing but hangers on black matte polls. In the middle of the room there was a table with a white marble counter that matched the white floor and ceilings. You notice there are a few outfits on one of the racks next to where you stood. The first one you saw is a red and white maid outfit. You're done with this floor._

_He shows you to a staircase, once again with LED lights built in. This time they are a light blue. You walk up the steps and make your way to the roof._

_First thing you see is a large white couch with several seats. It's curving around a large white stand, it looked like a lonely wall. He pressed something on another one of those screens, revealing a large flat screen underneath the wall. There's a fire pit that lit up with flame, along the bottom of the flatscreen. He took you over to the other side of the roof. You noticed the infinity pool on the side closest to the beach and a hot tub on the other. There are all the pool chairs you saw from earlier. He opened the door for you. There was a large bedroom with a huge deluxe king sized bed with three sets of pillow and quilted white sheets. There was a large screen on the opposite wall, it nearly took up the whole thing. There is a small set up of LED lights along the bottom. You head into the bathroom. Three separate sinks, one large shower, one enormous tub and a door that probably was housing a toilet. You sigh and walk out of the room. He's shown you everything he has to offer._

_Just as you expected, you hear him drop down behind you. You turn around and look down on him. He was down on one knee. He takes out another black box. He goes to open it, goes to say those words he always says, two words and then four. He opens his mouth and takes a breath- just then his phone rings. You can't help it. You laugh, a scornful laugh as you look down at him. He grabs his work phone from his back pocket and smashes it against the cement floor. A tiny amount of flecks from it's screen scatter along the cement in front of you. You look down at him one last time and scrunch up your nose, slightly moving your upper lip. You walk away from him and look over to the ocean._  

_He got up from where he knelt and joined you. You stood away from him and continued to face the ocean as he spoke,_

_"This house was just finished, I got you another diamond ring."_

_"I'm rejecting both things."_

_"I know that you are... knew you would the moment I took off your blindfold. Still, it was fun wasn't it? This is what I can offer you. This is what I can offer **you and Dave**. I know that you're a packaged deal."_

_You scrunched up your lower face again. Nose and upper lip._

_"There's also a garage underneath the house, Dave and I can keep driving back and forth to get the cars if you still don't want to learn how to drive."_

_"Yeah... I don't want to live here."_

_"It's only temporary until I can get us a better house."_

_"Yeaaaahhhh... no."_

_He got down on his knee again and started rambling, like that is going to change your mind,_

_"I was actually worried for a while that I might have gotten bored of you once you said yes... that it would take all of the fun out of this, but... no... I realize now this is my true calling and I forever will remain devout to you._   _I am ready for damnation at your hands, I am ready for your salvation too... I am ready for anything you decide... I will choose to do whatever you wish and I am going to show you how far I am willing to take things for you. John, I would die for you. I would let you carve open my chest and pull out my heart. I will gift you with myself, in any way you see fit. I just want to give you the chance to do it."_

_'So that's how he views marriage?'_

_"I want to give you the real fucking chance to rip me apart or save me or any fucking thing you want. That involves telling Dave. Soon... the two of us will tell Dave."_

_"No. No! We fucking won't!" You violently swiped the air in front of him."You want to beat me? Fine. Rape me? Go Ahead! Tear apart my Fucking **Soul!? DO IT!**  -BUT TELL DAVE ARE **YOU FUCKING NUTS?!** WHY DID I EVEN ASK?! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE!" You pointed your finger, stiff and violently, out at him. " **YOU** WILL NOT TELL DAVE ABOUT THIS!" _

_You glared at him._

**_"If anyone does. It will be me."_ **

_"I understand." He nodded. "I completely understand... my darling slice of heaven."_

What? When did he ever call you... he... he called you... he... wait...

You started holding your head.

He called you that during the call... he... _when...?_

He started calling you that a few days before you ran out...

No... no, he said that he was going to make you a library...

why is that the last memory you can recall before Da-Dave cut your thigh- wait... no... it isn't...

he started worshiping you as more than just an angel...

even before he took you to that house...

about two days... maybe three... 

maybe... a week? What...?

he confess that...

he thought that you were... 

"John are you alright?" Zahhak must have noticed how tense you were.

You could feel all eyes on you once he said that. You looked up at him.

"I'm fine... I just..." You looked back at the screen. "I... remembered something."

"Remembered what, John?" Dr. Serket asked you in the most friendly voice she could muster. 

"He... he bought... me a house once... I just... I... I can't believe... I... I forgot..."

You repressed the memory... that makes you wonder what else you forgot. Doesn't matter. You don't want to remember. You just stay focused on the screen. 

"John," Dr. Serket is trying to sound comforting she just comes off as concerned, "are you alrigh-"

"I'm fine. It's just..." you take a deep sigh and hold it then you breathe it out. "It's just a house."

"Son..." Your dad sounds concerned. "Are You Sure... that you're okay?"

"He's dead." You keep staring at the screen.

"That's not a yes." You heard your husband's voice at the end of the couch. He sounded more concerned than anyone else. 

"Don't make this into a big deal, guys. It's okay. I think I only forgot because..." You just realized that saying that so casually is what everyone is so concerned about. You stop talking. You're letting yourself slip. You needed to shut up anyway, you were about to say that he bought you things all the time. You think that it's fine because you rejected just about all of those things. He was dripping with cash and nearly all of it blood money... Most of the gifts you would just scoff at. You felt like it was supposed to torment you but then you realized that it was tormenting **him** and you started to... enjoy making him feel that frustration... wait- why didn't he film it...? he always films those things... that makes no sense... He said... he said that he thought you would say no... but you always said no... you always said no and he would still film everything...

"John?" Dr. Serket gently says your name.

"I forgot because he expected me to live there... and I said no and moved on."

"Moved on to what?" You don't think your dad meant to ask. The question just came out.

"This." You stretched out your arm and then gestured at everyone sitting down.

"This happened a bit after..."

You pointed at the screen before anyone could say anything. "The show is back on."

You sigh out your nose. Zahhak is nervously fiddling with his hands. You are impatiently tapping your foot down against the floor, bouncing your knee up and down. How many memories did you repress? How many videos did he record? If he didn't smash his phone would they have had that in evidence? How different would things have been if they just had his phone...? What if he did finish that library that he said he would make for you? Would he had tailored it fit to you? Would it have been obvious? What if he didn't tear apart that apartment room he made for you?... that room that you could hardly recall... What if he passed that test that you... that doesn't matter... things happened the way that they did... and... you are glad for that. You look over at Dave. Sitting there on the couch, watching tv. Munching on some spicy chips that they bought just for him. You smile and sigh. Just another regular average person sitting there apart from you... safe and sound. You're content with just that for now... still... you can't help but feel frustrated that... that... he doesn't want to sleep with you... and all of these memories keep flooding back to your mind when you're not with him. He decided that he doesn't want to choke you. He made that choice. He can sleep on the couch until he decides to give you the one thing that you ask of him. He can have anything he wants from you, your heart, your body, your soul, those things you are more than willing to share. Already tied to him, forever... but you just want one thing... one single thing... until then you have to hold your ground.

You have to... for... yourself...

just like Dave always wanted...

you are doing something for yourself.

* * *

The next morning after breakfast, Dr. Serket told you she is interested in learning more about your repressed memories. You sit down in the middle of the largest sofa. She's sitting down in the loveseat next to the couch you are on. She asks you what you remember... you think about sparing her from knowing. What would you even tell her? That he actually thought that you were crafted by God's hand? Sent down from heaven to defeat him and save Dave's soul and when you die you are going to return to heaven and forever hold onto Dave's immortal soul...? fucking lunatic shit... For the past few months you just remembered that he thought you were Dave's guardian angel... he still thought that... in a way... you don't know exactly where Dave fit into his religious ramblings. He seemed to think that Dave was maybe the thing that represented all of the innocent souls tormented by him and his group...?  His syndicate - what he called his 'ilk' - other murderers... over the phone it sounded like they thought he was losing his mind and they must have known that he was a serial killer... wait, did they know? You hardly knew anything about him... he just assumed that you did because he thought you were... of the heavens... You started shivering. You need to stop trying to rationalize his ramblings... they never made any sense... he just got more and more delusional... trying so hard not to accept that he loved someone that he viewed to be a sex slave, 

_'Daddy's little princess.'_

You could hear Dr. Serket adjust in the arm chair. "John, if you'd like we can talk about something else."

"I need to go to my room." You stand up. You just want to lose yourself in another book again. You want to push the thoughts out of your mind. She keeps telling you that you have to accept them in order to move past them but... it still feels like he is watching you. You can recall that he worshiped you. Literally worshiped you and punished himself in front of a shrine for you and all of these other things that you just wanted to forget... that you let yourself forget... and when you stopped focusing on Dave you remembered... You want nothing more than for Dave to be happy and safe and... and you think...

now you want your own happiness too...

you want that...

just like Dave wants.

It's the same thing.

* * *

You were walking by the living room, everyone is turning in for the night. You wanted to grab a glass of water. You peaked into the living room and saw your husband listening to some beats, wearing his shades, completely alone. You just wanted to look at him. He noticed you, he must have thought you wanted to talk because he slipped off his headphones.

Fine.

You'll talk, “How’s sleeping on the couch treating you?” 

“Killing my back… you jealous?”

“Of you or the couch?” You ask him.

“Either or.”

He is fucking driving you insane for a million reasons, if he wants an argument you are going to give him one. "I was taking out the trash for the house and when I got to the bathroom upstairs I noticed a grapefruit in the trash."

“God, John- listen...”

“No! You listen! If I can’t get off neither should you!”

“Jesus, John, fine. I won’t- I just needed to… you’ve been on my min-" He sighed. "Fine.”

“No, you wanted to say something.”

“You know I get stressed.”

“Hahaha,  ** _woooow!_** _”_    _'Listen to this shit.'_   **“Me too, bitch.”**

“I know! Ugh… You know I get in my head about things!”

“I know you do, that’s why we are supposed to work together on _these things!"_

“Are you really sure you want to work with me on this?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Dr. Serket said no more choking-"

“She said try!” You interrupted him.

“I want you to get off without me choking you or-or-"

“Stabbing me?” You lifted up your hands and then immediately let them drop to your side.

“John, I want us to take it easy, the more I’m… - _with you-_  the more you ask for violent shit.”

“GODDAMNIT! Are you even _listening_ to me Dave!” Now you really  **are**  getting mad, “I’m only asking you to do it once!  **ONCE!** ”

“No, you are not! You are saying that you want me to do it once so then I get used to it and you can keep pushing me and pushing me- and John! Just… think about how you get! Think about how hard this is on me!”

“ **AURGH!**  FUCK OFF WITH THAT!-" -you point your finger out at him- "and if you fucking say that I only say 'fuck off' when you are right-"

“Think about it!” He interrupted you.

“Okay, okay!” You sighed and tried to simmer down a bit. “You do this for me and I’ll do something for you, then were even.”

“John… what?” He sounds confused. He knows that you are always game for anything...  _still..._

“Isn’t there something disgusting and weird you want from me?" You try to reason with him, "I know there has to be something!”

Dave spend a few moments thinking.

“Okay, fine… there is...  **but**  we can’t even do what I want!”

“Dave,” his name sounds so dry as it comes out of your lips, “I can do anything.”

“Well  ** _not this!_** _”_

“Won’t know unless you tell me!”

Dave sounded like he was deciding if it was worth saying.

“Dave,” You smile at him, “no secrets between the two of us.”

 _“Damn.”_ Dave let out a deep breath, “I think it would be hot to have a threesome with that policeguy, okay!? His muscles are huge, his cock is probably too – and - and - and I want to lay on top of you while he takes turns fucking us both!”

You widen your eyes, you raised your eyebrows, you opened your mouth to speak, but you heard footsteps. You turned your head to look at who overheard your conversation this time.

“Boys,” It was Zahhak. “I am sorry to tell you this but-“

“Hi, Officer Zahhak.” You still sounded a bit spiteful, but you are trying to put on a cheerful tone. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something actually, do you box?”

“Well I do actually but-“

 _“Oh wow!”_   You walked up to him and held onto his arm. You gingerly traced the tips of your fingers against the lines of his muscles. “Your biceps are  _soooo_  big.” You stared at them for a while before you started to massage them. “Dave, come feel how  _thick_  Mr. Zahhak is.”

“John,” Dave didn’t sound amused at all, “stop.”

 _“Aww, but Dave.”_   You managed to fully change your tone from spiteful and pissed to cheerful and seductive,  _“I thought you liked his big, strong muscles.”_

“Excuse me, boys-" Zahhak tried to get a word in,  **“OFT.”**

You jumped into his arms, you wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his hips.

On instinct he caught you and held onto your thighs. 

 _“Oh wow! Mr. Zahhak! You’re so strong!”_   His palms are gripped tight around your thighs. His hands are sweating and shaking. You cheerfully ask him,  _“Do you think you can hold us both at once?”_

“John, he knows what you are doing." You weren't looking at your husband as he talked to you. You were staring at the man holding you up. "He probably came in here to tell you he heard everything.”

“Yes, actually I did.” Zahhak sounds a bit unnerved. “I- I heard the tail end of your conversation.”

 _“You did, did you…?”_ You give him a sly smile and slide your hands down to his shoulders.  _“Ms. Leijon told me that you get stressed easily, mmm, you know Dave and I can make you feel **realllly** good.”_

“I uh- well- young man- I apologize but-" Zahhak is probably trying to find the words to reject you.

You won’t even give him the chance.

_“You know… men would **kill**  just to get a taste of my body.”_

“Oh... he knows.” Dave sounded openly frustrated with you.

“ _If you ask nicely… You can get mooore than a just a taste…_ **Opp!** ” You feel something hard and thick against your crotch. You pretend to be shocked, “Mr. Zahhak!”

“I- I… oh… fiddlesticks..." he mumbled to himself and then raised his voice to say, "I cannot apologize enough for-“

 _“Gosh!"_ You give him a sly look and tilt your head. _"Everything about you is big isn’t it?”_   

“JOHN!” Dave actually raised his voice at you. “Stop!”

You turn your head to look at him. _"Whyyy? Don’t you want this?”_  

You pretend to gasp in shock, _“oh my goodness… are you **jeaaalous**?”_

Dave didn’t say anything. He looked like he was holding in his breath.

He just turned and stomped out of the room in a huff.

 _ **“UGHHH!”**_   You grunt into Zahhak’s shoulder.  _'He was the one who wanted a threesome!'_

“Would it be alright if I put you down now?”

You take a moment to respond “…yeah.”

He gently led your feet back down to the ground.

“I…well… I must go and um… take a shower now…”

“Fine.” You let out a small, airy sigh and sounded disinterested, “have fun.”

“You…" Zahhak paused, he quickly cleared his throat before speaking again, "I must inform you of this now… I am not attracted to men.”

“Really?” You gave out a dry, silent laugh, “Your cock says different… or am I really just that special?”

“I have to go now!” He blurted out the words and rushed out of the room.

“Sure you do.” You mumbled to yourself as you walk back to bed.

Alone.


	98. For Grace, For Glory. No Sleep, No Rest

_You had all just finished playing every single second of those videos that John so fervently didn't want you to view. Megido informed you the screen went black so she went to shut it off. The room was silent as her heels clicked against the tile floor. Long after she shut the screen off you all sat in silence as Megido stood next to the projection. You waited on someone to speak. John broke the silence himself. "And that's that." You heard John's chair scoot out as he took his leave. John's stepped in a lively pace towards the door, each footstep sounded certain, sounded like he wanted nothing but to leave... suddenly the sound of his footsteps slowed and all together stopped. You heard a loud thud as he dropped to the floor. He was gasping for air. He couldn't keep the tears from pouring as he lamented into his hands. Despite his hands attempting to cover up his sorrows, the sounds of his screams and sobs filled the room. You heard the chair furthest from you slide out. Dr. Serket started cooing and holding onto John. He screamed into her chest as he mourned the boy in the tapes. She was grasping onto John, not as his therapist, but as a another person... in desperate need of comfort. Close to you, you could hear another voice struggling to hold in their tears. Across the room you heard heels struggle to stay in one spot, you heard a gasp coming from across the room._

_You kept your face forward._

_**You kept in your rage.**_

* * *

At the start of the cases your focus was mostly pulled on Dirk Strider. This was because his guilt was clear to you. As for Dave, you couldn't find anything weighting for or against his case until he was revealed to be forced into prostitution, at that point you were closer to believing he was a victim. Dave was also not cooperating with law enforcement, the information he gave was limited to only speaking about John. Seemed like Dirk had a lot of connections and he was scared shitless to give out anything, to you that showed that he had an interest in John's, or potentially his own, safety. 

You agreed to tell John's therapist about Dave's job as a means to see if you could pry any additional information out of Serket. You will admit you wanted her to argue with Megido. When she gets angry she blurts out more than she means to say. She confirmed for you that John was able to read others well, she also seemed to believe in Dave's innocence because of her interactions with John... that became something that you were watching out for. John seemed like he had the means to manipulate others to you, even at that time. He had a way with words. Dave even confirmed that for you as he spoke with him during his incarceration. 

What tilted the scale completely for you was Dave telling John that if he ever felt any regret for vouching on his behalf he was ready to take full responsibility.

You fully had faith in Dave from that point forward.

If you were being honest with yourself, at the start of the case, you thought of Dave's potential innocence or guilt to be a distraction to the bigger picture. Dirk was your target and you already felt like you sunk your teeth into him when you met him. 

As you stepped up to the witness box during trial you wanted Dirk to suffer humiliation at your hands. Dave was so certain that Jake English was Dirk's weak point. You were certain that he would have at the very least responded with insults. With words.

No. He stayed silent. The entire time.

That alone alerted you. There was something off. That, coupled with Ampora stretching out the case, made it seem like Dirk apparently cared about his life when he already knew it was forfeit.

You made sure to stand close enough to him that he had the perfect opportunity to snap your neck. You were prepared to throw away your life to end this quickly for the sake of hunting down those criminals. Still, you trusted Karter was a good enough shot after all that practice at the shooting range. Even so, you still had dinner with your sister and visited your mentor's grave.

You were ready to die that day. 

As it turned out... he didn't jump at the chance to wring your neck, you couldn't understand exactly why he wouldn't want to 'make a show' after you pushed him like that. After you dragged his entire life through the mud and brought back the corpse of the man he left behind, who he once was. 

Dave told you with confidence that talking about Jake would trigger a violent reaction from him, still Dirk fell silent when John showed up on the screen dressed up as English. 

You were told he continued to stare at John throughout the entire court session. Your team asked John and Dave to leave to see if you could gain back Dirk's attention. That only seemed to make him even more disinterested. There was nothing that you could get out of him after that. You felt the need to visit him again shortly after that day in court. Alone.

As you recall... that was the last time you spoke with him,

_“Dirk.”_

_“ **People** only call me Dirk when they are on their knees, Teresa. You don't look like you're on your knees.”_

_“Only my friend's call me Teresa.”_

_“Well then consider me your friend.”_

_"After all of that?"_

_"Especially now."_

_"If you consider us friends then answer me this: Have you ever killed anyone?"_

_"I have no interest in answering that question."_

_"It's a 'yes or no' question."_

_"Looks like John has rubbed off on you."_

_You felt your eyes narrowed._ _"There were corpses found in your apartment, no limbs, no head, each filled with semen, you can't tell me-"_

_"Tell me, Teresa, can you prove that semen was mine? Because it wasn't."_

_You feel your brows tense up._

_"I had no interest in raping corpses. Perhaps I 'convinced' others too."_

_"Is **that**  a confession?"_

_"To what exactly? Using my words to talk others into doing what I want? You seem to care for someone who quite aggressively does the same, tell me... how is he?"_

_You took a moment before responding, "Mr. Egbert is doing well now that he is getting the help he needs after living under your roof."_

_His voice sounded so dry, "wonderful," so dry and yet still so deep._

_You quickly ask him another question, “Do you feel any regret for forcing John to dress as Jake?”_

_“I do.”_

_“Why is that?”_

_“I’m interested in why you asked me that question myself, actually… I’m sure you are only asking me these questions to confirm to yourself what you’ve been thinking for the past two days. Now, I am surprised it took you so long to notice. It’s a pity, I’ve heard that you are the best. You were blinded by anger I suppose.”_

_He read you completely._

_Still._ _You keep your composure_ _, “are you going to tell me when this all really started?”_

_“When I kidnapped John. That was the day I was reborn.”_

_You feel your brow tense up again, he is about to go on a tangent._

_“I had been fighting against him for years. Sad thing you can’t see him. His face is crafted by 'God's hand.' Picture a blue, perfect sky and a ray of heavens light, his eyes are literally a reflection of the heavens."_

_You have to stop yourself from asking, **'what?'** you continue listening._

_"I’m sure everyone sees a drained sorrowful soul, Dave seemed to see that. I saw the dormant wrath of God, a sliver of heaven, taking up a human form. Sent to save my son’s soul and to destroy mine. He seems to be playing his role well. This is all well past due.”_

_‘Well past due...? at least he admits that...’_

_“I’ll have to thank you, seeing him again really soothes my soul. I wanted that more than anything.”_

_You feel something deeper than dread and even deeper than your natural anger. You can’t even place this quelling blistering emotion inside of you. You feel in the depths of your own soul a deep loathing for yourself for even agreeing to put John in the same room as this fucking **animal.**_

_“Teresa. I feel at peace for the first time in my life. He would always reject me. In every way… but he came to see me of his own merit. I opened the door for him and he came.”_

_You have to dig your nails into the skin of your knee to keep yourself from jumping this… this **thing.**  You are sure you are making ladders in your leggings. No matter. You’ve already lost to this man a few days ago, you will not also lose your composure._

_“I saw John sitting down there right ahead of me. His sweet little hands placed so delicately on his knees. Pouting and looking down at the floor. He put on some weight too, he looks actually better like that… -much better than I thought he would- he looked so sorrowful when he looked up at me. I wanted so badly to just run over to him and kiss all of the anguish off of his face. I knew that wouldn’t work, regardless of the sheriff hovering his hand over his gun ready to shoot me if I even so much as made a move… John always refused my kisses. I suppose I am much to tainted to comfort the heavens.”_

_He **was**  the reason John must have seemed so dreadfully sad. **'** This man is nothing if he isn't **vile.'**_

_“I would try to comfort him or pleasure him, in all these different ways and he always rejected all of it. I started getting a bit more serious recently and maybe that’s what scared him bad enough to leave. I thought he actually left Dave behind for a brief moment…” he chuckled to himself. “I was so wrong to even think that for a second. He left to save him, must be some part of the grand design I am not able to see or comprehend.”_

_'There’s a million things this man isn’t **comprehending.** '_

_“I tried to make something to substitute his presence once… nothing could compare to being in the same room as his being. Those storage units were practically a chapel I’d pray to instead…”_

_You have to get someone to look into finding this shrine. You’ll keep a mental note on that._

_“John has this shining aura that over takes every room that he is in. Every news station is talking about him nonstop from what I hear. I asked my lawyer to bring me as much information as he could,_   _John seems to truly be America's new darling little angel, over taking everyone's hearts and minds. Every news broadcast that has an update for my case also shows photos of John Egbert's seraphic face. My Lawyer showed me photos from broadcasts as well, they try to find the saddest most drained photos of him and even still his eyes are so vibrant. Dancing with color and pain. I wish that pain was for me. It's for Dave. I've heard everyone's opinions on Dave too, it reads like everyone believes that he is a fucking demon who kept another teenage boy as a sex slave. That must be breaking John's heart. He loves his little red-eyed sheep so much. My poor darling... I wish I could wipe away that anguish of loving Dave... I tried. Nothing in this world can cleanse him of his **burden.** To try to turn John **'human'** was impossible... **he could not be broken."**_

_You can't help but glare at this living embodiment of **filth.**  _

_"In a transcript Ampora brought me, an anchor referred to John as a 'miracle' survivor. That warmed my heart so much. So much in fact that I smiled down at the paper. He seemed concerned for me” He lightly sighed out of his nose.“The others thought I started to lose my grip much earlier then he did. I could already feel the changing tides when I started **really** dating John... ‘I’m losing my focus on what really matters.’ and ‘my plans are starting to read more like a suicide note and less like a guide,’ but didn't they always read that way? Not that you would know."_

_He started to sound somewhat spiteful. "One of them picked up on that earlier then the rest. At first Scratch keenly toyed with the idea that it was the years of my untreated mental illness that’s been slowly chewing at my brain and eating away at what was left of my mind. I thought **that** at least to be funny. However, when he first asked me, 'younger brother's naked kneeling plaything, over taking your mind again?' My animosity towards him and his ilk grew. I am not amused at anyone defining John as a 'plaything.' - of course he would continue to call my darling that every chance he got. - My divine seemed proud of the fact he was a good whore to his red-eyed master, but he was **no man's** plaything, no man can hope to stifle the force that is John's will." -suddenly his tone of voice got deeper and even more spiteful - “Eventually everyone noticed. Last few months our syndicate got together I would randomly start beating Dave instead of moderate our meetings. I'd slam his empty skull down into the table and throw him to the floor. I’d just get so in my head about wanting John on my lap, I'd get distracted by the thought. At one time I imagined Dave was my 'darling angel' when he started shivering, as John usually does, I smelt his hair and remembered it was **him.** I beated him bloody for that. I beat him bloody for John a lot."_

_You could hear him adjust his cuffs. Now his voice sounds more amused, "convinced some guys to take him up as a client. I even had to give men the money to take him in for the night. Some people couldn’t afford a whore that cheap, 1,500 for a hand job is laughable to the league that Dave was in… Well... everyone could see through me and picked up that I was getting him out of the house to fool around with **‘daddy’s little princess.’** " _

_He paused for a moment to take a breath._

" _-Someone- actually got me a gift once after he got me to show him pictures of 'my angel' in bed. Got me a little look alike, he was like a pocket-sized John after I cut his hair. He even had John’s buck teeth. Kept him on the top floor, he was the same age as John when he first found me. I loved that thing for about a month. I actually made him a little fake ID and passport, made him change his name to John Strider. Showed him the sights I wanted John to see. I remember how bright he grinned when I filled his arms with candy, I told him his smile was ugly and he got the picture. He’d try his best to hide his teeth. He was skittish at first but when I read to him the book I was reading and kissed his cheeks he loosened up, day one. He only had a mattress and a glass for water but he told me it was the nicest room he’d seen in a while. He was a grateful whore so of course I payed him mutual respect. Day after he settled in, I took him sightseeing in California and told him if he was a good boy I’d buy him anything he wanted. He held onto my hand and never talked to anyone else unless spoken too. I gave him a special treat for being a good boy, no one ever gave him head before. The flight back the hostesses thought he was so sweet for wanting to cuddle up to me, must have thought he was my son... Well around that time I started buying a few cars for John, of course he rejected them and at that time I just had one that still smelt fresh so I told 'my little pocket size angel' it was for him. He sat on my lap as I drove and he really struggled, but he managed to swallow my load. Told him he was such a good boy I’d buy him some games. Really just passing down some shit John didn’t want like that engraved DS he thought was worthless garbage. 'My sweet tiny angel' loved his little hand me downs. I told him if he wouldn’t wear it I’d give him one of my shirts to use as a pillow case. He was so giddy over that. Dave came across us once as we were leaving for our trip to Japan. Told him I got a little plaything to hold me over for a little vacation. Made it sound like a rental. 'Little angel' was burying his head into my legs at the time, Dave didn’t notice I spruced him up to look like his 'princess.' I could tell because he looked at him with pity, and not at me with spite. 'My mini angel' was so focused on me that my little ‘bro’ couldn’t even exchange the sad look the enslaved give each other. He just gave me that frown full of his pity instead. Actually, he told me he was fine with going in his place. 'My mini angel' started tugging at my side and shook it’s darling little head... Dave never did understand why other cockwhore's wanted to stay in their place."_

_You take in a small breath, since when were your lips parted open?_

_"He'd get so excited at all the sites that he couldn't help but smile, he knew I hated that so he'd always cover his mouth. He looked so sweet in this bright blue yukata I got him to wear in our room - it's a summer kimono - He learned how to perform a fan dance for me and he seemed so proud to show me. Then he gave me a strip tease without me even asking. I doubted he even knew what Wakashū kabuki was but he did right by tradition. He’d sit down on my lap and he giggled as I fondled him during every meal that we ate in our room. I would drink tea as I sat on a cushion and he’d lay down besides me on the floor. When we were in bed together he would bury his face in my chest. It was so easy to pretend he was John when he did that. He was such a good boy. He’d let me fondle him in public and always accepted his punishments for talking out of turn. He went from a skittish little slave to a good little housewife. We had a fun little roleplay we had where we pretended we were married, gave him a ring to wear and everything. I pretended Dave hung himself. He’d cuddle up to me and when I brought up his sheep he’d ask me who that was, warmed my heart, felt like John was pretending not to know who Dave was just to get me off. Of course, he didn’t smell like John. I made him wear contacts to look more like him. It would make his eyes water and it looked like he was crying like John loved to do…"_

_You feel your eyes widen. Your brows tense up._

_Your lips are parted open again, you promptly shut them._

_"When we got back home he’d wait for me in his room, like a good boy. He was grateful to eat my scraps but he seemed more interested in my load. He was so good to me, so, unprompted, I made him a doll that looked like me and oh, he loved that thing, always clinging to it when I was out. Then when I came up stairs into his room he would toss it aside and run to cling onto my legs. He’d always kiss my face and my hands any chance he got. Whenever I’d had my fun with him he’d beg me to take him with me, he seemed so desperate to please me and he wanted to follow me around as I did my work but good whores stay in their rooms and do what they are told. He didn’t fight me on that. Not even out of fear, but love. He’d keep his mouth shut unless I needed his tongue and he was smart enough not to speak when I was stressed. John would drive me up the wall somedays, he made me fucking emotional, so when I went to see 'my mini toy angel' he would shower me with kisses. Seeing a fake pint-sized substitute of 'my angel' cling onto my chest and try his best to earn my affection used to warm my aching heart. He loved the gifts and all the attention. I got bored of him as soon as he told me that he didn't care if he had to pretend to be someone else, that he was in love with me." He sighed again, "Once it said that I owned its soul I handed it back to its original master. That’s when he knew something was wrong.”_

_He probably usually kills **everything** that is of no use to him. _

_what...?_

_why are **you** shivering?_

_“That slave was in shambles and begging me to kill him. Said he’d rather be dead if he couldn’t be with me. My friend told me Jude somehow managed to slit his wrists after I brought him back. He wrote me a little message in his own blood too, said I will always be his master and he’d forever be chained to my soul. At least that’s what I think he meant to wright… poor little thing got so woozy he could hardly get down the words. He meant to write more but he was all tuckered out before he could finish.”_

_You feel a shiver down your spine. You straighten up your back and narrow your eyes again. You place your clenched hands onto the table to regain your composure._

_"Said I’d deal with the corpse for him after I through out his old shit. Then he really knew something was up. I guess I don’t really do people favors without expecting something in return. Told him he did me a favor by giving me such a good gift, I didn’t want it because it always came to early and I like fighters. That boy was just playing house with me, said it wasn’t any different than Dave and his princess…" You could hear his chains raddle. "That was an obvious lie, and he knew that... he could tell. John would throw his life away for Dave, and Dave would do the same. I wouldn’t have given that slave anything more than my pocket change but I liked that boy, I actually gave him a decent grave. I buried him with the doll in his arms. He can bring it with his soul into purgatory."_

_Your mouth is wide open._

_You are gawking at him... **Dave was right.**_

_**This demon could shake anyone.** _

_He sounded like he was stretching his arms. “After that, everyone picked up on the fact I was in love with John. Some of them started prodding at me and hinting at my love for him as an insult, like they were proud they found my 'weak point.' That was a mistake for some people. Had to make an example so I’d toss a knife into the throat of anyone who was on the verge of bringing him up during meetings. Happened twice. Dave always came along for my meetings too. Couldn’t have him knowing that..."_

_'Did he really just...'_

_"You know Teresa... I was at the top. I had a reputation for being ruthless and everyone knew better then to fuck with me. Anyone who was smart wouldn't borrow money for me or ask me for any favors, but I never failed to deliver on anything I promised... I still have a lot of cards I haven't dealt yet._ _I believe my associates are just biting there time till I get the chair. You’re not the only one looking forward to my execution, Teresa."_

_You have to move your hands back to your knees._

_"I lost interest in all that a long while ago. I don’t mind losing their partnership. There was no worth in any of what we’ve done. There’s worth however, in being here… -behind bars- if it is John's will.”_

_You grip down onto the bones of your knees and it's ligaments._

_“I suppose for the longest time I’ve been breaking apart Dave. There's worth in that as well. That was John's calling... to save my son from me and to finally punish me for my sins... so clearly, I am glad things worked out the way they did. Sad still for the loss of my closest friend, but her death was a necessary sacrifice. I still pay her respect every December 3rd. I leave our son alone on that date, my final gift to my late wife... Now... I am completely released of my responsibility to my son. My soul is now tied to that of the heavens._   _John shall forever now be bound by the memory of me, touched by the taint of my soul."_

_You feel your nails sharply clawing deep into your skin._

_"He will never be free of me."_

_You're digging crescent shaped grooves into your knees._

_"That’s more than I could ever wish for. John's soul eternally clinging to the very idea of me.”_

_You start to bleed._

_“I saw Dave holding onto my beloved and it enraged me. I was beyond myself with anger that Dave even thought he could protect him. That he is so **fucking stupid** he  **thinks**  he needs to protect John from **me,** or that  **he even could,** and John sat there and let his **Sheep** hold onto him. Let his weak frail fucking sheep pretend to protect him so he can let Dave feel like a fucking man."_

_You can feel his lament in his words,“I gave John more than he could ever ask for and yet, still, John chose his responsibility over his own happiness. Maybe, he was scared he’d be dragged down to hell with me when we shed our mortal form... but I knew long ago he was so lovingly crafted, there is no way that God would toss his soul aside. He would have had to wash me free of my sin and my turmoil, and grant me salvation.”_

_He speaks with a boastful pride hidden behind his deep, slow voice, “I worshiped John, I payed respect to God’s finest creation. I prayed to the mere image of him. I only wish I wouldn’t have tried to earn his grace - his love - through torment. I wish I would not have lashed out in anger against his 'test'_ _but my envy got the best of me."_

 _He sighed._ _"He had so much mercy in his heart. Even for those who do not deserve even his attention -and his attention could be so difficult to keep- I donated mountains of money in his name and it still brought him no semblance of joy. I could not do anything to earn respect in his eyes. I would hold him down and take him, use his body to make him feel mortal, to amuse him, he feared loving the feeling... but I know that he loved it. He loved feeling beneath me, he enjoyed feeling mortal, feeling his flesh being used.” He suddenly started talking faster, “John. A name that literally means ‘God is gracious.’ Meaning the grace and the mercy of the Lord. More than even an angel walking the earth but the literal embodiment of God’s salvation-"_

_' He is a completely different kind of insane... That’s it, isn’t it...? Dave never had the opportunity to knock Dirk out. Dave must have never been certain he could best him, he probably knew... that he couldn’t. Even if they ran to the police... even if John left him years earlier... Dirk would have found a way to get back at them. But... Dirk let himself slip completely... He left a metal pipe right behind him as he tortured Dave in the worst possible way that he could... He set himself up for this fall.'_

_He stopped ranting. He must expect you to say something. You decided to ask him another question,_

_“Is it that you feel that if you could have earned John’s heart… you would have been granted… eternal salvation?”_

_“Is it that I feel that is true? No." He sounded so peaceful as he spoke, "I know that it is.”_

_“His flesh is so perfectly crafted, so alluring it drove a man like me to break apart everything I had in my life on this Earthly plane. His love is so divine, that Dave finally manned up and tried to kill me. His voice is so commanding he found a way to convince **you**  to invite Dave into your world - your world - the normal one driven by a hardly functional society that seems to only find true value in the most simplistic of things. I had never had an interest in joining the ranks of fools marching to a boring, drool life with a meaningless death. Still my closest friend offered me her hand when we were young. She was an angel, she tried to pull me into that world but I was not fit for that… I now know that I was meant for more. For greater… for the ultimate salvation or the ultimate punishment. That is John's decision and he has made it. I will forever rot in the deepest pits of hell bless by John's boundless fury and his eternal torment. Forever feeling this dread. His blistering scorn and hate. I live for such passion. I will die with this lust. I will carry the world’s collective hatred with me to the furthest ring of hell as I take my place in the ice. The freezing winds carving deep into my skin till they feel like cyndering, blistering heat. Till I can feel the flames of hell I was so rightfully promised. Long after the collective heat death of the universe my immortal soul shall continue to worship John in torment. In agony. As long as I know that I have his wrath. That I have is hatred.” He started to whisper. He shivered out the words,“that I have his attention.” _

_“If John so much as looks at me. I will have my own personal salvation.”_

* * *

From your team's research on his old life, he grew up on the ocean coast's of New York, right by Connecticut. He had confessed in a recording that he presumably "raised himself." He was briefly adopted by a foster family for a short time and went to highschool with Roxy Lalonde and Jake English. Apparently his old foster family would lose track of him. He would never stay at home. He would only come back when the police would escort him back or when he needed new clothes. Still he would attend school. He seemed invested in using the library more so than attending class. It's difficult to discern, but you think the only reason that he even let himself get taken-in in the first place was that he wanted access to education. He married Roxy soon after graduating and moved in with her. After they purchased a home they had a child together. This information was ultimately useless for tailoring a case against him. 

You knew all of that about him and still you didn't ask yourself one simple question.

You were completely blinded by your anger and your bloodlust.

A single question could have cleared up every single question in your mind... 

_'Why would Dirk even care about John?'_

It would have answered so much. 

If Dirk had so much to occupy himself with, than why would he constantly beat John throughout his entire stay in that apartment?

If he killed that many people why did he need to torment John constantly?

Why would he punish Dave for going on dates with someone Dirk essentially viewed to be his property?

Why did John sound so certain to you when he yelled at Dave that he wasn't going to die?

Why would Dirk sit John down in his lap and read to him Dave's journal?

Why would Dirk fake a smile as he called John, America's little angel?

Why would Dirk risk harming his case by giving you access to those videos or even letting you know of the existence of others? 

**Why was Dirk prompted to attack John after Dave carved his own name in between John's thighs?**

**Why Would He Even Care?**

He told you long ago...

He said the answer directly to you,

_"Shit, John was probably the best I’ve ever had."_

He said in his own way...

that he loved him.

Dirk would constantly start ranting about how good John was to him and how much he hated Dave.

He voiced how he felt to Dave himself in one of those recordings,

_**“Dave, when you really think about it you are the lucky one aren’t you?”** _

He was so fascinated by John, mesmerized by him. 

He reacted so violently after John said those words in a conversation he believed to be private,

_“Dave, I love you, as long as I love you, you are nothing like him. Nothing like him at all.”_

He lashed out...

Desperately...

Not for John's affection...

but for John's attention.

* * *

_“If John so much as looks at me. I will have my own personal salvation.”_

_The words came out so buoyant, light like the blowing of the breeze._

_Much like the winds, his tone changed,_

_"He had his full attention at every point of John’s life. John would cheerfully greet him when he got back and offer Dave more than just a blow job- he offered him to completely fuck his face. Dave would go fucking insane and slam his cock down his throat! Whenever he finished John would start giggling- actually giggling like an innocent pale skinned school girl brushing hands with her naive, undeserving crush- God's Grace would always run his delicate fingers along his 'master's' pasty thighs and his lengthy legs, as thin and as appetizing as two sticks, John’s darling fingers gracefully blessing Dave’s grease stained face. Lovingly embracing his thin, frail body as if Dave even had the courage or the strength to fuck his physical body like a real man."_

_You could hear his chains lightly click together, he's quaking like a storm. His deep voice threatening like a clap of thunder._

_"John cheerfully saying,"you found my special spot, daddy." Encouraging Dave with that tone like he was an infant, incapable of doing anything without someone holding his hand. "your cock is too big for my mouth but if you make me take it I'll swallow your whole load."_ He sounds so bitter. He's holding himself together well but you can tell that he is completely tormented by the thought, the memory. 

 _"Each time Dave finished John would cheerfully ask ‘did I do good, daddy?’ Each time it filled me with such a strong dread, I’d find myself paralyzed. Holding my aching head in front of my son’s door. ‘You know you did good, baby. You swallowed all of daddy’s load? You deserve a special treat for being so good, **princess.** ’ He got used to slapping him and he would try to punch him in the gut but he would still fail John in a million different ways, Cumming to early: ‘I’m sorry- but don’t go faster when I tell you to slow down.’ ‘Don’t tease my tip that long.’ ‘Don’t call me daddy when your begging me not to cum.’ Rejecting his advances: ‘your daddy, doesn’t want to treat you bad today.' ‘You know I hate calling you names like that, **babe**.’ ‘You know I don’t like hurting you, **babe**.’ ‘John, my cock can’t take anymore it’s been 4 hours-’ -Only four hours I’d fuck John hard literally all night- ‘ **Babe** , I don’t like holding a knife over you.’ ‘ **Babe** , I’m worried your starting to get off to his beatings so we’re not doing anything violent for a while in bed.’ **Fucking weak-willed pussy.** Denying the Lord what he truly wanted and John went along with it because he was such a gentle caretaker to his __delicate fucking sheep, and his sheep would- would just fucking pass out when John fucked him with his perfect thick 8.2 inch bright pink cock,_ _John was begging to finish his devine fucking milk white load, begging to get fucked fast and hard like the worst kind of mortals do. If I was sure Dave fell asleep and, stayed asleep with the drugs I gave him, I’d drag John outside the room and pound him right like he so desperately begged for. I was willing to do everything John ever asked Dave for and more. I proved that too him every single time_ _Dave left the house. Some days I’d listen to what John wanted, let him know that he was my master._ _Other days I knew John wanted to be treated like a good little cockwhore so I made him take everything I had. I forced my cock, my money, my love, my soul down his fucking throat and he kept rejecting all of it."- he chuckled to himself like he was losing himself, his cuffs clinked together- "I needed to show him I could fuck him right, like he wanted, like he deserved... but... that wasn’t the way to earn his love... I should have prayed to him and worshiped him, begged at my knees for his grace, just like his white, red-eyed sheep did... sleeping on the floor, weeping for him, taking punishments on his behalf. John's job was to save his soul, sent to care for and guard him..._ _John's admiration for Dave came from responsibility, but his love was earned by Dave submitting himself and showing him worship... It was too late for me... I should have slept at his feet, I should have showed him how I prayed to him first hand, I knew that he would just know everything about the universe, that he knew that I idolized him, but I should have whipped my back in front of him, he would have respected that more... I knew he wanted my cock but I should have obeyed his_ _commands. I should have instantly obeyed his every wish, his every order. His responsibility was to Dave_ _, I shouldn't have took out my rage on his little red-eyed sheep..."_

 _He takes in another breath,"I_ _should have put Dave up on the same pedestal, I should have payed him respect... He was the spawn of an angel. I never saw that, I should have recognized Dave as more than just human... he was a child of the heavens... that... that explains why God would cast down a sliver of his own soul to save him. Still... Dave was born of the flesh, he is still a simple human, the mere fact that he is the offspring of an angel does not make him worthy enough for God's Hand. It was his dedication. It was his submission. I should have proven I was more than willing to do that. I wish I could make up for all that lost time... I lost everything that I had been working for over the course of years... I have done this to myself and as such I deserve my punishment."_

_Your brows are still lowered._

_"It was John's calling to save Dave's soul and John kept with his _responsibility to teach Dave of the heavens... still, John loved to feel the sting of pain, the bliss of release. He loved his physical form in every conceivable way. I knew that he **needed** to feel every sensation across his perfect devine skin -God's skin- he loved my cock but he couldn't bring himself to accept that..."__

__Your eyes are still narrowed._ _

_"John 'loved' his sheep's pathetic cock because John was sent to the Earth to shepherd him to be an angelic weak-willed pussy. He pretended to enjoy taking his prick for his sake... but he couldn't fake finishing. Dave knew -fucking knew- that he wasn't good enough... John knew that to and he was scared that he would fail his mission. He felt fear for his sheep... that's why he couldn't let himself accept that he loved my cock... once he did he knew that he would fall for me... he knew it, just like he knows everything."_

_You can hear him messing around with his chains again._

_"John_ _saved Dave's soul by_   _pushing him into_ _being so violent - so quickly - that Dave had no choice but to refuse violence all together. John taught Dave how to be a 'normal person' so that he may return to the heavens as an angel... John fulfilled his job on Earth and saved his sheep as well as sentence me to death by the hands of the people, but John clearly wanted more, he wanted the forbidden fruit. He reveled in it's rotten flesh. Clawing at it's skin. He tore it's meat apart under his delicate but wrathful hands. He was crafted by God - he is the Hand of God - sent to save his sheep’s soul using sex as a catalyst, his responsibility was so great that he became tempted by Dave’s underwhelming cock at every second of the day. John loved toying around with his fucking sheep, but his lust was out of responsibility and duty. Why else would someone like that worship a cock that's hardly six inch-“ You can’t stand to listen to this garrulous chattering lunatic prattling on about his delusions any longer, You assert yourself into his disturbed monologue-_

_“John fell in love with Dave because Dave **listens** to him.”_

_You can feel his glare. You hear a pant, sounding like it's coming from his nose._

_You carry on, speaking with a small fraction of your disdain for this **thing**. “Dave never wanted to harm John in a way that would emotionally hurt him. You couldn’t bring yourself to care about John's emotional wellbeing. Dave did however. He treated John as his lover and as his closest friend. Dave treated John with respect. You have shown him no real respect. Just delusional worship._ _\- and while I am at it - do not consider the two of us to be of the same 'ilk.' Just because I feel a desire for vengeance does not mean we are one and the same. My bloodlust and desire to avenge those like John is in no way the same as tormenting John **for** desire.” You stand up and grab your probing cane. You need to leave before you **do** something that will only serve to get you killed. _

_You turn towards the door. **"I will not entertain such delusions."**_

_**“Pyrope.”** You stop to listen to whatever disturbed ranting he has to offer next. His tone was low enough for you to figure he was about to threaten your life with violence. _

_**So be it.** _

_“You are right. We are not the same ilk. I kill with my own two hands to feel passion, to appreciate the life that I am taking as I watch it leave my grasp. I wished to see what grown men would be willing to do to live, so desperate to reach the end of the tunnel they would do anything, praying to a God that would offer no mercy for those who would claw at other ‘victims’ when I tell them I will allow for a 'survivor' to leave if they can **prove** their worth to me. I’d watch what mothers would give to save their children from me. I’d fight off family men twice my size, desperate to protect their loved ones but never desperate enough. never desperate enough. I’d live for the hunt when someone managed to break free and escape the floor. Watching men crawl on the ground, their intestines dripping from their body after I make another slice them open or in half... crawling like a dying rat, ripped apart... still fighting to live... Always fighting to live..._  _Never once has anyone on my work floor truly shown they were ready to give up not just their body… but their soul to save another… no one… but I could hold a knife over John and he would squint at it… look at me, with those unimpressed eyes -blue as the skies - as he judged my soul. He felt no fear in telling me he would take any punishment if it meant that Dave could be spared from my torment for just one day." -he whispered to himself- "For a single day." - he continued ranting- "He told me himself that he’d be willing to die for Dave but he can’t. He can't leave him alone with me. He told me that Dave needs him... He couldn't die because he still had to save Dave’s soul... He couldn't offer himself to me and the pleasures I gave him - that he so clearly desired - because he needed to save his white, red-eyed sheep... but he did that. He brought him into your world, Dave’s proven he’s willing to make amends. He's working with the police... He has been graced by the hand of God himself. Dave has his salvation now gifted to him by the literal embodiment of God's mercy. Now that it is over. I await my judgment day.”_

 _He sounds peaceful as he breathes out the words,_ _"I will eternally worship the Hand of the Lord and suffer the demise that he has invoked upon me. I welcome my eternal torment for clawing at God's literal flesh. I welcome his scorn and his hate. I welcome his eternal anger, his never dying gaze."_

_There are a million words you want to say, a million insults, a million scars you want to claw into his corpse after you bash his skull in with a million direct thrusts to the floor, you want to give him a million lashes as you scream a million vile curses, you want to carve a million tears into his flesh with your nails that are already dripping with your own blood, a million different ways you could attack this man flash into your mind, along with a million reasons for why you should show no restraint._

_**No.** _ **Fucking.** _**Restraint.** _

_You take a deep breath from the depths of your soul and smile at no one,_

_“Thank you for your confession, Mr. Strider.”_

_You walked out of the room. The guards shut the door behind you._

_You smelt his lawyers repulsive cologne as you tracked down the hall and searched for your ride back to the office._

Later that same day you watch all of those tapes with John…

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything about Dirk's murder confession after witnessing all of that, you decided to call up Karter the next day to tell him... but it was too late... 

You've been cooped up in this room for much too long. Your thoughts keep returning to the past when you should be more concerned with the future. You suppose none of that matters now anyway... since he is dead now. Still, your life and the lives of all the other prosecutors, John's father and therapist are also still in danger along with Natalie and Karter... You aren't entirely sure what his plans where, he seemed to be dead set on killing you but he apparently told John not to scream or his dad would be killed... you can't hope to understand his mind...

He must have thought that he could force John into his delusion. He wasn't sane... he wasn't rational... he let himself slip, as such rationalizing his thoughts is impossible. You aren't going to disrespect John by even trying. 

You sigh to yourself. You hear the front door open. Of course Lemon is running up the stairs. She presses open your door with her nose and runs up to greet you. You've been staying in the home of a retired cop. He's been walking Lemon for you every day. Something you are very grateful for. 

You're expecting a call from 'Karkat' soon, he's been conducting conferences over the phone. You're going to get a full update on everything that is going on soon enough, yet still you feel completely restless. You haven't been sleeping well. You've done nothing but listen to news and all of it just speculation, opinions. The public doesn't have much access to information and there hasn't been a press release announcing Dirk's death quite yet. Hardly anything the media thinks about the case is right. Everything they think about those boys is wrong. They mostly seem entertained by the fact the two of them are married. The media is still riding that high. Many people are simply fascinated by the fact Dave at one point staked John, also... how John decided to marry the boy he was abducted to please. Every single outlet points out that you and the other prosecutors are smiling in their wedding photos. That the sheriff himself was their best man. That John's father walked his son down the aisle with a proud smile. You are honestly grateful for their full examinations of the photos. At the time no one was interpreting the scene for you, Megido said that she would, but she broke down as soon as she saw the room. You just let her lover take care of her and asked everyone else for general descriptions. However no one is as good of a wordsmith as Aradia, she is blunt and honest. She has no issue saying the nitty gritty. She told you once that she prefers interpreting for you over anyone else trying, she felt selfish for that, she uses that as a way of fully examining all of the details in a crime scene or in a photo. She seems focused on the little details, and that is exactly why you wanted her to pull more of her focus to Dirk's case then just Dave's... she failed at that... She might have seen what you were to enraged to notice much earlier if she would have... still... there is no changing the past.  

Currently you can only wait and listen and well... the media has just been given near complete access to the discovery of Dave's case. Now... they may assess for themselves what John saw in Dave. He saw his selflessness, his compassion. He responded by giving him his heart. Nothing to out of the ordinary about that part of the 'narrative' to you. The two of them earned each other's admiration and love. It's strange to overhear America's collective thoughts fail to comprehend something you grasped so quickly.

At the time all of this is over. The media will be in a complete frenzy. Restless.

Just like you.


	99. Sitting Down At the Table

In the morning you accepted a call from your boss, she wanted to know how things were going. You had to tell her that the boys were having a rough patch in their relationship, you told her if she wanted to know more, you weren’t the person to ask. Teresa said she might contact Dr. Serket about it later, she really did care deeply for those boys, didn’t she?

You walked downstairs and greeted everyone, Dr. Serket was helping set the table and Zahhak was pouring himself a cup of coffee. John was up early, he walked next to Zahhak to wash his hands. Zahhak suddenly jolted up when he noticed John. Might have been the way he was dressed, he is wearing something… _strange._ Tight light-blue shorts and a white skin-tight shirt.

“ _Good morning, Officer Zahhak_ ,” John sung the words to him. “Did you sleep well?”

“Well…” Zahhak’s hands were shaking a bit, poor lug, he gets stressed so easily. “I did, thank you.”

“Really?” He sounded surprised. “I bet that sleeping on that couch must be hurting your back.”

“I’ve been making do.” He put down the pot, placing it back underneath the coffee maker. “Than-thank you for your concern.”

John finished washing his hands, he smiled at Zahhak with kind eyes and sat down next to his dad. Zahhak took his seat across from John. Dave walked in yawning and sat down next to his husband. John’s dad already set up apple juice for him. Dr. Serket took her seat between you and Dave. Everyone was at the table so you felt like it was time to start digging in, before you do you thank John’s father for the meal. Dr. Serket says a small,  short prayer quietly underneath her breath, as she always does before every meal. 

You noticed John was biting down on the back of his index finger, he must still be a little stressed from all that's happened. Dave was looking at John, shades where covering his face but you could tell he was annoyed with something, but John was focused on something ahead of him. You grabbed some toast off of a plate, you want to eat it while it’s still warm. You reach over the table to grab the bowl of scrambled eggs, you noticed that John started sliding down in his seat. Dave nudged him and whispered to him something, probably telling him to sit up. John ignored him. You put some eggs on your toast, Dr. Serket asked you for the bowl so you began to hand it to her. She kindly thanks you as you pass it to her and all of a sudden- " **Oh my!"** \- you both jump. Zahhak suddenly jolted up, his knees hit the table. The two of you are still holding the bowl up as you both look over at Zahhak, curious to see why he just jumped up from his seat. “Uh-" He grabbed his plate and silverware in one hand. “I forgot that I had some paperwork that is urgent, I’ll finish my food in uh- the living room, my apologies.”

“Goodbye, Officer Zahhak.” John sat up as he signed him off while Zahhak walked out.

“Yes, goodbye to you all.” He seemed unnerved by something.

He left the room so you look back at John. He was glancing over at Dave and raised his brows up high. Dave seems like he is still upset with his husband. Dave looked back down at his plate and grabbed two pancakes from a steaming hot pile in the middle of the table. He grabbed a handful of red grapes and put them on top of his pancakes.

“You don’t put **grapes** on **pancakes** you Stupid Asshole!” John suddenly sounded pissed at him and nearly spit out each word.

“I didn’t know!” Dave shrugs and looks at his husband.

“You **dumb** idiot!” John is still spitting his words at him. Gesturing with his hands ‘what the heck?’

“Didn’t you say that’s what the fruit is for!?”

 _**“Noo!”**_ John yelled. You could have sworn he said something close to that.

“You know I don’t know these things!”

“I can excuse a lot of things you didn’t know- **this** is fucking dumb!” John pointed at his pancakes.

“This argument is fucking dumb!”

“Boys, language.” Mr. Egbert interjected with a firm tone.

“Sorry dad.” “Sorry sir!”

“Dave,” Mr. Egbert spoke up again, “you can put whatever you want on pancakes just so long as you eat them.”

“Now, I’m confused.” Dave looked over to his dad in law. “Is it normal or not?”

 _“Nooo!”_   John sounded repulsed. _“It’s nooot!”_

“John.” Mr. Egbert was taking a firmer tone with him. “Don’t be rude to Dave about something like this. You were so polite a moment ago.”

“Well a moment ago Dave wasn’t being stupid!” John was looking at his plate now.

“I know I am stupid about a lot of things.” Dave started cutting into his pancakes.

“John?” His father spoke up again, “is this how you used to explain things to Dave?”

“Uh-“ John actually sounded like he was thinking. “We used to argue kind of like this didn’t we?”

“Only when it was something dumb like this.” Dave answered. 

“Then you’d still do those things anyway!" John tossed up his hand. "I told you rap lyrics weren’t romantic and you just kept singing them to me!”

“Because it made you laugh.” Dave replied to his husband.

“It did.” John reeled his head back. “Sometimes it just made me annoyed… like right now!”

“You can be annoyed with me if you want, I’m still eating what’s on my plate.”

John rolled his eyes, “I’m annoyed with you for a lot of reasons.”

“Same here.” Dave took a bite of his pancakes. “Can you pass me the syrup?” Dave asked John.

John grabbed it for his husband and began to pass it to him but as soon as Dave reached out to grab it John pulled it back, “Oh! Sorry… are you really sure you want it?” John pointed at the bottle.

“You know I do.” Dave leaned over more to get it, prompting John to scoot back more, “John, I asked you for it.”

“Oh- So… you really want this?” John pouted at him. “You aren’t going to get mad at me for trying to hand it to you?”

“God **damn** it, John!” Dave tossed up both of his hands.

“Oh.” John irked it a bit towards Dave. “Oh.” He swiped it back. “Oh-Okay.” He handed it over.

“Can you just stop?” Dave sounded like he was through about something. “All together? Just stop?”

“I don’t know, Dave. You eat your messed up pancakes, and tell me if their good with the syrup that _I_ just handed to you.”

“Okay, I asked if you can stop. It was a yes or no question. Multiple choice.”

“Multiple choice is like normally four answers you **dumb** asshole!” John chewed him out.

“Yes… or no?” Dave responded.

“No.” John sounded sure of himself.

“You can’t stop... really?”

“You gave me no other option.”

“No secrets between us?” Dave sounded like he was raising a point more than asking a question. “I think you’re being an asshole just to spite me.”

“No secrets between us?” John was countering his point, “It’s not to spite you.”

John still sounded annoyed but also much kinder, “It’s _for_ you.”

“Even when I asked you to stop?” Dave sounded annoyed with his best friend.

John leaned into whisper something into his ear. It’s private between the two of them so you don’t even try to listen. When Dave pulled away he just looked at John and raised his eyebrows. He turned to face his pancakes and continued eating the rest of his plate. Whatever John said it got Dave to bail on his argument. The boys seem a bit better than the other day, they are talking again, you hope that they can move past this. You want nothing more than to see them both happy together, but couples fight and even when the two of them are arguing you can still see how much they care for one another. You start up a conversation with Dr. Serket, nothing but small talk, John joins in and talks about the novel you lent him once. You glance over at Dave and see that he seems calmer. You're glad you could help the boys take their mind off of things so they could relax. You care deeply for the two of them but you are sure that isn't too special, everyone at the table does.  


	100. come on

You were listening to your beats at night again. Everyone else was getting ready for bed. You were alone in the living room resting on the smaller sofa, normally Zahhak would sleep on the couch next to you, he was probably in the shower again. All of a sudden you feel something pull on your headphones.

You shoot up.

It was your husband. He looked a bit tired, or probably just tired with you.

“Come on.” He slid your headphones down to your neck. “Come to bed.”

“We’re on a break, John.”

“Well- come to bed anyway.” He seemed disinterested in arguing with you.

Maybe he just can’t sleep without you besides him. You've been having the same problem lately, it was hard when you were sleeping alone in your cell but it's a different kind of difficult when you have to resist sleeping next to John when he is right there, down the hall, resting in bed.

You let John take you by the arm. He guides you up and off of the couch. 

He doesn't say anything else, he must still be fed up with you.

You don't care if he is, you can both call a truce if It comes to just sleeping in the same bed.

* * *

John wanted to do much more than just sleep in the same bed.

“Uh… hello…” Zahhak lifted up his hand and greeted you as soon as you opened the door. He had a lollipop in the corner of his mouth and he was wiping his forehead down with a small wash cloth. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” You tried to leave the room but John grabbed your wrist with both of his hands.

“Come on, Dave…” John sounded tired of arguing with you, “It's what you wanted.”

“I said I wanted it, I didn’t say I would do it.”

“Bullshit.” John sighs out the word.

“Language.” Zahhak said on instinct.

“Are you going to say that every time I curse?” John was smiling like he was laughing to himself. “You’re going to hear a lot of _bad words_.”

“Okay- I’m out.” You tried to leave again.

 _“Nooooo.”_   John pulled you by your wrists again, “come on… Dave it will be fun, if you don’t like it then we stop. He said he’ll take turns fucking both of us like you wanted.”

“Yeah man, I didn’t even… douche so.”

 _“We have cooondooooms.”_ He sung the words to you, his voice is filled with love. Still you were annoyed by that... Dr. Serket must have pulled through. 

You whisper to him “...you really spent all day seducing Zahhak just to get me to stab you?”

“No.” He happily confessed. “I want to have sex with him too now! That way we can both be bottoms during sex! We’ve never done anything like it, and I think he’s nice-"  He says the words like he’s humming them, then he sings the words, _"he knows our safe word.”_

You sigh. John gently tells you,

“-and I won’t ask you to choke me.”

“Uhgh…” you look over at Zahhak. He’s sitting on your bed, shirtless. He’s trying to dry himself with a washcloth, he’s drenched in sweat.

Poor guy didn’t even have a chance at saying no.

“You really want this, man?” You ask him.

“…John wore me down.” He confessed.

“Yeeaaah, he does that...” You look back at your husband, “fine.”

“REALLY?!” John’s eyes lit up.

“But not on the bed, it will creak too much- we need to try to be quite guys…”

* * *

 ** _“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”_**   You are screaming.

Zahhak is massive and buff as fuck- he looks like he’s roided out, he told you that all he does is box but you aren’t sure you can believe that.

He’s pounding into you while you were laying on top of your husband. Zahhak just slipped out of you and flipped you and your husband over on the hardwood floor. He slipped himself into John who is now perched on top of you. He keeps taking turns fucking both of you, something you’re grateful you asked for, you almost just finished and you want this to last.

John grunted when Zahhak started fucking him on top of you. John sat up as Zahhak pulled back his arms, “ _You- **AH!** \- you like this Dave!?”_

You could hardly speak you were panting so hard, you breathe out,  _“yeah...”_

“Zah- _ha_ -hak- **_ah!_** \- **grab the back of my neck!** ” John moaned out his name and demanded Zahhak to grab him. He placed his palm over the back of your husband's neck and very lightly pressed down, he didn’t seem like he was putting enough force on him, **“harder!”** He gripped down harder prompting John to say, _“He’s so rough… it hurts…”_

“Should I stop?” He grunted out the words.

“Don’t you **dare** fucking pull out unless I say the safe word!” Your husband barked those words at him. “ **Dave!** Slip yourself inside of me!”

“John- he’s like… so thick already-”

**“Do it and I think I’ll cum!”**

You instantly listen. You work lube onto yourself and slip yourself inside of him. John actually screamed at how much you both were stretching him out. Zahhak still gripped the back of his neck. You removed John’s glasses and started slapping him, you know John loves saying no so you give him the chance to, “you like it, princess?”

 _“NO!”_   John screamed. _“STOP DADDY!”_

“Should I-“ Zahhak wanted to ask but instantly John yelled at him,

 **“Don’t fucking stop for ANYTHING but the safe word!”** He sounded like he was right about to bite his head off. “ _Daddy!”_ He’s nearly screaming again. _“It’s hurting me so much!_ ” John really loves this nervous virgin bit, you do too, Zahhak is definitely not used to John saying 'no' but he still seems like he's enjoying your husband's whiney demeanor. You’ll give him some pointers,

“Isn't he tight?” You ask him.

“He is” –he grunted- “very tight.”

 _“But you’re stretching me out! Your cocks are too much for me!”_ John started moaning a series of different loud moans. You were starting to get close again, you wanted to cum while you were on the bottom, you started trying to calm yourself but Zahhak just picked up the pace and started railing into your husband. He pulled both of John’s wrists back with one hand and lifted him up enough that you could punch him in the gut. You nailed him right in his stomach, **_“UGH!”_   **John was getting close, you could tell by how high pitch his moans were getting. Zahhak was holding the back of his neck with his other huge fucking hand. You punched him a few more times, each one with just as much force and girth. John reeled his head back into Zahhak’s shoulder and yelled out **_“NO!”_   **He was shaking as he came. You punched him in the gut one last time. Zahhak stopped and pulled out of him. John fell on top of you. You rolled John off to the side. You crawled over to Zahhak and sat down in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and bit his bottom lip. You pulled it as far as you could and then whispered to him, _“make me cum like that.”_

He forced you down to the floor and slammed his cock inside of you instantly, John must have got him pretty close because he seems like he’s trying to finish. You keep moaning a different series of unintelligible moans, you thought the only sex you were ever going to enjoy was going to be with your husband, well actually that isn’t wrong, this **_is_** sex with your husband. He’s right there slowly sitting up and tracing his fingers onto your chest. The two of you both agreed to fuck this guy for the fun of it. Everything the two of you are going to do for the rest of your lives is something you both _want_ to do, together.

Zahhak keeps ramming into you. You are so fucking close. You keep moaning out your husband’s name. He just giggles and tells you, “yes?” each time, like he’s toying with you.

"John!" "Yes?" "John!" "Yes, sweetheart?" "JOHN!" "hehe, yes?" _"Ahhhhmmmmmhhh!"_

“Is his cock good?” John starts kissing your neck.

“It’s so good!” You call out as you lay on your back. _"ahmmmhmmhmm!"_

“You’re glad I talked you both into this?"

 ** _“Yes!”_   **You moan just as Zahhak grunts out, **“absolutely!”**

“ _John!John!John!_ Oh my fucking _**God!**  _He’s fucking me so good right now!”

“It’s good? He’s not hitting you we’re you like it though, you’re not screaming…” You can hardly keep your eyes open but you see your husband turn his head to look at Zahhak, _“Keep looking for his good spot, Mr. Policeman.”_

He forced your face down and pulled up your hips, he found it. You start screaming.

You try to ask for more but you can’t get out the words.

Your brain can’t even form the words.

“Dave likes to hear he feels good, does he feel good wrapped around your _**thick cock?** ”_

“He feels-“ Zahhak grunted. "really good.”

“He feels good...? You sound close… Well you have to hold off till my husband cums…

John's talking to you now, _"hmm daddy you like taking his huge fucking cock?”_

You can hardly think. You want to say yes but you just say **_“ahouha fu-ah!”_**

“ _Ohhh you must be hitting him good! Mmm Dave, he’s so big I can’t believe you can take all of him!! Oh wow!!!”_   John starts working your cock with your hand. You are on the edge now. Getting fucked like this with your husband jerking you off. Johns talking to you but you can’t hear anything he is saying. John starts pulling you faster and Zahhak is hitting your right where you like it, where you fucking **need** it. That’s it. You grunt deep from your throat as you finish. You cum so hard you shot your own load all over your chest and face.

 _ **“Uhgh!”**_   Zahhak thrusted into you a few more desperate times. He’s been holding himself together just to get you both to cum. He finishes inside of the condom and takes a moment to collect himself. When he’s finished pulling out Zahhak ties the latex rubber in a knot. There’s a waste bin in the corner of the room under the antique desk. Your husband is still laying down next to you gingerly tracing his fingers around your chest. Zahhak brought John a towel to wipe himself down with, he wipes you afterwards. You can still barely think, you're trying to recover but you're probably just going to be going to bed after this anyway. You look over to your husband who is sweetly looking up at Zahhak, 

_“Mr. Policeman, can you please pick us both up and put us on the bed?”_

He walks back over to you two and lifts you both up by your bottoms. _"One slut for each arm."_   Your husband giggles. _“Wow! You are super strong!”_ Zahhak adjusts you both in his hands by slightly tossing you both up. John giggles at that too. You are still a bit dazed and limp so you are pouring out of Zahhak's grasp. You can feel one of John's arms wrap around your chest and one of your husband’s hands on your back. John must have one of his arms wrapped around Zahhaks neck.

John makes a faux-gasp, _"I think you broke my husband!"_

Zahhak laid you both down in bed but John didn’t let go of his neck, _“Come to bed with us.”_

“Uh-” he sounded nervous, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea…”

_“Pleeeease?”_

* * *

You reach over to grab your shades and put them on your face.

“Hmm…” Your husband stirred. You must have woke him up.

You were laying against Zahhak’s chest, wrapped up in one of his arms. Your husband is right across from you, Zahhak was holding him close. He slept in the middle of your bed, you both cuddled up to him while you were sleeping.

John giggled, _“That was so much fun, thank you.”_ He cupped his hand against his cheek and kissed the other. John leaned in and kissed you on the lips. You kissed Zahhak on the cheek too as you started twirling your finger around his muscular chest. You could feel that he was tense. John started following your lead and feeling up his pecs. You lowered the sheets so you could trace his abs with your fingers. John still has no glasses on. He started kissing Zahhak's neck,

 _“You have such a nice body,"_   John told him and then asked you, _"right, sweetheart?”_

“Yeah,” You agreed, _“and you were so good to us.”_

“Uh- I… Oh my… I…Uh-”

Your husband sat up to get his glasses on. Suddenly he gasps, the two of you look over at him. John is staring at his wrist. There is a large bruise in the shape of Zahhak's palm. You reach out to look at his arm.

You can feel Zahhak tense up even more, "I am so very sorry I-"

You interrupt him, "I want one like that around my thigh."

"Me too!" John cheered. “This is so great! I already have a fun roleplay idea for next time!”

Your husband kept admiring his blue bruises, you checked them out too by lightly grabbing his arm. You slightly move his wrist so you can fully see his whole arm. You pull it up to your lips and kissed it lightly.  

“N-next time...?” Zahhak questioned him.

 _“Ohhh, what?”_   John took back his wrist from your grasp and traced his finger up to Zahhak's chin. “You think you can fuck us like that and not do that again…?  _Plus you are soooooo good to everyone… offering to protect everybody from big mean criminals. You weren't even threaten, your here because your a good policeman who wants to protect us from scary, bad men.”_

“Yeah.” You join in, “ _you want to have more fun with us right? I used to sleep with scary mean men like that… It was awful and I didn’t like it at all, but you were so good to us and you listened to what we wanted, we loved it didn’t we, babe?”_

“Yeah! Dave and I have been _sooo stressed and sooo scared for sooo long, you are sooooo nice to comfort the two of us.”_

 _“hmmm,”_  you hum, “ _You did everything just the way we like it.”_

 _“You’re so nice.”_ John lightly kissed Zahhak’s neck.

“John is really good at making up scenarios too. Maybe you should tell us what your idea is, babe.”

 _“Wellll…_ How about we both pretend we are sluts in high school who fuck every guy we meet?” He replies. You know John loves that one roleplay he uses to top you, you love the idea of pretending you seduce men with John. Actually, scratch the pretend part.

 _“mmhmmm.”_   You snuggle up to Zahhaks chest. “-and…?”

“-and Zahhak here is the principal who has to _punish_ us for being _bad!”_

 _“Oh, but you are bad!”_   You reach for John’s hand to hold onto it. _“You were playing with Mr. Zahhak under the table even when I told you not to.”_

_“I told you to say the safe word if you really wanted me to stop seducing him, you didn’t! You are just as naughty!”_

_“Don’t act like I’m worse than you. Walking out in a pair of skin tight shorts, showing off your ass to get him to fuck you.”_   You slap his hand, _“-and you spent all day seducing another man when I’m the one who's married to you, you filthy cockslut!”_

 _“Mr. Zahhak!”_ John whined, _“Dave is teasing me!”_

“Uh… boys…”

“Yes?” “Yes?” You both look up at him.

“Uh- Be good?” 

The two of you stare at him for a brief moment. 

“We’ll work on it.” You tell him.

“Keep going!” John encouraged him.

“Or I’ll..." Zahhak was trying to think, "have to punish you?” 

 _“mhhhh. Are you going to bend us both over and spank us?!”_ John asks.

“Uhhh… I would prefer not to.” He replied.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” You let him know. “But you do have to punish us for being filthy fucking sluts.”

John giggled at that. “Oh! Tell Dave what I did to you last night!”

“He… John met me in the hall and told me that I…Oh, I can’t say it.”

“That’s okay!” John answered him and then looked back to you, “I told him that he had a really big cock, but before that…”

Your husband shimmed a bit, “I walked up to him and sucked on a little lollipop. I stopped him and told him I’ve been feeling realllly lonely and I needed some help feeling better and then I asked if he could help. Then I said something like…”

He looked back at Zahhak, “I _miss my husband so much and he likes your big strong muscles, he wants us to play around with you but… to be honest I’m kind of intimidated… you look so strong and your cock is soooo big… I don’t know if I can take all of it myself but I’ll try my very, **very** best.”_

You laughed, “I'm damn sure you can take way more than I can!”

He starts laughing to, “But it got him to come in here didn’t it?!”

He looks back at Zahhak, “You can just tell me how you want to fuck the two of us if you want, but I really really like it when Dave treats me like I’m his naughty little bitch and slaps me, _do you think you can slap me, Mr. Policeman?”_

“I don’t want to injure you.”

“See…” You tell him, “here’s the thing… John probably wants you to hurt him.”

“ _Hmmmm… You fucked me so good. You pulled me back and held my neck. It’s really really hard for me to cum sometimes… You would really help me and Dave out if you could spend eveeeerrryyy night with us Mr-“_

“Boys!”

"Shit!" John whispered in an alert tone. Your dad-in-law was outside. He must have heard you mumbling through the door and figured you were up.

“Are you decent?” He asked

 _“Nooo.”_ You whisper to Zahhak and laugh under your breath. You start sucking on his neck.

“No dad! I’m not dressed!” John yells out. “When is breakfast!?”

“Probably in another 30! I just wanted to know if you wanted waffles or French toast today!”

“French toast!” He yells back.

“Alright!” You could hear his footsteps, he just left.

 _“Awwwwww…”_   John whined, “ _I was hoping that I could play around with you moreeee… guess we have to jump right to the fun part!”_

You knew what he meant. You sat up and reached over to the nightstand for another condom. You opened it and rubbed it onto him. John giggled and slid down. He started kissing his thighs.

“Wait- now boys.” He protested, your husband didn’t appreciate that much.

“If you want us to stop you have to use the safe word.” John pointed up a finger, “- _and we are reaaaaally good, we’ll make you cum reaaally quick._ I want to suck off Dave after!”

“Noooo… we’re just going to play around with Mr. Zahhak for a while and then take a quick cold shower.” You tell your husband.

“OH! Can we edge him?!” John clasps his hands together, his elbows are resting against the bed. He sounded excited but you don't want to torture him right now also...

“We don’t have the time to do something like that… let’s just work him slowly.” You start jerking him off as you slide down to rest next to John.

John gently starts tracing his thumb over the tip of his already rock hard cock.

“This makes me feel so slutty, Dave!”

“That’s because it is slutty, babe.”

“But it feels really good!”

“Yeah- I feel the same way… Zahhak, you are like so cool for letting us do this.”

He still seems tense, “I should…I should be the one thanking you… just… well this is…uh-”

“Ohhhhh…! I get it…!” John hummed and then giggled. “It feels really gay, hu? You didn’t know that you like guys this way? Hmmm… well you might not… _we are both just that cute and that good!”_   John snickered to himself and pulled off his thumb to kiss his tip.

“Hahaha.” You laughed light, little, breaths onto the tip of Zahhak’s covered cock. John really loves messing around like this.

John is still intimately kissing his tip. You start kissing it too. You lightly kiss his head using the very surface of your lips. Your husband is kissing him with much more passion than you. You get tempted by his lips, so you start kissing John. You slip your tongue into his mouth. John pulls away from you and starts tracing his tongue down to his tip. You both start licking him lightly, just giving him a taste. You let him feel one of your metal piercings. He shivers at the feeling. You start licking him with your entire tongue. John really knows how to tease a cock but you have five bullets in your ammo belt, Zahhak's not going to be able to tell which one of you is better. He shivers when you start licking his entire shaft up and down with your whole tongue. John starts circling his tongue around his head. You take your time teasing him, each time he jolts up John starts giggling.

 _“_ _Dave’s tongue feels so good, right!?”_   John cheerfully asks him.

“Ye-yes.” He answers.

 _“You want more?”_   You sound so smug when you ask him.

“Please.” He breathes out the words, he really wants you both to start working him for real.

 _“Not yet!”_   John pouts and whines out, _“I want to tease him more!”_  

 _“But, John,”_   You start gripeing too, _“He’s so thick and so nice, I can’t resist his cock.”_

“Just a little more.” John tells you as he starts licking his head again. His word is final.

“You’re so stubborn.” You smile and shake your head. You start sucking the side of Zahhak’s cock as you move your head up and down, you are at least giving him a real taste now. His cock is twitching, _'he really needs more.'_ John starts humming and moaning. He giggles as he slides his tongue around his tip. Lightly playing with the lose tip of the purple latex condom. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

“Boys!” It was John’s therapist, she was calling for both of you to start getting up. “Your father said to be out in fifteen!”

John pulled off of his head and cleared his throat. “Okay!”

“We’re going to take a shower first!” You call out to her.

“I’ll let him know!” You can hear her walking off.

You turn your head towards your husband, “John. I am going to finish him.”

 _“No faaaair!”_ He sounds so fussy. _“I want to dominate his cock too!”_

“John, we need to get ready for breakfast.” You don’t want to say it but you’ve got much more experience under your belt, you want to use it for something actually worth the effort.

You jump right into deep throating him. He is really big, must be **_at least_** eleven inches. You can fit his entire cock down your throat when you angle yourself right. John is messing around with his balls and giggling to himself. You keep slamming your head up and down on him, slurping and sucking as your nose hits his pitch black pubes. You start moaning for him to finish. Slipping him down your throat as you grab onto the bottom of his shaft to jerk him a bit. All of a sudden, he pulls away from you. He rips off his condom and starts rapidly pumping himself.

“Don’t cum in my hair.” You tell him, but it's too late, he already spurted his load all over your front bangs and over one of your eyelids. He lets his whole load out all over your face and shades. John whines. _“I want some too!”_ Zahhak moves over to John and tries to pump the rest out on his cheek. John sticks out his tongue. You cover his mouth with your hand as you tell him, “No, babe. The only man’s cum your allowed to taste is mine!”

“Awwww… that goes for you too then…”

Zahhak dripped cum onto your husband’s chest and some of your sheets. You take your husband’s hand and the used condom so you can throw it out.

John tells him, “we’re going to take a cold shower. Sorry you can’t join us… we don’t want to get excited, but you can take one afterwards.”

* * *

You scrubbed down your husband as he washed your hair. The water was freezing but at least your erections were both gone. John pulled his fingers out of your hair and you stood up straight to listen to him, “Dave, I want to play with Zahhak all day, help me think of a lie we can tell at the table to get him to hang out in our room.”

“You want to learn more uh… card tricks?”

“I know like all of them.” John rolled his eyes, "my dad totally knows that."

“He knows how to box right? Maybe work with that.”

“You already know how to defend yourself, Dave!” John just looked down at the drain for a moment. “Oh my god… I just had a sick thought…”

“Won’t judge you for it.” You tell him.

“It involved _him_.”

“Go ahead.” You nudged your head up, telling him to speak.

“I kind of wish that we would have done this earlier and he would have walked in on all three of us sleeping in the same bed.” He smiled at the thought. “You know how pissed he would have been!?”

“So fucking pissed.” You smiled too. “…Karter shot him though.”

“Fuck. That would have been so awkward." John shook his head, "the sheriff walking into our bedroom as the two of you fought him off. Zahhak would have been naked and everyone would have known we fucked him… but it would have been worth it.."

"For us maybe." You laugh under your breath.

"It would have really, really stuck it too him.” John smiles up at you.

“God, he would be so enraged though, like crazy pissed... too pissed.”

“Haha yeah, we probably wouldn’t be able to hold him off…but fuck… He deserved that pain!”

You lift up your husbands chin and look him in the eyes. 

“If there is a hell,” you nod, “then he knows.”

“Haha!” John was laughing and grinning. You don’t even know if you feel spite right now, all you can feel is joy. You kiss your husband on the lips. He kisses you lightly back. He holds onto your face and softly smiles. He looks at you for a short while before he pouts and starts shimmying.

“Babe, what is it?” You ask him.

“Dave, I still feel soooo…” He starts pouting even more.

“Cock hungry?” You ask him.

“I can’t believe I actually want to like… suck like… a million cocks now.”

“Whooaa," You grab his shoulders and pull him back a little bit, " _a million cocks?"_

“Just as long as you are with me!” He quickly corrects himself. “I really like being on the bottom and I know you do too and this is just like… so perfect for the two of us… is it bad though..? That I want like… to fuck some _other_ guy's really thick cock?”

“John you are **_horr_** ible, emphasis on the whore part.”

He slaps you, “Be serious with me on this! Is it bad!?”

“No. Just as long as you don’t cheat on me.”

“The fun part was doing that _with_ you!”

You give him a soft smile. You grab John by the waist and kiss him lightly again. You gently pull away from his soft lips and smile down at him. You rub his waist with your hands. He looks you in the eyes and grins back. 

“Although...  _I like that you were jealous._ ” John gives you a smug look and a big smile, _"then you walked off and left me in the arms of another man. A man who had a throbbing erection, you are so trusting, Dave._ ”

“Okay, I didn’t walk off because I was jealous, I walked cause I thought you were doing that just to get under my skin."

 _"Hmmm... did you think that when you almost walked out of our bedroom?"_ He's teasing you.

"I didn’t think you were actually going to do it... and the moment I got that you were serious I almost bailed because we were on a break... but fuck being on a break! Let’s fuck him every night!”

“Dave! We have to try to calm down now and you’re getting me excited again!” He was trying to be angry at you but he can’t stop smiling.

“I know!” You were smiling too, “I can’t help it!”

“We’re cock hungry sluts!” John cheered and playfully pumped up his fists, “for real now!”

“But from now on- we only do this to guys who deserve it.”

“Yeah! it’s fun because he’s nice.” John turned to himself to speak. “Oh my god, he actually told me once that he considers the two of us friends and said I should use his nickname, oh- **_oh shit!_** _”_   He looked up at you, his smile dropped. “You think he’ll tell Nepeta!?”

You sigh, “no way in hell he’s going to bring himself to tell anyone about this.”

Your husband tried to suppress a smile, “every time you bring up hell I keep thinking about _him_.” 

You match his expression. “Me too, but like… in a good way.”

“I spent so long refusing him and I just decided to fuck a guy for fun overnight!” He is laughing, there isn’t a hint of rage or spite in his laugh, only happiness. At the sound of his bubbly laugh you let out one of your own and tell him,

"Because _that guy_ is cool."

 _"He's soooo cool."_ John smiled that sly smile again, _"and soooo big."_

"Okay, we have to calm down for real now, babe."

"Okay, alright. Just-" John started giggling and bending his knees, "I feel so, sooo-"

"Desirable?"

 **"Yeah!"** John pumped his fists up to his chest and quickly pulled you in for a kiss. 

You let out a comforting sigh and continue washing his hair.

* * *

You let Zahhak take a shower after the two of you finished up. John had to shoo him in the bathroom so the both of you didn’t get tempted to flirt with him again. You both got dressed, you told John no slutty clothes, he frowned at you for that. You slipped on your shirt in front of the mirror. Hu… you might need to wash your hair again later, John didn’t scrub it well enough. You both left for breakfast and sat down at the table. You thanked your dad-in-law for the meal, your throat is still botched so you’re going to have to let him do all the talking. That Nervous lawyer, Nitram, walked in. He looked confused so John asked him what was up.

“I can’t find Zahhak anywhere.”

_‘Shit.’_

“He just asked us if he could take a shower in our bathroom,” John came up with something on the spot. “We have a shampoo he likes and he didn’t want to hog up the bathroom upstairs.” There is only the two bathrooms in the house, it's a pretty solid lie.

“That’s kind of you boys to let him.” Mr. Egbert told the two of you.

“Yes.” You can tell that John must feel awkward about all of this. “Mr. Zahhak is pretty cool. Did you know he boxes?”

“He looks like he has the build for that.” Nitram thought out loud.

“I’ve seen him train quite a few times while we were here.” Dr. Serket lifts up a hand gently as she speaks, when she is talking in a personal way she uses so many hand gestures, makes you think that her demeanor must be different when she isn’t doing her job. Your mind is lingering again, you just feel so awkward about all of this. The table keeps talking about how cool ‘Equius’ is cause he boxes. John brings up he wants to learn a thing or two about boxing. Your dad brought up that there's different styles.

“Wow, I guess I’ll have to ask Mr. Zahhak what he normally does.”

“John, if you want to learn I would prefer you don’t do anything to rough, you don’t have any safety gear.”

“Hmm.” John pouted, “well he can still show me the ropes maybe, that is if he even wants to.”

“I’m sure he would show you his training routine if you asked.” Nitram comforts him, “he’ll probably be happy you’re interested.”

“You think?” John smiled at that.

Your husband is pretty fucking good at playing people, no wonder you get so intimidated by him half the time, he's a master at things like this. When Zahhak walks in John cheerfully greets him and starts asking him about boxing and if he can practice his routine with him,

“There’s plenty of space in our room! You can train in there if you show us the ropes.”

“I- uh- well…” He nervously looked at you, you nod at him. “If you insist I can show you… a few things.”

“Can you show us today!?”

“Uh… first I have some calls to make.”

“Afterwards?”

“....Sure.”

John beamed him a grin. He takes another bite of his pancakes. You steal a small piece from his plate and quickly eat it. John slaps your shoulder and laughs, “You jerk!” He scrunches up his nose at you. You quickly steal a kiss. You hear Nitram snicker at that. Dr. Serket also starts quietly laughing.

Everyone at the table seems happy. Genuinely happy.

You grin at John and he beams right back at you. 

You can't feel anything except for joy.


	101. You're a Candle Light

You’ve been spending your nights sleeping around with Zahhak, he’s still nervous about treating you bad. You kind of appreciate that, it means he really doesn’t want to hurt you. You’re so patient and understanding. You decided to finally use the scenario you told him about. You had him sit down on your bed while you and Dave got dressed up and prepped. You both wore the tightest shorts you had. You wore your skin tight shirt again and Dave wore one of his white shirts and tied it to the side to reveal his midriff. You already told him that you’re going to be coming in from gym class. You had another cherry lollipop with you so when you were ready to head out you unwrapped it and started sucking it.

You both sat down on the floor in front of him.

“Do you boys know why I called you into my office?” He sounded tense, but he was at least trying.

 _“I don’t know.”_ You twirled a strand of your hair as you looked off to the side, _“have we been bad?”_

“You’ve been sleeping with every boy in school.” Zahhak firmly told you with his deep, masculine voice, he still sounded a bit shaky.

 _“Every boy?”_ Dave looked over to you. _“I don’t think we’ve slept with every guy yet, have we babe?”_

 _“No.”_ You giggled and shook your head.

Dave opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue at you, you stuck your lollipop in his mouth just like he was begging for you to do.

_“Hehe, Dave you are so funny.”_

Dave started sucking it hard, you tried to pull it out from his mouth but he just moved with it.

_“Don’t hog it! Daaave! I want some!”_

“Boys, you shouldn’t be eating candy in here.” You didn’t tell him to say that.

Dave slipped his tongue off of the sweet, “What? _Are you going to punish us?”_

“I’m going to give you something else to suck.” He slipped down his pants and showed you his semi-erect cock. Your eyes widen. You are actually surprised he is committing to this so wholeheartedly.

 _“Oh wow, it’s so big.”_ Dave crawled up to his knees and stared at his cock, he was still wearing his shades but it really did seem like he was gazing and marveling at his semi.

 _“Uh… I don’t know about this Dave.”_ You hung back and put your finger up to your mouth.

 _“What? Babe,"_ he turned to look at you, _"this is the biggest cock we’ve ever seen.”_

_“Yeah… but you know I’m really tight, I don’t know if I can take it all.”_

“You should have thought about that before you started behaving this way.” Zahhak sounded like he really was about to punish you. “I am going to make you reprimand your actions.”

“Oh, you think your cock can _actually punish me?”_ Dave sounded as smug as you normally do.

“I know I can, I am going to pound you until you scream," Zahhak's breath still sounded a bit shaky, "then I'll pound you harder.”

_“Dave, he’s scaring me!”_

“He doesn’t scare me, _I bet I can take your whole cock.”_

“We’ll see if that is true.” You can hear in his voice he is feeling confident that he’s pleasing the both of you. If he gets too cocky you’re going to have to remind him who is in control.

 _“Mr. Principal, please don’t punish us like that!”_   You whine. _"It's not nice!"_

“You won’t learn unless I punish you.” He is starting to sound a bit too confident for your liking. Yeah you’re going to have to do something to _punish him_ for that.

You start nervously sucking on your lollipop. Dave is still marveling at the size of his cock. He flicked the tip of his head with his fingers. Dave was smirking up at him, he started to like acting like this during sex with Zahhak. You were fine with him acting so confident because he knew you really ran the show but you need to make sure Zahhak knows that too.

You crawl next to Dave and look down at Zahhak’s cock. You make a face that matches Dave's, you both look smug, but you're purposefully trying to look unimpressed. You tap the lollipop against your lips and start sucking it again. You sit up and climb into his lap, resting your bottom on one of his thighs. You bring the lollipop up to his parted lips, “ _We aren’t supposed to eat candy while we’re in school, but we still do.”_   You slowly push it deeper into his mouth as you trace your fingers against his lips. “ _You really think you can punish us and make us into good boys? You’re really funny mister. You got hard at the sight of us. You think you can actually break either of us with your cock? I’d like to see you fucking try,_ in fact… isn’t that why you are here… because **_I_** want to see you try?”  

You feel something bounce up, you glance down, he is fully erect now.

“Ohhhh… You like when I am a bad boy? Dave likes that too… _to bad I like being a cute little wannabe slut who can hardly take a cock_.” You hum to him. You leave the lollipop in his mouth as you pull your hand away from his lips, “and we have sex the way I like, **_don’t we?”_**

You climb back down and join your husband. You start sucking on his tongue. Dave grips onto Zahhaks thigh as you slip your hands under Dave’s shirt. You both forcefully undressed each other. You pant into his mouth, _"Dave, I'm nervous."_

He whispers into your mouth, "worst thing that can happen is he breaks us," your husband sticks his tongue into your mouth one final time and pulls it out, _"and I want that to happen."_

* * *

Next morning you happily greeted everyone at the table for breakfast. Zahhak was already sitting at the table. He's been getting up much earlier then everyone else so he can 'train,' which is something that he actually does but you think he only does it as an excuse for why he's so sweaty every morning and why he's been taking so many showers. You and Dave give him a really difficult time about leaving every morning too, you love when he's in bed with you so you both try to lazily pull him down and whine every single time he gets up to train. You think he probably loves the attention. Having two little sluts bitch and moan about wanting his body probably makes his day.

Even after all of these nights spent fucking he still gets tense when he sees you both take your seats at the table. You kind of feel tempted to tease him a bit but Dave keeps warning you not to press your luck. He thinks that someone's going to catch you making eyes at Zahhak. You can't help it! You've been so pent up lately... but then again, Dave's probably in worse shape. You obey your husband's wishes because as much as it pains you to admit... he is right... _for once._

Your dad made guacamole the other day so you got it from out of the fridge. While standing up you make a breakfast sandwich by slipping open a croissant and putting a hot omelet in it along with some bacon. You cut it in half with a large knife and give one half to your husband. You ask if anyone else would like some of the guac before you put it away, Zahhak politely asked you if you could make him the same thing you just made for Dave and yourself. You smiled and told him you would make it special. You basically made the same thing but added spinach and ham instead of bacon. You picked up that he likes ham better and he likes to eat a bit healthier. You walked around the table and handed it to him. You pat his shoulder and smiled. 

"You've been so cool, Officer Zahhak. If you want anything else I'll get it for you."

"There's no need, thank you very much."

"You sure you don't want me to refill your coffee while I'm up?"

"If... If you could, I would be... grateful."

You grab the coffee mug and bring it over to pour him a fresh cup. You offer everyone else at the table, no one else wants anything but you can see everyone is happy you asked. These past few days you've all been so happy together. You really have to do something nice for Equius later. 

* * *

"Gotta take a piss." Dave sat up from the left side of the bed after a week of fun.

_"Ooohhh, think you can trust me alone with Zahhak and his big fat cock?"_

He playfully scoffs at you as he walks into the bathroom and shuts the door.

"My husband left me alone in bed with another man! _I feel so naughty."_

You snuggled up to Zahhak's chest and sighed. You looked up to him and asked, 

"Is there something that you want? Something you might be to afraid to ask for..?"

"Uh..." You could feel him get tense again.

"Anything, anything at all?" You ask him again. "You’ve been so good to the two of us, we’ll do anything. _really.”_ You seem so cheerful when you offer, it nearly sounds like you are quietly singing to him.

“I would... Uh… like too…?”

“Yes?”

“Stick my fingers… inside of you.”

“Oh- that’s not even bad!” You lightly slap his chest once and pull your hand back, you smile at his pecs and then look back up at him to ask, “is that all?”

“Ugh…” He tensed up more.

You look into his eyes as you stroke his chest, kindly waiting on an answer.

“I’ll have to think about it.” You can feel him shiver a bit. He must have something he thinks is super bad he wants to tell you. He's shaking at your touch. haha.

You lay your head back down on his chest and start humming to yourself. You trace a circle around his chest and sing, _“holy cow, I think I’ve got something here. Now what am I supposed to do, I got a number of irrational fears, that I'd like to share with yooouohh.”_

" _First of all there's rules bout-_ " You close your eyes and hum for a bit. _"I'm shaking at your touch, I like you way too much. My baby, I'm afraid I'm falling for you."_ You forgot some of the lyrics so you sing what you remember, _“I’m a candle light and your a gentle moth, teaching me to lick a little bit kinder...”_

Just then your husband came back out of the bathroom so you cheerfully callout to him,

“Dave, Officer Zahhak said he wants to finger me!”

“I Uh- I apologize, John asked me-“

“No sweat," Dave answers him, "just do me too.”

“Ohhh, you want him to finger you?" You snicker at your husband, "well _noo_ more than three fingers!”

“I’m not going to ask him to like fist me, I think I’ll die if he does that." Your husband has little faith in himself, " **You** can try if you want though.”

“Haha, no… Fisting is like a special thing between us, Dave.” 

Dave smiles gently at you, no other man’s ever done that the either of you before. Dave got into bed with the two of you and hugged Equius. You were still exhausted so fingering is going to have to happen some other time.

Your husband reached for your hand and started kissing Zahhak's chest, you started kissing his pecs sweetly too. He was still sweating but the two of you were drenched too so who really cares. You just want to admire his body as you settle in to sleep.

“I need to take a shower.” He started getting up.

“What? Nooo.” You put his hand on his chest and tried to guide him back down, “We're too tired.”

“I can take a shower alone you-“

“ _Ughh,_ fine.” You sat up, _“you meanie.”_

Dave got off the bed with you. Your husband walked into the bathroom to start the shower to warm it up. You took Zahhak's hand to walk him over, but first you grab a condom from the nightstand. You wiggle it between your fingers to show him, “just incase you get a little _too_ excited.”

When you walked in you watched as Dave took off his shades so you could see his handsome face and gorgeous eyes. You walked up to and kissed him,

“No secrets between us," you joked, "I love your eyes.”

He smiled sweetly at you and gently kissed you back.

“Hey, can we make out with Zahhak, babe?”

“You want to make out with him?" You tilt your head and lower your brows, "why is that something you even need to ask for?”

“Uh- well sex is kind of different isn’t it… kissing is like… I don’t know… _passionate?”_

“Ha- You starting to get a crush?”

“Babe, **you _are_** the only guy I can _ever_ love." Okay, that gets at your heart a little. "I just want to see what it’s like to make out with two guys at once.”

“Ohhh! Let’s try!” You clap your hands together. “Mr. Zahhak, I don’t mean to be rude but do you... you know... _have anything?”_

He was rubbing the back of his neck with one of his huge hands, “would you happen to be referring to something like a cold or something... more severe?”

“STD, man.” Dave told him. 

“ah-" He understood what you two meant. "I’ve never had sex without a condom before so-"

“So no!?” You clapped your hands together again and then point up a finger, “I only ask because Dave and I are trying really, _really_ hard to stay safe.”

 _“Like good little sluts?”_   Dave slapped your ass with one quick hard motion.

“Ow! Dave!” You smack his arm. “Don’t treat me like a bitch right now! I’m not horny!”

“Ohhhh… but your excited to make out with Zahhak, are you the one with the crush?”

You snicker and smack him again. _‘Fucking asshole.’_

You walk into the shower and hold open the door for both of the guys. You get Zahhak to lean down as he comes in so you can kiss him on one corner of his lips. You grab your husband's hand and guide him to kiss the other corner of his mouth.

 _“Your lips are so dry, Mr. Zahhak,”_   you softly speak against his parted lips. His breath is shivering. His lips really are dry, he licks his lips to remedy that, accidentally licking yours and your husband in the process. You lick him back. Dave is sucking on his bottom lip. You are sticking your tongue into Zahhak's mouth, he pulls his head towards you and starts kissing you. He opens his mouth and lets you slip your tongue against his. You hum into his mouth as he starts rubbing your waist. You grab onto his neck. He's much taller then you are so he is leaning down to kiss you, still you want his body to be closer so you tug him down. Zahhak jolts a bit at that and grabs onto your waist. You start shoving your tongue as far down his throat as you can. You're moaning into his mouth, as he sinks his nails into your skin. Dave sticks his tongue against the side your closed mouths as you two kiss. He is trying to find his way in. He pulls away,

“okay... so I guess we'll have to go one at a time.”

You slip your tongue around Zahhak's one last time and bite down on his bottom lip as you pull away from your kiss. Your teeth release Zahhak and you gesture with your open palms for your husband to, “have a go.”

Dave slides his tongue in between his lips and starts twirling his piercings against Zahhak's tongue. Dave is moaning and pulling him closer to his own body, just like you did. Zahhak is still tense as he places his hands on your husband's waist, the whole thing looks so... intimate.

“Okay- shit…” _'yeah... time to stop this,'_ “stop.”

They pull apart, still holding each other and look at you.

Dave's arms wrapped around his neck. Zahhak's hands on your husband's waist.

“Why?” Dave asks you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong… it’s just…”

“John, _no secrets_.” Dave smiles at you with his eyes alone.

“I’m… I’m jealous.” You look down at the ground.

Dave smiled and moved to grab onto your face. He started kissing you softly. “Oh, babe.” He must really like the way you confessed your feelings about what you just saw. He is holding you like you just bought him a diamond ring. “You really, honestly... are jealous?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.” Theres a tiny hint of annoyance in your voice.

He is hugging you then he places his hands onto your face. Holding your cheeks and admiring your face. You hum in frustration. He’s a bit _too_ happy you got envious.

“I love you so much, John.”

“I do too."

"Wow..." Dave snickered to himself as he pulled away from you. "conceded."

"Fuck off-" you sigh out of your nose and pout at him. "I meant that I love you the same!"

"Aw... Babe."

"Now don’t make out with other guys!” You lightly slapped him. Pretending he did you wrong. 

“Oh?" He raises his eyebrows, "you’re going to have to promise me the same thing than.”

 _“Oh no,"_ You look over at Zahhak. _"I’m sorry Mr. Policeman. Your lips are going to have to stay dry.”_ You gave him a fake pout.

 Dave asks you, “kissing his body is okay though, right?”

“Yeah," you turn your head away from Zahhak to face Dave, "we can both do that at the same time so... yeah.” 

“Okay.” Dave pulled away from his hug, _“Than let's do that instead."_

* * *

A few more nights passed. You three were laying in bed again, Dave laying across from you as you both admire Zahhak's body. You pinch the skin above one of his abs for fun and giggle when he tenses up again. You softly tell him, "you need to loosen up, just relax." 

Your husband starts rubbing his chest up and down, like he's trying to comfort him. He just tenses up a bit more. You've all been laying here for a while so you offer, 

_"You're so tense... anything that we can help you with, Mr. Zahhak?"_

"Um... could you... sing to me again?" He asks you.

"Hmmm... I can't think of anything to sing right now." You look up at him, still laying your head down on one of his pecs like it's a pillow.

"Hold on," your husband seems a bit unnerved by that, "you sang to him before?" 

"I sang to entertain _myself_ actually... it was when we were waiting for you in the bathroom."

"Oh, well then.. okay..." he puts in a request, "sing something slow, babe."

"What, you think I'm going to burst out rapping?" 

"Please don't, I can only get so erect." Dave smiles.

You start laughing. "Okay, I won't." You joke. 

When you simmer down you start singing a slow song you know Dave likes to listen too. You don't think you have the best singing voice but Dave is rubbing your hand and humming along. You guess that you're doing okay because Zahhak seems calmer too.

You don't like most music other than classical works and piano pieces. Still you know a few things and Dave would basically listen to everything. You sing for them both until you start to get drowsy and yawn. You snuggle up to Zahhak's chest as your husband holds onto the back of your hand. You start to drift off to sleep.

* * *

In the morning Zahhak attempts to slip you and Dave off of his arms. He woke you up so you kiss him on the cheek as Dave kisses his pecs and makes a line of pecks up to his neck. You start nibbling on his neck too. Dave starts sucking on him.

"Boys." Zahhak confesses. "I don't want you to give me any hickies."

He wears a lot of tank tops, it's probably a good idea to stop. Even still you tell him,

_"You're no fun."_

You pull away from him.

Your husband is still kissing his neck.

"Dave." You slap his arm, "he said no!"

"I won't leave marks," He kissed him again. "I promise."

Zahhak attempts to, he's ready to leave. "I'm sorry, boys. I need to get some exercise in."

 _"I'll give you a **real** workout._" Dave hummed as he pulled him back down.

"No..." Zahhak was refusing him. "I really mean it."

Zahhak starts getting up. Dave was grabbing onto his neck. He let himself get pulled up with him. 

Dave's arms were wrapped around Zahhaks. He was dangling behind him and trying to pull him down. 

You tell your husband, “Sweetheart, let the policeman go.” 

 _“But he’s soooo good.”_   Dave tries to whine like you always do. His voice is still to naturally monotone for that.

“He is, buuut..." - you sat up and slowly pull at Dave's arm, lightly tugging him back - "If you don’t let him go then I won’t be able to let him go either.”

"I will be back in bed with you all tonight." Zahhak lightly slapped Dave's arm that's around his neck.

You finished prying Dave's arms off of Zahhak's neck and you both let him go. 

"Yeah, hmmm how about we pretend to be thieves?" Dave is smiling at Zahhak. "We can put your uniform to good use."

"I will put it on later and say it's my only clean clothes if anyone asks."

 _"Ahhhh- It's too easy to seduce you now!"_ You whine. _"At least play hard to get!"_

Zahhak slides off the bed.

"He is right now isn't he?" Dave turns his grin from Zahhak on to you.

"That's because **_I'm_ **not trying," you let out a large yawn.

"Too tired to try?" Dave smiles at you.

"It's too early. Let's go back to sleep!" You grab him and force him down as you yawn again.

He starts yawning too. When he closes his mouth he starts kissing your neck. 

"Stop being so frisky." you lightly slap him. "I want to sleep."

"I can't help it." Dave's sucking on your neck now.

Zahhak was getting dressed, you could hear the rustling of fabric and the quick zip of his zipper. 

"You're keeping me up, it's like 5 am!" You gripe, you feel Dave's erection resting on your thigh. "God! Why are you so hard like every morning?!"

"Because I'm excited to have two men in my bed _every morning._ " Dave started biting down on your most recent bruises. Shit, he's getting you excited.

You let out a low moan. "Stop trying to seduce me!"

Zahhak started walking out the door. He gave you both a single wave, almost like a salute.

"Bye!" "Peace." You both call out to him before you started talking to each other again.

"Hmmm, looks like your back is all healed up... want another scratch?"

"Oh God..." You are too tired for this shit. 

You scoot down under the sheets and just jump right into sucking him off. Immediately taking in his whole cock and pumping your head up and down as you slightly drift your tongue side to side on his shaft.

"Whoa! John slow down!" He pulls off the sheet to get a look at you.

You pull your lips off of his head with a loud 'pop,' like sucking a lollipop.

"I get you off, then we sleep. Compromise?" 

"Compromises?" Dave looks confused at you. "I thought we agreed not to do that anymore."

"I said it out of habit." You look up at him.

"I'm fine with compromises getting a reboot."

"Okay." You nod at him.

"Compromises 2.0."

You sigh out, "oh my fucking god."

You start sucking him off again. 

"Compromises." Dave lifts up his missing finger.

You trace your tongue around his head. You slowly push his shaft down your throat as you mumbled, _"mmfteromymiff,"_ you stuck up your own missing finger. You started sucking Dave fast enough that you just ignore the last part. After he cums you keep ruthlessly sucking him and milking him dry, just to fuck with him. 

"Okay, shit... shitshitshit... I get It John... I won't bug you at 4 am anymore... pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease stop." He whimpers out. "Lava."

You pull away from him and back off, "pussy."

"Maybe I'll suck you off as long as _you do to me_ and see how you like it."

"If it's miserable for you, you know it's good for me."

"Ha! Come here, babe, let's get back to bed." Dave pulled you down and snuggled up to you. "I love you."

You softly hum "I love you more," and sigh as you drift to sleep in his arms.


	102. venture

You were laying down with Zahhak in bed. Once again John was tracing his fingers around Zahhak's chest. You were resting your head on his shoulder. The whole room always smells like sex and sweat. John was asking Zahhak questions about his hobbies, his job, his life... eventually they started talking about how he met Natalie. Apparently they were childhood friends and they both decided to move to Houston together. They both had a hard time growing up and were like social outcasts. They were so close despite being opposites. John's like that with you, you both are best friends. Biggest difference is that you two fell in love. Still you get what he means,

They are soul mates in a different way.

"So people gave you greif for your stress issues?" John asked him. "You just have to learn to not care what people, that you don't know, think of you."

"Yeah..." You agree with him. "For the longest time I had issues with what people told me about my looks... It always got to me but John would always tell me what he thought of me... his was the only voice I should have listened to."

"Yeah, the only opinions that should matter to you are the opinions of the people who _care_ _about you_. I'm sure Natalie pays you compliments all the time, but she's still sorta honest with you."

"Yes, she _is_ like that." Zahhak pulled you both a bit closer. "She always told me since we were kids that I looked strong. When we were in high school together she would hang off of my biceps for fun. She would always tell me to smile bigger to let people know, in her words, 'that I'm a softy.' Although... I don't like when people see my missing teeth."

"I think it's cool." John told him. "Makes you look tough."

"You think that?" Zahhak seemed taken back by that.

"Yeah, I do." John looked up at him. "that's how I figured out you were a boxer actually."

"Well..." Zahhak held onto your waist and rubbed it. "I thought people would think that. I don't want people to be intimidated by me."

"You seem like a big lug." John reached his arm over Equius's chest and gave him a hug.

"Nepeta would say the exact same thing." Zahhak was holding on to John's waist. "I thought she said that because she was my closest friend."

"You seem like a good guy to me." John told him. "That's why I wasn't afraid to jump into your arms and seduce you, I thought you were cool and I don't want to sleep with guys that are.. you know undeserving."

Zahhak was staring at John, he must have been surprised John said he was deserving of this _._

"I thought so too, also..." You rubbed your cheek into his pec, "I said your dick looked big. You do look like you have a huge cock, when people give you shit, remember that your cock is huge."

"Dave is that all you think about now?" Your husband slapped your hand. "Dick and sex?"

"Don't act like you're different." You tell him.

John laughs. "God! You are so right! I wouldn't mind getting pounded by like... a fifty cocks... no exaggeration... I just don't want to sleep with men who aren't cool."

John sighed. " _He_ used to always tell me that I was a cumslut and a cock tease... he might be right about that... and when I was younger he would tell me and Dave that we weren't good for anything else... We proved him wrong in that respect. Maybe he was right about a few things, but that doesn't mean that anything else he said was right about either of us."

John was staring up at the ceiling. 

You look up at the ceiling too, "He used to tell me that the only reason you loved me was because I surrendered myself completely to you… and you know how brutal his insults could get. I kept thinking things couldn’t get any more shitty, but then his insults just got worse and worse over the years... it was because he was jealous. He was in love with you and couldn’t get you. We tormented him together. He was just hopelessly thrashing around trying to change things with violence. I don’t want to be anything like that man so I listen to the people I love. Actually listen… he never listened to John... I noticed that you told him directly to his face that you fell in love with me because I listened to you. He didn’t."

John sounded so airy, so tired as he spoke, "even if he did, even if he never hurt me I wouldn't have ever loved him... I could tell by the way he held himself he was vile. When he kidnapped me he snuck up behind me and I knew that something was wrong with him... Like I could just feel it and he didn't give me any reason to think that. I just felt it. At the time, I just tried to ignore him... I did that my whole adolescence actually. He just made it so difficult to ignore him." John sighed, you sighed too. "He said he wanted me to destroy him, but… I could tell he actually wanted me to save him… like I did with you…"

You kept looking at the ceiling, "he wanted what I had..." 

"...hopelessly thrashing around is the perfect way to say it... and I thought I had a way with words." John turned to look at you, you followed. "I don't care if I turned out to be a cockslut, I only want to suck the cocks of good men with golden hearts... and I've got two right here." John smiles like he is about to laugh. When he reached out to palm you both Zahhak jolted up a bit and you grabbed his wrist.

"Stop, I'm sensitive right now!" You only finished about 15 minutes ago. 

"Thinking about sex with you two makes me want it and you're right here... it's so irresistible to me! -and hey! Dave I know you like getting fucked till your unconscious."

"Yeah!" You raise your volume, "Fucked up the ass!" 

"I'll touch your cock all I want, slut." He's being dominant again.

_'Shit.'_

"Whores don't get that luxury and you're no whore."

**_'Shit!'_ **

"You're a cock sucking slut who pounds cocks for fu-mmhm!"

You slam your lips against him. Clinking your teeth together and rubbing your tongue against his. When he pulls away from you he asks, "did you kiss me to distract me from sucking your cock or because you loved what I said?"

"Both." You give him a half-smile. "If you keep talking like that I'll make you pound me."

"Hmm? Oh yeah?" John traces Zahhak's chest and brings his limp hand up to your own. "You want me to call you a slut? You know that your fucking looks drive me crazy. When you smile I just want to kiss your lips and suck your cock. God, I want to suck your cock all the time and it’s right _the-haha-re!"_ John was fake crying and then he starts whining, _"Why do you both have to be so **sensitive!?"**_

"Eh... I think I could go for another pounding." You look up at Zahhak "When you take turns fucking the two of us it doesn't wear me out the same way." 

"He's probably sensitive right now too." John pokes you with his finger. 

"Hmmm." You start rubbing Zahhak's chest. "Maybe that's why you should top me." 

 **"Booo you suck."** John made his voice deep to make fun of you. 

"If you didn't want me to ask you to top you then don't act so dominant.. what was with that earlier? You think you can say stuff like that to me and not make me want your cock?"

_**"UGHH..."** _

"I'll choke you and we can fuck on top of Zahhak."

"...Fine." He caved in.

You laid flat down on Zahhak's chest. You closed your eyes as John started thrusting into you.  Zahhak grabbed onto your thighs to hold you steady. Eventually, he started fumbling around with something on the nightstand and then his dick. He must be jacking off right now. You should tell him that he can joi- _**"AUGH!** Dude!"_ He just thrusted into you without warning. He showed you the open condom wrapper he just put on. "Okay, you could have warned me, man!"

"My apologies." He sounded like he really meant that.

"Don't be sorry... I..." -you sigh out your nose- "fuck, okay... I liked it." 

"I love surprises like that too!" John sounded cheerful.

"Don't sound so happy, John..." you tell him that he needs to, "get like... angry!"

_"If you want me to sound mad you have to ask nice."_

"John!" You bark at him. "Just fuck me!" 

_"Someone sounds too impatient!"_

"Do this for me and I'll do something for you later." You are ready to strike a deal.

"Okay... _nooow_   I'm curious."

"It will be a surprise. Don't you like surprises?"

"Hmmm... Alright I'll hold you to it." John pulled himself out of you completely, then slammed himself right back inside of you. Zahhak joined him in pounding you. You let out a deep grunt, they just hit your right where you fucking _ **need**_ it... You're going to need to make a plan for the future. Zahhak's going to need to help you with that. For now... you're just going to enjoy this.

* * *

John wanted to try something a bit more risky. Somehow he convinced both of you it was a good idea when it clearly wasn't. John was getting thrilled at the idea of sleeping together outside of the master bedroom. You were a bit scared to do it, but Zahhak was game. You promised you two would be quick. The two of you both walked into the living room together.

 _"Mr. Policeman, we're lonely again."_ John sat down in Zahhak's lap. Pushing his own legs in between Zahhak's open thighs. 

"Yeah, man…" You sit down next to Zahhak and start rubbing your hand on the inside of his thigh, "you have to comfort us… it’s your job right?"

 _"Yeah it’s your job to protect and serve us... mmmhhh hehhehhe!"_  John started having a giggle fit. "Oh! Guys this feels so good!"

"I thought you hated breaking character." You look up at John. 

"How am I breaking character!?" John put his hands on your shoulders. "I really _am_ a naughty little slut seducing a real police officer while everyone else is in bed!"

"One question, no secrets between us, does the idea of getting caught turn you on too?"

"God, I’m already so _haahahaaaard."_   John suddenly jolted up in Zahhak's lap, "Opp! Someone else is too!"

"Come on.” You take John's glasses. “Let’s get undressed.”

"Dave, do you want me to fuck your hole again?"

"Yes." You automatically say as you remove your shades and flip your hair.

Still... You know it's hard for John to get off, "I want you to finish too, babe."

"This is so fucking hot already, Dave." He bounced up and down on Zahhaks lap. "I think if you choke me I’ll get there."

"Okay, fine." You take off your shirt. "I'll threaten your life and than I’ll choke you really hard, you earned it."

 _"Yayyy!"_ John clapped his hands together and kissed you. 

"But it's only to keep you quiet." You smile up at him as you take off your pants.

"You know I can hardly control myself!" John still hasn't taken off his shirt yet. "Unless... you have a big scary knife in my face to remind me to keep my whore mouth shut."

"You're allowed to open your mouth for my cock, slut."

" _Hehehe! Ohhhh_ this feels so dirty already and we didn’t even do anything!"

"I’ve been trying to get you to take off your clothes."

 _"Soooorry."_ John took up a joking tone. He was just playing around with you two now.

"Get undressed for the policeman or I'll force them off of you, you stupid bitch."

"I'd like to see you fucking try." John tilted his head up and looked down at you. "Try talking to me again like that and I'll show you who's really the stupid bitch here."

You take a moment to let that sink in, "whoa."

He really is practicing on you. That and... you shouldn't have called him 'stupid.'

"Okay!" John clapped his hands together again and stood up. He quickly stripped off his clothes. 

“Okay.” He brushes his bangs out of his face and clears his throat as he shakes his bangs out of his face,  _“this is wrong you guys… what if someone sees?”_

You nudge Zahhak. He seemed surprised that you expected him to join in. "Oh- uh... If we're fast no one will know." 

"I think I can handle fast." You grab John's wrist and pull him down to face you. John sits right in front of you. Zahhak is sitting down right behind you. You're sandwiched between two men.

 _"I don't know, Dave."_ John started giggling again. "Okay! Fuck it! No roleplay! We just fuck!"

That's exactly what you want to hear. "Sounds good to me." You give him a peck on the lips. 

John started laughing. You had to "shhh," him.

“John, you have to be quiet. _MMMHH!”_ Zahhak forced himself inside of you again without warning, **“accch!** Ahah!.... _ha.._. **”**

“What was that about being quiet?” John gives you another sly look. _“Mr. Policeman, you can’t fuck Dave so hard or he'll be too loud! He's going to moan like a stupid, cock-hungry bitch... Just like he is!"_   He shakes his head at you and holds both of his cheeks.

“No! Nonono, don’t listen to him," You start slapping Zahhak's chest. "I can control it. Both of you fuck me hard and fast.”

“Yeah?" John asks you, "you can control your moans? You actually think you can?”

“John, if I get too noisy you guys can slow down.”

“Okay.” He slips himself inside of you and guides you with his hand to, “raise your hips.”

You sit up for them both -  _“mmmmhhh”_  - you hum as they start picking up the pace.

They spent a few minutes driving into you. Quickly picking up speed as you try to supress your groans. You can do quiet but there's two men inside of you hitting you right where you love it. After a while your husband breathes into your neck, _“I’m getting close, dave.”_

“hmmmahh...." You whisper to him, _"yeah?”_ It doesn't feel that way to you.

He pants out, “I think I can cum on your face!" 

 **“Don’t you fucking pull out, John!”** You groan. You know he's fucking with you.

“But your face would look so cute covered with my-“

**“John, don’t you fucking pull out for anything!”**

“Or. What?” He sounds fed up with you. 

**“You pull out I will fucking kill you! You cum inside me now or I’ll beat you to death!”**

_“Ah! that’s it, that’s it!!!"_

John just wanted to make you mad so you'd actually sound threatening to him so he could get off.

 _'_ _Fucking asshole.'_

"Dave, choke me! _Choke me!”_

You listen and start strangling him. You don't even give a shit if he finishes before you or not. You are at your limit. You start pressing your thumbs into John's neck as you let out a final grunt and finish on John's chest. You must have put the right amount on John's neck because he finished a few moments after you did, Zahhak did his best to hold out but he came a few short moments, and desperate thrusts, after inside of his condom. You rested for a bit together before you fell down on top of John. Zahhak took care of a few things and handed you both a towel to wipe yourselves down with. You sat up and started wiping down John before yourself.

John started talking again. “I love when you get desperate for me!”

“When I get desperate? You mean when I _tell you_ I’m desperate, I’m always desperate.”

“You want my cock so bad that you’d beat me.. you actually would too… and _ah fuck_... that’s is so fucking hot to me... no secrets betwe- ** _uhhghh! I Fucking came from that!”_**

“I’d beat you if you’d ask nicely.” You started wiping yourself down. "I'm not going to beat you to death though."

"Another reason for why it's so hot." John rubbed your arm, from your elbow to your shoulder, "you'd never actually _'hurt me,'_ hurt me."

You give him a gentle smile, you say the words with your eyes and with your lips, "I love you."

Suddenly you hear footsteps on the staircase in the next room.

“Shit Shit Shit.” John started scrambling to sit up. You put the towel down on the couch and sat on top of it. You put on your shirt and grab Zahhak's blanket to cover all three of you up. Now all three of you are at least wearing shirts. John hid both of your shorts under the pillow he was sitting next too. You were still sitting in between your husband and the man whose guarding both of your lives. Zahhak turned on the tv and lower the volume before it even shut on. The three of you were pretending to watch the news.

“Are you still up Zahhak?” It's your dad-in-law's voice! _'Shit!'_

“Yes." He called out to him. "I couldn’t sleep.”

Mr. Egbert came into the room yawning with a cup of water in his hand.

John smiled at him. “Hi dad.”

“Boys, are you bothering Officer Zahhak?”

“He was watching tv so we joined him.” John was doing the talking.

“It’s almost 4 am now.” Mr. Egbert pointed at the analog clock on the wall.

“Oh no." John faked his surprise, "we didn’t even realize how late it was!”

“It’s okay, they just joined me a few minutes ago." Zahhak covered for you both. "It’s not a big deal.”

“So, they didn’t bug you?” Your dad asked with a skeptical voice.

“No," Zahhak sounded nervous but still... pleased, "plus if they need anything, it’s my job to help them.”

“The two of them being bored isn’t a problem you need to burden yourself with.”

“I don’t mind. I like their company.”

“Awww.” John reached out to pat Zahhak's hand. “Thank you, sir!”

“I’m glad you two get along so well with Zahhak.” Mr. Egbert smiled at the two of you.

“Yeah.” You tried to bring yourself to smile... you're really trying...

"Goodnight, you three." Mr. Egbert was talking specifically to John now, "go to bed soon, okay?"

"We will dad, we just want to watch this finish. Goodnight."

"Alright." Mr. Egbert was already out of the room and walking into the hall. "Goodnight."

"Night." You called out to him.

"Uh- Goodnight sir!" Zahhak still seemed a bit nervous around your dad. Well... he did just get finished fucking both of his sons out in the open... shit... and you're so fucking open right now.

You can hear your dad's footsteps as he's trudging up stairs.

“Oh my god!" You sigh out, "my ass was leaking the whole time.”

“You must have felt so terrible…" John sounded sympathetic, _"I’m so jealous.”_

You slap his arm. 

“It was a joke! It was a joke!" John put up his hands, _"but I bet it feels good, doesn’t it?”_

_'Fucking asshole.'_

You squint your eyes at him, "let's get dressed."


	103. Rise With the Moon, Go to Bed with the Son

"Uh- hello, John."

You wanted to check up on 'Equius' while your husband was taking a nap. You were bored so you thought you would have a bit of fun. You slipped on a regular white tee but kept on your usual blue sport shorts. Zahhak was sitting down at the desk in the office. He was resting his head down on the landline. He looked like he was on the phone.

You slowly slipped your deep blue lollipop out of your mouth and released it with a 'pop.'

"Can you talk?"

“I’m on hold.” 

“ _Oh goodie!_ ” You clap your hands together holding the blue raspberry lollipop in between two of your fingers, “ _let’s talk for a bit, Mr. Policeman_.”

“Um, John- I’m not sure now is the time for.. I’m waiting on the line.”

“awww... well, when you’re done can you come into our room?”

“I have a lot of calls I need to make for work.”

You whined, _“but officer! I'm bored…!”_

You grab his hand and started sucking on the tip of his index finger. He pulled his hand away. You leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. You whispered into his ear,  _“you don’t want me to suck your fingers? That’s okay, I can suck something much, much bigger for you if you ask nice.”_

“Uhhhhhhhh-"

You hear someone on the other line, “Officer Zahhak?”

He jumps up and scrambles to answer, “Ye-Yes?!”

You sit down on one of his thighs. You slide both of your legs in between his knees and grab his free arm, you wrap his hand around your waist.

“Excuse me for a brief moment,” he turned away from the phone and pressed mute. “Mr. Egbert, not right now, alright?”

 _“But i miss youuuu.”_ You snuggle up to his neck.

“I- I…” He struggled to get the words out.

You sit up straight in his lap and start slipping your lollipop in-and-out of your mouth.

“John, we can't... you need to get up..." He's patting your leg with the phone to try to get you to move, it only makes you bounce up and down in his lap and giggle. He starts looking at the gap the open door left, "what if someone sees?”

You close your eyes. You tilt your head towards your shoulder and brush off his words, just like your saying, ‘I don’t care,’ still sucking on your lollipop. You're still making him hold your waist as you rest on his knee. 

“Alright... what is it that you want?” He lowers his brows, thinking you want to make a deal with him.

You slip the blue candy out of your mouth with another sloppy 'plop' and tell him.

 _“I want your big thick cock. I’m so desperate for it! Your fat cock is all I can think about since you slipped out of bed!”_   You feel something hard suddenly spring up against your thigh,  _“Opp! There it is!”_

You look down and place a hand on his bulge. He forcefully grabs your wrist with his hand that's holding the phone.

 _"owwww!"_   you gripe, _"you're being rough with me... I'm going to tell my husband on you!"_

"John-" He instantly let go of you. "I'm sorry if I used to much force I-" 

You made a fake sad-pouty face and hold your wrist with your hand that's holding your lollipop. " _You're so mean, you tell me you don't want to play with me then you tease me with your fat cock and now you're hurting me!"_

"I-I-"

"You can make it up to me though..." You sit up and lean in to whisper, _"after your done with this call, come find me.”_

You stick your raspberry lollipop into his mouth and leave it between his clenched teeth.

* * *

You woke your husband up by rubbing your palm against his crotch. He sighed and slowly pushed himself up to watch you palm him. You leaned into him and started gently kissing his lips. He bites the bottom of your lip, he wants something more right now, you're glad he's already so excited because you're about to have some real fun in a momen-

"May I come in?" Zahhak knocked on the door.

"Come in." You sung to him.

He quickly came in and shut the door. When Dave noticed his erection he laughed to himself.

Zahhak didn't waste anytime, “John, you can’t do **that** to me during calls, and we shouldn’t flirt outside of this room.”

 _“Jooohn,"_ your husband turned his head to look at you,  _"did you really do that?”_

_“I’m sorry! I just get so cock hungry!"_

“Well, now we have to punish you."

 _“Nooo…!”_ You whined. _"Daddy- Officer Zahhak hurt me! He grabbed my wrist!"_

"I'm willing to bet you were trying to play with him out in the open."

_"I- I-"_

“Boys," Zahhak asked for your attention. He still has that lollipop in between his teeth, "I’m being serious.”

“We know you are," you looked up at him, _"but it you want me to stop you have to teach me a lesson!”_

“Couldn’t I also use the safe word?” Zahhak points out.

 _“Are you gonna?”_  You smile at him.

He said nothing to that. Just like you fucking thought.

“How should I… uh… punish you?” He sheepishly asked.

“Spank him!” Dave actually sounded a tad bit excited, he must _really be_ horny right now.

“Yeah! I’ve been so bad!" You cheer. "I’ve been really naughty!”

“Hit him till he turns red.” Your husband smiled at you as he instructed Zahhak.

“Then fuck me, make me take your whole cock!” You smiled back at Dave.

“Oh my god! John, fuck me while he’s fucking you!” 

You turn your head to look at him, _“that’s not a good punishment!”_

He slaps you across the face. Your glasses fall off your face and down to the bed.

“Do what I tell you, cockwhore!” He barked at you. “It's your punishment for seducing another man behind my back! You have to fuck me **right** while he fucks you till your unconscious!”

 _“I don’t want to get fucked that hard, daddy!”_ You put both of your fists up to your chest as you whine.

Zahhak broke his lollipop in between his clenched teeth.

“Then don’t bug Zahhak while he’s working.” He slapped you hard again and you winced, “and don’t talk out of turn!”

You made a fake sad face, _“mr. policeman my husband is so mean, he treats me like I’m his little bitch and he called me a cockwhore… are you going to treat me that way?”_

“Uhh…”

Your husband slapped you again. You spoke out of turn, like a bad cockwhore. You lightly wiped your cheek and frowed at your husband. 

“He’s going too, John. He’s going to get so desperate to finish in your tight hole, he’s probably going to force you down and tear you apart.”

You gasp and slap both your cheeks. Holding your face as your mouth drops open.

Dave keeps going, “He doesn’t even like guys and he gets a throbbing boner just by holding your fat ass. He's going to punish you and completely destroy your ass till your used up because you're that fucking irresistible.”

You thought something pretty vile. You snicker at the thought. You scoot closer to Dave.

“Hehe… wanna hear something sick, Dave?”

“How sick?”

“It’s a joke about _him_ again.”

“Lay it on me.”

You aren't sure how he is going to take it... still... no secrets between you two anymore... not even your fucked up thoughts...

“I’m so irresistible, I lead a man to his death.”

Dave jumped you and started grinding his clothed erection against yours. “Mmm yeah? Your ass is so fucking good, someone would try to kill me for it? Men'd fucking die for you. Everyone's fucking jealous that I have your ass.” He reached for your ass and grabbed a handful as keeps he dry humps you.

“I'm so fucking good made a _pussy_ like you a top.”

“God- fuck…" -he pants- "you are fucking me up again, John.”

"Both of your cocks are fucking me up!"

"You want him to use up your hole?"

"Yes!" You giggle and clap your hands. “I feel like such a cumslut when Zahhak touches me, Dave. I can't stop thinking about fucking him.”

“Me too, I love his fat fucking cock.”

“Mmmm. I want it so bad… hahaha..” You weren't even putting on an act anymore, you just want him to ram his whole fucking body against yours while he holds you down and makes you take it.

Your husband points a finger down at you, "you can get some of his cock after you get punished."

"Punish me! Punish me!" You slide out of Dave's grasp and sit up to cheerfully ask Zahhak for your punishment.

"Umm." Zahhak sounds nervous about this.

Your husband crawled to the end of the bed and grabbed onto his arm. "Sit down."

Zahhak let your husband guide him to sit down in between the two of you. 

Dave put your glasses back on your face and whispered something into Zahhak's ear.

Suddenly, Zahhak grabbed you and put you over his knee. He pulled down your blue shorts and brought down his hand on your bare ass. You moan. 

“Harder next time!" You call out. _"I’ve been really bad!”_

He slams his open palm on your bottom again, this time it really stings, he’s so strong he’s really hurting you. You closed your eyes as you accepted your punishment. You kept moaning at each hit. He was starting to get more and more forceful as he got used to spanking you. You heard a dinging sound of metal jingling somewhere, you ignored it and kept moaning.

“Here.” Dave was handing Zahhak something, “make it _really_ hurt.”

Dave must have handed Equius a belt because the next thing you know you feel leather strike your ass. You shout out in pain.

“You’re gonna learn your lesson, babe.” Your husband was stroking your hair. 

Zahhak hit you again.

“You have to stop being a bad cockwhore.”

_“But daddy! I like Mr. Zahhak's cock! I neeeed it!”_

“You can’t bug him during work! You get his cock when he **wants** to use up your hole."

Zahhak striked you again with the belt. 

 _“Noooo! mr. policeman!! Stop hurting me!”_ Tears were forming in your eyes.

“Keep punishing him," your husband instructed him, "he needs to learn.” 

“Uh- very well.” Zahhak sounded unsure, just as unsure as Dave used to be, still he presses on. Striking you rapidly on your bare ass.

_“It hurts.”_

“Oh, _it hurts?!_ " Your husband didn't sound amused, "you deserve it!”

_“Daddy stop making the nice policeman punish me, he’s so big and... I’m scared!”_

“When he stops he’s going to force you to take his cock and he’s going to demolish your tight hole.”

 _“Noo! Daaaddy!"_ You whine.

“You wanted to seduce him, you said you wanted his cock, he came in here to destroy you and I'm not going to stop him because you need to learn your lesson."

_"Daddy, please! I just wanted to have some fun! I don't think I can take his whole cock!"_

"Well, Zahhak is going to find out." Your husband grabbed lube and forced it into Zahhak's hands. "Finger him."

Zahhak forced you to lay on your back in the pillows. Your husband sat above you and watched as Zahhak slowly stuck one of his huge fingers inside of your hole. 

"Be rough with him." Your husband was looking down on you, "don't treat him nice."

Zahhak slipped another finger inside of you and started stretching you apart. He kept forcing himself in-and-out of your hole. Dave started to get antsy so he crawled on top of you. He pressed his stomach against your back as he laid on top of you, "do me too." 

Zahhak spent about a minute fingering both of you with both of his hands before he pulled out of both of you completely.

"Mmmm... can't wait anymore?" He teased him and then looked down at you, "now, John... you have to fuck me hard while you're getting pounded.. _annnnd_ you have to treat me like I'm your bitch."

"What!? I like being the bitch!"

"I'm making it into a real punishment, you shouldn't seduce Zahhak behind my back."

 _"But you like when I do it..."_ You did your best to look shy.

"No... you need to _tell me_ when you do it, now accept your punishment and make me take your fucking load."

 **"mmmmmhhh!"** You sound muffed. Your husband sucks, you just want to be on the bottom right now.

"Suck it up and be a man." Dave demanded you to do it.

"Fuck you!" You slapped his arm.

"Ahhhh- _hahahah."_   Dave pretended to moan as he laughed at you, _"just like that, daddy."_

"Asshole!" You slap his shoulder, "you fucking suck!"

* * *

Dave was laying against the pillows faced down. You were thrusting into him as Zahhak was thrusting into you. Dave kept moaning out his own nickname, calling you _"Daddy."_

"You like that?" You force yourself to grunt into Dave's ear, "you fucking like when your bitch treats you like a cockslut? Don't you, **You stupid bitch."**

"Fucking make me take it!" Dave is moaning out, _"I'm your stupid bitch! I'm your bitch!"_

You do have to admit that topping is much more fun while you're still getting pounded. On top of that, Zahhak is doing all of the leg work. He is violently thrusting into you as he's grabbing the back of your neck like you always make him. You're biting down on Dave's neck to keep yourself from screaming. Dave's moans are getting muffled by the pillow, that is until he lifts up his head to beg for your load. "Cum in me pleasepleaseplease."

"You're getting close." You grabbed onto both of Dave's biceps."You're going to cum into our sheets-"

Right as you pointed that out, Zahhak grabbed both of you and carried you down to the floor. "Holy shit!" You were more than impressed. He slammed you both into the ground, instantly Dave came. Zahhak kept pounding into you. You couldn't pull out of Dave even if you wanted too. Zahhak kept grunting as he forced you down. He leaned over you and pressed his entire body against your back. He sounds like he is getting pretty close. You tell him, "no no no no no no no no don't cum inside of me! Don't fucking cum early! I'll fucking-" It was too late, he already did. He emptied himself into the condom with a few more desperate thrusts. 

"NOOO! **UGH!** FUCK YOU BOTH!" You wanted to slap them but Zahhak was crushing your back still, you couldn't move your arms. All you could do is gripe.

Dave was still fucked out but he whimpered, “serves you right.”

Zahhak slid himself out of you and tried to catch his breath.

You sat up on the floor and grabbed onto his neck with both of your hands.

“No! Fuck me more!” 

You reached for the lube, that fell off of the nightstand and onto the floor, with one hand and slammed it into Zahhak's hand.

“Uh…" He's still panting. "I’m sorry, I…” 

“Finger me! Now!” You demanded him to fuck you more. 

Zahhak lifted you up onto the bed in his lap. Your back was resting against his stomach. Shit you were so fucking close and they both know how hard it is for you to cum. Zahhak poured lube on his fingers. He spread open your thighs and rested his forearms on your legs as he began pressing two fingers inside of you.

“Just for a little while, oka-"

“No!" You turn your head to bark at him. "You’re going to keep doing it till you make me cum or I’ll keep bugging you! You want Mr. Nitram to walk in on me straddling your leg because you and my stupid dumb husband couldn't fuck me right!?”

 _“Heeeey!”_   Your dumb stupid husband whined. 

“UGH! You are both going to spit roast me later to make up for this!” You point a finger at your husband and point behind you at Zahhak. 

“ _Ohhh,_ we’ve never done _that_ before…" he still sounded dazed, "can we take turns?”

_'How can he be so talkative when he's fucked out!?'_

You squint your eyes at him and say, “only if you let _me_  finally deepthroat Zahhak’s cock.”

“Holy shit.... John, okay… babe." Dave pulled himself up with his elbows. "You’ve never taken a cock that big down your throat before-“

“Dave, if you let me try I’ll let you piss down my throat next time you need to piss.”

“Don’t tell Zahhak my weird sex shit!” He meekly slapped your leg. He's still a bit loopy from the pounding.

“Dave!" Your husband really is a dumbass sometimes. "He was there when you proposed to me, he heard all about Spree!”

“Whoa... really…? Also you aren’t fucking him right- hold him back like he's trying to fight you off, because when he gets going he will. Okay, now stick three fingers inside of him, he shouldn’t be this wordy.”

Zahhak followed his instructions. He bound you up and fully stuck in three of his fingers.

“Oh! Haha- this is pretty good, too bad you aren't hitting my good spot like this. You boys aren’t going to get me to cum, Zahhak you're going to have to keep fingering me until you get hard again.”

Dave groaned. He sat up and grabbed Zahhak's hand. He guided him on where to choke you.

“You happy now, babe?” Your dumb husband asked you.

You need to test something out really quick before you can decide that.

You start fighting Zahhak off of you with as much force as you can muster. He lets you go and pulls his fingers out. 

"Yeah no... I am not happy."

"shit…" you're husband is trying to fix this, "man we should have mentioned. John does this.” –your husband lifted up his hands and showed him two crossed fingers- “If he really needs us to pull out.”

"Oh... alright..." Zahhak still sounds tired but also content with what your husband said.

You crawled back into his arms, "Before you choke me try to see if you can hit my spot, you're fingers are fucking huge you might be able to- but I doubt it."

Zahhak kept fingering you for a few minutes, yeah nothing. He starts choking you and Dave starts punching you in the gut. You need A Thick Fucking Cock to get off, these fucking idiots aren't going to be able to get you there and you're fucking pissed about it.

You couldn't speak, but you decided that you're going to punish them both for that later.

Dave sat down on the floor and started sucking you off as Zahhak kept fingering you. Dave pulled his mouth off of your cock to tell Zahhak, "grunt, he likes when you grunt."

Dave went back to sucking as Zahhak started grunting into your ear. Getting sucked off, fingered and choked all at once was good but you needed more to really- your husband just decked you in the gut again. That was pretty fucking good. You start shivering and fighting against them. Maybe if you put in more effort you can get close. Minutes later you feel Zahhak is starting to get hard again. You start grinding up against his crotch so he gets the point. Zahhak stops fingering you and goes right to fucking you. If he cums before you do **again** you think you are going to scream at him. Dave is slamming his entire head down on you. His shades are starting to fall off of his face. He throws them to the floor and keeps sucking you off. Zahhak just hit you where it counts. You start fighting against them and you're struggling to get free. Zahhak lifts both of his arms up and traps your arms between his elbows. Dave starts restraining your legs and oh, oh fuck this is fucking you up bad. Two men holding you down, sucking you off and pounding into you. That's it.

 _'_ _That's fucking it!'_  

Dave must have figured you were close because he reeled back his fist and punched you in the stomach. Instantly you filled his entire throat with your load. He wouldn't stop sucking your cock dry. Zahhak kept pounding you. They were both actually fucking your **right,** letting you completely ride your orgasm. You didn't even need to get choked! Zahhak didn't stop until your husband, the love of your life, the greatest man you've ever known, was finished milking your cock dry with his mouth. He slowly pulled his lips off of your shaft.

"What was that about not fucking you right?" Dave looked up at you, Zahhak was still holding your arms up. You could hardly see anything but a blur and you still have your glasses on. You want to say something but the words aren't coming out. You spend a few minutes just resting and collecting yourself again after that. Zahhak decides to pull out. Your eyes start focusing again, you see your husbands face. Dave's eyes are wide open and slowly opening wider. He is looking down at your...

' _oh shit. oh shit. fuck fuck fuck fuck no no no shit shit shit!'_  

Zahhak forgot to put on a condom!

"Motherfucker!" Your husband seemed even more unnerved then you did.

" **I!** I am so sorry!" Zahhak was desperately trying to apologize. "I- I wasn't thinking."

"You're fucking right you Weren't Thinking!" Dave sounded pissed.

"I can ask for a test kit! I will make the call immediately!" Zahhak turned you a bit to get you to look at him as he spoke. "I know the man who drives out here personally, I can ask him to be discrete."

Dave stood up and forced Zahhak to look at him. He growled at him,

"If you just gave my husband something I am going to **fucking**   **Kill You**."

"Dave, it's okay! It's cool!" You try to simmer him down. "He's probably clean!"

"You better fucking **Hope**  that you are." He pointed down at him as he sneered at him.

You think you're going to look on the bright side of things before you get too worried,

"Mmmm... If he is... then you can both start cumming inside of me... _hehehe._ "

"John, take this fucking seriously. I don't want you catching shit! I've been scared shitless you caught something from... fuck- John you were lucky before but we can't take chances like this!"

"What's done is done, I'll go douche or something." You sat up and walked over to the bathroom as your husband started chewing out Zahhak for the 'stupid fucking shit he just pulled' ranting and calling him a 'stupid motherfucker fuckin' shitsack of a sick fuckin' jackoff son of a cunt-bitch who wouldn't know how to get off my husband if you pulled him over on a freeway and wrote him a ticket.'

He started threatening his life and his social life on your behalf. 

Yeah... this is punishment enough for the two of them... you're not going to give them a hard time. Honestly, you just came to fucking hard to be pissed like Dave is.

"How hard did you have to work to be this much of a brainless asshole!? -or were you born stupid!? I should bend you over and fuck you like the shitstain pig you are after I make you suck my fucking fat one, though you know, calling you a cocksucker is an insult to people who can actually fuck right like me! Next time you fuck my husband I'll write you a fucking guide because apparently I need to give you a fucking step-by-step walkthrough seeing that you got fucking stumped by step one. Fucking dumbass joke of a fucking-"

You shut the bathroom door.

Yeah... they are both punished enough...

* * *

You took a long nap until it was around dinner time. You and Dave rinsed eachother off. You told Dave about your next plan to get Zahhak in bed with the two of you and it could count towards punishing him. Your husband wasn't certain you could actually pull it off. _'ye of little faith.'_

When Dr. Serket called you to get dinner you opened the door and decided to join her with your husband trailing behind you. Dave was still peeved. When you got into the dinning room your dad was still setting up the table. Zahhak and Dr. Serket started helping him set up the plates and silverware. Mr. Nitram was still upstairs in his room. Perfect. You told them you were going to go upstairs to get Mr. Travis so Dr. Serket could keep helping your dad, you told Dave that he needs to help them set the table too. You left the room to walk upstairs and get Mr. Nitram. He was on a call with Ms. Teresa, "Tell her I said hello!" You walked back downstairs one step at a time. When you got close to the bottom you tripped. You slid down a few steps and banged your knee but you were fine, you get banged up worst than this daily... still... you pretended you were hurt. You winced. 

“John!" You heard your husband call out from the dining room, "are you okay!?” 

“Are you alright?” Officer Zahhak rushed out of the room to check on you.

“Mr. Zahhak, I think I sprained my ankle, do you think you could look at it?”

“Sure thing.” He kneeled down right as your husband and your dad came out to see if you were hurt. He pressed down on your ankle and asked, “does it hurt here?”

“Yeah… it hurts.” 

“Okay, I’ll take you to your room, we need to elevate your leg.” He hoisted you up and princess carried you. You tell Dave you want to eat dinner in your room. 

"I'll join you, babe. Let me get us both a plate. In the meantime Zahhak can you stay with him and help him with anything he asks for?"

"I would be happy too." Zahhak starts walking off into your bedroom. He opened the door and you told him to close it behind him for you. He laid you down on your bed as he pulled away you grabbed his shirt and pulled him down,

“Now you’re going to fuck me hard and fast.” You demanded him to demolish you.

“What?!” His eyes widened.

You looked down, you could see he was already getting hard from your commands, he likes when you're _bad_ and demanding. You already picked up on that. You were already prepped and everything. All you had to do was convince him to stay.

“Make me cum as fast as you can.” 

"What about- what about your husband?"

"Dave told you to help me with anything I asked for, didn't he?"

“Yes, h-" You interrupted him by dragging him down by his neck and wrapping your bare legs around him. You're wearing those tight little short, shorts again. He was surprised by your enthusiasm. He grabbed onto you and slipped his tongue into your mouth, you moaned as he traced his tongue around yours and - _'oh no!'_   You pulled away.

 _"Ohh, no my husband said no kissing!"_ You cover your mouth with both of your hands, _"oh nooo, you made me break a rule!"_

"I- I apologize, that-that was my doing!"

"Yeah, I fucking know it is- you keep doing things like this... now I have to punish you for it."

"Oh- alright." Zahhak accepts it.

You slap him across the face. Zahhak nursed his hit looking at you like he's a bit surprised but also slightly impressed.

_"Don't kiss me, I'm married!"_

"I-I-" Zahhak kept stammering. 

You hear a knocking on your door. 

Your dad answered from behind the door, "It's me and Dave. We brought you dinner, John."

You whisper to Zahhak, "kneel down, and cover that thing up." 

You quickly stuffed a pillow under your leg so it looks like Zahhak elevated it. 

Zahhak followed your command and kneeled down at the side of the bed, his thigh was covering up his erection. Right after he settled down on the floor, you call out to your dad, "come in!"

You turned to Zahhak and started talking, "Yeah, my dad said something about training gear. I still want to learn how to box though. I know Dave can defend himself- but I mean... I don't know how."

"Well, I suppose I could show you how to do a few things..." Zahhak was trying to pick up on your conversation, he abandoned trying and looked at your dad instead, "uh... hello... Mr. Egbert."

Your dad was carrying a plate for you and a glass of water. Dave brought in his own plate and more apple juice, _'always with the apple juice.'_

"Thanks for bringing me dinner, guys." You smiled up at your dad. You sat up a bit more and Dave grabbed a pillow and put it in your lap before your dad laid down your plate in front of you.

You beamed your dad a grin, "you're all the best."

"It's no problem, son." Your dad gave you a half-hug and walked over to the door. He waited by the door for a few moments before giving you three a puzzled look,

"Mr. Zahhak? Are you coming?"

You could hear Dave snicker out his nose. Still wearing his usual straight face. Pretending he's just sneezing.

"Wait," you grabbed his arm, he didn't even make a move to get up. "I was hoping you could tell me more."

"More about what, babe?" Dave asked you, he sat down at the end of your bed and your feet.

"About self-defense and stuff."

"Oh, babe, I'll protect you, you know that."

"Well maybe I want to protect myself." You say in a fake self-righteous tone.

You could tell Dave was rolling his eyes, even with his shades on, "okay, Zahhak. Can you tell him more?"

"uh... I suppose I could stay for a while." _'got 'em.'_ He turned to your dad and told him to start eating without him. When your dad shut the door Dave grabbed your plate and took his own over to the desk. You started stripping off your clothes as you told Dave, "Mr. Zahhak kissed me!" 

"Oh, we have to punish him for that." Dave walks back over.

Zahhak stood up and turned to Dave, "you can punish me, I am-" he was probably about to apologize. Dave took the opportunity to punch him in the face. There's his revenge you guess. Zahhak recovered from the hit immediately and apologized anyway, "I cannot apologize enough-"

"Shut it, wrap it, and fuck him."

Dave grabbed you by both of your wrists and dragged you off the bed and onto the floor. Zahhak grabbed a wrapper and worked it onto himself. Your husband unzipped his pants and forced his cock into your throat. **_"MMpht!"_** Dave made you take his whole shaft at once. 

"If you are so cock hungry then the first thing you're going to eat for dinner is my load."

Your husband was looking over you at Zahhak as he told him,

"I need you to fuck him literally as hard as you can."

You were down on all fours, your hands and knees touching the ground -oh! Before you even knew it Zahhak was pounding into you. He didn't even bother fingering you or anything, you didn't even tell him your were prepped! _'What an asshole!'_

They both kept ramming into you. Zahhak eventually leaned over your back again and grabbed your throat. Not the back of your neck this time, but your throat. He's starting to get just how you like it. They slammed into you as fast as they could. Zahhak pounded you so hard that you dragged Dave down to his knees because you were practically on the floor. You kept groaning for more. Dave grabbed your head with both of his hands and forced your head up-and-down, "takeittakeittakeit" your husband was getting desperate, buckling his hips while he was sitting on the floor. You screamed as he slammed into your throat. He grunted and forced his load into you. You grabbed his thighs and tried to force him down. You kept sucking him dry. You aren't letting him go. You keep working his cock long after he's done. He starts banging his fist into the hardwood floor.

"Johnstopstopstopstopstopstop," His breath was airy as he whimpered, "I already came!"

You ignore him and keep working his cock, he's crying like you're slowly killing him. You aren't stopping till you cum, he knows this, you told him in the shower. Still he's trying to pull your head off of him. " _ahh- stop please, pleasepleaseplease stopstopstop._ " He is begging you to stop torturing him. Zahhak is thrusting into you and he started pulling on your cock. His palms are so sweaty. He keeps forcing himself inside of you. Something about Dave moaning "nonononono I'm done. I'm done. stopstopstop please stop." Is fucking you up. You are on edge. You just need more force on your neck and you'll be there. You grabbed onto Zahhaks hand around your neck and he picks up on his cue to hurt you. He adds more force then you thought he was going to, that added with Dave's cock in your throat makes you yelp in pain. Your load instantly is forced onto the floor. Zahhak is still pounding you and strangling you as he milks you dry. He keeps putting more and more force around your neck, he is going to actually start hurting you unless you- _'Shit. Shit. Shit. It's too much. He's actually killing me!'_ You start smacking Dave and show him your crossed fingers. Dave pulls out of your throat and tells Zahhak, "John says, Lava."

Zahhak prys his hands off of your throat and pulls out of you. You grab your throat and turn over to your back. Dave elevates your head with his lap and asks you if your okay. 

You cough. "Zahhak." You cough again. "Pull off your condom and cum on me."

He starts pumping himself. Dave is looking down at you and starts stroking your neck. 

You start whining, _“Daddy, you two took advantage of me!”_

Dave raises his eyebrows at you, "Really, right fucking now?"

 _"You were fucking me too hard!"_ You pretended to look mad.

“Come on, princess, everyone knows you love taking my cock.”

“Stop it…” You whimpered out.

“You need me to fill you up, that’s why you couldn’t stop sucking me off.”

_“You’re both being mean! I sucked you dry because you’re being cruel to me again, you made Zahhak force himself on me!"_

“You sucked me dry because you needed all of my load and you enjoyed the whole thing didn't you?”

You pouted. “ _You’re making Mr. Zahhak into a bad guy… I don’t think he wanted to take advantage of me and fuck me with no warning… you made him!”_

“He wants to pound your ass in, every guy does. I didn't do shit.”

_“But-"_

“If you don’t stop your bitching I will make him spank you with his belt again.”

 _“Mmmmhmm…”_ You fake a cute little cry just like how Dave likes. _"Stop being mean!"_

"Plus, did you forget that Zahhak sometimes just pounds into us. He doesn't even ask if we are preped or ready, he just does it! You know he loves taking advantage of you."

 _"Hmmmhmmhmm."_ You fake cry. Just then Zahhak finished his load on your chest with a grunt. He must have liked your faux-crying. _'Fucking pervert. hehe.'_

 _“Mmmm, I love feeling your hot cum on me.”_ You hummed. You glanced up at him, “Good thing you finished me off or I would have to punish you for real.”

Dave dropped his act, "Babe - you gave me the hand sign, what was wrong?"

"You were in my throat and then Zahhak pressed down too hard on my neck and he kept adding to much pressure. He was actually strangling me."

"I must profusely ap-"

"No, it's okay," You interrupt him, "I shouldn't have been sucking off Dave when I asked you to choke me harder and I pretty much always struggle and fight during sex. At least I had the hand sign to fall back on."

"Yeah, you actually were killing me, man." Your husband scratched the back of his neck, "I was like a few seconds away from saying the safe word myself."

To be honest, you like pushing the line of what Dave can do and what is too much for him. He makes all sorts of moans and strange noises when he's on his edge. It fucks with you to see him at his limit. Still you don't want to see him hurt and you **never** , never, want to take advantage of him.

"We should have like two safe words," you suggest, "like one that means stop and one that means 'take it down a notch.'" You tell Dave,"if you'd say that I would have let you breathe for a moment."

"How about cooler? It's like the opposite of Lava." Dave asks you.

"Nah, When I think of the word 'cool' I think of you."  

Dave gave you a half-smile. He was trying to suppress a grin, you know how he gets. _'cute...'_

Zahhak sat up. "I'm going to grab a towel." He walked into the bathroom as you kept speaking.

"Breeze?" Dave asked.

"I like that, I think I can remember it." You look up at him as you lay in his lap. "Can we have another hand signal too then."

Dave lifts up one of your hands and starts kissing it. He gets so happy when you start talking about safe sex, _'what a weenie.'_  Well. At least this time he didn't flip when you gave the hand sign. Dave starts messing around with his hands to look for a good hand signal. He tries a few different things but he doesn't think any of it is good enough so he keeps starting over.

You lift up both of your fists, stick up your index fingers and cross them to form and X. 

"That's it." Dave mimicked your hand sign and then did your other hand signal. "Hey, they both make Xs."

"Really?" You looked up and held up your hands up to his. "Oh wow, they do."

Zahhak sat down and started wiping you down with a wet cloth. He had a towel of his own around his neck. 

"You were both good to me today you know that?" You smile at Zahhak as he wiped down your shaft with the cold towel. He let go of you and started wiping down the floor. Dave was still holding your head in his lap. You look up at him, "Next time I'll be a bad boy for you both..." This will definitely take Dave's mind off of things. He's going to have something new to worry about.

Dave muttered to himself, "holy shit..." He spoke up to ask, "you really mean it?"

"Just this once." You close your eyes and lift up your chin, "but you hardly even survived me demolishing your dick with just my mouth - you think you can fucking take me at my  **worst?"**

You could feel Dave shutter as he whispers to himself, "this is how I die."

You sat up and wipe your bangs, they are getting long again. You look up at Zahhak, he's been watching you. You smile at him, "Thanks for that. Tell my dad you got stressed because I seem injured, it might look like you're covering something up, that's okay because everyone will probably think I told you about something violent I experienced. _If_ they ask, tell everybody that you showed me a few moves, I'm sure that Dave can give me a few pointers while we eat in here incase they ask me about this later... Go enjoy dinner."

“Oh... alright…” Zahhak seemed unnerved. “Uh- did… did we actually take advantage of you in anyway? I thought that was all just an act but still... I want to ask."

"It was an act, you're good," you happily clap your hands together once, " _I used the hand sign cause you were toooooo much for me, mr. policeman._ "

Dave swatted at you and laughed to himself. You snickered back at him. 

"You too, Dave." You kissed him on the lips and hugged him.

You looked back at Zahhak, he started rubbing the back of his neck again.

“Don’t worry about hurting me, okay…You just pressed to hard on my throat." You told him. "Watch out for that... and also... just don’t break any of my bones, that’s like... all I ask… and _hey... I_ get that it’s a bit _weird_ I like getting _'abused'_  "- you use finger quotes - but I only like it because I trust you two." You smile at Zahhak. You quickly and quietly blurt out, "also if you push things to far my husband will kill you." 

You smile up at him again, "hey! If you _waaant,_ tomorrow I can make you both a sandwich for lunch!"

“That's a very kind offer." Zahhak sounded pleased with that. "I would love-”

"Nope." Your husband was putting his foot down, "no getting him anything, not until we get that kit and test you."

You pull your head down and rest it on one of your shoulders. "I'm sure I'm fine. Zahhak said he doesn't have unprotected sex.... oh heyyyy, was that your first time actually finishing in someone?"

"Yes... It was." He sheepishly answers.

"Ohhhh, I really _am_  just that special then." You give him a smug smile. 

"Don't fucking play around like that, babe." Your husband doesn't appreciate your sense of humor.

"Oh... _nooow_ you're jealous?" You quickly turn your head to look at him.

"No... I am still  **pissed** at him and I don't think he deserves the attention right now."

Zahhak gets up and quickly lifts you both up onto the bed. You giggle as he places you in the middle of the bed. He must want to get out before you tease him any further. He hands you both your plates, "eat, before it gets too cold."

"Thank you!" You smile at him.

Dave says nothing, he is still pissed at him. 

"Thank you from the both of us." You tell Zahhak.

"Yes, you are both welcome." He heads out the door. "Goodbye."

“Byebye!” You call out.

“Bye.” Your husband still seemed chafed with him. He is already chewing into his spaghetti. He swallows down a bite and turns to you, "you want to learn about self-defense, so let's start with the weak points of the body."

"I have a feeling I already know those." You slyly smile at him.

* * *

Once again everyone agreed to watch some tv after dinner, and some after dinner decaf coffee, you're sitting right between your husband and Officer Zahhak. You have a blanket over you so you pull a bit of it off of Dave and over Zahhak's lap. You lightly ride up his shorts and trace your fingers along the inside of his thighs. You feel him jolt. You start palming his thick muscular thighs under his pants. You laugh at a joke everyone else on the couch seems to find funny, you start giggling after you simmer down from your fake-forced laugh. The very tip of your finger touched his- he started patting your hand to stop you.

You cuddle up to him to breathe into his ear, "a bit to handsy, hu?"

You giggle as everyone else in the room laughs at the tv set, "now that's too bad."

You take out the jolly rancher your sucking on and quickly stick it into his mouth. You take your hand off of him and move over to Dave. Dave doesn't like when you get to 'friendly' with him around everyone else either, it's his fault for never wearing anything underneath those gray sweatpants. You start feeling up his leg as you lay your head down onto his shoulder. He put his hand on yours to tell you to stop.

"you expect that you can just press me between two men with rock hard cocks and that I'll be able to control myself...?" you start nibbling on his neck.

"did you get him hard?"

"mmmhmmm."

"we're going to have to punish you for being such a bad cock hungry slut."

"fuck..." you shiver.

"yeah, you're both going to top me today."

**"what?"**

"yep."

"dave... what the fuck?"

Dave grabs your thigh tightly with one of his hands, gripping down hard, as he leans in to whisper,

"you'll take your punishment and you'll fucking like it."

_'Damnit... he got me.'_

* * *

Your husband thought that it was a good idea that you actually kept up with your little _ruse_ of personal training. The next day he really _did_  want to work with you on self defense. He made you both wear your sports shorts, red and blue, and you both wore white-tees.

Dave wanted to spar with Zahhak to show you how he fights, the logical part of you thinks he just wants to fight him because he's still pissed. The emotional part of you is... pretty convinced of that too, yeah. He told Zahhak, "don't go easy on me 'cause I won't hold back on you." He just handed you his shades... no yeah... your husband's pissed.

Zahhak started stretching out his muscles, pulling at his arms and stretching his back. Lifting up his leg to grab at his ankle.

Dave pulled his shoulders back and popped them in the process, that's all he did to stretch. 

You were intently watching them both. Sitting down on the bed and munching on some of Dave's spicy chips. 

When they were both ready, or rather when Zahhak was ready, they both stood about five feet apart and then began. Dave was near the wall by the bathroom. Zahhak was standing in front of your bed on the other side.

Zahhak put both of his fists up and in front of his pecs.

Dave hardly moved, he just put up his hands and held them lightly in front of him with open palms. He hardly looks intimidated by Zahhak, a man who is nothing if he isn't muscular and intelligent.

Zahhak moved closer to him, looks like Dave was waiting on him to make the first move. Zahhak took a swing at him, with a right hook. Dave moved so fast, it all happened in about a second, he lifted up his left arm to block him and put his open palm up to his throat. He just smacked him with the inside of his hand but he must have shook his brain and momentarily stunned him. Right after that, Dave quickly spun his right leg into Zahhak's side. When his foot hit the floor, Dave stepped behind him. He forcefully kicked him in his lower back and knocked him down to his knees. Dave wrapped one of his arms around Zahhak's neck from behind. Dave's left elbow is sticking out as he holds Zahhak in a choke hold.

Dave lets him go. "Let's try that again." Dave prompts Zahhak to get back to his feet.

Zahhak and Dave set themselves up again, once again, at a five foot distance. 

Zahhak learns to try to keep his distance. When Dave gets tired of waiting on him he takes the initiative and runs at him, only to dodge Zahhak's fists as he tries to punch your husband's chest. Dave actually grabs onto one of Zahhak's arms and pulls him down as quickly as he could with all of his upper body strength. - You know that Dave looks lanky but when he wants to win a fight, he goes all out. -  Zahhak broke out of Dave's grasps and quickly adjusted to swing at him again. Dave let himself actually fall down to the floor to avoid his hit, he must have thought the swing looked to rough to take. He quickly sat up and kept low to the ground as he got on his feet. He slid back a bit and in one swift motion got up and spin kicked Zahhak again. Zahhak kept his balance and took the hit. Dave hopped back and kicked the sole of his foot into his chest. He reeled back his knee and kicked him again, Zahhak lost a bit of his footing. It was enough for Dave to feel confident in swiping at one of his legs. Zahhak fell onto his back. Dave stepped onto his chest. Apparently Zahhak considered that enough to be a win. 

They both reset again. This time Zahhak was rotating his shoulders to prepare himself. Looks like he was getting serious. He came in swinging. Dave kept dodging all of his hooks. Ducking and stepping to the side. Zahhak started trying to kick him as well. Dave kept stepping back. He was starting to get cornered into the wall so he moved towards your side of the room. He got Zahhak to twist his head to keep his eyes on where Dave was, as he moved his neck to follow Dave with his eyes, Dave swiftly kicked Zahhak with the front of his foot, forcing his head in the opposite direction from how Zahhak was turning.

Zahhak fell faced down to the floor.

You were both waiting on him to get up again. 

Still waiting...

waiting...

oh no...

* * *

"uh... _dad?"_   You walked into the kitchen. You left Dave behind in the room to look after Zahhak.

"yes, son?" He sounded a bit concerned at your tone. He was standing at the stove, stirring up some chicken fried rice in a large pan. He stops checking on something else he has boiling to look over at you.

"What is it, John?" Dr. Serket was at the sink, apparently she was washing pots for your dad as he cooked dinner, "did something happen?"

"Dave, uh..." you come right out and say it. "Dave knocked Zahhak out."

"What." Your dad said the word without any infliction. Still you explain,

"They were sparing to show me a few tricks and Dave... knocked him out..."

Dave came into the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets. Whistling to himself as he walked over to the sink with a large black plastic cup. Dr. Serket moved over for him so he could get some water from the sink's faucet. "John tell you Zahhak's out cold?" He was looking up at her, his back hunched over. When he stood back up he was still slouching like he normally does. You already know that even when his back isn't straight he is still taller than her.

"Uh-" Dr. Serket stuttered, "Yes... h-he did." She was in no way intimidated by him, just surprised. Zahhak was much taller than him and more than twice his size, in muscle and mass. 

"Son," your dad caught Dave's attention, "did you elevate his head?" 

"Yep." Dave nodded at your dad. "Come on, babe. Let's see if this wakes him up."

You follow Dave back into the bedroom. Dave dumps the water onto his face. You bend down and start slapping him lightly. Nothing. He's still breathing but he really is out cold.

"You think he'll be okay?" You look up and ask your husband. Hovering over the two of you.

He turns his head back to look at you, "we'll have to see about that."

You open your eyes a bit. "You really think he might be hurt?"

"No... for right now, he's fine." Dave looks down at the two of you. "We'll have to see if he's going to stay that way."

You lower your brows and widen your eyes at him. 

You look back down at Zahhak, you're sure that you are alright... 

When Zahhak gets up he's going to be praying that you are...

You're pretty sure there isn't a man alive that can take your husband in a fight.


	104. survive the night

A few days passed and Zahhak managed to sneak in the kit for you two to use on John as he chatted it up with his friend who delivers the food and shit. You don't know what he told him about why you needed to get those samples tested all you know is that he doesn't know you used it on John. The next day you already got the results over a call, Equius was fucking stressed to hell that somebody else would pick up the phone and know that someone in the house used a kit like that.

John was clean.

Completely and totally clean. 

"soooooo..." John leaned towards you as you both sat on the bed, "that means-"

"No." You said a Flat. Annoyed. Final. 'No.'

"Come on! Both of you cuming inside of me would be reallllly good. so fucking goo-"

"John, if you really press me on this I will tell Dr. Serket about what we've been doing."

"What?! Fucking tattle tale! _Noooo!"_

"I can't threaten you with anything else, man and I'm not willing to risk your safety for shit."

"You bitching about my safety?"

"You going to slam your cock down my throat?"

"I'm going to have to keep my word on that, because apparently in this relationship we don't ever fucking let up for anything!"

"John, if you really caught something it would eat at me everyday."

John took a deep breath through his nose. He knows you're right.

"Well... I can't catch anything because if I do... you might catch it too."

"We have to be careful." You tell him. "We've been lucky for this long, let's not press our luck."

"But I want to be like filled with cum, remember when you used to top me and put a plug in me and then top me again later... I want to feel like that again..."

"Then ask Equius for a plug."

"He's not going to ask his friend for sex toys."

"I don't mind asking." He blurted out. 

You shot him a look. _'what.'_

"Okay," you tell him, "but I'm willing to bet you will have to pay for them with your own cash."

"That's fine... but I do have one request." Zahhak sounded a bit unnerved about asking for this.

"Anything!" John perked up.

"I would like to record you using it with my phone. I promise the video will just be for me."

"Yes!" John cheered.

"John, no."

"What?! Okay, you know how many recordings there are of the two of us-"

"Forced into having sex? Yeah no, this is different."

"He isn't going to share it."

"No."

"What can I do to change your mind, hu? Come on Dave, don't you miss vibrators?"

"I wonder what Dr. Serket would think if I told her-"

"Dave. Don't tell her. I don't want her to know."

"John, she is your therapist, what's wrong with her knowing?"

 **"UGH!** You are so demanding... and it's really starting to get on my nerves."

John isn't to happy with you about refusing, but nope. Your sex life is staying private from this point forward. 

* * *

"Babe!" You knock on the bathroom door. "Zahhak is here!"

"Great! I'll just be a moment." John was getting ready for whatever the hell he was going to do to the two of you. You were about to go and sit down on the bed with Zahhak but he called out,

"I have a question." He says that as a statement. He's about to ask you something...  _rough._

You call back to him and into the wooden door, "answer."

"You want me at my absolute worst?"

"Like... beast mode?" 

"God mode."

 _"Shit...."_ You feel a twinge of fear in your stomach but the aching turns instantly to lust, must be how John feels when you take over, now you are even more invested in this. "Yes. Please."

"Okay." John sounded like he was unimpressed for some reason. 

"I want you to be 100% brutally honest."

"Your funeral." John mocks you.

You sit down on the bed next to Zahhak and face the bathroom. 

"Well..." You rest your arms on your thighs. "It was nice knowing you, Zahhak."

"Do you really believe it will be that bad?"

"I'd like to remind you that a serial killer got out of maximum security prison and, instead of running, broke into a safe house for **him**... we might not survive the night."

Zahhak said nothing for a few moments. 

You broke the silence. "Just follow my lead and we might live through this."

You both got undressed and waited on the bed for the door to open. When it did John just walked and sat down at the foot of the bed right next to you. He was naked but seemed completely casual, about his appearance. You scooted a bit away from him as Zahhak slowly leaned away. John tilted his head and raised his brows. He lowered them and gave you a smirk.

"I didn't even say anything yet and you are already afraid of me?"

You didn't say anything to that. You don't know what John is going to pull but you know it's going to be something brutal. 

"Why don't you both actually sit on the bed and make yourselves comfortable?" John guided you to sit down on your usual side of the bed and Zahhak on his side. You both sat up at the pillows and he sat at the foot of the bed as he kept talking, "You know I was so lonely months ago, I had no one that could really make me feel better in the way I needed it… I feel so lucky to have two guys who want to treat me right in all the wrong ways… I used to fantasize about some really bad stuff.” 

John altered his gaze from Zahhak to look at you as he spoke,

"I used to want Dave to break out of jail and come find me. Then you would tie me up, gag me and throw me into the trunk of a car you stole. On the way to Alaska or wherever you wanted to take me he would get so horny you would pull over and rape me. You’d bang my head into the car and dent it. Then you would punish me for denting your car. Then I'd be like your little house husband... I'd cook you dinner and do the dishes and at random you would start slamming into me. No matter what I would screamed you wouldn’t stop."

You felt yourself start to shake a bit. You know it's just a fantasy but hearing John say that... John was focused on you, he tilted his head a bit, he must have noticed that you feel nervous about this. Then held his breath and sighed out of his mouth.

"I would try so hard to get close when I would jack off. I’d wrap my hand around my neck but I could never get there. I needed your hands around my throat. I think I know why I always needed you to choke me when you'd fuck me. Nothing feels as good as when your hands are clasped down around my neck and when you fuck me, your hands are right there... It’s just so irresistible to me it makes me stressed to not have them…" 

He took in a deep sigh into his nose and lightly breathed it out, “Still, we've found some workarounds... I think we could find something else... but it's so hard... that's why having Zahhak here is so great... I'm really thankful, you know?"

He hummed to himself, "Hmm... I want to know what you thought about when you were alone too, Dave. Did you picture the face I make when you hit my spot? Or did you think about when I first wore that maid outfit for you? I lifted up my skirt for you. Hmmm... Those thigh high socks. Those tiny lacy panties. The moment you saw me... you came."

You tensed up a bit. You didn't want him saying that sort of thing in front of Zahhak... still... it makes you feel...

John tilted his head up a bit and smiled down at you. "You like feeling humiliated? Me too. I like feeling ashamed because I really **love** it because  _you_ like it. I love being a little virgin wannabe slut because you like when I fake that your _cock is tooooo big for me_ … hmm, I want to know what you thought about when you fucked yourself with that grapefruit… must have been something fucked up… I know because  **my** thoughts are disgusting all the time… I can’t sit down next to you at breakfast without thinking how I want to walk into the kitchen to wash my hands and you sneak up behind me and start raping me. That you put a kitchen knife to my throat and demand I take your cock while everyone is in the other room. Mmmhhh... awww but this isn’t about me… it’s about the love of my life, my sweet darling husband, jacking off _toooo-_ I’m going to assume… me getting tied up and screaming I love your cock?”

Your eyes widen.

He knows everything about you, doesn’t he?

“It’s okay if you got off to that even though you know the… circumstances… for why I was tied up like that... you know the whole time I was thinking of how you'd love to see me that way, I knew that you would love it and that's what made that bearble... we've been through so much already that you don't even need my forgiveness. You just need to forgive yourself..."

He sounds so kind... so patient...

for right now... that's a bit... off.

"so... Dave." He crossed his legs and put his hands down to grab at his ankles, "tell me exactly what made you cum when you jacked off.”

“Uh…" _'That's why he was being so nice, hu?'_

"um… it was… you… you were saying.. that you missed my cock and you wanted to suck it while you were tied up like that... I thought that was... that was hot..."

“But you feel guilty about it because I was forced into that?"

“Right…” You look down at your hands and sigh. 

“Hey..." John lifts up his hands and rests them on your knee, "we both have a million horrible thoughts playing in our head constantly, the thing that pushes them away are replacing those memories with good ones. Like with Zahhak here." John lifts up your chin and guides you to look up and into his romantic blue eyes, "is there anything else you keep thinking about? Anything… super, superbad?"

John lowers his hand from your chin and starts rubbing your thigh…

“Uhh…” You aren't sure if it's the time to say this.

“It’s okay… I won’t judge you… Look at where your bad thoughts led us…” he tilts his head towards Zahhak. Gesturing that your honesty brought him into your bedroom. “It’s okay to be a naughty little slut sometimes and let your bad thoughts take over, _because we are good little sluts who are careful and nice.”_

You sigh. John pouts at you, “Dave you can tell me any bad thing and it’ll be okay, because we are nice people. Okay now, so what’s _the bad bad thing?”_ He's smiling to you.

“It’s… Listen, I don’t get off to this… just... John, you getting raped still plays in my head. It’s like I always wanted to protect you and I couldn’t… it’s been killing me and I wanted... better for you… that’s how you felt about me, right?”

“I felt that way all the time.. but the thing that takes my mind off of it is treating you right… that doesn’t necessarily mean sex. Back then it meant singing a song to you while I played the piano or holding you when you were sad... I get that watching those tapes was hard on you and I wanted to protect you from ever knowing, but I'm glad you know that now... because we are honest with each other, from now on we can both work to get better.”

John's being so nice… he really does feel this way but he might be lulling you into a false sense of security so he can build you up and knock you both down.

"I want to thank you, Mr. Zahhak..." John grabbed onto his hand and started kissing the back of it.

John crawled up to Zahhak and laid down next to his thighs. His face right next to his crossed legs.

“I want to please you as a thanks for helping us through such a tough time in our lives.”

John is grabbing Zahhak's shaft as he is laying belly down on the bed. He scoots more towards him, his head is hovering right next to Zahhak's cock.

“It’s so funny, I thought my husbands cock would be the only one I would want to taste but now I want more just so long as Dave is beside me…” John opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue and almost licks his tip to taste his pre-cum. “Oh no, I can’t taste another man’s cum but my husbands!”

John pulls his head back a little, he is still breathing on his cock, “but you don’t care about that do you?” John starts buckleing his hips into the bed. “You would break the rules if it meant you could get a fucking taste of my tongue without _aannny_ protection. You forced your tongue inside my mouth and you said you forgot. You got so fucking turned on when you kissed me. Don’t fucking pretend you don’t know the rules. You’re breaking a million unwritten rules right now, aren't you?”

“I-I”

“Let me make some more rules..." John sat up and pointed his finger out at you two and kept alternating his point at you and then Zahhak. He sighed through his nose and hummed. He cracked his knuckles. Each of his fingers popping as he pressed his palm against them and then switched to the other.

You swallowed down some spit.

You don't know what's coming but he's really fucking serious about it... 

"If either of you two cum before I do I’m not going to sleep with you until we leave this safe house." 

"What..?" You feel another twinge of fear in your gut, no... in your loins.

"You’re bluffing." There's no way he's honestly going to do that after all the grief he gave you.

"If I can get you off from words alone then either of you two are man enough to fuck me anyway so what would be the point of even seducing you anymore? I guess that means no more sex with you again ever Zahhak, that's too bad. I'd miss you."

John looked down at your cocks.

"Oh look at that, Zahhak is really starting to leak now."

You firmly grab his shoulder, "just focus on something else!"

"I- I-" Zahhak seemed fixated on John's mouth.

John can get you to cum with words alone and you've been living with him for years. Zahhak isn't going to be able to get through tonight.

"Think about your job." You tell him. "Think about all the busy work you have to do."

 _"Oh, that little phone call?_  " John chimes in, "you left someone on hold so you could get your cock teased-"

"Don’t listen to him! Hold off for a while!" You're well aware that your voice is dull and stale but you're actually starting to sound a bit strained with how worried you're getting. "Think about actually going to work and how boring it, probably, is."

"Yeah it’s probably boring waiting around in a safe house all day as a guard too… is that why you’re in here all the time...? Fucking two abused boys while your supposed to be doing your job and protecting everyone. **_You're such a disgusting fucking pervert.”_**

"Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t really think that about you."

"You want to hear what I really think about you though? You’re cool. I like you, I wouldn’t sleep with you if I didn’t… _buuuuut_ you’re more like a sex toy for me and my husband… it’s hard for me to get off so I keep inviting you in here and you keep coming back for more because I'm just _sooooo_ good to you. God, you are a cop, your responsible for guarding everyone in this house and yet here you are, on my bed... and my dad is in the house too... you eat breakfast with him every morning..." -John pretends to gasp- "He _Makes_ you breakfast every morning! -and you just fuck his son without any fucking restraint Every Fucking Night! You drive your fucking cock into me mercilessly, and then you walk out and have dinner with my therapist?!" -he pretends to gasp again- "-and one of the prosecutors! What do you even think about when everyone is at the table? Do you picture forcing my head down into the sheets and making me take your cock while my dad talks to the table about stock prices? Oh my god... I bet you do."

"I- I- I-" He just stayed focused on John's mouth. Watching John bite down on his lips. 

"I see the way you look at me at the table, making eyes at me, when my dad's sitting right between the two of us. You are on duty and you keep thinking about fucking that man's son. You just want to follow me into the kitchen a drive your cock inside of me. Fucking force me up onto the counter and bend me over, make me fucking take it. While my husband gives you pointers because you can't fuck me right on your own."

You slowly move your head away from John, he isn't even focused on you but you're still afraid of him. You put your hand on Zahhak's shoulder again and tightly squeezed it. "Just focus on your job." 

 _"OH! Mr. Policeman! Your cock is toooo fucking much for me!"_   He started thrusting his hips into the sheets again. _"I never had to use our hand signal before but I needed to use it because you fucked me too hard! Please don’t fuck me like that again! Oh! God! No! Mmmm! **NO!** Don’t whip me with your belt again! I'LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR! -I -oh no! oh no! You’re going to force your cock inside of me again! AHHH-" _John was actually pretending that he was getting fucked by Zahhak. _"You didn’t even know I prepped myself and you just forced yourself inside my ass!!! You’re a fucking pervert whose fucking two mistreated boys while you're on duty! ah- ah! MHHH! YESYESYES! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! ZAHHAK! BREAK ME!"_ He was practically screaming,  _" **AHHHHHHHH! RIGHT THERE! THAT'S IT! RIGHT THERE! YES! FUCK- AHHHHH-! TAKE MY HOLE! FUCK! I'M- I'M GONNA CUM! MHHHAHHH!"**_

"Yeah..." John sat up and flipped his hair. "I can fake just about anything for you guys and I probably could convince you both that it's real… Dave knows when I really cum my default is screaming _'_ _no'_ … it’s rare I actually scream yes because I want too… oh but… Dave, sweetheart, you know how to make me really beg for your cock. You know what really gets me off. You wannnnnna get me there? Wanna make me really scream yes?"

"I- I- Jo- John.. I- you-"

"I'm waiting... Dave."

You have to stay strong. When John gets like this he is intimidating. 

The version of your husband in front of you right now is the version of him that...

 _He_ wanted him to be.

The version that you got into a fight to the death over and you were actually trying to kill him before he killed you.

Maybe that's fine. Maybe you can honestly have everything that  _he_ always wanted but could never have. Something John must be thinking about as well because he just tilted his head up again and whispered, "thighs like mine drive men to murder."

"He was already a murderer." You counter his point.

"I meant you." He smiled down at you again.

_"…fuck."_

John isn't going to hold back, that's probably why he told you two you aren't allowed to cum before he does. You both  _need_ to focus on him and get him there... he always thinks these things through.

You start speaking again, "I- I was going to kill him for _you_ , not for your thighs.”

“Awww you are so sweet, there’s so many reasons for why I love you, you being romantic is in the top three.”

“Okay……”

_'just what is he pulling now?'_

“Want to hear the other two?"

“Alright…?”

“You listen to what I have to say.”

“I do.”

“And I love what makes you happier than anything in the world is…” He trails off.

“You?” You lower your brows, _'That’s not really a trade secret.'_

“Getting me to cum hard.”

_“...Fuck…”_

"Is it selfish... that... that is my favorite thing too?" John looks nervous for you, "when you get me off."

"No, John. I don't think it is." You tell him, "it always makes me happy."

"When we have sex, when you hold onto me, it makes me feel... like... I don't know... I don't know if there is even words I can find to describe how good it feels to be in your arms... it feels like I am really alive, like pain just doesn't exist. Everything you do to me is like a kiss and I would be willing to die for a taste of your lips... you're more than even the love of my life... you are my life."

You know this is just part of his plan, he wants to build you up so he can dash you.

He's well aware that you love romance. That you love poems and kind, gentle words.

 _'Still..._ _He promised he'd be 100% honest today...'_

You stare into his eyes. You take off your shades. You let him look at _you._

"I'm pretty good aren't I?" John grinned at you. "None of what I said was a lie... but you know I don't exactly _do_ sappy shit unless it's to really get into your heart."

Those words did get at your heart. Every single sound, every single syllable, every single idea, sinked into your chest, but now... now you

You feel a burning determination fill up your heart in its place.  

"Zahhak. Put on a condom."

Zahhak followed your instruction. you began to lube yourself up. 

"Oh... are you sure about this? You can still stop here... call it quits and turn in for the night. You and I both know, Dave that once you start fucking **me**... there isn't any way out." John's lids are lowered, as he sighs lightly. "It's such a crying shame, I'm really going to miss spending our nights with you both. Our bed is going to seem so empty now without Zahhak."

You keep prepping yourself.

John lowers his brow and tilts his head, "so trying to ignore me is your tactic. Oh... honey, you know that doesn't work. I say a few nice words and _every part of you_ turns to mush, it's not a challenge to wear you down..."

"Well aware." You tell him. "-and I always listen to you, that's how I won over your heart in the first place. Gotta work to keep that shit on lock."

"Awww cute." John tilts his head, "Don't tell me you're planning on talking like that the whole night."

"Nah." You stretch out your back, "I'm going to torture you."

John perks up at that. "Oh- so you _are_ taking this seriously. I'm happy to hear that."

John's smiling but his eyes are still smirking at you, "I'm honestly looking forward to what you're going to fucking pull" Now he's smirking at you with every fiber of his being, "think you can survive this?"

You match his confidence with your own shameless ambition, "I'm more worried about if you'll survive this. I don't know if you're going to be able to handle what I'm about to do to you."

Johns eyes widened a bit, “Dave… I could ask you the same thing.” You think you just pierced through one of John’s spots. You must have really turned him on. He feels rock hard in your hand.

"I'm only teasing you." You bite down on his ear and ask, “I love the face your making right now. You look a bit intimidated by me... and you know I love the face you make when your _'scared'_ for me. I love when you whimper out my cock is too much but I know that my cock is _really_ too much for you to take when you scream 'yes'. I’m going to make you plead for my cock. I’m going to make you cry you need more. I’m going to force you to scream 'fuck me.' Not for me... but for you.” You start sucking on his neck. You can feel his breathing get heavier. He liked the way you’re fucking with him right now.

“Then hurry up and do it.” John bitched.

“Someone sounds needy.”

“Not needy... I just want to _see_ you fucking try."

“Hmm... 'the only reason we’re not having sex right now is because I liked this conversation.'”

“Ha!" John was amused by that, "do you have any quotes that are your own?”

“Hmm give me a sec… give me a sec… hmm… it’s so hard thinking of something on the spot… you’re so good at it too…”

He sighs then mumbles, “this is embarrassing.”

“Yeah, for you…” you point down at his cock.

He glances down.

“Your leaking.”

His eyes widen. You got him to leak cum with so little. No pressing down on his bruises, no kissing him, nothing more than palming his cock and a few words.

John gave you a sly smile. “I like that you’re starting to actually compete against me now, I think our little games would have gotten boring if you didn’t try to keep up… but you know I haven’t really started yet..”

“Then why are you begging me to fuck you? You know you don’t like playing games and fucking me at the same time.”

“Dave… when you asked for 'god mode,' did you know what that meant?”

“You are really going to tease us like this the entire time?”

John sighs, “Yeah... I am going to get you both to cum before I do…aren't I? Hmm... I needed to make the threat really bad so you wouldn’t finish before I did… but now we’re all going to lose big.”

“There’s one thing you’re going to lose, John.”

“What is that?”

“Your ability to walk.”

John's sly smile turned into a grin, “you sound pretty smug.”

“I’m just stating facts here.”

“Your flirting with me, that’s what your doing… put your money where your mouth is and your cock where it counts if you think you can fuck me that good.”

You smile at him.

“What? Why do you look so confident?”

“I already won big…”

“Because I want you to prove you can fuck me?”

“I just keep winning today.”

John took a few seconds, “holy shit… Dave! You’re starting to play me!” John playfully shoved you. “You’re starting to really mess with me!” He sounded impressed with you. "You earned the right to be confident."

“You just said fuck me twice!” You grin at him.

He smiled and laughed, “ _oh, it’s hard to be a bad boy when you make me feel so good, Dave! Mmmm… you make me feel like such a naughty slut. Tricking me into saying I want your cock… awww you know it’s true! I tell you that all the time!"_   He dropped the act. "It’s not that special… you know what would be? You get me to scream yes. I already made it easier on you, you have another cock here to help you. Let’s see if you can do this dance, Dave.”

_‘Everything in my life has been leading up to this moment.’_

“If I can get you to cum early… I think I deserve a little prize.”

“What is that?” He smiles coyly at you. He's putting on a slightly scared face just to mess with you.

Yep. You're even more sure you want this now. 

“You have to fuck me for a full day straight. No matter how many times I cum and I don’t care if everyone in the house knows. We only stop for dinner and you can throw some cold water on your cock but everyone will know we’re fucking all day long. And the entire time, you have to top. No Zahhak, just you, fucking _me._ ”

“Well," John sounded like he accepted that to you, you aren't too sure. "Zahhak deserves a prize too if I cum before he does." He turns to look over at Zahhak, _"what do you want, mr. policeman?”_

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Zahhak took a long while to respond. "Can John uh... fuck me... with this attitude... that he has now... just... just him alone... like that?"

“Sex with me _alone_ like that...?" John asks him, "so you want Dave to be out of the room?"

"Yes." He nodded once.

"Hmmm..." John hums and sounds like he has no faith in either of you, "he won’t last during this anyway…so It's not even a big deal to promise that...”

“You fucking better last!” You point at Zahhak. You aren't fucking losing now. “I fucking need this! When you think you’re about to cum Just I don’t know.. think about something horrible and sad like when you watched me sob over John.”

“I.. I think I will manage.” Zahhak nods at you. "I think I can do this."

 _"MISTER ZAHHAK!"_   John is starting to mess with him again. "You _are such a dirty pervert! You’re asking a married man to fuck you! Oh noooo poor Dave! It's like It's just like I'm going to cheat on him! Sleeping, alone, with another man! After everything we've been through together too!"_

“Just..." -you sigh- "just fucking do it once." 

 _“But it happens one time and I like it and then I won't be able to stop doing it!?_ isn’t that right?”

“Shit." You sound annoyed with him, you actually sound annoyed. "John, just fucking once... okay?”

“Your using that tone with me?" John completely dropped his little cutesie persona and puts back on his honest-to-god face, "You know who's really in control here.”

“Well aware.” You reply.

“Then say whose in control.” John isn't playing around when he says that. He doesn't like you getting snippy with him.

“It’s you... but I know you lose your mind when I choke you and pound into you hard enough that you can pass out.”

“Are you going to do that?”

“Who knows…? I’m not like you John, I don’t have all the control and I don’t really make plans... I just wing things in the moment. But see that’s how I know I’m going to win this… you won’t be able to keep up with a guy who has **absolutely no control.** ”

John bites down on your neck. He has nothing to say to that. You must have hit him hard.

“What’s the matter, John? I cut into your pride?”

He pulled himself off your neck. “I have too much of it, I don’t think you could even make a dent.” He smiled at you. “You should worry more about me cutting into yours.”

“Hmm.” You trace one of your fingers along the middle of his shaft and up to his head. “Hmm, my pride here looks just fine…”

You keep staring at his cock as you graze it with the back of your hand,

“I’m not worried at all about it.”

John’s cock twitched under the back of your finger nails.

“Oh, looks like my pride just got a little excited! Hmm I guess what I call my pride you’d call your shame... Do you want me to humiliate you with _my pride_?”

“Hmmm I think it’s funny you consider me to have any shame whatsoever.”

“Maybe that’s for the best you don’t have any, the world already knows just how desperate you are to get off with my cock.”

“Hahaha," He raises his eyebrows once and tilts his head, he's laughing out the words, "Okay, Dave. Keep trying.”

You slap his shaft lightly with your palm. “Feel how rock fucking solid it is.”

“What your pride?”

“My pride and joy is so fucking immovable. It’s always so fucking hard to take care of. I’m sure you are aching for me to stop being so arrogant and just get it out of the way. I know you don’t like when I’m too confident.”

“Hmmm... yeah I don’t. This here isn’t cute to me Dave.”

“I don’t fucking care if I’m cute to you.” You say in a hushed deep tone. “I only care if I can satisfy you. I know _You_ want that. You know I am the only man you could ever be with that knows all the right ways to fuck you" -you whisper to him- "and make you love every single touch.”

You let go of his cock.

John is smiling. He doesn’t care about what your saying. “You done?” It just sounds like your floating your own ego to him.

“Not until you say the words I _always_ want to hear.”

“Which ones?”

“Two little words: four letters, then two.”

“Hmmm, _make me_ …”

You slap his cock again with your palm. He keeps smiling at you. You slap him again this time harder.

He narrows his eyes a bit. “Is that the best you’ve got to offer? Slapping my cock.”

“Slapping your cock slowly getting harder and harder and harder… it’s so boring isn’t it? You just want to get to the good part.” 

“You are right about that... _it is boring.”_

You slap him once as hard as you can by reeling back your hand and slamming it against his shaft. Then you go right back to slapping him lighter.

“You’re such a cocktease aren’t you?" John asks you, "you trying to be like me?”

“Nope.” You smack him hard and fast again. “I can’t get you off by being like you. You like to pretend you're sooo innocent, like a tiny little virgin who doesn't know his way around my cock, but you know you are really just manipulative. I don’t need to plant ideas into your head to get you off, I don’t need roleplays or fantasy’s… I am going to fuck you as your husband who loves you so much he is willing to treat you like the fucking slut you actually really truly fucking are.”

“This really does make me feel a bit naughty… you said I’m manipulative, you think _I’m bad?”_

“You are the most selfless person I’ve ever known and yet.... you still manipulate people to get what you want out of them."

“Is that why I am so scary? Do you both think that? I know the right words to make people do what I want or think what I want? That makes me _sooo_ intimidating…” he laughed and then sighed. His sigh sounded dejected, like he was somewhat... hurt.

"You have a million faces John, sometimes it seems like your a different person altogether. I love every single one of them. I love every word you say to me and I love that you use your skills to help people. You could destroy people, you could have destroyed me, but you never will. Because you are at your core compassionate.”

“Okay, stop.” He tells you.

“And kind.”

“Yeah, no.”

“And filled with love and hope.”

“That’s not working on me.”

“You are the very definition of freedom.”

He tilted his head a bit more towards you. Turning so he is completely looking into your eyes.

“You do what you want and say what you want and maybe that’s why you love when I restrain you?" You tell him. "When I punish you? Because you love feeling like something can tie you down… well I can’t. I can’t stop you from doing anything but I’ve been with you long enough to know I don’t need too.”

He looks down at his knees. “This is romantic sure, but not really _hot_.”

John just needs a little push in the right direction.

He's an unstoppable force. 

He always gets what he wants.

You know exactly what he wants.

You reply to his words, “Hmm, I think it is. You fucking do what you want and I can’t stop you and yet _here you are_ … you can make anyone do what you want with words alone and I told you exactly how to get me to start treating you right and you can’t bring yourself to say the words…”

“You cocksucker.”

“You getting mad, babe?”

“I know you just want to make me say it so you can feel good about yourself.”

“Whoa John! Are you losing your touch?”

“You want me to beg you to make me feel naughty so _you_ feel good. I’m not out of touch.”

“John, I want you to say it to make us **_both_** feel good.”

“Cute. Your playing word games now? If I ask you can you fuck me are you going to say ‘’May’ I fuck You?”

“Yeah, you just choose to say that that way so I would cave and start fucking you. No I don’t want any fancy tricks. Just say fuck me. No other words.”

He squints his eyes.

“I’m waiting?”

“Fuck me.”

“That wasn’t so hard now was it?”

“Fuck me now before you take so long I go soft.”

“You can stay hard for days you know that.”

John laughs as you slide your cock inside of him and squeeze your cock and Zahhak's in your palm. You slowly push into him. You look up at his face. John is biting down on his lips. When he opens them he asks, "really, we are fucking on the bed? _Won't that be to noisy?"_

"I want it to be noisy."

You kiss his lips, as softly and as gently as you can.

You keep slowly thrusting into him with Zahhak. Both of you are slowly lifting your hips on top of the white sheets. John is breathing out a few light moans. You're fucking him probably to slow for his liking but you're going to make him like it. John's arms are wrapped around your neck and the heat from your breath is starting to fog up his glasses. 

 _"mmm,"_ John hums to you. 

"yeah?" you think you just hit him where he likes it, "right there’s good?”

John moans.

“Say it’s good.”

“That’s my spot.” He sounds annoyed at you.

“Say its fucking good.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll pull out.”

“Ha.”

“Okay Zahhak. We’re stopping.” You both stop thrusting into him and start sliding out.

“It’s good! It’s good! Don’t pull out!”

“Hmm… well… you want more you have to ask for it.”

“You’re just being cruel.”

“If you want it then say it.”

“I want you to fuck me.”

You start thrusting again. 

“This is such vanilla shit! It’s fine if that’s what you want, but it’s going to make you lose our little bet.”

“I don’t think it will.”

“Because you’ll go so slow I’ll just fall asleep and forfeit?”

“All good things come for those who wait.”

“I’m waiting so are you the good things? Are you going to cum for me? Yeah? You both gonna fucking cum for me? _Ah- you’re so fucking good! Dave! Officer Zahhak! Ah! Fuck me harder fuck me! Ahhh! That’s it! Right there! **Right there!** ”  John starts laughing. “ _ **DAVE!**_   _ **MORE! FUCK ME MORE!**  _I have to beg you for more because it’s that fucking boring!  _Fuck me for real."

“Then ask for real.”

“Fuck me.”

“Nooo, tell me what you want.”

“What’s the fun in that? Just fuck me however you want.”

“Eh… I guess I want tooo-” You pull back his hair “-pull your hair.”

He smiles at that.

You place your hand on to his thigh, “and I think I want to grab onto your thighs.”

You sink your nails into one of his thighs, “you like that?”

“It’s pretty tame actually.”

“Hmm… you want something harder?”

“Yeah.” He rolls his eyes

“Hmmmmm… that’s too bad. You don’t really seem to want it.”

“So you want me to sound enthusiastic, is that it?"

You hummed, as in to say yes, and you kept slowly grinding into him with Zahhak.

“You two are just fucking slow so you’ll last, you know this is getting us nowhere.”

You just keep bucking your hips into him slowly.

“Dave at this rate we’ll be fucking all night.”

“Sounds good to me.” You smile at him.

“Shut up!" He was actually mad at you for that. "I would like to cum today please.”

You keep slowly grinding into him.

“Come on, Dave! Actually fuck me!” He sounded enthusiastic enough for you.

You pick up the pace a bit.

John moaned.

“That’s it.” You smiled as you kept working into him.

You steedied your pace and Zahhak followed.

“Come on. Pick up the pace!” He was nagging you. You didn't like the tone he was using.

You didn’t change the pace at all.

“Do it.”

You didn’t budge.

“Dave, fuck me harder.”

You knew John was only asking so you could pick up the pace a bit.

You started fucking him harder.

“Harder.” 

And harder.

“Harder!”

And harder.

“Fuck me as fast as you fucking can!”

You thrust into him as fast as you can.

John is gasping for air. He starts rolling his moans.

_“Oho-aha-aha-ah-ah-ah-ammm-ahahah."_

The bed keeps creaking as you slam your cocks into him.

_"No! -Ahhhh!- No stop please!"  John was begging you to stop._

“Okay, let’s pull out.”

**“Don’t you _dare_ fucking pull out!”**

You and Zahhak both pull out.

John grunts. He groans out in agony. **“Be real fucking men and fuck me right!”**

“Ask nice and we will.”

“No! You two are fucking me wrong on purpose! You just want me to scream for you to fuck me and what!? You expect me to fake it!?”

“You're not going to fake it, I know you -and I know when you are actually close. I can tell.”

“Dave Just fucking! - _ **AUGH!**_  - Fuck me!”

“Ask nice.”

_“Pleeeeaaaase fuck me, daddy?”_

“Nah. No roleplay today, ask nice.”

“You are such an insufferable prick!”

“That’s not nice, John. Be a good slut, just like I know you are.”

“Fuck me **now!** ”

“Try again.”

“ **DAVE!** Just fuck me! _Please!_ You fucking asshole!!!”

“That’s not good enough.”

**_“This is torment!”_ **

“Just ask nice and I’ll fuck you.”

“Please fuck me!... **Please."**

“That’s pretty good but you still sound bitter.”

"Please stop teasing me, _please please please._ "

"Say what you want me to do."

"Please just... give me your cock."

"Mmm... I like that answer." You spread John's thighs a bit more. Zahhak lifts up his bottom. You both slide into him again.

"Fuck me right this time!" John still sounded to arrogant to you.

"Ask nice."

He glared at you. "You asked for me to be bad."

"I asked for you to be honest. Brutally honest. That means begging for my cock when you want it."

"You  _know_ I want your cock. I don't need to say it."

"No, today you do."

John sighed. "Fuck me with your cock."

"Say it like you want it."

"I-" He sounded frustrated again. He gritted the words out of his clenched teeth, **"I fucking want it!"**

"Now say that again but nice."

 _"I fucking want it!"_ He put on his pretend, slutty voice. You'll take it.

You start pounding into him. You start of slow again.

John is actively getting frustrated with you. He is gripping into your shoulder. 

"John, you want more?" You smile at him. "You just have to ask for it."

"Make it hurt." He sounded like he wanted nothing more than that. You obliged.

You kept pounding into him. You picked up the pace so you were as fast as before.

“You want it rough!?”

_“Yes! Daddy!”_

“My name is Dave.”

“Dave! Dave fuck me hard!”

“How fucking hard?”

“Break me, Dave!”

“You want me to destroy you?!”

“Yes, fucking -ah- yes!  _pleasepleaseplease_ make me take it! Call me a whore! Fucking pull my hair! Make me your bitch! Anything, anything _you_ want! Just-ah- fuck me hard!”

You grab his hair and force his entire head back “You’re already taking my cock, you needy cockslut.”

“Make me your bitch, make me your bitch.”

“I don’t need to make you something you already fucking are!”

“ _ **Fuck!"**_   John's submitting to you completely. "Hit me! Dave _really_ make me your bitch!”

“Hit you? Like this?”

You deck him in the face, right on the eye.

“AH!” John gasped and moaned at the same time. Desperately trying to get in air as you pound into his as- you suddenly punch him in the eye again.

“Like that!?” You fucking ask him.

“DAVE! Yes Dave! Fuck me! **Fuck me** like that!”

You punch him in the other eye just to throw him off.

_**“FUUUUUCK!”** _

Zahhak grabs onto his wrist and pulls his arms down behind his back.

You go back to punching the other eye, denting in your fist. With each hit John screams out.

_**“FUCK FUCK FUCK!”** John’s practically screaming. _ _**“THAT'S IT! I’M GONNA CUM! FUCKING CHOKE ME AND I'LL CUM!”** _

“No.” You grunt into his ear. “No choking.”

“DAVE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE! **I _NEED_ IT.”**

“Maybe just a little-“ you place your thumb over his neck. “Oh no! We are” -you grunt- “fucking you to hard for that. Don't want you using the signal again -you grunt- you're just going to have to keep bitching and moaning like the cockslut you are for me instead.”

“DAVE! I WILL **FUCKING** TOP YOU FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT! A FULL FUCKING DAY! A FULL FUCKING WEEK! FUCK! JUST! -JUST! **JUST FUCKING MAN UP AND FORCE ME TO CUM!** ”

That's fucking it! You grab onto his throat. Equius is pulling back his arms still. You both keep thrusting into him. You strangle him with both of your hands. You slam into him several times with Zahhak at full force. John’s load shoots onto your stomach. You keep fucking him and choking him until you feel his cock is soft against your stomach. You don’t pull out. You keep fucking him until you finish your own load inside of him. Zahhak is still going. You’re actually impressed that he held out for this long. He earned whatever John's going to do to him. He also earned grabbing your husband and slamming him down to the bed. He kept pounding into him as John’s half-lit eyes looked over at you. Zahhak finished with a forceful grunt. He slowly pulled out and tied together the condom.

You lay in the middle of the bed. John snuggles up to you, he's still wearing his glasses. You take them off for him. Zahhak is going to take a shower, you’d join him but you are completely spent and John looks like he’s dying of the flu. He is completely red everywhere and panting for air like he can’t get any. His cum is all over your stomach and your load is inside of him. When you woke up Zahhak wasn’t in the room. Just your husband. You fell asleep without any sheets on you. Just a towel. There’s one in between Johns legs too. Zahhak must have made an attempt to clean you both up.

Dr. Serket knocked on the door.

“I don’t think I can walk.” John called back to her. “Dave made me cum so hard last night- i… I think I’m still aching from it.”

“Well… I will... Uh… I will attempt to explain that you aren’t feeling well.”

“Dr. Serket! Dave made me say yes pretty much the entire time! He **made** me beg for more! We had **normal**  vanilla sex! No threats! No saying no! -and it was great!”

“That is wonderful news.” She seems a bit taken back but at least she gets why John is so happy. “I am happy that you both are.. making strides in your psychosexual recovery and I am _very_ happy that you are both happy. If you feel like you can... attend... breakfast is in fifteen.”

“Thank you!" John cheerfully said to her, "and have a good morning!”

"You as well!" She sounded completely washed off all of her worry, everything syllable in those words sounded happy and full of joy for the two of you.

* * *

You walked out to the dining room and grabbed a plate for you and John to share. You made him a breakfast sandwich just like he makes for you. You hope it's actually good, you are no cook but it looks just like the ones he makes you. You grab a few savory things, you want some of the cinnamon buns but your plate is already full, you'll get sweets later. You walk through the doorway and into the kitchen.

You tell everyone in the kitchen, "I’ll come back for more later.” 

“Is John alright?” Your dad-in-law asked. “Dr. Serket told me he’s not feeling well.”

“He’s fine.” You tell him. “Just… he’s not feeling up to breakfast today…”

“He should come and eat at the table if he's not feeling sick.”

Dr. Serket spoke up, “he’s not feeling well and I think it’s because he’s dehydrated, you boys need to drink more water.”

“She’s right.” She might be right actually. John needs to drink something.

“I’ll help you bring breakfast to him, I want to see how he’s doing.”

“That’s okay.” You tell him. “I can carry everything. I need to come back any way and make an ice pack for his head.”

“So... he is ill?” Mr. Egbert asks.

“Dehydrated.” Dr. Serket lifted up a finger.

“Good morning, everyone!” John called out to you all before he even walked into the room. Once he got in he greeted you. “Hello sweetheart! I got tired of waiting for you. I'm sorry..." He was smiling so large. "I'm sorry, I know you were getting me stuff.” 

John was beaming with joy. He smiled at you and walked over to the fridge. He walked with a limp. You started rubbing your temples. Everyone can see his black eye.

“John, your eye,” Zahhak pretended to be surprised. He got up from his chair and offered help. “Would you like for me to make you a ice pack for your eye? Your husband said he would make one for your headache.”

“Oh man, I am hurting all over let me tell you.” John gave him a large smile. “I don’t even care. I feel like a new man.”

John grabbed your waist and kissed you. He looked down at your plate.

“Did you make this for us to share?”

“Yes.”

He gave you a big fat kiss on the cheek, “thank you so much!”

“John, you should sit down.” You tell him.

“Oh no. I’m going back to bed, my head is throbbing. I think I’m dehydrated.”

You look over at Dr. Serket, she just put both of her hands up and gestures with flat palms towards John's dad, _‘see.’_ She didn’t lie.

“I just need that ice pack and some water.”

“There’s some ibuprofen in the drawer," Nitram stood up. "I’ll get it for you.” 

“Oh, thank you!” John thanks him and then kisses you on the cheek again. “I have such a blessed life, with such good friends and such a good husband.”

He keeps kissing you. You love the attention but everyone’s eyes are on you and you’re turning red. John grabbed a bottle of blue frost gatorade from the fridge.

“John, I made you two ice packs.” Zahhak brought them over to your husband.

“Oh, thank you.” John made a move to grab them.

“Hold on," Nitram interrupted. "Here take the ibuprofen first.” 

“Thank you so much, Mr. Nitram.”

John takes the pills and drinks them down with the glacier freeze gatorade that you opened for him.

“Boys, please remember to take your medication today.”

“We always do, dad!” John smiled brightly. “Everybody have a great breakfast!” John waves them all goodbye.

“I uh… Hmm.” You try to say something, everyone was staring at you. Everyone knew why John was so cheerful. Everyone knew why John had a black eye. Everyone always saw John's bruises. You were sure everyone was trying to figure out why he said he felt like a new man. There was nothing you could say that was appropriate. Nothing. You decide to just walk over and grab the glass of apple juice John's dad made for you and leave with the plate you just made in your other hand.

When you get back in the room John is happily waiting for you. He put a pillow in front of him like its a small table. He lit a candle on the nightstand and put on music using your mp3 player. He beamed another large grin at you. 

"It's like a breakfast date!"

You smile warmly at him, he's so cute when he's like this. 

* * *

You're really surprised John wants to have a date with you and isn't putting on a face about thinking it's too cheesy or too romantic. He's just cheerfully talking with you. You chatted it up about all sorts of things, John was really just making small talk. You know him too well, you can tell there is something else on his mind. You know what he wants to talk about,

"You seem really happy, so you enjoyed last night?"

“Fuck me like that again!” He just blurt it out at you.

“Not till your headaches gone.”

“Give me that fucking water.” He snatched the water his dad brought in for him off of the nightstand and drank it all down in one gulp. 

As he gulped down the water you took the opportunity to say, “I can't wait for you to top me for days."

“What?" John wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

"You promised me you would." You nod at him.

"When did I say that?”

“When you were begging me to make you cum.”

“Okay well... I could have promised you anything if I was on the edge.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you top me till later but… yeah… I’m holding you to it.. a full fucking week of you topping me. Maybe you’ll learn to love it.”

“You're quoting me again aren't you...?" He didn't seem amused at that... "a week of sex and no orgasms.” John looked bummed. He slouched his shoulders in front of him.

“We can wait on that." You say to him, "hey... you think you can both fuck me next? I’ll cum early so you two can finish off eachother, I just want to get double penetrated.”

“Sure." John shrugs.

"...How about tonight?”

“I don’t think my head can take it the packs are doing nothing. And besides… Dave your moans are so cute when you’re on the bottom! I think I would love to just watch you and Zahhak go at it if my headache doesn't go away.” 

"Ha. Sweet."

* * *

Well tonight's the night that John is holding up his deal the two of you made with Zahhak. You were waiting in the living room watching tv waiting on the two of them too finish up. You heard footsteps. John walks into the doorway. His hair is completely messed up. He is staring dead ahead, blankly. He is wearing Zahhak's only dress shirt that is way too big for him. You lower your brow, John is staring at the floor. 

"Dave... I think I might have broke him."

"Uhhhhh.... are you okay?"

"I'm fine. More than fine actually..." He is still staring down at the floor. He sounds completely normal but the way he is blankly looking at the ground is concerning you.

"You don't look fine."

"I just came out to ask a question."

You nod. He must see you in the corner of his eye or something because he keeps responds, 

"I get that I can't suck a guys cock bare... but what if it was... the other way around?"

"He wants to suck you off?"

"Yeah... he's too embarrassed to do it with you there."

"That's... uh... no. You can still catch an STD like that."

"Oh... _okay..."_ He breathes out the word like he's a ghost.

"Why do you look so shocked?"

"Because he's like... uh... you know how we get in the morning?"

"He's doing that to you?"

John nods. "He's like... you know..." He swallows down spit. He stops talking like he finished the thought. 

"Is he scaring you?"

John shakes his head. You don't think anything can rattle him, but still, you need to know he's okay.

"It's just... I am surprised I can drive a guy like that....  **that**... wild."

"Do you want me to wait by the door?"

"No... I'm not afraid of him... I already told you... I'm just... surprised."

"By what?"

John looks up at you and asks, "am I really **that** hot?"

"Uh... yeah." 

He looks back down at the floor, "Oh... okay... I'm going to go back and... yeah..." 

"Are you enjoying it?"

"I kinda want you to be there for this but... holy shit."

John walked off. You're going to take his answer as a yes. You waited a few moments you got up to get a cup of water, you're always on John's case to drink more. You sip on the water as you go to check up on John. If he seems that phazed then you aren't going to just ignore this. You walk up to the bedroom  and stare at the white wood of the door. You hear grunting and a steady stream of moans.

"You fucking want my fucking cock?" You've never known Zahhak to curse. Ever.

You are blinking blankly at the door. 

 **"Ahhhhh.... I want you to fuck me- ah- right! Is... Is that the fucking best you can do?!"** Sounded like John was taking it hard.

"If I bend you any more I'll **break your fucking spine** , would you like that, slut?" Zahhak sounded like a fucking glutton. He kept driving himself into John.

"Holy fucking shit." You mumble to yourself.

"Tell me you're fucking mine." Zahhak grunted out. 

"I'm -ah- I'm _fucking_ married." John sounded annoyed with him.

"Tell me you're a cockslut!" Zahhak demanded.

"I _am_ a fucking cockslut." John moaned. "God. You're so confident you can **break me** _**-HMP-**_ You can't even get me to cum -ah- without my husband here to guide you." 

"holy fucking shit!" You mutter under your breath.

"I bet you're already fucking close." John sounded so arrogant right now. "What? Do you need _-ah-_ to stop?!" 

You heard Zahhak pick up the pace. It sounded like Zahhak just grabbed onto John's neck. There were a few more slapping sounds followed by a deep, manic grunt.

John was panting when he next spoke,

"Wow. You really can't get me to finish without my husband here... fucking pathetic... Well... let's give it a few and then go again. If you can't figure out how to do it I'm going to have to get my husband."

"Can't you tell me what you like?"

"Ha!" John answers him as flatly as he can, "No."

_'oh wow... yeah, no wonder Zahhak didn't want me in there.'_


	105. fantasies turn to memories

You still owed John. You had to ask Zahhak for help with this but you are sure you can pull this off. Everyone was eating dinner in the other room. For the last two nights you didn't have an opportunity to do this but suddenly John accidently got refried beans on his hands so he decided that he wanted to get up to use the sink in the kitchen. You excused yourself, saying you needed to use the bathroom.

You sunk up behind John with a small kitchen knife. You covered his mouth and flashed him the knife. You whispered to him, "Don't scream or try to fight at all. In any way." You turn him around and force him down to his knees. "I want this to be quick. If you don't cum then you don't want to know what will happen. Get your ass in gear and put this on me." You throw him down a condom. 

When you unzipped your pants and pulled out your semi John's eyes lit up. He puts on his fake scared face. He struggled to open the condom for a bit. You pointed the knife down at him and he scrambled to open it up and worked it on to you. He kept looking up at you like he was asking if he was doing it right. You aren't giving him the pleasure of saying he did a good job. "Get up and bend over." You turn on the sink again, hoping the sound of the rushing water will mask the sound of your bodies slapping together. You start thrusting into him. He's grabbing onto the counter and you push his back down. You hold the knife away from him and force your fingers into his mouth to stop him from making any noise. You picked up the pace. You can still hear the scrapping of forks and knives against the plates in the dining room. Dr. Serket is talking about how she got started in her career when she interned somewhere. You're sure that John is focused on her conversation with Nitram. He's always interested in other people's stories, so you'll give him one. "You keep parading around like a fucking cockwhore when you're _mine_. You want to be a fucking slut? Then you're going to take my cock and fucking like it." You push your fingers down his throat. "You like this you fucking cumslut? I bet you want my fucking load in your ass, you want me to fill you up and you sit out there and chat it up like I didn't just pound into you. You keep acting like your pure and innocent, everyone knows you are a fucking cockslut. Everyone saw your fucking shiner I gave you. Everyone saw the shiner I gave you after our wedding too. You even bragged about it in front of everyone. Absolutely **everyone**." You kept hitting him were you know he loves it. Suddenly you hear Nitram say he's going to refill the picture of water. Zahhak gets up and offers to do it for him.

You pull your hand out of John's mouth.

"If he comes in don't fucking stop!" John barks at you under his breath. "I don't fucking care if he sees."

"John," You whisper. "I-"

"It's nothing he hasn't seen before!" He's yelling at you in a hushed tone. "If you promise not to stop for **anything**  I'll top you, for **real!** "

You start choking him and keep pounding into him. You aren't saying no to that. You hear Zahhak walk in alone. Still you try to hide the knife in the sink. He fills up the water picture as he watched you two go at it. He walks over and starts shoving his fingers into John's mouth. "Don't get to excited." You mumble to him. "John's almost finished." You can feel John convulsing. Zahhak pushes his two fingers to the back of John's throat. "Does it feel good?" He asks John. John nods his head, making eyes like he's scared. He grabs onto Zahhak's hand and slaps him twice. John makes his hands into fists and clicks his wrists together a few times. He really wants Zahhak to restrain him. Zahhak puts down the water picture and violently grabs his wrists with one hand. He's still working his fingers into John's mouth. You are choking him and thrusting into him. You're trying to hold the knife in your other hand steady. You're almost there. You really want John to fucking finish so you can get top- "I forgot to say, I need tabascoohhhhhhhhhhhh...." Nitram walked into the kitchen. You can feel his eyes on your back, there's no way he can see the knife but still he's shocked, "uhhhhhhhhhh-"

You can't stop. You have to keep going. You need John to top you without _any_ roleplay. 

"I am... uh... I am.. just... um... going to go over here and -uh- grab it..."

He walked over and slapped the bottle a few times, then pointed at it, "got it."

"I uh- yeah..." He walked out. 

"You are such a cockslut." You tell John. "You didn't mind any of that."

John was getting close so you picked up the pace. Zahhak must have been shaken by that. Still he held on to John. You leaned into John and breathed into his neck.

"I bet you fucking enjoyed that." You tried to keep your voice down. "You're a little show off aren't you?" 

John started convulsing. You bit down on his neck once and told him, 

"You're getting off to getting caught aren't you? Fucking cumslut." -you grunted- **"You like being a fucking cocktease? Yeah."** You were grunting the words out of your teeth.

John started struggling. He finished on the sink cabinet. You kept thrusting into him and choking him until you finished, hard, inside of him. Zahhak left you both in the mean time to go back to the dining room. When you were done with John you threw him onto the floor. 

"Clean this fucking mess up." You rubbed off your condom, tied it together and dropped it on John. "Just because you're a cumslut doesn't mean you get permission to make a mess."

You zipped yourself up and walked out of the other entrance into the hall and then back into the dining room. You took your seat and asked Dr. Serket to pass you the butter. She was more than happy too. She seems more than happy to do nearly everything she can for you. You look over at Nitram, he jumps when he notices that you're looking at him. Maybe it was all the time you spent with John, maybe it was all of the excitement, you couldn't help it. You flipped your hair and gave him a half-smile. His eyes widened at that. To bad he can't see yours under your shades. You kept listening to Dr. Serket as she spoke. Occasionally you would look back at Travis and bite down on your lip. If he saw all _that_ then you already know John's going to pull something anyway. 

John strolls in the same way you came from. He seems like he recovered from his _mistreatment._  He cleared his throat. John got used to wearing button-ups and jeans to cover all of his bruises and scrapes, still... you were sure everyone could make out some blue marks on his neck. Eh. Probably only stands out to you because they are fresh. 

"You were gone for a while, John." Your dad-in-law pointed out. 

"Yeah, I had to use the bathroom upstairs." John rolled his eyes at you. He sounded annoyed "Dave was hogging ours."

"Sorry," You met his annoyed tone of voice with your own. "I didn't know you needed to use it."

"It's fine. I could use the exercise." John smiled at you, "What were you guys talking about while we were gone?" John asked the question to Travis but Dr. Serket answered. She said a brief version of the stories you overheard in the kitchen. John wasn't listening to her anyway. He was resting one of his elbows on the table to lightly hold up his chin. With the other hand he was tracing the outline of his plate. You knew all of his looks. You could tell he was tapping his foot against Nitrams. John was staring at Dr. Serket as she spoke, Nitram's eyes were fixated on your husband. John didn't move anything but his eyes. He glanced over at Travis. He lowered his eyes and gave him his signature sly smile. When Dr. Serket finished speaking John put down his elbow and asked him, "Do you always like using hot sauce?"

"Uhhhh... on stuff like rice and beans...uh... I... I do." He was struggling to talk to John.

"Oh...? Mind passing it over so I can try?" John reached out his hand over the table.

"Su-sure." He nervously stuttered.  

"Thanks." John sat up and reached over the table to grab it. Your husband lightly traced his fingers over Nitram's hands. He slowly worked his fingertips up to the thin part of the bottle and grabbed it.

"Oh wow, this is a full bottle!" John examined it. "I guess we'll have to work on using this up together." He smiled at Nitram.

"Hey, let me try some after you." You try to grab John's attention. He's more focused on his plate and after all of that too.

"You can, after I use it." John slowly unscrewed the cap, then pumped the bottle onto his food.

"You're using a lot." John's dad points out. "You don't even know if you like it yet."

"I'm sure I will if Mr. Travis likes it." John smiles up at Nitram again. 

Nitram is sinking into his seat. He knows full well what John is pulling. 

"It's pretty good." John tasted it.

"Here, try it." John holds up a spoon full of rice for you, he cups his hand underneath to stop any from dropping to the floor.

You took a bite, "I like smoked tabasco better." You tilted your head towards Zahhak. 

"I think it's really good." John made eyes at Nitram again.

"I think we could probably get any hot sauce we want if we'd asked for it." You gave John a sly smile of your own.

"I like the food we have in the house." John beamed a grin at you.

"Yeah." You take another bite off of his plate. "I like this a lot actually... I think I might use up the whole bottle myself."

John stuck his tongue out at you. "Not if I eat it all first."

You smile at John. "Let's see if you can."


	106. Oh No

_'Oh no. Oh nooo. Oh noooooo. Ohnoohnoohnoohno!'_

How could you let this happen? 

Dave and John pranced right on up to you and put a condom in your hand. They invited you in for a night. The two of them were holding on to you. You knew it was a bad idea. You knew you should have just handed the condom back. It was like a calling card and you should have refused it! You shouldn't have taken it. 

You were exhausted but you couldn't sleep. John was grabbing on to you. That scared sad victim is holding on to you next to his husband, _his husband,_   ** _his husband!_** You watched the two of them get engaged. You went to their wedding! You watched several difficult moments of their life you can't believe you just- You need to get out of here. You need to leave. 

"Hmm?" John stirred and slowly got up, "is it morning?"

"Uh... no I just... I need to get to my room."

 _"Sleep with us."_ John reached over you and started pulling you down.

"nononono, I really need to get to my own room."

"Hmmm..." John yawned. "If you insist. It's probably for the best anyway... don't want anyone finding out you spent the night with us. That would spoil all our fun." He tapped a finger against your nose. 

Dave started stirring too, "hmmm... leaving?"

"Ye-yeah..." You sheepishly answered.

"Let us give you a little something before you leave us." Dave sat up and started twirling his finger around your chest. 

"Oh- okay, boys I uh.. I think... I uh..." 

"I heard that you defended me throughout my entire case." Dave sounded like he wanted something more from you...

"You... You did?" You darted your eyes around the room as you asked him.

"The beast told me." Dave looked up at you.

"The- the beast?" You question him.

"Teresa." 

"...oh god..." You put a hand to your forehead and try to rub away the thought.

Oh God. Oh man. Oh no, your boss. Your work colleagues. You can't ever forgive yourself for **_this!_**

"You look really tense about all of this..." John started rubbing your chest. "Dave and I enjoyed it and some nights we both get a bit in our head... we need a little help through the night so we feel better during the day."

"What about... what about Zahhak...?" You ask them both. Turning your head and alternating your gaze between them.

"He's still all worn out." Dave smirked.

"Whoa- hoho... okay..." You start sitting up again. "I think I should go."

_'If they wore out a guy like that, they are going to **kill me!'**_

John giggled. "Okay. We can always meet up again tomorrow night."

' _tomorrow night!? After all of THAT?!'_

John kissed your cheek. Dave started kissing your neck.

"Dave." John is trying to get Dave to simmer down. "Mr. Nitram said that he wanted to go."

Dave sighs. He gives you a hug and then lets you go. 

You sit up and start picking up your clothes off of the floor. John watches you as you're getting dressed. "Have a goodnight, Mr. Nitram."

"Goodnight to-o you as well."

John was sitting up in bed he found your watch, you took it off when you started thrusting into... best not to think about that. You take your watch back from John's hands. You glanced up at his face. You didn't want to look into his eyes, but you did. You were so afraid you were going to see a drained, sad soul, just like you did months ago... you see... you see his eyes are filled with life. Life and... and... hope. He notices that you are staring into his eyes.

"Is there something that's troubling you?" He lightly asks you. He's giving you a gentle half smile.

"I- I think I should go."

"We'll see you in the morning." John smiles at you and lays back down, "night."

"Yes... goodnight."

* * *

You are resting in between John and his husband. John's on your left. Dave’s on your right. All three of you are on the bed again. John and Dave are cuddled up to you. You’re starting to feel nervous again.

“Is there a reason you are so tense?" John asks you. "Not just **now,** but all the time?”

“Well I’ve always been kind of… skittish just… well something happened when I was younger and it was hard for me to work through when I was young... I've gotten better about it.”

“Really?" John moved so he was laying belly up, he wanted to get a better look at your face. "Sometimes I get so stressed out and in my head when I’m not with Dave. Like I can’t stop thinking about all these difficult things I’ve been through and it makes me shut down… but lately I’ve been feeling so blessed with my life… I want to make you feel that too Nitram. So tell us what happened, you know that we won’t judge.”

John dragged it out of you. You told them both how you lost your brother years ago. How it still haunts you. How you couldn’t do anything.

“Is that why you empathized with me so much?” John looks you right in the eyes.

“Not only that… That’s why I became a lawyer in the first place.”

“Hmmm... I empathize with you too…” John snuggled up to your chest, “you take something horrible and spin it into a positive.”

“You..uh- feel that way…?” You scrunch up your brow.

“About myself or about you?” John asks you to clarify.

“Uh… both I guess.”

John looks up at you and smiles, “both reasons are why you’re in my bed. You are a good man with a kind heart, I’ve been through a lot and It looks like the two of us sleeping with you… has made you seem less tense.” He rubbed your arms.

You notice that you stopped shaking. John is Just smoothly rubbing his hands on your chest. You start shaking again.

“Babe, you shouldn't point out he’s not as tense, that’s like pointing out someone’s breathing, makes them focus to much on it.” Dave started patting your chest.

“Ohhh, I just wanted to show him that he’s having a nice time with us.” John cheerfully hummed.

“Yeah- haha.. speaking of which I think our time is… is pretty much up.” You sat up as you spoke.

"You feel really tense again," John pointed out. You were feeling much more strained than you normally do, “do you feel guilty about this?”

“I-I-uh.” You look down at your bare chest. It's obvious that you do. 

“Don’t.” John patted your chest to get your attention. "Some nights it's so hard for me to not think about all of the things I've been through, but when you're in my bed all I can think about is how great my life is now."

"I feel the same." Dave agreed. "I had no choice in my life. None. Then you and the other prosecutors and John and everyone else… gave me a chance to fix everything and... I had a choice to do whatever I wanted. I want to fight criminals and live with John. I make my own decisions in life. I was a whore but... whenever I would come home and saw John... I felt like a person. When we had sex together it felt like our choice. For the longest time, sneaking in food and writing songs for John felt like the only say I had in my life... and... now that I've given out all of the names I had... I feel like the only other choice I have is who I sleep with..."

"That's not true," you spoke up, "everything you do from now on is your own choice. That goes for the two of you... Dave you have a say in anything you do now, maybe it doesn't feel that way because John wants the exact same things you do.” You tell Dave, “I can't speak for how you feel, but I at least know that you two are like two parts of the same whole."

Dave smiles warmly at you, his face is normally so stoic but his smile is so warm. You can’t help it, you smile back. Dave sighs and holds on to the both of your hands with his own as he says,

“You both helped me feel like a real person.”

* * *

"May I ask you a uh- question, John?"

"hmmm.... yes?"

The boys got you to spend another night with them. You are trying to find the strength to get up and walk out after all of that. The two of them wanted you to take turns tonight again, just like the first time they asked you to spend the night with them. Just like the first time, Dave had to strangle John to get him to finish, it scared you a tiny bit at first but John seemed so... happy. You're fine just so long as they don't ask you to do anything violent like that.

You were staring up at the ceiling. You turned your head to ask John,

"Why do you always call me Mr. Travis?" 

"Hmm... well... I always called... _him_... Mr. Strider. I just figured that every single person I met deserves the same respect if I would call a man like that _'mister'_... maybe though... since he's dead... I should give that a rest... is it okay if I just call you Travis?"

"That's more than fine."

John gave you a warm smile.

A gentle kind smile with eyes filled with hope and life.

Hopeful and lively.

* * *

The next night you already told John that you were a bit too tired to join him and his husband in bed tonight when they asked. You just wanted to rest. You were thirsty, however, so walked downstairs at night to get a glass of ice water.

You poured yourself a glass as you stood at the fridge. Blankly staring at the cup in your hand as you yawned. You brought it up to your lips and took a nice, long sip.

 _"Oh."_  

You turned around at the sound of John's, seductive, voice. Still holding up the iced water up to your lips. You drag it down to rest in front of your waist. 

 _"Did you come down here for **just** a glass of water?"_ John happily trails over to you. He stops walking when he's only a few inches away from you. He tilts his head and looks up at you to ask,  _"or did you come looking for something else?"_

"Uhhhhhh-" You just keep trailing off. Hoping that if you're giving the time to think you can find the words that will get you out of this so you can just give your body a much needed break.

 _"Can I have a sip, please?"_ John asked you.

At his request you gave him the glass.

 _"Thank you."_ John took the glass. He downed the rest of the ice water, leaving behind only a few scattered ice cubes and a trace of water. He handed it back to you, _"sorry... I guess I just get carried away sometimes..._ you know how I can get."

"John I..." You place the glass down besides the fridge. "I already told you that I'm... uh... you know... tired and I also... I don't want anyone catching wind of this so..."

 _"That's a no?"_   John asks you. "Aww... _I just get so excited seeing you at night..."_ He pouted at you. 

_'God Damn.'_

"I'm sorry, John." You can feel sweat starting to drip from your forehead. "I'm just to tired... uh... for... um... tonight..."

"Well..." He smiles up at you. "I can understand that." 

John tilts his head back up straight again. "So I was thinking..."

He places his arms onto your shoulders, "maybe..."

He presses up his body against your own, on impulse you grab his waist. _'Shit.'_

"I could just suck your thick," He bit his lip at the thought, " **fucking** cock."

You didn't stand a chance at saying no. He let you grab onto his head and pound into him, you hardly payed attention to anything else going on in the room. When you woke up on your back John's arms where covering your chest. Dave’s legs were tangled in yours. Dave was on your right side again, John on your left, only now... Zahhak is spooning him. 

“Hmmm, good morning!” John fully perked up as he sat up. He sounded tired from everything that happened last night but he’s still so cheerful. He stretched out his back as he yawned.

Dave sighed out of his nose against your chest and then slowly lifted his head up. “Morning already…?” He yawned and started patting Zahhaks shoulder.

“Hmmm?” Zahhak was holding onto John. He lifted up his head.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” John pointed up at him. “Or should I say bedhead!”

John started laughing at his own joke. He pointed at your bedhead too. “How is it that the three of us get hair like this but you don’t Dave?”

“Don’t have the time to spent doing my hair, I’m a busy guy.” His husband replied. 

“So little time, so many cocks to suck?” John flirted with him.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Dave was holding up two purple condoms with both of his hands. Wiggling them in between his two index and middle fingers.

“Yessss!” John clapped his hands once and then sat straight up.

“You do, Nitram.” Dave handed him a condom.

“I think I should… get ready to leave." You spoke up. You weren't sure how comfortable you were with his... "It’s early and- I don’t want anyone to catch us-”

“Boys!” Dr. Serket knocked on the door. You jumped.

"Yes, Dr. Serket?" John sweetly answered her, no shame or fear in his voice.

"Have you seen Zahhak? He isn’t on the couch.” She asked the two of them. None the wiser to your presence.

“He just came in, he said he wanted to take a shower in our room again!” John called to her.

“That’s kind of you to let him keep doing that." She was gleefully speaking from behind the door. "I thought you boys would have wanted… more privacy. Is it alright if I come in?” 

Your heart drops. Instantly John calls back to her,

“Oh no, don’t come in. Dave just got up and he still isn’t dressed yet!”

“Alright! John, I would like to have another session after breakfast if that’s alright by you.”

“I think that would be great!” John gasps to say more but she unknowingly interrupts-

“Oh I almost forgot! John your father said breakfast will be ready in over 40 but he wanted to make something special for you both seeing that it’s Labor Day."

“IT'S LABOR DAY!?!” John smacked his cheek. 

"Yes.” She happily replied. “He's deep frying a lot of different donuts today, said breakfast would be ready a little late. He said it might take a while so I am going to knock on your door when it's ready. Goodbye boys!"

“Oh nooo... ohnonononono." John ignored her. "I forgot." 

"Goodbye, Dr. Serket.” Dave called out to her as she left.

“It’s okay, we’ve been doing a lot of things lately." Dave was rubbing your chest as he spoke. You’re fine with being ‘a lot of things.’

“Did you forget!?” John asked him.

Dave turned around and fumbled around with the nightstand. He sat up and held up a box of Pop-Tarts. He shook the box then set them down on John's lap.

“Noooooo," John seemed distressed, "nonononono. Damn it.”

Dave turned around to grab a bag of hershey's and gave them to John.

"Shit."

Dave handed him a pack of blue marshmallow snoballs. 

_"noooo."_

Dave grabbed a handful of candies and chocolates. Nerds. Starbursts. M&M's. Jolly ranchers. Of course... lollipops.

 _"nonononononono!"_   John was looking through the candies, "you got me all of this and I got you nothing." He shook his head. 

"Oh and..." Dave slid out of bed. He pulled something seemingly heavy from the nightstand. He picked it up and put it right next to the alarm clock on top of the wooden nightstand. It was a full bouquet of red roses in a flower vase. 

_"Nooooo!"_

"Happy Labor Day, babe."

"Dave, this is so sweet and I completely forgot. God, I feel like such an asshole!" John pounded his fist into his forehead.

Dave lightly grabbed his wrist to stop his husband from punishing himself. "It's honestly okay if you forgot, this is something we did because we had nothing else and well... now we have a lot."

"You got me all of this... and I got you nothing!" John lifted up a finger. "I'll- I'll make you a dessert today! Whatever you like.

"You'd bake?" Dave sounded confused.

"Dave." The words sounded dry as John spoke them. "You know who my great-grandma was." 

"Yeah.. but like... I thought you hated baked goods, babe."

"I hated her company and I don't like eating cakes... but... I do like baking."

"Really? How come I never knew any of this about you." Dave started putting all of the candies back into his nightstand. 

"Well... I guess I didn't have a real excuse for why I never told you... with Spree and all... I'll tell you all about it later.” John continued with asking his husband, “what is it that you want me to make? My dad got a lot of things for baking. I can probably make anything."

"Uh... what do you think I would like?" Dave was finishing up packing away the sweets.

John looked up to the ceiling. "...I think I've got something."

John looked at you again, “go into the living room and act like you just got there and pick a book to read. If they say they didn’t hear you come down the stairs tell them you couldn’t sleep so you’ve been wandering around the house looking for something to do, say that you’re restless.”

“Well... I am pretty restless right now.” You smile at him as you reply.

He kissed you on the cheek. “Don’t be.”

He smiled warmly as he looked down at you. Suddenly he started pulling you up from his bed. “Get dressed! You should be the first one out!”

The story John gave you to use worked like a charm. You were surprised how he even knew they would point out they didn’t hear you come down the stairs. He must just know his father very well. Something that unnerves you a bit. You just slept with that man’s son-in-law. You sink down into your chair a bit again.

“Still feeling restless, Nitram?” Dr. Serket sounds kind as she asks you.

“Yeah I uh- am.. I- I’ll probably just read something to take my mind off of things.”

“Well, I must apologize for this in advance but I'm planning on using the living room for a session with John today.”

“That’s fine, I’ll just read what I have upstairs, in my room, upstairs.”

When everyone was out and sitting at the table all of your shame in sleeping with John and Dave... faded away. You saw how brightly John was smiling and Dave even grinned a few times. It was so rare that Dave would smile. Actually smile a real, happy grin. He even directed a few smiles at you.

"What do you celebrate on Labor Day, boys?" Dr. Serket asked a question that was on the entire tables mind. 

"It's like..." Dave swallowed down the rest of his powdered donut, "stupid Easter."

"A stupid version of Easter." John clarified as he gave Dave a tiny glare. "We get each other candy and chocolates and then at the end of the day we... hmmhmhmm" John trailed off.

"We have to say things that we like about ourselves." Dave answered for him.

"Now, that is wonderful!" Dr. Serket clapped her hands together. "I love that, I hope you boys keep with that tradition."

"We will." Dave smiled at her. He started stuffing his face with a bite of a hot crossed bun, "you guys even know what Easter is about anyway?" 

Dr. Serket gasped in air like she was excited to explain it to him. She spent the rest of breakfast explaining her religion and Jesus's resurrection. She could go on for hours about any subject and find joy in telling stories to those that would listen. Dave actually seemed to like how enthusiastic she was. She would use these large hand gestures as she spoke and Dave would lean back in his seat  like he was avoiding a strike smiling and laughing as she excitedly told him everything there was to know about Christianity. When Dr. Serket finished she apologized for going 'full blown Serket' on the table.

"No, that was cool." Dave seemed like he enjoyed the story.

"I thought you didn't believe in that kind of thing." John poked at Dave.

"Eh, I don't know." Dave shrugged. "Still sounds cool."

Dr. Serket was elated to hear that. Apparently she didn't consider herself to be much of a Christian despite the bible influencing her life. She considered the story to be a touching one of perseverance and hope. At the end of breakfast she seemed so cheerful as she grabbed the plates and wrapped them up in clear plastic and silver foil. You helped wash the dishes. Zahhak went to make more calls. John was already gathering stuff from the cabinets to use for something he was planning on making for Dave. Dave walked into the kitchen to see if he could help and John chewed him out for even peaking. You couldn't help but snicker at that. Dr. Serket dragged John away for a session and afterwards he spent the entire afternoon baking. 

You all ate a Labor Day dinner. Apparently Dave told Mr. Egbert all about how they celebrate and John's father decided to make a roasted ham. He prepped less than he usually does because of John's interference. When the meal was over Dr. Serket jumped to help with the dishes again and John immediately stopped her. "It. Is Labor Day." She just sat down and nervously smiled. You can't tell if she is concerned or confused. John took all of the dishes and left to go into the kitchen. John's father didn't even make an attempt to sit up. John must have already gave him a talking too. You remember you heard John snap at him earlier when you tried to get a glass of water. _"If you're going to be in the kitchen then stay out of my way!"_ You turned around and just dropped the idea of getting anything from the kitchen today.

John brought out what he'd been baking all day.

It was a large chocolate cake he made for everyone in the house to share. It looked amazing, like it was made for a magazine. The cake had three different layers, a rich chocolate frosting and it was meticulously decorated with blueberries and strawberries on top. 

He cut everyone but himself a slice and placed a lovingly crafted plate in front of Dave. 

"I'm sorry... I wish I could have made you something... more special..." John continued to stand and watch Dave as he apphesivly watched him. 

"Babe." Dave was smiling warmly at the slice, "this looks great."

Dave was staring down at the cake as he took a bite. John was standing next to him, waiting to hear if it was up to his standards. Dave's shoulders raised a bit. He looked over at John. 

"You... you made this... yourself? from scratch?" He kept staring down at his plate.

John shot up where he stood. "Yes!" 

"And... I'm married to you?" Dave was still staring at the cake.

John lowered his brows and leaned his head down a bit. "Yes....?"

"Oh..." Dave kept looking at his slice. "oh wow."

No one spoke for a while. Mr. Egbert broke the silence, 

"John can bake a lot of things, we used to always make things like this when he was a kid."

"Dad... don't tell me how sloppy my work is today, okay... I was pressed for time."

"It's fine, son." Mr. Egbert nodded. "You did a fine job."

_'A fine job? This looks better than their wedding cake...'_

"I think it's amazing, John!" Dr. Serket sounded proud.

You and Zahhak both praised him as well.

"Dave... do you... do you think it's good?" John sounded like the only opinion he was really looking for was his husbands.

"I've never had anything like this." Dave was still looking at the slice.

"Okay..?" John's brows were still lowered but he gave him a warm smile.

"How... how do I keep getting so lucky?" Dave took another bite.

"Don't be so melodramatic," John lowered his head, "it's just cake."

"John, this is the best thing I've ever had." Dave told him.

"Really? I don't even think this is my best work... I was going to make you something else tomorrow to make up for that actually." 

"What? You can do better than this?" Dave was looking up at John now. 

John instantly perked up and blurted out, "how about I make edible cookie dough tomorrow and I'll ask for more stuff to make you something... um...  _more special..._ another time."

"Wait, you _can_ make something like that?" The way he said that sounded like Dave didn't know that it was even possible to eat cookie dough batter,"-and wait... what makes it edible..?"

"Egg substitute. I could use a banana or pasteurized egg whites." John leaned into look at Dave's face better. "I'll see what we have in the house."

"You know a lot about baking, John." Dr. Serket praised him. 

"Yeah, well... it's um... it's something my dad taught me." John sounded a bit uninterested with baking to you.

"It's our family lineage." Mr. Egbert crossed his arms. 

"Dad!" John sounded irritated at that for some reason. He continued hovering and standing next to Dave.

"Now son, I expect when you have children you pass-"

"DAD!" 

Dave seemed focused on his cake. Clearly he wasn't listening. Something John looked relieved about as he leaned in to see if his husband was paying attention, "don't say stuff like that in front of my husband, you are going to give him a freaking heart attack."

"Hu? You guys talking about me?"

"We were just saying that baking is a famil-"

"Dad! It is Labor Day! Show a little decorum!" 

Dave slowly turned his head to look at John. John quickly simmered down and awkwardly gave Dave a bright smile as he nervously closed his eyes. Dave turned in his seat to face him completely.

"The cake was amazing, John." 

"I hope you like the others too."

"The others?" Dave asked him. He actually sounded surprised for how monotone he always is.

"John, you made more!?" Dr. Serket genuinely sounded shocked, and ultimately taken aback. 

John promptly nodded and quickly grabbed another cake from the kitchen. This one was much smaller than the other cake, It was thin and tall. It was plain white but he piped large red roses on top of one distinct area of the cake. He did such an excellent job the roses looked nearly real. You could have sworn he just took the roses that Dave gave him today and just bunched them together on top of the thing. You could see John's dad squint at the details of the flowers. He didn't say anything about it. You've know Mr. Egbert to be a kind man but he really seems hard to please when it comes to food. He seemed to be staring now at the outer layer of the cake. There are a few air bubbles on the side. John's father must be hard to impress. He's scanning the cake like he's judging it in a competition. It looks like it's not up to his impossibly high standards. 

"This is so lovely." Dr. Serket was so pleased with how the cake looked. "John, this is fantastic work!"

He thanked her as he handed her a slice. The inside was three pure white layers of cake with raspberry filling in between the layers. You thanked him as he handed you a slice with a single rose on top. He gave Dave the slice with the most roses that he could get. Dave ate up every single bite of velvet frosting and every last crumb before handing John back the plate. You could tell Dave was flustered by how romantic the cake looked. The entire meal he was blushing red like the roses.

"Did you like the other one more?" John stood next to him again the entire time, he happily asked his husband for his honest opinion. 

"This was fantastic babe, I loved how... romantic it looked." 

John pouted at that but kept smiling with his eyes. That was exactly what he wanted to hear.

"...but yeah, I like the chocolate more." 

John closed his eyes and nodded, he took that comment to heart,

"I'll get another."

John stepped out to grab another cake. John took out another small, tall cake. It was covered in a layer of milk chocolate and had gram crackers stuck on the bottom. There was a thick layer of fluffy white frosting at the top. When John handed you a slice it hit you that the frosting on top was made with marshmallows. It was a small smore cake with, once again, three layers of a unique flavor of cake. John lovingly prepared Dave's special again. He stuck in a graham cracker and a small piece of hershey's chocolate in the fluffed up frosting. You took a bite of yours, the flavor was a pleasant gram cracker cake with hints of cinnamon and buttercream frosting in between the layers. 

"Wow! This one is fantastic." You think this one you, yourself, enjoyed the best.

"Thank you." John acknowledged that you liked it and then went back to watching Dave.

John's dad felt the need to comment himself, "less cinnamon next time, John." 

"Dad. I'm not accepting criticism today from anyone but Dave." 

"I really like the flavor. It's cinnamon?" He asks his husband, "do you think you can make more of that?"

"It's a graham cracker cake, sweetheart." John tells him.

"Oh." Dave looked back at the middle of the table. He looked at the last slice left, "I thought graham crackers tasted a bit different."

"They do." John's dad chimed in.

"Dad!" John sounded a bit stressed. He sighed. "You like cinnamon buns a lot so I added in extra - _ **on purpose,**_ " - he was clearly saying that to his dad - "I can make you a cinnamon crumb cake some other time."

"I'd love that." Dave sounded pleased with that. He began to sit up and picked up his plate to put in the sink. You were going to follow his lead but- "Where are you going? Sit back down!" John smiled as he guided Dave with his hand, by the shoulder, back down to his seat.

"John- how many cakes did you make?" Dr. Serket asks kindly but she comes of as namely concerned.

John pauses for a moment. "Only five!" He quickly turns on his feet to face his husband, _"I am so sorry, Dave!"_

John honestly sounds upset, like he is disappointed in himself and didn't live up to his own standards.

"John, I'm so happy that you made me all of these, feels like my heart is about to burst."

John kissed Dave on the cheek as he grabbed his plate for him and hurried to grab everyone else's. You let out a silent gust of air from your gut when he leaves. 

You've known Dave to be very reserved at the table but he quietly and quickly blurted out, "I am so happy he only made five, I think my stomach is about to burst too."

"I think mine is already." Dr. Serket sounds like she is struggling. 

"Same here." You agree.

There was the scent of spice that filled the room. It was a tingly but still sugary sweet scent. Like allspice and caramel. The perfect scent for autumn. The cake was tall and thin, there was a tan cream lightly scraped across the cake with a caramel drizzle on top. There was one swirl of a carved apple on the very middle of the cake. It's seems to be an apple spice cake. John cut everyone a slice. This one was four layers instead of the usual three. He handed Dave a sliver and happily watched him eat. Dave finished his plate and turned back to face John, still standing behind him.

"That was amazing." Dave told him before he could ask.

"Which was your favorite so far?" John smiled at him as he started collecting the plates again.

"I can't even tell anymore. They are all so good. I think I like this one and the chocolate the best."

"For now." John sounded confident as he nodded with his eyes closed.

He took out the plates. He swiftly came back into the door frame shortly after. He was holding the cake outside of your vision, "I saved the best for last." Seems like John is most confident in this last one. John came in and set down the cake as he began to slice it, your eyes widened. It was a gorgeous apple cheesecake. There was a small thin layer of dark brown crushed cookies and a thick layer of white gelatin cream cheese cake. The very top there was a small layer of golden gelatin filled with small slivers of apple slices. The cake was nice and cool, John kept it cold in the refrigerator. When John cut it open there was a layer inside of diced baked apples. John poured Dave a glass of apple juice and asked everyone if they wanted anything to drink. Everyone instantly gestured they didn't need anymore. A different array of voices saying, "no. no. John, I am fine," each in their own way. Dave took a sip of his glass before gently scraping off a piece of his cake from the middle and taking a careful bite with the top layer, the cheese cake, the baked apple and the cookie bottom all in one. John looked nervous as he chewed it. Dave swallowed.

John nervously asked, "Did... do you like it?" 

Dave turned to answer, "It's perfect."

John smiled at him. He watched as he ate the rest clasping his hands in front of him and looking on with caring eyes. When you were all done John started collecting the plates again. When he got to yours you stood up to offer to help him with the dishes, "I'd love to help you with the dishes-"

"No." He denied you request to help him.

"No?" You ask him, in a tone that asks, ‘why?’

 John closes his eyes and whispers the words, "It is Labor Day."

No one says anything for a moment. Dave breaks the silence,

"What John is saying is, it is a holiday, he is the host. He is the Martha Stewart in this dojo." 

You aren't sure if that clears things up or just makes it more confusing.

"I will take care of everything," He took your plate and nodded at you, "just for today."

John grabbed all of the plates and silverware and put it quickly in the kitchen, as you all sat up to leave John came back in to thank you all, 

"I'm glad you all ate all of my Stupid Easter cakes. I'm really grateful that yo-"

"Nothing you made today was stupid." Dave interrupted him. "Everything you made today was some of the best food I've eaten in my entire life."

John looked surprised at that, his lips parted open as he loosely clasped onto his hands again. There was a glistening shine in his eyes, like they were beginning to water. There was something so hopeful and loving about his gaze but when he closed his lips, you noticed that there was something more. Something deeper to that look that you couldn't put your finger on.

* * *

You were panting. You’re completely exhausted. You thought that the two of them would want to spend the day together alone in bed. Nope. John was even more certain that he wanted you four together again. John seemed completely focused on getting all three of you to gang-bang Dave. 

Dave is panting even harder than you are. His mouth was wide open and he was struggling to open his eyes. His body was completely outstretched on the middle of the bed. His skin is completely red and blazing hot. Still John was cuddling up to him and resting his head on his chest. John shimmied Dave's legs closer together so you and Zahhak had more space. You didn't even know where Zahhak was right now. Nor could you bring yourself to focus. You were to busy getting pulled in by John to hold onto Dave. He wanted you to hug him. You felt a bit strange embracing someone's husband but John was so cheerful about it, "you earned that. You won, today." John slapped his husband's chest. Dave shivered at the hit.

Wait, Dave won? Was that part of the way they celebrate the holiday? John was the one who baked all of those cakes and he told Dave that he won? You don't understand how they decide who gets attention in bed and who doesn't, maybe they do this all the time... Now you think about it... well, you didn't notice that while you were at the table... but now it seems like they were going back and forth, like they were in a dance. John seemed very certain that he pleased Dave. The entire time that he stood around the table he sounded confident in himself... then Dave spoke up and defended John's cakes from his own husband and you saw that look that John had in response... that look that he wore... He was accepting defeat.

"Thank you, Travis." John directed his attention back to you. He smiled as he lifted up his arm to pull you into a hug. 

Zahhak came back into the room. He brought John a towel to clean Dave off with. 

 _"Thank you, sir."_ John apparently took a fancy to roleplay, something he doesn't do that often when you're around but when Zahhak is in the room he toys around with him. That's probably how he keeps him interested. You... yourself... you are much easier than that... they can just come up to you and ask nicely and you'd cave in... you need the work out anyway after all that cake. John finished up cleaning Dave and practically commanded you and Zahhak to, " _please spend the rest of the night with us_."

You can't say no to that.

You help John slide the covers from underneath Dave's partially unconscious body and spread the sheets over him. John snuggled up to his husband under the sheets. He picked off Dave's shades and took off his own eyewear. He handed you his glasses. You gladly put them next to the vase full of roses for him, afterwards you crawled into bed next to Dave. John pecked you on the cheek, then he kissed his husband's lips. When Zahhak clambered in behind John, John turned his head around and lifted his hand behind him to grabbed onto the Zahhak's face. He gave him a cheerful kiss on the chin and nestled himself up to Dave as Zahhak cuddled up to him.

The four of you all huddled together again for the night. You know in the morning that John is going to try to seduce you again, and probably succeed, you are actually looking forward to listening to the two of them talk again at sunrise. The two of them always pretend to bicker and playfully hit each other as they joke around with high-spirits. Every morning in their bed feels so warm and not just because of the combined body heat, the mornings are lively... hopeful and lively.

"SHIT!" Your eyes rip wide open at the sound of John yelling. "We didn't say what we loved about ourselves!"

Dave mutters for a bit before yawning and telling his husband, "I like that my eyes are different in a perfect way" Dave cuddles up to John, "like you always said."

"Unique is the word." John nodded. "I like that my eyes are a a romantic blue, just like _you_ always said."

"Man, we need to find something that we love about  _ourselves_ , not something that we love because we love each other."

"You mean something unique that we love about ourselves?" John asks his husband to clarify, "something that you love about yourself that I don't?"

"Yeah." Dave nodded. "Something like that."

"Impossible, I love everything about you." John nuzzled his face into his chest again.

"You said that sometimes you think my rapping is annoying, I love that I am a lyricist, a true fucking poet."

"I love that you think that." John laughed, "I'm joking, I'm joking. I love that you have something of your own... um... I guess I love that I read so much, I learned a lot though reading books... but I know that sometimes you wanted me to pay more attention to you then whatever I was reading, right?"

Dave covered his face to hide how flushed he was getting, "...yeah..." 

"I love that I can make your heart all mushy without _aaannny effort." John started poking his chest._

Dave gently swatted away his hand and he quickly rubbed his face with his hands and sniffled once. "Okay, on to the next one."

John slapped your chest with the back of his wrist. "You go." 

"Hu?" You point at your own chest, "me?"

"Go." Dave nodded.

"I love that... uh... I... I guess that I chose to be a lawyer to help others."

"That's a really good one." John patted your chest and then lightly slapped Zahhak's huge muscular arm. "You say one."

"I love that I was able to help protect the two of you." He holds onto John's waist.

"Well you still technically are." John looked up at him. 

"That doesn't count." Dave prods Zahhak to, "do another one."

"I love... well I work hard to have... muscles like this."

"Mmmm." John turned over to rub his face against one of Zahhaks upper arms. "That's a good one."

John kept rubbing his cheeks against Zahhak's muscles as Dave stretched his back and sighed. 

"You both have a cellphone?" Dave sat up.

"Uh...yeah?" You answer, looking over at Zahhak.

"Yes?" Zahhak returns your look and lowered his eyebrows in confusion. He looks back at Dave and says, "it's in my pants on the floor."

"Cool. I'm going to get 'em." Dave got up off the bed and started searching your pants first.

"What are you going to use them for?" John sounded just as confused as you two do.

Dave took out Zahhak's phone from his pants and held both of your black screens up in his hands. He lightly shook them as he answered John, "we can use them as stop watches."

 _"noooo."_   John gasps out the words like he is amazed.

"We're bringing it back." Dave holds up both of your phones.

"The Blow Job Derby!" John smiles up at Dave as he chooses to take one. He holds up the one he picked and turns to look at you and Zahhak, "whose phone is this?"

You limply raise your hand, you don't know how you feel about this, "mine." As John hands it back to you, you tell him, "I'm thinking of dipping out before your therapist comes by."

John looked a tiny bit disappointed, “If you really want to go, you can. Everyone else is probably already up. Just say that you wanted to check up on us because you heard a noise outside but it was the garbage truck and we ended up chatting or something…” He gave you a dejected sigh, smiled at you and shrugged.

“It _is_ garbage day.” You said to yourself. You asked them, “do you… do you boys tell white lies like this all the time?”

“Everyday.”

“Yeah, John's really good at playing people.” Dave was looking at you.

John shoved his husband. “Shut up!” He giggled, "maybe I just want to have a little secret. Have a little fun." He shimmyed his shoulders at Dave. 

"If that's what your lying for." Dave shrugs, "I just want cock."

"Oh, that too." John shoves his shoulder again, "-and it's a white lie, it's not even that bad. You know I don't actually like lying-lying."

"Sure you don't" Dave gave his husband a light smirk. He looked at you again, "you sure you want to go?" 

You take a moment to think, "so... it's like a race then..."

"To see who finishes first." John started snickering and then he tried to put on a straight face, "it'll be fun I promise."

"Well..." you give him a half smile. "If you promise..."

"Yes!" John flung himself into your arms. "Oh- I am going to win this."

 **"We'll see."** Dave put on a fake deep competitive voice, like he was the villain in some kind of show. He tossed a condom at his husband. John started laughing. Beaming and smiling.

"Winner should get something..." John said something, in his usually cheerful and sweet voice. 

"Loser does the next load of laundry." Dave sounds confident as John grabs his hand and shakes it firmly.

"Deal!"

"Too bad I'm about a minute away from getting a fucking mouthful of load."

 **"HA!"** John loudly laughed and slapped his own stomach. 

Well... you can stay for just a short while.

* * *

"What the fuck?" Dave is fiddling around with your phone. He just got done trying to use Zahhak's phone after he just finished him off. Dave won the little race the two of them had, much to your surprise and John's dismay. You sit up and look at Dave. He is laying down at the foot of the bed, his head and his arms hanging off of the bed as he is struggling to use it to search something online. He's covered in a sheet that he stole from the couch weeks ago. 

"Can't get a signal." You ask him. 

"We are in the middle of fucking nowhere." His voice is a bit hoarse but he still sounds fine for how much he just... best not to dwell on that at the moment. 

"Dave don't steal people's phones without permission!" His husband scolds him once he gets back from the bathroom. Zahhak and him just took a quick rinse together in the shower, you aren't sure how you feel about that but Dave seems perfectly fine with it. John continues, "you have to ask before you use other people's things!"

"Do either of you care?" Dave asks you both.

"Uh-" You shrug as Zahhak says, "not really." You talk over his words to admit, "no, I don't really care." 

"Well it is still rude." John takes your phone out of Dave's hands and gives it back to you. "Now you should get dressed, it's almost Serket o'clock."

* * *

You weren't going to spend another night but you could spare a few minutes in bed with the boys... and Zahhak... again. You already told John you aren't staying the night. You keep staring up at the ceiling as John and Dave start simmering down for the night, they were chatting it up. Sounding more like best friends then married lovers. 

"You know..." you join in there conversation. "I just realized... you two never had a bachelor party."

"Hu?" John lifted up his upper body to get a better look at you. You turn to face him. John looks down at Dave in between the two of you and then up at you again. "I guess, but... I'm not the party type anyway."

"Really, babe?" Dave puts his hand on John's waist. 

"I don't care for most music and I don't like crowds. I know that is a bit strange-"

"I don't think it's strange." You interrupt John without thinking. "I think it's a good thing you know what you like and what you don't." You place your hand on John's waist right next to his husbands and start gently rubbing him.

"Oh- you three are getting handsie again." John giggled to himself.

"Three?" You ask him. 

"Zahhak's having a little _too_ much fun with me back there."

"Oh, I apologize for-"

"No, I'm only teasing. I like it." John confirms that it's alright for you all, or rather... you both... John let's Dave do anything he wants to him at all times... you two... that's a different story. He's even slapped you once for kissing his neck to 'intimately.' If you ever start to get too for lack of a better term -seemingly romantic or intimate- he gets offended. You'd honestly  rather that he slap you then you do anything that he doesn't like, you even told him that. He hugged you for saying that, and uh... also paid you respects in... a more... passionate way... John's stretching out his back again as you three all caress him. 

"Okay," he says to you specially, "now I'm interested... what do you do exactly at bachelor parties."

"Well... I think first thing is you two would each have your own."

"sounds like a waste." John tilted his head more into the pillow. "We do everything together." John nuzzles into Dave's neck and rubs his face into his husband's chest.

You continue to tell him, "people drink-"

"Ugh." John sounds repulsed by that, "I hate alcohol."

"You do, babe?" Dave sounds a bit worried about that. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's like... I just grew to hate it over time... I think I only really started to despise it before I ran out."

"Oh..." Dave sounds a bit dejected to you. "I guess I should stop drinking anyway." 

"That's good, Dave! I'm proud of you!" John kissed Dave on the lips. "You only drank because you were stressed and sad though." The way John says the words so sweetly that he's down right cute. "Neither of us  _need_ to drink but special occasions are... okay I guess..." John sounds like he's talking more to himself then to any of you. "I would consider it... if you'd take me out somewhere and got me something..." He seemed entranced with the idea of Dave taking him out on a date. He's covering his lip with the tips of two of his fingers, he's turning slightly flushed. "Uh- what else do people do at bachelor parties?"

"People." Dave closed his mouth as quickly as he opened it.

"If it's a fuckfest then I really wish that we could have had one." John sighs.

You speak up, "well I wouldn't say th-"

John interrupts you, he wasn't done with his thought. "Imagine, several guys pounding into us both as we suck their cocks." John sounds like he has stars in his eyes as he clasps his hands together. "Both of us getting gangbanged at once, shit, that makes me wish that we had another single guy in the house."

"I don't think their is anyone left, babe." Dave started listing the other men that could be in the house, "Captor, Karter. They are both taken." You're glad that apparently they have a standard of not seducing men who are in a relationship... if they didn't have that then other spoken-for-men would be... well, in a lot of trouble...

"Yeah... and it fucking sucks!" John lifts up one of his fists into the air. "We need more men!" 

"We don't have any more room in our bed, John." Dave pats his waist gently a few times. "Plus, if we had another man in the house that we could fuck then we'd just argue over who gets to be spit roasted."

"Me, obviously." John said in a tone that sounded like he was only half-joking. "I think I deserve the attention." 

"Oh?" Dave asks him, "this is about craving attention now? You have three men feeling you up at this very moment, John."

"No, Dave." John giggled and pressed a finger up to Dave's nose. "I just want to feel better, and men treating me all nice and listening to me makes me feel so good." He dropped his usual sweet voice for a deeper one that he seemly forced himself to have, "I know for you this is fun cause you're a horny slut." John dropped his facade and started giggling again. Actually, genuinely giggling. 

"I feel the same way you do... replacing bad memories with the good ones. That's the perfect way to put it, babe."

"But you are a horny slut, poor me. I have such a cock hungry husband. I just don't know what to do with him... I guess he needs another round."

"So what's the plan?" Dave just comes out and casually asks him.

"Two of us stay face-to-face while these two fuck us in their laps and we makeout."

"That sounds pretty romantic for you." Dave points out.

"That's because it's for you."

* * *

Next day you felt completely exhausted. Dave made all three of you go wild on John because he was being romantic. You're glad they are getting so well along again and that they are happy but when John tugs at Dave's heart strings the boys wear you out. 

Everyone in the house was watching television after dinner and coffee again. Both of the boys were sitting in the middle of the largest couch covered in a blanket. You were on Dave's right, Zahhak on John's left. Wasn't your decision to sit here, somehow the boys set up the seating like this. It was starting to get late, you were yawning and stretching out your arms. When you put your arm back down Dave took your hand and dragged it under the sheet. He wanted you to put your hand on his thigh. You could handle that but if he pushes for more, you're getting up. A new episode of a show just started. A woman hosting the show came onto the screen in a black room as she introduced the show. 

"One of the most notable crime scenes in America. Rumored to be the most haunted building in Houston." The screen changed to film her from a different angle, she turned her head to speak into the other camera, "with over 400 individual victims, many of which have not yet been identified. The Strider home-"

"Is that what they're calling it now?" Dave jokes to himself.

"Whoa..." John across the couch sounds concerned, "what if... what if it was haunted?"

"There's no such thing as ghosts, babe."

"What if it was though?"

"On the off chance that ghost were hanging around, I doubt they would haunt us." Dave leans in to whisper to John, "they wouldn't want to stick around to listen to me rap about my dick."

John lowers his voice and tells him, "I stuck around for that." 

Dave lightly slaps his chest and snickers.

They look back at the screen, John smiles as he picks up the remote on his lap, "let's watch something else." He muttered to himself under his breath, "I don't want to get fucking nightmares."

You kept watching tv with them, John's dad wanted to turn in for the night. Dr. Serket followed. You were going to get up too but Dave started rubbing your hand that's on his thigh. "If you all want to keep watching I think I'll stay." You mainly ask Zahhak, he's the one who is -supposed to be- sleeping on the couch.

Zahhak answers you, "I'd like to watch some more as well."

When everyone went upstairs John started giggling and fiddling around with Zahhak's pecs. He started feeling up his chest as he put on the voice he usual uses on him in bed, "I just had a scary thought... What if ghosts are real... oh sir... you have to protect me." He leaned into his chest.

Dave laughs once out of his nose.

"Hey," John turned to face his husband, "don't laugh I'm really creeped out right now."

"You are?" Dave started feeling up John's thigh with his free hand. "I guess you're going to need all the comfort you can get."

John gave Dave a few light nods of his head as his pretend-scared pout turned into a sly smile. Dave leaned into his husband's shoulder to whisper something. You probably shouldn't have strained yourself to over hear, if they were whispering then it was meant to be private... still you heard John say, "Zahhak and I double-stuff your ass like an oreo while you suck Nitram off like you're bobbing for apples."

John spoke in a low whisper, "wrap your hands around my throat and roast me like a fucking pig."

"Choice." Dave pulled away from his hushed conversation.

John yawned and Dave mimicked his action, stretching out his arms then resting his arm around John's shoulders. John giggled at that. 

Didn't take that much effort for the two of them to get you into their bed. The boys loved pointing out that you are a lawyer everynight and that Zahhak was a police officer. They would playfully toy around and say that they are seducing you for the fun of it but they actually do seem much happier during the day after they spent the night with the two of you. You suppose they find joy in giving others joy. They treat each other very well... Still... Dave usually chokes John to finish him off every night, part of you thinks that should scare you but... it doesn't. John likes to beg Dave to do it and they both always seem so pleased afterwards. John and Dave slept in the middle of the bed and held onto each other as they were sandwiched between you and Zahhak again. Dave drags your arm up so you hold onto him as he slept. You let in a deep breath and calmly sighed. You think you can spend the rest of the night again. 

* * *

In the morning you were the first one out. You helped John's dad set up the table, you put out the dishes and the silver wear, as Dr. Serket filled everyone's glasses and filled some mugs with coffee. Dr. Serket was very partial to tea herself, so she fixed herself some lavender tea instead as she waited for Zahhak and the boys to come to the table. Zahhak was actually working out in the office again, he came in later then the boys. John offered that he could use his shower again if he'd show him a few more moves for fun. Of course only two bystanders at that table didn't understand John's secret code. 

"I don't want to learn anything to rough right now though, I'm starting to get a headache again."

"Drink more water, babe." Dave automatically reached for the water pitcher and filled his glass. "I'll get you some gatorade out of the fridge after breakfast."

"Thank you." John didn't look at Dave, he just took the glass and lightly sipped some.

Zahhak stood up at the table, "I can get you another ice pack."

"That's fine, I'm-" Before John could finish, Zahhak was already in the kitchen.

You stood up yourself and followed. You went into the cupboards to bring John the Ibuprofen. You left before Zahhak could finish packing the bag of ice from the fridge. 

"Here, John." You opened the bottle for him and started tapping out pills into the cap. Several blue gel capsules fell into the white lid. You pinched two out and handed it to John. 

"Thank you." He took the pills and downed them with water. Once again, he didn't look at you. He remained focused on the plate in front of him and his glass of water.

Zahhak came in from the kitchen and brought John an ice pack. He placed it against John's forehead and John lightly placed his hand over his to continue holding it up. Before you could leave to put the bottle away Dave asks,

"can I have two? I'm starting to get a headache too." 

As soon as you re-open the cap John moved his ice pack over to Dave's forehead and held it up as he leaned into look at his face, "are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. It's just a headache, babe. It's not even that bad."

"You always ignore these things till they get worse. Take my icepack."

"No, I'm willing to bet you need it more then me."

"I can make you another one." Zahhak went into the kitchen.

"No- I'll make it." John put the bag in his husband's hand. "I need to get another glass anyway." John pointed at Dave, "I'm making you drink some orange juice, you need more vitamin C." John made his way to the doorframe as he said, "and we're both going to share a cup of coffee today. My headache starting to split my freaking head open." 

* * *

After several more days, and then several more, of spending nights on-and-off with the boys you are starting to feel worn out. You let John know that in the morning. Zahhak seemed more than happy to be picking up your supposed 'slack' for the days were you are too tired to manage taking any more... and your legs have been so numb lately, so numb. You manage to find another white lie about being restless, everyone knows that you're the anxious type so when Dr. Serket found you reading in the office she wasn't very much surprised. 

You all ate another round of breakfast. John was cracking jokes at Dave, each one made him laugh, no matter how cheesy they were. Zahhak also seemed to find John's jokes amusing. He was smiling and chuckling along with the two of them. Dr. Serket seemed delighted that everyone at the table was doing so well of late. You were happy for the boys too. They seemed to be doing so much better. The water at the table was running low so John sat up to grab the pitcher. Zahhak grabbed it before he could, "I'll go refill this."

"No, that's fine, Equius." John only seemed to use his nickname at the table. "I need to grab some guac anyway to make another breakfast sandwich... would you like one?"

"I'd love one." Zahhak was still holding onto the water pitcher as he sat up, "I can still refill this for the table and get you your food."

"You know I can do things for myself." John gave him a slight pout.

"I am well aware, we all are, I just enjoy helping out around the house."

John gets up, "getting food out of the fridge doesn't count as helping out around the house. Plus, I should use a cutting board anyway." John grabbed three croissants and asked the table if anyone wants him to cut more. You all said no. John was apparently making one for his husband regardless.

The table kept talking about current events and what Dr. Serket's been reading lately. Dave seemed interested in your conversation despite not joining in. He's a bit of a wallflower, there isn't any shame in that. When John came back with the sliced and prepped croissants he was looking behind him into the kitchen and smiling. He started making Zahhak, himself and his husband sandwiches using different ingredients for each one. Zahhak came back in time to watch John reach all around the table to grab somethings for the sandwiches; omelettes, runny eggs, bacon, and for some reason Dave enjoyed his with diced breakfast potatoes. Zahhak watched intently as John put together each one, happily humming to himself and smiling down at the table as he worked. Zahhak watched him with a dazed expression. You turn to face Zahhak and ask him,

"You feeling alright, Officer Zahhak?"

"I'm fairing fine. I was just thinking about work," He looks back at you. "I apologize for zoning out."

"No, that's alright." You tell him. "I've been thinking about the calls I have to make later today too."

"Would it be alright if I used the phone line first?" Officer Zahhak asks you. "I need to make a few calls after breakfast."

"You always stay on hold for so long," John pointed out, "would it be alright if I could talk to you more while you're waiting?" 

"That would be wonderful, John." Zahhak gave him a warm smile.

Later in the day you help John's dad with the dishes as he prepared dinner. Mr. Egbert is making several side dishes to go along with the steamed ham. You've just been cleaning up after him in the kitchen to make things run smoother for him. He usually fills up the sink fast with how much he usually makes. However, today he's reusing old sides from nights before and finding a way to recycle the leftovers into something new before they go bad. He wants to use up the mini potatoes in the fridge before they start sprouting and he is about to ask John how he wants them prepared. 

You tell him as you dry off your hands. "I can ask him for you."

"No, thank you." He's already heading out the door way and into the hall. "I think I need a moment away from the stove."

"Oh, uh- I'll walk with you then." You join him as he walks towards the office.

"-s a work around." You can hear John's giggles from the hall so you walk a bit ahead.

 _"-nooo,"_   you hear John's voice echo in the halls, along with his giggles. "I  _am_  married, you know."  

You weren't exactly sure what they were doing but you know that they needed the heads up,

"John. Your father and I would like to know if you think the potatoes would be better baked or boiled."

You made it to the doorway before John's father did. John looked like he just quickly stood up and he adjusted himself to look like he was leaning against the desk the whole time. "Boiled."

John's father walked up behind you.

The very middle of John's lips are temporarily dyed blue from some kind of raspberry candy. He clearly didn't have anything in his mouth or anything in his hands. Your palms start to sweat.

"What where you two talking about?" John's dad was smiling when he asked but you can tell there's a bit of concern in his tone of voice.

"Nothing much, just small talk." John promptly answered. "Did you guys know Zahhak moved to Texas with Natalie?"

"No, son. I didn't." John's dad turned his attention to Zahhak, "you two are **that** close... are you?"

"Childhood friends." John answered for Zahhak. John pretends that he hears a voice on the phone line. "Oh- I guess we'll leave you alone then." John sits up and walks out to the doorway with you. Mr. Egbert stays a bit behind for a second. John noticed that his dad is lingering outside the office's doorway as Zahhak pretends to talk to someone on the line.

"Dad, do you need more help in the kitchen?" John asked his father.

"No, son. I am fine." Mr. Egbert starts walking ahead of the two of you. "Nitram's help is enough."

"I guess I'll go back to my room." John stretches out his back.

"...time for more 'hip beats' and 'sick rhymes.'" John muttered to himself, and then hummed out a sigh as he trailed back to his room.

You went back to the kitchen and washed a few more cutting boards and knives for Mr. Egbert. Soon after you got back Dave walked in to grab some soda from the fridge.

"Hi, son." Mr. Egbert happily greeted him, "how've you been doing today?"

"Good, thanks for asking." Dave replies to him as he opens up the bottles lid. "Finally got John to listen to one of my freestyles I've been working on."

"That's nice, son." He says the words in that tone of voice that parents use when they aren't really listening. "Say, how have you and John been doing lately?"

"Good."

"I mean the two of you are usually inseparable, but lately it seems like you two have been doing things on your own."

"Oh yeah, we've been working on being apart lately."

"That's good." Mr. Egbert quickly corrects himself, "I meant, that it's good that the two of you are happy on your own, I'm proud that you two have been working on that." 

"Thanks." Dave was about to head out. "B-"

"Have you noticed that Zahhak and John are pretty close?" Mr. Egbert asked him. "They spend a lot of time together don't they, Dave?"

"Oh- yeah." Dave sounded a bit happy about that even for how monotone he usually is, "John's been talking to him a lot about boxing and his job."

"Yes, I've noticed." Mr. Egbert didn't sound quite as happy. "How would you say... you feel about that?"

"I see what you're saying." Dave nodded. He was wearing shades but you felt like his eyes were closed as he nodded. "I'm really happy that John has more friends in his life that aren't me, I've always wanted him to go out and make other people happy. Not just me. So no, I'm not jealous he has another friend... you don't have to be worried about me."

"You know I worry because I consider you family." Mr. Egbert has Dave's best interest in mind from his perspective. He's just being a good father. 

"Well, don't worry about that." Dave takes a small bottle of sprite with him as he leaves the kitchen. "Bye, guys."

"Goodbye." You wave Dave off with one of your pruned up hands.

"Bye, son." Mr. Egbert seems content with that, for now at least.

After you all ate dinner John brought out slices of cuatro leches he made for everyone. He also got Dave a glass of apple juice and left the room to bring Zahhak a glass of milk. Apparently he picked up on the fact that Zahhak loved the stuff and told him that he would love what he baked today. He patted his shoulder after he set down the glass for him and returned back to his husband's side. You could still feel Mr. Egbert's contempt for the situation. He wasn't sure exactly what was going on but he was starting to pick up on it.

After dessert you all agreed to play a board game together at the table. John was picking out one out of the wooden cupboards that was on the ground. Zahhak is leaning a little bit back to get a better look at John as he bends over. You move your face in front of him, "Officer Zahhak, um... _how are things going..."_  -you quickly think of something to say-"back at the station?" You quickly nodded. That's good enough. "I'm sure everything must be hectic."

"Oh, the stations been in a state of disarray of late, yes. It's been difficult to get anyone on the line. I'm very glad I agreed to come here, I needed the breather from all of that stress."

"It's like a vacation, isn't it?" John put the cardboard box down on the table and looks sweetly up at Zahhak. 

"Well I am still working."

"Yeah well." John shrugs as he takes his seat next to Dave. "Still."

Dave whispers something into John's ear. John lets out a snicker as he covers his mouth. He laughs out of his nose, then moves his hand from his face to shove his husband. He looks back to Zahhak again and slowly drops his smile as he looks back down at the table.

Throughout the start of the game John was cracking jokes with Dave and telling him about more board games that he hasn't had the chance to play yet. John keeps making eyes at Zahhak, giving him a different series of smiles and occasional sly leers. Dr. Serket just finished her turn, now it's yours. As you take your time on your turn you look up at Mr. Egbert, who is intently watching Zahhak and then looking back at his son. He is sitting right in the middle of them and he can clearly tell that there is something else going on in between the two of them.

John must be in another one of his moods again, he won't stop giggling. John is gently bouncing up and down in his chair and twirling Dave's hair. At least he's putting in the effort to making it look like he is titillated by his husband. John keeps toying around by rubbing the tips of his fingers along the tops of the miniature houses. It's obvious to anyone looking that he's fixated on carnal knowledge and damn he knows all about it. His hands are so soft, you know just how soft, nealy velvet to the touch. His fingers are so alluring with the way that he's counting his money by moving his thumb back and forth... the way that he is smiling with his eyes at the paper money. The light, airy way he blinks.... The occasional way that he lightly grazes his coal black hair. The way he's holding himself you can feel his intentions deep inside of your gut and- you shoot up and straighten your back. You can't let yourself slip too.

John isn't just a flirt when he wants some physical attention, his entire presence turns into a one man act, a performance, a dance. Something that is so captivating he will lure you instantly in with his charm. It's an actual strain to break away from the natural bouncy, giggly, aura of John Egbert when he is filled with passion. His light-pink nails lightly tapped against his hot roseate lips. His smooth, tight, white shirt tightly forced up against his chest and probably his slim waist, you don't know you can't see. But you can picture it. His waist that dips so suddenly and so swiftly, curves acting as handlebars, so tangible yet so out of reach at the moment. His glossy blue eyes are filled with an aching desire, leading the man sitting across from him into his room at this very moment, when his door might not be open until late into the night. The cool glossy chestnut table against his soft, bright, feverishly pink skin.

He's already hard under the table.

You can just feel it in your gut.

Your palms are starting to sweet. You swallow down some spit as your adam's apple bounces. 

He is dragging out the worst in you right now. You can see that in the way Zahhak and Dave are looking at him too. John just lightly grazed his lips with the tip of one of his delicate fingers. John is sending out his usual aura of temptation. The air in the room is so thick with his hidden lust, it was only revealed to you the moment he lightly grazed your hands to take a bottle of hot sauce. Now you can't hope to resist him unless you are worn out from the nights and mornings before, and you are so worn out... It's honestly painful to look at him because he's a challenge to resist... _He's built like a woman._

Even when you look away and decide against following John's appetite, you still need to labor to refuse him. Even with your eyes closed the air isn't just carrying John's lust, it's amplifying it. His aura is toying around with the libidos of all the men that he wants. You look back at him, it is still his turn. John is mindlessly rubbing his index finger underneath his bottom lip as he's thinking what to do for his turn. He quickly finishes once he made his decision. You aren't sure why he had to think so long about it. He is already winning, but that's probably why... once John makes a move he's already won, no matter how long the game is... maybe that's what makes him so irresistible to all of the men not related to him by blood. Dave is struggling to focus on the game. He's completely focused on wherever John's hands lead him to look. John notices so he points down at his paper and explains how to play the game better, giving him tips and pointers. Dave seems completely stiff, in more ways than one. You're hoping that you don't come off the same at the moment. You calm yourself by focusing on the game and engaging in conversation with Dr. Serket. Occasionally you invite Zahhak into the topic you two are on to break him away from his trance. You smile from how joyful the table is when you aren't lured in by John. You look back at Mr. Egbert during his turn. His eyes are slightly narrowed at the man next to you. He looks back at his son again who is cheerfully looking up at the ceiling, lightly rubbing his finger up and down his light blue stack of 10s. Seemingly mindlessly stroking the paper with the very tip of his finger. He breaks his mindless gaze to ask Zahhak directly, "whose turn is it?" 

Zahhak perks up a bit and coughs once to answer, "your father's."

"Ohhh, I better get started on mine then..." John smiled slightly at Zahhak before breaking his attention back to the money that he was stroking. Counting it once again and staring at the bundle of paper with confidence.

You look back at John's father, he looks like he is simmering with rage.

He must think that Zahhak and John are... having a secret affair. He's damn sure that John is sleeping with Zahhak. It's hard to believe that would be true, if you weren't a part of the situation, John did so much for Dave. The thought would never cross your mind that John would ever go behind Dave's back. You are hoping that John's dad will just settle down and think that John's demeanor is for his husband... still the way John is straightening out the blue paper money and then tapping the very top with the tip of his index finger. It's an unmistakable dance. The gesture is so clear. John's dad is just reading what his son has been doing for days, weeks and now months... 

You continue to help John's dad and Dr. Serket put away the game and wash the dishes. You are drying and putting each one away as Mr. Egbert builds himself up. Eventually he just comes out and asks her, "did you see how John was acting at the table?"

"What do you mean?" She tilted her head, her hands are still stuck in the water of the sink as she is wiping down a pan. She stops scrubbing to look up and towards him, "oh... now... Mr. Egbert... John's behavior towards Dave is-"

"I meant the way he was acting around Zahhak."

She takes a moment. She reels back her head a little bit. She has nothing to say to that. She looks back down into the sink. You can see half of her face from where you are standing, the corner of her mouth is pulled back. You can see the front row of her teeth. The skin around her nose is pulled up. She turns to look back at him, for a long while she lingers on the first syllable of the word, _**"-what?"**_

"I think that my son and Zahhak are... seeing each other."

 _"Why?"_   She sounds a bit offended. You have no idea how she isn't seeing this... maybe it's because she isn't looking... or because she doesn't want to see.

"I overheard John giggling and saying something about 'being married' he sounded like he was doing something he knows he wasn't supposed to... listen... doctor... I just wanted to know if you've noticed anything."

"No, I think John is just a bit... _flirtatious._.. because he's excited to have a honeymoon with Dave." Dr. Serket awkwardly smiles as she tilts her head down towards the sink. Her short black hair moving down and then to the side as she turns to face the sink again. She presses her blue and white cat-eye glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"It seemed like John was flirting with Zahhak to me," John's dad confessed, "and Zahhak was so clearly interested in him." John's dad just turned around to ask you. "You saw it to didn't you?"

You say what you thought earlier, "I don't think that John would go through all of that for Dave... uh... just to... go behind his back. It never crossed my mind that your son would cheat on his husband."

That is technically the truth. 

Mr. Egbert turns back to face the sink.

"It's still clear to me that Zahhak is interested in John." Mr. Egbert sounds like he is covering up how furious he is with him. "I don't like the way he looks at my son."

"Well..." Dr. Serket is handing you the pan she just finished scrubbing. "I can speak with him tomorrow if you are concerned."

"I would appreciate that," he took her up on that offer, "thank you."

John's dad was starting to pick up on what's been going on between all four of you... Something you are going to warn John about as soon as you get a chance.

When you finished up you joined the boys and Zahhak in the living room, once again you walked ahead. You could hear John's giggles. You walk in through the threshold and tell them, "we finished up in the kitchen," you quickly gesture with your hands that John needs to stop feeling up Zahhak's chest, "uh-what are you all watching?" You quickly put down your hands before Dr. Serket can walk in. John moves his hands over to his husband's chest. Dave patted the seat and gestured for you to take your seat as he told you, "storm chasers. Tornadoes and shit." 

John's dad walked in, he didn't look to happy that his son was pressed up against Zahhak's rather large, muscular arm. He kept his eyes fixed on Zahhak instead of on the tv. Something that John noticed, "something up, dad?" 

"No. Son." Mr. Egbert still sounds a bit enraged. "I'm sorry I was staring, I'm just happy that you are so happy, along with **your husband."**

"Awww..." John pulled Dave into a hug. He picked up on his dad's tone, "yeah, we've been almost inseparable... it's hard to pull away from him... but we've got to work on it."

"What have you been doing in the meantime, son?"

"Reading for the most part," John replied, "therapy sessions, Zahhak teaching me about self-defense-"

"Yes and how is that going?" John's dad interrupted his son.

"Zahhak has some weights but they are all to heavy for me to really use. He taught me a few things about his routine. Right now though I'm reading a science fiction novel, I'm really surprised that they had something like that in here." 

"Is it good?" Dave asked.

"No." John answered, he started talking to Dave instead, "but I read everything to the end."

"So even if you don't like something you still push through it? Just like my rhymes?"

"I love your _rhymes!"_   John was snapping his fingers as he mocked Dave "-and your sick funky beats that all the cool, hip kids love." 

Zahhak was looking down kindly at John as he lightly laughed at the younger man's joke. Dave lightly shoved John and he pushed his husband into Zahhak's chest. John sat back up as Zahhak helped him straighten himself out with one of his hands. He held onto his upper arm and rubbed it gently. He let go of him as John kept joshing around with Dave during the commercial break. 

John's dad and Dr. Serket decided to turn it in for the night. Mr. Egbert narrowed his gaze at Zahhak before he left the room, Equius didn't seem to notice. You told everyone left on the couch that John's dad thinks he's having an affair after he heard John giggling with Zahhak and after he saw that John's lips were blue from candy. When you gestured to your own face to illustrate your point, John bursted out laughing. 

"It's not funny, babe." Dave sounded a slight bit downtraut, "your dad is like... concerned for me."

"Well, just come in late tonight Zahhak and we'll fool around for a little then you go back and sleep on the couch." He lightly moved his head back and forth as he stared at Dave, "we'll start being careful, if you're so worried..." -he starts addressing you again- "but I'm sure we won't get caught. I've been eating candy all the time and I'm sure my dad didn't notice the lollipop in Officer Zahhak's mouth." John was patting Zahhak's chest. "We'll all be fine if we just lay low for a while." He smiled at you and then glared at Zahhak, as he smacked the officer's chest with the back of his hand, "that means stop gawking at my ass."

"Not easy, why do you think I'm always wearing shades." Dave replies.

John laughed hard at that as he slapped his shoulder to try to steady himself. He thought that was hilarious enough to wheeze at. You smile at how hard he laughed at Dave's little comment. 

"Why are you laughing," Dave asks his husband, "it's true?" 

He got a laugh out of you too. "Still... John he noticed that you were flirting with Zahhak at the table... I think you need to settle down a bit."

"Okay... _sooometimeees_... I don't exactly mean to be so flirtatious. Sometimes I just look a certain way and I don't even notice it..." John got up from his seat and walked over to you, "and I like looking pretty and cute for nice men who deserve it." John slid his hands past your head and rested his arms on your neck. "If you don't want to join us tonight that's more than fine, but you know I can't help myself when I'm in a room with men that I know have thick, fucking cocks." 

You shiver a bit. 

"Don't think I didn't notice you making eyes at me too," John is talking down at youm "you were practically ready to jump me, all three of you were. You poor things... must have been so hard on you..." he grinded up once against your lap, "just like you're all fucking hard for me." 

"You're enjoying this a little too much." Dave snickered a laugh out of his nose. 

"I'm horny, Dave! I told you I wanted to fuck and you ignored me for your raps!"

"John, you know I need a break sometimes too, Nitram isn't the only one whose getting worn out from your ass you know?"

"I am well aware... and that's why I let you take a break." John smiles with his eyes again, and looks back down at you. "What would the two of us do if we didn't have such nice guys to help us out?"

"Then you'd have to start topping me again. And make it last, just like you promis-" 

John slapped Dave's arm. Dave let out a little, "owwww."

"Don't be a baby." John is still bouncing up and down on your lap. 

"Hey, uh- John... I think we should _all_ just... calm down and not... flirt so much in the open."

"If I didn't play these games with you then you wouldn't walk into my room."

_'the lions den.'_

John yawned as he climbed off of you. Stretching out his back and lifting his arms above his head. "Come on, Dave." He put down his arms and started walking out of the room.

"Let's fool around until Zahhak comes in. I'm going to trace my fingers along your cock like I did to that card you were holding. -and god, your hands were so sweaty and you were shaking..." He's addressing all three of you now. "Seriously? What is it about my hands that got all of you guys going?"

"They're soft." Dave answered what you were thinking. He sat up and stretched out his back too, neither of those boys put any effort into hiding their erections once they sat up, "you're just going to be teasing me for hours, aren't you?"

"Only if you treat me fucking **bad** in between."

"Maybe I should finally get around to smacking you around with the blunt end of my katana."

"-ahhahaha-" John seemed inhamered with Dave again. He waved you goodnight and then looked at Zahhak, _"I'll see you soon, officer."_

You decided to slowly make your way up the stairs. You need a breather. Part of you is thankful that John respected that you don't want to be seduced today, if he would have asked you to spend the night you would have jump at the chance... so of course the primal part of you wishes that John would have invited you to grab him by the waist and drive into him- you take a deep breath and slowly blow it out of your mouth. John didn't even mean to snatch you up, you were caught in the crossfires. You think you're going to need to take a quick shower before you can get to bed.


	107. Irresistible

Nitram's on the bleachers, he's not spending the night with you, said he's to worn out... something about that makes you proud... not only that, you're also glad he's taking the night off because you want to stop practicing having vanilla sex for a bit and fuck **hard** again. The waste bin on the other side of the room is half-filled with condoms and tissues. No wonder nearly everyone has been bitching and moaning that you're just _too fucking good_  to resist. You shiver as Zahhak pounds into you.You jolt and moan as Dave gives your back another lash with Zahhak's belt. _"-ahhaha- I am shitty and broken."_ You look at nothing with half-lit eyes and a happy open-mouth smile. 

Zahhak and Dave both got you to cum again, you are both working on Dave now. You were giggling at how he would pound Dave and then randomly stop, each time Dave would grunt out in anguish. Zahhak liked teasing him with you. You starting doing things like this the day you had a headache and you decided tonight's a good night to torture Dave. Serves him right for poking fun at you. You're pumping Dave’s cock as fast as you can and suddenly you let go. 

Dave grunted after you dropped his cock like a used napkin. You suck on your tongue and look down at him, his perfect red-eyes filled with struggle, he must feel so exposed without his shades. 

 _“You want to finish?”_ You tease him. You're sucking on your little light-blue cotton candy  lollipop and with your other hand your lightly tracing your finger tip along the skin on his abdomen right above his fucking rock hard cock.

“Yes!” Your husband grunted out.

_“But I don’t want to stop playing with you.... unless… hmm... can you promise to scream when you cum?”_

Zahhak started pounding him again, so you grab onto his cock and ask,

_“You gonna scream?”_

“I’m close!” Dave grunted.

_“Promise you’ll scream!”_

_“ **AH** -haohmm.”_

_“He’s fucked stupid again. You’re so good, Mr. Policeman!”_

You heard a knocking at the door. “NOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE!?!”

 _‘Shit shit shit!’_ It’s your dad!

“ZAHHAK YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO GET OUT HERE!”

“He’s just showing us some boxing moves again, dad!”

 **“At Four In The Morning!?"** He yelled.

"Uh.. Yes!" Shit! You should have thought through that more. You panicked! You can't weezle your way out of this... still you try. "Couldn't sleep!"

"Then can I come in!?” He started turning the door handle.

 **“NO!NO!NO!”** All three of you were yelling.

**“FIVE. MINUTES.”**

As shocked as you all where you managed to convince Zahhak to just finish fucking your husband. Dave came hard in the process. You rushed to put on your clothes and you picked up Dave’s stuff from the floor and helped him in it. You lightly slapped your husband's face to snap him out of it. You told Zahhak not to say anything about the kit. Your dad would freak completely out on all three of you and you would  **never** forgive him for telling your dad about _**that**._ When all three of you were dressed you went out and looked for your dad. He was sitting down in the dining room glaring at Zahhak. You gave him an awkward smile, blue from your raspberry lollipop. Traces of candy smeared on your lips and sweat still trickling down from your forehead. You awkwardly laugh, “I can explain.”

“No.” Your dad was still glaring at Zahhak, “This conversation is just between the two of us.”

Your dad gestures to the seat in front of him. "Take a seat. Mr. Policeman." You wince. 

* * *

“Boys, I’m sorry to tell you this… but your father… is going to make arrangements for me to leave.” Zahhak met with the two of you in the living room after your dad chewed him out in the dining room. You heard your dad yelling from down the hall. You could hardly hear any of it but you know that he's getting an earful. You both stood up and walked over to great him. 

“Noooo!” You whined. You moved to stand in front of him, “noooo, we’ll miss you so much!”

“I’m sorry, man." Dave apologized. "We didn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“…It’s my fault anyway,” Zahhak huffed out a light sigh.

“How is it your fault?” Dave wasn't sure what he was getting at. 

“I knew this was wrong in the first place and I still went along with it.”

“Don’t talk like that!" You place your hands on his chest. "It felt really good and it made us really, really happy. _You were protecting aannd **serving** us and Mr. Policeman… we can still play around until you have to go… It’s going to be so lonely in this house without you and I want to send you off with a proper goodbye. How about I do that thing with my hands _ _you like? Then y_ _ou can fuck me standing up while I talk down on you again. You want Dave to give you some head in the morning? That sound fun?" You hum and then giggle for him, just like he likes._

"Listen-" Zahhak is trying to talk you down. 

 _"Come on... Just one more night can't hurt." -_ You giggle at him-  _"as a special treat, I'll say **anything** you want to hear... What was it you wanted me to say, that I was your...? hmmm, can't recall... _you'll have to remind me on my bedroom floor."

 **“Absolutely not!” _‘Shit!’_**   Your dad was fuming, barking at Zahhak. He stomped in the room with Dr. Serket trailing behind him. "IS **THIS** WHAT YOU DID BEHIND CLOSED DOORS  **WITH MY SON!?"**

_**'UGH!** How much of that did he hear?!'_

He took another breath to speak- Dr. Serket interjected before your dad could say anything else, “Boys. Officer Zahhak is on duty, you both are putting his job in jeopardy.”

“Yes, and I ** _will_** be speaking to the sheriff about this.” Your dad stuck a finger up at him.

“Don’t do that dad… it was my fault.. I uh..” You needed to defend him, you don’t want him to lose his job over this. “Guys, is it that hard to believe I can seduce like any man? That’s kind of the reason we are here in the first place.”

“Speaking of which," your dad asserted that, "Nitram is leaving as well.”

“I-" You couldn't find the words to argue against it. You sigh and turn your head. You hope you just come off annoyed that your dad is yelling at you. 

“I should have known Zahhak's been... **'spending nights'** with you." Your dad was really not happy right now. "He's always taking **showers** in your room." He's pissed about that. "Half the time I don't see him sleeping on the couch."

 _“Ugh…”_ you planted your palm into your face, _‘Zahhak should have slept outside.’_

You shouldn't have fucked Dave for so long either... you just wanted to torment him for playing hard to get...

 **“Did you have protected sex!?”**  

_'Really!? This right now!? Ugh!'_

“Yes! Dad! He had condoms!  **Happy!?** ”

“Boys! I am not happy with either of you!”

“It’s just… Dr. Serket,” If she’s here you might as well talk to her, “you know how difficult it can be for-"

“That is no excuse for your behavior! You both are married so I’ve been looking the other way for the sex that you two have together, but John, I expected that you teach Dave about civilized, normal life **and you sleep with a police officer!?”**

“We’re sorry, Mr. Egbert.” Dave just caved in. “Sorry, Officer Zahhak.”

“Why are you apologizing to **him!?”**  Your dad chewed out your husband.

Dave said nothing to that. You spoke up on your own behalf,

“I am an adult, dad.”

“John.” Your husband tries to get you to back down, “your dad has a point about-"

“It was _my_ choice.” You interrupted him. “When we slept with Zahhak it felt like it was sticking it to the guy who fucked us over- I’ve been so stressed, but these past couple of weeks I’ve actually been laughing at the memory of that awful man. He would have been so angry to know I’m willing to sleep with a man I don’t love with Dave for… well for fun. I kept doing it because it made me feel… good about myself… and I get that’s no excuse and it seems like I’m out of control… I’ll stop because I don’t want Zahhak to lose his job. Don’t get him in trouble for my mistakes… I don’t think… I don’t think men can resist me...”

No one said anything to that. Your dad looked over to Dr. Serket she gave him a half-smile as she lightly shrugged. She knows that you’re right. 

“Did you know about this?” Your dad asks her.

“… It appeared to me that in our recent sessions that John had been making progress in requiring less violent sexual stimulation for ejaculation. He didn’t state everything he was doing because he claimed he was embarrassed... That's... that's all I knew.”

“If you _**did**_ know, would you have told me?” Your dad asks her.

“I apologize, sir… I would not have. He seemed to have been assisting John’s psychosexual recovery… also it seems to me it's completely consensual and I have a responsibility to keep my clients word safe guarded unless their safety is at risk.” She seems unnerved by this. When your dad returned his focus to you, she awkwardly grits her teeth and looks down at the floor.

Your dad looks at Dave, your husband jolts when their eyes locked.

“And what about you Dave, you didn’t mind that?”

“I…I… I was… uh…sir… dad… I um…”

“ _I_ asked Dave for _something -_ not going to get into what - that he didn’t want to do when we were arguing. I pushed him to tell me something ‘weird’ that he thought about so we could make a deal. He was tempted to have a threesome with Zahhak, so I seduced him.”

“Is that why you- Is **This** why you both stopped arguing!? _**Weeks ago!?** ”  _Your dad was demanding answers from you. "Is that why you asked him to teach you about boxing!? Is that why he's sweaty every single morning!?”

“I am really, really sorry, dad! I uh… Zahhak tried to resist me. It’s just… I’m really… this is embarrassing.”

“He knows what to say to push people’s buttons.” Dave cuts in.

“When exactly did this start?!” Your dad asked you.

“Do you mean when I started seducing him or…?”

“When Did **This**  Start?” He asks you again in a much more demanding tone. Pointing at Zahhak and then at you. He points his finger down at the floor. " **When** did you start seeing each other?"

You wince and look up to the side. “The night before I told him to use our room for training... you know... during breakfast…”

Nitram walked in to see what all of the yelling was about. Dr. Serket was staring at him with wide eyes. She shook her head 'no', telling him to leave. Nitram shrugged his shoulders and walked in anyway. _'God.'_

Your dad started talking again,

“...and when did you start...." -he sighed- "seducing him?”

You looked down to the floor “…the night before that…” 

 **“You seduced him in one day?”** He sounds heated. _'That's technically right...'_

“John is really persistent though, he uh…” Dave was still trying to defend Zahhak, “We just wanted to… we both like being on the bottom…” He started rubbing his temples. He mumbled to himself under his breath, “this is crazy fucked.”

“None of this is his fault.” You pick up where he left off, “we’re both sorry, dad.”

He looks at Zahhak. “Is it true? This was all my son's doing?” He’s giving him a chance to come clean like a man, something he did when you were younger and he thought you were lying.

“John is… John was… too much for me to... resist... I apologize." Zahhak was completely tense. "Still, I am willing to accept responsibility for my actions.”

“Do you even like men?” You don’t know why he was asking.

“I… I didn’t think so…”

“Well that settles it then, no more men in the house but Egbert men…”

**_'_ _THAT’S WHY HE WAS ASKING!?!'_**

You want to say something against it, but your dad will know it’s just because you want another threesome. Damn it.

“-and I won’t tell anyone you… managed to seduce him… just that you tried.”

“Thank you, dad.” You sighed in relief.

“Thank you.” Dave said.

Zahhak said nothing. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to speak or not.

Your dad pointed at Zahhak and then Nitram,

“Neither of you men are allowed to talk to my sons for the rest of your stay here!”

“Dad, I won’t try anything-"

“No. I am putting my foot down on this, I can’t trust that you won’t try to seduce them.”

“Ughhh.” You started rubbing your eyes under your glasses. “Can we go now?”

“John, I need you to understand that Dave needs you to teach him how to… how to be…”

“Oh! I seduce a man to have sex with me _and_ my husband and you think that I’m a complete degenerate-"

“John, I need you to help Dave learn about the real world. He needs your guidance in this.”

“Okay! Fine, I get it- I have to teach Dave how to be normal. I get it. Well, Dr. Serket can tell you it's the **_other way around_ _now!_** " You glare at her.

"Now, John don't bring her into-" Your dad tries to get a word in.

"She's always telling me I need to get healthier, that I need to _heal_."

You turn away from your dad.

"Maybe I wanted to be healed in the only way I know how."

You stepped towards Dave.

"I know that I'm _shitty and broken_. I don't need the reminder." 

You grabbed on to Dave's hand,

"Goodbye Zahhak... I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss feeling fucking **sane.** "

You storm off in a huff, dragging your husband with you, "we are going to our room!" 

"I am sorry, sir-uh-dad- sir." Dave stuttered out as you pulled him along.

You heard Dr. Serkets bracelets clink, she must want to say something. You ignore her.

You keep dragging your husband into your room. You slammed the door so hard the walls shook. You grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. Dave pat your back as you smeared your head into the pillow. There goes your  _real_ therapy. 

* * *

You had to apologize to Dave. When you said you were going to 'miss feeling sane' you just said it because you were bitter. Dave makes you feel safe and he knows it but apparently he understood what you meant. He felt the same way about Zahhak. He was a real comfort to the two of you. You both felt like your adolescence was a river of glass you had to crawl through together. Zahhak was cool enough to help you treat some of your still bleeding wounds. 

You stepped outside to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When you walked back to your room you spotted Zahhak, before he could rush off you spoke out to him.

“I’m really sorry Equius… I didn’t want you to get into any trouble.”

“We aren’t supposed to talk.”

“I’m just going to apologize and then leave. Nothing else…”

“…John… this is for the best.”

“Maybe it is… but you really did make me feel… better about all the things I’ve been going through and I’m very thankful, in all seriousness I am very, very grateful.”

“I’m glad..." He lightly shuts his eyes, "now we need to part ways.”

“Maybe sometime we can meet up again, not saying we sleep together, just that we can be like... you know... friends..?”

“I’m not so sure that is a good idea…”

“Why not?” You scrunch up your face. “You’re close friends with Natalie, we’ll probably meet up again-”

“I’m starting to have feelings for you.”

Your eyes widen and you slowly back your head away.

You weren’t sure what to say.

“What kind of feelings?”

“I believe that... I am falling for you.”

You open your mouth. “Ah.” You close your mouth.

You have to spend some time to build up the nerve to ask,

“How do you feel about my husband?”

“I am… envious of him… but I still find him to be a compassionate man..." 

By the sound of his voice you know that he wants to say more. You don't press him on it. 

You nod your head slightly. “That… makes sense... and that's sweet of you to say.”

"I think... I think that he deserves you more than anyone else ever could... I'm happy that you two are together and safe..."

You smile at him, a half-happy, half-concerned smile.

"I want you both to be happy."

You feel your face start to get heavy, you start chewing on the top of your lip.

"Dave is deserving of you."

You take a few moments before you speak again.

You took a deep breath, “I’m really sorry I dragged you into this...”

He took a deep breath of his own and nodded deeply,

“I enjoyed the time we spent together but... I really do think this should be the last time we ever speak.”

“That makes sense, uh… I’m not good with goodbyes… so.” You slightly cupped his cheek with your hand and kissed him on the lips, “consider that a parting gift from me and my husband. Thank you for making both of us happy.”

You started walking away. You didn’t look behind you, you just walked over to your bedroom and sat down on your side of the bed. You must have looked strained or exhausted or something because Dave noticed something was wrong. He got up and placed his hand on your shoulder.

“I met Zahhak in the hall so I apologized to him…”

“Yeah…?”

“He confessed he’s starting to have feelings for me.”

“Wow.” Dave’s eyebrow lifted up, “What did he say about me?”

“I asked him... he said that he is… jealous of you.”

“What else?”

"He told me that... you were deserving of me."

You weren't looking at Dave. Still staring up at the ceiling. He said nothing to that. You don't turn to look at him, you just keep talking.

“He told me that was going to be the last time he would ever speak to me and I gave him a peck on the lips to send him off from both you and me…" you turned your head to face him, "is it okay that I kissed him Dave…? I wasn’t thinking.”

“I think that’s fine, I’ve kissed him like that before.”

“Yeah, but… he said he was... falling for me.”

“John, you could steal any guy's heart. Every single day I am over here like, ‘what, John is in love with me? Really? He’s like beyond a perfect 10.’ I feel so lucky to just be near you, babe. Don’t feel bad you sent him off with a farewell kiss if it was from both of us.”

“… you’ve been telling me for years that I am like…" You change your tone of voice to mimic how he talks, " _super hot, babe. Like leagues above me."_ You tried your best to sound monotone like he does. "… I didn’t know that was... **_real?_ _”_**

"John, a grown man broke into our safe house and tried to kill me for you."

"Yeah but-" _'No. he's right....again.'_   "…fine."

You lay down in bed. He lays down next to you.

"We’re going to need to keep a tally of how many men fall for you from now on."

"Oh God, does this mean we can't have any more threesomes?"

"No, probably means in the future we can't sleep with the same guy to many times."

"-or I should just not sing to men anymore, or giggle all the time or-"

"John, I think you're fine."

"No, you seemed like you were kind of irked by me singing to Zahhak while I was alone with him, I shouldn't have... I just wasn't thinking... but that's no excuse. If I do something wrong, you can tell me Dave."

"You'll listen?"

"You always listen to me...so it's fair."

"Okay... you went a bit overkill by calling him Mr. Policeman... all the time."

"I thought it was cute!"

"It was, babe, just... overkill."

"Well, maybe I should only call **you** nicknames from now on..."

"Sounds fair... "

"What else?"

"I don't know... John... Maybe we should apologize to Travis too... ugh... we shouldn't worry about this until we get out of here."

"So we're definitely going to fuck another guy in the future?" You looked over at him.

"Definitely." He nodded.

You laid your head back down and stared up at the ceiling.

"Sweet."


	108. forget about having secrets

You were sitting down at the table picking at a pancake that John made for you himself. Somehow him making you food is a way he's sticking it to his dad. You just keep eating the pancakes he keeps making on the stove for you. You got him to stop making them and sit down. He keeps glaring at his dad. 

"Sir," Nitram was standing outside in the hall.

_'Oh God, not now.'_

"May I speak with you...? For a moment? In the hall? Please? Alone? In the hall?"

You keep looking down at your plate. Poking at your pancake. It's starting to get soggy from all of the blueberry pulp, strawberry jam, blackberry juice and maple syrup. 

You watched your dad-in-law sit up. He didn't seem like he was angry yet. He must not have picked up on what Nitram was about to tell him. Well... if John wasn't at maximum pissed before he's going to hit his capacity now.

A while after your dad-in-law walked out, you looked up at Dr. Serket. When she noticed you looked at her she scrunched down her brow and tilted her head.   

_**"WHAT!?"** _

She jumped a bit when she heard John's dad yell from the hall.

**"John. Get out here now!"**

"Why just me!?" He angrily mumbled to himself and took another bite of his own pancake.

**"I SAID NOW!"**

_"Ugghh..."_ John got up and left the room. 

**"WHEN I SAID THAT YOU COULD NEVER DISAPPOINT ME I DIDN'T MEAN THAT TO BE A CHALLENGE!"**

"I'M SORRY, DAD! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"

"TO NOT DO _**THIS!"**_

"NOT LIKE I CAN ANYMORE ANYWAY!"

"YOU ARE MARRIED! YOU HAVE A HUSBAND, SON!"

"YEAH!? WHY ISN'T HE GETTING CHEWED OUT, HU!?"

"BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS YOUR IDEA SON!"

"Travis!? Who pulled a move on you first?! Dave or me!?"

You couldn't hear a response. It's been quite for a while. Nitram must be blurting out a long steady stream of "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-" again. 

"It was me if you are wondering." You don't even look at Dr. Serket. You just sigh and look at your pancake. 

 **"UGHHH!** DAD! I AM TWENTY!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A CHILD!?"

 **"A CHIL- AUGH! FORGET IT!"** John sounded like he was done arguing. 

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING!? THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T OVER!"

John walked into the dining room again and picked up his plate. 

"John!" Mr. Egbert followed him into the room. "I've been very understanding!"

"I know you've been!" John grabbed onto his plate from the table. "I know you've been through a lot! I know you missed me! I know you sacrificed a lot for me! I get it! I understand completely but.... **UGHHHH! YOU JUST DON'T _GET_ ME!"**

"Son!" 

“I’m going to eat in my room!” John walked out into the hall

**"John!"**

"Dad. We will talk about this later. I need to calm down first before I say **something stupid."**

Mr. Egbert took a moment. "Fine."

John walked back into your room. You weren't sure if you should follow him and try to help him calm down.

You sat up.

"Son."

You sat back down. If Mr. Egbert wants to talk you always listen.

He sighed out of his nostrils. "Why?"

“Oh....” Now you really feel awkward. “Why what?"

"Just.. why?"

"Uh...." You look over at Dr. Serket, you mouth the words, 'help me.'

“Dave,” She begun. "I understand that the two of you enjoy being... on the bottom. I was in your corner completely for sleeping with Zahhak but... Nitram may be a bit... I'm saying this as your friend... I think you might need to-  _slow down_."

"I don't think you two should be seeing other men at all, Dave. You two are married men and... you need to get used to civilized society."

“So… sex with… other guys even when we do it together isn’t normal?” You ask them both.

"It is." Dr. Serket told you.

"Don't do this now. Don't do this to me right now."

"I am sorry that you are upset, Mr. Egbert. I can understand how this seems to you... but John isn't really rebelling against you as a father. John and Dave are just attempting to recover in a way that is... unique to them..."

"Dr. Serket. Don't spin this to be a positive. I am to angry for that right now."

"Okay... Alright... I understand... I will give you time to cool down."

"Dave." John's dad seemed drained but still frustrated, "Dave... just... just... I thought you could take care of this."

"I..." You looked back at Dr. Serket. "I... I... I did... he..."

Dr. Serket nodded at you. If they knew this about you then you should confess everything,

You can't look at him. You stare down at your plate. "He asked me to stab him. I didn't want to... I found something different that he liked and I... I just didn't want to... hurt him...and... I liked it too... It made me feel... like I actually had a choice in my life..." You keep looking at your plate. Soggy, mushy pancakes. "It took my mind off of being thrown into a room and forced too... I... I could do whatever I wanted for the first time in my life... I was never allowed to refuse anything... and It's hard to say no to John... and well... apparently that isn't just a weakness **I** have... I think... John can't be controlled... just pushed in the right direction and I can't restrain him from doing anything he wants to do when... I want it too... but I really don't want to keep hurting him... Dr. Serket you know how happy John was... we had normal, boring, vanilla sex because... Zahhak was with us. I didn't have to threaten his life or cut him and he didn't say no... and I wanted more of that... I knew that If John did anything like that around Nitram it would scare the shit out of 'em so I... we... seduced him together... I felt like... like I was... I guess a person..."

You sigh. "I never really had a normal way of connecting with people, when I met John, I didn't want him knowing anything about me or my life or how I felt about him. My whole life everything was just... sexual all the time... I wanted something different... but my mind can't shut it off... unless... unless I am with John. I know John isn't going to be with me all the time so the two of us decided... that... we... we seduce only men who are... you know... good... and we just... sleep with them... together... so we can make it through the day and... get that stuff out of our minds."

You swallow down some spit and cough to clear your throat. 

"I get it doesn't make sense but... those tapes John showed me... most of them were him getting raped... and..." You sniffle. "I wanted better for him... and we found a way that things could get better... not just seem better.. but really **be** better. John and I kept talking about _that guy_ and we laughed at it wasn't like we were laughing out of spite... it wasn't anger or pain or sadness... It honestly felt behind us and it wasn't even that long ago... forced sex was the only connection to the world I ever had until I met John and he showed me the world wasn't just... hurt."

You take a moment before speaking.

You can feel Dr. Serket's eyes on you.

You can feel Mr. Egbert's - your dad's - eyes on you.

"I never told either of you this but before I met John, I tried to kill myself." You swallowed down spit. "For the longest time... I used to wish that I did... I used to wish I'd never met John. But when we laid in bed and John would make jokes and encourage Zahhak to not get so worked up about what other people thought of him or when he talked to Nitram about his brother... John was helping them like they were helping us and I didn't want that to ever stop... and I don't want that to stop. I want John to keep helping other people. I don't care how he does it. He should help more people then just me... I don't care if it's not normal..."

You look up at Mr. Egbert as you tell him,

"Maybe people need something... strange."

He sighs and wipes a tear out of his eye.

"I'm going to..." He takes a moment to collect himself. "I'm going to wash some dishes for a bit."

Your dad walked out of the room.

You looked over at the only other occupant in the room.

Dr. Serket is wiping tears from her eyes. She adjusted her shoulders and held herself high.

"I am very thankful that you said that Dave, I think he will understand your perspective better now."

You gesture at your nose. Her eyes widen when she notices that her nose is running. She grabs a napkin and blows. She begins to speak again, 

"I am sorry... I was... I wasn't mentally prepared to hear that... I was listening as a friend and not as a license professional. Alright... that is a lie... and I shouldn't lie to you... I was listening as both.. If I listened as a friend I would have just..." -she lightly laughed under her breath with her mouth still closed- "broken down."

Something about the way she said that reminded you of Megido. Something about the words you choose... reminded you of her too...  _'never be ashamed of being strange.'_ That you can do... you may have no real confidence... but you have a strong lack of shame. You think you'll manage.

You sigh and look at the empty seats. 

“I didn’t want to make him upset.” You say the words like you’re talking to yourself, you’re talking to Dr. Serket. 

"He’s just having a rough time…”

“I know, that’s why I didn’t want to make him upset… I shouldn’t have asked for a threesome just… I love being on the bottom and- this is the most awkward breakfast we could possibly have, I can’t imagine how this could get worse.”

“And that’s wonderful, isn't it?”

“What do you mean?”

“The worst thing that could happen, right at this moment, is _this._ " She sounds so kind but also so... proud, there are tears forming in her eyes. "Not fear of death. Not fear of losing a loved one. **This.** ”

“There still is a chance hitmen are going to come to kill us.”

“That’s why having a police officer on duty is so important, Dave.”

“I understand.” You sigh and take a moment to reflect on things... “wait... for a while only Megido was in our house."

"She has training with firearms, she is a member of law enforcement, Dave."

"I thought she was just a lawyer." You question her further.

"She is still a member of law enforcement." Dr. Serket nodded at you and reinforced her point, "she might have been asked to protect you both as a stand in until there was a cop available."

"You think.... if uh... If she didn't leave that she would have been able to... shoot him?"

"I have faith that you would have been fine in her hands," Dr. Serket closes her eyes and nods, "that's why she was there."

"Still..."

"Dave, You know that woman is swift as a flame and as sharp as a blade." Dr. Serket admitted. "You'd be fine."

You look down and continue picking at your plate again. There's no conversation going on so it's hard to not feel unsettled again. You choose to break the silence,

"I'm going to miss having Nitram at the table."

"You are?" She asks you.

“I like listening to him talk with you, I never know what to say to people and when the two of you talk about books and stuff with John... I enjoy it.”

She didn't say anything so you looked up at her. She was smiling a gentle, caring smile. 

"You have a very kind soul, Dave." She liked what you said for some reason. "If you wish, I can tell Nitram goodbye for the two of you."

"I would like that." 

* * *

No men are in the house but Egbert men... on top of that It’s been so awkward around the house lately, but you would be lying to yourself if you for a split second thought it wasn’t worth it. Even though Zahhak developed some feelings towards John you’re still really happy he slept with the two of you during your stay here. You miss Nitram too. They were both so different in bed but that's what made sleeping with them so great.

You’re laying down on your bed next to your husband listening to beats, John has his book splayed open on his chest.

“Uhhhhghhh…” he groaned and stretched out his back, “I miss them!”

“Would you miss them so much if there was another cock to fuck?”

“Ugh… probably not.” He sounds dejected.

“Babe, my cock is right here.” You tell your husband. 

“I want a cock we can both ride! It was soooo much fun! I like when we’re both bottoms!”

“Me too, babe…” You confess.

John was whining and fake crying, "we are cock destroyers with no cocks to destroy."

"It's a sad day." You say in jest.

John keeps pretending to sob, you can tell that he is genuinely hurting underneath it all.

You sigh and ask him, “How about… because you did the thing I want…”

John quickly sat up knocking the book off of his chest. “You’re gonna stab me!?”

“Yeah…but just once!” You firmly tell him. “You’re going to bleed a lot so we’re doing it in the bathroom.”

“Oh!" He clapped his hands together several times, "pretend to jump me after I take a shower!”

"Fine." You roll your eyes. "But... you have to bake me another one of those cakes."

"AH!" John hugged you and smacked his lips against your cheek "I have the best husband ever!"

* * *

Your slamming into John.  His is chest pressed up against the floor. You can tell from how high his moans are getting that he's getting close.

 _“NO DADDY!"_ He's trying to fight you off. _"IT'S TOO MUCH!”_

“It’s too much?!” You pant as you flip him onto his back.

_“PLEASE! DADDY STOP!”_

You reel the knife back, “Stop struggling and take my cock or i'll stab you, you fucking cumslut.”

 **“NOOO!”** He was struggling and trying to pull away, you were going to have to do it. You pull his right arm out as you reel out the knife. Now or never. You stab him right through the arm.

 _ **“OWWWW!”**   _John whined _**“THAT HURT!”**_

“It did, didn’t it? Don’t be such a little bitch-“

“LAVA.”

You stop touching him completely and jump to get a towel and the belt from John's pants. John is looking at the knife. You wrap the belt around his arm as tightly as you can.

 _"owwwww."_ John is whining like he hit his elbow against a table, _"what the fuuuuuck."_

“Dave," He opens up his eyes and looks at you, "pull it out for me.”

“It will hurt less if you pull it out yourself” 

John slides the knife slides out, blood starts pouring from his wound. You instantly put pressure on it with a towel, it soaks up a good amount of his blood.

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” John whined _“This suuuucks!”_

“Well now we know you _are_ only going to ask for this once.”

“Yeah! Owwww…” John is still whining, he’s whining like someone would if you slapped their arm to hard, not like you stabbed him. He’s handling it pretty well. “I thought I would like it if you did it.”

“I know, babe.” You sighed.

“Did you like it, or were you pretending?”

“I thought you were getting off to it, and I like when something makes you horny..."

“That’s so sweet." His eyes suddenly shut close, "owwwowwoww.”

John groaned in pain.

"Yeah... but still that was like...  _too_  violent for me to enjoy.” You tell him.

John sighed out of his nose. “You, my dad, Dr. Serket... you all keep telling me I need to calm down and try to have safer sex and right when the two of us figure out we love fucking other men together they get rid of all the opportunities we could possibly have… UGH! I loved taking turns getting fucked and feeling like like-

“like a dirty little cockslut?”

 _“Daaaa-Hahaha-aaaveee.”_ John was fake crying and pouting.

"I know, babe. I miss them too."

“I miss not being stabbed.”

“Yeah we’ll know remember to listen to me.”

“Fine, stop being a jerk.” He sighs, “it’s probably for the best that we’re not with him anymore.” He mumbles the words. “Oh my god, he wanted me to sing to him.”

“Yeah…"

* * *

John keeps making you cakes and little treats. Since you two stopped your nightly routine you think you've been starting to put on a little weight. You sigh. You think it's time you start fucking **hard** again. Even if that does mean choking John or cutting his back. You walk into the kitchen to get a glass of AJ. For once John isn't in it. Instead you find your dad in law prepping something for later.

"You starting dinner?" You ask. 

"No, I am just prepping something." Mr. Egbert tells you, "it takes a few hours to make."

"Oh..." You trail off. "Uh..."

"Yes, son?"

You were hesitant to ask, but you might as well, "do you think you could teach me how to cook?" 

"You want to learn?" He seems somewhat stunned, you can't tell.

“Yeah, I want to be able to make a decent meal for John.” 

“Just for John? Or do you want to learn for yourself too?” He says the words like he's about to scold you.

“What do you mean?” You sound confused.

He smiled at you, “Dave, you are your own man. Not everything you do has to be for my son.”

You scrunch up your brow and slightly tilt your head. You are sure you look as confused as you feel. You look down at your hands, when Mr. Egbert speaks again you look back up at him.

"I want you to do something because you honestly want to, not just because you think it will make my son happy." He takes a moment and rephrases what he meant, “I want you to want things for yourself. John wants that for you too.”

"Well... I want to learn for both reasons." You tell him, "I've never been that good at cooking so I just made ready made meals for everyone- Uh... I want to learn how to actually cook now because it would be for John and me."

"That's a good reason, why don't we start with something easy." He sounds proud.

He showed you how to make an omelette, "Omelettes are all about patience." It didn't look to hard. Just some eggs and cheese, you let it sit then you flip it and let it sit again till it's done. Easy. You tried to follow his instructions on your own. Somehow you burnt one side and it was runny on the other. You had to throw it out and try again. This time you burnt both sides. Dr. Serket came into the kitchen, while pinching her nose, to ask if everything was alright, "It smelt like something was burning so I-" When she saw you at the stove she stopped covering her nose. "-are you learning how to cook, Dave?"

"Yeah." You nod.

She noticed that you nearly used up all the eggs, "How about I show you how to make some soup? I  believe that we have vegetable broth." She gave you some instructions and you followed it completely. Dr. Serket and your dad both left you alone when they saw you were just waiting on the timer. They told you that you would be fine on your own. You thought you would throw in a few more things as you wait. You had beef broth in the house so you put that in too. You cut up a tomato and added some frozen vegetables from the freezer. You decided to put in some mini golden potatoes. You stirred it for a while, when the timer beeped you stirred it a few more times. John walked into the kitchen, he noticed that you were at the stove.

"You made something?" John sounds like he is a bit in awe.

"For you." You told him. "I wanted to learn how to really cook so..."

"Oh... Dave." Your husband sounded flattered, that melted your heart.

You smile at him as you say, "go sit in the dining room and I'll make you a bowl."

You prepped him something with one of the nice dishes up on the higher shelves. You thought this was a special enough occasion for it, you promised Mr. Egbert that you would take care of the dishes you used anyway. You gave it to John and he looked excited to try it. He ate a spoonful and then placed the spoon back on the table. 

"Uh..." you're starting to feel a bit nervous about the fact he stopped eating, "do you like it?"

John is still looking at the bowl, “are you asking me as your best friend or your husband?” 

“Uh… as the love of my life?” _'That’s really either or actually.'_

“I’m so happy you cooked for me, Dave." He told you. "It’s super romantic.”

You start blushing, you’re happy with that but you really want to know if he likes it.

“How about as my best friend?” 

“This sucks.” He says flatley. 

“Oh.” you reply, just as flat. 

"Still happy that you tried," John's laughing as he says, "I love that you put in the effort."

"What is wrong with it though..?"

"Dave, you tried and that's what matters." John's smiling at you, trying to spare your feelings.

"No secrets between us." 

John whispered to himself, "fuck."

"Okay... you" He was trying to find the words to say, "uh... you didn't cut the potatoes or give them enough time to boil. Still it's a good attempt at a stew."

"It's a soup." You correct him. 

"Oh... it's... very thick for a soup." John was trying to spare your feelings.

John used his spoon to pick out a piece of a tomato. It was the top part, with the leafy green stem. He was looking at it like it wasn't supposed to be in it. "Uh... honey..." Oh no. He never calls you that. "I think... maybe I should show you a few things about cooking... how about you help my dad make dinner today?"

"That sounds... like a good idea." You nod your head once. "How about I help you both bake some-"

"No." John sounds like he's stopping you from making a mistake, or hurting yourself. 

You pause for a moment. "No?"

"My dad gets intense about baking... and so do I... we can teach you about cooking... but baking you should stay away from." John sat up from the table and grabbed the dish for you. "I'll help you with the dishes, sweetheart." 

John's dad _has_ been criticizing John's baking lately. He doesn't give John grief over a lot of things but baking is one of those rare things they both get heated about. At first you thought it was just because they were mad at eachother, but Mr. Egbert was poking at his baking from even before he found out about **all that.**  He would say that he could taste too much flour or that John must have used egg yolk. He was picking apart everything. Everyone at the table would constantly tell him it was good. John seemed to only care about what you thought. When you told him it was amazing John would cross his arms and lift up his chin. Like your praise was the only thing he was looking for. You want to feel that too. Maybe you can't do that through cooking or baking... maybe you could find something else that John would praise you for. At night you went through your old things. You took out your old polaroid camera the police let you keep. Maybe you could...

* * *

"Dave you took these photos from inside the house!?" John sounded surprised.

"Uh... yeah." You scratch the side of your leg. 

John sounds like he really loves them, "oh wow! I miss all of the old photos you used to take for me so much. These are so perfect."

John was holding up one you took of the living room. You arranged everything so it looked nice and took a photo of Dr. Serket. The photo John was looking at right now was one of yourself smiling at the front of the house right by the front door. You were looking into the mirror. You wanted to have the right amount of light and the sun was peeking through the glass on the door. "Your smiling in this one, aww I love your smile."

John kissed your cheek. 

Yeah... so you can't cook, you probably will never learn how to bake...

this though...

this you could do.


	109. All Night, All Week, All Your Life

You step with your husband into the dining room to have breakfast, as you ate your meal he kept refilling your glass.

"You should drink more water." Dave told you, "I don't want you getting dehydrated again."

You give him a sly smile, _'he's planning something today. Isn't he?'_

* * *

Your dumb stupid idiot husband is holding you to a promise that you made during sex. 

"Go slower." He starts moaning.

"I'm not even going that fast!" You tell him.

Dave instantly responds with, "breeze." 

"Uuuughh!" You basically slow down your pace to a halt. "How long do we have to do this?"

"Allllll day, baby." Dave smiles at you. 

 ** _"MMMhmmm!"_**   You hummed and groaned at the same time. "I don't even remember promising you that!"

"Come"- you pound into him - " _-ah-_ on, Zahhak even told you that you promised."

You slowly thrusted into him a few times. 

"You're going to get tired of this." You sigh. "You know that."

* * *

**_"Fuck! fuck! Stop! Stop!"_ **

It's been four hours now and he still isn't tired! Every single fucking time he gets close he makes you pull out. 

**_"Lava!"_ **

You completely stop touching him, pulling out as you sigh.

"Dave I'm getting tired." You groan. "Can we finish up soon?"

"All day means, all day." Dave's panting, "and you promised me a week."

 _**"UGHHH!"**_ You groan.

"A deal is a deal and we don't break our promises in this house." Dave tells you.

"Fine! How about seven days, spread out. I can't do this again tomorrow, it's so boring!"

"Wow... ouch..." He pretended to be hurt.

"Dave, you know that I don't enjoy stuff like this."

"You don't enjoy making me moan?" Dave questions you.

"No," You tell him. "I do but-"

"You don't enjoy fucking me raw?" Dave asks you.

"I do-" 

Dave cuts you off, "you don't like making me feel... good?"

"I love making you happy, Dave." You sigh. "But vanilla sex doesn't do anything for me and I know that eventually you are going to get tired of this too."

"I'm making up for all the lost time that you didn't top me." He grabs your hands. "I always top you, babe."

"Because you're good at it."

"Oh- you think you aren't good at this?"

You turn your head away from him and wipe your forehead. It's dripping with sweat. Your skins hot to the touch. Damn, why doesn't he just admit this isn't good. Dave sounds a bit more empathetic when he says to you,

"You think this is boring... and it's your fault it is that way, right?"

He must have... felt that way too- _**"UGH!"**_

You groan. "This is boring because it's gone on for too long!"

"John."

He placed his hand on your cheek and pulled you into a kiss.

He breathed onto your lips,

"I live for you touching me."

Damn it. He got you.

In all the time you both spent together you always got what you wanted.

You _always_ got what you wanted.

You always get what you want.

What you want more than anything.

Is Dave's happiness.

* * *

**_"Faster. Fuck! John! -ah- Faster!"_ **

"I thought you didn't want to cum yet."

It's been five hours since you started.

**_"Fuck it! Fuck me as hard as you can!"_ **

You can _never_ get enough.

**_"That's it! Right there!"_ **

_'Maybe Dave wants to learn to be the same?'_

**_"Ahhh- mmmhhh!-ahhahhommm!"_ **

You'll have to ask him.

You keep thrusting into him. He's so close that he can't even moan anymore.

He's so hot.

He's so relentless.

He's going to make you go all day for real, isn't he?

* * *

Once dinner was over he made you start up again. Kissing your neck and telling you all of the ways he loves not only touching you... but you... dammit you are a fucking sucker for romantic nothings... it always goes right to your heart and makes you all numb... You'll fuck him just to get him to stop messing with your heart like this.

Somehow he managed to pump himself up to get hard again. You have no idea how the two of you aren't impotent by now. If you have to do this you might as well enjoy it. You keep teasing him by making conversation. 

"Having fun, daddy?"

"Nope... I'm you're fucking princess today, you rescued me from my tower and now you get to claim your reward."

"Ha!" You actually thought that was pretty fucking rich. Still you persist, "Don't you like when I call you daddy?"

"I fucking love it but... I -ah- I just want you to fuck me as my husband."

"Oh, I thought I was your prince?"

"Same fucking thing."

"Okay, I get it. You're a big sap." You thrust into him slowly. He's messing with your heart again so you suddenly smack into him hard and fast a few times as you pant out, "you want me to fuck you like we're on our little honeymoon?"

"Fuck... John... -ah- _That's fucking it..._ "

"Hey!" You slow down again, "don't ignore me when I'm talking to you."

"I'm not ignoring you, Fuck- I'm focused on your cock. You're huge fucking cock. Ah God, I've got to get you to fuck my throat later... I'm fucking in **love** with your fucking cock."

"More then me apparently..." You slow down your pace again. 

"I love you both the same."

You thrust into him hard again. He gasps. You slow your pace slightly.

You can't believe you drove him to ask him for this...

"Hey... why do you want this?"

"Because your cock is so fucking good!"

"No... Dave, like be real... Why do you want me to fuck you all day? This can't really be doing anything for you."

"Because I miss feeling..." he moans, "You know..."

"like a slut?" You both still miss those guys...

"No... I miss feeling like... _-mmm-_ like I'm yours."

You stop thrusting into him for a moment.

You pick up the pace again.

You start pounding into him.

"Hey-hey!"

You start slamming yourself into him.

You're no good at doing this.

"Jo- _ah_ -ohn!"

You can still try your best.

_"Ah!"_

His body is so hot.

_"Mhhh!"_

His face is beet red.

_"Ah!"_

Red like his eyes.

_"John!"_

He's moaning out your name.

_"JOHN!"_

He is getting off to this.

_"Ahh! Ah! **-AHH!-** mmmhh!"_

You were sure that before he was just putting on an act of enjoying it...

_"FUCK!"_

Putting on this act for himself...

_"Ahhohhmmmhhh!"_

You accidently slipped out of him.

He gasps. 

Your husband just gasped like he does when you stop sucking his cock...

You realign yourself and thrust back into him.

_"Fuck!"_

He likes this.

_"Fuck me! John!"_

You like this.

_"Take me! Fucking **Take Me** , John!"_

You keep pounding into him

 _"Ahh!"_   He is squirming underneath you, _"Ahh!"_

You both are panting. You look him right in the eyes.

That's it. That's it. He's fucking yours.

He fucking lives for your raw cock.

He fucking lives and breathes for you.

You start grunting as you slam into him.

You close your eyes and start curling up into yourself.

Dave is struggling to get air out of his lungs.

He just came all over your stomach. 

You keep thrusting into him. 

That's it. He's yours completely.

_**"FUCK! DAVE!"** _

 

That was it...

 

You pull out of him.

Still panting and shaking. 

You rest next to him. 

Your eyes wide open.

Gazing at the ceiling.

You turn your head to look at him.

Nothing.

Just the two of you.

No knife.

No threats.

No violence.

No one else.

Nothing.

This was all you ever needed wasn't it?

God, you are so fucking stupid.

You look back up at the ceiling.

The two of you are still panting like crazy.

"Dave?"

"Yeah?" 

_'Why didn't you tell me you were all I really ever needed?'_

"Nothing."

_'You told me I drive you insane. You said that. You told me! I knew that. I knew it... I never felt it... I never felt that I was good enough-'_

"You..." Dave swallowed down some spit as he was struggling to breathe out the words, " you were amazing just now... I was waiting for that."

"What?" You snap your head over to look at him, still resting on your pillow.

He still isn't looking at you.

He is drenched in his own sweat and panting,

"I knew you had it in you."

You turn your head back to the ceiling. 

"How about..."-he pants-"tomorrow"-he swallows down spit-"I cut up your back again?"

"Nah." You say. "I think my back is still to cut up for that."

"Really?"

"Give it another week."

Just because you have all you need doesn't mean you can't get what you want, now does it?

* * *

You were walking from the hall into the kitchen to get a glass of water, you are starting to get dehydrated again. You stopped when you heard Dr. Serket talk to your dad. You laid against the wall and sighed as you listened into their conversation.

"-John is actually very considerate of how you feel Mr. Egbert... He thinks about what you think and how you feel all of the time. Have you ever considered seeing things from his perspective? How he might need to heal in an... abnormal way? How it might not be something that he can bring himself to talk with you about? His sex life is supposed to be a completely private part of his life. Still... everyone knows everything about him... maybe he wanted something to be a secret? Or maybe he wanted to feel like his body was his own? Maybe he wanted to feel like he was making his own choices. I told you before that he isn't rebelling against you as a father. Maybe he isn't even rebelling at all... I think... this is his way of healing himself."

"Even so... I feel like I don't even know my own son anymore. Whenever I feel like I understand him he just changes again."

"John wears a different face for you because you are his father. He is trying to protect you from knowing to much about his life because he is trying to spare you from that pain. He couldn't bring himself to tell you about... a lot in his life."

"Right... like when _that man_ called Megido I was so sure that my son was going to break down... I thought that my son needed everyone there to help him through it... That we were all there for him... I thought that he would need me... but he defended me from that man. All we could do was stand and watch, I felt this blistering anger... I felt anger with myself... anger at the fact I couldn't do anything."

"I felt so helpless. Without even thinking I lashed out. At the time... I felt pride that I defended him... now I realize the only thing I could do is run and hide... that or die... and I'd be willing to if it was for them..."

"John spoke to him with such contempt." Your dad is talking about you, "he was so collected... so brave... and I had to struggle to not just fall apart."

"I had to hold myself back from screaming... When you started yelling at him I had to fight cheering you on... but it seemed like John wanted nothing more then to just ignore that man... he just wanted to move past him... he wasn't even emotionally shut down... just... done."

"...my own son... scares me sometimes."

"John is showing the world a different side of himself with each person he meets... and he is completely dauntless in the face of... everything..." Dr. Serket sighed. "Even **I** get intimidated by him..."

"Seeing my son talk down to that man like a dog... I felt... pride in my son."

"...when we watched those... horrid videos he was completely composed... like he was sitting through it for Dave's sake... like he wanted us to see everything he went through so we would understand the value in what he did... what he sacrificed... for Dave. At first I thought, John finding his self-worth in Dave was detriment to his recovery. I thought that he needed to find his own worth within himself... but he found worth in helping that boy... and I can't argue against that..."

"I didn't know what to think about Dave when he first started living with us... then he showed me that he didn't just care about my son's protection... he cared about mine as well... I keep trying to guide him through things he doesn't understand... guidance that John didn't have the chance to give him... I want him to stand on his own two feet..."

"I thought my whole life that everyone needs to stand on their own two feet. That everyone needs to find self-worth in themselves and not at all in others but... _isn't that what we both do_?" Her voice just got higher in pitch. "You see your own self-worth in raising a good son. Whenever I see John smile it makes me feel like I did right by him as a therapist, that I did right as - _a person._ " 

"I wanted Dave to be his own man... I didn't want him to just live for my son... I've been giving him so much attention... Sometimes I feel like I am more of a father to Dave then to my own son. I'm a better father to someone else's child."

"When I see John laugh and smile at the table I have to restrain myself from breaking down and crying... When I see him like that... It makes me feel like my life has purpose."

Your dad nearly whispers, "...John gave my entire life purpose..."

She sighed. "I always thought I had to guide all of my patients to stand alone... to find confidence in themselves and find hope in their own wills... I completely forgot that I myself... never did that..."

She paused for a moment. You can hear tears well up in her throat. 

"A gentle push... all things deluded in the river... all pain washed away... I thought that the river was life and the flow was time... the river was other people... our lives are made up of the connections we make with others and sometimes-" She's tearing up, she's starting to get upset, "sometimes, I forget that I have **nothing!** Nothing but my work and books... Maybe that's why I'm still so broken!" She raises her voice. "Maybe that's why I keep clinging onto _**this thing** **!** "_  She must be holding up her bible. "Carrying it everywhere that I go in my pocket like a scared child holding on to a doll. **I am so pathetic!"** She is in tears. "I kept telling myself that I was holding on to this as a reminder of perseverance, of my own inner strength... I was really just holding on to this because I am a coward! A coward who doesn't want to remember how badly she failed as a person, as a sister! A coward who ran and even ran from running because she was to scared to do anything! Anything at all."

She starts sniveling and wiping away her tears as she collects herself again. 

"I'm sorry... I've just been talking to myself and using you as a catalyst for venting out my frustration..." She is practically whispering her words with the hushed tone she took up, "and I'm supposed to be a therapist."

"I never told my son that during the years that he was gone that I myself went to therapy. Maybe if I would have told him that, then he wouldn't have felt so alone with what he went through..."

"It's never too late to try to help the people that you care about... and who care about you."

"May I ask you something personal?"

"I already made a fool of myself so go right on ahead." She sounded more collected but she was stuffing down her tears.

"Do you still... love your sister?"

"Yes... but mostly I feel guilt for... not saving her. We had nothing in our lives but each other... She was self-centered and arrogant... even so, I respected her for that... Then my sister started selling drugs when we were young... and every confrontation I had with her would just make her lash out against me more. When she started practicing law I thought she got her act together... I let her deceive me because it was easier to believe that she moved on instead of confronting her again... I always knew that she wasn't... a good person... even before she proved that... _In part,_ that is why I became a therapist... I needed to find something that I could do to try and fix the world so I could fix... myself." 

She lightly let out a brief sigh, she continued. "I can't believe that someone so young with no experience is better at my job than I am..." Her voice is light and airy. "He is so persistent... that boy never gave up on... _anything_... I gave up on my sister because it was easier on me. Maybe if I would have said something a long while ago I could have saved Teresa from that pain, maybe if I would have done something earlier then I could have saved Dave from more strife. I can't help but blame myself for my own inaction."

She wiped her tears again, "I thought that everyone heals themselves... I believed that all a therapist can do is guide those who want the guidance to stand on their own two feet, but... John **made** me a better person... without even trying. John was so selfless and he is better at my job than I am with years of experience in my line of work" She sighs. "Your son could play anyone with words. Your son could convince anyone into doing anything and that is what makes him so intimidating..."

She paused to swallow down spit and then began again. "You didn't fail as a father... I'm not... yet sure if I failed as a therapist... Maybe we can't give him all the help he needs. He needs to find things out for himself... so much of his trauma was based on forced sexual experiences... Mr. Egbert, I am not asking you to empathize with your son... I am not asking you to understand him either... I am asking you to just let this go... you punished those boys enough, don't make this any worse. Please... not just for their sakes, but for mine... "

"I won't argue with my son anymore... I've just been so... so..."

"I know what you mean... there isn't a word to describe this... this numb draining agony that is just pure torment..."

_'It's called being fucked up inside... Jeez... Some adults are just **too** polite.'_

* * *

_"ah!"_

Dave thought you earned a little reward for how good you were earlier today.

"Did I find your special spot?" Dave was looking down at your face as he stopped thrusting into you, "if you ask me nicely, I'll hit it again."

"Please, daddy! I love it when you fuck me!"

"Hey princess... you've been so good... want a crown?"

"Hu? You... you mean it?" You don't even ask in character. You have to work to put your face back on, " _but daddy, when you punch me it's scary. I just want to take your fat cock all night."_

"Wait... really?"

"You're all I'll ever need."

* * *

**_"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! DAVE!!!"_ **

He is going to fucking break your fucking spine. He is driving his whole body into you so fucking hard. He's bending you just like on your wedding night, forcing your thighs up to your chest as he's thrusting into you. 

_"Ah-ah-ah-ah-fu-fu-ck-ck-da-a-ve-"_

Your moans are getting so airy and choppy. Each time he thrusts into you he is slamming his entire fucking body against yours. It's so fucking rough, like you awoken something primal in him. He just flipped you over and slammed you faced down into the bed. He is forcing up your ass, he is thrusting his cock into you. He's been fucking you as hard as he normally does right when he is about to cum. Desperately pounding you, fucking you, slapping your ass hard with his palm as he thrashes his hips inside of you. Shit- just the way that he is groaning - fucking letting out these deep grunts out of his clench teeth- is getting you there. You're driving him fucking insane just like he's fucking making you. All you said was that all you needed was his- "AH! FUCK! DAVE! YOU'RE COCK IS SO FUCKING GOOD TO ME! FUCK ME! FUCKING MAKE ME FUCKING CUM WITH JUST YOUR FUCKING COCK!" He's fucking you like a wild fucking animal, pounding into your ass as he is grabbing onto your hips and making you take him whole! Claiming your hole, making it fucking his. It **is** fucking his! **"Fucking Take My Hole."** You grunt at him, forcing the words from deep inside of your gut out of your fucking clenched teeth.  **"Make me your fucking bitch."** He can't even get out any words. He is fucking struggling to hold your hips up. He leans into you as he keeps grabbing onto your hips. Your whole body is shaking. Dave is fucking you so fast you are struggling to breathe in air. Dave is reaching around your torso to start tugging at your cock. FUCK. You couldn't do anything but let out a loud long grunt as Dave pumped your cock and forced you to cum into your sheets. Long after you finished he kept jerking you off until he decided to flip you over to your back. He starts quickly pumping himself over your face. You can't even put on a face for him, he fucked you so hard, you are panting and struggling to keep your eyes open. You shut your eyes when Dave's white load hits your glasses. You can taste some of his cum, he's making you lick his tip clean. You tease him with your tongue.

Dave sits back down besides you and then slides down besides you. His entire chest expanding and then deflating just like yours. You can't see anything but red behind your dark eyelids. Even if you could keep your eyes open you would just see white over glass.

Your husband is struggling to pant out the words, 

"You... You fucking... broke me again..."

"Yeah..." You pant out.

"I fucking lost my mind." Dave can hardly breathe. 

"I know, I was there..."

"Holy shit... fuck... I... John... that was fucking wild."

"You... you fucking made it that way..." 

"I fucking... you drive me fucking insane sometimes..."

"Fuck... Dave... I... fuck... I was going to say something pretty stupid..."

"Won't..." -he pants- "judge you for it"

"I might own me... but you own my hole."

"Haha! Fuck... same here." He is struggling to take in air, you feel bad for making him laugh. "Goes for my cock too."

"You can fucking use me up whenever you want." You try to catch your breath. "Dave... when we wake up I have to give you the whole John Egbert, cock destroyer, special."

"That could be a lot of things."

Your breathing starts to calm, "I lightly finger you while I tease your cock for a while - and by awhile I mean until you beg for more- than I give you a nice little handjob and giggle at how much you squirm. When I decide that you've had enough, I'll give you head and stop right before you cum."

"So you're going to edge me."

"Only the one time. Then I'm going to flip you over and fuck you as hard as you just fucked me."

Dave stopped panting for a moment. You think you just made his heart skip a beat.

"You actually think you can, Egbert." He sounds pretty cocky right now. He rolled onto his side and started biting your bottom lip. 

"I fucking will, Egbert." You push him down and stick your tongue into his mouth, you just want to fucking feel his fucking piercings right now. You pull your tongue out and he starts biting you again as you pant, "Fuck... before we do any of that I need you to make out with me, I am so fucking crazy about your mouth. Your tongue is so fucking good to me."

"I fucking need your mouth more, fucking- your lips" he's nibbling on your bottom lip again and he breaks away to breathe on your lips, "I can't fucking get enough of your fucking everything."

"The charm to all of this is going to wear off eventually, soon we are going to have to treat each other bad again and when that charm wears off we go right back to treating each other right."

"Okay... but you just said that you are going to dominate my cock and laugh at me while you do it... you don't think that counts as treating me bad?"

"You're such a fucking slut under my hands, you know when I fuck you like that I'm treating you right." 

You lay on top of Dave as you rub circles into his chest.

"Fuck, John." Your husband's breath stutters, "Don't say shit like that after I've finished. My cock is so sore right now."

You start laughing, "Don't bring up your cock right now... I just can't help myself, I am in love with your cock. I'm so fucking obsessed with it right now. I'm going to have to ride it later until I fucking destroy it."

"Only if you hold a funeral for my cock after. I want to mourn it's death along with my hole after tomorrow...” Dave pants again, “after the ceremony, you'll be a grieving widow, I'll have to comfort you."

You chuckle at him, "how so...?" You take off your glasses and start wiping it in the sheets that are already covered with your load Dave forced out of you.

"With my tongue." He sounds smug about that. 

"What are we going to do when I break that too?" You cuddle up to him. 

"fuck..." Dave whispered to himself under his breath, "you are going to kill me."

You chuckle to yourself and then giggle at your husband.

"By the time our honeymoon is over," Dave sighed to himself, "we're both going to completely lose our ability to walk."


	110. two parts of one whole

You were sitting down with your husband in the dining room. He was helping you study again but today you are having a bit of trouble focusing. You can't even think of a time you've ever felt this lovestruck. He finished inside of you the other day without any threats, or violence, or choking, just you and you alone. You spent the whole day offering to get him anything that he would want. Pulling out his chair for him. Refilling his glass. Grabbing anything he reached for at the table. John sat down in between your legs, as he was reading his book you tried to hold his novel for him. He got frustrated with you for that. He doesn't want you to do everything for him. You were probably driving him up the wall. Right now you are trying to focus again on studying. Trying to focus. Trying... 

“Dr. Serket!?” John called out to the other room.

Oh great, you started twirling his hair again. 

She rushed to see what you needed. John sounded so frustrated with you.

"Yes, boys?” She seemed concerned. 

“Do you know any good tips for how to study?" John asked her.

“My," She sounded pleased at John's request for help. "I know quite a few things, I used to assist children with learning disabilities.”

“Oh wow.” John sounded impressed with her. “Did you do that when you started your career?”

“Why yes I did, there’s quite a few things I’ve dabbled in over the years. I would say staying in a safe home with one of my patients is one of the more interesting parts of my career I’m afraid.” She put a hand up to her mouth to cover her grin, “i apologize for not having any stories more interesting than this.”

“That’s cool,” you tell her. “Hey we both have something else we want to tell you… probably as John's therapist more than a friend.”

“Alright.” Her bright smile turns into a gentle soft one. She seems to be in work mode now.

“John doesn’t like getting stabbed.”

Her mouth parts slightly, she seems happy.

“Thank you for informing me-“

“Actually… you know… we’re probably saying that as a friend thing too...” John spoke up. “On top of that... I managed to... finish inside of Dave without anything violent, or anyone else there or anything _outlandish._.. just... my husband..."

She said nothing to that, she was waiting on John to say more.

"You’ve been helping us a lot through all of this and well… I want to apologize to you for being rude when I was arguing with my dad, you and Dave are right… I need to step it down a notch before I get really hurt… also I need more bandages... I lost a lot of blood.”

“You better keep drinking water too.” You point at John.

“You’re right… you’re right… I should listen to the both of you… you’re only saying all that stuff because you care.”

John sighs and looks over at Dr. Serket.

“You’ve been amazing, you’ve really been great and I want you to know I really appreciate you helping me through everything, but… I… mostly appreciate that you… you’ve been helping me with Dave.”

You look at him, his eyes are watering a bit. John is looking down at the table.

“I don’t think I can teach Dave everything about the world and I know that… I know he needs his own therapist but in the meantime... I need a bit of help teaching Dave about the real world. I’m sorry if I’m asking too much of you, it’s just… it’s really hard sometimes…”

He looks up at her, you can't see his face but you can see hers, she's starting to tear up.

"...Because I don't know anything about the real world either."

Dr. Serket quickly wipes one eye with the back of her finger and then the other.

“I would love to help you figure out somethings, how about we start with learning some easier study methods alright?”

“Thank you, Dr. Serket.” John sounds like he's smiling. You know him well enough to know that he is.

"Arenea." She says without thinking. She quickly corrects herself, “for when we all study together… call me Aranea.”

“Okay, Aranea.” He smiles up at her.

She smiles kindly at the two of you,

"Let's get started."


	111. Not So Clean

You just got out of the shower. You wrapped a towel around your body as you dried off your black hair with another. You yawn, you really want to doze off for a little cat nap, but your phone just dinged. Oh jeez, you have a lot of messages. Nearly all of them from your darling baby boyfriend. Karter was already out of the safe house and doing work, still he kept checking up on you. You were pretty certain you weren't in any danger anymore but he refused to chance it until he was certain you were safe. You're sure that will be soon. Not soon enough though you get so tired when you don't move enough. ' _ **Op!**_  ' Karter just texted you again to ask if you were safe. You message him back,

Sorry! I was in the shower!

You brush your fingers through your hair really quick and snap him a photo of yourself holding your arm raised well above your head and the other hand holding up a peace sign. Looks fine so you send it.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

NATALIE YOU CANNOT SEND ME SHIT LIKE THIS WHEN IM AT WORK.

I just wanted to prove to you I wasn’t lying :33

YOU SENT ME A PHOTO OF YOURSELF DRIPPING WET AND NAKED.

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND.

I'm not naked I'm wearing a towel!!!

 _Buuuuuut_ if you ask nicely I’ll show you what’s underneath

YOU NEED TO STOP.

;33

RIGHT NOW.

boooobooboobooboooboobooboobooboo

I AM LEAVING YOU ALONE NOW.

awwww, well okay sweetie... I'll send you nudes later tonight if you send me a photo of your dick

NATALIE.

Send Me A Picture Of Your Dick!

NO.

Send Me A Pic Of Your Dick! 

LATER.

yayyeayaeyayayeyayyeyay!!!

I love!

*I love you!

I LOVE YOU MORE NATALIE.


	112. Warm Loving Feeling

"That's it." You wipe both of your hands across your face and then flick them off and in front of you in a big gesture symbolizing it's over. "It's official. You did the impossible. You broke me."

You are both sitting down on your bed. Dave laying down on your right. 

"Okay," Dave sounds a bit stressed about that, "now I'm really fucking worried."

"Don't be, man." You smile at him, "just means we need to lay back, watch tv, and give our fucking body's a well deserved break."

"you mean you're all fucked out... like for real?"

"You think I would refuse you slamming my head into the door if I didn't think I was good?"

"I'll take you at your word." He drops it instantly. 

You turned on the tv and cuddled up to Dave's chest. There's something so romantic to you about watching television with your husband in bed. He's still wearing his shades, you'd reprimand him on wearing shades in the dark but he's been embarrassed lately after... after all of that...

The news channel you're watching is playing a broadcast about your life. Telling the public all of the information that they have on you. The two of you met when you were 13, the two of you were forced into many different things together and while you were apart, the two of you got married, the two of you are staying in a safe home. You couldn't help but smile when they showed a image of your wedding. Dave looked so sweet with all of that frosting in his hair, you were grinning a huge smile and trying to wipe off the icing with a towel. 

"Great." Dave wasn't as amused as you were, "our lives are on public access television."

"I think it's great that they are showing those photos," you breathe out a comfortable sigh as you snuggle up into your husband's arms, "now the public can see what I see." 

“Dirk Strider was recently shot dead by Harris County Sheriff Vantas after Strider broke into the safe house hosting John and Dave Egbert.”

The footage changed to Sheriff Vantas speaking at a podium, it was cut to select only a short part of his conversation. “AT 01:00 HOURS I HEARD A SCREAM IN THE ROOM I WAS STAYING IN. I PREPARED MY GUN. I HEARD THE SOUNDS OF CLASHING METAL AND THE SOUND OF DIRK STRIDER KICKING DAVE EGBERT INTO A WALL. JOHN EGBERT HAD WARDED OFF DIRK STRIDER BY HOLDING A KNIFE TO HIS OWN HEAD AND THREATENING TO END HIS LIFE IF DAVE EGBERT WAS KILLED.” The footage cut out.

Another news anchor continued, “at this time Harris County's police force is working with the district attorney's office to arrest and prosecute several crime lords. Many of which are currently arrested and awaiting trial.”

A woman besides him reads off of the same prompter, “this week, transcripts of Dave Egbert's case were made officially available to the public, along with information from the case's discovery. We will continue to follow updates with the police. This is Lydia Pyrope, signing-“ you changed the channel.

If that information is public then people must know alot about your sex life... That's probably why Dave is so tense right now. You can feel him pulling in on himself against your back.  

"Hey," you look up at him, "it's okay..." 

"I..." Dave sighed out of his nose. "I just want to have a normal life..."

"You still can."

"John we are like... infamous celebrities right now."

"I don't know about infamous... but does it really matter? I'm sure that people are going to recognize us on the streets in the future... but I don't exactly mind that the world knows what I am willing to give for your happiness. I'm sure that someday you'll feel the same exact way."

Dave sighed again and cuddled up to your neck. You silently watched a few infomercials for a bit before Dave spoke up again. "I just want to be a regular... normal guy..."

"You will be... once we leave the safe house we'll take that test and start figuring stuff out. Start living a regular life with a normal house... probably live with my dad for a while... in my childhood room... oh man... don't make fun of my room when you see it okay!"

"What? Is their like 80's posters and shit on the walls?"

"I said don't make fun of it!" 

"Oh my God... really?" Dave started chuckling. Oh- he can't feel _that bad_ if he's poking fun at you. 

Dave kissed your cheek and sighed again. "Well, we're going to have to really work hard to move forward aren't we?"

"I think after all of that we're on easy street." You pull back and turn your face to look at him again.

"Hey... John... I don't want to stress you... I didn't want to and that's why I've been waiting to ask but... what exactly... did... What exactly did  _he_ think of you? Like... what was all of that stuff about...?"

You lightly sigh and lean back into his arms, this might be hard for him to hear but he should know.

"All I really know is that he fell in love with me and he didn't know how to handle being in love with someone that he thought was so beneath him, so he deluded himself into thinking that I was your guardian angel... and then... I remembered recently..." You trail off and stop speaking for a moment.

"What is it, babe?"

"I am just trying to think of a good way to tell you..."

"Rip it off like a band-aid."

"He thought I was the literal embodiment of God's salvation and that I was one of God's hands."

**"What?"**

"There is no good way to say that... is there?"

"Wait- hold on, hold on." Dave sits up from the wall and makes you sit up and face him, "is... is that why he said all of that shit? When he was trying to kill me? I know that he was fucked and crazy for that alone, but... _what the fuck?"_

"I repressed those memories... it must have shook me more than I thought it did at that time... I completely forgot about that... I was trying to figure out why he made me so angry during that call on Megido's laptop... I was tired the whole time but... he just made me furious in the middle of it... I thought it was because he said I was difficult... but he liked when I was difficult... it was because... he referred to me as the  _Lord._ "

"I... I..." Dave didn't know what to say to that.

You let out a deep sigh as you crawl back into the place that always makes you feel safe. "I am just happy I realized that I couldn't trust him at his word... he was so delusional he would just sink further and further into his mind... I'm glad that Megido made me say something... I'm glad I wasn't taken... I'm glad that you proposed and that I married you right then and there. I am so happy with the way that things turned out... I feel so blessed to have not just you Dave... but all of you... with me."

"...I feel the same..."

Your husband holds on tightly to you. He is cuddling up against you and you think he deserves a little extra at the moment so you lift up a hand behind you and start twirling his snow white hair. You grab the remote with your other hand and flip through a few channels until you see something that isn't a commercial. On the screen, there was five people sitting down at a horseshoe shaped table and laughing about something with a small studio audience. The host was holding up cards in her hand and smoking a cigarette during the show. Two people were at each side of her cracking up about something she must have said. The back of her cards read, 'The Black Queen,' she spoke again,

“Dave was a prostitute, he probably gave good head.”

Your eyes widen. Now you definitely want to hear this.

“John said in court once that Dave would suck him off for hours.” A brunette man wearing a regular green t-shirt on her right side raised a valid point.

“That’s why he married him.” There was a woman with a Leo necklace sitting between that man and the host. She was snickering to herself, she was clearly joking.

“I’d marry him are you kidding?” The camera cut to another man wearing a violet button up and several gold rings.

“Dave?” The girl next to him looked annoyed, she had two extremely long braids and dark skin. She was sitting between him and the host on the left side of the half-table.

“Dave is hot, Meenah!” The girl with the Leo necklace started jeering her.

" 'Kay." The girl with the long braids raised her eyebrows at the girl across from her. "Sure, I guess..."

“ _'_ _kay...!?_   _You guess!?_ Think about it!" The camera cut to the girl Meenah just spoke too, "He knocked himself out and fought off a serial killer- his dad!- for someone he loved! He's dedicated and loyal! But also... look at his hair. Look at his eyes! Look at his whole... thing!" She gestured to her own face with an open palm, "look look look!”

A new photo came on screen. It was a photo of Dave at your wedding. He was giving the camera a slight smile when he noticed it. He wasn’t wearing shades and he had frosting in his hair, the image must have been taken while your messing around with the cake. Someone in the small studio audience _'awwed'_  and you could swear you just heard a girl squeal.

“Hold on, hold on- I got the court transcript right here.” Camera cuts to the brunette man he is holding a phone and reading from it. “John did say that! He also said that they prefer being on the bottom.”

“Take back what I said about the sex being to good to leave.” The host took another drag as she lifted up her eyebrows. “They really _do_ love each other.”

There was a photo of you both in the background after your first dance as a married couple. Dave was still holding on to you and you were grinning because he wasn't letting you go. The giddy woman at the table was thrilled about it, "See! I want someone just like that!"

"You'd have to be _willing_ to die for a marriage like that." The host poked at her.

"Not only that," The man dressed in violet joined in, "you have to be patient and you're the kind of bitch who gets mad that she has to stir her mac & cheese halfway through heating it up in the microwave."

"-Censor- you! I don't! I just order take-out!" The audience started howling, "all jokes aside, I _would_  -censor-ing kill for a love like theirs."

A photo of you two wearing suits and walking into the district attorney's office building with luggage and gifts popped up. Of course the press got a photo of you two moving in.

The host puffed out another drag. “Probably each others ride or die bitches.” 

Meenah made a face, “Okay, but Dave stalked ‘em.”

“I think if I was raised by a serial killer I’d be much more -censor-ed then sneaking around and taking photos of a guy I fell in love with.” The host tapped the ashes into an ashtray.

"You _are_  more -censor-ed then that." The man in velvet joked. The audience started cackling again. 

“Can we talk about Dirk Strider for a moment?” The cheerful girl asked.

“I swear to God if you say he’s -censor-ing hot, security is going to escort your ass to the curb.” The host wasn’t having it but you think that being annoyed at everything might be her gimmick.

“Noooo! Screw you, you huge bitch! I’m saying that he broke out of prison and tried to kidnap John! Twice! Think about it… ehhh... _**ehhh...!** ”_

The girl with the braids across from her made another face, "You implying that John's a good -censor- to die for, right now or s'mething?" 

"Not implying." The girl across from her made a smug face.

“Yep.” You say to yourself.

“Proofs in the pudding.” The brunette man pointed up his finger.

“Ass fat enough to die for.” The other man dressed in velvet nodded.

“Yeah...” Dave admitted. "That is true."

“I think they are both hot. I’d do them both.” The man with the gold rings continued.

The small studio audience applauded with an uproar of cheers and laughs.

“If you could keep up.” The host told him. The audience was still snickering.

Meenah sitting right next to him looked amused with him, “or get 'em.”

“I guess we have our choice of men.” You look up at your husband.

“I guess… both of us do…” He looked down at you. 

You give him a sly smile, "I told you that you were hot." 

Dave didn't say anything to that, he just opened his mouth to speak but waited on you to interrupt him, so you complied,

"Did you see that photo of you smiling at the camera?" You looked up at Dave, "That's how I see you every moment of my life."

He closed his mouth. His face started to flush slightly. His shades were on but you didn't need to see his eyes to know that they were wet with tears. You gently rub one of his eyes with the tips of your fingers. You know him so well.

"I think I understand what you saw when you looked in the mirror before I proposed to you..."

"Did you see how fuckable you were?" You jeered at him.

"I... I actually did."

"I'm such a lucky guy." You sung to yourself. 

He kissed you on the lips lightly and then placed his head against the top of yours again.

You went back to listening to the TV... but you couldn't help from getting a little bit handsy. 

* * *

The next day you and Dave spent the day studying with Dr. Serket again... Dave's getting a bit too comfortable calling her Aranea he keeps referring to her by her first name, even during dinner. She doesn't seem to mind it, she just wags her finger once at him and smiles as she tells him she has a doctorate. Last time she did that to him he told her, 'got it flaunt it.' Prompting her to break out laughing. Dave loves to tell odd jokes like that just as much as you love telling real ones. 

At the moment you are in the living room resting your head in Dave's lap as you watched TV with Dr. Serket. She was sitting down on the smaller sofa skimming a book and occasionally lifting up her head to watch TV. There was a skit show playing, you used to enjoy this show back when you were in middle school even though your dad said you weren't old enough to watch it. You just love comedy, you would watch anything remotely related to the genre, you remember this show has a reputation for offensive humor and black comedy. Your dad came into the room and sat down on the loveseat. He said nothing about what you were watching... he was much stricter on you back when you were growing up. Honestly, you still have some growing up to do. You still weren't happy with your dad right now and you knew he must not be happy with you either. He was sitting right next to where your head was but you kept ignoring him.

The screen faded from black to a new scene. You see a woman dressed in a maroon pencil skirt with long black hair, she looked like Ms. Megido. 

“Mr. Egbert." She **was** supposed to be Ms. Megido. "Would you say you had a sexual relationship with the accused?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The guest star of that weeks episode was playing you. You were being portrayed by a celebrity on TV! You couldn't help but feel excited at the honor.

You felt Dave tense up underneath your neck. “should I change it?"

“No.” You excitedly tell him and laughed as you spoke. "I want to watch this!"

You started listening to the skit again, Ms. Megido's actress didn't sound too much like her but she held herself the same way she did,

"Could you describe your relationship with Dave Strider for the court, please?”

"We were not allowed to... but we were dating." The actor playing you replied.

"Thank you, but I was referring to the way you two would consummate your relationship."

“Uh... well... Dave used to spend hours at a time giving me oral. We both preferred being on the bottom... but uh- Dave would do what I’d liked in bed. So he would be on top most of the time.”

“Thank you.”

“ _Also-_ " The studio audience started laughing at the way he spoke the word. "Dave would stick his fingers down my throat and choke me after he was done pulling my hair and punching me.”

“HA!” You blurted out laughing.

Megido's actress looked unphased, "would you say that you're sexual real-"

"Objection your honor: relevance?" Dave's lawyer, Ms. Maryam, had an actress portraying her as well, she stood up to speak to the judge but he just put a hand up towards her as he was staring at the witness stand. "I want to hear this." The audience loved that, as did you.

Megido started again. “your sexual relationship was aggressive, nearly violent you’d say?”

“Nearly violent? I asked him to beat my head into a door frame till I screamed.”

 ** _“HA!!!”_   **You were holding your stomach and already wheezing for air.

The actor playing you continued,

“He would tie a string around my -censor- and -censor- with a weight and shoved his -censor- down my throat and beat me with a bag of quarters. He’s -censor- on my face and give me a strawberry shortcake."

"Could you please describe what that is for the court?" Megido's actress was standing in front of the witness box.

"Of course ma'am," your actor tried to mimic how you speak and how... sweet? you apparently sound, "he's -censor- on my face and than" -a long string of a loud beep censored his words- " and the red mixes with the white." 

The screen cut to the defense table as you kept talking about a comedic -but almost on point- portrayal of your sex life. The woman playing Ms. Maryam's eyes were wide open she didn’t move as she diverted her eyes over to the man playing Dave and than she stared blankly over at the witness box again.

The woman playing Ms. Megido thoughtfully nodded as the actor playing you was still speaking. “he -censor-ed me so hard I couldn’t walk -both metaphorically and physically-" -You clapped and howled at that- "He could go for hours. He would -censor- me until he passed out and then when he woke up he’d start going again.”

You chuckle to yourself. You can feel Dave is tense underneath you.

“Then when I’d finally -censor- Dave would just keep going till I -censor- -censor- my entire -censor- Into the sheets and scream for him to stop.”

You snorted at that and started laughing hard again, _"OH MY GOD!"_

“I think Mr. Strider probably hated that we would scream so loud at every moment of the day but I don’t care if the whole world knows just how good Dave’s -censor- was, I'll scream all I damn well please. When he’d come home first thing he -censor- my -censor- till long after I -censor-ed, and I couldn't even scream because I'd lose my voice from how hard he'd -censor- my throat.”

You started laughing even harder. _**"HAHA! MY SIDES!"**_ You start smacking your hand against your own chest.

“I’m glad _you_ think this is funny.” Your husband wasn’t quite as entertained.

You had to calm yourself from your laughing fit, you sniffled a bit as you turned slightly over to face him, “It’s raunchy jokes! Come on, you like comedy like this.” You smacked his chest with the back of your hand.

“Not when it’s about our lives.” Dave sounds so deflated. 

Ms. Megido's actress spoke to your actor again, “Could you answer for us please if Dave Strider ever forced himself on you?”

“He forced me down every single day. He would make me take his -censor- for hours then pull out his -censor- just to make me beg him, plead with him for more.”

You snicker at that.

She was unfazed by that answer, “let me rephrase the question: was the sex you had with Dave Strider consensual?”

“Are you kidding?! I would wake him up and the middle of the night and beg him to -censor- my -censor- with his -censor- and scream at him to force me to-” there was a long steady beep that followed. You were cracking up through the entire thing.

The screen cut to a man playing your father in the audience, he had a name tag stating that he was Mr. Egbert, for the audiences sake. A song began slowly playing over the long string of beeps.

_“All around me are familiar faces.”_

Dave blurted out laughing. He slapped his mouth shut. “It's the song that made me laugh, sir! Uh- Dad! I am sorry!”

The beep was still going on. The screen cut to show Ms. Maryam and Dave. Dave's-pretend-lawyer turned to the actor playing your husband as the long line of beeping got slightly quieter. She whispered to him, “is all that true?” 

“He left out I would -censor- his -censor- with the handle of my sword.”

That’s it. You completely lose it. You're sides are splitting. You are kicking your legs up and trying to hold yourself together.

“Stop laughing, babe!” Your husband was frustrated with you for laughing at that.

“IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! MOST OF THIS STUFF IS TRUE!”

Your actor was talking again, “I would get down on my knees and Dave would hit me with his belt than choke me with it -but in a nice way- then he would -censor- me until I passed out from asphyxiation."

You can't stop, you're starting to choke on your laughter. **_"GH-ACH!"_**   You're coughing and wheezing.

"Once Dave thrusted into me so hard I literally died and the pounding he gave me was so hard and fast it restarted my heart."

You were cackling and trying to simmer down but completely failing at it. You wipe your eyes as you say, “okay, that’s creative.”

“I would have a -censor- inside of my -censor- half the time and I couldn’t even feel it.”

“OH MY GOD! We said that in front of the prosecutors the day you proposed!" You feel Dave tense up even more as you said that "Was there like a transcript they stole or something?! This is too wild!”

Ms. Megido's actress spoke up again, “and… you are saying… all of **that** was consensual?”

“If I could get arrested and share a cell with him just so he could kick my teeth in every night..." Your actor says the words like he is deep in thought. "I would.”

Megido closed her eyes and thoughtfully nodded.

The camera cut back to Ms. Maryam who was looking around the courtroom like she just witnessed a murder and the extras behind her paid no mind. Dave’s actor just nodded deeply once. The camera cut back to your actor in the witness box who pointed a finger gun at him. The studio audience ate that up.

“Thank you for that, Mr. Egbert. Now-” Ms. Megido's actress began again.

“Hold on, I’m not done, Dave used to grab a snorkel and -censor- that thing with his -censor- until he'd -censor- in that thing, then he would-"

The audio trails off as it cuts out to the next skit.

You were cracking up. Dave was still unhappy with the bit but he can’t get to mad if it made you laugh this hard! You tell him through your tears,

“That was not an accurate portrayal of Megido. She would have started cackling in court.”

“I’d hate to admit it but… That was pretty close to how I am.” Dave confirms.

“Say nothing, look pretty?” You ask him, still with your head in his lap.

“No. Letting you just go off.” He nodded once as he looked down softly at you and smirked.

“Both's true about you." You look up at him. "That wasn’t anything like me though.”

“I don’t know about that, babe. Didn't you just start laughing about how we really did do half of that stuff.”

“I’m not so open that I say that stuff in public! I’m way more shy than that.”

“Uhhh no. You are not shy.”

“How would you even know that!? I was in that apartment for so long you wouldn't know.”

"I've seen how you are with people."

“Dave, when you first met me I was biting my nails like a nervous wreck, trying to get someone to help me with directions but no one knew anything or even  **stopped** to help me find my way.

"Yeah..." He's sounds a bit dejected about that... “Hey, how did you feel about me when you first saw me? Were you going to ask me for directions?”

“I wasn’t going to talk to you." You admit. "You looked like you had better things to do, but you walked right up to me and just… stared at me.”

“I didn’t mean to okay, I just honed in on you and zeroed in on your location because you looked so openly nervous… you looked like how I felt and I wanted to… make you feel better.”

“From the moment you met me you felt that way?”

He nodded. “You looked so open about how miserable you felt and I felt.. I don’t know I felt like you looked really special and no one else on the street was seeing what I saw… like… like you looked so… innocent and sad.”

“Well maybe at that time I was those things. I stopped being sad and started being angry years ago.”

“How about… how about me? What did you think of me?” He nervously asks you. 

“Well I thought you looked so cool that you were going to make fun of me but you helped me instead, and well… I thought I must have been annoying you with how much I talk then you said you liked my stories and it made me so happy that I asked for your number, I bet you were working up the nerve to ask me for it weren’t you?”

“I felt so relieved that you asked it. You might have saw through me and picked up I had a thing for you… and well... I actually thought about making fun of you at that time too…”

“What!? I thought you said you fell in love with me on the walk over?”

“I did, still thought about teasing you about your tastes in movies and shit… but I fell so hard so fast I couldn’t bring myself to say almost anything to you, made me so glad you always talked all the time, not just the walk over… I wouldn’t have lasted if you didn't, you wore me down so many times, I was amazed you didn’t pick up that I was in love with you.”

“Okay well… I am amazed that you didn’t pick up that I almost kissed you. I basically ran away from you.”

“Fine. Fine.”

You touch your fingertips to your forehead, “Ohhh nooo... I must have played with your heart way more than I thought…”

“What did you just remember?”

“I asked you to put lotion on my back once when I felt confident enough to take off my shirt.”

“Oh, man… I thought I was going to die that day.”

“You poor thing… umm.. is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Any time I spend with you is the highlight of my life… That was just... okay, that was a big day for me..." He casually change the topic, "Hey, remember when we ate ice cream bars?”

How can he tell you something so romantic and then jump right into asking you a casual question like that? 

“Yeah?”

“You told me you were glad that your dad was on a business trip because you felt bad about him spending money on a hotel that nice, I told you I don’t really struggle with money, then you said _'money’s no issue'_ and I mimicked you?”

“Oh nooo… I told you it sounded like a pickup line, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, that almost made me pass out.”

“Um… do you remember our last couple of days together?”

“What is it?” He sounds no different from how he usually does but you can tell from his words he's a bit concerned.

“I umm... I would sleep with my phone besides me in bed in case you messaged me.”

His lips are even more persed then usual he turns his head away from you. You must be pulling at his heart.

“One time you texted me and well I -uh… I got so happy I threw my back on my bed and hummed to myself while I waited for your reply.”

“Whenever you texted me I’d think I was having a heart attack.” Dave confessed.

“When you would call me I would always clear my throat and try speaking before I'd answer so I could get rid of my voice crack. I don’t know if that’s cute or sad.”

“Cute. Anything you tell me is cute.”

“I texted you so often I texted you on the toilet is that cute?”

“I texted you after i got served on the roof. We both have low points man.”

“Well you needed a pick me up and I am happy I was that for you.”

“I’m not.”

“Dave, I am happy I was there for you, things were horrible but as your friend and as your lover I wanted to be there for you in anyway I could be. I still do.”

“Well.. I guess now we don’t have to worry about what could have been… but still… if the rest of my life was you messaging me while you lived in Washington like I thought we were going to do… and never telling you how I felt. I think I… I think I would have been content with just that.”

“Yeah, no… I would have manned up eventually and told you I liked you. Screw you for even thinking you'd be content with that."

“You honestly think that? You swear that shit be true?”

“It be." You nod and mock him with your words. "Dave- when we were hanging out I… shit..” you felt nervous about saying this “We were sitting by the pool and you were… goddamnit… uh… you were dripping with water and the sun was like shining on your skin you looked over at me and flipped your hair and I… I got a bit impressed.”

“Clarify.”

“I meant I was… excited..”

He raised his eyebrows, you couldn't see his eyes under his shades but you could tell he was completely shocked, “Why didn’t you tell me that months ago!?” He actually raised his volume at what you just said.

“I wasn’t sure if I remembered that right! I just remember feeling… I don’t know…” you sat up and shimmy yourself into his lap. You whispered into his ear "...turned on."

“Really? Like for real?”

“I think I did! I don’t know! I never had a crush on anyone before! I thought I felt so strongly about you because you were my only friend I knew in person but after these past couple of months I realize - I don’t feel that strong about nepeta, I don’t feel that way about Dr. Serket here and their both my close friends! I just thought I felt that way because I never had a friend before and I was happy to see you. I only got scared of how I felt about you after I almost kissed you! And after that I just thought it was like… teenage hormones… but I just remember you flipping your hair and leaning back to listen to me talk and it making me feel like… like… impressed with you! Like it was... a crush on you for being so cool and uh... the i felt... you know impressed.”

You actually have no idea how he is going to respond to that, you just keep watching him until he starts up again,

“You'd do this thing when your bangs are too long for your face you brush it off to the side, you would do that every other minute and it made me so... weak... and when you would laugh it always made me smile, even when you were making fun of me… I never wanted to say how I felt because… I just… I wanted a friend more than anything… John you might have felt... the same about that... you might have just said nothing.”

“Naah. See the biggest difference between you and me is I’m much more stubborn when it comes to people. You would sit back and accept just being friends but I wouldn’t. I think I would have forced myself to call you up and Joke around with you for a while and then make some joke about the two of us dating and see how you respond. Then just come out and say ‘Dave, I like you.’ I’d do that. You know I would.”

“Okay, we’ll in that little alternate reality you dreamt up I think I wouldn’t even be able to respond with words. I would just keep stuttering into my phone like a dial-up fucking asshole for so long you eventually just hang up.”

“I’d wait.”

“Remember when you first told me you loved me? I was a reck for a million reasons but once you said that I was so fucked up I couldn’t move for like two hours.”

“That’s because I was in your arms.”

“Okay but I spent the whole time trying to say it back and I couldn’t even speak. I sounded like Ecco the fucking Dolphin, John and you didn’t notice?”

“You had like fifty fans going off in your room all the time.”

“Damn… you said it so casually too... Did you just say that at random or did you have to build yourself up to admit that?”

“I was certain I loved you for a while before that, so when I told you I just kind of shrugged it off. You told me that you loved me every other conversation - and Dave, you already told me you loved me right before I said that. You just said I love you so often, you would forget you’d even say it. It was like breathing for _you,_ so I just came right out and said it.”

“-and you didn’t think about how that would make me feel?”

“Loved?”

“No I mean.. I mean I get so worked up over you, especially during that time." He shook his head. "I can’t believe that you just ‘shrugged it off’ and said the words so casually.”

“Thanks for shitting on my love confession.”

“No, I mean… it was so normal to you that you didn’t think it would be a big deal for me.”

“Well your love confession was uh… not ideal either. I don’t blame you though Dave, you kind of had to say something because of all the photos and well… I will admit I was scared but I tried to be… understanding... because I cared a lot about you too...”

“You were way more than understanding man, you were patient like a saint. I was sobbing for like two straight months when you got there and I just wanted to keep you safe because I really deeply loved you. Those photos made me feel like a real person and not just a… a slave.”

“I felt the same way about when you held me… that’s why I told you I loved you. When you were alone with me I wasn’t a pet or a sex slave. Only when he was in the room I felt like I was worthless… that and... when I was trying to get everyone to see you as a survivor too...”

“Man… I can’t believe what you said to him in those tapes though… honestly.. uh… I think your dad should see that one where he forced you on a date. You really clawed into him.”

“Yeah- well… I don’t know if dad would want to see all of that.”

“Dude…” Dave started talking to your dad, as _casually_ as he was speaking with you. “He bought John Champagne from France and John said it sucked so he tried to save it by ordering him a drink and rushing it up. John just slapped it to the ground." He looked back at you, "he told you he was a hit man and after a while you just brushed him off. He was so desperate to get you to pay attention to him... Man, you just stabbed into him with every word you said.”

“I said a lot of things to him even when the cameras were off.”

“Some of the things you said were like… completely twisted… ‘thanks for the compliment I’ll remember that next time you rape me’ and right after you called him out for raping me and he got so pissed he broke the lamp and walked off.”

“Yeah but... he wanted all that from me.”

“Still hurt him." Dave shrugged, still with you in his arms, "every time you talked about me he got so angry. John, he probably wanted you to hate him because **you** hate him not because you love me.”

“That… that does make sense for how disgusting he was.”

“I don’t want to… bring this up to make you uncomfortable but.. when you stabbed him... he must have known you tried to kill him for my sake, not for your own.”

“Yeah... he kinda told me he didn’t want to break my leg at some point didn't he...?" You ask yourself, then you start speaking to Dave again, "well that’s probably what drove him to do all of **that.** ”

“I didn’t mean to bum you out.”

“Pfft..." You blow air out of your teeth as you slide down and put your head back into his lap. "I’m not bummed I’m just like mmm… I don’t know… irked. These past days we’ve been laughing at the thought of him, so now I just feel... numb but shitty?”

“Bummed.”

“Well that skit was so funny I’m still riding that high.”

“You really thought that was funny didn’t you?”

“It’s so wild they guessed that you did that with your sword."

“Okay… your dad is right there.”

You start snickering. “That part about the belt though you didn’t do till we left the apartment.”

“OKAY! This conversation is going in a different direction now.”

“Weren’t you the one who didn’t mind answering any questions that my dad would have?”

“That kind of stuff he doesn’t need to know or hear, okay! Can like some things about our lives be private please?”

You lift your head up a bit from Dave's lap and look at Dr. Serket who is sitting on the other side of the living room, “all the things I laughed hard at where real.” 

“JOHN!” 

“Come on Dave... I doubt that they would make fun of us like that if they knew most of that stuff was real."

“Why are they making fun of us in the first place?!” Your husband wasn’t happy.

“Because we are married and America thinks it’s strange because they don’t have the full story. All they know is that we must have done some really 'messed up' stuff because carving your name into my thighs didn't really phaze you... we never even said that you made me carve a heart underneath your upper arm. One day, I’ll do something... like maybe be in some interview and tell them what we went through for us both and why I married you, that way the world can at least try to understand us both... but man I'll be real, in the future if our worst problem is that people think I'm a weirdo for marrying a guy who followed me around then I'd consider my life blessed.”

Dave smiled warmly at you, “If you do an interview then I’ll be there too, I’m not making you do anything alone.”

“Well we might have too... I’m planning on letting the world know you using your katana on me was real.”

“OKAY!” Your husband lifted your head up and tried to get up off the couch. “I’m going to bed! Goodnight everyone!”

“Dave, it’s not even 9.”

“My sleep schedule is better because we get up for breakfast everyday. I’m tired so, peace.”

“Awww, I was hoping we could talk about our future together…”

Dave turns back to face you. He slowly lifts up his hand. “No more talking about our sex lives and I’ll stay with you till you want to turn in.”

“I thought you said were not doing that anymore?” You know you did it on accident but that's when you were half-asleep. 

“Well this is the marriage edition. Compromises' official reboot."

“Punishment should be different.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get too it.”

“Noooo, figure it out now.”

“Okay, how about I have to do whatever you ask for a whole day and vice-versa.”

“Mmmm nooo. Slave-for-a-day won’t work because you always do what I say.”

“Wow okay. Eating vegetables and studying when you tell me too because your looking out for me isn’t exactly, ‘get up and get me a glass of water.'"

“Could you?”

“Sure.”

“HA!” You laugh at him.

"Damn."

“Think Of Something Else.”

“If you break Compromise you have tooo…" He looked at Dr. Serket. "Doctor help me out.”

“Well the two of you seemed to develop a new system actually, one of brutal honesty with each other. Perhaps consider that if you break compromise you both ask a question that’s been on your mind that you might be afraid to ask.”

“Wait- hold on what?" Dave asked the room, "what system?”

“You say 'no secrets between us' a lot.” Your dad spoke up.

“I like that, Dave. Let’s do that." You pat his arm. "Brutal question as the punishment.”

“Okay, maybe for you... but I like hearing you list out the ways you love me.”

“Make that the brutal question.”

“Deal.”

“Two separate Compromises. Ones our new rule set and the other is you stay and we don’t talk about raunchy stuff”

“Compromises.”

“Just like a marriage.” You both say in unison.

“I want a golden retriever now.”

“Specific now.” Dave sits back down and you lay on his lap again.

“I hear they are loyal and protective and hey, _the beast_ has one... Don’t you want a dog like that?”

“Ah. I guess that sounds good.”

You kept chatting about different things you wanted, most everything was just a repeat of last time. Only now you let your dad and Dr. Serket in on the conversation, she'd chime in by saying that everything sounds "wonderful!" and your dad would cheer on you and Dave both finding careers and being 'working men.' You watched some more tv, of course a lot of things on tv is just about Dave's case now. Broadcasting as much as they can about his case for ratings. You don't think you're going to have a problem telling your dad anything that he wants to know about the case and what you and Dave went through if he really wants to know but still... you kind of want your sex lives, from **this** point forward, to remain private.

Yeah... things are never that simple...

* * *

The next day you were helping Dave study up again. Nothing much else to do with him other then listen to his raps or fuck and you hate to admit you are still a bit tired of both. You had to pull yourself away from Dave for a bit to use the bathroom back in your 'honeymoon sweet.' As you got up your dad said he's making something special for you two in the kitchen. You can smell warm spice and apple cinnamon, it's probably apple cider. You quickly finished up in the bathroom and headed back to your study date with Dave. You strolled through the halls and back into the dinning room. 

You hear your dad talking with Dave so you thought you might listen in a little,

“-That’s kind of you to wait for him." Your dad told him, "I'm sure John's going to be happy to see you try cider for the first time."

“Another part of it is I think I might cry again.” Dave confessed how he felt, like it was a joke. You have no idea what they are talking about at all.

Dave sighed, “I’m sorry if me crying at everything new to me is getting too... awkward.” 

Your dad said nothing to that, just waited on Dave to say more.

“I’ve just never met anyone like you, and you're are so selfless and you go out of your way to make John feel… happy and it means… It means so much to me.”

You can hear your dad's footsteps, he must be walking closer to him. You know he's very fond of putting his hand on Dave's shoulder now. “There’s nothing wrong with tears of joy, son.”

You heard the rumbling of your dad's button-up and a brief moment of silence. 

Your husband softly said the words,"I love you, dad."

"I love you too, son."

“Awww,” you walk into the doorway, you see that the two of them are hugging. “I’m so happy you two get along.”

Dave was still sitting down at the table, your dad was standing and looking ahead at you. They both awkwardly pulled away from the hug. Dave started scratching the back of his neck and your dad coughed.

“Dad, you made apple cider?!” You sat down and looked at your husband, “did you try it yet?”

“He waited for you.” John’s dad confirmed.

“Awwww.” You kissed Dave's neck and grabbed the cup your dad fashioned for you. "You're going to love it."

He followed. He smiled at his cup.

It was warm and smelt like apples and cinnamon. It tasted just as good as it smells.

“You like it?” You ask him.

“I love it.”

Dave kept sipping on the apple cider. You taught him some more equations you felt he needed to know to pass the exam. Your dad was humming and making you all dinner in the kitchen as Dr. Serket helped with the dishes. Dave smiled after you graded some of his scores. He got a passing grade on everyone of his practice tests you set up for him. You told your husband you'd bake him something to celebrate, you were thinking of making regular chocolate chip cookies so you made a quick batch in the afternoon and wrapped them in foil to keep them warm.

During dinner you ask Dave if he wants to play a board game while you all ate dessert. You picked it out, you normally picked out trivia games but you thought you'd pick out something Dave would love today. Dave asked what 'family game night' actually meant. Your dad told Dave that you two would play board games together one night a week, every week when you were younger. You tell Dave you're hoping to do that too, it's like a family tradition that you want to keep going, much like baking. 

You're willing to bet that Dave never imagined married life would be like this. He wasn't sure what to expect. All you know was that he was ready and willing to give you the world. It's just a perfect normal day with a perfect normal family and a dear friend. You are going to make sure that Dave can feel this happiness everyday. You will give him a happy life with a perfectly happy home.

Not just for him actually, you want this for yourself too.


	113. Drunken Life, dreamy death

It’s loud as hell in this bar, it’s crowded with people, fuck it. Your about to be kicked out of this one too soon anyway.

You’re going bar hopping to find a good bar where everyone can meet up, you know Karter hates crowds and Teresa would probably hate if it’s too loud. Natalie’s been texting you on and off, she’s picking everyone up with Karter now. Jesus Lord, your sister won’t stop yelling.

“Music’s fucking shit!” Damara is classy as ever. She down a round of shots she convinced some guy to buy. Then she just blew him off as soon as she got it. You thought she got it for you and her work friend. Nope. Just for her. Her long black hair is wrapped in a bun and she's wearing a skin tight short black dress. Funny, she almost always wears scarlet red colors. Well she still has bright red lips and nails. She's tapping her nails against her black clutch. 

Her friend is rolling her eyes. She has black tattoos all along her thighs and arms. Gold piercings on her eyebrows, ears and in the middle of her bottom lip. Green eyes, dark hair and mid-tone skin. She’s wearing heavy makeup, like yourself only instead of burgundy it’s green. You thought if you’re going to go out bar hoping you’d wear your casual clothes. You didn’t even put that much effort in looking goth but apparently you look… _cool?_   Somehow alternative is chic now. Something _Porrim_ also finds annoying, “Astounding, the thing that got me fucked over in school is ‘hip’ now.”

“Honestly.” You agreed.

The two of you kept talking about your taste in music and clothes, she has a similar taste to you.  All your sisters been doing is nagging about how much she hates her work colleagues, something that she shares with Porrim. Now it makes sense why they are friends. Mutual hatred is how your sister bonds with people.

“Fucking stoner we work with always saying _'uhhh motherfucker'_ he's just supposed to be holding up the boom mic can't even do that right." Damara still had a bit of an accent from her time living in japan. 

"Not like the others are much better." Porrim nodded her head as she shut her eyes, her lids looked heavy from how long her fake lashes were.

"Fucking hard to find good gigs these days." Damara places her hand on her forehead and shook her head.

"Yes..." Porrim took a sip from her cocktail and sighed, "if it just gets worse I should just go back to being a camgirl again."

"WHAT?!" Damara slapped her hand on the table, she pointed one of her red manicured nails at Porrim, "leave the game and I'll send you 50 dollars everyday and force you to say that you are a cunt. Which you will be if you fucking quit on me!" She slapped her arm then shook her fist at her. "You want to fucking leave the industry to a bunch of incompetent assholes?! You want to fucking leave me alone, **with those idiots!?"**

"I think you have more then enough 'spunk' to survive on your own." She took another sip from her drink that she delicately held in between her long black nails. "I don't plan on leaving the so called 'game' anytime soon... and you are well aware that I started out doing live streams, I could dabble in both I suppose... money's starting to dry up."

"Expensive tastes." Damara scoffed.

"Yes, someone simply must pick up your slack." Porrim eloquently jeered at her as she cheerfully smiled. She was clearly joking still, your sister gasped and yelled a few things in Japanese at you. Porrim waited patiently for her to finish and asked you as casually as she could, "can you please translate?"

“Well," you thought of the right way to put it, "she yelled quite a few things, but the gist of what she said is 'you’re a high class whore, but a whore is still a whore.'”

Porrim slapped her wrist.

“Fucking-" Damara started nursing her hit, "why are you mad!? It’s true!”

“I don’t have sex for money!” She lowered her pierced brows at her.

“Oh yes, I forgot- you perform! You're an actress!" Damara mocked her. "Why are you so proud that you are always **faking it!?"**

Porrim leered at your sister. You smiled at the two of them. 

“Ignore her.” You say to Porrim as you wiped a circle in the air around your sister's face.

“I try.” Porrim hummed as she rolled her eyes. Emerald green from contacts. 

“Hey… " Porrim rested her elbows on the counter and rested her chin on her delicately laced fingers, "how about _your_ work?”

“Uh- well I suppose I may be able to speak about it now that the cases are over… also, my work colleagues will be joining us later.”

“I am well aware…" Porrim put down her hands, "I was hoping you coul-"

Damara cut her off, “you stayed in a safe house with those boys right?” She was holding a cigarette between her clenched teeth and cupped her hand around it as she flicked her lighter with her other hand.

“Ye-“ Damara cut you off as well.

“Did you ever catch 'em fucking?” She waved the smoke off of her hand and then took a long drag.

Your eyes widened. Your sure you have a straight face at the moment, yet still your sister knows your response meant- **“YOU DID!?”** She started cackling. Her laugh is so loud it caught the attention of a bartender behind the frantic counter.

“Miss you can’t smoke in here.” He was pleading with your sister to put out her cigarette.

“AEEE! Bite me.” She waved him off and gave him a rude gesture, “Hu!? Porri this is your favorite bar!? Fucking bites already! HEY- music’s shit! Change it and I’ll put my shit out.”

“How about I get security to boot you out instead?" Another bartender ganged up on her.

"Well then..." Damara sat up as she gracefully wiped her lap. “I will take my leave.” 

Damara made her way to the door. Porrim took one last sip of her lime green, smoking cocktail. You drank Damara’s last shot. It would be a waste if you didn’t.

You walked out into the street. Damara probably had a dozen shots but she’s still holding herself high as she always does, like she’s above the world. You can just imagine her saying _'EYH!? Of course I am! World shit and I ain't shit!'_   Porrim gracefully floats aside you, her jade green stilettos click on the pavement along with your thick black heels. Porrim has the aura of a stalking vampiress, your sister has the demeanor of a cocky delinquent. You enjoy their company, however you aren’t sure how your work friends are going to respond to them. You’re sure your sister's just going to find someway to harass them, if she tries something with your boss you’ll take her down a peg.

The three of you stumble upon a less crowded bar and stand in front.

“Drinks probably seee-uck.” Your sister already had her doubts.

“Won’t know till we try.” Porrim walked in ahead of you both.

“ _Try_ to swindle guys into buying you drinks.” You followed her in.

“Hmm…” Porrim hummed as she lightly nodded, “you know us well.”

Your sister walked in holding onto one of her elbows “Well, music isn’t fucking trash.” She puffed out a ring of smoke. There was a slow beat, it's either dream pop or some kind of indie rock playing on the speakers. Bars a-little-tiny-bit seedy but no ones chewing her out for smoking. Sheriffs coming anyway, and your sister could take on anything on her own. Honestly as long as you are with her you aren't worried. “Good enough.” You shrug.

As you take your seats at the bar Porrim asks if you all want to share some fried green tomatoes.

“All fucking food in America's shit.” You are guessing your sister meant 'no' by that.

“I somewhat agree with you on something... for once.” Still, you haven’t lived in Japan for very long, only a few years when you were very little. You have visited your sister twice since you started your career. You know she just trashes each place she lives. Beer cans, glasses filled with cigarette buds, stolen magazines and trash bags everywhere. You tell Porrim about your sister's living habits and she tells you she knows all about em.

She pulls Damara to her side with one arm. She tells you in a mocking tone as your sister glares at her, “she’s my roomie now.” 

“I thought you were visiting from California?" You ask your sister, "you moved here?”

“My dumb fucking boyfriend broke up with me!” She huffed out another puff of smoke. “I knew Porri from a couple of gigs I had when I lived here years ago. I moved in with her a few months ago. I didn't tell you over the phone because I knew I would whine and bitch and moan about it for hours 'less you were with me in person and I could see your face." You appreciate her honesty, "now enough questions!” 

“Just one…" You tilt your head forward, "what was the reason this time?”

“Something about not wanting an open relationship, fucker knew what my job was! Made me uproot my life to live with him and blew me off cause I slept with… _hmmhmmhmm…”_ She hummed and trailed off.

“Who?” You pressed her.

“His…" Damara mumbled under her breath... "sister.”

“Yeah, sorry you kind of deserved to be kicked out.” Porrim lightly laughed at her, "aren't you lucky that you have such good friends to pick you up after you screw yourself over?"

Damara slapped her wrist and grunted. “ **UGH!** A whore is a whore is a whore is a whore is a whore **is a whore!!** Sex for money is whoring it up!”

“You…" Porrim is surprised at her outburst. "have the same job as me you do realize that?”

“Yes but the difference is I am proud! Proud of my job. Proud of the sex I have! Grow a fucking pair **_eeeyyhhh!_** Admit you're a whore!”

Porrim lightly shrugged, “sex worker sure but-“

“Whore! Sex work is whore-a-teering!” Damara pounds her own chest with her fist. **”Wear your colors with pride!”**

“I do not..." -Porrim sighs- " _turn tricks_ , Damara.”

“Just because there is a webcam between you and your clients don’t make it no different!" Damara pointed at her friend, "WEBCAM WHORE!”

“Don’t give people a label, Damara,” You text the group chat your location as you speak. “If you do that then everyone has the right to label you all sorts of things.”

“Drunken _Slooooob._ ” Porrim leaned into the counter and pointed at your sister.

Damara scoffed at her and hit her cigarette again. Porrim ordered her a plate of fried green tomatoes anyway, much to your surprise, Damara nearly ate the entire plate herself. 

"If you are going to eat so much then the next things on you." Porrim pointed at her.

"Fine... I'll get some fucker to buy us another plate." Damara tried to sit up.

"No..." You tell her, "I don't want you two to flirt with anymore guys, everyone's on their way."

"What!? You want me to pay with my own money!?" Damara glared at you. 

You glared back at her. "Yes."

"Fine." Damara gave in and took up a faux-eloquent tone, "I promised that I wouldn't embarrass you."

"You got her to promise you that?" Porrim sounded surprised. She spoke with you as Damara called over the bartender for another plate. "What's the catch?"

"I have to introduce her to the sheriff." You delicately covered one of your hands with the other as you place it on the table.

"Ohhh." Porrim sounded amused. Her voice was deep and alluring as she spoke, "so he's coming too? You have some _'connections'_ now, don't you?" She knows you worked with him she's just toying around with you for fun again. You would tell her that he's coming with a date but you don't want to spoil the fun. You just smile and nod as you order another drink. Porrim orders another cocktail after she turn to you and politely asks, "What are those boys like? If you don't mind me asking."

You hum and think for a moment, "both of them are stubborn. John has a way with words and people, he is very cunning, so much so it's... intimidating. As for Dave, he is the most selfless person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."

"Really now?" Porrim sounded interested. "So you care for those two? If I am not mistaken you were the prosecutor against Dave Strider, were you not?"

"I was, and it's Dave Egbert now." You kindly correct her.

"OH! God!" Your sister cuts in. "I keep forgetting that they are married!" Damara slapped your back. "I saw you in one of their wedding photos too! You were crying like a bitch!"

"It was emotional for me!" You scrambled to defend yourself as your sister bullied you, for a moment you felt like you were kids again. "I don't need to explain myself to **_you._** "

"I knew the whole thing was romantic." Damara cheered for herself as she always does, "that boy took that long to run out! Must have been for his lover! I was right!"

"Yes, you were right, Damara." You sigh. You place one of your hands in your lap and comb through your roots with the other. "Now can you _please_ simmer down."

"Aradia?" You hear the sound of a familiar deep voice.

"Ah... hello, Officer Zahhak." You turn your head to look at him. You have to admit you are slightly annoyed that he is here, still Natalie wanted to invite him and he did assist all of you... he earned the right to join your little get together... especially if your sister is here. You introduce her and her friend. Damara puts one of her heels up on her seat and rests her arm on her knee as she takes a puff from her cigarette. 

"You'll have to excuse her." You gesture over at the vicinity Damara is in. "She's a free spirit, she does what she wants." 

"I see..." Zahhak directs his focus on your sister. "You remind me of someone.”

“Yeah, my sister!” Damara nods her head up at him, still with her foot resting on the chair.

“No, someone… else.” He seemed transfixed by her.

“Old fling?” Your sister asks him with a much kinder tone.

He meant to smile, but instead he just scrunched up his lip and slightly nodded a few times, “yeah.”

“Hey, buy me a drink and I’ll _consider_ letting you get handsy with me in the bathroom.” She pulls this move all the time. She’s just trying to get a free drink. You slap her to remind her that she's supposed to be on good behavior today.

“I’ll buy you a drink but I wouldn’t be looking for anything more." He responds to her.

Your sister sits down properly.

"You’ve had a few drinks, haven’t you?" Zahhak gives her a light, gentle smile. "I’m just looking for a drinking partner for right now, however, that doesn't mean I am not interested.”

“Hey… look at you…"  She’s not facing you, but you know she must be smiling at him, "you’re a real man.”

You here someone cheering from all the way across the room. A long steady "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" over the mumbles of the other bar occupants and clinking glasses. 

“Natalie’s here.” You turn your head to tell Porrim.  

“EQUIUS!!! AHHHH!” Natalie ran across the room and jumped into Zahhak's arms and kissed him on the cheek several times. _“IT'S BEEN MONTHS! **AHHH MY GOD!”**_

"Hello Nepeta." Equius pat her back and gently guided her back to the floor.

"Imissedyou!Imissedyou!Imissedyou!" She was still rubbing her face into his abdomen tightly hugging him and grinning. She has to let go to wipe some tears out of her eyes.

"Shit.. Shit!" Natalie's holding her head slightly back, "my mascara!" She starts laughing. 

"Language." Zahhak scolds her.

"Oh we are in a bar." Nepeta sniffles once and scrunches up her nose to stop herself from crying. "Let me off the hook this time."

You see the sheriff slowly strolling in behind your boss. Natalie breaks your gaze and hops in front of you, "Ari! How have you been!?"

"Hello Natalie, I've been well, thank you." You kindly say as you lightly nod.

Natalie is cheerfully greeting everyone like she hasn't heard from them in months, you've been texting and calling her during your time in your safe house and she's been keeping you in touch with everyone else's happenings, at least in the houses that had a signal... Still you appreciate her enthusiasm.  

"Did you get someone to look after your cat for you?" You forgot that you never got around to asking her. "I'm sorry I never asked you."

"You know, you are the first person to ask. Thank you." She nodded at you. " _Yehs_ , I _deid._ "

Her phone dinged, "Sorry! My parents have been texting me on-and-off. When I told them that a delusional serial killer wanted to kill me because I was like the maid of honor at my friend's wedding they like _whhhhaaaaat?"_   She grinned and lifted up a flat palm. "-and I was like, ** _I don't know._** " She giggled and then snorted.

"I'm very sorry you were dragged into this, Nepeta." Equius was patting her back like he was comforting her.

"Nahhhh, I'm fine. I'm just happy that John and Dave are okay. _I bet they had a little honeymoon._ " She was taking up that funny, fake voice she likes using when she's having too much fun with herself. _"He-Heh-He."_

"You stayed with them right?" Natalie was asking her best friend, "you have to tell me _allll_ about what it was like."

"Uh..." Zahhak started to look a bit stressed again, "well there isn't that much to say... uh... John's father made us a large breakfast every morning."

"How big?" Natalie looks up at him with starry eyes.

"Like a buffet." Zahhak sounds confident with that reply.

"Great googly moogly."

Zahhak slightly laughed at what she said, "He also made us dinner every night, and John started making cake my last couple of weeks there."

"Why'd you leavé?" Natalie jokes around.

"It was just... time for that." Zahhak goes quiet. 

 _"Ohkay._ " Natalie just accepted that as an answer, "Tell me all bout _tea_ cakes."

Damara and Porrim both left to go to the bathroom for a moment. Your sister left her cigarette laying in the ashtray.

Sheriff Vantas strolled up behind her as her cell chimed again, "YOU'RE PARENTS STILL TEXTING?"

"They're just worried." Natalie replied to her boyfriend.

"TELL THEM I'M WITH YOU." Karter tells her.

"Seeee... the thing is- I didn't exactly tell my parents I'm dating the sheriff yet."

"-HUH?" Karter looked a bit confused at that.

"Wanted to tell them in person..." Natalie confesses. "After all that's happened, they said they might come down to see me."

"LET ME KNOW WHEN, I'LL TAKE YOU ALL OUT TO DINNER."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She started bouncing up and down and cheering. Natalie grabbed onto Karter, squishing down his arms and his lower chest. "I'm going to **make them** love you!!!" She has to wipe her eyes again. She's excited that Karter agreed to meet her parents but he's just looking over at you like he doesn't get _why_ she's getting emotional. 

"Bathroom," Natalie is pointing at the other side of the bar, her eyes filled with tears, "bathroom time." She walks off as she searches her purse for something, off to go fix her running mascara. Your sister and Damara come back from the, in Damara's choice of words, 'shitter.'

Karter just grabs a menu and rejoins Teresa in a booth that he left her in.

Zahhak settles down and sits next to your sister. She mainly seems interested in stories about John and Dave. 

"I carried his body back to Dave. After, I guarded the door till everyone came. Dave was so determined to protect him, when we got back he had his sword out over him as he was holding onto him."

"That fits the man my sister described... yes." She nods to herself. "I bet he can go hard as a motherfucker with a blade."

"lan-" Zahhak catches himself from correcting her, and nods instead, "I heard he did." 

"He stood his ground against that man." She puffed out another drag from her cigarette, the end of the bud, smeared red with her scarlett lipstick. "...I wish to meet the boy, I've seen photos, his eyes are endless red and probably filled with..." -she searches for the word- "respect."

"Respect... for what?" Zahhak ask your sister.

"Respect for others, life, love, you know..." She took a puff of her cigarette as she spouted out her half-wasted wisdom, "when your world is nothing but pain, you eventually gain complete and total respect for when the world is kind."

"I... I think you are more than right about that." Zahhak is a bit taken aback by your sister. She's intimidating. She often burns into others like a flame. Fire is hard to hold in one's hands. She's more than most men can even attempt to handle, you're interested to see if Zahhak even thinks he can keep up with the raging tides that is your sister.

Nitram strolled in a little later than the rest, he walked up to you all at the bar.

"Oh... hello, Officer Zahhak." Travis seemed a bit nervous again, "It's uh... good to see you again..."

"Yes... Likewise." Zahhak was looking up at him, there's a row of empty chairs right next to him. Porrim is taking up the last seat right next to the wall.

"I am just going to go... sit... uh... down here... right next to you." Travis slowly takes a seat on a stool next to you all. 

"Excellent." Zahhak awkwardly nodded and pulled his focus back onto your sister as he continued chatting with her.

Damara began, "you have to tell me about your old fling now I am interested. The eyes you had before... you wore the face of a man in love."

"Oh, that... that is a story for another day." Zahhak solemnly told her but he looked so reserved with his eyes closed like that, like he was saying the words to himself.

"That means not at all! If you don't want to tell me anything just say it! I will respect honesty more than a man who is passive." The raging tide is coming in.

"Well... I suppose I can at least say that the two of you are assertive." Zahhak replies to your sister.

"Uh hu- in general or in bed?" Damara asks.

"Well I think it would be rude to say-" Zahhak is cut off by your sister.

"We're in a bar, we're having drinks. Blame it on the booze." Damara lightly throws up her hands.

"You two seem to have a lot more in common then I initially thought." Zahhak lightly smiles at her.

"Hu? What are you saying?" Damara tilts her head.

"You both always have a white lie to tell other-"

Nitram spit his water he just got back into his glass and started coughing.

"oh dear." Zahhak sounded stressed. 

"You okay there, tough guy?" Damara leaned back to look over at Nitram.

"Yes" -Travis coughs- "I just _-aught-_ swallowed an ice cube."

Damara continues to talk with all of you about the boys, she seems to have a vested interest in hearing about what they are really like from people who have first hand experience. She keeps prodding you all with inappropriate questions so you've been downing quite a few shots to shake off the embarrassment. When she asked Nitram and Zahhak if they ever walked in on John and Dave... ugh... in her words, 'going hard as a motherfucker like I know they do...' the two of them tensed up. They kept trying to divert her attention with different stories but nothing much happened in that safe home expect for breakfast, dinner and dessert. Something your sister couldn't bring herself to give a shit about, she'd _get it_ if she was there. You instead choose to talk about Dr. Serket, you know they were all staying with her and she was John's therapist. 

"What is this woman like?" Damara asks you. At least she seems somewhat interested.

"She is a deeply caring woman, extremely compassionate. She is very serious about her job as John's therapist, so much so that she also helped Dave get treatment. She can spit fire -a million words a second- if she's pissed and it's so easy to make her pissed. She ran defense for Dave long before anyone else did, well Nitram sort of did, but she looked at Dave like he was a victim of circumstance." Op, you feel the drinks kicking in. "She's a- a- good person... just... She was always giving me a hard time-" 

"How so?" Damara asks you so you go off,

"She'd get into fights with me and we'd argue about my case. She went hard so fast, yelling shit like-" -You put on your best posh voice you can muster to impersonate Serket- " _You law enforcement dogs don't know shit about social work... oh Me-gido... you are such a bitch- you imbecilic -cunt."_

"You wouldn't happen to be mimicking me now would you?" 

You quickly turn your head to see that she's strolling up behind you. "Uhhhhhh...."

"You law enforcement dogs no nothing of manners either." Dr. Serket has her arms crossed. She is looking down at you with a cold glare. She snickers and smiles, "hello, Aradia."

"Hello, Serket." You smile back at her.

She pulls you into a hug, you extend your arms to pat her back. 

"So how much of that did you hear?" You ask her.

"All of it I believe, that is so kind of you to say." Aranea smiles kindly at you. "I think you are quite sharp yourself and very caring in your own right." 

"Jesus, get a room." Your sister jokes.

You pull away from Dr. Serket and smile at your sister. You give Damara a laugh and look back at Dr. Serket, who is giving her a confused smile. 

"Oh- you more interested in getting one with me?" Right after Damara said that, you slap your sister, to remind her once again, she's supposed to be on good behavior. Jesus, your sister's outbursts sober you up real quick.

You turn to apologize to Dr. Serket but you notice that her eyes are widened and her face is flushed. 

"You're quite forward." Aranea holds onto her elbows and gives her a nervous smile.

"She's just like that," You pat her shoulder. "I'm really, honestly sorry." 

"Well," Porrim leans back and smiles at the two of you. "She isn't the only one whose like that." 

"Patricia!?" Dr. Serket apparently knows her. She walked over to greet her. "It's been so long! How have you been?"

"I've been fine, seeing anyone new?" Porrim lightly holds her chin up with one of her fingers as she holds her elbow with her other hand. She gives her a gentle smile.

"Not since... well, I've been busy." Aranea replies, placing her finger tips up to her chin.

"So I've heard." Porrim reaches out her arms for a hug.

After they embrace Dr. Serket pulls away, "it's a small world isn't it?" she claps her hand together once as she speaks and clasps them together.

"No." Damara so rudely tells her, "I think Porrim's probably fucked just about every girl here."

"We used to date," Porrim holds her head up as she speaks with your sister, "unbenounced to you, I have respect for the people I am with."

"I respect big guy here." Damara smacked Zahhak's shoulder.

"Oh now that is wonderful." Dr. Serket claps her hands together a few cheerful times again as she asks him, "Officer Zahhak, you two are dating?"

You are about to open your mouth to spare Zahhak the trouble but he swiftly answers,

"If she would like to, I'm more then happy... but we've only just met, Damara... perhaps call me another time, see if it's what you really want."

"Yes..." Porrim lightly chuckled at her as she mocked her. "Wait and see if it's the booze talking." 

"Booze doesn't talk for me-" She directed her gaze at Porrim and then shrugged. "but I still respect that."

You perk up when you hear a familiar voice, "hey aa, didn't save me a seat?" Captor is right behind you. 

You turn around in your stool and pat your lap twice, gesturing for him to sit.

He laughs and asks you, "Everyone here?" 

"Yes." You nod.

"Okay, steal the show." Captor lifted out his hand gesturing for you to take the stage. He grabbed onto your hand and guided you to sit up. You cough to get everyone's attention. When you are sure everyone is listening to you. You confidently lift up your palm to show everyone the back of your hand. You're face slowly turns from a confident half-smile to a huge grin. Before you could say anything, you instantly heard a _**"EEEEEEEEE!"**_ with more gusto than usual. Natalie instantly gets up grabs your hand and drags it over to your boss before you could even finish your announcement-

“Boss! Boss! bossbossbossbossboss!” Natalie already had Teresa’s attention but she was demanding her to give you her enthusiasm. “Feel Megido's Hand! FEEL IT!”

Natalie forced your hand into your bosses. “Congratulations!” Teresa smiled a large toothy grin at you.

You restate, "I was about to say- Captor and I are engaged."

"Teresa, Natalie," you ask them both, "Captor and I would be honored if you could be our bridesmaids."

"YES! YESYESYESEEHSHHESHEHSEEH!" Natalie can't keep in her excitement, or her tears for that matter.

"I'd be delighted." Your boss continues to feel your hand. Lightly grazing your ring.

She says to herself, "another excuse for the Egberts to come back to Texas."

"Ohhhh!" Natalie sniffled, "now I really can't wait!" 

"I'll buy everyone a round to celebrate." Teresa happily let go of your hand, "just order whatever you'd like."

You thanked her and gave everyone a shot glass. Everyone cheered for you in a toast and afterwards they all started ordering more drinks and of course Natalie was hitting the shots hard. You introduce the sheriff to your sister, as promised. Of course you know her intention. You're just waiting to see the  _shit shooow._ Alright, maybe you had a few too many yourself.

"Sheriff Vantas, this here is my sister, Damara." You stood besides him as Damara sat next to her work friend and Aranea sat in between the two of them where you sat earlier... if you are allowed to even call her by her first name you aren't sure, Zahhak was taking shots with Natalie.

Captor comes up behind you, placing his hand on your shoulder, and whispers into your ear, "sparks are going to fly fizzle and burn."

You lightly slap his hand that he placed on you.

Damara leans a bit forward towards the sheriff after they exchange pleasantries, at least you think that is as pleasant as the two of them can be. 

“Word is you killed Dirk Strudel.” Your sister was leaning into her lap, her back faced away from the bar and toward Karter.

“Strider.” Porrim corrected her, not sure why she even tries, your sister gets shit wrong on purpose.

“You killed the man?” Damara leaned her head in closer.

“SHOT HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE HEART.”

"and you're to blame." Damara jokingly said as she twisted her back to pick up another shot glass off of the counter, "you give love a bad name."

"Okay-" You take the shot glass she just picked up out of her hand, "I think you had one to many." 

"She speaks her mind." Porrim told Aranea, "so she's a woman of few words."

Damara glared at her, "Camwhore, what use is being wellread when you suck and fuck the day away? Answer that?"

You reeled back your head and downed Damara's shot.

"I know how to preserve my dignity." Porrim took another shot from the counter and hit it. "What little of it I have left."

Damara starts laughing, Porrim joins her.

"Hey," Damara addresses the sheriff again, "Tell me what you think of those boys."

"THE EGBERTS?" After Karter asked Damara nodded so he continued, "DEDICATED."

Damara took a few seconds, she looked at you and then back at him, "...that's it?"

"IF YOU'D MET THOSE TWO YOU'D GET IT."

"I'm looking for information that isn't something I could pick up on after watching a documentary on HBO." Damara tilted her head and asked him again, "what are they really like?"

"Their whole lives are on display," Dr. Serket interrupted, "you even just said that yourself, I see that you have an interest in them, but a passing fascination with-"

"I see myself in those boys." Damara came right out and said it, "I can't pick up on why, It's bugging me." 

"John can be really stubborn." You tell her without thinking... still you continue, "I don't think there is anything wrong with that, I'm the same way. I saw myself... in Dave's flaws too. Damara," -you let out a sigh- "you will meet them both at my wedding. They'll both be 21 by the time I get around to having it, so you can have drinks with them... fair?" 

"More than fair..." Damara tilted her head at you. "I think I see it now..."

“Lovely." Porrim takes another shot and mumbled to herself, "she sees herself in those two? oh, those poor boys."

Damara leaned over to swat at her again. Porrim leaned away from her and smiled. Damara started laughing.

You all kept talking with Karter and joking around. Damara was still interested in hearing everything that she could about the cases and even pressed him on what the apartment was like. He'd give her short form answers, she didn't like that very much but she can't complain, he's at least answering her questions and you can tell he's annoyed with all of you.

Still Porrim takes the initiative to ask him, "Perhaps we can speak of more pleasant things over coffee?"

"Sorry ladies." Natalie strolled up once she heard that. Apparently she's been listening in. She stumbles in her kitten heels as she walks up, three sheets to the wind. She is struggling to point up a finger. "He's take." She nods. "Take." She points at Karter. "Taken."

"I can't compete with that." Damara jokes to herself, still sounding dead serious as she usually does. "I have my heart set on someone else anyway."

Everyone's been drinking and chatting it up. You've been talking about your time spent in the safe house, out of respect for Dave you don't say anything about what you walked in on, everyone else must have followed that rule, you are well aware that their basically on their honeymoon, even right now they are still in a safe house with their dad and well.. they we're always going at it, they ain't gonna stop now. You take another shot. Everyone breaks away from the counter to do their own thing. Travis is completely plastered, he is cracking up at everything and happily dragged you over to talk to your boss.

"John- John looks up to you, you know that?" Travis is putting his hand on Teresa's shoulder. "He-he really has a lot of respect for you. Even told me that when we- we spent time together."

"Dave really looks up to you too," You lightly place your hand on Teresa's other shoulder. "He respects you the same way -an-and admires your conviction... so much so he refers to you as 'the beast.'"

"Really now." Pyrope's face pulls into a large grin, "I quite like that."

You can hear Natalie from the otherside of the room loudly singing along with the music, "IF YOU'RE LOST YOU CAN LOOK AND YOU-"

"She seems like she's having fun." Teresa beams a large grin over at where she hears her voice. 

Dr. Serket is still sitting right next to your sister. Aranea starts loudly singing along, "TIME AFTER TIME! IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH YOU."

You walk up to Aranea and sing along, "I'LL BE _WAITING!"_

All three of you loudly sing, "TIME AFTER TIME!" Natalie runs up to join you two at the counter and holds onto you as she loudly barks the lyrics, "I WILL BE WAITING!" much louder then even Aranea who is practically screaming. 

Your impromptu karaoke was interrupted by your fiancé who wanted a video. 

"aa." Captor was messing around with this phone, "lift your hand when I start filming." 

When he starts filming you he says, "marriage."

You lifted up your hand to show off your ring again as he says. "Engaged."

You crack up and Natalie jumps into the screen with Aranea who both start singing again.

You settle back down again as everyone breaks off and does there own thing. You sit down alone with your sister. You down a few more shots as you people watch. Natalie was swaying to the music as she spoke with her boyfriend and her best friend. Zahhak stopped her from falling over a few times. Karter would lift out a hand to help but Zahhak was even more protective of her then her boyfriend was... impressive to you. Karter seems really defensive when it comes to _her_. She starts laughing and constantly holding on to both of them. Your fiancé started talking with the sheriff. He broke him away from the rest. He was probably going to ask him to be his best man. 

"Damara..." You turn to your sister. "Will you be my maid of honor?"

You expect her to say something like, 'I think I've earned that!' or 'No fucking shit.'

Instead she quietly answers, with a simple, "yes."

The two of you continued to sip from your drinks, you drinking water and Darama drinking from another shot glass.

"So you all really love those boys, don't you?" Damara sighed. She was looking down at the empty shot glass in her hand on the counter top.

"Yes... so much so... that I would ask them to play a role in our wedding but..." You lightly sigh. "I don't want to put them on the spot... still, they mean a lot to me..."

Damara wipes her finger under her eye as nonchalant as she possibly can.

"There's no shame in crying." Even though she isn't facing you, you still give her a warm smile. 

"I don't cry." Damara remained focused on her glass.

"Me neither." You turn towards her.

She looked at you for a fleeting moment, she moved the glass, then held onto her elbows and crossed her arms on the counter "...boys got you to confess your love to Captor, didn't they? I've been trying to push you off that ledge for years." She looked back down at the counter again.

"I've been trying to get you to quit chain-smoking for years."

"Fucking-" Damara turned her head away from you, "don't worry so much about me. It's fucking annoying."

"I know," you nod. "That's why we always fought."

Damara sighs and hunches forward into the counter. She rubs her elbow once,

"I saw myself in those boys, and I saw you..." After she speaks the words, she slowly turns towards you.

You nod at her silently and confess, "I did too."

She went back to looking forward at the counter, "I kept thinking of everything as romantic, as two lovers staying for another, but they were soulmates in every way... best friends..."

You say nothing you wait for her to speak again,

"I saw _you_ taking a hit for me." The words come so light out of her lips.

"I saw us getting hit with a belt." You say the words with no emotion.

"I swear I could hear my eardrums ringing after I read those court transcripts..." She pauses for a moment. "Dave walking up to the bench saying, 'he'd just barge into my room and start beating me or John... over nothing' at his dad's trial..."

"His own father did all of that too him..." You say.

"Felt nothing..." Damara continues.

"I think he was miserable." You tell her, "he probably only ever felt pain and anger most of his life..."

"Hope-fucking-so."

You smile at her softly, and then sigh. "I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough to those boys for pushing John in court... even after..." You lower your voice, "...I helped them throw my case, Damara."

"I could tell, there were so many things I knew you were fierce enough to jump on."

"Maybe I should think before I strike." You let out a light sigh.

"No, you act with your heart, not your head. You see your pain in everything..." Damara turned to face you, "just like me." She gave you a quick sad smile and went back to looking down at nothing, "I thought I went through some tough shit, but that doesn't compare to anything that those boys gave for each other and they fucking sucked it all up and just moved on."

"They are still taking steps in that direction, they weren't just healed overnight." You started rubbing her arm.

"I wish we all could be." Damara sighed, _" **aghhhhmmm."**_

"Well." Your sister sat up out of her chair and fumbled on one of her heels. "Shit." She fixed her footing. "I think I'd had one to many... and I'm tired. Calling it." Damara stretched out her back and grabbed her tiny black clutch off the counter.

You point your finger at her. “You call me when you get home, Damara.”

“I’m going to pass out when I get home.”

“Call me, say fuck you, and hang up.”

“That I can do.” Damara nods and starts strolling off.

"Wait-" You lift up your hand as you call out to her.

"What?" She turned back to face you.

"I love you." You never say that enough.

"I love you too." She never says it enough either. 

She looks around the bar for someone,

"God, my fucking rides in the bathroom, ain't she?" She sits back down in her stool. "Fuck."

"Yeah well, hey- we've been talking in English." You knew this whole time, but you still think it's a bit strange.

"Trying to get used to having an American accent again." Damara sighs. "Want some cash for all the drinks?"

"No, everyone else is buying for me today." You proudly say.

" _Yeaahhh-_ " Damara holds out the syllables in that word. "I'm part of everyone else."

_'Is that really true though? Everyone else?'_

You scrunch up your lip and give her a smile, "get me next time."

"Fine."

There's a brief silence between you both.

"So..." you ask her, "you like Zahhak?"

"Big guy? Yeah... might actually date him."

"Really..?" You scrunch up your face, "what do you see in him?"

"First real man to buy me drinks all day." Damara speaks with confidence. 

"I... I suppose you are right." You tilt your head down and lower your brows a bit, "still, he could be putting on a front because all of us are around."

"No. He responded so quickly to me. His words were genuine. He spoke from his heart not his mind."

"I see." You scan the room again. You're really just looking to change the topic. 

You notice that Porrim was chatting it up with Teresa in the booth across the room.

"Well, your friend seems to be hitting it off with my boss.” You gesture with your hand that they are on the other side of the room, Porrim is probably her ride back.

“Eehh.. I ain’t surprised. Business types like that always go for younger chicks.”

You lower your brow and narrow your eyes, just what does she… _'oh?… **OH!’**_

Damara sees the world without any obstructions. -you suppose you already knew that about your sister.- No lens, no tinting, just clear 20/20 vision. Just viewing the world for what it truly is must be exhausting but probably, in the long run, a much more blissful life.

You could learn a thing or two from her.

_**“EYYY! CAMWHORE!? YOU STILL MY RIDE HOME OR WHAT?!”** _

Maybe make that just a thing or two. Nothing more.


	114. Think Only of the Future, Not of Our Past

“Ms. Pyrope.” 

“Hello, Mr. Egbert. Hello, boys.”

Weeks later you met with the Egbert family one final time. Since things had calmed down, they are saying there farewells to you. You told them all what had happened while they were staying in their safe second home.

You, yourself, had convicted Dirk of all of his charges in a postmortem trail. Rare that anyone dead is ever convicted of their crimes, but the judge he was settled with wanted to see to it herself. She also wanted to see too Ampora's arrest when you personally showed her a video of just what he would do to Dave. From Megido's assessment, she believes that Ampora was also the man who sent her the USB drive at the start of Dave's preliminary hearings. She believes that he was working with Dirk to get Dave charged with prostitution. 

Karter tracked down many of the people Dirk was associated with. Still there was no word of the woman Dave called 'Mindfang,' no matter, sludge always gets pushed out from the pipes. You no longer need to search for her, you no longer feel the need. John Egbert has left an impression on you, now you have faith just as he does that resolution is the true nature of this world. Everything will happen in it's own time. Perhaps you will never hear of her again. Perhaps you don't need to. Perhaps bloodlust and vengeance isn't a necessary tool for your justice. Perhaps love and hope is actually stronger than those things, something that seems so strange to you. You thought those things were your downfall, no love was not, it wasn't hope either, blind faith in those who have done nothing to earn your trust was.    

The boys were prepared to start living in Washington again. Dave and John both got the equivalent of their high school diplomas. They were going to figure out what to do from there. John offered you his hand, he wanted you to feel his missing finger again. He sounded exultant about it, sounded like he was choking back a grin. He had a band around his finger. He told you Dave had used his money to get them wedding bands. You thought they already had them, you suppose the wedding was thrown together so quickly, and also under those particular circumstances, must have slipped everyone's minds. He joked around and told you Dave won't stop admiring his and fiddling with it. You grinned at his words, unafraid of showing your happiness for those two boys. You honestly wish them the best with there new life. You were immensely proud of them both.

Dr. Serket was going to continue to be John’s therapist over video calls, he felt comfortable with her and it wasn’t hard to understand why. Dave himself agreed that someday soon he would need one of his own. The two of them were going to figure out how to really start their lives together. They wanted to thank you directly for all of your help, to be perfectly honest, you don’t feel like you’ve done anything to earn their thanks or their praise. You feel like you need to thank them for all that they have done to help you and your team crack down on these criminals, many of which were still in hiding, slowly-but-surely Karter has been weeding them out. You're office has been trialling them accordingly. With all that time spent in the safe home you’ve were itching for some real work. You were thankful for the dense work load. More than that, you were thankful for all that those boys risked so you could trial those criminals. Grateful you even had the chance to know either of them, their bravery outweighs even your own. You don't even feel like you've done enough to earned their respect. The way Travis tells you John looks up to you. The way Aradia tells you that Dave admires your conviction, so much so he refers to you as 'the beast.' You feel that they have much stronger souls than your own. 

You said your goodbyes to the Egbert family.

As you said your final farewells, John walked up and hugged you.

He softly said, “thank you.”

“No, John… I need to thank you… I need to thank the both of you, for everything.”

Those cases were those boys lives.

Those boys put all of their faith in you.

That meant the world to you.


	115. as the two of us walk side-by-side in hand, we cast one shadow

_You had enough. You are done. No more._

_You are putting an end to this._

_John is leaving even if he doesn’t want to._

_He is getting the fuck out. **now.**_

_You nudge his unconscious body off of John._

_You drop the pipe out of your hand._

_You kneel down next to John._

_“John, come on."_

_He looks completely stunned. He is drenched in sweat and his eyes are filled with panic. He is staring at your brother’s body. You don’t know if the blow killed him or not and honestly you don’t fucking care._

_John isn't shaking._

_He isn't screaming._

_He is so afraid that he probably doesn't feel his broken leg... good. You need him to run._

_You take off that stupid fucking collar. "I've had enough."_

_You strip him of his cuffs and toss them at the wall._

_John starts sitting up. He looks like the pain is completely drained out of his body._

_“John, get up." You pat his arm."You need to leave.”_

_His eyes are still fixed on Dirk's body._

_You start yelling at him,_

_"John! Please! You need to run!"_

_“Wha- Dave what?" He slowly comes back to reality. You walk behind him and lift him up under his arms. He is practically limp then suddenly he jumps up. "Dave, what are you doing!?”_

_He gets to his feet and begins to yell,_

_“Dave! **What the fuck** did you just do?! Do you have any idea what is going to happen to us now!?"_

_“Not you. Just me.”_

_“What the fuck are you talking about?”_

_“You need to leave.”_

_“Dave no. no." He is grabbing your face._

_"nonononononono.” He grabs your shirt desperately clinging to you._

_“John. Get out now.”_

_“I’m not leaving you.”_

_**“JOHN GET THE FUCK OUT! JUST FUCKING GO! DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME! FOR ME, JOHN!  I DON’T WANT HIM ANYWHERE NEAR YOU! I NEED THIS JOHN! I NEED YOU TO BE SAFE! IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'D RUN! YOU SHOULD HAVE RAN YEARS AGO, JOHN! I- I FUCKING FAILED YOU!"** _

_You are screaming at him. You are shaking him. You need him to leave now. Now is the time. Now is the moment. You can’t put it off any longer. You knew this day would come. You knew this would happen the moment John showed up. You knew you would have to take out your brother too. You know how determined he would be to kill John if he ever made it out, no one is allowed to leave. ever. You keep screaming. You point at the door. You keep screaming. Your eyes start to water again. You ignore them. You keep screaming._

**_"I CAN'T RUN OUT ON YOU AFTER ALL THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, DAVE!"_ **

_**"JOHN THIS IS THE ONLY CHOICE I THINK I'VE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE. Don't rob me of that.”** _

_He grabs you. He kisses you. He jams his teeth against yours. You shove him off of you. You go back to screaming. You love John, you truly deeply love John. You know that you do. You never wanted this. You never wanted him to get hurt like this. You never wanted to punch him or cut him or slap him or shove him off of you like you are doing now. He always asked you to hurt him and now you are really doing it. He looks like you just stabbed him in his chest._

_“Dave come with me.”_

_**“No. get out. I need to take care of this on my own.”** _

_“FUCK YOU! COME WITH ME!”_

_**“NO, JOHN!”** _

_“COME WITH ME! NOW.”_

_**“NO, WE ARE NOT DOING THIS. The moment I hit him I made up my mind."** _

_“Dave.” He sounds so kind. His eyes are watered with tears from the strife and pain he just went through. His romantic blue eyes are filled with love, “Come with me, my love.”_

_“It’s too late for me.”_

_“No... no...  Dave... Dave!”  He tries pleading with you._ _“Dave, you need to run too! It isn't safe here! For either of us now!”_

_**“That's right, it isn't safe.**_ **You** _**need to run."** _

_"Dave, I can't- **Dave, if I was going to leave you behind I would have Fucking done it years ago!"**_

_You ignore his words. There is nothing that he can say that can change your mind. He can not find the words to get you to leave. Your choice has been made, there is a lot of work that you need to do but for right now... John leaving is the real first step._

_"You need to get back to your dad, find someone with a phone and call him.”_

_“I don’t remember his number!”_

_“Then find someone on the street and call the police!"_

**_"DAVE! I CAN'T LEAVE YOU!"_ **

**_"JOHN! YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING LEAVE!"_ **

**_"DAVE I CAN'T GO NOW AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED-"_ **

_You scream at him your address. You scream at him where the elevator is. You scream at him to tell the police that the fourth floor is his ‘workroom.’ You scream at him all of this information twice. You need to drill this into his skull. He needs to listen._

_You stop talking. He starts crying._

_You step back. He starts sobbing._

_You lean down and grab the pipe._

_He gasps and silences his sobs._

_His eyes fill with fear as he follows your hand with his eyes._

_He is focused on the pipe. Staring at it with his wide eyes, wide and bright blue like the skys._

_"John." You gain back his attention. "You need to promise me that you will do this one thing for me."_

_John takes a moment to take everything in._

_His tears stopped flowing._

_He closes his eyes and takes a deep peaceful sigh._

_With his eyes shut like that he looks like he just made a painful decision._

_“Yes.” John wiped the tears off of his chin, “yes.”_

_His eyes are still gently closed shut, "I will leave."_

_You look at him one final time. You lift up his chin._

_He softly opens his romantic blue eyes to look into your red and beautiful ones..._

_“I love you with all of my heart, John." You kiss him on the lips as softly and as lightly as you possibly can. Gentle like a cloud. Your lips slowly part, slow. Just like everything._

_"Come with me..." He lightly breathes out the words, airy and buoyant like a cloud._

_"It's too late for that..." You try your best to match his tone, you can't you sound too heartbroken for that... you are too heartbroken for that..._

_"Dave." He grabbed your hand and held it to his cheek. "You can leave."_

_"I don't think I ever had that choice..."_

_You take a few steps back._

_John is a fighter..._

_He's always been a fighter..._

_The world needs to know that..._

_"Thank you for doing this for me... I'm sorry... for everything...”_

_In one quick motion you slam the pipe into your own head._

_You need to shock him into running... Running and never coming back..._

_The pipe smashed into your head so hard a small part of your brain touches your skull._

_Instantly knocking you out._

_If today is the day that you die then **so be it.**_

* * *

_Dave's body drops to the floor._

_Your lips part open and your eyes widen._

_He is face down and unconscious on the floor._

_Dave gave you no choice._

_After he did **that** you have to leave. _

_You can't stay. You grab the first gift that he ever gave you from your side of the bed. You grab the bloodied urine-soaked_ _sheet. You kneel down and flip Dave's body over. Your to weak to even think about dragging him out, still you don't think he deserves to have his face left in the ground. Dave is above that. After you flip him onto his back, you kiss him one last time on the lips. Your tears stain his face and cover the inside of your glasses. You grab his hand and rest it on his chest. You rub his hand as you_ _look at an obscured-water version of the person you would give anything to spare from any pain, any strife... You think about taking a photo from under the bed after seeing his peaceful sleeping face but you hear Dirk's body take in a deep breath through his nose. Instantly you cover yourself in the soiled sheet, hold on to Dave's shirt and run out the open door. You take off as fast as you can and head to the elevator. You are panting as it descends down the flights of stories. You know Dirk Strider is a dangerous man. You know leaving him alone with Dave is dangerous you need to go. You need to get the police. You can only say what Dave told you. Dave can never know what you know. You need to run until you find something. Something that can help you. You just keep running through the pale cement city. All of the fear closing in on your mind numbs your thoughts. You can hardly make any image out, the soles of your feet sting from running but you can hardly feel the pain. You are completely numb to all of your pain. You fear less for your life and more for... more for... you turn around and look at the red sky, red and beautiful. It's almost like a sign. You have to fight yourself not to just run back into his arms... that wouldn't save him... You notice that your glasses are askew, you lift up a hand to fix them... That wouldn't comfort him. That would only serve to hurt him more and after all of that pain you can't make him suffer again. You need to leave and maybe Dirk will focus on namely you. He can't kill Dave. He knows that he can't._

_If he comes after you then **so be it.**_

* * *

_When you were reunited with your son again he would sleep all throughout the day. You would catch him fast asleep in the armchair downstairs in the living room with a book facedown on his chest. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, you would never wake him up. Sometimes you would walk by his room and hear him sobbing. Once you changed his bed sheets for him and found a shirt covered in blood and filth under the mattress. You said nothing to him about it..._

_Sometimes your son will build up the pillows on the couch to lean onto when he watches movies. You notice how pitiful his eyes look, like he's worried more for Dave then for himself... You are sure that that scourge of a man isn't happy that John managed to escape when there were no other survivors. That man kept your son as a pet... as a dog... treated him like he was worth nothing and only fed him scraps of food that he made his own son pay for with money that he got from... selling himself... you still don't know what to make of Dave... you still can't tell how to feel about him..._

_sadly..._

_you can't bring yourself to have complete faith in your son..._

_you're struggling to piece this together..._

_still struggling..._

_always struggling..._

_Your son looks at you as you drive back to the town house... he just met with that boy again. The prosecutors were all there from your knowledge. Dr. Serket was by his side every step of the way. It's so rare that your son smiles so you can't help but match his grin. He seemed more than happy to be meeting with Dave again but when he got back to your car he seemed... upset or disheartened about something... you ask your son how everything went._

_He told you that he just got engaged to a man that you hardly know... you keep your eyes focused on the road ahead of you. You watch each dotted line that passes by the car. You focus on the white lines as he speaks. You grip the steering wheel as tightly as you can as you ache. You have to clench your teeth. Each word that he says is cutting into your heart... not just that but your soul... you want nothing more than for your son to be happy... happy and safe... you have no idea how you can do that... you look back at him as he says words that are filled with love... love and patience..._

_when he apologizes to you..._

_"I’m sorry if I ever disappointed you.”_

_you feel completely devastated..._

_your son feels the need to apologize too you for something that is damn near impossible..._

_He apologizes for nothing._

You are still proud of your son... It's hard for you to completely understand him but with what he went through you feel like you need to box some of your concerns in a corner and leave them in the package that you don't need to open. John went through more pain then you can imagine, more than he will reveal to you... you don't know exactly what it is going to take for him to heal but you can trust him to figure that out on his own... all you know is that you will continue to be his caring, devoted father... you will be patient and listen when he asks you too. All you ever wanted... all you ever needed was his happiness and John's safety and Dave Egbert has promised that to you. Neither of them have ever truly let you down.

...shocked you...? yes.

...startled you...? yes.

...disappointed you...? never.

Dirk Strider took your son from you... he tortured you for years and you never heard of his name till the day you found your son again. In fact... he's tortured a million different people that he has never met. He doesn't just kill to torture his victims... but to rip people's lives apart. Killing one individual person doesn't just take one life... it destroys multiple lives... starving people of something irreplaceable until you are hollowed out inside. Ripping hope out from the hearts of victims families. That wasn't just about killing one person, it was about looking at ever single person close to one of his victims and finding a way to scratch at them, cut at them so deep that they can't ever hope to heal the wound. That man clawed at the world, in a way that will tear into as many people as possible, even the ones outside of his grasp...

Still... you will not let Dirk Strider win... you will do the thing he never fucking cared to do... you will find pride in your son, you will take Dave under your wing and help him learn everything about the world that John couldn't teach him. You love Dave. You truly deeply love him for everything he's done for your son... for everything that he has done for you... he has no blame in any of this... you think someday you can let go of all of your pain...

it is so much easier with Dave around because...

because... it fills your heart with so much pride to see him smile. 

* * *

 

You lost your brother years ago, you were certain you saw the same hopeless eyes in John... You weren't looking at him... you only saw the version of him that was hurt because... he lost Dave...

_"He started shaking me and telling me I needed to run but I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to leave him there after he just did that. He picked the pipe back up..."_

John was so certain that you were going to be the one to take Dave away from him... You're job was to build a case against that boy... but you saw yourself in Dave that day... you saw your sister... you saw your fiancé...

_"You make me feel like a fucking idiot because I like the way you look!"_

You were so certain that everyone needed to learn to be on their own... you guided everyone through their personal crises but you thought that everyone needed to stand on their own two feet... alone... like you always did...

_“I didn’t feel bad about following through on the choice to run because… Dave isn’t near him anymore… Dave Strider is a scared hurt kid... just like me... and I am in love with him.”_

You were so certain that John was alone... that he was completely alone... that he had no one that could understand him, so you tried... you were his friend when he had no one... but... he was never alone... he always had Dave... you were glad you were there for him when Dave couldn't be at his side...

_“They always listened to what I had to say, that’s why I fell in love with them actually.”_

You were so certain that John was smart enough to play everyone... smart enough to make their proposal look like a routine to get Dave out of any real trouble... and you  _weren't_  wrong about him being crafty like that... John could play people... John could manipulate anyone to do anything... you don't understand his mind... you don't get him at all... you don't need too... you think you understand his heart...

_"I know- I know, but it’s just for now, it’s just for today and hey... remember this happens, and we always bounce back."_

You were so certain you could get your son to get better on his own, that therapy could teach him to forget about Dave and all of the hurt and just move on...

_“I know this must be hard on you, dad. You don’t know anything about him or what kind of person he really is. All you know is what people tell you…I hope that one day you can get to know Dave, I hope that you can get to see the person who protected me... I want to show him that big beautiful world that he only got to live in for a month.”_

You were never certain about anything... anything in your life really. You weren't certain that Dave was innocent or guilty. You weren't certain that John could withstand the pressure of the case. That's why you treated everything with uncertainty... that was until you noticed his innocence as you asked Dave questions...

_"I will take full responsibility for anything you ever regret. Anything. Anything for you... I will accept anything you ask me too. I could live with you hating me, if it means that you are better off. I just want you to be happy.”_

You're life changed the moment that you met Dave Strider... Dave Egbert.. your husband... the love of your life... your best friend... You could never give up on him... You could never leave him...

_“I will compromise with you to make this life work, Dave! I promise I won't ever leave you! Not after you did that!... What? Dave, come on! Stop... don't do this right now! NO! I SAID I WON'T LEAVE YOU BEHIND! NOT EVER! I will make this life work Dave! I will! I can't turn my back on you after you did that!... What!? Dave you can't go out to get water for us after... I know that we're both losing a lot of blood. Then we'll just drink out of the fucking sink. Right... see what would you do without me around?"_

* * *

_"Is that another photograph!?"_

_You perked up as soon as Dave opened the door but when he was digging around in his back pocket your heart jumped. You sit up in your bed as Dave sits down besides you. He hands you a polaroid that he took in front of one of the largest buildings in the city. He was standing at ground level and pointed the camera up at himself with the skyscraper behind him. The building itself was huge, dozens of flights tall and covered completely with glass windows. The silver building reflected the blue skies and the vibrantly white clouds. It looked like a bright, summer day outside. Dave is smiling in the photo for you. A sweet happy smile. Oh, he looked so handsome when he smiles like that, his eyes alone make your heart soar... but that smile... that smile makes your heart weak._

_"Dave I think this is my favorite one you've ever taken for me."_

_"Really?" He says the word like he's actually surprised, even with how monotone he can sound you can always hear even the slightest infliction in his voice._

_"How are you so good at taking photos like this?" You continue to look into the picture.  The clouds are so bold and white from the sun, it honestly feels like you are looking up at the sky as Dave kindly looks down at you. Your heart is throbbing against your throat._

_"I have to practice with my iPhone to get the angle right."_

_"Oh, you're revealing all of your trade secrets to me?" You smile at him.  "I must be real special."_

_"You know you are." He quickly places a kiss on your cheek._

_"You'll have to tell me all about your day."_

_Dave looked at the door, he just heard something that he was trained to hear. He said nothing about it and continues talking. "I went out and saw the usual things, babe."_

_He gestures for you to hide the photo with two light swipes of his hand. You continue talking, "how was the sky today?" You slightly lift up the upper mattress and pat the others back in their place as they begin to slide out._

_"It was really cloudy. I'm sure it looks the same out the window."_

_"It's different when the sun is shining down on your skin... I remember it feeling so hot."_

_Dave gives you a somber, sad smile._

_"I think I remember the feeling..." You raise your eyebrows and pull your lips together to keep yourself from grinning. "I guess I just like feeling hot."_

_You push Dave back into the pillows as you pin him down with both of your hands, "wanna make my neck as blue as the sky?"_

_You reach over for the bottle and start working Dave's soft cock with the lubricant._

_"-or are you going to make me beg for it again?" You smile down at him with a big doopey grin._

_"You know I don't like treating you bad." Dave smiles up at you._

_"Maybe I like feeling bad." You give him a sly smile. "When_ you _treat me bad it feels so fucking good, master."_

_Dave slaps your thigh with his hand. He's trying hard not to laugh at how loud you moaned at something so light._

_"Already moaning like a slut?"_

_"I wasn't ready. Don't be so forceful so fast!"_

_"I had so much on my plate today, getting groceries, I walked through the city in the blistering heat and now I have to show my little cockslut his fucking place."_

_You grin up at him, he's treating you so bad right now. You both know that that fucking man is listening in, you would say you could care less but still, it's best you keep calling Dave your master and you need to encourage him to call you his whore. You give him a quick peck on the lips and smile sweetly at him._

_"Where is my place, exactly?"_

_"On top of me."_

_"Oh, I like that." You start actually sliding him inside of you, "just make sure that you keep your hips moving."_

_"I don't need a cocksucking whore to tell me how I should fuck."_

_You can't help it. You cheerfully shimmy your shoulders. Perched on top of Dave's lap._

_"I need 'daddy's little princess' today."_

_You bite down on your lip with your 'adorable overbite.'_

_"I'm always your princess, daddy." You smile at him. It's hard not to be so cheerful after Dave comes but he came home with such an amazing gift. You really owe him more later._

_"I know you are."_

_"Daddy... you're going to destroy my hole again today, aren't you?" You say the words like your sad but you can't help but beem._

_"Eventually..." He started gently thrusting into you._

_You let out a low moan from deep in your gut at the feeling of him hitting you right where you like it._

_"shhh..." he kindly said the words into your ear, "nice and slow."_

_You know that he's listening in, you don't want him hearing you say no for fun._

_"Aw... fuck me... just..." You sigh as Dave hits you right where it's fucking good. You only really, really enjoy moaning no, but as long as he's listening in you'll keep to moaning like this for Dave's sake. "right there," you softly moan, "faster."_

_Dave slaps you across the face. You whined._

_"I'll go wherever pace I fucking want to."_

_You hold onto both of your cheeks as you smile up at him. You grin at him as you say, "Daddy... please... fucking use me up."  You sigh out, "fucking use me."_

_"Hmm..." Dave slowed his pace._

_"noooo!"  You tried your best not to laugh, you know that he's just messing around with you. "no. daddy... don't... don't toy around with me like this... you're just pulling out so you'll make me beg for your cock again."_

_"I don't need to pull out to make you beg for my cock."_

_"Oh yeah?" You completely drop the persona. You let out a light chuckle against your own will._

_"You're such a needy bitch you beg for my cock everytime I enter my room."_

_You almost laugh out loud at that. Dave hates treating you like this in bed. Since neither of you are in the mood it's so easy to just toy around like this. Dave is almost snickering at that._

_"I don't recall begging for it when you walked in." You slyly say the words to him. "All I ever bitch for is for you to treat me bad..." Dave nods at you, prompting you to say more, "gonna treat me bad today, daddy?"_

_Dave flips you over. Your eyes widen at how sudden that is. He starts thrusting into you, slow but hard._

_He leans into you and says right into your ear. "If you are going to bitch for me to treat you bad then I'm going to fuck you like the bitch you are."_

_You snort at that. You couldn't help it. Dave starts laughing too. You know Dave's only saying it because you like it and you're hardly even turned on right now. That's actually starting to get you there though. You love what he's saying to you..._

_Dave is looking over at the door again..._ _You are both probably going to get fucked around with later but as long as the door is closed it's still your room. You turn around. You quickly sit up and on top of Dave. "Let's take turns today." You are bouncing up and down on Dave's half-erect dick. "First I want to destroy your fucking cock."_

_"Oh- what happened to making me treat you bad?"_

_"Oh, drop it Dave." You smile down at him, "you're well aware I was just playing around."_

_"When aren't you?"_

_"Dave, I know you're to tired from all that walking to fuck hard. Just let me fucking-" You blow out a moan as Dave starts to get harder, "-let me fucking..." Dave sat up he's starting to lightly graze his teeth against your nipples. "Shit Dave." You lightly stutter out a moan. "That's fucking..." He bit down on you. Hard. "-fu-fuck- Dave... Okay... Got it... I was fucking wrong."_

_He pulls his mouth off of your chest as he looks at your face, "you know how some people always have room for dessert..? I'm always fucking ready for more of you."_

_"Can never get your fill?"_

_"Why do you think I'm always falling asleep inside of you?"_

_"Ha!" You laugh at that. "That's pretty good."_

_He bites down on your nipple again. "Not as fucking good as you are to my cock."_

_"Oh, you're going to get fucked soooo gooood later."_

_"Serious about that topping thing?"_

_"Only if I can slap you around a little bit, spank you, pull your hair...?"_

_"You're hardly even horny and you're still joking around like this?"_

_"I am riding your cock at this very moment."_

_"Is that what you're doing? I thought you were just sitting, taking a fucking load off, loungin on top of me with my cock in your ass."_

_"Ha!" You laugh again, he's being stupid, "come on, I just woke up... give me a sec."_

_"Wow. John, I can't wait until you ride me with your raging semi."_

_You try hard not to laugh, a snort comes out of your nose instead._

_"Ah- John. I want you to mildly grind into me with your kind-of-hard fat droopy cock."_

_You start laughing. "Hey- Wait your turn!"_

_"We should both start drinking coffee," Dave jokes, "get the blood flowing."_

_"It's not exactly easy to get hard again after you spent all fucking day slapping around my dick yesterday."_

_"Is your cock afraid of me now?" Dave starts cooing to your dick like he's trying to get a woodland to come up to him, "it's okay... I won't hurt you, see I'm your nice owner. The other guy is a real fucking piece of work."_

_"It's -ha!- It's hard to get hard when you are being so dumb!"_

_"Oh- look at that you got your wish, I'm treating you bad... just like you asked."_

_"Bite me again." You smile at Dave, "pretty sure my cock twitched when you did that."_

_"Can't for the fucking life of me understand why you like when I bite you? I think it hurts like hell."_

_"Cause you're sensitive." You give him a fake pout. "Poor thing, maybe it's a good thing you don't like it as rough as I do... If you did then neither of us would be able to walk."_

_"Fuck." Dave pushed himself off of your chest again, "did you just say you can't walk? You mean that?"_

_"Dave my legs are fucking sore and my knees are all scratched up. You fucked me hard yesterday... Think you can just hit me around for a bit till I cum then we can like nap...?"_

_"I can only do so much with my hands. How about I pull your hair back." -he grabbed you and dragged your head away from his face- "and what about I..." -he punched you in the gut- "I can only do so much with my hands and you can only get so erect."_

_"Ha!" You laughed at his little joke, you nurse the blow to the gut you just took._

_He still doesn't like hurting you but you are grinning so big that he smiles lightly back at you._

_"Still not hard yet? Maybe you need some encouragement." Dave says the words like he means them, "want a little mood music?" Yeah you know he's joking._

_"You're going to rap, aren't you?"_

_"No. I was going to hum moonlight sonata- of fucking course I'm going to rap."_

_"Bummer. I was hoping that you could beatbox Beethoven as I grind on your dick."_

_"Why is the only music you like piano music anyway, man?" He's still holding your hair back and making you bend your neck as he pulls you more._

_"Cause everything else **-ah-** blows."_

_"You don't like my beats?"_

_"Your cool hip masterpieces?" You hop once up and down hard on him. He sighs at the feeling."My ears just aren't tuned to hear just how good your beats are," -you start snapping your fingers and then point at him- "I'm not hip and down with the kids like you."_

_"Shut up, man." He lets go of your hair to lightly shove you._

_You look back down at him. He is smiling. Not just his usual soft half-smile but a real grin, showing you his teeth and pulling at the skin around his nose._

_You push him down again and pin him down to the foot of the bed this time._

_"Whoa- John." He seems surprised at your outburst. You guess you were a little rough with him. You are looking down at him with half-lit eyes and a devilish soft caring smile._

_"Sorry, but by the end of this. Neither of us are going to be able to walk."_

_You can't exactly say I love you whenever he is around, still you could play around in the only way you were really allowed too. Dave still wasn't comfortable with treating you like a whore. Like property. But when you made it into a game he was more comfortable with doing the stuff he already started doing. It's the closest thing to love you could show._

* * *

 

You tried to convince Megido to give Dave a plea deal... you are so glad she is so stubborn... she actually helped those boys out so much with that. She forced John to tell Dave about everything that he didn't know too and then she drove them to get married. Maybe she needed to make it up to them... after she hurt John in court... Dave looked so hurt after John told him about... about all of that... still he stood up and held onto him...

_“No matter what. I am never leaving your side again.”_

God... you are so self centered... the only thing that matters is how you view the world. You saw yourself in Dave and John... that's why you helped them... are you so foolish that you would let an innocent boy get incriminated and sent to prison for sins forced onto him. Thank God for John Egbert... that boy saved you from yourself in a million different ways... and he will never know...

_"It isn’t your fault for being born in a shitty house with a shitty dad and a shitty life!"_

At the start of the case you didn't know what to make of Dave's relationship with your client... then you became enraged when the prosecutors weren't seeing what you saw... an innocent boy that was raped by his only guardian... a boy that was raised as a sex slave and not a person... it enraged you... 

_"...to distract Mr. Strider from beating me… Dave would start… he would… he would get to his knees…"_

What John would tell you about Dave, he sounded so funny and weird... reminded you of yourself a bit actually. You both seemed to have a terrible sense of humor. When you got to know him he showed you that he really _was_ that funny. Dave told you he makes weed brownies, sometimes you make space cake. He liked all the videos you'd show him before he left to go into the safe house. It was hard to believe he had the life he had... so you didn't think about it... you just let yourself be a friend. Still... you were happy you could be their maid of honor... they squeezed a love confession out of your darling... you owe them big for that.

_"Yo, Nat, have you ever seen this video before? Shit. You know all the good ones don't you? Can't impress you."_

Those words changed your mind completely about Dave... Those words cut into your skull like a knife... you actually felt physical pain... but you needed to feel that... you need to hear them so you could help  _Terezi_...

 _"John, you deserve the right to say that you want me to stop touching you. I know I always wanted that."_  

You weren't sure how to feel about Dave. Still, it was your son's choice to stay with him and it was your son's choice to marry him. All of the prosecutors seemed to believe in his innocence. You trusted what they told you, what your son told you... but when you listened into how they acted when they were alone you understood why John would defend him so vehemently.

_'If I ever made you upset, or took advantage of you, I wouldn’t be able to take it.'_

You didn't know what to think about Dave after everyone was certain that he was an innocent victim... then he showed you he trusted you with this case... this case that was his life. He didn't need to tell you how to play Dirk or give any names or faces to trust him... he just needed to tell John...

"I will take full responsibility for anything you ever regret. Anything."

* * *

_You were traveling back to the apartment after he showed you the house he was expecting you to live in. You put back on the blindfold yourself you just wanted to sleep. You didn't even put the headphones on. Just laid back down in your seat._

_"I'm going to record when we show Dave. You can give him a tour yourself. Won't that be fun?"_

_You said nothing to that._

_"Are you hungry? I can take you anywhere you want to go, my Lord."_

_"I am not God." You took a breath out of your nose._

_"I know that you are not. You are a small sliver of the divine."_

_"Stop talking about me like that... I fucking hate it... just go back to calling me your angel... It's less fucked."_

_"As you wish."_

_"And stop fucking doing that. Just go back to talking like the condescending asshole that you are!"_

_"No fucking problem, anything else you want, angel?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Really? Anything that you desire, you are going to fucking get."_

_**"UGH!"**  You sat up and faced him, still blindfolded. "If you think that I am the fucking Hand of God why do you torment me like this? That makes no sense? What? Do you fucking think that you are above God? Above everyone else?"_

_He kept driving. Saying nothing._

_"You're not special."_

_"I know that to you I am just a damned human. Worth even less than an ant is worth to me... so I torment you... so you will always remember me... even if you cast me aside... I want to be something in your eyes."_

_You take off your blindfold. You needed to hurt him. You needed to cut into his delusion._

_"I am not special either... and you will never be worth anything more than a murderer. a rapist. less than a human... less than a person... You will never be worth more than an ant... to anyone..."_

_You glared at the blur ahead of you._

_"No matter how much you struggle, nothing can save you from that."_

* * *

 

Even the idea of Dirk Strider scared you. Being in the same room as him shook you right down to the core of your soul.

Dirk Strider... that name alone fills you with rage. You wanted to ring that man's neck and claw your nails into his windpipe for what he did to those two boys.

Dirk Strider doomed himself years ago... he had the front of a normal life but someone who does not seek out change or help can never hope to be whole. He was filled with a void that he thought he could fill with blood. Then he thought that John could fill that void... that much was obvious to you... Dirk Strider was just obsessed with a false hope that he gave himself.

You didn't know much about Dirk Strider, those boys never told you anything about him... and yet... the man thought that you were a big enough threat that he decided that you should die. You were in all honesty flattered. You could shake a man like that just by being kind. Just by being their maid of honor.  

That fucker had the nerve to show his face in front of you. You were fucking glad that the autopsy didn't show how many times you kicked his fucking corpse... or maybe it did... maybe someone covered that up... maybe the rest of the world just wants him to suffer as much humiliation as you could possibly bring him... still it wasn't you who humiliated him... He died for that boy and he didn't even look at him. 

Dirk Strider took your son away from you... defiled him in every way that he could... Dave told you more about those tapes... more about how your son would torment Dirk in his own way... You were **proud** of your son.

Dirk Strider was boastful... He believed that he was so above everyone in the world that he could only love something otherworldly. He thought of himself so highly, so highly in fact that he deluded himself into believing that John was the literal Hand of God that was sent to save his son who was the spawn of an angel. Such nonsense... you even told him yourself that you **will not** entertain such delusions. To do as such would be an insult to those who truly matter in this case. The victims. Their families. The Egberts. Everyone that lost their life and everyone that was close to the victims... yes... to act out on impulse is foolish... you lived your whole life with this bloodlust and this anger... if you didn't you were sure you wouldn't know how to stop yourself from jumping that man like some of the prison guards were tempted to and attempted, like some of the protestors outside of court screamed for him to die, like some of the spectators in court yelled out to him directly. He would ignore nearly all of it... he chose to focus... on John Egbert... The most compassionate and selfless person you've ever met. Someone who couldn't care less for that demon. He cut at him worse than any blade ever could. **You are damn proud of that boy.**

* * *

 _The two of you were both exhausted after all **that**. You rolled over and laid flat on your back next to him. Both of you laying down on the living room floor._ _John just patted your stomach with the back of his hand. You choked him till he came again. He's slapping your belly with the back of his wrist to say thanks._ _You both laid like that for a few moments as you struggled to catch your breath. It was the middle of december, he left you alone for a whole three weeks. He'll be back soon..._

_"Hey, John?"_

_"Yeah?" He's panting and trying to catch his breath._

_"I-" He interrupts you, still you leave your mouth hanging open._

_"If you ask me to leave" -he panted- "again, I am going to start yelling" -he panted- "again."_

_You shut your mouth._

_"Ha." John's chest expands and immediately deflates, "I know you so well."_

_You know that he doesn't want to leave you... but you know that someday he will have too... he can't stay with you forever... he constantly tells you that he loves you... he knows nearly everything there is to know about you... he's even jumped to protect you from beatings several times... still... your beatings have been getting worse and worse... your punishments in front of John have been getting so severe... you're thinking... someday soon... you're going to need to do something..._

_John rolled up to lay right at your side. He is placing his head down onto your chest. He can't see anything without his glasses on, nor does he need to. He lightly shuts his eyes as he pants hot breaths against your skin. You move down both of your arms to hold him. To pull him close. Pulling him into the only place that he feels safe... You struggle not to cry... you struggle to keep in tears that are about to violently pour out of your eyes and scratch up your throat... instead you take in a few deep breaths and gently kiss the top of John's head. Cradling him and humming to him. Caressing him and embracing him in every way that you can. You start petting the top of his head and whispering, "I love you. I love you..." Only on the rare days that you know he has to leave the state or the country do you feel confident enough to really shower John with the love and affection that he deserves so you are going to suck up all of your strife, all of your pain... choke it all down and kiss his lips gently instead. You breathe out one last time before you drift off to sleep,_

_"_ _I love you, John."_

* * *

 

You would throw your life away. You would forfeit your life, everything that you are, to make it up to John... You still feel guilt... even after all the progress you made, you still feel guilt.

_“Dave... come on... I know you don't like talking after work but at least show me a smile.. I've been on my own all day! That's not good enough! Come on... actually smile! Ha! There! see! You are so handsome when you smile like that!"_

You would throw your life away. You would forfeit your soul to save Dave's... You still feel guilt... even after all this work you did to save him... you couldn't find anyway to save him sooner...

 _"I get beat all the time it's no big deal... Why am I...? I'm crying because you had to see... Yeah... I'm sorry that... no no, you're not going to be stuck here with me, man... Don't worry._ _I... I'll figure something out... just give me sometime..."_

He didn't know what your job was. You could still shelter him from things you didn't want him knowing... no ... no... that's not true... John didn't press you because he didn't want to know...

You didn't want to know what Dave's job was... He deserved to at least keep some secrets from you seeing that you knew so much about his life already... that's a lie... you didn't want to know because you were scared. You didn't want Dave to know you were getting raped because you were scared for yourself too...

You should have known that fucking bastard was raping John... he kept making passes at him and he was so focused on getting him off... you thought he was just fucking with you... you are so self-centered.

You didn't say anything because you didn't want to get hurt... that is so like you... you could take a beating... but when someone tries to violate your mind... you lash out like a dying snake.

You could take any beating, any punishment for John's sake... but finding out he did the same for you made you curl up into yourself... so _you_ can destroy yourself... but John isn't allowed to do the same for you...? Why? He feels the same hurt? Why don't you see any value in yourself? John thinks you have value. John fell in love with you. You must be worth something...

Maybe if you weren't the person you were then  _that man_ wouldn't have fallen in love with you... maybe then Dave wouldn't have gotten so hurt... oh... that's like you... you think of others first... what about your own pain? You can cure it now can't you? You figured yourself out? No, everyday you have to analyze yourself more and more... pick yourself apart everyday... and you do that by picking apart other people... life is just one big puzzle.

Life used to be a road of dirt and fractured glass you used to crawl through because you knew of nothing else... you were sure that you had nothing... nothing... but you held on... why is that?

Why is that?

You had hope one day something would make you feel normal

You had hope one day you would figure yourself out

Now you can put hope towards a life where you give John everything that he deserves 

Now you can put hope towards a life with Dave, where you can bake and sing for him everyday

The future. 

Our future. 

A future without John's happiness wasn't one worth having...  

A future without Dave's happiness wasn't one I would ever be happy in...

I'd give John my heart, my body and my soul... 

I'd give Dave everything just like he gave me...

We can own each other 

We can own ourselves at the same time 

I trust John with my life 

I trust Dave with my soul

His dad learned to trust me... 

His dad fell in love with me...

How can he ever forgive me for bringing him into my world?! John didn't deserve that pain!

How can he ever forgive me for not finding help sooner!? Dave didn't deserve that pain!

I wanted John to move on... I wanted John to find someone better...

I couldn't ever find anyone as great as Dave... I couldn't leave him behind because it would be like running out on the best part of myself... the part of me that is caring... the part of me that is loving... I would have had to abandon my compassion. 

The part of me that was a coward held on to John... I should have forced him out the door years earlier... I didn't know how to be alone... 

The part of me that was a coward stayed... because I couldn't figure out how to make things right...

He was a killer...

He was a hitman...

He was smart...

He could figure out how to do anything...

John broke his mind...

I broke his heart...

Karter might have pulled the trigger but John was the one to kill him.

The sheriff dedicated his entire life to that case... but I was the one to kill him.

Still... how do we move on...

How do we even know where to start?

I don't make conversation with strangers...

I don't know how to do anything but talk...

All we ever did was fuck

That isn't true though... Dave always took photos

John knows how to bake... and how to help others...

Dave knows all these ways to make me laugh

John knows how to make everyone he meets smile

We'll be fine

I'll be fine

* * *

 

It felt like a lifetime ago I first met that boy with those dreadful eyes, I mistook it for dread... no... those were the eyes of a determined lover, hurt and in pain for the one he loved... I am proud that I helped those boys in every way they asked of me... proud... I feel... pride. I feel pride!

I learned to accept myself for who I am because of those boys. I wouldn't mind dying for them just like I would do for Captor. God, I really made a fool of myself... crying and laughing like that... letting myself be a person... fuck it! Live and let die!

I felt like a stubborn child... walking through life thinking I could just march on by on my own. Everytime I open myself up to others they would say I would talk to much or I was too wordy and that I spoke too intelligent for where I came from... I was born and raised in the gutter... so... who cares where I am from? I only care about where I am going! I'm so blessed to continue to be John's therapist... to keep being his friend!

I stopped caring what people thought of me years ago. I told myself I would only say what I really thought and felt because no one ever held back when they poked fun at me, and at least I am kind! I know that's true because I made life better for those two sweetpotato lovebirds, and well... they made life better for me goddamnit!

HE DESERVES TO FUCKING ROT... ROT AND BURN AND BLEED OUT AND SUFFER FOR WHAT HE DID TO THOSE BOYS. TO NATALIE'S CLOSE FRIENDS... TO ME... THAT MAN KILLED MY BROTHER... HE WAS INSUFFERABLE AND A LOUD MOUTH ACTIVIST BUT HE WAS FAMILY... WHEN HE WAS GONE I HAD NO ONE ELSE... I SWORE I WOULD FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE MISSING PEOPLE... EACH AND EVERYONE. BRING THEM JUSTICE... JUST LIKE JOHN WANTED... JUST LIKE WHAT THOSE BOYS RISKED THEIR LIVES FOR.

There is never a moment in my life that I'm not filled with anger... but it's practically white noise to me, unless something brings it to the surface... My old mentor would often quote wisdom to me. She told me serval quotes I would refer to when I... when I didn't know what to say... but I never truly understood the power behind  **words**. The pen is mightier than the sword. Everyone knows that proverb. I was so certain that action and careful planning would conquer any obstacle. My old mentor told me different... She must have seen my bloodlust... She was my mother after all, she probably saw right through me. _bis vincit, Qui Se vincit in victoria_. He conquers twice who conquers himself when he is victorious. You thought those words were meant to train you not to be arrogant. No it was a warning... the desire for vengeance will lead one astray, the desire to help the innocent will lead me to the happiness I have always been searching for. Just like John Egbert taught me.

I had to put trust into my son... put my faith into his therapist... put all of my hope into his recovery... I put none in myself... none... I lost my son and I blamed myself for letting him go out so late when I wasn't there... no... that's... If I was there... I would have been killed... that man was a monster... he would have had no issue killing me and stealing my son. I saw Dave's sword. Stuck in that mattress. Dave was fighting for his life with a sword against his own father... and nearly lost if it wasn't for my son. _He_ would have done anything to get his hands on John even back than... It pains me to think of this... perhaps... that was the only way I could live for John's sake and Dave's as well... Still... that doesn't take away this ache... but everytime I see both of my son's smile together my soul feels at peace. I just need to make sure they keep smiling. That's all I need to make it through. That's all I need to be happy. 

I was willing to give my life for Dave. That wasn't just empty words. No words I say are ever empty, each word has a purpose. I don't exactly like lying myself... over the years I got good at twisting words and choosing them... I know I am scary... but I wear my heart on my sleeve. The world knows I love Dave Egbert. The world knows that I would let anything happen to my body to protect him. The world knows every single thing about my life now. I couldn't care less... that life stopped being mine the moment that  _he_ died. My future starts with every new step. I am fresher and cleaner with every passing day. I will walk everyday like Dave Egbert is right by my side... because he is... right here.

I was so certain I was going to die the moment I knocked  _him_  out. I was certain my life was forfeit. period. John worked so hard to give me a second chance and I nearly refused it... I must have stung him so deep when I told him I wanted him to move on... how can someone move on after all that? We are soulmates in every sense of the word... I wanted him to move on from all that pain... I thought I caused that hurt... He didn't want to move on because... I gave him my heart... and he accepted it... He couldn't just throw out all of those years... God, I'm such an idiot sometimes. Still figuring myself out...

"Okay, when we get there don't make fun of my- hey! Are you even listening?"

"I won't make fun of anything, man, you're cool..." I sigh and look back at him, lifting my shades up from my face to ask him a question, "is there anything fun to do in Washington?"

"Nope." He smiles at me, as brightly as ever.

I let out a sigh and look out of the car window again as I twist the golden band around my missing finger... John wants to live in a small city, right? Always thought I didn't care about anything like that, but I'm going to miss all of the skyscrapers and all those restaurants. Just another reason to come back I guess...

"Don't look so moopy!" He hit my shoulder.

"My ass hurts from you making me sit down for like five hours straight."

He leans into whisper, "You never complained about me hurting your ass before... oh, and I lied... there is fun things to do in Washington."

"You gonna say you?"

"Depends, did you mean you as in  _'me'_  or you as in _'you?_ ' "

"Either or." I mean... that's right isn't it?

Either or is right... isn't it?


	116. Epilogue: fresh and clean

You rub your eyes.

_‘Where the fuck is Casey?’_

You hear a dog barking and make your way downstairs. The barking is coming from the living room.

You walk in. First thing you see is John crouching down behind your couch.

He is sneaking around the side and he hasn’t noticed you are watching him, your arms crossed.

You see a golden tail wagging back and forth, peaking over the sofa.

He slowly preps himself to pounce and jumps out. “AHHGHHH!” He holds up his arms and makes claws.

You hear a high pitch scream. There’s a little pitter patter of feet running towards you.

You grab Casey with one arm and lift her up. Holding her under your arm. 

“DAD! Put me down!” You can feel her little fists pounding against your back.

“No. I told you we’re going to see your grandpa. You need to finish getting dressed.”

“Ha!” John laughed at her, you almost never tell Casey what to do.

“You too, John.”

“Aww.” John slouches. You almost never tell him what to do either. 

“Booooo!” She stops pounding on your back.

“He’s right cutie." John walks behind you to get a better look at your daughter. "Your grandpa is back in town, don’t you want him to see how big you’ve gotten?”

“No!” She’s being difficult again.

“ _We’re going to go get street tacoooos_.” He sung to her as he rubbed her chubby cheeks and shook his head.

“OKAY!” Casey struggles out of your arms and breaks free of your grip. Face first plummeting to the floor.

She runs to the stairs, “DAD! HELP ME GET DRESSED!”

“Which one, cutie?” John calls out.

“BOTH OF YOUS!”

“She stone cold doesn’t give a fuck about anything but food.”

John squints at you, giveing you a ‘stop cursing or I’ll kick your B-U-T-T’ look.

“You go upstairs and help her, I still have to get dressed, remember?”

“She asked for both of us.”

“Dave, just try to get her dressed.” He starts walking to your bedroom, which is still downstairs on the other side of the house.

“You know she always gives me a hard time.”

“Yeah? Well, I can’t help her every time. Just do it this one time, okay?”

You sigh, and walk up the stairs. Fully prepared to get kicked and maybe bitten.

“Dad! DAD!” She is calling you from her room.

There you find her, her hair streaming down to her elbow. Golden like the sun’s rays.

“Look! LookLookLook!” She’s pointing down at her feet. “I put on my shoes by myself.”

Her tiny little ankles have on those cute white lacy socks. They are folded over. They look a little bit off but she did it herself. She buckled her black mary janes all by herself too.

You give her a bright smile and she starts giggling. She knows you don’t just smile for any little thing.

You pick her up and start kissing her face. "Your dad's going to be so proud, babygirl.”

You get ready to leave with her in your arms, but Casey tells you to “wait, dad wait!”

“What is it?”

She's pointing over to her baby sized vanity. She left something on top of it that she wants to bring with her.

You bring her over and hold her over it. She snatches something.

She unfolds a pair of shades and puts it on her face.

“How do I look?” She crosses her arms and puts on a straight face, just like you.

“Mad cool.”

“REALLY!?”

“Daaaave!” You hear your husband call for you from downstairs. “Is Casey dressed!?”

You bring her out and walk over to the top of the staircase. You stand there, posed with Casey in your arms. The two of you both fucking killing it with these bomb-ass shades. Man, you can’t wait until Casey is older. John told you no cursing till she’s starts high school. She would love hearing you say shit like that.

You rush down the stairs and hand your daughter over to him. He bounces her up and down in his arms.

“You will never guess what Casey did.” You prompted him to ask,

“What did she do?”

“She finished getting dressed all by herself.” You answer.

“Nooo. No way. You put your shoes on yourself, cutie?!” He sounds shocked as he lifts her up in his arms.

“Yeah!” She cheers.

“ _NOOOO._ No way!”

“I did!” She hits him with her little fist.

“If you did than I am going to have to buy you ice cream on the way home.”

“I did!”

John started rubbing her little nose with his own,

“ _Noooo_ , nooo you didn’t.”

“I did! Dad!” She’s looking at you. “Dad! You have to tell him I did!!!”

“She did.” You tell John.

“You did!?” He kissed her face all over making a “mwoah!’ sound with each peck.

He pulled his face away, “and they aren’t too tight?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“They aren’t to lose?” He starts moving around her shoe to see if it’s on right.

“No.”

“Oh my God...." John sounds actually stunned, "you really did this, Casey?”

“Yeah!”

“I really do need to get you ice cream.” He looked at her feet. Amazed that food really is her only motivator. She hugged John around the neck and gave him a kiss of her own.

John asks her, “and what did your dad do the whole time hu? Just get you shades?”

“She picked those out herself.” You told him.

“Yep!” She cheerfully agreed. "I want to be like my _cooler_ dad!"

John faux-glared at you again, than he gave you a small pout to cover up his smile.

“I’ll be in the car. You’re driving.” He took your daughter with him to the front door.

He calls to you from in the hall.

“Give the dog a treat on your way out!”

You can hear their conversation as they walk out the door.

“Casey don’t wear shades indoors it’s bad for your eyesight.”

“But daaaad. Why does my other daddy get to wear shades inside than?”

“Because he’s funny like that.” You hear him blow a raspberry on her cheek and shut the door.

When John decided he wanted to raise a child you were opposed to it. You only just started making  _real_ money with your first actual job as a freelance photographer - When you started selling your stuff most people were interested in it because they know your past history with your dad and the fact you married the guy that he kidnapped... You take what you can get- When you started the adoption process, you only just moved into this house. He told you the place was too big to not have a family. He said that he had faith you would make a good dad. You know that someday your daughter is going to find out about your past. She’s going to learn somehow. You didn’t want to bring a child up yourself, you never had a normal upbringing and you didn’t think you could ever give a child that. Having a kid never once crossed your mind until John brought it up. You knew that he would be an amazing father. You knew that he deserved a family if he wanted one.

You pick up a few toys from the floor and put them down on the couch for now.

You remember that Lydia Pyrope once offered to do a news special on your family. Titled “FIFTHTEEN YEARS AFTER THE STRIDER KILLINGS!” You wanted to decline but John negotiated with her on making a more tasteful piece with a better title and then, and only than he would allow it. She made a short special for one of her morning broadcasts about your new life and your new home. He made you wear a suit and take off your shades for the filming. John somehow got you to smile for a few shots. You were amazed you looked so happy on camera. Your daughter was a year younger than and she was really proud to have everyone’s attention. You apologized to the cameramen and told them that John spoiled her. John was proudly talking with Lydia in private about what his job was and how close by Casey’s grandpa lived. Casey ran over to her dad and he instantly picked her up without missing a beat in his conversation. A real pro.

He still kept in contact with the people he met during his case and his old friend, Jade Harley. Considers Natalie Leijon one of his closest friends. However, after all these years  _you_  are still his best friend. His partner. His soulmate. The father of his daughter. His husband. His lover. And he is your everything.

He told you to get into contact with your aunt, Roxy's sister, years ago when you first moved to Washington. Rose told you over the phone that Roxy would have been happy to see you get married. She heard all about you from news reports and articles online. She knew everything about you, still, she couldn’t bring herself to get into contact with you. Despite not being the most cheerful person, she was still glad that you called. She seemed like she was reserved. She wasn't very gentle or caring but that was a good thing, that made her honest. She told you that she was going to pay her respects at Roxy's grave on your behalf. Apparently right before Dirk broke out of prison he gave the police the location of Roxy's remains so she could have a proper burial. 

Rose told you that Roxy was a pushover and let people walk all over her because she hated drama and conflict _“-and yet she would yell at me for doing something frivolous like stealing her lipstick. I realized after all of these years that the reason she gave me a hard time and no one else is because she trusted me to not hold a grudge. Roxy wanted to please everyone she met…"_

_"She trusted me, but… she never trusted other people. I don’t think she even trusted him."_

You asked her about what she thought of him, _“I never thought much of him. He gave me… a… vibe when we were younger. He never smiled or laughed... at anything… I thought he looked miserable. I for the life of me never knew what Roxy saw in him… she wanted to fix the world… that’s probably it. She saw his inner-conflict and thought she could fix him and… I didn’t trust him, so I kept a close eye on him. He was... good to her, at the time at least… I was the maid of honor at their wedding… Roxy was so happy... so happy that I couldn't bring myself to say anything against it…” -She sighed- “I apologize, for my negligence…I should have called her the moment I realized that she didn’t call me… Ah, she would call me every day and constantly tell me stories about you… I can’t tell you how sorry I am… that I did nothing. I called her the day after but it was too late. Than a day later I called the police... but it was too late...”_ She takes a deep breath, _“I can’t help…but blame myself. For saying nothing. I am so sorry... I am so dreadfully sorry...”_

It’s funny to you... A woman you’ve never met blames herself for your entire life. 

Rose is more of a sister to you now than an aunt. Sometimes she randomly sends you texts to 'passive-aggressively jeer' you. You actually enjoy your conversations with her. She gets you, despite the fact you still have never met in person. Maybe one day you will like John and Jade. Your husband will probably force you to, just like how he forced you to call her. He pushes you into a lot of things, each and every time he does that now it's for your own good.

You walk into the hallway of the front door. You reach down into the cabinet and pull out a pig’s ear. A happy, healthy golden retriever walks over and takes it from you. John loves big dogs. He really wanted one. Good idea too because she is crazy over protective of Casey, as is John. She drops her treat for a second and licks your hand. Picking the ear back up and tip-tapping her paws away back onto her bed in the living room.

You walk over to the front door. You reach for the keys on the wall but you remember that John took them.

You look at the wall, there’s a mirror. You stare at yourself. You take off your shades.

Your eyes are red. Not just your iris’s, but your eyes are puffy.

Alright, sometimes you still get a little overwhelmed by just how perfect your life is.

Just how perfect your home is, your car is, your yard is, your dog is, your husband is, your daughter is.

Maybe to them, you seem perfect too.

You close the car door. John looks over to you.

“You ready?”

You look in the rear view mirror. Casey is still wearing her shades and kicking her legs up and down in her baby seat. You look back at John. His blue eyes staring into your shades, he lowers his eyebrows as he stares at you. He looks annoyed. It’s a face he’s fond of making since the two of you started your marriage. Actually since the two of you left that apartment together. Same thing really.

You hold his face with one of your hands. You kiss him gently on the lips.

“GROSS.” Casey scrunched up her face. 

 _“Moawah, moawah! I love your dad!”_ John mocked her and stuck out his tongue.

“I love you both.” You told them.

“I know.” John kissed you on the lips again, he reached back to Casey and held onto her hand.

“Come on, we’ve been waiting in this drive way long enough.”

You start up the car.

“-OW GET LOW TO THE WINDOW TO THE WALL TILL THE SWEAT DRIP DOWN MY BA-“

John let's go of Caseys hand to quickly shut the audio off and smack your arm.

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TURNING THE AUDIO BACK TO THE RADIO WHEN YOU SHUT OFF THE CAR?”

“ _Ohhhh, daaaaad you’re in troooouble_.”

“Come on, this is our song, baby.”

You start humming the song to him. You pull out of the driveway.

“Now stop. There wiggle with it!” You look back at Casey. “Stop. Wiggle with it!”

She starts dancing. “Stop.” then stops and then, “wiggle with it!”

While she dances in her seat you tell her to, “Do your thing baby!”

John starts cracking up. You look over at him. He’s trying to give you a stern look. He can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, fine! You win. I’ll find it on YouTube, BUT I AM PLAYING A CLEAN VERSION.”

You smirk at him and tell him.

“Ah- so fresh, so clean.”

* * *

When John noticed the clean version still says, “SKEET SKEET SKEET”

He smacked you again.


	117. Epilogue: Baby Love Child

The next evening, you were in your office trying to shuffle through some sheets from work. You've recently just got another client and you're trying to prepare something in advance before your next session. It's hard to think of your work when you hear Casey crying. She’s been wailing for a full two minutes now, is Dave even trying?

“Dave, why is Casey crying?”

“No reason.” Dave had Casey in his arm, he is bouncing her up and down. Trying to stop her from crying. He is holding a juice box in the other hand and sipping on it.

“DAVE.”

“What?”

“Did you- did you just... did you steal our daughter’s juice box!?”

“No.”

“It is in your hands… and you are drinking it!”

“Oh.” He looks at the apple juice like he didn’t notice it was there. “Look at that.”

“Casey,” You hold your daughter’s face and look at her. “I'll get you a new juice box.”

You look through the fridge. Nothing. Dave just stole the last juice box from your daughter.

You glare at him. He is not going to get away with this. No one messes with your baby.

He moves back. You out stretch your hand. He **better** put it in your hand.

He looks at the box and then puts it in your palm.

It’s empty.

You are about five seconds away from tossing it at his head.

Casey is wailing. She reaches out for you to take her.

You hold onto her and pick her up. She is crying into your shirt. You glare at Dave the entire time.

Dave looks away and gives you a nervous smile.

“Casey, cutie. Your dad was being a dummy. He’ll make it up to you. Do you want him to take you to the playground and get some ice cream after?”

She looks up at you and wipes her eyes, she shakes her head no.

 **Oh now he did it**. She never says no to food. He is sleeping on the couch for a month!

She starts crying into your shirt again.

You mouth the words to your stupid husband, ‘Don’t steal from our child!’

Dave mouths to you, ‘I didn’t know she would freak!’

‘You are an a-hole! Pull this again and I will K-I-L-L you.’

‘Okay. Jesus!’

‘No! Not okay!’ You chop the air.

‘I didn’t even do anything bad!’ He deeply shrugs. 

‘You’ve never done anything like this! I’ve never done anything like this! From her perspective this is horrifying! You just stole from our child!’

‘I didn’t know that!’ Dave mouths back.

‘That’s no excuse! FIX THIS NOW!’

Dave looks over at the counter, you look at what he is staring at. It’s the pie your dad left for you when he came over two days ago. None of you really eat key lime pie. He's planning something.

“Caseybaby.” Dave started rubbing her head to get her to look up at him.

She shook her head no. She didn’t want to speak with him.

“Would you like to get your revenge?” He smiled when he asked her.

Casey turned her head back at him. She nodded her head yes.

Your idiot husband handed your daughter the pie. He took off his shades and out stretched his arms, “Go for it, child.”

She slams the pie into his face and rubs it in. She starts laughing.

“And don’t do it again!” She yells at him with her cute, little baby voice.

Dave takes the pie off of his face. You laugh along with Casey.

“All better, baby?” You ask her.

“No. Dad! I want ice cream now!” She is still laughing and crying. _'Poor baby.'_

“You heard her.” You told your husband. You laugh at him along with Casey.

Casey reached out for her other dad and wanted him to hold her.

“I’m sorry Caseybaby," Dave took her into his arms, "I didn’t know I would hurt your feelings.”

She is crying into his chest now.

He wipes some pie out from under his eye. He sniffles.

‘...are you crying?’

He gently shakes his head no.

You can tell that he is.

‘It’s all a little bit much for me sometimes you know that.’

He bites down on his lip to collect himself.

‘when you laugh like that, it gets to me.’

You look away for a second, and nod your head from side to side. You aren’t going to let him get to you right now too. He lifts your chin up so you look at him. He whispers to you,

“Our lives are so beautiful.”

That was it. He won.

You start rubbing tears out of your own eyes.

You can’t stay mad at him.

He can sleep on the couch for just a week.


	118. Epilogue: the sun is also a star

You heard a knocking on your bedroom door. You shot up immediately.

You nudged John awake and whisper, “I heard something outside.”

You slip out of bed, just than the door opens. You tense up, ready to slide over to the wall and grab your sword to protect your family. The door creaks up to reveal a small little silhouette reaching up for the doorknob.

“Guys.” It’s your daughter. “I had a bad dream.”

“Oh Casey, cutie.” John is sitting up in bed and outstretching his arms. “Come here.”

John rocked her back and forth in his arms for a while, humming to her.

Casey’s never came into your room over a bad dream before, something must have really spooked her.

You lean in and hold onto John, you might need a few moments to calm down too.

* * *

In the morning you laid down in bed for a while, just watching Casey and her golden blonde hair, cuddling up to her dad. He looked so relaxed with her in his arms. The two of them looked so peaceful together, it melted your heart. You didn’t want anything to spoil it so you just watched them rest. John let out a deep breath, he slowly opened his eyes and he smiled down at Casey in his arms. He looked up at you. “Good morning.” You put a finger up to your lips and look down at Casey. The two of you both silently agreed to let her sleep for a while longer. Watching her weightless breaths, her sweet little face, her cute tiny arms extended out with Johns. Everything about her was perfect and gentle. Everything about her felt comforting. She was like a tiny miracle.

You walked out into the living room after you finished up some calls you had to make for your next show. Your daughter was drawing some masterpieces down on the floor. You could already tell it was fridge material. Your husband was reading something in the armchair and your dog was resting on her bed.

“Hey baby,” You were calling your daughter but everyone’s heads shot up. John’s. Casey's. Even the dogs. “Caseybaby.” John went back to reading, the dog laid her head back down.

She hopped up from the floor and skipped to greet you. “What is it!?”

“I was hoping you could read me another story.”

Her eyes lit up. “I can!” She hopped over to the shelf and picked out one of her picture books, she loved reading to you. John wanted you to work with her more on reading out loud before she starts school. She sat on your lap on the couch as she read out loud to you. When she did a good job you let her know. Sometimes you had to help her sound out some words but she was a natural. When she finished the book for you, you told her she did so good that she could have some oreos. John always just made her apple slices and cheese for a snack, you think she deserves better for today or at least better so long as your husband is distracted. You poured her a glass of milk in the kitchen and she finished up her drawing in the living room. You knew she was done when you heard stomping sounds closing in on you. She ran up to you, holding up a sheet.

“It’s for you!” her smile was as vibrant and as bright as the sun.

You took it and gave the drawing a warm smile. You couldn’t tell what it was, that was the beauty of it. She was already a master of the arts. You told her that you were going to need to get this one framed. It was so special. It was the first drawing that she ever did just for you and you alone. She happily sat down and got to work dunking her oreos and then ripping them apart to lick out the cream filling. Just like you do.

* * *

You were laying down in your hammock, your husband right next to you, your daughter in-between you both. John was pointing up at the stars, showing Casey all of the constellations he could see, helping her find them too. You were wearing your headphones around your neck so your family could hear your beats. John was teaching her all about astrology and the stars. 

"Dad, where does the sun go during the night?" She so cute and little.

John kisses her cheek before he tells her, "the whole world rotates around the sun and spins, we're just facing away from the sun right now, cutie."

"Oh. How big is the sun?"

"It's huge Caseycutie, waaaay bigger than the Earth and far away."

"How far away?"

"Hundreds of thousands of looong miles."

"Like the stars?"

"Well sweetie, the sun **is** also a star."

"What? Then why am I allowed to stare at the stars but not the sun?!" She demanded answers.

"Because they are much much farther away." John answered her.

"Are they as big as the sun?"

"A lot of these stars are even bigger!"

"Whoooaa!" She sounded impressed.

John couldn't help himself, he grabbed Casey and blew a big raspberry into her cheek. 

He loved teaching her everything that he knew and whenever she seemed like she was actually invested in his wisdom he would instantly stop and kiss her all over. Just like he's doing again now. "Moowah! Smooch! Smooch! Smooch!" He's planting kisses all over her face. She was giggling and glowing, just like she always does. Her smile was warm and bright. Warmer and brighter than the sun. Your whole world gravitates around the pull of her joy. You know your husband feels the same. Casey means more to you than the entire world, she means that much to you both. She is worth more than all of the stars in the sky, all of the stars you can't see, nothing else in the universe can hold a candle to your daughter. 

She's worth more than the world. She means everything to you both.


	119. Epilogue: Gloria in excelsis Deo

“This is one hell of a fucking doll house.”

He shoved you with his elbow.

“Fine. It is one… H-E- double hockey sticks of a gosh darn doll house.”

“Can you just try not to curse in general? You almost dropped an F-bomb when you were having tea with Casey last week.”

“She was throwing a _bomb-_ ass tea party John, you didn’t even join us. You wouldn’t know. It was worth the F-bomb.”

“Is this doll house worth the F-bomb too?”

“Fuck yeah it is.”

He shove you again, only this time he snickered at you.

“Well, I guess you’re right.” His eyes were still narrow, “Casey is going to love all the gifts Santa brought her this year.”

“Fuck Santa, this shit was expensive. We got her this.”

“Dave, come on.”

“No, think about it. It fucking sucks that some stranger she doesn't know brought her all these gifts and her parents didn’t give her shit.”

“Okay. That makes sense in a twisted way. When she gets older she’ll know it was all us anyway.”

“Yeah, but what about right now? We get each other gifts, she sees that.”

John narrowed his eyes at you, “Alright. Fine.” He caved, “but! We are telling her that all the other gifts are from Santa.”

“Compromises.” You haven’t said that in years. you stick up your hand.

He pats your arm, and sticks up his other hand with his amputee finger. 

You look at the gold ring around it as John says, “Compromises.”

You both say together in unison, “Just like a marriage.”

“That’s because it is,” John sounds annoyed with you, in a playful way, “Come on, help me in the kitchen. Casey wants us to all make cookies for Santa.”

“Sweet-" Before you even finish getting out the word John swipes at your arm.

“For Santa! That means **don’t** eat them.”

“Yet.” You finish for him. You know he meant to say ‘yet.’

* * *

You got everything set up with your husband to make cookies from scratch, when John bakes he takes it seriously, you know it runs in the family. He even made you make frosting from scratch, the one thing he trusted you on, and had Casey mix the colors. She got food dye all over her hands and sugar all over her nose. John kept trying to clean her up but she just kept getting messy, he gave up when he noticed you had a green streak of sugar down your arm.

John helped Casey dunk some cookies into a bowl filled with a liquidly frosting. She dumped a bunch of white pearl sprinkles on it right after. Several jimmies got dumped right onto the table. John’s face sunk. You started chuckling and he followed your lead.

“Casey,” John gently took the can of sprinkles from her, “You need to be more careful, cutie.”

“But it’s pretty.” She pouted at her dad.

“Yeah John,” you argue on the behalf of your daughter, “she did good.”

“I know she did good,” He addressed you and then turned to your daughter, “but sweetie, you don’t want to make a mess.”

“Yeah I do!” She cheered. Light blue frosting all over her face and elbows.

“Yeah, she does.” You lovingly say to your husband.

John rolled his eyes and dunked in another cookie.

* * *

Your dad-in-law came over on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with the three of you. Well four, counting your excited retriever. He greeted John with a hug and you took his luggage for him and brought it upstairs into the guest room. When you came back down you heard the dog barking again and the sounds of John playing the piano in the living room. He was singing carols with your daughter. You had to wipe a few more tears, glad you were still wearing your shades. You trailed down the rest of the steps and joined them.

You forgot John was wearing an ugly green Christmas sweater over his white button up. He said it was a gift from Jade. Casey was wearing one of her favorite yellow dresses. She wanted to look pretty for when her grandpa came over, actually she always wants to dress up. John buys her all these cute shoes and little dresses, hair bands, bracelets, necklaces. He really spoils her, you don’t mind in anyway. You buy her shades and kicks. She loves the things you get her because for some reason, she wants to be like you. She tells you all the time she thinks that you are cool. You think she’s more like her other dad though, they are both kind, caring and bright people. Not only that, they both also always get what they want. Well John buys her anything she wants, you just let her do anything she wants.

John kept playing songs on the piano, singing and smiling as Casey sat by his side. His dad stood behind the two of them. Casey was sucking on a upside-down candy cane, holding on to the hook part with her tiny hands.

“Dad, can I open the gift grandpa got me early?” She asked you, she knew if It were up to you, you would say yes. You look up at John, he firmly shakes his head no as he kept singing jingle bells.

“Sorry, Caseybaby.” You kissed her forehead, “it’s tradition or whatever.”

She pouted at you so you told her, “your grandpa is going to bake a cake later.”

“Grandad told me he was going to bake a gingerbread house with me!” She told you.

“I’m going to do both.” Your dad cuts in. Jesus, he is the fucking coolest.

* * *

John and his dad were working together to make the cookie batter, they grabbed flour, nutmeg, vanilla, salt, ground ginger, cinnamon, and stuck it in a shifter as John kept slapping it like a pro. Casey and you both watched wide-eyed at how fast they were working, the two of you already know how hardcore they are about this shit but watching them in action is like watching a two-man show. They slowly added the mixture into a hot pot as they stirred it in with butter, molasses and brown sugar. When it cooled down a bit they kneaded the dough with more flour and cut it into pieces. After they stuck it in the oven they started the process all over again.  

John didn't like baked goods, however he loved baking things from scratch. In fact that's why he told you he hated Betty Crocker products. He tells you baking is all about the experience. 

Your dad continued to make the batter as John started making the frosting. You watched as your husband took out the tray from the oven and fiddled around with raspberry jolly ranchers. He did that every year, it made the windows look like blue glass and Casey absolutely ate that up. She loved pretty shit like that.

John and his dad kept messing around with the gingerbread until the made two individual houses and several extra cookies in the shape of snowmen, snowflakes and candy canes. As the two of them kept right on baking, John gave Casey the greenlight to go ham on one of the houses.

Her eyes lit up and she demanded that you help her unwrap candies.

You told her, “you’re the boss.”

You watched her go as she put on just about everything, from gum drops to crushed candy canes, mini M&M’s, gram crackers, tootsie rolls, marshmallows, pretzel sticks, twisters, tons of frosting and different types of sprinkles.

John and his dad finished up, they settled down with the two of you. John's dad is going to make a cake shortly... he is waiting on Casey because he wants to teach her some techniques and continue passing down the family tradition... but for now, Casey told them to start decorating the other house because “they always makes it pretty!” This year the two of them made the house have a wreath on the front and they piped icicles on the sides. John piped some white frosting on the top of the gingerbread roof. It looked like piled up snow. You watched him as he placed small, golden stars on top of the frosting. You sighed and leaned your head onto your fist as you watched your husband meticulously place each one. Your daughter slapped you. Right now, she wants you to snap out of it and help her unwrap the plastic off of a mini candy cane. She wants to put two together and make it look like a heart.

“You are a genius, Caseybaby.” You tell her that all the time.

* * *

In the morning Casey ran downstairs and into your bedroom. She bounced up between you and John. She was smacking both of you cheering and demanding that the two of you get up because santa came. “Dad!” She was shaking you. “There are presents under the tree!”

“No. Way.” You act like you’re completely fucking blown away.

“Dad! Get up!” She is shaking John.

“Five more minutes.” He wrapped his arm around Casey and snuggled her up like she was a teddy bear.

“Noooo!” Casey whined, “Dad! Help me!”

You know she meant that she wanted help out of John’s arms, but nah, you just wrap your arms around the two of them.

“Daaaaad!” She was pounding her little fists against you again.

John started half-heartedly humming a Christmas carol as he rocked her back and forth.

Casey wasn’t happy with that, “Hmmph.”

You kiss the top of her head and started humming angels we have heard on high along with John, Casey started calming down. She wrapped her tiny arm around your torso. She snuggled up to you. You moved your arm down so you could wrap it around her. You closed your eyes for a while. She did too.

You felt someone’s eyes on you. You opened your eyes and lifted up your head. John was watching the two of you cuddle up to each other. When he noticed you were up he smiled at you and started petting Casey’s hair. “Cutie?” She whined. “Cutie, you want to open your presents?”

She pulled herself closer to you, “five more minutes.”

* * *

Casey gleefully cheered at each gift she ripped open. Ripped up wrapping paper and discarded ribbons where all over the floor. John’s dad was sipping on a mug of eggnog. John was trying to clean up after Casey. You were recording a video of her opening up each gift.

Your daughter had a red ribbon from a larger gift on her head that she stuck into her hair herself. Casey was holding up a new yellow and white picnic dress. She made sure to show it off to the camera, she was so proud of all of the little knick knacks and outfits she got as a gift from Santa.

“Casey,” John was carrying in a huge box as he spoke, “your dad and I got you a gift!”

She gasped when she saw how large it was. She hopped up and ran over to her sweeter dad as John put down the box on the loveseat. Your dog walked up with Casey after seeing how excited she was. Casey ripped off the red and green wrapping and started squealing when she saw the image of a dollhouse on the box.

“Thank you!” She jumped up into John’s arms and kissed his cheek several times.

She hopped down and ran up to you. She pushed the camera out the way so she could hug and kiss you the same way she did with her other dad. “Thank you, dad!!!”

When she latched her arms around your neck to hug you she didn’t let go. She just clung onto you. You hoisted her up and started filming John. He tilted his head and smiled at you both.

He softly said to you, “Merry Christmas. Sweetheart.”


	120. Epilogue: Humorously Hypocritical

You finished up some of your work in your office, you walk out to the kitchen to fix something up for dinner. Much to your surprise your husband and daughter were sitting down at the table snacking on some chips and watching videos on his iPad. They were cracking up and getting orange powder all over your clean tablecloth. Casey is taking up a lot of her lazier dad's bad habits, you get that she wants to be like him but you don't understand why she has to mimic damn near everything he does around the house... almost everything... she still doesn't like listening to you. 

“Dave,” You didn’t sound as stern as you hoped, “why are you two eating doritos before dinner?”

“We were hungry, dad!” Casey was twelve now but she was still your little babygirl. Still she isn't getting away with this.

“You know the rules, no snacking before dinner.” You take the bag and roll it up, “and wash your hands, they are covered in that nacho dust.”

Dave was licking his hands clean, you lowered your eyes at him.

He got up and started washing his hands. You looked over at your daughter and expected her to do the same, she gave you a pout and said “fine.” She got up and joined her dad at the sink.

You were just about to pause their loud YouTube compilation but you wanted to see what was so funny. You watched short three clips and you didn’t hear any jokes whatsoever. You shut the entire thing off, you are making Dave help you with dinner today anyway.

You walk over to the sink and point your thumb back at the table, “those things aren’t even funny.”

“Dad, they are hilarious.” Casey looked up at you as she washes her hands.

“yeah man.” Dave wiped his hands on his black pants. You glare at him for that.

“Those videos were just plain dumb.”

“You wouldn’t get it dad,” Casey shuts off the faucet, “you don’t have a good sense of humor.”

You gasp, _‘how dare she.’_

“Casey, I have a great sense of humor.” You defend yourself against your own daughter. “I am plenty good at telling jokes.”

“Are you really?” She starts wiping her hands off with a dish towel.

“You hear the rumor about butter?”

“No.” She shakes her head.

“Well, I don’t want to spread it!” You start chuckling at your own joke.

“Dad. That joke sucks.”

“Language. Casey.” You firmly tell her as you cross your arms.

“ _Sucks_ isn’t a bad word John.” Your husband defended her.

“Well it is rude, and clearly wrong. That joke used to always make you laugh.” You direct the comment at your husband.

“Babe, that was because you laughed,” he tells you like he is trying to comfort you. “I always laugh when you laugh.”

“Well, you tell a joke then, if my jokes suck!” You lift up one of your hands and then go right back to crossing your arms.

“Okay.” He turned away from you and walked over to the counter.

He grabbed a bag of bagels off of the counter and started shaking it like it's a bell.

“Bagel! Bagel! Bagel!”

Casey started laughing.

“How is that funny!?” You ask them both.

“Because it isn’t.” Dave confirms for you it isn’t funny.

“Then why laugh?” You are looking at your daughter.

“Because it is weird!” Casey answers. “Bagel! Bagel! Bagel!”

“Bagel!” Dave shakes the bag at her again.

“Stop that!” You take the bagels from him.

* * *

You are laying on your back in bed. You have your book laying open, face down on your chest. Your husband is listening to his iPod again. Staring up at the ceiling. He notices that you are doing the same. He takes off his headphones and pauses his track. He looks at you. You keep staring at the ceiling as you ask him,

“Am I losing my touch?” 

“What are you talking about?

“Casey used to love my jokes.”

“She’s getting older.”

“She likes _your_ jokes.”

“Everyone does, babe.”

You take a moment to reflect on how many social media followers he has on whatever stupid app he is using now. “I know.”

Dave sits up, “are you having like… a crisis?”

You still aren’t looking at him. “Maybe.”

“John,” He puts his hand on top of one of yours, “I love your jokes. They are my absolute favorite.”

“Doesn’t count.” You are still looking at the ceiling.

“Okay, I’ll bite. Why not?”

You turn your head to face him and look at him, “because you love me.”

Dave raises his eyebrows and smiles at you.

“What?” You sit up and give him a confused look.

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“No, you are smiling.” You point at him. “There’s something.”

“Remember when I proposed to you?”

“Yeah...?”

“And you cursed me out for not liking the way I looked.”

“Yeah.” You roll your eyes and look back at the ceiling. You know where he is going with this.

“I asked you what you saw in me and you told me you loved my smile.”

“Ugh.” You pull your pillow over your face.

“I said that you only felt that way because you are in love.”

“I know.” What you know is that he’s being sappy again.

 _“You make me feel like a fucking idiot because I like the way you look.”_ He mocked you.

“Dave.” You take off the pillow and sigh.

“I think of that every time that I feel self-conscious about my eyes.”

“I thought you didn’t care what people thought of your looks?”

“I don’t, I still care about what I think about myself.”

“That’s... fair.” 

“John, I love your jokes. I love them because you love them. They always make you laugh and you seem so proud to tell them. If Casey doesn’t appreciate them anymore it’s because she’s turning into a rebellious teenager. Let’s let her grow out of it and when she gets older she will probably learn to love them again because you love them and she loves you.” 

You raise your lower lip and pout at him, he is right. “Thanks, Dave.”

You snuggle up to him. Letting your book slide in between you both. Dave grabs the book and moves to put it on your night stand when he notices the cover.

“John, what is this?”

“Uh- a book…”

“Uh hu...” He nods at the book and then looks at you, "and what else?"

“That someone wrote about us.”

“Why would you want to read this?”

 _'Shit.'_ There’s no secrets between you two.

“I wanted to know what it said… Listen, I’ve already read all the books about the research on our mental states and all the ones featuring Dr. Serket’s research on us, along with my own…"

He raises his eyebrows. He is well aware that you wrote a series of memoirs of your lives. You just wanted the world to know the truth about you both from your own words and not speculation. Then you're career choice to become a sexologist suddenly made sense to the world... you had to receive permission from everyone you featured in the book... you choose to leave out your fling with Zahhak and Nitram... there are some secrets you wanted to keep, much to their relief. 

You swallowed down some spit, "I kind of wanted to read… uh…”

“Is this an opinion piece on us or something?”

“Um… It’s like… a fictional story... about what we went through.”

“…and you wanted to read it?” He looks at the cover and back at you. _“Why?”_

_'Shit!'_

“…There are a lot of sex scenes between the two of us.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He wipes his entire face with his hands. “Our lives are private and America still treats us like we’re just characters to fuck with.”

You open up the book and read him a snippet.

_‘Dave, I don’t know if we should be doing this. What if we get caught?’_

_‘That’s what makes it so fucking hot, baby.’_

When you read the words for Dave you lower your voice and nod your head back and forth to mock him.

_‘I don’t want my dad to see.’_

_‘He won’t, I’ll be quick.’_

_‘But, Dave… the guards outside might hear us.’_

_‘Come on, baby.’ Dave starts sucking on John’s neck. John purrs, he is shocked at the noise he just made. John smacks his hands over his mouth to stop himself from moaning. Dave notices and pulls his hands off. ‘Let them hear.’_

“Let me read the rest of that.” Dave sticks out his hand.

He scanned the page as quickly as he could. He isn’t the best at speed reading but he just crawled through the entire scene at a pace you’ve never seen him read at before.

“So…” You think he’s finished so you ask him.

“This person wrote you like you are a nervous virgin…”

“Yeah…?”

“It’s completely wrong about the two of us.”

“Yeah…?”

Dave hands you back the book. He doesn’t want to tell you how he feels about it. Instead he points out that, “you pulled that scene out pretty fast.”

“I might have… read this book a few times before.”

“You… you want me to fuck you like that?”

You tense up for a moment and whisper to him,

_“I don’t know Dave… The policemen outside might here us. I don’t want them to hear me moan. You know when you fuck me I make all these… weird noises.”_

“I know you do baby. What if I gag your mouth?”

_“Oh no, Dave. You know I still moan. You fuck me to hard. It makes me sound so… so..”_

“Slutty?”

 _“Dave! I’m not a slut!”_   You shove him.

“I- wait hold on. I don’t know my next line.” He flips open the book.

“Wait…” He is looking down at the page with wide eyes. He is skimming the pages again, “Oh! What the fuck?”

“What part are you at?” You try to look at how far he’s into it.

He holds open the book and turns it to you, pointing at the pages. He was much earlier in the book.

“The part where you are on a date with 'my blood sucking father.'”

“Oh.” You look back over at the book.

Sometimes you forget that an edited transcript of everything in the discovery was something that became open to the public after _his_ postmortem trail... everyone knew just about everything about your life, even before you wrote your memoirs, this book is actually pretty old... Still, the public was not able to see the video tapes due to their violent nature and the fact you two were underage for most of them, something you were thankful for, especially for Dave's sake.

You tell him, “well, Dave... I didn’t get the book for those parts.”

“It’s still in here.” He shake his head at you. “Don’t you think that's kinda fucked?”

“Hold on.” You take the book from him. You flip the page.

_All of it felt wrong. John couldn’t do anything to run from this. He needed to do this to protect Dave. He knew that. He felt like it was his responsibility. All of it was just an act. Still he couldn’t help but feel like he was cheating on him._

“This is still fucked.” Dave interrupts.

_Someone was buying him everything that he could ever ask for. Luxury cars, clothes, stays at five-star hotels, wine, diamond rings, silver watches, designer glasses, filet mignon, champagne, any extravagant material good he could own. Still he did all of this for the one thing he really wanted. More than anything._

“Don’t tell me you actually like this?”

_Dave Strider. The love of his life and his best friend. He would shout his love to the world if he could. He would endure any kind of torment just to keep Dave safe._

“Did you write this?”

_This fake date was just that. A complete falsehood. Dave was the only comfort he needed. The only luxury in this world that felt like a delight. All of the roses or diamonds in the world were nothing compared to how wealthy Dave made him feel every time he called his name._

“That is sappy. I thought you _hated_ sappy.”

“You know I love it.” You kiss him on the lips. You take the book and flip to another sex scene. “Ohoohoho! Look it's Spree!”

“Do they have me jizzing in my sweatpants?”

You pout. “I wish.” You say the words like you meant it, because you did.

He hits your arm, "well now I know you didn't write it."

You start cracking up.


	121. Epilogue: morning with you both

“Casey! Come downstairs! You’re going to be late for the bus if you don’t hurry up!”

“I’m driving her today, man.” You tell him and kiss him good morning for the tenth time today. 

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?" John lifts up his hands, he's standing in front of the stove as he's making you all pancakes. "I wouldn’t have gotten up so early.”

“Dad!” Casey peaked her head in the room, “You always wake up early.”

She walks in and sits down at the table. John sets down a plate with a pancake for her.

“Thank you!" She happily claps her hands together. "Can you make me another, dad?”

“No problem.” He kisses the top of her head. “Ready for your first day of high school, cutie?”

“ _God! No!”_ She speaks with her mouth full. “I can’t find anything to wear.”

“Really?” John turns his head to her. “I thought you picked out your clothes yesterday?”

“I changed my mind.”

You sat down beside her with your own plate with a pancake and applesauce. 

"I'm sure whatever you wear you'll look fine." John told her.

“Dad, this is a big deal. It’s like the beginning of the end of my life.”

“Okay, don’t be so dramatic.” You point at her with your fork.

“Well..." She leered at you and then looked at John, "I want to make cool friends.”

“I like your friends, what’s wrong with your friends?” John is holding a pan in his hand, he uses his beloved spatula to put another pancake on your plate.

“I want to make cool _new_ friends, dad.”

“Uh hu, that you can party and drink with?” John continues to poke at her.

 _ **“YeYeeeeah!!!”**_ She sounds confident as she nods her head.

 **“UGH!”** John threw his hands up.

“Hey. There’s nothing wrong with partying, just don’t do any stupid shit.” You point at her. You are so pumped to curse again. so fucking pumped.

“Define stupid.” She shook her head at you as she smiles.

John interrupted you before you even had the chance to speak.

“Sex. Drugs. Uh- Leaving drinks unattended.” John walked back to the stove and started making more pancakes. “Unprotected sex! Getting in the car of some _boy you **don’t know.”**_

 **“Dad!”** Casey groaned.

“John, Casey isn’t going to go to parties where she doesn’t have any friends and **She Is Not** going to do drugs." You are talking more to her then him actually. "She’s a smart girl.”

“I know, that’s why I don’t want you making _stupid_ mistakes.” John lifts up his arms again.

“Did you guys make _stupid_ mistakes when you were young?” She asks you both. 

“Uh.” You look at John, desperate to change the subject.

“Casey," John saves you, "school is important and you need to focus on it. You should use the time you have to figure out what you want to do for a career.”

“I’ll have plenty of time for that when I get to college.” She’s chewing with her mouth open again. “I want to actually start like- doing stuff.”

“Stuff like what?” John’s laughing but he doesn’t sound amused.

She swallows her food, “like dating.”

“Yeah no. You’re too young for that.” He starts _‘slaving over the hot stove’_ again.

“Come on, dad! Didn't you two meet when you were like 13?”

“Yeah?” John answered for the both of you. “Oh, cutie.”

He sets down the spatula on the pan he’s holding and looks at her.

“You don’t think you are going to meet the love of your life in high school, do you?”

 _“Yoou dooon’t knooow!”_ She shrugs at him.

“She’s right, you don’t know.” You point your fork at John.

She laughed at her other dad and he shook his head as he continued fixing up more pancakes.

“Well don’t get your hopes up.” He says sweetly to her.

“Yeah babygirl, its school after all.” You finish up your plate. “It’s probably just going to suck.”

Casey swallowed down some orange juice before she finished up her last pancake.

“Did you guys enjoy high school?”

“We didn’t go, honey.” John gave her sad eyes.

“What? Why not?”

“I’ll tell you why later.” John kissed her head and took her plate. “Go upstairs and get dressed.”

You stood up and brought your dishes over to the sink. You whisper to him,

“What the fuck man? We can’t tell her that shit  _later!_ ”

“We’re going to have to tell her soon.”

You walk over to him as he makes some pancakes for himself.

“I know. I know we are going to have to, but _now_ John? Really?”

“No, not now. Soon. I would rather she hear it from us then some random motherfucker at school.”

“Oh hohohoooo! You starting to curse again now, baby?”

“Maybe.” He hits your nose with the spatula.

It was still hot and covered in batter so you rub it with your wrist.

“That’s a slippery slope.”

He laughs at you as you brush the pancake mix off your nose.

“ _You knoooow.”_   You know that tone. “Today is my day off and Casey’s going to be out of the house again...”

“Ohhhh.” You grab his hips and whisper into his ear. “You want me to threaten you at knife point again or just hold you down and take what I want?”

“I don’t see why you can’t do both, _daddy_.”

You bite his bottom lip.

“ _After_ … I can do something you like.”

“Yeah? Like what, baby?”

“How about I pound into you? You want me to pull your hair back and spank you a little?”

“Mmmm hmm.” You pull him closer.

He puts his leg in-between your thighs and brushes his knee against your crotch.

“Hey now, don’t get to excited just yet.” You tell him.

“Come on just a little taste.” He starts sucking on your neck, biting down a little.

**“DAD! I CAN’T FIND MY WEDGES!”**

John pulls away from you and yells back to her.

**“SWEETIE! JUST WEAR SOMETHING ELSE FOR TODAY!”**

You step back to get a look at John as he speaks,

“I hid them, not letting her break her ankles for the sake of dressing like a _hoe_.”

You can hear Casey’s footsteps as she climbs downstairs.

“John. Look at who her dad is.” You chuckle.

“I told you never to call yourself that!” He smacks your chest with the spatula.

“I was talking about you.”

He smacks you again, this time harder.

“Hey guys,” She peaks her head in the kitchen. “I found something better.”

She’s wearing her yellow laced up heels.

Your husband was not having it.

“NO! Nope!" He's waving around his spatula. "Go upstairs and change!”

“Daaaaad! I want to look good for my first _day!”_ She gave you both a twirl, her custard yellow dress puffed up as she spun.

“Okay, your feet are going to get sore and you’ll get blisters-"

“I’m going to be sitting down for most of the day.”

“You could trip-and I’m **pretty sure** those are against dress code!”

She grunts and sighs. **“UGH DAD!”**

John looks over to you. “Dave, help me out here.”

“Casey, save the shoes for something important.”

“Like what?” She lifts up her hands, shrugs and shakes her head.

“Picture this: First date. Restaurant. Your date hears you walk up, click click click.” You imitate her walking with your hands, you notice this isn’t illustrating your point well enough so you ask her to demonstrate.

“Come on, Casey. Show us you walking up and taking your seat!” You pull out one of the chairs from the table for her.

She pouts at you and tries to hold off a smile. She looks at John.

“Well, go on.” He gestures with his spatula over at you and the chair.

She struts and flips her hair as she walks over to the seat, you push her in.

“Damn, you killed it! You want to spoil that moment by wearing heels every day? As casual wear?" You tell her, "Casey, go change to flats.”

“ **UGH**.” She unwraps the laces of her heels, “I hate that you’re right.”

She picks up her heels and walks out. She sticks her head back out to stick her tongue out at you two.

“How do you do that?” John’s hands are on his hips. “ _I_ can’t get her to do anything!”

Casey is a raw force that can not be controlled, only pushed in a certain direction... much like her dad.

“I’ve had a lot of practice on you.” You answer honestly.

He swipes his spatula at you again, this time you step back.

You laugh at him and steal a kiss.

“DAD! I’m like 99% ready! Get the car started!”

“God, traffic is going to be a fucking nightmare.”

“Yeah well, it’ll only be for a little while.” He kisses you one last time. “Hurry back.”

“God. If you’re topping today I’m gonna be doing like 90 in a fucking school zone.”

He slaps you on the shoulder with his hand this time and tells you,

“Better be in that car before Casey comes down stairs or you’re gonna have it.”

“I’m out. Love you, babe.”

“I love you too.”


	122. Epilogue: When We're Alone Together

Ever since Casey started this semester you’ve been going at it like crazy with your husband. You adjusted your work schedule a bit, not very professional but you in profession isn't it though?! You never get to go this hard unless your daughter is in school and you’ve been pent up lately.

Dave convinced you it was a good idea to get into the tub for a while to wash up. You’ve been resting your head against his shoulder, even in the tub he is still taller than you. You rub circles on his chest with your finger. He really went ham on you. He did almost everything you wanted today, almost everything. He told you he isn’t going to cut your back until all of your older cuts heal. _'Jerk.'_

“We need to get dressed,” Dave pat your shoulder, “Caseygirl is going to be home soon.”

“…fine.” You were still holding onto his chest. Drawing more circles into his red hot skin. Tracing you finger up to his neck. “You need to wear a turtleneck.”

“You bit me that hard?” He asked you.

“That hard and that much.” You bite down on your lip.

Dave gets up, he grabs a towel to dry himself. When he wraps the towel around himself he  grabs a towel for you. He offers you a hand to help you up. You take his hand, he gently led you out of the tub and dried you off himself. Even after all of these years he still always has to do everything for you. You scrunch up your nose at him and pretend to pout. He smiles at you with those loving eyes. He won, you give him a grin then kiss him.

The two of you head over to your closet together to get dressed. You took a bit longer than he did. Dave already left, when you finish up you walk out and find him looking at himself in the mirror. You walk up behind him and rest your head on his shoulder. You don’t care that you have to get up on your tiptoes, not your fault your short.

There were hickies and bite marks all along his neck.

“God.” You stare at them, “It’s like we’re kids again.”

You wrap your arms around his waist as he fiddled around with his turtleneck to cover the marks you made.

You lifted up your own chin to check out your own neck, it was blue and purple from the ‘mistreatment’ he gave you earlier.

“Oh God.” Now you realize it, “I’m going to have to wear dress shirts all week and hope they cover this up.”

“Think about me wearing a sweater in the **heat** hiding these teeth marks you just gave me.”

“Love bites.”

“Love bites?” He looks over at you, “Babe, it looks like a vampire molested me.”

You playfully snap your fangs at him.

He places his hand against your cheek and drags you into a kiss.

When you pull away from him you tell him,

“we’ll figure something out.” You hold him close to you. “We always do.”


	123. Epilogue: younger than you are now

"Your father and I met when we were both 13. I was traveling to Houston with your grandpa and I got lost. Your dad helped me find my way back to my hotel and we hit it off immediately. We became best friends right then and there. We would talk every hour of every day and- well... Dave here fell head over heels the moment he met me. We got along so well and I started to get a crush on him during that time. We both feel so blessed for that short month we spent together. But sweetie… Your dad here, had an older brother.”

At first when the two of you sat her down she thought it was the sex talk. Then when John started talking she thought it was a prank, like one of the strange long-winded pranks her dad and her grandpa love to pull on the two of you from time to time.

When you put your hand on hers, she knew it was real.

* * *

You weren’t expecting her to cry this hard. You didn’t even tell her the worst of it. You let John do the talking. He found the kindest words to say to make this easier on all three of you. He would trade out tough experiences with sweet stories. A few of these stories you would rather her never know at all but these are all a part of your testimonies in court. The world knows this, she should find it out through you.

She was sitting down on the loveseat, you and John were both holding hands on your sofa. Your other hand resting on hers. When she started to sob John got up to sit beside her on the armrest. You followed his lead and sat on the other side. John was rubbing her back.

“It was hard, sweetie, but your dad here knocked him out and I escaped. Do you remember all those lawyers that we visit in Houston? Those were the prosecutors against him.”

You grabbed the tissue box next to you and handed it to your daughter. She’s loudly blowing her nose into the white kleenex. 

“Eventually, they helped me make a case to save your dad from jail.” 

John stares at you and then looks down at Casey. He wants you to say something.

“You okay, babygirl?” You rub both her shoulders.

“Holy shit." Casey was looking down at the floor. "I think our psych teacher talked about this once.”

“Anything anyone tells you about what we went through is probably bullshit.” 

“She said that he broke out of maximum security prison and tried to hunt one of you down.”

“Okay... That happened." You admit and then ask her, "what else did she tell you?”

“Um.” She sniffles, “He was like some big shot criminal and in a group that was like trafficking people and smuggling drugs through the border. She said he kidnapped a guy to use as- like- a hostage to get his kid to do what he wanted.”

“Yeah… that’s true.” You admit.

“Didn’t you say he was your brother?”

“He told me that my whole life," you reply, "he was really my dad.”

“What the hell…?” She is still looking down at her hands. She starts sobbing again.

“I know, I know.” John starts comforting her again. “It’s a tough story to hear.”

“So this was like…” She musters up the strength to say more, “huge national level shit right?”

John shook his head when she cursed. He’s not going to reprimand her language right now. John started speaking again. “It was a big deal, he killed a lot of people apparently.”

“He killed my grandma too?”

You looked over at the framed photo of your mom. The same one that John gave you all those years ago while you were still incarcerated.

“Yes.” You answered yourself.

“Did you… see people get killed?”

“Sweetie,” John spoke, “I didn’t know for the longest time that he was a serial killer. I stayed in Dave's room. Your dad here did everything he could to keep me from getting harmed or knowing anything.”

“How about you dad?” She’s addressing you.

You build the strength to tell her the truth. “Rarely. only his 'business associates.'”

“My psych teacher said something about… about how that one guy, you I guess, helped the police hunt down criminals. So did you know like gangsters and stuff?”

“I knew the leaders of gangs and the people at the top, not a lot of other people, babygirl.”

 “Oh.” You aren’t sure if she seems impressed or not but you’re going to let her know that-

“It’s not as cool as it sounds, it was scary as shit.”

“You guys must have been like hunted down then right?” She asks you both.

“Oh yeah." John answered. "We stayed in the law firm’s office for a bit and then there was a safe house we were staying in.” 

“Your grandpa was there too.” You tell your daughter.

“Oh....nooo... Poor granddad... I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been on him too.”

She’s just like her father, always thinking about others.

The three of you sat in silence for a while.

“Were you guys…?" She sounds so defeated. "You know…”

You don’t say anything. All of the air leaves your lungs. You were hoping that she would never know. No matter what... one day she is going to find out.

“Please don’t make me say it.”

“You don’t have to, sweetheart.” John is hugging her now. “Yes. He raped us.”

She starts sobbing again. She’s screaming into her hands. The two of you hold onto her as she cries into her palms.

“Casey, I didn’t want you to ever know.” You kiss the top of her head.

John spoke up for the two of you, “we would rather you find this out from us, then class or school. You deserve to know the truth from _us._ ”

“I’m so sorry, dad.” She’s struggling to breathe now. “It’s so unfair.”

“I know. I know.” John rubbed her shoulder. “It’s unfair, but it’s okay now. It’s okay.”

You unwrap your arms from Casey and you pull John in closer. Pulling them both into a hug.

“And… this also has something to do with your fingers, right? He cut them both off?”

John kissed her head again. You are going to say it for him,

“He cut off one of John’s fingers. I didn’t know what to do, I freaked out and I cut off my own."

She gasped and turned to look at you. John kept talking,

“Sweetheart, our lives were hard. We were young, as young as you are now." John patted her with his hand, prompting her to look at him. "We had no idea what to do. We didn’t have anyone looking out for us but each other – Dave convinced me to run out and then the sheriff met me. Your granddad found me again. Eventually, weeks later. They let me talk with your dad again.” He sighed like it was a good memory. “When I spoke to your dad for the first time again we talked about everything that happened. All of the good memories that we had and some of the bad. He wanted me to move on. I wouldn’t budge. I reminded him about how he cut off his finger for me and when he did, he promised that he would always look out for me. He was still doing that from behind bars, and he _still_ thought that I should leave him behind.”

You speak up, Casey turns to look at you, “your dad here told me to go fuck myself after I said that to him.”

Casey turned her head back to John and gasped, not ever knowing him to curse.

John nods at her, “I did.”

Casey turned her wide-eyed gaze onto you. You grab a tissue and wipe away some of her tears.

“He got so mad at me he cursed me out before I left. He screamed at me actually. I was fucking impressed. Only time in our life’s he screamed at me like that.”

“Well… We screamed at each other when you knocked him out. Remember that?”

“You didn’t call me a bitch then though.” You try to hold down a smile.

“I said you were acting like a bitch.” He swats at you. "Not that you were one."

Casey starts laughing at the sound of her dad’s cursing, still sniffing, poor babygirl.

“You swore a lot, remember, even before you got pissed at me for trying to break it off with you. You said-" John cut you off from saying more.

“Anyway- back to my story- your dad thought I should move on. He had the nerve to try to break up with me and then tell me he was going to stay in love with me forever. I talked with him for an hour, I convinced him that with everything that we went through together we were already bonded for life, like we were married.” He held up his finger to Casey. She took his hand and looked at the ring on his missing finger. John continued, “We both looked into the two-way mirror and saw how we looked next to each other-”

“-I know where you are going with this, what got me to change my mind was you saying that no one owned you but yourself.” You tell him.

“I wore you down with a lot of different things, sweetheart.” He was right about that. Still, that was the killing blow.

John continued speaking to your daughter, “your dad here wasn’t allowed to hold my hand, or even get on one knee. But he proposed to me that same day.”

“Oh wow.” Casey said to herself under her breath.

“Then, he was giving Ms. Pyrope a hard time and I just lost it and cursed him out for it.”

“Really!?” She looks over to you, “Is all of that true?”

“Okay. One thing is off, he didn’t convince me that our cut off fingers made us married. You convinced me that _you_ thought that was true.” You reply.

“Well it practically was.” John is still looking at Casey when he speaks.

“Sure.” He can hear the doubt in your voice. “Also, I proposed to you like twice.”

“Oh! Yeah… uh…” Suddenly he looks a bit nervous about what to say. “For a while we stayed with the prosecutors in their office, Dave had to give them more information about him and all of the criminals he was associated with… he… hired two men to try to kidnap me.”

Casey looks at her dad, all you can see is the back of her head but by the look of how nurturing John’s face is she must be in shock. He kept rubbing her back. “Casey, his plan failed… Dave and I talked for a while and he convinced me to marry him right then and there. Megido drove us with the sheriff to sign our wedding papers.”

“Your dad was there too.” You add in.

“Right,” John looked at you. “and then Natalie put together a wedding for us in three days.”

“We didn’t even know what was going on till we got there.” You smile.

“You were so red the whole time,” John looked down at Casey, “He was sweating like crazy!”

Casey blew a raspberry, she probably didn’t even want to laugh. Just the way John tells stories always cracks her up, something John is very proud he found out.

“I had a lot of good memories after we left that apartment.” You were looking at John as you leaned over Casey, “When we got to the safe house your grandpa made breakfast and dinner, as big as he always makes you when he visits, every single day.”

“You cried the first time dad made breakfast.” Your husband so rudely pointed out.

You were wearing your shades, you still narrow your hidden eyes at him.

He continues, “Dave said that he’d never seen anything like it before, it really made me appreciate everything that I had.”

“Have.” You correct him, “-and also… your dad here introduced me to how fucking bomb cinnamon buns are.”

“Okay!” John was getting upset now. “Just because I told you that Casey is old enough to hear swears doesn’t mean ‘do it every chance you get.’”

“They were just that good John –also Caseygirl, he made fresh squeezed apple juice, just for me, every morning. He is so fucking cool.”

John is half-smiling, half-frowning at you, “He was pretty understanding of all of… _that._ ”

“He really was, wasn’t he, man?” You thoughtfully nodded.

“Um…” Casey was getting ready to ask a question, “Is... is _he_ dead?”

She asked you, you nod at her.

“How did he die?”

You open your mouth to speak, you felt your heartbreak again, that was a hard memory for you.

John spoke up, Casey turned her head to look at him, “He broke into our safe house, Dave fought with him, I screamed. Sheriff Vantas was staying with us and he shot him.”

“You both… watched him die?”

You spoke up again, “I didn’t believe it until I saw him get wheeled out on a stretcher.”

“It wasn’t over after that, we still had to stay in hiding until all of the bad guys were caught, cutie.” John was rubbing her shoulders. “Then we moved back to Washington, started our jobs, eventually we got such a nice house, with such a big yard… I wanted to have a child.”

Casey looked at John, he still had tears in his eyes, “Casey, you know that you, your grandpa and your dad make my life so, so amazing. Every single day.”

“John, hey… That’s my line.” You start rubbing her shoulder too.

“We both love you so, so much, sweetie.” John continues, “Just… honey, do us one favor and don’t look at any news reports or anything back from that time without us. If you want to know more we’ll tell you, I don’t want you seeing your dad in a orange jumpsuit.”

You jump in, “the photos of you were pretty bad too, babe.”

“Oh God. I must have seemed so miserable then.” John laughs and wipes a tear from his eye.

“Dad, don’t laugh at that… nothing about that is funny.” Casey is still so upset, so hurt.

“I remember you saying something along those lines to me the day I proposed.” You direct the comment at your husband.

“Alright, this is different.” He replies.

“How so?” You ask him.

“First of all, your jokes are distasteful... and I’m laughing because it’s… you know… behind me.”

“Right. When I laughed,” You straighten out your shirt, “it was because no one ever cared. Not until I met your dad here.”

You rub her shoulder. “Your dad was the first good thing I ever had in my life. _He_ used John as a way to get at me, like a hostage when he first got there. I was never really sure about if John really loved me or not… When we spoke again for the first time he seemed so convinced we were married and he told me… he found the right words to convince me that falling in love with me was his choice… not because we were forced together.”

John smiled at you. He looked off to the side as he silently laughed.

“Also… we forgot to mention… When we were both still kids, we were alone together sitting in a hot tub.”

“Oh God.” John sounded annoyed with you already.

“-and your dad here snatched off my shades-“

“oh god,“ he started to look annoyed now too.

“-and it was the first time that he ever saw my eyes-“

“oh lord."

“-he told me years later that he was going to kiss me, but his glasses fogged up so he ran off-“

“ _ugh…_ ” John was covering his face with one of his hands.

“What was it that you told me? ‘I’ve never seen eyes like yours.’ You know you were pretty smooth John.”

He lifted up his head and yelled. **“AURGH.”**

You laugh at him. That was sappy, he still pretends he hates sappy.

 “Yeah.” John sounds bitter, but in a playful way, “well… your other, ‘cooler’ dad is the one who says things like that, you know how lame he _really_ is.”

Casey let out a dry laugh at that.

You start talking again, “Your dad and I fell in love… and we are best friends...”

John continues for you, “We put all of the terrible things behind us when we started our new lives.”

He kisses the side of her head, “Every day, every moment I spend with you two is a blessing.”

There was more you would have to tell her someday, more that is too hard for her to hear right now. More that John will have to find the words to tell her. You are sure a piece of her soul is going to break when she hears what you were charged with, what your husband did to protect you from harm… Why he tried to kidnap John again... Why your own father broke into your safe house...

She knew that she was adopted, she would maybe never know of the past she could have had. Each day she lived she appreciated the life you two gave her. She didn’t have to say it. You knew. You knew how thankful she was because she would continue to be the perfect daughter.


	124. Epilogue: Arbor Day

All three of you were sitting at the table, Casey was digging into some lo mein. Dave was grabbing another garlic bread knot from the table and you were biting into a taco.

“So like…” Casey spoke with her mouth full, you decided not to call her out for it today, it's a holiday. “Why do we always eat sides from like all these different places on Arbor Day?”

“Well, cutie.” You put down your food and wipe your mouth with a napkin, “your dad and I used to celebrate holidays that weren’t really... celebrated, when we were living in that apartment together. Every Arbor Day he would sneak in food he would order from different restaurants. We treated it like thanksgiving.”

Dave continued for you, “It was so he wouldn’t catch on, but hey, you want to know what we called them?”

Casey swallowed down a bundle of noodles and nodded, “sure.”

“Stupid fucking reject holidays no one gives a shit about. Stupid fucking holidays for short.”

You swat at your husband’s arm, “you don’t have to curse all the time, Dave.”

“What?” He laughed at you, “that’s what we called them.”

“Is that why you two give each other gifts on Flag Day?” Casey sounded interested.

“Yep.” Dave answered. "Stupid Christmas."

“-and why we get pizza on Groundhog Day?”

“Yes.” You answered. "Our stupid version of Valentine's Day."

“-and why you treat President’s Day like... it’s dad’s birthday?” She was asking Dave.

“Yep.” Dave nodded his head. "That's not stupid though, nothing centered around John is stupid." _'Oh._   _He's getting fucked **good** tonight.' _You let him know that with your eyes alone as he talked to Casey. Dave completely fell silent when he noticed your glance.

You picked up where he left off, "we'd celebrate the holidays that we had the chance too." 

"Yeah- but we never got that excited for Halloween or Christmas. Just did what we could."

"If you celebrate like all of these holidays, then why don't you two celebrate your anniversary then?" She turns her head back and forth to look at you two as she asks.

You lift up a hand and lightly shrug, facing your daughter as you say, "We can never agree when it is." 

"I don't even think we were paying attention to what date we got married." Dave says to you.

You face him, "Yeah, the ceremony took me completely by surprise." 

"No, I meant the day that we signed the papers." Dave said to you.

You turn to Casey and point at her other father, "see." 

"And any other holidays?" Casey asked.

"Labor Day was our Easter. That's why we always get candy." You told her and turned to face Dave.

"You'd always pull a prank on me during April Fools Day." He raised his brows at you.

"That was the only day of the year I had an excuse to do it!" You defended yourself. "Right... now don't speak about any of _that_ at the table."

“Um…” Casey looked over at you, “actually... do you think you could tell me more stories? Uh- the happy ones.” She corrected herself. She started taking more of an interest in your past when she learned about what the two of you went through. You know that she’s only this curious because she’s also concerned.

“Sure thing, cutie.” You wiped off your hands of all the crumbs on your fingers. “We told you about the safe house right? Your grandad made us a massive breakfast and huge dinners everyday while we were there. When we were staying in the office Natalie, you remember her, would bring us take out for dinner every day and sit down with us.”

“She was more excited about me leaving prison that I was.” Dave is picking at some pork buns.

“She was excited to meet you-“ you wanted to say more but your husband cut you off.

“Oh.” Dave wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “your dad here brought me a bunch of roses and chocolates. Then he gave me a new pair of shades.” He leans his head towards you, “It was really romantic.”

“Ugh.” You grab the last pork bun before Dave could get it. “Sure. Fine.”

Your eyes light up when you suddenly remember something pretty cool, “right after that, didn’t you go with the sheriff to grab a secret stash of cash from the apartment?”

“I grabbed it so I could use the money to get a sword.”

“What?” Casey sounded confused as she makes a face, “why did you get a sword?”

“Uh...” Dave tried to find the words to tell her, “he would use swords... trained me to use them. I uh- I bought a handgun for John’s dad and a knife for John too. We had to protect ourselves, babygirl.”

“Oh.” She seems like she accepted that explanation, “I guess that explains the sword in your room. Is it the same one?”

“Yep.” Dave nodded.

"Do you still have that knife that you bought dad too?" She asked him.

 _"Oh yeah."_   You lightly kicked him with your foot under the table. 

He looked at you and you glared at him.

"John still had the first thing I ever gave him too."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." Dave started chewing on some cheese fries he took right from the box. "It was an old baseball tee, also I got some of my old stuff back. I have photos of your dad from when he was visiting Houston." 

Dave put some of them around the house, he framed them and sometimes you would find him just staring at those old photos. You would walk up and hug him from behind. He would lose himself in day dreams of the month the two of you spent together as kids. You must have zoned out for a while yourself, now Dave is talking about those holidays you spent together with your daughter.

"So you guys could only celebrate the holidays no one cared about?" She asks you.

"No." Dave was chewing on a churro now, he licked his fingers before he spoke again, "Every Valentine's Day your dad here would recite to me a poem."

"He wrote me a poem about my eyes." Dave sounds blissful to you. 

"Well I couldn't exactly go out and get you a gift." You sounded a bit annoyed, you werent. You weren't at all.

"He still recites it for me every year."

"She knows that." She caught you saying it to him a few times. You always feel so embarrassed when someone other than Dave sees you doing anything romantic and sappy like that.

"Remember how I used to sneak you in Pop-Tart's and Fruit Roll-Ups at random, babe?"

"Gushers too."

"You freaked out once about those-"

"Okay, I might have overreacted." You remember how stupid that whole meltdown was. That was during your stay in the second safe house. You were both talking on your bed and you noticed the logo on the box and you kind of lost it. "That was stupid."

"I should have told you..." 

"Nah man, it's cool." You reassure him. 

"Yeah well, we weren't supposed to have any secrets between the two of us."

"Ah, well," you pause for a moment. "You were probably thinking I didn't need the added stress."

"Hey, we were getting help at that time." He tells you.

"You weren't, you just got a subscription for some meds."

"No, Dr. Serket did a lot for us both." Dave was munching on some cheese curds now, speaking with his mouth full, "She's the one who got me those meds."

"Yeah she did." You smile at him. "I think we should probably talk more about you know  _happy_ memories like Casey asked though..."

 _"Well John you don't have to say anything you don't want to."_ Dave was trying to impersonate your therapist. 

You snort.

_"Oh John! Would you care to try some of the garlic bread sticks?"-he pretended to gasp-"You don't have to eat anything that you don't want toooo!"_

You start cackling. You remember him making jokes like this after one of your phone calls with her when you moved to Washington, apparently she was still on the line and didn't very much appreciate how Dave impersonated her. You try yourself, _"John, you aren't ready to talk about not talking about not wanting to talk!"_

Dave snorted.

You started laughing. _"Well you don't have to talk about it!"_

You both blurt out together. _"If you don't want tooo!"_

You can imagine her now saying, _'Ooohhh those boys are making fun of me, I know it!'_

You started cracking up, then you tried one of the garlic sticks like Dave jokingly suggested. 

Dave was cramming chicken nuggets into his gob, talking again with his mouth full, "When we were in that safe house with her John started baking me cakes like every other day," he swallowed his food just to grab some fries and chew with his mouth open again, "she'd get so full at the end of dinner that she'd just sit down at the table and skim through her bible."

"I remember, I started on Labor Day." You turn to Casey to tell her, "Your grandpa was talking with her about baking being a family tradition that he expected me to pass down." You turned to Dave again. "I was so annoyed at him for bringing that up in front of you." 

"Yeah well, we were to young to be thinking about having kids then." He takes a handful of sliced fried pickles and fills his face again. 

"Dave... When I told you I wanted a real home, starting a family was a part of that... I just knew that you were stressed to hell so I said nothing about that till we had a real house of our own."

"You..." He swallowed down his food, "you wanted to have a kid, even back then?" 

"I wanted to get back on my feet and have a normal life with a normal family. You know I always wanted something like that." You smile at him. You aren't sure how comfortable he is with this topic so you take a step back. "I made you all sorts of cakes back then too to calm myself down when I felt anxious. Now I just bake when I'm stressed with work or whatever." You take a bite of food yourself and give Dave the chance to speak.

"You still make me and Casey cakes for our birthdays too."

Dave still isn't the best cook in the world but he always makes you a simple lasagna for your birthday. Your daughter cheerfully sings happy birthday with Dave as he cuts you a slice each and every year. 

For your daughter's birthday you always make Casey her favorite, a confetti cake with white frosting and confetti sprinkles layered on the bottom. There's always bright light-yellow icing dripping down from the very top of the cake. You always pipe swirls of white frosting to stick her birthday candles in. Since she's getting older you thought she would get annoyed at how cutesy it is. Nope. She still loves anything that is her favorite color. 

Dave loves something different every year. He doesn't tell you anything so you have to make him a different array of breakfast foods and deserts to find out what exactly he'd be in the mood for. Every single year he tells you that you outdid yourself. You know him well enough to tell he genuinely believes that, but you think he's just in the mood for anything that you make him. 

Dave swallows down some apple juice from a glass and starts up again, "You make us both cakes on Flag Day too."

"Not like I can make gingerbread houses or fruit cake for Stupid Christmas." 

You always try to make cakes that you haven't made for Dave before, looking for new recipes online and messing around with flavor combinations. Always trying something new, something different. Dave interrupts your train of thought and entertains a new one,

"Babe, remember that card deck I got you?" He swallowed down his food, "-and you showed me how to do some card tricks?"

"Oh yeah, I remember I had a phase where I wanted to be like a magician when I was a kid."

"Dude you totally were," He's shaking one of the chinese takeout boxes now, "like you would blow my mind when you'd show me my card." He's pouring fried rice onto his plate. "Fucking wizard shit."

"Okay, ease up on the cursing a bit." You leer at him. "-and you were impressed with everything that I would do."

"Not true, you can't rap." His mouth is already covered in rice.

 _'slob.'_   You let out a groan and wipe his face down for him, _'he's as sloppy as he is handsome.'_

"If I would have tried to write a rap for you I'm sure you would have loved it."

He lets you finish wiping down his face, "and why is that?"

"Dave, I would talk to you about algebra and you're brain would flat line."

"Right well, your fault for being irresistible."

"Ew." Casey interrupted that must have seemed vaguely sexual to her, she is holding her forehead with one hand and scratching her head with her bright pastel yellow nails, "talk about actual stories, _please!"_

"'Kay." Dave is sipping on a cherry slushy now, "We'd get each other gifts on Flag Day right? Well John used to try to make gifts for me by writing me songs or drawing me pictures while I was out... I remember one time I caught you fiddling with my midi fighter trying to make me a song. aw babe, you were so frustrated."

"Okay, It wasn't like I could go out and buy you flowers." You chuckled at him and gave him a fake glare, "I was upset because I wanted my gift to be a surprise. Your gifts were always so cool."

"Anything you'd make me I thought was cool." 

"Even with my 'shit' drawing skills?" You cursed just to poke fun at him.

"That's why I thought they were cool."

The two of you started chuckling to each other, those memories were so warm to you. You looked over at Casey, she looked devastated. She was staring at Dave, then she looked at you. You're face dropped. You didn't realize that it would hurt her to hear you talk so casually about the good memories you had in that room. You know that she asked to hear more but most days the two of you had to find joy in the little things. The days _that man_ spent away you and Dave were almost always... well you aren't going to tell her anything about that. Ever.

"Sweetie," You tell her, "your dad and I used to go on dates sometimes, we would just talk on Dave's bed and eat snack food that he snuck in."

Dave speaks up, "sometimes we would watch movies on my laptop together." You were hoping she didn't press him on how the two of you got away with that. Thankfully Dave spoke up again, "some nights we would slow dance in the dark and listen to my iPod."

"Remember when your playlist started playing a Ludacris song on accident?"

"No, I put that on it on purpose." He confesses.

You kick him again, you give him an icy glare. You remember that song had a lyric about whips and chains, handcuffs. He thought you would like it because the next line says 'scream help.'

"Alright well you liked when I played countdown," He started snapping his fingers, "ooo oooh, damn I think I love that boy, do anything for that boy." He started wiggling his fingers. "Now I'll never be the same, It's you and me until the end."

At that Casey bursted out laughing. She loved when Dave would act out songs like that. You started laughing too, he just looks so goofy when he does that, he never lets himself look like a fool unless he's trying to get you and Casey to laugh.

The three of you continued eating the rest of the side dishes you ordered.

Casey talked about what she was learning in school.

She likes a boy in homeroom, much to your dismay, actually quite a few boys.

Dave thought that was hilarious, you not so much.  

Dave talked about his recent gallery.

You listened to Dave as he recounted how people marvel at his photographs, apparently they thought they could see his psychological trauma in a picture of a traffic cone. 

You were impressed with his work.

He was pulling the ultimate prank.

Everyone must seem so sure that they can see all of his psychological pain in his photos. You know that for the longest time photography used to be one of the only things he was proud of. If it was all just hurt then he would stop doing it. It's that simple. Dave only does things that makes him happy now.

You watch Dave stuff his face full of egg rolls as he tells you and Casey stories. You found yourself resting your elbow on the table and sighing as he spoke.

You snapped out of it when you feel Casey's gaze on you, "I want to find someone who looks at me like that." She pouts. 

"You will." You have faith she will.

She blew a strand of sunlight colored hair out of her face, "I'm sure you guys are probably going to threaten all my boyfriends, aren't you?"

"Yep." Dave nods. "Yeah." You say at the same time he answers.

"You're going to scare them all off." She rested her head, faced down on the table and groaned. You couldn't see her face under the curtain of her golden hair. She rubbed her forehead into the tablecloth. You covered your mouth with your fist as you started to laugh. Dave had a smug smile on his face too. You could have sworn you heard Casey let out a laugh.

* * *

You were walking from the kitchen into the hall. Before you were completely out of the doorway, you saw Casey standing on the staircase staring at the wall, Dave was staring up at her. She was talking to him, they must have just started their conversation.

"Why did you frame this?"

"It was the first thing you ever made that was just for me." 

She paused for a moment, collecting herself.

"Dad... I know that... I know that things must have been hard on the both of you... I- I get why my other dad is always so... overprotective now."

Dave nodded, even though she wasn't facing him, "He doesn't want to see you get hurt."

"I always... thought it was annoying..."

"Caseybaby, you didn't know any better."

"I also thought... I thought that you calling me 'Caseybaby' all the time was annoying too."

She quickly turned around to face Dave, she didn't see you poking your head out. 

She put her hand up on the wooden railing, "Dad, I'm sorry... I'm sorry I've been... difficult."

Dave took a step towards her, "You aren't difficult Casey, you're just young."

"But-" She started tearing up, "but you were... you were both so young."

She was only a year older than you were when you got kidnapped. She's well aware of that. She also knows that you both lived your whole adolescence in that apartment. That Dave lived his whole childhood with _that man_.

"Dad." She was tearing up, she ignored her tears, "I know... I know there must be a lot of things... that you guys aren't willing to tell me..."

You told Dave that you were going to tell her more when she was much older, she is still too young to know everything.

"I'm sure that my other dad just wants to protect me... It's just... It's so hard to picture anything like that happening to him..."

"I know."

Casey stayed silent for a few moments.

You were still waiting by the doorway, you feel like you want to join in there conversation but... something about this moment feels like it should just be between the two of them.

"He's always so happy and cracking these... cheesy jokes... pulling pranks and singing and..." She starts sobbing, she can't get out anymore words. Dave starts going up the staircase. Before he even meets her up the stairs she falls into his chest. She's holding onto him as she cries. 

"Shh.. shh... It's okay." He is cooing and swaying her just like he used to do to you when you were her age. "You're dad always loved telling me jokes and stories, for the longest time... he was the only thing I had in my life."

She keeps weeping into his shirt. Dave is holding her tight, he moves one hand up to stroke her hair. "Shh... You and your dad are the two greatest things in my life."

"Casey." He kissed the top of her head, "I love you both so much... I know that you always thought... you always thought that I was your 'cool' dad, but man, John was always the better parent... he would always play with you and whenever you cried he instantly knew why. I always felt like I was just emotional support, for like the two of you. He was a bomb ass dad, you are the best daughter we could have asked for and I'm over here on the sidelines..."

"That's not true at all!"

You were just about to say the same thing.

Casey is trying to speak through all of her tears, "Dad! You... you always know exactly what to say to convince me..." -she sniffled- "not to do Stupid Shit!"

Dave didn't say anything, he just kept holding on to her. Patting her back.

"You taught me so much- like... like how to protect myself and... like drinking and sex and stuff."

You both gave Casey a sex talk, she must have went to him alone to ask for more advice. Makes sense that she would, if she came to you, you would have instantly bombarded her with questions. You know Dave always listens... listens and answers whatever question she might have. If you were to ask your husband about what Casey asked him about he would just call you a hypocrite... and he'd be right. You never liked when your dad got involved with your sex life and Casey still has no clue about what your job is. You will let that go and trust her to be smart... that thing about drinking though... you are going to have some words for Dave later.

"You are so cool dad, and it's not just because your  _cool_. It's because you're always" -she chokes on her tears and sniffles again- "It's because, you are so chill. About everything!"

She looks up at Dave again, Dave uses the bottom end of his shirt to wipe away her tears. He puts the fabric to her nose and squeezes it, she blows her nose into his shirt. When he's done he straightens out his tee, it must be drenched with tears and snot, ' _Sweetheart.'_

"It's like..." She tries to find the words, "It's like... you're my... best friend."

"I feel the same way about you and John." He sounded like he was happy she felt the same.

"Dad, both of you are... are so wonderful.. in these really different but... perfect ways..."

She's doing a wonderful job at finding the right words to say. You have to wipe away one of your own tears. 

"-and I've just been...!"

She sounds like she's defeated.

"Dad... I'm sorry if I've ever disappointed you!"

**"You could _Never_ disappoint us!"**

You didn't mean to blurt those words out.

You didn't mean to step out.

You didn't mean to interrupt them.

Still, you did.

"Casey," you need to let her know, "the years that you've been with us have been the best of my life." 

Oh great, now you're tearing up.

You wipe both of your eyes with your fingers, you don't want her to see you cry.

She is staring at you. Her lips part open like she wants to say something, she closes her mouth and more tears start pouring from her cheeks. She outstretched one of her hands and started frantically waving for you to come over. Her bracelets clinking together as she waves you into embracing her. You walk up the steps and hug her. 

Dave doesn't move his arms, the two of you both embrace your daughter.

"I love you so much, dad!" She is almost yelling the words, you think they are directed at you, "I'm sorry... if I ever made you feel... lame! You're... you're- you're amazing!"

You kiss the top of her head, you are sure that if you talk now you are just going to start tearing up too, seeing Casey cry like this breaks your heart. Still, you have to stay strong for her sake.

"Dad, you always take care of me...and- and make me breakfast everyday- and... and I didn't appreciate it at all!"

"Sure you did, Caseygirl," Dave was still stroking her hair, "you always thank him, every single morning."

"Because **he**  taught me to be polite! I didn't.... I didnt't... I don't think I..." She starts sobbing into Dave's chest again, she must feel like she didn't appreciate the small things you do for her, you know she does, she wouldn't thank you if that meant nothing to her. 

"Caseybaby, you appreciate everything you have in your life, every single time that you smile, **that is a fucking gift to me.** " You can hear tears forming in Dave's throat to, he never gets emotional, not since _he_ died. Not since he's been going to therapy. Not since you... you first got Casey. You haven't seen him cry in years. 

Casey starts tearing up even more. She pulls the two of you even closer to her. She is starting to buckle down to the steps. She is sitting down on the steps and the two of you follow her down. You kneel down besides her. Dave is sitting in front of her, you are right by her side. She is pulling you both tighter to her. She's sobbing into your shoulder now. You cover her forehead in kisses. 

"I'm so sorry you guys! I should have... I should have been... more grateful for... everything you do for me...!"

"Casey," You choked down all of your tears, you aren't going to cry in front of her. "Sweetie, you don't know how great... how great that is to us... you have such a good life that **you don't have to find happiness in the smallest of things!"**  

You had to kiss her forehead again, you were about to start tearing up.

Casey sobbed into your shoulder. She was grabbing onto your shirt with one hand and Dave's with the other. The three of you together. Buckled down on the steps. 

There is no place that you would rather be.


	125. Epilogue: complete together

_**“EEEEEEEEEE!”** _

You haven’t heard that squeal in years. The moment she saw you three she ran at you and took no precaution in controlling her volume.

“LOOK AT YOU!!!” Natalie grabbed Casey by the hands. “Oh my god, I remember when you were a baby!" She's acting like she doesn't see Casey every other year in person. "You are so beautiful!!! Come, come on, sit with us!”

Nat addressed your husband, “John your dad is already here!” 

She guided Casey by the hand over to the table. Casey is dressed in one of her nicest pastel yellow dresses, proudly walking in her matching laced up heels. She has a pastel yellow camera wrapped around her neck. She took to photography years ago, she still wants to be just like you but now she also wants to follow in her other father's footsteps. She's taken to reading novels. 

Natalie dragged your daughter with her over to the table and happily asked her about how school was going.

You were overdue for another reunion like this.

* * *

_When you first introduced them to Casey you reserved a table at a restaurant just like this one. You came in first and quietly asked the staff if they could bring over a baby chair. They noticed you so Natalie called you over._

_“Dave!” She waved at you so you had no choice but to walk over. “Where’s John and his dad?”_

_“Getting something from the car.” You answer her somewhat honestly._

_“Oh. Come, come sit!” She pointed at the chair ahead of her. “Sit down!”_

_You took your seat and said your hellos. You look at all the faces of those who took time to be there. The lawyer that prosecuted against you, her husband, Natalie’s fiancé, everyone's favorite nervous lawyer, John's therapist and the beast herself._

_You watched the front door intently, Natalie kept alternating her gaze from the door back to you as she asked what your new home was like and how your career was going. When you told her about your most recent gallery she got so distracted she didn’t notice John walk in. Baby Casey was wrapped up in his arms and her grandpa following behind._

_“Oh my god.” Megido covered her mouth. She turned her head to stare back at you._

_One by one, everyone at the table took notice. Natalie was still chatting it up until John tapped her shoulder. She screamed and started tearing up. Teresa was left in the dark until John told her to hold something for him. The moment she realized it was a baby she was grinning from ear to ear._

_“Her name is Casey.” John planted a big fat kiss on the top of her head and proudly announced, “We adopted!!!”_

_“Oh my god!!!” Natalie was hardly breathing, “She’s so beautiful!!!”_

_“You can hold her when you stop crying, okay?” John gave her a caring smile._

_“OKAY!” She wrapped her arms around the sheriff, still in uniform._

_You watch as Megido gets shoved by her own husband, when she’s finally annoyed enough to look at him he points at Casey. She gives him a look. He smacks the sheriff’s arm instead. When he gets his attention he points at Natalie, besides herself with tears, and then baby Casey. The sheriff looks back at him with a scowl on his face._

_John takes back your baby from Ms. Pyrope. The beast frowns when he takes back your child. You direct one of the hostess to put the baby seat in between you and John’s chair. Casey started getting upset. John instantly knew that she needed a diaper change so he jumped to take care of it. You started getting antsy, waiting on John so you figured to go check up on them._

_You didn’t see John in the men’s room. You went back to the hall, searching around for any hint of your husband or daughter. Suddenly the door to the women’s room swings open. A young woman, large chest, slender legs, spoke with your husband as she held open the door for him. You catch some of their conversation._

_“-s there a misses in your life?” She asks your husband._

_“Only 'miss' I have in my life is Casey here.” He planted a fat kiss on her rosy cheeks._

_His face lights up when he noticed you were standing outside the men’s room._

_“Man, can you hold her for me?” He asks you._

_“No problem.” You take her in your arms._

_“Oh? Are you one of John’s friends.” She spoke to you, cheerful and unaware._

_“That’s a bit of an understatement, but yes.” You are waiting for John to notice what this chick is doing. You tilt your head towards him, gesturing for him to speak for the both of you._

_“This is my best friend, Dave.” He planted a small kiss on your cheek. “-and he’s also my husband.”_

_“Oh.” She let her face stay in an ‘o’ shape well after the word left her lips. “Well, uh- I need to get back to my friends, Goodbye.” She began to walk away, clearly disappointed._

_“Wave goodbye, Casey!” He grabbed her fat little baby arm and gently shook it for her, not noticing the poor young woman’s apparent defeat as she trailed back to the tables. You bring your attention back to him._

_“Dude, why’d you go into the women’s room?” You ask him as you soothe Casey in your arms._

_“There wasn’t any changing stations in the men’s room, and hey! I asked if I could go in first! I have to use the bathroom. Go bring Casey back to the table for me.”_

_“I’m bringing her back for me, man,” you left the small hall where the bathrooms where and said to yourself, “my baby now.”_

_You left to go back but you didn’t put Casey back in her seat just yet, you wanted to hold her for a bit._

_“Aw, Ms. Pyrope, Dave is bouncing Casey on his knee.” Natalie was having the time of her life watching her._

_Your baby-girl Casey was having a laughing fit when you started bouncing her faster. You held her with both your hands. She was so soft and pudgy. Her belly was so big and she always smelt like baby wipes and mushed up carrots. You pinch her chubby little hands. You bend over so you could stare at her cute baby face. You slowed down your bouncing so you could kissed her forehead. You sang to her under your breath “Baby girl, you’ve been on my mind I love you endlessly, I think about you all the time I see you in my dreams.” You hear giggling from the other side of the table. Everyone was watching you. You hide your face behind Casey’s head, burying your shame._

_“That’s not how the song goes you know.” John was back from the bathroom._

_You make an inaudible noise, you don’t care at the moment._

_“Give me our child.” John wants her back._

_“What, noooo.”_

_“Come on, the food’s going to come out soon. You can hold her later.”_

_John put her back in the stool. You put your hand on her back and started rubbing it in small, baby circles. Everyone was staring at you and John, he managed to pick up on that at least and he started up a conversation to end the silence,_

_“There was a really nice woman near the bathrooms I talked too. She-”_

_“Yep. Real friendly.” You mustered up the most insincere sarcastic tone you could._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_“John, you don’t even notice when we go to Whole Foods all the ladies at the checkout counter are checking you out.” You tell him._

_“Wait- what?” He really doesn't get that he's a ladykiller._

_“It’s a crying shame.” You shake your head, “all these poor women, you’re a heartbreaker, John.”_

_“Okay, quit kidding around.” He shoves your arm._

_“Hey, ladies. Is John hot to you?” You ask all of the women in front of you._

_“You don’t have to answer that.” John tells them._

_“John! You are suuuuper cute!” Natalie confirmed for him._

_“Yeah,” Megido moved to get a closer look, “You have that -thing- that most women go for.”_

_“Thing?” None of this was making sense to your husband._

_“I could see a lot of women falling for you.” Dr. Serket put up a finger to tell him._

_“REALLY?” Natalie’s man didn’t see it, “WITH HIS BUCKTEETH?”_

_“Karter, you fail to understand that **looks aren’t everything.** ” The beast teased him._

_“Can you tell me what the ‘thing’ I have that women want please?” He asks all of them._

_“John you’re really sweet and kind, and a good father.” Natalie started listing John’s qualities,” You’re always optimistic. It’s just like this thing, you know a thing. It’s indescribable but you have it. Dave is a really, really lucky guy.”_

_“Still not helping me out here.”  He shakes his head._

_“The **thing** is that you’re hot.” You straight up tell it like it is, “they just don’t want to say it.”_

_“Hmm, heheh. Do you ever get jealous of all those women looking at me?” He quietly asks you._

_“Why the hell would I? I’m the one married to you.”_

_He swatted the air near you and laughed. You’re well aware that he gets a bit envious when older men check you out. You are well aware that John is the jealous type. Something fucking hot about that. Bet he wishes you’d do the same with all the women who hit on him but he doesn’t even notice when it happens. It’s like your favorite comedy routine, why ruin it? Of course it might be fun to fake jealousy in bed, speaking of which, you know how hard John is to please. These women wouldn’t be able to keep up. Still... you both fuck around with the guys that hit on you. Hit up bars and let them know you're a two-for-one special. You might have to put a hold on that now that you have a kid, something you are sure that John is going to find a work around for... your dad doesn't live to far so maybe he can babysit for you two, but he loves traveling around and seeing the world now._ _Your train of thought was disturbed when the food arrived._

_John apparently ordered some mash potatoes for the baby. He made airplane noises while trying to feed her, Casey wasn’t having it so you blew a raspberry on her face. She laughed. John stuck the food into her mouth. You both stuck your tongue out at her. Natalie started tearing up again. You look back at her and you notice that Captor is dabbing his eyes too. Vantas isn’t even looking at you, just crossed his arms and looked down. Dr. Serket is smiling at you both with wet eyes. Nitram and Megido don’t put in any effort in hiding their tears. You look over at John’s dad. He is wiping his eye with a napkin. You turn your focus over to John and he gives you a somber but loving smile. The gears turn in your head, suddenly they click into place. Your mom fed you like this when you were a baby._

Every single day with your family is a miracle you wish Roxy could see.

Casey started doing volunteer work, John convinced her it would be good for her college scholarships but she just loved doing the work. She loved working with little kids and helping them learn how to read down at the library back home. John beamed with pride as he told everyone how she’s doing in school. Natalie wipes her eye, trying hard not to cry. Megido was sobbing into her husbands chest. Casey took the opportunity to thank everyone for helping out her dads, she kept herself together well as she spoke. She said she was grateful that people can be given another chance at life. She came from a home of second chances. She was proud of her parents for risking their lives to take down dangerous men. She was thankful that everyone at the table helped John. Helped you.

Her grandad was proud of her because she was great at baking, even better then her dad.

Your better half was proud of her because she worked hard to help out people in every way that she could.

You were proud of her in everything that she did.

She held onto your hand, while holding John’s in the other. John kissed the top of her head.

As you held your daughter’s hand and looked at the faces of the people who helped John, helped you both. You feel a small ache in your heart. Everything was damn near perfect, almost everything. There was one small thing you wish you could have, not for yourself but for _her_. You really, truly wish you could share this moment with Roxy. You wish she could have bounced baby Casey on her knee. You wish she could have attended your wedding. You wish she could have experienced the love and joy that you have in your life herself with a happy family of her own. You stop dwelling on the past, you never lingered on it before you got Casey. You let go of all of the struggle you went through long ago. Still, the ache in your heart from never being the son Roxy so badly wanted to love still lingers.

When you got back to the hotel room you told John how you felt. You know the rules. No secrets between you two when you ache. You told him you wish your mom had the chance at a normal family too. That you wish you could have been a good son to Roxy.

“You were the perfect son to Roxy.” He kissed you on the lips, softly. “You still are, because you are an amazing father.”

You held onto him, you wrapped your arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around your neck.

You breathed in his scent.

You breathed him in.

When the two of you are one like this, you feel complete.

* * *

_Thank you for reading_


	126. Music Playlist

I really like listening to music while I write so I made a extensively long playlist for each chapter, the ones in  **bold**  are my favorites. Thank you for reading and thank you for listening!

* * *

**Complete Music Playlist ([YouTube Link](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu))**

**Bolded Music Playlist ([YouTube Link](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUr4pw9_R1buo3mtea1p6EjiEDBcArn3S))**

  1. Beauties of Nature – Serial Experiments Lain OST
  2. **House of the Rising Sun – Don Angle (Harpsichord Cover)**
  3. Autumn Leaves – Joseph Kosma (Guitar Cover)
  4. **Black Milk – massiveattack**
  5. Show Me How - Men I Trust
  6. Beach Dr – Oddisee
  7. **Cats on Mars – The Seatbelts**
  8. Nightmare - Perfect Blue OST
  9. Time Moves Slow – BADBADNOTGOOD
  10. Cameo Lover - Kimbra
  11. Deux Theme – Serial Experiments Lain
  12. Locket – Crumb
  13. Numb – Men I Trust
  14. Marilyn Set Me Free – Casino Versus Japan
  15. Bones - Crumb
  16. **Lain’s theme - Serial Experiments Lain**
  17. The Offbeat - FLYamSAM
  18. I Don’t Know You – The Marias
  19. Sky Walk - Hyakkei
  20. Will He - Joji
  21. SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK – Joji
  22. The Body Is a Blade – Japanese Breakfast
  23. **Teardrop – Massive Attack**
  24. Guilty Cubicles – Broken Social Scene
  25. **still feel. - half•alive**
  26. **Signs of Love 'Alright' Mix - Re:BRiLLiANCE**
  27. Candles and Clockwork (Alpha Version) - Tyler Dever
  28. Casino – Jungle
  29. Journal of Ardency – Class Actress
  30. Only in My Dreams - The Marías
  31. Slow Love - TENDER
  32. Black Hole Sun – Norah Jones (Cover)
  33. I Didn’t Know – Skinshape
  34. Where Is My Mind – Maxence Cyrin (Piano Cover) 
  35. You’re Somebody Else – Flora Cash 
  36. Hang ‘em All – Carpenter Brut   
  37. Rainbow – whoo (cover)
  38. War Star – Rubba
  39. Creepers – a picture of her
  40. Blues for Uncle Gibb – Broken Social Scene
  41. Between Friends [Instrumental] – Flying Lotus
  42. **Song for a Guilty Sadist – Crywank**
  43. Come Along, Do – Casino Versus Japan
  44. A Circular Reeducation – Tycho
  45. **Stay Happy – Broken Social Scene**
  46. Fall In Love - Flying Lotus
  47. Silver and Gold - Casino Versus Japan
  48. If I Were the Same but Different - Vashti Bunyan
  49. Writings on the Wall – OK GO (acoustic)
  50. Beautiful Mourning With You – The Pillows
  51. Passion - Nightmares on Wax
  52. LAVA – Still Woozy
  53. Borderline – Tame Impala
  54. King of Silence – Cibo Matto
  55. Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation
  56. Cold Flame – Band of Skulls
  57. Three in the Morning (Aftermath) – Clark "Plazmataz" Powell Homestuck
  58. Oh Me – Nirvana
  59. Panik [Instrumental] - Yellow Days
  60. True – Akira Yamaoka
  61. **I Will Process your heart – Death Cab for Cutie**
  62. Wandering Stars - Portis head
  63. Feng Suave – Noche Oscura
  64. Quiet Resource – Evelyn Stein
  65. **Duvet – Bôa**
  66. **Closer – The Tiny**
  67. Earth Druid – Neroche
  68. **In My Back – The Tiny**
  69. In My Head – Bedroom
  70. Wasteland Nostalgia - Ike Yoshihiro
  71. Francis Forever – Mitski
  72. Spleen - Ruth White
  73. Porcelain – Moby
  74. Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex
  75. **For The Damaged – Blonde Redhead**
  76. Kodoku - Taniuchi Hideki
  77. **Don’t Call My Name – Skinshape**
  78. **Pitter Patter Goes My Heart – Broken Social Scene**
  79. Beyond Love – Beach House
  80. Touch Me – Spring Awakening (Cover)
  81. Raw Sugar – Metric
  82. 4 AM – Kaskade
  83. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Say Lou Lou (Tame Impala Cover)
  84. Paradise Warfare - Carpenter Brut
  85. Scenic Loop – Casino Versus Japan
  86. **Scala & Kolacny Brother – Creep (Radiohead Cover**)
  87. Levitation – Beach House
  88. Nocturne - Wild Nothing
  89. Over the Moon - Marías 
  90. Love and Mathematics – Broken Social Scene
  91. **Paper Bag - Fiona Apple**
  92. Drive (Live) – Incubus
  93. **Fear & Delight - The Correspondents**
  94. Hysteric – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  95. **What I Am - Edie Brickell & New Bohemians**
  96. Pork Soda - Glass Animals
  97. I Can't Go For That - The Bird and the Bee
  98. A Love Letter to Japan - The Bird And The Bee
  99. Arrow Root - MF DOOM 
  100. Pony - Koni ft. Evan Roman
  101. Falling For You - Weezer (Acoustic Cover)  
  102. What You Need - BAYNK (ft. NÏKA)
  103. Faded Kneesocks -Teddyloid² (Remix)
  104. bad guy - Billie Eilish 
  105. Sofia Karlberg - Toxic
  106. Deckstream - Whatever (Oasis Cover)
  107. Don't Get Lost In Heaven - Gorillaz (Live)
  108. I Slept With Bonhomme at the CBC – Broken Social Scene
  109. Halfway to Nowhere - Chelou
  110. afternoon - stevo 
  111. Bath Time (Vocal Mix) - Masato Coda with RiRiKA
  112. Counting Stars - Nujabes 
  113. Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
  114. Old Lace (For John) - Emily Bindiger
  115. Mama Who Bore Me (Instrumental) - Spring Awakening 
  116. K. Cruisin’ (True Remix) – Kazumi Totaka
  117. **Baby Love Child - Pizzicato Five**
  118. **Miracle - Caravan Palace**
  119. Angels We Have Heard On High - Edward Shippen Barnes (Piano Cover)
  120. For Jasmine – Bôa
  121. Marble Soda – Shawn Wasabi
  122. Happiness Does No Wait – Olafur Arnalds
  123. Ready Now - dodie
  124. **Nakamarra - Hiatus Kaiyote**
  125. ****Mother - Erik "Jit" Scheele Homestuck****

* * *




**Themes**

**[Main Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoQ3Vwz1DcM&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=75) - For the Damaged - Blonde Redhead**

[Teresa Pyrope ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M7U-MYM4XU&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=2)- House of the Rising Sun – Don Angle (Harpsichord Cover)

[John Egbert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SgWum9kHYk&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=65) - Duvet – Bôa

[Dave Strider ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_VQ7h_2UAw&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=42)- Song for a Guilty Sadist – Crywank

[Dirk Strider](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABS-mlep5rY&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=93) \- Fear & Delight - The Correspondents

[Aradia Megido ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsmzF1TqslY&list=PLUr4pw9_R1buo3mtea1p6EjiEDBcArn3S&index=5https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsmzF1TqslY&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=23)\- Teardrop – Massive Attack

[Travis Nitram ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-cwuTmqz8c&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=16)- Lain’s theme - Serial Experiments Lain

[Natalie Leijon ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97xfV6yXcrk&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=7) - Cats on Mars - The Seatbelts

[Karter Vantas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJEZaSp6Yt4&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=71&t=0s) \- Wasteland Nostalgia - Ike Yoshihiro

[Dr. Serket](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDl3bdE3YQA&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=95) - What I Am - Edie Brickell & New Bohemians

[Casey Egbert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAeybdD5UoQ&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=121) \- Marble Soda – Shawn Wasabi

[Mr. Egbert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TLmcduM528&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=35) \- You’re Somebody Else – Flora Cash 

**[Ending Theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdo2ZBWWQyg&list=PLUr4pw9_R1btSGUDJXAF1V9TIMfxt31nu&index=45) \- Stay Happy - Broken Social Scene**

* * *

  **Image Board  - ([Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/journaliry/the-cut-between-your-thighs/)) **

_I was inspired to write this based on the Psychostriders Au. The original creator was a tumblr user whose blog was changed or deleted._

A lot of the elements from this fic came from the AU, such as John being forced to never wear clothes and that he is always bound with cuffs or wearing a collar. Dirk is a hitman, Dave looks after John. I was inspired by two works in particular, 'How The Devil So Adored You' and 'Artificial Nocturne.' I read a few novels as I was writing this, I was mostly inspired by the word choice of 'Lolita.' I am genuinely interested in pursuing writing literature in the future, I used this as a learning experience. I'm very grateful to everyone who has read this to the end and comments are always greatly appreciated. I am going to write a bit about my process and what I learned for those who are interested but namely for myself. Occasionally I still edit this story to fix errors. I consider it a finished full draft.

I wrote a lot of drafts I didn't use. I had a lot of different ideas in my head but I knew that I wanted to make something as uplifting as it is depressing. What is the point of experiencing joy and love if you don't also _know of_ sadness and pain? The point of the work was to be entertaining and interesting but I hope that I wrote something in it that had disgusted each person that has read it. I laughed hard at this more times than I would care to admit. 

When I started writing this I didn't have everything set in mind. I only knew that I would not post anything if I didn't plan to finish it. First scene I can recall writing was Dave forcing John to leave. I planned out Dirk's Death early on. If you're wondering why they didn't go to a safe house earlier on it's because it's much easier on everyone if Dave is their in person to give them names and faces. 

My favorite chapter is 52. It just feels so blissful and incredibly happy during such a stressful point in time for them both and that is exactly the feeling I wanted to get out of the story. I also love chapter 13, and Dave says how he meet John and fell for him. _Sigh_

My favorite line in the whole thing is "you make me feel like a fucking Idiot because I love the way that you look!" The way John yells at Dave is out of frustration but also such a deep running love.... also I am a big sucker for cool one liners. 

My favorite character is Casey. I wrote the epilogue in the middle of this work. I think I love her so much not just for what she represents but for how she interacts with John and Dave. I still find the best written character to be John, Really I feel like he gets across exactly what I want him too. 

I am a very visual person so I drew several scenes out on scratch paper. Some of the scenes I thought of came out of sketches I would make or little gags I thought of for fun. I'd use colors and simple symbols to describe things a lot and to me placement is very important. I'd ask myself questions like, 'where is this character looking?' and 'where is everyone sitting?' Asking questions is the most important part of my writing process, Key part of writing and reading I think is constantly asking questions.

Hardest thing to write is Teresa's perspective, everything is about sounds and feelings. I am extremely visual so it is a bit of a challenge to try to think in such a different perspective. I also feel like I didn't do all that well at writing the way that Jake speaks, Sadly he's a really tough character to get a hold of. 

I was hoping to make Dave a character that the audience didn't know if they could trust or not as well. I think I didn't do that well, but maybe it was just John's persistence. I placed my focus on writing from the perspective of other characters until Dave's trial is over for a similar reason, the work needed to show how everyone else felt before Dave was given his own chapter. 

The first character, other than John, Dave and Dirk, That I decided to write was Natalie. She acted as a palate cleanser for the story. I wanted Aradia to have a bit of a metamorphosis in character like she does in the original canon. I tried to find a place for nearly every character from Homestuck too.

Most of the feedback I received was that Dirk is horrible, I tried really hard to make him that way so I am happy with how everything turned out. I found myself making faces at my screen as I reread what I wrote. Dirk's character to me, in this, Really is about desire and holding himself above everyone else. I enjoy the fact he is so wealthy but he still lives in a two bedroom apartment in an apartment building he somehow acquired. I also saw no point in writing a villain that would just do bad things and we take the characters word for it how bad he is as a man, no, If I was going to really show how terrible he is I was going to have to really dive into the deep end. He is also a blend of Beta Dirk and Alpha Dirk to me. I originally made him in love with Jake but recognized that was a bad choice, I changed my course, originally he was just an asshole... but that isn't to interesting so I dumpster dived in my mind for a better idea. Mid-way through writing the story I decided that Dirk was in love with John. Then I decided that he viewed John as an angel and then I decided that he viewed John as the literal Hand of God. My writing process was basically his development into his delusions. 

I can tell you all that he isn't putting on an act but he is exaggerating his expressions, an example is when he slammed his hands together. He is actually entertained but he was acting... however, when he was speaking with Teresa for the last time, that was all genuine. 

My goal was to give each character their own unique voice and I didn't care if I deviated from canon to much seeing that it is an AU. I wrote the story with the intent that you could read this without knowing anything prior about Homestuck. I also wrote it with the intent of being at least somewhat grounded in reality, I learned so much about the American court system. I still feel like I don’t understand the majority of it and I most likely messed things up.

I waited on posting the ending to the story because I know I enjoy changing things around and adding more and I felt like Dirk's Death was the climax of the story, Eminently after that everything begins to come to a close so the entire rest of the story from that point needed to be done before I could hope to post it. On top of that I needed to figure out how to make John and Dave start healing in their own way... Recovery was the focus after the climax to me.

I really love that everything they do they do together, they are each others ride or die bitches. I actually really loved a lot of things I cut out too. John was going to say to Dave the day Dave proposed, "my pussy version of therapy actually fucking works," Lamentingly, I couldn't find a way to work that in well. Also, there was going to be more of a cat and mouse game with Dirk too, but I felt like the story would go on for too long and I would have ran out of interesting things to say, so I went a different route. Also I decided early on that Vantas would be the one to kill Dirk. I felt that it tied together his character well and he had already killed before, I felt like any other character killing him would feel somewhat awkward. 

It wasn't my Intent to write so much pornography but I wanted more sex scenes than rape scenes. So much of the work is about sexual content in the first place so I felt, for lack of a better word, Validated... in writing all of that. Even the title is sexual so I felt like it was Expected. I wasn't sure if John and Dave sleeping with Zahhak and Nitram was a good idea or not but I just earned to go with what I thought would be entertaining.

I found a way to make Nitram feel a bit more confident in himself, Zahhak does date Damara... I think the catch to their relationship is she can sleep with people outside of work if he's there too, She actually really likes that deal. 

Ending this work is so hard on me, I don't want to say goodbye to these versions of the characters. I hope you look forward to reading more from me in the future. If you have any questions at all feel free to comment, I love reading your comments even if they are simple statements. I actually welcome criticism so long as you can point out exactly what it is within the work you have criticism for. This work feels like a stepping stone for the other things I plan to do in the future... I would like to once again...

**Thank you all of you for reading!**


End file.
